TECM 2700 Style Exam

Part 1: Revise and Identify (80 points) Please complete the following for 6 sentences: Identify all the problems in the sentence Rewrite the sentence to eliminate the problems

Name: Jerry Major

1. Because the team did not have sufficient time to complete the project, it was not surprising that it was unable to prepare a satisfactory report. Problems: NAIS, NAIV, IE Revision: The team was unable to complete the satisfactory report due to the lack of time to finish the project. 2. In my own personal opinion, we should repeat again the study since only 15 human volunteers participated. Problems: UW In my own personal opinion DW again human Revision: We should repeat the study since only 15 volunteers participated. 3. It is extraordinarily important that we turn in our membership application by the required deadline. Problems: NAIS, NAIV, UW It is extraordinarily important, RM required Revision: We must turn in our membership application by the deadline. 4. Attempts at explanations for decreases in voter participation in this years elections were offered by several government officials. Problems: NAIS, AIN explanations Revision: Government officials have explained why voter participation in this years election has decreased. 5. Having no previous familiarity with it, the metal deposit detection device did not function as expected. Problems: NAIS, NAIV, SN metal deposit detection device, UW Having no previous familiarity with it Revision: The metal detector was malfunctioning. 6. Subsequent to the organizational meeting, we will endeavor to ascertain how the compensation program will operate and then communicate that to employees. Problems: FW ascertain subsequent endeavor IE Revision: We will tell the employees how the compensation program works as referred to in the organizational meeting.

Part 2: Revise a Short Passage (20 points) Please revise the following passage. You do not have to identify problems in the passage. Eliminate all style problems. Lead is a highly toxic metal that was used for many years in products found in and around our homes. Lead may cause a range of health effects, from behavioral problems and learning disabilities, to seizures and death. Children 6 years old and under are most at risk because their bodies are growing quickly. Research suggests that the primary sources of lead exposure for most children are deteriorating lead-based paint, lead contaminated dust, and lead contaminated residential soil. The Environmental Protection Agency is playing a major role in addressing these residential lead hazards. In 1978, there were nearly three to four million children with elevated blood lead levels in the United States. In the 1990s, that number had dropped to 434,000 kids, and it continues to decline. While we still have a significant challenge, EPA is very proud of how federal, state, and private sector partners have coordinated efforts with the public to better protect our children. Since the 1980s, EPA and its federal partners have phased out lead in gasoline, reduced lead in drinking water, reduced lead in industrial air pollution, and banned or limited lead used in consumer products, including residential paint. States and municipalities have set up programs to identify and treat lead poisoned children and to rehabilitate deteriorated housing. Parents, too, have greatly helped to reduce lead exposures to their children by cleaning and maintaining homes, having their children's blood lead levels checked, and promoting proper nutrition. The Agencys Lead Awareness Program continues to work to protect human health and the environment against the dangers of lead by developing regulations, conducting research, and designing educational outreach efforts and materials. Revision Lead is a highly toxic metal that was used for many years in products found in and around our homes. The toxic metal may cause a range of health effects, from behavior problems and learning disabilities to seizures and death. Those health effects threaten children 6 years and under the most since their bodies are growing up quickly. Children are most exposed to lead when around deteriorating lead-based paint, lead contaminated dust, and lead contaminated resident soil. These residential hazards are being addressed most by an agency called the Environmental Protection Agency or EPA. In 1978, nearly 3-4 million children had elevated blood lead levels in the United States and in 1990 that number continued to fall to 434,000. The EPA is glad at how federal, state, and private sector partners have coordinated efforts with the public to protect our children. Since the 1980s, the EPA and its partners have eliminated lead in gasoline, reduced lead in drinking water, reduced lead in industrial air pollution, and banned it in consumer products such as residential paint. States and municipalities have set up programs to identify and treat lead poisoned children and rehabilitate deteriorated housing. Parents have also have helped to reduce lead exposures to their children by cleaning their homes, having their kids blood lead levels checked, and promoting proper nutrition. The EPAs Lead Awareness Program continues to work to protect human health and the environment against the dangers of lead by developing regulations, conducting research, and designing educational outreach efforts and materials.