69 LOVE SONGS!! 1.

ABSOLUTELY CUCKOO Don't fall in love with me yet We've only recently met True I'm in love with you but you might decide I'm a nut Give me a week or two to go absolutely cuckoo then, when you see your error, then, you can flee in terror like everybody else does I only tell you this cause I'm easy to get rid of but not if you fall in love Know now that I'm on the make and if you make a mistake my heart will certainly break I'll have to jump in a lake and all my friends will blame you There's no telling what they'll do It's only fair to tell you I'm absolutely cuckoo 2. I DON'T BELIEVE IN THE SUN They say there's a sun in the sky but me, I can't imagine why There might have been one before you were gone but now all I see is the night (C): I don't believe in the sun How could it shine down on everyone and never shine on me How could there be such cruelty The only sun I ever knew was the beautiful one that was you Since you went away it's nighttime all day and it's usually raining too... (C) The only stars there really are were shining in your eyes There is no sun except the one that never shone on other guys The moon to whom the poets croon has given up and died Astronomy will have to be revised... (C) 3. ALL MY LITTLE WORDS You are a splendid butterfly It is your wings that make you beautiful and I could make you fly away but I could never make you stay You said you were in love with me Both of us know that that's impossible and I could make you rue the day but I could never make you stay (C): Not for all the tea in China not if I could sing like a bird not for all North Carolina not for all my little words not if I could write for you the sweetest song you ever heard It doesn't matter what I do not for all my little words Now that you've made me want to die you tell me that you're unboyfriendable and I could make you pay and pay but I could never make you stay... (C) 4. A CHICKEN WITH ITS HEAD CUT OFF Eligible, not too stupid, intelligible and cute as Cupid, knowledgeable, but not always right, salvageable and free for the night (C): Well my heart's running round like a chicken with its head cut off all around the barnyard falling in and out of love The poor thing's blind as a bat getting up, falling down, getting up Who'd fall in love with a chicken with its head cut off? (Whoa, Nellie) My wife doesn't understand me Many dozens hope to land me I'm for free love, and I'm in free fall This could be love or nothing at all... (C) We don't have to be stars exploding in the night or electric eels under the covers We don't have to be anything quite so unreal let's just be lovers... (C) (It ain't pretty)

5. RENO DAKOTA Reno Dakota there's not an iota of kindness in you You know you enthrall me and yet you don't call me It's making me blue Pantone 292 Reno Dakota I'm reaching my quota of tears for the year Alas and alack you just don't call me back You have just disappeared It makes me drink beer I know you're a recluse You know that's no excuse Reno that's just a ruse Do not play fast and loose with my heart Reno Dakota I'm no Nino Rota I don't know the score Have I annoyed you or is there a boy who Well he's just a whore I've had him before It makes me drink more 6. I DON'T WANT TO GET OVER YOU I don't want to get over you I guess I could take a sleeping pill and sleep at will and not have to go through what I go through I guess I should take Prozac, right, and just smile all night at somebody new Somebody not too bright but sweet and kind who would try to get you off my mind I could leave this agony behind which is just what I'd do if I wanted to but I don't want to get over you cause I don't want to get over love I could listen to my therapist, pretend you don't exist and not have to dream of what I dream of I could listen to all my friends and go out again and pretend it's enough or I could make a career of being blue I could dress in black and read Camus smoke clove cigarettes and drink vermouth like I was 17 that would be a scream but I don't want to get over you 7. COME BACK FROM SAN FRANCISCO Come back from San Francisco It can't be all that pretty when all of New York City misses you Should pretty boys in discos distract you from your novel remember I'm awful in love with you (C): You need me like the wind needs the trees to blow in Like the moon needs poetry you need me Come back from San Francisco and kiss me, I've quit smoking I miss doing the wild thing with you Will you stay, I don't think so but all I do is worry Pack bags, call cabs and hurry home to me... (C) When you betray me betray me with a kiss Damn you I've never stayed up as late as this 8. THE LUCKIEST GUY ON THE LOWER EAST SIDE Andy would bicycle across town in the rain to bring you candy and John would buy the gown for you to wear to the prom with Tom the astronomer who'd name a star for you (C): But I'm the luckiest guy on the Lower East Side cause I've got wheels and you want to go for a ride Harry is the one I think you'll marry but it's Chris that you kissed after school I'm a fool, there's no doubt but when the sun comes out and only when the sun comes out... (C) The day is beautiful and so are you My car is ugly but then I'm ugly too I know you'd

never give me a second glance but when the weather's nice all the other guys don't stand a chance I know Professor Blumen makes you feel like a woman but when the wind is in your hair you laugh like a little girl So you share secrets with Lou but we've got secrets too Well, one: I only keep this heap for you cause I'm the ugliest guy on the Lower East Side but I've got wheels and you want to go for a ride Want to go for a ride? 9. LET'S PRETEND WE'RE BUNNY RABBITS If you knew how I long for you now that you're gone you'd grow wings and fly home to me home tonight and in the morning sun (C): let's pretend we're bunny rabbits Let's do it all day long Let abbots, Babbits and Cabots say Mother Nature's wrong and when we've had a coupla beers we'll put on bunny suits I long to nibble your ears and do as bunnies do Let's pretend we're bunny rabbits Let's do it all day long rapidly becoming rabid singing little rabbit songs I can keep it up all night I can keep it up all day Let's pretend we're bunny rabbits until we pass away Let's pretend we're bunny rabbits until we pass away 10. THE CACTUS WHERE YOUR HEART SHOULD BE The cactus where your heart should be has lovely little flowers so though it's always pricking me my ardor never sours The cactus hwere your heart once was has power to rend and flay I stick because I'm stuck, because I just can't tear myself away 11. I THINK I NEED A NEW HEART Time stands still All I can feel is the time standing still as you put down the keys and say don't call me please while the radio plays "I Think I Need a New Heart" You've lied too but it's a sin that I can't tell the truth cause it all comes out wrong unless I put it in a song so the radio plays "I Think I Need a New Heart" just for you "I Think I Need a New Heart" cause I always say I love you when I mean turn out the light and I say let's run away when I just mean stay the night but the words you want to hear you will never hear from me I'll never say happy anniversary never stay to say happy anniversary so I think I need a new heart Give me time 12. THE BOOK OF LOVE The book of love is long and boring No one can lift the damn thing It's full of charts and facts and figures and instructions for dancing but I I love it when you read to me and you you can read me anything The book of love has music in it In fact that's where music comes from Some of it is just transcendental Some of it is just really dumb but I I love it when you sing to me and you you can sing me anything The book of love is long and boring and written very long ago It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes and things we're all too young to know but I I love it when you give me things and you you ought to give me wedding rings I I love it when you give me things and you you ought to give me wedding rings

13. FIDO, YOUR LEASH IS TOO LONG Fido, your leash is too long You go where you don't belong You've been diggin in the rubble getting bitches in trouble Fido, your leash is too long Fido your leash is too long I don't know where I went wrong You scare me out of my wits when you do that Shitzu Fido, your leash is too long Fido, you've gone far enough I must have all of your love You've just run out of luck I don't care what you foxhounds do but your leash is too long 14. HOW FUCKING ROMANTIC How fucking romantic All the stars are out twinkling twinkling twinkling and fluttering about What a tacky sunset What a vulgar moon Play another charming Rodgers & Hart tune How fucking romantic Must we really waltz Drag another cliche howling from the vaults Love you, obviously, like you really care, even though you treat me like a dancing bear Toss your bear a goldfish as it cycles by Don't forget to feed your bear or it'll die 15. THE ONE YOU REALLY LOVE I do believe our love's in danger I might aas well be loving air You look at me like I'm a stranger You look at me like I'm not there I gaze into your eyes of blue but their beauty is not for mee You're thinking on someone who's gone You're dreaming of the one you really love I made you mine, or so it seemed Though he is dead he haunts your dreams I might as well be two ft. tall You never will love me at all... You're dreaming of the corpse you really love 16. PUNK LOVE Punk love punk love Punk rock love 17. PARADES GO BY I'll linger here your ring upon my finger dear and sing till dawn a song of you and me and what and why for time is all I have to keep between these walls and half asleep the days go by a million little nights and days go by and I don't mind Parades go by So many beautiful parades go by Leave me behind I'll sit and stare how could I venture anywhere and let the centuries fall where they may but never die for I have loved and so I lost the world above beyond the moss... 18. BOA CONSTRICTOR I spend my evenings alone talking to your picture, babe Love is wrapped around my heart like a boa constrictor, babe My mother should have murdered me What jury would convict her, babe for love is wrapped around my heart like a boa constrictor, babe 19. A PRETTY GIRL IS LIKE... A pretty girl is like a minstrel show It makes you laugh It makes you cry You go It just isn't the same on radio It's all about the makeup and the dancing and the Oh, a pretty girl is like a violent crime If you do it wrong you could do time but if you do it right it is sublime I'm so in love with you, girl, It's like I'm on the moon I can't really breathe, but I feel lighter A melody is like a pretty girl Who cares if it's the dumbest in the world It's all about the way that it unfurls A pretty girl is like a pretty girl 20. MY SENTIMENTAL MELODY

I'm a hopeless romantic You're a terrible flirt Cool and unfazed, you're always amazed when someone gets hurt I live on the blue planet that I saw in your eyes but now I can't stay knowing it's made of beautiful lies but my sentimental melody like a long-lost lullabye will ring in your ears down through the years bringing a tear to your eye Goodbye Love can kill people, can't it Well it still might kill me Each drop of rain is a glass of champagne It's sweet and it's free When I drink I don't panic When I drink I don't die When I'm far gone it's all just a song just beautiful lies... 21. NOTHING MATTERS WHEN WE'RE DANCING Dance with me my old friend once before we go Let's pretend this song won't end and we never have to go home and we'll dance among the chandeliers And nothing matters when we're dancing In tat or tatters you're entrancing Be we in Paris or in Lansing nothing matters when we're dancing You've never been more beautiful your eyes like two full moons than here in this poor old dancehall among the dreadful tunes the awful songs we don't even hear... 22. SWEET-LOVIN' MAN There's an hour of sunshine for a million years of rain but somehow that always seems to be enough When love falls from the sky nobody ever asks why You just take it or you leave it where it was but there's just one kind of love you can spend your life dreaming of For the love of a sweet-lovin' man some have traveled far and wide some have given up and died For the love of a sweet-lovin' man some have broken down and cried some have turned to dust inside but I'll stay right here and hide in the arms of my sweet-lovin' man Until you've had sweet lovin' there's no lovin' worth the name but you can go blind from crying all the time and who said life was easy and who said a man was fair Well I wish you well but keep your paws off mine You can't buy one at the mall but he'll come if you just call... 23. THE THINGS WE DID AND DIDN'T DO All the things I knew I didn't know and didn't want to know that you told me just to tell me later that you'd told me so come flooding back to me now Come on Come flooding back to me now All the things you said you'd never say and you said anyway The things we did and didn't do The things we did and didn't do come flooding back to me now 24. ROSES

Buy more stock in roses Millionaires will always woo Don't be shocked if roses make a millionaire of you 25. LOVE IS LIKE JAZZ

Love is like jazz You make it up as you go along and you act as if you really know the song but you don't and you never will so you flaunt your mistakes and you make them until they were you Love is like jazz the same song a million times in different ways "Strange Fruit" with and without wind chimes It's divine It's asinine It's depressing and it's almost entirely window dressing but it'll do 26. WHEN MY BOY WALKS DOWN THE STREET

Grand pianos crash together when my boy walks down the street There are whole new kinds of weather when he walks with his new beat Everyone sings hallelujah when my boy walks down the street Life just kind of dances through ya from your smile down to your feet Amazing he's a whole new form of life blue eyes blazing and he's going to be my wife The world does the hula-hula when my boy walks down the street Everyone thinks he's Petula so big and yet so petite Butterflies turn into people when my boy walks down the street Maybe he should be illegal he just makes life too complete... Oh, shadows of echoes of memories Oh, things that he brings that he found in the sea Oh, shadows of echoes of memories of songs Oh, how could he know that it won't be long... 27. TIME ENOUGH FOR ROCKING WHEN WE'RE OLD

There'll be time enough for rocking when we're old We can rock all day in rocking chairs of gold but tonight I think I'd rather just go dancing There'll be time enough for rocking when we're old, my love There'll be time enough for talk in the nursing home Darling, time enough to write an epic poem but tonight I think I'd rather just go dancing There'll be time enough for talking in the home, my love There'll be time enough for sleeping when we're dead You will have a velvet pillow for your head but tonight I think I'd rather just go dancing There'll be time enough for sleeping when we're dead, my love There'll be time for sex and drugs in Heaven when our pheromones are turned up to 11 but tonight I think I'd rather just go dancing There'll be time enough for sex and drugs in Heaven, my love and time enough for rocking when we're old 28. VERY FUNNY

Everybody knows but me when you go where you shouldn't be Everybody knows but me where you go when you're feeling free Everybody knows but me So you go there for a laugh You just go to take photographs To believe that, I'd be daft but yes I think you go for a laugh and you say, I love you honey Very fu nny 29. GRAND CANYON

If I was the Grand Canyon I'd echo everything you say but I'm just me I'm only me and you used to love me that way so you know how to love me that way If I was Paul Bunyan I'd carry you so far away but I'm just me I'm only me and you used to love me that way so you know how to love me that way 30. NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU

If you don't mind why don't you mind Where is your sense of indignation You are too kind Much too kind Where is the madness that you promised me Where is the dream for which I paid dearly When things go wrong I sing along It is the nature of the business But you're not here to make my sad songs more sincere No one will ever love you honestly No one will ever love you for your honesty No one will ever love you honestly No one will ever love you for your honesty 31. IF YOU DON'T CRY

Softly the crystals falling on 17th Street do their dance and die and are gone Millions of crystal balls roll around your feet and nothing gets done An hour goes by She doesn't If you don't cry it isn't love If you don't cry then you just don't feel it deep enough Dying all day in thousands of little ways Dancing alone and drinking a lot Closing the clubs and haunting the cabarets looking for what Another five years off your life... A year

goes by She doesn't... 32. YOU'RE MY ONLY HOME

I will stay if you let me stay and I'll go if you let go but I won't go far away because you're my only home I will hide what you want hidden and I'll roam if you say roam but I'd just as soon you didn't because you're my only home When you cancel dinner plans When you cross the street and you don't take my hand When you make impossible demands I wish I didn't understand, but. .. 33. (CRAZY FOR YOU BUT) NOT THAT CRAZY

I built a ship with my own hands to take us to the moon I took a pen in my own hand and wrote you a hundred tunes now I'm crazy for you but not that crazy I pretended you were Jesus you were just dying to save me I stood beneath your window with my ukulele I made my yard a playground just in case we had a baby now I'm crazy for you but not that crazy I treated you like radium I treated you like God You were my glass menagerie Did you not find that odd I dwelt within and went without and broke my virgin flesh I performed acts of devotion as if you were Ganesh, but now I'm crazy for you but not that crazy I'm crazy for you but not that crazy 34. MY ONLY FRIEND

Billie you're a miracle and God knows I need one Sing me something terrible that even dawn may come You and me, we don't believe in happy endings Hey, Lady Day, can you save my life this time Can you cry so beautifully you make my troubles rhyme Hey, Lady Day, can you save my life again My only love has gone away Will you be my only friend Billie you're a genius enough to be a fool a fool to gamble everything and never know the rules Some of us can only live in songs of love and trouble Some of us can only live in bubbles... 35. PROMISES OF ETERNITY What if the show couldn't go on What if we all got jobs and got to bed before dawn What if Old Joe had to retire What if all the stage hands were let go or fired that's just like what the world would be If you fell out of love with me I can't let this happen to you don't you let it happen to me What would our friends and family say if they could only see If you let this happen to us don't think you'd be setting me free Wasn't it you and I who made promises of eternity What if the lights didn't go on What if the velvet curtain had to be taken down What if the clowns couldn't be clowns and all those painted smiles gave in to plaintive frowns What if no show ever happened again No Seven, no 8 1/2, no Nine, and no "10" All numbers and no mystery No promise of eternity... 36. WORLD LOVE When the rhythm calls the government falls Here come the cops From Tokyo to Soweto viva la musica pop We are black & white and we dance all night down at the hop and the letters were tall on the Berlin Wall viva la musica pop so if you're feeling low stuck in some bardo I, even I know the solution love, music, wine and revolution love, love, love music, wine and revolution This too shall pass so raise your glass to change and chance and freedom is the only law shall we dance...

37. WASHINGTON, D.C. W! ASH! ING! TON, baby, D.C.! W! ASH! ING! TON, baby, D.C.! Washington, D.C., it's paradise to me It's not because it is the grand old seat of precious freedom and democracy no no no It's not the greenery turning gold in fall the scenery circling the Mall It's just that's where my baby lives, that's all Washington, D.C. it's the greatest place to be It's not the cherries everywhere in bloom It's not the way they put folks on the Moon, no no no It's not the spectacles and pageantry the thousand things you've got to see It's just that's where my baby waits for me W! ASH! ING! TON, baby, D.C.! W! ASH! ING! TON, baby, D.C.! Washington, D.C., it fits me to a T It's not the people doing something real It's not the way the springtime makes you feel It ain't no famous name on a golden plaque that makes me ride the railroad track It's my baby's kiss that keeps me coming back It's my baby's kiss that keeps me coming back 38. LONG-FORGOTTEN FAIRYTALE If someone told me you'd be here whispering these familiar things talking to my little pets smoking the same old cigarettes I would have laughed I saw you last in springtime You said you hated long goodbyes You said there's nothing to explain in every life a little rain et cetera And a long-forgotten fairytale is in your eyes again and I'm caught inside a dream world where the colors are too intense and nothing is making sense There's a floating town of eiderdown in a mist of mystery There's an old enchanted castle and the princess there is me decked out like a Christmas tree I guess you've had your little joke but I have lost my sense of humor My medication's wearing off or it's just not strong enough to cover this and then you kiss me like before and I find myself wanting more and you tell that little lie that kept me hypnotized: another kiss... If someone told me I'd succumb, If someone said I'd be so dumb after all the sleepless nights when I turned on all the lights I would have hit them but I have turned the other cheek My voice trembles, my knees are weak and you beat me once again and I know what happens then: you raise the ante... 39. KISS ME LIKE YOU MEAN IT He is my lord, He is my saviour and He rewards my good behavior My secret soul, I know He's seen it He says, come here baby and kiss me like you mean it He calls me baby, says kiss me like you mean it He is my life and my salvation He's always right, He's always patient I pinch myself It's like I'm dreaming it... He is my love, He's always been it ... 40. PAPA WAS A RODEO I like your twisted point of view, Mike I like your questioning eyebrows You've made it pretty clear what you like It's only fair to tell you now that I leave early in the morning and I won't be back till next year I see that kiss-me pucker forming but maybe you should plug it with a beer cause (C): Papa was a rodeo Mama was a rock'n'roll band I could play guitar and rope a steer before I learned to stand Home was anywhere with diesel gas Love was a trucker's hand Never stuck around long enough for a one-night stand

Before you kiss me you should know Papa was a rodeo The light reflecting off the mirror ball looks like a thousand swirling eyes They make me think I shouldn't be here at all You know, every minute someone dies What are we doing in this dive bar How can you live in a place like this Why don't you just get into my car and I'll take you away I'll take that kiss now, but...(C) And now it's 55 years later We've had the romance of the century After all these years wrestling gators I still feel like crying when I think of what you said to me...(C) What a coincidence, your Papa was a rodeo too 41. EPITAPH FOR MY HEART "Caution: to prevent electric shock do not remove cover No user-serviceable parts insde Refer servicing to qualified service personnel" Let this be the epitaph for my heart Cupid put too much poison in the dart This is the epitaph for my heart because it's gone, gone gone and life goes on and on anon and death goes on, world without end and you're not my friend Who will mourn the passing of my heart Will its little droppings climb the pop chart Who'll take its ashes and, singing, fling them from the top of the Brill Building And life goes on, and dawn, and dawn and death goes on, world without end and you're not my friend 42. ASLEEP AND DREAMING I've seen you laugh at nothing at all I've seen you sadly weeping The sweetest thing I ever saw was you asleep and dreaming I've seen you when your ship came in and when you train was leaving The sweetest thing I ever saw was you asleep and dremaing Well you may not be beautiful but it's not for me to judge I don't know if you're beautiful because I love you too much... 43. THE SUN GOES DOWN AND THE WORLD GOES DANCING So the sun goes dawn and the world goes dancing and the stars come out and they all go dancing and there is nothing I'd like more than a twirl across this rickety old floor Well I don't know why but I just feel like dancing I can't imagine why but I feel like dancing and there is nothing in this world that I'd like better than a twirl across your rickety old floor Maybe it's you You know your eyes are awful blue Maybe it's more Maybe you're all I've ever waited for after all the endless nights when I wished I could still cry... 44. THE WAY YOU SAY GOOD-NIGHT So faraway and so alone how could I ever take you home You're beautiful, beautiful You've got a devastating point of view and everything you say is true You're beautiful, beautiful The nightbirds start to sing their favorite song: "The Way you Say Good-Night" The nightbirds start to sing their favorite song and the moon begins to sing I kiss you and the sun goes down How come it's always dark when you're around You're beautiful, beautiful The nightbirds start to sing their favorite song The moon begins to sing You're beautiful, beautiful The stars begin their Busby Berkeley dance: "The Way You Say Good-Night" and the night becomes a musical extravaganza: The Way You Say Good-Night The way you say good-night I dream of all day long Oh, I could write a song about the way you say good-night...

45. ABIGAIL, BELLE OF KILRONAN Abigail can you feel my heart in the palm of your hand and do you understand why I can't stay Abigail an evil wind is blowing through the land and they need every man to drive it away When I come home if I come home you'll be a grown woman When I come home if I come home don't be alone, Abigial, belle of Kilronan Abigail 's gonna be the beauty of County Galway and she will live always in a world of love Abigail I'm off to the war but you can be sure I will know you're what I'm fighting for... 46. I SHATTER Bang there was you too gold too blue You told the truth. I cried. You flew. You called me mad (and I am mad) as a hatter Some fall in love I shatter You make it rain. Too bleak, too stark. Should night not fall you make things dark... Bang here am I No one nowhere no ground no sky no light no air... 47. UNDERWEAR A pretty girl in her underwear A pretty girl in her underwear If there's anything better in the world who cares (C): La mort, c'est la mort mais l'amour, c'est l'amour La mort, c'est seulement la mort mais l'amour, c'est l'amour A pretty boy in his underwear A pretty boy in his underwear If there's a better reason to jump for joy who cares... (C) 48. IT'S A CRIME (C): It's a crime to fall in love heart and mind and soul in love It's a crime to fall in love so hard so hard I shouldn't have bothered cause you're just like all the others, now I know and I won't do that again I should have guessed that you'd be just like all the rest, but now I know not to go through that again I'm still crying all night and all day but if I show it someone lock me away cause... (C) My Mama said gently, you can buy her a Bently, but my child she'll only drive it away I didn't listen cause my brain was missing and I only found it today I was a man but now I'm only a child and if it kills me I am going to smile because... (C) You won't be hearing from me anymore cause I can't see through my tears anymore If it takes years to be any more than a jellyfish I will not tell you this, becuase.. (C) 49. BUSBY BERKELEY DREAMS I should have forgotten you long ago but you're in every song I know Wining and pining is wrong and so on and so forth, of course, of course, but no you can't have a divorce (C): I haven't seen you in ages but it's not as bleak as it seems We still dance on whirling stages in my Busby Berkeley dreams The tears have stained all the pages of my True Romance magazines We still dance in my outrageously beautiful Busby Berkeley dreams And now you want to leave me for good I refuse to believe you could You forget we're not made of wood Well, darling you may do your worst because you'll have to kill me first... (C) Do you think it's dangerous to have Busy Berkeley dreams? 50. I'M SORRY I LOVE YOU

A single rose in your garden dwells Like any rose it's not itself It is my love in your garden grows but let's pretend it's just a rose Well I'm sorry that I love you It's a phase that I'm going through There is nothing that I can do and I'm sorry that I love you Do not listen to my song Don't remember it, don't sing along Let's pretned it's a work of art Let's pretend it's not my heart... The rose will fade when summer's gone The song will fade and I'll be gone because my heart is dying too and it's all the same to you 51. Acoustic GuitarAcoustic guitar, I'm gonna make you a star Gey your picture all over the world Acoustic guitar, you can have your own car Just bring me back my girl She always loved the sound of your strum You made her think maybe I wasn't so dumb She tends to faint at the sound of a drum cause she's folk so play and maybe she'll come Acoustic guitar, how lovely you are with your inlays of mother of pearl Be a good guitar and you can go far Just bring me back my girl She always said that you were the one who could make her move her cute little bum You understand where she's coming from which I obviously don't or she wouldn't be gone Acoustic guitar, if you think I play hard well, you could have belonged to Steve Earle or Charo or Gwar I could sell you tommorow so bring me back my girl You'd better bring me back my girl 52. The Death of Ferdinand de Saussure I met Ferdinand de Saussure on a night like this On love he said "I'm not so sure I even know what it is No understanding, no closure It is a nemesis You can't use a bulldozer to study orchids," he said, "so we don't know anything you don't know anything I don't know anything about love But we are nothing you are nothing I am nothing without love"

I'm just a great composer and not a violent man but I lost my composure and I shot Ferdinand crying, "It's well and kosher to say you don't understand but this is for Holland-Dozier-Holland!" His last words were... His fading words were... 53. Love in the ShadowsThe woman with no nose I know where she goes The old guy with the gold eye we go back, he and I Don't smile We don't do that here, baby Love in the shadows was never hard to find but sometimes the moonglow plays tricks on your mind Love in the shadows is the only kind The whispers you hear are not sweet nothings Let's have one more beer and I'll tell you something Don't laugh I think you're beautiful... 54. Bitter TearsBitter tears keep me going through the years, freely flowing What have you done Only a gun could stop these bitter tears The endless streets I walk along you made them seem pretty but no I dress in country songs and wake in New York City... I cry because it looks so good I cry, why not, it's free and there's nothing more interesting than crying constantly... 55. Wi' Nae Wee BAirn Ye'll Me Beget Wi' nae wee bairn ye'll me beget Untwinkle, little ee My ainly pang'll be regret A maiden I will dee But I'll turn into a nightingale My song will warm thy heart Well I'll turn into a threshing machine and tear thy bird apart... But I'll turn into a vampire and kiss you on the neck Well I'll turn into a siller cross and send thee back to heck... But I'll turn into a hydrogen bomb

and atomize the air Well I'll turn into a cockroach and you'll see if I care... But I'll turn into a supernova and burn up everything Well I'll turn into a black hold and you'll turn into string... But I'll turn into God Himself and then you'll come to me Well I will not believe in you and then where will you be... My ainly pang'll be regret A maiden I will dee 56. Yeah! Oh, Yeah! Are you out of love with me? Are you longing to be free? Do I drive you up a tree? Yeah! Oh, yeah! Do I drive you up the wall? Do you dread every phone call? Can you not stand me at all? Yeah! Oh, yeah! Though I need you more than air is it true you just don't care? Are you having an affair? Yeah! Oh, yeah! When we met I thought money was everything so I let you buy the house, the car, the ring but I can't take your perpetual whining and you can't sing I though if we live apart we could made a brand-new start Do you want to break my heart? Yeah! Oh, yeah! I've enjoyed making you miserable for years found peace of mind in playing on your fears How I loved to catch your gold and silver tears, but now my dear What a dark and dreary life Are you reaching for a knife? Could you really kill your wife? Yeah! Oh, yeah! Of, I die, I die, I die! So it's over, you and I Was my whole life just a lie? Yeah! Oh, yeah! 57. Experimenta Music Loveexperiemental music love ex periemental music love exper iemental music love experiement al music love experiemental music love experiemental mus

ic love experiemental music love experiemental music love 58. Meaningless Meaningless? You mean it's all been meaningless? Every whisper and caress? Yes yes yes it was totally meaningless Meaningless like when two fireflies flouresce Just like everything I guess it was utterly meaningless Even less a little glimpse of nothingness sucking meaning from the rest of this mess Yes yes yes it was thoroughly meaningless and if some dim bulb should say we were in love in some way kick all his teeth in for me and if you feel like keeping on kicking feel free Meaningless Who dare say it wasn't meaningless? Shout from the rooftops and address the press Ha ha ha it was totally meaningless Meaningless Meaning less than a game of chess Just like your mother said and mother knows best I knew it all the time but now I confess Yes yes yes how deliciously meaningless Yes yes yes how effervescently meaningless Yes yes yes how beautifully meaningless Yes yes yes how profoundly meaningless Yes yes yes how definatively meaningless Yes yes yes how comprehensively meaningless Yes yes yes how magnificently meaningless Yes yes yes how incredibly meaningless Yes yes yes how unprecedentedly meaningless Yes yes yes how mind-blowingly meaningless Yes yes yes how unbelievably meaningless Yes yes yes how infinitely meaningless 59. Love is Like a Bottle of GinIt makes you blind, it does you in It makes you think you're pretty tough It makes you prone to crime and sin It makes you say thing off the cuff It's very small and made of glass and grossly over-advertised It turns a genius into an ass and makes a fool think he is wise It could make you regreaty your birth or turn cartwheels in your best suit It costs a lot more than it's worth and yet there is no substitute

They keep it on a higher shelf the older and more pure it grows It has no color in itself but it can make you see rainbows You can find it at the Bowery or you can find it at Elaine's It makes your words more flowery It makes the sun shine, makes it rain You just get what they put in and they never put in enough Love is like a bottle of gin but a bottle of gin is not like love 60. Queen of the SavagesMy girl is the queen of the savages She don't know this modern world and its ravages Instead of money she's got yams and cabbages She lives in a dome I don't care if I never get home My girl is the queen of the jungle folk You should see the things we see when we smoke We think all of life is a funny joke She's sharp as a tack I don't care if I never get back My girl is the queen of ten villages We live on the fruits of her pillages She eats other queens, she's very religious She doesn't use a fork I don't think I'll go back to New York 61. Blue YouThe moon was singing the blues The stars in the sky harmonized singing it too and I, far below was singing low and slow for you and I know all the world was singing the blues The Queen was singing the blues The President played the saxophone sounded so along it was on the news And from Ursa Minor in what looked like an all-night diner came lonely luminous creatures whose only human feature was singing the blues soft and low The blues was singing the blues The dead in their graves and the gods in their caves, they'd been waiting so long

to sing the blue song about you 62. I Can't Touch You AnymoreYou want to know if we fell in love too fast You want to know if this is, well, too good to last You're asking the wrong questions You're opening the wrong doors I love you I can't touch you anymore I can't touch you anymore There's so much to hate you for I love you I can't touch you anymore You want to tell me 50 ways you've left your lovers You want to tell me how you loved 200 others 63. Two Kinds of PeopleThere are two kinds of people: a) my love and I b) other two kinds of people: 1) the gray and 2) me and my love All people fall into two camps that ever twain shall be: those lost in darkness without lamps, and then, my love and me... 64. How to Say GoodbyeThe only thing that I could ever feel I can't believe it wasn't real The only thing that I could ever feel I can't believe it wasn't real You can't open your mouth without telling a lie but baby, you know how to say goodbye The thing I spent my whole life waiting for has just walked out and locked the door The thing I spent my whole life waiting for has just walked out and locked the door You can't feel a thing and you won't even try but baby, you know how to say goodbye I'm overjoyed to hear about your wedding I'm writing you to wish you every blessing I'm overjoyed to hear about your wedding I'm writing you to wish you every blessing

and I'm so happy I could cry Oh baby you know how to say goodbye 65. The Night You Can't RememberBefore you left your garrison you'd had a drink, maybe two You don't remember Paris, hon but it remembers you It's true, we flew to Paris, dear aboard an Army jet the night you can't remember the night I can't forget You said I was terrific, it meant zilch to you, ah, but I have our marriage certificate 'n I'll keep it till I die You were an Army officer and I just a Rockette the night you can't remember the night I can't forget No rose conveyed your sentiments not even a petunia but you've got vague presentiments and I've got little Junior You said, Nobody loves me and I said, wanna bet? the night you can't remember the night I can't forget 66. For We Are the King of the BoudoirShould time allow us to describe our prowess it would be quite hard to overrate for we are the king of the boudoir, old thing and the king does not like to wait One tryst with me and you'llbe spinning like a gryoscope One tryst me with me and you'll be Pope Should modesty allow us to describe our prowesslessnesslessness 'twould be quite hard to overstate for we are the king of the boudoir, it's true and the kind doesn't like to wait One kiss from me and you'llbe overjoyed and overawed One kiss frome me and you'll see God for we are the kind of the boudoir we are and the king does not like to wait 67. Strange EyesStrange eyes, blue clocks without hands two lives lived in distant lands little blue mysteries what did they see in me

Strange eyes, early Picassos call me even when you don't if only from pictures it having been three years The follow me in all my dreams Oh God I'm still in love with you Strange eyes, to little star charts plunges knives into my poor heart As lovely as a tree they endlessly recede Strange eyes, two little whirlpools made by God to destroy fools two pearls of inf'nite cost two paradises lost They swallow me in all my dreams Oh God I'm still in love with you 68. Xylophone TrackTo my dear,dear mother I leave myonly shoes To my dear, dear mother I leave my only shoes By the time you read this I will have died of the blues Scream little choo-choo Bang your xylophone track You can wail all night long but you can't bring her back I've done so much crying the flesh has left my bones I've done so much crying the flesh has left my bones I can play my ribcage like a xylophone 69. ZebraSo we got married in Venice in June So what? We circled the Earth in a hot air balloon So what? and the rest of our lives is one long honeymoon well, that doesn't mean we're in love If you really loved me you'd buy me a beautiful pearl buy you've already bought me all of the pearls in the world so there's one thing I crave when my days become ho-hum and blah I want a zebra We've got so many tchotchkes we've pratically emptied the Louvre In most of our palaces there's hardly room to manoeuvre I shan't go to Balie today I must stay home and Hoovre up the gold dust That doesn't mean we're in love If you really loved me

you'd buy me the Great Pyramid Oh, I'm so forgetful, you already did But there's one think I need if you won't think I'm greedy, my deah another zebra Zelda looks lonely, I want a zebra