Roger Zelazny.

Love Is an Imaginary Number _____________________________________________________________________ They should have known that they could not keep me bound orever. !robably they did" which is why there was always #tella. I lay there staring over at her" arm outstretched above her head" masses o messed blond hair raming her sleeping ace. #he was more than wi e to me$ she was warden. %ow blind o me not to have realized it sooner& 'ut then" what else had they done to me( They had made me to orget what I was. 'ecause I was like them but not o them they had bound me to this time and this place. They had made me to orget. They had nailed me with love. I stood up and the last chains ell away. ) single bar o moonlight lay upon the loor o the bedchamber. I passed through it to where my clothing was hung. There was a aint music playing in the distance. That was what had done it. It had been so long since I had heard that music... %ow had they trapped me( That little kingdom" ages ago" some *ther" where I had introduced gunpowder++ ,es& That was the place& They had trapped me there with my *ther+made monk-s hood and my classical Latin. Then brainsmash and binding to this *therwhen. I chuckled so tly as I inished dressing. %ow long had I lived in this place( .orty+ ive years o memory++but how much o it counter eit( The hall mirror showed me a middle+aged man" slightly obese" hair thinning" wearing a red sport shirt and black slacks. The music was growing louder" the music only I could hear$ guitars" and the steady _thump_ o a leather drum. /y di erent drummer" aye& /ate me with an angel and you still do not make me a saint" my comrades& I made mysel young and strong again.

Then I descended the stair to the living room" moved to the bar" poured out a glass o wine" sipped it until the music reached its ullest intensity" then gulped the remainder and dashed the glass to the loor. I was ree& I turned to go" and there was a sound overhead. #tella had awakened. The telephone rang. It hung there on the wall and rang and rang until I could stand it no longer. 0,ou have done it again"0 said that old" amiliar voice. 01o not go hard with the woman"0 said I. 0#he could not watch me always.0 0It will be better i you stay right where you are"0 said the voice. 0It will save us both much trouble.0 02ood night"0 I said" and hung up. The receiver snapped itsel around my wrist and the cord became a chain astened to a ring+bolt in the wall. %ow childish o them& I heard #tella dressing upstairs. I moved eighteen steps sidewise rom There" to the place where my scaled limb slid easily rom out the vines looped about it. Then" back again to the living room and out the ront door. I needed a mount. I backed the convertible out o the garage. It was the aster o the two cars. Then out onto the nighted highway" and then a sound o thunder overhead. It was a !iper 3ub" sweeping in low" out o control. I slammed on the brakes and it came on" shearing treetops and snapping telephone lines" to crash in the middle o the street hal a block ahead o me. I took a sharp le t turn into an alley" and then onto the ne4t street paralleling my own. I they wanted to play it that way" well++I am not e4actly without resources along those lines mysel . I was pleased that they had done it irst" though. I headed out into the country" to where I could build up a head o steam. Lights appeared in my rearview mirror.

Them( Too soon. It was either 5ust another car headed this way" or it was #tella. !rudence" as the 2reek 3horus says" is better than imprudence. I shi ted" not gears. I was whipping along in a lower" more power ul car. )gain" I shi ted. I was driving rom the wrong side o the vehicle and headed up the wrong side o the highway. )gain. No wheels. /y car sped orward on a cushion o air" above a beaten and dilapidated highway. )ll the buildings I passed were o metal. No wood or stone or brick had gone into the construction o anything I saw. *n the long curve behind me" a pair o headlights appeared. I killed my own lights and shi ted" again and again" and again. I shot through the air" high above a great swampland" stringing sonic booms like beads along the thread o my trail. Then another shi t" and I shot low over the steaming land where great reptiles raised their heads like beanstalks rom out their wallows. The sun stood high in this world" like an acetylene torch in the heavens. I held the struggling vehicle together by an act o will and waited or pursuit. There was none. I shi ted again... There was a black orest reaching almost to the oot o the high hill upon which the ancient castle stood. I was mounted on a hippogri " lying" and garbed in the manner o a warrior+mage. I steered my mount to a landing within the orest. 0'ecome a horse"0 I ordered" giving the proper guide+word. Then I was mounted upon a black stallion" trotting along the trail which twisted through the dark orest. #hould I remain here and ight them with magic" or move on and meet them in a world where science prevailed( *r should I beat a circuitous route rom here to some distant *ther"

hoping to elude them completely( /y 6uestions answered themselves. There came a clatter o hoo s at my back" and a knight appeared$ he was mounted upon a tall" proud steed7 he wore burnished armor7 upon his shield was set a cross o red. 0,ou have come ar enough"0 he said. 01raw rein&0 The blade he bore upraised was a wicked and gleaming weapon" until I trans ormed it into a serpent. %e dropped it then" and it slithered o into the underbrush. 0,ou were saying...(0 08hy don-t you give up(0 he asked. 09oin us" or 6uit trying(0 08hy don-t _you_ give up( :uit them and 5oin with me( 8e could change many times and places together. ,ou have the ability" and the training...0 'y then he was close enough to lunge" in an attempt to unhorse me with the edge o his shield. I gestured and his horse stumbled" casting him to the ground. 0;verywhere you go" plagues and wars ollow at your heels&0 he gasped. 0)ll progress demands payment. These are the growing pains o which you speak" not the inal results.0 0.ool& There is no such thing as progress& Not as you see it& 8hat good are all the machines and ideas you unloose in their cultures" i you do not change the men themselves(0 0Thought and mechanism advances7 men ollow slowly"0 I said" and I dismounted and moved to his side. 0)ll that your kind seek is a perpetual 1ark )ge on all planes o e4istence. #till" I am sorry or what I must do.0 I unsheathed the kni e at my belt and slipped it through his visor" but the helm was empty. %e had escaped into another !lace" teaching me once again the utility o arguing with an ethical evolutionary. I remounted and rode on. ) ter a time" there came again the sound o hoo s at my back. I spoke another word" which mounted me upon a sleek unicorn" to move at blinding speed through the dark wood. The pursuit continued" however.

.inally" I came upon a small clearing" a cairn piled high in its center. I recognized it as a place o power" so I dismounted and reed the unicorn" which promptly vanished. I climbed the cairn and sat at its top. I lit a cigar and waited. I had not e4pected to be located so soon" and it irritated me. I would con ront this pursuer here. ) sleek gray mare entered the clearing. 0#tella&0 02et down rom there&0 she cried. 0They are preparing to unleash an assault any moment now&0 0)men"0 I said. 0I am ready or it.0 0They outnumber you& They always have& ,ou will lose to them again" and again and again" so long as you persist in ighting. 3ome down and come away with me. It may not be too late&0 0/e" retire(0 I asked. 0I-m an institution. They would soon be out o crusades without me. Think o the boredom++0 ) bolt o lightning dropped rom the sky" but it veered away rom my cairn and ried a nearby tree. 0They-ve started&0 0Then get out o here" girl. This isn-t your ight.0 0,ou-re mine&0 0I-m my own& Nobody else-s& 1on-t orget it&0 0I love you&0 0,ou betrayed me&0 0No. ,ou say that you love humanity.0 0I do.0 0I don-t believe you& ,ou couldn-t" a ter all you-ve done to it&0 I raised my hand. 0I banish thee rom this Now and %ere"0 I said" and I was alone again. /ore lightnings descended" charring the ground about me.

I shook my ist. 01on-t you _ever_ give up( 2ive me a century o peace to work with them" and I-ll show you a world that you don-t believe could e4ist&0 I cried. In answer" the ground began to tremble. I ought them. I hurled their lightnings back in their aces. 8hen the winds arose" I bent them inside+out. 'ut the earth continued to shake" and cracks appeared at the oot o the cairn. 0#how yourselves&0 I cried. 03ome at me one at a time" and I-ll teach you o the power I wield&0 'ut the ground opened up and the cairn came apart. I ell into darkness. I was running. I had shi ted three times" and I was a urred creature now with a pack howling at my heels" eyes like iery headlights" angs like swords. I was slithering among the dark roots o the banyan" and the long+billed criers were probing a ter my scaly body... I was darting on the wings o a hummingbird and I heard the cry o a hawk... I was swimming through blackness and there came a tentacle... I broadcast away" peaking and troughing at a high re6uency. I met with static. I was alling and they were all around me. I was taken" as a ish is taken in a net. I was snared" bound... I heard her weeping somewhere. 08hy do you try" again and ever again(0 she asked. 08hy can you not be content with me" with a li e o peace and leisure( 1o you not remember what they have done to you in the past( 8ere not your days with me in initely better(0 0No&0 I cried. 0I love you"0 she said.

0#uch love is an imaginary number"0 I told her" and I was raised rom where I lay and borne away. #he ollowed behind" weeping. 0I pleaded with them to give you a chance at peace" but you threw that gi t in my ace.0 0The peace o the eunuch7 the peace o lobotomy" lotus and Thorazine"0 I said. 0No" better they work their wills upon me and let their truth give orth its lies as they do.0 03an you really say that and mean it(0 she asked. 0%ave you already orgotten the sun o the 3aucasus++the vulture tearing at your side" day a ter hot red day(0 0I do not orget"0 I said" 0but I curse them. I will oppose them until the ends o 8hen and 8herever" and someday I shall win.0 0I love you"0 she said. 0%ow can you say that and mean it(0 0.ool&0 came a chorus o voices" as I was laid upon this rock in this cavern and chained. )ll day long a bound serpent spits venom into my ace" and she holds a pan to catch it. It is only when the woman who betrayed me must empty that pan that it spits into my eyes and I scream. 'ut I _will_ come ree again" to aid long+su ering mankind with my many gi ts" and there will be a trembling on high that day I end my bondage. <ntil then" I can only watch the delicate" unbearable bars o her ingers across the bottom o that pan" and scream each time she takes them away.