Roger Zelazny.

The Great Slow Kings _____________________________________________________________________ Drax and Dran sat in the great Throne Hall of Glan, discussing life. onarchs !y "irtue of su#erior intellect and #hysi$ue%%and the fact that they were the last two sur"i"ors of the race of Glan%%theirs was a di"ided rule o"er the #lanet and their one su!&ect, Zindro'e, the #alace ro!ot. Drax had !een 'using for the #ast four centuries (theirs was a sluggish sort) o"er the #ossi!ility of life on other #lanets in the galaxy. *ccordingly, +Dran,+ said he, addressing the other (who was !eco'ing 'ildly curious as to his thoughts), +Dran, ,-"e !een thin.ing. There 'ay !e life on other #lanets in the galaxy.+ Dran considered his res#onse to this, as the world wheeled se"eral ti'es a!out its sun. +True,+ he finally agreed, +there 'ay.+ *fter se"eral 'onths Drax shot !ac., +,f there is, we ought to find out.+ +/hy0+ as.ed Dran with e$ual #ro'#tness, which caused the other to sus#ect that he, too, had !een thin.ing along these lines. So he 'easured his next state'ent out cautiously, first testing each word within the #lated retort of his re#tilian s.ull. +1ur .ingdo' is rather under#o#ulated at #resent,+ he o!ser"ed. +,t would !e good to ha"e 'any su!&ects once 'ore.+ Dran regarded hi' as.ance, then slowly turned his head. He closed one eye and half%closed the other, ta.ing full stoc. of his co%ruler, whose a##earance, as he had sus#ected, was unchanged since the last ti'e he had loo.ed. +That, also, is true,+ he noted. +/hat do you suggest we do0+ This ti'e Drax turned, rea##raising hi', eye to eye. , thin. we ought to find out if there is life on other #lanets in the galaxy.+ +H''.+ Two $uic. rounds of the seasons went unnoticed, then, +2et 'e thin. a!out it,+ he said, and turned away.

*fter what he dee'ed a #olite #eriod of ti'e, Drax coughed. +Ha"e you thought sufficiently0+ +3o.+ Drax struggled to focus his eyes on the near%su!li'inal strea. of !luish light which tra"ersed, re%tra"ersed and re%re%tra"ersed the Hall as he waited. +Zindro'e4+ he finally called out. The ro!ot slowed his 'o"e'ents to a statue%li.e i''o!ility to acco''odate his 'aster. * feather duster #rotruded fro' his right li'!. +5ou called, great 2ord of Glan0+ +5es, Zindro'e, worthy su!&ect. Those old s#aceshi#s which we constructed in ha##ier days, and ne"er got around to using. *re any of the' still ca#a!le of o#eration0+ +,-ll chec., great 2ord.+ He see'ed to change #osition slightly. +There are three hundred eighty%two,+ he announced, +of which four are in functioning condition, great 2ord. ,-"e chec.ed all the o#erating circuits.+ +Drax,+ warned Dran, +you are arrogating unauthorized #owers to yourself once 'ore. 5ou should ha"e conferred with 'e !efore issuing that order.+ +, a#ologize,+ stated the other. +, si'#ly wanted to ex#edite 'atters, should your decision !e that we conduct a sur"ey.+ +5ou ha"e antici#ated 'y decision correctly,+ nodded Dran, +!ut your eagerness see's to !es#ea. a hidden #ur#ose.+ +3o #ur#ose !ut the good of the real',+ s'iled the other. +That 'ay !e, !ut the last ti'e you s#o.e of -the good of the real'the ci"il strife which ensued cost us our other ro!ot.+ +, ha"e learned 'y lesson and #rofited there!y. , shall !e 'ore &udicious in the future.+ +, ho#e so. 3ow, a!out this in"estigation%%which #art of the galaxy do you intend to in"estigate first0+

* tension%filled #ause ensued. +, had assu'ed,+ 'ur'ured Drax, +that you would conduct the ex#edition. 6eing the 'ore 'ature 'onarch, yours should !e a 'ore ade$uate decision as to whether or not a #articular s#ecies is worthy of our enlightened rule.+ +5es, !ut your youth tends to 'a.e you 'ore acti"e than ,. The &ourney should !e 'ore ex#editiously conducted !y you.+ He e'#hasized the word +ex#editiously.+ +/e could !oth go, in se#arate shi#s,+ offered Drax. +That would !e truly ex#editious%%+ Their heated de!ating was cut short !y a 'etallic cough%e$ui"alent. + asters,+ suggested Zindro'e, +the half%life of radioacti"e 'aterials !eing as e#he'eral as it is, , regret to re#ort that only one s#aceshi# is now in o#erational condition.+ +That settles it, Dran. _5ou_ go. ,t will re$uire a steadier _rrand_ to 'anage an under#owered shi#.+ +*nd lea"e you to fo'ent ci"il strife and usur# unfranchised #owers0 3o, you go4+ +, su##ose we could _!oth_ go,+ sighed Drax. +7ine4 2ea"e the .ingdo' leaderless4 _That_ is the .ind of 'uddleheaded thin.ing which !rought a!out our #resent #olitical e'!arrass'ent.+ + asters,+ said Zindro'e, +if _so'eone_ doesn-t go soon the shi# will !e useless.+ They !oth studied their ser"ant, a##ro"ing the ra#id chain of logic forged !y his si'#le state'ent. +8ery well,+ they s'iled in unison, +_you_ go.+ Zindro'e !owed $uite o!se$uiously and de#arted fro' the great Throne Hall of Glan. +9erha#s we should authorize Zindro'e to construct facsi'iles of hi'self,+ stated Dran, tentati"ely. +,f we had 'ore su!&ects we could acco'#lish 'ore.+ +*re you forgetting our 'ost recent agree'ent0+ as.ed Drax. +* su#erfluity of ro!ots tended to sti'ulate factionalis' last ti'e%%and certain #eo#le grew a'!itious...+ He let his "oice trail off o"er the years, for e'#hasis.

+, a' not certain as to whether your last allusion contains a hidden accusation,+ !egan the other carefully. +,f so, #er'it 'e to caution you concerning rashness%%and to re'ind you who it was who engineered the ono%Ro!ot 9rotection 9act.+ +Do you !elie"e things will !e different in the case of a 'ultitude of organic su!&ects0+ in$uired the other. +Definitely,+ said Dran. +There is a certain irrational ele'ent in the rationale of the organic !eing, 'a.ing it less a'ena!le to direct orders than a 'achine would !e. 1ur ro!ots, at least, were faithful when we ordered the' to destroy each other. ,rres#onsi!le organic su!&ects either do it without !eing told, which is !oorish, or refuse to do it when you order the', which is insu!ordination.+ +True,+ s'iled Drax, unearthing a ge' he had #reser"ed for 'illennia against this occasion. +:oncerning organic life the only state'ent which can !e 'ade with certainty is that life is uncertain.+ +H''.+ Dran narrowed his eyes to slits. +2et 'e #onder that for a 'o'ent. 2i.e 'uch of your thin.ing it see's to s'ac. of a concealed so#histry.+ +,t contains none, , assure you. ,t is the fruit of 'uch 'editation.+ +H''.+ Dran-s #ondering was cut short, !y the arri"al of Zindro'e who clutched two !rownish !lurs !eneath his 'etal ar's. +6ac. already, Zindro'e0 /hat ha"e you there0 Slow the' down so we can see the'.+ +They are under sedation at #resent, great asters. ,t is the 'o"e'ents caused !y their !reathing which #roduce the un#leasant "i!ration #attern on your retinas. To su!&ect the' to 'ore narcosis could #ro"e deleterious.+ +3e"ertheless,+ 'aintained Dran, +we 'ust a##raise our new su!&ects carefully, which re$uires that we see the'. Slow the' down so'e 'ore.+ +5ou ga"e that order without%+ !egan Drax, !ut was distracted !y the sudden a##earance of the two hairy !i#eds. +/ar'%!looded0+ he as.ed. +5es, 2ord.+ +That !es#ea.s a "ery !rief life%s#an.+ +True,+ offered Dran, +!ut that .ind tends to re#roduce $uite ra#idly.+

+That o!ser"ation tends to !e correct,+ nodded Drax. +Tell 'e, Zindro'e, do they re#resent the sexes necessary for re#roduction0+ +5es, aster. There are two sexes a'ong these anthro#oids, so , !rought one of each.+ +That was "ery wise. /here did you find the'0+ +Se"eral !illion light years fro' here.+ +Turn those two loose outside and go fetch us so'e 'ore.+ The creatures "anished. Zindro'e a##eared not to ha"e 'o"ed. +Ha"e you the fuel necessary for another such &ourney0+ +5es, 'y 2ord. +;xcellent.+ The ro!ot de#arted. +/hat sort of go"ern'ental setu# should !e inaugurate this ti'e0+ as.ed Drax. +Set us re"iew the argu'ents for the "arious ty#es.+ +* good idea.+ ,n the 'idst of their discussion Zindro'e returned and stood waiting to !e recognized. +/hat is it, Zindro'e0 Did you forget so'ething0+ +3o, great 2ords. /hen , returned to the world fro' which , o!tained the sa'#les , disco"ered that the race had #rogressed to the #oint where it de"elo#ed fission #rocesses, engaged in an ato'ic war and annihilated itself.+ +That was extre'ely inconsiderate%%ty#ical, howe"er, , should say, of war'%!looded insta!ility.+ Zindro'e continued to shift. +Ha"e you so'ething else to re#ort0+ +5es, great asters. The two s#eci'ens , released ha"e 'ulti#lied and are now s#read o"er the entire #lanet of Glan.+ ore of it has e"ol"ed recently.+

+/e should ha"e !een ad"ised4+ +5es, great 2ords, !ut , was a!sent and%%+ +They the'sel"es should ha"e re#orted this action4+ + asters, , a' afraid they are unaware of your existence.+ +How could that ha"e ha##ened0+ as.ed Dran. +/e are #resently !uried !eneath se"eral thousand layers of allu"ial roc.. The geological shifts%%+ +5ou ha"e your orders to 'aintain the #lace and clean the grounds,+ glowered Dran. +Ha"e you !een frittering away your ti'e again0+ +3o, great 2ords4 ,t all occurred during 'y a!sence. , shall attend to it i''ediately.+ +7irst,+ ordered Drax, +tell us what else our su!&ects ha"e !een u# to, that they saw fit to conceal fro' us.+ +Recently,+ o!ser"ed the ro!ot, +they ha"e disco"ered how to forge and te'#er 'etals. <#on landing, , o!ser"ed that they had de"elo#ed 'any ingenious instru'ents of a cutting "ariety. <nfortunately they were using the' to cut one another.+ +Do you 'ean,+ roared Dran, +that there is strife in the .ingdo'0+ +<h, yes, 'y 2ord.+ +, will not !roo. unauthorized "iolence a'ong 'y su!&ects4+ +_1ur_ su!&ects,+ added Drax, with a 'eaningful glare. +_1ur_ su!&ects,+ a'ended Dran. +/e 'ust ta.e i''ediate action.+ +*greed.+ +*greed.+ +, shall issue orders for!idding their engage'ent in acti"ities leading to !loodshed.+ +, #resu'e that you 'ean a &oint #rocla'ation,+ stated Drax. +1f course. , was not slighting you, , was si'#ly sha.en !y the ci"il e'ergency. /e shall draft an official #rocla'ation. 2et Zindro'e fetch us writing instru'ents.+

+Zindro'e, fetch%%+ +, ha"e the' here, 'y 2ords.+ +3ow, let 'e see. How shall we #hrase it...0+ +9erha#s , should clean the #alace while your ;xcellencies%%+ +3o4 /ait right here4 This will !e "ery !rief and to the #oint.+ + '. -/e here!y #roclai'...-+ +Don-t forget our titles.+ +True. -/e, the i'#erial 'onarchs of Glan, here!eneath undersigned, do here!y...-+ * fee!le #ulse of ga''a rays #assed unnoticed !y the two rulers. The faithful Zindro'e diagnosed its nature, howe"er, and tried unsuccessfully to o!tain the 'onarchs- attention. 7inally, he dis'issed the #ro&ect with a stoical gesture ty#ical of his .ind. He waited. +There4+ they agreed flourishing the docu'ent. +3ow you can tell us what you ha"e !een trying to say, Zindro'e. 6ut 'a.e it !rief, you 'ust deli"er this soon.+ +,t is already too late, great 2ords. This race, also, #rogressed into ci"ilized states, de"elo#ed nuclear energy and eradicated itself while you were writing.+ +6ar!arous4+ +/ar'%!looded irres#onsi!ility4+ + ay , go clean u# now, great asters0+

+Soon, Zindro'e, soon. 7irst, though, , 'o"e that we file the #rocla'ation in the *rchi"es for future use, in the e"ent of si'ilar occurrences.+ Dran nodded. +, agree. _/e_ so order.+ The ro!ot acce#ted the cru'!ling #rocla'ation and "anished fro' sight. +5ou .now,+ Drax 'used, +there 'ust !e lots of radioacti"e 'aterial lying a!out now...+ +There #ro!a!ly is.+

+,t could !e used to fuel a shi# for another ex#edition.+ +9erha#s.+ +This ti'e we could instruct Zindro'e to !ring !ac. so'ething with a longer lifes#an and 'ore deli!erate ha!its%%so'ewhat nearer our own.+ +That would ha"e its dangers. 6ut #erha#s we could &un. the ono%Ro!ot 9rotection 9act and order Zindro'e to 'anufacture extras of hi'self. <nder strict su#er"ision.+ +That would ha"e its dangers too.+ +*t any rate, , should ha"e to #onder your suggestion carefully.+ +*nd , yours.+ +,t-s !een a !usy day,+ nodded Dran. +2et-s slee# on it.+ +* good idea.+ Sounds of saurian snoring e'erged fro' the great Throne Hall of Glan. _____________________________________________________________________