Running head: CASE STUDY- MR.

MAX

Final Project Conflict Coaching Robert B. Miller College Psyc- 410 Conflict Management Mindy Fuchs By Lori Shive April 26, 2012

Running head: CASE STUDY- MR. MAX

Final Project Conflict Coaching Conflict Coach- Lori Shive @ Smiles Inc. We work with individuals, couples, and groups. We have contracts with numerous companies throughout the country to which we serve their employees and families. I acquired my current client, Mr. Max through a local company, Denso, which we contract for their 1,500 employees and their families.

Session 1 Preparation phase: The client came to my office at the request of his wife. His company allows 5 sessions preceding a referral. The client has the option to pay for more sessions once the 5 session have expired, however if a referral is needed I can provide that for Mr. Max. In this case, his insurance would allow 10 sessions after referral to specialist. We discussed when we would meet again next week. He wanted to try the 5 free sessions first and see how it goes from there. I explained our sessions would be 50 minutes, and I explained what his role is, and what my role is as his conflict coach. There are some limitations in conflict coaching, but the overall objective is to empower the client to search for new alternatives to solving a conflict. The goal is to help client to better deal with conflict presently and in the future. Initial Story: Im at the end of my rope here. My wife is telling me that I need to come to you so that you can fix these problems when I dont even have any. Shes the one who is upset over nothing. I work at a factory seven days a week. Typically I work 8 hours a day, but there are times where my boss needs me to stay late to finish a project which means Ill be there for 9 even 10 hours. After a 10 hour day in a factory anybody would get a little tired and need to wind down right? Im human; I need to wind down too! So what do I do? I go down to the bar a couple nights out of the week and enjoy a few cold ones with the boys. Its not like Im an alcoholic, its just how I relax after working hard to put food on the table for my family. Because Im out late some nights, she freaks out saying that Im seeing somebody else. I tell her thats definitely not the case and that Im just out winding down after a long day. Thats not good enough for her though. She doesnt believe a word I say. Im not going to let her control me. Its my life and my decision to spend my time that way, and if she doesnt believe me, thats too bad for her!

Running head: CASE STUDY- MR. MAX

Discovering the Story: I observed the client was anxious and contempt. The client was experiencing emotional flooding. He had snappy answers, and used a bit louder voice at times. He stated his wife says to come see me to fix the problems, and he denies any problems exist. He says his wife is upset over nothing. Client describes he is working seven days a week. Client isnt smiling and seems agitated. Client is slightly tight lipped and arms are crossed. Client seemed educated by way of appearance and speech.

Refine Story: I asked client how long have you been married? I asked client to explain what he meant when he said shes the one who is upset over nothing? I asked if client had any children. When your wife gets upset at you, you said she freaks out can you tell me more about this? When does your wife do this? What happens before the conflict? How do you feel when the conflict is happening? How do you think your wife feels? What could you do different to get a different outcome? And what do you think she would want in order to resolve these conflicts? What would you like to happen in order to resolve this conflict? Noted reactions/more information gathered: Client has been married for almost 5 years. Client states his wife is upset because he has to work, and he goes out a couple nights a week with his co-workers. He further explains she always picks a fight with him after he has been out drinking. He also states she complains he is never home. Client does not have any children and neither does his wife, although, they both want children someday. Client explains wife is freaking out as yelling and crying saying she misses him, and she never gets to see him, and she wonders if he even loves her, or if he has someone else. Client admits wife doesnt seem very happy. She cries a lot, and is moody. Client states he is tired of arguing with his wife. Client states he doesnt really talk to his boss. Things with him seem ok. Client says he does love his wife and he does want to make the marriage work. Client believes his wife would want the same, and he believes she loves him and is devoted to him. Client admits he really doesnt like his job, but it gets him away from the arguing at home. Client isnt happy at work or at home. Client states maybe he could try to work less, and spend more time at home, but only if she quits yelling.

Summary of Refined Story: Client has kept his story consistent. However, he realizes some changes he can make. We talked about his identity and role as a husband and his identity and role at work. I asked him to explain

Running head: CASE STUDY- MR. MAX

what he feels his wifes role is and what his bosss role is. We also talked about some of the emotions they all are experiencing.

Identity, Emotions, Power: Emotions and identity were primary issues for this client, and this was affecting his sense of power as a husband. Before session ended I gave the client homework for next session. I asked him to make a chart as follows: When interacting with his wife and his boss, I wanted him to record what his feelings were. By making a chart with 3 rows, and 3 columns, the first row was his identity, the second his wifes, and the third his boss. The first box column is his role/identity, the second box in column is power, and the third is emotions. He would label his identity/role during interaction, and label the power on a scale of 1-5 with 1 being least power and 5 the most, and the emotions would be checked according to the positive created emotion or negative created emotion. (-, +)

Session 2 Identity, Emotion, Power contd: The client completed his homework. As we reviewed his homework, it revealed the following: He felt most powerless at work, and his anger at his wife was making him feel more powerful or controlling with his wife. He realized he has resentment because of all the arguing and fighting. Client admits he should spend more time with his wife, and that he isnt happy with his factory job. We discussed how his wife feels when he isnt home and how her anger and jealousy was creating more conflict for him and making him want to present to be powerful, but inside he wasnt happy. He realized from the data gathered that he really needed to make some changes at work. He felt very powerless with his boss, and he needs to be more assertive, to feel more power. He admits he drinks because he doesnt want to go home, but he is willing to try to limit this in order to spend more time with his wife. Client is not so angry this session, he seems to be starting to realize he does have some things he could fix. I asked him to do a homework assignment again for next session. This time it was simple. I asked him to set a date for this week with his wife, and if the day works for both of them to continue with this date each week. I also asked him if he wanted to confront his boss about less overtime, in order to work on his marriage. He agreed he would like to take a break from the overtime a little. I asked him for a small second homework assignment he could try to approach his boss with his concern. He agreed to try.

Running head: CASE STUDY- MR. MAX

Session 3 The client completed his homework. They decided on Wednesday they would have a dinner and movie date. The client says the date went really good, and his wife is excited about their new date night. They didnt argue at all that night. The client stated his wife seemed very happy to spend a date night with him. He was happy too. The client stated he also talked with his boss, and his boss totally understood, and told him it was fine, he didnt expect him to always do all the overtime. And his boss wondered if things were ok at home, he seemed very distant and moody the last few months. The client said it made him feel power when asking for his wishes, and his boss was respectful of his wishes. The client stated his job is a dead end job for him and he wants to look into going back to school. He said he talked it over with his wife and she agrees that maybe his mundane job isnt helping him at all, and he should go back to school. Client stated when telling his wife this he felt somewhat insecure, but her positive emotional reaction made him feel power again- positive power. That week he and his wife didnt argue at all. I talked briefly with the client about his desire for schooling and gave him references for accredited schools in the area. We talked about how his wife was feeling this past week, and how he was feeling too.

Session 4 The client presented a more confident smile, and he was anxious to share his progress. We continued discussing ways he could handle conflict of this nature in future conflicts. We talked about his feeling of power and how it affects his identity in different situations. The client has enrolled at the local community college, and is only going out to the bar once in a while and most times his wife joins him. The client feels confident to think about his emotions and power to help keep his identity. He recognizes he has to keep working on his communication skills, and remember to talk with his wife about the feelings they are experiencing. He also was promoted to a new position in the company. He was very excited about the new position.

Evaluation and Follow-up: The client called for a brief phone follow-up. He was glad to report that he is enjoying his new position at work, and he and his wife will keep Wednesday dates forever, and that his wife is enrolling at the college with him. They are getting along much better and communicating better too. His wife seems much happier and so is he. He and his old boss now go golfing together once a month just to catch up. He also states he and his wife are planning to have a baby next year, and they are very excited about this new communication they have found. Case closed.

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Reference www.coping.org