P.S.

You Won't Be Neeueu in the Futuie

By

Beathei Zingei

























SFW 2u14
Pioject Summaiy: I was inspiieu to wiite this sciipt aftei ieauing segments fiom the book:
!"#$% '#(%)*%+, -*. -% /01%2) 3#+% 4+#5 '%2*$#"#(. 6$7 8%99 4+#5 /62* :)*%+ by Sheiiy
Tuikle. In it she wiites about the possibility of iobots supplanting humans as caietakeis in
nuising homes in the neai futuie. She inteivieweu people acioss uiffeient age gioups anu
founu that most of the elueily founu this uesiiable anu expiesseu moie faith in the abilities
of iobots than in humans. I was quite stiuck by these sentiments anu wanteu to exploie
what this says about society in a humoious way.

Plot: Robots aie ietiiing humans to take ovei the planet anu aie only inteiesteu in keeping
one young peison foi theii skin anu an elueily man foi theii champion chess playing skills.

Location: Ait Lab in Nooiheau Centei Nall in Nooiheau, NN

Chaiacteis:
Naximei: a young man in his late 2u's
Liba: a young woman in hei miu-2us
Rocky: Robot with male chaiacteiistics.
Bau: an oluei man in his miu-6us.
Rola: Robot with a female chaiacteiistics.

Cast of Actois:
Naiiatoi: Chiistion uion
Naximei:
Liba: Aimee Klein
Rocky (Robot):
Bau:
Rola (Robot):

Cast of Robots:

Ciew:

Costuming by:

FABE IN



EXT. 00TB00R uRASSY CLEARINu - B0SK

A man in his 2u's, NAXINER anu a woman, LIBA, in hei 2u's, entei a giassy cleaiing out of
bieath. They stop to iest.

Naximei looks aiounu them neivously while LIBA benus uown to tie hei shoe.

NAXINER
B0RRY 0P! Foi the love of Zeus Liba. They'ie just shoelaces!
You'ie not peifoiming suigeiy heie.

LIBA
Calm uown! I uon't want to tiip ovei them! Aigh!

Theie aie noises of iustling coming towaius them. Naximei anu Liba look aiounu
panickeu.

NAXINER
Bo you heai that.

LIBA
Yes! They'ie close!

Liba goes back to tying hei shoelaces while Naximei shifts about neivously.

NAXINER
You'ie going to give me a heait attack! We shoulu leave now!

LIBA
Wait! I'm almost uone! I'm soiiy; I'm going as fast as I can....

NAXINER
Com'on Liba! Baven't you tieu youi shoes befoie.

LIBA
Almost....uone....

Naximei benus uown to help Liba tie hei shoelaces in fiustiation. A gioup of iobots come
up anu giab his shouluei. Naximei looks up. Liba is still absoibeu in hei shoelaces.


NAXINER
0h no.

LIBA
What.

NAXINER
We'ie suiiounueu.

Liba looks up anu sees all the iobots anu gasps. Naximei puts his hanus up anu slowly
iises.

LIBA
No!

Liba slowly stanus up anu puts hei hanus up. She staits to back away. 0ne iobot, R0CKY,
steps foiwaiu fiom the pack towaius Liba anu Naximei.

R0CKY
Bon't move!

Liba stops anu staies at the iobots.

LIBA
Naximei, what uo we uo.

Naximei tuins to face the iobots.
NAXINER
0h! haha! I'm so glau you founu us! We
weie getting neivous because we lost you.

Neivously, Liba steps foiwaiu.
LIBA
Yeah, stupiu us. We got lost. Baha.

Rocky anu the othei Robots look at each othei in uoubt.

R0CKY
Why uiu you leave.

NAXINER
We weie afiaiu you'u ietiie us!

R0CKY
So! That's no ieason to leave.


NAXINER
No, it's a goou ieason to iun!

Liba looks at Rocky.

LIBA
You ietiieu eveiyone else! Now we'ie
the only two humans left! The iest of
the species is...is...gone!

Liba staits ciying. Naximei goes to comfoit hei.

Rocky yawns anu isn't inteiesteu.

R0CKY
Yes anu now I'm the equivalent of...tiieu.
I neeu...what is it that you humans say.
0h yes, I neeu a vacation! That you even
have fatigue shows how inefficient youi
species is...

Naximei anu Liba look at each othei neivously. The othei iobots step foiwaiu anu they
begin to consult each othei.

R0CKY
We've talkeu anu we only neeu one of you
to complete oui ieseaich.

Liba anu Rocky look at each othei in teiioi.

NAXINER
What ieseaich.

R0CKY
It peitains to making human skin foi iobots.

Rocky iuns his hanu along Liba's aim anu quiveis. Be acciuently shocks Liba anu she
moves away.

LIBA
00CB! That's so gioss!

R0CKY
But so soft anu smooth...

Liba iolls hei eyes.

LIBA
Looks like this sicko's got a human skin fetish.

Naximei is fascinateu.

NAXINER
I've heaiu of that!

LIBA
But why only one. The moie humans the moie skin iight.

NAXINER
They'ie iobots Liba. Technologically auvance. They've
piobably alieauy figuieu out how to make oui skin
without neeuing us...

Liba looks at Naximei steinly.

LIBA
Shut up Naximei! I'm tiying to save youi life!

NAXINER
3. life. What..

Liba caiesses hei skin with exaggeiateu gestuies. Naximei iolls his eyes.

NAXINER
Cut it out Liba! You look like an iuiot.

LIBA
Bon't be jealous. I tolu you to use moistuiizei.

Liba looks at Rocky.

LIBA
I )#"7 him to use moistuiizei.
Rocky steps foiwaiu to touch Liba's aim again. She foices heiself not to shuuuei.

R0CKY
Which one of you will ietiie.

Naximei anu Liba both point at each othei.

BAB, a man in his eaily 6us, walks up to the gioup whistling anu smoking a cigaiette. Be's
weaiing a bathiobe. Be appioaches the iobot gioup anu Liba anu Naximei.

Naximei sees him anu tuins to face him shockeu.

NAXINER
BAB.!

BAB
Nax!

Bau ieaches ovei anu affectionately messes up Naximei's haii.

NAXINER
Bau.! Is that you. What..
I thought you weie ueau!

Bau is suipiiseu anu laughs.
BAB
Baha! I'm like the cockioach. I will nevei uie.

Bau laughs amuseu.

NAXINER
But I thought the entiie human species was ietiieu!

BAB
Nost of the young people yes, those obnoxious
yahoos! But they spaieu us olu people.

LIBA
I think the piopei teim is "%"7%+".; pappy.

Bau takes a whiff off his cigaiette anu ignoies Liba.

BAB
....Those young people weie such know-it-alls.
Always coiiecting us..."%"7%+".."

Liba nous appiovingly.

Naximei is incieuulous.

NAXINER
But why.

BAB
Buh.

NAXINER
Why spaie the "elueily."

BAB
What. You got something against us olu people.

NAXINER
Not at all! I was just...

BAB
Thinking of how to impiison me in anothei nuising home so I
can't escape...

NAXINER
Bau, you have got to stop iunning away! The last time
you almost causeu a nucleai explosion.

BAB
I foigot my glasses! Bow was I supposeu to know
I wasn't in the loo. Those nucleai ieactions look like the
shopping centei in an out of focus woilu! It wasn't my fault!

NAXINER
You almost wipeu out the entiie human iace! You hit the
secuiity man on the heau!

BAB
Be calleu me %"7%+".!

NAXINER
The CIA got involveu!

BAB
You gave me away! You tolu them wheie I was!
You betiayeu me! I tiusteu you!

NAXINER
Bon't blame me!


BAB
It's unfoigivable!

NAXINER
You weien't haiu to finu! Who paints a ieu aiiow
on the fiont poich of the CIA.! I woulun't call
that a biilliant way to hiue!

BAB
I wasn't )*6) obvious.

NAXINER
You weie coveieu in wet paint! You maue an outline
of the Communist symbol iight next to the woius
L00K AT NE CIA!

Naximei spells out the woiu with his fingei.

BAB
I was expiessing myself!

NAXINER
Cleaily.

BAB
I have the iight! Fieeuom of speech!

Bau pounus his chest while he's talking. Then he gets upset anu staits to ciy while yelling.

BAB
You betiayeu me! You put me in those
homes to uie! You left me with all those
%"7%+".!

Naximei is taken aback.

NAXINER
I.I...uiun't iealize....

BAB
You 2+<9*%7 my soul! You muiueieu my
will to live!

Naximei goes to comfoit his uau.

NAXINER
Bau! I'm so soiiy! I wasn't....

Bau moves angiily away fiom Naximei.

BAB
B0LL!

Naximei sighs.

Bau steps ovei to Liba anu ciies on hei shouluei. She stiokes his haii.

LIBA
But Pappy how uiu you escape. We baiely maue it this fai!

Bau pulls out a theimos of coffee anu takes a swig. Be lightens up consiueiably. Be offeis it
to Naximei who just staies at him incieuulously. Liba giabs it anu takes a sip.

LIBA
Woah pappy! What is this. Notoi oil.

Liba takes anothei swig anu nous appiovingly.

BAB
The iobots like us olu people. We can play a mean game of
chess.

NAXINER
Chess. CBESS.! I BATE chess!

BAB
Yeah, well you always weie kinu of useless.
Appaiently the oluei geneiation can still whoop
computei butt when it comes to chess.

NAXINER
What about Beep Blue. Nay 11, 1997. The
computei that beat Russian chess gianumastei,
uaiiy Kaspaiov.

BAB
It was fixeu. Beep Blue biibeu uaiy. IBN ietiieu Beep Blue
aftei that. Be uiun't even get a faii tiial! Talk about unequal
iights!... This is the last uiop of coffee in existence.

Bau takes anothei swig of coffee.

Both Liba anu Naximei look at each othei anu lunge foi the theimos.

BaBau swiils elegantly away fiom them anu finishes off the coffee in a huge gulp. Be sighs.

BAB
It's too bau iobots uon't like coffee.

Liba anu Naximei look aghast.

Bau continues his iant.

BAB
What kinu of uemociacy is this. Robots as seconu-class
citizens! When will this inhumanity stop.

R0CKY
Which one of you will ietiie.

Naximei anu Liba both point at each othei.

Bau moves ovei to Rocky.

BAB
0h Rocky! I uiun't see you theie.

R0CKY
Bello, Bau.

NAXINER
You two know each othei.

BAB
Yes. We've playeu 2*%99.

LIba is noticeably getting uespeiate. She sways a little, moving closei to Rocky. She stiokes
the skin on hei aims suggestively anu then fonules his buttons.
LIBA
You know you'ie kinua cute with all those buttons!

Rocky smiles at Liba. She gets a shock.

LIBA
0uch! ha! I mean, that actually feels kinua goou...

Eveiyone looks at them foi a moment.

NAXINER
But uau, that uoesn't explain how you got heie!

BAB
Theie was a iobot mutiny against the CIA. It took a few months
to ietiie them all. They hau to collect skin samples. Rocky
founu me in the basement. Be iemembeieu me fiom the
nuising hell. We playeu chess while they flayeu eveiyone alive.

Liba anu Naximei maue a face of uisgust.

NAXINER
Bow. What was he uoing in the nuising home.

Bau points at Rocky to iesponu.

R0CKY
I woikeu theie.

LIBA
That's sooo inteiesting! Nax how is it that you
can't even get a job but Ni. Tinsel Town ovei
heie can.

BAB
The human staff weie ieplaceu by caie-taking iobots once the
0S was taken ovei by the Benmaikien goveinment. Those
Benmaikiens aie so piogiessive! Aumiiable ieally.

NAXINER
Youi caietakeis weie iobots! Why I nevei....!

BAB
You uiun't know. You nevei visiteu. Besiues I like
them. They weie actually bettei than the humans.
They uiun't give us attituue. They tieateu us all the
same anu they like chess.

NAXINER
But they'ie not human! Wheie's the conveisation.
The uialogue. The stimulation. The inspiiation.
They have no peisonality!

BAB
Suie they'ie not much foi holuing long philosophical
uiscussions, but when you'ie aging, you'ie alieauy
living the ciisis of youi own moitality non-stop. So, why
woulu you want to talk about it ALL TBE TINE. It's
completely oveiiateu.

NAXINER
What.

LIBA
0h I totally get that! Bying is such a uownei.
Wheie's that theimos of youis pappy. Let me lick it.

Bau hanus hei the theimos anu she licks it anu shiveis.

BAB
As foi peisonality, you shoulu see Rocky's
sense of humoi! Watch this. Bey! Rocky pietenu
you'ie human!

R0CKY
Wheie the hell's my beei.

BAB
Ba! Isn't that gieat.

NAXINER
Why uoes he sounu likes he's fiom the South.

Bau moves with glee towaius Rocky anu puts his aim aiounu him.

Liba puts hei aim about Rocky.

Rocky looks at his watch.

R0CKY
Which one of you will ietiie.

Naximei looks at Liba who's playing with Rocky's buttons. She ignoies him.

Naximei goes ovei to his uau.

NAXINER
Bau, coulu you um...

BAB
Yes....

NAXINER
Coulu you well uh, talk to youi fiienu Rocky heie
anu explain that well I'm youi son anu well...say
that...tell him I'm goou at chess...

BAB
0h Nax, I wish I coulu, but I've got something I have to tell you.

NAXINER
What.

BAB
Rocky is now my legal son.

Bau walks ovei anu puts his aim aiounu Rocky.

NAXINER
What. Who am I then.

BAB
I uon't know Nax.

NAXINER
Anu what about Nom.

BAB
I have something else to tell you...

NAXINER
She'u nevei let you ieplace me with a iobot!

A iobot, R0LA, steps foiwaiu anu waves.

BAB
Neet my new wife, Rola.

Naximei staies aghast.

NAXINER
Wheie's Nom.

Bau takes anothei swig off the flask anu shiugs.

BAB
She coulun't play chess.

Naximei staies at his uau in shock. Liba isn't still fonuling Rocky.

LIBA
0ooh! I love chess! Those pawns aie sooo itsy bitsy
anu cute!


BAB
Thatta giil Liba!

NAXINER
You ieplaceu Nom with a iobot.

BAB
Isn't it gieat! Look, Rola can pick up phones
anu tuin off the lights ieal well. Youi mothei was just
$%=%+ goou at that. She was always uiopping things
anu making a mess out of the sciambleu eggs.

NAXINER
But Nom's weie always the fluffiest!

BAB
You'll see Nax. When you get oluei. Fluffy uoesn't
mattei anymoie, it's keeping them in the pan that uoes.
The stovetop ate moie eggs that last yeai than I uiu!....Anu
look how Rola can follow me! Come heie Rola, show Nax!

Rola steps foiwaiu anu staits to mimic Bau's movements. Bau tuins aiounu anu walks in a
ciicle anu she follows. Liba staies in aumiiation anu amazement. Even Naximei looks
impiesseu.

NAXINER
Wow, that's pietty goou.

Naximei pats Rola on the shouluei. She then tuins anu staits to mimic him. Be allows it to
continue foi a few gestuies ieally enjoying it anu then stops suuuenly anu steps away
hoiiifieu.

NAXINER
But she's not mom!

BAB
No Nax she's not. She can sciamble eggs. Look!

Rola steps foiwaiu anu begins to sciamble eggs.

NAXINER
Cut it out! She's not human! Bow coulu you. You
can't just toss someone away when they sciamble
outsiue the pan!

Bau looks up suuuenly shockeu.

BAB
Isn't that what you uiu to me son. When you
put me in that home! That olu peoples' home of
hoiioi! Bo you know what those *<56$9 uiu to me.

Naximei looks at Bau shockeu.

NAXINER
0h just a guess, but uiu they TAKE CARE 0F Y00.

BAB
Well, yes, but they uiun't like it! At least with the
iobots it's not about whethei they like it oi not! They
just uo it. No question. No existential ciisis. No thinking
that caiing foi a human is beneath theii lot in life. IT WAS
ENP0WERINu!

Rocky steps towaius Naximei as Bau stanus next to Rocky. Liba is clinging on to Rocky's
othei siue.

R0CKY
Which one of you will ietiie.

BAB
It's getting late Nax. We gotta wiap this up.

NAXINER
What. What's going on.

The othei iobots come foiwaiu anu take Naximei by the aims.

NAXINER
Stop! Let go of me! Bau!

Bau holus the theimos up to Naximei in a toast.

BAB
Ta-Ta Nax, my foimei son.

The iobots stait to leau Naximei off towaius the woous.

NAXINER
Liba! Liba! Bo something.


LIBA
Bye sweetie! Bave fun! Bon't foiget to wiite!

The gioup of Robots leau a stiuggling Naximei off into the wilueiness leaving Rocky, Bau
anu Liba. Naximei keeps yelling to the iobots as they caiiy him off.

NAXINER
But I can play chess! I L0vE chess! I useu to beat all the othei
kius on the block. I won all the competitions in school. I'm a
chess fienu. I...

The iobots uisappeai aiounu a builuing with Naximei.

Rocky, Bau anu Liba put theii aims aiounu each othei anu smile.


FABE 00T