Issue 11

Editor : Sara Hadfield

Editor-In-Chief : Elizabeth Simos
Produced in USSU,
University of Surrey,
Guildford
Est. 2008

FREE

Student Loans’
Head is on the Line
T
he head of student loans, Ralph Seymour-Jackson, And it seems that some applications are still annoyingly far
This Issue: was asked to resign last month by the National
Union of Students in the wake of the appalling
from complete; as I found out recently during my application
process. My loan is income-assessed and the SLC request
student finance crisis. Ben Pook investigates why so my household details each year. However, technical issues
many students are still waiting for loans and offers his own on the SLC website prevented me from submitting these
account of the situation. details online and I was forced to send a form via the post.
Your Event According to figures from the SLC, over 100,000 students
After three weeks without a response, I reluctantly called the
student loans hotline number. I was greeted by a charismatic

Planner
were still waiting for loans in the last week of October.
Applicants have been left stranded and many are struggling
to afford rent payments during the first few months of the
academic year. President of the National Union of Students,
Wes Streeting, has highlighted Seymour-Jackson’s poor
voice - a welcome change from the standard “the shorter
this lasts the better” tone - which seemed enthusiastic
about dealing with my query. Good start. I highlighted my
growing impatience about the lack of communication and
asked why my process isn’t complete, as well as why I can’t

Campus Boy
management of the process and noted how the SLC head
attempted to pass the blame onto us, the students.
Wes Streeting said, “You’ve got the appalling situation
which has left hundreds of thousands affected by this
process the details online. He apologised, unsurprisingly,
and offered a phone number of my local SLC, who is still
dealing with the application. Next, he openly admitted to a
complete failure by the organisation to effectively manage
‘income assessed’ loan applications. I was impressed by

A Day in the
crisis, tens of thousands without their support, a miserable this openness and outright declaration of incompetence,
start to term and on top of that one of the most shameful and it seemed my initial judgment about his character was
spin operations from a public body I have ever seen. They
Life of.....
correct. I began to consider, maybe the SLC isn’t all bad
have failed to communicate with the public, made broken after all? At least their employees are honest.
promise after broken promise. In that context how anyone
can expect us to have confidence is beyond me. It’s time for
Naively, I forgot how my process was still far from over.
Ralph Seymour-Jackson to do honourable thing and resign The employee simply sugar coated his answer with
– or for ministers to step in and sack him.
Fashion
honesty and necessary apologies. I was sold to his
The record number of applicants this year has caused aptitude, yet after the phone call, all I had was another
delays in the student finance system and the transfer phone number – so I was still in the exact same position
of the administration systems from local authorities to as before. And to make matters worse, it was too late
SLC has led to additional systematic problems during the to call my local SLC. Swindlers.
Your film process. Universities have been offering financial support
to students who are unable to afford living costs, including Continued Page 5...

and music
rent and food, but this has been an unexpected burden for
many academic establishments across the country.

reviews! Students Demonstrate Against Gay Blood Ban

Students in support of lesbian, gay, explaining that men have a higher discriminatory and perpetuates the

Meet the
bisexual and transsexual (LGBT) rights
descended on London last week to
protest against the National Blood
new Stag Service’s policy of not allowing gay
and bisexual men to donate blood.
chance of carrying HIV.
‘Donation not Discrimination’ - a
nationwide campaign by the NUS -
has protested against the ban for the
myth that AIDS is a ‘gay disease’.
Daf Adley, NUS LGBT Officer said,
“Whilst donating blood is not a right, it
is a responsibility - one which healthy

Team! The ban states that men who have

past five years, during which hundreds
of LBGT students have joined the
gay and bisexual men should be able
to exercise without fear of prejudice

And More...
ever had oral or anal sex with other campaign and tens of thousands or discrimination.”#
men are banned for life from donating of people have signed the petition.
blood. The NBS justifies this policy by NUS believe that the lifetime ban is Continued Page 5....

Issue 11 |2nd November 2009 | www.ussu.co.uk/thestag 1

 Editor’s Letter
Welcome back! I hope you’ve all
had a great couple of weeks and a
fantastic Halloween, dressing up in
your finest! In this issue.....
Firstly, I would like to say a big thank
you to everyone who contributed News
an article for this issue. As you will Pages 3 - 7
notice, this issue is absolutely jam
packed with information for you and Features
our new editors have had their work Campus Boy | Page 8
cut out for them.
A Day in the Life of...| Page 11
You may be interested to know that Science| Pages 12 - 13
since electing our new team we’ve
made some minor changes to The This Week in Welfare... | Page 14
Stag. There is now a Science section Health| Page 15
and a Dance and Theatre section so
make sure you check those out! Fashion | Page 16
So, what’s happening in the next couple of weeks? Well, there’s some great Union
& 17
nights coming up like School Disco at Citrus – those of us who went last year will Societies
know that this is definitely a must! MadSoc| Page 18
Don’t forget Fireworks night – whatever you’re doing! Going out, staying in, make PhotoSoc| Page 19
sure you don’t forget Fireworks night on November 12th and have those sparklers at
the ready!
Arts
Laser Quest is coming back! Need I say more? For more information on all your
Union events make sure you check out your Event Planner, centre page of this Music | Pages 24 - 25
issue. Tear it out, put it on your wall, put it on your door, staple it to a friend if you Dance & Theatre | Pages 26 - 28
must – just make sure you know what’s going on!
Literature |Pages 29 - 30
Whatever you get up to I hope you all have a fun (but safe) Fireworks night and a Film | Pages 32 - 35
fantastic fortnight!

Sports
Enjoy the issue! Pages 37 - 39

Sara x Save our stags,

recycle your paper!
Sara Hadfield
Editor
Editor| Sara Hadfield : ussu.thestag@surrey.ac.uk
News| Ben Pook : newsdeskstag@gmail.com
Features| Mariam Nasir : featuresdeskstag@gmail.com
Societies| Bakita Kasadha : societiesdeskstag@gmail.com
Sports: | David Holt : sportsdeskstag@gmail.com
Music| Mark Allen : musicdeskstag@gmail.com
Arts | Rachel Gildea: artsdeskstag@gmail.com
Film | Ollie Sim : filmdeskstag@gmail.com
Science| David Pugh : sciencedeskstag@gmail.com
Marketing | Tanvir Kaur : marketingdeskstag@gmail.com
Copy Editor | Ankur Banerjee

The Stag is an editorially indepedent newspaper and is published by

the University of Surrey Students’ Union.
The views expressed in the paper are those of individual authors and do not necessarily
represent the views of the editororial team, the Student’s Union or the University of Surrey.

Printed by Surrey and Berkshire Media Limited

Stoke Mill House, Woking Road, Guildford, Surrey GU1 1QA

2 The Stag reserves the right to edit submissions.

Please direct all enquiries to the relevant section editors.
Meet The New Stag Team 09/10
Hi, my name's Steff and I'm an English Literature and Creative Writing student. I have a
strong passion for writing, hence my main role of Deputy Editor of the Newspaper - this
involves laying up the newspaper before it is due out. However, I also do some writing
such as news articles, short stories (‘The Mishaps of Jennifer Lee’) and reviews. I'm am
an approachable person with many contacts within the newspaper, feel free to contact
me - sl00138@surrey.ac.uk.
Hi everyone, my name is Tanvir Kaur Dhillon
and I am the deputy editor of marketing for
The Stag. I’m a first year student studying
applied psychology and sociology. I initially
wanted to apply for the news editor post but
then when I heard about this post I became
Deputy Editor (Design) really interested, not to mention excited,
Steff Lever because marketing has always been one of
my favourite areas of product development.
Marketing is a vast field as far as newspapers
are concerned, because it requires you Deputy Editor (Marketing)
to come up with creative ideas to catch Tanvir Kaur Dhillon
someone’s attention.

Final year business management student - grew up in the unappealing

neighborhood of Sutton, south London - interests include cooking, listening
to urban music and expanding knowledge about new media. Favourite music:
golden age hip-hop/Favourite film: Dead Poets Society.

News Editor
Ben Pook
My name is Mariam Nasir and I am your new Features Editor. I am a second
year English Literature student. I hope to bring you all lots of new features
with my new team of writers who are willing to take it a step further this year
with The Stag. If you have any suggestions or if you want to write for features,
feel free to drop me an email. We all always looking for fresh ideas and
journalists. :)

Features Editor
Mariam Nasir
Hi there! My name is Dave, and I am this year’s Science Editor. I am currently
in my second year of an MChem in chemistry with forensic investigation, where
most of my research time involves trying to replace the air bubbles in an Aero
bar with helium bubbles. In my spare time you can find me enjoying competi-
tive weight lifting, iron man competitions, and jousting, from the comfort of my
armchair in front of my TV. I am a good whistler, a bad loser and a tasteless joke
Science Editor enthusiast.I currently reside in Weston Road, Guildford Feel free to pop in any
David Pugh time!
3
 The synopsis of my life so far…
I’m currently studying English Literature with Creative Writing and I work at Chancellors
in my spare time. As Societies Editor of The Stag this year I hope to liaise with societies’
directors and members so that we can publicise events and bring more awareness of the
societies the University has to offer.

My name is Rachel Gildea and I recently became Arts

Editor for the Stag. My first mission is to put the dance
and theatre pages back in print so make sure you check
out the new pages on those crucial art forms! I want Arts
to be as diverse, interesting and creative as possible and
we’re really open to new ideas. If you have any related ar-
ticles you'd like to see in the paper please email them to
the relevant email addresses. You can write about things Societies Editor
that are happening on campus, in the department, in Bakita Kasadha
Guildford and the world beyond!
This is your stage…I look forward to as many of you as
possible getting involved. Your Paper, Your Say.

Arts Editor Hi guys,

I'm Mark your new Music Editor! I'm a 3rd year Cre-
Rachel Gildea
ative Music Tech student. I'm always going out to
gigs, and love hearing some new music. I'm partial
to all sorts of music, but my heart lies in indie/art-
rock and the odd bits of dance and electronica. If
you have any ideas for the music section or what to
get writing, get in touch or just come up and harass
me in the union!

Hello everyone, my name is David Holt,

I’m a second year Sociology student and I
am the Sports Editor for this year. I’m the Music Editor
person to come to if you want to get your Mark Allen
sport involved with The Stag this year, or if
you just fancy putting together an article
on any sport of your choosing. I’m a fan of
pretty much any sport, although my main
interest is in football, and I’m one of the
unlucky people who is stuck with support-
ing Southend United.
Sports Editor
David Holt
Hi, I'm Ankur, a first year student of Electronics & Computer Engineering. As
copy editor my job involves reading every article published in The Stag and
ensuring that no spelling / grammar / stylistic errors are made. When not
toasting bread using a lightsaber or chanting the number 42, I spend my time
rescuing beautiful monsters from ravening princesses and drinking cups of
filthy liquid almost, but not quite, entirely unlike instant coffee. Copy Editor
Ankur Banerjee
4
Students Loans Continued.... Ralph-Seymour Jackson attempted to justify his enough is enough. It’s not just the bungling of
organisation’s role in the crisis by explaining the process, but the fact that the SLC has been
I called the London Borough of Sutton how students made their lives harder by failing economical with the truth and have attempted
student office the next morning and with far to submit the right information on time. This to put the blame on students for applying late.
less patience than before, I asked the same statement is supported by the reasonably short We have absolutely no confidence in Ralph
questions. Interestingly, I discovered how my period between applying for a loan and starting Seymour-Jones.”
form was on a desk with a note, which read university. Also, human error predictably occurs
“Contact student to confirm details”. Or, in when students complete their applications. On a more positive note, despite Eamonn
other words: “Keep on the maybe pile until Sympathy, however, ends here. Despite the rise Armstrong, a final year student here at
I can be bothered to do anything”. I’m still in applications, we can’t assume that a higher Surrey, finding himself without a loan until the
waiting. percentage of applications were submitted with end of October, the Business Management
incorrect information compared to previous undergraduate remained in good mood during
Last month’s figures from the SLC suggest years. Contingency plans should have been in the process. “I was just looking forward to buying
39,000 applications are awaiting further place to manage an increase in submissions. some new Playstation games and a few beers.
information, another 39,000 have been given Also, SLC employees openly admit to systematic I earned enough money during my placement
interim-payments, while 31,000 are still being errors over the phone. to afford rent and the tuition fee isn’t really an
processed. issue because it goes straight to the uni from
I’m in full support of Streeting’s call for the SLC”.
The shadow universities secretary said “These resignation of the head of the Student Loans
figures illustrate how the system has collapsed Company. This crisis could have been avoided Contact the Union for enquiries about financial
this year. Ministers have created an over- if astute executive decisions were made before support.
complicated system and have failed to tackle and during the initial stages of this year’s
the problem.” Dave Willets went on to explain application process. It’s also encouraging to Have you received your student loan? Join the
“Now students and their families are the victims. know that the President of National Union debate on our Facebook page.
Even though we are well into the academic year, of Students is proactive in his approach to
more than one in 10 students is still waiting for improving the life of students across the
Ben Pook
a proper assessment.” country. The President of the NUS continued
by saying: “There’s a growing consensus that

Blood Ban Continued.... of the argument that the ban is a

medical decision based on statistics,
In response to the recent rather than a political issues based
Don’t Get Caught Out!
developments, the government on discrimination.
has explained that the ban is being
reviewed and could be overturned The NHS Blood and Transplant In the courts the following penalties
by next year. The mounting pressure position statement explains: “Despite
from campaigns such as Donation not improvements in blood screening
were imposed by the disciplinary
Discrimination and developments in tests, a small number of infected committee since the last edition of
New Zealand, Spain, Italy, Japan and donations may be missed because of
Australia, where the lifetime ban has the ‘window period’ between getting
The Stag
been overturned and gay men can the infection and the test showing a Theft from bar = two week ban from
donate in certain circumstances, has positive result”.
forced the government to evaluate
the Union
the current exclusion of high-risk Blood supplies are at threat due to
the recent outbreak of swine-flu
Vandalism = community service (one
doners.
and some campaigners argue that afternoon picking litter)
Peter Tatchell, the gay rights upturning the ban will benefit the
campaigner, said: “This review of NBS’s ability to increase its supply.
Violent Behaviour = three week ban
the blanket, lifetime ban on gay and Despite the mixed views, student from the Union
bisexual men donating blood is long campaigners remain determined,
overdue. The truth is that most gay as Daf Adley says: “The ban as it
Ticket touting = two week ban from
and bisexual men do not have HIV currently stands demeans their the Union
and will never have HIV. Their blood ability to participate in this altruistic
is safe.” act, and contributes to a damaging
Unauthorised entry = three week ban
and prejudiced perception of gay and from the Union
On the contrary, some argue the ban bisexual men which belongs in the
is not a gay rights issue, with people past.” Fixed penalties of a two week ban from the Union
commenting on websites: “People’s are now being issued for any student using a cam-
lives are at risk here; it is not a matter Find out more about the NUS pus card under false pretences (using someone
of politics”. Recent figures suggest campaign at http://www.nus.org.uk else’s campus card).
that gay men have the highest risk of and join the debate in our Facebook Please remember reselling tickets for more than
new HIV infection, with 1 in 25 in the group or follow us on Twitter. face value is ticket touting and against the condi-
UK living with HIV. This is in support
Ben Pook tions of sale. 5
 The Votes Are In!
Your New Student Executives Are:
Theft, Be Alert!
I left my coat in the teaching block on Monday 26th Oct. My
carelessness, I know, but I didn’t expect someone to nick it!
Union Chair: Sam Bull
Yes, a tatty old thing: a year old. Now, don’t want you lot thinking
Ethics and Equal Opportunities Officer: I’m a tramp, I just wanted to get a good wear out of it! And it was
acceptable to wear, just not to steal...
Matthew Strange
Readers may now be wondering why I’m so vexed about it. Well
it’s this: my keys were in it... the keys to everything (Guildford,
Environment Officer: Trung aunt’s and my London house)!

Communities Officer: Matthew Barker So when I got home I had call the locksmith and fork out £80
quid to get my bedroom door unlocked and the key copied;
(laugh if you will, till the same thing happens to you, mate)
International Officer: Ashraf Khalifa whilst this person is gallivanting around with MY coat.

Events Officer: Hitesh Teckchandani You know what? If you’re the person who has my coat, you can
keep it! Just give me back the keys. I doubt they‘re of any use to
you, unless you’re planning on following me home. (And if you
Postgraduate Research Officer: Adam Cole do, I’ll be waiting!)

Postgraduate Taught Officer: Nikos Kalathas Till next time.

.B.
For full break down of results visit www.ussu.co.uk

NEW to SPLASH for 2009/10

NEW to SPLASH for 2009/10
Check out our PODCASTS on a variety of
study related topics:
www.surrey.ac.uk/skills/splash/podcasts
Topics so far:
Writing your first University Essay
Writing a Reflection
Study Jargon Buster
 
*COMPETITION* - submit your ideas for
podcast topics you’d find really useful to your
studies to SPLASH by Friday 27th November by
emailing: splash@surrey.ac.uk
!!Prizes for the 5 best ideas!!
NEW to SPLASH for Taught Master’s
students
SPLASH INTERACTIVE is a virtual resource
for all PGTs. Here you can find help about post-
graduate level writing, presentations, and group
work.
 
You can access video clips, tutorials, and
workshop slides. You can also post questions on
any aspect of study support for other students
to help you with or you can contact a SPLASH
Learning adviser for help.
 
All you need to do to access this resource is to
go to  http://splashinteractive.ning.com and sign
up.
Visit SPLASH and find out how to be your
BEST!
WRITING help with Jackie Wills – our new
Royal Literary Fund Fellow
Workshops for UGs and Master’s students
1:1 or small group sessions with a Learning
Adviser
 
Drop-in sessions every day of the week for
learning advice, help finding library resources,
PebblePad and Royal Literary Fund Fellow.
Check out the website for details and to book
appointments:
 
www.surrey.ac.uk/skills/splash
See you in SPLASH!!

Are YOU Living with a Killer?

Carbon Monoxide (CO) is the
highly poisonous product of
incomplete combustion of gas.
Also known as the ‘silent killer’,
CO can be caused when gas
appliances are faulty and allow
CO to escape. You cannot smell
Carbon Monoxide so it is highly
dangerous. The symptoms
include fatigue, muscle pain,
upset stomach and headaches.
6
If you live in a rented house with gas appliances, by
law, they must be checked and serviced at least once
a year. To prove this is done your landlord should
give you or display a safety certificate that details
for the appliances (boilers, room heaters, cookers
etc). If you are not sure whether your appliance have
been checked ask you landlord for the latest safety
certificate.
FREE Carbon monoxide detectors!
Southern gas networks have given the Accommodation
Office 50 Carbon monoxide alarm units to give away,
free, to students living in the private sector. These
detectors retail at £20 - £30 and provide early warning
of CO. In return all you need to do is fill in a very short
questionnaire for Southern Gas.
You can pick up a detector, first come, first served,
from the Accommodation Office counter which is
open daily 10 -12.30 and 1.30 to 4.00 Monday to
Friday.
 Graduate Despair Inspires
New Entrepreneur
As a graduate of June 2008, the economic country and having not so much as received an After trawling through the internet for days and
climate did not appear to be one of doom and interview I started to get a little concerned. By weeks, phoning different website companies
gloom, the economy was in apparent good this time, having spent a short period claiming and getting quotes in the thousands, I finally
health and the prospect of getting a job did not jobseekers, I had returned to my old job doing found what I was looking for and used an online
spark fear into every graduate and unemployed part-time shifts down the local pub so that I free web template to create my store. So having
person in the country. With a solid 2.1 BA Hons could pay my parents some rent. found a web store I thought that it might be a
in Politics from the University of Nottingham, good idea to find something to sell.
I thought that perhaps employees might be Thoroughly fed up with receiving rejection
phoning me up. It was with this in mind which letter after blooming rejection letter I decided My first thought was that I would use drop-
inspired many in my situation to look forward to to take matters into my own hands. This is shipping, which would mean I wouldn’t have to
a year out before the inevitable lifetime of hard when StudentToys.co.uk was created. I wanted buy any stock and so my risk would be limited.
work in an office began. to start my own business, and the market I The major problem with this was that I could
knew more than any other was the student not find drop-shippers that would sell the low
I managed to find work in a local pub and was to market. What I wanted to do was to create a cost products that I know students buy and so
work full time up until December when my flight single student shop that sells all the things that therefore there was no point and no sense in
would leave for Canada where I was going to students buy. As a big kid myself I wanted to using this method. So, the riskier option it was
do a ski season. As we reached September the start off in the market of fun products and so then, I would have to buy stock. An issue with this
bottom seemed to fall out of the UK’s economy fancy dress, big boys toys and posters were was of course the buying aspect - buying seems
and being a little smug, I thought that it was the things I decided to incorporate first of all, to be rather difficult without any money to do it
just as well I was not applying to jobs just then. all products that I knew students were buying, with. Not a problem, I would increase my hours
but from a number of different places. A budget working in pubs I thought, and so I managed to
December came, the ski season had arrived of zero and a maxed out overdraft would have get a second pub job and saved about £300 to
and we had an amazing time, partly due to the been enough to put most people off the idea of buy the stock I required to start.
fact that the ski slopes were empty due to a setting up a business on their own, but again as
certain global recession, but that really was the an optimist I just saw it as a challenge.... and a There it was, StudentToys.co.uk was a reality,
last thing on our minds as we were whizzing challenge it was. (well after setting up a business account,
down black runs and 360’ing off of rocks. payment methods and a load of other stuff), it
However, as with any holiday the ski season I snapped up the domain name of StudentToys. was now my job to do the hard part..... sell things,
had to come to an end, and so it was after co.uk as I felt that it had an element of fun a chapter that is now starting to be written. And
having spent every penny I had (well that the about it along with a certain amount of mystery so here I am telling you about StudentToys.
bank would lend me) that I returned to England that could appeal to students and intrigue them co.uk, partly to inspire you from the doom and
in the middle of May. into checking it out. The fact that I knew diddly gloom of the global recession and depressed
squat about website design or about setting up job markets, and partly because you might
Not having been too interested by the economic a business from scratch were again not enough decide that after all what you have really been
doom and gloom whilst away, I now found of a deterrent to stop me from giving it a crack. missing from your life is a giant elephant fancy
myself returning to England amongst the That’s what the Internet is for I thought to dress costume at a bargain price....
most depressed job markets that had ever myself. Google will tell me these things, Google
been seen in the UK. So three months later knows all I thought. And right I was.... kind of. Freddie Williams, BA Hons, Managing Director
having seemingly applied to every job in the of StudentToys.co.uk.

Halloween Ticket Issues

There have been many complaints regarding the
Flirt! Halloween tickets and we would like to provide
clarification for students.
On popular nights such as, Halloween and Fetish
nights, student tickets are supposed to be sold at
a maximum of two tickets per person. However, on
regular nights these student ticket maximums are
more flexible.
Unfortunately the Halloween tickets were sold with
no maximum inputted and therefore resulted in
students purchasing, in some cases up to ten or
twelve tickets at a time. As a result of this, tickets
sold out at 1pm on Monday.
The reason for this problem was simply a breakdown
in communication and the Union would like to
apologise and assure that this will not happen
again.
Please be aware that Fetish and Christmas tickets
will now be sold from the Union NOT the Bookshop
to ensure that this does not happen again. 7
 Travel
Do you ever close your eyes
and visualize a place that
you have always dreamt
of going to? To explore, to
find some sense of yourself
or even for adventure…
Sometimes we just want to
escape reality or just taste
another culture and lifestyle
that is not our own, because
the unknown always seems
better.
Many times I have come
across people in my life
saying, “I’ve always wanted
to go to ___ but..” or “I want
to take a gap year and travel
but___”… There is always a
‘but’ or a ‘maybe someday I
will..’; the future is always an
easy excuse. But the basic
reality is, everyone should
travel, everyone should take
the opportunity and risk to
visit a place you’ve never
been, because in my own
personal experience, that is
the best way to develop as a
person and gain knowledge
that is life changing and
shapes you into a more
tolerant and open minded
person. Recently one of
my lecturers mentioned the
term provincialism, which is
basically a small town way
of thinking. That is people
who make generalizations
or assumptions about other
countries and cultures
(without having ever been
there and without factual
knowledge), often creating
negative stereotypes, and
these people deserve a slap
on the face. Don’t be one
of them, open your eyes
and dare to challenge the
negative images of other
countries that society has
created. Not everyone in
Australia is a slag; that is
not a fact.
‘Our nature lies in
movement, complete calm
is death’ – Blaise Pascal,
1640
How many of you have
taken the opportunity to
travel? Summer has just
gone by and did you watch
it go by? What would you
have changed? Maybe for
8 the dangers of using them. For instance,
some it would be nothing,
but my advice is you only
live once, and live it like
everyday is your last. Every
week I will be exploring a
new country and its culture,
its lifestyle and its romantic
charm. But it’s not all
meant to be so serious and
life changing. Sometimes
we travel because we just
need an effin’ break from
life. It’s relaxing, or we go
to get totally trashed. For
whatever reason we need
to leave home and venture
into a new world, travelling
is always good (kind of like
some of you freshers who
have just left home for the
first time). However I can
think of some funny stories
that prove that the later is
not always 100% on point;
that is yet to come….
Every week I shall be
writing about a different
country, town, village or
paradise getaway. As an
international student I like
to think of my self as multi-
cultural. Having grown up in
the Caribbean and further
educated in Madrid. Along
with this I will also include
the top cocktail/drink of
said place, best clubs and
shopping districts! As well
as info on where to stay and
cheap holidays! (That kinda
advice can only benefit
every student.) But now that
I have kind of built up the
suspense, I shall leave you
to ponder, for the best is yet
to come. Now that I’ve said
all this I hope I can actually
write an interesting article
about…. SPAIN. WOOO!
This isn’t all about my
opinion though guys, feel
free to hit me up with advice
on any awesome getaways
or even suggest a country/
place for me to write about
next. You can contact
the writers in The Stag at
marz_noor89@hotmail.com
Campus Boy
“It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life for me....”
With my recent return to campus upon me I have
to admit my mind has been inevitably drifting
back to the dying days of September, watching
the calendar count down on October the 5th
and the feelings I had towards again pacing
the walkways between buildings on campus
when the sun still rose noiselessly over the
Cathedral. Without the standard late students
rushing to tutorials but instead the pavements
heaving with fresh faced freshers trying to work
out exactly how the building to room number
orientation works on campus.
Unsurprising too is the fact I find myself falling
back into habits I foolishly believed I had
deserted at the end of the last academic year.
That somehow the last few months away from
the restrictions of an essay-ridden timetable
had left me with a new resolute and unwavering
maturity to act in favour of my education. I doubt
however that I am the only one who still can’t get
out of bed within 20 minutes of my alarm going
off, even though being fully aware it will make
me late, or the compulsory stop to the nearest
shop for some kind of rushed breakfast that
leaves you walking into the lecture ten minutes
late to the mixture of disappointed, tired and
envious faces of your coursemates facing the
projector.
Yet all these fail to compare to that which
resurfaced one night recently as I found myself
alone in my room on a weekday night facing
an evening with the preliminary readings for
this term’s modules. Now those who have
spent a carefree summer with friends and
family, possibly in a sunnier location than
Guildford may have had the opportunity to
forget about the wraith that haunts the campus
accommodation, the real monster in your closet
you should be afraid of. But don’t be fooled,
reader, this creature doesn’t wait until you’re
asleep to surface from the darkest corners of
your room. As far as most victims go, the last
thing they remember seeing is their own essay
on the computer monitor as it’s hideous hands
wrap around their neck, lean in towards them
and breathes it’s name into their ear. It’s name
is procrastination.
That seemingly harmless thought that wanders
into your mind every so often whilst you’re
working, nudging you towards checking Facebook
once more before you finish the paragraph and
leaving MSN open on your display bar with four
open and active conversations. Or maybe you
have a routine of websites that you just HAVE
to check at least once a day. Again, I cannot be
the only one who thinks that there should be a
ban on certain applications during term time,
or definitely a book of regulations that highlight
ladies and gentlemen
of the jury, I present to
you Farmville. Nothing
sidetracks the hard working and valiant
student better at any time during the day than
their sudden realisation that it is imperative
their cotton crops are harvested before nine
o’clock, lest the whole agricultural schedule go
out the window. This could easily be substituted
for certain girls’ faith in the cosmic wisdom of
Facebook to look to the stars and tell them the
first letter of the name of the man they are going
to marry. Procrastination is always waiting. I
mean even now as I’m scribbling away in my
notebook like some angsty teen songwriter I
can hear the thing itself pointing out that my
housemate is watching a trashy drama in the
living room that may sway me to put down my
pen for an hour or so and indulge in some petty
relationship squabbling, the occasional murder
and some morale building speeches from a
bald basketball coach.
Now, after a while we all find our ways of
dealing with the said resident abomination,
whether it’s sheer will power to ignore your on-
hold social life, the sheer deadline approaching
or some special scented candles you have that
help you concentrate - I don’t know. Personally
I find drowning him out with the brute power of
iTunes quite helpful in most instances.
So remember boys and girls when you next think
about surfing the net for hours on end in place
of doing something that people would consider
far more important and on the whole far less
enjoyable, that monster has a habit of letting
you keep those rose tinted glasses firmly over
your eyes until you stumble altogether blind
into the revision period before your exams.
Anyway, I hope you feel the infamous Campus
Boy has lost none of his original potency over
the summer in this latest form. I think the whole
point is giving you guys the heads up on the
inner most of goings on of our fair campus from
my perspective. That is, without turning Surrey
uni into a spin off of that gossip girl woman
because unfortunately despite my vast fountain
of knowledge I’m not privy to which lecturers
have secret histories as adult film stars, failed
clowns or Martians. Apologies but that’s all for
this fortnight.
Ex Oh Ex Oh
Campus Boy
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9
 Come and meet the Vice-Chancellor and get a free lunch!
The Vice-Chancellor’s Student Lunches
Open to all students this is an opportunity for representatives from the
student community to come and meet informally with the Vice-Chancellor over
a buffet lunch, for the mutual exchange of information, ideas and opinions.

There will be four Student Lunches held this term.

Students Date Time Venue

Undergraduates Monday 26 October 1pm - 2pm Oak 1 and 2

PG Taught Friday 20 November 12.30pm - 1.30pm Ivy Room
Undergraduates Monday 23 November 12.30pm - 1.30pm Oak 1 and 2
PG Research Monday 14 December 12.30pm - 1.30pm Oak 1 and 2

If you’d like to come along please email sam.jones@surrey.ac.uk

Please include your name, the subject you are studying and whether you are an undergraduate or postgraduate, your
year of study and a contact phone number. It would also be helpful if you could include a brief description of any issues
you would like to raise or a question you would like to ask.

10 www.surrey.ac.uk
2415-1009
 A Day in the Life of.....
Student Unions
form a huge part
of educational
systems. They
are there to help
with the students
raising their
voice and being
represented as
well as to form
sport clubs
or societies.
Student unions
have always
been a part
of our lives, in
school as well as
at university and
this microcosm
of a world which
our university
is formed of
is ruled by the president and the students. Every
year, we see manifestos and people going for Vice
Presidents and President Positions. Well...to be
honest it does look amazing on your CV, but is it
just more than just sitting in your own private office
watching videos on YouTube and Facebooking?
Well, I went to investigate and going straight to the
source, Elizabeth Simos (USSU President) gave me
plenty to think about and reassess.
Being president of a student body, one which is as
large as USSU, is an enormous responsibility and
Elizabeth does not shy from getting the work done
and doing it with a smile. She has a lot of work to
do and her job mainly revolves around “being the
main contact of all the university, so we sit in all the
senior strategic meetings with the university, and
are responsible for the day to day... everything that
happens within the student union – commercial
activities, events, Chancellors and so forth. I look
over all the areas that the vice presidents run and I
am also responsible for any of the union campaigns
and together with all the part-time executives -
we are there to ensure democracy takes place”.
Speaking of which, democracy is the most essential
tool in our students union. It enables anyone, and
Diwali and Bandi Chor Divas - Festivals For All
Diwali for many is just a festival of lights where one
lights a candle, wears new clothes, exchanges gifts
and lights fireworks to end the night. Diwali holds
special significance as it marks the day when Ram
returned from his exile, in Hindu religion, and rows of
candles were used to light up his path. Ram, being
one of the most renowned Hindu gods, is revered
and worshipped by many and was seen as being
the ideal king. Lakshmi Puja (worship of goddess
Lakshmi) is popular during Diwali. In Diwali, it is
also common to buy new, beautiful clothes and
sweets such as jalebis, gulab jamuns, etc and
distribute them among family and friends to show
the sweetness that should always be maintained
between everyone.
Elizabeth Simos
I mean any student, to run for any position; create
a manifesto and get elected. It is purely democratic
and the only fair way to proceed.
To run this USSU, every year the elections take place
and we, the students, raise our voice and choose
who we want to represent us. Lucky for us, all the
candidates are usually well known even before their
manifestos start and well liked. Elizabeth started
off as being the Vice President of the Law Society,
and then moved on to become President of it. This,
along with being the student representative for 3
years added more credibility to her being able to
do this job; “I really enjoyed representing my fellow
course mates and also running a departmental
society”, running for president was her taking it a
step further.
She was the president of our USSU last year and
this is her second year as president. I ventured
to ask why to which she replied “within my first
sabbatical year that I hadn’t finished everything I
wanted to do and there were things that were going
to happen after I’d gone which I wanted to be a
part of. So I decided to extend my time in office and
exhaust every opportunity to represent students
just because I enjoy it so much”
It does seem like our USSU is getting better every
year, with a stronger and more determined team
every year, student government is looking good –
which we can’t say for the real government, but
anyway. These are the people who represent us to
the university and we want them to be able to get our
voices heard. One of the things which happened last
year was the 24 hour library access. This was thanks
to the USSU which assured that library was open
24 hours in exam time in Christmas and summer.
Another issue which Elizabeth wants to tackle this
year is to “build all the bridges of communication
that aren’t as good as they need to be” - this goes
for students, societies and sabbaticals. This is an
important issue because in order to bring forward
what the students want, she need to know what it is
and that can only be done when students speak up
and take opportunities to be represented. Although
aspects of being the USSU President requires some
sort of professional relationship, she tries to keep
Diwali is also a spiritual celebration of the “inner
light” (soul), where one realises that true happiness
can only be obtained by love and compassion to all.
Another well-known festival that takes place around
Diwali is Bandi Chor Divas. This is a Sikh festival
which celebrates the release of the sixth Sikh guru
- Guru Hargobind Sahib - from prison; who through
selfless service and love was able to free 52 Hindu
princes from the prison of Gwalior fort in 1619.
Guru Hargobind Sahib was to be released from the
prison of the then Mughal emperor Jahangir, who
had been brainwashed against the guru. However,
Guru Hargobind Sahib refused to leave the prison
without the 52 wrongly accused Hindu princes, and
ultimately Jahangir was forced to release them too.
that with the university; with students it’s all about
socialising and being approachable. The “best bit”
of the job revolves around interacting with students,
on Freshers Fayre or promoting student parliament.
(We all saw her do the Macarena on the library steps
during part-time exec elections – approachable or
what?)
It is not all fun and games for Elizabeth. I asked
her to tell me about a typical day being President.
“There isn’t a typical day and that is the absolute
beauty of being president. In one day you can start
off at 8am and finish at 2am at night”, it is a job
which comprises a diverse range of issues everyday
starting from meeting with university, social events,
speeches and finances. This being a bit too vague,
she offered to show me her calendar – which was
absolutely packed with meetings. I had not realised
until I interviewed her, that the job of president
includes handling finances, managing meeting
regarding grants, execs, students, Chancellors,
Rubix – the list goes on and on and yet, she is calm
because having done this for a year, she is more
capable than anyone to handle it.
Her advice to anyone who wants to go for this position
is that they should “work hard for the students who
have given them such a great opportunity” and also
it being “an incredible learning experience in terms
of all the diverse individuals you get to meet”. I can
imagine that you do meet a lot of people and make
some incredible friendships which would last even
after university.
Lastly, I asked her how being a president for a
second year compares with being a newbie just
entering the students union. Having been president
for a whole year has given her the opportunity to get
over the massive learning curve and break into her
role better. She knows how the union runs which
in turn makes it easier to represent the students
to the university. I couldn’t agree with her more on
this. After this, Elizabeth is off to do better to the
rest of the world and do her masters and eventually
become a barrister. Good Luck!
Mariam Noor
This is a time of the year to reflect on those who have
been wrongly accused, placed in prison without any
fault and to think of any way in which you could help
those unfortunate ones.
In these modern times, Bandi Chor Divas is
celebrated by Sikhs, through the lighting of candles
to show happiness and fireworks to let everyone
know of the great day in their history.
Tanvir Kaur Dhillon
11
 Science...
BANG! Fireworks Made Simple
WARNING! If you, like millions of people in the
UK, love the magical illusion that fireworks give
then stop reading now - this article is not for you.
I am about to reduce fireworks to a scientific
phenomenon, trust me, in about five minutes.
All the magic and wonder of fireworks will be
gone, and you will no longer watch fireworks
thinking “oooh pretty colours” but rather “oooh
potassium”.
With fireworks night just round the corner I
would like to take this opportunity to explain
just what it is that makes the sky light up every
5th November. We celebrate fireworks night
every year to mark the victory of the British
government against terrorist
Guy Fawkes and his gang of
meddlers when trying to blow up
the houses of parliament in 1605.
Guy Fawkes, Robert Catesby and
their plotters planned to tunnel
underneath the House of Lords
where members of the House of
Lords and the House of Commons
as well as King James I would
be present for the state opening
of parliament. Here they would
explode 36 barrels of gunpowder,
wiping out the entire ruling class
of the country to begin a Catholic
uprising.
At midnight on November 4th guards searched
the Palace of Westminster, where Guy Fawkes
was found with enough explosives to blow out all
the windows in a one kilometre radius. Fawkes
was tortured and eventually gave up the names
of Catesby and the other plotters who had gone
into hiding in Warwick Castle.
So now we celebrate every year by standing on
PATS field in the cold and the wet, gazing up
at the sky in marvel and wonder as explosions
go off above our heads. But just what is going
on?
Well, first let’s take a look at the structure of
the firework, and the explosion that it makes.
The firework takes off from the ground with
rapid acceleration due to a mortar. The mortar
is usually a short, steel pipe with a lifting
charge of gun powder that explodes in the pipe
12
With David Pugh
to launch the firework. When the lifting charge with the lowest energy level at the bottom flat.
fires to launch, it lights the fuse. This burns while
If you supply enough energy to an atom - like in
the shell rises to its correct altitude, and then an explosion - an electron can spontaneously
ignites the bursting charge such that it explodes. jump to a higher floor - or a higher energy level.
Fireworks often contain explosive charges to This is called an excited state. However, the
explode after the propellant charge burns out. atom doesn’t really like this state (the electron
gets lonely being so far away from its electron
buddies) and so jumps back down, and the
By definition, an explosion occurs when a rate energy it used to get up to the higher level is
of reaction becomes infinitely fast. To explode, released as light energy. This means that when
a system must have an oxidising agent (a some elements, including Sodium, Lithium,
substance to provide oxygen and remove Calcium and Potassium explode, we perceive
electrons) such as Potassium Nitrate, and fuels this as a bright and exciting flame colour.
such as Carbon, Sulphur or Hydrogen.
So in our firework we have our explosive charge,
with small balls of explosive
material and some of our
colourful elements, known as
‘stars’ in the firework industry.
The arrangement of stars inside
a firework will result in you
observing different shapes and
displays. For example, if these
pellets are equally spaced in
a circle, with black powder (an
explosive mixture of Potassium
Nitrate, Sulphur and Charcoal)
inside the circle, you will see
an aerial display of smaller
star explosions equally spaced
in a circle. To create a figure in
the sky, you need to create an
outline of the display in star
When this mixture goes off, molecules break pellets, surround them as a group with a layer
down into the atoms they’re made of then of break charges to separate them from the
quickly rearrange into small stable molecules rest of the contents of your shell, and place
- usually water (H2O), Carbon Dioxide (CO2), explosive charges into the centre of the pellets
Carbon Monoxide (CO), and Nitrogen (N2). What to blow them outward into a large figure. Each
you will see is this massive explosion in a variety charge has to be ignited at exactly the right time
of colours, and this is down to a clever bit of or the whole thing is ruined.
quantum mechanics...
And there you have it! With some relatively
To understand this, we’re gonna have to go right simple science we have an amazing display of
back to the start - to the structure of atoms, colour, sound and excitement. So next Thursday
and, to put it simply, everything you learnt in when you’re watching all the excitement on PATS
GCSE double science is wrong. Well, sort of. field, have a go at seeing how many elements
you can spot in the sky!
Imagine you have an atom that has protons
and neutrons at the centre with electrons David Pugh
around it. With me so far yes? Imagine that
the electrons all live in an atomic block of flats,
where electrons live on the bottom floor, and
there are lots of empty floors above them. Each
of these floors has an associated energy level,
sciencedeskstag@gmail.com

So we’ve just recovered from that time of year again
when every shop was full of pumpkins, bats and
overpriced chocolate, and why was this? Halloween!
Obviously nobody really knows why we celebrate but at
Surrey we love an excuse to party! Whether you spent
last Friday at the union, with your housemates or on the
ChemSoc Halloween pub crawl (best night ever!!!) you
will no doubt be a bit excited about it!
So this got me thinking... with all these horror films
in the cinema, humungous roller coasters at Thorpe
Park, zombie games in the Xbox and Michael Jackson’s
Thriller playing almost constantly on the radio, why do
we love being so scared? What is it about that shock
factor that we love so much, and more importantly,
what’s going on inside us when we get that spooky
sensation...
Our mini journey of scientific endeavour begins
hundreds of thousands of years ago, when me, you,
and everyone we know was a caveman (or cave lady)
and we would spend our days fighting dinosaurs and
eating woolly mammoths. We would have to make snap
decisions. Every day would be a matter of life or death,
and it’s all down to something we scientists call ‘fight or
flight’.
Imagine you are a walking across Stag Hill, many,
many years ago. You’ve just caught a sabre tooth tiger
for dinner and are looking forward to a quiet night in
with your cave mates, when all of a sudden, YOU SEE
A RUDDY GREAT BIG CAVE BEAR!!!! You can see the
hunger in its eyes and it fancies a bit of you. You have
two options: run away as fast as your little legs will carry
you, or fight it, kill it and make yourself a nice fur coat;
this is when your flight or flight response kicks in.
All mammals, birds and reptiles have a part of the
brain called the amygdala. It’s small, round and sits
towards the back of your head. Its functions are to keep
memories and to scan for danger; if a threat is detected
it makes your body respond, and fast.
So you’ve seen this bear, and your amygdala has
detected it; your body needs to prepare. Within a matter
of milliseconds adrenaline is released, and this is where
it starts to get a bit exciting. Adrenaline sends every
cell in your body wild with excitement; your heart and
lungs work faster, blood vessels dilate, your reflexes get
a lot faster and your digestive system all but stops. This
results in you experiencing a rush of panic, excitement
and anger ready to fight off any predator that comes to
close.
Should we fight? Or should we fly?
Most animals won’t flee the approaching predator
until it gets within a critical distance, called the flight
distance. This distance changes between species
and even for each individual animal, depending on
the circumstances. We can measure this distance to
estimate how much ‘fear’ animals are experiencing at
any point in time.
Running away wastes time and energy that could
otherwise be spent on important stuff, like eating or
looking for food, drinking water or protecting lovers.
But if a predator is within striking distance, the most
important thing will be for the prey animal to save its
skin.
If a prey animal has nowhere to go or has no hope
of making an escape, it will usually try and fight its
predator. Using any built-in fighting tools it has – claws,
The Science of Fear
By David Pugh
antlers, hooves, horns or tusks – the animal will
probably struggle to survive.
Flight distance depends on several factors:
• The distance of the prey animal from a good hiding
place, its burrow, a tree or a lake.
• The importance of the activity the prey animal is
engaged in.
• How fast the predator is approaching.
• The size of the predator.
• The prey animal's fitness and ability to get away.
The more threatened an animal feels, the longer its
flight distance will be. Basically, if an animal has reason
to be trembling in its little animal boots, it probably
won't let a predator get anywhere near it.
A little known scientist called Charles Darwin observed
our reactions to stress and danger many years ago in
a book called Expression of the Emotions in Man and
Animals (Don’t bother reading it, it’s actually quite
dull) in which he wrote that we have a lot of leftover
fear in our bodies from long, long, ago, when our
early ancestors had to battle fear on a daily basis. An
example of this is when our hair stands on end when
we are frightened, due to involuntary muscle spasms.
This goes way back to when we were considerably more
hairy and all of our hairs stood on end would make us
look a little bit scary to beasts and nasty creatures.
So this large amount of adrenaline is part of the reason
we watch endless films about ghosts and monsters
and the 1970s version of The Omen (watch it the night
before you graduate, you’ll understand when you see it).
But that’s not the full story...
The brain is really quite a remarkable thing, and while
it’s making your body go crazy with emotions due
to adrenaline, it’s also getting you high on chemical
messengers, called neurotransmitters, which carry
signals between neurons in the brain and body.
Scientists believe that you thrill-seeking daredevil types
get more enjoyment out of such crazy fear-inducing
activities because your levels of a neurotransmitter
called dopamine increase more than normal during
such experiences. This results in a feeling of pleasure or
euphoria.
Thrill seekers are obviously on one end of a spectrum of
fear. While they are as close to fearless as anyone can
be, those at the other end are extremely fearful. Most
of us lie somewhere in the middle of the spectrum, and
love the occasional thrilling experience.
Our brains are unable to find a difference between
truly terrifying experiences and artificially created
experiences, made to make us fearful. This allows
for scary stuff, like horror movies, haunted houses
and roller coasters, which allow us to experience fear
without (hopefully) ever risking physical danger. In
1949, Psycho director Alfred Hitchcock had this to say;
“For every person who seeks fear in the real or
personal sense, millions seek it vicariously, in the
theatre and in the cinema. In darkened auditoriums
they identify themselves with fictitious characters who
are experiencing fear, and experience, themselves,
the same fear sensations (the quickened pulse, the
alternately dry and damp palm, etc.), but without paying
the price”
Obviously all of us at Surrey are hardcore thrill seekers,
and we are pretty much fearless, but what about the
rest of the country? How can we help them?
Reasonable fear is a very good thing. It keeps us safe
when we’re out, protects us from beasties, and give us
a rush every so often. But fear can quite easily spiral
out of control, and result in many anxiety disorders
such as panic attacks, social anxieties and Obsessive
Compulsive Disorder (OCD).
These disorders are very real and are affected by
runaway activity in the brain and can give you the
effects of the fight of flight response at incredibly
inappropriate times, resulting in tightening of the throat,
chest discomfort and hot flushes. Approximately 18% of
people suffer with some form of fear disorder. That’s a
whopping 2160 undergrads on campus today!
The most common form of anxiety disorders are
phobias - an irrational & persistent fear of a situation,
person or thing. These are, once again, linked to the
amygdala and are another form of the fight or flight
response. It is generally accepted that phobias are
triggered by events such as traumatic experiences at
a young age. These triggering events occur when your
mind is still very much developing and you are a very
impressionable young person, therefore there are a
wide variety of phobias. Ranging from the common,
such as arachnophobia (fear of spiders) to the more
bizarre like zemmiphobia (fear of the great mole rat).
Today, phobias are easily treatable through a mixture of
counselling, psychotherapy and cognitive behavioural
therapy. The subject is gradually exposed to their
fear over a period of time and progressively the fear
disappears.
So next time you sit down with your boyfriend, girlfriend,
housemate or person you met in the union to enjoy a
few hours of blood, guts and murder on the telly, have
a think about what’s going on in your body…and how
you’re giving your brain one hell of a workout!
13
Don’t have nightmares....
 This Week In Welfare......
It’s 8.07am on cold,
damp morning deep
in the heart of autumn
2009. The distant
horizon stretches into
a sea of foggy grey
and a few birds sing
their solitary song.
The majority of the
University of Surrey is
asleep; still recovering
from the escapades
and adventures of the
night before or that last
minute cram for the mid-
term exam. For most, the rigours of daily life seem
far away from the warm comforting cocoon of the
duvet.
For me, the duvet is a distant memory, confined
only to my now ever too regular daydreams. Instead
I sit in seat 33A of Virgin’s 8:00am London Euston
to Manchester service. My duvet has now been
replaced with only a cramped seat and the sort of
gormless expression reserved for only those who
have spent their entire morning in the midst of
London’s very finest commuters.
So why, you may ask, have I wilfully put myself in
this position? Why have I given up the chance to get
my full 8 hours to instead sit beside a man intent on
reviewing his previous night out through the medium
of his phones video player - a device apparently
acutely engineered to produce the maximum
amount of volume and the lowest possible sound
quality?
The answer, because I am the University of Surrey
Student Union’s own Vice President for Welfare.
That means it’s my responsibility to ensure the
highest possible standard of lifestyle, safety,
security, health and wellbeing of all the students at
Court-Life Mentoring: It’s Not Quite What You Think...
If you’re living in university accommodation by now
you’ve probably been ‘welcomed’ (or disturbed!) by
someone who has introduced themselves as your
‘mentor’. You can recognise them by their navy polo
shirts imprinted with bright, funny-looking caricature
characters in the corner – and of course, not
forgetting, their plastic boxes sharing resemblances
with the likes of ‘Handy-Andy’ (a helmet would
definitely help complete the look). No, unfortunately
our boxes are not filled with edible goodies, as has
been suggested - but do expect a freebie shortly,
courtesy of the court-life mentoring service!
So, who exactly are we? And why do we intrude onto
your premises each week, and knock upon your
precious wooden doors and leave behind a colourful
trail of ‘sorry we missed’ you labels wherever we
go? Why do we even suppose that you may need
a mentor? These are some of the things you might
have asked yourselves, or indeed have said behind
our backs (go on admit it!).
Well, to answer these questions, the mentoring
scheme is a programme which is run by the Student
14
Care Services to monitor and respond to the welfare
of students at Surrey University, across all levels
the University - be they Undergrads, Postgrads, Full
Timers, Part Timers, International, or home-based,
mature students or any other group you wish to
think of. Today I’m representing Surrey at the NUS
zone conference in Manchester, learning about best
practices from experts and peers alike and finding
out how the National Union of Students can support
the students of Surrey.
But I’m not off gallivanting round the country every
day of the week. Most days you’ll find me working on
projects closer to home. Just this last week alone I’ve
been working on improving water provision around
campus; offering everyone a chance to fill up their
water bottles throughout the day instead of being
forced to pay full price for the bottled alternative.
On a larger scale I’ve been helping mount pressure
on the local council to upgrade the road crossing
facilities offered on the route between Manor Park
and the main University Campus. Day to day, my to-
do list may list anything from student loan payments
to postering policies to accommodation complaints
and academic appeals.
So really I’m like your University lifestyle on-site
mechanic, sitting at my desk in my metaphorical
oily boiler suit; replacing a faulty accommodation
provision here, adding a nice new shiny water
service there and touching up all those little things
you need to make your University experience as
good as it can be. The only difference is that I deal
with Welfare, not cars. Oh, and I won’t rip you off
just because you’re wearing high heels.
But still, why does this matter to you, the reader?
You’re sitting there in your nice warm kitchen, filling
your mind with the type of wholesome goodness
only ‘The Stag’ can offer, and waiting for your Pot
Noodle to finish itself off in the microwave. Why
should you care? The answer, because I can only
look into issues that you tell me about, I can only
create solutions to problems that I know exist and
and disciplines.
To understand our role better, it would probably be
better, not to take the term ‘mentor’ so literally, but
rather treat it as an expression and substitute it
for the word ‘friendly person’ instead, or better yet,
‘professional buddy’ (don’t mock!). We are there to
attend to any problems or queries that you may have,
by helping to direct you to the service/s best suited,
to help you take action. Whatever the nature of the
problem - whether personal, financial, academic or
communal - we are well informed of the variety of
services on offer at the university, including their
specialisations, in order to let you know what steps
you should take.
For example, did you know that the Careers Service
can help you to write and tweak your CV, and also
help you get ready for an interview by arranging a
practise one with you? In addition to this, there are
many valuable resources available at the university,
which many people may not be aware about, and
cannot therefore make the most of them, as and
when they need to.
We want the your student experience to be as
I can only make things better if I know it’s going to
make a difference. I’m here to do the dirty work and
make your time at University better, but I need you
to let me know what ticks you off in the first place.
So what is it you’d like to see changing about your
University life? Maybe your room heating doesn’t
work properly and you’d like someone sort it out?
Maybe you think campus internet is slightly harder
to use or less reliable than you’d have hoped?
Maybe you’d like to see Tesco allow people to use
trolleys to walk their shopping back home? Maybe
you just like Jordan to shut up and go away?
So anyway, two days later and I’m back in the
office and working hard. The conference went well;
covering all sorts of important issues from alcohol
and sexual health to the specialist requirements
of groups such as student parents – so plenty of
ideas to bring back to Surrey. We even squeezed in
a trip to Manchester Metropolitan students union to
see how they do things. It’s not a scratch on Surrey,
except for the fact that they have a sunglasses
vending machine...
Moment of the week: Dressing up as a giant condom
and walking round campus promoting the health
fair.
Tip of the week: Money week taking place this
week (2nd – 6th of November) in the lecture theatre
concourse. Not only could it save you a bundle but
there’s a good chance of freebies too!
Ta-ra for now
Malcolm Hunt, VP Welfare
If you want me to look into an issue for you simply
send me an email to ussu.welfare@surrey.ac.uk
or add me on Facebook (look for VP Welfare in the
University of Surrey network)
stress-free as possible, and in response to this, we
are there to inform, guide and help out in any way
that we can. Even if absolutely everything is going
well with you as is sometimes the situation, we do
love just chatting to you. Personally, I have received
so much info, tips and news from my mentees that
I wouldn’t have had it not been for the interaction
which our role allows.
Being able to meet and chat with so many new and
diverse people surely has to be the highlight of the
court-life mentoring programme. We find that we
learn and find out so much ourselves from the people
we see, and develop some great relationships with
our mentees - you definitely make the mentoring
experience a lively and fulfilling one!
I’m sure I speak for all court-life mentors, when I say
that the court-life mentoring programme is as much
fun as it is work…so thank you.
Rebecca Ameyinoge
*N.B Please remember that the information that
you disclose privately will be treated confidentially
and protected from disclosure.
Let me set the scene: union bar, two-for-
Let’s Talk About Sex! sex and sexual experiences is an essential have symptoms. Chlamydia, for example, if left
one drinks, eyes meet across the dance floor part of the equation as it impacts on life, work, untreated can leave both males and females
and wham there is an explosion! Your mind socialising and future relationships. infertile. It is essential that you have a sexual
is full of excitement, your body awash with health screen after any episode of unprotected
hormones! The last things on your mind are Statistics show that many students have their sex as most infections can be treated.
the practicalities!! Where  do we go from the first sexual experience at university and I have
union? Do you know this person? Where have it on good authority that the University of Surrey  At the right place and time, sex can be fun and
they been before? How do I broach the subject is no exception. Be prepared. Condoms are enjoyable but its a personal choice. The staff
of condoms? Where can I get condoms when free from the union and from Student Health in Student Health Care are there to guide and
I need them? So much to think about, so little Care. Experienced staff at Student Health Care support you, so ensure you put us to good use.
time! provide a free and confidential sexual health There is no such thing as a silly question and
service, with sexual health clinics being run in we guarantee you won’t have been the first to
Sexual health is not only about sexually the centre, twice weekly. Guildowns University ask!
transmitted infections and contraception. It’s Medical Centre provide a contraceptive clinic.
about enjoying sexual experiences when you
choose to have them. It’s about avoiding harm Remember sex must be safe and fun, and you
Drop in or call 01483 689051 or extension
to yourself and others. Its about being prepared have a right to choose not to have sex if you
9051 from campus phones.
and having fun. Making a positive choice about wish. Not all sexually transmitted infections

Top 5 tips how Student Health

If you suspect Swine Flu..
Contact the National Flu Line
on 0800 1 513 513 or look
online at www.nhs.co.uk
DO NOT visit a Doctor or The
Guildown’s University
Medical Practice on campus!
© Crown copyright 2007 284556/A3 1p 30k Nov07 (BEL)
Care can help your sexual health
1. FREE CONDOMS
2. Free, confidential Chlamydia self testing kits
3. Free, confidential sexual health clinics
(GUM) in student health care 
4. Confidential advice about your sexual health
5. Campaigns through the year to help you get
to know more about your sexual health

Low Fat Spaghetti Bolognaise

Ingredients: Method:
1 packed very lean beef mince or Quorn Fry mince until brown, drain off fat.
1 onion Add onions, garlic and oregano, fry for 5 minutes.
1 can tinned tomatoes Add tinned tomatoes, tomato puree, oxo and cook for 10-20
minutes.
1/2 tube tomato puree
Cook pasta in boiling water for 10 minutes and serve!
1 oxo cube in a cup of hot water (beef or vegetable)
Easy! Simple, cheap meal to serve 4!
Oregano (2 teaspoons)
 
Garlic (2 cloves or 1 teaspoon dried)
Pasta (2 handfuls dried pasta per person on average)

Chat Health!
Trouble sleeping? Anxious about your exams? Worried about STIs? Want to know how alcohol can be affecting your
mood? Want to know more about cannabis? Want stop smoking advice? Want to loose weight? Need nutrition
information? Then mail in your questions to the nurses all in confidence to studenthealthcare@surrey.ac.uk to
CHAT HEALTH for your reply in each edition of The Stag. 15
 STUDENT FASHION FILES
A QUICK HELLO:
Hi! We are two first year English
literature students who love fashion
and are dedicated to bringing you up
to date fashion information and the
latest affordable items! We will be
bringing you hard hitting fashion
articles on important issues within the
fashion industry, designer profiles,
shopping on a budget and our
celebrity style stars of the week! We
have a lot more ideas that will help
you learn more about fashion and
where to get the best bargains to
keep you stylish and trendy!
We really appreciate any feedback so
please e-mail us with any issues you
want investigated, any trend reports
you want or how to get your favourite
celebrity looks!
Next time: The Weight Debate- Is thin
really in?
Please keep reading and we look
forward to hearing from you! Love
Christie and Nisha x
Contact (E-Mail addresses):
Cc00206@surrey.ac.uk
Na00107@surrey.ac.uk
Taupe-tastic- £17.00
Miss Selfridge- a long line taupe
cardigan that has a ladder knit
feature. Ladder knit is very
reminiscent of the 2009
catwalks and has been seen in
the collections of designers such
as Julien McDonald. The neutral
shade of the cardigan is perfect
for an early morning lecture as it
is not too fussy, but still trendy!
16
WE’RE LOVING!
STUDENT STYLE ON A BUDGET
Cheryl Cole X factor:
COSY CARDIGANS: VCheryl Cole aka the nation’s sweetheart has been stunning us with her beauty and
The cardigan is one of those great essentials every girl has in her innate style since she became a judge on the X-Factor. Just when we think Cheryl
wardrobe that never goes out of style! Whether long or short, can do no more, she delivers style that gets better week after week and this week is
the cardigan can be a key tool in building an outfit as they are
great for layering in those cold winter months and are a
no exception as Ms. Cole provides us with two knock-outs!
fabulous way of injecting some colour into a plain outfit. Layer
them over dresses for a more put together look or put a bright
coloured cardigan over a cute top and some jeans, for effortless Look 1: Atelier Versace
style that never fades!
Cheryl looks every bit the Grecian goddess
Quick tip: Looking for a stylish way to keep warm on a night out,
from head to toe in this stunning gown by
look for an on trend sequin detail cardigan- guaranteed to keep
you warm and have you sparkling in no time! Our 4 top picks Versace. The sleek, asymmetrical dress
are: delivers glamour and drama and the fabric is
nothing short of dreamy...
Preppy power- £28.80 (with 10%
student discount)
This stripe cardigan from Topshop is the
perfect casual cover-up for lectures or Get Cheryl’s Look:
for a simple but stylish day outfit. Pair
with skinny jeans and ballet flats for the
perfect student ensemble!
Into the wild- £14.40 (with 105 student discount)
This lovely leopard print cardigan is the top of our
list for comfortable cardigans. Animal prints are
have always been stylish, but accents of leopard
print have been seen on a number of celebrities
from Rihanna to Mischa Barton. While too much
leopard print can come off as tacky, a hint is a great
way to update your wardrobe for an oh-so-stylish
Asos.com
look! Matalan provides a slightly un-conventional
grey leopard print cardigan, which helps you be
£28.00
ahead of the trend whilst being that little bit
different!
Look 2 : Julien McDonald
Lady in Red- £28.00 (Jane Cheryl’s second dress is long sleeved
Norman)
‘space—age’, silver mini dress with sheer
This is the perfect cardigan to
inject some colour into plain
nude panelling. Cheryl ramps up the sex
outfits and into your wardrobe.
The bright red shade will add
appeal in this metallic number that has an
some va-va-voom to any outfit interesting, almost fish-scale like quality, but
and is sure to make you stand
out from the crowd! Cheryl pulls it off as ever!
WE CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT!
Topshop one shouldered, blush pink dress seen £40.00
The one-shoulder look is fast becoming a really hot trend and this
beautiful blush pink dress from student favourite Topshop is our
pick of the week! This little number is the perfect going out
dress, from its chic silhouette, to the fabulous statement detailing
on the shoulder and with 10% off the ticket price for students you
won’t want to miss this!
Our tip for styling this dress for a glam night out: pair with
metallic peep toe heels to echo the shoulder detail and wear
minimal jewellery to let the dress speak for itself. Add a cocktail
ring and layer on some bracelets to heighten the glamour
Quick tip: avoid wearing a necklace with this dress ad it will
interfere with the neckline and shoulder detail.
 Pac-Man’s Wedding Corner By Andy Vale and Ben Coren
This Week’s Tip: How To Look Up Girl’s Skirts This Week’s List:

To look up girls’ skirts, attach mirrors to your shoes and film them with We thought we’d tell you some things to eat depending on your gender. We
cameras taped to your knees. Find a girl, talk to her. Hold eye contact and ruled out things like “Big Steaks and Hot Sauce” because that’s for mortals,
be amusing. Ask questions, engage her interest and don’t act suspiciously. not real men. Beside’s you can get those in TGI Friday’s and markets. Real
Meanwhile, position your feet into position to get some A-grade youtube men don’t buy their food, they get a woman to buy it. Seeing as they’re
footage. If this fails then ‘tactical fainting’ is always an option. Remember, as already at the shop, we included some womanly things to eat.
long as you don’t get caught it isn’t illegal...or immoral.
Manly Things To Eat Womanly Things To Eat
This Week’s Fact:
A Light Sabre Anything From Café Nero
The world’s largest grain of sand was found in Australia. It is 4cm in radius Lava Spreadable Cheese
and is called ‘Big Guss.’ At that size it is still definitely a grain of sand and
not a stone. Hash Blacks Hash Browns
Iggy Pop’s Sweat Wimpy
A Small Child’s Goldfish Sliced Ham
Slipknot CDs Perfume
Slipknot ABBA
A Live Wolf A Burger With A Knife & Fork
A Dead Breast Clouds
Someone’s Soul Wimpy
Hope Nesquik Cereal

Pac-Man’s Wedding is on GU2 Radio every Tuesday from 11pm-2am. After

Channies Challenge there is nothing on most Tuesday nights so you might as
well listen. www.gu2.co.uk or 1350am

What’s it about?
Surrey Library Service has asked CoLab to help
them tackle one of their greatest challenges;
getting more people and the local communities involved
with their services, through the use of new technologies. We
are looking for students to give us their ideas through
entering this competition.

Why should I get involved?

First prize is £250, with two runners up prizes of £50. This is
also a great opportunity for you to get involved in solving a
real world problem, with the potential for your ideas to be
put into practice.

What do I have to do?

We are looking for individuals or groups of up to 4 people to
propose an idea of how to get more people and local
communities involved with the Library Service, through the
use of new technologies. This could be through promoting
existing services or coming up with entirely new ones.
Finalists will be invited to pitch their proposals to the Surrey
Library Service on the evening of Wednesday 9th December.

How to enter and find out more

You will need to submit your written proposal (and any
additional materials) with an application form by 5pm on
Monday 16th November.
To find out more about the competition and entry
requirements, please visit the CoLab website at
www.co-lab.eu
17
 Surrey to Host Student Space Conference
The Surrey Space Society (SSC) is hosting this
year’s annual conference on behalf of the UK
Students for the Exploration and Development
of Space (UKSEDS) here at the University of
Surrey in the Austin Pearce building on Saturday
the 7th November 2009.  to the Moon forty years on from the mankind’s
UKSEDS promote the interests of students and
act as an  intermediary between industry and
academia.
Earlier this year, the SSC won the bid to host
the 21st conference which will be held here at
Surrey for the first time! The SSC have spent
most of this year organising a top class space
conference  worthy of the University, with
its academic status in space research and
industrial partner links with SSTL and Astrium.
The  500 students studying space related
courses in our University will greatly benefit
from this historical event.  This year’s event
is expected to be attended by some two
hundred delegates making a record turnout.
In addition to the numerous individuals who
will be attending, Kingston, Cambridge, Bath,
Southampton and several other universities and universities are attending with the specific
will be present representing their respective purpose of recruiting undergraduates and
UKSEDS branches. postgraduates.
The conference’s theme is based on returning Refreshments and food will be  served to all
delegates during the conference. After the
first step. This includes the UK’s role in past conference  an evening social event will take
and current missions; future space technology place at The Lounge. The registration is available
and exploration projects. at a special price of £5 for Surrey Space Society
members, and £13 for other students. 
Surrey  being the home to SSTL and Surrey
Space Centre has attracted numerous big name More information can be found on the
speakers and companies alike And we are conference website at http://conference.
currently being supported by Reaction Engines, ukseds.org, where you can also find the link to
HE Space, Astrium, Selex, BNSC, SSTL, ISU, register. Make sure you register to attend as
BIS  and several other smaller companies and soon as possible to avoid disappointment.
individuals. Sir Martin Sweeting has agreed to
open the conference. Speakers from numerous More information about the Surrey Space
universities, including Oxford, Imperial, Glasgow, Society can be found at ussu.space@surrey.
Cardiff, UCL and MSSL, in addition to ESA and ac.uk.
BBC News, will also be attending.
Surrey Space Society
The exhibition will allow delegates to see current
work in progress from space agencies, UK space
companies, and university research and allow
job networking to take place, many companies

Student Radio has ensured

that we have seen nipple
three weeks in a row and a guy
called Liam saw England at
Wembley for free!
Although he probably paid for the train. As England doesn’t play every week
we have to find other things to give away. Every week we give away tickets two
tickets to Flirt with Queue jump; meaning that you avoid the hassle of mass
emails, standing outside the book shop and actually paying. Listen to us every
Friday between 4-7pm to grab yourself a piece of that hot ass.
As well as doing the radio stuff we also now have a regular spot down in The
Living Room. We’ve decided to give each one a genre theme and held our first
Indie Disco down there last week. Soon we’ll be having hip-hop/urban and we
encourage you to come down if you’re getting a bit bored of the music upstairs.
It’s usually easier to get served at the bar too.
If you think that most radio presenters today are too bland, the music is shocking
and think you could do better then here’s your chance. It’s pretty much a given
that it is almost impossible to get a job in Media without experience or blowjobs
and we can give you one of those. There is a huge list of big name media stars
that made their starts in Student Radio such as Alex Zane, Scott Mills and
most recently Greg James. So if you want a job in media or just want something
fun to do between lectures then get in contact with us now!
To Listen: www.gu2.co.uk or 1350am
To join: email training@GU2.co.uk
To text the studio: 07575 073 400

18
societiesdeskstag@gmail.com

19
 EVENTS P
MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY THUR
Sko
Dis ��
c�
09/11
to
15/11 in Rubix

Mad Monday in Chancellors with Funhouse’s

Pat Sharp i
in Rubix

X’mas and 16/11

Flow
in the Living Room Laser in

Roast Dinners to
22/11
Questin Rubix
in Chancellors
Roast every Sunday with all the Mad Monday
trimmings ~ £4.95 in
in Chancellors Go Karting
Christmas dinner all of December.
£1.50 menu Mon to Fri from 3-5pm

s
to Riches
23/11
with the
to
29/11 in Rubix

Mad Monday in Chancellors i

Amnesty International Society

Electro Night
Gree
� 30/11
Nigh
C��� �n� s���� to
��� �e s� �� �� nt ��
06/12
��i���� a� Y��ng� in Chancellors
Kit���� �� ��� Mad Monday in Chancellors in
L���n� Ro��!
Christmas Card Making

7.30��-5.30��
SAY SOMETHING... Her
Live help ing
pport of H

Musicight
in su
07/12 in R
to in C

N
in Rubix
13/12
Mad Monday in Chancellors www.dirtyretro.com
Sweet Treats for X’mas

Snow White Panto in Rubix

14/12
to
20/12
www.nus.org.uk

Mad Monday in Chancellors Trip to Chicago the Musical in

Postgrad
TRAINING SESSIONS Quiz
Power in Negotiations ~ Thursday 12 Nov 5-7 &
Delivering Killer Presentations ~ Thursday 19th 6-8 Curry
Pitching Effectively ~ Wednesday 25th 2-4 Night
ining
Stress Management ~ Wednesday 2nd Dec 2-4
k/tra Every other Wednesday
20 w w w.ussu
.co .u in Wates House

planner_nov-dec.indd 1
PLANNER
www.facebook.com/surreyunion

www.ussu.co.uk
RSDAY FLIRTDAY SATURDAY SUNDAY
Beer & Cider Festival

Greek
Fireworks
Display at the
Night in Rubix
Natwest field
in the Living Room
Trip to Bluewater shopping center Poker
in Chancellors Live DJ in Chancellors in Chancellors

www.ussu.co.uk/giveitago
n the Living Room with Radio 1’s
Greg James Harubix
in the Living Room
For all your campus needs,
pop into the Bookshop!
n Chancellors in the Living Room Poker
Live DJ in Chancellors in Chancellors

Diwali with the Indian

Surrey does Disney!!
Students Association in the
All
Living Room av even
a
the ilab t tick

Greek
Bo le fr ets
ok o
sh m
op d
rande

Night
rsity b
Unive thing &
clo d is e
an
merch
in Rubix

in Chancellors
in the
Living
Portuguese Night Poker
Room Live DJ in Chancellors in the Living Room in Chancellors

ek
ht in Rubix
Fetish Night
in the Living Room
n Chancellors Live DJ Live
in Chancellors Trip to Winchester X’mas Market
Poker
DJ in Chancellors in Chancellors

roes
g Her r oes
Heroes
Help fo
YOUR SABBS

Elizabeth Simos
Rubix COLOURS Union President
ussu.president@surrey.ac.uk

Chancellors CHRISTMAS Nick Entwistle

VP Education
DINNER ussu.education@surrey.ac.uk

in the Living Room in Chancellors Poker Malcolm Hunt

Live DJ in Chancellors in Chancellors VP Welfare
ussu.welfare@surrey.ac.uk

Lisa Shah
VP Societies & ID
Union House, The U
ussu.societies@surrey.ac.uk
Stag Hill, Guild
X’mas Party Ultimate Frisbee
in The Living Room
Chris Moffatt
VP Sports
T: (01483) 3952 | S
ussu.sports@surrey.ac.uk www.us
Elizabeth Simos
Union President
in the Living Room ussu.president@surrey.ac.uk
n Chancellors Live DJ in Chancellors union_info_cards.indd 1
CONTACT

Nick Entwistle
VP Education
ussu.education@surrey.ac.uk
W�’�� �� �us� ���� f�� ��� g�o� ���e� – �� ���� �ls� s�i��
�� y�� ���� i� ’� ba� ���e�. Malcolm Hunt
VP Welfare
H��e����� ����n� ���� ���� g� �r�n� ����� y��’�� ���� ,
help!
ussu.welfare@surrey.ac.uk

�u� i� i� d�e� y��� U�i�� c�� ����. Lisa Shah

C��� �nt� �e��p�i�� , lo�� �� ��� ��b�i�� �� ���� u� � c��� VP Societies & ID
Union House, The University of Surrey,
ussu.societies@surrey.ac.uk
�� �x��n�i�� 9�23. Wha����� ��� �r�����, �� ���� ��� All listings are correct at time of going to print. Stag Hill, Guildford, GU2 7XH

21
For updates on future events please join our
��� �es� t� ����. Facebook group: Chris Moffatt
VP Sports
T: (01483) 3952 | SMS: 07624 805349
University of Surrey Students’ Union
ussu.sports@surrey.ac.uk www.ussu.co.uk
30/10/2009 17:10:11

union_info_cards.indd 1 22/10/2009 16:10:57

 ‘7 Deadly Sins’ - Written and Directed by
Matt Goodwin and Adam Rainsford
On Monday 11th and Tuesday 12th May 2009,
Rubix was transformed by MADSoc (Music
and Drama Society) from the union we all
know and love, to the devils front room...
With black cloth and red lights covering the
theatre, and deep echoing laughs coming
from the speakers, the audience sat quivering
in their seats. As the house lights came
down, the room filled with smoke and strobe
lighting as some of the devil’s servants - the
wraiths - ran through the audience. Thus
began the first ever performance of 7 Deadly
Sins, written and directed by Adam Rainsford
and Matt Goodwin.
7 Deadly Sins, as the name suggests, is a
play about the 7 deadly sins: lust, greed,
sloth, wrath, envy, gluttony and pride. The
evening was hosted by the devil himself
(Matt Goodwin), who narrated the show to
the audience, warning them against what
they were seeing. With each different sin a
mini play of its own, the audience were in
for an emotional rollercoaster of a ride, and
there were more than a few tears by the time
the curtain came down. There were songs,
dances, comedy and death, pretty much what
you would expect for an evening in Rubix...
With both evenings a sell out success,
MADSoc were able to donate £150 to the
charity Age Concern, who were very grateful
for our support.
MADSoc would like to extend a huge thank
you to everyone who helped make the
production the success that it was. I would like
to personally thank Adam Rainsford for being
such a fantastic writing partner and fellow
director, Mike Frazer for being a phenomenal
producer, Jerome van den Burghe for being
a marvellous Musical Director and all of the
USSU Stage Crew who helped out. Without This is the third year out of dormancy for MADSoc and it has
them, it would have been a disaster. proven itself to be a very ‘happening’ and active society since
then. It has a drama, musical and theatre side. Their TV company
Most importantly of all, I would like to thank ‘MAD TV’ was formed last year. MADSoc also won two awards at
you, the public, the audience, the people the SUGAR Awards for Societies including ‘Arts Society of the
who came to see the play despite the fact year’ and ‘Best Society Event’ for the play Exam.
that they didn’t know what they were letting
themselves in for! I hope you thoroughly Workshops:
enjoyed it. I know we did. And if you didn’t
come and see it, then I hope you feel the Drama: Tues - 6:30-8(ish) LTH
urge to come and see our next show, this
semester. Musical Theatre: Friday- 6:30-8(ish) TB6
MADTV: Wednesday- 6:30 LTJ
Matt Goodwin
There’s plenty to get involved in so don’t hesitate to drop!

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves - Written by Matt Goodwin and Adam Hurd
MADSoc is proud to present their Christmas
pantomime!! But it isn’t just any pantomime, (Oh yes
it is!!) oh no it isn’t, it’s much more than that. It has
been described as “a backwards pantomime, with
sex, drugs and a happy ending!” And if that doesn’t
get your heart pumping, then I don’t know what will!
Following the well known fairy tale story of Snow
White through the forest to the house of the “seven”
dwarves, we can expect to see many characters
along the way, including the ever pleasant Spirit of
the Forest, the embodiment of all the forest dwelling
creatures, who, whilst being a perverted leech, is
one of the heroes of the story.
For a night of boos, hisses, cheers and wolf
whistles, you should come along for a show that is
guaranteed to make you laugh; out of awkwardness,
comedy, or sheer pity. Filled with “oh no it isn’t”’s
and “it’s behind you”’s, this pantomime is one you
won’t want to miss this Christmas time! Directed by
MADSoc’s very own President, Miss Hannah Pike,
it promises to be a night of the unexpected. With
guest appearances by all your favourite, uninvited,
fairy tale characters, and with a cocky prince whose
cod piece grows ever larger, we hope you have as
much fun seeing it as we have had writing it!
Snow White and the Seven Dwarves will be
performed in Rubix on Monday 14th and Tuesday
15th December 2009. Watch this space to know
when tickets go on sale!
Matt Goodwin

“It’s fun, everybody’s friendly and it’s a great way
to build up your confidence!” - Caroline Brogan
“I have only just joined MADSoc; but love it already.
I have met lots of lovely, fun people; who are a
true reflection of the society. The workshops are
a giggle. They get everyone involved and also help
us develop acting skills which in turn increases our
confidence.” - Emily Boswell
“I have always thought about joining a drama
society since becoming a student back in 2005! I
have always enjoyed performing and talking about
plays. I have just never got around to doing it and
the other ‘actors’ at my previous university put
me off as they were either not my cup of tea at all
or actually studying drama so I felt like too much
of an amateur compared to the ‘professionals’!
However here at Surrey, this is not the case. The
MADSoc welcomes everyone which ever degree
you’re doing or how much drama you’ve done
before…
Auditions for the pantomime showed me that
22
there are very many talented individuals in the
group and how supportive we are of each other.
People were actually congratulating people when
they were auditioning for the same part - it was
incredible. My experiences of auditions at school
were definitely more catty and filled with scandal &
sabotage.
It has reminded me of something I am good at and
can enjoy and relax with; rather than going out,
drinking or watching TV all the time… I look forward
to our socials; these thespians will have quite a
night planned!” - Georgina Olden
“MADSoc allows students to experience a friendly,
upbeat atmosphere every week with a few fun
drama related games and activities. The brilliant
thing about MADSoc is its versatility. It enables
students to enjoy the light-hearted atmosphere
but it also satisfies the needs of people looking to
act more seriously. A good example of this is the
upcoming pantomime; students can choose to
take part or choose to merely come along to the
workshops.
Why did I choose MADSoc? Well, at first the idea
of a drama society scared and intimidated me,
but one second into the workshops I knew that
nobody was going to make me do anything I didn’t
feel comfortable with and it was just a bunch of
lively people coming together and enjoying the fun
side of drama. Because I fell in love with MADSoc
literally after the first workshop I stood for Social
Secretary and Executive Producer of MADtv
(the universities news program: an extension
of MADSoc). I adore being part of the team and
working to make MADSoc bigger and better than it
already is!” - Yasna Mostofi
“To me, MADSoc was more than just a society; it
was like a big happy party every week. I joined it
in the first place because of my love for acting,
and I have steadily got more and more involved. I
love it. It is fun, enjoyable and I keep learning new
things and passing my old knowledge on to others.
Without MADSoc I would have led a thespian-less
university life, which isn’t something anyone really
wants. I have met some truly amazing friends
through MADSoc, and have had experiences
which will stay with me for ever and ever. Thank
goodness for MADSoc, that’s all I can say. What a
society!” - Matt Goodwin
 Portuguese Society Update
Hello everyone!! This is just a quick hello from the
Portuguese Society and I hope to tell you a bit about
ourselves as well = )
The Portuguese society was created relatively
recently, in the beginning of last year’s second
semester. It was well accepted by other societies
and got off to a good start, since it won the Best
Newcomer Society of the Year Award!
This year we are hoping to make up for last year’s
late start and begin the projects and events from
the earliest stages. New members were elected to
be part of the committee and come up with new
ideas as well as work more for you. Despite having
the same President, Francisco Lourenço, we had to
elect new committee members since the previous
VP finished his masters’ degree and last years’
treasurer had more duties and decided not to re-
run. Mariana Reis was elected Vice-president and
Surrey African Caribbean Society
Surrey African Caribbean Society (Surrey ACS)
is a society which aims to unify and promote the
diverse cultures of Africa and the Caribbean. By
providing a warm, supportive and very sociable
student community, we aim to bring everyone
together.
We also provide a focal point for students of
African & Caribbean origin, and those interested
in all aspects of the diverse countries of Africa
and the Caribbean.
We achieve this in various ways:
Empowerment: We provide a strong social
support network for African and Caribbean
students and empower them with the skills
and advice needed to succeed at Surrey
Hussein Sacoor was elected Treasurer. Also I am
pleased to announce that two more committee
members were elected: Pedro S. Lara as our
society’s public relations officer and I, Francisco F.
D’Andrade, as our Events officer.
As you can see we have increased our staff only to do
to a better job with the members of our society but
also the rest of the University of Surrey students!
The society’s main targets are the Portuguese Surrey
students but everyone is welcome to join! We want
to expand our cultural relationships and bond with
everyone at University of Surrey so feel free to join
our society even if you are not Portuguese and don’t
speak the same language, we won’t discriminate
against anyone and will try to make you feel well
integrated in our society = )
I hope you guys enjoyed our first Portuguese Night
and beyond. The need for empowerment is
evidently shown through our debates and
mentoring scheme, which will be launched on
Tuesday 3rd November. More information will
be available in the next edition of The Stag so
watch this space!
Entertainment: University life is not all about
studies, that is why the ACS prides itself in
being the organiser of the best parties on
campus, as shown by our Funky Freshers
party.
Finally, ACS provides you with the Culture.... The
Food... The Entertainment...The Socialising...
The Networking... The Career prospects...
The fun...The laughter...The Friendships...
on the 26th of October at The Living Room (HRB).
We had some surprises planned for the evening
starting with the Portuguese DJ - DJ Peter C - to
remind you guys of last year’s parties! Some of you
might know Pedro since he was here last year so
come and cheer for him! We enjoyed seeing you
all there, it was an awesome night and an event to
remember!
Finally, if you have any questions you can always
visit our society’s Facebook page, University of
Surrey Portuguese Society, or email us at ussu.
portuguese@surrey.ac.uk .
Stay tuned for more information, I hope to meet you
all soon = )
Francisco Freire D’Andrade
Portuguese Society Events Officer
The Excitement and Experiences! This is for
everyone and anyone who is interested in or
curious about African/Caribbean Culture
Current event: Games night on Friday the
13th of November at 6pm in TB18
For more info please contact:
Jaz (President): jazbroughton@btinternet.com
Gass (Vice President): gb00076@surrey.ac.uk
Priscilla (Secretary): ps.henry@hotmail.com
23
 MUSIC
Yeah Ghost is the follow up to Zero 7’s Grammy
Zero 7 - Yeah Ghost
nominated album The Garden. Having built a
strong worldwide following with their downtempo
style music, Yeah Ghost takes the UK duo in a
new experimental direction. It’s freely available to
stream on their MySpace and Facebook pages as
well as music services Spotify and We7.
The opening track Count Me Out forms part of this,
with a formless ambient feel unfamiliar to any of
the previous releases. Luckily, this only acts as an
Talons vs And So I Watch You From Afar, Split EP
This is the first of three split EPs from Herefordshire
band Talons who are set to play a run of gigs
early next year with the co-attendees on this EP,
Belfast’s And So I Watch You From Afar. The EP has
one track from each of the bands, the first being
Talons’ Bethlehem. To bring a violin into the math/
post-rock could at first seem like a gimmick intended
to try and force some distinction between Talons
and their peers – it could also be a way of getting
air play on Radio 4 … However, the arrangement of
Bethlehem is such that the violin is woven in tightly
to the rock band aesthetic to form a core part of
the track. Little schizophrenic moments like the
pizzicato stabs over the more disjointed sections
serve perfectly to heighten the tension until the
beat drops and the violins provides a lush lead
before quickly bringing it all full cycle and starting
over again. The last breakdown has the violins
sounding something like Clint Mansell’s main theme
to Requiem For A Dream until finally all hell breaks
Tubelord - Our First American Friends (2009)
Math-art-indie or whatever you want to call it, it is
growing pretty rapidly. Lots of bands have started
to go down the route, offering music which often
has complex instrumental parts, and usually the
odd strange time signature. Tubelord is a band that
24
introduction and doesn’t reflect on the rest of the
album. It almost acts as a bridge between their old
style and their new Basement Jaxx chic-pop.
The new style is best reflected in the tracks Mr
McGee, Medicine Man and Sleeper, both with a
real sense of groove. People familiar with their
chillout music however, won’t be left empty
handed as The Road fuses their customary relaxed
beat, female vocals and Rhodes melodies. A true
highlight.
loose again. This track is truly a mini-masterpiece
and a hard act to follow.
However, the lilting 6/8 of ASIWYFA’s D is for
Django the Bastard immediately has you in a
different place and you all too soon find yourself in
a bongo breakdown, not quite sure why your ears
are ringing. The song never stays still and rolls
swiftly back into a rocky, reverberant post-rock lead
section before skipping into a jazzy breakdown with
a walking bass line … gah?! Even with all these
seemingly disparate sections ASIWYFA manage
to link them with subtlety and make it a pleasure
to hear a jazz breakdown build up into a hardcore
coda. If this had been the first track on the split I
would probably be ending this paragraph with words
similar to those that end the above paragraph –
both of these tracks are quality.
Both bands here are striving to do something
have been knocking about the Kingston area for
some time, churning out a plethora of songs that
move away from the standard chords and melodies
to create some really interesting music. This is their
first full length album, released on the 12th October,
available on white vinyl (which is ace), CD or MP3.
The album is a collection of some of their finer
tracks from the EPs released in the last few years,
along with a number of new tracks. Fans will not
be disappointed, as tracks like Night Of The Pencils
deserve a place on this album. Brilliant vocals and
lyrics that I couldn’t even begin to think up make
this into a super catchy track. Creative guitar work
ties with solid drumming, even dropping in a sort of
break down, which is always something I like to hear.
The single, Propellers, is being released on 500
limited 7”, so get yours quickly. This is one of the
best songs from the album, with massive dynamic
shifts, keeping you guessing all the time.
musicdeskstag@gmail.com
While it may be a little too easy for fans to
denounce this album for its incoherence with their
previous releases, Yeah Ghost is a welcome return
for Zero 7. I’ve found myself continually listening
since its release and discovering new things.
Naturally, I skip their experimental ambient opener.
4.5/5
Andy Flowers
different and both bands are succeeding. Each
have a Zappa-esque, inclusive take on the current
music scene and it is refreshing to hear such bold
takes on a scene that is thriving in its own right. The
concept of Talons’ music is so strikingly simple,
brilliantly fusing an unlikely instrumentation with
a more unlikely genre – and perhaps even giving
those bassoon-playing, math-rock lovers a glimmer
of hope. As for ASIWYFA, well they’re well on their
way, with this track just proving that their self-titled
debut album wasn’t merely beginners luck and
with a second album in the pipeline we’ll probably
be watching this band from much closer up than
they’re apparently watching us.
The split single will be released on limited edition
(of 100) 3″ CDs via Big Scary Monsters Records on
November 23rd.
Richard Beddington
Don’t be fooled though, this isn’t just a collection
of re-recordings of previous tracks, there are some
gems like Your Bed Is Kind Of Frightening, which
has haunting vocal harmonies before crashing
into one of the more poppy tracks on the album.
Stacey’s Left Arm brings some electronic elements
to the table, with some more super vocal work over
a more mellow number.
Our First American Friends ends the album, which
has all the elements of any great Tubelord track.
Intricate interludes calm you before the roof comes
down with a thud of massive bass riffs and drums.
This album is as good as I’d hoped, but to be honest
they had some great material to work with in the
first place, and it’s nice to finally get it all in one
place. I think I would have liked any old crap they
might have churned out.
Mark Allen
 Subsource support Dirty Disco and
The Strobe Circus 23/10/09 @ The Boileroom
It was allegedly the first gig by The Strobe Circus.
You could’ve fooled me. An assured yet loose set
throwing in bits of Reggae and Dub wound together
with an assuredness that belied their claims of
debutante status.
I rarely ever describe someone as ‘a bit of a
character.’ That is often thrown about for someone
who is loud, a bit of a lad and generally detestable
by anyone with a modicum of not-a-twat. But in
purest form the term means someone who is quite
out of the ordinary and can hold your attention
just by being themselves. The Dirty Disco’s lead
vocalist Adam fits this bill perfectly. A glittery tanned
rake-like physique gyrating across the whole room
providing the spear-head for some catchy electro-
pop that comes from a darker place than most of us
will ever be willing to go. I suppose he’s a bit like a
hyperactive Lady Gaga but with no ambiguity about
his loin-bulge.
The whole band aesthetic has been polished for
a long time - all clad in white with robotic backing
vocalists. It’s part 1950’s space adventure, part
Soho sex rave and is the perfect platform to launch
their hadouken of sleazy music into our fragile
minds. It’s hard to write about this band and make
Thomas Leeb in Concert
‘the bastard child of acoustic finger style’
So you might be
thinking ‘just another
guitar player, what’s
the fuss?’ Described
as ‘the bastard child of
acoustic finger style’,
Austrian born musician
Thomas Leeb is no
ordinary guitarist. He
combines traditional
acoustic finger
style playing with
percussive techniques,
punctuating his tunes
with slaps, pops and
beats, resulting in a
busy blur of hands
and fingers that really
has to be seen to be
believed.
Performing a selection of original compositions,
traditional tunes and occasional covers by artists
it sound like anything other than a Daily Mail baiting
freakfest, there’s more than that. This was evident
on the passionately frustrated ‘What Will The
Neighbours Say,’ a song about a boy cast out from
his family because of their culture and his sexuality.
No doubt it could become an LGBT anthem; it
reminded me of the human touch that ‘Only Women
Bleed’ used to give to Alice Cooper’s otherwise wild
and eccentric persona. A wonderfully crafted stage
show was rounded off with their next single Sista,
which will be released in January.
Originally Subsource began as a live dance act,
but over time their sound evolved into something
that’s a little difficult to put the finger on. The term
“breakbeat cyberpunk riot” has been used in the
past but that doesn’t mean a lot to most people (or
me.) So to describe it best I usually say that they’re
a mix between Bloc Party and Prodigy.
Orange strobes, a loud roar and a packed room
greeted them onto stage. After a solid Summer of
over 20 festivals Guildford’s most electric live act
returned to their home ground to celebrate the
imminent release of their single ‘The Reason.’ A slow
including Guns ‘n’ Roses, Bjork and Bob Marley, we
are extremely pleased to have Thomas perform here
at the University.
Guthrie Govan, an acclaimed session guitarist and
occasional writer for Guitar Techniques Magazine,
says about Thomas: ‘What Thomas does with an
acoustic guitar probably shouldn’t be legal. Not
only does he elicit a wide variety of sounds from the
instrument which the rest of us simply can’t find,
he also manages to utilize this unique vocabulary in
an incredibly musical way. His pyrotechnic playing
style has to be seen to be believed, but perhaps the
most impressive thing about his technique is that it’s
never used gratuitously; it always serves a musical
purpose. Getting that balance right is one of the
toughest challenges facing any serious musician...
but Thomas always makes it look effortless. Highly
recommended’.
So what are you waiting for? Come join us in PATS
Studio One on Friday 13th November to witness
one of the ‘world’s greatest unknown guitarists’,
Dub-step opening
soon burst into a
frenetic maelstrom of
break-beats, bodies
and some guy going
wild in a Motörhead
T-shirt. The tribal
riot of ‘Street Soul
Music’ then turned
things up further
to an intensity level
that was kept up with
bursts of punk, metal
and dub throughout
the show.
In fact the number
of styles bought into the mix was astounding,
especially as the sound never felt overcrowded just
very active. One of the reasons this works so well
is because they have two very different vocal styles
in the punky barks of Stu and the smooth MCing of
Kimba. During song breaks Kimba kept the crowd
entertained with some freestyle call and response
that was woven into following tracks. As well as
playing their new single we were also treated to a
couple of lightning bolts from their upcoming album
‘Tales From The Doombox.’ No doubt I’ll review that
when it comes out in March so I won’t elaborate on
them now. Just know that they’re awesome and that
you should see this band as soon and as often as
you can.
Subsource – The Reason out now! www.itunes.
com/subsource
Words: Andy Vale
Photos: Naomi Kenton
as described by Guitar Techniques Magazine (UK).
The late great Eric Roche, former guitar tutor at the
ACM in Guildford, said of Thomas, ‘I was his teacher
for about five minutes and then I heard him play’. I
assure you that he will not be ‘unknown’ for much
longer so don’t miss out on this fantastic opportunity
to see him here in Guildford for only £5 (students).
Check him out for yourself at www.thomasleeb.com,
www.myspace.com/thomasleeb, or search for clips
of his astounding playing on YouTube.
The concert starts at 8pm on Friday 13 November in
Studio One of the PATS Building, University of Surrey.
To book tickets please contact the box office on 01483
686 876 or there may be limited availability on the
door. Doors open at 7.40pm.
25
Dance and Theatre........
What’s On?
From world musicians and international dance basis, so if this interests you please arrive early on
Calling Dance and Theatre Lovers
The Stag is delighted elsewhere in
companies, to acoustic guitarists, silent film 5th November to guarantee entry. to welcome a brand national papers or
showings and exhibitions in the art gallery, there’s new section to the Arts on the web
a whole range of arts events happening on campus Also this November… pages…Dance and
this term.  Last week we had the great Malian • …And lots more!
musician Bassekou Kouyate and his band Ngoni Guitar concerts: Theatre! We are now
ba, fresh off their appearance on Jools Holland, looking for a group of
Jonathan starts the ball rolling on our fantastic What’s in it for you as
performing in the University Hall, introducing their regular writers for these
season of guitar concerts, with guitarist writers…
infectious rhythms and African melody to the pages.
audiences of Guildford. If you were there, I hope extraordinaire Thomas Leeb performing in PATS
you enjoyed the fantastic concert.  If you missed Studio One on Friday 13th November and Canadian • Free tickets!
guitarist Steven Thachuk performing on 11th
You may be a Dance
out then please check www.surrey.ac.uk/arts or Theatre student or
regularly so that you don’t miss out in the future, December. • Chance to meet
or search for our Facebook group, Music & Dance you may just take a and interview the
‘The Human Face of Death Row’ Exhibiton at Art real interest in the art
Events at the University of Surrey, to be kept up-to-
Gallery
professionals in
date with our events on campus. forms and would like the the industry
Located next to the Book Shop on campus this opportunity to write for
What’s coming up…
exhibition questions and provokes debate about the newspaper. • Looks good on
Wednesday 4 November: Film - The General
th the issues surrounding the death penalty and the your CV
morality of ending the life of a fellow human.  Well You could find yourself
When: 7.30pm worth checking out. doing the following… • A chance to write
On a lighter note, please have a listen to www.
and think about
Where: in our new ‘art house cinema’, alternatively • Reviewing
known as the PATS Dance Studio, to enjoy the myspace.com/thomasleeb, maybe watch a video; the arts outside
hopefully it will make you smile.  Then book a performances your subject of
comedy classic The General
ticket to see him perform here at the University on study
What: Enjoy this comedy classic with 13th November.  All ticketed events can be bought • Writing book
accompaniment provided by one of the world’s by calling the box office on 01483 686 876 and all reviews • Being part of the
leading silent film accompanists, Neil Brand.  Now events have student concession rates.  Stag team
fully equipped with a high definition projector and • Interviewing
large screen, the studio provides a great place on Lunchtime concerts PATS visiting dance/
campus to enjoy the truly unique and individual
• Getting your name
Pop down to our regular lunchtime concerts, held theatre artists in the paper which
experience that live music and silent film has to
offer. every Wednesday at 1.10pm in PATS and see what is read by over
you think. • Taking photos
8,000 people!
Thursday 5 th
November: Music - PhD guitar
recital We have a website - www.surrey.ac.uk/arts - where • Researching
For more information
you can find out more information on campus arts current debates/
events. There’s plenty going on so I hope you can or to contribute articles
When: Doors open at 7pm ideas/issues/
find time to try something new this month.  for forthcoming issues
conflicts in dance/
Where: PATS Studio One.  please email Rachel
Hopefully see you at an event soon. theatre world
Gildea (Arts Editor) at
What: The performer Jonathan Leathwood has
already been described as ‘a genius’ by Classical • Citing interesting dancedeskstag@gmail.
Guitar Magazine and has made a name of articles to be com Look forward to
himself as one of the world’s leading exponents Jamie Harber reprinted that hearing from you!
of contemporary classical guitar music.  This is a Events & Marketing Co-ordinator
you have seen
free concert with seats on a first come first served

Calling All Dancers! ‘Tapping Thoughts’ Dance Project

 I am interested in carrying out some research about people’s experience of dance. This is mainly for people in the Dance
Department but I’m really keen to hear from dancers outside the department too. I plan to interview individuals to gather
information and use the Dance pages of the Stag to share my findings.
I am interested in any dance related issues/ideas. Whether you have interests in doing more teaching/performing/working
with different people or maybe you are having problems your bodies/health/technique/classwork?
Ultimately I want to use the results of my research to build up a support network of dancers so that we can all, relate,
support, and share in our strengths and weaknesses!
If you are interested in taking part and would like to know more, or if you have any questions or queries about the project
please contact me on nathancoakley@gmail.com. I would be happy to liase through email or make appointments to meet
people.
I look forward to hearing from you.
26 Nathan Coakley
 Actual Size Dance Company
What is Actual Size? ASDC and Education let you know what’s happening!

ASDC is a student-led Dance Company based at the
University of Surrey which operates and performs
in a professional context - brought together by
dedicated students from a broad cross-section of
people who volunteer their time and energy outside
their course framework.
What sort of dancing is it?
We are a contemporary dance company which
regularly participates in professional workshops
conducted by dance practitioners and established
companies. We also organize our own technique
and improvisation/creative sessions that are open
to all levels of dance knowledge and physicality.
Who is it for?
The company is mainly for dancers on the degree
programme but we are interested in dancers from
other courses too! ASDC comprises of dancers on
the dance and culture degree programme; other
influences include students from Music, Film
Studies, and Biosciences. We provide members with
invaluable experience of working together within a
company environment and enable them to practice
skills learnt at University.
ASDC at Surrey and beyond…
Together with regular classes ASDC also
choreographs work and perform at local and
extended regional platforms around the UK. We
recently created a reconstruction of Anne Teresa
De Keersmaeker’s Rosas Dans Rosas in May 2009.
ASDC has an Education sector that closely works
with the Widening Participation Scheme at the Uni.
Our developing education team supplies members
with hands on experience at co-teaching within
local primary and secondary school, including Youth
dance groups. The workshops aim to enhance the
involvement of young adults with practical activity
through dance.
Dates for your Diary:
WED 28th Oct - Rachel Deadman,
Contemporary Technique,AC Studio, 6-7:20pm
WED 4th Nov - Luke Birch,Improv creative
session, AC Studio, 6-8pm
WED 18th Nov - Optimum Fitness leading a
massage session. AC Studio, time tbc.
End of Nov (date tbc)- Kate Lawrence leading
an Improv session, AC Studio, 6-8pm
All sessions cost £2 as a donation contribution
towards getting other practitioners in to lead
workshops.
As most of the sessions will be delivered in AC
studio you will NEED to sign up to do the sessions.
There is a max of 12 people. There will be a sign up
sheet put up in Nodus (Building opposite UniSport)
by Thursday of each week (near the booking chart)
Keep an eye on EMAILS too for reminders & info as
its the only realistic way of contacting everyone to
We want your input too!
We are an open company/organisation, no need to
audition, just come to the classes as and when you
can and want to.
PLEASE feel free to create piece’s for Actual
Size, we are open to ideas and people from other
educational disciplines that have or have had
previous experience in dance and would like to be
involved.
The company will be looking into applying to
some performance platforms in the New Year. Any
thoughts just get in touch!
Tara Baker
Dance and Theatre Studies
Email: tb00029@surrey.ac.uk
For Education contact Kirsty Sidaway
“You have to love dancing to stick to it. It
gives you nothing back, no manuscripts to store
away, no paintings to show on walls and maybe
hang in museums, no poems to be printed and
sold, nothing but that single fleeting moment
when you feel alive. It is not for unsteady
souls.”
Merce Cunningham

Actual Size Dance Company Review

Actual Size Dance Company: The Size of was the consistent relationship from one movement became the most captivating.
Things dancer to the next whilst performing these
ambiguous tasks; unexpected interactions I was strangely moved by Anicca,
Thursday 7th May, 2009, 7:30pm, PATS Studio between them added spark. a performance based on the
Theatre, University of Surrey. impermanence of things. Feeling as though I
It was shocking to learn that the Fake in had been transported to a rock pool, it was
I was impressed by the quality of Plastic performers were squeezed in to size 0
as though I was witnessing a battle of peculiar
the Actual Size Performances. A outfits. I could not fathom squeezing in to a
organisms, some seemingly thrashing to
diverse mix in the three performances size 0 outfit, let alone performing
survive, others being consumed and cycles being
managed to evoke a surprising in one! One girl was unfortunate
stopped then continued by another, all gradually
spectrum of emotions in just half an hour. enough to fall during Fake in Plastic
evolving until an eerie retreat by the end.
Covers. After the initial shock, I enjoyed the performance thoroughly.
I was intrigued to see how the improvisation when sympathy began to ensue, I realised
piece would unveil. It turned out to work it was an utterly convincing mockery of the
very well, even though two of the girls nearly catwalk catastrophe of falling mid-strut. Catherine Pritchard
collided! A brief smile was exchanged, Her fall was one of a true stuntwoman! Rare Pixel Productions
returning to a face of determination - or Primarily humorous, the piece
at least heightened concentration - a split managed to achieve a poignant yet
second later. The audience was left guessing sexy-edged tone; successfully combining
as the dance movements were based on contrasting viewpoints of the modelling
improvisational ‘tasks’. What was interesting industry. The more subtle details of 27
 Contemporary Dance Initiative at University of Surrey
CDI is a programme of contemporary dance classes offered to
ALL Surrey DANCE students only - for FREE
29.10.09: Kate Lawrence Karen is the BA Performance Co-ordinator Lucy graduated in 2008 from the University of
for Surrey University Dance Course. She was Surrey with a BA Hons in Dance and Culture. She
 Kate was director of feminist dance company trained at Laban and runs the Contemporary then continued her training at the University of
Nomads in the 1990’s, creating and performing Module at Surrey University. The session will Chichester with the post-graduate performance
in 3 full evening works which toured in Britain be  a released based class using a somatic company Mapdance. Lucy is currently working
and Europe. She now lectures on the BA and approach to discover and use our natural ease on her MA dissertation; with a developing
MA programmes at the University of Surrey and of movement, allowing falling, flying and riding interest in the notion of ‘body consciousness’.
is MA Programme Director.  She is currently the momentum of weight. Her research explores ways in which a dancer’s
pursuing doctoral study into Vertical Dance and embodied knowledge can be translated within
teaches the first British undergraduate module 26.10.09: Iris Chan a performance context, aiming to develop the
in Vertical Dance . spectator’s experiential awareness beyond the
Iris graduated  from Surrey in 2008 and is visual and closer to the kinaesthetic.
05.11.09: Kirsty Sidaway currently working for Independent Dance and
Siobhan Davies Studios as well as performing in Lucy’s class will draw upon influences from
Kirsty studied a BTEC and A Level in Dance freelance projects. She is performing in Bodies Release based techniques; encouraging an
at Kidderminster College.  She is now a in Urban Spaces as part of Dance Umbrella this explorative approach to the body’s natural
final year student at the University and has autumn. She is a Kathak dancer and has been response to weight and gravity, discovering a
developed her dancing skills over the past performing with Amina Khayyam’s dance sense of fluidity through the space. Beginning
three years. The first section of the class will company. Iris has also choreographed her own with gentle bodywork, we will then explore
consist of  contemporary exercises  influenced work which was presented at an Independent movement phrases that will sequentially
by Graham, Cunningham and  Released style Dance Platform in 2008  and The Place increase in energy, dynamic and intricacy.
techniques. The second section will be focusing Resolution! 2009. 
on stamina and core strength, (plenty of sit ups No need to sign up – simply come along!
and press ups involved!) The class will include release-based technique,
improvisation and some partner work, leading Any questions, contact CDI Coordinator; Julie
12.11.09: NO CLASS (Reading week) into longer sequences that gets you moving. Havelund: jh00111@surrey.ac.uk

19.11.09: Karen da Silva 03.12.09: Lucy Teed Hope to see you there!

Review: “The Beautiful Dead”

Hydra by Inbal Pinto and Avshalom Pollak Dance Company
Part of Dance Umbrella 2009
On what felt to me like the first real day of winter, 12 first year dance students and the head of the dance department, Rachel Fensham journeyed
to the Southbank Centre, London. Wrapped warmly and red-nosed from the sudden chill we hurried excitedly to the theatre, chattering.
Sylph-like women in white dresses floated onto the bleak stage. Church bells and a howling wind created an eerie, oppressive atmosphere. We
were trapped in the underworld.
Perhaps it was Pinto and Pollak’s tension between beauty and misery which made Hydra so mesmerising. Whilst the dancers moved freely with a
quality so lyrical, the barren grey stage held them hostage in the cell-like space.
A particularly poignant moment was when a long black iron bar was used both to support the dancers and to reject them. Both the men and
women would run forward to the horizontal bar, their bodies falling limply either side of it before being pushed upstage. Both their vulnerability and
dependency on the bar were evoked.
The movement appeared natural and effortless. Surrendering falls articulated from the torso repeated throughout the piece, culminating in the
finale when all the dancers bent forward in staggered cannon, as if in pain. The relentless repetition of this collapsing and recovering expressed
their suffering, their hell. But as we watched in sadness, white dandelion seeds began to float down from the top of the stage. At first just a few,
then more and more, softly brushing over the dancers, covering the stage floor. Were new seeds were to be grown from the pain and death? The
soft amber lights and faint birdsong suggested a new dawn, showing something of the continuity of life, its ability to renew and prevail death.
Rachel Gildea

28
Literature
Guildford Book Festival
Get those creative juices flowing....
TWITTER usually used to refer to the
This week marks the end of the Guildford Book Festival, but for all the
Surrey students who weren’t able to attend and want to catch up on what gentle noises made by birds or to
you missed (possibly so that you can kick yourself for not going) here are
the highlights from this year, as selected by Professor Wynne- Davies, Head someone chatting in an overexcited
of the English Department and a member of the Book Festival Committee.
manner has recently taken on a

WORD
October 15th saw the arrival of Emma Darwin, Maeve Haran and Elizabeth
Buchan to the Guildford Library in what proved to be a fascinating discussion whole new meaning. Now, if someone
on historical fiction. Emma Darwin in particular formed strong links with the
University by giving a separate talk to Creative Writing students in English mentions ‘Twitter’ they are most likely
Department that was thoroughly enjoyed by all who attended.
to be talking about the latest internet
October 16th combined good writing and good food at The Mandolay
Hotel, where two very skilled but very different writers Sandi Toksvig and craze. It allows people to simply share

OF
Val McDermid discussed their literary journeys over fine wine (which is the
only proper way to do it really!). McDermid is an international bestselling their thoughts and pictures with the
author, whose writing inspired the ITV series Wire in the Blood, and Toksvig
has written a range of books and is currently involved in working in the world. It seems its all over the place, so
University’s new British Research Institute for Humour Studies (and that’s
a real thing, in case you were wondering).
much so that that discussions have been
taking place in Hollywood as to whether

THE
October 22nd saw a well-attended event too, as Edna O’Brien discussed
her new biography on the life of the infamous Lord Byron with John Miller,
Artistic Director of the Winchester Festival. Whilst the strong turnout might celebrities using it on sets should still
have initially been due to the inclusion of Byron in the English syllabus, the
lively and informative talk was enjoyable for both English and Non-English
be allowed. Twitter’s popularity doesn’t
students alike, and Professor Wynne-Davies described it as a real ‘coup to
get Edna O’Brien’.
look set to diminish. So if you haven’t
got Twitter check it out! I’m off to tweet

MOMENT
With the Festival now over all thoughts turn to next year. With the
inclusion of Alwyn Marriage (Honorary Research Fellow at Surrey) also
on the Festive Committee it promises to be an even greater success.
something myself.
For those of you still debating about writing it in your diaries, bear
in mind the brilliant student deals being planned (with many events
FREE) and mark down October 2010 as a month not to be missed.

Eunice Njagi
Laura Bright

Could Literature Expose the Gap in British Politics?

Anyone who watched the controversial edition of mainstream politics, a phenomenon that has politicians are failing to address.
Question Time this month, where an invitation not been helped by the recent recession. The
was extended to the neo-fascist British National victory of the far right MEP candidate Andrew Too relevant for proletarian fiction but too
Party to appear alongside legitimate politicians, Brons in Yorkshire and the Humber during the graphic for an impartial portrayal of Yorkshire
will know of the ethical implications that were European Elections last June only illustrates life, Peace has proved time and again that
involved in broadcasting it. Whether granting this theory with disturbing accuracy. his unique blend of suspense thriller writing
BNP leader Nick Griffin a platform to voice his and topical subject matter (such as themes
ignorance has helped or hindered the cause of So what can be done to bridge the gap and restore of police corruption in his now infamous Red
his party is beside the point; what many now communication in constituencies? The solution Riding Quartet recently adapted for television)
want to know is exactly why such an extremist may lie in literature. Whilst the issue has largely offer a gripping genre that both entertains and
ideology has begun to flourish in the first been ignored in recent years with the erosion of informs the reader of a different world.
place. class politics, budding contemporary novelists
such as Yorkshire-born David Peace have been A world that needs to be understood
Political commentators speculate the attempting to highlight the social and historical and reconciled with, before victimising
answer can be found in regions remote from context behind the dwindling traditional working misinformed bigots on panel shows.
the metropolitan rat race of West London; classes, a people largely forgotten in the hustle
impoverished areas long since blighted by and bustle of Westminster. Peace’s novels are
Tom Goulding
Thatcherism and neglected more recently under often dark uncomfortable reads of relentless
the idealism of New Labour. Here, ordinary men social realism; yet such works are important on
and women have become disillusioned with shedding light into the origins of an issue that
29
The Sweet Taste Of Tears
today? You didn’t know me? Your broken shoelace put you
It’s the greatest fall
many people can say they are so joyful that they just love
But this time you make sure
I won’t find my way back up
The sun sets and I’m stuck
within this shade
As you move on towards the
light
But somehow I can’t forget me back with a magical mixture of splendiferous words.
He exclaimed, ‘Hey mate, top of the morning to you!’ No,
he wasn’t a leprechaun, but those words made me feel
Your cold fingertips
Your golden smile
The softness of your lips
And the sweet taste of tears
But I’ll remember, always
The times you held my head
up high
And showed me how it felt
to feel alive
Torn for the second time
But the only time I bleed
--
‘I love you more’
I laugh.
‘I love you more’
I cry.
by Shervin Hejazi
30
‘Say Hello’
What stopped you from saying ‘Hi’ to me as I walked past
in a bad mood? Hmmph! Rubbish excuses. In fact, how
Thought
to spread this joy to the people around them? It seems
it had become too taxing to simply say ‘Hello,’ or ‘How
are you?’ or even, ‘Splendid weather we’re having this
fine morning’ (used with a sarcastic tone on the whole in
of the day....
Britain) to our fellow human beings.
I remember I went to the corner-shop once (as you do)
and as I walked out with my fresh bread, a man pulled
unexpectedly brilliant.
Since then I’ve found realized that seeing people smile
makes me feel good, but making them smile makes me
feel fabulous. So go ahead, see what a simple ‘Hello’
could do for you.
Bhavan Aujla aka Mr. Marshmallow
Why We Should Remember
White crosses mark the unknown graves far off in foreign lands.
The bloodshed and the massacre, the blame lies in whose hands?
The Tommie’s in their trench of mud, condemned to a living hell.
We must not forget it was for us all that many comrades fell.
Throughout the Great War the poets did pen their thoughts in
striking verse.
Rosenberg, Brooke and Owen too were all lost to the curse.
The innocence, the talent lost; the death of a generation.
Fighting in Ypres, Arras and The Somme to defend our beloved
nation.
Is anyone going to heed the warnings and take note of the past?
The needless deaths and casualties, how much longer can it last?
Protesting on the streets of London to make a difference to the
plan,
To us they never listen and send more troops to Afghanistan.
There’s never been a more relevant time to support a worthy
cause.
The British Legion strives to help all those affected by the wars.
Their bravery and sacrifice can never be denied.
Ensuring every Armistice Day we can wear our red poppies with
pride.
By Sarah George
The Mishaps Of
Jennifer Lee
One Latte One Purse One Bag
‘This utterly blows’ she thought to herself. Jennifer
stepped into the elevator of the ninth floor and
reluctantly pressed ‘G’. She stood awkwardly all
alone, trying to get over the previous embarrassment
that caused not only herself to frown, but Ms Harley
too.
The mishap all started over an espresso, two
cappuccinos and a cursed skinny latte. Not only did
she now refuse to trust Ms Harley’s essential skinny
hot drink, but she also made a vow never to trust
the coffee cup holders at The Coffee Bean again. It
was their fault, she reassured herself. Ten minutes
ago, she was leaning on Ms Harley’s office door -
being caught up in a ‘passing by’ conversation
with Matt Howard. There she was in my vintage
white suit, conversing with Matt, holding a latte in
the coffee holder, when abruptly, she felt the door
suddenly open....To put it bluntly, she completely
lost her balance. So that’s how she found herself
leaving work, with small specks of coffee on herself,
but the majority on Ms Harley.
After being demanded to leave the office, she was
in severe need of retail therapy. Unlike any other
day when she went shopping, she felt that today of
all days she had a good excuse - to indulge in her
favourite Oxford street stores. Six hours later and
with approximately four carrier bags in each arm,
Jennifer stumbled across a store that was going to
make her purse feel very light.
Selfridges. A godly name and haven for any girl who
really classes herself as a diagnosed shopaholic.
Inside the doors millions of delights met her eyes,
and with her credit card feeling cool and slim and
strong in her hand, how could she refuse a purchase?
One hour later, Jennifer, unable to choose between
two bags, decided she needed both.
At the check out, she unleashed her overused
Platinum Capital One Credit Card; and joyfully
entered her pin number. She smiled to herself,
looking up smugly at the assistant, only to be
confronted with those dreaded words, “I’m afraid
your card was declined, Madam’ Declined. The
word rang in her head. Surely she hadn’t maxed out
her card..
“Would you like me to try again Madam?”
Jennifer knew what she would have to do, and
although it pained her to say this, gradually she
pondered “could you just try the one bag, instead
of two - the Gucci one please”. A nervous Jennifer
entered her pin and stared at the assistant. This was
the most painful wait Jennifer had ever experienced,
but to her relief, the transaction went through. Now
with one bag, Jennifer thought, the world is nearly
right again – until tomorrow?
Steff Lever
31
Film Get the popcorn ready.....
Five Scariest Moments in Film History
Scary moments can affect us the most in cinema
and it is obviously rare you come across them
often these days. If you are lucky enough to come
across something that is really scary, the first
time you see it, it is somewhat vaguely shocking,
but you probably will not want to come back to it
again. Yet somehow, you can’t, it catches up to all
of us. It will come back to stalk us and eventually
you have to make a tough decision on whether to
face it again.
What is strange though, is that throughout your
life you can’t help but feel a sense of interest for
that scene; one half of your brain desperately
wants to see it again. You don’t want to though,
the strange feeling of shock is so powerful that
you want to but can’t. The film that started it
all will be watched at a friend’s house in which
you are thinking of multiple strategies to avoid
it, whether it be that midway trip to the loo or
to take a call on your mobile (that’s alright, your
mum and you planned ahead).
Different shocks mean a lot to different people
and the cliché is that different people have
different tastes. True, you want to reinforce your
belief that what you saw was shocking. However,
as soon as that moment is past when your friends
are watching that moment and you are “making
the tea” in the kitchen, your friends hardly flinch
and you demand answers.
Shock can come in different forms and it is
intriguing to go into the detail involved. Many
critics can argue that the most effective can be
psychological and that what YOU see is not what is
actually seen. Not every shocking scene is horror,
Peter Jackson’s best film Heavenly Creatures
exploits the personal relationship between child
and her mother, to bring a painfully upsetting
and unsettling climax that is hard to take for the
wider audience.
The common visual aspect of shock that is widely
used is often snubbed at, but what is grotesque
on screen makes us curious and uncomfortable
at the same time. Clive Barker once said, “I dislike
intensely the kind of horror that doesn’t give you
at least a glimpse of what you’re supposed to
be scared of”. What is presented to us can be
intriguing and disturbing through visceral bodily
content or beautifully horrific creatures, which has
appealed to many directors. Obvious examples
include David Cronenberg or Dario Argento.
As time has gone on, we now live in an age in which
it feels that Hollywood is lacking behind the pack
with pointless remakes of foreign affairs such as
The Eye, The Ring, The Grudge to name a few
(rated 12A). Then you have the press dub ‘torture
32
porn’ (which I get sick and tired of hearing) films
which are boresome and frankly tiring horror
films made with content that isn’t really new and
innovative, but rather underground horror nasties
from the seventies and eighties.
As we reflect now at the scariest moments, all
will flock out to see Saw VI in which the template
will be all the same and the executions will be all
the more boring and flat, but these are memories
which stick:
1. Don’t Look Now (1973)
Venice has never looked so dank, cold, hazy
and smudged. From the start there is a sense
of impending doom and utter entrapment in
which from tragedy, everything is broken and
the couple’s lives are hopeless, leading into
the dark, mysterious alley that signals the
end.
However, it is strange why anyone would think
that there was even a slim chance, that the
couple’s daughter would be alive again. The
change of scenery and the moving on is all
the more reason to think that it isn’t going
to end well. When John (Donald Sutherland)
pursues the red-coated figure, we are
intensely mystified if there is any vague hope
it is she.
The beginning is probably one of the bleakest
starts to a film, as the clever use of frenetic
editing creates one of the parents’ worst
nightmares as their daughter is submerged
with a highly noted red coat, under the
water.
During the puzzling story, we witness a series
of murders along the Venice canals that sets
up the ending, in which the red-coated figure
wonders around the foggy, cobbled streets.
Finally, the red figure is cornered off at a
monastery. As an audience member we feel
an uncomfortable sense of wanting to know
and at the same time dread to think.
The figure is reassured that it is safe, until we
confront a monstrous face to the one that we
hoped would appear. The figure shakes her
head as if to say, “No, no, no”. An audience
member would feel the same in which we feel
doomed and shocked by the spontaneity and
terror that is confronted at last.
The shocking death at the start and the end
is one that is hard to describe as to why it is
so shocking, but in the end that is part of the
whole enigma of Don’t Look Now. The zoom
in of the pond and the tagline says it all “Pass
the warning, don’t look now”.
2. The Vanishing (Spoorloos, 1988)
Again, there is no getting away from those
frightful climaxes, but this one mixes a fear
that is all too known (claustrophobia), and
the gut-wrenching fear that normal people
can do horribly inconceivable things.
This Danish thriller involves a couple on their
holiday weekend in France. That is until the
wife suddenly disappears from a service
station and never returns. The film explores
the loss and compulsive knowing of what
happened to her.
A mysterious man named Raymond is
fascinated by the husband’s fixation on
wanting to know what happened to her. What
follows is a daring proposition towards the
husband: either go on not knowing how she
disappeared, or experience what happened
to his wife.
There are many things to take out of just this
scene, but what makes it scary is that there is
utterly no remorse for the treatment of Howie
towards the end. Think what you will about
religion, but you can’t deny the sympathy we
have for him and a life we assume has been
lead by his devouring beliefs we all come
across in this day and age.
By choosing the latter he loses consciousness
and wakes up in a coffin, in which being a
claustrophobe is buried alive. Everyone’s
worst nightmare comes true and a devastating
truth, in which we dared to find out.
3. The Wicker Man (1973)
The film itself is heavily flawed and
unorganized due mostly to its tiny, mouse of
a budget. Throughout the film, you feel like
the film is leading up to something big. And
boy, does it.
The film has gained a cult following over the
years and resurrected from VHS and festival
screenings. It went on to be recognized as one
of the benchmarks in British horror cinema,
and was recently re-made with a dire Nicholas
Cage. The remake was just as dull as its star,
and with certainly more funny moments for
a film that was supposed to be terrifying (for
example, “Ma’m, step away from the bike!”).
The clash between the creepy pagan rituals
and the highly devoted Christian (Sergeant
Neil Howie) is one of the main themes of the
film. When we see the towering, ugly, ghoulish
stick figure against the banging of the drums,
our questions about faith are certainly thrown
upon. Howie (played convincingly by Edward
Woodward) is plagued by the demented
inhabitants as they hauntingly sing Sumer
Is Icumen In, which to this day cannot be
sang without recalling this scene of religious
madness. I certainly can’t.
The burning of The Wicker Man is summed
up by an isolated view of the horizon, while
there is an overwhelming feeling of a horrific
injustice plagued upon the world. Certainly,
if that sense of a bunch of raving lunatics
believing in sacrifice doesn’t give you the
creeps, Howie emotionally overwhelmed
trying to sing over the hundred or so
inhabitants swinging their arms with Lord is
my Shepherd will.
4. Pinocchio (1940)
It’s pretty ridiculous to consider Pinocchio
scary. Or is it? If you were a bad boy, it’s the
corner or a timeout for you. However, every
kid has seen a nice Disney film, but ages ago
the earliest Disney characters have the most
hardest life lessons to pitch to your children.
Whenever it is that everyone dies, do not take
candy from strangers, or even do not drink.
The one that hit me the most as a child (and
admittedly, still does) is this: never EVER…be
a naughty boy.
No other children’s film put it across as
strongly as Pinocchio. The basis of which, if
you were naughty, you will turn into a donkey.
But it’s scarier than that. Before we see
Pinocchio’s newly made mischievous friend
transform, the other children (‘donkeys’) are
all shouting for their “Mummy” while they
are shipped off in boxes for salt mines. This
is the more darkly sadistic side of Disney
with which you don’t want to associate, but
it is just heartbreaking and cruel to see all
the innocent children transformed into an
animal. It’s almost grotesque. Even Michael
Haneke had nothing on that.
5. Se7en (1995)
This is more of a personal choice as well as
a graphic one. This is one of my favourite
mainstream films. It rains everywhere,
everything is run down and everything is
decaying. The unnamed city is much a
portrayal of hell on Earth and the sinners that
rule escape unpunished. Throughout the film,
a man is working his way through punishing
victims guilty of the Seven Deadly Sins.
Until the last act of the film, we never see
the perpetrator, but as the film goes on, the
psychological aspect of pain and torture is
effectively put across. We are restricted to
the two detectives wandering through dust-
filled hallways and greasy walls that lead to
a tableau of dead bodies. The one murder
out of the seven that is most graphically
remembered is the Sloth murder. Like the
other murders (apart from the last two), we
never see the process by which he’s being
punished. We only see the aftermath of
the atrocities and the murder itself is quite
startling.
The SWAT team invades an apartment that is
believed to be the one of the killer they are
looking for. As the team raid the apartment (a
drug den), they come across a bed in which
the object is covered over with a bedsheet.
As they remove the bedsheet, a physically
deteriorated creature with bedsores and dead
skin is revealed. The word ‘SLOTH’ is written
in fasces above the bed, and it is found out
that a drug dealer/pederast was tied to the
bed for a year.
On any other day, one would feel like they’ve
seen it done thousands of times, mainly
because of the Saw phenomenon. What
Saw definitely lacks, is what Se7en achieves
very well: graphic portraits of the tortured
individuals that are well executed and are
actually chillingly clever. The build up of
anticipation and curiosity for what is past the
iconic hanging air fresheners or under the
bedsheets is very tense. You WANT to know,
and yet you dread to think.
When you do see the dishevelled corpse,
shrunken head, jaw sticking out, you want
to know what happened. The scene does
not present an accurate picture of how he
suffered, but you are shown and presented
limited knowledge as a restricted audience,
through evidence and photos. The huge
contrast in decay from the photos is very
disturbing, but what comes after is a sudden
shock…
The corpse is alive. Just as you are taken off
guard from the all the gruesome details being
processed, the creature lets out a gurgled
gasp for breath. The chaos around matches
the sudden panic from the audience and I
believe to this day it is the biggest scare of
Nineties mainstream cinema.
Honorable Mentions
6. The Exorcist (1973) – Wow, 1973 was a
busy year. I don’t like the film as much as most
people, but there is something unsettling
about relentless masturbation with the use
of a crucifix, and the incessant obscenities
towards ones mother. We all know this one,
but at the same time, you can’t leave a list
without it.
7. Mulholland Drive (2001) – David Lynch is
beautifully weird, but like Eraserhead every
scene can appear like a childhood trauma,
and the unexplainable can be inconceivably
hideous. This is going back to my point
about how an audience can be disturbed
by what can appear round a corner. The
scene at ‘Winkies’ in which a man recollects
a nightmare, cleverly plays on the familiar
theme of the similarity between ‘reality’ and
‘surrealism’. We dread to think what every
corner brings.
8. Un Chien Andalou (1928) – The poor
audiences of 1928. To this day we hate eyes
being gouged out (see Zombie Flesh Eaters),
it’s something very delicate and sensitive,
having those slashed with a razor is an
imagination not worth knowing. You would
have thought things slowly progressed over
the years in terms of filmmaking. There was
no nonsense for Bunuel and Dali.
9. Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986)
– Michael Rooker is brilliant as a frowning,
unbalanced killer whose reason for killing
is as much a mystery for him as it is for us.
When his friend visits him, the two embark
on numerous random murders. There is
one scene in which they gleefully watch a
recording of one of their horrific deeds. An
uncomfortable example of murky sadism set
in the wake of Eighties culture, video cameras
and knock-off TVs.
10. Alien (1979) – The countless parodies of
this moment make it overly familiar, but set in
a film where you have only got a crew as your
only source of help, it is intense. John Hurt
has been abused many times during the film
and you want to end up with the feeling that
everything is over after the incident with the
face hugger. The main context of the chest-
buster scene is the male’s fear of pregnancy,
that giving birth to a creature and the over-
whelming pain of not knowing what is inside
you. It’s only one-third of the way through the
film, they are all sitting down at the table,
please let that be.
Ollie Sim
33
 Fantastic Mr Fox (PG)
Based on the Roald Dahl book is this film made port in one hand. It is a film with a more than and talking and talking.
by Wes Anderson for Wes Anderson. The plot
is about a cunning fox that uses his wit to In the screening I was in, there were children
outsmart three farmers who provide chickens. who were excited upon entering the cinema.
However, when Mr. Fox (voiced by George During the film, there was not one laugh
Clooney) moves with his family near to the from the group of kids and to be honest, not
farms, the three farmers force the animals much from the adults either. I was thinking,
underground. what kid is going to understand jokes about
‘existentialism’? It is way too for a child and
The good: The stop-motion animation is well too smug towards an older audience. I’m sure
done and the lush use of orange and red is Up is still playing.
impressive. If stop-motion animation is still
among our cinemas, it is great to see it being
used.
2/5
acceptable running time at 88 minutes, but
The bad: It is not a film for children or for young
even with that in mind, it is (to put it bluntly) Ollie Sim
kids; it is a film made for people who swirl their
boring. Wes Anderson is hell bent on just talking

The Cove (12A)

This nature documentary is hardly represented by the
poster it sports: a harmonious one-sheet of dolphins
surrounding a silhouette of a diver with a flipper, rising
to the surface. It is actually an expose into the killing of
dolphins in a hidden cove in Taiji, Japan. Hardly March
of the Penguins.
The film centres around Richard O’Barry who was a
trainee on the well-known kids show ‘Flipper’. He tells
the bizarre story of a dolphin who ‘committed suicide’ in
his arms while he was doing the show. From then on, it
has been his quest to document the evil practices used
to herd dolphins in order to be sold to aquariums or
worse, slaughtered.
This is a change of approach for me, who still thinks
that An Inconvenient Truth is more of a television
slideshow than a film. The Cove is actually a compelling
thriller trapped in a nature documentary. It is therefore
impressive to become engaged in the matter of nature in
peril than having Al Gore bore us to death. If only nature
documentaries were often this subversive, involving,
captivating or indeed, direct.
4/5
Ollie Sim

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (12A)

The review rating does not really help to get an
idea of how this film does or doesn’t work. Terry
Gilliam is a director I heavily admire because no
matter how many adversaries he has to overcome,
he really comes across as a director who works for
cinema and not the cash cow.
The prime conflict in this back-story is the death
of Heath Ledger, who died half way through
production. He plays Tony, a quirky outsider who
is saved from death by a travelling magical troupe
called ‘The Imaginarium’. The group of magicians
are overseen by Doctor Parnassus (Christopher
Plummer), who made a deal with the Devil (played
with the nose to the grindstone, Tom Waits) for
him to hand over his daughter (Lily Cole) on her
sixteenth birthday.
thinking about how much professionalism
went towards getting the film finished.
On the other hand, the film is a giant ball
of mixed ambitions and its fair share of
problems. It does have the occasional,
beautiful set piece, but narrative-wise it
struggles to find its way. It is a whimsical
headache of a film that has all the elements
of a Terry Gilliam film that should work. The
quirkiness does not distract me, but there
I feel there was something more that this
film should have said. Whether it be grief,
whether it be tragedy, I feel almost frustrated
that its heavy load was all whimsical. An
admirable failure.

The problem with the absence of Heath Ledger is

sorted quite immaculately. The three actors that 2/5
are his alter-self on the other side of the mirror are
Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell. Each actor Ollie Sim
does their part with such grace that you cannot help

filmdeskstag@gmail.com
34
 Saw VI (18)
It is very difficult to keep track of the Saw series
anymore. Like with many horror films that have
been, they start solid (A Nightmare on Elm Street,
Hellraiser, Friday the 13th, Puppet Master) and with
much success of the first film comes a barrage of
film after film. I can only imagine Saw meeting a
similar fate and there is a straight-to-DVD shelf just
waiting for future Saw movies.
more creative (the shotgun roundabout is sort
of neat), which will be no problem for fans and
hey, nothing is going to stop them from seeing
this one. For everyone else, it is like watching
a bunch of hens in a cage. It’s all confusing
for anyone who is still bothering the follow this
already tired franchise. Plot makes no sense,
all the actors have just left pilots of failed
TV shows, and that Charlie Clouser score is
getting on my nerves.
1/5

The only positive thing to say is that the traps are Ollie Sim

5 Movies I CANNOT Wait To See....

1) Nine
Director: Rob Marshall,
Release Date: 25th December 2009
OK, my enthusiasm for this movie might be
slightly exaggerated by the fact that I’ve had the
trailer as one of my favourites on YouTube for
about a month and half now. Based loosely on
the film 8½ by Fellini – a ‘semi-autobiographical
movie...and possibly the first film within a
film’ – and as an adaptation of the Broadway
production, the film is a dramatic musical with
a seemingly even greater extravagance than
Chicago or Memoirs of a Geisha (Marshall’s
earlier works). The plot focuses on the mid-life
crises faced by a director, and the control held
over him by the women in his life. That said,
when it comes to movies like this the cast often
speaks for itself - and with Daniel Day-Lewis,
Penelope Cruz, and Dame Judi Dench as just
a few of the top names on the bill, the acting
is guaranteed to be worth the wait. Add to that
international talent such as Marion Cotillard,
whose amazing performances in Love Me If
You Dare and La Vie En Rose have definitely
made her one to watch, and a happy Christmas
is almost guaranteed.
2) Alice in Wonderland
one to look out for. A modern adaptation of the
classic tale, Wonderland is given a much more
sinister twist that makes it so much more than
just a children’s film. With special effects that
promise to be even better in 3D, this movie is
guaranteed to take the imagination to its limits,
and provide a thoroughly enjoyable cinematic
experience for 2010.
3) Harry Brown
Director: Daniel Barber
Release Date: 11th November 2009
Michael Cain always brings a level of prestige
to any film he works on, and Harry Brown is
no exception. Playing an elderly man turned
vigilante, the movie combines drama and thriller
as Cain goes on a mission of revenge, after the
death of a close friend at the hands of local
youths. Whilst this movie definitely has strong
echoes of Gran Torino and The Brave One the
British setting makes it a strongly poignant and
contemporary movie that will stay in your head
long after you leave the cinema.
4) New Moon
Director: Chris Weitz
Release Date: 20th November 2009
the book for at least a solid couple of days. That
said, the trailer for this film looks surprisingly
accurate and wonderfully cinematic, with the
scenes filmed in Italy boasting all the colour and
extravagance usually reserved to East Asian
cinema like Hero, and the addition of Michael
Sheen to the cast was an added bonus. If you’re
not a Twilight fan - which is probably quite a lot
of people in Surrey - you can take comfort in the
fact that once this temporary hysteria is over,
there will be at least a six month gap before the
next instalment Eclipse (June 2010).
5) Whip It
Director: Drew Barrymore
Release Date: TBC
Although the transition from actor to director can
be a bit swing-miss, I have high hopes for this
feel good comedy starring Ellen Page, playing
the reluctant debutante who discovers roller
derby, as well as Barrymore herself and Eve as
part of the Derby team. Set in a small modern
day town, this coming-of-age drama is based on
the book Derby Girl by Shauna Cross, real life
derby athlete who also wrote the screenplay.
Boasting a brilliant soundtrack and guaranteed
to leave you with a smile, watch this space for
the further details.

Director: Tim Burton
Release Date: 2 April 2010
nd
Although we’ve got a pretty long wait ahead of us
for this film, with Johnny Depp on the cards and
Tim Burton’s already impressive resume when
it comes to the slightly strange, this is definitely
While I’ll admit the acting in these films has
always left something to be desired, when
Eunice Njagi
it comes to the Twilight Saga I’m about as
hardcore a fan as they come. I’ll happily admit
to having pre-booked my ticket for the midnight
screening of this film already, and will probably
end up complaining about any changes made for 35
 THE HOTTEST
TICKETS IN TOWN
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36
 Sport In Guildford
With the 2012 Olympics not far away and with London so
close, you seem almost spoilt for choice for sport in the
South East. But staying a little closer to home, what sports
are on tap in Guildford?
Name: Guildford Flames
Sport: Ice Hockey
Based: The Spectrum
Founded: 2002
League: English Premier Ice Hockey League
Colours: Blue, white and red
The Guildford Flames, currently second in the second tier of
English Ice Hockey, have seen a surprising amount of success
since the formation of the team in 2002. Having won the division
in the 2005/06 and 2007/08 seasons, the Flames share their
logo with the Calgary Flames in Canada and are right on the tail
of current leaders Milton Keynes Lightning. Current player Milos
Melicherik is second in the all time Flames scoring list as he looks
to lead the team forward with their brand of fast paced, exciting
Ice Hockey. Their next home games are on the 1st November at
18:00 against Peterborough, followed by the visit of Basingstoke
to the Spectrum on the 8th. Student prices start from £5.50.
Name: Guildford Heat
Sport: Basketball
Based: The Spectrum
Founded: 2005
League: British Basketball League
Colours: Black and red
The Heat are one of the top Basketball teams in the country,
having won the BBL Championship in 2006/07, winning the play
offs in 2007/08 and the BBL Cup in 2006/07 and 2007/08,
and were the first British team to compete in the ULEB Eurocup
since 2004. They have won 4 of their first 5 games of the season
and are looking to continue that form in their upcoming home
fixtures on the 1st November at 15:00 against Worthing Thunder
and 22nd November against Plymouth Raiders. Student prices
start from just £4.20.
Name: Aldershot Town
Sport: Football
Based: Recreation Ground, Aldershot
Founded: 1992
League: Coca Cola League Two
Colours: Red and blue
Travelling just 20 minutes from Guildford by train is the most
local Football League club. Since forming in 1992 following the
folding of the previous incarnation, Aldershot have fought their
way up the leagues where they now face the likes of Notts County,
Bradford and Northampton. They currently sit just outside the
play offs following a slight dip in form, but Caretaker Manager,
Southampton legend Jason Dodd is confident of a return to form,
perhaps starting with their next home game against Bury in the
FA Cup on 7th November, and then in the league on the 14th
against Macclesfield. Student prices start from £12.
Double Win for Surrey Rugby
Surrey Rugby has had one of the best starts to the season in the history of the club with
both teams posting big wins against opposition. Surrey First’s played away to local rivals
Royal Holloway and posted an impressive 17-6 win with the first try coming from the newly
appointed captain James Roberts and successive tries coming from Matthew Allen and
the returning Jon West. Commendations should be given to Jimmy Large for a fantastic
performance earning him man of the match.
The Two’s smashed Sussex at home 19-0 with great performances all round. Both teams
are hot favourites for promotion this year so keep up to date with future articles to see how
the teams are progressing. Congratulations to all the Fresher’s who have joined the club
and made their debuts on the pitch!
Part of the success this year is down the new coach Matt Bray who has been watching
both teams and giving expert advice, which had resulted in vast improvements in skill,
organisation and team cohesion on the pitch. Much of the credit should also be given
to the new committee this year for raising the sponsorship over the summer which has
resulted in the teams being able to have a coach for the first time in the club’s history.
Apart from the hard work on the pitch and in training, the squad members have been
putting their brawn to good use this year by taking part in voluntary work. For example,
15 members of the team spent this Saturday helping out in an elderly persons garden,
completely free of charge. It was good fun, although some players said it was more physical
than matches!
Finally, on Wednesday the 11th of November Surrey First team will take on St Georges at
the Varsity with kick off at 2:30. Please come and show your support for the team and enjoy
drinks or lunch while watching. As always, if you are thinking of joining the team come down
and introduce yourself to one of the players and we would be delighted to get you involved!!
Mathew Allen
The Girls Are Back In Town
Womens Football
Surrey 3-1 Middlesex
The Womens Football team this week picked up a well deserved 3-1 win at home to Middlesex,
building on last weeks solid 1-1 draw with Imperial. Holly Wade chipped in with a brace with Sam
Baker adding the other as Surrey continued their undefeated start to the season.
If you are interested in being a part of the University of Surrey Women’s football team
training takes place every Thursday between 6-8pm at the Varsity Centre. All ability levels are
accommodated for and new players are always welcome, so whether you are a seasoned player
or are just looking to stay fit this is the perfect opportunity. Wednesday night sees the team enjoy
their socials which usually begins in Chancellors from 8pm and is a great chance to meet the
team off the pitch.
The next game will be on Wednesday, 4th November at Brunel. For more information, please
email ussu.ladiesfootball@surrey.ac.uk or join the Facebook group, “University of Surrey Women’s
Football Club”.
Together with the Students’ Union we strive to provide you
with the best opportunities to participate in sport whilst you
are studying at Surrey. We are proud to be able to offer a large range
of sporting facilities which are split between two sites, the Sports
Centre and the Varsity Centre, as well as external facilities that are
utilised by some of the Union clubs.
T: 01483 (68)9201
(Sports Centre)
T: 01483 (68)9242
(Varsity Centre)
E: enquiries@unisport.co.uk
www.unisport.co.uk 37
 Inside Sport With David Holt
14 October 2009
th

Badminton
Results
21st October 2009

Badminton
In this feature I’ll meet with people from University sports teams to try and gain an insight in
to their sport. This week I met with Nicola Vernon, who is the captain of the Women’s Hockey Men’s Men’s
1st team.
Surrey1 7-1 Imperial College 2
st nd
Hertfordshire 2nd 0-8 Surrey 1
Hi, Nicola. How many teams do you have at Surrey, and what sort of ability level are you at?
Reading 2nd 4-4 Surrey 2
Surrey 2nd 4-4 Canterbury
We have five teams in total, two men’s, two ladies and a mixed team. We accommodate for all levels of Christ Church
Women’s
ability and have players currently ranging from those that have never picked up a stick before to those
that have played county and even regional level. Our coach Athers is great at organising training to Surrey 3-5 Brunel Basketball
make sure everyone gets maximum benefit from it.
Fencing Thames Valley 75-63 Surrey
How often do you play?
Brunel 91-135 Surrey Fencing
We train twice a week, Sundays
and Tuesday 6-8pm at Varsity, Football Surrey 135-61 Portsmouth
aka The Fortress!
Men’s Football
We also play matches on a
Wednesday afternoon and Surrey 1st 1-3 St Mary’s 3 Men’s
on a Saturday. All four teams
Surrey 2 2-1 Chichester 4
nd
play in to BUCS league on a Chichester 2nd 1-1 Surrey 1
Wednesday and three of them UCL 3rd 3-2 Surrey 3
play in non-university leagues Surrey 2nd 2-4 Brighton 5
on a Saturday, so there is Roehampton 5th 2-0 Surrey 5
plenty of opportunity to get Surrey 3rd 2-3 Kingston 4
matches! Women’s
Essex 5th 1-3 Surrey 4
How are the teams doing this Imperial College 1-1 Surrey
year? Surrey 5th 4-2 Regents College
Hockey 2
The Ladies 2nds have gotten off to
Men’s Women’s
the best start, having won 8-0 and
14-1 in their first two matches! The Kings College 1st 0-1 Surrey 1
1st team got promoted last year so are in a harder league and have started well, like the mens teams. Surrey 3-1 Middlesex
Surrey 2nd 3-1 Hertfordshire 2 Hockey
What is the social life like?
Netball
I’m sure you’ve heard us on a night out in Channies! We’re very sociable, going out every Wednesday, we Men’s
have bar crawls - our latest being Wingman Wingleader - and we have a Christmas meal and End of Season Sussex 1st 28-20 Surrey 1
Surrey 1st 2-2 Brunel 2
Presentation coming up, and we go on three tours a year. But it’s about more than just drinking and going
out, we socialise a lot and it’s a great way to meet people and have fun. Surrey 2nd 50-27 London
Metropolitan Rugby Surrey 2nd 6-1
Buckinghamshire 1
What would someone need to do to get involved with Women’s Hockey at Surrey?
Brunel 1st 25-15 Surrey 1
Women’s
Just turn up to training on a Tuesday or Sunday at Varsity in suitable attire, shinpads, a gumshield and we Medway 1st 27-12 Surrey 2
provide the rest! If you want more information, though, you can email me at nv00012@surrey.ac.uk. We’re Imperial Medicals 3rd 1-14
always looking for new players and it’s not too late to start! Squash Surrey 2
Would you like to be interviewed and get the important information about your sport out there? Kings College 1st 1-4 Surrey 1 Netball
Email David Holt at sportsdeskstag@gmail.com if you would and we can organise an interview
for future editions. Rugby Surrey 1st 30-29 Kingston 1

University of Surrey Fencing 135-61 Portsomouth Brunel 1st 25-15 Surrey 1

St Mary’s 3rd 43-36 Surrey 2
Following last weeks impressive 135-91 away win over Brunel, the University of Surrey Fencing team once Medway 1st 27-12 Surrey 2
Rugby
again strolled to victory over Portsmouth, scoring the maximum points available for the second week
running in a 135-61 win over Portsmouth. Squash
Men’s
This win keeps up the Fencing team’s hopes of winning the 2nd Division, with those in attendance treated Kings College 1 1-4 Surrey 1
st
to fast paced action, including that of new team member Morgan Schofield, and the team will be looking to Portsmouth 2nd 5-5 Surrey 1
continue this good form next Wednesday. Tennis
Surrey 2nd 19-0 Sussex 2
If you are interested in getting involved with the university’s fencing team please contact Chris Smith at Roehampton 1 5-5 Surrey 1
st

cs00098@surrey.ac.uk Women’s
Kingston 1st 5-5 Surrey 2
Fencing Team Facing Portsmouth- Chris Smith (epee), David Morgan (epee, foil and sabre), Andrew
Surrey 32-10 Buckinghamshire
Knapton (sabre), Morgan Schofield (sabre), Michael Eborn (sabre), James Wood-Fisher (epee, and foil). 17th October 2009
Squash
Interested in any Triathlons? email ussu.triathlon@surrey.ac.uk Hockey
Surrey 1st 2-3 UCL 1
Men’s
The Triathlon Alliance - Join either the Swimming & Waterpolo, Cycling Surrey 2nd 3-0 Royal Holloway
NPL Bees 3-0 Surrey 2
(Road/Mountain/Recreational) or Running & Athletics clubs and you 2
will be eligible to train with the other two clubs without paying any Women’s
Tennis
38 additional UniSport membership fees! Surrey 1 4-0 Guildford 4
st
Surrey 2nd 0-10 Reading 2
 Sport in Brief Say that then....
There are few things in life quite as irritating as when you reveal
England suffered their first defeat of their World Cup 2010 Qualifying campaign as they slumped 1-0 to Ukraine in Kiev in to someone that you support a football team in the lower league
a match which saw West Ham Goalkeeper Rob Green get sent off after just 13 minutes, but the Three Lions saved some to then be asked “okay… but what proper team do you support?”,
of their blushes on Wednesday with a dominant 3-0 win over Belarus at Wembley. David Beckham was announced as man as if the fact that I don’t just follow my team in a five minute
of the match despite only playing 35 minutes, perhaps much to the chagrin of two-goal Peter Crouch, who has now scored segment on Match of the Day every week means I don’t have
18 goals in 35 games for the national side.
legitimate footballing taste. The lower leagues of English football
Fernando Torres returned from injury to help end Liverpool’s losing streak by scoring the first goal in their 2-1 win over provide the backbone, the passion, the hardcore following that
Manchester United on Sunday, causing the Red Devils to slip to second in the Barclaycard Premier League. Liverpool had works as a perfect accompaniment to the glitz and glamour of
lost the week before to Sunderland which meant Chelsea’s hammering of Blackburn put them back on top of the table Premier League football.
following the previous weeks slip up against Aston Villa. Arsenal threw away a 2-0 lead to draw away to West Ham, with
Manchester City following suit by giving away a two goal cushion to Fulham, and following a solid 3-1 win over Portsmouth But this isn’t to say that I don’t side more towards certain teams
the week before Tottenham Hotspur went down 1-0 to battling Stoke City at White Hart Lane. Burnley were the only team in the Worlds Greatest League ™. I still hold Manchester United
to fail to pick up any points over the last two weeks with losses to Blackburn and Wigan but are still four points clear of in regard for the way they brought through an incredible team
the relegation zone. in the 90’s from their youth system to make them one of the
world’s most successful side, and watching an Arsenal match is
Just four days before the win over Manchester United Liverpool’s bad form had continued when they lost to Lyon in the
usually an absolute pleasure due to their attacking, slick passing
Champions League following an injury time winner from the French side, but there were wins for Manchester United
and Chelsea who overcame CSKA Moscow and Athletico Madrid, while Arsenal conceded a late equaliser to draw with style. I love the Anfield crowd during a Liverpool Champions
AZ. Meanwhile several of the continent’s best teams were shocked by so called lesser opposition as Barcelona and League home match and think Martin O’Neill has put together a
Bayern Munich lost to Rubin Kazan and Bordeaux, while Inter Milan drew with Dynamo Kiev and Real Madrid lost 3-2 to fantastic team of pace and power at Aston Villa.
underperforming AC Milan. Scottish champions Rangers made a good start at home to Romanian minnows Unirea Urziceni
only to lose 4-1. But there is one team I’ve not mentioned that I can’t help but
admire. A team that hasn’t ever been blessed with a huge
Despite beating Derby 2-0 in the Championship, Middlesbrough parted ways with long term manager and former club transfer budget and is constantly overshadowed by their big,
captain Gareth Southgate, promptly replacing him with former Celtic manager Gordon Strachan. ‘Boro currently sit in red neighbours despite being one of just a handful of teams to
fourth as leaders Newcastle, now with Chris Houghton in full time charge of the club, overcame Doncaster 2-1 to end a have competed in every Premier League season, to have won a
poor run of results, while Cardiff are up to second following two successive wins. Ipswich are still the only team in the top
surprising amount of trophies and established themselves as a
five divisions of English football to still be without a win after drawing with Watford and Swansea. Leeds still lead the way
in League One despite losing for the first time this season to Milwall, while closest challengers Charlton recently drew with top 6 team over the last few years.
Gillingham and Oldham and defeated Huddersfield. Southampton are edging closer to leaving the relegation zone with
three consecutive 3-1 wins over administration bound Southend United, MK Dons and Oldham. Bournemouth still lead the I am talking, of course, about Everton.
pack in League Two after having picked up their first win in four against Accrington Stanley and following it up with a win
over Grimsby bottom club Darlington picked up their first win under new manager Steve Staunton, only to lose 3-0 the next It seems that, for some reason, people are starting to forget
week against Barnet, leaving them propping up the rest of the football league at the bottom of the table about the amazing job David Moyes has done at Everton. With a
fraction of the transfer budget of the surrounding teams, Moyes
An early explosion promised so much in the Brazilian Grand Prix and it didn’t disappoint as it developed in to one of the has pieced together a fantastic line up of strangely unfashionable
most enjoyable races of the year. Rubens Barichello started on pole but gradually slipped down the pack, allowing Mark players, so while Spurs seem to be raided every summer by any
Webber to pick up the win, but it was Jenson Button who claimed the Drivers Championship after a daring and exciting combination of the top 4, Everton have clung on to their players.
drive. Braun are said to have offered Button a contract extension with the Brit expected to sign in the coming months,
What makes Michael Carrick an £18m centre midfielder when
despite interest from McLaren.
Tim Cahill, singed for just £1.5m from Milwall, unattractive to the
In Rugby Union England face an injury crisis ahead of their internationals against New Zealand, Argentina and Australia. big clubs, especially when Spurs are willing to splash £15m and
Easter, Sheridan, Shaw, Flood, Cipriani and Mears are just a few of the names missing out, while Wales find themselves £16m on David Bentley and Darren Bent respectively? Cahill’s
without Jones, Bryne or Phillips, but can welcome back Jenkins and Williams. Saracens are top of Guinness Premiership ghosting in to the box has seen him score more headed goals
following a 21-15 win over bottom team and winless Leeds with London Irish just a point the leaders behind following their than any other player in the Premier League in the last five years,
18-12 win over Leicester. despite measuring in at just 5’10.
Steve Harmison (who appears likely to sign a new contract at Durham) has been dropped ahead of the English South Meanwhile, his brilliant midfield counterpart Mikel Arteta is
African Cricket tour on the grounds of his recent performances having been too. Ravi Bopora also finds himself in the dark similarly away from the spotlight, despite being perhaps the
after a disappointing Ashes series, while Luke Wright is the main surprise call up and Jonathan Trott is could find himself
most under-rated player in the Premiership. Originally a centre
batting from number three.
midfielder, he has come in to his own on the wing with his
Nikolay Davydenko won the Shanghai Masters in a final against Rafael Nadal to continue his good form just days after fantastic dribbling and distribution technique and was the most
jumping two places in the world rankings to number 6, while Andy Murray dropped one place to fourth with Djokovic taking fouled player in the league last year, an important stat when you
his third position and Roger Federer has hung on to the number one spot ahead of long time rival Rafael Nadal. Serena realise 14 of Everton’s 52 goals in the 06-07 season came direct
Williams regains her place at the top of the women’s game, while former world number one Justine Henin will make her from an Arteta set piece.
comeback from retirement in Australia in January.
If I were to ask you which African player has scored the most
Last Sunday’s Brazilian Grand Is it just me who thinks it’s a real Thank God Andrew Flintoff wasn’t goals in the history of the Premier League chances are Yakubu
Prix was a fantastic race to shame that someone watching knighted following the Ashes win. That wouldn’t be your first guess. Having scored 80 goals in 165
watch and was topped off with the news in Plymouth can find act of rewarding the most charismatic games, just under a goal every other game, it took him just 11
Jenson Button winning the World out the score to Bolton – Hull and interesting member of the England minutes to score in his first game of this season after a spell
Championship. Lewis Hamilton in the League Cup on a cold Cricket team would be like handing of almost a year on the sidelines, making him one of the most
is obviously a very talented Tuesday night in an instant Ricky Hatton whichever title he wants potent and dangerous front men in the country.
driver but with Button winning and yet England Men’s Hockey without having to fight for it. “Freddie”
it somehow seemed different, team recently won their first might have an appeal which not many These are just three of the focal points of the Toffees, and
perhaps because he comes ever continental title by beating cricketers can compete with, but it’s completely pass over the likes of Jagielka, Heitinga, Fellaini,
across as such a nice guy. He’s Germany in the European still a team game and ultimately Flintoff Baines et al, none of whom have been linked to high profile, big
had a lot of criticism for living Championship Finals and it was was a part of the team with a functional money moves in the summer. And lest we forget, Joleon Lescott
the playboy lifestyle in the past almost entirely unreported? While role to play. His batting average was would still by playing in Merseyside if Manchester City didn’t have
but he’s a young, talented, good hockey may not be one of the a mere two runs better than Steve money to burn. And perhaps most impressively, their greatest
looking, millionaire sportsman, highest profile or most watched Harmison during the Ashes and he took strength might be not so much in the -ability of their players but
so wouldn’t it be a bit of a waste sports in the world, it still has two less wickets than Graham Onions capability to work as a team.
to have all that and not live the a strong following of fans, and despite playing in an extra match, so
playboy lifestyle?! And anyone nothing should be taken away by that reckoning most of the squad So they may have had a slow start to the season, as evidenced
who saw him immediately after from the fantastic achievement should receive knighthoods too. At the by their humiliating 5-0 loss to Benfica in the Europa League, but
last Sunday’s Grand Prix will be of sportsmen from this country end of the day, it is the whole team the one team I will be willing on in the Premier League this year is
able to tell you just how much who can now call themselves that deserves the praise and not one a team with a small transfer budget and unfashionable players.
winning the title meant to him. “European Champions”. man who is partially a media creation Which is about as much proof as you need for me being a lower
and who had an average test series at
best.
league football fan.
39
 See you in a fortnight!
40