Happiness Is...

a million dollars? love? success? a warm puppy?

The 11 Essentials for a Positive Mental Attitude
(Miller Templeton, miltemp@mindspring.com)
For the majority, happiness is what life is all about and the search never goes out of fashion. Most decisions are made on the
basis Will it make me happy? Our goals, dreams, aspirations, and even our fantasies revolve around happiness. Happiness is the
balm of the heart and soul as well as medicine for the body. Studies indicate that the happier you are, the fewer physical ills you
suffer, the slower you age, and the longer you live.
So what's the magic recipe? There's just no such thing as a one-size-fits-all formula for contentment. People are too different
to find joy in the same things. However, certain factors seem to contribute to meaningful happiness. Here are the top eleven
(each person has a different "priority order"):

1. Love yourself. You'll never be completely happy until you do. Self-esteem is the foundation of contentment. If you love
yourself you feel worthy, competent, ready to achieve, to work and love. How do you get there?
a) With your mind: I am a ________ ( effective, intelligent, nice, neat, cool, fun, pleasant, etc.) person. Positive Self-talk.
b) With your body: Eat right, sleep, dont abuse substances and exercise. The body and mind influence each other. Studies
show exercise increases self-esteem, relieves anxiety, improves attentiveness, dissipates stress, and elevates moods.

2 Love other people. Almost any kind of loving relationship can contribute to happiness and help us better tolerate life's
misfortunes. Focusing attention on someone else helps you feel better about yourself. So if you don't have a loving relationship,
get involved in a small group with a purpose and establish some social bonds. Spend time with the people you care about. a)
Master The 7 Principles of Bonding (6 from Dale Carnegie + Self Disclosure from Manuel Smith; see references at the end of
these notes and ADDITIONAL notes posted on Class web page). b) The Behavioral Definition of Love: To be totally
committed to helping the other person be everything they want to be in the present and become everything they want to be in the
future. Read the LOVE chapter of The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck. c) Centenarians have positive relationships with
friends & family; i.e. they have learned to love other people. d) A bells not a bell til you ring it / A Songs not a song till you
sing it / And the love in your heart wasnt put there to stay / Cause love isnt love til you give it away.

3. Believe YOU are in control of your life and act accordingly. I am master of my fate, captain of my soul, not a leaf blowing
in the wind. Take time to think about how you made decisions that determined what direction your life took. Develop an
Internal Locus of Control (LoC); avoid saying I cant (verb). Internal LoC = effort correlates with outcome; External LoC =
chance, not effort, determines outcome. In college a big factor for happiness is good grades. Realize, with a high probability,
YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER YOUR GRADE POINT AVERAGE! Read the additional notes about Academic Success posted
on the class web page.

4. Be optimistic. Fight against pessimism. Always view the glass as half full as opposed to half empty. Im OK. Youre OK.
The worlds OK. And things are gonna get even better.

5. Focus on the world outside of yourself. (Your Myers-Briggs Personality Type; E vs. I; I = more emotional energy)
a. Give your Life Structure by Joining the Workaday World. Although people complain about work, most consider it crucial
to happiness. A job gives STRUCTURE tour life. We get a sense of being loved from the respect and admiration our work
generates. Completion of a challenging task generates a thrilling sense of triumph. Working makes you feel good about
yourself. Those who don't work should do other things that make them feel good such as volunteer work, hobbies, etc.
b. Enjoy the Power of Touch. Touching is vital to our well-being. It fulfills a large share of our human needs thus leading to
happiness. Touching someone can affirm friendship or approval, communicate important messages, promote health, and
bring love. (However, people put up barriers to effective touching. Society tends to equate touching with sex or violence.
Thus, many people avoid simple touching that affirms goodwill such as pats on the back, cordial hugs, and heartfelt
handshakes. All relationships need touching that implies caring and affection.) In Western society, there are 2 types of
approved touching: ritual touch (a handshake) and touch when a bond of trust exists - like with friends & family.
c. Give to Others. Reaching out to others or putting others ahead of your own ego can block out depression, lessen awareness
of perceived inadequacies, help you surmount personal problems, and increase well-being. Without some connection to
others, life doesn't have much meaning.

6. Search for Meaning. People who lack meaning in their life tend to be unhappy with all aspects of life. They usually suffer all
sorts of physical and psychological symptoms. These people lack a set of guiding principles, a durable sense of purpose, and a
feeling that life is worthwhile. You must have a belief system or collection of values to make sense out of life, recognize your
self-worth, and maintain an identity.

7. Live One Day at a Time. Too many people fret about the past - what was or might have been. Since you can't change the past
and the future may not arrive, you should live as fully as possible in the here and now.

8. Laugh and smile a lot. A sense of humor keeps us from concentrating too much on misfortunes and the tragic side of life. It
can help us get over the worst things and take the sting out of failures and stupidities. Consciously look for life's inanities and
the jolly aspects of situations. The time you need most to laugh & smile is when you feel least like laughing & smiling.

9. Avoid Self-Defeating Behaviors. Anger, Blaming, Complaining, Guilt, Worry (ABC Gone with the Wind) (Score on Anger
sub-scale should be 7 or less.)

10. Take Time to Waste Time. Squander your time in leisure. Lose yourself in its pleasure and celebration. Take time to play. It
usually lifts depression and increases your feeling of well-being. Easier if _S_P; Harder if _NTJ

11. Be grateful. Feelings of thankfulness have tremendous positive value in helping people cope with daily problems (especially
stress) and to achieve a positive sense of the self. (Dr. Robert Emmons, Prof. of Psychology, Univ. of Cal at Davis) People who
describe themselves as feeling grateful to others & either to God or Nature for the gift of life (Its good to be alive.) tend to
have higher vitality and more optimism, suffer less stress & experience fewer episodes of clinical depression than the population
as a whole. How does one express thankfulness?
a. To your friends & family - tell em youre thankful they are a part of your life & how much you appreciate all they do for
you.
b. (If you believe in a Higher Power) To the Higher Power in your life for the blessings that have been bestowed on you.
c. Internally (To yourself), for your state of being (Im grateful/thankful that - I live in a free country - I have a high
standard of living - Im healthy - Im doing well in college - I have many friends - my life is exciting & full of
adventure - Im intelligent - Im good-looking - and on & on! This is different from Positive self-talk (#1 above);
Self-talk = I AM Thankfulness = Im THANKFUL FOR.).

Happiness is a journey that is powered by these 11 actions... and the road goes on forever... and the party never ends.
Miller Templeton: miltemp@mindspring.com

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The lead researchers for Happiness are David G. Myers and Ed Diener.

David Myers is professor of psychology at Hope College in Michigan (myers@hope.edu) and author of The Pursuit of Happiness:
Who Is Happy and Why. He won the Gordon Allport Prize for his studies of group influence. His address is Department of
Psychology, Hope College, Holland, Michigan 49422. Telephone = 1-616-395-7121

Ed Denier is professor of psychology at the University of Illinois (ediener@psych.uiuc.edu) and investigates the definition and
measurement of subjective well-being (happiness & life satisfaction). He is president of the International Society of Quality of Life
Studies. His address is University of Illinois, Department of Psychology, 603 East Daniel Street, Champaign, Illinois 61820.
Telephone = 1-217-333-4804.

Ed Denier developed a scale that accurately determines how happy a person is. The psychological term for happy is Subjective
Wellbeing and Satisfaction with Life. Go to the following website to figure out how happy you are:

http://web4health.info/en/answers/psy-swls-scale.htm


Do a Google search on Myers Briggs Personality Type and you will find multiple web sites that will allow you to quickly determine
your type. Two such sites Are:

http://similarminds.com/jung.html and www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win//Jtypes2.asp

Do a Google search on Rotter, Locus of Control and you will find multiple web sites that will allow you to quickly determine
whether you have an INTERNAL or EXTERNAL Locus of Control. Two such sites are:

http://www.ucalgary.ca/~lapoffen/tasha/rotter.htm
AND
http://www.mtsu.edu/~studskl/locinternet.html

For both of the above Google searches, try 2 or 3 sites and see if you get approximately the same results.



References
(Bold Numbers refer to Characteristic Number listed in these notes)

2. How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie; Part Two: Six ways to make people like you

When I Say No, I Feel Guilty by Manuel Smith; Part five: Assertive Social conversation and
Communication (Self disclosure, pages 88 - 99)

The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck; Chapter II: Love (This is hard reading; its written by a
psychiatrist - but its really worth it.)

Why We Love by Helen Fisher

4. Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life by Martin E. Seligman

1 & 9. Your Erroneous Zones by Wayne Dyer; Chapters 1 & 2 (Love yourself); Chapters 9 (Anger),
7 (Blaming), 2 (Complaining), 5 (Guilt & Worry)

1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 8, 11. Time Magazine, January 17, 2005 issue. The Science of Happiness

More Articles on HAPPINESS by Myers & Diener can be found at:

http://www.davidmyers.org/Brix?pageID=47

AND

http://www.psych.uiuc.edu/~ediener/

A recent book (2002) by Martin E Seligman: Authentic Happiness explores the psychological roots of
happiness.