C'MON MAN, IT'S ANARCHISM!

written by
Bruce
Address
Phone
EXT STREET CORNER- DAY
A homeless man, mid 50's, lays against a slice of cardboard
near a convenience store. He seems to have the various
components left to his lackluster life around him; a few
bottles of alcohol, some trash-duffles filled with an
assortment of toiletries, and his ruffled, mink shit-coat.
CLOSEUP:HOMELESS MAN'S FACE
From ten feet south on the sidewalk, a young man approaches.
This man seems to be roughly 22 years of age, with a
neckbeard and slight metrosexualism.
CLOSEUP: WHITE, COLLEGE MAN'S FACE-SMIRK
The homeless man notices the change in light, he bats his
eyes open.
HOMELESS MAN
... Queer? S'at you?
YOUNG MAN
No... I suppose i'm feeling
alright.
HOMELESS MAN
*Hrmph*
YOUNG MAN
Your protest sir? Must I say spot
on! You really have--
HOMELESS MAN
A case of the "get the fuck out or
this hobo's going psychotic?"--
YOUNG MAN CONT'D
Actually... A fantastic "screw
you!", to the boys in blue and
those corporate boohoos.
The homeless man smacks his lips looking up to the man in
confusion.
HOMELESS MAN
Look sharlene--
YOUNG MAN
Pigs man. Pigs controlling
everything around here. Fucking
animal farm ya know!?
2.
HOMELESS MAN
Where are the pigs? I'll ea--
YOUNG MAN
And those fucks inside the store...
Just linking their arms together on
a daily basis, finally letting
their 'bosses' cop a feel or
sodamize em... Just to get one step
ahead... HAH!
HOMELESS MAN
And I thought today, of all days,
that I'd finally throw away the
meth pipes?
The young man smiles and laughs, crouching downwards to punch
the Homeless man's shoulder.
YOUNG MAN
Name's Gleam though... You go to
Northfrock Private too?
HOMELESS MAN
Shut the fuck up... And get your
flowery hand off of my meatstick,
dickprick!
YOUNG MAN
Ho-hey-hey now!
HOMELESS MAN
Go get some feed with your pigs you
cunt!
The young man's smile fades as he looks upon his reflection
in the front store window. He gulps.
Fade to Black
A SCREECHING VIOLIN
ROLL TITLE CREDITS: C'mon man, It's anarchism!
Fade to Black
INT. BATHROOM-DAY
Gleam looks at those ruffled cheeks of his within the mirror.
The college's bathroom is empty besides Gleam's shivering
body.
3.
He retrieves a tiny porcelain capsule container from his
pocket and opens it.
Gleam looks inwards as we see COCAINE.
GLEAM
(coughing)
*Ahem*--Snagamuffins.
Gleam looks back at himself in the mirror. Then, tilting his
head towards the door, proceeds to stuff some cocaine near
his left nostril and snort.
INT. LECTURE HALL-PHILOSOPHY
The lecture hall seats around 125 students. The professor
standing in the center of the half circle, preaching to the
choir.
We see one man looking at porn on his desktop near the back,
another woman sending nudes to a mutual friend, and one man
watching sports in the background.
Nearing the front, a man clicks on the browser for liveleaks,
finally deciding on watching a video of TALIBAN DRIVE BY's.
In the center of the blue seats Gleam comes upon a
predicament as he passes over a legitimately dead student.
He sits next to the body and squeezes the corpse's cheek.
GLEAM
You look fucked Mary.
I'll, uh, make sure to stop by
later...
CLOSEUP: GLEAM'S WINKING,TWITCHING EYES
The professor nearing 50, holding a pair of bifocals and a
microphone, begins to open the class for discussion.
PROFESSOR
Now...Now what's so surprising
about it all is the disparity, the
patrons of Roman society invoked a-
- Damnit Jezza, listen! Get off
your laptop and love me you bitch!
To the right of Gleam sits a man of 25 years, holding onto
his smartphone in one hand and biting the other with his
over-sized front teeth.
4.
Gleam looks at this man's cheek and notices the tattoo below
his neckline.
He turns back towards the professor.
PROFESSOR (CONTD)
Nero... The taut bastard! The town
burner! The Cunt of Yorkshire--
Hmm?! The Oedipus of Oedipus!
Gleam turns back towards the man.
GLEAM
(Hushed)
You hear about Syria?
MAN
....
GLEAM
Yo. Yo, man. Did you hear about
Syria?
The man turns annoyed towards Gleam, finally responding.
MAN
No... Last i heard she still had
the rape investigation going--
GLEAM
Not that bitch. I meant the nation
man!
MAN
Oh. Yeah.
GLEAM
Fucking fascist.
MAN
Excuse me?
GLEAM
OH. YEAH.
Gleam's voice begins to crack for a moment, then bludgeons
forward, gaining volume by intervals of 20 seconds.
GLEAM (CONTD)
It's people like you that'll drown
this country in monetized SLUDGE.
MAN.
5.
MAN
Chill the fuck out.
GLEAM
How can I chill out when you don't
know what's going on in the fucking
world? HUH? What is this
beeeerggggennn bellllzzzeeennn?!
The students around Gleam begin to turn, noting the sudden
increase of aggression within the air.
Meanwhile, the professor continues to drone away in the
background.
MAN
Your geriatric grandpa called... He
said to kill yourself and eat your
momma's titties...Um...
GLEAM
My momma's what?
MAN
Twat?
GLEAM
You'd like for me to die HUH?!
Yeah, oh look at me, mister fucking
punk with tattoos yet no
backbone... Your brethren would
spit on your face!
The harsher words meet with an even harsher demeanor on these
men.
Gleam twitching his eyebrows, unphased by the stares of his
peers.
The entire class at this point proceed to intensify their
glances towards this debacle. A few withdraw their phones and
prepare for an upcoming onslaught.
MAN
I don't even think i'd get a kick
out of pulling my gun out and
pointing it at your head BOY.
GLEAM
You have a gun?... Eegatz!
MAN
Ask anyone in this room. Right
here. Right sow.
6.
ANONYMOUS YELL
He's fucking lying. Look! HE
FUCKING LEFT IT IN HIS CAR!
The man grabs at his holster, only to find air.
ANONYMOUS YELL (CONTD)
WATCH OUT WHEN YOU GO TO YOUR CAR,
BUDDAY!
Gleam look around for a moment, instead blinking his eyes
furiously, lining back towards the man.
ANONYMOUS YELL (CONTD)
... NOT YOU GLEAM. THE REJECT
LOOKIN ONE!
GLEAM
Hey! But I thought that was me
Johnson? Aww shucks--
GLEAM (CONTD)
Fuck it! Just... Enough you
CORPORATE MIMICRY!--BEEP BEEP-
PROFITS!--It's in the minds of your
kind, the kind that shits on
others, themselves, and then
regurgitates it for their
children... That all of the
exterior SHIT suddenly crumbles in
upon you... AND THAT LAST DAY YOU
FUCKING REALIZE HOW LOWLY YOU WERE
THE WWWHOOOOLLEEE TIMMMMEEEE.
Gleam takes a gulp of air and points to a mentally
handicapped child in the upper level of seats.
The crowd turns for a moment, noting the happiness. The
students, and professor laugh and smile alongside.
The professor sits down at his desk, relaxing backwards.
GLEAM (CONTD)
You think this establishment is
going to keep you going? Nah man
it'll be the oxycotin and
Lorazepam!
(BEAT)
What if I ripped it apart, all the
outer walls, the inner walls, the
faceless children... You'd be left
with nothing.
7.
MEN
Then why the fuck are you here man?
GLEAM
... Good question... Wait two
minutes for a better response--
The man teeming with his dismayed ego, stands to face Gleam.
Gleam stares towards his crotch.
MAN
I guess people like you... OH
WHAT?! The little fucks, who think
society's advancement and
aggregation is some expedited
governmental social intervention...
that'll, ya know, lead to a void
filled with no personality. You
people--You're the cause for
devolution... And you're just as
ignorant as any racist/religious
savant/genocidist/pedophile...So
you can right fuck off.
GLEAM
You don't know shit man, because
I'm the groovy funkalishus son of
Sam! A-HEY!
MAN
A mother knows when one's
retarded... No offense cathy...
A girl with pigtails infatuated with the argument, nearly 18,
startles herself away from the scene.
CATHY
Hey Derik! I'm not retarded!
DERIK
... But you know what--
From the back of the room in a faint yell.
WOMAN
...I'm retarded!
DERIK
You interrupted a man who's paid to
educate us, a group of students who
pay to listen to this crock of
shit--no offense--
8.
PROFESSOR
Every bit taken.
DERIK
And lastly the deaf guy!
((beat)
I mean how's he supposed to hear
this? C'mon!
A tall latino student stands up and begins to shout.
STUDENT
NO DERIK! It's fine... look the
translator's on it!
The translator in the corner coming to after staring down the
two men.
The translator notices the students watching, proceeding to
invisibly suck a penis for a moment.
The blind kid gulps.
Gleam pokes Derik's shoulder.
GLEAM
You think just cause you're higher
than me, you're "higher" than me?
Gleam stands up switching his eyes past Derik's crotch,
arriving upon the neck of his average frame.
GLEAM (CONTD)
Because, yeah, guess what? I can
stand...
((beat))
Plus you know... The ah. The
ahhhhh... Cocaine...
GLEAM CONT'D
Back to this atrocity!
A student wearing a thick jacket during the insanely warm day
shrieks.
EEEEEK!
The student rushes upwards, throwing aside his jacket and
over-sized jogger, button-released sweats, revealing a
monstrous facial distortion; His skin is burnt beyond belief.
ATROCITY
I knew one of these days you'd all
look at me, frightened swine!
(MORE)
9.
ATROCITY (CONTD)
Singe your eyes on the horrors...
It's what your government did,
children!
The professor stands in shock, releasing his feet from the
desk. He scratches his head, nodding, and leans back once
more.
A student in the back wearing his JROTC costume sees the
sight.
He begins to cry, putting his hat onto his chest as he
stands. He begins:
RANDOM JROTC KID
... You know... I just wanna say...
On behalf of the army, the "look
we'll give ya a mill, go chill,
vets club"--Heck what the hell am I
thinking?
RANDOM JROTC KID (CONTD)
So... abomination--I mean atrocity-
-upfront? I just--damnit-- I just
had to say! I'm sorry for what we
did!
The student looks downwards.
The class erupts in applause. A girl in the back throws a
notebook she had, clutching her chest in adoration.
Another boy looks over at the soldier with beaming eyes,
advancing to slap his penis.
A girl smirking from her seat decides to stand. She looks
over to the soldier and begins to run, jumping over the
seats.
She makes it halfway, only to find her face meeting the front
end of a seat.
OWWWWWW!!!
THAT BITCH MIGHT BE DEAD DAMNIT!
Meanwhile, the atrocity walks to the epicenter of the lecture
hall, finding the spotlight as a pleasant, nubile experience.
He grabs the microphone on the stand and begins to blush.
ATROCITY
Well... Hah. Hah. Cough. Cough.
This thing on? Jokes? Jokes?
Anybody?
(MORE)
(MORE)
10.
ATROCITY (CONTD)
What do you call a bitch with no
teeth?--A ribless vaccuum for cum!
Hah! Hah! *Snort* Get it?
((beat))
*Ahem* You've probably all wondered
about the--what'd you guys call me-
-"Puffy, sackface", "Pudge Mudge"
"Cooter Tooter"--I don't even get
that one okay?--But you get it...
ATROCITY CONT'D
The life of an atrocity. The vile
excrement of society. The hunchback
of Northfrock.
The deaf boy from across the lecture hall begins to walk to
the front.
He smiles at the crowd of students finally arriving to look
at the atrocity's feet.
He reaches out to touch the Atrocity's face, instead making a
barfing motion near his side.
ATROCITY
Thank you young man... For coming
forward and embracing the life of
an outcast... Let us--
The deaf boy begins to sign something towards the Atrocity.
The last gesture ends with a sly roll away from under his
chin with his hand.
ATROCITY (CONTD)
What does he speak of?
RANDOM STUDENT
NOTHING. HE CAN'T SPEAK YOU FUCK!
ATROCITY
Translator. Be of use... For once.
A COLD STARE FROM THE TRANSLATOR.
The translator walks over and grabs the microphone. She
coughs relaxing her throat and brings open her pantyhose
ridden legs to glance in the direction of a yoked male in the
audience.
TRANSLATOR
... He said... Fuck you. You look
like you were dipped in a uranium
mining pit... Oh.
(MORE)
11.
TRANSLATOR (CONTD)
Also that you stink like his dead
aunt's vagina after being in the
coffin for twenty--
ATROCITY
Uhm.... Well I know that's not how
my peers feel about their good ol'
new friend, "The atrocity"!
The students find one another glancing to and fro. Some
nervously scratch the back of their head, others laugh.
Gleam and Derik sitting down eating popcorn, stand back up
and face one another.
DERIK
I don't care for this "gleam" fella
much... But sorry Atrocity...
You're a cesspool! Get out o' here!
COLLECTIVE STUDENT
Yeahhhhh! Yeah... see!
ATROCITY
You're gonna let them talk to me
like this professor?
The professor stumbles awake.
PROFESSOR
Ewww! Hideous! Someone get that man
away from my microphone! He'll
taint it damnit!
The atrocity feels the hatred come to climax when a "ginger"
boy in the crowd motions and slices his finger across his
neck. He begins running away from the side-exit doors,
shrieking all of the way out.
CLANK!
Gleam and Derik furiously stare one another down.
CLOSEUP: GLEAM'S EYES
CLOSEUP: DERIK'S EYES
CLOSEUP: GLEAM'S LIPS
CUE SLOW MOTION SCENE:
GLEAM
(Slow motion)
Agree... To disagree then?
12.
DERIK
No... See... I don't think you got
chops kid!
GLEAM
Well. I don't think you got a
'paps' kid! Or didn't once go
fishing with him--
DERIK
Shut your mouth about that!
GLEAM
Memories... shooting back too fast
Derik?
Derik looks off into the distance, his eyes crazed. He seems
to be staring at the tits of a 22 year old man in the
audience.
The man blushes.
Derik continues his deranged look, while gleam begins to grow
impatient.
GLEAM (CONTD)
You cook! You loony! You
Georgefuckedcloony! I'm gonna shove
an eight ball up your ass kid!
THE WORDS "I'M GONNA SHOVE AN EIGHT BALL UP YOUR ASS KID"
ECHO THREE TIMES.
Derik's knees buckle, his face arriving at Gleam's shoes.
DERIK'S FLASHBACK: APARTMENT-DAY
Derik's young body comes into view, his 9 year old shell.
His father stands above him shuffling a ball around in his
hand.
DERIK
(groggy)
Where... What... Who are you?
DAD
Don't go all crazy on me boy. You
gotta feel this next one.
DERIK
What do you mean?
13.
DAD
The cue ball wasn't right... I
think the sticker bulged out on it.
Sorry bout that.
DERIK
What are you doing paps?
DAD
Now go ahead and shut your mouth
coming up please. Do it for Lenny.
That whore dog died last week. You
remember? I had you flay him--
DERIK
Wait... Is this the 4th of
December? The... The day that.
*Gulp* I had to go to the billiards
hall and place money down... I. I
always forget... You did something-
-
DAD
What in the fuck are you on about?
DERIK
I think I'm in hell.
DAD
Ehhhh. Not hell... but close.
The dad retrieves the eightball from the floor. He puts a
glove on followed by some lubricant.
EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS-LAWN
Gleam's terrible sense of fashion rushes into view, coming
first in the form of his dilapidated jean shorts, followed by
an over-sized dress shirt from the 70's.
GLEAM
Lambs for slaughter... Or just
fucking...
PAN: ON CAMPUS EVENT-FAIR FOR POLITICAL AND RELIGIOUS RIGHTS
Gleam begins to walk through the crowd. He notes the many
well tailored shit eaters and scoffs.
GLEAM (CONTD)
shee--
14.
RANDOM STUDENT
Praise the youngest savior of them
all, Jesus!
Don't get all hung up on Jesus...
The newest craze in worship is
here... Introducing the "Hail
Satan" fanatics of Northfrock--
RANDOM STUDENT (PA) (PA)
Still hung up on all those
unoriginal deities? How about
hailing a real man? Hail Hitler
everyone!
RANDOM STUDENT
--Jewish... And kind of scared of
lists?--Don't worry we don't have a
registry!--Forget Hitler and join
the Northfrock Mutual fund! Hail
bankers!
Kind of pissed off with everyone,
including your peers? Join the
JEFFREY DAHMER, STAY STRONGER
worship club. We meet every full
moon. Please don't bring any
unlabeled meat products... We've
had an incident...
Gleam continues his walk arriving at a booth. The 4'x4' sign
behind the female, student teller reads, "Bush Replica
Dildoes, just $20.01".
GLEAM
No anarchism booth though...
Jeez...
Gleam finds not one interesting booth out of the decay of
student campaigns.
He sulks his head downwards as he walks to the nearest table.
The setting sun beams across the tents, finally arriving on
his hunched back.
He sits down and overlooks the hysteria.
His eyes fall upon a booth with men in reagan masks. Their
booth entitled, "Ronald Reagan Revival".
Gleam releases a sigh.
GLEAM (CONTD)
You know I... I fight all the time
for this cause...
(MORE)
15.
GLEAM (CONTD)
And it never pans out. Free-
Society. Anarchism. It's just too
rad.
(beat)
Gosh, maybe that's it?
Gleam continues to divert his eyes between the scene ahead
and the pigeon near his foot.
GLEAM (CONTD)
I mean, it's easy enough for you--
Sure maybe not as carrier pigeon
commando's in WW2--But you get the
idea? You can just set it all loose
sometimes... Just fly the fuck out
of the frock man...
CLOSEUP: PIGEON SHIFTING HEAD TO THE SIDE.
GLEAM (CONTD)
Hell... I'm talking to a pigeon
now... And it's not even original.
Gleam reaches into his messenger bag. His hands shuffle
around, finally hitting something that begins to RATTLE.
CLOSEUP: OXYCOTIN/ZANEX HYBRID " DAT PURPLE FIRE SHIT BLOOD"
PILL 60 COUNT
Gleam's hands grow white and flushed red as his grip
continues to increase.
GLEAM (CONTD)
I didn't want to have to do it
audience... I just didn't damn it.
Gleam pops the container off.
CLOSEUP: MOUTH swallowing two pills.
GLEAM (CONTD)
(near tears)
I guess...hmph... I guess it'll all
be better this way though...
GLEAM CONT'D
I'll fly.. Just like you do my
beautiful darling...
Gleam looks onwards to the changing sky. The booths now
illuminating with the prospect of young ambition.
The pigeon to his right swallows a piece of crumpled paper
that fell out of Gleam's pocket.
16.
Within a matter of a minute the pigeon dies.
GLEAM
Ahhh... I'm soaring now buddy...
Soaring now.
THE END
GLEAM (CONTD)