Defined the missing

In the middle of a cold night

his soul quivers facing winter bites
he keeps walking despite silence
face downs, hands tighten
where is he walking?
What is he searching?
defined the missing
whole lonesomeness
but still challenging his own limit
what he found is just emptiness

Somewhere in nowhere
the birds raising up a love song
somewhere, there a never ending meadow
where there are just kissing, loving and no sorrow
somewhere...

It's late at night, she cannot sleep

so many thoughts, right now she keeps
the dreadful silence makes her shiver
Darkness also sends a tremor
defined the missing
Fear plays with her heart
Weakness is haunting her right from the start
She is tired of being in this situation
she is tired of hiding from her own emotion
whole lonesomeness
but still challenging her own limit
what she found is just emptiness

What do they seek? When will this end?

Where is love when they need it most?
No one knows when one stays up crying
No one knows when the souls are dying
Right from the start...
Defined the missing
Running man

It's late at night, I cannot sleep

So many thoughts right now I keep
The dreadful silent makes me shiver
The darkness also sends a quiver
Right this now, I'm a running man
Right from the start, hiding from my emotion
I fear that love will make me blind
I'm tired of being in this situation
Right from the start, I miss you
Don't play with my heart
For a running man like me
The feelings haunt me day by day
No one know I stay up crying
No one knows my soul is dying
Cause I'm a running man, I'm a running man
What do I seek? When will this end
Where is love when I need it most?
Yet, I'm home again but I feel like such a ghost
For once again, you came back to my heart
Right at this now, I'm a running man
I do not sleep

Upon wide sky,I look down smile

wandered freely, with starry night
the moon I chase, the wind I catch
must go, I come to say goodbye
the earth, indeed belong am I
I dig the meaning of this life
forget me not, forget me not
a mind at peace, how pure at ease
to dear the heart
so praise for me, friends
though, not yet met
upon wide sky, I look down smile
wandered freely, with starry night
the moon I chase, the wind I catch
must go, I come to say goodbye
I am now sunlight
I sing I dance
the happy song
with joy, I stand
a mind at peace, how pure at ease
so be happy, my friends
I do not sleep
not a teardrop, don’t weep for me
I do not sleep
Life is a wonderful journey

My face swelled like a balloon

My eyes was shut
my heart was tied up with gigantic rocks
blocks all ways in and out
I walked with a heavy mind
I drowned in stressful thoughts
1985 is my birth year
but already I felt life was way too much
Did I have too much and did I need anything
I also felt weary sins
I was a dead person walking
Yes, that was me
And my uncle is having cancer
they give him chemical stuff
to treat his going-wrong body
every week
this is the fact many told me
99% of those who are in the same condition like him
would die within 3 months
he is the 1% that some called miracle
he breathes the smell of pain
shuts his eyes and rests
3 days in a week
and the 4 days left
he wakes up
drinks his milk
he does not feel nothing
But he drinks because he knows he needs it
that's his life in more than a year
But wait, I forgot to tell you one more thing
after finishing his milk
he makes phone calls
sometimes his assistants drive him to his company
he tells people do not worry
and please continue to work
he inspires every single soul
that knows his story
I told him why do you still working
he did not say much
But mom told me still he's happy
and he acts just like normal
cause he doesn't want people who love him to worry
How about me
my birth year is 1985
and I do not work for more than 2 years
I just sat here and there
feeling so tired
I managed to depress many people
that comes near me
and made my family worry way too much
I was who many called genius
No
Let's make this a new beginning
I vow from now on
I'll eat 1 orange everyday
more veggies more fruits
I'll stop drinking too much coffee
I'll go exercise and find myself a job
If I'm too bad and no one wants to hire me
I'll work for free or I'll open my own company
I'll never write another sad story to depress people
never, never
and that's how a healthy person shall live
Before truly becoming a legend, first I must become a healthy person
Before deeply loving anybody, first I must learn to love me
Before madly working in the job of giving, first I must know and enjoy what I have and need
This is a prescription I wrote for myself
thanks for doing me such a great favor
the sorrow guy life in me is finished
I want to be a missing piece of people who need me
born a we guy
the guy I never wanted to become
I used to be a selfish freak
His ego

He loves watching things falling

and thinks there are hidden meanings
behind everything he loves
and he loves thinking
he thinks about thinking
while having nothing to think of
and he believes
there must be meanings
of the things he loves
he loves resting
he loves freezing weather
late winter
and he loves her
because of her beauty
but the only problem
he knows he loves himself too much
and he keeps loving
the untouching
the girls, young women
beauty
but he loves himself too much
it is his problem
he is falling in love with his own image
that's what he loves the most

What am I doing

Teeth, mouth, fur of emotion

Fingers and nails
Gently I compose my own song
And arms, and legs
With fever in my slow motion
Also sound of the griever
The tunnel inside me
the deceiver
Talk to the hand
the point of mistake
Finding meaning
Triple wrong acts
Impossibility
Trying to ease
My journey, long way to misery
Noise of fierceness
within voice of peace
The long pause for good
Silence of mood
Now, here, then
You and me
Hopeless
In death
Let end it all
We end it all
Death in dreaming
to waken up
and found ourselves sleeping
How
to let them know
We are desperate
The journey, long way to misery
Noise of fierceness
within voice of peace
Talk to the hand
the point of mistake
Finding meaning
Triple wrong acts
Put me in sleep
With verses of Satan
Would they be angry
When you join me
In the dearest shadow
you, me
we
never think of tomorrow
See you when I get there

You eyed me, without a face

I sat, stood still
I, faced, face without eyes
known, a face without eyes
invited, Ok
now, come I and took a sit
you eyed me without eyes
be seen, faces, we all have faces without eyes
and without eyes
touch of a look
And I know
smiled, I

ZEN

I try to stop myself

still life said:
toooooooooooo faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaast

Purpose

I also said I had purpose

Crossing the sea, rocking the wind
facing fire, for the search of that very first thought
Of every road leading me to madness
to the unknown wishing Hell
the personal me within
I’m asking for more
in the crashing of pressure
to achieve one greatest pleasure
loneliness, hell of emotion
Greatness, heaven under the sun
yelling within silence
Grieving inside happy moment
Experience the difference
Distance of Enlightening
Again, to the me within
within and within
the cover of a fruit
the should I wish I could
mood of anxiety
voice of fury
dream in peace
rest in me
I wish I wish
wishing in violence
asking but giving no reason
the moment within
carving within
dying within
within and within
lonesomeness
to the within
within lonesomeness
tearing out confusion
the bubble of allusion
I had a conclusion
extrusive force of life
in the given circle of trust
exaggerating the must
deceiving my own purpose
And the rhythm of anger
adding the flavor of dashing
in the process of defining the missing
the link of purpose
to the glory of perfection
what is good in that walk
Addicting to power
Lying repeatedly
Buying ticket to pass the Satan’s gate
the sign of me
the within, within and within
inner power, inner sin
to the me, only me
the greatest goddess
Gross
madness
He's lonely
clickin on the teeth
tickin and ticking
sound of his own movin
chewing nails
sticking gum
sucking thumb
Drawin to some conclusion
to the me, the only me
sign of sickness
looking or observing
dying or breathin
Drinking or vomitin
in or out
up or down
beginin or ending
take a look
you or me
who is he?
hello
then
I may want to ask you to count
within me
is it the first time
or is it not
is it the same old rhythm
or it is not
should I make something different
see
they continue talking
while walkin
see
he continues typin
while frozenin
Does it make a difference
cuz
People think and act differently.
Silence for he to think
And to do what
Where is life leading him
When future is covered
With a blanket
And he could just barely see
It’s me
Opened and closed his eyes
A long silence falls
Like a deep breath
his dim recollection
Darkness is all over
The heart is weaker
his soul is silver
It's me
I waited here for an answer
Come from the source within
Meaning of wrong acts
Predicting future
Find my blue print
Another day has passed away
Findin myself return to the same old way
And again darkness is all over
The heart is weaker
I continue waiting here for one answer
From within
Meaning of life
His collecting
of teeth

Yes me No me

Yes this was me!

Who was I? I did not know

knowing, only gave me more sorrow

When I was a kid looking at the dark night sky

I told my dad: 'it's me, the star. I want to go far'

who was I, still I did not know

But, yes that was me

that little kid, with no sorrow

And one day, they sent me to school

they taught me math and I learned

I learned the dream,

me, the math genius

yes, genius, genius.. genius to be

who was I, still I did not know

genius I was, adding more sorrow

I spent 6 years wanting, waiting to become genius

Who was I, still how could I know

me, genius with my swimming pool of stress

I learned the genius life was s u c k

How could it be? No one ever told me

genius was so god damn lonely

how it could be when people

they all fall for genius?

Oh god, people only love their versions of fantasy

Who was I, little white lie has been told

no no no.... no genius

I wanted a life with recognition and honor

Fortune and fame, a place where they would speak my name

But when the crowd was gone, stood I

what a live with fake smiles and bulls h i t

Who was I, still I did not know

knowing only brought more sorrow

I wanted to run away

I ran and ran and ran far from everything

Who was I, still I did not know

Now, I want to be a bum

standing on the freeway asking for 50 cents

I want to laugh out loud, when they say

'sorry, no money'

But even the bum has trouble too

he spends the day drinking and blaming

he laughs and he cries and he pees and he poos

in his own pant

who am I?

genius, bum and me

we all have one thing in common

we're so f u c k i n g lonely

Who am I? still I do not know

and I'm tired of playing on my own

I hope that s.o could find and rescue me

from this deep s h i t

I'm just a kid

I don't want to play such a big role

yes, the kid I am

who madly need love and comfort

a place to return and sleep

without any worry

the kid I am

who now wants his own family

speaking of this, it makes me cry

the image of my uncle just pops up

again, he asks me: ' Do you want money? '

Oh, how I wanted to avoid the fight

I wish I could answer

yes, yes, yes, I want to become boss, f u c k i n g huge boss

and a successful life

yes, we will open a bank and manipulate the stock market

yes, we pump and we dump massy amount of stocks

f u c k the fool, let make some real money

yes, f u c k them all, those d i c k heads

we f u c k them, f u c k them, f u c k them till they all die

those f u c k i n g stupid people

now in their heads, I'm a poor kid

with my delusional dream

I bet they must think I'm a bit crazy

well, maybe more than a bit

not sure about the amount/ degree

hmmm my f u c k i n g big and successful

dysfunctional family

it's so god damn big and huge

with many successful and crazy people

it gotta be dysfunctional

is it some kind of law of physics

have no idea, it's f u c k i n g crazy

anyway, still I remember Selena

she said if I come near her

she'll call the police

oh, holly molly s h i t

I don't know what to do

hmmm I think

well, the morality of my story is

the genius dies as the fool

the rich guy dies the slave

the bum dies as a wealthy guy

and me, still living

undecided

my classification as a dead person

while the crowd still yelling

the sizzling is still spreading

he who does not know himself

who he really is

will live life like a clown

and die regretted

all of us

we pass through time

wondering about the future

and missing the past

no one really lives for the moment

cuz we're f u c k i n g s h i t heads

big time