This document discusses strategies for dealing with difficult people and their behaviors. It outlines that people exhibit behaviors as a result of their focus on either tasks or people, as well as their natural assertiveness levels. When people are stressed, their tendencies become exaggerated. The presentation teaches ways to understand the motives behind problematic behaviors using a "Lens of Understanding". It provides examples of how behaviors change when people's core intentions are not met. The document concludes by outlining steps to facilitate groups and strategies for self-reflection on one's own difficult behaviors.
This document discusses strategies for dealing with difficult people and their behaviors. It outlines that people exhibit behaviors as a result of their focus on either tasks or people, as well as their natural assertiveness levels. When people are stressed, their tendencies become exaggerated. The presentation teaches ways to understand the motives behind problematic behaviors using a "Lens of Understanding". It provides examples of how behaviors change when people's core intentions are not met. The document concludes by outlining steps to facilitate groups and strategies for self-reflection on one's own difficult behaviors.
This document discusses strategies for dealing with difficult people and their behaviors. It outlines that people exhibit behaviors as a result of their focus on either tasks or people, as well as their natural assertiveness levels. When people are stressed, their tendencies become exaggerated. The presentation teaches ways to understand the motives behind problematic behaviors using a "Lens of Understanding". It provides examples of how behaviors change when people's core intentions are not met. The document concludes by outlining steps to facilitate groups and strategies for self-reflection on one's own difficult behaviors.
How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst Dr. Rick Brinkman Dr. Rick Kirshchner
People arent difficult. Their behaviors can be.
As learners and facilitators, we want to understand this difficult behavior and engage these people in positive group dynamics
Outline of Presentation
1. Understand theory behind bad behaviors 2. Learn how to facilitate others who are exhibiting bad behaviors 3. Assess and reflect on your own bad behaviors
The Lens of Understanding:
A magnifying lens on behaviors reveals the motives behind them
The Lens of Understanding:
Everyone responds to situations with a different level of assertiveness: Passive Aggressive
The Lens of Understanding:
During a time of challenge, difficulty or stress, people move out of their comfort zone and their level of assertiveness become exaggerated: Passive Aggressive More More
The Lens of Understanding People Focus Task Focus There are also patterns to what people focus their attention on:
The Lens of Understanding
People Focus Task Focus Challenge, difficulty or stress also exaggerates this focus: More More
Passive Aggressive People Focus Task Focus Normal Zone The Normal Zone of behaviors
What determines focus and assertiveness?
Four general positive intents: 2. Get the task done 1. Get the task right 3. Get appreciation from people 4. Get along with people
Passive Aggressive People Focus Task Focus Normal Zone Get it right Get it done Get along Get appreciated Four positive intents
Passive Aggressive People Focus Task Focus Normal Zone Get it right Get it done Get along Get appreciated Gray Zone Threats to positive intents cause an exaggerated Gray Zone of behaviors
Same priorities, No problem
A deadline is looming. Someone you work with on a project wants to get it done You both focus on the task. You are getting it done, and your communications are brief and to the point.
What happens when a persons intent is not met?
A deadline is looming. Someone you work with on a project wants to get it done
They fear the project won t get done and become more controlling But you don t focus on the task
Get it right
Passive Aggressive People Focus Task Focus Get it done Get along Get appreciated Controlling Same priorities, No problem
Someone you know wants to get appreciation for what hes doing You let him know that you recognize his contribution with your enthusiasm and words of gratitude
What happens when a persons intent is not met?
Someone you know wants to get appreciation for what hes doing
They fear they won t get approval and become more attention seeking
You don t recognize his contribution Get it right
Passive Aggressive People Focus Task Focus Get it done Get along Get appreciated Attention Getting
Same priorities, No problem
You are in an argument with another person. You want to get along with that other person The other person communicates that both of your points of view are important. You both listen to each other and effectively resolve your argument..
You don t share your opinion but instead adopt theirs. becomes more approval seeking What happens when a persons intent is not met? The other person strongly pushes their own point of view You are in an argument with another person. You want to get along with that other person Get it right
Passive Aggressive People Focus Task Focus Get it done Get along Get appreciated Approval Seeking
Same priorities, No problem
Someone you work with wants to get it right You focus on the task, paying great attention to the details, and your reports to her are well documented.
What happens when a persons intent is not met? Someone you work with wants to get it right
She fears it will get done wrong and becomes more perfectionist. You don t share that focus on the task Get it right
Passive Aggressive People Focus Task Focus Get it done Get along Get appreciated Perfectionist
The Lens of Understanding
Passive Aggressive People Focus Task Focus Get it right Get it done Get along Get appreciated Controlling Attention Getting Approval Seeking Perfectionist
The Lens of Understanding
Passive Aggressive People Focus Task Focus Get it right Get it done Get along Get appreciated Controlling Attention Getting Approval Seeking Perfectionist ???
The Lens of Understanding
Passive Aggressive People Focus Task Focus Get it right Get it done Get along Get appreciated Controlling Attention Getting Approval Seeking Perfectionist Sniper Tank Know-it-all
The Lens of Understanding
Passive Aggressive People Focus Task Focus Get it right Get it done Get along Get appreciated Controlling Attention Getting Approval Seeking Perfectionist ???
The Lens of Understanding
Passive Aggressive People Focus Task Focus Get it right Get it done Get along Get appreciated Controlling Attention Getting Approval Seeking Perfectionist Grenade Sniper Think They Know-it-all
The Lens of Understanding
Passive Aggressive People Focus Task Focus Get it right Get it done Get along Get appreciated Controlling Attention Getting Approval Seeking Perfectionist ???
The Lens of Understanding
Passive Aggressive People Focus Task Focus Get it right Get it done Get along Get appreciated Controlling Attention Getting Approval Seeking Perfectionist Yes Person Maybe Person Nothing Person
The Lens of Understanding
Passive Aggressive People Focus Task Focus Get it right Get it done Get along Get appreciated Controlling Attention Getting Approval Seeking Perfectionist ???
The Lens of Understanding
Passive Aggressive People Focus Task Focus Get it right Get it done Get along Get appreciated Controlling Attention Getting Approval Seeking Perfectionist No Person Nothing Person Whiner
Facilitation Activity:
Group Activity Steps:
1. Blending 2. Backtracking 3. Facilitation toward a goal
Group Activity Steps:
1. Blending let the person who is displaying a difficult behavior know that you understand their positive intent
Group Activity Steps:
Backtracking share some of the argument they made, using their words, to let the person know you have heard and understood them. (You are not saying that you agree with them)
Group Activity Steps:
Facilitation toward a goal using the handouts, facilitate towards a goal using the strategies suggestion for each specific behavior
Group Activity Steps:
1. Blending 2. Backtracking 3. Facilitation toward a goal
Self-assessment for difficult behaviors:
1. Which ones? 2. When? 3. Strategies for self- management
Key Learnings: People arent their behavior People demonstrate patterns of behavior People vs. task focus Passive vs. aggressive tendencies Balance is the key