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4
ven as the evidence mounts, you are required by hipster law to adamantly deny you are in any
way a hipster. If you must, get angry, remove your non-prescription black-rimmed glasses, stamp
your hand-sewn boots, and walk away from the table as quickly as your skinny jeans will allow.
But this rampant denial of ;.2&'#(7+8 does present a problem
at church because theres no way to know how hipster your worship
leader is. Until now.
!
hough moving to Nashville has turned me into a hipster,
too, I felt it was my responsibility to create this score-
card. If churches would let you know on their signs
the degree of hipster youre about to experience,
you wouldnt need this. Until that day, though,
here is the worlds most comprehensive guide to
understanding how hipster your worship leader is.
3<!4=
(This list is designed to address the male
hipster species, but should a lady feel led to
create a separate list for the female contin-
gent, I wish her the best. There are certainly
hipster girls leading worshipI just dont know
how to describe their scarves very well.)
Hipster FIELD GUIDE

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1. Has a pair of TOMS. = +1
2. Has a feet of TOMS. = +2
3. Repaired a hole in the toe of his TOMS with a patch he knitted at home. = +3
4. If hes not wearing TOMS, his shoes kind of look like he went bowling right
before leading worship and forgot to give back the rental shoes. = +3
5. Feels Urban Outftters is too mainstream. = +1
6. Wears a skinny tie. = +1
7. Wears a skinny tie with a button-up shirt untucked. = +2
8. Wears bow ties. = +1
9. The bow ties are handmade. = +2
10. By an 82-year-old bowtie maker who wears a
vintage cummerbund. = +3
11. Regularly points out that your church doesnt
do enough worship songs that require the use
of a banjo. = +1
12. Asked if the communion wafers
are locally grown. = +2
13. Uses the phrase farm to table constantly
at lunch after church. = +2
14. Has never stepped foot on a farm. = +4
15. Starting to roll his jeans. = +1
16. He thinks the Avett Brothers are some
plumbers in town. = -10
17. Someone has ever told him he is
so Nashville. = +2
18. Or so Portland. = +2
19. Or so Brooklyn. = +2
20. Or so Austin. = +2
21. Or so Kissimmee, Florida. = -2
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T O T A L
WORSHI P
L E A D E R
Hipster FIELD GUIDE

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22. More likely to cover Mumford & Sons or the Lumineers during church than Chris Tomlin
or Matt Redman. = +5
23. Appreciates the beard potential of David Crowder but is concerned that he doesnt wear
enough suspenders. = +3
24. Wears raw denim jeans that are not supposed to be washed. = +5
25. If it were up to him, the church picnic would be replaced with a food truck roundup with
options like Artisanal Apricots on Wheels. = +5
26. When hired at your church, he asked if you knew a good cobbler in town. = +1
27. Thinking about making his own shoes. = +3
28. Already learned how to make his own shoes via Pinterest. = +4
29. Doesnt own a TV and occasionally mentions that fact when youre talking
about things other than TV. = +2
30. But he watches Hulu, Netfix on Demand
and Youtube. = +3
31. Has a favorite font. = +1
32. Its not Comic Sans. (No points, thats not a
hipster thing. That font is universally hated.)
33. He wears Warby Parker glasses. = +2
34. Wears as much product in his hair as a
metrosexual worship leader but calls it
pomade instead. = +2
35. His Instagram feed is full of photos of his amp. = +1
36. Or close-ups of a microphone. = +5
37. Lives in the city and owns chickens. = +3
38. Built the coop by hand with locally sourced
wood from trees that died natural deaths. = +4
39. Liked a number of bands before you knew they
even existed and now that other people like them
hed rather not like them. = +1
40. Keeps trying to convince the pastor that he
should do an Explosions in the Sky song
during worship. = +2
41. He slapped you in the mouth when you asked
if he owned a Blackberry. = +3
42. He wears work boots that have never been
to work. = +2
43. Buttons the top button on his shirt and
calls it top shelf. = +3
Hipster FIELD GUIDE
Page TOTAL

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44. Has ever said the phrase, I liked that before it was mainstream. = +1 for each use.
45. Is so hipster he stopped using the word mainstream because its too mainstream. = +10
46. Has an old-timey handlebar mustache. = +1
47. Has a special wax from England that he uses on his mustache. = +2
48. Has a mustache, but its ironic. = +1
49. Can grow a surprisingly full mustache in less than a week. One Sunday
theres no mustache, next Sunday Magnum PI is leading worship.
(Hipsters have an uncanny ability to grow facial hair.) = +4
50. No longer says the phrase Thats so 2011 because that
phrase is already so 2012. = +2
51. His kids dress cooler than you. = +3
52. Traded in his metrosexual Castro revolutionary
hat for a little bowler hat. = +4
53. Reads the lyrics to the songs from a scroll. = +2
54. Its printed on homemade paper. = +2
55. Hates hymns. = +2
56. Unless theyre vintage or reclaimed. = +4
57. Mixes unexpected instruments during worship.
(e.g. plays his bass guitar with a bow.) = +4
58. Is thinking about vacationing in Iceland. = +3
59. Wears mens capris on stage. = +1
60. Tells you, Theyre not capris, theyre
clamdiggers. = +2
61. Has never been clamdigging. = +3
62. Stopped blogging so that he could focus on tumblr. = +2
63. He traded in his silver Volkswagen Passat for a
maroon old-school Volvo station wagon. = +1
64. Traded said station wagon in for a fxed
gear bike. = +2
65. Wears leather high-top Nike Dunks. = +2
66. Has never actually dunked. = +3
67. Wears a periwinkle suit each Sunday. = -10
68. Wears a vest but no other part of the suit. = +10
69. Picked his latest guitar amp based on which
one had the smallest carbon footprint. = +1
70. Still waiting for Pitchfork to start reviewing worship albums. = +2
Hipster FIELD GUIDE
Page TOTAL

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71. Thinks pitchfork is something used for pitching hay. = -10
72. Loves attending South by Southwest. = +2
73. Stopped attending when it got all mainstream. = +4
74. Used to have a band that wasnt a Christian band, but a band full of Christians. = +2
75. Grows his own food and occasionally does worship leader talk singing from stage about it.
I was just reminded of how beautifully creative our God is this weekend when I was
picking kale in my garden. = +5
76. Drinks Kombucha on stage. = +2
77. Its homemade. = +4
78. Shops exclusively at Whole Foods. = +1
79. Shops exclusively at Trader Joes. = +4
80. Only Christmas album hell listen to is Sufjan
Stevens album. = +2
81. Can correctly spell Sufjan Stevens name on the
frst attempt without Googling it. = +4
82. Kind of looks like he cuts his own hair. = +1
83. He actually cuts his own hair with hand-
sharpened scissors he got from the farmers
market. = +10
84. If he had on camo and was holding a hunting
rife, youd swear he had a mullet, but holding a guitar
makes it look like a cooler haircut than you could ever
personally pull off. = +20
85. Wears skinny cardigan sweaters because theyre
the new skinny jeans. = +1
86. But he still wears skinny jeans too. = +2
87. Wishes the videos your church showed felt more
like Wes Anderson flms. = +2
88. Inexplicably owns a pet owl. = +2
89. Keeps his wallet on a chain. = +2
90. Uses Moleskine notebooks. = +2
91. Writes in his Moleskine with a vintage pen
that requires him to carry around his own ink
supply in a tiny clouded glass container. = +4
92. Has an iPad, but the case is made of reclaimed farm wood. = +2
93. Completely denies weather exists, wearing wool hats in the summer and tank tops in the winter. = +2
94. He constantly tells you that he is not a hipster despite mounting evidence. = +20
Hipster FIELD GUIDE
Page TOTAL

Hipster FIELD GUIDE
;+R 7.7 9+)( R+(&".2 *#17#( &S+(#T
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Your worship leader is not hipster. Not even a little. Is he metrosexual? Maybe. (Theres an illustrated
scorecard for that in the Stuff Christians Like book.) Is he traditional? Maybe. Does he think the
phrase hipster refers to a bone ailment that impacts members of the senior citizen community
who dont get enough calcium chews? Possibly. Hard to tell, but one thing is sure, you wont be
seeing any banjos or razor-thin cardigans at your church anytime soon.
%%QVU ;#17#7 '+ ".2&'#(:
Youre on your way, my friend. Your worship leader is taking baby steps toward the land of hipster.
The steps are probably being made right now in a pair of TOMS, raw denim jeans and vintage
fannel shirt that looks like it might have been originally worn by an old prospector who owned a
claim up by Johnsons crick.
V%Q%UU !"# *+&' &+/ ,(+8 @)8,+(7 W A+/&:
Congratulations! Visitors from Brooklyn will feel right at home in your church. The mustaches are
ironic, the suspenders full of stories, the music full of instruments you didnt know people still played.
Is there both a Macbook and a washboard up on stage at the same time? Yes, yes, I think there is.
%U%D @19+( +, 31&"X.**#:
If your worship leader ever comes to Nashville, they are going to have a parade for him. And at
the parade they will serve farm to table, organic quinoa instead of anything cooked in a Crock-Pot.
Everyone will get tattoos of anchors with obscure verses on their arms before riding away on fxed
gear bikes into an Americana sunset.
Want more from Stuff Christians Like?
Pick up a copy of the book at Amazon or daveramsey.com
Read the blog: StuffChristiansLike.net
Follow Jon Acuff on Twitter: @JonAcuff
Add up all the points and nd out what
it all means with this convenient key: