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Childhood

9y Leo Tolstoy

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;canning and first proofing by Cartin =damson
martinDgrassmar1et-freeser0e-co-u1





Childhood

9y Leo Tolstoy

Translated by CT :ogarth




<

T:E TBTA8, W=8L <7=N<TC:

An the !th of =ugust, *## Ejust three days after my tenth
birthday, /hen < had been gi0en such /onderful presentsF, < /as
a/a1ened at se0en oMcloc1 in the morning by Warl <0anitch
slapping the /all close to my head /ith a fly#flap made of sugar
paper and a stic1- :e did this so roughly that he hit the image
of my patron saint suspended to the oa1en bac1 of my bed, and the
dead fly fell do/n on my curls- < peeped out from under the
co0erlet, steadied the still sha1ing image /ith my hand, flic1ed
the dead fly on to the floor, and ga@ed at Warl <0anitch /ith
sleepy, /rathful eyes- :e, in a parti#coloured /added dressing#
go/n fastened about the /aist /ith a /ide belt of the same
material, a red 1nitted cap adorned /ith a tassel, and soft
slippers of goat s1in, /ent on /al1ing round the /alls and ta1ing
aim at, and slapping, flies-

N;uppose,N < thought to myself,N that < am only a small boy,
yet /hy should he disturb meS 3hy does he not go 1illing flies
around 3olodaMs bedS NoL 3oloda is older than <, and < am the
youngest of the family, so he torments me- That is /hat he thin1s
of all day long##ho/ to tease me- :e 1no/s 0ery /ell that he has
/o1en me up and frightened me, but he pretends not to notice it-
4isgusting brute2 =nd his dressing#go/n and cap and tassel too##
they are all of them disgusting-N

3hile < /as thus in/ardly 0enting my /rath upon Warl <0anitch, he
had passed to his o/n bedstead, loo1ed at his /atch E/hich hung
suspended in a little shoe se/n /ith buglesF, and deposited the
fly#flap on a nail, then, e0idently in the most cheerful mood
possible, he turned round to us-

NGet up, children2 <t is Uuite time, and your mother is already
in the dra/ing#room,N he exclaimed in his strong German accent-
Then he crossed o0er to me, sat do/n at my feet, and too1 his
snuff#box out of his poc1et- < pretended to be asleep- Warl
<0anitch snee@ed, /iped his nose, flic1ed his fingers, and began
amusing himself by teasing me and tic1ling my toes as he said
/ith a smile, N3ell, /ell, little la@y one2N

6or all my dread of being tic1led, < determined not to get out of
bed or to ans/er him,- but hid my head deeper in the pillo/,
1ic1ed out /ith all my strength, and strained e0ery ner0e to 1eep
from laughing-

N:o/ 1ind he is, and ho/ fond of us2N < thought to myself,
Qet to thin1 that < could be hating him so just no/2N

< felt angry, both /ith myself and /ith Warl <0anitch, < /anted
to laugh and to cry at the same time, for my ner0es /ere all on
edge-

NLea0e me alone, Warl2N < exclaimed at length, /ith tears in my
eyes, as < raised my head from beneath the bed#clothes-

Warl <0anitch /as ta1en abac1, :e left off tic1ling my feet, and
as1ed me 1indly /hat the matter /as, :ad < had a disagreeable
dreamS :is good German face and the sympathy /ith /hich he sought
to 1no/ the cause of my tears made them flo/ the faster- < felt
conscience#stric1en, and could not understand ho/, only a minute
ago, < had been hating Warl, and thin1ing his dressing#go/n and
cap and tassel disgusting- An the contrary, they loo1ed eminently
lo0able no/- E0en the tassel seemed another to1en of his
goodness- < replied that < /as crying because < had had a bad
dream, and had seen Camma dead and being buried- Af course it /as
a mere in0ention, since < did not remember ha0ing dreamt anything
at all that night, but the truth /as that WarlMs sympathy as he
tried to comfort and reassure me had gradually made me belie0e
that < :=4 dreamt such a horrible dream, and so /eep the more##
though from a different cause to the one he imagined

3hen Warl <0anitch had left me, < sat up in bed and proceeded to
dra/ my stoc1ings o0er my little feet- The tears had Uuite dried
no/, yet the mournful thought of the in0ented dream /as still
haunting me a little- Presently Bncle >This term is often applied
by children to old ser0ants in 8ussia? Nicola came in##a neat
little man /ho /as al/ays gra0e, methodical, and respectful, as
/ell as a great friend of WarlMs, :e brought /ith him our
clothes and boots##at least, boots for 3oloda, and for myself the
old detestable, be#ribanded shoes- <n his presence < felt ashamed
to cry, and, moreo0er, the morning sun /as shining so gaily
through the /indo/, and 3oloda, standing at the /ashstand as he
mimic1ed Caria <0ano0na Emy sisterMs go0ernessF, /as laughing so
loud and so long, that e0en the serious Nicola##a to/el o0er his
shoulder, the soap in one hand, and the basin in the other##could
not help smiling as he said, N3ill you please let me /ash you,
7ladimir Petro0itchSN < had cheered up completely-

N=re you nearly readySN came WarlMs 0oice from the schoolroom-
The tone of that 0oice sounded stern no/, and had nothing in it of
the 1indness /hich had just touched me so much- <n fact, in the
schoolroom Warl /as altogether a different man from /hat he /as
at other times- There he /as the tutor- < /ashed and dressed
myself hurriedly, and, a brush still in my hand as < smoothed my
/et hair, ans/ered to his call- Warl, /ith spectacles on nose
and a boo1 in his hand, /as sitting, as usual, bet/een the door
and one of the /indo/s- To the left of the door /ere t/o shel0es##
one of them the childrenMs Ethat is to say, oursF, and the other
one WarlMs o/n- Bpon ours /ere heaped all sorts of boo1s##lesson
boo1s and play boo1s##some standing up and some lying do/n- The
only t/o standing decorously against the /all /ere t/o large
0olumes of a :istoire des 7oyages, in red binding- An that shelf
could be seen boo1s thic1 and thin and boo1s large and small, as
/ell as co0ers /ithout boo1s and boo1s /ithout co0ers, since
e0erything got crammed up together anyho/ /hen play time arri0ed
and /e /ere told to put the NlibraryN Eas Warl called these
shel0esF in order The collection of boo1s on his o/n shelf /as,
if not so numerous as ours, at least more 0aried- Three of them
in particular < remember, namely, a German pamphlet Eminus a
co0erF on Canuring Cabbages in Witchen#Gardens, a :istory of the
;e0en QearsM 3ar Ebound in parchment and burnt at one cornerF,
and a Course of :ydrostatics- Though Warl passed so much of his
time in reading that he had injured his sight by doing so, he
ne0er read anything beyond these boo1s and The Northern 9ee-

=nother article on WarlMs shelf < remember /ell- This /as a
round piece of cardboard fastened by a scre/ to a /ooden stand,
/ith a sort of comic picture of a lady and a hairdresser glued to
the cardboard- Warl /as 0ery cle0er at fixing pieces of cardboard
together, and had de0ised this contri0ance for shielding his /ea1
eyes from any 0ery strong light-

< can see him before me no/##the tall figure in its /added
dressing#go/n and red cap Ea fe/ grey hairs 0isible beneath the
latterF sitting beside the tableL the screen /ith the
hairdresser shading his faceL one hand holding a boo1, and the
other one resting on the arm of the chair- 9efore him lie his
/atch, /ith a huntsman painted on the dial, a chec1 cotton
hand1erchief, a round blac1 snuff#box, and a green spectacle#
case, The neatness and orderliness of all these articles sho/
clearly that Warl <0anitch has a clear conscience and a Uuiet
mind-

;ometimes, /hen tired of running about the salon do/nstairs, <
/ould steal on tiptoe to the schoolroom and find Warl sitting
alone in his armchair as, /ith a gra0e and Uuiet expression on
his face, he perused one of his fa0ourite boo1s- Qet sometimes,
also, there /ere moments /hen he /as not reading, and /hen the
spectacles had slipped do/n his large aUuiline nose, and the
blue, half#closed eyes and faintly smiling lips seemed to be
ga@ing before them /ith a curious expression, =ll /ould be Uuiet
in the room##not a sound being audible sa0e his regular breathing
and the tic1ing of the /atch /ith the hunter painted on the dial-
:e /ould not see me, and < /ould stand at the door and thin1% NPoor, poor old man2
There are many of us, and /e can play
together and be happy, but he sits there all alone, and has
nobody to be fond of him- ;urely he spea1s truth /hen he says
that he is an orphan- =nd the story of his life, too##ho/ terrible
it is2 < remember him telling it to Nicola, :o/ dreadful to be in
his position2N Then < /ould feel so sorry for him that < /ould
go to him, and ta1e his hand, and say, N4ear Warl <0anitch2N and
he /ould be 0isibly delighted /hene0er < spo1e to him li1e this,
and /ould loo1 much brighter-

An the second /all of the schoolroom hung some maps##mostly torn,
but glued together again by WarlMs hand- An the third /all Ein
the middle of /hich stood the doorF hung, on one side of the
door, a couple of rulers Eone of them ours##much bescratched, and
the other one his##Uuite a ne/ oneF, /ith, on the further side of
the door, a blac1board on /hich our more serious faults /ere
mar1ed by circles and our lesser faults by crosses- To the left
of the blac1board /as the corner in /hich /e had to 1neel /hen
naughty- :o/ /ell < remember that corner##the shutter on the
sto0e, the 0entilator abo0e it, and the noise /hich it made /hen
turned2 ;ometimes < /ould be made to stay in that corner till my
bac1 and 1nees /ere aching all o0er, and < /ould thin1 to myself-
N:as Warl <0anitch forgotten meS :e goes on sitting Uuietly in
his arm#chair and reading his :ydrostatics, /hile <##2N Then, to
remind him of my presence, < /ould begin gently turning the
0entilator round- Ar scratching some plaster off the /allL but if
by chance an extra large piece fell upon the floor, the fright of
it /as /orse than any punishment- < /ould glance round at Warl,
but he /ould still be sitting there Uuietly, boo1 in hand, and
pretending that he had noticed nothing-

<n the middle of the room stood a table, co0ered /ith a torn
blac1 oilcloth so much cut about /ith pen1ni0es that the edge of
the table sho/ed through- 8ound the table stood unpainted chairs
/hich, through use, had attained a high degree of polish- The
fourth and last /all contained three /indo/s, from the first of
/hich the 0ie/ /as as follo/s, <mmediately beneath it there ran a
high road on /hich e0ery irregularity, e0ery pebble, e0ery rut
/as 1no/n and dear to me- 9eside the road stretched a ro/ of
lime#trees, through /hich glimpses could be caught of a /attled
fence, /ith a meado/ /ith farm buildings on one side of it and a
/ood on the other##the /hole bounded by the 1eeperMs hut at the
further end of the meado/, The next /indo/ to the right
o0erloo1ed the part of the terrace /here the Ngro/nupsN of the
family used to sit before luncheon- ;ometimes, /hen Warl /as
correcting our exercises, < /ould loo1 out of that /indo/ and see
CammaMs dar1 hair and the bac1s of some persons /ith her, and
hear the murmur of their tal1ing and laughter- Then < /ould feel
0exed that < could not be there too, and thin1 to myself, N3hen
am < going to be gro/n up, and to ha0e no more lessons, but sit
/ith the people /hom < lo0e instead of /ith these horrid
dialogues in my handSN Then my anger /ould change to sadness,
and < /ould fall into such a re0erie that < ne0er heard Warl /hen
he scolded me for my mista1es-

=t last, on the morning of /hich < am spea1ing, Warl <0anitch
too1 off his dressing#go/n, put on his blue froc1coat /ith its
creased and crumpled shoulders, adjusted his tie before the
loo1ing#glass, and too1 us do/n to greet Camma-

<<

C=CC=

Camma /as sitting in the dra/ing#room and ma1ing tea- <n one hand
she /as holding the tea#pot, /hile /ith the other one she /as
dra/ing /ater from the urn and letting it drip into the tray-
Qet though she appeared to be noticing /hat she doing, in
reality she noted neither this fact nor our entry-

:o/e0er 0i0id be oneMs recollection of the past, any attempt to
recall the features of a belo0ed being sho/s them to oneMs 0ision
as through a mist of tears##dim and blurred- Those tears are the
tears of the imagination- 3hen < try to recall Camma as she /as
then, < see, true, her bro/n eyes, expressi0e al/ays of lo0e and
1indness, the small mole on her nec1 belo/ /here the small hairs
gro/, her /hite embroidered collar, and the delicate, fresh hand
/hich so often caressed me, and /hich < so often 1issedL but her
general appearance escapes me altogether-

To the left of the sofa stood an English piano, at /hich my dar1#
haired sister Lubotsh1a /as sitting and playing /ith manifest
effort Efor her hands /ere rosy from a recent /ashing in cold
/aterF ClementiMs NEtudes-N Then ele0en years old, she /as
dressed in a short cotton froc1 and /hite lace#frilled trousers,
and could ta1e her octa0es only in arpeggio- 9eside her /as
sitting Caria <0ano0na, in a cap adorned /ith pin1 ribbons and a
blue sha/l, :er face /as red and cross, and it assumed an
expression e0en more se0ere /hen Warl <0anitch entered the room-
Loo1ing angrily at him /ithout ans/ering his bo/, she /ent on
beating time /ith her foot and counting, N Ane, t/o, three##one,
t/o, three,N more loudly and commandingly than e0er-

Warl <0anitch paid no attention to this rudeness, but /ent, as
usual, /ith German politeness to 1iss CammaMs hand, ;he dre/
herself up, shoo1 her head as though by the mo0ement to chase
a/ay sad thoughts from her, and ga0e Warl her hand, 1issing him
on his /rin1led temple as he bent his head in salutation-

N< than1 you, dear Warl <0anitch,N she said in German, and then,
still using the same language as1ed him ho/ /e Ethe childrenF had
slept- Warl <0anitch /as deaf in one ear, and the added noise of
the piano no/ pre0ented him from hearing anything at all- :e
mo0ed nearer to the sofa, and, leaning one hand upon the table
and lifting his cap abo0e his head, said /ith, a smile /hich in
those days al/ays seemed to me the perfection of politeness%
NQou, /ill excuse me, /ill you not, Natalia Nicolae0naSN

The reason for this /as that, to a0oid catching cold, Warl ne0er
too1 off his red cap, but in0ariably as1ed permission, on
entering the dra/ing#room, to retain it on his head-

NQes, pray replace it, Warl <0anitch,N said Camma, bending
to/ards him and raising her 0oice, N9ut < as1ed you /hether the
children had slept /ellS N

;till he did not hear, but, co0ering his bald head again /ith the
red cap, /ent on smiling more than e0er,

N;top a moment, Cimi-N said Camma Eno/ smiling alsoF to Caria
<0ano0na- N<t is impossible to hear anything-N

:o/ beautiful CammaMs face /as /hen she smiled2 <t made her so
infinitely more charming, and e0erything around her seemed to
gro/ brighter2 <f in the more painful moments of my life < could
ha0e seen that smile before my eyes, < should ne0er ha0e 1no/n
/hat grief is- <n my opinion, it is in the smile of a face that
the essence of /hat /e call beauty lies- <f the smile heightens
the charm of the face, then the face is a beautiful one- <f the
smile does not alter the face, then the face is an ordinary one-
9ut if the smile spoils the face, then the face is an ugly one
indeed-

Camma too1 my head bet/een her hands, bent it gently bac1/ards,
loo1ed at me gra0ely, and said% NQou ha0e been crying this
morningSN

< did not ans/er- ;he 1issed my eyes, and said again in German% N3hy did you crySN

3hen tal1ing to us /ith particular intimacy she al/ays used this
language, /hich she 1ne/ to perfection-

N< cried about a dream, CammaN < replied, remembering the
in0ented 0ision, and trembling in0oluntarily at the recollection-

Warl <0anitch confirmed my /ords, but said nothing as to the
subject of the dream- Then, after a little con0ersation on the
/eather, in /hich Cimi also too1 part, Camma laid some lumps of
sugar on the tray for one or t/o of the more pri0ileged ser0ants,
and crossed o0er to her embroidery frame, /hich stood near one of
the /indo/s-

NGo to Papa no/, children,N she said, Nand as1 him to come to
me before he goes to the home farm-N

Then the music, the counting, and the /rathful loo1s from Cimi
began again, and /e /ent off to see Papa- Passing through the
room /hich had been 1no/n e0er since GrandpapaMs time as Nthe
pantry,N /e entered the study,

<<<

P=P=

:e /as standing near his /riting#table, and pointing angrily to
some en0elopes, papers, and little piles of coin upon it as he
addressed some obser0ations to the bailiff, Ta1off Cichaelo0itch,
/ho /as standing in his usual place Ethat is to say, bet/een the
door and the barometerF and rapidly closing and unclosing the
fingers of the hand /hich he held behind his bac1, The more angry
Papa gre/, the more rapidly did those fingers t/irl, and /hen
Papa ceased spea1ing they came to rest also- Qet, as soon as e0er
Ta1off himself began to tal1, they fle/ here, there, and
e0ery/here /ith lightning rapidity- These mo0ements al/ays
appeared to me an index of Ta1offMs secret thoughts, though his
face /as in0ariably placid, and expressi0e ali1e of dignity and
submissi0eness, as /ho should say, N< am right, yet let it be as
you /ish-N An seeing us, Papa said, N4irectly##/ait a moment,N
and loo1ed to/ards the door as a hint for it to be shut-

NGracious hea0ens2 3hat can be the matter /ith you to#day,
Ta1offSN he /ent on /ith a hitch of one shoulder Ea habit of
hisF- NThis en0elope here /ith the *"" roubles enclosed,N##Tacob
too1 out a set of tablets, put do/n N*""N and remained loo1ing
at the figures /hile he /aited for /hat /as to come next##Nis for
expenses during my absence- 4o you understandS 6rom the mill you
ought to recei0e """ roubles- <s not that soS =nd from the
Treasury mortgage you ought to recei0e some *""" roubles- 6rom
the hay##of /hich, according to your calculations, /e shall be
able to sell +""" poods >The pood J ," lbs-?at ,' copec1s a piece there should come in
$""", ConseUuently the
sum#total that you ought to ha0e in hand soon is##ho/ muchS##!,"""
roubles- <s that rightSN

NPrecisely,N ans/ered Ta1off, Qet by the extreme rapidity /ith
/hich his fingers /ere t/itching < could see that he had an
objection to ma1e- Papa /ent on%

N3ell, of this money you /ill send ",""" roubles to the
Petro0s1oe local council, =s for the money already at the office,
you /ill remit it to me, and enter it as spent on this present
date-N Ta1off turned o0er the tablet mar1ed N!,""",N and put
do/n N!,"""N##seeming, by his action, to imply that
!,""" roubles had been turned o0er in the same fashion as he had
turned the tablet- N=nd this en0elope /ith the enclosed money,N
concluded Papa, Nyou /ill deli0er for me to the person to /hom
it is addressed-N

< /as standing close to the table, and could see the address- <t
/as NTo Warl <0anitch Cayer-N Perhaps Papa had an idea that <
had read something /hich < ought not, for he touched my shoulder
/ith his hand and made me a/are, by a slight mo0ement, that <
must /ithdra/ from the table- Not sure /hether the mo0ement /as
meant for a caress or a command, < 1issed the large, sine/y hand
/hich rested upon my shoulder-

N7ery /ell,N said Ta1off- N=nd /hat are your orders about the
accounts for the money from Chabaro0s1aSN EChabaro0s1a /as
CammaMs 0illage-F

NAnly that they are to remain in my office, and not to be ta1en
thence /ithout my express instructions-N

6or a minute or t/o Ta1off /as silent- Then his fingers began to
t/itch /ith extraordinary rapidity, and, changing the expression
of deferential 0acancy /ith /hich he had listened to his orders
for one of shre/d intelligence, he turned his tablets bac1 and
spo1e-

N3ill you allo/ me to inform you, Peter =lexandritch,N he said,
/ith freUuent pauses bet/een his /ords, Nthat, ho/e0er much you
/ish it, it is out of the Uuestion to repay the local council
no/- Qou enumerated some items, < thin1, as to /hat ought to come
in from the mortgage, the mill, and the hay Ehe jotted do/n each
of these items on his tablets again as he spo1eF-N Qet < fear
that /e must ha0e made a mista1e some/here in the accounts-N :ere
he paused a /hile, and loo1ed gra0ely at Papa-

N:o/ soSN

N3ell, /ill you be good enough to loo1 for yourselfS There is the
account for the mill- The miller has been to me t/ice to as1 for
time, and < am afraid that he has no money /hate0er in hand- :e
is here no/- 3ould you li1e to spea1 to himSN

NNo- Tell me /hat he says,N replied Papa, sho/ing by a mo0ement
of his head that he had no desire to ha0e speech /ith the miller,

N3ell, it is easy enough to guess /hat he says- :e declares that
there is no grinding to be got no/, and that his last remaining
money has gone to pay for the dam- 3hat good /ould it do for us
to turn him outS =s to /hat you /ere pleased to say about the
mortgage, you yourself are a/are that your money there is loc1ed
up and cannot be reco0ered at a momentMs notice- < /as sending a
load of flour to <0an =fano0itch to#day, and sent him a letter as
/ell, to /hich he replies that he /ould ha0e been glad to oblige
you, Peter =lexandritch, /ere it not that the matter is out of
his hands no/, and that all the circumstances sho/ that it /ould
ta1e you at least t/o months to /ithdra/ the money- 6rom the
hay < understood you to estimate a return of $""" roublesSN
E:ere Ta1off jotted do/n N$"""N on his tablets, and then loo1ed
for a moment from the figures to Papa /ith a peculiar expression
on his face-F N3ell, surely you see for yourself ho/ little that
isS =nd e0en then /e should lose if /e /ere to sell the stuff
no/, for you must 1no/ that##N

<t /as clear that he /ould ha0e had many other arguments to
adduce had not Papa interrupted him,

N< cannot ma1e any change in my arrangements,N said Papa- NQet
if there should 8E=LLQ ha0e to be any delay in the reco0ery of
these sums, /e could borro/ /hat /e /anted from the Chabaro0s1a
funds-N

N7ery /ell, sir-N The expression of Ta1offMs face and the /ay in
/hich he t/itched his fingers sho/ed that this order had gi0en
him great satisfaction- :e /as a serf, and a most @ealous,
de0oted one, but, li1e all good bailiffs, exacting and
parsimonious to a degree in the interests of his master- Coreo0er,
he had some Uueer notions of his o/n- :e /as fore0er endea0ouring
to increase his masterMs property at the expense of his
mistressMs, and to pro0e that it /ould be impossible to a0oid
using the rents from her estates for the benefit of Petro0s1oe
Emy fatherMs 0illage, and the place /here /e li0edF- This point
he had no/ gained and /as delighted in conseUuence-

Papa then greeted oursel0es, and said that if /e stayed much
longer in the country /e should become la@y boysL that /e /ere
gro/ing Uuite big no/, and must set about doing lessons in
earnest,

N< suppose you 1no/ that < am starting for Cosco/ to#nightSN he
/ent on, Nand that < am going to ta1e you /ith meS Qou /ill li0e
/ith Grandmamma, but Camma and the girls /ill remain here- Qou
1no/, too, < am sure, that CammaMs one consolation /ill be to
hear that you are doing your lessons /ell and pleasing e0ery one
around you-N

The preparations /hich had been in progress for some days past
had made us expect some unusual e0ent, but this ne/s left us
thunderstruc1, 3oloda turned red, and, /ith a sha1ing 0oice,
deli0ered CammaMs message to Papa-

N;o this /as /hat my dream foreboded2N < thought to myself-
NGod send that there come nothing /orse2N < felt terribly sorry
to ha0e to lea0e Camma, but at the same rejoiced to thin1 that <
should soon be gro/n up, N<f /e are going to#day, /e shall
probably ha0e no lessons to do, and that /ill be splendid,
:o/e0er, < am sorry for Warl <0anitch, for he /ill certainly be
dismissed no/- That /as /hy that en0elope had been prepared for
him- < thin1 < /ould almost rather stay and do lessons here than
lea0e Camma or hurt poor Warl- :e is miserable enough already-N

=s these thoughts crossed my mind < stood loo1ing sadly at the
blac1 ribbons on my shoes, =fter a fe/ /ords to Warl <0anitch
about the depression of the barometer and an injunction to Ta1off
not to feed the hounds, since a fare/ell meet /as to be held
after luncheon, Papa disappointed my hopes by sending us off to
lessons##though he also consoled us by promising to ta1e us out
hunting later-

An my /ay upstairs < made a digression to the terrace- Near the
door leading on to it PapaMs fa0ourite hound, Cil1a, /as lying in
the sun and blin1ing her eyes-

NCilosh1a,N < cried as < caressed her and 1issed her nose, /e
are going a/ay today- Good#bye- Perhaps /e shall ne0er see each
other again-N < /as crying and laughing at the same time-

<7

LE;;AN;

Warl <0anitch /as in a bad temper, This /as clear from his
contracted bro/s, and from the /ay in /hich he flung his
froc1coat into a dra/er, angrily donned his old dressing#go/n
again, and made deep dints /ith his nails to mar1 the place in
the boo1 of dialogues to /hich /e /ere to learn by heart- 3oloda
began /or1ing diligently, but < /as too distracted to do anything
at all- 6or a long /hile < stared 0acantly at the boo1L but tears
at the thought of the impending separation 1ept rushing to my
eyes and pre0enting me from reading a single /ord- 3hen at length
the time came to repeat the dialogues to Warl E/ho listened to
us /ith blin1ing eyes##a 0ery bad signF, < had no sooner reached
the place /here some one as1s, N3o 1ommen ;ie herSN
EN3here do you come fromSNF and some one else
ans/ers him, Nlch 1omme 0om WaffeehausN EN< come from the
coffee#houseNF, than < burst into tears and, for sobbing, could
not pronounce, N:aben ;ie die &eitung nicht gelesenSN E:a0e you
not read the ne/spaperSNF at all- Next, /hen /e came to our
/riting lesson, the tears 1ept falling from my eyes and, ma1ing a
mess on the paper, as though some one had /ritten on blotting#
paper /ith /ater, Warl /as 0ery angry- :e ordered me to go do/n
upon my 1nees, declared that it /as all obstinacy and N puppet#
comedy playingN Ea fa0ourite expression of hisF on my part,
threatened me /ith the ruler, and commanded me to say that < /as
sorry- Qet for sobbing and crying < could not get a /ord out- =t
last##conscious, perhaps, that he /as unjust##he departed to
NicolaMs pantry, and slammed the door behind him- Ne0ertheless
their con0ersation there carried to the schoolroom-

N:a0e you heard that the children are going to Cosco/, NicolaSN
said Warl-

NQes- :o/ could < help hearing itSN

=t this point Nicola seemed to get up for Warl said, N;it do/n,
Nicola,N and then loc1ed the door- :o/e0er, < came out of my
corner and crept to the door to listen-

N:o/e0er much you may do for people, and ho/e0er fond of them
you may be, ne0er expect any gratitude, Nicola,N said Warl
/armly- Nicola, /ho /as shoe#cobbling by the /indo/, nodded his
head in assent-

NT/el0e years ha0e < li0ed in this house,N /ent on Warl,
lifting his eyes and his snuff#box to/ards the ceiling, Nand
before God < can say that < ha0e lo0ed them, and /or1ed for them,
e0en more than if they had been my o/n children- Qou recollect,
Nicola, /hen 3oloda had the fe0erS Qou recollect ho/, for nine
days and nights, < ne0er closed my eyes as < sat beside his bedS
Qes, at that time < /as Mthe dear, good Warl <0anitchM##< /as /anted
thenL but no/N##and he smiled ironically##Nthe children are
gro/ing up, and must go to study in earnest- Perhaps they ne0er
learnt anything /ith me, NicolaS EhSN

N< am sure they did,N replied Nicola, laying his a/l do/n and
straightening a piece of thread /ith his hands-

NNo, < am /anted no longer, and am to be turned out- 3hat good
are promises and gratitudeS Natalia Nicolae0naN##here he laid his
hand upon his heart##N< lo0e and re0ere, but /hat can ;:E < do
hereS :er /ill is po/erless in this house-N

:e flung a strip of leather on the floor /ith an angry gesture-
NQet < 1no/ /ho has been playing tric1s here, and /hy < am no
longer /anted- <t is because < do not flatter and toady as
certain people do- < am in the habit of spea1ing the truth in all
places and to all persons,N he continued proudly, NGod be /ith
these children, for my lea0ing them /ill benefit them little,
/hereas <##/ell, by GodMs help < may be able to earn a crust of
bread some/here- Nicola, ehSN

Nicola raised his head and loo1ed at Warl as though to consider
/hether he /ould indeed be able to earn a crust of bread, but he
said nothing- Warl said a great deal more of the same 1ind##in
particular ho/ much better his ser0ices had been appreciated at a
certain generalMs /here he had formerly li0ed E< regretted to
hear thatF- Li1e/ise he spo1e of ;axony, his parents, his friend
the tailor, ;chonheit EbeautyF, and so on-

< sympathised /ith his distress, and felt dreadfully sorry that
he and Papa Eboth of /hom < lo0ed about eUuallyF had had a
difference- Then < returned to my corner, crouched do/n upon my
heels, and fell to thin1ing ho/ a reconciliation bet/een them
might be effected-

8eturning to the study, Warl ordered me to get up and prepare to
/rite from dictation- 3hen < /as ready he sat do/n /ith a
dignified air in his arm#chair, and in a 0oice /hich seemed to
come from a profound abyss began to dictate% N7on al#len Lei#
den#shaf#ten die grau#samste ist- :a0e you /ritten thatS N :e
paused, too1 a pinch of snuff, and began again% N4ie grausamste
ist die Bn#dan1#bar#1eit >The most cruel of all passions is
ingratitude-? a capital B, mind-N

The last /ord /ritten, < loo1ed at him, for him to go on,

NPunctumN EstopF, he concluded, /ith a faintly perceptible
smile, as he signed to us to hand him our copy#boo1s-

;e0eral times, and in se0eral different tones, and al/ays /ith an
expression of the greatest satisfaction, did he read out that
sentence, /hich expressed his predominant thought at the moment,
Then he set us to learn a lesson in history, and sat do/n near
the /indo/- :is face did not loo1 so depressed no/, but, on the
contrary, expressed eloUuently the satisfaction of a man /ho had
a0enged himself for an injury dealt him-

9y this time it /as a Uuarter to one oMcloc1, but Warl <0anitch
ne0er thought of releasing us, :e merely set us a ne/ lesson to
learn- Cy fatigue and hunger /ere increasing in eUual
proportions, so that < eagerly follo/ed e0ery sign of the
approach of luncheon- 6irst came the housemaid /ith a cloth to
/ipe the plates, Next, the sound of croc1ery resounded in the
dining#room, as the table /as mo0ed and chairs placed round it,
=fter that, Cimi, Lubotsh1a, and Waten1a- EWaten1a /as CimiMs
daughter, and t/el0e years oldF came in from the garden, but
6o1a Ethe ser0ant /ho al/ays used to come and announce luncheonF
/as not yet to be seen- Anly /hen he entered /as it la/ful to
thro/ oneMs boo1s aside and run do/nstairs-

:ar12 ;teps resounded on the staircase, but they /ere not
6o1aMs- 6o1aMs < had learnt to study, and 1ne/ the crea1ing
of his boots /ell- The door opened, and a figure un1no/n to
me made its appearance,

7

T:E <4<AT

The man /ho no/ entered the room /as about fifty years old, /ith
a pale, attenuated face pitted /ith smallpox, long grey hair, and
a scanty beard of a reddish hue- Li1e/ise he /as so tall that, on
coming through the door/ay, he /as forced not only to bend his
head, but to incline his /hole body for/ard- :e /as dressed in a
sort of smoc1 that /as much torn, and held in his hand a stout
staff- =s he entered he smote this staff upon the floor, and,
contracting his bro/s and opening his mouth to its fullest
extent, laughed in a dreadful, unnatural /ay- :e had lost the
sight of one eye, and its colourless pupil 1ept rolling about and
imparting to his hideous face an e0en more repellent expression
than it other/ise bore-

N:ullo, you are caught2N he exclaimed as he ran to 3oloda /ith
little short steps and, sei@ing him round the head, loo1ed at it
searchingly- Next he left him, /ent to the table, and, /ith a
perfectly serious expression on his face, began to blo/ under the
oil#cloth, and to ma1e the sign of the cross o0er it, NA#oh,
/hat a pity2 A#oh, ho/ it hurts2 They are angry2 They fly from
me2N he exclaimed in a tearful cho1ing 0oice as he glared at
3oloda and /iped a/ay the streaming tears /ith his slee0e, :is
0oice /as harsh and rough, all his mo0ements hysterical and
spasmodic, and his /ords de0oid of sense or connection Efor he
used no conjunctionsF- Qet the tone of that 0oice /as so
heartrending, and his yello/, deformed face at times so sincere
and pitiful in its expression, that, as one listened to him, it
/as impossible to repress a mingled sensation of pity, grief, and
fear-

This /as the idiot Grisha- 3hence he had come, or /ho /ere his
parents, or /hat had induced him to choose the strange life /hich
he led, no one e0er 1ne/- =ll that < myself 1ne/ /as that from
his fifteenth year up/ards he had been 1no/n as an imbecile /ho
/ent barefooted both in /inter and summer, 0isited con0ents, ga0e
little images to any one /ho cared to ta1e them, and spo1e
meaningless /ords /hich some people too1 for propheciesL that
nobody remembered him as being differentL that at, rate inter0als
he used to call at GrandmammaMs houseL and that by some people he /as said to be the
outcast son of rich parents and a pure, saintly soul, /hile others a0erred that he /as a
mere peasant and an idler-

=t last the punctual and /ished#for 6o1a arri0ed, and /e /ent
do/nstairs- Grisha follo/ed us sobbing and continuing to tal1
nonsense, and 1noc1ing his staff on each step of the staircase-
3hen /e entered the dra/ing#room /e found Papa and Camma /al1ing
up and do/n there, /ith their hands clasped in each otherMs, and
tal1ing in lo/ tones- Caria <0ano0na /as sitting bolt upright in
an arm#chair placed at tight angles to the sofa, and gi0ing some
sort of a lesson to the t/o girls sitting beside her- 3hen Warl
<0anitch entered the room she loo1ed at him for a moment, and
then turned her eyes a/ay /ith an expression /hich seemed to say,
NQou are beneath my notice, Warl <0anitch-N <t /as easy to see
from the girlsM eyes that they had important ne/s to communicate
to us as soon as an opportunity occurred Efor to lea0e their
seats and approach us first /as contrary to CimiMs rulesF- <t /as
for us to go to her and say, N9on jour, Cimi,N and then ma1e her
a lo/ bo/L after /hich /e should possibly be permitted to enter
into con0ersation /ith the girls-

3hat an intolerable creature that Cimi /as2 Ane could hardly say
a /ord in her presence /ithout being found fault /ith- =lso
/hene0er /e /anted to spea1 in 8ussian, she /ould say, NParle@,
donc, francais,N as though on purpose to annoy us, /hile, if
there /as any particularly nice dish at luncheon /hich /e /ished
to enjoy in peace, she /ould 1eep on ejaculating, NCange@, donc,
a0ec du pain2N or, NComment est#ce Uue 0ous tene@ 0otre
fourchetteSN N3hat has ;:E got to do /ith usSN < used to thin1
to myself- NLet her teach the girls- 3E ha0e our Warl <0anitch-N
< shared to the full his disli1e of Ncertain people-N

N=s1 Camma to let us go hunting too,N Waten1a /hispered to me,
as she caught me by the slee0e just /hen the elders of the family
/ere ma1ing a mo0e to/ards the dining#room-

N7ery /ell- < /ill try-N

Grisha li1e/ise too1 a seat in the dining#room, but at a little
table apart from the rest- :e ne0er lifted his eyes from his
plate, but 1ept on sighing and ma1ing horrible grimaces, as he
muttered to himself% N3hat a pity2 <t has flo/n a/ay2 The do0e
is flying to hea0en2 The stone lies on the tomb2N and so forth-

E0er since the morning Camma had been absent#minded, and GrishaMs
presence, /ords, and actions seemed to ma1e her more so-

N9y the /ay, there is something < forgot to as1 you,N she said,
as she handed Papa a plate of soup,

N3hat is itSN

NThat you /ill ha0e those dreadful dogs of yours tied up, They
nearly /orried poor Grisha to death /hen he entered the
courtyard, and < am sure they /ill bite the children some day-N

No sooner did Grisha hear himself mentioned that he turned
to/ards our table and sho/ed us his torn clothes- Then, as he /ent
on /ith his meal, he said% N:e /ould ha0e let them tear me in
pieces, but God /ould not allo/ it2 3hat a sin to let the dogs
loose##a great sin2 9ut do not beat him, masterL do not beat him2
<t is for God to forgi0e2 <t is past no/2N

N3hat does he saySN said Papa, loo1ing at him gra0ely and
sternly- N< cannot understand him at all-N

N< thin1 he is saying,N replied Camma, Nthat one of the
huntsmen set the dogs on him, but that God /ould not allo/ him to
be torn in pieces, Therefore he begs you not to punish the man-N

NAh, is that itS N said Papa, N:o/ does he 1no/ that < intended
to punish the huntsmanS Qou 1no/, < am pot 0ery fond of fello/s
li1e this,N he added in 6rench, Nand this one offends me
particularly- ;hould it e0er happen that##N

NAh, donMt say so,N interrupted Camma, as if frightened by some
thought- N:o/ can you 1no/ /hat he isSN

N< thin1 < ha0e plenty of opportunities for doing so, since no
lac1 of them come to see you##all of them the same sort, and
probably all /ith the same story-N

< could see that CammaMs opinion differed from his, but that she
did not mean to Uuarrel about it-

NPlease hand me the ca1es,N she said to him, N=re they good to#
day or notSN

NQes, < =C angry,N he /ent on as he too1 the ca1es and put them
/here Camma could not reach them, N0ery angry at seeing
supposedly reasonable and educated people let themsel0es be
decei0ed,N and he struc1 the table /ith his for1-

N< as1ed you to hand me the ca1es,N she repeated /ith
outstretched hand-

N=nd it is a good thing,N Papa continued as he put the hand
aside, Nthat the police run such 0agabonds in- =ll they are good
for is to play upon the ner0es of certain people /ho are already
not o0er#strong in that respect,N and he smiled, obser0ing that
Camma did not li1e the con0ersation at all- :o/e0er, he handed
her the ca1es-

N=ll that < ha0e to say,N she replied, Nis that one can hardly
belie0e that a man /ho, though sixty years of age, goes
barefooted /inter and summer, and al/ays /ears chains of t/o
poundsM /eight, and ne0er accepts the offers made to him to li0e
a Uuiet, comfortable life##it is difficult to belie0e that such a
man should act thus out of la@iness-N Pausing a moment, she added
/ith a sigh% N=s to predictions, je suis payee pour y croire, <
told you, < thin1, that Grisha prophesied the 0ery day and hour
of poor PapaMs deathSN

NAh, /hat :=7E you gone and doneSN said Papa, laughing and
putting his hand to his chee1 E/hene0er he did this < used to
loo1 for something particularly comical from himF- N3hy did you
call my attention to his feetS < loo1ed at them, and no/ can eat
nothing more-N

Luncheon /as o0er no/, and Lubotsh1a and Waten1a /ere /in1ing at
us, fidgeting about in their chairs, and sho/ing great
restlessness- The /in1ing, of course, signified, N3hy donMt you
as1 /hether /e too may go to the huntSN < nudged 3oloda, and
3oloda nudged me bac1, until at last < too1 heart of grace, and
began Eat first shyly, but gradually /ith more assuranceF to as1
if it /ould matter much if the girls too /ere allo/ed to enjoy
the sport- Thereupon a consultation /as held among the elder
fol1s, and e0entually lea0e /as granted##Camma, to ma1e things
still more delightful, saying that she /ould come too,

7<

P8EP=8=T<AN; 6A8 T:E C:=;E

4uring dessert Ta1off had been sent for, and orders gi0en him to
ha0e ready the carriage, the hounds, and the saddle#horses##e0ery
detail being minutely specified, and e0ery horse called by its
o/n particular name- =s 3olodaMs usual mount /as lame, Papa
ordered a NhunterN to be saddled for himL /hich term, NhunterN
so horrified CammaMs ears, that she imagined it to be some 1ind
of an animal /hich /ould at once run a/ay and bring about
3olodaMs death- ConseUuently, in spite of all PapaMs and 3olodaMs
assurances Ethe latter glibly affirming that it /as nothing, and
that he li1ed his horse to go fastF, poor Camma continued to
exclaim that her pleasure /ould be Uuite spoilt for her-

3hen luncheon /as o0er, the gro/n#ups had coffee in the study,
/hile /e younger ones ran into the garden and /ent chattering
along the undulating paths /ith their carpet of yello/ lea0es-
3e tal1ed about 3olodaMs riding a hunter and said /hat a shame it
/as that Lubotsh1a, could not run as fast as Waten1a, and /hat
fun it /ould be if /e could see GrishaMs chains, and so forthL
but of the impending separation /e said not a /ord- Aur chatter
/as interrupted by the sound of the carriage dri0ing up, /ith a
0illage urchin perched on each of its springs- 9ehind the
carriage rode the huntsmen /ith the hounds, and they, again,
/ere follo/ed by the groom <gnat on the steed intended for
3oloda, /ith my old horse trotting alongside- =fter running to
the garden fence to get a sight of all these interesting
objects, and indulging in a chorus of /histling and hallooing,
/e rushed upstairs to dress##our one aim being to ma1e oursel0es
loo1 as li1e the huntsmen as possible- The ob0ious /ay to do this
/as to tuc1 oneMs breeches inside oneMs boots- 3e lost no time
o0er it all, for /e /ere in a hurry to run to the entrance steps
again there to feast our eyes upon the horses and hounds, and to
ha0e a chat /ith the huntsmen- The day /as exceedingly /arm
/hile, though clouds of fantastic shape had been gathering on the
hori@on since morning and dri0ing before a light bree@e across
the sun, it /as clear that, for all their menacing blac1ness,
they did not really intend to form a thunderstorm and spoil our
last dayMs pleasure- Coreo0er, to/ards afternoon some of them
bro1e, gre/ pale and elongated, and san1 to the hori@on again,
/hile others of them changed to the li1eness of /hite transparent
fish#scales- <n the east, o0er Caslo0s1a, a single lurid mass /as
louring, but Warl <0anitch E/ho al/ays seemed to 1no/ the /ays of
the hea0ensF said that the /eather /ould still continue to be
fair and dry-

<n spite of his ad0anced years, it /as in Uuite a sprightly
manner that 6o1a came out to the entrance steps- to gi0e the
order N4ri0e up-N <n fact, as he planted his legs firmly apart
and too1 up his station bet/een the lo/est step and the spot
/here the coachman /as to halt, his mien /as that of a man /ho
1ne/ his duties and had no need to be reminded of them by
anybody- Presently the ladies, also came out, and after a little
discussions as to seats and the safety of the girls Eall of /hich
seemed to me /holly superfluousF, they settled themsel0es in the
0ehicle, opened their parasols, and started- =s the carriage /as,
dri0ing a/ay, Camma pointed to the hunter and as1ed ner0ously N<s that the horse
intended for 7ladimir Petro0itchSN An the
groom ans/ering in the affirmati0e, she raised her hands in
horror and turned her head a/ay- =s for myself, < /as burning
/ith impatience- Clambering on to the bac1 of my steed E< /as
just tall enough to see bet/een its earsF, < proceeded to perform
e0olutions in the courtyard-

NCind you donMt ride o0er the hounds, sir,N said one of the
huntsmen,

N:old your tongue, <t is not the first time < ha0e been one of
the party-N < retorted /ith dignity-

=lthough 3oloda had plenty of pluc1, he /as not altogether free
from apprehensions as he sat on the hunter- <ndeed, he more than
once as1ed as he patted it, N<s he UuietSN :e loo1ed 0ery /ell
on horsebac1##almost a gro/n#up young man, and held himself so
upright in the saddle that < en0ied him since my shado/ seemed to
sho/ that < could not compare /ith him in loo1s-

Presently PapaMs footsteps sounded on the flagstones, the /hip
collected the hounds, and the huntsmen mounted their steeds-
PapaMs horse came up in charge of a groom, the hounds of his
particular leash sprang up from their picturesUue attitudes to
fa/n upon him, and Cil1a, in a collar studded /ith beads, came
bounding joyfully from behind his heels to greet and sport /ith
the other dogs- 6inally, as soon as Papa had mounted /e rode
a/ay-

7<<

T:E :BNT

=T the head of the ca0alcade rode Tur1a, on a hog#bac1ed roan- An
his head he /ore a shaggy cap, /hile, /ith a magnificent horn
slung across his shoulders and a 1nife at his belt, he loo1ed so
cruel and inexorable that one /ould ha0e thought he /as going to
engage in bloody strife /ith his fello/ men rather than to hunt a
small animal- =round the hind legs of his horse the hounds
gambolled li1e a cluster of chec1ered, restless balls- <f one of
them /ished to stop, it /as only /ith the greatest difficulty
that it could do so, since not only had its leash#fello/ also to
be induced to halt, but at once one of the huntsmen /ould /heel
round, crac1 his /hip, and shout to the delinUuent,

N9ac1 to the pac1, there2N

=rri0ed at a gate, Papa told us and the huntsmen to continue our
/ay along the road, and then rode off across a cornfield- The
har0est /as at its height- An the further side of a large,
shining, yello/ stretch of cornland lay a high purple belt of
forest /hich al/ays figured in my eyes as a distant, mysterious
region behind /hich either the /orld ended or an uninhabited
/aste began- This expanse of corn#land /as dotted /ith s/athes
and reapers, /hile along the lanes /here the sic1le had passed
could be seen the bac1s of /omen as they stooped among the tall,
thic1 grain or lifted armfuls of corn and rested them against the
shoc1s- <n one corner a /oman /as bending o0er a cradle, and the
/hole stubble /as studded /ith shea0es and cornflo/ers- <n
another direction shirt#slee0ed men /ere standing on /aggons,
sha1ing the soil from the stal1s of shea0es, and stac1ing them
for carrying- =s soon as the foreman Edressed in a blouse and
high boots, and carrying a tally#stic1F caught sight of Papa, he
hastened to ta1e off his lambMs#/ool cap and, /iping his red
head, told the /omen to get up- PapaMs chestnut horse /ent
trotting along /ith a prancing gait as it tossed its head and
s/ished its tail to and fro to dri0e a/ay the gadflies and
countless other insects /hich tormented its flan1s, /hile his t/o
greyhounds##their tails cur0ed li1e sic1les##/ent springing
gracefully o0er the stubble- Cil1a /as al/ays first, but e0ery
no/ and then she /ould halt /ith a sha1e of her head to a/ait the
/hipper#in- The chatter of the peasantsL the rumbling of horses
and /aggonsL the joyous cries of UuailsL the hum of insects as
they hung suspended in the motionless airL the smell of the soil
and grain and steam from our horsesL the thousand different
lights and shado/s /hich the burning sun cast upon the yello/ish#
/hite cornlandL the purple forest in the distanceL the /hite
gossamer threads /hich /ere floating in the air or resting on the
soil#all these things < obser0ed and heard and felt to the core-

=rri0ed at the Walino0o /ood, /e found the carriage a/aiting us
there, /ith, beside it, a one#horse /aggonette dri0en by the
butler##a /aggonette in /hich /ere a tea#urn, some apparatus for
ma1ing ices, and many other attracti0e boxes and bundles, all
pac1ed in stra/2 There /as no mista1ing these signs, for they
meant that /e /ere going to ha0e tea, fruit, and ices in the open
air- This afforded us intense delight, since to drin1 tea in a
/ood and on the grass and /here none else had e0er drun1 tea
before seemed to us a treat beyond expressing-

3hen Tur1a arri0ed at the little clearing /here the carriage /as
halted he too1 PapaMs detailed instructions as to ho/ /e /ere to
di0ide oursel0es and /here each of us /as to go Ethough, as a
matter of fact, he ne0er acted according to such instructions,
but al/ays follo/ed his o/n de0icesF- Then he unleashed the
hounds, fastened the leashes to his saddle, /histled to the pac1,
and disappeared among the young birch trees the liberated hounds
jumping about him in high delight, /agging their tails, and
sniffing and gambolling /ith one another as they dispersed
themsel0es in different directions-

N:as anyone a poc1et#hand1erchief to spareSN as1ed Papa- < too1
mine from my poc1et and offered it to him-

N7ery /ell, 6asten it to this greyhound here-N

NGi@anaSN < as1ed, /ith the air of a connoisseur-

NQes- Then run him along the road /ith you- 3hen you come to a
little clearing in the /ood stop and loo1 about you, and donMt
come bac1 to me /ithout a hare-N

=ccordingly < tied my hand1erchief round Gi@anaMs soft nec1, and
set off running at full speed to/ards the appointed spot, Papa
laughing as he shouted after me, N:urry up, hurry up or youMll
be late2 N

E0ery no/ and then Gi@ana 1ept stopping, pric1ing up his ears,
and listening to the hallooing of the beaters- 3hene0er he did
this < /as not strong enough to mo0e him, and could do no more
than shout, NCome on, come on2N Presently he set off so fast
that < could not restrain him, and < encountered more than one
fall before /e reached our destination- ;electing there a le0el,
shady spot near the roots of a great oa1#tree, < lay do/n on the
turf, made Gi@ana crouch beside me, and /aited- =s usual, my
imagination far outstripped reality- < fancied that < /as
pursuing at least my third hare /hen, as a matter of fact, the
first hound /as only just gi0ing tongue- Presently, ho/e0er,
Tur1aMs 0oice began to sound through the /ood in louder and more
excited tones, the baying of a hound came nearer and nearer, and
then another, and then a third, and then a fourth, deep throat
joined in the rising and falling cadences of a chorus, until the
/hole had united their 0oices in one continuous, tumultuous
burst of melody- =s the 8ussian pro0erb expresses it, NThe
forest had found a tongue, and the hounds /ere burning as /ith
fire-N

Cy excitement /as so great that < nearly s/ooned /here < stood-
Cy lips parted themsel0es as though smiling, the perspiration
poured from me in streams, and, in spite of the tic1ling
sensation caused by the drops as they tric1led o0er my chin, <
ne0er thought of /iping them a/ay- < felt that a crisis /as
approaching- Qet the tension /as too unnatural to last- ;oon the
hounds came tearing along the edge of the /ood, and then##behold,
they /ere racing a/ay from me again, and of hares there /as not a
sign to be seen2 < loo1ed in e0ery direction and Gi@ana did the
same##pulling at his leash at first and /hining- Then he lay do/n
again by my side, rested his mu@@le on my 1nees, and resigned
himself to disappointment- =mong the na1ed roots of the oa1#tree
under /hich < /as sitting- < could see countless ants s/arming
o0er the parched grey earth and /inding among the acorns,
/ithered oa1#lea0es, dry t/igs, russet moss, and slender, scanty
blades of grass- <n serried files they 1ept pressing for/ard on
the le0el trac1 they had made for themsel0es##some carrying
burdens, some not- < too1 a piece of t/ig and barred their /ay-
<nstantly it /as curious to see ho/ they made light of the
obstacle- ;ome got past it by creeping underneath, and some by
climbing o0er it- = fe/, ho/e0er, there /ere Eespecially those
/eighted /ith loadsF /ho /ere nonplussed /hat to do- They either
halted and searched for a /ay round, or returned /hence they had
come, or climbed the adjacent herbage, /ith the e0ident intention
of reaching my hand and going up the slee0e of my jac1et- 6rom
this interesting spectacle my attention /as distracted by the
yello/ /ings of a butterfly /hich /as fluttering alluringly
before me- Qet < had scarcely noticed it before it fle/ a/ay to a
little distance and, circling o0er some half#faded blossoms of
/hite clo0er, settled on one of them- 3hether it /as the sunMs
/armth that delighted it, or /hether it /as busy suc1ing nectar
from the flo/er, at all e0ents it seemed thoroughly comfortable-
<t scarcely mo0ed its /ings at all, and pressed itself do/n into
the clo0er until < could hardly see its body- < sat /ith my chin
on my hands and /atched it /ith intense interest-

;uddenly Gi@ana sprang up and ga0e me such a 0iolent jer1 that <
nearly rolled o0er- < loo1ed round- =t the edge of the /ood a
hare had just come into 0ie/, /ith one ear bent do/n and the
other one sharply pric1ed, The blood rushed to my head, and <
forgot e0erything else as < shouted, slipped the dog, and rushed
to/ards the spot- Qet all /as in 0ain- The hare stopped, made a
rush, and /as lost to 0ie/-

:o/ confused < felt /hen at that moment Tur1a stepped from the
undergro/th Ehe had been follo/ing the hounds as they ran along
the edges of the /oodF2 :e had seen my mista1e E/hich had
consisted in my not biding my timeF, and no/ thre/ me a
contemptuous loo1 as he said, N=h, master2N =nd you should ha0e
heard the tone in /hich he said it2 <t /ould ha0e been a relief
to me if he had then and there suspended me to his saddle instead
of the hare- 6or a /hile < could only stand miserably /here <
/as, /ithout attempting to recall the dog, and ejaculate as <
slapped my 1nees, NGood hea0ens2 3hat a fool < /as2N < could
hear the hounds retreating into the distance, and baying along
the further side of the /ood as they pursued the hare, /hile
Tur1a rallied them /ith blasts on his gorgeous horn% yet < did
not stir-

7<<<

3E PL=Q G=CE;

T:E hunt /as o0er, a cloth had been spread in the shade of some
young birch#trees, and the /hole party /as disposed around it-
The butler, Gabriel, had stamped do/n the surrounding grass,
/iped the plates in readiness, and unpac1ed from a bas1et a
Uuantity of plums and peaches /rapped in lea0es-

Through the green branches of the young birch#trees the sun
glittered and thre/ little glancing balls of light upon the
pattern of my nap1in, my legs, and the bald moist head of
Gabriel- = soft bree@e played in the lea0es of the trees abo0e
us, and, breathing softly upon my hair and heated face,
refreshed me beyond measure, 3hen /e had finished the fruit and
ices, nothing remained to be done around the empty cloth, so,
despite the obliUue, scorching rays of the sun, /e rose and
proceeded to play-

N3ell, /hat shall it beSN said Lubotsh1a, blin1ing in the
sunlight and s1ipping about the grass, N;uppose /e play
8obinsonSN

NNo, thatMs a tiresome game,N objected 3oloda, stretching
himself la@ily on the turf and gna/ing some lea0es, N=l/ays
8obinson2 <f you /ant to play at something, play at building a
summerhouse-N

3oloda /as gi0ing himself tremendous airs- Probably he /as proud
of ha0ing ridden the hunter, and so pretended to be 0ery tired-
Perhaps, also, he had too much hard#headedness and too little
imagination fully to enjoy the game of 8obinson- <t /as a game
/hich consisted of performing 0arious scenes from The ;/iss
6amily 8obinson, a boo1 /hich /e had recently been reading-

N3ell, but be a good boy- 3hy not try and please us this timeSN
the girls ans/ered- NQou may be Charles or Ernest or the father,
/hiche0er you li1e best,N added Waten1a as she tried to raise him
from the ground by pulling at his slee0e-

NNo, <Mm not going toL itMs a tiresome game,N said 3oloda again,
though smiling as if secretly pleased-

N<t /ould be better to sit at home than not to play at
=NQT:<NG,N murmured Lubotsh1a, /ith tears in her eyes- ;he /as a
great /eeper-

N3ell, go on, then- Anly, 4ANMT cryL < canMt stand that sort of
thing-N

3olodaMs condescension did not please us much- An the contrary,
his la@y, tired expression too1 a/ay all the fun of the game-
3hen /e sat on the ground and imagined that /e /ere sitting in a
boat and either fishing or ro/ing /ith all our might, 3oloda
persisted in sitting /ith folded hands or in anything but a
fishermanMs posture- < made a remar1 about it, but he replied
that, /hether /e mo0ed our hands or not, /e should neither gain
nor lose ground##certainly not ad0ance at all, and < /as forced to
agree /ith him- =gain, /hen < pretended to go out hunting, and,
/ith a stic1 o0er my shoulder, set off into the /ood, 3oloda only
lay do/n on his bac1 /ith his hands under his head, and said that
he supposed it /as all the same /hether he /ent or not- ;uch
beha0iour and speeches cooled our ardour for the game and /ere
0ery disagreeable##the more so since it /as impossible not to
confess to oneself that 3oloda /as right, < myself 1ne/ that it
/as not only impossible to 1ill birds /ith a stic1, but to shoot
at all /ith such a /eapon- ;till, it /as the game, and if /e /ere
once to begin reasoning thus, it /ould become eUually impossible
for us to go for dri0es on chairs- < thin1 that e0en 3oloda
himself cannot at that moment ha0e forgotten ho/, in the long
/inter e0enings, /e had been used to co0er an arm#chair /ith a
sha/l and ma1e a carriage of it##one of us being the coachman,
another one the footman, the t/o girls the passengers, and three
other chairs the trio of horses abreast- 3ith /hat ceremony /e
used to set out, and /ith /hat ad0entures /e used to meet on the
/ay2 :o/ gaily and Uuic1ly those long /inter e0enings used to
pass2 <f /e /ere al/ays to judge from reality, games /ould be
nonsenseL but if games /ere nonsense, /hat else /ould there be
left to doS

<R

= 6<8;T E;;=Q <N LA7E

P8ETEN4<NG to gather some N=merican fruitN from a tree,
Lubotsh1a suddenly pluc1ed a leaf upon /hich /as a huge
caterpillar, and thro/ing the insect /ith horror to the ground,
lifted her hands and sprang a/ay as though afraid it /ould spit
at her- The game stopped, and /e cro/ded our heads together as /e
stooped to loo1 at the curiosity-

< peeped o0er Waten1aMs shoulder as she /as trying to lift the
caterpillar by placing another leaf in its /ay- < had obser0ed
before that the girls had a /ay of shrugging their shoulders
/hene0er they /ere trying to put a loose garment straight on
their bare nec1s, as /ell as that Cimi al/ays gre/ angry on
/itnessing this manoeu0re and declared it to be a chambermaidMs
tric1- =s Waten1a bent o0er the caterpillar she made that 0ery
mo0ement, /hile at the same instant the bree@e lifted the fichu
on her /hite nec1- :er shoulder /as close to my lips, < loo1ed at
it and 1issed it, ;he did not turn round, but 3oloda remar1ed
/ithout raising his head, N3hat spooniness2N < felt the tears
rising to my eyes, and could not ta1e my ga@e from Waten1a- < had
long been used to her fair, fresh face, and had al/ays been fond
of her, but no/ < loo1ed at her more closely, and felt more fond
of her, than < had e0er done or felt before-

3hen /e returned to the gro/n#ups, Papa informed us, to our great
joy, that, at CammaMs entreaties, our departure /as to be
postponed until the follo/ing morning- 3e rode home beside the
carriage##3oloda and < galloping near it, and 0ieing /ith one
another in our exhibition of horsemanship and daring- Cy shado/
loo1ed longer no/ than it had done before, and from that < judged
that < had gro/n into a fine rider- Qet my complacency /as soon
marred by an unfortunate occurrence, 4esiring to outdo 3oloda
before the audience in the carriage, < dropped a little behind- Then /ith /hip and spur <
urged my steed for/ard, and at the same time assumed a natural, graceful attitude, /ith
the intention of /hooting past the carriage on the side on /hich Waten1a /as seated- Cy
only doubt /as /hether to halloo or not as < did so- <n the e0ent, my infernal horse
stopped so abruptly /hen just le0el /ith the carriage horses that < /as pitched for/ard
on to its nec1 and cut a 0ery sorry figure2

R

T:E ;A8T A6 C=N CQ 6=T:E8 3=;

Papa /as a gentleman of the last century, /ith all the chi0alrous
character, self#reliance, and gallantry of the youth of that
time- Bpon the men of the present day he loo1ed /ith a contempt
arising partly from inborn pride and partly from a secret feeling
of 0exation that, in this age of ours, he could no longer enjoy
the influence and success /hich had been his in his youth- :is
t/o principal failings /ere gambling and gallantry, and he had
/on or lost, in the course of his career, se0eral millions of
roubles-

Tall and of imposing figure, he /al1ed /ith a curiously Uuic1,
mincing gait, as /ell as had a habit of hitching one of his
shoulders- :is eyes /ere small and perpetually t/in1ling, his
nose large and aUuiline, his lips irregular and rather oddly
Ethough pleasantlyF compressed, his articulation slightly
defecti0e and lisping, and his head Uuite bald- ;uch /as my
fatherMs exterior from the days of my earliest recollection- <t
/as an exterior /hich not only brought him success and made him a
man a bonnes fortunes but one /hich pleased people of all ran1s
and stations- Especially did it please those /hom he desired to
please-

=t all junctures he 1ne/ ho/ to ta1e the lead, for, though not
deri0ing from the highest circles of society, he had al/ays mixed
/ith them, and 1ne/ ho/ to /in their respect- :e possessed in the
highest degree that measure of pride and self#confidence /hich,
/ithout gi0ing offence, maintains a man in the opinion of the
/orld- :e had much originality, as /ell as the ability to use it
in such a /ay that it benefited him as much as actual /orldly
position or fortune could ha0e done- Nothing in the uni0erse
could surprise him, and though not of eminent attainments in
life, he seemed born to ha0e acUuired them- :e understood so
perfectly ho/ to ma1e both himself and others forget and 1eep at
a distance the seamy side of life, /ith all its petty troubles
and 0icissitudes, that it /as impossible not to en0y him- :e /as
a connoisseur in e0erything /hich could gi0e ease and pleasure,
as /ell as 1ne/ ho/ to ma1e use of such 1no/ledge- Li1e/ise he
prided himself on the brilliant connections /hich he had formed
through my motherMs family or through friends of his youth, and
/as secretly jealous of any one of a higher ran1 than himself##any
one, that is to say, of a ran1 higher than a retired lieutenant
of the Guards- Coreo0er, li1e all ex#officers, he refused to
dress himself in the pre0ailing fashion, though he attired
himself both originally and artistically##his in0ariable /ear
being light, loose#fitting suits, 0ery fine shirts, and large
collars and cuffs- E0erything seemed to suit his upright figure
and Uuiet, assured air- :e /as sensiti0e to the pitch of
sentimentality, and, /hen reading a pathetic passage, his 0oice
/ould begin to tremble and the tears to come into his eyes, until
he had to lay the boo1 aside- Li1e/ise he /as fond of music, and
could accompany himself on the piano as he sang the lo0e songs of
his friend =# or gipsy songs or themes from operasL but he had no
lo0e for serious music, and /ould fran1ly flout recei0ed opinion
by declaring that, /hereas 9eetho0enMs sonatas /earied him and
sent him to sleep, his ideal of beauty /as N4o not /a1e me,
youthN as ;emenoff sang it, or NNot oneN as the gipsy Taninsha
rendered that ditty- :is nature /as essentially one of those
/hich follo/ public opinion concerning /hat is good, and consider
only that good /hich the public declares to be so- ><t may be
noted that the author has said earlier in the chapter that his
father possessed Nmuch originality-N? God only 1no/s /hether he
had any moral con0ictions- :is life /as so full of amusement that
probably he ne0er had time to form any, and /as too successful
e0er to feel the lac1 of them-

=s he gre/ to old age he loo1ed at things al/ays from a fixed
point of 0ie/, and culti0ated fixed rules##but only so long as
that point or those rules coincided /ith expediency, The mode of
life /hich offered some passing degree of interest##that, in his
opinion, /as the right one and the only one that men ought to
affect- :e had great fluency of argumentL and this, < thin1,
increased the adaptability of his morals and enabled him to spea1
of one and the same act, no/ as good, and no/, /ith abuse, as
abominable-

R<

<N T:E 48=3<NG#8AAC =N4 T:E ;TB4Q

T/ilight had set in /hen /e reached home- Camma sat do/n to the
piano, and /e to a table, there to paint and dra/ in colours and
pencil- Though < had only one ca1e of colour, and it /as blue, <
determined to dra/ a picture of the hunt- <n exceedingly 0i0id
fashion < painted a blue boy on a blue horse, and##but here <
stopped, for < /as uncertain /hether it /as possible also to
paint a blue :=8E- < ran to the study to consult Papa, and as he
/as busy reading he ne0er lifted his eyes from his boo1 /hen <
as1ed, NCan there be blue haresSN but at once replied, NThere
can, my boy, there can-N 8eturning to the table < painted in my
blue hare, but subseUuently thought it better to change it into a
blue bush- Qet the blue bush did not /holly please me, so <
changed it into a tree, and then into a ric1, until, the /hole
paper ha0ing no/ become one blur of blue, < tore it angrily in
pieces, and /ent off to meditate in the large arm#chair-

Camma /as playing 6ieldMs second concerto- 6ield, it may be said,
had been her master- =s < do@ed, the music brought up before my
imagination a 1ind of luminosity, /ith transparent dream#shapes-
Next she played the N;onate PathetiUueN of 9eetho0en, and < at
once felt hea0y, depressed, and apprehensi0e- Camma often played
those t/o pieces, and therefore < /ell recollect the feelings
they a/a1ened in me- Those feelings /ere a reminiscence##of /hatS
;omeho/ < seemed to remember something /hich had ne0er been-

Apposite to me lay the study door, and presently < sa/ Ta1off
enter it, accompanied by se0eral long#bearded men in 1aftans-
Then the door shut again-

NNo/ they are going to begin some business or other,N < thought-
< belie0ed the affairs transacted in that study to be the most
important ones on earth- This opinion /as confirmed by the fact
that people only approached the door of that room on tiptoe and
spea1ing in /hispers- Presently PapaMs resonant 0oice sounded
/ithin, and < also scented cigar smo1e##al/ays a 0ery attracti0e
thing to me- Next, as < do@ed, < suddenly heard a crea1ing of
boots that < 1ne/, and, sure enough, sa/ Warl <0anitch go on
tiptoe, and /ith a depressed, but resolute, expression on his
face and a /ritten document in his hand, to the study door and
1noc1 softly- <t opened, and then shut again behind him-

N< hope nothing is going to happen,N < mused- NWarl <0anitch is
offended, and might be capable of anything##N and again < do@ed
off-

Ne0ertheless something 4<4 happen- =n hour later < /as disturbed
by the same crea1ing of boots, and sa/ Warl come out, and
disappear up the stairs, /iping a/ay a fe/ tears from his chee1s
/ith his poc1et hand1erchief as he /ent and muttering something
bet/een his teeth- Papa came out behind him and turned aside into
the dra/ing#room-

N4o you 1no/ /hat < ha0e just decided to doSN he as1ed gaily as
he laid a hand upon CammaMs shoulder-

N3hat, my lo0eSN

NTo ta1e Warl <0anitch /ith the children- There /ill be room
enough for him in the carriage- They are used to him, and he
seems greatly attached to them- ;e0en hundred roubles a year
cannot ma1e much difference to us, and the poor de0il is not at
all a bad sort of a fello/-N < could not understand /hy Papa
should spea1 of him so disrespectfully-

N< am delighted,N said Camma, Nand as much for the childrenMs
sa1e as his o/n- :e is a /orthy old man-N

N< /ish you could ha0e seen ho/ mo0ed he /as /hen < told him
that he might loo1 upon the '"" roubles as a present2 9ut the
most amusing thing of all is this bill /hich he has just handed
me- <t is /orth seeing,N and /ith a smile Papa ga0e Camma a paper
inscribed in WarlMs hand/riting- N<s it not capitalS N he
concluded-

The contents of the paper /ere as follo/s% >The jo1e of this bill
consists chiefly in its being /ritten in 0ery bad 8ussian, /ith
continual mista1es as to plural and singular, prepositions and so
forth-?

NT/o boo1 for the children##+" copec1- Coloured paper, gold
frames, and a pop#guns, bloc1heads >This /ord has a double
meaning in 8ussian-? for cutting out se0eral box for presents##(
roubles, '' copec1s- ;e0eral boo1 and a bo/s, presents for the
childrens##* roubles, ( copec1s- = gold /atches promised to me by
Peter =lexandro0itch out of Cosco/, in the years *## for ,"
roubles- ConseUuently Warl Cayer ha0e to recei0e $) rouble, +)
copec1s, beside his /age-N

<f people /ere to judge only by this bill Ein /hich Warl <0anitch
demanded repayment of all the money he had spent on presents, as
/ell as the 0alue of a present promised to himselfF, they /ould
ta1e him to ha0e been a callous, a0aricious egotist yet they
/ould be /rong-

<t appears that he had entered the study /ith the paper in his
hand and a set speech in his head, for the purpose of declaiming
eloUuently to Papa on the subject of the /rongs /hich he belie0ed
himself to ha0e suffered in our house, but that, as soon as e0er
he began to spea1 in the 0ibratory 0oice and /ith the expressi0e
intonations /hich he used in dictating to us, his eloUuence
/rought upon himself more than upon PapaL /ith the result that,
/hen he came to the point /here he had to say, Nho/e0er sad it
/ill be for me to part /ith the children,N he lost his self#
command utterly, his articulation became cho1ed, and he /as
obliged to dra/ his coloured poc1et#hand1erchief from his poc1et-

NQes, Peter =lexandro0itch,N he said, /eeping Ethis formed no
part of the prepared speechF, N< am gro/n so used to the
children that < cannot thin1 /hat < should do /ithout them- <
/ould rather ser0e you /ithout salary than not at all,N and /ith
one hand he /iped his eyes, /hile /ith the other he presented the
bill-

=lthough < am con0inced that at that moment Warl <0anitch /as
spea1ing /ith absolute sincerity Efor < 1no/ ho/ good his heart
/asF, < confess that ne0er to this day ha0e < been able Uuite to
reconcile his /ords /ith the bill-

N3ell, if the idea of lea0ing us grie0es you, you may be sure
that the idea of dismissing you grie0es me eUually,N said Papa,
tapping him on the shoulder- Then, after a pause, he added, N9ut
< ha0e changed my mind, and you shall not lea0e us-N

Tust before supper Grisha entered the room- E0er since he had
entered the house that day he had ne0er ceased to sigh and /eep##a
portent, according to those /ho belie0ed in his prophetic po/ers,
that misfortune /as impending for the household- :e had no/ come
to ta1e lea0e of us, for to#morro/ Eso he saidF he must be mo0ing
on- < nudged 3oloda, and /e mo0ed to/ards the door-

N3hat is the matterSN he said-

NThis##that if /e /ant to see GrishaMs chains /e must go upstairs
at once to the men#ser0antsM rooms- Grisha is to sleep in the
second one, so /e can sit in the store#room and see e0erything-N

N=ll right- 3ait here, and <Mll tell the girls-N

The girls came at once, and /e ascended the stairs, though the
Uuestion as to /hich of us should first enter the store#room ga0e
us some little trouble- Then /e co/ered do/n and /aited-

R<<

G8<;:=

3E all felt a little uneasy in the thic1 dar1ness, so /e pressed
close to one another and said nothing- 9efore long Grisha arri0ed
/ith his soft tread, carrying in one hand his staff and in the
other a tallo/ candle set in a brass candlestic1- 3e scarcely
0entured to breathe-

NAur Lord Tesus Christ2 :oly Cother of God2 6ather, ;on, and
:oly Ghost2N he 1ept repeating, /ith the different intonations
and abbre0iations /hich gradually become peculiar to persons /ho
are accustomed to pronounce the /ords /ith great freUuency-

;till praying, he placed his staff in a corner and loo1ed at the
bedL after /hich he began to undress- Bnfastening his old blac1
girdle, he slo/ly di0ested himself of his torn nan1een 1aftan,
and deposited it carefully on the bac1 of a chair- :is face had
no/ lost its usual disUuietude and idiocy- An the contrary, it
had in it something restful, thoughtful, and e0en grand, /hile
all his mo0ements /ere deliberate and intelligent-

Next, he lay do/n Uuietly in his shirt on the bed, made the sign
of the cross to/ards e0ery side of him, and adjusted his chains
beneath his shirt##an operation /hich, as /e could see from his
face, occasioned him considerable pain- Then he sat up again,
loo1ed gra0ely at his ragged shirt, and rising and ta1ing the
candle, lifted the latter to/ards the shrine /here the images of
the saints stood- That done, he made the sign of the cross again,
and turned the candle upside do/n, /hen it /ent out /ith a
hissing noise-

Through the /indo/ E/hich o0erloo1ed the /oodF the moon Enearly
fullF /as shining in such a /ay that one side of the tall /hite
figure of the idiot stood out in the pale, sil0ery moonlight,
/hile the other side /as lost in the dar1 shado/ /hich co0ered
the floor, /alls, and ceiling- <n the courtyard the /atchman /as
tapping at inter0als upon his brass alarm plate- 6or a /hile
Grisha stood silently before the images and, /ith his large hands
pressed to his breast and his head bent for/ard, ga0e occasional
sighs- Then /ith difficulty he 1nelt do/n and began to pray-

=t first he repeated some /ell#1no/n prayers, and only accented a
/ord here and there- Next, he repeated thee same prayers, but
louder and /ith increased accentuation- Lastly he repeated them
again and /ith e0en greater emphasis, as /ell as /ith an e0ident
effort to pronounce them in the old ;la0onic Church dialect-
Though disconnected, his prayers /ere 0ery touching- :e prayed
for all his benefactors Eso he called e0ery one /ho had recei0ed
him hospitablyF, /ith, among them, Camma and oursel0es- Next he
prayed for himself, and besought God to forgi0e him his sins, at
the same time repeating, NGod forgi0e also my enemies2N Then,
moaning /ith the effort, he rose from his 1nees##only to fall to
the floor again and repeat his phrases afresh- =t last he
regained his feet, despite the /eight of the chains, /hich
rattled loudly /hene0er they struc1 the floor-

3oloda pinched me rudely in the leg, but < too1 no notice of that
Eexcept that < in0oluntarily touched the place /ith my handF, as
< obser0ed /ith a feeling of childish astonishment, pity, and
respect the /ords and gestures of Grisha- <nstead of the laughter
and amusement /hich < had expected on entering the store#room, <
felt my heart beating and o0ercome-

Grisha continued for some time in this state of religious ecstasy
as he impro0ised prayers and repeated again and yet again, NLord, ha0e mercy upon me2N
Each time that he said, NPardon me,
Lord, and teach me to do /hat Thou /ouldst ha0e done,N he
pronounced the /ords /ith added earnestness and emphasis, as
though he expected an immediate ans/er to his petition, and then
fell to sobbing and moaning once more- 6inally, he /ent do/n on
his 1nees again, folded his arms upon his breast, and remained
silent- < 0entured to put my head round the door Eholding my
breath as < did soF, but Grisha still made no mo0ement except for
the hea0y sighs /hich hea0ed his breast- <n the moonlight < could
see a tear glistening on the /hite patch of his blind eye-

NQes, Thy /ill be done2N he exclaimed suddenly, /ith an
expression /hich < cannot describe, as, prostrating himself /ith
his forehead on the floor, he fell to sobbing li1e a child-

Cuch sand has run out since then, many recollections of the past
ha0e faded from my memory or become blurred in indistinct
0isions, and poor Grisha himself has long since reached the end
of his pilgrimageL but the impression /hich he produced upon me,
and the feelings /hich he aroused in my breast, /ill ne0er lea0e
my mind- A truly Christian Grisha, your faith /as so strong that
you could feel the actual presence of GodL your lo0e so great
that the /ords fell of themsel0es from your lips- Qou had no
reason to pro0e them, for you did so /ith your earnest praises of
:is majesty as you fell to the ground speechless and in tears2

Ne0ertheless the sense of a/e /ith /hich < had listened to Grisha
could not last for e0er- < had no/ satisfied my curiosity, and,
being cramped /ith sitting in one position so long, desired to
join in the tittering and fun /hich < could hear going on in the
dar1 store#room behind me- ;ome one too1 my hand and /hispered, N3hose hand is
thisSN 4espite the dar1ness, < 1ne/ by the touch
and the lo/ 0oice in my ear that it /as Waten1a- < too1 her by
the arm, but she /ithdre/ it, and, in doing so, pushed a cane
chair /hich /as standing near- Grisha lifted his head loo1ed
Uuietly about him, and, muttering a prayer, rose and made the
sign of the cross to/ards each of the four corners of the room-

R<<<

N=T=L<= ;=7<;:N=

<n days gone by there used to run about the seignorial courtyard
of the country#house at Chabaro0s1a a girl called Natash1a- ;he
al/ays /ore a cotton dress, /ent barefooted, and /as rosy, plump,
and gay- <t /as at the reUuest and entreaties of her father, the
clarionet player ;a0i, that my grandfather had Nta1en her
upstairsN##that is to say, made her one of his /ifeMs female
ser0ants- =s chamber#maid, Natash1a so distinguished herself by
her @eal and amiable temper that /hen Camma arri0ed as a baby and
reUuired a nurse Natash1a /as honoured /ith the charge of her- <n
this ne/ office the girl earned still further praises and re/ards
for her acti0ity, trust/orthiness, and de0otion to her young
mistress- ;oon, ho/e0er, the po/dered head and buc1led shoes of
the young and acti0e footman 6o1a E/ho had freUuent opportunities
of courting her, since they /ere in the same ser0iceF capti0ated
her unsophisticated, but lo0ing, heart- =t last she 0entured to
go and as1 my grandfather if she might marry 6o1a, but her master
too1 the reUuest in bad part, fle/ into a passion, and punished
poor Natash1a by exiling her to a farm /hich he o/ned in a remote
Uuarter of the ;teppes- =t length, /hen she had been gone six
months and nobody could be found to replace her, she /as recalled
to her former duties- 8eturned, and /ith her dress in rags, she
fell at GrandpapaMs feet, and besought him to restore her his
fa0our and 1indness, and to forget the folly of /hich she had
been guilty##folly /hich, she assured him, should ne0er recur
again- =nd she 1ept her /ord-

6rom that time forth she called herself, not Natash1a, but
Natalia ;a0ishna, and too1 to /earing a cap, =ll the lo0e in her
heart /as no/ besto/ed upon her young charge- 3hen Camma had a
go0erness appointed for her education, Natalia /as a/arded the
1eys as house1eeper, and henceforth had the linen and pro0isions
under her care- These ne/ duties she fulfilled /ith eUual
fidelity and @eal- ;he li0ed only for her masterMs ad0antage-
E0erything in /hich she could detect fraud, extra0agance, or
/aste she endea0oured to remedy to the best of her po/er- 3hen
Camma married and /ished in some /ay to re/ard Natalia ;a0ishna
for her t/enty years of care and labour, she sent for her and,
0oicing in the tenderest terms her attachment and lo0e, presented
her /ith a stamped charter of her ENataliaMsF freedom, ><t /ill
be remembered that this /as in the days of serfdom? telling her
at the same time that, /hether she continued to ser0e in the
household or not, she should al/ays recei0e an annual pension Af
$"" roubles- Natalia listened in silence to this- Then, ta1ing
the document in her hands and regarding it /ith a fro/n, she
muttered something bet/een her teeth, and darted from the room,
slamming the door behind her- Not understanding the reason for
such strange conduct, Camma follo/ed her presently to her room,
and found her sitting /ith streaming eyes on her trun1, crushing
her poc1et#hand1erchief bet/een her fingers, and loo1ing
mournfully at the remains of the document, /hich /as lying torn to
pieces on the floor-

N3hat is the matter, dear Natalia ;a0ishnaSN said Camma, ta1ing
her hand-

NNothing, maMam,N she repliedL Nonly##only < must ha0e
displeased you someho/, since you /ish to dismiss me from the
house- 3ell, < /ill go-N

;he /ithdre/ her hand and, /ith difficulty restraining her tears,
rose to lea0e the room, but Camma stopped her, and they /ept a
/hile in one anotherMs arms-

E0er since < can remember anything < can remember Natalia
;a0ishna and her lo0e and tendernessL yet only no/ ha0e < learnt
to appreciate them at their full 0alue- <n early days it ne0er
occurred to me to thin1 /hat a rare and /onderful being this old
domestic /as- Not only did she ne0er tal1, but she seemed ne0er
e0en to thin1, of herself- :er /hole life /as compounded of lo0e
and self#sacrifice- Qet so used /as < to her affection and
singleness of heart that < could not picture things other/ise- <
ne0er thought of than1ing her, or of as1ing myself, N<s she also
happyS <s she also contentedSN Aften on some pretext or another
< /ould lea0e my lessons and run to her room, /here, sitting
do/n, < /ould begin to muse aloud as though she /ere not there-
;he /as fore0er mending something, or tidying the shel0es /hich
lined her room, or mar1ing linen, so that she too1 no heed of the
nonsense /hich < tal1ed##ho/ that < meant to become a general, to
marry a beautiful /oman, to buy a chestnut horse, to, build
myself a house of glass, to in0ite Warl <0anitchMs relati0es to
come and 0isit me from ;axony, and so forthL to all of /hich she
/ould only reply, NQes, my lo0e, yes-N Then, on my rising, and
preparing to go, she /ould open a blue trun1 /hich had pasted on
the inside of its lid a coloured picture of a hussar /hich had
once adorned a pomade bottle and a s1etch made by 3oloda, and
ta1e from it a fumigation pastille, /hich she /ould light and
sha1e for my benefit, saying%

NThese, dear, are the pastilles /hich your grandfather Eno/ in
:ea0enF brought bac1 from Atcha1o0 after fighting against the
Tur1s-N Then she /ould add /ith a sigh% N9ut this is nearly the
last one-N

The trun1s /hich filled her room seemed to contain almost
e0erything in the /orld- 3hene0er anything /as /anted, people
said, NAh, go and as1 Natalia ;a0ishna for it,N and, sure
enough, it /as seldom that she did not produce the object
reUuired and say, N;ee /hat comes of ta1ing care of e0erything2N
:er trun1s contained thousands of things /hich nobody in the
house but herself /ould ha0e thought of preser0ing-

Ance < lost my temper /ith her- This /as ho/ it happened-

Ane day after luncheon < poured myself out a glass of 10ass, and
then dropped the decanter, and so stained the tablecloth-

NGo and call Natalia, that she may come and see /hat her darling
has done,N said Camma-

Natalia arri0ed, and shoo1 her head at me /hen she sa/ the damage
< had doneL but Camma /hispered something in her car, thre/ a
loo1 at myself, and then left the room-

< /as just s1ipping a/ay, in the sprightliest mood possible, /hen
Natalia darted out upon me from behind the door /ith the
tablecloth in her hand, and, catching hold of me, rubbed my
face hard /ith the stained part of it, repeating, N4onMt thou go
and spoil tablecloths any more2N

< struggled hard, and roared /ith temper-

N3hatSN < said to myself as < fled to the dra/ing#room in a
mist of tears, NTo thin1 that Natalia ;a0ishna#just plain
Natalia#should say MT:ABM to me and rub my face /ith a /et
tablecloth as though < /ere a mere ser0ant#boy2 <t is
abominable2N

;eeing my fury, Natalia departed, /hile < continued to strut
about and plan ho/ to punish the bold /oman for her offence- Qet
not more than a fe/ moments had passed /hen Natalia returned and,
stealing to my side, began to comfort me,

N:ush, then, my lo0e- 4o not cry- 6orgi0e me my rudeness- <t /as
/rong of me- Qou 3<LL pardon me, my darling, /ill you notS There,
there, thatMs a dear,N and she too1 from her hand1erchief a
cornet of pin1 paper containing t/o little ca1es and a grape, and
offered it me /ith a trembling hand- < could not loo1 the 1ind
old /oman in the face, but, turning aside, too1 the paper, /hile
my tears flo/ed the faster##though from lo0e and shame no/, not
from anger-

R<7

T:E P=8T<NG

AN the day after the e0ents described, the carriage and the
luggage#cart dre/ up to the door at noon- Nicola, dressed for the
journey, /ith his breeches tuc1ed into his boots and an old
o0ercoat belted tightly about him /ith a girdle, got into the
cart and arranged cloa1s and cushions on the seats- 3hen he
thought that they /ere piled high enough he sat do/n on them, but
finding them still unsatisfactory, jumped up and arranged them
once more-

NNicola 4imit0itch, /ould you be so good as to ta1e masterMs
dressing#case /ith youS N said PapaMs 0alet, suddenly standing up
in the carriage, N <t /onMt ta1e up much room-N

NQou should ha0e told me before, Cichael <0anitch,N ans/ered
Nicola snappishly as he hurled a bundle /ith all his might to the
floor of the cart- NGood gracious2 3hy, /hen my head is going
round li1e a /hirlpool, there you come along /ith your dressing#
case2N and he lifted his cap to /ipe a/ay the drops of
perspiration from his sunburnt bro/-

The courtyard /as full of bareheaded peasants in 1aftans or
simple shirts, /omen clad in the national dress and /earing
striped hand1erchiefs, and barefooted little ones##the latter
holding their mothersM hands or cro/ding round the entrance#
steps- =ll /ere chattering among themsel0es as they stared at the
carriage- Ane of the postillions, an old man dressed in a /inter
cap and cloa1, too1 hold of the pole of the carriage and tried it
carefully, /hile the other postillion Ea young man in a /hite
blouse /ith pin1 gussets on the slee0es and a blac1 lambMs#/ool
cap /hich he 1ept coc1ing first on one side and then on the other
as he arranged his flaxen hairF laid his o0ercoat upon the box,
slung the reins o0er it, and crac1ed his thonged /hip as he
loo1ed no/ at his boots and no/ at the other dri0ers /here they
stood greasing the /heels of the cart##one dri0er lifting up each
/heel in turn and the other dri0er applying the grease- Tired
post#horses of 0arious hues stood lashing a/ay flies /ith their
tails near the gate##some stamping their great hairy legs,
blin1ing their eyes, and do@ing, some leaning /earily against
their neighbours, and others cropping the lea0es and stal1s of
dar1#green fern /hich gre/ near the entrance#steps- ;ome of the
dogs /ere lying panting in the sun, /hile others /ere slin1ing
under the 0ehicles to lic1 the grease from the /heels- The air
/as filled /ith a sort of dusty mist, and the hori@on /as lilac#
grey in colour, though no clouds /ere to be seen, = strong /ind
from the south /as raising 0olumes of dust from the roads and
fields, sha1ing the poplars and birch#trees in the garden, and
/hirling their yello/ lea0es a/ay- < myself /as sitting at a
/indo/ and /aiting impatiently for these 0arious preparations to
come to an end-

=s /e sat together by the dra/ing#room table, to pass the last
fe/ moments en famille, it ne0er occurred to me that a sad moment
/as impending- An the contrary, the most tri0ial thoughts /ere
filling my brain- 3hich dri0er /as going to dri0e the carriage
and /hich the cartS 3hich of us /ould sit /ith Papa, and /hich
/ith Warl <0anitchS 3hy must < be 1ept fore0er muffled up in a
scarf and padded bootsS

N=m < so delicateS =m < li1ely to be fro@enSN < thought to
myself- N< /ish it /ould all come to an end, and /e could ta1e
our seats and start-N

NTo /hom shall < gi0e the list of the childrenMs linenSN as1ed
Natalia ;a0ishna of Camma as she entered the room /ith a paper in
her hand and her eyes red /ith /eeping-

NGi0e it to Nicola, and then return to say good#bye to them,N
replied Camma- The old /oman seemed about to say something more,
but suddenly stopped short, co0ered her face /ith her
hand1erchief, and left the room- ;omething seemed to pric1 at my
heart /hen < sa/ that gesture of hers, but impatience to be off
soon dro/ned all other feeling, and < continued to listen
indifferently to Papa and Camma as they tal1ed together- They
/ere discussing subjects /hich e0idently interested neither of
them- 3hat must be bought for the houseS 3hat /ould Princess
;ophia or Cadame Tulie sayS 3ould the roads be goodS##and so
forth-

6o1a entered, and in the same tone and /ith the same air as
though he /ere announcing luncheon said, NThe carriages are
ready-N < sa/ Camma tremble and turn pale at the announcement,
just as though it /ere something unexpected-

Next, 6o1a /as ordered to shut all the doors of the room- This
amused me highly- =s though /e needed to be concealed from some
one2 3hen e0ery one else /as seated, 6o1a too1 the last remaining
chair- ;carcely, ho/e0er, had he done so /hen the door crea1ed
and e0ery one loo1ed that /ay- Natalia ;a0ishna entered hastily,
and, /ithout raising her eyes, sat o/n on the same chair as
6o1a- < can see them before me no/#6o1aMs bald head and /rin1led,
set face, and, beside him, a bent, 1ind figure in a cap from
beneath /hich a fe/ grey hairs /ere straggling- The pair settled
themsel0es together on the chair, but neither of them loo1ed
comfortable-

< continued preoccupied and impatient- <n fact, the ten minutes
during /hich /e sat there /ith closed doors seemed to me an hour-
=t last e0ery one rose, made the sign of the cross, and began to
say good#bye- Papa embraced Camma, and 1issed her again and
again-

N9ut enough,N he said presently- N3e are not parting for e0er-N

NNo, but it is#so#so sad2 N replied Camma, her 0oice trembling
/ith emotion-

3hen < heard that faltering 0oice, and sa/ those Uui0ering lips
and tear#filled eyes, < forgot e0erything else in the /orld- <
felt so ill and miserable that < /ould gladly ha0e run a/ay
rather than bid her fare/ell- < felt, too, that /hen she /as
embracing Papa she /as embracing us all- ;he clasped 3oloda to
her se0eral times, and made the sign of the cross o0er himL after
/hich < approached her, thin1ing that it /as my turn-
Ne0ertheless she too1 him again and again to her heart, and
blessed him- 6inally < caught hold of her, and, clinging to her,
/ept##/ept, thin1ing of nothing in the /orld but my grief-

=s /e passed out to ta1e our seats, other ser0ants pressed round
us in the hall to say good#bye- Qet their reUuests to sha1e hands
/ith us, their resounding 1isses on our shoulders, >The fashion
in /hich inferiors salute their superiors in 8ussia-? and the
odour of their greasy heads only excited in me a feeling a1in to
impatience /ith these tiresome people- The same feeling made me
besto/ nothing more than a 0ery cross 1iss upon NataliaMs cap
/hen she approached to ta1e lea0e of me- <t is strange that <
should still retain a perfect recollection of these ser0antsM
faces, and be able to dra/ them /ith the most minute accuracy in
my mind, /hile CammaMs face and attitude escape me entirely- <t
may be that it is because at that moment < had not the heart to
loo1 at her closely- < felt that if < did so our mutual grief
/ould burst forth too unrestrainedly-

< /as the first to jump into the carriage and to ta1e one of the
hinder seats- The high bac1 of the carriage pre0ented me from
actually seeing her, yet < 1ne/ by instinct that Camma /as still
there-

N;hall < loo1 at her again or notSN < said to myself- N3ell,
just for the last time,N and < peeped out to/ards the entrance#
steps- Exactly at that moment Camma mo0ed by the same impulse,
came to the opposite side of the carriage, and called me by name-
8earing her 0oice behind me- < turned round, but so hastily that
our heads 1noc1ed together- ;he ga0e a sad smile, and 1issed me
con0ulsi0ely for the last time-

3hen /e had dri0en a/ay a fe/ paces < determined to loo1 at her
once more- The /ind /as lifting the blue hand1erchief from her
head as, bent for/ard and her face buried in her hands, she mo0ed
slo/ly up the steps- 6o1a /as supporting her- Papa said nothing
as he sat beside me- < felt breathless /ith tears##felt a sensation
in my throat as though < /ere going to cho1e, just as /e came out
on to the open road < sa/ a /hite hand1erchief /a0ing from the
terrace- < /a0ed mine in return, and the action of so doing
calmed me a little- < still /ent on crying- but the thought that
my tears /ere a proof of my affection helped to soothe and
comfort me-

=fter a little /hile < began to reco0er, and to loo1 /ith
interest at objects /hich /e passed and at the hind#Uuarters of
the led horse /hich /as trotting on my side- < /atched ho/ it
/ould s/ish its tail, ho/ it /ould lift one hoof after the other,
ho/ the dri0erMs thong /ould fall upon its bac1, and ho/ all its
legs /ould then seem to jump together and the bac1#band, /ith the
rings on it, to jump too##the /hole co0ered /ith the horseMs foam-
Then < /ould loo1 at the rolling stretches of ripe corn, at the
dar1 ploughed fields /here ploughs and peasants and horses /ith
foals /ere /or1ing, at their footprints, and at the box of the
carriage to see /ho /as dri0ing usL until, though my face /as
still /et /ith tears, my thoughts had strayed far from her /ith
/hom < had just parted##parted, perhaps, for e0er- Qet e0er and
again something /ould recall her to my memory- < remembered too
ho/, the e0ening before, < had found a mushroom under the birch#
trees, ho/ Lubotsh1a had Uuarrelled /ith Waten1a as to /hose it
should be, and ho/ they had both of them /ept /hen ta1ing lea0e
of us- < felt sorry to be parted from them, and from Natalia
;a0ishna, and from the birch#tree a0enue, and from 6o1a- Qes,
e0en the horrid Cimi < longed for- < longed for e0erything at
home- =nd poor Camma2##The tears rushed to my eyes again- Qet e0en
this mood passed a/ay before long-

R7

C:<L4:AA4

:=PPQ, happy, ne0er#returning time of childhood2 :o/ can /e help
lo0ing and d/elling upon its recollectionsS They cheer and
ele0ate the soul, and become to one a source of higher
joys-

;ometimes, /hen dreaming of bygone days, < fancy that, tired out
/ith running about, < ha0e sat do/n, as of old, in my high arm#
chair by the tea#table- <t is late, and < ha0e long since drun1
my cup of mil1- Cy eyes are hea0y /ith sleep as < sit there and
listen- :o/ could < not listen, seeing that Camma is spea1ing to
somebody, and that the sound of her 0oice is so melodious and
1indS :o/ much its echoes recall to my heart2 3ith my eyes 0eiled
/ith dro/siness < ga@e at her /istfully- ;uddenly she seems to
gro/ smaller and smaller, and her face 0anishes to a pointL yet <
can still see it##can still see her as she loo1s at me and smiles-
;omeho/ it pleases me to see her gro/n so small- < blin1 and
blin1, yet she loo1s no larger than a boy reflected in the pupil
of an eye- Then < rouse myself, and the picture fades- Ance more
< half#close my eyes, and cast about to try and recall the dream,
but it has gone,

< rise to my feet, only to fall bac1 comfortably into the
armchair-

NThere2 Qou are failing asleep again, little Nicolas,N says
Camma- NQou had better go to by#by-N

NNo, < /onMt go to sleep, Camma,N < reply, though almost
inaudibly, for pleasant dreams are filling all my soul- The sound
sleep of childhood is /eighing my eyelids do/n, and for a fe/
moments < sin1 into slumber and obli0ion until a/a1ened by some
one- < feel in my sleep as though a soft hand /ere caressing me-
< 1no/ it by the touch, and, though still dreaming, < sei@e hold
of it and press it to my lips- E0ery one else has gone to bed,
and only one candle remains burning in the dra/ing#room- Camma
has said that she herself /ill /a1e me- ;he sits do/n on the arm
of the chair in /hich < am asleep, /ith her soft hand stro1ing my
hair, and < hear her belo0ed, /ell#1no/n 0oice say in my ear%

NGet up, my darling- <t is time to go by#by-N

No en0ious ga@e sees her no/- ;he is not afraid to shed upon me
the /hole of her tenderness and lo0e- < do not /a1e up, yet <
1iss and 1iss her hand-

NGet up, then, my angel-N

;he passes her other arm round my nec1, and her fingers tic1le me
as they mo0e across it- The room is Uuiet and in half#dar1ness,
but the tic1ling has touched my ner0es and < begin to a/a1e-
Camma is sitting near me##that < can tell##and touching meL < can
hear her 0oice and feel her presence- This at last rouses me to
spring up, to thro/ my arms around her nec1, to hide my head in
her bosom, and to say /ith a sigh%

N=h, dear, darling Camma, ho/ much < lo0e you2N

;he smiles her sad, enchanting smile, ta1es my head bet/een her
t/o hands, 1isses me on the forehead, and lifts me on to her lap-

N4o you lo0e me so much, thenSN she says- Then, after a fe/
momentsM silence, she continues% N=nd you must lo0e me al/ays,
and ne0er forget me- <f your Camma should no longer be here, /ill
you promise ne0er to forget her##ne0er, Nicolin1aS and she 1isses
me more fondly than e0er-

NAh, but you must not spea1 so, darling Camma, my o/n darling
Camma2N < exclaim as < clasp her 1nees, and tears of joy and
lo0e fall from my eyes-

:o/, after scenes li1e this, < /ould go upstairs, and stand
before the i1ons, and say /ith a rapturous feeling, NGod bless
Papa and Camma2N and repeat a prayer for my belo0ed mother /hich
my childish lips had learnt to lisp#the lo0e of God and of her
blending strangely in a single emotion2

=fter saying my prayers < /ould /rap myself up in the bedclothes-
Cy heart /ould feel light, peaceful, and happy, and one dream
/ould follo/ another- 4reams of /hatS They /ere all of them
0ague, but all of them full of pure lo0e and of a sort of
expectation of happiness- < remember, too, that < used to thin1
about Warl <0anitch and his sad lot- :e /as the only unhappy
being /hom < 1ne/, and so sorry /ould < feel for him, and so much
did < lo0e him, that tears /ould fall from my eyes as < thought,
NCay God gi0e him happiness, and enable me to help him and to
lessen his sorro/- < could ma1e any sacrifice for him2N Bsually,
also, there /ould be some fa0ourite toy##a china dog or hare##
stuc1 into the bed#corner behind the pillo/, and it /ould please
me to thin1 ho/ /arm and comfortable and /ell cared#for it /as
there- =lso, < /ould pray God to ma1e e0ery one happy, so that
e0ery one might be contented, and also to send fine /eather to#
morro/ for our /al1- Then < /ould turn myself o0er on to the
other side, and thoughts and dreams /ould become jumbled and
entangled together until at last < slept soundly and peacefully,
though /ith a face /et /ith tears-

4o in after life the freshness and light#heartedness, the cra0ing
for lo0e and for strength of faith, e0er return /hich /e
experience in our childhoodMs yearsS 3hat better time is there in
our li0es than /hen the t/o best of 0irtues##innocent gaiety and a
boundless yearning for affection##are our sole objects of pursuitS

3here no/ are our ardent prayersS 3here no/ are our best gifts##
the pure tears of emotion /hich a guardian angel dries /ith a
smile as he sheds upon us lo0ely dreams of ineffable childish
joyS Can it be that life has left such hea0y traces upon oneMs
heart that those tears and ecstasies are for e0er 0anishedS Can
it be that there remains to us only the recollection of themS

R7<

7E8;E#C=W<NG

8=T:E8 less than a month after our arri0al in Cosco/ < /as
sitting upstairs in my GrandmammaMs house and doing some /riting
at a large table- Apposite to me sat the dra/ing master, /ho /as
gi0ing a fe/ finishing touches to the head of a turbaned Tur1,
executed in blac1 pencil- 3oloda, /ith out#stretched nec1, /as
standing behind the dra/ing master and loo1ing o0er his shoulder-
The head /as 3olodaMs first production in pencil and to#day##
GrandmammaMs name#day##the masterpiece /as to be presented to her-

N=renMt you going to put a little more shado/ thereS N said
3oloda to the master as he raised himself on tiptoe and pointed
to the Tur1Ms nec1-

NNo, it is not necessary,N the master replied as he put pencil
and dra/ing#pen into a japanned folding box- N<t is just right
no/, and you need not do anything more to it- =s for you,
Nicolin1a N he added, rising and glancing as1e/ at the Tur1, N/onMt you tell us your
great secret at lastS 3hat are you going
to gi0e your GrandmammaS < thin1 another head /ould be your best
gift- 9ut good#bye, gentlemen,N and ta1ing his hat and cardboard
he departed-

< too had thought that another head than the one at /hich < had
been /or1ing /ould be a better giftL so, /hen /e /ere told that
GrandmammaMs name#day /as soon to come round and that /e must
each of us ha0e a present ready for her, < had ta1en it into my
head to /rite some 0erses in honour of the occasion, and had
forth/ith composed t/o rhymed couplets, hoping that the rest
/ould soon materialise- < really do not 1no/ ho/ the idea##one so
peculiar for a child##came to occur to me, but < 1no/ that < li1ed
it 0astly, and ans/ered all Uuestions on the subject of my gift
by declaring that < should soon ha0e something ready for
Grandmamma, but /as not going to say /hat it /as-

Contrary to my expectation, < found that, after the first t/o
couplets executed in the initial heat of enthusiasm, e0en my most
strenuous efforts refused to produce another one- < began to read
different poems in our boo1s, but neither 4imitrieff nor
4er@ha0in could help me- An the contrary, they only confirmed my
sense of incompetence- Wno/ing, ho/e0er, that Warl <0anitch /as
fond of /riting 0erses, < stole softly upstairs to burro/ among
his papers, and found, among a number of German 0erses, some in
the 8ussian language /hich seemed to ha0e come from his o/n pen-

To L

8emember near
8emember far,
8emember me-
To#day be faithful, and for e0er##
=ye, still beyond the gra0e##remember
That < ha0e /ell lo0ed thee-

NW=8L C=QE8-N

These 0erses E/hich /ere /ritten in a fine, round hand on thin
letter#paperF pleased me /ith the touching sentiment /ith /hich
they seemed to be inspired- < learnt them by heart, and decided
to ta1e them as a model- The thing /as much easier no/- 9y the
time the name#day had arri0ed < had completed a t/el0e#couplet
congratulatory ode, and sat do/n to the table in our school#room
to copy them out on 0ellum-

T/o sheets /ere soon spoiled##not because < found it necessary to
alter anything Ethe 0erses seemed to me perfectF, but because,
after the third line, the tail#end of each successi0e one /ould
go cur0ing up/ard and ma1ing it plain to all the /orld that the
/hole thing had been /ritten /ith a /ant of adherence to the
hori@ontal##a thing /hich < could not bear to see-

The third sheet also came out croo1ed, but < determined to ma1e
it do- <n my 0erses < congratulated Grandmamma, /ished her many
happy returns, and concluded thus%

Endea0ouring you to please and cheer,
3e lo0e you li1e our Cother dear-N

This seemed to me not bad, yet it offended my car someho/-

NLo#0e you li#i1e our Co#ther dear,N < repeated to myself- N3hat
other rhyme could < use instead of MdearMS 6earS ;teerS 3ell, it
must go at that- =t least the 0erses are better than Warl
<0anitchMs-N

=ccordingly < added the last 0erse to the rest- Then < /ent into
our bedroom and recited the /hole poem aloud /ith much feeling
and gesticulation- The 0erses /ere altogether guiltless of metre,
but < did not stop to consider that- Qet the last one displeased
me more than e0er- =s < sat on my bed < thought%

N3hy on earth did < /rite Mli1e our Cother dearMS ;he is not
here, and therefore she need ne0er ha0e been mentioned- True, <
lo0e and respect Grandmamma, but she is not Uuite the same as##
3hy 4<4 < /rite thatS 3hat did < go and tell a lie forS They may
be 0erses only, yet < neednMt Uuite ha0e done that-N

=t that moment the tailor arri0ed /ith some ne/ clothes for us-

N3ell, so be it2N < said in much 0exation as < crammed the
0erses hastily under my pillo/ and ran do/n to adorn myself in
the ne/ Cosco/ garments-

They fitted mar0ellously#both the bro/n jac1et /ith yello/
buttons Ea garment made s1in#tight and not Nto allo/ room for
gro/th,N as in the countryF and the blac1 trousers Ealso close#
fitting so that they displayed the figure and lay smoothly o0er
the bootsF-

N=t last < ha0e real trousers on2N < thought as < loo1ed at my
legs /ith the utmost satisfaction- < concealed from e0ery one the
fact that the ne/ clothes /ere horribly tight and uncomfortable,
but, on the contrary, said that, if there /ere a fault, it /as
that they /ere not tight enough- 6or a long /hile < stood before
the loo1ing#glass as < combed my elaborately pomaded head, but,
try as < /ould, < could not reduce the topmost hairs on the cro/n
to order- =s soon as e0er < left off combing them, they sprang up
again and radiated in different directions, thus gi0ing my face
a ridiculous expression-

Warl <0anitch /as dressing in another room, and < heard some one
bring him his blue froc1coat and under#linen- Then at the door
leading do/nstairs < heard a maid#ser0antMs 0oice, and /ent to
see /hat she /anted- <n her hand she held a /ell#starched shirt
/hich she said she had been sitting up all night to get ready- <
too1 it, and as1ed if Grandmamma /as up yet-

NAh yes, she has had her coffee, and the priest has come- Cy
/ord, but you loo1 a fine little fello/2 N added the girl /ith a
smile at my ne/ clothes-

This obser0ation made me blush, so < /hirled round on one leg,
snapped my fingers, and /ent s1ipping a/ay, in the hope that by
these manoeu0res < should ma1e her sensible that e0en yet she had
not realised Uuite /hat a fine fello/ < /as-

:o/e0er, /hen < too1 the shirt to Warl < found that he did not
need it, ha0ing ta1en another one- ;tanding before a small
loo1ing#glass, he tied his cra0at /ith both hands##trying, by
0arious motions of his head, to see /hether it fitted him
comfortably or not##and then too1 us do/n to see Grandmamma- To
this day < cannot help laughing /hen < remember /hat a smell of
pomade the three of us left behind us on the staircase as /e
descended-

Warl /as carrying a box /hich he had made himself, 3oloda, his
dra/ing, and < my 0erses, /hile each of us also had a form of
/ords ready /ith /hich to present his gift- Tust as Warl opened
the door, the priest put on his 0estment and began to say
prayers-

4uring the ceremony Grandmamma stood leaning o0er the bac1 of a
chair, /ith her head bent do/n- Near her stood Papa- :e turned
and smiled at us as /e hurriedly thrust our presents behind our
bac1s and tried to remain unobser0ed by the door- The /hole
effect of a surprise, upon /hich /e had been counting, /as
entirely lost- 3hen at last e0ery one had made the sign of the
cross < became intolerably oppressed /ith a sudden, in0incible,
and deadly attac1 of shyness, so that the courage to, offer my
present completely failed me- < hid myself behind Warl <0anitch,
/ho solemnly congratulated Grandmamma and, transferring his box
from his right hand to his left, presented it to her- Then he
/ithdre/ a fe/ steps to ma1e /ay for 3oloda- Grandmamma seemed
highly pleased /ith the box E/hich /as adorned /ith a gold
borderF, and smiled in the most friendly manner in order to
express her gratitude- Qet it /as e0ident that, she did not 1no/
/here to set the box do/n, and this probably accounts for the
fact that she handed it to Papa, at the same time bidding him
obser0e ho/ beautifully it /as made-

:is curiosity satisfied, Papa handed the box to the priest, /ho
also seemed particularly delighted /ith it, and loo1ed /ith
astonishment, first at the article itself, and then at the artist
/ho could ma1e such /onderful things- Then 3oloda presented his
Tur1, and recei0ed a similarly flattering o0ation on all sides-

<t /as my turn no/, and Grandmamma turned to me /ith her 1indest
smile- Those /ho ha0e experienced /hat embarrassment is 1no/ that
it is a feeling /hich gro/s in direct proportion to delay, /hile
decision decreases in similar measure- <n other /ords the longer
the condition lasts, the more in0incible does it become, and the
smaller does the po/er of decision come to be-

Cy last remnants of ner0e and energy had forsa1en me /hile Warl
and 3oloda had been offering their presents, and my shyness no/
reached its culminating point, < felt the blood rushing from my
heart to my head, one blush succeeding another across my face,
and drops of perspiration beginning to stand out on my bro/ and
nose- Cy ears /ere burning, < trembled from head to foot, and,
though < 1ept changing from one foot to the other, < remained
rooted /here < stood-

N3ell, Nicolin1a, tell us /hat you ha0e broughtSN said Papa- N<s it a box or a dra/ingS N

There /as nothing else to be done- 3ith a trembling hand held out
the folded, fatal paper, but my 0oiced failed me completely and <
stood before Grandmamma in silence- < could not get rid of the
dreadful idea that, instead of a display of the expected dra/ing,
some bad 0erses of mine /ere about to be read aloud before e0ery
one, and that the /ords Nour Cother dear N /ould clearly pro0e
that < had ne0er lo0ed, but had only forgotten, her- :o/ shall <
express my sufferings /hen Grandmamma began to read my poetry
aloudS##/hen, unable to decipher it, she stopped half#/ay and
loo1ed at Papa /ith a smile E/hich < too1 to be one of
ridiculeFS##/hen she did not pronounce it as < had meant it to be
pronouncedS##and /hen her /ea1 sight not allo/ing her to finish
it, she handed the paper to Papa and reUuested him to read it all
o0er again from the beginningS < fancied that she must ha0e done
this last because she did not li1e to read such a lot of stupid,
croo1edly /ritten stuff herself, yet /anted to point out to Papa
my utter lac1 of feeling- < expected him to slap me in the face
/ith the 0erses and say, NQou bad boy2 ;o you ha0e forgotten
your Camma2 Ta1e that for it2N Qet nothing of the sort happened-
An the contrary, /hen the /hole had been read, Grandmamma said,
NCharming2N and 1issed me on the forehead- Then our presents,
together /ith t/o cambric poc1et#hand1erchiefs and a snuff#box
engra0ed /ith CammaMs portrait, /ere laid on the table
attached to the great 7oltairian arm#chair in /hich Grandmamma
al/ays sat-

NThe Princess 9arbara <linitsha2N announced one of the t/o
footmen /ho used to stand behind GrandmammaMs carriage, but
Grandmamma /as loo1ing thoughtfully at the portrait on the snuff#
box, and returned no ans/er-

N;hall < sho/ her in, madamSN repeated the footman-

R7<<

T:E P8<NCE;; WA8N=WA66

NQes, sho/ her in,N said Grandmamma, settling herself as far bac1
in her arm#chair as possible- The Princess /as a /oman of about
forty#fi0e, small and delicate, /ith a shri0elled s1in and
disagreeable, greyish#green eyes, the expression of /hich
contradicted the unnaturally sua0e loo1 of the rest of her face-
Bnderneath her 0el0et bonnet, adorned /ith an ostrich feather,
/as 0isible some reddish hair, /hile against the unhealthy colour
of her s1in her eyebro/s and eyelashes loo1ed e0en lighter and
redder that they /ould other /ise ha0e done- Qet, for all that,
her animated mo0ements, small hands, and peculiarly dry features
communicated something aristocratic and energetic to her general
appearance- ;he tal1ed a great deal, and, to judge from her
eloUuence, belonged to that class of persons /ho al/ays spea1 as
though some one /ere contradicting them, e0en though no one else
may be saying a /ord- 6irst she /ould raise her 0oice, then lo/er
it and then ta1e on a fresh access of 0i0acity as she loo1ed at
the persons present, but not participating in the con0ersation,
/ith an air of endea0ouring to dra/ them into it-

=lthough the Princess 1issed GrandmammaMs hand and repeatedly
called her Nmy good =unt,N < could see that Grandmamma did not
care much about her, for she 1ept raising her eyebro/s in a
peculiar /ay /hile listening to the PrincessMs excuses /hy
Prince Cichael had been pre0ented from calling, and
congratulating Grandmamma Nas he /ould li1e so#much to ha0e
done-N =t length, ho/e0er, she ans/ered the PrincessMs 6rench
/ith 8ussian, and /ith a sharp accentuation of certain /ords-

N< am much obliged to you for your 1indness,N she said- N=s for
Prince CichaelMs absence, pray do not mention it- :e has so much
else to do- 9esides, /hat pleasure could he find in coming to see
an old /oman li1e meSN Then, /ithout allo/ing the Princess time
to reply, she /ent on% N:o/ are your children my dearSN

N3ell, than1 God, =unt, they gro/ and do their lessons and play##
particularly my eldest one, Etienne, /ho is so /ild that it is
almost impossible to 1eep him in order- ;till, he is a cle0er and
promising boy- 3ould you belie0e it, cousinN this last to Papa,
since Grandmamma altogether uninterested in the PrincessMs
children, had turned to us, ta1en my 0erses out from beneath the
presentation box, and unfolded them againF, N/ould you belie0e
it, but one day not long ago##N and leaning o0er to/ards Papa, the
Princess related something or other /ith great 0i0acity- Then,
her tale concluded, she laughed, and, /ith a Uuestioning loo1 at
Papa, /ent on%

N3hat a boy, cousin2 :e ought to ha0e been /hipped, but the
tric1 /as so spirited and amusing that < let him off-N Then the
Princess loo1ed at Grandmamma and laughed again-

N=h2 ;o you 3:<P your children, do youN said Grandmamma, /ith a
significant lift of her eyebro/s, and laying a peculiar stress on
the /ord N3:<P-N

N=las, my good =unt,N replied the Princess in a sort of tolerant
tone and /ith another glance at Papa, N< 1no/ your 0ie/s on the
subject, but must beg to be allo/ed to differ /ith them- :o/e0er
much < ha0e thought o0er and read and tal1ed about the matter, <
ha0e al/ays been forced to come to the conclusion that children
must be ruled through 6E=8- To ma1e something of a child, you
must ma1e it 6E=8 something- <s it not so, cousinS =nd /hat,
pray, do children fear so much as a rodSN

=s she spo1e she seemed, to loo1 inUuiringly at 3oloda and
myself, and < confess that < did not feel altogether comfortable-

N3hate0er you may say,N she /ent on, Na boy of t/el0e, or e0en
of fourteen, is still a child and should be /hipped as suchL but
/ith girls, perhaps, it is another matter-N

N:o/ luc1y it is that < am not her son2N < thought to myself-

NAh, 0ery /ell,N said Grandmamma, folding up my 0erses and
replacing them beneath the box Eas though, after that exposition
of 0ie/s, the Princess /as un/orthy of the honour of listening to
such a productionF- N7ery /ell, my dear,N she repeated N9ut
please tell me ho/, in return, you can loo1 for any delicate
sensibility from your childrenSN

E0idently Grandmamma thought this argument unans/erable, for she
cut the subject short by adding%

N:o/e0er, it is a point on /hich people must follo/ their o/n
opinions-N

The Princess did not choose to reply, but smiled condescendingly,
and as though out of indulgence to the strange prejudices of a person
/hom she only P8ETEN4E4 to re0ere-

NAh, by the /ay, pray introduce me to your young people,N she
/ent on presently as she thre/ us another gracious smile-

Thereupon /e rose and stood loo1ing at the Princess, /ithout in
the least 1no/ing /hat /e ought to do to sho/ that /e /ere being
introduced-

NWiss the PrincessMs hand,N said Papa-

N3ell, < hope you /ill lo0e your old aunt,N she said to 3oloda,
1issing his hair, Ne0en though /e are not near relati0es- 9ut <
0alue friendship far more than < do degrees of relationship,N she
added to Grandmamma, /ho ne0ertheless, remained hostile, and
replied%

NEh, my dearS <s that /hat they thin1 of relationships no/adaysSN

N:ere is my man of the /orld,N put in Papa, indicating 3olodaL Nand here is my poet,N
he added as < 1issed the small, dry hand of
the Princess, /ith a 0i0id picture in my mind of that same hand
holding a rod and applying it 0igorously-

N3:<C: one is the poetSN as1ed the Princess-

NThis little one,N replied Papa, smilingL Nthe one /ith the
tuft of hair on his top#1not-N

N3hy need he bother about my tuftSN < thought to myself as <
retired into a corner- N<s there nothing else for him to tal1
aboutSN

< had strange ideas on manly beauty- < considered Warl <0anitch
one of the handsomest men in the /orld, and myself so ugly that <
had no need to decei0e myself on that point- Therefore any remar1
on the subject of my exterior offended me extremely- < /ell
remember ho/, one day after luncheon E< /as then six years of
ageF, the tal1 fell upon my personal appearance, and ho/ Camma
tried to find good features in my face, and said that < had
cle0er eyes and a charming smileL ho/, ne0ertheless, /hen Papa
had examined me, and pro0ed the contrary, she /as obliged to
confess that < /as uglyL and ho/, /hen the meal /as o0er and <
/ent to pay her my respects, she said as she patted my chee1L NQou 1no/, Nicolin1a,
nobody /ill e0er lo0e you for your face
alone, so you must try all the more to be a good and cle0er boy-N

=lthough these /ords of hers confirmed in me my con0iction that <
/as not handsome, they also confirmed in me an ambition to be
just such a boy as she had indicated- Qet < had my moments of
despair at my ugliness, for < thought that no human being /ith
such a large nose, such thic1 lips, and such small grey eyes as
mine could e0er hope to attain happiness on this earth- < used to
as1 God to perform a miracle by changing me into a beauty, and
/ould ha0e gi0en all that < possessed, or e0er hoped to possess,
to ha0e a handsome face,

R7<<<

P8<NCE <7=N <7=NA7<TC:

3hen the Princess had heard my 0erses and o0er/helmed the /riter
of them /ith praise, Grandmamma softened to her a little- ;he
began to address her in 6rench and to cease calling her Nmy
dear-N Li1e/ise she in0ited her to return that e0ening /ith her
children- This in0itation ha0ing been accepted, the Princess too1
her lea0e- =fter that, so many other callers came to congratulate
Grandmamma that the courtyard /as cro/ded all day long /ith
carriages-

NGood morning, my dear cousin,N /as the greeting of one guest in
particular as he entered the room and 1issed GrandmammaMs hand,
:e /as a man of se0enty, /ith a stately figure clad in a
military uniform and adorned /ith large epaulettes, an
embroidered collar, and a /hite cross round the nec1- :is face,
/ith its Uuiet and open expression, as /ell as the simplicity and
ease of his manners, greatly pleased me, for, in spite of the
thin half#circle of hair /hich /as all that /as no/ left to him,
and the /ant of teeth disclosed by the set of his upper lip, his
face /as a remar1ably handsome one-

Than1s to his fine character, handsome exterior, remar1able
0alour, influential relati0es, and, abo0e all, good fortune,
Prince, <0an <0ano0itch had early made himself a career- =s that
career progressed, his ambition had met /ith a success /hich left
nothing more to be sought for in that direction- 6rom his
earliest youth up/ard he had prepared himself to fill the exalted
station in the /orld to /hich fate actually called him laterL
/herefore, although in his prosperous life Eas in the li0es of
allF there had been failures, misfortunes, and cares, he had
ne0er lost his Uuietness of character, his ele0ated tone of
thought, or his peculiarly moral, religious bent of mind-
ConseUuently, though he had /on the uni0ersal esteem of his
fello/s, he had done so less through his important position than
through his perse0erance and integrity- 3hile not of specially
distinguished intellect, the eminence of his station E/hence he
could afford to loo1 do/n upon all petty UuestionsF had caused
him to adopt high points of 0ie/- Though in reality he /as 1ind
and sympathetic, in manner he appeared cold and haughty##probably
for the reason that he had fore0er to be on his guard against the
endless claims and petitions of people /ho /ished to profit
through his influence- Qet e0en then his coldness /as mitigated
by the polite condescension of a man /ell accustomed to mo0e in
the highest circles of society- 3ell#educated, his culture /as
that of a youth of the end of the last century- :e had read
e0erything, /hether philosophy or belles lettres, /hich that age
had produced in 6rance, and lo0ed to Uuote from 8acine,
Corneille, 9oileau, Coliere, Contaigne, and 6enelon- Li1e/ise he
had gleaned much history from ;egur, and much of the old classics
from 6rench translations of themL but for mathematics, natural
philosophy, or contemporary literature he cared nothing /hate0er-
:o/e0er, he 1ne/ ho/ to be silent in con0ersation, as /ell as
/hen to ma1e general remar1s on authors /hom he had ne0er read##
such as Goethe, ;chiller, and 9yron- Coreo0er, despite his
exclusi0ely 6rench education, he /as simple in speech and hated
originality E/hich he called the mar1 of an untutored natureF-
3here0er he li0ed, society /as a necessity to him, and, both in
Cosco/ and the country he had his reception days, on /hich
practically Nall the to/nN called upon him- =n introduction
from him /as a passport to e0ery dra/ing#roomL fe/ young and
pretty ladies in society objected to offering him their rosy
chee1s for a paternal saluteL and people e0en in the highest
positions felt flattered by in0itations to his parties-

The Prince had fe/ friends left no/ li1e Grandmamma##that is to
say, fe/ friends /ho /ere of the same standing as himself, /ho
had had the same sort of education, and /ho sa/ things from the
same point of 0ie/% /herefore he greatly 0alued his intimate,
long#standing friendship /ith her, and al/ays sho/ed her the
highest respect-

< hardly dared to loo1 at the Prince, since the honour paid him
on all sides, the huge epaulettes, the peculiar pleasure /ith
/hich Grandmamma recei0ed him, and the fact that he alone, seemed
in no /ay afraid of her, but addressed her /ith perfect freedom
Ee0en being so daring as to call her NcousinNF, a/a1ened in me
a feeling of re0erence for his person almost eUual to that /hich
< felt for Grandmamma herself-

An being sho/n my 0erses, he called me to his side, and said%

N3ho 1no/s, my cousin, but that he may pro0e to be a second
4er@ha0inSN Ne0ertheless he pinched my chee1 so hard that < /as
only pre0ented from crying by the thought that it must be meant
for a caress-

Gradually the other guests dispersed, and /ith them Papa and
3oloda- Thus only Grandmamma, the Prince, and myself /ere left in
the dra/ing#room-

N3hy has our dear Natalia Nicolae0na not come to#dayN as1ed the
Prince after a silence-

N=h, my friend,N replied Grandmamma, lo/ering her 0oice and
laying a hand upon the slee0e of his uniform, Nshe /ould
certainly ha0e come if she had been at liberty to do /hat she
li1es- ;he /rote to me that Peter had proposed bringing her /ith
him to to/n, but that she had refused, since their income had not
been good this year, and she could see no real reason /hy the
/hole family need come to Cosco/, seeing that Lubotsh1a /as as
yet 0ery young and that the boys /ere li0ing /ith me##a fact, she
said, /hich made her feel as safe about them as
though she had been li0ing /ith them herself-N

NTrue, it is good for the boys to be here,N /ent on Grandmamma,
yet in a tone /hich sho/ed clearly that she did not thin1 it /as
so 0ery good, Nsince it /as more than time that they should be
sent to Cosco/ to study, as /ell as to learn ho/ to comport
themsel0es in society- 3hat sort of an education could they ha0e
got in the countryS The eldest boy /ill soon be thirteen, and the
second one ele0en- =s yet, my cousin, they are Uuite untaught,
and do not 1no/ e0en ho/ to enter a room-N

NNe0erthelessN said the Prince, N< cannot understand these
complaints of ruined fortunes- :e has a 0ery handsome income, and
Natalia has Chabaro0s1a, /here /e used to act plays, and /hich <
1no/ as /ell as < do my o/n hand- <t is a splendid property, and
ought to bring in an excellent return-N

N3ell,N said Grandmamma /ith a sad expression on her face, N< do
not mind telling you, as my most intimate friend, that all this
seems to me a mere pretext on his part for li0ing alone, for
strolling about from club to club, for attending dinner#parties,
and for resorting to##/ell, /ho 1no/s /hatS ;he suspects nothingL
you 1no/ her angelic s/eetness and her implicit trust of him in
e0erything- :e had only to tell her that the children must go to
Cosco/ and that she must be left behind in the country /ith a
stupid go0erness for company, for her to belie0e him2 < almost
thin1 that if he /ere to say that the children must be /hipped
just as the Princess 9arbara /hips hers, she /ould belie0e e0en
that2N and Grandmamma leant bac1 in her arm#chair /ith an
expression of contempt- Then, after a moment of silence, during
/hich she too1 her hand1erchief out of her poc1et to /ipe a/ay a
fe/ tears /hich had stolen do/n her chee1s, she /ent, on%

NQes, my friend, < often thin1 that he cannot 0alue and
understand her properly, and that, for all her goodness and lo0e
of him and her endea0ours to conceal her grief E/hich, ho/e0er as
< 1no/ only too /ell, existsF- ;he cannot really he happy /ith
him- Car1 my /ords if he does not##N :ere Grandmamma buried her
face in the hand1erchief-

N=h, my dear old friend,N said the Prince reproachfully- N< thin1
you are unreasonable- 3hy grie0e and /eep o0er imagined e0ilsS
That is not right- < ha0e 1no/n him a long time, and feel sure
that he is an attenti0e, 1ind, and excellent husband, as /ell as
E/hich is the chief thing of allF a perfectly honourable man-N

=t this point, ha0ing been an in0oluntary auditor of a
con0ersation not meant for my ears, < stole on tiptoe out of the
room, in a state of great distress-

R<R

T:E <3<N;

N3oloda, 3oloda2 The </ins are just coming-N < shouted on seeing
from the /indo/ three boys in blue o0ercoats, and follo/ed by a
young tutor, ad0ancing along the pa0ement opposite our house-

The </ins /ere related to us, and of about the same age as
oursel0es- 3e had made their acUuaintance soon after our arri0al
in Cosco/- The second brother, ;eriosha, had dar1 curly hair, a
turned#up, strongly pronounced nose, 0ery bright red lips E/hich,
ne0er being Uuite shut, sho/ed a ro/ of /hite teethF, beautiful
dar1#blue eyes, and an uncommonly bold expression of face- :e
ne0er smiled but /as either /holly serious or laughing a clear,
merry, agreeable laugh- :is stri1ing good loo1s had capti0ated me
from the first, and < felt an irresistible attraction to/ards
him- Anly to see him filled me /ith pleasure, and at one time my
/hole mental faculties used to be concentrated in the /ish that <
might do so- <f three or four days passed /ithout my seeing him <
felt listless and ready to cry- =/a1e or asleep, < /as fore0er
dreaming of him- An going to bed < used to see him in my dreams,
and /hen < had shut my eyes and called up a picture of him <
hugged the 0ision as my choicest delight- ;o much store did < set
upon this feeling for my friend that < ne0er mentioned it to any
one- Ne0ertheless, it must ha0e annoyed him to see my admiring
eyes constantly fixed upon him, or else he must ha0e felt no
reciprocal attraction, for he al/ays preferred to play and tal1
/ith 3oloda- ;till, e0en /ith that < felt satisfied, and /ished
and as1ed for nothing better than to be ready at any time to ma1e
any sacrifice for him- Li1e/ise, o0er and abo0e the strange
fascination /hich he exercised upon me, < al/ays felt another
sensation, namely, a dread of ma1ing him angry, of offending him,
of displeasing him- 3as this because his face bore such a haughty
expression, or because <, despising my o/n exterior, o0er#rated
the beautiful in others, or, lastly Eand most probablyF, because
it is a common sign of affectionS =t all e0ents, < felt as much
fear, of him as < did lo0e- The first time that he spo1e to me <
/as so o0er/helmed /ith sudden happiness that < turned pale, then
red, and could not utter a /ord- :e had an ugly habit of blin1ing
/hen considering anything seriously, as /ell as of t/itching his
nose and eyebro/s- ConseUuently e0ery one thought that this habit
marred his face- Qet < thought it such a nice one that <
in0oluntarily adopted it for myself, until, a fe/ days after <
had made his acUuaintance, Grandmamma suddenly as1ed me /hether
my eyes /ere hurting me, since < /as /in1ing li1e an o/l2 Ne0er a
/ord of affection passed bet/een us, yet he felt his po/er o0er
me, and unconsciously but tyrannically, exercised it in all our
childish intercourse- < used to long to tell him all that /as in
my heart, yet /as too much afraid of him to be fran1 in any /ay,
and, /hile submitting myself to his /ill, tried to appear merely
careless and indifferent- =lthough at times his influence seemed
ir1some and intolerable, to thro/ it off /as beyond my strength-

< often thin1 /ith regret of that fresh, beautiful feeling of
boundless, disinterested lo0e /hich came to an end /ithout ha0ing
e0er found self#expression or return- <t is strange ho/, /hen a
child, < al/ays longed to be li1e gro/n#up people, and yet ho/ <
ha0e often longed, since childhoodMs days, for those days to come
bac1 to me2 Cany times, in my relations /ith ;eriosha, this /ish
to resemble gro/n#up people put a rude chec1 upon the lo0e that
/as /aiting to expand, and made me repress it- Not only /as <
afraid of 1issing him, or of ta1ing his hand and saying ho/ glad
< /as to see him, but < e0en dreaded calling him N;erioshaN and
al/ays said N;ergiusN as e0ery one else did in our house- =ny
expression of affection /ould ha0e seemed li1e e0idence of
childishness, and any one /ho indulged in it, a baby- Not ha0ing
yet passed through those bitter experiences /hich enforce upon
older years circumspection and coldness, < depri0ed myself of the
pure delight of a fresh, childish instinct for the absurd purpose
of trying to resemble gro/n#up people-

< met the </ins in the ante#room, /elcomed them, and then ran to
tell Grandmamma of their arri0al /ith an expression as happy as
though she /ere certain to be eUually delighted- Then, ne0er
ta1ing my eyes off ;eriosha, < conducted the 0isitors to the
dra/ing#room, and eagerly follo/ed e0ery mo0ement of my
fa0ourite- 3hen Grandmamma spo1e to and fixed her penetrating
glance upon him, < experienced that mingled sensation of pride
and solicitude /hich an artist might feel /hen /aiting for
re0ered lips to pronounce a judgment upon his /or1-

3ith GrandmammaMs permission, the </insM young tutor, :err 6rost,
accompanied us into the little bac1 garden, /here he seated
himself upon a bench, arranged his legs in a tasteful attitude,
rested his brass#1nobbed cane bet/een them, lighted a cigar, and
assumed the air of a man /ell#pleased /ith himself- :e /as a,
German, but of a 0ery different sort to our good Warl <0anitch-
<n the first place, he spo1e both 8ussian and 6rench correctly,
though /ith a hard accent <ndeed, he enjoyed##especially among the
ladies##the reputation of being a 0ery accomplished fello/- <n the
second place, he /ore a reddish moustache, a large gold pin set
/ith a ruby, a blac1 satin tie, and a 0ery fashionable suit-
Lastly, he /as young, /ith a handsome, self#satisfied face and
fine muscular legs- <t /as clear that he set the greatest store
upon the latter, and thought them beyond compare, especially as
regards the fa0our of the ladies- ConseUuently, /hether sitting
or standing, he al/ays tried to exhibit them in the most
fa0ourable light- <n short, he /as a type of the young German#
8ussian /hose main desire is to be thought perfectly gallant and
gentlemanly-

<n the little garden merriment reigned- <n fact, the game of NrobbersN ne0er /ent better-
Qet an incident occurred /hich came
near to spoiling it- ;eriosha /as the robber, and in pouncing
upon some tra0ellers he fell do/n and 1noc1ed his leg so badly
against a tree that < thought the leg must be bro1en-
ConseUuently, though < /as the gendarme and therefore bound to
apprehend him, < only as1ed him anxiously, /hen < reached him, if
he had hurt himself 0ery much- Ne0ertheless this thre/ him into a
passion, and made him exclaim /ith fists clenched and in a 0oice
/hich sho/ed by its faltering /hat pain he /as enduring, N3hy,
/hate0er is the matterS <s this playing the game properlyS Qou
ought to arrest me- 3hy on earth donMt you do soSN This he
repeated se0eral times, and then, seeing 3oloda and the elder
</in E/ho /ere ta1ing the part of the tra0ellersF jumping and
running about the path, he suddenly thre/ himself upon them /ith
a shout and loud laughter to effect their capture- < cannot
express my /onder and delight at this 0aliant beha0iour of my
hero- <n spite of the se0ere pain, he had not only refrained from
crying, but had repressed the least symptom of suffering and 1ept
his eye fixed upon the game2 ;hortly after this occurrence
another boy, <lin1a Grap, joined our party- 3e /ent upstairs, and
;eriosha ga0e me an opportunity of still further appreciating and
ta1ing delight in his manly bra0ery and fortitude- This /as ho/
it /as-

<lin1a /as the son of a poor foreigner /ho had been under certain
obligations to my Grandpapa, and no/ thought it incumbent upon
him to send his son to us as freUuently as possible- Qet if he
thought that the acUuaintance /ould procure his son any
ad0ancement or pleasure, he /as entirely mista1en, for not only
/ere /e anything but friendly to <lin1a, but it /as seldom that
/e noticed him at all except to laugh at him- :e /as a boy of
thirteen, tall and thin, /ith a pale, birdli1e face, and a Uuiet,
good#tempered expression- Though poorly dressed, he al/ays had
his head so thic1ly pomaded that /e used to declare that on /arm
days it melted and ran do/n his nec1- 3hen < thin1 of him no/, it
seems to me that he /as a 0ery Uuiet, obliging, and good#
tempered boy, but at the time < thought him a creature so
contemptible that he /as not /orth either attention or pity-

Bpstairs /e set oursel0es to astonish each other /ith gymnastic
tours de force- <lin1a /atched us /ith a faint smile of
admiration, but refused an in0itation to attempt a similar feat,
saying that he had no strength-

;eriosha /as extremely capti0ating- :is face and eyes glo/ed /ith
laughter as he surprised us /ith tric1s /hich /e had ne0er seen
before- :e jumped o0er three chairs put together, turned
somersaults right across the room, and finally stood on his head
on a pyramid of Tatistche0Ms dictionaries, mo0ing his legs about
/ith such comical rapidity that it /as impossible not to help
bursting /ith merriment-

=fter this last tric1 he pondered for a moment Eblin1ing his
eyes as usualF, and then /ent up to <lin1a /ith a 0ery serious
face-

NTry and do that,N he said- N<t is not really difficult-N

<lin1a, obser0ing that the general attention /as fixed upon him,
blushed, and said in an almost inaudible 0oice that he could not
do the feat-

N3ell, /hat does he mean by doing nothing at allS 3hat a girl
the fello/ is2 :e has just GAT to stand on his head,N and
;eriosha, too1 him by the hand-

NQes, on your head at once2 This instant, this instant2N e0ery
one shouted as /e ran upon <lin1a and dragged him to the
dictionaries, despite his being 0isibly pale and frightened-

NLea0e me alone2 Qou are tearing my jac1et2N cried the unhappy
0ictim, but his exclamations of despair only encouraged us the
more- 3e /ere dying /ith laughter, /hile the green jac1et /as
bursting at e0ery seam-

3oloda and the eldest </in too1 his head and placed it on the
dictionaries, /hile ;eriosha, and < sei@ed his poor, thin legs
Ehis struggles had stripped them up/ards to the 1neesF, and /ith
boisterous, laughter held them uptight##the youngest </in
superintending his general eUuilibrium-

;uddenly a moment of silence occurred amid our boisterous
laughter##a moment during /hich nothing /as to be heard in the
room but the panting of the miserable <lin1a- <t occurred to me
at that moment that, after all, there /as nothing so 0ery comical
and pleasant in all this-

NNo/, T:=TM; a boy2N cried ;eriosha, gi0ing <lin1a a smac1 /ith
his hand- <lin1a said nothing, but made such desperate mo0ements
/ith his legs to free himself that his foot suddenly 1ic1ed
;eriosha in the eye% /ith the result that, letting go of <lin1aMs
leg and co0ering the /ounded member /ith one hand, ;eriosha hit
out at him /ith all his might /ith the other one- Af course
<lin1aMs legs slipped do/n as, sin1ing exhausted to the floor and
half#suffocated /ith tears, he stammered out%

N3hy should you bully me soSN

The poor fello/Ms miserable figure, /ith its streaming tears,
ruffled hair, and crumpled trousers re0ealing dirty boots,
touched us a little, and /e stood silent and trying to smile,

;eriosha /as the first to reco0er himself-

N3hat a girl2 3hat a gaby2N he said, gi0ing <lin1a a slight
1ic1- N:e canMt ta1e things in fun a bit- 3ell, get up, then-N

NQou are an utter beast2 ThatMs /hat QAB are2N said <lin1a,
turning miserably a/ay and sobbing-

NAh, oh2 3ould it still 1ic1 and sho/ temper, thenSN cried
;eriosha, sei@ing a dictionary and thro/ing it at the unfortunate
boyMs head- =pparently it ne0er occurred to <lin1a to ta1e refuge
from the missileL he merely guarded his head /ith his hands-

N3ell, thatMs enough no/,N added ;eriosha, /ith a forced laugh-
NQou 4E;E87E to be hurt if you canMt ta1e things in fun- No/
letMs go do/nstairs-N

< could not help loo1ing /ith some compassion at the miserable
creature on the floor as, his face buried in the dictionary, he
lay there sobbing almost as though he /ere in a fit-

NAh, ;ergius2N < said- N3hy ha0e you done thisSN

N3ell, you did it too2 9esides, < did not cry this afternoon
/hen < 1noc1ed my leg and nearly bro1e it-N

NTrue enough,N < thought- N<lin1a is a poor /hining sort of a
chap, /hile ;eriosha is a boy##a 8E=L boy-N

<t ne0er occurred to my mind that possibly poor <lin1a /as
suffering far less from bodily pain than from the thought that
fi0e companions for /hom he may ha0e felt a genuine li1ing had,
for no reason at all, combined to hurt and humiliate him-

< cannot explain my cruelty on this occasion- 3hy did < not step
for/ard to comfort and protect himS 3here /as the pitifulness
/hich often made me burst into tears at the sight of a young bird
fallen from its nest, or of a puppy being thro/n o0er a /all, or
of a chic1en being 1illed by the coo1 for soupS
Can it be that the better instinct in me /as o0ershado/ed by my
affection for ;eriosha and the desire to shine before so bra0e a
boyS <f so, ho/ contemptible /ere both the affection and the
desire2 They alone form dar1 spots on the pages of my youthful
recollections-

RR

P8EP=8=T<AN; 6A8 T:E P=8TQ

To judge from the extraordinary acti0ity in the pantry, the
shining cleanliness /hich imparted such a ne/ and festal guise
to certain articles in the salon and dra/ing#room /hich < had
long 1no/n as anything but resplendent, and the arri0al of some
musicians /hom Prince <0an /ould certainly not ha0e sent for
nothing, no small amount of company /as to be expected that
e0ening-

=t the sound of e0ery 0ehicle /hich chanced to pass the house <
ran to the /indo/, leaned my head upon my arms, and peered /ith
impatient curiosity into the street-

=t last a carriage stopped at our door, and, in the full belief
that this must be the </ins, /ho had promised to come early, < at
once ran do/nstairs to meet them in the hall-

9ut, instead of the </ins, < beheld from behind the figure of the
footman /ho opened the door t/o female figures#one tall and
/rapped in a blue cloa1 trimmed /ith marten, and the other one
short and /rapped in a green sha/l from beneath /hich a pair of
little feet, stuc1 into fur boots, peeped forth-

3ithout paying any attention to my presence in the hall Ealthough
< thought it my duty, on the appearance of these persons to
salute themF, the shorter one mo0ed to/ards the taller, and stood
silently in front of her- Thereupon the tall lady untied the
sha/l /hich en0eloped the head of the little one, and unbuttoned
the cloa1 /hich hid her formL until, by the time that the footmen
had ta1en charge of these articles and remo0ed the fur boots,
there stood forth from the amorphous chrysalis a charming girl of
t/el0e, dressed in a short muslin froc1, /hite pantaloons, and
smart blac1 satin shoes- =round her, /hite nec1 she /ore a narro/
blac1 0el0et ribbon, /hile her head /as co0ered /ith flaxen curls
/hich so perfectly suited her beautiful face in front and her
bare nec1 and shoulders behind that <, /ould ha0e belie0ed
nobody, not e0en Warl <0anitch, if he, or she had told me that
they only hung so nicely because, e0er since the morning, they
had been scre/ed up in fragments of a Cosco/ ne/spaper and then
/armed /ith a hot iron- To me it seemed as though she must ha0e
been born /ith those curls-

The most prominent feature in her face /as a pair of unusually
large half#0eiled eyes, /hich formed a strange, but pleasing,
contrast to the small mouth- :er lips /ere closed, /hile her eyes
loo1ed so gra0e that the general expression of her face ga0e one
the impression that a smile /as ne0er to be loo1ed for from her%
/herefore, /hen a smile did come, it /as all the more pleasing-

Trying to escape notice, < slipped through the door of the salon,
and then thought it necessary to be seen pacing to and fro,
seemingly engaged in thought, as though unconscious of the
arri0al of guests-

9Q the time, ho/e0er, that the ladies had ad0anced to the middle
of the salon < seemed suddenly to a/a1e from my re0erie and told
them that Grandmamma /as in the dra/ing room, Cadame 7ala1hin,
/hose face pleased me extremely Eespecially since it bore a great
resemblance to her daughterMsF, stro1ed my head 1indly-

Grandmamma seemed delighted to see ;onetch1a, ;he in0ited her to
come to her, put bac1 a curl /hich had fallen o0er her bro/, and
loo1ing earnestly at her said, N3hat a charming child2N

;onetch1a blushed, smiled, and, indeed, loo1ed so charming that <
myself blushed as < loo1ed at her-

N< hope you are going to enjoy yourself here, my lo0e,N said
Grandmamma-N Pray be as merry and dance as much as e0er you can-
;ee, /e ha0e t/o beaux for her already,N she added, turning to
Cadame 7ala1hin, and stretching out her hand to me-

This coupling of ;onetch1a and myself pleased me so much that <
blushed again-

6eeling, presently, that, my embarrassment /as increasing, and
hearing the sound of carriages approaching, < thought it /ise to
retire- <n the hall < encountered the Princess Worna1off, her
son, and an incredible number of daughters- They had all of them
the same face as their mother, and /ere 0ery ugly- None of them
arrested my attention- They tal1ed in shrill tones as they too1
off their cloa1s and boas, and laughed as they bustled about##
probably at the fact that there /ere so many of them2

Etienne /as a boy of fifteen, tall and plump, /ith a sharp face,
deep#set bluish eyes, and 0ery large hands and feet for his age-
Li1e/ise he /as a/1/ard, and had a ner0ous, unpleasing 0oice-
Ne0ertheless he seemed 0ery pleased /ith himself, and /as, in my
opinion, a boy /ho could /ell bear being beaten /ith rods-

6or a long time /e confronted one another /ithout spea1ing as /e
too1 stoc1 of each other- 3hen the flood of dresses had s/ept
past < made shift to begin a con0ersation by as1ing him /hether
it had not been 0ery close in the carriage-

N< donMt 1no/,N he ans/ered indifferently- N< ne0er ride inside
it, for it ma1es me feel sic1 directly, and Camma 1no/s that-
3hene0er /e are dri0ing any/here at night#time < al/ays sit on
the box- < li1e that, for then one sees e0erything- Philip gi0es
me the reins, and sometimes the /hip too, and then the people
inside get a regular##/ell, you 1no/,N he added /ith a significant
gesture N<tMs splendid then-N

NCaster Etienne,N said a footman, entering the hall, NPhilip
/ishes me to as1 you /here you put the /hip-N

N3here < put itS 3hy, < ga0e it bac1 to him-N

N9ut he says that you did not-N

N3ell, < laid it across the carriage#lamps2N

NNo, sir, he says that you did not do that either- Qou had
better confess that you too1 it and lashed it to shreds- <
suppose poor Philip /ill ha0e to ma1e good your mischief out of
his o/n poc1et-N The footman E/ho loo1ed a gra0e and honest manF
seemed much put out by the affair, and determined to sift it to
the bottom on PhilipMs behalf-

Aut of delicacy < pretended to notice nothing and turned aside,
but the other footmen present gathered round and loo1ed
appro0ingly at the old ser0ant-

N:m##/ell, < 4<4 tear it in pieces,N at length confessed Etienne,
shrin1ing from further explanations- N:o/e0er, < /ill pay for
it- 4id you e0er hear anything so absurdSN he added to me as he
dre/ me to/ards the dra/ing#room-

N9ut excuse me, sirL :A3 are you going to pay for itS < 1no/
your /ays of paying- Qou ha0e o/ed Caria 7alericana t/enty
copec1s these eight months no/, and you ha0e o/ed me something
for t/o years, and Peter for##N

N:old your tongue, /ill you2 N shouted the young fello/, pale
/ith rage N< shall report you for this-N

NAh, you may do so,N said the footman- NQet it is not fair,
your highness,N he added, /ith a peculiar stress on the title, as
he departed /ith the ladiesM /raps to the cloa1#room- 3e
oursel0es entered the salon-

NVuite right, footman,N remar1ed someone appro0ingly from the
ball behind us-

Grandmamma had a peculiar /ay of employing, no/ the second person
singular, no/ the second person plural, in order to indicate her
opinion of people- 3hen the young Prince Etienne /ent up to her
she addressed him as NQAB,N and altogether loo1ed at him /ith
such an expression of contempt that, had < been in his place, <
should ha0e been utterly crestfallen- Etienne, ho/e0er, /as
e0idently not a boy of that sort, for he not only too1 no notice
of her reception of him, but none of her person either- <n fact,
he bo/ed to the company at large in a /ay /hich, though not
graceful, /as at least free from embarrassment-

;onetch1a no/ claimed my /hole attention- < remember that, as <
stood in the salon /ith Etienne and 3oloda, at a spot /hence /e
could both see and be seen by ;onetch1a, < too1 great pleasure in
tal1ing 0ery loud Eand all my utterances seemed to me both bold
and comicalF and glancing to/ards the door of the dra/ing#room,
but that, as soon as e0er /e happened to mo0e to another spot
/hence /e could neither see nor be seen by her, < became dumb, and
thought the con0ersation had ceased to be enjoyable- The rooms /ere
no/ full of people##among them Eas at all childrenMs partiesF a number
of elder children /ho /ished to dance and enjoy themsel0es 0ery
much, but /ho pretended to do e0erything merely in order to gi0e
pleasure to the mistress of the house-

3hen the </ins arri0ed < found that, instead of being as
delighted as usual to meet ;eriosha, < felt a 1ind of 0exation
that he should see and be seen by ;onetch1a-

RR<

9E6A8E T:E C=&B8W=

N:BLLA, 3oloda2 ;o /e are going to dance to#night,N said
;eriosha, issuing from the dra/ing#room and ta1ing out of his
poc1et a brand ne/ pair of glo0es- N< suppose it <; necessary to
put on glo0esS N

NGoodness2 3hat shall < doS 3e ha0e no glo0es,N < thought to
myself- N< must go upstairs and search about-N Qet though <
rummaged in e0ery dra/er, < only found, in one of them, my green
tra0elling mittens, and, in another, a single lilac#coloured
glo0e, a thing /hich could be of no use to me, firstly, because
it /as 0ery old and dirty, secondly, because it /as much too
large for me, and thirdly Eand principallyF, because the middle
finger /as /anting##Warl ha0ing long ago cut it off to /ear o0er a
sore nail-

:o/e0er, < put it on##not /ithout some diffident contemplation of
the blan1 left by the middle finger and of the in1#stained edges
round the 0acant space-

N<f only Natalia ;a0ishna had been here,N < reflected, N/e
should certainly ha0e found some glo0es- < canMt go do/nstairs in
this condition- Qet, if they as1 me /hy < am not dancing, /hat am
< to sayS :o/e0er, < canMt remain here either, or they /ill be
sending upstairs to fetch me- 3hat on earth am < to doSN and <
/rung my hands-

N3hat are you up to hereSN as1ed 3oloda as he burst into the
room- NGo and engage a partner- The dancing /ill be beginning
directly-N

N3oloda,N < said despairingly, as < sho/ed him my hand /ith
t/o fingers thrust into a single finger of the dirty glo0e, N3oloda, you, ne0er thought of
this-N

NAf /hatS N he said impatiently- NAh, of glo0es,N he added /ith
a careless glance at my hand- NThatMs nothing- 3e can as1
Grandmamma /hat she thin1s about it,N and /ithout further ado he
departed do/nstairs- < felt a trifle relie0ed by the coolness
/ith /hich he had met a situation /hich seemed to me so gra0e,
and hastened bac1 to the dra/ing#room, completely forgetful of
the unfortunate glo0e /hich still adorned my left hand-

Cautiously approaching GrandmammaMs arm#chair, < as1ed her in a
/hisper%

NGrandmamma, /hat are /e to doS 3e ha0e no glo0es-N

N3hat, my lo0eSN

N3e ha0e no glo0es,N < repeated, at the same time bending o0er
to/ards her and laying both hands on the arm of her chair,

N 9ut /hat is thatS N she cried as she caught hold of my left
hand- NLoo1, my dear2 N she continued, turning to Cadame
7ala1hin- N;ee ho/ smart this young man has made himself to
dance /ith your daughter2N

=s Grandmamma persisted in retaining hold of my hand and ga@ing
/ith a moc1 air of gra0ity and interrogation at all around her,
curiosity /as soon aroused, and a general roar of laughter
ensued-

< should ha0e been infuriated at the thought that ;eriosha /as
present to see this, as < sco/led /ith embarrassment and
struggled hard to free my hand, had it not been that someho/
;onetch1aMs laughter Eand she /as laughing to such a degree that
the tears /ere standing in her eyes and the curls dancing about
her lo0ely faceF too1 a/ay my feeling of humiliation- < felt that
her laughter /as not satirical, but only natural and freeL so
that, as /e laughed together and loo1ed at one another, there
seemed to begin a 1ind of sympathy bet/een us- <nstead of turning
out badly, therefore, the episode of the glo0e ser0ed only to set
me at my ease among the dreaded circle of guests, and to ma1e me
cease to feel oppressed /ith shyness- The sufferings of shy
people proceed only from the doubts /hich they feel concerning
the opinions of their fello/s- No sooner are those opinions
expressed E/hether flattering or the re0erseF than the agony
disappears-

:o/ lo0ely ;onetch1a loo1ed /hen she /as dancing a Uuadrille as
my 0is#a#0is, /ith, as her partner, the loutish Prince Etienne2
:o/ charmingly she smiled /hen, en chaine, she accorded me her
hand2 :o/ gracefully the curls, around her head nodded to the
rhythm, and ho/ nai0ely she executed the jete assemble /ith her
little feet2

<n the fifth figure, /hen my partner had to lea0e me for the
other side and <, counting the beats, /as getting ready to dance
my solo, she pursed her lips gra0ely and loo1ed in another
directionL but her fears for me /ere groundless- 9oldly <
performed the chasse en a0ant and chasse en arriere glissade,
until, /hen it came to my turn to mo0e to/ards her and <, /ith a
comic gesture, sho/ed her the poor glo0e /ith its crumpled
fingers, she laughed heartily, and seemed to mo0e her tiny feet
more enchantingly than e0er o0er the parUuetted floor-

:o/ /ell < remember ho/ /e formed the circle, and ho/, /ithout
/ithdra/ing her hand from mine, she scratched her little nose
/ith her glo0e2 =ll this < can see before me still- ;till can <
hear the Uuadrille from NThe Caids of the 4anubeN to /hich /e
danced that night-

The second Uuadrille, < danced /ith ;onetch1a herselfL yet /hen
/e /ent to sit do/n together during the inter0al, < felt o0ercome
/ith shyness and as though < had nothing to say- =t last, /hen my
silence had lasted so long that < began to be afraid that she
/ould thin1 me a stupid boy, < decided at all ha@ards to
counteract such a notion-

N7ous etes une habitante de CoscouSN < began, and, on recei0ing
an affirmati0e ans/er, continued- NEt moi, je nMai encore jamais
freUuente la capitaleN E/ith a particular emphasis on the /ord
NfreUuenteNF- Qet < felt that, brilliant though this
introduction might be as e0idence of my profound 1no/ledge of the
6rench language, < could not long 1eep up the con0ersation in
that manner- Aur turn for dancing had not yet arri0ed, and
silence again ensued bet/een us- < 1ept loo1ing anxiously at her
in the hope both of discerning /hat impression < had produced and
of her coming to my aid-

N3here did you get that ridiculous glo0e of yoursSN she as1ed
me all of a sudden, and the Uuestion afforded me immense
satisfaction and relief- < replied that the glo0e belonged to
Warl <0anitch, and then /ent on to spea1 ironically of his
appearance, and to describe ho/ comical he loo1ed in his red cap,
and ho/ he and his green coat had once fallen plump off a horse
into a pond-

The Uuadrille /as soon o0er- Qet /hy had < spo1en ironically of
poor Warl <0anitchS ;hould <, forsooth, ha0e sun1 in ;onetch1aMs
esteem if, on the contrary, < had spo1en of him /ith the lo0e and
respect /hich < undoubtedly bore himS

The Uuadrille ended, ;onetch1a said, NThan1 you,N /ith as lo0ely
an expression on her face as though < had really conferred, upon
her a fa0our- < /as delighted- <n fact < hardly 1ne/ myself for
joy and could not thin1 /hence < deri0ed such case and confidence
and e0en daring-

NNothing in the /orld can abash me no/,N < thought as < /andered
carelessly about the salon- N< am ready for anything-N

Tust then ;eriosha came and reUuested me to be his 0is#a#0is-

N7ery /ell,N < said- N< ha0e no partner as yet, but < can soon
find one-N

Glancing round the salon /ith a confident eye, < sa/ that e0ery
lady /as engaged sa0e one##a tall girl standing near the dra/ing#
room door- Qet a gro/n#up young man /as approaching her#probably
for the same purpose as myself2 :e /as but t/o steps from her,
/hile < /as at the further end of the salon- 4oing a glissade
o0er the polished floor, < co0ered the inter0ening space, and in
a bra0e, firm 0oice as1ed the fa0our of her hand in the
Uuadrille- ;miling /ith a protecting air, the young lady accorded
me her hand, and the tall young man /as left /ithout a partner- <
felt so conscious of my strength that < paid no attention to his
irritation, though < learnt later that he had as1ed somebody /ho
the a/1/ard, untidy boy /as /ho, had ta1en a/ay his lady from
him-

RR<<

T:E C=&B8W=

=6TE83=84; the same young man formed one of the first couple in a
ma@ur1a- :e sprang to his feet, too1 his partnerMs hand, and
then, instead of executing the pas de 9asUues /hich Cimi had
taught us, glided for/ard till he arri0ed at a corner of the
room, stopped, di0ided his feet, turned on his heels, and, /ith
a spring, glided bac1 again- <, /ho had found no partner for this
particular dance and /as sitting on the arm of GrandmammaMs
chair, thought to myself%

N3hat on earth is he doingS That is not /hat Cimi taught us- =nd
there are the </ins and Etienne all dancing in the same /ay#
/ithout the pas de 9asUues2 =h2 and there is 3oloda too2 :e too
is adopting the ne/ style, and not so badly either- =nd there is
;onetch1a, the lo0ely one2 Qes, there she comes2N < felt
immensely happy at that moment-

The ma@ur1a came to an end, and already some of the guests /ere
saying good#bye to Grandmamma- ;he /as e0idently tired, yet she
assured them that she felt 0exed at their early departure-
;er0ants /ere gliding about /ith plates and trays among the
dancers, and the musicians /ere carelessly playing the same tune
for about the thirteenth time in succession, /hen the young lady
/hom < had danced /ith before, and /ho /as just about to join in
another ma@ur1a, caught sight of me, and, /ith a 1indly smile,
led me to ;onetch1a =nd one of the innumerable Worna1off
princesses, at the same time as1ing me, N8ose or :ortieSN

N=h, so itMs QAB2N said Grandmamma as she turned round in her
armchair- NGo and dance, then, my boy-N

=lthough < /ould fain ha0e ta1en refuge behind the armchair
rather than lea0e its shelter, < could not refuseL so < got up,
said, N8ose,N and loo1ed at ;onetch1a- 9efore < had time to
realise it, ho/e0er, a hand in a /hite glo0e laid itself on mine,
and the Worna1off girl stepped forth /ith a pleased smile and
e0idently no suspicion that < /as ignorant of the steps of the
dance- < only 1ne/ that the pas de 9asUues Ethe only figure of it
/hich < had been taughtF /ould be out of place- :o/e0er, the
strains of the ma@ur1a falling upon my ears, and imparting their
usual impulse to my acoustic ner0es E/hich, in their turn,
imparted their usual impulse to my feetF, < in0oluntarily, and to
the ama@ement of the spectators, began executing on tiptoe the
sole Eand fatalF pas /hich < had been taught-

;o long as /e /ent straight ahead < 1ept fairly right, but /hen
it came to turning < sa/ that < must ma1e preparations to arrest
my course- =ccordingly, to a0oid any appearance of a/1/ardness, <
stopped short, /ith the intention of imitating the N /heel aboutN /hich < had seen the
young man perform so neatly-

Bnfortunately, just as < di0ided my feet and prepared to ma1e a
spring, the Princess Worna1off loo1ed sharply round at my legs
/ith such an expression of stupefied ama@ement and curiosity that
the glance undid me- <nstead of continuing to dance, < remained
mo0ing my legs up and do/n on the same spot, in a sort of
extraordinary fashion /hich bore no relation /hate0er either to
form or rhythm- =t last < stopped altogether- E0ery#one /as
loo1ing at me##some /ith curiosity, some /ith
astonishment, some /ith disdain, and some /ith compassion,
Grandmamma alone seemed unmo0ed-

NQou should not dance if you donMt 1no/ the step,N said PapaMs
angry 0oice in my ear as, pushing me gently aside, he too1 my
partnerMs hand, completed the figures /ith her to the admiration
of e0ery one, and finally led her bac1 to, her place- The ma@ur1a
/as at an end-

=h me2 3hat had < done to be punished so hea0ilyS

5555555555555555555555555

NE0ery one despises me, and /ill al/ays despise me,N < thought to
myself- NThe /ay is closed for me to friendship, lo0e, and fame2
=ll, all is lost2N

3hy had 3oloda made signs to me /hich e0ery one sa/, yet /hich
could in no /ay help meS 3hy had that disgusting princess loo1ed
at my legsS 3hy had ;onetch1a##she /as a darling, of course2##yet
/hy, oh /hy, had she smiled at that momentS

3hy had Papa turned red and ta1en my handS Can it be that he /as
ashamed of meS

Ah, it /as dreadful2 =las, if only Camma had been there she /ould
ne0er ha0e blushed for her Nicolin1a2

:o/ on the instant that dear image led my imagination capti0e2 <
seemed to see once more the meado/ before our house, the tall
lime#trees in the garden, the clear pond /here the duc1s s/ain,
the blue s1y dappled /ith /hite clouds, the s/eet#smelling ric1s
of hay- :o/ those memories##aye, and many another Uuiet, belo0ed
recollection##floated through my mind at that time2

RR<<<

=6TE8 T:E C=&B8W=

=t supper the young man /hom < ha0e mentioned seated himself
beside me at the childrenMs table, and treated me /ith an amount
of attention /hich /ould ha0e flattered my self#esteem had < been
able, after the occurrence just related, to gi0e a thought to
anything beyond my failure in the ma@ur1a- :o/e0er, the young man
seemed determined to cheer me up- :e jested, called me Nold
boy,N and finally Esince none of the elder fol1s /ere loo1ing at
usF began to help me to /ine, first from one bottle and then from
another and to force me to drin1 it off Uuic1ly-

9y the time Eto/ards the end of supperF that a ser0ant had poured
me out a Uuarter of a glass of champagne, and the young man had
straight/ay bid him fill it up and urged me to drin1 the be0erage
off at a draught, < had begun to feel a grateful /armth diffusing
itself through my body- < also felt /ell#disposed to/ards my 1ind
patron, and began to laugh heartily at e0erything- ;uddenly the
music of the Gros0ater dance struc1 up, and e0ery one rushed from
the table- Cy friendship /ith the young man had no/ outli0ed its
dayL so, /hereas he joined a group of the older fol1s, <
approached Cadame 7ala1hin hear /hat she and her daughter had to
say to one another-

NTust :=L6#an#hour moreS N ;onetch1a /as imploring her-

N<mpossible, my dearest-N

NQet, only to please me##just this ANCES N ;onetch1a /ent on
persuasi0ely-

N3ell, /hat if < should be ill to#morro/ through all this
dissipationSN rejoined her mother, and /as incautious enough to
smile-

NThere2 Qou 4A consent, and /e C=N stay after all2N exclaimed
;onetch1a, jumping for joy-

N3hat is to be done /ith such a girlSN said Cadame- N3ell, run
a/ay and dance- ;ee,N she added on percei0ing myself, Nhere is a
ca0alier ready /aiting for you-N

;onetch1a ga0e me her hand, and /e darted off to the salon, The
/ine, added to ;onetch1aMs presence and gaiety, had at once made
me forget all about the unfortunate end of the ma@ur1a- < 1ept
executing the most splendid feats /ith my legs##no/ imitating a
horse as he thro/s out his hoofs in the trot, no/ stamping li1e a
sheep infuriated at a dog, and all the /hile laughing regardless
of appearances-

;onetch1a also laughed unceasingly, /hether /e /ere /hirling
round in a circle or /hether /e stood still to /atch an old lady
/hose painful mo0ements /ith her feet sho/ed the difficulty she
had in /al1ing- 6inally ;onetch1a nearly died of merriment /hen <
jumped half#/ay to the ceiling in proof of my s1ill-

=s < passed a mirror in GrandmammaMs boudoir and glanced at
myself < could see that my face /as all in a perspiration and my
hair dishe0elled##the top#1not, in particular, being more erect
than e0er- Qet my general appearance loo1ed so happy, healthy,
and good#tempered that < felt /holly pleased /ith myself-

N<f < /ere al/ays as < am no/,N < thought, N< might yet be able
to please people /ith my loo1s-N Qet as soon as < glanced at my
partnerMs face again, and sa/ there not only the expression of
happiness, health, and good temper /hich had just pleased me in
my o/n, but also a fresh and enchanting beauty besides, < felt
dissatisfied /ith myself again- < understood ho/ silly of me it
/as to hope to attract the attention of such a /onderful being as
;onetch1a- < could not hope for reciprocity##could not e0en thin1
of it, yet my heart /as o0erflo/ing /ith happiness- < could not
imagine that the feeling of lo0e /hich /as filling my soul so
pleasantly could reUuire any happiness still greater, or /ish for
more than that that happiness should ne0er cease- < felt
perfectly contented- Cy heart beat li1e that of a do0e, /ith the
blood constantly flo/ing bac1 to it, and < almost /ept for joy-

=s /e passed through the hall and peered into a little dar1
store#room beneath the staircase < thought% N3hat bliss it /ould
be if < could pass the rest of my life /ith her in that dar1
corner, and ne0er let anybody 1no/ that /e /ere there2N

N<t :=; been a delightful e0ening, hasnMt itSN < as1ed her in a
lo/, tremulous 0oice- Then < Uuic1ened my steps##as much out of
fear of /hat < had said as out of fear of /hat < had meant to
imply-

NQes, 7E8Q2 N she ans/ered, and turned her face to loo1 at me
/ith an expression so 1ind that < ceased to be afraid- < /ent on%

NParticularly since supper- Qet if you could only 1no/ ho/ <
regretN E< had nearly said Nho/ miserable < am atNF your
going, and to thin1 that /e shall see each other no more2N

N9ut /hy ;:ABL4NMT /eSN she as1ed, loo1ing gra0ely at the
corner of her poc1et#hand1erchief, and gliding her fingers o0er a
latticed screen /hich /e /ere passing- NE0ery Tuesday and 6riday
< go /ith Camma to the <0ers1oi Prospect- < suppose you go for
/al1s too sometimesSN

N3ell, certainly < shall as1 to go for one next Tuesday, and-
if they /onMt ta1e me < shall go by myself##e0en /ithout my hat,
if necessary- < 1no/ the /ay all right- N

N4o you 1no/ /hat < ha0e just thought ofSN she /ent on- NQou
1no/, < call some of the boys /ho come to see us T:AB- ;hall you
and < call each other T:AB tooS 3ilt T:ABSN she added, bending
her head to/ards me and loo1ing me straight in the eyes-

=t this moment a more li0ely section of the Gros0ater dance
began-

NGi0e me your hand,N < said, under the impression that the music
and din /ould dro/n my exact /ords, but she smilingly replied, NT:Q hand, not QAB8
hand-N Qet the dance /as o0er before < had
succeeded in saying T:AB, e0en though < 1ept conning o0er
phrases in /hich the pronoun could be employed##and employed more
than once- =ll that < /anted /as the courage to say it-

N3ilt T:ABSN and NT:Q handN sounded continually in my ears,
and caused in me a 1ind of intoxication < could hear and see
nothing but ;onetch1a- < /atched her mother ta1e her curls, lay
them flat behind her ears Ethus disclosing portions of her
forehead and temples /hich < had not yet seenF, and /rap her up
so completely in the green sha/l that nothing /as left 0isible
but the tip of her nose- <ndeed, < could see that, if her little
rosy fingers had not made a small, opening near her mouth, she
/ould ha0e been unable to breathe- 6inally < sa/ her lea0e her
motherMs arm for an instant on the staircase, and turn and nod to
us Uuic1ly before she disappeared through the door/ay-

3oloda, the </ins, the young Prince Etienne, and myself /ere all
of us in lo0e /ith ;onetch1a and all of us standing on the
staircase to follo/ her /ith our eyes- To /hom in particular she
had nodded < do not 1no/, but at the moment < firmly belie0ed it
to be myself- <n ta1ing lea0e of the </ins, < spo1e Uuite
unconcernedly, and e0en coldly, to ;eriosha before < finally
shoo1 hands /ith him- Though he tried to appear absolutely
indifferent, < thin1 that he understood that from that day forth
he had lost both my affection and his po/er o0er me, as /ell as
that he regretted it-

RR<7

<N 9E4

N:o/ could < ha0e managed to be so long and so passionately
de0oted to ;erioshaSN < as1ed myself as < lay in bed that night-
N:e ne0er either understood, appreciated, or deser0ed my lo0e-
9ut ;onetch1a2 3hat a darling ;:E is2 M3ilt T:ABSM##MT:Q handM2N

< crept closer to the pillo/s, imagined to myself her lo0ely
face, co0ered my head o0er /ith the bedclothes, tuc1ed the
counterpane in on all sides, and, thus snugly co0ered, lay Uuiet
and enjoying the /armth until < became /holly absorbed in
pleasant fancies and reminiscences-

<f < stared fixedly at the inside of the sheet abo0e me < found
that < could see her as clearly as < had done an hour ago could
tal1 to her in my thoughts, and, though it /as a con0ersation of
irrational tenor, < deri0ed the greatest delight from it, seeing
that NT:ABN and NT:<NEN and Nfor T:EEN and Nto T:EEN
occurred in it incessantly- These fancies /ere so 0i0id that <
could not sleep for the s/eetness of my emotion, and felt as
though < must communicate my superabundant happiness to some one-

NThe darling2N < said, half#aloud, as < turned o0erL then, N3oloda, are you asleepSN

NNo,N he replied in a sleepy 0oice- N3hatMs the matterSN

N< am in lo0e, 3oloda##terribly in lo0e /ith ;onetch1aN

N3ellS =nything elseSN he replied, stretching himself-

NAh, but you cannot imagine /hat < feel just no/, as < lay
co0ered o0er /ith the counterpane, < could see her and tal1 to
her so clearly that it /as mar0ellous2 =nd, do you 1no/, /hile <
/as lying thin1ing about her##< donMt 1no/ /hy it /as, but all at
once < felt so sad that < could ha0e cried-N

3oloda made a mo0ement of some sort-

NAne thing only < /ish for,N < continuedL Nand that is that <
could al/ays be /ith her and al/ays be seeing her- Tust that- Qou
are in lo0e too, < belie0e- Confess that you are-N

<t /as strange, but someho/ < /anted e0ery one to be in lo0e /ith
;onetch1a, and e0ery one to tell me that they /ere so-

N;o thatMs ho/ it is /ith youS N said 3oloda, turning round to
me- N3ell, < can understand it-N

N< can see that you cannot sleep,N < remar1ed, obser0ing by his
bright eyes that he /as anything but dro/sy- N3ell, co0er
yourself o0er ;AN Eand < pulled the bedclothes o0er himF, Nand
then let us tal1 about her- <snMt she splendidS <f she /ere to
say to me, MNicolin1a, jump out of the /indo/,M or Mjump into the
fire,M < should say, MQes, < /ill do it at once and rejoice in
doing it-M Ah, ho/ glorious she is2N

< /ent on picturing her again and again to my imagination, and,
to enjoy the 0ision the better, turned o0er on my side and buried
my head in the pillo/s, murmuring, NAh, < /ant to cry, 3oloda-N

N3hat a fool you are2N he said /ith a slight laugh- Then, after
a momentMs silence he added% N< am not li1e you- < thin1 < /ould
rather sit and tal1 /ith her-N

N=h2 Then you =8E in lo0e /ith her2N < interrupted-

N=nd then,N /ent on 3oloda, smiling tenderly, N1iss her fingers
and eyes and lips and nose and feet##1iss all of her-N

N:o/ absurd2N < exclaimed from beneath the pillo/s-

N=h, you donMt understand things,N said 3oloda /ith contempt-

N< 4A understand- <tMs you /ho donMt understand things, and you
tal1 rubbish, too,N < replied, half#crying-

N3ell, there is nothing to cry about,N he concluded- N;he is
only a girl-N

RR7

T:E LETTE8

AN the (th of =pril, nearly six months after the day just
described, Papa entered our schoolroom and told us that that
night /e must start /ith him for our country house- < felt a pang
at my heart /hen < heard the ne/s, and my thoughts at once turned
to Camma, The cause of our unexpected departure /as the follo/ing
letter%

NPET8A7;WAE, !th =pril-

NAnly this moment Ei-e- at ten oMcloc1 in the e0eningF ha0e <
recei0ed your dear letter of the $rd of =pril, but as usual, <
ans/er it at once- 6edor brought it yesterday from to/n, but, as
it /as late, he did not gi0e it to Cimi till this morning, and
Cimi Esince < /as un/ellF 1ept it from me all day- < ha0e been a
little fe0erish- <n fact, to tell the truth, this is the fourth
day that < ha0e been in bed-

NQet do not be uneasy- < feel almost myself again no/, and if
<0an 7assilitch should allo/ me, < thin1 of getting up to#morro/-

NAn 6riday last < too1 the girls for a dri0e, and, close to the
little bridge by the turning on to the high road Ethe place /hich
al/ays ma1es me ner0ousF, the horses and carriage stuc1 fast in
the mud- 3ell, the day being fine, < thought that /e /ould /al1 a
little up the road until the carriage should be extricated, but
no sooner had /e reached the chapel than < felt obliged to sit
do/n, < /as so tired, and in this /ay half#an#hour passed /hile
help /as being sent for to get the carriage dug out- < felt cold,
for < had only thin boots on, and they had been /et through-
=fter luncheon too, < had alternate cold and hot fits, yet still
continued to follo/ our ordinary routine

N3hen tea /as o0er < sat do/n to the piano to play a duct /ith
Lubotsh1a- Eyou /ould be astonished to hear /hat progress she has
made2F, but imagine my surprise /hen < found that < could not
count the beats2 ;e0eral times < began to do so, yet al/ays felt
confused in my head, and 1ept hearing strange noises in my ears-
< /ould begin MAne#t/o#three##M and then suddenly go on M#eight#
fifteen,M and so on, as though < /ere tal1ing nonsense and could
not help it- =t last Cimi came to my assistance and forced me to
retire to bed- That /as ho/ my illness began, and it /as all
through my o/n fault- The next day < had a good deal of fe0er,
and our good <0an 7assilitch came- :e has not left us since, but
promises soon to restore me to the /orld-N

N3hat a /onderful old man he is2 3hile < /as fe0erish and
delirious he sat the /hole night by my bedside /ithout once
closing his eyesL and at this moment Esince he 1no/s < am busy
/ritingF he is /ith the girls in the di0annaia, and < can hear
him telling them German stories, and them laughing as they listen
to him-

NMLa 9elle 6lamande,M as you call her, is no/ spending her second
/ee1 here as my guest Eher mother ha0ing gone to pay a 0isit
some/hereF, and she is most attenti0e and attached to me, ;he
e0en tells me her secret affairs- Bnder different circumstances
her beautiful face, good temper, and youth might ha0e made a most
excellent girl of her, but in the society in /hich according to
her o/n account, she mo0es she /ill be /asted- The idea has more
than once occurred to me that, had < not had so many children of
my o/n, it /ould ha0e been a deed of mercy to ha0e adopted her-

NLubotsh1a had meant to /rite to you herself, but she has torn
up three sheets of paper, saying% M< 1no/ /hat a Uui@@er Papa
al/ays is- <f he /ere to find a single fault in my letter he
/ould sho/ it to e0erybody-M Waten1a is as charming as usual, and
Cimi, too, is good, but tiresome-

NNo/ let me spea1 of more serious matters- Qou /rite to me that
your affairs are not going /ell this /inter, and that you /ish
to brea1 into the re0enues of Chabaro0s1a- <t seems to me strange
that you should thin1 it necessary to as1 my consent- ;urely /hat
belongs to me belongs no less to youS Qou are so 1ind#hearted,
dear, that, for fear of /orrying me, you conceal the real state
of things, but < can guess that you ha0e lost a great deal at
cards, as also that you are afraid of my being angry at that-
Qet, so long as you can tide o0er this crisis, < shall not thin1
much of it, and you need not be uneasy, < ha0e gro/n accustomed
to no longer relying, so far as the children are concerned, upon
your gains at play, nor yet##excuse me for saying so##upon your
income- Therefore your losses cause me as little anxiety as your
gains gi0e me pleasure- 3hat < really grie0e o0er is your unhappy
passion itself for gambling##a passion /hich berea0es me of part
of your tender affection and obliges me to tell you such bitter
truths as EGod 1no/s /ith /hat painF < am no/ telling you- <
ne0er cease- to beseech :im that :e may preser0e us, not from
po0erty Efor /hat is po0ertySF, but from the terrible juncture
/hich /ould arise should the interests of the children, /hich <
am called upon to protect, e0er come into collision /ith our o/n-
:itherto God has listened to my prayers- Qou ha0e ne0er yet
o0erstepped the limit beyond /hich /e should be obliged either to
sacrifice property /hich /ould no longer belong to us, but to the
children, or## <t is terrible to thin1 of, but the dreadful
misfortune at /hich < hint is fore0er hanging o0er our heads-
Qes, it is the hea0y cross /hich God has gi0en us both to carry-

N=lso, you /rite about the children, and come bac1 to our old
point of difference by as1ing my consent to your placing them at
a boarding#school- Qou 1no/ my objection to that 1ind of
education- < do not 1no/, dear, /hether you /ill accede to my
reUuest, but < ne0ertheless beseech you, by your lo0e for me, to
gi0e me your promise that ne0er so long as < am ali0e, nor yet
after my death Eif God should see fit to separate usF, shall such
a thing be done-

N=lso you /rite that our affairs render it indispensable for you
to 0isit ;t- Petersburg- The Lord go /ith you2 Go and return as,
soon as possible- 3ithout you /e shall all of us be lonely-

N;pring is coming in beautifully- 3e 1eep the door on to the
terrace al/ays open no/, /hile the path to the orangery is dry
and the peach#trees are in full blossom- Anly here and there is
there a little sno/ remaining, The s/allo/s are arri0ing, and to#
day Lubotsh1a brought me the first flo/ers- The doctor says that
in about three daysM time < shall be /ell again and able to ta1e
the open air and to enjoy the =pril sun- No/, au re0oir, my
dearest one- 4o not he alarmed, < beg of you, either on account
of my illness or on account of your losses at play- End the
crisis as soon as possible, and then return here /ith the
children for the summer- < am ma1ing /onderful plans for our
passing of it, and < only need your presence to realise them-N

The rest of the letter /as /ritten in 6rench, as /ell as in a
strange, uncertain hand, on another piece of paper- < transcribe
it /ord for /ord%

N4o not belie0e /hat < ha0e just /ritten to you about my
illness- <t is more serious than any one 1no/s- < alone 1no/ that
< shall ne0er lea0e my bed again- 4o not, therefore, delay a
minute in coming here /ith the children- Perhaps it may yet be
permitted me to embrace and bless them- <t is my last /ish that
it should be so- < 1no/ /hat a terrible blo/ this /ill be to you,
but you /ould ha0e had to hear it sooner or later##if not from me,
at least from others- Let us try to, bear the Calamity /ith
fortitude, and place our trust in the mercy of God- Let us submit
oursel0es to :is /ill- 4o not thin1 that /hat < am /riting is
some delusion of my sic1 imagination- An the contrary, < am
perfectly clear at this moment, and absolutely calm- Nor must you
comfort yourself /ith the false hope that these are the unreal,
confused feelings of a despondent spirit, for < feel indeed, <
1no/, since God has deigned to re0eal it to me##that < ha0e no/
but a 0ery short time to li0e- 3ill my lo0e for you and the
children cease /ith my lifeS < 1no/ that that can ne0er be- =t
this moment < am too full of that lo0e to be capable of belie0ing
that such a feeling E/hich constitutes a part of my 0ery
existenceF can e0er, perish- Cy soul can ne0er lac1 its lo0e for
youL and < 1no/ that that lo0e /ill exist for e0er, since such a
feeling could ne0er ha0e been a/a1ened if it /ere not to be
eternal- < shall no longer be /ith you, yet < firmly belie0e that
my lo0e /ill clea0e to you al/ays, and from that thought < glean
such comfort that < a/ait the approach of death calmly and
/ithout fear- Qes, < am calm, and God 1no/s that < ha0e e0er
loo1ed, and do loo1 no/, upon death as no mere than the passage
to a better life- Qet /hy do tears blind my eyesS 3hy should the
children lose a motherMs lo0eS 3hy must you, my husband,
experience such a hea0y and unloo1ed#for blo/S 3hy must < die
/hen your lo0e /as ma1ing life so inexpressibly happy for meS

N9ut :is holy /ill be done2

NThe tears pre0ent my /riting more- <t may be that < shall ne0er
see you again- < than1 you, my darling beyond all price, for all
the felicity /ith /hich you ha0e surrounded me in this life- ;oon
< shall appear before God :imself to pray that :e may re/ard you-
6are/ell, my dearest2 8emember that, if < am no longer here, my
lo0e /ill none the less NE7E8 =N4 NA3:E8E fail you- 6are/ell,
3oloda##fare/ell, my pet2 6are/ell, my 9enjamin, my little
Nicolin1a2 ;urely they /ill ne0er forget meSN

3ith this letter had come also a 6rench note from Cimi, in /hich
the latter said%

NThe sad circumstances of /hich she has /ritten to you are but
too surely confirmed by the /ords of the doctor- Qesterday
e0ening she ordered the letter to be posted at once, but,
thin1ing at she did so in delirium, < /aited until this morning,
/ith the intention of sealing and sending it then- :ardly had <
done so /hen Natalia Nicolae0na as1ed me /hat < had done /ith the
letter and told me to burn it if not yet despatched- ;he is
fore0er spea1ing of it, and saying that it /ill 1ill you- 4o not
delay your departure for an instant if you /ish to see the angel
before she lea0es us- Pray excuse this scribble, but < ha0e not
slept no/ for three nights- Qou 1no/ ho/ much < lo0e her-N

Later < heard from Natalia ;a0ishna E/ho passed the /hole of the
night of the th =pril at CammaMs bedsideF that, after /riting
the first part of the letter, Camma laid it do/n upon the table
beside her and /ent to sleep for a /hile,

N< confess,N said Natalia ;a0ishna, Nthat < too fell asleep in
the arm#chair, and let my 1nitting slip from my hands- ;uddenly,
to/ards one oMcloc1 in the morning, < heard her saying somethingL
/hereupon < opened my eyes and loo1ed at her- Cy darling /as
sitting up in bed, /ith her hands clasped together and streams of
tears gushing from her eyes-

NM<t is all o0er no/,M she said, and hid her face in her hands-

N< sprang to my feet, and as1ed /hat the matter /as-

NM=h, Natalia ;a0ishna, if you could only 1no/ /hat < ha0e just
seen2M she saidL yet, for all my as1ing, she /ould say no more,
beyond commanding me to hand her the letter- To that letter she
added something, and then said that it must be sent off directly-
6rom that moment she gre/, rapidly /orse-N

RR7<

3:=T =3=<TE4 B; =T T:E CABNT8Q#:AB;E

An the *th of =pril /e descended from the carriage at the front
door of the house at Petro0s1oe- =ll the /ay from Cosco/ Papa had
been preoccupied, and /hen 3oloda had as1ed him N/hether Camma
/as illN he had loo1ed at him sadly and nodded an affirmati0e-
Ne0ertheless he had gro/n more composed during the journey, and
it /as only /hen /e /ere actually approaching the house that his
face again began to gro/ anxious, until, as he leaped from the
carriage and as1ed 6o1a E/ho had run breathlessly to meet usF, N:o/ is Natalia
Nicolae0na no/SN his 0oice, /as trembling, and his eyes had filled /ith tears- The good,
old 6o1a loo1ed at us, and then lo/ered his ga@e again- 6inally he said as he opened the
hall#door and turned his head aside% N<t is the sixth day since she has not left her bed-N

Cil1a E/ho, as /e after/ards learned, had ne0er ceased to /hine
from the day /hen Camma /as ta1en illF came leaping, joyfully to
meet Papa, and bar1ing a /elcome as she lic1ed his hands, but
Papa put her aside, and /ent first to the dra/ing#room, and then
into the di0annaia, from /hich a door led into the bedroom- The
nearer he approached the latter, the more, did his mo0ements
express the agitation that he felt- Entering the di0annaia he
crossed it on tiptoe, seeming to hold his breath- E0en then he
had to stop and ma1e the sign of the cross before he could summon
up courage to turn the handle- =t the same moment Cimi, /ith
dishe0elled hair and eyes red /ith /eeping came hastily out of
the corridor-

N=h, Peter =lexandritch2N she said in a /hisper and /ith a
mar1ed expression of despair- Then, obser0ing that Papa /as
trying to open the door, she /hispered again%

NNot here- This door is loc1ed- Go round to the door on the
other side-N

Ah, ho/ terribly all this /rought upon my imagination, rac1ed as
it /as by grief and terrible forebodings2

;o /e /ent round to the other side- <n the corridor /e met the
gardener, =1im, /ho had been /ont to amuse us /ith his grimaces,
but at this moment < could see nothing comical in him- <ndeed,
the sight of his thoughtless, indifferent face struc1 me more
painfully than anything else- <n the maidser0antsM hall, through
/hich /e had to pass, t/o maids /ere sitting at their /or1, but
rose to salute us /ith an expression so mournful that < felt
completely o0er/helmed-

Passing also through CimiMs room, Papa opened the door of the
bedroom, and /e entered- The t/o /indo/s on the right /ere
curtained o0er, and close to them /as seated, Natalia ;a0ishna,
spectacles on nose and engaged in darning stoc1ings- ;he did not
approach us to 1iss me as she had been used to do, but just rose
and loo1ed at us, her tears beginning to flo/ afresh- ;omeho/ it
frightened me to see e0ery one, on beholding us, begin to cry,
although they had been calm enough before-

An the left stood the bed behind a screen, /hile in the great
arm#chair the doctor lay asleep- 9eside the bed a young, fair#
haired and remar1ably beautiful girl in a /hite morning /rapper
/as applying ice to CammaMs head, but Camma herself < could not
see- This girl /as NLa 9elle 6lamandeN of /hom Camma had
/ritten, and /ho after/ards played so important a part in our
family life- =s /e entered she disengaged one of her hands,
straightened the pleats of her dress on her bosom, and
/hispered, N ;he is insensible,N Though < /as in an agony of
grief, < obser0ed at that moment e0ery little detail-

<t /as almost dar1 in the room, and 0ery hot, /hile the air /as
hea0y /ith the mingled, scent of mint, eau#de#cologne, camomile,
and :offmanMs pastilles- The latter ingredient caught my
attention so strongly that e0en no/ < can ne0er hear of it, or
e0en thin1 of it, /ithout my memory carrying me bac1 to that
dar1, close room, and all the details of that dreadful time-

CammaMs eyes /ere /ide open, but they could not see us- Ne0er
shall < forget the terrible expression in them##the expression of
agonies of suffering2

Then /e /ere ta1en a/ay-

3hen, later, < /as able to as1 Natalia ;a0ishna about CammaMs
last moments she told me the follo/ing%

N=fter you /ere ta1en out of the room, my belo0ed one struggled
for a long time, as though some one /ere trying to strangle her-
Then at last she laid her head bac1 upon the pillo/, and slept
softly, peacefully, li1e an angel from :ea0en- < /ent a/ay for a
moment to see about her medicine, and just as < entered the room
again my darling /as thro/ing the bedclothes from off her and
calling for your Papa- :e stooped o0er her, but strength failed
her to say /hat she /anted to- =ll she could do /as to open her
lips and gasp, MCy God, my God2 The children, the children2M <
/ould ha0e run to fetch you, but <0an 7assilitch stopped me,
saying that it /ould only excite her##it /ere best not to do so-
Then suddenly she stretched her arms out and dropped them again-
3hat she meant by that gesture the good God alone 1no/s, but <
thin1 that in it she /as blessing you##you the children /hom she
could not see- God did not grant her to see her little ones
before her death- Then she raised herself up##did my lo0e, my
darling##yes, just so /ith her hands, and exclaimed in a 0oice
/hich < cannot bear to remember, MCother of God, ne0er forsa1e
them2MN

NThen the pain mounted to her heart, and from her eyes it as,
plain that she suffered terribly, my poor one2 ;he san1 bac1 upon
the pillo/s, tore the bedclothes /ith her teeth, and /ept##/ept##N

NQes and /hat thenSN < as1ed but Natalia ;a0ishna could say no
more- ;he turned a/ay and cried bitterly-

Camma had expired in terrible agonies-

RR7<<

G8<E6

L=TE the follo/ing e0ening < thought < /ould li1e to loo1 at her
once moreL so, conUuering an in0oluntary sense of fear, < gently
opened the door of the salon and entered on tiptoe-

<n the middle of the room, on a table, lay the coffin, /ith /ax
candles burning all round it on tall sil0er candelabra- <n the
further corner sat the chanter, reading the Psalms in a lo/,
monotonous 0oice- < stopped at the door and tried to loo1, but my
eyes /ere so /ea1 /ith crying, and my ner0es so terribly on edge,
that < could distinguish nothing- E0ery object seemed to mingle
together in a strange blur##the candles, the brocade, the 0el0et,
the great candelabra, the pin1 satin cushion trimmed /ith lace,
the chaplet of flo/ers, the ribboned cap, and something of a
transparent, /ax#li1e colour- < mounted a chair to see her face,
yet /here it should ha0e been < could see only that /ax#li1e,
transparent something- < could not belie0e it to be her face-
Qet, as < stood gra@ing at it, < at last recognised the /ell#
1no/n, belo0ed features- < shuddered /ith horror to realise that
it 3=; she- 3hy /ere those eyes so sun1enS 3hat had laid that
dreadful paleness upon her chee1s, and stamped the blac1 spot
beneath the transparent s1in on one of themS 3hy /as the
expression of the /hole face so cold and se0ereS 3hy /ere the
lips so /hite, and their outline so beautiful, so majestic, so
expressi0e of an unnatural calm that, as < loo1ed at them, a
chill shudder ran through my hair and do/n my bac1S

;omeho/, as < ga@ed, an irrepressible, incomprehensible po/er
seemed to compel me to 1eep my eyes fixed upon that lifeless
face- < could not turn a/ay, and my imagination began to picture
before me scenes of her acti0e life and happiness- < forgot that
the corpse lying before me no/##the T:<NG at /hich < /as ga@ing
unconsciously as at an object /hich had nothing in common /ith my
dreams##/as ;:E- < fancied < could see her##no/ here, no/ there,
ali0e, happy, and smiling- Then some /ell#1no/n feature in the
face at /hich < /as ga@ing /ould suddenly arrest my attention,
and in a flash < /ould recall the terrible reality and shudder#
though still unable to turn my eyes a/ay-

Then again the dreams /ould replace reality##then again the
reality put to flight the dreams- =t last the consciousness of
both left me, and for a /hile < became insensible-

:o/ long < remained in that condition < do not 1no/, nor yet ho/
it occurred- < only 1no/ that for a time < lost all sense of
existence, and experienced a 1ind of 0ague blissfulness /hich
though grand and s/eet, /as also sad- <t may be that, as it
ascended to a better /orld, her beautiful soul had loo1ed do/n
/ith longing at the /orld in /hich she had left us##that it had
seen my sorro/, and, pitying me, had returned to earth on the
/ings of lo0e to console and bless me /ith a hea0enly smile of
compassion-

The door crea1ed as the chanter entered /ho /as to relie0e his
predecessor- The noise a/a1ened me, and my first thought /as
that, seeing me standing on the chair in a posture /hich had
nothing touching in its aspect, he might ta1e me for an unfeeling
boy /ho had climbed on to the chair out of mere curiosity%
/herefore < hastened to ma1e the sign of the cross, to bend do/n
my head, and to burst out crying- =s < recall no/ my impressions
of that episode < find that it /as only during my moments of
self#forgetfulness that my grief /as /holehearted- True, both
before and after the funeral < ne0er ceased to cry and to loo1
miserable, yet < feel conscience#stric1en /hen < recall that
grief of mine, seeing that al/ays present in it there /as an
element of conceit##of a desire to sho/ that < /as more grie0ed
than any one else, of an interest /hich < too1 in obser0ing the
effect, produced upon others by my tears, and of an idle
curiosity leading me to remar1 CimiMs bonnet and the faces of all
present- The mere circumstance that < despised myself for not
feeling grief to the exclusion of e0erything else, and that <
endea0oured to conceal the fact, sho/s that my sadness /as
insincere and unnatural- < too1 a delight in feeling that < /as
unhappy, and in trying to feel more so- ConseUuently this
egotistic consciousness completely annulled any element of
sincerity in my /oe-

That night < slept calmly and soundly Eas is usual after any
great emotionF, and a/o1e /ith my tears dried and my ner0es
restored- =t ten oMcloc1 /e /ere summoned to attend the pre#
funeral reUuiem-

The room /as full of /eeping ser0ants and peasants /ho had come
to bid fare/ell to their late mistress- 4uring the ser0ice <
myself /ept a great deal, made freUuent signs of the cross, and
performed many genuflections, but < did not pray /ith, my soul,
and felt, if anything, almost indifferent, Cy thoughts /ere
chiefly centred upon the ne/ coat /hich < /as /earing Ea garment
/hich /as tight and uncomfortableF and upon ho/ to a0oid soiling
my trousers at the 1nees- =lso < too1 the most minute notice of
all present-

Papa stood at the head of the coffin- :e /as as /hite as sno/,
and only /ith difficulty restrained his tears- :is tall figure in
its blac1 froc1coat, his pale, expressi0e face, the graceful,
assured manner in /hich, as usual, he made the sign of the cross
or bo/ed until he touched the floor /ith his hand >= custom of
the Gree1 funeral rite-? or too1 the candle from the priest or
/ent to the coffin##all /ere exceedingly effecti0eL yet for some
reason or another < felt a grudge against him for that 0ery
ability to appear effecti0e at such a moment- Cimi stood leaning
against the /all as though scarcely able to support herself- :er
dress /as all a/ry and co0ered /ith feathers, and her cap coc1ed
to one side, /hile her eyes /ere red /ith /eeping, her legs
trembling under her, and she sobbed incessantly in a heartrending
manner as e0er and again she buried her face in her hand1erchief
or her hands- < imagine that she did this to chec1 her continual
sobbing /ithout being seen by the spectators- < remember, too,
her telling Papa, the e0ening before, that CammaMs death had come
upon her as a blo/ from /hich she could ne0er hope to reco0erL
that /ith Camma she had lost e0erythingL but that Nthe angel,N
as she called my mother, had not forgotten her /hen at the point
of death, since she had declared her /ish to render her ECimiMsF
and Waten1aMs fortunes secure for e0er- Cimi had shed bitter
tears /hile relating this, and 0ery li1ely her sorro/, if not
/holly pure and disinterested, /as in the main sincere-
Lubotsh1a, in blac1 garments and suffused /ith tears, stood /ith
her head bo/ed upon her breast- ;he rarely loo1ed at the coffin,
yet /hene0er she did so her face expressed a sort of childish
fear- Waten1a stood near her mother, and, despite her lengthened
face, loo1ed as lo0ely as e0er- 3olodaMs fran1 nature /as fran1
also in grief- :e stood loo1ing gra0e and as though he /ere
staring at some object /ith fixed eyes- Then suddenly his lips
/ould begin to Uui0er, and he /ould hastily ma1e the sign of the
cross, and bend his head again-

;uch of those present as /ere strangers < found intolerable- <n
fact, the phrases of condolence /ith /hich they addressed Papa
Esuch, for instance, as that Nshe is better off no/N Nshe /as
too good for this /orld,N and so onF a/a1ened in me something
li1e fury- 3hat right had they to /eep o0er or to tal1 about herS
;ome of them, in referring to oursel0es, called us NorphansN##
just as though it /ere not a matter of common 1no/ledge that
children /ho ha0e lost their mother are 1no/n as orphans2
Probably E< thoughtF they li1ed to be the first to gi0e us that
name, just as some people find pleasure in being the first to
address a ne/ly#married girl as NCadame-N

<n a far corner of the room, and almost hidden by the open door,
of the dining#room, stood a grey old /oman /ith bent 1nees- 3ith
hands clasped together and eyes lifted to hea0en, she prayed
only##not /ept- :er soul /as in the presence of
God, and she /as as1ing :im soon to reunite her to her /hom she
had lo0ed beyond all beings on this earth, and /hom she
steadfastly belie0ed that she /ould 0ery soon meet again-

NThere stands one /ho ;<NCE8ELQ lo0ed her,N < thought to myself,
and felt ashamed-

The reUuiem /as o0er- They unco0ered the face of the deceased,
and all present except oursel0es /ent to the coffin to gi0e her
the 1iss of fare/ell-

Ane of the last to ta1e lea0e of her departed mistress /as a
peasant /oman /ho /as holding by the hand a pretty little girl of
fi0e /hom she had brought /ith her, God 1no/s for /hat reason-
Tust at a moment /hen < chanced to drop my /et hand1erchief and
/as stooping to pic1 it up again, a loud, piercing scream
startled me, and filled me /ith such terror that, /ere < to li0e
a hundred years more, < should ne0er forget it- E0en no/ the
recollection al/ays sends a cold shudder through my frame- <
raised my head- ;tanding on the chair near the coffin /as the
peasant /oman, /hile struggling and fighting in her arms /as the
little girl, and it /as this same poor child /ho had screamed
/ith such dreadful, desperate fren@y as, straining her terrified
face a/ay, she still, continued to ga@e /ith dilated eyes at the
face of the corpse- < too screamed in a 0oice perhaps more
dreadful still, and ran headlong from the room-

Anly no/ did < understand the source of the strong, oppressi0e
smell /hich, mingling /ith the scent of the incense, filled the
chamber, /hile the thought that the face /hich, but a fe/ days
ago, had been full of freshness and beauty##the face /hich < lo0ed
more than anything else in all the /orld##/as no/ capable of
inspiring horror at length re0ealed to me, as though for the
first time, the terrible truth, and filled my soul /ith despair-

RR7<<<

;=4 8ECALLECT<AN;

Camma /as no longer /ith us, but our life /ent on as usual- 3e
/ent to bed and got up at the same times and in the same roomsL
brea1fast, luncheon, and supper continued to be at their usual
hoursL e0erything remained standing in its accustomed placeL
nothing in the house or in our mode of life /as altered% only,
she /as not there-

Qet it seemed to me as though such a, misfortune ought to ha0e
changed e0erything- Aur old mode of life appeared li1e an insult
to her memory- <t recalled too 0i0idly her presence-

The day before the funeral < felt as though < should li1e to rest
a little after luncheon, and accordingly /ent to Natalia
;a0ishnaMs room /ith the intention of installing myself
comfortably under the /arm, soft do/n of the Uuilt on her bed-
3hen < entered < found Natalia herself lying on the bed and
apparently asleep, but, on hearing my footsteps, she raised
herself up, remo0ed the hand1erchief /hich had been protecting
her face from the flies, and, adjusting her cap, sat for/ard on
the edge of the bed- ;ince it freUuently happened that < came to
lie do/n in her room, she guessed my errand at once, and said%

N;o you ha0e come to rest here a little, ha0e youS Lie do/n,
then, my dearest-N

NAh, but /hat is the matter /ith you, Natalia ;a0ishnaSN <
exclaimed as < forced her bac1 again- N< did not come for that-
No, you are tired yourself, so you L<E do/n-N

N< am Uuite rested no/, darling,N she said Ethough < 1ne/ that
it /as many a night since she had closed her eyesF- NQes, < am
indeed, and ha0e no /ish to sleep again,N she added /ith a deep
sigh-

< felt as though < /anted to spea1 to her of our misfortune,
since < 1ne/ her sincerity and lo0e, and thought that it /ould be
a consolation to me to /eep /ith her-

NNatalia ;a0ishna,N < said after a pause, as < seated myself
upon the bed, N/ho /ould e0er ha0e thought of thisS N

The old /oman loo1ed at me /ith astonishment, for she did not
Uuite understand my Uuestion-

NQes, /ho /ould e0er ha0e thought of itSN < repeated-

N=h, my darling,N she said /ith a glance of tender compassion, Nit is not only M3ho
/ould e0er ha0e thought of itSM but M3ho,
e0en no/, /ould e0er belie0e itSM < am old, and my bones should
long ago ha0e gone to rest rather than that < should ha0e li0ed
to see the old master, your Grandpapa, of blessed memory, and
Prince Nicola Cichaelo0itch, and his t/o brothers, and your
sister =men1a all buried before me, though all younger than
myself##and no/ my darling, to my ne0er#ending sorro/, gone home
before me2 Qet it has been GodMs /ill- :e too1 her a/ay because
she /as /orthy to be ta1en, and because :e has need of the good
ones-N

This simple thought seemed to me a consolation, and < pressed
closer to Natalia, ;he laid her hands upon my head as she loo1ed
up/ard /ith eyes expressi0e of a deep, but resigned, sorro/- <n
her soul /as a sure and certain hope that God /ould not long
separate her from the one upon /hom the /hole strength of her
lo0e had for many years been concentrated-

NQes, my dear,N she /ent on, Nit is a long time no/ since <
used to nurse and fondle her, and she used to call me Natasha-
;he used to come jumping upon me, and caressing and 1issing me,
and say, MCQ Nashi1, CQ darling, CQ duc1y,M and < used to ans/er
jo1ingly, M3ell, my lo0e, < donMt belie0e that you 4A lo0e me-
Qou /ill be a gro/n#up young lady soon, and going a/ay to be
married, and /ill lea0e your Nashi1 forgotten-M Then she /ould
gro/ thoughtful and say, M< thin1 < had better not marry if my
Nashi1 cannot go /ith me, for < mean ne0er to lea0e her-M Qet,
alas2 ;he has left me no/2 3ho /as there in the /orld she did not
lo0eS Qes, my dearest, it must ne0er be PA;;<9LE for you to
forget your Camma- ;he /as not a being of earth##she /as an angel
from :ea0en- 3hen her soul has entered the hea0enly 1ingdom she
/ill continue to lo0e you and to be proud of you e0en there-N

N9ut /hy do you say M/hen her soul has entered the hea0enly
1ingdomMSN < as1ed- N< belie0e it is there no/-N

NNo, my dearest,N replied Natalia as she lo/ered her 0oice and
pressed herself yet closer to me, Nher soul is still here,N and
she pointed up/ards- ;he spo1e in a /hisper, but /ith such an
intensity of con0iction that < too in0oluntarily raised my eyes
and loo1ed at the ceiling, as though expecting to see something
there- M9efore the souls of the just enter Paradise they ha0e to
undergo forty trials for forty days, and during that time they
ho0er around their earthly home-N >= 8ussian popular legend-?

;he /ent on spea1ing for some time in this strain##spea1ing /ith
the same simplicity and con0iction as though she /ere relating
common things /hich she herself had /itnessed, and to doubt /hich
could ne0er enter into any oneMs head- < listened almost
breathlessly, and though < did not understand all she said, <
ne0er for a moment doubted her /ord-

NQes, my darling, she is here no/, and perhaps loo1ing at us and
listening to /hat /e are saying,N concluded Natalia- 8aising her
head, she remained silent for a /hile- =t length she /iped a/ay
the tears /hich /ere streaming from her eyes, loo1ed me straight
in the face, and said in a 0oice trembling /ith emotion%

N=h, it is through many trials that God is leading me to :im-
3hy, indeed, am < still hereS 3hom ha0e < to li0e forS 3hom ha0e
< to lo0eSN

N4o you not lo0e B;, thenSN < as1ed sadly, and half#cho1ing
/ith my tears-

NQes, God 1no/s that < lo0e you, my darlingL but to lo0e any one
as < lo0ed :E8##that < cannot do-N

;he could say no more, but turned her head aside and /ept
bitterly- =s for me, < no longer thought of going to sleep, but
sat silently /ith her and mingled my tears /ith hers-

Presently 6o1a entered the room, but, on seeing our emotion and
not /ishing to disturb us, stopped short at the door-

N4o you /ant anything, my good 6o1aSN as1ed Natalia as she
/iped a/ay her tears-

N<f you please, half#a#pound of currants, four pounds of sugar,
and three pounds of rice for the 1utia-N >Ca1es parta1en of by
the mourners at a 8ussian funeral-?

NQes, in one moment,N said Natalia as she too1 a pinch of snuff
and hastened to her dra/ers- =ll traces of the grief, aroused by
our con0ersation disappeared on, the instant that she had duties
to fulfil, for she loo1ed upon those duties as of paramount
importance-

N9ut /hy 6AB8 poundsSN she objected as she /eighed the sugar on
a steelyard- NThree and a half /ould be sufficient,N and she
/ithdre/ a fe/ lumps- N:o/ is it, too, that, though < /eighed
out eight pounds of rice yesterday, more is /anted no/S No
offence to you, 6o1a, but < am not going to /aste rice li1e that-
< suppose 7an1a is glad that there is confusion in the house just
no/, for he thin1s that nothing /ill be loo1ed after, but < am
not going to ha0e any careless extra0agance /ith my masterMs
goods- 4id one e0er hear of such a thingS Eight pounds2N

N3ell, < ha0e nothing to do /ith it- :e says it is all gone,
thatMs all-N

N:m, hm2 3ell, there it is- Let him ta1e it-N

< /as struc1 by the sudden transition from the touching
sensibility /ith /hich she had just been spea1ing to me to this
petty rec1oning and captiousness- Qet, thin1ing it o0er
after/ards, < recognised that it /as merely because, in spite of
/hat /as lying on her heart, she retained the habit of duty, and
that it /as the strength of that habit /hich enabled her to
pursue her functions as of old- :er grief /as too strong and too
true to reUuire any pretence of being unable to fulfil tri0ial
tas1s, nor /ould she ha0e understood that any one could so
pretend- 7anity is a sentiment so entirely at 0ariance /ith
genuine grief, yet a sentiment so inherent in human nature, that
e0en the most poignant sorro/ does not al/ays dri0e it /holly
forth- 7anity mingled /ith grief sho/s itself in a desire to be
recognised as unhappy or resignedL and this ignoble desire##an
aspiration /hich, for all that /e may not ac1no/ledge it is
rarely absent, e0en in cases of the utmost affliction##ta1es off
greatly from the force, the dignity, and the sincerity of grief-
Natalia ;a0ishna had been so sorely smitten by her misfortune
that not a single /ish of her o/n remained in her soul##she /ent
on li0ing purely by habit-

:a0ing handed o0er the pro0isions to 6o1a, and reminded him of
the refreshments /hich must be ready for the priests, she too1 up
her 1nitting and seated herself by my side again- The
con0ersation re0erted to the old topic, and /e once more mourned
and shed tears together- These tal1s /ith Natalia < repeated
e0ery day, for her Uuiet tears and /ords of de0otion brought me
relief and comfort- ;oon, ho/e0er, a parting came- Three days
after the funeral /e returned to Cosco/, and < ne0er sa/ her
again-

Grandmamma recei0ed the sad tidings only on our return to her
house, and her grief /as extraordinary- =t first /e /ere not
allo/ed to see her, since for a /hole /ee1 she /as out of her
mind, and the doctors /ere afraid for her life- Not only did she
decline all medicine /hatsoe0er, but she refused to spea1 to
anybody or to ta1e nourishment, and ne0er closed her eyes m
sleep- ;ometimes, as she sat alone in the arm#chair in her room,
she /ould begin laughing and crying at the same time, /ith a sort
of tearless grief, or else relapse into con0ulsions, and scream
out dreadful, incoherent /ords in a horrible 0oice- <t /as the
first dire sorro/ /hich she had 1no/n in her life, and it reduced
her almost to distraction- ;he /ould begin accusing first one
person, and then another, of bringing this misfortune upon her,
and rail at and blame them /ith the most extraordinary 0irulence,
6inally she /ould rise from her arm#chair, pace the room for a
/hile, and end by falling senseless to the floor-

Ance, /hen < /ent to her room, she appeared to be sitting Uuietly
in her chair, yet /ith an air /hich struc1 me as curious- Though
her eyes /ere /ide open, their glance /as 0acant and meaningless,
and she seemed to ga@e in my direction /ithout seeing me-
;uddenly her lips parted slo/ly in a smile, and she said in a
touchingly, tender 0oice% NCome here, then, my dearest oneL come
here, my angel-N Thin1ing that it /as myself she /as addressing,
< mo0ed to/ards her, but it /as not < /hom she /as beholding at
that moment- NAh, my lo0e,N she /ent on- Nif only you could
1no/ ho/ distracted < ha0e been, and ho/ delighted < am to see
you once more2N < understood then that she belie0ed herself to
be loo1ing upon Camma, and halted /here < /as- NThey told me you
/ere gone,N she concluded /ith a fro/nL Nbut /hat nonsense2 =s
if you could die before CE2N and she laughed a terrible,
hysterical laugh-

Anly those /ho can lo0e strongly can experience an o0er/helming
grief- Qet their 0ery need of lo0ing sometimes ser0es to thro/
off their grief from them and to sa0e them- The moral nature of
man is more tenacious of life than the physical, and grief ne0er
1ills-

=fter a time GrandmammaMs po/er of /eeping came bac1 to her, and
she began to reco0er- :er first thought /hen her reason returned
/as for us children, and her lo0e for us /as greater than e0er-
3e ne0er left her arm#chair, and she /ould tal1 of Camma, and
/eep softly, and caress us-

Nobody /ho sa/ her grief could say that it /as consciously
exaggerated, for its expression /as too strong and touchingL yet
for some reason or another my sympathy /ent out more to Natalia
;a0ishna, and to this day < am con0inced that nobody lo0ed and
regretted Camma so purely and sincerely as did that simple#
hearted, affectionate being-

3ith CammaMs death the happy time of my childhood came to an end,
and a ne/ epoch##the epoch of my boyhood##beganL but since my
memories of Natalia ;a0ishna E/ho exercised such a strong and
beneficial influence upon the bent of my mind and the de0elopment
of my sensibilityF belong rather to the first period, < /ill add
a fe/ /ords about her and her death before closing this portion
of my life-

< heard later from people in the 0illage that, after our return
to Cosco/, she found time hang 0ery hea0y on her hands- =lthough
the dra/ers and shel0es /ere still under her charge, and she
ne0er ceased to arrange and rearrange them##to ta1e things out and
to dispose of them afresh##she sadly missed the din and bustle of
the seignorial mansion to /hich she had been accustomed from her
childhood up- ConseUuently grief, the alteration in her mode of
life, and her lac1 of acti0ity soon combined to de0elop in her a
malady to /hich she had al/ays been more or less subject-

;carcely more than a year after CammaMs death dropsy sho/ed
itself, and she too1 to her bed- < can imagine ho/ sad it must
ha0e been for her to go on li0ing##still more, to die##alone in
that great empty house at Petro0s1oe, /ith no relations or any
one near her- E0ery one there esteemed and lo0ed her, but she had
formed no intimate friendships in the place, and /as rather proud
of the fact- That /as because, enjoying her masterMs confidence
as she did, and ha0ing so much property under her care, she
considered that intimacies /ould lead to culpable indulgence and
condescension, ConseUuently Eand perhaps, also, because she had
nothing really in common /ith the other ser0antsF she 1ept them
all at a distance, and used to say that she Nrecognised neither
1insman nor godfather in the house, and /ould permit of no
exceptions /ith regard to her masterMs property-N

<nstead, she sought and found consolation in fer0ent prayers to
God- Qet sometimes, in those moments of /ea1ness to /hich all of
us are subject, and /hen manMs best solace is the tears and
compassion of his fello/#creatures, she /ould ta1e her old dog
Cos1a on to her bed, and tal1 to it, and /eep softly o0er it as
it ans/ered her caresses by lic1ing her hands, /ith its yello/
eyes fixed upon her- 3hen Cos1a began to /hine she /ould say as
she Uuieted it% NEnough, enough2 < 1no/ /ithout thy telling me
that my time is near-N = month before her death she too1 out of
her chest of dra/ers some fine /hite calico, /hite cambric, and
pin1 ribbon, and, /ith the help of the maidser0ants, fashioned
the garments in /hich she /ished to be buried- Next she put
e0erything on her shel0es in order and handed the bailiff an
in0entory /hich she had made out /ith scrupulous accuracy- =ll
that she 1ept bac1 /as a couple of sil1 go/ns, an old sha/l, and
GrandpapaMs military uniform##things /hich had been presented to
her absolutely, and /hich, than1s to her care and orderliness,
/ere in an excellent state of preser0ation##particularly the
handsome gold embroidery on the uniform-

Tust before her death, again, she expressed a /ish that one of
the go/ns Ea pin1 oneF should be made into a robe de chambre for
3olodaL that the other one Ea many#coloured go/nF should be made
into a similar garment for myselfL and that the sha/l should go
to Lubotsh1a- =s for the uniform, it /as to de0ol0e either to
3oloda or to myself, according as the one or the other of us
should first become an officer- =ll the rest of her property
Esa0e only forty roubles, /hich she set aside for her
commemorati0e rites and to defray the costs of her burialF /as to
pass to her brother, a person /ith /hom, since he li0ed a
dissipated life in a distant pro0ince, she had had no intercourse
during her lifetime- 3hen, e0entually, he arri0ed to claim the
inheritance, and found that its sum#total only amounted to
t/enty#fi0e roubles in notes, he refused to belie0e it, and
declared that it /as impossible that his sister#a /oman /ho for
sixty years had had sole charge in a /ealthy house, as /ell as
all her life had been penurious and a0erse to gi0ing a/ay e0en
the smallest thing should ha0e left no more% yet it /as a fact-

Though NataliaMs last illness lasted for t/o months, she bore her
sufferings /ith truly Christian fortitude- Ne0er did she fret or
complain, but, as usual, appealed continually to God- =n hour
before the end came she made her final confession, recei0ed the
;acrament /ith Uuiet joy, and /as accorded extreme unction- Then
she begged forgi0eness of e0ery one in the house for any /rong
she might ha0e done them, and reUuested the priest to send us
/ord of the number of times she had blessed us for our lo0e of
her, as /ell as of ho/ in her last moments she had implored our
forgi0eness if, in her ignorance, she had e0er at any time gi0en
us offence- NQet a thief ha0e < ne0er been- Ne0er ha0e < used so
much as a piece of thread that /as not my o/n-N ;uch /as the one
Uuality /hich she 0alued in herself-

4ressed in the cap and go/n prepared so long beforehand, and /ith
her head resting, upon the cushion made for the purpose, she
con0ersed /ith the priest up to the 0ery last moment, until,
suddenly, recollecting that she had left him nothing for the
poor, she too1 out ten roubles, and as1ed him to distribute them
in the parish- Lastly she made the sign of the cross, lay do/n,
and expired##pronouncing /ith a smile of joy the name of the
=lmighty-

;he Uuitted life /ithout a pang, and, so far from fearing death,
/elcomed it as a blessing- :o/ often do /e hear that said, and
ho/ seldom is it a reality2 Natalia ;a0ishna had no reason to
fear death for the simple reason that she died in a sure and
certain faith and in strict obedience to the commands of the
Gospel- :er /hole life had been one of pure, disinterested lo0e,
of utter self#negation- :ad her con0ictions been of a more
enlightened order, her life directed to a higher aim, /ould that
pure soul ha0e been the more /orthy of lo0e and re0erenceS ;he
accomplished the highest and best achie0ement in this /orld% she
died /ithout fear and /ithout repining-

They buried her /here she had /ished to lie##near the little
mausoleum /hich still co0ers CammaMs tomb- The little mound
beneath /hich she sleeps is o0ergro/n /ith nettles and burdoc1,
and surrounded by a blac1 railing, but < ne0er forget, /hen
lea0ing the mausoleum, to approach that railing, and to salute
the, plot of earth /ithin by bo/ing re0erently to the ground-

;ometimes, too, < stand thoughtfully bet/een the railing and the
mausoleum, and sad memories pass through my mind- Ance the idea
came to me as < stood there% N4id Pro0idence unite me to those
t/o beings solely in order to ma1e me regret them my life longSN





End of The Project Gutenberg Etext of Childhood, by Leo Tolstoy/Tolstoi