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What Does It Take To Be a Good Parents?

Good morning and congratulation to all the parents that take some of their precious time
to be here today. I believe that some of the parents here might push aside their works and other
type of responsibilities just to be here. I thank you for your cooperation and I want to assure you
that you are doing the right thing by being here.

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Bryan Dyson once said Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five
balls in the air. You name them - work, family, health, friends and spirit and youre keeping all
of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will
bounce back. But the other four balls - family, health, friends and spirit - are made of glass. If
you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even
shattered. They will never be the same.
Ladies and gentleman, our children are our family. They are one of the balls that are
made of glass. If you drop this ball, it will be broken and theres no way it can go back to the
way it was. Therefore, as a parent we must put the children as the priority and our work on the
second pedestal. Our children are the extension of ourselves. We cannot live in this world
forever, but our legacy will remain as long as our descendants exist. The kind of legacy you
would prefer leave behind is totally up to you to decide.
What does it takes to be a good parent to our children? This question has been asked
again and again and yet there is no foolproof answer for this question. One method might work
with one and fail with another. Raising children is like working on a big jigsaw puzzle in reverse.
Every day we take out a piece of the puzzle and we think we have it all covered. But as the
pieces are taken out day by day, most of us become more clueless about how to raise them right.
Being a parent is also a lifetime responsibility. Not only we have to raise them right until
adulthood, even when they already have a family on their own, our job as the parents will still
going on until the day we take our last breath.

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The quotation was taken from the speech given to Georgia Tech graduates by former Coca-Cola executive Brian
Dyson in 1996
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Ladies and gentleman. It is important to love. Im sure, everyone here loves our children.
There are lots of different ways to show love. Some of us do it verbally, some buy the children
stuffs, some spend time playing with the children and some lend their ears to listen and their
shoulders for the children to cry on. Theres nothing wrong in showing love to the children.
However, too much of a good thing could spoil things up.
Children at the early age need to know that they are being loved by their parents. The
children whom are loved by their parents will usually turn up as a normal adult later in life unlike
the children whom are neglected and abused by their parents.
Recently, our nation received a shock of our lifetime upon the discovery of an OKU
teenagers being neglected by her own mother in the period of three months without being fed and
cleaned.
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The welfare department was cited by saying that the child will have to go through
series of counselling in order for him to recover from the ordeal. This news saddened us all but
this is also an eye opener for us. We have to understand that abuse doesnt have to be physical.
The negligence of the children basic necessity for growth and the abandonment towards their
feeling and emotion are also part of the abuse that people often overlook.
One of the core responsibilities of being a parent is to be able to be a protector of their
offspring.According to Erikson
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in his theory of psychosocial development, the stage between
birth and one year of age are the most essential stage in life. An infant by nature is dependent,
the progress of trust is based on the reliability and quality of the child's caregivers.
If a trust is successfully developed upon the children, they will feel safe and secure of
their surrounding and environment. Caregivers who are unreliable, emotionally distant or erratic
will contribute to the feelings of mistrust in the children they care for. The failure to develop
trust will cause the children to live in fear and form a belief that the world is inconsistent and
unpredictable. Hence, as they grow up they become emotionally withdrawn and seclude
themselves from the society.

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The 15 year old teenager suffered from cerebral palsy was discovered abandoned by the immigration officer
during the raid on immigrants who live in Malaysia without permission. The video of the unfortunate disabled boy
and his story went viral and it also caught the attention of foreign press.
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For further reading please refer to Erik Eriksons Theory of Psychosocial Development, eight stages of childhood
development.
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It is a responsibility of the parents to provide for the need of the children. Not only in the
form of basic necessity and emotional support. The material comfort also play a part in the
childrens wellbeing. As parents, despite being busy with other responsibilities, they should
check from time to time if the children have the necessary equipment or if the equipment is still
working and can be used. There are number of cases reported about children stealing from other
children because they are not provided with the necessary items especially when they are at
school.
It is understandable that not every parents can afford to provide for the children, the
ability of parents as the provider might differ. However, it is important to put into consideration
that the children has a right in this matter. Denying their right will lead to an unfavorable
situation between the children and their peers and perhaps other party as well.
Some parents misinterpret the word love as spoiling the children by giving them what
they want. Oftentimes, the parents who work late hours and seldom spend time with their
children due to their nature of work tend to spoil the children with material comfort and being
lenient when it comes to discipline their children. However, the children need to know from the
early age that for every action, there is a consequence.The children need to understand that the
parents are the one in charge and not the other way around.
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Kohlberg in his theory of Development of Moral Reasoning explained that the children
at the preconventional stage conduct their moral reasoning by obeying the authority. They form a
concept that in order to avoid punishment or the possibility of being rewarded for being good,
they must follow a certain set of rules and order imposed by the authority which in this case, are
the parents.
There are many different methods on how to discipline the children. Some might prefer
the traditional method and others might prefer to use a modern method. In whatever form it is
done, the most important thing is to tell the children on why they are being punished and what
they did wrong. They need to be made understood that the punishment is carried towards them
not out of anger but as a way to educate them. Most parents tend to disregard this matter. Being
clueless as to why they are being reprimand let them to have a rebellious tendency at the early

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For further reading please refer to Lawrence Kohlbergs Development of Moral Reasoning, 3 Levels of moral
development.
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age. As they grow up, the feeling of dissatisfaction will grow and the respect towards the
authority will erode.
On the other hand, there are parents who are very lenient when it comes to discipline
their own children. Since the early stage of childhood, the children are not exposed to the figure
of authority. They are unaware of their wrong doing and they keep on doing it because they are
not being told by the parents that their wrong doing is frowned upon. These children will grow
up with superior egocentrism that will lead them to not being able to abide by the social rules and
norms.Not only they are not able to be respectful towards their own parents, they also will not be
able to be respectful toward others.
Ladies and gentlemen, our children is the mirror image of ourselves. They are the
extension of our legacy. Our behavior affect theirs. So it is important for us to be the good role
model for our children. For example, a father who smokes in front of their children or in the
public, not only he shows the children a disrespectful and selfish behavior, he will also end up
producing a smoker junior in the later years in courtesy of his action. A mother who use vulgar
words and swearing to the other drivers on the road out of anger, will produce a mini foul-
mouthed version of themselves.
We tend to be angry when our children misbehave but somehow we are unaware that
they learn those behavior from us. If we litter, the children will think that it is okay to litter too.
If we lie in front of them, the children will think that lying is acceptable. If we hit animals, the
children will think that hitting animals is not a crime.
Therefore, it is important for the parents to reform and become a better person for the
sake of their children. It is not enough to just the children what to be expected from them and
what they ought to do. We must show them by our action. It doesnt have to be something big or
grand, its enough by applying certain set of good behavior in our everyday life like saying thank
you as a form of gratitude, apologize when we do wrong, help people in need, respect towards
elders and such.
In the era when information is at the tip of our fingers, we as parents must be up to date
with the current trend. The parents are no longer the source of information for the children. With
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the latest technology in their hands and lack of parental supervision, the childrens ability to
explore certain things on their own limitless.
Therefore, the parents must be two steps ahead of the children. Do not let the children at
the young age alone with the gadgets without supervision. Always monitor the content of the
web browsing and filter the search engine. It is also important to make sure that your gadget is
password protected and the password for parental view application inside the computer is safely
hidden from the children.
Playtime for children in the 21st century is different from our generation. We play
outside with our peers and experimenting lots of things when we were their age. As for them,
their childhood mostly consist of their own bedroom and electronic gadgets consist of game
consoles, smart phone, tablets and laptops.
Children are exposed with the technology since the early age by the parents. Parents think
theyre educating and stimulating their kids, but doctors and therapists are raising a red flag. Too
much screen time can hurt their developing bodies. Children as young as six month are given the
tablets to occupy themselves.
Dr. Timothy Doran, a pediatrician at Greater Baltimore Medical Center said in the
interview Unlimited use, three-four hours of iPad use on their own, where the parents arent
involved, seems to me that you are flirting with developmental danger.
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The children who spend most of their time playing with gadgets at the early age often
suffer from the slow or stunted growth of their fine motor skill such as hand-eye coordination
and finger movements like grasping and pinching, as well as balance. They also suffer the
decrease of muscle strength. The radiation emitted from the gadgets also could pose a health risk
towards the children. Therefore, it is suggested that the usage should be limited to 30 minutes a
day or less to avoid the matters mentioned above.
Nowadays, plenty of children has their own smartphone. Whether it is politically
correct or politically incorrect for them to own one cant be determine so easily. These gadgets
are like the two side of the coins. The positive is accompanied by the negative. We cant chose
only one side but both. We cant stop technology from expanding and we cannot protect the

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The interview is conducted by JESSICA KARTALIJA for CBS Baltimore. Dated November 14, 2013
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children forever. What we can do as parents is to stay vigilant and always monitor their activities
online and when they are with their peers.
Children of this generation develop at a faster pace compared to when we were kids. Due
to the abundance of knowledge they can find by just simply googling for it, and how fast they
adapt to the technology. It gives us the weary feeling that lingers in our guts. We are scared that
they move so fast that they will stumble and get hurt. Dwelling in our worry and parental instinct
to protect them, we somehow develop certain behavior that help in crippling the growth of our
children.
It is important to feel worry but at the same time we should give them a room for them to
be independent and get hurt in the process. We live in an era that cautions us of danger at every
turn. This induces our fear of losing our children, so we do everything in our power to shield
them from harm. However, overly insulating the children from healthy risk-taking behavior has
acontrary effect.
If a child doesnt play outside and is never allowed to experience a skinned knee and
often told by their parents that it is dangerous to touch the animals, or not play with the soil
because they will getdirty, they will eventually develop phobias as adults. The children need to
fall a few times to learn its normal. If parents remove risk from childrens lives, there will be the
generation of high arrogance and low self-esteem as the end product.
Todays children also have not developed some of the life skills, we the parents did 30
years ago. Unlike our parents who let us work things out ourselves, todays parents swoop in and
take care of problems for them. The parents rescue the children too quickly and over-indulge
them with paralyzing assistance. The children remove the need for them to navigate hardships
and solve problems on their own.
Sooner or later, kids get used to someone rescuing them: If I fail or fall short, an adult
will smooth things over and remove any consequences for my misconduct. When in reality, this
isnt even remotely close to how the world works, and therefore it disables our children from
becoming competent adults.

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Ladies and gentlemen, to be parents is not an easy task at all. We can say a lot about how
to raise our children right but in the end, we have to bear in mind that our children are living
thing and unique in their own way. It is important for us not to give up and always do our best to
be a good parents to our kids. Lets work together to create a better future for our children.
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Bibliography:
Speech:
1. Brian G. Dyson, President and CEO, Coca-Cola Enterprises during his speech at
the Georgia Tech 172nd Commencement Address Sept. 6, 1996
Newspaper clipping:
1. G. Prakash and ArytonSoliano, Rescued, Home-alone teen found half-naked,
emaciated,Themalaymail, June 22, 2014.
Research papers:
1. Munley, Patrick H., Erik Erikson's theory of psychosocial development and
vocationalbehavior, Journal of Counseling Psychology, Vol 22(4), Jul 1975, pp
314-319.
2. Kohlberg, L., &Hersh, R. (1977). Moral development: A review of theory. Theory
into
3. Practice, 16(2), 53-59.
Interview report:
1. Jessica Kartalija, Doctors Raise Red Flag: Young Children Should Avoid Using
Tablets,CBS Baltimore, November 14, 2013. Retrieved online at:
http://baltimore.cbslocal.com/2013/11/14/red-flag-doctors-warn-tablets-can-
actually-hurt-a-toddlers-developing-body/