A WEIRD WORLD

(a selection from Whale of A Dragons Tale by Michael Shames)

There is so much about my world that you dont know. Do you think that you can really know
me without understanding so many aspects of my life? Beluga bored deeply.
I think I know you: intelligent, open-minded, adventurous, loyal, ambitious, ethical,
persevering, almost fearless, funny, playful and loving are some of the words that come to mind.
But it sounds like you feel I should also know your environment in order to know you even
better, Dragon deduced.
Do you know what it is to be hunted every day by larger predators?
Not really.
Do you know how it feels when the Pod disproves of your ideas?
Uh, no.
Do you feel frustrated by looking into the depths of your world and not know what lurks
beneath? What ideas are being discussed? What sights are being seen? What lessons are
being learned?
Well, not exactly.
Do you ever feel as though so much of your life is dictated by shifting tides, water currents and
circumstances entirely out of your control or even your comprehension?
Not so much in regards to water. But the air has some of its own challenges. But, I suppose
that I am not solely reliant upon the air to survive.
So much of who I am has been shaped by my Pod, other Wateries, the ocean and my life
experiences. You need to know me and what makes me me. Do you see?
Lets talk about some hurdles, Dragon denoted. Here are a few: I dont talk Watery. I cant
swim, I cant breathe under water and Ive not the slightest idea about the dangers that lurk in
your world. In short, Im like a dragon out of land. In fact, Dragon divulged, I wouldnt know
a killer whale from a birther whale or a sneezy, doping or grumpy whales without you. And I
imagine that your Pod may be reluctant to talk freely with me.
You can count on me to help with those Heres one tip: how do you communicate with me?
Through my mind. Or perhaps it is through your mind. I cant be sure at the moment.
So what makes you think that youd not be able to do the same with other Wateries?
Are all of the Wateries telepathic?
Did you ever try talking when your mouth is full of water? While we make some squealing,
clicking and whistling sounds, thats just for show. Our in-depth conversations are conducted
via telepathy and facial signals, Beluga broke down for Dragon.
Facial signals?
If you ever see a shark scrunch its face up, you know youve got an irritated shark on your
fins.
Do you ever scrunch your face up?
Only during a really good orgasm.
How would I know if the shark is having an orgasm or is just irritated?
My dear, you do have a lot to learn. But well start slowly and try not to put too much on your
plate. Why dont we start locally before we go global. Are you comfortable trying to get to
know some of the residents of this lagoon?
Getting to know?
Talking to them. Like you spoke with me, that day at the coastline. You are a great
conversationalist, Beluga buttered Dragon up.
Only when I can speak the language.
Theres a shrimp over there. Go talk to it and see if you can learn about the shrimps great
aspirations.
Dragon dutifully went forth to interview the shrimp but with misgivings. Prior to
meeting Beluga, Dragon was blissfully ignorant of shrimp. He didnt know they existed or what
they looked like. Based purely upon looks and a gut feel, shrimp and great aspirations didnt
seem to be likely companions. However, Dragon swam in the direction of Belugas pointing
fin and found an unremarkably plain heavily-shelled crustacean about the size of a plum, its 20-
odd legs paddling furiously but with little apparent success in getting anywhere. To Dragon,
this animal seemed to strenuously swim in no particular direction nor in any rush to get
anywhere. He focused his eyes on the purposeless paddler and then offered the following
greeting:
Hello sir, er maam, er Im afraid I really dont know how to address a shrimp. Im sorry,
Dragon deprecated.
Why do you want to talk to me? Havent you made us suffer enough? the shrimp scolded
supersensibly.
Pardon? I certainly didnt intend to cause you any hardship.
Well, youve roiled the waters and now I cant get to my appointment on time.
Sensing an opportunity to connect, Dragon offered to transport the shrimp to its
appointment location. But the shrimp didnt want any part of Dragons help.
You can help if you just go away. In fact, youd do us all a favor if youd just leave the lagoon.
Since youve arrived, it has been intolerable. The waves, the stirred up silt, the ear-splitting
moaning and screaming. For goodness sake, get a room!
I apologize profusely. We didnt know.
Of course you didnt. You are not only oblivious, but you are ugly and oblivious.
Ugly? What do you mean?
All scaly and leathery and jagged and disproportionate. Hideous more than ugly. Perhaps
even deformed and grotesque, bordering on monstrous. Did I mention foul smelling as well?
Well, Im certainly getting the point that you dont believe me much to look at.
Or be near, or swim with or with which to converse. We just arent interested. Does your
reptilian brain get the point?
Dragon had just about had enough of the abuse being hurled by this very insulting
invertebrate. He looked back at Beluga who was smiling broadly and completely unaware of the
bile being bung by this ingracious invertebrate. Dragon swallowed a lump of pride and
attempted to construct a catwalk to conciliation. Is there anything I can do to make up for any
inconvenience that weve caused you?
I already told you. Leave. Apparently you are as dumb as you look. We dont want you
here. The beluga can stay. Shes cute, the shrimp sassed.
Look here, my friend
.Im not your friend.
Look here you small-minded piece of annoying adipose. You are alive right now because
Beluga thinks that we are having a pleasant conversation. If she leaves, you will be a roasted,
extremely dead shrimp. So you had better hope that shell stick around. I will commit to you
that we will not bother you so long as you stay as far from us as shrimply possible. Finally,
this conversation isnt going to end until you tell me your great aspiration, other than to spew
your verbal venom at any living being that crosses your puny path, Dragon dressed down the
slanderous shellfish.
The shrimp did not respond. Its small eyes stayed fixed on Dragon. Dragon stared back.
Then, deep in the recesses of his mind he heard: To be large. Dragon was temporarily
stunned did this come from his mind or from the shrimps tongue.
Did you say to be large?
What if I did? So what?
Thats it. Not world peace? Not healthy family? Not a long life? Just you want to be large?
Are you judging me?
Hardly. Just want to make sure that I heard you.
You probably dont understand what it is like to be the underdog. To be constantly overlooked
and underestimated. Youve got size and fierceness that allows you to throw your weight
around. We have nothing but legs. And you mock us for that.
Dragon looked over at Beluga whose smile remained unabated. Dragon forced a smile
through his grimace. If he never saw another shrimp in his lifetime, hed die a happy dragon.
But he felt like hed secured the information that Beluga sought so he ended the conversation
with the shrimp and rushed back to his lover .
How did it go? Did you divine the shrimps aspirations, Dragon dear?
Yes, I did.
Im so proud of you.
You have no idea, Beluga dear. No idea at all.
Are you up to another interaction with a Watery?
Is this a hazing?
What does that mean?
Its a long story. Never mind. Sure, whatever youd like, my love.
There is a colony of clams at the southern part of the lagoon. Why not talk to them and
ascertain their aspirations. I think youll find them quite different from the shrimp.
I sincerely hope so, my Beluga. With that, Dragon trudged off to the clams who were nestled
in the lagoon shallows. Dragons visit was similarly disruptive to them, but they werent nearly
as intemperate as the shrimp.
Hello fellow clams. Im Dragon and Im not from these parts. So I apologize in advance for
any inconveniences that Ive created.
Apology accepted, announced the alpha clam.
I come to you offering friendship and am hoping that you can accept my humble offering,
Dragon disclosed.
What offering. I dont see any offering, answered the alpha clam.
I think it thinks that his apology is an offering, observed another clam.
Wed rather have some plankton. Especially the soft, chewable ones, asked a third clam.
Or a Big Mac, piped up a fourth clam.
How about some fried grits with okra? Thatd be the best, yet another clam clamored.
Better than chicken fried steak? I dont think so, claimed another clam.
Hold on folks! declaimed Dragon. I was offering friendship, not fast food.
Friendship? the alpha clam cried out. We have lots of friends. What do we need that for?
Do we look lonely over here? Wed much rather have food. Do you have any buffalo steaks
available?
Clams eat buffalos?
When someones offering, we wouldnt turn it down.
OK then, perhaps my friendship isnt high on your priority list. But as Im new to these parts, I
was hoping to find out about your great aspirations so that I wouldnt inadvertently interfere.
The clams buzzed amongst themselves for a bit. Dragon picked up pieces of thoughts
apparently his question had created a clamly commotion that wasnt resolving easily. Finally,
the alpha clam piped up: We arent of one mind on your question. Would you be willing to
accept our favorite food?
Favorite food? Dragon disconcerted. That isnt quite what I had in mind. I was thinking
about larger issues such as life goals, community objectives or philosophical pursuits.
We like fish tacos. A lot.
Is there a particular basis for your fish taco predilection? Sustainability? Health
considerations? Anthropologic values?
They taste good, the alpha clam countered with much clapping of surrounding clam shells.
And we dont get them very often. Almost never.
I apologize for asking this question, but given what I know about fish tacos, it seems unlikely
that theyd be available to you. Have any of you ever eaten one?
The clams resumed the buzzing amongst themselves. When it stopped, the alpha clam
continued: No, we havent actually eaten a fish taco. But word in the waves is that they are
really tasty. Wed aspire to experience that which others have enjoyed. Thats a great
aspiration, isnt it?
Oh, I see. That is actually more responsive to my question than Id anticipated. I thank you for
your time and Ill keep my eye out for some fish tacos for you. With that, Dragon returned to
Beluga.
Well, what did you learn?
First, I should thank you, Beluga. It was a far more fascinating task than I had foreseen. Based
upon those two Wateries, your world seems very similar to mine. The shrimp and clams sought
that which they couldnt possibly have but which seems attractive to others. The clams covet
the pleasure enjoyed by other and shrimp seek superiority. Both are driven by their perceived
deficiencies, just like many Landers that I know.
Im glad you found it useful.
There is one thing that Ill need from you, Beluga. Would you mind catching some small fish
white fish, preferably. I need to go find some limes and corn. Its about time that some
Wateries got to achieve at least one aspiration.

Copyright 2014 by Michael Shames
All rights reserved