Excerpts from the Memoirs

of
Werner Mork
Aus Meiner Sicht (From My View)
Copyright !""# $y Werner Mork A%% rights reser&e'
(ther Extr)cts from the memoirs c)n $e foun'
on the we$site of the *erm)n +istoric)% Museum,
-eutsches +istorisches Museum
.r)ns%)tion $y -)nie% +/ Set0er
1u$%ishe' here $y permission of the )uthor
.r)ns%)tion Copyright !""2 $y -)nie% +/ Set0er
For me it w)s3 A'ieu Afric)4 5ut the p)rting w)s not p)infu%3 wh)t w)s p)infu% w)s wh)t w)s to
come next )n' it $ec)me &ery p)infu% &ery 6uick%y/ My gre)t goo' %uck w)s th)t 7 w)s %o)'e' into the
&ery %)st )ircr)ft to %e)&e -ern)/ After us no p%)ne got out3 )n' no one e%se in the hospit)% cou%' $e
e&)cu)te'/ .he .ommies 6uick%y entere' the city/ A%% of the *erm)n )n' 7t)%i)n so%'ers in the city )n'
in the hospit)% were t)ken prisoner/ 7 w)s one of the &ery few so%'iers who got to the )irport )n' got
into the )ir on one of the $r)&e %itt%e 89:;!<s/ We took off )n' he)'e' to Crete without inci'ent/ (nce
)g)in my &ery goo' %uck he%'/
.he f%ight in the $r)&e %itt%e 89:;! went smooth%y3 something th)t w)s not necess)ri%y the norm in these
times/ We crosse' the Me'iterr)ne)n to Crete/ We %)n'e' there )n' s)t for ) &ery %ong time whi%e it
w)s 'eci'e' if we shou%' st)y there or $e sent on to *reece/ Fin)%%y3 we were sent on to Athens )n'
from there $y groun' tr)nsport to 1ir)eus3 the f)mous port/ 5ec)use of the %)ck of $e's in the w)r's3
we new )rri&)%s in the )rmy hospit)% were p%)ce' in the w)r' for sexu)%%y tr)nsmitte' 'ise)ses3 or wh)t
in )rmy =)rgon we referre' to )s >itter$urg/ 7t w)sn<t &ery nice there $ut it much $etter th)n wh)t we
wou%' h)&e experience' in -ern)/ .he m)in thing for us w)s th)t we m)n)ge' to get out of Afric)? we
'i'n<t gi&e ) ')mn )$out )nything e%se/
.he e&ents in Afric) were )%so h)&ing their effects here in *reece3 the c%inic w)s o&erf%owing/
Competent )n' profession)% c)re of the sick )n' woun'e' w)s no %onger fe)si$%e/ @o won'er3 this w)s
) re)r eche%on f)ci%ity th)t w)s on%y use' to tre)ting <norm)%< c)ses such )s in the >itter$urg where we
were situ)te'/ We cou%' on%y w)it )n' see wh)t w)s going to h)ppen to us/ >umors were r)mp)nt th)t
we were going to $e sent $)ck to *erm)ny/ .hese were on%y rumors )n' for the mere%y <sick< there w)s
on%y the s%ightest ch)nce of tr)nsport $)ck to the >eich/ .he woun'e'3 without 6uestion3 h)' the first
p%)ce in %ine )n' )fter them on%y the most critic)%%y i%%/ So we were )t the mercy of on%y wh)t w)s
possi$%e with the %oc)% me'ic)% know%e'ge )n' c)re/
7 w)s ex)mine' $y ) young st)ff physici)n3 who w)s )pp)rent%y on )cti&e mi%it)ry 'uty/ +e w)s not
p)rticu%)r%y intereste' in my =)un'ice3 it w)s too or'in)ry ) c)se for him to w)ste his time with/ +e
w)s much more intereste' in my right )rm/ 7t w)s co&ere' with count%ess s)n'f%e) $ites )n' the
inf%)mm)tion so )'&)nce' th)t it w)s 6uite 'eforme'3 thick with swe%%ing )n' u%cer)te'/ 7t w)s
extreme%y p)infu% )n' 7 cou%' h)r'%y mo&e it/
.he st)ff 'octor stu'ie' it with gre)t intensity then g)&e instructions for its c)re/ +e fo%%owe' th)t $y
s)ying th)t if it 'i' not get $etter in ) few ')ys3 )n' he 'ou$te' th)t it wou%'3 then my right )rm wou%'
h)&e to $e )mput)te'/ 7t wou%' h)&e to $e ) tot)% )mput)tion3 right up to my shou%'er/ +e g)&e me the
impression th)t )mput)tion wou%' $e the on%y option )n' th)t he w)s more or %ess %ooking forw)r' to
'oing the surgery himse%f/ 7t w)s in keeping with the motto3 Ae)rn $y 'oing/ App)rent%y in his
pre&ious pr)ctice he 'i' not h)&e )nywhere ne)r the opportunities for <%e)rning< )s he 'i' )s ) 'octor in
the )rmy/
+e)ring th)t w)s ) gre)t shock3 $ut 7 )%so fe%t ) cert)in c)%mness r)ther th)n horror/ When 7 %ooke' )t
my )rm3 7 too3 thought th)t the knife w)s the )nswer to the pro$%em/ .o %ose )n )rm wou%' not $e
goo'3 $ut in the $)%)nce it wou%' $e ) f)ir tr)'e for not $ecoming ) -e)' +ero/ .he possi$%e %oss of
)n )rm seeme' $etter to me th)n ) hero<s 'e)th on )ny of the m)ny fronts 'e&e%oping in this w)r/ .he
e)r%ier euphori) of con6uest w)s f)'ing/ 7n the short time 7 w)s with the Afrik) Borps 7 got to
experience )n' %i&e the true horror of w)r/ 7 )%so h)' the uncomfort)$%e fee%ing th)t &ictory for *re)ter
*erm)ny w)s not so sure )ny %onger3 )n' the possi$i%ity th)t the w)r cou%' come to ) goo' en'ing w)s
$ecoming more )n' more 'ou$tfu%/ 7 cou%' not see &ictory for us on )ny of the m)ny fronts we were
fighting on/ Such 'ou$ts were t)king ho%' of me )n' my enthusi)sm )n' confi'ence in &ictory w)s
')mpene'/ @ow 7 s)w )n )mput)tion )s my ch)nce to spen' the rest of the w)r not )s k&3
CBriegs&erwen'ungsfDig, Com$)t C)p)$%eE $ut )s ) so%'ier in ) g)rrison $)ck home/
($&ious%y this w)s not ) &ery goo' )ttitu'e/ 7t w)s not &ery p)triotic3 $ut 7 w)s not )%one3 7 w)s not the
on%y one in the go')wfu% wor%' of w)r to think %ike this3 e&en if 7 w)s sti%% not yet tot)%%y )g)inst the
w)r )n' n)tion)%ism/ 7n spite of )%% of these $)' thoughts there w)s sti%% the i'e) th)t the %oss of my
entire right )rm wou%' %e)&e me fore&er ) cripp%e/ +ow cou%' 7 continue my profession Cr)'io s)%es
)n' inst)%%)tionE with on%y one )rm )n' h)n'F .h)t thought w)s &ery 'istur$ing )n' 7 fe%% into )
'epression/ .he %oss of )n )rm w)s not ) trif%e )n' the %oss of ) right )rm e&en worse3 $ut 7 cou%' think
of no w)y to pre&ent it/ 7 r)i%e' )t my f)te which no %onger seeme' to me)n we%% for me/
.here w)s ) 'octor in the c%inic who w)s su$or'in)te to the st)ff 'octor3 the young )cti&e:'uty one who
g)&e me the pessimistic prognosis/ .his 'octor w)s not on <)cti&e< st)tus3 he w)s in the reser&e )n' w)s
) few ye)rs o%'er/ +e w)s not so sure th)t 7 wou%' h)&e to go un'er the knife in the next few ')ys3 the
)mput)tion of my )rm w)s not ) cert)inty in his &iew/ .his 'octor g)&e me ) g%immer of hope th)t 7
might $e inc%u'e' on the hospit)% tr)in th)t wou%' $e %e)&ing soon for home3 in spite of the opposing
opinions/
7t worke'4 .he goo' 'octor smugg%e' me onto the 'ep)rting tr)in )n' 7 w)s )$%e to mo&e out/
(n @o&em$er !G3 H2I! 7 note' in my 'i)ry, We'nes')y $y tr)in tow)r' home/ (ut of H" men G were
)%%ow to tr)&e%3 )n' 7 w)s in th)t group/ C)n 7 'o it $y Christm)sF 5y th)t 7 me)nt get we%%/
.he on%y re)son th)t 7 cou%' sti%% write notes is th)t the fingers of my right h)n' sti%% functione'3
)%though p)infu%%y/
@o&em$er !I3 H2I!, .he tr)in 'ep)rte' to')y? we %eft 1ir)eus )roun' !",G" hours/
We were tr)&e%ing in the 'irection of S)%onik) )n' e&eryone hope' th)t we wou%'n<t $e un%o)'e' from
the tr)in $efore getting $)ck to *erm)ny/
7 w)s %)ying in ) &ery nice $e' )n' w)s $eing won'erfu%%y t)ken c)re of/ .he he)' 'octor in the
hospit)% tr)in w)s )n o%'er m)n/ When he c)me to &isit me on his first roun's 7 to%' him the history of
my )rm infection )n' the pro$)$%e impen'ing )mput)tion/ 7 wi%% ne&er forget his response3 Wh)t i'iot
to%' you th)tF 7t is tot)% nonsense/ We )re ) %ong w)y from exh)usting our tre)tment options/ +e
g)&e or'ers th)t the nurses shou%' t)ke speci)% c)re of me/ My )rm w)s p%)ce' in ) fr)me )t right
)ng%es to my $o'y/ .he nurses c)me to me e&ery few hours ')y )n' night )n' sw)$$e' my )rm with
)%coho% )n' g)&e me shots of some sort/ .he in=ections were not )nti$iotics3 those were h)r'%y seen on
our si'e/ 1enici%%in w)s unhe)r' of3 on%y the Eng%ish )n' the Amis CAmeric)nsE h)' th)t/
Wh)t h)ppene' next w)s ) mir)c%e3 my )rm st)ye' there3 where it $e%onge' )n' w)s not h)cke' off/
.h)nks to the goo' c)re 7 recei&e' 7 )rri&e' $)ck in *erm)ny with my )rm/ We 'escen'e' in
+)%$erst)'t )n' were t)ken to the 1rin0 Eugen reser&e hospit)%/
5ut $)ck to the ri'e on the hospit)% tr)in3 )s there is more to te%% )$out this =ourney/
My c)%en')r note$ook w)s coming to )n en' )s the en' of the ye)r H2I! got c%oser/ 9nfortun)te%y3 7
'i' not h)&e ) c)%en')r note$ook for the fo%%owing ye)r )n' these notes stoppe' then/ +owe&er3 in my
%itt%e $ook 7 wrote3 We )re tr)&e%ing through *reece with its fu%% )utumn sp%en'or into Ser$i)/ My
$e' w)s next to ) win'ow )n' 7 h)' the $est possi$%e &iew throughout the who%e trip/
Sun')y @o&em$er !23 H2I!, >e)che' 5e%gr)'e? Christm)s gifts )%re)'y h)n'e' out/ *reetings from
5e%gr)'e )rme' forces r)'io )n' e&en from the 5)n)t *erm)ns4 C5)n)t, *erm)n minority in
>oum)ni)E
@o&em$er G"3 H2I!, We crosse' the *erm)n $or'er/ .he wor' on the tr)in is th)t we )re he)'e' for
centr)% *erm)ny/
.he trip w)s not without its pro$%ems/ .here were ) few rough spots on the trip )s we went through
occupie' territory/ .hese %itt%e pro$%ems were prep)re' for us $y the p)rtis)ns who w)nte' to m)ke %ife
'ifficu%t for the occupying troops/ 7t $eg)n )t the p)ss )t .hermopy%)e3 *reece/ 8ust )s our tr)in c)me
to the $ri'ge it $%ew up )n' w)s imp)ss)$%e3 yet )g)in3 for ) whi%e/ .he p)rtis)ns h)' set ) 'emo%ition
ch)rge/ .hen we h)' pro$%ems in Ser$i) where the %oc)% p)rtis)ns seeme' to h)&e something )g)inst
the r)i% %ines where the Wehrm)cht nee'e' to run its tr)ins3 without )ny reg)r's )s to the contents of the
c)rri)ges/ A hospit)% tr)in cou%' $e 'er)i%e' =ust %ike )ny other tr)in/ 7t w)s &ery unsett%ing when the
tr)in h)' to h)%t for ) %ong time whi%e w)iting for he%p3 )n' hoping it wou%' )rri&e $efore something
e&en worse wou%' $ef)%% it/ (ur tr)in h)' to w)it for %ong perio's on si'ings whi%e stretches of tr)ck
were rep)ire'/
German Hospital Train from 1940
.hese were &ery une)sy situ)tions $ec)use no one knew wh)t wou%' h)ppen )n' if we wou%' $e )$%e to
continue on our w)y or not/ 5ut we were %ucky )n' c)me through e&erything unsc)the' with on%y )
few 'e%)ys +ome to the >eich4 At m)ny tr)in st)tions we were he)rti%y greete'3 p)rticu%)r%y in )re)s
where there were *erm)n popu%)tions/ An' in Austri)3 now c)%%e' <(stm)rk3< there were )%w)ys %itt%e
gifts h)n'e' out to us $y young gir%s of the 5-M C5un' -eutscher MD'e% J Ae)gue of *erm)n *ir%sE
)n' women of the @S:Fr)uensch)ft C@)tion)% Soci)%ist Women<s Ae)gueE3 especi)%%y in the Vienn) r)i%
st)tion where we h)' ) %ong %)yo&er/ .he Austri)ns were no %ess prou' of the *erm)n so%'iers th)n the
>eich *erm)ns were/
7 )%so h)&e to mention the fee%ing th)t o&erc)me me when on the tr)in one of the nurses set up )
gr)mophone )n' put on ) recor' of the .ose%%i Seren)'e/ .his music w)s something won'erfu% for me
)n' 7 $roke 'own )n' crie'/ 7t )woke in me memories of my youth when 7 wou%'3 )n' sti%% cou%'3
%isten to ) gre)t 'e)% of music/ Music th)t 7 en=oye' in $)rs )n' Sun')y C)fe Concerts together with
my gir%frien'3 7%se/ 7n %istening to this music 7 fe%t myse%f to $e rescue' from ) time th)t w)s fu%% of
on%y misery )n' horror3 my time in Afric)/ A%though it w)s on%y ) short time for me3 7 w)sn<t )n o%'
Afric) Fighter3 $ut wh)t 7 experience' )n' wh)t 7 sur&i&e' w)s ) &ery p)infu% )c6u)int)nceship with
the re)% w)r/ .he time of my )%most p%)yfu% )ssoci)tion with the w)r w)s o&er3 7 h)' gotten to know it3
w)r in )%% its repu%si&eness/ 7 fe%t its terror in my own $o'y/ M)ny times in those few weeks 7 w)s
ne)r%y woun'e' or ki%%e'/ For me w)r w)s now nothing $ut horror3 fe)r )n' terror/ 7 h)' %e)rne' to
h)te the w)r/ 7 cou%' no %onger see the necessity for )ny w)r/ My first p)cifist thoughts $ec)me
)pp)rent to me/ +)&ing seen 'e)th )n' misery c%ose up unhinge' my pre&ious con&ictions th)t h)'
$ecome p)rt of me 'uring the e)r%y ye)rs of the .hir' >eich/ 7n the weeks to come my new
con&ictions wou%' grow )n' $ecome we%% forme'/ 5ut for now the misery )n' terror %)y $ehin' me3 7
w)s in the +eim)t C+ome%)n'E )n' cou%' once )g)in )%%ow myse%f to think h)ppier thoughts/ Some of
the troops got out in *os%)r )n' went to the +ote% Achterm)nn which h)' $een turne' in to ) reser&e
hospit)%/ (thers of us went to +)%$erst)'t to the 1rin0 Eugen >eser&e +ospit)%/ 7t use' to $e ) first:
c%)ss hote% in pe)ce time/
+AA5E>S.A-.
7 w)s now ) guest in the Ex:+ote% 1rin0 Eugen3 e&en though )s )n in=ure' %itt%e so%'ier of the *erm)n
Wehrm)cht/ +ere 7 w)s hoping to get we%% )n' keep $oth of my )rms/ .he initi)% 'um$ thoughts 7 h)'
)$out the possi$%e )mput)tion were gone now for goo'/ 7 w)nte' to keep the )rm e&en if it me)nt
$eing 'ec%)re' fit for front %ine 'uty )g)in/ .he he)%ing wou%' t)ke some time )n' then we wou%' see
where things stoo'/ .he w)r wou%' come to )n en' sooner or %)ter e&en if it 'i' not en' with ) *erm)n
&ictory/ .here wou%' cert)in%y $e ) ce)se fire to fo%%ow th)t we cou%' %i&e with/ 7t w)s sure th)t the
ce)se fire wou%' not $e %ike the one m)'e in Vers)i%%es in H2H2/ E&eryone wou%' h)&e %e)rne' $y now
th)t ) tre)ty th)t consiste' of $rut)% su$=ug)tion wou%' on%y $e the h)r$inger of future conf%ict/ .his
w)s my hope3 $ut it w)s not in )ccor' with the &iews of the A%%ies/ +owe&er3 th)t w)s not necess)ri%y
the %)st wor'/ A tre)ty wou%' h)&e to $e h)she' out $y )%% of the in&o%&e' p)rties )n' *erm)ny must
h)&e ) s)y in it3 or so 7 thought4
Wh)t w)s it 7 wrote =ust ) short time )goF 7t<s so gre)t to $e ) so%'ier/ 7t often w)s3 if not <gre)t3< )t
%e)st not terri$%e to $e ) so%'ier in the pe)cefu% times )w)y from the front %ines in spite of the w)r/
A%though there were some unp%e)s)nt con'itions to en'ure )n' h)ppenings to get p)st3 on the who%e it
w)sn<t so $)'/ +owe&er3 now these <goo' times< were o&er3 )n' o&er for goo'/ .hey were ne&er
coming $)ck )n' now 7 cou%' on%y s)y3 7t is no %onger goo' to $e ) so%'ier/ 7n truth3 it w)sn<t )%% th)t
goo' $efore3 either/ .o s)y it w)s3 w)s =ust stupi' ch)tter3 typic)% so%'ier t)%k3 trying to m)ke
something goo' th)t w)sn<t goo'/ 7t w)s no %onger goo' to $e ) so%'ier4
5ut now 7 w)s in for ) $etter time3 $)ck home in the home%)n'4 My note$ook s)ys3 -ecem$er G3
H2I!3 H#,"" hours3 %eft the hospit)% tr)in for 6u)rters in the >eser&e +ospit)%/ >eception impecc)$%e3
we were h)n'%e' with c)re )n' gre)t respect $ec)use we were coming out of Afric)/ We were the first
Afrik) Borps to come to this hospit)%/
-ecem$er I3 H2I!, .e%egr)m (we cou%' sti%% sen' them 'uring the w)r) to home te%%ing them of my
)rri&)% in +)%$erst)'t/
-ecem$er ;3 H2I!, .e%egr)m from 7%se te%%ing me th)t she wi%% $e in +)%$erst)'t tomorrow )t HI,""
hours/
Sun')y -ecem$er #3 H2I!, 7%se )rri&es3 my fee%ings )re ) mixture of h)ppiness )n' sh)me/ 7n my
note$ook 7 rem)rk th)t my fee%ings of sh)me )re 'ue to my not &ery goo' $eh)&ior in the p)st/ 7 )m
not $eing &ery honest with myse%f/ +ow %ong wi%% this sh)me )n' regret st)y with meF 7 )%re)'y know
th)t these fee%ings wi%% not %)st %ong/ 7 rem)in ) %o&er $oy/
-ecem$er K3 H2I!, 7%se %e)&es )t HK,"" hours3 $ut Christm)s wi%% $e here soon4
@ow come the %)st few entries in my c)%en')r note$ook, My )rm is getting much $etter3 $%oo' count
is goo'/ .he pro$%em is the =)un'ice/
.he ')ys p)ss with re)'ing )n' %etter writing/ .he 6uiet is re)%%y nice3 $ut )fter ) whi%e it is getting
$oring/ +opefu%%y3 soon 7 wi%% $e )$%e to get up )n' )$out )n' see ) %itt%e of +)%$erst)'t/ Existence is
&ery )gree)$%e3 the c)re is goo'3 the tre)tment is exception)% )n' the hospit)% %i$r)ry is exce%%ent/ We
got )n e)r%y Christm)s 'inner )%ong with ) $ott%e of Mose% wine3 in spite of my =)un'ice3 ) we%come
surprise/ My he)%th impro&e' s%ow%y $ut sure%y/ My re6uest for ) recuper)tion %e)&e h)s $een m)'e3 it
might work out/ .he Christm)s se)son ho%i')y fee%ings )re not 6uite there yet3 $ut th)t is often the c)se
right up unti% Christm)s -)y itse%f/ 5ut for now 7 )m fi%%e' with )nticip)tion $ec)use on @ew Le)r<s
$oth my mother )n' 7%se wi%% $e coming/
.his en'e' my notes in my %itt%e note$ook/ 9nfortun)te%y3 there were no more note$ooks to fo%%ow/ 7t
is goo'3 though3 th)t 7 w)s )$%e to ho%' on to this one/ 7 h)&e 7%se to th)nk for th)t3 who he%' on to it in
spite of )%% th)t h)ppene' %)ter/ .h)nks )%so to E%ke who returne' the note$ook to me %)ter/ 7t w)s )n
in&)%u)$%e reference for my 'escriptions of my experiences in Afric)/
A%though my notes h)&e come to )n en'3 my time in +)%$erst)'t is not yet en'e'/ 5esi'es these
written notes there is sti%% much to report3 )n' 7 wi%% 'o th)t right now/
.he time in the hospit)% in +)%$erst)'t w)s &ery inf%uenti)% )n' %eft me &ery much ch)nge'/ Some &ery
serious things h)ppene' th)t m)'e ) 'ecisi&e impression on me )n' ch)nge' the 'irection of my %ife/
(ne resu%t w)s th)t 7 r)'ic)%%y )%tere' my thoughts )n' opinions )s ) so%'ier3 $ut )%so )s ) *erm)n
citi0en in respect to @)tion)% Soci)%ism/ +)%$erst)'t w)s the $eginning of ) p)th3 ) p)th th)t %e' from
my e)r%ier simp%e $e%iefs to ) more 'e&e%ope' )n' critic)% &iew of po%itics/
(n this p)th 7 h)' in the hospit)% ) won'erfu% gui'e who not on%y %e'3 $ut who )%so informe' )n'
exp%)ine'/ .his w)s my comr)'e3 C%)us 5r)uer4
First3 though3 some inform)tion )$out our %ife in +)%$erst)'t )n' in the hospit)%/ 7n our hospit)% room
there were three of us/ (ne w)s ) F)%%schirm=Dger Cp)r)trooperE3 then me3 ) 1ri&)te First C%)ss who h)'
once $een in the Sign)% Corps3 )n' )nother 1ri&)te First C%)ss who w)s sti%% in the Sign)% Corps/ +e
w)s )%so my frien' in 5)umho%'er )n' m)n)ge' to st)y in the Sign)% Corps CWerner Mork w)s
tr)nsferre' out of the Sign)% Corps to 'ri&e supp%y trucks in Afric)E unti% he w)s )ssigne' to work with
*ener)% >omme%<s st)ff/ 7t w)s )n incre'i$%e coinci'ence th)t we shou%' %)n' in the s)me hospit)%
room )t the s)me time )n' $oth with +ep)titis 5/ My $u''y3 C%)us 5r)uer3 w)s p%ucke' out of his unit
)n' sent to Afric) $ec)use he w)s tot)%%y f%uent in Eng%ish3 h)&ing $een r)ise' in *re)t 5rit)in/
5ec)use of this )$i%ity3 he w)s )ssigne' to >omme%<s st)ff )s ) tr)ns%)tor3 )n' our w)ys sep)r)te'/ +ere
in +)%$erst)'t3 incre'i$%y3 our p)ths crosse' once )g)in/ +e h)' )rri&e' on the s)me hospit)% tr)in/
Sometimes things h)ppen th)t )re ne)r%y un$e%ie&)$%e e&en when they h)ppen to you/ Without running
into e)ch other )%ong the w)y we su''en%y foun' ourse%&es together in the s)me hospit)% room/ 7t is
tru%y h)r' to $e%ie&e3 $ut it 'i' h)ppen/
We cou%'n<t un'erst)n' how out of mi%%ions of so%'iers3 )n' so m)ny h)r'ships )n' pro$%ems3
sep)r)tion from our units3 the confusion of Afric)3 mu%tip%e w)ys $)ck home )n' )%% the hospit)%s3 th)t
we shou%' fin' ourse%&es in the s)me room in the 1rin0 Eugen in +)%$erst)'t/ 7t w)sn<t )n )cci'ent3 we
thought3 $ut f)te/ For me3 it tru%y w)s f)te/ 7 h)&e ) gre)t 'e)% to th)nk my frien' C%)us for3 )n' it is )
sh)me th)t we were not )$%e to keep up cont)ct with e)ch other )fter the w)r/ (n two occ)sions he
c)me through Aesum/ +e w)s with the C/A/>/E org)ni0)tion )n' h)' $usiness in 5remerh)&en/ +e
stoppe' $y to see me/ +e sti%% h)' my )''ress th)t 7 wrote 'own for him when we h)' to p)rt in
+)%$erst)'t/ My circumst)nces )t the time were not goo' )n' the &isit 'i' not go we%%/ 7 wi%% t)%k more
)$out this %)ter/ We trie' )g)in $ut it 'i' not work either/
As ex:Afrik) Borps we en=oye' ) speci)% st)tus3 not on%y in the hospit)%3 $ut )%so outsi'e the f)ci%ity/
We took c)re to continue to we)r our tropic)% uniforms in spite of the Winter co%'/ We were sti%% cr)0y
enough to strut )$out in these uniforms to )ttr)ct )ttention/ 7t often p)i' for itse%f when we went to )
c)fe or rest)ur)nt where the <o%' men< met )n' wou%'
spen' some coin on these Afrik)ners/
1)rticu%)r%y nice w)s th)t it incre)se' our ch)nces
with the young %)'ies )n' )%so with the %)'ies of )
more ripe )ge/ 7n these uniforms we were )%w)ys the
center of )ttention3 )n' we w)nte' it to st)y th)t w)y/
We 'i' e&erything we cou%' to keep these uniforms
e&en though it w)s technic)%%y )g)inst regu%)tions/
We kept them )n' continue' to $e ) point of interest
to those )roun' us/ .his w)s ) typic)% schi0ophreni)
of young so%'iers/ (n the one h)n' we were fe' up
with the )rmy3 $ut on the other h)n' we w)nte' to
keep the uniforms so )s to )ppe)r )s &ery speci)%
so%'iers4
5ut in spite of e&erything3 we sti%% thought of
ourse%&es )s so%'iers who ser&e' their country e&en Uniforms of the Afrika Korps
if the w)r 'i'n<t enthuse us )nymore/ We inten'e' to rem)in $r)&e )n' true $ec)use we cou%' ne&er
$etr)y our F)ther%)n' )n' %e)&e it in the %urch/ We s)w ourse%&es )s goo' upst)n'ing so%'iers )n' we
were &iewe' )s such $y e&eryone in the home%)n'/ We 'i' not fee% ourse%&es to $e possi$%e mur'erers
or +it%er:F)scist $e)sts3 )n' none of us3 not e&en the W)ffen SS wou%' h)&e $een %ooke' )t with
'is')in $y the peop%e/ Cert)in%y not the high%y 'ecor)te' heroes3 who in )%% truth were sing%e' out
$ec)use of their ki%%ing of the enemy/ .here w)s no 6uestion of 'is')in? ki%%ing the enemy w)s not
mur'er4 7t w)s necess)ry in or'er to protect the F)ther%)n'3 to 'efen' it )n' to $ring it to &ictory/
W)sn<t this ) form of schi0ophreni)F +owe&er3 no one thought of it )t the time $ec)use this w)y of
thinking w)s )ges o%' )n' w)s p)rt of the &ery $eing of )%% hum)nity/
(n the other h)n' the enemy $om$er crews were %ooke' upon )s mur'erers $ec)use of their terror
)tt)cks on the 'efense%ess peop%e in the cities of the >eich/ .he prop)g)n') m)chine took c)re to
ch)r)cteri0e such )tt)cks )s cow)r'%y )n' un'erh)n'e'/ .h)t w)s not schi0ophreni)3 th)t w)s goo' )n'
he)%thy pu$%ic opinion/
So it w)s then/ An' how is it now with goo' )n' he)%thy pu$%ic opinionF Wh)t h)s ch)nge'F 73 the
heretic3 $e%ie&e th)t nothing h)s ch)nge' $esi'es the contempor)ry 'et)i%s/ E&en the goo' opinion of
the *erm)n so%'ier h)s not ch)nge' &ery much/ .he 'eserter )n' the conscientious o$=ector )re now3
%ike then3 not p)rticu%)r%y re&ere' in'i&i'u)%s/ Ci&i% ser&ice inste)' of mi%it)ry ser&ice en=oys on%y )
&ery %imite' )ccept)nce/
At the en' of H2I! the peop%e sti%% h)' ) &ery positi&e )ttitu'e tow)r' the w)r/ .his $)sic )ttitu'e
rem)ine' in spite to of the %ength of the conf%ict3 the poor reports coming out of >ussi) )n' Afric)3 )n'
in spite of the enormous %osses on )%% fronts3 in spite of the e&er more intense )ir r)i's on *erm)n cities
th)t ki%%e' so m)ny peop%e/ After more th)n three ye)rs3 more $)' news ')i%y3 more 'e)th notific)tions
)n' e&er more woun'e' )n' cripp%es seen in the streets/ A%% of th)t sti%% 'i' not ch)nge the common
opinion th)t *erm)ny wou%' win the w)r3 th)t we had to win the w)r in or'er to )&oi' tot)% 'estruction
of the *erm)n peop%e/
S%ight reser&)tions were3 howe&er3 often to $e he)r' =ust ) few weeks %)ter )s the horror of St)%ingr)'
$ec)me known/ An' yet3 the peop%e were sti%% re)'y to m)ke the re6uire' s)crifice in or'er to h)&e
&ictory/ .he *erm)n peop%e were sti%% re)'y to s)crifice e&en )fter the next %o&e' one 'ie'/ .hey were
prou' of their so%'iers e&en when now there were &ery few &ictories )n' more <$)ckw)r's< mo&ements
were execute' th)n <forw)r'< mo&ements/ .he so%'iers fought ) se%f:s)crifici)% $)tt%e for the *erm)n
peop%e )n' for the future existence of the F)ther%)n'/ Especi)%%y now when the news out of >ussi) w)s
so $)'/ .here w)s ) strugg%e )g)inst the e&i% 5o%she&ism3 )n imper)ti&e necessity3 in or'er to protect
the >eich/ .oo $)' th)t the reports from Afric) were no %onger )s they were in >omme%<s hey:')y3 $ut
the peop%e truste' th)t the won'erfu% so%'iers3 their comm)n'ers )n' *ener)% Fe%'m)rsh)% >omme%
)%ong with the other mi%it)ry %e)'ers in Afric) wou%' push the Americ)ns $)ck into the se) once they
h)' %)i' the foun')tions for ) counter)tt)ck/ A$o&e )%%3 the f)iry t)%e )$out the <chi&)%rous w)r< in
Afric) w)s not spoken of &ery much )ny more3 $ec)use the Americ)ns h)' no concept of F)ir p%)y
%ike the 5ritish 'i'3 or so thought the *erm)ns/
7n the week%y mo&ie newsree%s the reporters )%w)ys m)'e ) striking impression when they showe' the
*erm)n so%'iers frying eggs on the hot met)% of the 1)n0er t)nks/ Such pictures m)'e more of )n
impression th)n the s)' f)ct th)t this front h)' gener)te' ) huge num$er of 'e)' )n' woun'e'3 in spite
of the genius of the -esert Fox3 >omme%/ .his opinion from the former officers h)s en'ure' e&en to
this ')y/ Wh)t h)s ch)nge'F @othing4
.he w)r3 the cruci$%e of the n)tion3 w)s not exh)uste'3 the 'r)m) th)t %e' to the f)%% of *erm)ny stoo'
right )t our 'oor3 $ut no one wou%' )cknow%e'ge it/ Sti%%3 the m)=ority of the popu%)tion in )%% c%)sses
)n' circ%es truste' the gre)test comm)n'er of )%% times3 the Ae)'er3 the >eich<s Ch)nce%%or )n' highest
Comm)n'er in Chief of the Wehrm)cht3 A'o%f +it%er/
.he situ)tion in >ussi) w)s3 perh)ps3 %ooke' )t 'ifferent%y/ 7t w)s yet incomprehensi$%e th)t the Asi)tic
hor'es3 these incompetent 5o%she&iks3 were in the position to mount )n offensi&e )g)inst the *erm)ns3
)n' e&en to 'o so with success/ .h)t g)&e one secon' thoughts3 $ut they were $)nishe' $y the
con&iction th)t the *erm)ns were $etter so%'iers3 )n' th)t )$o&e )%% the *erm)n FMhrer3 A'o%f +it%er3
w)s superior to St)%in in e&ery w)y3 not the %e)st in the ro%e of Fie%' Comm)n'er/ Anyone who thought
or spoke 'ifferent%y w)s ) 'efe)tist3 ) $e%%y)cher )n' 'i' not $e%ong in the s)cre' community of the
*erm)n peop%e/ +e cou%'3 )n' shou%'3 p)y for such tre)chery with his %ife/
.he peop%e thought this on%y right in ) time when so%'iers were gi&ing up their %i&es for FMhrer3 Fo%k
)n' F)ther%)n'/ A 'efe)tist h)' no p%)ce in *erm)n society )n' $e%onge' in ) concentr)tion c)mp/
.he peop%e h)' no symp)thy for tr)itors3 possi$%e )nt)gonists or e&en <on%y< conscientious o$=ectors/ 7n
the *erm)n strugg%e with f)te3 such cre)tures met with the fu%% weight of the %)w e&en to ) 'e)th
sentence/ .herefor3 one he%' one<s tongue when they h)' )nother opinion/ At %e)st one he%' $)ck with
other fo%ks )n' so%'iers )n' one w)s &ery c)refu% =ust %ike C%)us 5r)uer )n' 7/ A$o&e )%% we were
c)refu% in the presence of our hospit)% room comp)nion3 the 5)&)ri)n F)%%schirm=Dger3 M)x *r)ss%3
who w)s ) confirme' @)tion)% Soci)%ist3 who h)' )%re)'y pro&e' himse%f in the +it%er Louth3 )n'
e&entu)%%y &o%unteere' for the F)%%schirm=Dger/ .ru%y he w)s )n e%ite so%'ier/

E&en )n e%ite trooper c)n get sick )n' so it w)s with our p)r)trooper/ +e s)w his i%%ness )s ) cop:out
)n' w)nte' to get $)ck to his outfit3 the >)mcke 5rig)'e )s soon )s possi$%e )n' get $)ck to Afric)/
(f course there were m)ny 'iscussions )mong we three so%'iers in our hospit)% room/ @)tur)%%y3 they
co&ere' the mi%it)ry situ)tion3 especi)%%y the situ)tion in >ussi)3 which $y -ecem$er of H2I! w)s
going &ery $)'%y/ A$o&e )%%3 for us3 Afric) w)s )n import)nt topic )n' we expresse' ourse%&es 6uite
open%y on the &)rious &it)% topics/ We notice'3 th)t is to s)y C%)us )n' 7 notice'3 th)t M)x wou%' either
f)%% si%ent or su''en%y $ecome &ery )cti&e )n' swe)r )t us $ec)use of our opinions which he thought
were unworthy of *erm)n so%'iers/ We trie' to con&ince him th)t it w)s un'erst)n')$%e th)t one h)'
to express )n opinion e&en on e&ents th)t were not going we%%/ 7t h)' nothing to with 'efe)tism3 $ut
r)ther with ) wise o$ser&)tion of wh)t w)s h)ppening to')y )n' )%so wh)t might $e consi'ere' )s
critic)% inform)tion in ) mi%it)ry report/ 1eop%e h)' to t)%k )$out these things/ +owe&er3 we re)%i0e'
th)t we cou%' not t)%k to M)x )n' refr)ine' from using ) critic)% tone in his presence/ As soon )s we
were we%% enough to st)n' up )n' %e)&e the room3 we con&erse' on%y with e)ch other3 )n' )%w)ys
outsi'e of our room/
7 w)s sti%% of the opinion th)t it wou%'n<t come to ) <$)' en'< for the >eich3 simp%y $ec)use such ) thing
must not h)ppen/ Wh)t wou%' h)ppen or cou%' h)ppen 7 'i' not know/ 7 cou%' not see the w)y out/
@ow more th)n e&er 7 fe%t th)t the 'e)th3 misery3 terror3 fe)r )n' 'ou$t must en' soon $ec)use the
*erm)n peop%e cou%' not $e)r it for much %onger/ .he thought grew stronger in me th)t we must come
to ) negoti)te' pe)ce/ .his must3 7 thought3 )%so $e in the FMhrer<s min' $ec)use his comp)ssion for his
peop%e wou%' )%so t)ke him 'own this p)th )n' our opponents in the West wou%' fo%%ow us there/ For
me the enemy in the E)st w)s the e&i% enemy3 )n' we must unite with the West to present ) unite' front
)g)inst this thre)t from the E)st in the interest of )%% Europe/ 7 m)int)ine' the con&iction th)t *erm)ny
must rem)in the centr)% power in Europe in or'er to counter th)t thre)t )n' th)t we nee'e' to ret)in the
*erm)n %)n's )n' peop%e3 )%so in 1o%)n'3 th)t h)' $een )nnexe' prior to the w)r/
*erm)ny in its present form3 the *re)ter *erm)n >eich3 must un'er )ny circumst)nces $e ret)ine'/
.hese were the opinions 7 he%' $efore the m)gnitu'e of the 'is)ster )t St)%ingr)' $ec)me known to us/
7 w)s )%so %ooking )t things from ) point of &iew th)t no %onger w)s &)%i'3 $ut 7 'i' not see th)t )t the
time/ 7 h)' to )$sor$ other thoughts )n' opinions first in or'er to form ) $)sis for ) ch)nge in my
consciousness/ 7 wou%' not h)&e to w)it %ong/
7n the hospit)% we %istene' with gre)t misgi&ings to the reports from the front %ines in <our< Afric)/ We
%istene' with r)ge in our gut )$out the French troops in the French 0one who renounce' the Vichy
go&ernment )n' =oine' the $)tt%e on the si'e of the Americ)ns/ We he)r' th)t >omme%<s comm)n'ers
)n' others such )s Besse%ring3 who w)s ) Auftw)ffe gener)% )n' not ) 1)n0er speci)%ist3 were f)cing not
on%y the Eng%ish *ener)% Montgomery3 $ut )%so )n Americ)n *ener)% n)me' Eisenhower/ 7mme'i)te%y
)fter the Americ)n %)n'ings in .unisi) +it%er sent *erm)n troops )%ong with some 7t)%i)n contingents to
meet them3 $ut the Americ)ns were )'&)ncing in strength )n' in our &iew the situ)tion there w)s
screwe' up/ +it%er 'roppe' his <')r%ing< >omme% in f)&or of )n )ir force gener)%3 Besse%ring3 who
wou%' 6uick%y $ec)me Fie%' M)rsh)% w)s the newest <gre)t m)n< in th)t p)rt of Afric) where Axis
troops cou%' sti%% m)neu&er/ .his <gre)t m)n< wou%' %)ter $e the comm)n'er of the 7t)%i)n front/ +e
w)s one of the most )$so%ute 'e&otees of *>NFAO3 the *re)test Comm)n'er of A%% .ime/
C *>NFAO st)n's for grPQten Fe%'herrn )%%er Oeiten th)t is to s)y3 +it%er/E
*erm)ny h)' sent its so%'iers )%% o&er Europe3 )n' one might s)y th)t it 'issip)te' its forces/ .he resu%t
w)s th)t there were m)npower short)ges on )%% fronts3 not on%y th)t3 there were )%so short)ges in
m)terie%3 we)pons )n' )mmunition/ 9n'er norm)% circumst)nces this wou%' h)&e %e' one to 6uestion
how ) w)r cou%' $e expecte' to continue un'er such con'itions/ .his force' one $)ck to the i'e) th)t )
negoti)te' pe)ce w)s necess)ry/ @othing of the sort h)ppene'/ .he opposite w)s the c)se/ Efforts
wou%' $e incre)se' )n' ) hun're' thous)n' *erm)n so%'iers wou%' $e 'ispose' of on the or'ers of the
the gre)test comm)n'er3 the &ener)$%e FMhrer A'o%f +it%er/ With th)t something $eg)n to rip )p)rt in
me )n' co%%)pse'/
C%)us 5r)uer w)s not on%y my frien' he w)s the one 7 cou%' t)%k to )$out wh)te&er w)s $othering me/
(ur t)%ks g)&e me ) gre)t 'e)%3 )$o&e )%% the ch)nge' my &ery sm)%% wor%' &iew )n' $rought me to )
more re)%istic &iew/
C%)us 5r)uer w)s tr)nsferre' out of @)p%es )n' 'irect%y )ssigne' to >omme%<s he)'6u)rters 'ue to his
perfect un'erst)n'ing of Eng%ish )n' his )$i%ity to spe)k it comp%ete%y without )ccent/ .here w)s goo'
re)son for th)t/ +is f)mi%y %i&e' in Aon'on/ C%)us w)s ) stu'ent there )n' e&entu)%%y went to
uni&ersity )t (xfor'/ .he w)r wrecke' e&erything/ 7n the he)te' po%itic)% )tmosphere of August H2G2
the f)mi%y returne' to *erm)ny/ C%)us $ec)me ) so%'ier )n' &o%unteere' for the Afrik) Borps/ After
the )ssignment to Afric) he w)s )tt)che' to the comm)n' st)ff of the -AB )s tr)ns%)tor/ +e w)s sti%% )
pri&)te3 $ec)use it w)s ne&er inten'e' to put him on tr)ck to $ecome )n officer/ 5efore he cou%' m)ke
serge)nt3 he $ec)me sick with hep)titis 5 )n' c)me $)ck to the >eich in our hospit)% tr)in/
7t is worth mentioning th)t &ery few <mere%y< sick were tr)nsporte' $)ck to the home%)n' gi&en the
)ttitu'e tow)r' gi&ing prece'ence to woun'e' o&er the sick/ .here were some other sick so%'iers on
the tr)in sent $y other hospit)%s3 so 7 w)sn<t the on%y exception/ Wh)t w)s exception)% w)s th)t the
'octor in the the hospit)% in 1ir)eus took my si'e/ App)rent%y the chief of st)ff m)'e his own $e%iefs
the ru%e of thum$3 )s )n )cti&e:'uty 'octor/
At )ny r)te3 three Afrik)ner were the on%y sick who c)me out of the 'esert )n' went to +)%$erst)'t in
the hospit)% tr)in3 the rest were woun'e'/
After our first surprise )n' =oy )t fin'ing one )nother in +)%$erst)'t3 )n' our getting re)c6u)inte'3 the
frien'ship grew th)t 7 )m so th)nkfu% for/
7n our three:$e' room the p)r)trooper h)' his $e' $y the 'oor3 next to it w)s C%)us< $e' )n' 7 w)s $y
the win'ow/ Whi%e in the hospit)%3 the p)r)trooper recei&e' his promotion to 1ri&)te First C%)ss3 which
c)me from his unit in Afric)/ Very often the mi%it)ry w)s 6uite efficient/ E&erything e%se cou%' $e
going to he%%3 $ut the $ure)ucr)cy worke'/
We were c)re' for $y nurse E%%i/ She w)s ) pretty3 ne)t ')rk:h)ire' nurse who ser&e' in the >e' Cross/
She %i&e' in +)%$erst)'t )n' %i&e' $y herse%f $ec)use <he< w)s in the fie%' in >ussi)/ She nee'e'
)ttention )n' she nee'e' )ffection )n' she m)'e no $ones )$out it/ 7 'on<t w)nt to )ppe)r
presumptuous3 $ut 7 g)ine' her symp)thy )n' she often 'emonstr)te' it to me/ @othing cou%' come of
it/ A 'oor %e' from our room into the neigh$oring $)th room/ .his $)th wou%' $e use' $y the p)tients
in the other rooms/ (ne ')y ) %ieuten)nt w)s )'mitte' to the hospit)%/ +e h)' ) sing%e room with )n
)tt)che' $)th/ E%%i )n' 7 h)' ) cert)in f%irt)tion when she %e)rne' th)t the %ieuten)nt w)s gr)nte' %e)&e/
@urse E%%i worke' it out so th)t 7 she in&ite' me into the %ieuten)nt<s $)th room3 where 'e)r3 goo' E%%i
%)y in the $)thtu$/ She innocent%y )ske' if 7 wou%' scru$ her $)ck3 )n' if 7 re)%%y w)nte' to/ 7 g)&e her
%o&e%y $)ck ) goo' scru$$ing3 $ut fo%%owing some o$&ious )wkw)r'ness on my p)rt nothing wou%'
come from this ch)nce/ +owe&er3 wh)t w)s not possi$%e now3 might $e possi$%e %)ter3 we $oth )gree'
on th)t/ @othing wou%' come of it3 $ec)use the next ')y in the sing%e room 3 in spite of the inter&ening
$)th room3 some &ery unusu)% <soun's )n' noises< re)che' us in our room/ We three so%'iers cou%'
guess the origin of those soun's/ .hey me)nt th)t there wou%' $e no more $)ck scru$$ing )n' no
in&it)tions to her house in town/ 5ut nurse E%%i rem)ine' the goo'3 c)ring )n' %o&ing nurse e&en when
we sometimes g)0e' )t one )nother s)'%y with %ou' sighs/ 7 w)s3 in spite of wh)t 7 wrote in my
note$ook )$out my fee%ings of sh)me3 sti%% ) %o&er $oy/
5ut getting $)ck to my wi'e r)nging 'iscussions with C%)us 5r)uer3 they co&ere' e&erything th)t
intereste' us in )%% )re)s3 )n' re:)woke in me my un6uench)$%e thirst for know%e'ge/ 7t $eg)n with )n
interest in %iter)ture3 in p)rticu%)r the c%)ssics/ 7n ) $ookstore in +)%$erst)'t3 we m)'e intensi&e
se)rches )n' foun' $ooks th)t h)' esc)pe' the purges/ .hey were often the so c)%%e' Fie%' 1ost
e'itions th)t )t the $eginning of the w)r were pu$%ishe' especi)%%y for the so%'iers/ 7 sti%% h)&e most of
the $ooks 7 picke' up then/ .he inc%u'e $ooks $y Fre' En'rik)t C) popu%)r s)tirist3 we%% known in the
%iter)ry c)$)retsE with text th)t the >eich Censor office wou%' not h)&e )ppro&e' of/ Aooking )roun'
the hospit)% %i$r)ry we foun' $ooks th)t h)' somehow esc)pe' the censors of the .hir' >eich )n'
%)n'e' in the hospit)% %i$r)ry )s 'on)tions/
We &ery 6uick%y c)me to spe)k of other things/ We t)%ke' )$out po%itics )n' p)rticu%)r%y wh)t h)'
tr)nspire' in *erm)ny )fter H2GG/ We spoke )$out )%% the w)ys th)t *erm)ny h)' ch)nge'/ .hese
t)%ks open up to me new perspecti&es )n' new w)ys of %ooking )t things/ 7 s)w these things through
the eyes of ) foreigner3 $ec)use th)t is wh)t C%)us re)%%y w)s3 h)&ing $een r)ise' there for the %)rgest
p)rt of his chi%'hoo'/ +e w)s ) *erm)n youth in ) time when *erm)ny tr)nsforme' itse%f from >eich
to the *re)ter *erm)n >eich3 $ut he experience' )%% of th)t in Eng%)n'/
(ur 'iscussions wi'ene' my hori0ons on the >eich )%so/ From his 'escriptions 7 got to know the
country $etter th)t he %i&e' in )n' where he h)' his schoo%ing/ 7 he)r' )$out the country3 the peop%e
)n' %ife in Eng%)n' )s we%% )s )$out the ')i%y %i&es of the peop%e/ 5ut )$o&e )%% 7 %e)rne' )$out
-emocr)cy in Eng%)n'/ We spoke )$out the country th)t we were now )t w)r with )n' )$out wh)t we
he)r'3 )n' wou%' he)r )n' re)%i0e' th)t it w)s prop)g)n') of the worst sort/ (ur un'erst)n'ing of
-emocr)cy )n' 1)r%i)ment)ri)nism w)s &ery %imite'3 )n' )fter H2GG it w)s common%y referre' to )s
the Eng%ish sickness/ Com$ine it with the concept of 1%utocr)cy )n' it w)s seen $o%'f)ce crimin)%ity/
We h)' to $e &ery c)refu% with our 'iscussions3 $ec)use t)%king )$out -emocr)cy )n' its )'&)nt)ges
cou%' $e consi'ere' tre)son/ Anyone who he)r' us t)%king )$out such things cou%' put ) rope )roun'
our necks/
7 w)s )$%e to %e)rn3 tru%y first h)n'3 wh)t the Eng%ish un'erstoo' )s -emocr)cy3 in )%% its 'et)i%s )n'
fine points3 its pr)ctic)% )pp%ic)tion in ')i%y %ife/ C%)us 'i' not hi'e from me the f)ct th)t there w)s
often much )$use of -emocr)cy in Eng%)n' )n' e&erything w)s f)r from perfect/ 7t w)s not ) p)n)ce)
th)t $rought h)ppiness )n' prosperity to )%% of the peop%e in the empire/ .here w)s ) %ot th)t w)s not
goo' )n' much th)t w)s pu$%ic%y critici0e'/ E&en such criticism w)s ) $)sic e%ement of ) functioning
-emocr)cy th)t )%ong with ) true 1)r%i)ment yie%'e' true free'om of speech )n' )$so%ute free'om of
the press/ E&ery citi0en cou%' spe)k his min' out in the open )n' he wou%' $e he)r' )n' %istene' to/ 7
%e)rne' )$out the use )n' nee' for po%itic)% p)rties with 'iffering opinions )n' th)t the p)rties h)' to
p)y c%ose )ttention to the wishes of its mem$ers in or'er to get ree%ecte'/ 7 $eg)n to un'erst)n' th)t it
w)s not necess)ri%y ) ')nger to the St)te when )nother p)rty got e%ecte' to t)ke o&er power/ 7 %e)rne'
th)t -emocr)cy in Eng%)n' w)s $orne )n' supporte' $y the peop%e3 e&en though there were some
things th)t cou%' $e impro&e'/
7n ) -emocr)cy it w)s possi$%e th)t )nything th)t w)s critici0e' cou%' $e ch)nge' )n' impro&e' )n'
th)t 'oing so in pu$%ic w)s fun')ment)%/ 7t w)s necess)ry to )%%ow time for ch)nges3 )$o&e )%% time to
re$ui%' )n' st)$i%i0e the ch)nges for the peop%e3 $ec)use it w)s the peop%e who wou%' use them/ 7t w)s
interesting th)t in Eng%)n'3 the %)n' with ) resp%en'ent mon)rchy3 +ouse of Aor's3 1eers )n' other
no$i%ity3 th)t -emocr)cy cou%' f%ourish there/ 7 thought on the p)st *erm)n mon)rchies )n' their
tot)%%y non:'emocr)tic st)nce/ 7n spite of the $%oo' re%)tionships $etween these mon)rchs they were
wor%'s )p)rt/
7 cou%' not reconci%e )%% of this with the f)ct th)t *re)t 5rit)in w)s )%so ) gre)t co%oni)% power3 $ut th)t
their co%oni)%ism spre)' through the wor%' in the most $rut)% )n' &io%ent w)y oppressing )n'
su$=ug)ting n)ti&e popu%)tions/ .his 'i' not seem to =i&e with their -emocr)tic i'e)%s/ +owe&er3 7
thought th)t it )%so h)' to $e &iewe' )s ) pro'uct of the competition throughout Europe in the 'ri&e to
g)in co%onies/ @ot %e)st w)s the c%o)k of Christi)nity )n' con&ersion of the he)then n)ti&es which w)s
fu%%y supporte' $y the church )n' its %e)'ers/ .he )ppe)r)nce of n)tion st)tes %e' 6uick%y to the spre)'
of $rut)% oppression/ .he inhum)n $eh)&ior in the co%onies w)s3 unfortun)te%y3 ) &ery norm)% )cti&ity/
.he *erm)n B)iser<s >eich )%so e)rne' its <merits< in its co%onies/
7n t)king ) critic)% %ook3 one h)' to see th)t the n)tion)% st)tes3 not on%y *erm)ny3 h)' to t)ke the $%)me
for in un%e)shing not on%y Wor%' W)r 73 $ut )%so the current w)r4 Weren<t these w)rs righteous w)rs in
terms of -emocr)cy3 free'om )n' hum)n rightsF Weren<t these w)rs the on%y possi$%e me)ns for
-emocr)cy3 )s the A%%ies un'erstoo' it3 to enforce its i'e)%s )g)inst the *erm)ns who were so
un'emocr)tic )n' 'is')infu% of the common m)nFF Weren<t the western 'emocr)cies tru%y the <goo'
guys< )n' we h)tefu% *erm)ns the <$)' guys< in the wor%'F .hese were m)ny of the 6uestions
surroun'ing me th)t 7 cou%'n<t (yet) )nswer/ .o 'o so wou%' re6uire th)t 7 %e)rn more )$out history $ut
)%so th)t 7 go )g)inst my own peop%e )n' )%so )g)inst my se%f in or'er to re)ch ) tru%y o$=ecti&e &iew/ 7
w)s not yet re)'y to 'o so/ .here w)s sti%% too much of my up$ringing )s ) goo' *erm)n )n' )%so
mixe' in w)s ) %ot of *erm)n spirit )n' p)triotism/ Wh)t w)s import)nt for me now w)s to gr)sp the
'ifference $etween ) -emocr)cy )n' ) 'ict)torship/ .h)t w)s something 7 cou%' 'o3 7 w)s re)'y for
th)t/ 7n the coming weeks 7 tro' ) p)th tow)r' -emocr)cy )n' )%ong the w)y 7 re'isco&ere' the Soci)%
-emocr)tic roots from my chi%'hoo' th)t 7 h)' %e)rne' )n' h)' )%re)'y %i&e'/
7 w)s $eginning to 'e&e%op )n )ppreci)tion for the p)r%i)ment)ry system3 ) p)r%i)ment)ry -emocr)cy
)n' the nee' for mu%tip%e po%itic)% p)rties/ A%so )n )ppreci)tion for pu$%ic 'iscussion in 1)r%i)ment3
one th)t w)s not ) <gossip h)%%< %ike the >eichst)g in *erm)ny w)s ch)r)cteri0e' $efore H2GG/ E&en the
B)iser showe' no respect for it/ 7 c)me to un'erst)n' th)t 'issenters h)' the right to st)te their
opinions3 th)t it w)s not )n offense to the peop%e th)t cou%' $e punishe' with the 'e)th pen)%ty/ 7t w)s
import)nt th)t &)rying opinions $e he)r'3 )n' e&en more import)nt th)t it w)s not one sing%e m)n who
)s 'ict)tor shou%' m)ke the 'ecisions th)t cou%' $e wrong )n' in=urious to the peop%e/ Free 'iscussion
shou%' not c)rry the 'e)th pen)%ty/ >espect for other peop%e )n' their opinions h)' to $e the first
consi'er)tion/
My )ttitu'e tow)r' the @)tion)% Soci)%istic i'eo%ogy3 to the .hir' >eich3 to A'o%f +it%er )n' to )%% my
pre&ious wor%' of i'e)s $eg)n to ch)nge more )n' more/ 7t 'i' not %e)' to ) fu%% renunci)tion of the
spirit of @)tion)% Soci)%ism $ec)use it w)s sti%% too c%ose%y )ssoci)te' in my min' with the F)ther%)n'
)n' p)triotism/ .here w)s sti%% something within me th)t resiste' ch)nge/ 7t w)sn<t entire%y e&erything
the @)0is stuffe' into us/ Wh)t w)s ho%'ing me $)ck w)s not tot)%%y the resu%t of @)0i in'octrin)tion/
.here w)s much th)t w)s p)rt of my own up$ringing )n' thoughts/ 7t w)s the s)me with C%)us3 who in
spite of his Eng%ish up$ringing sti%% fe%t himse%f to $e *erm)n/ As ) *erm)n he &o%unteere' for the
-AB C-eutsche Afrik) BorpsE $ec)use he thought )n' fe%t himse%f to $e ) *erm)n3 without $eing )
@)0i/ .his fee%ing w)s not 'ifferent from the m)=ority of *erm)ns who in H2G2 s)w their F)ther%)n' in
')nger3 without necess)ri%y $eing f)scin)te' with the @)0i i'eo%ogy/ .he $on' with the F)ther%)n' w)s
stronger th)n po%itics )n' e&en men who oppose' the @)0i spirit =oine' the )rmy to fight for the
F)ther%)n'/
.here were men who 'i' not w)nt to re%i&e the e&i%s th)t $efe%% *erm)ny 'uring the pe)ce fo%%owing
H2HR with the .re)ty of Vers)i%%es/ .hese men3 right%y or wrong%y3 sep)r)te' the @)0i spirit from the
$%)me they thought f)%%ing on *erm)ny/ .herefore3 there )rose )n unusu)% $eh)&ior p)ttern in re%)tion
to the m)n who )rose from @)0i p)rty %e)'er to the FMhrer of the >eich/ +e w)s not &i%ifie' $y
e&eryone in e&ery c)se3 $ec)use he w)s the m)n who took the $e)ten >eich of H2HR )n' rem)'e it into
) gre)t )n' powerfu% *erm)ny )s m)ny 're)mers h)' im)gine' for *erm)ny since HRIR/ @)0iism w)s
one thing )n' the FMhrer w)s )nother/ As str)nge )s th)t might soun' to')y3 th)t is the w)y it w)s for
m)ny peop%e of the .hir' >eich/ .hese peop%e 'i' not w)nt to go $)ck to ) we)k >eich3 they w)nte'
e&erything th)t went with ) strong >eich3 with e&erything th)t the other n)tions in Europe took for
gr)nte'/ .hey w)nte' ) gre)t >eich in the center of Europe of ) st)tus worthy of the successor to the
+o%y >om)n Empire<s *erm)n @)tion/
.hese peop%e3 )n' 7 w)s one of them3 were con&ince' th)t the current ru$$ish in the p)rty )n' the st)te
wou%' $e purge' once this $)tt%e for the &ery existence of the >eich h)' come to ) &ictorious en'/ .he
p)rty 'ict)torship cou%' then $e e%imin)te' )n' the FMhrer wou%' $ecome ) historic)% monument in )
we%% 'eser&e' time of pe)ce/ .h)t this w)s )n incre'i$%y )$struse i'e) 'i' not occur to most peop%e/
.he $e%ie&e' with ) simp%e n)i&ete in this possi$i%ity/ .hey 'i'n<t know )n' 'i' not w)nt to know
)$out wh)t crimes )n' mischief were h)ppening/ .hey )%so 'i' not w)nt to $e%ie&e remo&ing the
FMhrer wou%' cre)te )nother center of power/ Without 6uestion this wou%' $e the SS un'er their %e)'er
+einrich +imm%er3 who3 in his own w)y fe%t himse%f $oun' with the concept of the new *erm)n >eich/
+e %i&e' in the con&iction th)t on%y his SS w)s in the position to $ui%' )n' %e)' the new >eich/
.his w)s the &ery o'' situ)tion th)t m)ny *erm)ns serious%y consi'ere'/ 5ut e&eryone w)nte' to win
the w)r first )n' then %i&e in <e&er%)sting pe)ce< in the true *re)ter *erm)ny3 the centr)% power in
Europe/ E&en the n)tion)% conser&)ti&e powers in the >eich thought the s)me w)y/ .hey were not )%%
@)0ifie'3 $ut they h)' the o%' spirit in their he)'s th)t )%re)'y h)' $een the go)% of the First Wor%' W)r/
.his spirit w)s un$roken3 it w)s not in&ente' $y the @)0is/
Wh)t got C%)us )n' me excite' w)s the i'e) th)t in the *re)ter *erm)n >eich it might $e possi$%e to
)rri&e )t ) functioning -emocr)cy3 'o )w)y with the 'ict)torship )n' m)ke w)y for ) 1)r%i)ment/ We
fe%t th)t it must $e the intention of wor%' history for Eng%)n' )n' *erm)ny to unite in )ssuring the
pe)ce in Europe )n' the wor%'/ 7t must $e the fin)% resu%t of the w)r th)t these two st)tes wou%'
e&entu)%%y come together to 'etermine Europe)n po%itics in the future/ .his wou%' re6uire ch)nges not
on%y in the *erm)n po%itic)% system3 $ut )%so in Eng%)n' were ) new gener)tion of po%itici)ns wou%'
)rise th)t were not in the mo%' of ) Churchi%%/ .hus3 we two $eg)n to ch)nge the wor%'/
7n my t)%ks with C%)us 7 c)me to the conc%usion th)t -emocr)cy w)s the on%y correct form of
go&ernment3 in spite if its few f)i%ings )n' 'r)w$)cks/ 7t is ) cre)tion of m)n )n' therefore wi%%
em$o'y the f)i%ings )n' 'r)w$)cks of them men who cre)te' it/ .here is no 6uestion $ut th)t it is
$etter th)n )ny type of 'ict)torship where men )re mere%y things to further the go)%s of the 'ict)tor )n'
)re tre)te' with $rut)%ity3 &io%ence )n' inhum)nity/
With )%% of our thinking3 im)gining )n' new i'e)s3 7 must s)y th)t we 'i' not gi&e &ery much thought
to the 8ews or to their f)te/ We 'i'n<t know wh)t to 'o with them3 $esi'es th)t3 they were tot)%%y shut
out of the n)tion)% %ife in *erm)ny/ We 'i' not see th)t )s ) crimin)% )ct or ) ')mn)$%e )ct of
inhum)nity/ 5oth of us h)' ) %ong st)n'ing )&ersion to the 8ews who we s)w )s foreigners in our %)n'/
E&en the ne)r%y:5ritish C%)us s)w it the s)me w)y/ .he 8ews were so inter%)ce' with e)ch other
intern)tion)%%y th)t one cou%' not spe)k of ) n)tion)% ch)r)cter3 e&er if there were ) few exceptions/ 7n
spite of Eng%)n'3 C%)us h)' &ery 'eci'e' opinions )$out the 8ews/ 7n Eng%)n' they were not p)rticu%)r
')r%ings of the st)te either e&en though there were 8ewish po%itici)ns )n' st)tesmen/
(ur con&ers)tions took on ) more )n' more conspir)tori)% ch)r)cter/ We were tr)&ersing ')ngerous
terr)in/ E&en when we were $oth )%one together we kept our conspir)tori)% tone )n' continue' to
ch)nge the wor%'/ .hen 7 ne&er im)gine' th)t these conspir)cies wou%' one ')y wou%' put me in gre)t
risk to %ose my %ife/ @e)r the en' of the w)r when 7 w)s in E)stern *erm)ny 7 thought it incum$ent on
me to $%)$ )$out my i'e)s on -emocr)cy/ 7 w)s 'enounce' $y ) <goo' comr)'e/< 7 m)n)ge' to put )
h)%t to it )%though un'er the most 'ifficu%t of circumst)nces/ More )$out th)t when the time comes/
Whi%e 7 w)s sti%% somewh)t sh)ky in my opinions )$out the $eh)&ior of the *erm)ns in reg)r' to the
%e)'ership of A'o%f +it%er3 in +)%$erst)'t 7 h)' my own -)m)scus to experience/ .h)t w)s the f)%% of
St)%ingr)'/ .he most terrifying experience for me w)s the speech $y *oe$$e%s in the 5er%in Sports
1)%)ce3 th)t we were re6uire' to he)r o&er the r)'io in the mess h)%% of the hospit)%/
(n 8)nu)ry GH3 H2IG *ener)% 1)u%us en'e' the ins)nity in St)%ingr)' when he surren'ere' the sc)nty
rem)ins of the #
th
Army to the >ussi)ns/ 5efore 'oing so he )%%owe' <his FMhrer< to promote him to
Fie%' M)rsh)%/ .he regu%)r so%'iers 'ie' in St)%ingr)' un'er or'ers to ho%' out )t )%% costs $ec)use the
FMhrer wou%'n<t h)&e it )ny other w)y/ .he comm)n'er of the #
th
Army3 +err 1)u%us o$eye' with fu%%
'e&otion to his superior officer )n' refuse' to $e inf%uence' $y his own gener)%s in St)%ingr)'/ .hen3
when he fin)%%y re)%i0e' th)t there w)s no %onger )ny choice for him or the few men %eft un'er his
comm)n' $ut to surren'er3 he 6uick%y )pp%ie' to his superior officer for promotion to *ener)% Fie%'
M)rsh)%/ .his w)s the m)n who $rought the troops un'er his comm)n' to ne)r tot)% )nnihi%)tion/ As )
$r)n' new Fie%' M)rsh)% $y +it%er<s goo' gr)ces he surren'ere' then to the &ictorious >ussi)ns/ 7n my
eyes th)t )ct m)'e him ) $%)gg)r' )n' he forfeite' )ny respect one m)y h)&e e&er h)' for him/
.he territory where he surren'ere' w)s south of the city/ .he troops to the north surren'ere' on
Fe$ru)ry !3 H2IG/ St)%ingr)' once )g)in tot)%%y un'er the contro% of the >ussi)ns/ A%% of the *erm)n
tough t)%k )n' st)n':f)st or'ers from the FMhrer cou%' 'o nothing to ch)nge the outcome/ .his w)s )
fi)sco of unp)r)%%e%e' 'imension3 not on%y $ec)use )n entire )rmy3 )n' support units )%so3 were )%most
tot)%%y 'estroye'3 $ut )%so $ec)use the mysti6ue of *erm)n in&inci$i%ity w)s put to rest fore&er/ An'
the $ig:he)'e' +erm)nn *Pring h)' tot)%%y %ost f)ce/ .he speeches he upchucke' gu)r)nteeing )ir
support for the #
th
Army where shown up for wh)t they were3 noise )n' smoke3 without )ny ch)nce of
succee'ing/ .he m)' )ttempt to supp%y the groun' troops from the )ir 'i'n<t work3 the cost w)s too
high in men )n' )ircr)ft/ .he on%y thing they were )$%e to pu%% off from time to time w)s the
e&)cu)tion of the woun'e'3 )%though th)t too h)' its sh)re of terror )n' f)i%ure/ (ne p%)ne w)s
'esign)te' to f%y in to 1)u%us his M)rsh)%%<s $)ton )n' insigni) so th)t he cou%' h)&e these <honor)$%e
'ecor)tions/< 7 cou%' not gr)sp )ny of this3 7 cou%' not un'erst)n' it/ 7t w)s ) crime of pure )m$ition
on the one h)n' )n' pure 'e%usion on the other )n' )%% )ccomp%ishe' )t the expense of the or'in)ry
*erm)n so%'ier/
.he )%%ege' mi%it)ry genius of our gre)t FMhrer h)' tot)%%y f)i%e'/ .his m)n h)' thought%ess%y
s)crifice' )n )rmy for his own 'e%usions/ A $re)kout3 if it were e&en possi$%e3 w)s for$i''en $y him3
)n' the comm)n'ers on the groun' th)t shou%' h)&e known $etter $owe' to their FMhrer )n' )%%owe'
the )rmy to $e 'estroye'/ .here w)s no %onger )ny 6uestion of )ny possi$%e3 )n' yet promise'3 re%ief
$ec)use the pocket wou%' not )%%ow for it nor w)s it e&en possi$%e to mount the oper)tion/ 7t w)s too
%)te to stop the c%osing of the encirc%ement3 or to cre)te ) p)th of retre)t/ .he >ussi)ns3 the su$:
hum)ns3 these 'um$ 5o%she&iks h)' now shown the *erm)n gener)%s3 the FMhrer )n' the *erm)n
peop%e where things stoo'/ St)%ingr)' w)s the $eginning3 ) synonym for the st)rt of the f)%% of the
.hir' >eich/ .here in St)%ingr)' is where +it%er<s 'e%usion )$out ru%ing the wor%'3 su$=ug)ting the
>ussi)ns )n' getting ri' of the 5o%she&iks turne' to 'ust/ +e cou%' no %onger spe)k of 'estroying the
su$:hum)n >ussi)ns/ .he so high )n' mighty *erm)n gener)%s in the high comm)n' of the
Wehrm)cht now h)' to $egin to 'ou$t their h)ughtiness in so f)r )s they were c)p)$%e of 'oing so/ .he
re)ssessment w)sn<t &ery successfu% )s one cou%' see in M)y of H2I; from the w)y these types c)me
forw)r' to sign the *erm)n p)pers of surren'er/
As 7 %istene' to the speci)% $ro)'c)st from (BW C($erkomm)n'o 'er Wehrm)cht, Mi%it)ry +igh
Comm)n'E )$out the surren'er in St)%ingr)'3 7 w)s surprise' $y the tone of the report/ 7n the report it
s)i' th)t the #
th
Army rem)ine' true to their o)th to the f%)g3 to their %)st $re)th un'er the exemp%)ry
%e)'ership of *ener)% Fie%' M)rsh)%% 1)u%us )n' succum$e' to unf)&or)$%e con'itions )n' )n
o&erwhe%ming enemy/ For me this report w)s ) horror/ .here w)s no mention of the miser)$%e 'e)ths
of the so%'iers3 of the huge c)su)%ties/ A%% it t)%ke' )$out w)s exemp%)ry %e)'ers )n' so%'ier<s o)ths/ 7t
m)'e me w)nt to puke/ 7t w)s to get worse/ .here were two more $ro)'c)sts of this sort/ (ne w)s the
stupi' st)tement $y *Pring with the 6uot)tion )$out the *reeks3 )n' the other3 f)r worse3 w)s
*oe$$e%s< speech from the 5er%in Sports 1)%)ce CSportp)%)stE on Fe$ru)ry HR3 H2IG/
1eop%e )rise now )n' $re)k %oose the storm4 .h)t w)s the s%og)n th)t *oe$$e%s hur%e' )t the f)n)tic
m)sses in the Sportp)%)st/ .he m)sses $eg)n to ro)r )n' r)&e non:stop3 not with )nger )n' 'istrust3 $ut
with )n )s yet unknown 'e%irium of $oun'%ess w)r fer&or for the <necess)ry< tot)% w)r *oe$$e%s w)s
c)%%ing for/ A w)r %ike no one h)' e&er seen $efore/ An' the m)sses crie' out3 Les4 to this tot)% w)r
when *oe$$e%s )ske' them3 -o you w)nt tot)% w)rF .hey respon'e' th)t they 'i' w)nt it with )
$e%%owing ro)r3 LES4 .hey were in )greement )n' wou%' fo%%ow their FMhrer on this p)th/ FMhrer
)tt)ck3 we wi%% fo%%ow you4 .hese were no %onger or'in)ry peop%e th)t ro)re' un$e%ie&)$%y/ .hey
took the 'estruction of )n )rmy )s )n )ct of *o' th)t they h)' to $ow $efore/ .here were so%'iers in
the crow'3 with grie&ous woun's )n' they =oine' the crow'<s ro)r )s the r)'io )nnouncer reporte' to
the %isteners/
.his m)' outpouring of w)r %ust w)s not h)ppening on%y in the Sportp)%)st3 $ut )%so in the meeting
room here in the hospit)% in +)%$erst)'t/ An upro)r )rose here )%so )n' inc%u'e' ne)r%y )%% of the
woun'e' so%'iers present3 e&en the se&ere%y cripp%e'/ 7 w)s )%re)'y surprise' $y the cr)cking &oice of
the scre)ming *oe$$e%s3 )n' the ro)r from the crow' in the Sportp)%)st/ My surprise $ec)me 'is$e%ief
when 7 witnesse' the $eh)&ior of the )u'ience here in the hospit)%/
7 cou%'n<t st)n' it )ny more3 7 h)' to get )w)y from the m)'ness/ 7 got out of the meeting room )n'
$eg)n to weep $itter%y/ 7 cou%'n<t he%p it3 it c)me o&er me out of )n incomprehensi$%e horror/ 7 crie'
o&er the unthinking f)n)ticism3 the sh)me%ess tir)'e $y ) *erm)n minister3 )n' the f)i%ure of the St)te
)n' Army %e)'ership to t)ke responsi$i%ity for the 'is)ster/ 7 )%so wept $ec)use 7 knew it w)s going to
get worse/ @ot on%y wou%' more so%'iers in the fie%' $e consume' in the coming conf%)gr)tion3 $ut
)%so women )n' chi%'ren in the cities wou%' 'ie )s the $om$s fe%% in monstrous 6u)ntities/
For the first time in my %ife 7 w)s )sh)me' to $e ) *erm)n3 7 w)s no %onger prou' to $e ) p)rt of the
peop%e who so unconscious%y su$mitte' to wh)t the goo' FMhrer w)nte' of them/ .h)t w)s my
-)m)scus3 from now on 7 s)w e&erything in ) &ery 'ifferent %ight/ 7 hope' )n' wishe' with )%% my
he)rt th)t )fter )%% of this sense%ess ki%%ing ) wor%' with other peop%e wou%' )rise3 with peop%e who
wou%' not ki%% other peop%e )n' ne&er more m)ke w)r/ Shou%' there )g)in come ) ')y when such )n
or'er were gi&en3 then the or'er wou%' not on%y $e refuse'3 $ut the one who g)&e the or'er wou%' $e
tre)te' )s ) crimin)%3 $ec)use such ) thing is c%e)r%y ) crime )g)inst m)nkin'/ .his wou%' h)&e to $e
the outcome of this miser)$%e w)r where mi%%ions of peop%e h)&e $een s)crifice'/ With this hope )%so
c)me the $e%ief in ) wor%' wi'e hum)nistic -emocr)cy where the peop%e h)&e the power3 the peop%e
wou%' m)ke the 'ecisions )n' it wou%' no %onger $e ) sing%e 'ict)tor who 'etermines e&eryone<s f)te/
.he gr)&e of )n entire )rmy in St)%ingr)' must now $ecome ) memori)% for )%% of m)nkin'3 th)t ne&er
)g)in wi%% ) new 'e%usion )rise th)t wi%% %e)' to such 'estruction/ A memori)% th)t wi%% m)ke it c%e)r to
the entire wor%' th)t such crimes )re to $e $)nishe' fore&er3 th)t $%oo'thirstiness is no %onger to%er)te'3
)n' th)t <FMhrers< 'ri&e unthinking peop%e such things simp%y to s)tisfy their hunger for power/ 1eop%e
must un'erst)n' th)t it is up to them to 'eci'e if they w)nt to $e m)ss mur'erers3 ki%% their fe%%ow m)n
)n' spre)' w)nt )n' misery in the wor%' or if they %i&e with m)nkin' in pe)ce )n' mutu)% respect/
.hey sh)%% not to%er)te )ny crimin)% <FMhrer< ru%ing them/
.hese fee%ing )n' thoughts c)me out of the 'eep p)in 7 w)s fee%ing )t the time/ 7 w)nte'3 )n' hope'
)n' $e%ie&e' th)t this w)s not =ust ) &ision3 $ut th)t it wou%' $ecome ) re)%ity3 $ec)use >e)son must $e
&ictorious/ .his w)r wou%' not en' with &ictors )n' con6uere'3 $ut on%y with men in 'esp)ir se)rching
for ) new me)ning in %ife3 without which they c)n not exist/ >e)son wou%' fin)%%y enter the min's of
)%% men in the who%e wor%'/ So 7 thought/
7 w)s3 )n' rem)in3 ) foo%/ A)ter 7 %i&e' the <new< re)%ity which w)s comp%ete%y 'ifferent from my &ision
)n' 7 h)' to $ury my 9topi) 'eep insi'e me $ec)use there w)s no hope of it coming true/ M)nkin' h)s
not turne' to >e)son3 6uite the contr)ry3 the m)'ness of un:re)son )n' 'estruction from so c)%%e'
enemy popu%)tions is un$roken3 if not $ecome stronger/
So 7 w)s sti%% in the hospit)% )s this <$ri%%i)nt< crime w)s perpetr)te' )n' 7 w)ite' to get we%%/ (nce 7
'i'3 wh)t wou%' h)ppen to me3 where wou%' 7 goF (nce 7 w)s )g)in k& Ckriegs&erwen'ungsfDhig,
com$)t c)p)$%eE 7 wou%' $e sent to the front )g)in3 $ut where3 which one of the frontsF .hese were the
)nxious 6uestions th)t $eset me/ My =)un'ice3 the +ep)titis 53 w)sn<t fu%%y he)%e' $ut it wou%' $e soon
)n' my recuper)tion time here wou%' $e )t )n en'/
After these ')ys in Fe$ru)ry H2IG there w)s3 in spite of the upro)rious re)ction to *oe$$e%s< speech3 )
&ery pronounce' moo' ch)nge to $e fe%t in the hospit)%/ .here w)s ) cert)in $ewi%'erment p)ire' with
fe)r to $e note' with m)ny of the so%'iers3 )%though no one spoke )$out it/ 5ut3 )n' this w)s &ery $)'3
there were %ou' &oices who s)i' th)t the 'efe)t )t St)%ingr)' h)' to $e the work of $etr)y)%3 s)$ot)ge
)n' cow)r'ice4 M)ny of these comments c)me from so%'iers who h)' $een serious%y woun'e' on the
>ussi)n front/ .he <thir' m)n< in our room3 the p)r)trooper3 w)s )%so of the s)me opinion/ +e s)i' th)t
out of the 'is)ster of St)%ingr)'3 the *erm)n e)g%e wou%' )rise )new/ 9n'er the %e)'ership of A'o%f
+it%er *erm)ny wou%' rec%)im &ictory/ St)%in with his 5o%she&iks wou%' $e 'estroye'3 er)se'/ Such
spirit )n' such gi$$erish w)s sti%% )roun'/ 5ut it w)s on%y the $eginning of the ye)r H2IG )n' these
'efe)ts were on%y the first3 the first gre)t %osses/ So3 m)ny men cou%' ret)in their goo' hopes )n'
'isposition )t %e)st unti% the next $ust3 the f)%% of @orth Afric)/
(n the ')y of the surren'er in St)%ingr)' on 8)nu)ry GH3 H2IG3 the ones in the hospit)% who were )$%e to
tr)&e% went on ) =)unt tow)r' 5%)nken$urg in the +)r0 mount)ins/ .here we went to ) %itt%e p%)ce
c)%%e' Wege%e$en where ne)t%y )ttire' w)iters ser&e' us ro)st r)$$it/ .he moo' w)s goo'3 not )s
oppresse' )s it wou%' $e ) few ')ys %)ter/
(n Fe$ru)ry H3 H2IG the three Afrik)ners3 *r)ss%3 C%)us 5r)uer )n' Werner Mork together with nurse
E%%i went up to the roof of the 1rin0 Eugen to pose for ) sou&enir photogr)ph/ We were not )w)re of
the c)%)mity )t St)%ingr)' $ec)use it w)s not $eing reporte' on/ (n%y when they cou%' no %onger keep
secret the surren'er on Fe$ru)ry !
n'
'i' the +igh Comm)n' ho%' the speci)% r)'io $ro)'c)st3 without
the &ictory f)nf)re3 to te%% the peop%e the $)' news/
7 might )%so )'' to my 'escription of the group %istening to the Fe$ru)ry HR
th
Sportp)%)st speech th)t
the me'ic)% chief of st)ff g)&e ) short )''ress $efore the $ro)'c)st th)t w)s not &ery euphoric/
@e&erthe%ess3 )s 7 'escri$e'3 the soun' of *oe$$e%s< he)te' tone of &oice o&er the r)'io3 tr)nsfuse' the
)u'ience in the h)%% )n' $y the en' of the $ro)'c)st ne)r%y e&eryone ro)re'3 Sieg +ei% )n' r)ise'
their )rm high in the +it%er s)%ute3 e&en when their right )rm w)s on%y ) stump/ 7f they no %onger h)' )
right )rm3 they r)ise' their %eft )rm/ E&eryone3 so it seeme' in the moment w)nte' tot)% w)r3 now
inc%u'ing )%% men from )ges H# to #; )n' )%% women )ge' HK
to I;/
.hese peop%e who ro)re' their )ppro&)% h)' s)nctione' the
'e)ths of mi%%ions of peop%e3 not =ust the %oss of ) few/ .ot)%
sense%essness reigne'/ From this ')y on3 from Fe$ru)ry HR3
H2IG unti% M)y R3 H2I; mi%%ions of peop%e3 frien' )n' foe
wou%' 'ie in the ins)nity of w)r/ .he ti'y %itt%e town of
+)%$erst)'t itse%f wou%' $e ) &ictim of ) &ery intense $om$er
)tt)ck th)t wou%' 'estroy the m)=ority of the city )%% $ec)use
) 8unker )ircr)ft f)ctory w)s %oc)te' there/ E&eryone h)' to
p)y ) he)&y price for the tot)% w)r they crie' out for/ @ow
ci&i%i)ns wou%' no %onger $e consi'ere' 'efense%ess &ictims3
$ut wou%' $e seen $y the enemy )s p)rt of the w)r m)chine/ (n this ')y the *erm)n peop%e g)&e up
uncon'ition)%%y )%% contro% )n' wou%' tru%y sh)re the gui%t for e&erything th)t fo%%owe'/ .he m)ss
'e)ths c)use' $y the h)i% of $om$s 'roppe' $y the A%%ies c)n not $e %)i' on them )%one/ .he gui%t must
$e sh)re' $y the *erm)n %e)'ers with their 'e%usions th)t they sh)re' with the wor%' from the
Sportp)%)st/
Halberstadt April 1945
H2IG w)s )%so the ye)r when the extermin)tion of the 8ews went into high ge)r/ Most of the *erm)n
so%'iers were not )w)re of wh)t w)s going on/ .he m)=ority knew nothing of the crimes th)t were
h)ppening in the BO<s CBon0entr)tion%)ger, Concentr)tion C)mpsE/ Very s%ow%y we $eg)n to he)r
)$out it3 $ut not yet with much 'et)i%/ .here w)s t)%k of the fin)%%y successfu% remo&)% of the 8ews3
p)rticu%)r%y the 8ews of E)stern Europe/ .h)t w)s unfortun)te3 $ut it w)s not seen )s ) crime3 it w)s
simp%y ) necessity in or'er to free Europe from the f)r3 f)r too m)ny 8ews3 th)t cou%' not $e
)ccommo')te' )ny more/ 7t w)s so e)sy to 'e)% with the 8ewish 1ro$%em without pro$%em/ @ot on%y
for the *erm)ns3 there were p%enty of he%pers )n' )'&oc)tes in )%% %)n's3 e&en those th)t were not
occupie' $y us/ E&en the A%%ies h)' ) pro$%em with the 8ews in their %)n's4
.he *erm)n peop%e )s ) who%e3 not =ust the scre)ming @)0i symp)thi0ers in the Sportp)%)st3 h)' t)ken
the remn)nts of their inte%%ect to the c%oset )n' %eft it h)nging there/ After M)y R3 H2I; the ex:@)0i
symp)thi0ers who h)' sur&i&e' the inferno se)rche' through the ru$$%e of the *re)ter *erm)n >eich
for the inte%%ect they h)' gi&en )w)y/ .hey foun' it one ')y in the %imite':time speci)% $)rg)in
$)sement w)rehouse known )s the Economic Mir)c%e/ CWirtsch)ftswun'erE (nce they h)' foun' it
)g)in3 their fu%%y 'ry:c%e)ne' inte%%ect3 they were su''en%y free )g)in from the $ur'ens )n' torments3
free from e&erything th)t w)s once 'one in the n)me of the *erm)n peop%e/ .hey mut)te' into goo'
)n' true -emocr)ts3 now )s shining ex)mp%es3 re)'y for inspection )s pure $usinessmen in ci&i%i)n
'ress3 )t %e)st for the time $eing/
.he peop%e h)' )g)in foun' ) unifie' inte%%ect )n' use' it for the t)sk )t h)n'3 to go )g)inst the newSo%'
enemy3 the >ussi)ns3 $ut this time in ) Co%' W)r/ .his time they wou%' h)&e the he%p of the West
which h)' fin)%%y seen th)t for )%% of the goo' peop%e in the West there w)s on%y one e&i% enemy3
n)me%y the $)' >ussi)ns )n' their )%%ie' communist st)tes/ M)ny of the new%y %)un'ere' ex:@)0i
symp)thi0ers $e%ie&e' th)t the A%%ies shou%' h)&e =oine' the .hir' >eich )g)inst the >ussi)ns inste)'
of =oining with them )n' gi&ing them free )n' open )ccess to the West/ .he gui%t w)s on the A%%ies3
$ec)use we3 with we)pons in h)n'3 fought )g)inst the thre)t of 5o%she&ism3 ) thre)t th)t +it%er
tire%ess%y w)rne' us )$out from H2!G on/ Fin)%%y3 the wor%' w)s fo%%owing us in the strugg%e )g)inst the
>e' Men)ce/
5ut $)ck to +)%$erst)'t )n' to mySour thoughts )n' 'iscussions th)t were heightene' now )fter the
horror in St)%ingr)'/ .h)t the peop%e in its m)=ority3 in spite of this c)t)strophe 'i' not re$e%3 there
c)me with it ) fee%ing th)t we were now in ) w)r where the on%y )ccept)$%e outcome w)s uncon'ition)%
&ictory/ .he peop%e were supporte' in this sentiment $y the $eh)&ior of the FMhrer3 the mi%it)ry %e)'ers
)n' the gener)%s in the +igh Comm)n' on )%% fronts/ .he mi%it)ry %e)'ers of )%% r)nks without
exception were prep)re' to c)rry on the w)r to &ictory/ .he %e)'ers3 furthermore3 took e&erything th)t
w)s )&)i%)$%e for their own profit )n' use/ E&en their mi%it)ry honor re6uire' new r)nks )n'
pri&i%eges/ 7nc%u'e' here were promotions )n' tit%es th)t they wi%%ing%y )ccepte' from their FMhrer )n'
me')%s of the highest %e&e%/ A Fie%' M)rsh)%<s $)ton em$%)0one' with sw)stik)s3 recei&e' from the
FMhrer with gre)t ceremony w)s the sym$o% of the highest mi%it)ry honor )n' 'e%ight/ A hun're'
thous)n' so%'iers might go on to ) hero<s 'e)th or <on%y< $ecome cripp%es3 $ut the import)nt thing w)s
to g)in ) promotion or recei&e ) 'ecor)tion for ) heroism th)t you 'i' not e)rn3 $ut th)t others e)rne'
for you/ For th)t3 <one< h)' goo' *erm)n m)npower th)t )%%owe' themse%&es to $e use' )n' )$use' for
the purpose/ Since we h)' such m)gnificent %e)'ership the common sentiment w)s th)t we were
)ssure' of &ictory )n' St)%ingr)' w)s unfortun)te%y something th)t w)s un)&oi')$%e T Simp%e )s th)t4
An' for these exemp%)ry mi%it)ry %e)'ers it re)%%y w)s <*re)t to $e ) so%'ier/< .hey %i&e' )n' %o&e' their
w)r where they cou%' cut ) fine profi%e )s comm)n'ers )n' str)tegists/
.he sw)stik)3 which up to this time w)s on%y ) @)0i 1)rty sym$o%3 now 'ecor)te' )%% mi%it)ry insigni)
)n' 'ocuments/ E&eryone w)s prou' when they cou%' c)rry such ) 'ocument/ E&en the men from the
!"
th
8u%y H2II )ss)ssin)tion )ttempt on +it%er )%%owe' themse%&es to $e 'ecor)te' $y the m)n they s)w
)s ) tyr)nt/ Why 'i' it h)ppen thenF Why not c%oser to the $eginning of the w)rF W)s the w)r so
unp%e)s)nt for themF +)' they not 'one e&erything they cou%' for the FMhrer )n' the F)ther%)n'F -i'
they first t)ke note of the %un)cy of this w)r )fter it w)s so f)r )%ong th)t they re)%i0e' they cou%' not
'efe)t the 5o%she&iksF A w)r th)t they wou%' h)&e g%)'%y fought )%ong si'e of the A%%ies in or'er to
protect their *erm)ny from the 5o%she&ik ')ngerF An' this3 )fter they 'i' nothing to stop the
c)mp)ign )g)inst >ussi)/ (n the contr)ry3 they were )%% con&ince' of the necessity of con6uering
territory for the exp)nsion of the *erm)n peop%e in the $oun'%ess steppes of the E)st/ .he ri'e into the
E)st w)s )n o%' i'e) p)rticu%)r%y for the 'escen'ents of the *erm)n knight%y or'ers3 the f)mous )n'
$%oo'so)ke' or'ers of the Christi)n West/
7 h)&e ) &ery reser&e' opinion of the seeming%y $r)&e men of the so c)%%e' re&o%t of 8u%y !"3 H2II/
.hese were men from the )rch:conser&)ti&e c)mp3 )n' from the Church<s right wing/ Especi)%%y +err
*Pr'e%er4 .hey were &ery f)r )w)y from espousing true -emocr)cy )n' 1)r%i)ment)ri)nism/ Wh)t
they w)nte' w)s ) 'ifferent type of 'ict)torship/ .heir go)% w)s ) new go&ernment un'er mi%it)ry
%e)'ership/ After o&erthrowing +it%er they w)nte' to continue the w)r3 $ut on%y )g)inst the E)st/
7 h)&e gotten off on ) t)ngent3 which 7 'i' not w)nt to 'o3 $ut it h)ppene' $ec)use my thoughts
g)%%ope' )w)y with me/ @ow $)ck to the time th)t 7 spent in +)%$erst)'t )n' wh)t fo%%owe'/
.he e&ents th)t shook me so &io%ent%y 'i' not f)i% to h)&e effects on C%)us )%so/ We prim)ri%y t)%ke'
)$out the e&ents th)t h)' =ust h)ppene' )n' how things might turn out/ We were $oth )ngry )$out wh)t
we he)r' on the r)'io $ro)'c)st )n' s)w in the hospit)%/ We $oth h)' the intention th)t if we got out of
the w)r s)fe%y we wou%' 'o wh)te&er possi$%e to he%p $ui%' ) 'emocr)tic *erm)ny/ @either of us cou%'
figure out how we might go )$out it/ We on%y h)' specu%)tion )n' guesses )$out the possi$i%ities/ 7f
the w)r w)s won3 then +it%er wou%' $e triumph)nt )n' on%y ) re&o%t of the front%ine so%'iers cou%' %e)'
to ) ch)nge3 which )ppe)re' &ery 6uestion)$%e/ (therwise if the w)r en'e' in 'efe)t3 there wou%' $e
ch)nges in *erm)ny th)t wou%' %e)' to )n o&erthrow of +it%er )%ong with the @)0is/ .h)t imp%ie' )
re&o%ution in *erm)ny $ut not one %ike in H2HR4 .he $ig 6uestion w)s how wou%' our enemies
$eh)&eF Wou%' they simp%y 'estroy the >eich3 or he%p to re$ui%' it )s ) -emocr)cyF .hese were
6uestions th)t occupie' us3 $ut to which we h)' no )nswers/ .here w)s nothing to 'o $ut resign
ourse%&es )n' w)it for more e&ents to unfo%'/
Wh)t we 'i' know w)s th)t )s so%'iers we cou%' 'o nothing $ut hope for ) goo' en'ing/ 7t cou%' come
to ) re&o%t th)t wou%' rip us )%% )p)rt3 $ut who cou%' or wou%' $e in ) position to m)ke th)t h)ppenF
We wou%' h)&e to w)it for the 'efe)t th)t we fe%t wou%' on%y $ring )nother 'ict)torship/ W)s there )ny
possi$i%ity th)t the *erm)n peop%e wou%' un'er their own power rise )g)inst the %e)'ers who we now
s)w )s ) thre)t to the further existence of the >eichF A%though we were =ust or'in)ry so%'iers we h)' to
$e re)'y to 'o e&erything we must or cou%' 'o to he%p the F)ther%)n' tow)r' -emocr)cy )n' $ui%' )
new hum)nit)ri)n spirit/ .hese were &ery gr)n' thoughts3 $ut in or'er to )ct on them we first h)' to
sur&i&e the w)r3 )n' we h)' &ery %itt%e contro% o&er th)t/
We w)nte' to rem)in frien's )n' to st)y in cont)ct/ 7t w)s tow)r' the en' of H2IK when C%)us &isite'
me in Aesum/ +e h)' gotten the Aesum )''ress from me in +)%$erst)'t )n' he%' on to it )%% th)t time/
.h)t w)s in contr)st to me/ 7 h)' 'estroye' )%% of my person)% p)pers on the E)stern front )s the
So&iets )ppro)che'/ We thought it $etter not to h)&e )nything person)% on us when c)pture'/
C%)us 'i' not come to 5remen =ust to see me/ +e %i&e' in 5onn )n' worke' in the *erm)n office of
C/A/>/E/3 )n' he w)s %ooking to go into the 'ip%om)tic ser&ice if the opportunity presente' itse%f/
9nfortun)te%y3 our meeting w)s str)ine' 'ue to my $eh)&ior/ .his w)s ) time of true h)r'ship in
*erm)ny )n' it 'i' not gener)te the s)me fee%ings th)t $oun' us in +)%$erst)'t/ 7t w)s more ) fee%ing
of re%ief when C%)us 'ep)rte'/ 7 h)' the fee%ing th)t C%)us foun' himse%f on the si'e of goo' fortune
'uring these h)r' times )n' 7 w)s on the si'e of gre)t misfortune/ A%so3 my =o$ w)s going nowhere3 7
fe%t %ike 7 w)s in ) 'eep pit/ .his w)s &ery unf)ir to C%)us3 $ut 7 w)s not thinking str)ight/ C%)us w)s
)$%e to &isit me $ec)use he h)' ) t)sk to 'o for the C/A/>/E/ org)ni0)tion in 5remen )n' 5remerh)&en/
C%)us h)' kept true to his promise3 $ut 7 f)i%e' him/ 7t w)s my f)u%t th)t our frien'ship 'i' not continue
for re)sons th)t h)' on%y to 'ue with my cow)r'ice )n' sh)me/ >eg)r'%ess of wh)t )n' why3 it is sti%% )
sh)me th)t we cou%' not emotion)%%y fin' e)ch other )g)in/
.he time in +)%$erst)'t w)s coming to )n en'/ My reco&ery w)s m)king goo' progress3 e&erything
w)s $)ck in or'er3 the =)un'ice con6uere' )n' )%so the infection in my )rm h)' %eft nothing $ehin' $ut
) few sc)rs/ 7 w)s once )g)in fit )n' re)'y for 'uty/ (nce )g)in 7 h)' some &ery serious thoughts
)$out my future )s ) so%'ier/ 7 won'ere' if 7 shou%' $e h)ppy )$out my )rm getting $etter or if 7 wou%'
h)&e $een $etter in the %ong run to %ose it/ With )%% of these unhe)%thy thoughts3 one thing w)s &ery
c%e)r3 7 w)nte' to )&oi' ser&ing in >ussi) if there w)s )nything 7 cou%' 'o )$out it/ +ow 7 w)s going to
m)n)ge it3 7 h)' no i'e)/
7 w)s re%e)se' from the hospit)% ne)r the en' of Fe$ru)ry where 7 h)' spent ne)r%y three months/ 7
o$t)ine' ) me'ic)% %e)&e from my tempor)ry unit which 7 knew nothing more )$out th)n the n)me on
the %e)&e s%ip/ .he )rmy took c)re of e&erything without you thinking )$out it3 )n' in'i&i'u)% thought
w)s not nee'e' (or 'esire')? one thought wou%' engen'er )nother )n' )nother )n' so forth/
.he %)st ')ys in +)%$erst)'t were &ery nice/ We cou%' %e)&e whene&er we w)nte' to once the 'octor<s
roun's )n' tre)tments were finishe'/ We &ery )cti&e%y &isite' the town3 especi)%%y ) c)fe in the
+)uptstr)Qe (C)fe +e%%m)nnF)/ 9p unti% the i'iotic proc%)m)tion of .ot)% W)r )n' the re6uire' mi%it)ry
ser&ice of )%% men3 there w)s sti%% music to $e he)r' here p%)ye' $y the -)nce C)fe (rchestr)3 =ust %ike
in pe)cetime/ +ere m)ny frien'ships were forge' th)t on%y %)ste' ) short time/ E&en in pu$%ic so%'iers
were re6uire' to s)%ute/ (n entering ) $)r the h)t h)' to $e remo&e' )n' the )rm r)ise' in s)%ute/ 7n
w)%king through the $)r %ooking for ) free t)$%e3 one h)' to p)use $efore e)ch officer you encountere'
)n' )cknow%e'ge them with ) sh)rp no' of the he)'3 e&en if they were tot)%%y unknown to you/ We h)'
to c)rry out this greeting )%so when the officer )t the t)$%e w)s tot)%%y preoccupie' with the gir% he w)s
with )n' cou%' h)r'%y $e $othere' to %ook up/ .here were other types of officers who wou%' %ook for
you to miss the greeting3 then he wou%' =ump up )n' )ct %ike ) wi%' m)n )n' 'ress:'own the poor
pri&)te in ) %ou' &oice =ust to impress his gir%frien'/ A%% th)t in the mi''%e of ) w)r4 Where w)s the
much ce%e$r)te' comr)'eship of the front %inesF When you %eft the $)r you h)' to turn )n' once )g)in
s)%ute the room with r)ise' )rm/ .he )rmy h)' )n' h)s its &ery origin)% customs p)ire' with ) huge
)mount of nonsense3 $ut meticu%ous%y written 'own in its co'e of con'uct/
C%)us )n' 7 )%so 'iscusse' )%% the re)'ing m)teri)%s we were )$%e to get from the %oc)% $ook shops )n'
the hospit)% %i$r)ry/ Whi%e re)'ing them 7 wou%' m)ke notes on s%ips of p)per/ 7 sti%% h)&e them )n'
wi%% use them )s 7 write this memoir/
7n the hospit)% %i$r)ry 7 foun' ) &ery speci)% $ook c)%%e'3 Ceterum recenseo3 $y Em)nue% $in *orion3
critic)% speeches )n' ess)ys/ 7t w)s pu$%ishe' in H2!2 $y A%ex)n'er Fischer Ver%)g in .M$ingen/ .his
$ook which w)s for$i''en in the .hir' >eich w)s especi)%%y usefu% to me/ So much so th)t 7 simp%y
took it home with me )n' 7 h)&e it sti%%/ 7t w)s )n' sti%% is &ery interesting to re)' )s )re the notes th)t 7
m)'e in the m)rgins which )re sti%% there/ .hey gi&e ) goo' in'ic)tion of my thoughts then/
With the en' of my st)y in the hospit)% in +)%$erst)'t my )ccount of my time in the )rmy from H2G2 to
the $eginning of H2IG )%so comes to )n en'/ .he next section wi%% co&er H2IG through H2I;/ .his
)ccount wi%% )%so show th)t my %ife )s ) so%'ier w)sn<t )s <norm)%< )s most other so%'iers/ 7 h)' the
<p%e)sure< of ser&ing m)ny functions )n' m)ny 'ifferent 'uties/ 7 w)s in se&er)% tempor)ry units )n' )s
) resu%t w)s ne&er )t home in )ny of them/ 7t w)s &ery 'ifferent for me th)n m)ny of the other so%'iers/
5ut 7 experience' ) %ot )n' 7 %e)rne' ) %ot3 $oth goo' )n' $)'/ A%% of this wi%% $e 'escri$e' in the next
section/ .he worst times of the w)r were )he)' of me/ .imes th)t e&en to')y 7 c)n not $e%ie&e th)t 7
sur&i&e' )n' 'i' not h)&e to <-ie for the F)ther%)n'< or $ecome ) cripp%e/

C.o $e continue'///E
Acknow%e'gment,
(ur th)nks to .om +ou%ih)n for his )ssist)nce in proof:re)'ing the tr)ns%)te' texts/