20 Ways To Talk

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Monday, 22 April 2013
20 Ways to Talk to Women and Make It
AMAZING
(/users/chase-amante)
by Chase Amante (/users/chase-amante)
Tuesday, 4 December 2012
Lately we've had a number of readers asking about more ways to talk to women
and keep the conversation going. Here's JFav, answering the question of what
he'd like to see in the new forum (content/new-forum-launching-soon-what-join-bonus-
would-tempt-you-most) 's bonus book:
Love to see something on keeping the conversation going. Some
strategies a newbie could possibly use to deep dive.
Wanting to know more about conversation, particularly for newer guys.
And on the recent article about how to pick up girls shopping (content/how-pick-
girls-shopping-gifts-or-groceries) , Maxz commented:
Hey Chase, another rocking article.
Question for you man, I have been having problems on the
conversational aspect of the game lately. When you talk about deep diving
and all, is it all about asking girls qestions about themselves? I can't seem
to truly crack this nut. Some of the girls I have talked to lately, we usually
just end up in strange silences at some point in the conversation. What
kind of easy probing questions will you suggest to carry on these
conversations?
Thanks Chase, love every single lessons on here.
I referred Maxz to a few articles to help him get his bearings, but I realize that a
lot of guys need a more basic layout of how to talk to women properly than is
laid out in the article on deep diving (/content/secrets-getting-girls-art-deep-dive) or
being a conversationalist (/content/conversationalist) .
So, today's article has been put together to be exactly that: talking to women for
beginners (with a few neat tips thrown in here and there to spice things up for
the old pros), broken down into four lessons with five points each - a total of 20
ways to talk to women and make it go swimmingly.
Let's dive in.
Most newer guys make the mistake of getting into conversation with women...
and then boring them.
Seems obvious, right? If you want to get somewhere with a girl... don't bore her!
Everybody knows that! And yet... men keep boring women anyway. Why?
The reason why, of course, is that the things most men think women want to
hear often are not what they actually want to hear.
If you had to name the most interesting topics to a woman, what would you
name?
Some guys would say:
Travel
Excitement
Danger
Sex
Parties
Drama
Some guys would say:
Pop culture
Music
Celebrities
Fashion
Friends
Gossip
Either of those sound right to you?
The fact is, some women like some of those things... but if you start going on and
on about them at random, chances are you'll spend a lot of time talking about
things any particular girl finds tedious!
That brings us to the first of our 20 ways to making talking to women amazing:
#1: Find Out What She's Interested in FIRST
Imagine you met a girl who'd just read in the latest edition of Cosmopolitan that
men are all really fascinated by:
Sports
Guns
Violence
Motorbikes
Video games
Stock trading
Robots
HDTV
Now, armed with this valuable information, this otherwise attractive girl busts
out her newfound knowledge in a conversation with you, droning on and on
about guns and stock trading, or video games and golf. Sure, some of that you
might find interesting... but the rest of it makes you want to go jump off a bridge!
Before you launch into any longwinded stories, tales, or monologues about any
topic in particular, find out if the woman you're talking with finds the topic
interesting first.
Here's an easy way to do that: simply ask her,
Hey, do you ever follow what the celebrities are doing?
... and you'll know whether you've got the green light, or whether you need to
change directions and head down another side street.
#2: If She Doesn't Like It... Ask Her What She DOES Like
So how do you know if a girl's interested in what you're about to talk about with
her, and what do you say if she isn't interested?
If she says, "Yeah, sometimes," but isn't that interested, it's time to reverse
course and talk about something else. If she says, "Are you kidding? I practically
know half of Hollywood's addresses and middle names!" then you've got a
winner.
Now, when she isn't interested, you conversation will look like this:
You: Do you ever travel, or want to travel?
Her: No, I totally should, but I just never seem to get around to it.
You: That's cool. So what do you do to get new stimulation in your life
so it isn't the same old thing all the time?
She's saying travel doesn't interest her, which means that amazing travel story
you were just about to tell her is going to bore her to tears. Instead, you
changed the question to ask her what she does do to get new things into her life.
What you do there is frame the question so that she feels uncool if she doesn't
have a good answer.
If you ask her, "What do you do for fun?" she can sound cool and defiant and
rebellious by saying,
"Oh, I just work all the time," or,
"I don't really have fun."
But if you ask her, "How do you expand your horizons?" or, "How do you keep
life from getting too stale?" she has to come up with some kind of answer to not
look lame.
By phrasing things this way, you compel her to want to invest more in the
conversation, and show you why she's someone worth getting to know.
#3: Don't Stay on a Topic That's "Jumped the Shark"
There's a phrase in television known as "jumping the shark." It refers to an
episode of the old TV show Happy Days, when Fonzie jumped over a shark while
waterskiing, and the show was never that good after that. They should've ended
it, but it just kept going.
I talked about this a long time ago in the article, "Don't Get Hung Up on Topics
(/content/dont-get-hung-topics) ,"
about recognizing when a conversation topic has "jumped the shark" and when
it's time to get off of it.
The gist of it is, when someone doesn't understand, or relate, or like a topic
you've brought up... drop it.
How do you know if you're beating a dead horse conversationally? If the
communication isn't substantial. Take a look at this example:
You: Hey, did you see the latest summer blockbuster movie?
Her: I did; it was great.
You: Yeah. I really liked how they blew a lot of stuff up in it.
Her: Some pretty good special effects there.
You: And the story was surprisingly good, didn't you think?
Her: Yeah... usually those things have pretty simple stories.
You: I know! But it was just so intense!
Her: Totally.
What's wrong with that conversation? The following things:
It's impersonal (it's not about her or you; it's about some other thing)
It's superficial (not diving into anything thought provoking about the film)
It's refusing to die as a topic, long after it should have (and why'd you bring
it up, anyway?)
When you stay on a "dead" topic, and the girl stays on it, it quickly begins to feel
like the two of you have nothing to talk about.
And at that point, she'll want to exit the conversation. So - change topics.
#4: Don't Brag, Showboat, or "Pump Your Value"
Everyone knows that women don't like guys who brag about themselves. And
everyone knows that trying to impress women (/content/non-supplication-why-
working-impress-women-doesnt-work) is a waste of time and counterproductive.
So, what everyone else does instead is he tries to "pump his value," by indirectly
making himself look as valuable as possible.
Only problem is, most of the things men do to do this are far too obvious to
women, and simply come across as - you guessed it! - bragging, impressing, and
showboating.
Why's it bad to brag, impress, showboat? It's bad because:
If she already sees you as desirable, bragging pushes her away, making her
feel that you are increasingly out of her league and outside her reach,
plunging her into auto-rejection (/content/secrets-getting-girls-staying-out-auto-
rejection)
If she doesn't yet see you as desirable, or views herself as more experienced
/ aware / in-control than you are and isn't taking you seriously
(/content/10-ways-have-girl-take-you-seriously-%E2%80%93-and-love-it) , bragging
makes her feel even more experienced / aware / in-control, as she
watches you race to try and impress her (to no avail)
What should you do instead to make women value you more?
Focus on your fundamentals. Trying to "talk your way" into being impressive at
the last moment (when you're actually talking with her) instead of actually doing
the groundwork to go and be impressive beforehand (by working on your
fundamentals) is transparent - women see right through it. Talk is cheap - she's
far more interested in who you appear to be, how you conduct yourself, and
how you come across, than in the words coming out of your mouth.
Fundamentals include things like:
Your walk (/content/how-have-sexy-walk-drives-women-nuts)
Your voice (/content/book-excerpts-get-sexy-voice)
Your eye contact (/content/eye-contact-flirting)
Your charisma (/content/3-things-know-if-you-want-be-charismatic)
Your movements
Your facial expressions
Your sexual vibe (/content/constructing-your-sexy-vibe-and-making-girls-go-nuts)
... get those down and you won't have to worry about trying too hard
(/content/are-you-trying-too-hard-stop-trying-start-succeeding) to be impressive.
But if you're there with a girl, and you don't want to bore her with bragging, how
do you show her what an attractive guy you are, then?
Well, you...
#5: Get Her Doing Most of the Talking
When you get a woman doing most of the talking, guess what? She ends up
talking about the things she enjoys most.
That is, provided of course, that you are actively listening (/content/tactics-
tuesdays-listen-women-better-active-listening) and are feeding her conversation back to
her, and you are asking her the right questions to get her talking more and
opening up more. Talking to women isn't so much about talking to women as it
is about getting women to talk to you.
The more she's talking, for the most part, the more interesting she's finding
and will continue to find the conversation. That's the secret of making
conversation interesting for a woman... get her talking.
But how do you get her talking, exactly?
Since Girls Chase launched in 2008, much of the focus here has been on getting
women to talk. Some of the past articles here that have dealt with the subject
include:
Secrets to Getting Girls: The Art of the Deep Dive (/content/secrets-getting-
girls-art-deep-dive)
Spell Broken: Big Mistakes That Shred Conversation (/content/spell-broken-
big-mistakes-shred-conversation)
How to Talk to Girls and Make Them Want You (/content/how-talk-girls-and-
make-them-want-you)
The Conversationalist (/content/conversationalist)
There's even a post on here entirely devoted to providing you with a
conversation example (/content/conversation-example) so you can see how a normal
conversation of this sort gets carried out early into the interaction.
Here, I'll sum up a lot of the important points about getting women to talk in the
first place, and add a few new pieces in that will help you solidify this in your
mind.
#6: Make Your Interest Clear (or Implied)
Most men have the impression of women as being eminently emotional, and
while that is somewhat true, women are also eminently something else, too:
they're eminently practical.
The first thing a woman asks herself whenever she ends up in a conversation is,
"WHY am I talking to this man?"
And if she can't come up with a good reason, she excuses herself fast.
In fact, one of the biggest problems men new to cold approach (/content/social-
circle-vs-cold-approach) run into - one that mystifies them, boils their blood, and
causes untold volumes of frustration and hair-pulling - is a direct effect of this:
women leaving to go find their friends, go to the bathroom, get back to work, or go
back to school.
Women excusing themselves is less often a rejection (/content/how-act-when-girl-
rejects-you) than many men think it is. Much of the time, when a woman excuses
herself, it's simply because she doesn't know what the point of the
conversation is or where it's supposed to be going.
This is why I continually harp on using
Direct openers (/content/book-excerpts-direct-opener) , or
Indirect direct (/content/easy-opening-indirect-direct)
... and making sure that even if you use indirect game (/content/how-use-indirect-
game-get-girls) , that it's never true indirect.
And here's why.
Imagine you're sitting in a cafeteria eating your lunch, when some jolly, cheerful
guy comes over and grabs a seat next to you. "Hello friend!" he declares. "Fine
day we're having here!"
"Yeah, sure is," you respond, wondering what this guy wants.
"Hey, how's that sandwich?" he asks.
"Uh, it's great," you reply between bites.
"Sure looks good," he says. "Have you ever tried the ham and cheese?"
"Yeah," you say.
"That one's my favorite," he says to you. "So what do you do during the day that
you ended up over here for lunch?" he continues.
"Um, I've got to go get back to work," you say, getting up with your tray to go
throw away your leftovers. "It was great to meet you."
"Great meeting you too!" he proclaims.
What'd that guy want? You have no idea. You just know it was weird, and
awkward, and you wanted to get out of there.
Many newer guys do this SAME thing to women, making women wonder why
the heck they're talking to them, making those women feel awkward, and making
those women eventually leave. Never make her wonder what your intentions are
about; make it clear, one way or the other.
Open her direct, or be sexy and flirt with her (/content/how-flirt-girl) .
#7: Ask Interesting Questions
You can't always do this one, but you'll find that the more you try to, the better
able you are to as your abilities with women progress.
There are precisely three ways to make your questions more interesting:
1. Make the topic interesting
2. Make the topic curiosity-inspiring
3. Make the wording interesting
Let's talk about the first one first.
Interesting topic -
Tell me how you got involved in modeling in the beginning.
Asking someone about the origins of something she's doing is always interesting
to her, because it gives her a chance to tell her stories. People love to tell the
stories of how they came to be doing something or how they arrived
somewhere - it helps them to emotionally connect (/content/how-build-emotional-
connection) with others, and helps them to feel more related.
Here's another interesting topic -
If you could do anything else - absolutely anything - with your time and
get paid the same as you are now, what would it be?
Asking someone what she'd do if she didn't have to worry about not getting paid
for it can lead you into all manner of avenues conversationally, with women
talking about passions, goals, and dreams they've shared with few other people.
#8: Ask Curiosity-Inspiring Questions
A curiosity-inspiring topic makes a woman wonder what you're getting at, and
causes her to answer in a form of mild confusion, which ups her intrigue. You
must deliver on the promise of a curious question, however... or else it's a let
down.
Here's an example:
Let me ask you this: would you ever date a football player?
The instant you ask her something strange or different, she's going to wonder
where it's going. A lot of the old pickup routines took this route, and I'd advise
you to learn to make this kind of conversation naturally without relying on
scripts.
Because in fact, you can learn to ask curious questions yourself, then lead them
somewhere interesting. If a girl tells you she'd date a football player and then
you simply respond that you were just curious, it's a let down. But if you tell her
based on her answer you can now tell her something about her personality - and
then do - well, now it's interesting!
Here's another example you can use when talking to women:
Have you ever thought about just picking up and leaving it all behind
and running off to some foreign city or country you've never been to
before for good?
What a question like this does is that it puts her into the mindset of imagining
she's doing this wild, crazy thing you're telling her about. She's picturing herself
leaving her whole life behind, and running off on some uncharted adventure
elsewhere in the world. This is something the majority of individuals will never
have the courage to do... but the majority of individuals always wish they could.
By giving her the fantasy, you allow her to feel more free around you, and begin
to open up about her dreams. You can also build some intrigue here - phrased
this way, she almost expects you're going to ask her to runaway with you. If you
never tell her why you asked, you allow her to continue to wonder, and
fantasize.
#9: Ask a Question That Has Interesting Wording
Use interesting and colorful wording, it makes even your mundane questions
seem a bit more extraordinary. An example of interesting wording -
What sort of employment do you hold, young lady?
You can make ordinary questions sound a lot more interesting, and bring a lot
more liveliness to a conversation, with a few interesting word choices.
Seek to use colorful language. By so doing, you animate your speech - and make
women find the questions more interesting, and you more interesting too.
One more example:
Where do you hail from? Faraway lands, or are you a native to these
parts?
Obviously, you'll want your delivery to be totally normal and natural, not
sounding like you're doing the voiceover for a high-fantasy epic adventure
movie, or that just makes it sound contrived. Instead, have normal tones... with
perhaps a hint of playfulness (/content/how-be-playful-4-tips-youll-need) ... and ask
your colorful questions.
#10: Be Mildly Bored
We've talked about being a little bored on here before several times, most
notably in the article on the bored look (/content/bored-look-use-it-get-women-
engaged) . But it bears repeating here, I think, that when you're talking to women,
you want to come across as mildly bored.
Imagine Brad Pitt or George Clooney talking to a woman. Think of the
expression on their faces. Mild amusement, mild boredom. They've done this a
million times before already. That's the look you want.
Here's an interview with Brad Pitt that shows the difference in facial expressions
pretty well - watch it with an eye on both A) how he looks in the movie at the
start of the clip (bored, mildly amused, in-charge and on his own turf) and B)
how he looks in the interview (alert, explanatory, pitching on someone else's
turf) - you don't need to watch the whole thing, just the first minute or so -
Note the difference in facial expressions and nonverbal communication
(/content/nonverbal-communication) - in the movie he's laid back, his movements are
slower, his smile is smaller and more mild amusement; in the interview he's
upright, leaning in, his movements are quicker, his smile is broader and more
aiming to please.
Most guys when talking to women are more like Brad Pitt in the interview
than Brad Pitt in the movie. Brad Pitt in the interview makes people want to sit
back and let him do the work of trying to be impressive. Brad Pitt in the movie
makes you want to go on alert and try to please and spit it all out to impress
him.
Be Brad Pitt in the movie, and women will want to talk volumes to you.
By this point, you've got the basic parts of talking to women down: you know
how to avoid being boring, and you know how to get a woman talking. But what if
you want to talk to women for longer than a couple of minutes? How do you
keep them talking?
Let's go through our next five points.
#11: Deep Dive Every Good Topic
Most inexperienced men's conversations with women look like this:
Guy: Where are you from?
Girl: I'm from X. Where are YOU from?
Guy: I'm from Y.
Girl: Cool.
Guy: So how do you spend your time?
Girl: I don't know, some A, a little B. You?
Not only does that violate our Lesson #1 and give women totally boring
conversation that makes them want to run for the hills, but it ALSO throws away
opportunities she's giving you on a silver platter to keep her talking and really
get to know her (/content/get-to-know-a-girl) well.
Instead, for every good topic you land on - and by "good topic," I mean a topic
that's integral to her life and important to her, such as:
Work
School
Hobbies
Passions
Pastimes
Objectives
Experiences
Dreams
Goals
Aims
... for every one of those, you can dive much deeper with only a small set of
questions. These include:
"How long have you been doing that for?"
"How do you like it?"
"Do you think you'll [get promoted / move up / open your own business /
master that hobby or art]?"
"If you don't like it that much, why are you still doing it?"
"How'd you get into it if you don't like it?"
"Think you'll do it forever?"
"What's stopping you from doing it?"
Each of these questions gets you deeper into finding out more about her - and
keeps her talking more.
#12: Permit Her No Excuses
When you meet women who are more confident / social / experienced with
men, they tend to be resistant to probing like this. They've brushed off many
men trying to get to know them better before... why should they open
themselves up to you?
This is where you'll get women try to joke something away, like when you ask
her if she doesn't like her job why's she still doing it? and she tells you, "Well,
everybody's got to eat, right?"
A lot of guys say, "Yeah, that's true," here, and drop the subject.
You don't want to do that though, because her trying to brush it off is an
excellent opportunity for you to show her you know more about human nature -
and more about her - than she herself does.
Instead, make your conversation look like this:
You: How long've you lived here?
Her: Pretty much all my life; I'm a lifer.
You: So I guess this is the town for you then, huh?
Her: Well, I'd like to live somewhere else, but never got around to it.
You: Why not?
Her: Too many obligations... life just creeps up on you.
You: Eh, life's a short ride on a big rock and then it's done. In a hundred
years, nobody who knows anything about your life is going to care
about your obligations... the only thing they'll care about was how
interesting was your life, and did you really do what you really wanted
to do.
Her: That's true.
You don't have to go into a mini-speech like that if you don't want to. You can
always just change direction on the topic, like what we discussed in #3.
But if you've got a perspective that's going to make her think - if you're able to
point a lens at her and say, "You're not living the life you wish you could be," you
will attract her, mesmerize her, and inspire her to really open up and tell you
all about herself.
#13: Provide Feedback
Throughout your conversation, you'd be well advised to provide feedback to
show that you're paying attention and relating.
Just little remarks like
"Hmm."
"Oh I see."
"Really?"
"That's crazy."
"How'd you get through that?"
"That's pretty remarkable."
"I'm surprised you hung in there that long."
... and others like those are all you need. These offer encouragement to her to
keep talking, and keep going with the topic.
You can also elect to simply give her intensely focused eye contact without
providing feedback... this increases sexual tension (/content/sexual-tension-7-ways-
make-women-excited-and-randy) and leads to her needing something to break the ice
(/content/how-break-ice-5-surefire-ways-entice-her) , however. You'll usually want to
use humor for this, though if you're somewhere private you can escalate
physically with her then.
#14: Turn It Back to Her
This is the opposite side of the coin of #4 (not bragging or showboating). Most
men get asked a question about themselves, and they turn into Brad Pitt in that
interview above - it's time to expound! Time to show my value! The pleasing
smile spreads across their faces, they come alive, and go into tales about their
glory and triumphs.
When you get asked something about yourself, your main concern should not
be "Let me see how impressive I can be," but rather, "Let me see how I soon I
can get us back to her talking again." The object isn't for you to show off - it's
to let her show off.
One of you is always showing off, and the other is always assessing, judging, and
weighing. Better to be the judge than the judged, when it comes to seduction.
Your conversations then will look like this:
Her: ... but anyway, that's me! What do YOU do for fun?
You: Me? My life's so BORing, I hardly do anything for fun. I just work
all the time. You said you like playing billiards... are you any good?
Her: I'm not bad. Well if you work all the time, what are you working
on?
You: I'm a sculptor; I make statues. But it's not as exciting as it sounds,
it's really just sitting in front of a block of granite all day with a chisel in
your hands.
Her: Wow, that's so cool!
You: Do you do anything artistic?
Her: I don't, but I've always wanted to be an artist! When I was little, I...
Notice how first you turn it back by returning to something she mentioned in
passing earlier; but, she doesn't want to talk about that (there might not be
anything interesting to say there), so you ditch that topic (don't get hung up on
topics) and instead ask her if she's done anything artistic (since you were just on
the topic of your artistic pursuits, and she found them fascinating... now you'll
give her a chance to talk about this thing she finds so fascinating).
Continually turning the conversation back to the girl allows her to keep talking
about what she wants to talk about, which makes the conversation fascinating for
her.
#15: Return to Open Threads
As you talk to women, multiple conversational threads will be opened and often
not be finished. For instance, a girl you're speaking with mentions she eats a
carton of yogurt everyday, and plays badminton, and hosts her own celebrity
gossip website. You get to talking about the website, and yogurt and badminton
go unexplored as topics.
Well, it takes a little exposure to enough conversations, but after a while you
begin retaining a lot of this as you talk, and you can return to open threads like
this to finish them out if and when you need something else to talk about.
e.g., "So what was this you were mentioning earlier about eating a carton of
yogurt a day? Is that even healthy?" or, "Now, you told me you were in, like, the
badminton Olympics or something, right?" and she'll laugh and tell you yes it's
perfectly healthy or no, she just plays badminton for fun, and you'll be off talking
about something else again.
It's all well and good for you to get her talking a lot, but if she isn't also
interested in you, she'll be a lot more excited about this great new friend she's
made than this potential new lover.
You need her not only excited to be talking to you, but excited about you, and
wanting to know more.
And the way you get that is by arousing her interest in you.
#16: Employ Baiting
I got excoriated for divulging this technique by a female commenter back in the
day (I don't allow those kinds of comments on the site anymore, but at the time
I allowed it so I didn't take it down), although I think she more disagreed with
the name of the technique than the actual technique itself.
In any event, the technique in question is one I call "baiting (/content/baiting-vs-
trading-information) ," and what it's about is giving pieces of information when
asked that somewhat satisfy a question while leading to more questions (and
thus, more curiosity, intrigue, and interest).
Here's how most men are in conversation:
Her: So what do you do for fun?
You: Most of my free time I spend bodybuilding.
Her: Oh cool, so you're a weightlifter.
You: Yeah, I do mostly free weights, but some machines, 5 days a week.
Pretty intense workout schedule, but it's why I've got the body I do.
Her: That's cool.
At this point, you've already answered any questions she could've asked, there's
no intrigue or mystery about you, and the conversation continues on...
decidedly un-romantic feeling.
Here's how it goes if you use baiting though:
Her: So what do you do for fun?
You: I bodybuild, mostly.
Her: Oh cool, like a lot?
You: Yeah, pretty often.
Her: Like, every day, or some days, or what?
You: Normally every weekday. I have a schedule I follow pretty closely
to for getting maximal results.
Her: Wow, yeah, I can tell you're in pretty good shape. How long have
you been working out for?
Because she's having to work for this information, she actually finds you a LOT
more interesting! It's actually funny how it works.
Rather than just "spilling the beans" and telling her everything you do the instant
she asks you the slightest question about it, give her a little bit, and if she's
interested she'll ask more. If she isn't, then good - you haven't wasted your or
her time on a topic that'd bore her. Now you can go find one you'll both find
more interesting.
#17: Understate Yourself and Your Achievements
Ever read the book The Great Gatsby? I wasn't a big fan of the story of the book
when I read it back in high school - some guy chasing after some girl he liked in
the past now that he'd "made it" - he could have any woman he wanted, why
chase after one who'd moved on and chosen someone else? - but I was
fascinated by the difference between "old money" and "new money."
New money flashes its wealth about. It hasn't learned how to "use it" properly
yet. Old money, though... it lives well, often better than new money, but it does
so with style, taste, and understatement.
The way you show value and present yourself to women is exactly like the
difference between old money and new money.
Guys who are naturally good with women are "old money":
They're chill,
They don't make a big deal about it, and
They pick up women left and right.
Guys who are only just beginning to realize their newfound power with women
tend to be "new money":
They're excited,
They brag (or imply heavy-handedly), and
They aren't nearly as successful as they want women to think they are.
What happens is that women read men very quickly on how understated (or
not) they are about their value, and box men into, essentially, three categories:
Guy with no value (no money)
Guy trying too hard (new money)
Guy who lays back and enjoys his success and doesn't make a big deal about
it (old money)
New money is fleeting - look at how many first-generation celebrities (actors,
sports stars, entrepreneurs) end up right where they started, dead broke and
penniless, mere years or a decade after being wealthy beyond their wildest past
expectations.
But old money... that's safe, normally. When you grow up in money, you're
usually taught how to use it right, too.
It's the same with men - a woman knows that if a man is excited and "new
money" about his value, there's a good chance that's fleeting, or just a show. But
when a man is understated, she assumes, he's been successful for a while... he
is tried and tested by time and has come out a winner.
What's this mean? It means, employ humbleness (/content/take-edge-using-
humbleness-elite-man) as much as you can. Seek to downplay your
accomplishments. When a woman says, "Wow, you're really good at..." tell her,
"Nah, I just worked at it long enough," or, "No, I just got lucky."
She'll know that's not the truth - and she'll value you more for the
understatement.
#18: Don't Mention Anything "High Value" Unless Asked
Most men are in such a rush to spew out the things that are valuable about
themselves when they talk to women that they never bother to think of timing
or placement.
But what's more impressive to you, the girl who comes out and tells you in the
middle of nowhere, "I'm a model!" at the start of your conversation... or the girl
you talk to for 10 minutes, and don't find out she's a model until you really
start digging into her life story?
It's the second one, isn't it? She blows you away!
Why's it have such a profound effect for you to NOT finding something out until
you dig for it?
The reason is this: the questioner has no clue how much more value is lying
there under the surface.
Someone who comes out and tells you that she's a:
Painter
Violinist
Rhodes scholar
Business owner
within the first five minutes of conversation is clearly an impressive individual,
no matter how you slice it. But once you know those things, you can pretty
safely assume you know the most important and impressive things about her.
You've got a read on her now.
But someone you don't find those things out until various points in the
conversation and after lots of digging... wow, how much more is there to find
out? You simply DON'T know.
And the fact that she hasn't gone out of her way to bring those things out to try
and impress you is even more impressive. She has no need to impress. She
COULD have pulled them out on you earlier... but she didn't even think to, or
bother to. Now THAT's impressive.
And you want to be equally impressive with the women you meet, too. It goes
hand-in-hand with baiting and old money - use the baiting to help her discover
these gems about you that you've got hidden, and the old money mentality to
keep them understated before they're discovered - and even after.
#19: Use Lots of Pauses
Pauses are masterfully powerful when you talk to women because they keep
women hanging on, waiting and wondering what you're about to say. Pauses
communicate the following things about you:
You're calm
You're confident
You're in control
You have no need to rush or be impressive
When a man uses pauses when speaking with her, a woman instantly finds him
more intriguing - it is a kind of biological "switch" programmed into her to
instantly assess him as being a more dominant man (/content/how-be-dominant-
man-what-you-didnt-know-about-winner-effect) , and thus a more attractive and
interesting one.
Eric talked some about mixing long pauses in with very long stares in his post on
efficient seduction (/content/making-your-seductions-efficient) , including giving some
conversational examples of how you'd work these in, and you can also use
pauses simply to give you a moment to think or flesh out a thought. Pauses add
a lot of dramatic effect, and cause people to really pay attention to what you're
saying (or about to say). They give the sense that something important is about
to come - and, try not to disappoint.
#20: Get Investment
Last but not least is investment. Getting women to invest creates a feedback
loop in their brains; a woman assumes that if she's putting time and effort into
being with you like this, then she must like you, of course... else, why would she
do it?!
Investment takes all forms, and can stretch from things as simple and basic as:
Having her show you a piece of jewelry or clothing item she has on
Moving a girl (/content/tactics-tuesdays-move-girls) even a few feet to
somewhere more comfortable / convenient
Having her give you her hand to say hello, then holding on for a moment
Having her qualify herself (/content/qualifying-women-really-important) to you in a
conversation
... all the way up to more major forms of investment mid-interaction, like:
Radically changing her views to match yours
Breaking a "rule" of hers (stay near her friends; no kissing; etc.)
Leaving to get you a drink or food and bringing it back
Changing her schedule (cancelling an appointment, etc.) to stay with you
Investment and interest go both ways - the more interested in you she is, the
more she'll invest in you, and the more she invests in you, the more interested
in you she'll become.
Therefore, the further into an interaction you get, generally speaking, the easier
it is to get more investment - though, you can get investment, sometimes major
investment, right from the beginning of a conversation much of the time, if you
simply try.
20 Ways to Talk to Women
... and there you have it; 20 ways to talk to women and make it amazing.
Hopefully this helps out the guys who had questions in the comment sections of
the posts, and a lot of the newer guys who are just starting out with lots of
questions about talking and conversing. And, here's hoping there were a few
tidbits in here that were insightful for some of the guys who've already been
around the block a few times as well.
Talking to women is one of those things that seems pretty complicated, but it's
really just a series of little rules you pick up here and there, get down, and then
pick up a few more rules, until eventually you get enough of those down that
you don't even think about them anymore and you just do what you want. It's
like playing a game that you know very well - eventually, you feel like you can do
anything, because you know all the different paths to winning so well that it
stops being all that hard.
Start using these 20 tips, if you aren't already, and you'll find that before long,
you don't even have to think about them anymore.
Always,
Chase Amante
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Comments
Using pauses. (/content/20-ways-talk-women-and-
make-it-amazing#comment-4895)
Posted by Flames (/users/flames) on Tuesday, 4 December
2012
I've read a lot of your stuff on conversation and although some of the
examples sound a bit corny to me. I get that general idea your trying to
put across. On the subject of pauses though, and Eric was kind of touching
on this too, sometimes I deliberately DON'T say anything just to create a
bit of tension. It seems to be quite an effective tool (although mostly this
is social circle stuff) I've actually had a few more or less jumping through
hoops when there talking to me, and they're deep diving me, rather than
the other way round.
As I said the other day, this *seems to be* creating a good attraction and
rapport almost off the bat.
What are your thoughts?
(on a side note) Today I just had one of those EC moments when you look
at a girl and she can't help saying 'hi', I love that... :)
Regards
Flames
Regards
Flames
Pauses Without Speaking
(/content/20-ways-talk-women-and-make-
it-amazing#comment-4902)
Posted by Chase Amante (/users/chase-amante)
on Tuesday, 4 December 2012
Hey Flames,
Yes, conversation's one of those things that's kind of a devil to try and
teach over type... you lose all the voice tone and nonverbals and that's
the majority of what's actually being communicated. A lot of it is left up
to the reader's imagination to fill in, and if you aren't on exactly the
same page, some assumptions can get made about how it's intended to
come across that aren't what the author intended. You almost do
better to think of talking as a vehicle for the vibe and atmosphere you
want to put across, rather than the words themselves.
You can use the tension-generating no-words pause to good effect,
although you need to be mindful of its limitations as well. It works best
with women who feel markedly lower than you in social status, and
with younger / less socially experienced women (up until maybe 24 or
25ish in general it works fairly well... depends on the girl though, of
course). The older she gets and the more experienced with men she
becomes, as well as when you find yourself talking to a girl who feels
she's "above" you for one reason or another, the more this works only
as a tension-generator prior to physical intimacy with a girl, and the
less she reacts to this kind of pressure.
Effectively, think of creating pressure as a "fear-based" tactic that
works well with those who have some degree of fear or awe for you,
and/or those who know they've done something socially amiss; the
pressure kicks in and she's afraid of not filling the gap in the
conversation. My personal preference is to limit its use to when a
woman says or does something rude / testing / unhelpful to the
progress of the interaction, as a way of pointing out to her, "You
messed up. Now you fix it," while rewarding her with immersive
conversation the rest of the time.
But, wherever and whenever you choose to use it, this approach can
have some powerful effects on getting girls working to alleviate the
pressure and make things more comfortable again.
Cheers,
Chase
Re: Using Pauses (/content/20-ways-talk-women-and-make-it-
(/users/flames)
amazing#comment-4909)
Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, 4 December 2012
I totally agree with Chase here, the more socially savvy and
experienced a woman is the less you can use "tricks" and such to get a
result (spot on with the age here Chase). You'll need a combination of
things to create pressure.
You'll have to get her to talk more about herself (by being a
conversationalist), while also having sexy fundamentals:
Slower speech, strong eye contact, demanding compliance, relaxed
eyes (edge), moving slower, a sexy purr, good fashion, etc.
On top of all that, if she IS actually pressured by you, she knows how to
deal with it.
The video on Brad Pitt is an extremely good choice by Chase, because
he is INCREDIBLY nervous in the interview, but if you're not looking
for it you won't really notice. Why? Because he knows he's nervous and
he has had experience being in that position. He knows how to control
it and it's not a big deal. Anyone else would have tried to break tension
by mentioning in conversation, something along the lines of: "haha
sorry for stuttering I'm a bit nervous". This'll destroy your vibe and
make you seem inexperienced.
- Eric
True enough (/content/20-ways-talk-
women-and-make-it-amazing#comment-4931)
Posted by Flames (/users/flames) on Wednesday, 5
December 2012
It's true to say that the more experienced they are the less you can
use tricks, but also at the same time, the less you actually need to
as well. What you were saying about using it as a minor punishment
for social in-experience maybe actually what I'm doing in a way,
never really thought bout it like that. It usually happens when the
girl leads to a topic I'm either not interested in, or doesn't really
lead to anything else, so yeah....
I haven't watched that video yet but I've seen many times how
nervous some of these celebs are on camera and yes they just get
on with it, people seem to think that celebs are these amazing
beings who don't have problems like anyone else. I actually like Brad
Pitt as an actor and as a person (from what I can tell) he seems like
a decent enough guy.
Oh and if we could have something on rapport, both making and
breaking. I've had a few girls break rapport recently and it left me
thinking wtf? :)
Regards
Flames
Making and Breaking Rapport
(/content/20-ways-talk-women-and-
Posted by Chase Amante (/users/chase-
amante) on Wednesday, 5 December 2012
Hey Flames,
Sure, I can cover those topics. Rapport, there's a lot of
stuff on here already about establishing it, but for clarity's sake
we can always put together a review.
There's not as much on here about breaking rapport; that one'd
be an interesting topic to write on I think.
Chase
Great! (/content/20-ways-talk-women-and-make-it-
Posted by Maxz on Tuesday, 4 December 2012
Another great article Chase, eat every word up!
Re: Great! (/content/20-ways-talk-
women-and-make-it-amazing#comment-
4904)
Glad you liked, Maxz. Hope it answered your questions!
Best,
Chase
Being cold and cold texting (/content/20-ways-talk-women-
and-make-it-amazing#comment-4900)
Posted by Balla on Tuesday, 4 December 2012
Hey chase I want to know if am being too cold. I read your articles on
being warm and making a girl feel special, but I can't seem to show the soft
side of me, which is telling them I care for them or that I like to spend
time with them, or whatever. It makes me feel like if a girl knows you care
about her or if you show her she's special she'll take you for granted and
since she knows she means something to you she doesn't have to work
hard, But if your too cold you go into auto-rejection.
I want to open up to girls and show them that theyre special to me
without being taken advantage of and being taken for granted. I just want
to know if it's cool to be honest with these females and not look or sound
like a chump, how can I open up and still be a challenge?
I also noticed when I actually talk to girls over text or phone I get them
liking me and wanting to see me more than just texting for only a date.
What I mean is I actually have conversations with girls and we talk like
friends, when I try the get to the point method and just ask them to go on
a date with me and the fact we know nothing about each other seems to be
a problem. It's basically the more we talk and get to know each other
before the date, the more likely she won't flake.
But you said to just ask her out and dont do the friendly texting. I just
want to know if I went over board on moving fast with texting girls to get
dates and how can I build rapport over phone and text to make it easier
for them to go out with me? Thanks Chase.
Coldness / Texting for Dates (/content/20-ways-talk-women-and-
Hi Balla,
To get rid of the coldness, start qualifying women more, and be
sincere - there's an article on it here:
Is Qualifying Women Really That Important? (/content/qualifying-women-
really-important)
Also, you can tell women you like them / think they're cool / that
they're attractive and say it in a very bored / almost dismissive tone,
and have it come off very well. Like, "Yeah, I like you, you're cool," said
the way you'd say you liked some random thing that someone asked
you about that you didn't care that much about but you were just
saying it socially to make her feel better.
On texting for dates: the one limitation of relying on just texting to set
up logistics is if you didn't make a strong first impression when you
met her and you didn't get her to agree to the date then and there,
sometimes you will need to get on the phone, yes. Ideally though, you
want to avoid this step, as it just adds room for error into the process.
Look to create strong initial impressions, connect quickly with women,
then propose a date, grab a number, and text for logistics later to set
up the date. Firing on all those points is your surest way to getting
women out, though if you slip up somewhere along the line, sure, you
can always call and take a stab at getting her out that way.
Cheers,
Chase
K thanks chase but how can I (/content/20-ways-talk-
women-and-make-it-amazing#comment-4908)
Posted by Balla on Tuesday, 4 December 2012
K thanks chase but how can I build up rapport with girls over text
and the phone? Some pick ups are so quick that I can't really make
too much of an impression. And is it wrong to have conversations
with them over text like a little bit of deep diving?
Rapport Building by Phone
(/content/20-ways-talk-women-and-
Text's an awful medium for trying to actually build
rapport (no context, no voice, and what you can say in 2
minutes on the phone it'll take you all day to say over text), so if
you still need rapport building after grabbing her number,
definitely go with an actual phone conversation.
For that, take a gander at this article here:
Tactics Tuesdays: Making the First Phone Call to a Girl
(/content/tactics-tuesdays-making-first-phone-call-girl)
Cheers,
Chase
RE (/content/20-ways-talk-women-and-make-it-
Posted by Seifer on Tuesday, 4 December 2012
Hi, Chase,
I think I have same issues with Balla, so thank you for pointing it
out.
But in what kind of situations that we get to say something like this
which you just mentioned "Yeah, I like you, you're cool"? The
reason I ask is every time I try to open a woman, I have to force
myself to NOT be nice for not making them think I'm easy and that
they just got me.
So if I qualify women sincerely on something they tell us, then how
could we suddenly make some indifferent compliments on their
looks, their styles and that we like them in a "very bored / almost
dismissive tone"?
This has gotten me a little bit confused, Chase.
Hoping that you could throw some details on this topics.
Thanks.:-)
Seifer
When to Qualify (/content/20-
ways-talk-women-and-make-it-
Hi Seifer,
If you're already qualifying her sufficiently, you won't need to
tell her she's cool; she'll already know you think so. But if you've
been acting bored and aloof and the tension is raising as she
wonders whether or not you're actually into her, that's when
you need to drop a line at some point about what you like about
her.
Essentially, so long as you're qualifying genuinely and she
understands you're interested, this one isn't a problem for you
(e.g., you might be running into something else if you're having
similar issues to what Balla's seeing) - so see if you can pinpoint
something else that might be causing you difficulty.
Chase
How's it going Chase, These (/content/20-ways-talk-women-
Posted by Nic on Tuesday, 4 December 2012
How's it going Chase,
These twenty tips are awesome for beginner's(really powerful stuff), and I
found a few useful tips for myself as well. Using stuff like this has been a
huge change in my social life. Funny how this stuff is not given as advice
anywhere. Not in school, the internet(only your site), and other
mainstream puas do not even use this but it is so much more effective
what you teach than what others teach. It is insane!
Also, thanks for the advice yesterday. I found out how to achieve
resonance. Also, I no longer depress my hyoid while trying to add a purr
but I realized yesterday that I actually don't specifically know what to do to
add a purr sound to my voice. Sorry to bother you about this but I live in a
small town with no voice coaches for dozens of miles around. Looking
back at George's videos and I can finally hear a difference. He has a sort of
rumble that is very distinct from other peoples voices. Tim Allen also sort
of has it but not as much. I have been trying in the mic with no success.
How do I make that rumble, do I push my breath out a certain way, or
move my tongue a certain way(lol), is there like a certain sound I create in
the throat? Where does the sound exactly come from? What did you do to
add that rumble or purr to your voice? Again sorry to bother you about
this but I have made so much progress with my voice and I want to keep
going and not have to wait to see a voice coach.
Thanks again,
Nick
Purr (/content/20-ways-talk-women-and-
Thanks Nick. I do try to keep the stuff on here original and fresh!
That's great news on resonance - you're making fast progress.
The best thing I can say on learning purr is, when I was learning it I'd
realize that some mornings I'd wake up and my voice was naturally
gravelly. Sometimes when you're sick it's like that, or some mornings
you're just groggy. Look for that and pay attention, and once you've
got a bead on what it sounds like, do your best to recreate it in your
normal speaking voice at will. Once you find it you'll know how to do it.
Cheers,
Chase
Seeing her a second time (/content/20-ways-talk-women-
Posted by M on Tuesday, 4 December 2012
Hey Chase,
Thanks for the great advice. I tend to be shy about getting to know a girl
well the first time I see her (talk about lighter things because I'm
concerned I'll come across as boring or too serious), but all that's changing
now.
If I move too slowly at first and see a girl a second time (say in class), is it
alright to ask her "how's it going?" or something ordinary like that? Usually
she'll tell me about something funny or thought-provoking that just
happened to her. It's interesting and personal, but you mentioned before
that it would be a bad topic since it's the same thing she talks about with
everyone else. So should I say something else at first (maybe an
interesting observation about her?), or is there a way I can move off of that
topic and start deep diving again?
I think this is what I wanted to ask in a previous comment, but didn't say it
quite right. :)
M
Small Talk (/content/20-ways-talk-
4911)
Hey M,
Sounds like you're talking about small talk, right?
Perfectly normal for conversations to start with it... it's pretty much
the order of the day. Nothing wrong with trading a few bits of small
talk, but you want to get off it as soon as possible.
So, she tells you about the test she just had or the crazy thing her
roommate did... no problem. You don't always want to be in deep
conversation, and in fact if you do it much outside of dating scenarios
and/or you go deep and then don't take the girl to bed, you stand a
very real chance of quickly ending up as her really cool friend she has
lots of good conversations with.
My advice is, if you're not moving things forward with a girl, actually
skip deep conversation altogether and just stick to small talk and
banter, until you're ready to pull the trigger and advance the
interaction.
Cheers,
Chase
Small Talk (/content/20-ways-talk-women-and-make-it-
Posted by M on Tuesday, 4 December 2012
Awesome, thanks for clearing that up, Chase! I think I was trying to
get rid of small talk entirely with girls I'm interested in, and it was
sometimes feeling a bit unnatural.
Out of your leauge (/content/20-ways-talk-women-and-make-
Posted by Vaughn on Tuesday, 4 December 2012
Hello chase, how do you get out of your head of thinking a girls out of
your leauge? Examples are of she has more money,better car, better job,
etc. What mindset should I have for this and how can I get girls like this?
Appreciate it man!
Re: Out of your league (/content/20-
Hi Vaughn,
Anytime you're feeling like a certain type of person is out of your
league, it's just a form of othering / not relating to that sort of
individual. You can overcome it by building up new reference points
and through using visualizations - see this article:
Reference Points and Changing Worldviews (/content/reference-points-
and-changing-worldviews)
Once you have enough women like this around you and enough good
experiences with them, pretty soon they stop being out of your league,
and start being just another kind of girl, no better and no worse than
anybody else.
Cheers,
Chase
Expressing Interest (/content/20-ways-talk-women-and-make-
Posted by G on Tuesday, 4 December 2012
Chase,
You've been on a roll! Lots of great articles and lots of hard work
I appreciate the level of interaction with the community making us a part
of it
I've got a challenge and your advice would influence success even further
The last few articles have briefly mentioned expressing interest letting her
know why you're chatting to her. The direct opener works wonders when
a lady is by herself.
What other ways can we come across correctly and express interest the
right way? Maybe that cute waitress who's busy. Or that girl who is with
her friends and you're interest is with her not the group. How can we
capitalize more effectively?
Many thanks for your advice it spreads to all areas of my life not just
women
Regular reader G
Expressing Interest with Subtlety
(/content/20-ways-talk-women-and-make-
on Wednesday, 5 December 2012
Hi G,
Good to hear you're enjoying the recent spate of articles! I've been
working to try and keep the posting schedule up... it's work, but it's
productive work and enjoyable (and great for upgrading my writing
skills)!
That's a worthy challenge - how do you communicate and show
interest properly to a girl who's occupied, distracted, and engaged?
Let me see what I can do on that one in getting a post up on it!
Chase
Hey Chase! (/content/20-ways-talk-women-and-make-it-
Posted by TMP-187 on Tuesday, 4 December 2012
I know this is kinda off topic but...
Can you put up an article all on School.
I just find it Hard to meet girls that Arent in my Classes.
I might say "Hey" in the halls but with 7 min passing periods and in a BIG
school.You rarely see them again that day or even that week.
How can you approach them effienctly and effective in 2 min Less?
How to not be a big Stand-out approaching her?
How to not be a threat to her Reputation with het friends?
I'm sorry if that was alot man.I just know that your the bro to ask.
-Much Love,peace
Re: School (/content/20-ways-talk-women-and-make-it-
Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, 4 December 2012
Well first, is it high school or college?
The great part about either is that they give you room to be totally out
of there and ridiculous. I don't recommend this but to give you an idea
of what I've done and how "out there" you can be:
1) Stolen things out of girls hands while they are passing
2) Once I threw ketchup packet at girl passing
3) Sat on random girls laps
4) Sit down with a random group of girls, and say "What's up?"
5) Backed into a girl once
6) Randomly sitting down at booths and helping out (like for the red
cross for blood donation signups, or voter registration guys who go
around getting people to register for politcal parties)
7) Participated in clubs I wasn't in (like honors society, ended up doing
stuff like directly handing 200-300 sandwiches to homeless people)
#6 accidentally got me a job for the VP of administration of my school.
Didn't realize until I was signing papers for employees. Whoops. Ended
up participating in chair board meetings..
I've done a lot more but there's a lot of stuff you can do. If you don't
want to draw attention just be like.. "Hey, I'm bored. What's there to
do?"
The parking lot is surprisingly good too. You can just wave them down
and be like "Hey, what are you up to?".
Find a place where you can mingle though, like the cafeteria. It's the
best place to do social circle, because you'll meet someone. Then you'll
see them another day with other people. Sit down with them and you
make 2 new acquaintances. Rinse and Repeat (Lather?).
- Eric
Transitioning (/content/20-ways-talk-women-and-make-it-
Posted by Estate on Tuesday, 4 December 2012
(/users/flames)
Hey Chase,
As always, great article.
You'll probably bang your head off a wall with this question after writing so
much but here it goes....
I've read and re-read your conversationalist blog over and over and it's
helped so much. I'm naturally a quiet guy and dates used to scare the hell
out of me, what would I say??? But I went through a phase of just going on
as many 1st dates as I possibly could to the point they no longer scare me
and instead of saying "Oh, yeah, thats great" , as I did 2 years ago. I can
keep things running much better these days. Deep diving and making
conversation flow and fun is working so much better for me now on a
date.
But here's the piece I'm still working on.
I see a cute girl in a bar, "Hey, you look really cute, Had to say Hi, I'm ...".
Now I want to get to "Not Boring her"... and I blank. I want to get into that
conversation stage because once she'll a little invested I'm gold.
But when I've opened and she's still at the "Why am I in this conversation"
stage, I often find it hard to hook her unless she's already very interested.
Is there a transition step here? How do I get those things that interest her
without just acting like shooting fish in a barrel until I hit one. Or is that
step only working on my look, walk, edginess, etc so that she is ALWAYS
already interested?
I know standard advice is to comment on something she's wearing or
whatever... but sometimes there are those girls who, there is just nothing.
There's no necklace with a long hidden story, there's no particular style to
tease her about or whatever... it's just her... you're attracted to her but
you're lost for that transition and BAM, moment is gone.
What do you think?
Hello (/content/20-ways-talk-women-and-make-
Posted by Flames (/users/flames) on Wednesday, 5
December 2012
Hi Estates,
I very rarely comment on other peoples posts but I think I know what
your asking. I think you maybe looking at it a bit wrong, instead of
hitting topics until you find out what she likes, you can just give her a
direct question that gets her talking about what she likes, or is
currently on her mind.
Ex.
"Whatcha upto?" - my personal fav at the minute, seems to work well
for me.
"So what are you doing later/tomorrow/weekend etc..?" - shows
interest, is she short of time/on a schedule?
"What do you do for fun?"
Stuff like that seems to work well I'm sure there's others but I hope
you get the idea.
Regards
Flames
The Hook Point (/content/20-ways-talk-
4929)
Howdy Edge,
That's a common one - just had somebody asking about that in
comments the other day. A lot of it's fundamentals - the higher the
base attraction you get, the faster and more reliably women hook.
There's a small "book excerpts" post up on it here:
Book Excerpts: Reaching the Hook Point with Girls (/content/book-
excerpts-reaching-hook-point-girls)
Aside from that though, since it seems like there's a good deal of
interest in the topic, let me see what I can cook up in terms of a post
on this. It's a frustrating place to be at with your game, I realize... had
me boggled for a few years, actually.
Well, keep your eyes peeled for that one!
Chase
Ah, Chase (/content/20-ways-talk-women-and-make-it-
Posted by InterKnight on Tuesday, 4 December 2012
Had an absolutely amazing interaction the other day with a girl who I
would never of tried beforehand, gained a lot of confidence from here. I'm
usually very anxious and this was a first. However, what can one do when a
date is proposed with her turning it down as she had plans beforehand
(something that i can not change, until I get better like you of course)
without chasing?
How should I persist when I see her next? She showed a lot of interest,
however something must of held her back. At one stage she even said I
walk like a boss. I'm willing to walk away but I do find her quite ideal.
Date #1 Turned Down (/content/20-
Hey Knight,
Great job moving outside your comfort zone on the women you're
getting to know... that's hands down the fastest way to improve (so
long as you hang in there through those early ups and downs).
The ounce of prevention here is asking her for her schedule first:
"Let's grab a bite or a drink sometime this week or next," when you ask
for her number, and, "When's good for you to grab that bite or drink?"
when you text her to set up logistics. Then you don't run the risk of
proposing something and her having to say "no" because she already
has plans.
Good rule of thumb: don't ask her out EVERY time you see / talk to
her, but every other time is fine. So, next time you see her, make some
small chit-chat, don't get too involved. The next time you see her after
THAT, even if you have to chase her down to talk to her, just grab her
and tell her you need to go grab an ice cream sometime and discuss
Disney films and politics (or whatever humorous callback you can
come up with that works with your prior conversations with her), then
grab her number so you can sort out logistics.
If she likes you, she won't say "no" to ice cream, Disney flicks, and
politics!
Cheers,
Chase
Re: (/content/20-ways-talk-women-and-make-it-
Posted by Anonymous on Wednesday, 5 December 2012
Great advice,
Ill beat this into me soon enough. Really appreciate your effort to
the blog.
Cheers mate.
Some Questions, answers would mean a lot!
(/content/20-ways-talk-women-and-make-it-amazing#comment-
4932)
Posted by Walls on Wednesday, 5 December 2012
One of your best, Chase!
Loved the Pitt example. This is where visual learning is amazing; I'm
normally Brad Pitt in the intetviews (I find it well received usually by
women, and it even gets me results) where I'm quietly passionate and
gesturing about things, although I speak far less than he did (granted... it's
an interview.) Had no idea this was bad form.
I would be personally weirded out if someone talked to me in the tone of
voice that Billy Beane (movie Pitt) talked to me in.
So, my question is this: I just use the facial expression and posture of
Movie Pitt... right??
My voice not very deep at times, nor commanding. I sound a bit like James
Dean (I admire the hell out of how much women love him, and everyone is
fascinated by him, so I model some things after him, although he was gay.)
For a small sample, check the ill-fated driver safety interview shortly
before the dude's death. Is that boring or captivating? Frail or Interesting?
Point is, if I tried to sound like Brad Pitt in that movie clip, it would be
forced and obnoxious, just like it sounds.
I'd love more on fundamentals and more visuals on those fundamentals...
Voice, this case in particular, and how to develop better tone. And for
more suggestions, perhaps more "Seduction Models", including what they
do well and what they don't. I know you like James Bond and Harrison
Ford, I don't know if you dig Dean.
I know I gave you a ridiculous amount of stuff to tackle here, but anything
would be appreciated Chase!
In summary:
Movie Pitt and voice tone?
Is Dean a good model to emulate socially and seductively?
Expression and Posture (/content/20-
Hey Walls,
You're making a distinction there that a lot of guys make, and it's
typically the reason why men who are more agreeable choose to be
more agreeable: they reason, *I* certainly wouldn't like to have some
overly dominant, overly masculine guy talking to me like that, so *I*
shouldn't be that way either - people won't like it! It's a very considerate
way of thinking about things, but it isn't what women find most
attractive. Women are more attracted to arrogance than they are to
agreeableness.
Granted, there are also some personality differences - I've known guys
who were bursting at the seams with energy, smiling, and very alert.
You can do that, but you can't be aiming to please - you must be aiming
to lead. If your energy levels are higher, your leadership needs to be
higher too. Move Brad can hang back and let women come to him and
make some very casual "Let's move things forward" gestures, but
Interview Brad's got to be excited and DEMANDING ("All right! Let's go!
We're going back to my place RIGHT NOW! You're not ready? Of
course you're ready! You can get ready on the way - come on!").
Otherwise, the level of energy he's exerting through all the effort he's
putting out isn't being matched by his level of results, and women find
him less dominant and attractive.
Also worth noting, if you do switch over to a Movie Brad approach,
you'll probably go through a dip in results for a while as you adjust to
the new role and get comfortable in it. Once you've got it down
though, you'll see better results than what you're getting now when
being more agreeable (or, you can keep your current posture /
expressions, etc., and simply tone up the demands you make on
women to get them investing far more and moving even faster,
assuming you aren't already).
Seduction Models - that's a great topic; I'll aim to do a write up fleshing
that one out, sure.
Dean - I actually haven't studied him much, but let me put him on my
watch list and I'll get back to you on that one ;)
Cheers,
Chase
Excellent Points chase! You're brilliant! (/content/20-ways-
talk-women-and-make-it-amazing#comment-7891)
Posted by Allen on Sunday, 17 March 2013
Hey Chase!
I've found your blog just yesterday, and you've pretty much stolen my
sleep for the past 2 days. I've read MANY blogs about getting women, but
hell, I'm sure I'll never go back to any of those blogs again after finding
yours.
As for me, I'm not an expert in picking up women. So I made a terrible
mistake today.
I was in the shopping mall, and I saw a very cute girl who was probably 15
or 16, she was with her parents. After a while, she just drifted apart from
her parents, and started looking at some things. She was in a part where
her parents couldn't see her. I was standing in the counter, but I quickly
went near her and tried to start a conversation.
Me: Hi! (with a slight smile)
She: Hi! (turning toward me, a bit surprised and questioning look)
Me: How're you?
She: I don't know you? (trying to be polite)
Me: Yes I know you don't know me.
She: Bye! (with slight smile, quickly moving away)
The thing is, this is the first time I've approached a girl so directly. I know I
should've talked different things now, but then I messed up a few hours
ago.
I see a few reasons why it didn't work:
1. I didn't dress too properly, and I wasn't well groomed, so she didn't find
me all that attractive
2. My way of approaching was not interesting
3. In this part of the world, guys don't really approach women that much,
so chances are I'm the first guy who approached her like that since she is
early teen, and so she was totally surprised and shocked, not knowing what
to do
4. Being from a conservative society, she doesn't have any experience with
meeting boys
5. She wanted to end the conversation because her parents were around
So my question is Chase, will this approach have worked if the girl was a bit
older, some other girl with no parents? Or was it a pure stupid approach
altogether in general?
Waiting to hear from you soon, your're the expert after all! Glad that I met
you! :)
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4/22/13 20 Ways to Talk to Women and Make It AMAZING | Girls Chase

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