Training Children

"L t not many of you become teachers, my breth-

ren, knowing that as such we shall incur a stricter judg-
ment." James 2: 1 weighs heavy on my heart and mind
and is a constant reminder of the awesome responsibility
of coming before others as a teacher of God's Word. As
we approach the subject of Biblical discipline together,
allow me to humbly confess my own inadequacies and
praise God for his grace in spite of my unfaithfulness.
It is my prayer that the Lord would use the words of this
sinner to build up the congregation of the Lord and to
bring about true repentance and reformation in the area
of Biblical discipline.
Discipline is a way of life and not only involves
education in God's ways but, also training to do His
will, chastisement to correct errors and encouragement
to spur us on to more perfect obedience. In other words,
Biblical discipline is a labor to bring God's authority
to bear on our children.
Discipline means work; it means sustained daily
effort. (Proverbs 8:32-33) It is not enough to know
what God requires and, at times, apply Biblical prin-
ciples according to our moods or feelings. Living ac-
cording to one's feelings is the greatest hindrance to our
goal of godliness that we face today in both our children
and in ourselves. We as Christian parents are com-
manded to know God's Word and to apply Biblical dis-
cipline daily toward the goal of true godliness. All too
often we live our lives inconsistently and in direct
opposition to God's Word; eager to shift the responsi-
bility and blame of our unfaithfulness to the church, the
Christian school, or society in general. Blameshifting
is easy; after all, it dates back to the garden of Eden. I
beg you, lovers of the Lord Jesus Christ, to stop your
blameshifting and to accept your God-given responsi-
bility to discipline your young consistently, God's way.
We must be so keenly aware of our goal and responsi-
bility before God that everything that happens from

The Responsibility
Sunday to Sunday should contribute toward reaching
the goal that God has set before us. Recognizing that
our authority is delegated to us from God, then we
must be careful to watch all influences of parent
delegated authority! (I Thess. 5:21-22) This implies
Christian education as a necessity, not a luxury! It
means that we as Christian parents must investigate
the character of Scout leaders, coaches, baby sitters,
teachers -- all those with whom and by whom our
young will be touched and influenced.
We all know and agree that we have a command
from God in Deut. 6:6-9. "And these words, which I
am commanding you today, shall be on your heart; and
you shall teach them diligently to your son and shall
talk of them when you sit in your house and when you
walk by the way and when you lie down and when you
rise up. And you shall bind them as a sign on your
hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead.
And you shall write them on the doorposts of your
house and gates." We are also aware of the goal set
before us in I Tim. 4:7b-8. "On the other hand, disci-
pline yourself for the purpose of godliness; for bodily
discipline is only of little profit, but godliness is pro-
fitable for all things, since it holds promise for the pre-
sent life and also the life to come."
Having a head knowledge of the truths set forth in
these passages is one thing, but allow me to ask -- Are
we as Christian parents meeting our God-given re-
sponsibility to carry out the command of Deut. 6 in
order to reach to goal of I Tim. 4? With Christ as our
standard, let me suggest that we examine the product
we are producing -- our children. I am convinced that
one of the greatest sins among Christians today is the
lack of Christ-like character being developed in our
young! Deut. 8:11. We must wake up before it is too
late! Proverbs 19:18. Take the sins in your children's
The Counsel of Chalcedon Aug.-Sept.,1989 page 10
in Godliness
:)f Christian Parents
lives seriously! God takes sin seriously and so must
we! Romans 6:23 "The wages of sin is death!" As
Christians who eagerly wait the Christianization of the
earth let me ask how far do you think our seed will get
with their lack of Godly character in fulfilling the cul-
tural mandate and the great commission?
Using Christ as our standard of excellence, let's prayer-
fully look at a few character traits and evaluate our chil-
dren according to God's Word.
A. Responsibility vs. Unreliability
Is he dependable? Does he have specific chores
that he is responsible to perform (without reminding or
nagging) on a daily basis? Teach your child to take
responsibility for his own sins -- don't allow blame-
shifting! Romans 14:12.
B. Generous vs. Selfish
Is he a giver or a taker? Can he share material posses-
sions? Can he give and take within relationships? Re-
mind your child that Christ gave the ultimate gift - His
life! IT Cor. 9;6,7: I John 3:17; Phillippians 2:3,4.
C. Truthfulness vs. Deception
Ephesians 4:23 Truthfulness is vital to any rela-
tionship! Can you trust your child to tell the truth?
Remind your child that those who yell "You don't trust
me!" the loudest are the very one who have made them-
selves untrustworthy by their past conduct!
D. Flexibility vs. Resistance
Col. 3:2 When anticipated events don't work
out, how does he handle it? Tantrums? Use these times
to point to God's changelessness.
E. Diligence vs. Slothfulness
by Pat Reynolds
Proverbs 12:27; Col. 3:23 Is your child a day-
dreamer? Is he easily distracted?
F. Discernment or Godly Wisdom vs. Lack of
Judgment
Are his daily decisions based upon Scriptural
principles? Proverbs 9:10; James 1:5.
G. Self-control vs. Self-indulgence
Proverbs 25:28 Without self control learning
in school will be hampered and a desire to feed the
lusts of one's life may result in the abuse of alcohol,
sex, and drugs. Begin teaching self control to your
children early! Learning to sit quietly in church at a
reasonable age is a good beginning.
H. Thoroughness vs. Incompleteness
Gal. 6:9 Does he follow through with a
project from beginning to end or does he just slap at
the jobs he is given to do both at home and at school.
Is your little one willing to crawl under the bed to get
that last block or is he willing to leave it for next
time? Is he lazy? Proverbs 19:15.
I. Joyfulness vs. Self-Pity
Proverbs 15:13 Does he have a sour,
negative, complaining personality or does he possess
that peace that passes understanding even when the
going is rough? Does he realize Romans 8:28?
J. Respect for Authority and the Property of
Others vs. Disrespect for the Same
Eph. 6:2,3; Exod. 20:15 Does he act as if
everything and everyone has been placed on earth to
serve his purposes? How does your child talk to you?
(Continued on page 39)
The Counsel of Chalcedon Aug.-Sept., 1989 page 11
Training Children
Continued from page 11
What kind of looks does he give you?
Watch tones of voices and facial
expressions as well as actual words.
Tones and facial expressions express
attitude!
K. Obedience vs. Willfullness
II Cor. 10:5 Does he obey in-
stantly or only after you have pressed
the point and your authority? Any-
thing less than instant obedi-
ence is not obedience at all!
This one characteristic is foundational
to all the others. Remember obedience
was the first lesson God taught in the
garden.
L. Gratefulness vs. Ungratefulness
I Thessalonians 5:18 Does
your child appreciate the everyday
things you do for him or does he just
expect you to fulfill your "duty" by
being a constant servant in meeting his
needs?
M. Punctuality vs. Tardiness
Eccl. 3:1 Does he have school
work ready when it is due? Does he
hold up the family when they are ready
to go? Does he finish a job within a
specified period of time or does he
dawdle with a project for hours? Teach
your child that time is a precious gift,
and it is to be used wisely!
N. Orderliness vs. Disorganization
I Cor. 14:40 What does your
child look like? Is he neat looking in
his appearance or does he look like an
explosion in a mattress factory? What
does his room look like? What kind of
a housekeeper are you, Mom? What
does the inside of your car look like?
Remember, we are always teaching!
What have you taught by your ex-
ample?
Q. Contentment vs. Covetousness
I Tim. 6:8 Is he truly happy
with the way God is dealing with him?
Is your child a "whiner"? Remember, a
whining child will grow into a whining
adult! Joyfulness and contentment go
hand in hand.
P. Forgiveness vs. Rejection
Eph. 4:32; Matt. 6:15 Are
your child's relationships with others
characterized by petty arguments, social
"cliques" or on-again, off-again friend-
ships? Forgiveness means no longer
continuing to dwell on the sin that was
forgiven. Forgiveness is the promise
not to raise the issue again to the of-
fender, to others and to himself.
Q. Holiness of Life vs. Impurity
Lev. 11:45. Watch carefully
your child's choice of movies, books,
music, language, and friends and his
attitudes concerning them. Above all,
realize that wrong friends equal wrong
activities (Prov. 13:20)!
R. Kindness vs. Contentiousness
Prov. 26:20-21 Does your
child's presence produce strife or har-
mony in a group? How does he treat
his brothers and sisters?
S. Loyalty vs. Unfaithfulness
John 15:13 Is there a loyalty
and faithfulness to the Lord and His
commands? Is he loyal to family,
friends, and responsibility?
T. Thriftiness vs. Extravagance
Luke 16:11,12 Does he spend
his money and your money wisely?
Does he tithe? (Prov. 3:9) Teach your
child to be a good steward of all gifts
from God!
U. Boldness vs. Fearfulness
IT Tim. 1:7,8; Acts 4:29 Does
he possess a boldness in his stand for
Christ and His holiness or is there a
willingness to be swayed by peers in
wrong directions.
Although this is only a partial indica-
tion of character traits, I am sure that
you as well as I, have been convicted
concerning the sins in our children's
lives, as in our own. Genesis 5:3 and
many other passages of Scripture re-
mind us that the character of the parents
is reproduced in their offspring. With
that in mind, if we have been made
aware of specific sins in our child's life,
it would be wise to examine our own
lives for the identical sins. The value
system and the life style which children
eventually adopt as their own reflects
that of their parents, of whom they bore
witness for many years. If there is a
choice between following actions or
words, actions are usually chosen be-
cause actions reveal one's true value
system. Our personal and familial prob-
lems and the often sinful way in which
we try to deal with them are a result of
our sinful nature, our developed sinful
living patterns and wrong teaching both
by precept and by example.
Believing that the Lord has made us
aware of our problems, what do we do
now? We must first go to the Lord and
thank Him for enabling us to see past
and present sin, confess the sin (I John
1 :9), and then pray for wisdom and
perseverance in dealing with it. Second-
ly, go to God's Word and study what it
has to say concerning Biblical disci-
pline and Christ-like character (II Tim.
3: 17) and then repent of the sins of the
past, realizing that true repentance
means a new mindset toward a new
direction (Acts 26:20).
At this point it will be necessary for
you to investigate your child's relation-
ship to Jesus Christ. One can easily
talk about discipline, behavioral
change, and acceptable conduct, but
unless the heart of your child has been
touched by the Holy Spirit he will not
be able to live a life of worshipful inter-
action with his Creator, Savior, and
Sanctifier. It is important to realize
that we as parents are responsible for
and limited to the outward obedience
and conformity to God's Word; only
God can deal with inner obedience and
conformity! This implies that we must
be ever on our knees before the living
God with the prayer that He would
perform a supernatural work that would
cause our children to always be true
lovers and servers of the Lord Jesus
Christ.
Finally, help your child to identify
his sins in view of God's Word, confess
to your child your failures to both him
and God, and then set about practicing
Biblical discipline with consisten-
cy!
Listen, 0 my people,
to my instruction;
The Counsel of Chalcedon Aug.-Sept., 1989 page 39
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Incline your ears
to the words of my mouth.
I will open my mouth
in a parable;
I will utter dark sayfugs
of old
Which we have heard and known,
And our fathers have told us.
We will not conceal them
from the:ir children,
But tell to the generation to come
the praises of the Lord,
And His strength and
His wonderous works
that He has done.
For He established a testimony
in Jacob,
And appointed a law in Israel,
Which He commanded our fathers,
That they should teach them
to the:ir children;
That the generation to come
might know,
Even the children yet to be born.
That they should
put the:ir confidence in God.
And not forget the works of God,
But keep His commandments.
And not be like. the:ir fathers,
A stubborn and
. rebellious generation,
A generation that
did not prepare its heart,
And whose Spirit
was not faithful to God.
Psalm 78:1-8
Contributors to this issue
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Rousas John Rushdoony, considered by niany to be the foremost
living Reformed theologian today, is president. of the Chalcedon Founda-
tion in Vallecito, California. Over the past thirty years he has authored
dozens of outstanding books, including, By What Standard?, The Messianic
Character of American Education, This Independent Republic, The Nature
of. the American System, Intellectual Schizophrenia, The Myth of Over
Population, Law and Liberty, The Institutes of Biblical LaK.!, Salvation and
Godly Rule, etc., etc., etc. .
Jay E. Adams is Oirector of Advanced Studies at Westminster TheO:.
logical Seminary in California. One of. :today's most prolific writers,
especially in areas related to biblical counseling, he has written such books
as, Competent to Counsel, The Christian Counselor's Manual, Christian
Living in the Home, etc.
Rod S. Mays is pastor of the St Paul Presbyterian Church (PCA) in
Jackson, Mississippi. He is of Family Counseling and Re;.
sources, Inc., and editor of its publication, Restoration. . .
Joe Morecraft, m is pastor of Chalcedon Presbyterian Church in
Atlanta, and a popular lecturer in the U.S. as well as abroad.
Pat Reynolds is a member of Chalcedon Presbyterian Church and a
teacher at the Heiskell School in Atlanta. She and her husband, Woody,
have two married daughters and one son.
B.M. Palmer was born in 1818. He was educated at Amherst College,
the University of Georgia and Columbia Theological Seminary. He
pastored the First Presbyterian Church of New Orleans for most of the last
half of the Nineteenth Century. A close friend of the great Southern Presby-
terian, James Henley Thornwell, he published a biography of Thornwell in
1875. The Banner of Truth Trust in Scotlartd reprinted this great work in
1974.
Wayne Rogers is Associate Minister. at Presbyterian
Church, presently serving the mission church, Christ Community
terian Church, in Lawrenceville, Georgia.
John W. Whitehead is an attorney and writer. Founder and President
of the Rutherford Institute, he has written The Second American Revolu-
tion, The Separation Illusion, Parents' Rights, The End of Man, and
others.
Robert Maddox is a medical doctor in Florence, South Carolina and
an Elder at .. Faith Presbyterian Church (PCA).
KennetJt L. Genp-y, Jr. is pastor of the Reedy River Presbyterian
Church 41 South Carolina and author of many fme booklets
and book:s, including The Beast of Revelation, Jerusalem Fell:
Dating_ the Book of Revelation, The Chr{siian.;alld Alcoholic Beverages,
and, (with Greg Bahnsen), House Divided. ',.. -
The Counsel of Chalcedon Aug.-Sept.,1989 page 40