Divorce Lawyers

Tonya: Hey, Phil. Uh. Why thegloomy face?Phil: Ah, Sharon an ! arecalling it "#its.
We$re %rea&ing #'. Divorce time. (What?) ! nee to fin a goo ivorce lawyer.
Tonya: What? Phil *o#$ve only %een marrie two months. What$s going on?
Phil: *o# +#st on$t #nerstan. There are +#st some ifference we haven$t %een a%le to
wor& o#t.
Tonya: Well, yo#$ve only %een marrie two months. Li&e what? Things can$t %e THAT
%a.
Phil: ,h, yeah. *eah, they are, sis. ! tho#ght marrie life was going to %e fille with %liss,
%#t things are really terri%le right now.
Tonya: Li&e what? *o# haven$t give me a reason yet for %rea&ing #'.
Phil: Well, o&ay, o&ay. -irst of all, she rin&s ./ mil& an won$t switch of non0fat mil&.
(So what? ! o too.) She$s always telling me to '#t the toilet seat . . .
Tonya: 1#y two things of mil&. 1ig eal.
Phil: She$s always telling me to '#t the toilet seat own in the %athroom. (D#h . . .) An,
an, an, she wears this smelly facial cream. ,h, it$s so smelly. An, an she . . .
Tonya: Well, that !S annoying, %#t so what?
Phil: An, she sometimes fall aslee' with the light on. ,h yeah. An get this: she st#ies
2nglish grammar in her free time. (Serio#s?) 3eally romantic, right?
Tonya: *o# &now what? So what? !t$s not a %ig eal. That$s it? Don$t yo# thin& those are
'etty reasons for wanting to get a ivorce?
Phil: Hey, the movie stars o it all the time. (What?) An, A4D A4D . . .
Tonya: *o# wanna 5want to6 %e li&e them?
Phil: An get this. She gets #'set when ! call my ol girlfrien two or three times a wee&.
! mean . . .
Tonya: WHAT? *,U$32 7ALL!48 *,U3 ,LD 8!3L-3!24D?
Phil: 9#st to say hello. That$s all.
Tonya: *o# sho#ln$t %e calling her: 4o woner she$s #'set.
Phil: An ! now only have one 'ict#re of my 5ol6 girlfrien in my wallet. ! got ri of the
other three last wee&.
Tonya: *o#$re still carrying 'ict#res of yo#r ol girlfrien?
Phil: *o# +#st on$t #nerstan.
Tonya: What is wrong with yo#? Phil, %e "#iet an listen, Phil. What is wrong with yo#?
*o# have a really screwy way of thin&ing a%o#t this. (*o# on$t #nerstan.) Listen,
listen, listen. -irst of all, those character flaws, as yo# see them, they are +#st ha%its,
'ersonal ha%its that aren$t %a at all, %#t *,U a %ig 'art of the 'ro%lem. (WHAT?)
7alling yo#r ol girlfrien? WHAT A32 *,U TH!4;!48? (*o# on$t #nerstan.)
;ee'ing 'ict#res of yo#r girlfrien? ,nly having one in yo#r wallet an feeling %a?
What is wrong with yo#, Phil?
Phil: What? !$m +#st . . .
Tonya: 4o, listen. Sto' thin&ing of yo#rself. *o#$re so self0centere. ! am ashame that
yo# are my %rother.(! still . . .) What$s wrong with yo#?
Phil: Still, ! +#st nee a goo ivorce lawyer.
Tonya: A ivorce lawyer is the last thing yo# nee< may%e she nees one, %#t yo# on$t.
Phil: =an. Wha . . .?
Tonya: Listen, listen. *o# +#st nee to grow #'. (1#t. . . ) Save yo#r energy an
fr#stration for real 'ro%lems. Listen, 'eo'le get really sic&, sometimes 'eo'le ie. When
yo# g#ys have &is, yo#$re going to have some teenagers comingown the roa, an that$s
'retty scary. *o#$re going to have some financial 'ro%lems. *o# haven$t see anything yet.
! thin& yo# g#ys really nee to get some marriage co#nseling< yo#$ve got to wor& on these
'ro%lems, Phil.
Phil: Ah. W,=24: