Lost in

myeslf
Robyn-Anne Knowles
Published by FastPencil
Published by FastPencil
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Suite 210
Campbell CA 95008 USA
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The Publisher makes no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the
contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a
particular purpose. Neither the publisher nor author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any commercial
damages.
Printed in the United States of America.
First Edition
Contents
Chapter 1 Chapter one . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1
Chapter 2 Chapter two . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
1
Chapter one
I grabbed my pen and decided to put it to paper,
after all, this is the better option of the two. My
skin is scarred and the day has passed from what
seems to be the worst day of my life so far. Not
only have I lost a friend but I have lost the only
person who seemed to care. The only person
who ever gave a damn about what went on in my
life and especially the only one who did a single
thing to stop it.
The room stood cold, like the early morning on a win-
ters day. The tattered wallpaper hung off of the walls from
where I had flipped earlier that morning. Screaming,
tearing and smashing everything that was in my sight.
Now I am stuck with nothing but a battered old room. I
would give anything to have you back.
1
I can remember the days events like it is happening in
front of me right now. The desperate sound of the packets
ripping open one by one, echoing in the hall way. The
needy screams and cries that hollowed out of the bath-
room right into my ears. I could feel your pain oosing
through the walls into my skin. The constant echo of its
all your fault running through my now broken mind. The
wind begins to howl and woosh through the vents making
the surrounding eery and deadly.
The tears cry louder and louder then all of a sudden,
they jolt to a stop. A deadly silence now rushes into the
house. The wind drops still with not a single sound but
that of the chimes sparking in the background. Sitting in
silence, with tears running down my cheeks. Finally, I pull
myself up from the soaking wet ground and race into the
bathroom which is when I realised, its all too late.
The room began to spin, like that spin that happens
when you stand up too fast. Silence floods the room, and
the deep red blood trickles towards my feet. I follow the
trail with my almost closed eyes right to your battered
wrists. The sight of a once pristine piece of work now
resembles that of a chopping board and your pale soft face
is staring up at me with hope and need.
The room becomes empty of all but you and me as I
reach down to feel the last glimpse of warmth from your
self-inflicted beaten body. It all happened way too fast,
and there isnt a single thing that I can do any more. You
are broken beyond my repair, I just wish that I could fix
this one. To give you that chance, one more opportu-
nity to be who you always wanted to be.
2 Lost in myeslf
The wrappers still lay beside you, the razor stuck on the
floor. I cant help but imagine how this is my fault, if I had
gotten here sooner, if I hadnt have started the argument.
Maybe you would still be with me, here to tell me it is all
going to be OK and we could be friends again like before.
Instead I am kneeling here beside your broken body
telling you that I love you and wishing for you to come
back to me, all of which are pointless and in fact, never
going to happen.


Chapter one 3
2
Chapter two
Now, I feel the final tear drop run down my
cheek and crash onto the floor beneath me. The
ground is hard and cold as I curl up into the fetal
position to try and keep heat, why did I travel so
far? I remember the looks on their faces when I
told them I was going out for a walk. The fear and
pain that they held as they knew I would never
return.
The rain is getting faster now and my clothes are
soaked right through to my underwear. My long brown
hair is now stuck into thick rats tails as it hangs from my
head because of the rain. My once white t-shirt is now cov-
ered in muck as I lay on the hard ground. I feel so alone.
The howl of the wind as it passes through the tall
standing trees in the beaten and battered forest opening.
5
The leaves crunch and crack under the feet of the
unknown. I am not here alone, but instead there are beasts
and monsters out there just waiting for a lost and lonely
girl like me.
The dusk sets in as I reach for my rucksack, I quickly
close up the bag and begin to run, faster and faster into the
dark, deep forest. I want to be free, free of all the hate and
sorrow. I want to feel alive again, in control, nothing to
worry about and no one watching over me. I want to hold
the power of my life in my hands.
6 Lost in myeslf