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The Bab Ballads by Gilbert, W. S. (William Schwenck), Sir, 1836-1911
The Bab Ballads by Gilbert, W. S. (William Schwenck), Sir, 1836-1911
The Bab Ballads by Gilbert, W. S. (William Schwenck), Sir, 1836-1911
Contents:
Captain Reece
The Rival Curates
Only A Dancing Girl
General John
To A Little Maid—By A Policeman
John And Freddy
Sir Guy The Crusader
Haunted
The Bishop And The `Busman
The Troubadour
Ferdinando And Elvira; Or, The Gentle Pieman
Lorenzo De Lardy
Disillusioned—By An Ex-Enthusiast
Babette’s Love
To My Bride—(Whoever She May Be)
The Folly Of Brown—By A General Agent
Sir Macklin
The Yarn Of The “Nancy Bell”
The Bishop Of Rum-Ti-Foo
The Precocious Baby. A Very True Tale
To Phoebe
Baines Carew, Gentleman
Thomas Winterbottom Hance
The Reverend Micah Sowls
A Discontented Sugar Broker
The Pantomime “Super” To His Mask
The Force Of Argument
The Ghost, The Gallant, The Gael, And The Goblin
The Phantom Curate. A Fable
The Sensation Captain
Tempora Mutantur
At A Pantomime. By A Bilious One
King Borria Bungalee Boo
The Periwinkle Girl
Thomson Green And Harriet Hale
Bob Polter
The Story Of Prince Agib
Ellen McJones Aberdeen
Peter The Wag
Ben Allah Achmet;—Or, The Fatal Tum
The Three Kings Of Chickeraboo
Joe Golightly—Or, The First Lord’s Daughter
To The Terrestrial Globe. By A Miserable Wretch
Captain Reece
Captain Reece 2
The Bab Ballads
Captain Reece 3
The Bab Ballads
General John
General John 8
The Bab Ballads
“No truly great or generous cove
Deserving of them names,
Would sneer at a fixed idea that’s drove
In the mind of a PRIVATE JAMES!”
Haunted
Haunted 13
The Bab Ballads
Which I wouldn’t revive for a single day
For all the wealth of PLUTUS—
Are the horrible ghosts that school-days scared:
If the classical ghost that BRUTUS dared
Was the ghost of his “Caesar” unprepared,
I’m sure I pity BRUTUS.
Haunted 14
The Bab Ballads
He wedded in a year
That prelate’s daughter JANE,
He’s grown quite fair—has auburn hair—
His wife is far from plain.
The Troubadour
A TROUBADOUR he played
Without a castle wall,
Within, a hapless maid
Responded to his call.
The Troubadour 17
The Bab Ballads
With barely stifled sigh
That porter drooped his head,
With teardrops in his eye,
“A many, sir,” he said.
The Troubadour 18
The Bab Ballads
“Oh, ah!—indeed—I see,”
The troubadour exclaimed—
“If I may make so free,
How is this castle named?
PART I.
MR. TUPPER and the Poets, very lightly with them dealing,
For I’ve always been distinguished for a strong poetic feeling.
Then she whispered, “To the ball-room we had better, dear, be walking;
If we stop down here much longer, really people will be talking.”
Yet she heeded not their offers, but dismissed them with a blessing,
Then she let down all her back hair, which had taken long in dressing.
But spite of all I said, her sobs grew more and more distressing,
And she tore her pretty back hair, which had taken long in dressing.
Then she gazed upon the carpet, at the ceiling, then above me,
And she whispered, “FERDINANDO, do you really, really love me?”
“Love you?” said I, then I sighed, and then I gazed upon her sweetly—
For I think I do this sort of thing particularly neatly.
“Tell me whither I may hie me—tell me, dear one, that I may know—
Is it up the highest Andes? down a horrible volcano?”
But she said, “It isn’t polar bears, or hot volcanic grottoes:
Only find out who it is that writes those lovely cracker mottoes!”
PART II.
But HENRY WADSWORTH smiled, and said he had not had that honour;
And ALFRED, too, disclaimed the words that told so much upon her.
MISTER CLOSE expressed a wish that he could only get anigh to me;
And MISTER MARTIN TUPPER sent the following reply to me:
“A fool is bent upon a twig, but wise men dread a bandit,”—
Which I know was very clever; but I didn’t understand it.
He was plump and he was chubby, he was smooth and he was rosy,
And his little wife was pretty and particularly cosy.
And he chirped and sang, and skipped about, and laughed with laughter hearty—
He was wonderfully active for so very stout a party.
“First I go and make the patties, and the puddings, and the jellies,
Then I make a sugar bird-cage, which upon a table swell is;
And I shouted and I danced until he’d quite a crowd around him—
And I rushed away exclaiming, “I have found him! I have found him!”
Lorenzo De Lardy
Lorenzo De Lardy 21
The Bab Ballads
ALICE EULALIE CORALINE
EUPHROSINE COLOMBINA THÉRÈSE
JULIETTE STEPHANIE CELESTINE
CHARLOTTE RUSSE DE LA SAUCE MAYONNAISE.
Lorenzo De Lardy 22
The Bab Ballads
The waiter would screw up his nerve,
His fingers he’d snap and he’d dance—
And LORD LARDY would smile and observe,
“How strange are the customs of France!”
Disillusioned—By An Ex-Enthusiast
Disillusioned—By An Ex-Enthusiast 23
The Bab Ballads
And tipsy foolishness!
Disillusioned—By An Ex-Enthusiast 24
The Bab Ballads
Babette’s Love
Babette’s Love 25
The Bab Ballads
“It’s human natur’, p’raps—if so,
Oh, isn’t human natur’ low!”
Babette’s Love 26
The Bab Ballads
Sir Macklin
Sir Macklin 30
The Bab Ballads
“My ‘Thirdly’ comprehendeth ‘Hyde,’
Of Secresy the guilts and shameses;
My ‘Fourthly’—‘Park’—its verdure wide—
My ‘Fifthly’ comprehends ‘St. James’s.’
Sir Macklin 31
The Bab Ballads
****
He’d chuck his nurse under the chin, and he’d say,
With his “Fal, lal, lal”—
“’Oo doosed fine gal!”
This shocking precocity drove ’em away:
“A month from to-day
Is as long as I’ll stay—
Then I’d wish, if you please, for to toddle away.”
“There’s Jill and White Cat” (said the bold little brat,
With his loud, “Ha, ha!”)
“’Oo sly ickle Pa!
Wiz ’oo Beauty, Bo-Peep, and ’oo Mrs. Jack Sprat!
I’ve noticed ’oo pat
My pretty White Cat—
I sink dear mamma ought to know about dat!”
MORAL.
To Phoebe
To Phoebe 38
The Bab Ballads
Love me but for half an hour,
Love me, love me, little fay.”
Sentences so fiercely flaming
In your tiny shell-like ear,
I should always be exclaiming
If I loved you, PHOEBE dear.
MORAL.
To Turniptopville-by-the-Sea
This elegant nobleman went,
For that was a borough that he
Was anxious to rep-per-re-sent.
“Volition—celestial prize,
Pellucid as porphyry cell—
Is based on a principle wise.”
“Quite so,” exclaimed POND and MORELL.
Tempora Mutantur
Tempora Mutantur 58
The Bab Ballads
Time was when I waited, waited
For the missives that she wrote,
Humble postmen execrated—
Loudly, deeply execrated—
When I heard I wasn’t fated
To be gladdened with a note!
“TIPPY-WIPPITY TOL-THE-ROL-LOO,
She would pickle deliciously cold—
And her four pretty Amazons, too,
Are enticing, and not very old—
Twenty-seven is not very old.
Bob Polter
Bob Polter 68
The Bab Ballads
“Oh, ROBERT, at this very bar
A truth you’ll be discovering,
A good and evil genius are
Around your noddle hovering.
Bob Polter 69
The Bab Ballads
BOB rubbed his eyes, and made ’em blink:
“You almost make me tremble, you!
If I abjure fermented drink,
Shall I, indeed, resemble you?
Ballad
“And if so be as how
You’ll let her come aboard ship,
I’ll take her with me now.”
“Get out!” remarked his Lordship.
“Oh, holy father,” ALICE said, “’t would grieve you, would it not,
To discover that I was a most disreputable lot?
Of all unhappy sinners I’m the most unhappy one!”
The padre said, “Whatever have you been and gone and done?”
“I have helped mamma to steal a little kiddy from its dad,
I’ve assisted dear papa in cutting up a little lad,
I’ve planned a little burglary and forged a little cheque,
And slain a little baby for the coral on its neck!”
“This dreadful piece of news will pain your worthy parents so!
They are the most remunerative customers I know;
For many many years they’ve kept starvation from my doors:
I never knew so criminal a family as yours!
The worthy priest, he up and drew his cowl upon his crown,
And started off in haste to tell the news to ROBBER BROWN—
To tell him how his daughter, who was now for marriage fit,
Had winked upon a sorter, who reciprocated it.
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