Eighteenth Century Collections Online -- Full Citations Display https://emedia1.bsb-muenchen.de/han/ECCO/galenet.galegroup.com/s...

1 von 1 30.05.2008 18:51

Choose "Print" from your browser to print the document. Choose "Back" on your browser to return to the document.
Eighteenth Century Collections Online
Royal remarks; or, the Indian Kings observations on the most fashionable follies now reigning in the kingdom of
Great-Britain. London, [1710?]. 57 pp. General Reference.
Title Royal remarks; or, the Indian Kings observations on the
most fashionable follies now reigning in the kingdom of
Great-Britain.
Imprint London : printed for and sold by the booksellers, [1710?].
Language English
Pages 57
ESTC Number T052969
18th Century Microfilm Reel # 634
Physical Description [4],55,[1]p. : ill. ; 8
Source Library British Library
ECCO Subject Area General Reference
ECCO Release Date 12/01/2003
Holding Libraries
Source Citation Full Citation for Royal remarks; or, the Indian Kings
observations on the most fashionable follies now reigning in
the kingdom of Great-Britain. London, [1710?]. Based on
information from English Short Title Catalogue. Eighteenth
Century Collections Online. Gale Group.
http://galenet.galegroup.com/servlet/ECCO
Gale Document Number CW124566942
2008 by Thomson Gale.
THOMSON
..
G LE
class of people,
p. 10
. -
...,
Royal
Remarks;
-.. ......
, -

Indian King's Obfervations-,

On the moll:
,
Fafhionable Follies:
Now reigning in the
KingdomofGreat...
-

The Upboljlel'er :finding my Friend very illqlliJi-
tive al)ont there LiJdgers, brought him a
Bundle c.f Papers, which he affur'd him were
writtC?1 by Ring OJlka; and as he fuppos'd,
left behind by [l)me Nliftake.
There Papm are now tranflated, and contain a":
hundance of very odd Ob!ervatiol1s;, which I
nnd this little Fraternity of Kings made du-
ring their Stay in the IJIe of Great-Britain.
S11 E eTA TOR, N 1;
,
,
,

1 '" ;
LONVON:

Printed [or and Sold by the BOOKSELl. ERS;

( Price One Shilling. )
',"""'
.. ,"','.-
, "
,
,

-
I
. -'
HEN the I11dia11 -Kil1g and
, .. Chiefs were -in this Kingdom,
I often mixed with the Rabble
_. and followed them a whole Day
together, being wonderfully firuck with the
, Sight of every Thing that is New or Un-
common.
-
I bave finee their Departure employ'd a
'FriC11d to make many Enquiries of their
La1zdlord the Upholperer, relating to t ~
Manners ,and Converfation,as alto concern-
ing the Remarks which they made,in this
(Cozmtry: For next to the fonning a right
.' Notion of fuch Strangers, I fuould be de-
_'{irous of learning what Ideas they conceiv'd
of us.
"
,
, The Upholflertr finding my Friend very
- illqztijitive about there his Lodgers, brought
him a 1JU1zdle of Papers, which he'aff'ur'd
_him were writtcll, by King OZtka j and as
,: he fUFPos'd, left behind by fome Millake.
-. There
-
- .
< ., f

, "
'r;" .
".
r , " , i
\ '..:' J..
,
( 2 )
There 'Papers are nQw trmzflated, and
contain abundance of very oddOh[cr'Vl1tiolls,
, ,which I find this little Fraternity of Kings
made during, their Stay in the' ifle ofGreat-
JJrita'ill.
, .
I n,all prefetit the 'Reader with 'the1n' in
the follQwing Pages, ('Viz.)
SOlne llm aloe fafer i1lfiealillg a 1JOi'fe;
Than Others in looki1zg O'l.'er a Hedge.
Mother Shiptoll's Prephecy.
, "
How, the ROJ
1
al 112climz came to fix ori
this old Bug/alld Proc'erb I cannot pretend
to fay, therefore without 3:ny farther Apolo-
gy I {hall proceed to the "
, .
, .
"W H' AT iti Name of 'Wonder the Anu-
diltevimz Ge12try, or the qld H2t1zxes their
Defcendatlts, meant by:tranfmitting to Po-
;fierity their Hierogophicks, 'and fuch cnrfed
hard Words, for as EtjJrtiology and fueh like,
I cannone.lk Unlers they did it- by \vay of
fctting us either a Greek-Riddle, or Ca1ztab..
PU1J, with Explanations much m<?re dificnlt
to conO:rne,: thtm the Riddle or Pon it felf.
, '
Telling us at the fame Time, that \vhoever
could nnderfiand what was not to be
tlood, \vouId be enabled in the Twjnkling of
a to unravel the :Myfiery of. My
, fteries,
,
,
,
) .
fleries, and Derivation of all Deri\ratiol1s, for
thefpeedy refolving all Cramboes, rooting the
meaning from their mofi obfcure Caverns; and
making their Ratio of this, that, and t'other,
clear as the Sun at l"-Ioon-day, provided the
'VI
T
eather was not cloudy.
THE Difadvantages 'lahours
under,: feem to be owingfirfl to the length
of Time it has been us'd, and ought to be
thrown a\'\'ay for that Reafon, tho' never fo
good: Secondly, the prevailing Party of
Troopees cry out, That'tis a Shame any hard
'\lords eontriv'd by your naay filthy old
lows, who cames fiinking out of the Ark,
ibould be mingled in this OtW fo mucb
proved Age, with their fublime 1lew fa12g1ed
Phra/es, more ni cely adaptedfor adrelftng the
Ladies, being of a fofter Nature, and tender,
like the Heads and Hearts of their loving
Orators. And Third6', aItho' the Grcecimz.r
have been accounted a wife and grave
People; yet no Part of their DialeCt can be
thought entertaining, to a Sett whofe Heads
are turned more to their own fingular Plea-
fures, than to make Camels of themfclves,
and bear fueh beafl:1y Loads of Thol1ght for
the good of the Public. And as neither
EtymolofJI or any other \Vords having their
Derivation from that wife People, are at ore-
fent either regarded or underfiood, but by
I

a few good for nothing VV'retches (as out

Modems call them:) There ought to be a
general Regulation, and no Words admitted
but thofe of a more foothing Accent, fuch as
Zozmds, 'Dam-ye, &c. and fnch
like; neverthelefs, I cannot help thinking,
that the \Vords' Etymology, Alomzts) and
many others of their kind, (tho' difiiked by
fome Perfons,) are very good Vlords : And I
do verily believe were they fet to Italian
Airs, compofed by Seigr. . . ami
fung in Rccitavio by a feleCt Number of
Foreiglzers, their Harfimefs would become
fmooth and fonorous enough, to ravHh a po::.
lite Part of Mankina, who fcem to have
very little Efieem, if any, for the Signifita;".
tion of'Vords, Such Perfons being geBeral-
ly found condemning of many for 'havin'g
too much and preferring thefe
which have itz thei:1" SC1J[e 110 mcal1il1f,at
all. The latter being maR: agreable to
their own Parts of Speech, which is pretty
evident, when they make
either to pay their jufi
or Secoudly, in their ,Prologues to lOve Affairs;
or 'Ihirdly, they have faid any thin.g
tending to the Relief of .their necefl1tous Pe,.
titioners, who nng, daily at their Levy to
fame difmal Tune, The following Words, 6f
good my Lord, what d'y .. call - 'em,
pear my Lord, or Pray ,my Lord; to which
, they
s )
they add amofi- difcreet Chorus, wherein is
blundered out that charming Word Nete!-
Jity ! which Bt\rden cannot fail fuiting my
Lord ti:> a Hair, being a Word entirely voi'l
ef Signification to his 7Jo1zfhip, and there-
fore the more liked: And his HOilour to ha
even with thm takes particular Care,
Tuch his Suppliants may not lofing.
their Time; nor the Opportunity of tepeatin'
it to him, and all the Town, often,.arf
as long llS Time Md'. Will
permit them. During -which Application,
my Lord tofhow his AftabHity,
with an ul1conrern'd Air, in their ravHhing
DialeCt of Dear Madam' fuch a One, good
Mr. and Dear Jack! I
beg you'll make no more 'Vords,pray make
no \Vords, Lord, Lord, what jig1zifv lflords,
which I think is no fmall firoke on the P-er-
rycra7zium of Etym%M'.
IN fuot'trich Men will hot take Til11t
to'give theMfetves the Troableof diving io-
to the EtyfJt%f'.Y of fnch 'Words as promif
:cd 'tbpo1zmy-Ho12oitr i and had they Time
from their Pieafures, their Policy' is muchtQ
be commeilded. For if the Stubborn
School-Boy had fo much 'Wit, as not to
read any farther in his Horn-hook than
great A, kil0wi11g if Ire read B, that his
Maller would make him read ,all the other
Letter
..
,
( 6 )
.why then fhould fllch Vons who
<1!e accounted very wife, exceeding great, and
fuperlatively adorned beyond the other Partt{
Mankind, I fay, why ihould they give them
felves'the Fatigue of going thw' the innum--
berable Affairs, attendlOg the Performance
(if done in a friendly Manner) of fo large a
:Task as belongs to fuch hard. Words' as I
promiftd U 011 myHol1OZt/". No . The
Promifes 0 fuch great :DOllS are as they'
Qught .to be, they are the Ill-begotten
Bafiards of their Minds, generated againft
the .Will of their parents, and are no fooner
born, than tutn'd adrift naked into the \Vorld;
;md not only left, to Starve themfelves, hut
everyone who give them any Credit,. being
never kept by the Perfons who' begot them.
,
,
,AND yet to {hew yOl1howJVords may
be travers'd : Thore of Pro'l11i[eand
'lioztr in one Sence fignifie Nothil1g, and
in Agreat' deal. For }tis evident
that altho' a Pro1.12ife is no more thought
of by the :DOll tha,t made it than as a meer
Not/Ji1Jg, and aCtually meant by him as
,Nothiug, yet every Promife he makes call",:
Jes a' great dealof-Fit{s, and encreafes the
Number of his Attendants; which poor
Creatures ( mifconfiruing the .J'flord of a
Lord for the Lord's Tflord,) immediately
leap Credulity, and in time (to their
, Sorrow)
( 7 )
Sorl'ow) find its EffeCts agreat deal worfe
thal1 they imagin'd. There is aiways a
great deal of Ceremony paid to tJ Pri'mife)'
a great deal of MOIl.ey in
it, a great deal of Vmuous EducatIOn fa-
cri Seed to it, and in the End, agreat deal
of Time loft by honefi Men, who could)
but for the hindrance of. a Promiie, have
much better employ'd their Hours, tho' in
the meanefl: State: In witllc[s whereof (as
Friend 1JlzmderbztfS once faid) pray call: your:
Eyes upon the many Ladles to whom fnch
1"jOllS have fwore beyond the Invention of
Oaths and you'll fee them all ru-
in'd and loft for ever j the Tradefmen who
had the Honour to give their 'J)oujhips Cre-
dit, you'll find 'become Bankrupts; and even
cnear Jack, who had the l?leafure of dang-
ling a long time after his Honour, tho' but for
an Excife-Man's Place, has exhaufied his
fplendid Shilling, and now cries Japan yoztr
Shoesyour HOlloztr, in the
dClZ. In which human and moll noble 'Vay of
difappointing and ruining their Fellow-Crea-
tures, they not oniy feem to glory, but daily
fet an Example to all Mankind to follow
the Paths of:the:r Betters (as they call thern-
felves) fo that in Time, if Providence don't
hil1der the Growth of fllCh excel:"
lent there will neither be Etymo-
logy, nor any other Word left to 1ignifie. a
farthing. . .

( 8 )

Au! .. ., Poor Etymology! .... g Men

ream already to deny'cl the Privilege of
their own Words, which \Vords they
both bought and paid for at School, nay;
and enjoytd the Poffeffion of for many Years.
'TIs too plain our Words are abus'cl by the
bufyand guilty Men of the Age, who in
Coifee..Houfes turn, winde, and mifconftrue
thf;ni from our innocent Meaning, according
to their fevera,l Occauons ; eIfe howcame it
that the \Vords Leviatha11, Cardhlal Wool-
and that plaguing one bZUC1tdo? were
taken fo much amifs ? For fm fure Lc'Z'ia-
tba1t is in the RO'lJclatio1Zs, Cardinal 111001-
fey in l1aker's Chronicle, and in a.ll
the beft Ditl:ionaries extant: And yet we
find thore bufy Wretches, thore Mom1ts's of
the 'Times were difgufied at them Words;
but I think they were as well rewarded for
their Infolence, in throwing their Javelins,
nnd fuooting their Arrows at aGreat Man;
they have found to their Coil, that aiming at
It :RonNel/or, is like fhooting at the Lcvia-
tba1J, whole Scales are impregnable, they
not having any thing for their Labour hut a
Return of their Fools Bolts, which have jun-
:Iy rebounded againft their awn Breafts; and
'tis jUdg'd, as the Proverb fays, That they

QfMi{c.hiuj' hz theO'lJC1Z ofSca11dal, hadthey
Ite'!-'cr hemtbere them[elocs. Sue H

_. l,:'
. .'-1[4;

SUCH Momzt/s as there, according to theh;
hew Method of Criticifm, you'll find daily
endeavollring to prove reas to be Nays .i
Naj's, reas. They alone enjoy the Art and
Liberty of Urterance in fuch manner, that
wharever fJ'ords they fpeak or write, fhall
either have Meaning, or no Meaning, jufi
they pleafe to admit them, which I am ill
hopes is fully demonfiratcd, in fuewing that
the Word Promi[e with fame People iigni-.
fies fometimes a Rr;fol utiol1 to difa;)ooint
h
1:" d r. ,... i ' ..
tell' [' tten s j lcmcr:cc.) et j ana fome-
times Nothing; whilfi among others of a
different Clafs to their VOizjhips, there is
noWord has a more beautiful .Meaning, it
being by them thought to imply a noble Re-
folution faithfully to perform a charitable
ACt for the Relief :and Support of their
quefiing, necel11tous Neighbours in .th? mof!:
friendly Manner. Neverthelefs 'till we con-
fider further, we fl10uld not blame thore
CJ)Ol1S for their feveral and diffe:-ent Confl:ruc-

tions of the Word, whofe Idefls may poffibly
in fame refpeCts prove the beD:, for ought
that we know: Nor does it teem unlikely
'When I fcan the Matter a little better; forJ
mull: own, that an InjunCtion to perform
titable ACts, &c. upon fo fimple a
tion as a Promife, is only a Notion cllltiva
ted among your poor Mechmzicks, ]vIer..
B chams}
( 10 )
chants, 'Trade/mm) and fuch
e, who according to fome People',) Opi-
'nion, that one would think 1110uld know, are
deem'd a Sett of meer Trafh; a low Degree
of working Fellows; acourfe Earthen- Ware
fort of Men) who in the way of Cal1tab.
PZt1t, love Meaning, becaufe their Fortunes
'arc metl?1, their Wealth being licentiou{ly
expended in filthy Induftry for the Benefit of
.others; a fort of Scrubs) who enjoy H0120Ztr
without an Efiate, and are Noblemen with-
out a Title; in fllOrt, they are a fort of
Wretches who for their Poverty are out of
Fafhion at prefent to converfe with. But
Timotby lFrollgbcad, Efq; who too often
thinks his Judgment better than any other's,
and being a great Lover of Etymology, was
endeavouring to prove there is a great Diffe-
rence between what forr.e Folks call a Per-
{o12 of ,f!JtalitJ' a JVOble'12al1, affirming
that the latter, tho never- fo poor, are the
beft Clafs of People in the Univerfe, and
gave me the following Opinion of his Family
in few Word upon it: They fay every No-
bleman is a Perfon of Quality in Equity,
whereas every Per{o1t of ,Qjtality cannot be
made a Noblemmt i the Lawof Nature ha-
ving put in fa many Caveats and Bars a-
gainil: it in the begetting of them. To which
they added, endeavouring to prove a Noble..
man more to be efteem'cl than a Perfon
\ of
( 11 )
of QualitY ;., that fuch Noblemen as they
meant,' .tho' not in Statiol1S which fame
Folks call Power" yet they ray their 'lJebts,
and perform their 'Promi{es; whereas fuch
Per/011s of !2Jtality they fpoke of, were
never Born with a Spmt great enough to do
either; . that former Sort not
being in Power, confirmdthem in the Truth
of the Saying, viz. 'That /iecb Per[o1zs of
2Jealit are mzech fafer ilZfleali1:g a Hor[c,
thatt ztch poor lloblemm 1,11 10ok.t1zg over the
Hedge.

Ho wright 'Squire Wronghea4's Family

may be in their Sentiments, I 1hall not
tend even to imagine; for the Man himfelf
has very ftrange Notions, and, I fllppofe, is
often at Work upon Etymology among his
Tribe, without regarding the celebrated Me-
thods of the two famous Univerfities offonnd
Learning, whore accuftom'd Charityin Corn-
pallion to his Weaknefs, would have better.
infiructed him, had he ever apply'd to them;
but the Opinion be entertains of his own Na-
tural Parts, makes him think 'twas never
worth his while. He will wren: ye many
Meanings from an abfolute Nothi1Jg, ana
argue ilpon ,the W'ords Mcmzi1zg and No-
1Vleallillg fo long, 'till he brings them back
again to the Centre of his Underfianding,
which is Nothing: And jufl: fo he has done
by
, (I Z )
by the 'Vords Nobleman,and Per/Ons of2Jea..
lity, as I made him confers after his Harangue
was ended; for he very Frmzkly told me,
that he neither knew nor meant any thing
by either of the Words, and only bang'd
them and other Words to and fro for his
Pleafure, as School-Boys do their Shuttle..
cocks.

'A 5 a farther Specimen of him, I fuall

give you not only fame more of his odd
Notions, but thore likewife of his Confede..
rates (according to an excellent old Simile
that many have calI'd their own, Match ont
other like Tallies

, rHi sTimothy lfronghead, Efq; with

my Neighbour '1Joflor Pztzzlepate, and his
intimate Crony and Counfellor, Will 'Blun..
Jerhztfr of AddlC"'],211, Efq; are all fo fiu"
pidly fOlldof diving into the Nature of trite
Meani12g, they call it, that I have never
yet mifs'd .finding them c10fely afiembled in
Tripple Alliance at Sir Martin Marr-all's
great Pl1blick Houfe near Craek'Brain Alley,
the Back-fide of 1Jetblem-Hofpital, other...
wife call'd 'Bedlam: At which Place Iliad
at ira no fmall Diverfion in being now
admitted They' :were frequent..
1y,

( 13
1y Hand to FiD: contriving, drawing up
Schemes, forming of 'Treaties, or propofing
of Articles for the maintaining of Etymology
according to its original. State, and ereCting
of Barriers for the Defence of it, againft its
dreaded and mofr potent Enemies, thore
I.egiC'ns of Toopees, and Gad-dem-ye-Sirs,
which fort of People the take to be very
dangerous Fellows: An poor Tflrollghead,
with the relt, not enjoying a Stock of new"
fajhio7z'd Lear11illg fufl1cienteitber to under-
Hand or engage them, were all like to have
been righted out of their Wits about it j.
yet had they loft the little Wit they p o { ~ s d,.
I can't but fay it would have prov'd the fa-
feD: Shelter they could have pitch'd upon, to
hide them from their Enemy's Search; for I'm
perfwaded the Gad-dem-ye-Sirs efpecially,
would never have been able to have difiin-
guifh'd 'em from their own Party, in that
Difgnife, nor could their Speech betray'd
them as Enemies to the Toopees
j
being with"'!
out 'Vit. In t1lOrt, thefe 'Squires and the:
Doctor don't like nor underLl:and their Ene""
my's Contrivance of the fllm'd Powder and
JJalls for a Philofophical Battle j they don't
approve of Jokes; they faid it look'd as if
they were thought Fools, and had never
fecn a Battle by .,vay of Argument in good
earncfi: Upon which, fRIl. 131lt7zderbzt{s-
recollecting, produced that \vorthy Piece,
the
( 14 )
the 'Battle of the 'Books, as a Prefident, which
fet rhem all to RIghb; and having fo good
a Proof, they immediately prick'd rhat Book
oown as one of [heir principal Forts.
ONE Night I found them very near quar-
relling, endeavouring to decide whether Gi-
hraltar was of the fame Derivation with
Giblitol'e, or Giblitore fynonymons with
Gibraltar: Or further, ftlppofing that Gi-
hraltar and Giblitore were two diftelent
Places, whether they lay contiguous to each
other or not; and where they, or either of
them, were fitnated, lying, or being; or
whether there was, or were not, any fuch
Place or Places: All which they moll: learn-.
cdly argued upon for fame time, 'till they
concluded with this weighty Opinion, That
if either of thofe Names fignified any Place,
or two Places, provided its or their Walls
were fo hard as either of their joint or fepa-
rate Names feem'd to them, that then, and
in ihch Cafe, it was their joint and feparate
Opinions, and thong Belief, that fueh Place
or Pl8.ccs neither would, or could, ever be
taken; or if either it, or they, fhould or
could ever be taken, or took, it did not fig-
llifie one Farthing to them, or either of
them: For whereas fuch Place or Places
feem'd fitnated far off, and as they, nor ei-
ther of them, had ever feen either one, the
other3,
( 15 )
other, or both, they agreed it was no Con';
cern or Bu[mef,l, of theirs, very loyally fub-
rnitting to the \Vill of higher Powers, and
then adjourn'd to the next .Evening. .
,
THE next Evening my Curiolity invited
me to their Adjournment, where I found
them upon their old :[opic. 'Squire fl}"ollg-
head had, the Moment I enter' <1, ftarted a
Qleftioll concerning the Et.J'1J1ology of the
Word Craft./i11au; but miitaking the old
Word for the new, which latter he firfi pro-
pos'cl, and running on in his Argument the
wrong fide of his own Quefiion, he bungi'd
fo confoundedly in his Endeavours to reafOIl
on that Head, that he fcern'd to me like a
Jockey NC'lP.mzarket, who rode his
Horfe Jehzt the wrong Side of the Poft, on
purpofe to lore the Heat: And fo the
continued for a while, 'till DoCtor Puzzle-
pate turn'd the Rein of his Thought, and
.fet him in the right Roarl, by informing him
that the Word Craf1il1all, which he
then to argue upon, could not be the fame
,with what he feem'd firfi to mention; for
the CraJifma1t he now fpohe was an' 011"
tiqzte '1erm for a Trade[mml, which was
10metimes taken for the Shoemaker's Frater..
nity, under the Jurifdietion of St. Cri!pi1z ;
which Sett of indul1rious Men call one the
other Brother Cra}t) or Cra!tjiJJ(/Jl) a pious
fort
."
16

tort of People, who generally keep St. MOiZ-l
day, and fometimes St. Tzte[day, 'Fedne/-
d y ~ Thztr[day, and St. Friday, Holy, as
Days of Contrition and Pennance for their
having debauch'd the foregoing Szt11day.
But this I muft fay for 'em, They labour
very hard the remaining Part of the \Veek
to make good their lofs of Time, and to
maintain their Families. There is alfo the
Word Craft, or Craft[mm2, as commonly
accepted, for 'Boats, Lighters, a12d J3arges
Z6p012 the River, all which are call'd Craft,
and their Owners Craft/mm: But chiefly
this old Word Craft/man feems to have its
Derivation, and moil: to be eil:eem'cl, from
the moil: ancient and celebrated Brotherhood
of ArtJ attd Scimces, the Free Mafo12s.
'Squire lflr01zghead) who feem.'d pleafed
with a Defcription he had not heard before;
and being fet right, it encouraged him to
proceed in his ufual bright Way, 'upon the
new Word, which, he faid, had,' notwith'!'
fianding, fame Affinity with the old One, as
he found by what the Vof1or had 'mention-
ed : For that altho' he did not r e ~ l l y intend
that either Shoemakers, Owners of Craft,
or Free Mafl12s) fuould have had any Share
in the Qle1Hon, as he hill put it, yet he ne-
verthelefs, allow'd that his Meaning was to
examine into the Nature of fuch a{)1'a!t!ma11,
who, ilZhis Opi1Ziol1, kl1CW as welt where
. the

,
( 17) __
:Mc Shoe pi12ch
'
d his Cozt1
1t
rrmel/s Feet, a!'
.. mzJ Crifpin of them atl. Likewife could
"find where the Secret ,Treafure lay belong-
inO' to a wreck'd Ve/Tel, eqnal to the beG:
. ?Jiver ati10ng the JJlater Tribe) and lall:.:. '
Iy, whofe political Wifdom could as
, faithfully keep a Secret that did not tend
, to the Prejudice of J3C1t 'Pttb, as any Free
lt1a(011 of undoubted Integrity: For, added
.' the 'Squire, the Craft{mau I mean, is, as I
take it, according to Gme%gy, without bed,
ing in the leaO: beholding to the Flattery of
, a. Herald for a Pedigree, a ldml lineally
defte1Zded from a which CZt1t-
11iuK-mml was the S013 ofatJli[e Mml, which
" lfli{c Man was the Son of a C071jurer, which
, Conjurer muO: certainly have been the SOlI of
{omebody who knew the Vevil a71d all. But
.' you know the }dagic there is in fame C07ij'lt-
. riug !I'mlds, when you are once draw7z
within their Circles. lrl'l!111-73ztdpct's the
, u
,Word of Commmzd; and then what fignifies
, the Signification of any thing one could fay
, or do, when too often we find that our own
, 'Vords choak us, as foon for l::cing pent in
7
as fat their being utter'd improperly, or con-
trary to the 11eW Rules of eridei/m.
fflill 13lzmderbzt[s hearing what dangerous
Confequences inight attend parapbraji12g
the ,'ford C1"aft{mml
1
and neither he,
, nor the 'Doffor, being o
, C
, I
( 18 )
rcr-bllrdell'd with Knowledge fufficient to
make out clearly what a Craft/mall was,
or who he 'l!'as j Tflill \Vas very near prov-
ing a VifJe1iter j for he' urg'd', that !flords
'without Meani1lg began, in his Opinion, to
appear theJttfeft and mort fafhio71able amo12g
the! Jlljfeaeres il2 Ejfeem; and he did
know but he might greatly mend his Cir-
cmnHances by taking a C0120enticle to him-
felf, where he ihould have nothing further
to' do than to choofe llztrlothrwllbo for his
Text the firfl 'DO)', Chimes of the Times
the remaining Part of the \Veek,. and collect
Pellce '{Y)/thMl,t N'lt1J2ber: \Vhich .i\'Iotion fet
'Squire lPro1J.'!head and the 'DoCfar immedi-
'-'
ately upon his blClz, calling him a meree-
12my, 11ew-fajhioll'-d Fellow, raving like
Madmen left they fllOUld lofe fo excellent a
Confederate in their purpdfcd Alliance for'
the Support of Etymolof]. But in a fmall
Time their Fears were removed j for Tflill
J3lzmderbzt{s, whofe Fire of Pa[{;Ql1 only
flaG1' d in t.be Pan, did no further. Mifchief
than create a little Smoak, infignificant as
tl Whiff of Tobacco, whiCh foan vanifiled,
and all were re-united; concluding, that they
knew no more of the C1'tljl!ma12, than
that they believ'd it meant a very eZt1211illg
bJmz; and that if it was fo, they fhould
be very glad to enjoy fuch aOne's Opinion
ef an that once to
().j
( 19 )
of them; which Story. I had the FaVOllf of
hearing related by themielves the ne:{t Night,
to whIch they adjourn'd.
,T H E next according to
ment, I did my fdf the Honour of meeting
'cm; and altho' at the beginning of the Dd:'
courfe they confef:/d that neither of them
could make any thing of 'what they were
going to relate, yet I propofed to my felf no
fmall Pleafure in hearing what odd Notions
fame People entertain of Things for want of
a right Knowledge.
THE y were fome time in deciding v.rho
filOuld be the Speaker; but 'Squire {Prong
head at lafr was appointed to hold Forth;
as having the befr Memory; and the VoCior,
with 'Squire 'Blzmderbz/{s, were agreed to
fit during the Aff:1ir, as two of the Cri ticks
Jury did upon the Body of 'Dir;,'i!Je Shake-
fpear, lately agai12 by agreat Poet,
to the inexpreulble Grief and Lofs of hIS
(:l1tars the 'Boolfellers, who generally take
Poffeffion of Men's Souls, binding them no
in Calves-Skin Cofl'1ns, before either their
Bodies care to part \'i'ith them) or Nature
has the Time to take away their old Clo:lths,
which {he has a Right to according to her'
{)Wl1 Law.
AT
. 20 )
AT length the 'Sqztirc .open"d, with the
AfpeCt of a Stuck Pig, and in the following
4vIanper gave me an Account of the
countable Accident that bad befallen this
Trinnwirate.
I T happened one Afternoon, faid, the
we 'Ibrec taking a ferious Walk to-
gether, willing to club each of us our Two..
pence in the \Vay, unfortunately dropp"d in..
to adamn'd Coffee-Boufe
the Reputation of which we were
of; where, to our great Surprize, we
our felves furrounded with a Sett of our pro-
fefs'd Enemies, the Gad-dem-ye-Sirs, whore
Brains rattled in their Sculls like their .
in the Boxes they we at play with: 8e'lJC1t or
Elc'lJc1t prefently ftarted up in our Minds,
and we too roan found wc had ,zick'd it ;

for in an Infiant they arofe, Gael demy.e Sirs,
faid one, dem ye Sirs raid
(l1zdfo 012 tbro' the wbole Compmty ; that 10 a
Minute we were under too {hong a Guard
for any polllbility of making a Retreat: 'Ve.
were immediatdy Chrifh;:n'd according to
their Religious Opinions, which don't a lit:"
Ple vary from, Chriftianity. 'Sqpire'11lizmder..
lm(s they raId was a Caccaf(;go; DoCt.or
Pztzz!epatc they oblig'd with the Nam.e of
flU Old and my 1elf they much honour...
. e.d
( 21 )
cd with the Stile a.nd Title of a1t Old
That we were all old Fellows, We readily
confefs.'d i but we humbly defir'd, as they
had fuewn us the fingular. and unneceiIary
Friendi11ip offtan,ding Godfathers unask'cl" to
three fuchPieces of Antiquity,that theywou'd
add fo far to the Favour receiv'd"
a,5 to give the BlefIing of our Liberty to
4epart thofe( Premifes: To which
they Ol)e a.nd all roar'd out, (lond as a Bell
caft the Size ot St. 'Paul's Cupulo with the,
:Mol1m;p.ent for its Clapper,.) Gad dem ye:
you're our Pdfoners, .... "l' Gad dem.
y.e Sirs, we'll fome Fun with - - -
And ay that they, wou'd, Gad demyeSirs,
Moft patiently we endur'd: being taken into
and according to the Order
of their Committee we were foon hurried
away to a Mctamorphoji1lg Hoze[e in the
Hay-Market; where, after having been for'
fame Time made the Sport of another Gang
belonging to the fume Legion, join'd with a
r>arty of Toopees, they uncas'd us, and bound;
Skins round a,ur Bodies" each of a
Specie of Brutality i which done, they ufh...
er'd us to a large Place adjacent" where they
tum'd us loofe out of our Knowledge,
mong a Herd of flieroggiphicat to!
filift for our felves, 'till the Fodder which.
that Field. afforded, was demolHhe.cl.. W
kept as near to each other as poIIible, re""
folving

( 22 )
folving to muaer up what little Rearon we
had remaining in this our and
vour to be contented with reReCting between
our felves on the Vifion that ieem' cl to be fet
before us, a'nd of which, to our AfHib:ions,
we bore fome Part 'Vc found our felves as
1nOl1jlrous, as much flar'd at, hmlter'd, and
as little know?! as the reft, which was fame
Comfort in our Misfortunes; we heard no-
thing of great Confequence faid among them,
unlefs it was, 'Do kltoW me? which e-
very one bark.'d out in the Tone of a Lady's
little Lap-Vog ; and tho' many attack'd
us with that /itblime Phra[C, yet we remain-
ed ftedfafrly MZt111, which, I don't doubt,
made I1.S frigmatiz'd for fittpid Creatztres. I
own every thing was fo far beyond our Ca-
pacity of judging, that we could never fo
much as account for the Meaning of any Part.
Neverthelefs, the Notions we entertain'd
were many; for we conjeCtur'd our felves for
fame Time no otherways than in a (I'1-allce.
On one fide of the Place feeing a. Number of
Pyramids adorn'd with Hieroglyphical Fi-
glwes, we verily thought our {elves in ./E-
gJPt, where either we mufi have been Kid.
napp'd, or C071jztr'd by fame CZt1Zlli11g
or other, out of a Frolick. The cnroves of
pai12teet :Bodies which ftalk'd by 11S, came
up to us, and danc'd round us, our
pariick Dread, we imagining dircdly (for I
, ,
cant
( 23
can't fay but they put us mightily in Mind of
the (ii![dlmfs of Silz) that, perhaps. tor fame
of our old Crimes, the Conjurer had railed
the .lEgJlptiau lvlmml1ies from their peaceful
},l(Jjdezl11zs, to give us not only Reproof, but
Chafdi
l
meot; tl11d that the Ceremony was
to be perform'd by Death wrapp'd up in Swa-
thing, otherways call'd Swadling Cloaths :
1]ztt 'ale were Hill mifiaken; for they
rather a Number of 1ir:.:illf" zm[o'lwd Crca"
fttrBS, than Corpfes fo well preferv'd as the
.7'dummies are. DoCtor PZlzzlepate had an"
other Notion in the Hieroglyphical \Vay:
'That the Pyramids, and other Matters,
\vhich feem'd to lie in great Order upon the
Platformwhich the Pyramids fiood 011; feem'd
to him all Emblematical Figztre of the goOt!
Things fet upon the Altar (J Baal, as a Sa-
crifice to him; and that the Number ofGor-
malzdj/ers who came about it, ,taking all
before them, were as a 'Ijpe of the Priefls
in thore Times, \\'ho devour'd, or took to
themfelvcs fuch Gifts as were defign'd both
for their Gds (!1ld their Cozmtr.y. After
which 'Squire J31mzdel'bztfs reflected on us
both, faying) That as Matters in his Judg-
ment feem'd tl1rn'd in the new
World, and all things appearing to Vt1rY fo
much in their Nature, it was impoffible for
either of us who were educutcd in the ailci-
tut plrlin Ztt7JI) to make a good and approv\l_
Con-

14
ConftruCt!on of any moder1Z
which he took that Viji01Z to reprefent : And
upon the whole, we agreed that neither of
us knew any thing of the Matter. In filO'rt,
when the whole Crop feem'd eaten off the
Ground, one ,of the.Gad-qcm-ye-Sirs came
up to us, pull d off his Hack1zcy{ec01zd-ha1iit
Countcna1zcc, and commanded us to follow
him, whrch we no fooner heard
We were clapp'd under a frefii Guard, com..:.
pofed of himfelf and half a Dozen
who carried us back to theflrippbzg Room,
re-equipp'd us with the inherited Apparel of
our Grandfathers, made us drink tWb or
three 'Very odd Healtbs, and at laft tum'd us
out under a tripple Difcharge of Gad"dem'"
ye Sirs; concluding with the folloWing molt
obliging Speech of, Take YOZtr Liberties,
imd may ye all Three be trebly dem'd, Gael
itemye Sirs. .

THIS Sir,(faitl thefpeaki1zg 'Sqtdre)

the unexpeCted Ceremony of our Difitiiffion;
and as foon as we had recovered Faith
enough to ,believe we were at Liberty, and
Rea(on fuflicient to ask a plain Queftiol1, we
beggld a Chairma?l (as he callld hitnfelf) to
tell us where we were; who not odly very
civily informed us, but with HZt111a1zity (which
We had not met with all the Society
we had got locife .from,) freely offered, feing
us
25) _
,
us Strangers, to be our Guides wherever
pleafed to go: faying in a pitying
Tone, .Ah Mafiers! you ve been among it
fad Crew of TJevils. But Dire'ctions
which the honeil Fellowgave us, being plain
as our Queilion and Purpofe required,
thank'd him to the Value ofa Shilling by way
of Encouragement, and trudg'd Home, wher
y
we arrived in Safety, to our great Comfort,
about the Hour of Six the Morning follow-
ing: The Afternoon we fet out: which, (a,s
far -as Memory will admit of) is, to the'
of my Knowledge, every minute
fiance of the whole Affair: And thus ended
the wonderful' Story of this molt learned
'Squire liJlr01zghead, and his as wife Compa-
nions the '1Joffor and J;{/ill 'Blztl2derhu{s.
THE y were very (olicitoZlS I Wo
u1
?
give them my Opinion upon the an4
begg'd me to fpeak freely, for they were if-
that fo long a Story mllfi fignifie fame'"
. thil1
p
, and ifmufi hav,e fon1e Meaning
more orqlqary, becaufe it had puzzled
them for fo long a Time. I aJJur'd them, it
fcem'd to me fo far my "that
, unlefs it was a joint Dream compofed of their
united Head-pieces to puzzle me, I c:6uld
make nothing of it; hzt11zbly l"cque.fli1Zg they'd
'excuFe mr Backward?efs in arguing llpon :.t.n
Affair WhICh I dec1ar d had no:other: Appear..
D ance

,
,
,
ance to me, than that they all feem'd to have
been terribly frightned at fomething or other,
which My fiery they themfelves feem' cl not I
very capable, at that Juncture.,. to unravel I
Neverthelefs, I acknowledg'd the fingular :
Pleafure and vafi Diverfion which I told them:
had given me in the Defcription which :
Sqmre '1f!ro12ghead had fo eloquently fet:
forth. This Speech, which my wretched Ig- \
'norance had contriv'd, very foon demonftra.. '
ted what a grand MiO:ake I had made,; 1
too [o01Z foztlzd my felf as perfeCtly wrong, as ,
I'd befme thought them; for they began pre-
fently to make,nle fenfible of their Refent- '
ment, and dubb d me aN01J Com. which they
plainly fl1ew'd by Frowns dreadful as the
clouded Heavens, that forebodes a Storm;,
they bit their Lips, !lar'd at one the other, ['
and (to confirm me in what I dreaded) threw
their Tobacco-Pipes, like 'Thmzder-7Joltt'
from Jove. !
,
DoCtor P'lJzzlepatc began with mumbling:
out, He found me not to he the Man of Parts
he took me for ;- Will J1/zmderbu{s fe-
conded him, by muttering, That l was no
Specie of a Craftfmmt he was pofitive; -I
'Sqllire 1f!ro12ghead, in his ufual clifntal!
Way, agreeing with the reO:) murmur'd
which, put together, form' cl felf into a fO;} I
, .
,

,
'.
!
,
,
I
( 27 )
of united 'BztZ, fonnding like Wind at di-
fiance 'midfr the Trees before .the Storm
begins. In fhort, I found the Noire grow
ing louder and louder, which cOl1vinc'd me
that my whole Bufinefs upon fnch an :Emer
gency, was, by wme immediate Stratagem or
other, to endeavour at appealing the tem-
peftuous Rage which their 'high fwol'n Bo-
foms, fo poyfon'd with Indi,gnadon, feem'd
to threaten me with ~ And as Necej/itv is
often found to be the Mother fif lIz.velltio1Z,
llie was fo good a Mother to me at that cri-
tical Mimttc, as to bid me fian fome damn'd
hard Word or other, which,. very probably,
might turn their ~ r y Thoughts, and fe.t
them upon a different Argument, in their E-
mologicai Courfe of Sport, by way of
refuGame; which Advice I, like a dl1tyful
Child to fo indulgent a Parent in the very
Nick of Time, put in PraCtice with all de-
fir'd Succefs.
I BEG AN with the utmoft Caution, in agen:'
tie and mofi fubmiffive Tone, to importune
the refenting Worthies that they would, if
it was but for no longer TIme than two ]vii
111ttes, keep fan: lock' cl thore dreadful Gates
which held as yet confin'd the Furies of
their too much injnr'd .Souls.. - -- I acknow-
ledged in the 'humbiefr Terms hoVJ much fu-
periour all their Judgments were to mine, - -
and
28 )
and that 'twas only to keep my Ignorance
conceal'd; that I had {hove the putting off
a Difputation with Men of fuch Parts, efpe
dally upon aSubject fofar above my Reach,.-
but humbly hop' cl, as they were Wirnefies
, how much I was concern'd for having fo
offended, that I might be favour'd with en-
joying Advantage of finding them prove
rather inJhuctive Friends, than Enemies:
adding, that my pleafing Hopes not a
little ltrengthen'd by the Obfervations I had
.P1ade of 'that Unity, fo confpicu9uily
iliining forth from their 'Irhlmvirate.
, \VHI 1 E I was expre1Iing this confounded
fet Speech, I eafily difcern'd the Sky of ibeir'
.PhyJiogllomies grew more and moreIerc12e,
whIch prompted me. at once to put up my
'defign'd and well-tim'd Petitiolt, . which
I did in a very grave Manner: mail: humbly
deGring they would affifi the eaknefs of
my Intclle':5, in giving me their Judgment
and '\hOights upon the of what I
believd \" as an old Word, call d MO:M U5,
newly brought upon the pre[ent Stage.
,
THE MOlnent I had nam'd the lford,
flew Vhath, Refentment was kick'd
of Doors, and a Smile of Joy, flood
<:entinel upon each of their Countenances.
, '-T HEY allgap'd at the Theme I had
fer'd, like callow J3irds while the old 011C$
feed them,- , and would have directly gone
upon it 'Dillg dOllg, had I not regain'd fo
much Favour with them, as to get the Ar-
gument deferr'd 'till the next Board ; which,
neverthelefs, would not have ,been admitted,
put that I engag' cl my felf to produce at their
next Meeting, a Lift of a1lti.qlteJPords that
tvere all taken into Cufiody in one Houfe)
and condemn'd for being in Confederacy
with upon v,r horn Sentence was
pafs'd by a Gemral Court of Toopr:es and
a Sett of Wretches, who
110twithfianding they're both Rich and Gay,
yet tlccordhtg to e'(w/ab. are neither Rich
nor Gay.
FOR TUN E .having thus quieted Aftair$,
they peacefully adjourn'd to the llext ;Even-
ing [erlJell (f the Clock preci!e!;J.
,
THE Time to which they adjourn"d
ll1g fa ihort, there \vas no Opportunity for
me to get off my Bargain; .therefore I had
nothing left to do but drawing up the pro
mis'cl L&1, with the greate11: Expedition;
which' tho I mnch wanted to be excus'd
from, yet it \vas fuch a Propohtiol1 as I
not fo much as hint to thofe tefty Gentry"
who
,

( 3 )
who were fo unaccountable in their Methods,

and fa 'Very pzt1lFlztal abottt Nothillg, that

, the leafr thing was an arrant Affront to them,
which to Men of Reafon would have been
the Reverfe.

Their oddlvIetbod of argZti1zg fo 101lg ttpon
tbi1zgs ab[olzttely b;jig12ijiCtl1Zt, became as tire-
, fame to me as they had formerly been divert
ing; and how I tumbl'd into their Favour I.
can't tell; but it feems they had regifrer'd
me into their Society, without either my Con-
fent or Knowledge, at my irfr Arrival, and
my filly Propofal in fiarting this new Affair;
(as I found a littleafter) mofr firmly clench'd
that Nail, which before they had only drove.
For one among them I mull: be, or other
wife be haunted by the evil Spirits of fame
one or other of their Family, daily as I
walk'd the Streets; fa that I r2.ther chafe a
private Perfecution than a publick one.

AT the Place appointed, .fame time be-

fore the Hour, I had been refleCting upon the
fiubborn Society I was' fa unhappy to be a
Member of. ,What the Devil were hard
Words to me, - - -they were only Plagues,--
they never did me any Service, - "What Bu-
finefs was it of mine whether Words fignified
any thing, or nothing? - - The 1zcv)-jallg1ed
:Method of Spee-eh, withoztt tl1ZJ Meaning,
other
( 3
1
)
other than what one pleas' cl to put upon it,
was more convenient for a Purpofe I intend-
ed to put in Execution, than all the quaint
Terms ill Chriii.endom: But alas! the Even-:-
i l ~ g came on, - - - and to a fecond of Time,
,,11lie 1was lolling in thepretty 'Ban--keeper's
Lap, 1was difiurb'q with the Sound of re-
'/JC1Z a-Clock, ufher'd in by the 'Triumvirate,
who were now no longer a Tripple, but (by
the Addition of my Perfon) what they call
:a 2Jwdrztple Allimzce

I had but jufi recover'd from folac:ng my

felfin a very agreeable Manner, when Squire
J1tunderhz{s and his Companions {hot me
.quite thra' the Ears, with a loud Salute of Sir
rour mofl humble Servalzt, &c. which Vol-
ley I return'd with. Gmtlemm you lee I'm,
pUliClzeal, and fo follow'd them to their Ta-
ble appointed for Crofs Pzerpo{es.
THE Board being fat, I deliver'd in the
Scroll, which Iook'd fomewhat like the Ti-
tle-Page, and firfi Side of a ])[omellclatzlra,
but noL fo explanatory. I told them very
plainly, I was never acquainted with any of
the People mention'd in it, (if they were
People,) and hop'd they'd x ~ u me from
any Part of the Argument, which they agreed
to. --They chofe 1f1iII J1ht1lderbufs to put the
2JtefiiVllS, as Matter arofe, in proper Order;
. . TH"Oilg

( 3
2
)
tflronghet1d and Pttzzlepate- were appointed
to argzte upon each Crambo, while I was in'-
dulg'd to fit as an Arbitrator; if I. plea:>'cl,
11pon the Whole;
BE FOR E they bega1!, I deGred only
to inform them, whether there was not fome-
thing more belonged to the SCroll I had
produced, to which I reply'd, there really
had been a Sort of Book ftiech'd at the end
-
of it, but as feveral Perfons who fcan'd it
Syllable by Syllable, have declaredthere was
1lothi1lg ill it) I never took no Pains of per-
uung it, an'cl fo careleily threw aGde. .;
Yet believing'twas impoffible fo mariy hard
Names and Things could be made ufe ()f
about nothing, I preferved that Part;- and
thought lliy laying it before them, might be
a Means of bringing fomewhat to Light,
that feem'd at prefent in Datknefs to my
:thallow Comprehenfion; aild w,hich I did
not doubt but the Crztciples of their $rai(ls
would certainly effeCt. aqding,
That as it fcemed by fome illgellioits -Matt
defigned for an Ellicrtai1l1nellt; I had
another Reafon to believe it was it IfJely
good 071e, becaufe thole who /ome call the
Towu, did not like it," - like the -Pair
8ex who gmcrallv t012dem11 (t celebrated
JJeaztty for bei12gfo. 'Sqztire 1VRONGHEAD
gave me a gentle Reproof for offering to
, hii1t
( 33 )

hint whether .the Affair was good or bad
by way of Opinion, before they had begun
to examine into the Merits of it in due
Form and Order. I acknowledged my,
Fault.- Took the Rebuke with all Chri-
fiian Patience.- Sat my felf down quiet
as a Lamb. . . And Will JJlttlzderbzt{s
read in his Place the following Scroll which
open' cl the Affair. . .
MOMUS tl1rn'd Fahztliji, or Vitlca1z's
WEDDI N G, an Opera.
DRAMArIS PERSON if;
Ju PITER, Neptzmc, Apollo, Mars,
Plzttus, l!ulcau, Mercmy, Mo M
JUNO, VE NUS, lEG L E.
. THE MI N 1ST E R. 0 F FAr E.
SCENE is the AVENUES tothcC01trt
of DESTINY.
WHIe H being read; JJ!Ullder-
hzt{s and propofed as the fi;ft
QZtl!ft'l011, that we fhould give Our Opinions,
whether the Word MOMUS was Tea, or
Nay,

( 34 )
Nay, adi{creet 'Ford, to begin the ~ t l of
allY thi1Jg defiglled as mz ElZtertaiumellt.
THE Door being thus far fet open for De-
bate,VoetorPttzz!epate was directly opening
his Lips to ente.r npon the Argument, when
moll unhappily he was. difappointed by
8qztire Wrollghead, who got the Start of
him, by having fpoke the f1rfl: \Vord, fo
that Htollf,head was allow'd to be f1rft
heard, and accordingly gave u ~ his Senti
ments as follows.
THE Squire began with declaring, That
the ,Vord lrlomzts in his Ears, differed very
much in its Sound from any thing that
.could be entertaining to him, unlefs it was
the pleafing Opportunity he had met with, in
arguing upon its Etymology and the Matter
in Debate. And that he took it to be a
mighty filly Effort of anyone to propofe
the diverting your Illiterate 'People with
fuch a crabbed and uncouth "\Vord as Mo-
mus ; for that in cafe he was to advcrti!e
{my thi1tg with a Fiew of elltertahzi1tg the
Public; his Judgment fhould lead. him no
further than to fet forth the whole Affair in
three JFords, viz. A NEW T H I N G. Af-
ter which, .he 1bould have no occaGon to
.give himfelf the Trouble of any thing more,
than expoftng to the View of whoever came,
either
,

( ~ ) .
either a ?leW paiJlttd Rattle. A 12ew tilt-
fe/I'd llobby-Bor/e.. or a mw fajhiolz'd
111ozlje-Irap. But he was of Opil1lon, the
RATTlE would befl/itit the Tafle : And was
, J
tolerably weU allured it could not accor-

ding to Law give any Audiellce liberty in

a litteral Senfe, to fay they were trick'd
or affronted. For what reafonab!e Crea-
tures, (fuch as every Audience is fl1pp01id to
confifl: of) could in Confcience de11re more
than a Performance of all that either an
Author had propo{ed to entertain themwith,
or their CztriojifJI, having read the \"hole
Matter before Hand, prompted them to fee.
BUT the Squire indeed admitted, .that
he was not altogether void of apprehending
fome 'Dif!ztrba12ces, which might attend the
Performal2Ce of even what he had propofed;
tho' never fo inviting in its Title, or juft in
its Execution: For the Squire had faid, as he
had heard it very wifely obferv'd, that there's
720 gel1eral Rztle withoztt al2 ExceptiOlz i fo
he had great Reafon to believe himfelf not
too fecme from Interruption, tho' his Scheme
was New, Short, and Pathetic: There being
always found a Mixture in A./Jemblies of a
di[cenii1zg [ort of fiteu, whofe extraordinary
Pe12etratiolz generally drives them to put a.
more extentlve, and perhaps a worfe M e a n ~
ing upon the Lztcubratio12S of an Aztthor
than
,
3
6
than ever the Author meant. Of which
Sett, the Sqztire faid, he fhould firfl make
bold to give fome Account, mzd thC1Z pro
ceed in his Argument upon the Queftion.
OF fuch di{cc1"1zi1Zg Gentry, the Sqztire
intimated there were three 1Ji/filZftiol1S; viz.
the wife, tbe very lflife, . and the
wifeftof all! \Vhich tl:weeClaf1esof K,Z{;W
ledge, he faid, had their refpettive Degrees
of jztdiciallmploymclzt affigned them for the
Corre'f1illg of Errors according to their feve-
ral Capacities i,Z Criticifin; which they
were not only noted to tranfaa with prodi-
gious l.1.oddl..v in the moft gelzerotts, private,
and C01ZCi[e ; but were likewife ce-
lebrated for their unparralell'd Endeavours
effettually to an llt1Ziverfalfublimity
with regard to Letters, Speech, and A'f1iolZ:
And notwithftanding they are a Sett who
in their pure Nature may be difcovered to
enjoy as equal a. Fondnefs for a 1tCW thi11g
as any propofed .I1udicl1ce; yet the Squire
faid, the Fmzrtiolz of fuch Men laid them
under an abfolute Neceffity ofalways fhow-
ing a remarkable [ort of '1Ji/like to all
Perfirmallces whatever; partly owing to
their fear of loling the zt1zaccozt1ztablc Re-
ptttatiolz which they had gain'd, of being
thought capable to fit in their Turns upon
the tyraJziea! 1'/1ro12C$ of CCJt{zwe, in
. Body
'.
37
Body of an fimphitheatre, and partly thro'
dread of forfeiting the charitable C012tribzt-
tiO;JS of Pitt, JJox, and Gallery MOlzey,
which is often difiributed among them for
the noble ufe of their fitperior Spirits, and
'lJaft ]'ltdgment in dam1Zilzg according to
their Manner, fuch Authors H'orks as their
di{creet 'Benefaffors or Patrons have nei'"
ther leifllre from their oiolmt St'ltdies to
amend, nor Stock fufllcient of either Cott'"
rage or Crttelty to co.ldemn any other ~
than by fuch their zmerri1Jg'Depttties.
THIS, the Sq'lti1"e fai cl, being confi der'd,.
made it feem to him morally impolfible for
his Project, tho' a 1zew thi1zg, to come bet-
ter off than Momtts, or the Works of many,
Fools; who have mifemploy'd their 'lime
ill ftriving to oblige Cl1zd elztertai,z the Pltb-
lic: Which poetical Nztmp!es, if they were
Ambitious of chimi1zg i12 with the 'limes,
:fhould, according to the Nature of them,
rather chafe, either to have laboured in
the Harneffes of Coach- Hories, or otherwife
run in Couples with the Collars of [porti1zg
'1Jeagles about their Necks: In which fort
of l1zdztflry they would have met with much
better Succefs with regard to Promotion,
than by all their mif{pC1Zt Labollr of the
J3r ailz, in compofing even the belt CouP""
lets of Verfes, &c. that their filly Noddles
could
( 3
8
)
could ~ r t n to make : and therefore, he
was convinc'd with refpett to fuch an Elt-
tertai1111Ze12t as he had propofed ; that altho'
'twas fo exceedhlgly comEaet j yet thofe three
mentioned ClaJfes of jitperlative Wijd,1m,
would not fail doing him the Favour of be-
ing immediately about his Houfe; and
from whom he did not in the leaft doubt,
but he fhould receive the following difcreet,
tho' fevere Ufage and CeniiIre, by way of
an odd Method of thmJlu, which they ge-
nerally pay to au Author for the Pabzs he
has took.
THE Sqttirc raid he was perfwaded, that
the !Fife would take it into their Fancies,
to imagine by his prefenting to them a 12ew
painted Rattle, that he had done it by way
of Hieroglyphical Rdleffi01z upon the Au-
dience: which Thought, he faid, could ne-
ver have enter'd his jhallow Scull, if they
did not confirue it fo of their OWiZ Heads.
And Ten to One, he raid, if the vcr,)' TFife
who are a terrible {ort of Critics, wou'd
not as undoubtedly cavil at the Rattle for
making a Noire, which their great Wi(dom
might perhaps take for \ a Sort of !,peaki72g
in their way; and would therefore cry out
VmnJJ the Performance, 'tis ,Ol&t of the
JfrifJ Rides of Pantomimes. Which if
it fhould fo happen; he faid tbo{e two mi(-
cbiet:ottr
,
( 39 )
chicrtJOZlS C01zjef1lrcs of Reflefliolz and
Noife, would inevitably draw upon him the
infupportable Sentence of the H!ifefl of alf,
who never fail chiming in with the firft
and {ecolld ClajJes, and are fo great in their
illterrztptilzg Inge1lZtity j that no fooner than
an Author has been judg'd Gztilty by the
wife, alld oery wife; but the wife/l of all at
once pronounce him damn'd without givi1zg
him the Opportzmity of a further Hearil1g.
InHantly putting a Stop to any other Perlbn's
being either diverted or quiet, 'Bec(f2{e thCJ
won't like the 'Thing.
-
EA CH of thefe Cla./fes the 'Squire- faid,
had their refpeftive :Bujilie[s prefcnb'd,
which is as foHo\vs, viz. The Wife were ap-
pointed tojhake their Heads, and be often.
juftling whoever fat by them; . tbc ,,:er..y
]fife were to Grimz by way of Prologue
to a BiU, and fo to excite many
who knew no better, to do the fame ly
way of Fzt1Z as they call it;- , And the_
wi(cft of all- were to found to Arms with
their Trztmpets made of Scofpiol1S Buckle-
boues, blowing up the Spirit of Re/e;ztme;lt
throughout the whole Affimbly, who, accor
ding to their Defign, were immediately to
dUlike every thilZg except the HannollY of
. their grand Hurriccwe of

ny Accident, indeed, the 'Sqztire raid,

an Author might efcape in a tolerable Man-
ner; but that he own'd muH: alone be owing
to a certain fort of Miftakes thof...: prodigir.:tts
wi[c Gelttry now. and then happen to make
in either Hij/illg or Clappi1tg improperly:
Which feeming Error (when enquir'd into)
they exczt{e VCI)' hand/omely, by faying, they
either left their Memorandums at Home, or
unfortunately rni/zmdcrflood120t only the Na-
tzwc of the TIJi12g, httt aUo-what their Pa"
tro11S bid'em do ; either of which, the 'Squire
faid, he had great Hope:; they woul.d be guil-
ty of at his propos'd E,ttertait/me,tt, tho',
'twas to cOlzjifllmt of011C Thi71g i for he had
known a Sett of them blunder extrava-
gantly ilt applaztdi1zg frich balderda111 Stuff
as Shake[pear's, Otway's, COl1greve's, and
aaa others, alike Wretches of Authors, point
blanc cOlztrary to thc 'lJireffions of their
J1C1lefaflors.
~ E thing more the 'Sqztire raid he had
obferv'cl with refped to the Courage of thofe
Perfons who :/how their pretty Teeth, yet
1zcver 'Bite; whore ra/Ottr is not a little to
be admir'd ! For notwithfianding they will
neither Compo[e them[elves, (as a certain .Ilzt-
thordefir'd them) nor oblige the World with.
the Knowledge of their Perfons, yet in the
midft
4
1
)-
midfi of the greatefi Affemblies, with an
zing and undaunted rance, they'11 make
nothing to fet the \vhole AudieNce ilz all
roar, and under the Shelter of their Obfcu....
rity, being muffi'd, and a to the
Centinel, will bid Vejia1Jce to tbi mofl 120"-
ble Circle to call them to any Account.
rl'he 'Squire (after this Relation) proceed....
cd upon the 2Jtefliou, much wondring how
an bgC12ioZ6s Amhor with Scholafiic Learn-
ing could make fo unhappy ;;l Choice as he
thought Momzts was, for his Fh:ft H'ord of
Iwl'itati012, unlefs he had firit gain'd a Num-
ber of Profelites fufficient for his Purpofe, by
bringingback a Part of Mankind to the good
and wholefome old Way of thinking, and
original State of Innocence. For I remem-.
ber, jaid the'Sqztire, to have read when I
was at School, of one .Ll1omzts, who was.
hated by all us m21ztcky 7Joys ; and tho' our
Mafler (who difcern'cl our Difiike of him)
told us, that notwithfranding lvlomz!s might
feem to us a very odd Fellow, and a Tell-
Tale, God of the A17Cic12fS,
yet he was as ufefuJ in his Vvay as any
God of them all; for which Renfon he
urg' cl 'that the Boys ought to re\'cre him..
Ne-verthelc[s, we mzlud'J 01les being near
as cnnning, tho' not altogether fo wife as our
},lafier, foon difcover'd he was not a little
felfinterefied in what he faid; and that
:p. bdllg
( 4
2
)
bchJg i1z!orm'd of other People's Cririm was
a Thing he nulch lik'd, which made him
cry up M0112US. Thereforeto be as much
ori a Parr with our lvJajfer .as our young
Heads would reach, we unanimouly gave
each FctV02trite 'Boy of his, who was n t u ~
rally addicted to run with our Faults to his
Ear, the Nick-?zame of Momns ; and infiead
of agreeing with our lV1afier's Counfel, we
cultivated a greater Difiike to the Name
thdn ever; more efpecially when 'twas evi-
dent, That not one of us ever fuffer'd the
Lafh under his Jurisdittion, but 1vlomzls was
the Cal1fe of its being put in Execution; and
Pique the Squire faid was a great Matter
in the Affair he .was arguing UPOll, which
made him the more wonder, that any Man
could believe it pollible to fingle out a Sett
of worthy People, without a Mixture of
re[enti12g SchooJ.'.Boys, who had imbib'd an
irreconcilable Inveteracy againft all Tell-tale
Momzts's: Beildes, the Sqttire faid, if the
]yfOm'llS he debated upon, anfwer'd the Cha..
xaCl:er he formerly read of him, he muG: be
a cruf!y, /itrly, peevijh, impudc1tt, lyi1zg
Fellow, irho would not baulk openly to
find Fault with his 'Brother Gods,tho'
never fo much his Superiors; and without
Favour or Afietlioll made it his Bufinefs the
,
t ~ l l i n as many. falfe Tales as trzte O?JCS :
'l'herefQrej {aid the Squire, who among us
. . could
( 43 )
could have thought that a political Atfalz
would ever have chofe fnch an Om of the
way Per[o,z fir Momns, for a
ding to divert a Number of People, who)
altho' .they are without Fault, would, Nine
of them in Ten, depart grumbling, out of
a true Spirit of Humaniry ; rcfenting to hear
their Neighbonrs Crimes publifl1ed on this
Stage of Life, by fuch a Night-Bird as fitlo-
1nZIS? For, if Memory han't given me. the
Slip; .fl1omzls was the real Son of that dark
and difmal Jade Night, who fi1elters all the
Whores and Street-Robbers about Town,
.notwithftanding the C012vex-Eyes of Aflrea
are judicially fix'd at moO: Avenues, for the
fafe ConduCt of h012e(l llachtllZtlletll2s, who
feldom take their Journey homeward 'till
that black Hagg Madam Ol{curity is got
abroad in her full lYleriditllz. I own, fame
Sycophants now and then flatter Hu1fey
with the Name of Good-Night;. but never-
thelefs I muft have the Liberty of hating the
Baggage for bringing into the WorId that fad
Fellow lrlomzts. .
THE Squire to conclude his Argument
againfi:. the Word, alledg'd, That as very
few wou'd be diverted with hearing their
Faults, Momlts could not be any way en-
tertaining to. fuch a Number as Author
.inclines to invite: And as he believ'd Mc.
- nm.r
. 44 )
mzts was a 'Vord underfiood but by very few,
it could not be judg'd any more inviting to
that Part of the deiir'd Number who did not
know him, than to thofe that did; for as
the jirft JJlow is generally accounted half
the JJattle, fo the firfl alld emphatic If'ord
of a ritle generally firikes the Reader's t
Mind with Pleafure or Diflike, making half
the Impreffion at one Stroke, be it good or
bad. A plain Infiance of which the 'Squire
faid, ws might daily fee, by only giving our
felves the Trouble of !tepping into a JJook/el-
ler's Shop, where we 1110uld quickly difcern
how much fuperior the Policy of a J1ook[eller
is to the Judgment of alZ .I1ltthor ; by
ing the Lime-twigg 'Titles of their own com-
pofing, which are laid in great Order on
their Compters, to catch the cttriotts JJirds
of Life, who wou'd ne'er be taken in by the
Attthor's ChC'J!, if there was not a little
Rhetorical Coni of a 'Bookletler thrpwn over
it. And therefore he faid, Momtts wal2ti12!,
that Lhne-twigg Facttlty, was 110t, i7z his
Opilzio12, a difereet Hlord for the 7itle of
a12 E12tertai1211ZeJ.'t : But he own'd himfelf
not fa fufficient a Judge as the Matter in de-
bate requir'd; and therefore he defir'd 'Doe..
tor Pttzzlepate would begin, and oblige
llim with his 'Thoughts ttp01Z the .Qjtefli012.
lflro1Jghead having thus clofed his
. Dif..
( 45 )
Difcourfe, gave a much long'd-for Liberty
of Speech to the Vr/i1or, whofe Impatience
prevented the Ceremony of a fecond Re-
queft; for in half a/eco12dofTime he prov'd
his undoubted Right of being the next imme-
diate Orator upon the 5ubjett in Hand.
THE Prelude of his Harangue confined
of two or three awk\vard Compliments to
'Sqztire Hh71ghead, upon what he had fpoke
of MOnzZls, with regard to his having faid
fo much, and argu'd fa very long upon a
'lheme which did not feem to him altogether
fo well propos'd in the 2Jtefli0l2 as otherwife
it might have been: For, iaid the VoF101",
our Friend 'Blzmderbzt{s not having difiin-
guilh'd whether the Name in debate was to
be argu'd upon as the mzcient MOffms, or as
one of a modern Stamp; it could not be
well decided by any fingle Genius 'till. that
Point was clear'd: Neverthelefs, he faid, as
it gave him his wilh'd-for Opportunity of
arguing in a different Manner to what 'Squire
1/'ro12ghead had fa id upon ,it; he was much
better pleas'd with finding fuch an Obfcurity
in the ,Qjteflioll, than he jhould have been to
have had it put in a plain 'Vay. For the
g)oflor faid. if the J.l!Jomus in debate had

been ahfolutely fiated as the Pault-jilzdi1zg
1J1help of the AnciClZts, he muft in fuch' a
<:;ufe have thought himfelf immediately 0-
, blig'd
,
( 4
6
)
hlig'd to fllbmit in all RefpeCts to what
'Squire- lProllghead had advanc'd on that
Head, and ro have direCtly laid down his
Czedgelof Argzemc1Zt upon the 'Squire's firft
:Blow.

"
,
Bur g,S the 2Jtefti012 feem'd in the 'Doc-
tor's Mind to frand thus between Hawk and
1Jzezzard, he hugg'd himfelf with the Ad-
he had in its being as liable to be con-
ftru cl by him for a modcT1z Momzes, as an
antique Cbitrl; and thereupon he took the
Freedom of faying, That his Opinion was
not the difiance of a Furlong from down-
right believing, that fllppoGng it modeflt and
'Very new, it might pOl1ibly be very diverting
among fome Folks for fome time; there being
one Thing in that Cafe which {eero'd to him
exceedingly in Favour of the Word Mo1'J1us,
whether it had any Meaning or none: F'or
'the 'IJof1or' faid, That to the inexpreffible
COijlfort of feveral Perfons whore Births had
happen'd to refine 'em, and who, for the moft
. part, may chance to entertain a darling Paf-
flon for fuch Words, while new; he could
afl'ure them they had an Opportunity worth
em,bracing, to fay great Matters in this' ,11(10-
Behalf, with refpeCl: to its never having
as yet poluted by the vulgar Acce!1t
ofeither FootmC1J, Cbambcr-maidJ, or Cook-
,wenches.; nay, nor was it ever more than
once
( 47
,
once (and then butfoftly whifpertd,) by a
Lady's Hfoma1Z,. who, met ?er ju{t
Reward for domg fo, 111 bemg (ozt1Zdly chid.
Therefore, the 'Doffor faid, he did n'ot doubt
but lv.lo112zts was not only in Efieem at that
Time among the better Sort of but
was very likely to remain fo for a confidera-
hIe while, being a Word not commonly un-'
derfiood, and by that good Fortune efcap'd
a Mixture with your paltry comm012 Sel1fe,
which {ort of K120wledge is with Rea!01z
120t much valued, owing to the mean Ex- .
traUio?t the Wretches who mqft vulgarly
enjoy the U[e 012't
. Neverthelefs 'Doffor Pztzzlepate could
not, according to his Method, a-
void flying off a little from his propos'd Se-
curityof the Word Momus, tho' flated by
himfelf as modenz and New; for the Voffor
faid, he could neither abfollltely nor prorerly
warrant s continuing an Hour longer
in Favour than Words of common Senfe and
good Meaning; he having obferv'd a Sett of
Perfons whofe fafhionable Method of pro-
ceeding had almofr deflroy'd the Foundation
of his Heady Principles, by their fetting him
the Example of defpi/illg e,very after
it had hem 012ce hmzdled by People of a low
Rank; which Ob[ervation, he faid, con-
vine'd him that tbe befl of Tbi1zgs were but
, . jhort
( 4
8
)
flort-liv'd with rtgard to Par/oltr;.. and
therefore he was of Opinion, rhu.t in a fmall
Space of..Time there would be an open Rup-
ture among a Sett of Perfons foeieting in ~
femblies of their own InHitution, which So-
ciety fe.em'd eltabliill'd by them, ont of a dZlf}
Re[pe'f1 to pZlMic OeC0110mj', with the addi-
tional Contrivance for its better Support, and
to ferve their Friends of that muft e;.,;ellC71t
Amlt{enze12t catl'dQUADRILLE, in which Di-
veruon the glorious Examples as well of hz-
tlzljlry as Frztgality are remarkably cOll!pi-
tuous, by daily inftruCting l\'lankind in the
di{creet mId pleajillg Art uf paf/bzg away
their Time; which leifure Days and Nights
they might otherways have loft, or eIfe em-
ploy'd much worfe, if poJlible! The 'Doctor
added as an irrefragable Reafon for his
Fears, with regard to the Downfall of dear
Ravijhing QUADRILLE; that to his Know-
ledge its ReptttatiolZ wasflai1z'd with beifzg
Copied by the l7tflgar ; for he had been cre-
dibly inform'd, that a Link-boy, a Chimney-
fiJJeeper, a'lJlack-jhoe..boy, and a KeJl11el-ra-
l:.er, were very lately affembled at a CellaI'
ill Soho, over a Full-Pot of Butt-Beer, with
Tobacco and Pipes; where after they had re'
gularly plac'd themfelves, one at each Corner
of a JOil1t-8tool, which {ero'd t.hem as a
~ able, with their La11dtady's ragged, dirty
Apro11 infiead of Velvet, to keep the greafj
. , Cards
49

Cards clean: they impioufly mimick'd tbdt
'Betters, andplay'd away the whole
at Qladrille. And alfo he had receiv'cl a-
nother Information of the Nature, That
et Pztddi1zg-womatz, a :Balladjinger, a
Cy1Zder-we12ch, and a Card-matcb-n;aker's
cnaughter of Rofemary-Lane, were alike
met in another Cellar by Tyburn-Road, Si.
Giles's, all of them in a loving Way, orvcr'
aHot Pot, dexteroufly :f11uffiing the Pack,
dealing round to one the other i12 due Or-
der, with the fame Infolence of tbe SohiJ
Party, and at the fame Game, much to the
rJifcredit of rmown'd Qladrille: hilt what
was ftrange; he c01zfefs'd there was 1ZOt to
his Heari1zg 01ze fJlhore am01tg them! The.
9Joffor therefore feem'd convmc'd that the
GC1ttlefolks of the 'I'OWlz would certaittlry
leave it ojJ' whC1Z they Olzce fozMdit /0 mztcb
abzts'd
. . THE Voflor proceeded with et 'l'cry odd
for his :Digreffi01z) which he jufily
fuppos d we thought him guilty of; .giving us
to underftand, that he took that'1"Oll11d-abo'llt
Way purely to make his Argmnmt appear the
fhorter, and to fuow his prodigious Skill in
Rhetoric, by firft making us believe that he
approv'd of Momzts, and then how capable
he was to bring himfelfclean off again, by
chiming in with our Sentiments of Diflike to
the Word, -on account of not feeming fuftt.lo
- ciently
( 50 )

ciently underfiood to be any wayentertaining:

which the CJ)oflor endeavour'd to demon-
{hate, hy traverhng the Matter a little further,
and giving us his Report of fome Notions that
were entertain'd ofit in feveral Families,with
whom he had been frequently debating upon'
its EtJ111ology before that Evening: tho' he
was fo fly as not to make any of us in the
leafr privy to it 'till that Moment.
THE 'J)oaor began his Report with de.;
claring he had found 01011 People of Opinion
that the ldo111ZLs in difpute, was a modCl'1J
Name: and was thought by a Perfon in one
Family) to have been invented by its Author
in the way of a 11cw-fafhio1Z'd Family Rid-
dIe: and therefore they argued upon it in the
familiar Phrafe of Riddle my Riddle my
Ree, &c. ' . But the ~ o f f o r affur'd us, that,
after a tedious Debate ended, none of them I
could find out neither 'iR..,hat this Mormls
could be, nor who.
I N another Family he faid where they'
were difputing upon the \Vord; a Nmje
who was leading a Child about the Room, '
put in her VerdiCt, and begg'd her Lady
would give her Leave to make Ufc of that,
Word Momtts for the keeping little Maner
in Awe when he was naughty, infiead of
.Rawbcada1zd 'Bloody-boues : for file thought
it founded like a more genteel Name t h t ~
, either

( 51 )
either them, or 'Bllgga-'Bow. Her Lady repri.
manded her) - - bid her mind the Cradle, - -
and rejoin'd her Thoughts upon Momus, with
thore of the Company: which amounted to
no more than the Opinion of others, who ge-
nerally lls'd:to fay, Let 1I10lnlts have a Mean-
ing or no Meaning; or be it what, or who it
wou'd? NI 0 ~ \ 1 U 5 had co/f them a great
deal of Mime)' to no purpofe, .aud that zp)as
all tbey R;zew of it.
1N the next Family, where the whole
Converfation was cngag'd upon the fame En-
quiry, the cnoaor faid, be could reach no
nearer to the Meaning of /llomlts, than he
had done before; and he confefs'd, that in
all his Vifits he had not met with one who
lik'd it : For, notwithihmding they had been
at the I-lOf/!e where the Creatztre was jbOW1Z,
and examin'd the whole Matter; they could
not make 3BY thing of it: all agreeing, that
it feem'd to them like a Man making a fad
Noife,- ,. very ill drefs'd,- "a.nda thing
~ h a t no.body could tell what to make of;
more than that,every-hody faid, (if that was
MOlnzes,) he feem'd to ce got illto oery bad
Company; joining with others in their Con-
dUlloa; That .:.Womzts had" coJf them a de-
':Jilijh deal of M01Ie}, which the rnoffor
faid, they to convince him, prodnc'd the fol-
lowing 'Bill of F)xpmuJ for "their Family the
fuft Night. Ex