Script for Indiana Jones and the raiders of the lost ark parade

(Brass band playing in the background)

Bob: Hello and welcome to the first annual Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark parade or
IJRLAP for short. Im Bob Smith and with me today as always is Steve Jones. Unfortunately the video
feed for todays parade was cut due to budget constraints but we in the studio are determined to give
you the most exciting experience we can.
Steve: As they say Bob, television is the most auditory medium.
Bob: Im pretty sure no one says that. Well, it looks like the parade is starting
Davis: (cutting him off) (really nerdy voice) Sir, I have your coffee
Bob: (muffled) What are you doing here, were on the air!
Davis: But I thought you
Bob: Just get out of here youll ruin everything
(Door shuts)
Bob: That was our intern Davis, hes new. And here comes the first float. Depicting the opening shots,
this jungle themed float, filled with dense forest and vines is complete with pack animals and poison
darts, as well as a guide for all your tracking needs.
Steve: You know I went to the jungle once. It had big apples, tall sky scrapers, and lots of taxis
Bob: I think youre thinking of New York City
Steve: No, it was definitely the jungle
B: Anyway, This next float reminds us all to run fast and remember your hat as this float reenacts the
boulder escape scene. Indiana runs for his life while being chased by a giant boulder, a booby trap from
an ancient peoples protecting their precious artifact. In actuality this boulder, despite its 6 foot radius,
only weighs 100 pounds and is entirely made of recycled material. Similar to your jokes Steve.
S: The very same
B: Our next float comes after Indiana learns of the Nazi quest for the Ark of the Covenant and decides to
try and find it first. To this end, he flies to Nepal in order to the collect the head of a staff which will tell
him the location of the Ark. This is where we find our float ablaze after a large confrontation with the
Nazis, who had the same idea. Luckily, Indiana ends up with the staff head after the fight. This float
boasts the most technologically challenging as each one of the fake flames had to be individually wired
to a fan which was then connected to a central battery. Now lets go down to Boris with the color
commentary. Boris?
Boris: (terrible Russian accent) There are lots of reds, blues, and yellows; as well as mixtures of these
three colors. Back to you Bob.
Bob: Thanks Boris. Here comes our next float. In this float, after Indiana has flown to Egypt as told to
him by the head of the staff; he has found an underground model of the ancient city of Cairo. By using
the light from the overhead hole and the jeweled head of the staff, the location of the Ark is revealed by
the beam of light. This causes Indiana to lead an expedition, under the noses of the Nazis, to retrieve
the Ark.
Steve: Those must have been some large noses.
Bob: Thanks Steve. This next float shows the Well of Souls, the location of the Ark. At the bottom of this
large underground complex is a nest of various snakes which is Indianas one fear. After a few fun
moments with the snakes, he locates the Ark just as the Nazis arrive to steal it away. After this they trap
him in the Well and leave him to die.
Steve: Well thats just darn depressing, Bob. Is there any hope?
Bob: Steve, you already know the story? How can you not know what happens next? Anyways, this next
float shows the brutal fistfight between Indiana and a Nazi mechanic. After his escape from the well,
Indiana finds himself on a Nazi controlled airstrip with a plane ready to go. During his attempt to get in
the aircraft, he is spotted by a very large mechanic who proceeds to attack him. Just as all seems lost for
our hero, the spinning propeller blades hit the mechanic chopping him to pieces while Indiana escapes
to safety. With that we are going to send it down to Louis on the street. Louis?
Louis: Its Louis
Bob: Sure it is Louis. Just do your job.
Louis: It only makes sense if you say Louis. Louis on the street rhymes Louis doesnt. In any event, the
crowd here is ecstatic today. They are really loving the floats. In fact, I have a fan right here. Wait where
did he go? I swear he was right here
Bob: Louis? Louis? Well it appears we lost him.
Steve: And also that fan.
Bob: Yes, I suppose so. This next float depicts Indianas time on a Nazi submarine as it transports the Ark
to its testing area. After the escape from the airstrip, Indiana finds himself again in possession of the Ark
as he tries to ship it to America. The Nazis discover this plan and seize the ship carrying the Ark,
capturing the crew, but are unable to find Indiana. This is because Indiana has snuck on board the Nazi
sub and using a spare uniform to blend in. When the sub lands, Indiana once again goes about
recovering the Ark. Fun fact about this float it is real sized to an actual Nazi submarine.
Davis: No its not. This float is only 59.8 meters whereas the real submarine is 60.1 meters in its
Bob: (yelling) Shut up, Davis! Just leave! This was my big chance and you ruined it! I went to school for
years to get this job and then all of a sudden you come along and think you know everything about
submarines and try to steal my spotlight just leave!
(settles himself)
Bob: Our next float occurs after an unsuccessful attempt by Indiana to recover the Ark and is instead
captured. The Ark is put to the test by the Nazis and is opened to see how the power could be used. This
plan backfires when the Arks power is unleased on all looking at it, capturing their souls and melting
their bodies. Our hero only survives through averting his eyes from the horrifying scene. And now a
word from our sponsors. Todays broad cast is brought to you by the number 12, for the number of
people listening to this broadcast, the number twelve.
Bob: Our final float depicts the final scene in which the ark is put into storage. After the face melting,
Indiana collects the ark and brings it back to America where it is promptly taken by the government, put
in a crate, and buried in a sea of other crates. The final shot zooms out on the secret warehouse teasing
the untold secrets hidden among them. Well that is all the time we have for today. This is Bob Smith and
Steve Jones signing off.