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The Days are Like a Fleeting Shadow

Haley Downs
April 9
th
, 2014
Kinesiology Department, Westmont College

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Haley Downs
April 9, 2014
The Days are Like a Fleeting Shadow

At the start of my Kinesiology path at Westmont, I was instructed to write a
mission statement about what I wanted my time at Westmont to look like. Reflecting
back on the mission statement that I wrote freshman year, which for me was only a year
ago, it is weird to me that I wrote the things that I did. Not because I disagree with
anything that I wrote, but because I have done pretty much all the things that I wrote I
wanted to do within this year of time Ive had at Westmont. It makes me happy,
especially since I forgot about the mission statement right after I wrote it, that the things I
wrote werent just things I wrote for the sake of an assignment, but rather things that
were near to my heart. Over this past year I have been able to develop deep and
meaningful friendships with a core group of young women, along with many other
friendships. I have also grown so much especially in the past few months in my
relationship with God, and I have found a mentor that I meet with every few weeks. I felt
called to lead women and I became a leader for the Wonderfully Made ministry on
campus with one of my close friends. I will be sad to leave Westmont, but will be
thankful for all the things that I have been able to learn and experience in my short time
here.
As for the future, I would like to continue growing, deepening, and investing in
the relationships that I have and will develop. I strive to be more faithful and trusting of
God everyday. I want to be a strong woman of God, someone that others trust and
respect. I hope to one day be married and become a mother and within that I want to be
someone that is patient, loving and someone that my children may be comfortable sharing
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things with and to have a marriage relationship that my children respect. If my
relationships are something that I am focusing on and working on, then the experiences
that I have in my life will be good, regardless of how extravagant or simple they may be.
I hope to treasure each moment I have with those that I love.
Looking back, becoming a liberally educated person has been at times, boring,
annoying, yet also helpful. Boring and annoying because there are subjects that I do not
enjoy and wanted to have finished in high school. After I had decided what I wanted to
major in, I didnt want to have to learn about English, History, Art and other subjects. I
wanted to learn about the things that interested me in my field and those subjects did not
fit in with that desire. However, even though many of those classes were a struggle
sometimes, I have learned things that I wouldnt have otherwise. For example, history is
important: it is important to know what has gone on in the past so that I can see patterns
and trends to possibly prevent it from happening in the future. It will help me be more
prepared for decisions such as voting and will give me a better grasp on how to approach
current events and issues. Being liberally educated allows me to approach problems and
situations with the ability to analyze them in different ways. I am able to pull things that I
have learned in other classes and relate it to ones that seem to be unrelated, but actually
have many things in common. For example, in my Christian Doctrine class we had to
read the Youcat (2000), which is the Youth Catechism of the Catholic Church. Although
I didnt enjoy it because it didnt allow me to learn anything about my personal faith, it
asked many questions that I wouldnt have thought about on my own, allowed me to
learn about a different branch of Christianity, and helped me to solidify things that I
believed.
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Along with that, there was a section in the Youcat (2000) about what are correct
reasons to go to war, which seemed like a really strange topic. The day that that part of
the Youcat (2000) was assigned, we talked about the apparent criteria for war in my
World History class. What was even more surprising was that they were very similar
lists. This one connection led me to think about how there are many other connections
that Ive been able to make through the different classes that dont necessarily have to do
with my major. Being liberally educated, although time consuming, has proven to be
beneficial for me, especially in the environment that Westmont College provides. If I
were to have been educated at a larger school, it would not have been as beneficial to me.
This is because with classes that you are just one out of 600, there isnt a ton of
motivation to really understand the material if its something unrelated to your major. It
would be easy to get lost and the professors wouldnt keep you accountable. There is also
little to no personal relationship with the teachers, which is a valuable tool to receiving
help and wisdom not only in the content area but also in life. However, at Westmont, all
the classes are academically rigorous and the professors learn your names very quickly
and wont hesitate to call on you in class. I am kept more accountable with knowing the
information Im learning and therefore I pay more attention to it as best as I can.
Some classes have definitely been a challenge for me as well and learning and
understanding the material has not been easy. An example of this would be my World
Literature class. I could not grasp the level of analysis that my teacher was going into - I
just read the books. One of my favorite books was called No.1 Ladies Detective (Smith,
1998), which was about an African woman that did detective work for people in her
town. It was an easier read and brought up some interesting topics to discuss, such as the
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independence of women, the relationship between parents and children, and African
pride. Another book that was influential to my liberal arts education was Frankenstein,
which I read to my Perspectives on World History class (Shelley, 1963). Before coming
to Westmont, I had vaguely heard about it and had never read it, but apparently many
people had to read it in high school and is a very well known book about human nature
and what it means to be a human. It was very thought provoking in terms of what makes
a person human and what the human relationship with society looks like.
Furthermore, there has been much growth throughout my college experience.
Throughout my time in college, I would say that I have grown the most in my character.
Learning academics has been pretty easy throughout my life and so learning things like
not procrastinating and using my time wisely, studying, and doing research correctly are
things that I am already good at. However, I was tested to learn how to be more
independent as a person and at the same time be more dependent on God. I have learned a
lot about how to interact with people and about getting over fears about what people are
thinking on the other side. Since I am graduating early, I have had to take my upper
division classes with juniors and mostly seniors. This was really difficult for me. I am not
a person that can just enter a classroom and be outspoken, funny, and friends with
everyone right away. I am friends with many people at Westmont and know of even
more. I knew of most of the people in my classes and recognized them, but I know that
most of them didnt know or recognize me. Im sure most have thought I was a transfer
student. I have often heard of people asking mutual friends about me instead of just
asking me myself what Im doing in their class. It wasnt until after a year of being in
classes with these people that they started to ask me what I was doing. This was pretty
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hard, because they were all a mutual peer group and had been together since freshman
year. Presentations in a class are always intimidating, but became I knew my classmates
were all friend it became even harder because I didnt feel support from any of the people
in my classes. Although this wasnt always the most fun thing, it was really good for me.
I had to put myself out there even more than I normally would have if I had been with my
own peer and friend group. This was challenging, but the most beneficial. I was pushed
way out of my comfort zone but have been able to adapt and I think it has better prepared
me for the future as a young graduate getting ready to go out into the real world.
Furthermore, in my life I have had this mindset that failure is a bad thing.
However, I believe that a person cannot truly succeed without failure. If a person does
not stick their neck on the line with the possibility that there will be total and utter failure,
then there is no growth. People are remaining in a bubble of safety that will ultimately
lead to nowhere. 2 Timothy 1:7 states For God has not given us a spirit of fear and
timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline. God wants us to go out and
lead the way without fear. I believe that growth cannot occur without the sacrifice of self.
Putting our own feelings and fears aside and taking risks. One of my favorite quotes is by
Marianne Williamson (1992), which says:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is
that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that
most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of
God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing
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enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure
around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to
make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of
us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our
own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. (p. 190)

In my life I have found this to be true. I am not afraid of who I can be and what I know
that I am, but I am afraid to show it. Why? I dont really know. What I do know,
however, is that when I see others live out their calling and face their fears and fail over
and over again, it encourages me to do the same. Who will remember the mistakes that I
have made other than myself? Our fear that others will judge us is merely an uplifting of
ourselves in others eyes. I have found that when I see others take risks and fail, I dont
judge them, but rather have a greater respect for them. Therefore, I believe that it is
pertinent that risks are taken and the bubble of comfort is broken in order that one may
overcome fear and to grow in spite of mistakes. In one of the books Ive been reading,
Grace for the Good Girl, Emily Freeman (2011) talks about girls that try and be
perfectionists and how we need to just allow ourselves to be individuals and rest within
that. She states:

As good girls, we subconsciously label ourselves as the strong ones, the
responsible ones, the sweet ones, or the right ones. We try to stand tall and
capable as the good Christian, the good wife, the good mom, and the good
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one. But Jesus is calling us to a deeper, truer, freer identity. All he wants is
simply you minus your good works, minus your perfect attendance,
minus your politeness. When you really believe that, you may discover
that all you want is Jesus, simply Jesus. Not just to get to heaven or to help
you be a good person or do the right thing, but to simply love and be loved
by him. (p. 36)

This has really helped me with the idea of failure and perfection. I have always been a
perfectionist and getting a bad grade was something that I would get upset about when
it wasnt actually a bad grade to begin with. I have learned that by trying to be a
perfectionist. I wasnt allowing God to be someone I leaned on, because I thought I could
do things on my own. Instead of being dependent on God when I couldnt do things, I got
upset about it. Through one of my devotional books that I do in the morning, A Heart of
Gratitude, I have learned to trust and depend on God though all avenues of my life and to
be thankful for the challenges that each day presents.
An aspect of Westmont that has been encouraging to me have been the professors
that I have interacted with. I havent gotten to know all of my professors but I have felt
that they have truly cared about my success in their class. Many professors want to work
with the students to get better grades if they notice that they arent doing well, and dont
just sit by and watch it happen. One of my professors in particular, Professor Afman, has
made a big impact on me. Professor Afman has such a love for the material he is
teaching; you literally couldnt dislike the class or the subject even if it wasnt related to
your major. He has excitement for the material, great knowledge of what he is teaching,
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and an understanding of how people learn. He also happens to be very funny, which
doesnt hurt. He is dealing with the human body and there are so many amazing things
that the body does. He is always reminding the class to not become desensitized to how
amazing our bodies are. It is encouraging to me to see someone who shows how much he
believes that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. He says it all the time. Normally I
hear females say that as a way of talking about body image, but it is so much more than
that and its a great example to see a strong male be in awe of how we are created. Im in
another class with him right now and love it. I truly hope that I will remain in contact
with him long after I graduate.
Another thing that I have grown in is my trust in God. I have had anxiety for a
while and it has put a hold on my life. This anxiety has placed fear in a place where there
should not be any. It was distracting, but I didnt know what to do about it. Often when I
prayed about it I wasnt fully placing it into Gods hands or truly trusting him to help me
or give me the peace I so desperately needed. I struggled back and forth with being
anxious, to being okay. Eventually, I realized that no matter what happens to me, I
couldnt do anything about it. It was literally out of my hands and the only person who
has any power over my circumstances is God. He knew what my future held and my me
being anxious demonstrated I didnt trust him to handle what was going on. There are
two things that Sittser (2000); a professor at Whitworth University said that really helped
put things into perspective. One is, worry makes the imagination run wild as we turn
remote possibilities into raging realities. It erodes the spirit, distracts the mind, dulls our
creativity, and wastes our energy (p. 136). The second is, Dont worry about the future
worry quenches the work of grace within you. The future belongs to God. He is in
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charge of all things. Never second-guess him (p. 136). I needed to realize that all my
worrying did was distract me and my worry also wasnt from God. I always wondered
why things plagued my mind so consistently and why I couldnt just let it go and not
dwell on things that other people seemed to have no problem not thinking about. I
realized that my worries were coming from the enemy and that he was the one plaguing
me and trying to distract me from God and trusting him. What I am most disappointed
about is that it worked for him for a long time. Once I realized that it was Satan that was
feeding my lies and trying to distance me from God, it became so much easier for me to
refute the worry and to trust Gods word instead. I still have a tendency to worry, but now
I place it into Gods hands immediately and He is faithful and takes it from me. This has
been one of my deepest struggles, but the lesson I have learned and grown in recently. It
has given me freedom and has allowed me to pursue God more readily and to experience
and share the joy that God wants us to have as we live.
Throughout my experience and personal formation throughout college, my
perspective has grown in regards to many subjects, both personally and in my
community. One of these subjects is character. I believe that character is something that
develops over time. Character is the way that a person thinks, acts and feels and are
distinctive to the individual. Character affects how they view the world and react to it.
There are many characteristics that a person could have: respect, responsibility,
confidence, humbleness, trustworthiness, self-motivation, and what is most important in
my opinion, integrity. Lynne McFall states, a person with integrity is willing to bear the
consequences of his/her convictions, even when this is difficult; that is when the
consequences are unpleasant (1987, p. 9). This is the characteristic that I believe that
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everyone should strive for, because it encompasses all the others. Integrity is something
that I strive for in my own life. I believe that a persons true character is revealed when
they believe that no one is watching them. I want to be someone that keeps my word and
does the right thing even when there isnt a possibility of my actions being seen, because
God is the only one, and the only opinion that matters, who will know the things that Ive
done. I therefore want to emulate Colossians 3:23 which states, Whatever you do, work
at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.
Another subject that has developed with my growing perspective is that of social
justice. Social injustice is one of the biggest problems in the world today and is
something that has been going on for a long time. In the 18
th
century, Adam Smith
believed that there was little difference between a philosopher and a street porter. Both
were born with the ability to reason and both should be free to rise in society according to
their talents (2009). Unfortunately, people in society today do not have equal
opportunities because of differences in social life. Where a person has come from, race,
gender, etc. all influence how they are treated. As Christians, we should not be
discriminatory towards anyone because as it says in Galatians 3:28, There is neither Jew
nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one
in Christ Jesus. God finds no difference in who we are or where we have come from and
still loves us just the way we are. There are many injustices to people all around the
world and as Wright (2008), a New Testament scholar states:

Though injustice can be seen and named, it is politically inconvenient to
do anything about it. We will get on with the real business of the gospel,
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which is that of saving souls for the future world. We will even do
mopping up operations, Band-Aid activities, to look after the people at the
bottom of the pile. But we wont do anything about the structures that put
them there and keep them therethe universal early Christian belief was
that Jesus had already been demonstrated publicly to be Israels Messiah
and the worlds true Lord through his resurrection. That, as weve seen, is
part of the whole point of the Christian story. And if we believe it and
pray, as he taught us, for Gods kingdom to come on earth as in heaven,
there is no way we can rest content with the major injustice in the world.
Doing justice in the world is part of the Christian task. (p. 216)

I agree with all that Wright has written and am disappointed to say that I am someone
who doesnt always do justice in the world. I can be self absorbed and not even pay
attention to what is going on around me. This is something that I need to work on and I
strive to be better at.
The last subject that has developed with my growing perspective is personal
wellness. In my opinion, personal wellness is the combination of spiritual, physical,
intellectual, emotional and social aspects of a person and how well they are working
together. When one is out of balance, everything is thrown off a little bit. Every one of
these aspects is important to pay attention to and to take care of. In 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
it says, Dont you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in
you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you
with a high price. So you must honor God with your body. Here this shows me that God
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wants us to take care of our bodies. I would say that doing that includes all of the above
and not just physically. This is something that must be strove for on a daily basis and
often has to become a habit in order for it to stick. In my life, a few things I think are
important are to spend time with God, exercise, and build relationships with others.
Although these are just three of many things, they are important things that I have to be in
the habit of doing in order for them to happen. If I miss a few days of practicing these
things, then it could potentially be a long time before I get back into the rhythm of doing
them again. This would be detrimental because I wouldnt be focusing on God,
maintaining physical health, and would not be seeking community. And although I may
not fall away from God, get fat, or lose all my friendships, there would be an imbalance
in my life that I believe takes away from being well. On the other hand, wellness also
means not becoming overcommitted to the point where other aspects of my life become
neglected. In the devotional, A Heart of Gratitude, it states, God promises us the
possibility of abundance in John 10:10 and we are far more likely to experience that
abundance when we lead balanced lives. When you allow yourself to take on too many
jobs, you simply cannot do all of them well (2011, p. 53). Therefore, I believe it is
important to lead a life of wellness and by doing that feeding every aspect of life without
over-commitment. It is good to take time to be alone and rest.
While character, social justice, and personal wellness are vital for personal
growth, taking these developments and using them in a vocational setting is of utmost
importance. I believe that a vocation is synonymous with a calling, or a purpose. A
vocation is not something that you just do to make money, rather it is a passion:
something that you are drawn to and want to do. On the other hand, there is career, which
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is a job that takes up a significant amount of time. A career can be a vocation as well. In
fact, that should be the goal: to have a career that is also your vocation. I have found that
many people think that God has one big purpose for their life and if they dont find it then
they are doing something wrong and arent following Gods plan for them. However,
Gods will is done in the little things of life, daily and locally. God commands us to do
his will in ordinary circumstances, which is the setting where most of life is lived
anyway. These circumstances are so mundane that it is easy but in the long run fatal
to overlook them as unworthy of our attention and energy (Sittser, 2000, p. 84). It is so
easy to think that I have to do something big in order for it to be a calling or to be doing
Gods will, but I also need to be glorifying God in every little thing I do throughout the
day. That is where I will please him the most. Along with that, some callings dont
translate into careers, and that is okay. You can have a career that is outside of a calling
and still pursue what you think your calling is. A career causes people to think of
income, power, position, and prestige. A calling inspires people to consider human need,
moral absolutes, and the welfare of society. A career does not define a person, nor does it
determine a calling (Sittser, 2000, p. 166). As I think through what my vocation may be,
I think about the things that stick out to me when I read different things or the things that
upset me when I am observing life around me in the social context. I believe I am well on
my way to finding my vocation, because I have found things that I am passionate about. I
dont know where they will lead specifically, but I have found that I want to work with
young women in terms of relationships and physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual,
and social purity. Growing up I have read several books pertaining to relationships and
women respecting themselves. The ones that have stuck with me are Eyes Wide Open
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(Murk, 2007) and The Bride Wore White (Gresh, 2000). The first deals with emotional
connections in relationships and being careful about living in the moment and saying
things through texting and email that make our hearts emotionally vulnerable and
entangled. I learned that I want to be a strong woman and teach other women as well to
not give away their hearts too readily. The second book, although it only sounds like
physical purity, taught me that purity isnt only through physical actions. It is about the
way that you conduct yourself, the kinds of music you listen to and the movies that you
watch. These are just a few things that have influenced me and have lead me to wanting
to work with young women and women in general.
In the professional world, I am interested in becoming an athletic/personal trainer.
I have chosen this because I have always been interested in health, I love leaning about
the human body, and I have never been able to sit still: I love to move around. Three
professional goals that I have are to be able to find a job as a personal trainer and gain a
foundation on that, and then I would like to build on that foundation and get more
certifications and lastly, I would like to work with pregnant women. Working with
pregnant women is the ultimate goal, but I have to work up to it because there are many
things that are specialized to that population. Ideally, I would love to have a group class
that I work with that has women of all different stages of pregnancy in it. I would go over
nutrition and health, have specific exercises pertaining to strength in the birthing process,
and then a cardio aspect that would most likely be a form of dance or aerobics. I would
want to develop relationships with the women Im training so that I can individualize
things. I have also thought about the possibility of graduate school, but dont think Id do
that right away, but if I did go to graduate school and possibly becoming a midwife.
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From my point of view as a Christian, being compassionate and truly caring about
the welfare of the people I will be working with is something that will set me apart from
others within the profession. I doubt that the job of a personal trainer would pay very well
so Im not in it for the money. I want to help people feel their best and be healthy with a
wellness that goes further than physical. I believe that others that are not Christians
within the field are still very capable of being compassionate and loving towards the
people that they are working with, but what I have learned throughout my life is that
Christians who are truly following God and living it out have something that is just
different about them that other people notice. Therefore, I think that because of that, I
would stand out to people.
Throughout this time of reflecting on my college experience, what I have learned
and what I hope to do with my life in the future, I have been able to think about many
things that I had forgotten about. This reflection allowed ideas and thoughts to arise about
experiences - academically, socially and spiritually - that have impacted my time at
Westmont. It was a joy to reflect, remember and have the opportunity to express a few of
those on paper. This paper, this gathering of ideas and reflection, is something that I will
have for a long time and can keep and look back on down the road. I am very thankful for
my time at Westmont: the lessons I have learned, the experiences that have caused me to
grow, and the people I have had the opportunity to interact with have ultimately helped
shape who I am.


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References

(2000). Youcat. San Francisco, CA: Ignatius Press.

(2011). A heart of gratitude. Nashville, TN: Freeman-Smith.

Gresh, D. (2000). And the bride wore white. Wheaton, IL: Moody Publishers.

Freeman, E. (2011). Grace for the good girl. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Publishing Group.

McFall, L. (1987). Integrity. Ethics, 98(1).

Murk, B. (2007). Eyes wide open. Ventura, CA: Regal Books.

Shelley, M. (1963). Frankenstein. New York, NY: First Signet Classic

Sittser, J. (2000). The will of god as a way of life. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

Smith, A. (1998). The no.1 ladies' detective agency. New York, NY: Anchor Books.

Smith, A. (2009). Wealth of nations. Blacksburg, VA: Thrifty Books.

Williamson, M. (1992). A return to love: Reflections on the principles of "a course in
miracles". New York, NY: Harper Collins Publishers.

Wright, N. T. (2008). Surprised by hope. New York, NY: HarperOne.