Lost in

myeslf
Robyn-Anne Knowles
Published by FastPencil
Published by FastPencil
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Campbell CA 95008 USA
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Printed in the United States of America.
First Edition
Contents
Chapter 1 Chapter one . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1
Chapter 2 Chapter two . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
1
Chapter one
The room stood cold, like the early morning on a
winters day. The tattered wallpaper hung off of
the walls from where I had flipped earlier that
morning. Screaming, tearing and smashing every-
thing that was in my sight. Now I am stuck with
nothing but a battered old room. I would give
anything to have you back.
I grabbed my pen and decided to put it to paper, after
all, this is the better option of the two. My skin is scarred
and the day has passed from what seems to be the worst
day of my life so far. Not only have I lost a friend but I
have lost the only person who seemed to care. The only
person who ever gave a damn about what went on in my
life and especially the only one who did a single thing to
stop it.
1
I can remember the days events like it is happening in
front of me right now. The desperate sound of the packets
ripping open one by one, echoing in the hall way. The
needy screams and cries that hollowed out of the bath-
room right into my ears. I could feel your pain oosing
through the walls into my skin. The constant echo of its
all your fault running through my now broken mind. The
wind begins to howl and woosh through the vents making
the surrounding eery and deadly.
The tears cry louder and louder then all of a sudden,
they jolt to a stop. A deadly silence now rushes into the
house. The wind drops still with not a single sound but
that of the chimes sparking in the background. Sitting in
silence, with tears running down my cheeks. Finally, I pull
myself up from the soaking wet ground and race into the
bathroom which is when I realised, its all too late.
The room began to spin, like that spin that happens
when you stand up too fast. Silence floods the room, and
the deep red blood trickles towards my feet. I follow the
trail with my almost closed eyes right to your battered
wrists. The sight of a once pristine piece of work now
resembles that of a chopping board and your pale soft face
is staring up at me with hope and need.
The room becomes empty of all but you and me as I
reach down to feel the last glimpse of warmth from your
self-inflicted beaten body. It all happened way too fast,
and there isnt a single thing that I can do any more. You
are broken beyond my repair, I just wish that I could fix
this one. To give you that chance, one more opportu-
nity to be who you always wanted to be.
2 Lost in myeslf
The wrappers still lay beside you, the razor stuck on the
floor. I cant help but imagine how this is my fault, if I had
gotten here sooner, if I hadnt have started the argument.
Maybe you would still be with me, here to tell me it is all
going to be OK and we could be friends again like before.
Instead I am kneeling here beside your broken body
telling you that I love you and wishing for you to come
back to me, all of which are pointless and in fact, never
going to happen.

Chapter one 3
2
Chapter two
My name is Rachel Buckland, and today is the
day that I decided to run away from home. Ive
had enough of all the arguments and fighting, of
all the hate that gets spilled upon me day in and
day out. I have got sick of the pain that leads me
to believe everything is my fault. The scars are
getting all too much, spreading from my legs to
my wrists. The hope and wishing that I was no
longer here has become all too much to handle. It
is because of all this, I have decided to flee from
the nest. I have desired to become the lonely bird
that stands on her own two feet out here in the
open. Not a single thing can touch me now. I am
free.
5
Now, I feel the final tear drop run down my cheek and
crash onto the floor beneath me. The ground is hard and
cold as I curl up into the fetal position to try and keep
heat, why did I travel so far? I remember the looks on their
faces when I told them I was going out for a walk. The fear
and pain that they held as they knew I would never return.
I reach into my rucksack, pulling out the only thing that
I brought with me. I hold it to my chest, so tight that I
would never let go. The smooth soft silk like feel brushes
against my hands as I close my eyes. You are the only
person that I will miss whilst I am away. The only one that
understands the pain I am going through. This picture will
stay here with me forever.
The rain is getting faster now and my clothes are
soaked right through to my underwear. My long brown
hair is now stuck into thick rats tails as it hangs from my
head because of the rain. My once white t-shirt is now cov-
ered in muck as I lay on the hard ground. My feet begin to
ache as I have been walking for miles, I feel so alone. The
howl of the wind as it passes through the tall standing
trees in the beaten and battered forest opening. The leaves
crunch and crack under the feet of the unknown. I am not
here alone, but instead there are beasts and monsters out
there just waiting for a lost and lonely girl like me.
The dusk sets in as I reach for my rucksack, I quickly
close up the bag and begin to run, faster and faster into the
dark, deep forest. I want to be free, free of all the hate and
sorrow. I want to feel alive again, in control, nothing to
worry about and no one watching over me. I want to hold
the power of my life in my hands.
6 Lost in myeslf


Chapter two 7