new

clothes, but beneath them, my Dauntless

tattoos. It is impossible to erase my
choices. Especially these. Tobias


What else was I supposed to do?
he demands. You wouldnt see reason!
Maybe reason wasnt what I
needed! I sit forward, not able to
pretend I am relaxed anymore. I felt
like I was being eaten alive by guilt, and
what I needed was your patience and
your kindness, not for you to yell at me

A lie of omission is still a lie.

Sometimes he yelled it so often that I
would dream it; it woke me like an
alarm clock, requiring more of me than I
could provide. Adapt. Adapt faster,
adapt better, adapt to things that no man
should have to.
Genes arent everything, Amar
says. People, even genetically damaged
people, make choices. Thats what
matters.



I laugh, and its laughter, not light,
that casts out the darkness building
within me, that reminds me I am still
alive, even in this strange place where
everything Ive ever known is coming
apart. I know some thingsI know that
Im not alone, that I have friends, that
Im in love. I know where I came from. I
know that I dont want to die, and for
me, thats somethingmore than I could
have said a few weeks ago.




Doing a little at once can fix something,
eventually, but I feel like when you
believe that something is truly a
problem, you throw everything you have
at it, because you just cant help
yourself.

This is ridiculous, I say. Why do
you, or they, or anyone get to determine
my limits? []Its about more
than genes, here, and you know it.

Are you talking about
Marcus? Because hes Divergent.
Genetic damage had nothing to do with
it.

Marcus was Divergent
genetically pure, just like me. But I dont
accept that he was a bad person because
he was surrounded by genetically
damaged people. So was I. So was
Uriah. So was my mother. But none of us
lashed out at our loved ones.

Some of the people here want to
blame genetic damage for everything,
he says. Its easier for them to accept
than the truth, which is that they cant
know everything about people and why
they act the way they do. Everyone has to blame something
for the way the world is, I say.

-Why do people come here, then? I
frown. Why dont they just go back to
the cities?
-Here, theres a chance that if you
die, someone will care. Like Rafi, or
one of the other leaders, the guard says.
In the cities, if you get killed, definitely
no one will give a damn, not if youre a
GD.

The worst crime Ive ever seen a
GP get charged with for killing a GD
was manslaughter. Bullshit.
Manslaughter?
It means the crime is deemed an
accident, Rafis smooth, lilting voice
says behind me. Or at least not as
severe as, say, first-degree murder.
Officially, of course, were all to be
treated the same, yes? But that is rarely
put into practice.

Theres electricity, but its on a ration
systemeach family only gets so many
hours a day. Same with water. And
theres a lot of crime, which is blamed
on genetic damage. There are police,
too, but they can only do so much.
So the Bureau compound, I say.
Its easily the best place to live, then.
In terms of resources, yes, Nita
says. But the same social system that
exists in the cities also exists in the
compound; its just a little harder to
see.
proof that the Bureau, the
government, was lying to us about our
history.The Bureau talks about this golden
age of humanity before the genetic
manipulations in which everyone was
genetically pure and everything was
peaceful, Nita says. But Rafi showed
me old photographs of war.
I wait a beat. So?
So? Nita demands, incredulous.
If genetically pure people caused war
and total devastation in the past at the
same magnitude that genetically
damaged people supposedly do now,
then whats the basis for thinking that we
need to spend so many resources and so
much time working to correct genetic
damage? Whats the use of the
experiments at all, except to convince
the right people that the government is
doing something to make all our lives
better, even though its not?

Why? Why spend so much time and
energy fighting something that isnt
really a problem? I demand, suddenly
frustrated.
Well, the people fighting it now
probably fight it because they have been
taught that it is a problem. Thats another
thing that Rafi showed meexamples of
the propaganda the government released
about genetic damage, Nita says. But
initially? I dont know. Its probably a
dozen things. Prejudice against GDs?
Control, maybe? Control the genetically
damaged population by teaching them
that theres something wrong with them,
and control the genetically pure
population by teaching them that theyre
healed and whole? These things dont
happen overnight, and they dont happen
for just one reason.
-The genes for blue eyes
and brown eyes are different too, but are
blue eyes damaged? Its like they just
arbitrarily decided that one kind of DNA
was bad and the other was good.
-Based on the evidence that GD
behavior was worse, Christina points
out.
-Which could be caused by a lot of
things, I retort.
But I think that no
matter how smart, people usually see
what theyre already looking for, thats
all.
Their entire lives
erased, against their will, for the sake of
solving a genetic damage problem that
doesnt actually exist. These people
have the power to do that. And no one
should have that power.
I imagine myself trimming back
all the stray branches of my thoughts,
focusing on just this place, just this time.
The Weapons Lab. Holy words.
I think of Uriah lying on the tile
surrounded by glass and metal. My body
is straining toward him, every muscle,
but I know theres nothing I can do for
him right now. The more important thing
for me to do is to use my knowledge of
chaos, of attacks, to keep Nita and her
friends from stealing the death serum.|

Hey, I say quietly. Just keep
moving. Move now, process later.
He states his opinions as if
theyre facts, and somehow his complete
lack of doubt makes you believe him.


I
dont know what to do with the sympathy
growing within me, for a man I know has
done terrible things.

Though I know that he
had something to do with the attack
simulation, and with all those deaths, I
find it difficult to pair those actions with
the man I see in front of me. I wonder if
this is how it is with all evil men, that to
someone, they look just like good men,
talk like good men, are just as likable as
good men.
To me, Tris has always seemed
magnetic in a way I could not describe,
and that she was not aware of. I have
never feared or hated her for it, the way
Peter does, but then, I have always been
in a position of strength myself, not
threatened by her. Now that I have lost
that position, I can feel the tug toward
resentment, as strong and sure as a hand
around my arm.

Cara says, Ignore them. They dont
know what it is to make a difficult
decision.

Evelyn tried to control people by
controlling weapons, but Jeanine was
more ambitiousshe knew that when
you control information, or manipulate
it, you dont need force to keep people
under your thumb. They stay there
willingly.
That is what the Bureauand the
entire government, probablyis doing:
conditioning people to be happy under
its thumb.

Well your home is perpetuating the
belief that genetically damaged people
need to be fixedthat theyre damaged,
period, which theyweare not. So
yes, its unfortunate that the experiments
still exist. I wont apologize for saying
so.

And Abnegation who switch to Dauntless
become . . . I dont know, soldiers, I
guess. Revolutionaries.
Thats what he could be, if he
trusted himself more, he adds. If Four
wasnt so plagued with self-doubt, he
would be one hell of a leader, I think.
Ive always thought that.
How were you able to forgive Tris,
after what she did to your brother? I
say. Assuming you have, that is.
Hmm. Cara hugs her arms close to
her body. Sometimes I think I have
forgiven her. Sometimes Im not certain I
have. I dont know howthats like
asking how you continue on with your
life after someone dies. You just do it,
and the next day you do it again.