PAIN

A Psyche prole in lyric form from the

Committing a new crime
For the rst time,
Im ushed with adrenalin,
Its so exciting,
A coping mechanism,
& a strategy for living,
Its so much better taken than when given.
It lacks a certain frisson,
When I have permission,
I need a little friction,
In my life of ction,
The fact of the matter
Is that pain is the barrier;
Ive got to overcome.
I cant let my feelings out,
Een though inside I scream & shout,
I cry invisibly,
Haemorrhaging internally.
When Im hurting I wont inch or show a reaction,
Or be betrayed by reex actions,
Emotions roughshod overridden -
Hidden, thoughts to muscles bidden - hold!
With suesque control:
Whats my name?
Its Saul Tensor,
The great pretender,
Sensual censor,
The main offender.
Crime upon crime,
At the same time,
& in succession,
Pressin esh in,
Investigating exploring perspectives,
Im an empathising, conspiring, detective,
Inltrating,
In my own skin,
Thickly tting,
Comfortably in -
Deep, for your pleasure,
Flesh tailoring,
Made to measure fun.
KILL
rst person perspective of the unrealised
I cant let my feelings show - outside,
Or let anybody know whos inside,
Gotta hide my shame.
Gotta take the blame.
As a child I was told Shut up! & Stop crying!
I was taught that theres strength in denying,
& every time I expressed any passion
Something bad would always happen! - Oh oh oh,
Gotta maintain control:
Whats my name?
Its Saul Tensor,
The great pretender,
Sensei, Censured,
Attention centred.
Parallel planes of perception,
Viewed from diametrically opposed ends of the spectrum,
I became us with a polarized ethos,
Occupying the same space & time,
Fragmentintegrating in my mind,
In symbiosis,
But when the coast is clear,
Wholl be closest
To me? Wholl still be here?
Which of the voices
Will I dare to hear?
Wholl I bear to be near?
Who will disappear?
Will my badge be smeared?
Got to face my fear,
Learn to shed a tear.
ERS
Cronenbergian character: Detective Saul Tensor
Crimes of the future,
Tightening the suture,
Cut ya couture,
Ooh it really suits ya!
Peeling back the layers
A-part for a lover,
Revealing a player,
A role under covers?
So well rehearsed,
Chapter & verse,
Deeply immersed,
Instincts reversed,
In character,
Incarnactor,
With method I become.
I learnt to hide the real me,
I cant let anybody see,
When Im hurt silence erupts
From my lips clamped shut.
I keep my feelings bottled up,
Behind my sealed tear ducts,
The pressure builds til inside I drown,
A numb, time-bomb - Im totally shut down,
Losing self, Control! System overload:
Whats my name?
Its Saul Tensor,
The great pretender,
Zen essence or
A tension centre?

My autonomic nervous system
- Sympathetic - tries to kick in,
Manual control to me switching,
So I can ignore the itching
Suppressed auto-pilots twitching.
Blood pressure low,
Pulse go slo-mo,
So bleeding o-no,
Consciously so,
With su control,
No anaesthetic,
Semi-complicit,
Slow resistance,
This co-existence,
Is simultaneous