From The Freedom Writers Diary: How a Teacher and 150 Teens Used

Writing to Change Themselves and the World Around Them

Sophomore Year
Fall 1995

Entry 3 Ms. Gruwell
Dear Diary,
Ever since I started student teaching at Wilson High, it seemed like
some teachers had it in for me. According to them, I was too enthusiastic,
too preppy, and my teaching style was too unorthodox. he students they
critici!ed in the teachers" lounge were the same students cele#rated in a
local newspaper article. And to top it off, when my students received an
invitation to meet $teven $piel#erg, it put some teachers right over the
edge.
After enduring all the rumors during my student teaching, I had #een
pretty hesitant to return to Wilson last fall. When I was assigned to teach
freshmen with #elow%par reading skills, the head of the English department
challenged me, saying, &'et"s see what you can do with these kids,
hotshot()
Hotshot* If she only knew how nervous and overwhelmed I really was
as a first%year teacher. $he never even took the time to get to know me+
and yet she was la#eling me. ,ust like the students I defended, I was #eing
stereotyped. eachers called me a prima donna #ecause I wore suits- I made
the other teachers &look #ad) #ecause I took my students on field trips- and
some had the audacity to say that ,ohn u was my &sugar daddy.) At that
moment, I understood why almost half of new teachers leave the profession
within the first few years.
I contemplated leaving Wilson after a teacher printed and then
distri#uted a letter I"d written to $piel#erg"s secretary thanking her for
helping with my spring field trip to the .useum another teacher #rought me
a copy of my letter+with certain sections highlighted+I lost it. Why
would a teacher, someone who was supposed to #e my colleague, access my
computer file and print a private letter* And then why would she make
copies of it* In my opinion, she invaded my privacy, and that"s where I
drew the line. All my suppressed animosity came to the surface, and I
decided it was time for me to leave Wilson.
I interviewed at another high school and was offered a /o#. I was inches
away from a clean getaway, until I made the mistake of telling my principal
that I was planning to leave. He was shocked and asked me why.
&All of the teachers are out to get me() I #lurted out.
&0ut what a#out your students*) he asked. &Didn"t they sign up for
your sophomore English class* Won"t they #e disappointed if you"re not
here on the first day of school*)
hen my hypocrisy hit me. All year long I had encouraged my students
to avoid using la#els like &all) and other gross generali!ations. I even had
people who were the victims of stereotyping descri#e the dangers of
la#eling groups of people. Holocaust survivor 1enee 2irestone reiterated
my point #y telling my students, &Don"t let the actions of a few determine
the way you feel a#out an entire group. 1emem#er, not all 3ermans were
4a!is.) 4ow I was stereotyping #y saying &all) teachers, when in reality it
was only a handful who disliked me. here were actually several teachers
who were supportive.
If I let a few other teachers chase me away from Wilson, the kids would
#e the ultimate losers. hey would think that I, like so many others, had
#ailed on them. I reali!ed I needed to finish what I had started. 0esides, I
didn"t #ecome a teacher to win any congeniality contests. $o I decided to
stay at Wilson and devote my energy to teaching literature, rather than
perpetuating petty rivalries.
0y staying, I"ll have the ma/ority of the students I had last year. In
addition to them, I"ll #e getting a whole new crop+the kids no#ody else
wants( .y class has #ecome a dumping ground for disciplinary transfers,
kids in reha# or those on pro#ation. 0ut if $haraud, who graduated in ,une,
could turn his life around, there is hope for these new students yet.
Ironically, &hope) is one of the few four%letter words not in their
voca#ulary.
When I asked one of my freshmen if he thought he"d graduate, he said.
&3raduate* Hell, I don"t even know if I"ll make it to my sixteenth
#irthday() o some of these kids, death seems more real than a diploma.
heir fatalistic attitude influenced my literature choices for this year.
$ince the incident with the racist note segued into a unit on tolerance, I"m
going to revisit and expand on that theme. I"ve ordered four #ooks a#out
teens in crisis5 he Wave #y odd $trasser- 4ight #y Elie Wiesel- Anne
2rank5 he Diary of a 6oung 3irl, and 7lata"s Diary5 A 8hild"s 'ife in
Sarajevo. The last two will be the focal point of the curriculum.
It"s uncanny how many similarities my students have with Anne and
7lata. $ince many of my students are fifteen, and 7lata is fifteen and Anne
2rank was fifteen when she died, I think the parallels #etween age,
alienation, and teenage angst will really hit home for them.
Anne 2rank"s #ook was a natural choice, #ut I was really excited to
discover the #ook #y the young 0osnian writer, who critics are hailing as a
&modern%day Anne 2rank.) $cope maga!ine"s cover story a#out 7lata
2ilipovic last spring inspired me to read her diary a#out war%torn 0osnia.
7lata #egan keeping a diary when she was ten. $he called it &.immy)+
similar to how Anne 2rank called her diary &9itty.) ,ust as Anne"s life
changed dramatically under the 4a!i occupation, so did 7lata"s during the
war in $ara/evo. $uddenly, 7lata"s focus switched from her studies and
watching .: to the closing of her school and the destruction of the
national li#rary. As the war progressed, she experienced and chronicled
food shortages, artillery shelling, and the death of children.
In ;<<;, at the age of eleven, as 7lata watched her once peaceful city
erupt in war, my students witnessed 'os Angeles literally #urn in the wake
of the 1odney 9ing verdict- as 7lata dodged sniper fire in the streets where
she once played, my students dodged stray #ullets from drive%#y shootings-
as 7lata watched her friends killed #y the senseless violence of war, my
students watched friends get killed #y senseless gang violence. In $ara/evo,
7lata descri#ed how soldiers used a &#lack crayon of war) to put an &$) on
$er#s, a &8) on 8roats, and an &.) on .uslims. I think my students could
argue that they, too, have experienced a &#lack crayon) of sorts, la#eling
them with a &W) for white, a &0) for #lack, an &') for 'atino, and an &A)
for Asian.
I think my students will #e a#le to identify with the teen protagonists in
all of the #ooks I"ve selected. 0ut since the #ooks won"t arrive for a while,
I"m going to have them read short stories and plays that they"ll #e a#le to
relate to. I think they"ll #e surprised how life mirrors art.
Diary 24
Dear Diary,
=5>> A...+he sound of my alarm clock woke me to a dark room this
morning. he sun wasn"t out yet, so I decided not to get up. .y clock saw
things differently and kept #eeping.
$o I thanked my clock #y throwing it on the floor. he #eeping
stopped. As I looked over to see where the clock had landed, I reali!ed I,
too, was lying on the floor. Why* 0ecause I don"t have a #ed. I turned on
the lights so I could get started on my day. I walked past the closet mirror in
the room to get my clothes. he mirror showed my sleeping space+a thick
#lanket and a pillow.
he mirror"s reflection also revealed that the room does not #elong to
me. It made me feel sad. Almost at the point of crying. I gra##ed my clothes
from the closet and walked down the long hallway to the #athroom. During
my shower, I cried. ears mixed with the water streaming down my face. I
welcomed the pain that came with the tears. It"s the only way I can deal
with my current situation. he room, hallway, and #athroom don"t #elong to
me. his is not my home. .y mom is down the hall sleeping in a room, #ut
this is still not my home. I don"t have a home anymore.
=5?> A...+I"m out of the #athroom, done with my shower, and ready
to go. I have to remind myself that today is the first day of my tenth%grade
year at Wilson High $chool. I should #e happy that I get a chance to see my
friends after not seeing them all summer. 0ut, I wonder if my friends"
summer was as #ad as mine. hat summer was the worst in my short
fourteen years of life. It all started with a phone call chat I will never forget.
.y mom was crying, #egging, and pleading- asking for more time as if
she were gasping for a last #reath of air. hough I never paid attention to
&adult matters,) this time I was all ears. I never wanted to see my mom cry.
As she hung up the phone, she turned around to see me standing there
confused and scared. I didn"t know what was wrong. $he @uickly held me
as tight as she could, hugged me, and said that she was sorry. $he #egan to
cry again, this time more so than when I walked in. Her tears hit my shirt
like #ullets. $he told me that we were going to #e evicted. $he kept
apologi!ing to me, saying she failed me as a mother and provider. $he was
a month #ehind on the rent. he landlord was already money hungry, so it
made the situation worse. I was only fourteen and too young to get a /o#.
he only /o# I could get in my neigh#orhood was selling drugs+so I
decided to pass.
While kids were having fun en/oying the summer, I was packing my
clothes and #elongings into #oxes and wondering where we were going to
end up. .y mom didn"t know what to do or where to go. We had no family
to lean on. 4o money was coming in. Without a /o#, my mom didn"t have
enough money to get another place. What to do* 4o father to help out, /ust
a single mom and her son.
he night #efore the sheriff was supposed to pay us a unwelcome visit,
I prayed to 3od for a way out of this madness. $ad and depressed, I
attempted to get some sleep that night in the hope something would happen.
he morning of our eviction, a hard knock on the door woke me. he
sheriff was here to do his /o#. We were moving all our stuff out as fast as
we could. I started to look up to the sky, waiting for something to happen. I
looked at my mom to see if she was all right #ecause she was silent moving
the stuff out.
Aur pastor had a friend who had a nice, #ig house where he lived #y
himself. he pastor"s friend, who was informed of our situation, welcomed
us with open arms. he arms of a stranger were a lot more comforta#le than
the arms of the sheriff.
B5>> A...+I"m waiting for the #us. 2lash#acks of this summer pass
through my mind like a song repeating itself over and over again. I try to
tell myself it could have #een worse. 4othing like this has ever happened to
me. I started to think the situation was my fault #ecause I always asked for
the top video games every 8hristmas and #irthday. I should have asked for
something less expensive- something we could afford.
B5C= A...+I"ve ridden one #us to catch another #us that will now take
me directly to school. $choolDwhy #other going to school* What"s the use
of going if I don"t have a place to live* When friends ask how my summer
was, what am I going to say* I was evicted from my apartment* I don"t
think so. I"m not going to tell a soul what happened. I knew everyone would
#e wearing new clothes, new shoes, and have new haircuts. .e* With
outfits from last year, some old shoes, and no new haircut. I feel like it"s
hopeless to try to feel good and make good grades. here"s no point to it.
E5l> A...+he #us stops in front of the school. .y stomach feels like
it"s tightening into a tiny little #all. I feel like throwing up. I keep thinking
that I"ll get laughed at the minute I step off the #us. Instead, I"m greeted #y
a couple of my friends who were in my English class last year. At that
point, it hits me. .s. 3ruwell, my cra!y English teacher from last year, is
really the only person that made me think of hope for my future. alking
with my friends a#out our English class and the adventures we had the year
#efore, I #egan to feel #etter.
E5C= A...+I receive my class schedule and the first teacher on the list
is .s. 3ruwell in 1oom F>?. I walk in the room and I feel as though all the
pro#lems in my life are not important anymore. I am home.

Diary 25
Dear Diary,
Damn( $chool /ust started and I have to go to the hospital again. his
time I have to have sinus surgery. he doctors say I will #e out of school for
a week or two. I hope they are right.
I am fre@uently hospitali!ed for a lung disease called cystic fi#rosis. 82
has #een a constant part of my life. .y #reathing sucks( I have coughing
attacks every five to fifteen minutes that last a#out five minutes each. I lose
my concentration and I can"t even #reathe. he lack of oxygen gives me a
migraine. .y weight is also a pro#lem. $ince I can"t digest what I eat, I
can"t gain weight. I have to take pills to help digest my food and perform
#reathing treatments. If I don"t, I get severe stomachaches. .ost of the time
I end up losing weight.
I have #een on a transplant list for over six months, and I pro#a#ly only
have a few years left to live unless I receive new lungs. It makes me wonder
if I will survive this. I know I will, #ut it"s a tough, scary road ahead for me.
Anything can happen to me, and hopefully I will #e prepared.
I"m sure going to miss school and my friends. I"m really going to miss
.s. 3 and her class. 'ast year when I was in the hospital she #ought like a
two%foot card and everyone in her class signed it. $he even came to the
hospital to visit me.
I don"t know what kind of assignments I"ll miss, #ut I hope it isn"t
much. I hope the surgery won"t keep me out for more than two weeks. I
would hate to #e out of school longer than that, #ecause school is one of the
only things that I love doing.

Diary 2
Dear Diary,
oday I walked into my fifth%period English class and all of the desks
were lined up against the wall. An the chalk#oard read welve Angry .en
and under it listed the characters in the play. It looks like she wants us to
role%play. With my luck I"m pro#a#ly going to #e the first person she picks.
Why did I have to #e transferred into this class*
Everyone in here seems to know everyone else- /ust like that : show
8heers, where every#ody knows your name. Well, I don"t really talk to
people and I"m sure no#ody knows my name. I would like to keep it that
way.
&Ah my 3odDshe"s going to pick me to #e a character, I know she
isDgreat, /ust great, she"s looking at me.) 4ow every#ody will know my
name. I immediately stick my head into my #ackpack to search for
something, anything, to look like I"m distracted. I can"t take this- I don"t
need this kind of stress. Ghew, she passed me up, I guess I got lucky this
time. I hate talking in front of people, and all this teacher does is talk. $he
calls on people to answer @uestions- like they could give a smart answer
right off the top of their head. Why can"t she talk monotonously through the
whole class period* Why couldn"t she /ust #e #oring like my other teachers*

Diary 2!
Dear Diary,
.urder, taking of a life, stealing a soul, the one thing you can never
repay or apologi!e for. 'ately the word murder has #een a shadow hovering
over my life. Everywhere I turn, I see the A.,. $impson trial all over
television. .s. 3 is having our class read welve Angry .en. And at F5>>
G... today my #rother will #e given a verdict in his own murder trial. I
often think of &twelve angry men,) in a hostile room, all trying to decide the
fate of my #rother.
I think of how there is no million%dollar defense, no dream team with
#riefcases filled with credentials. here is /ust a state%appointed attorney
who pro#a#ly #elieves that my #rother is guilty, too.
I watched the A.,. trial on television. It seemed /ust when the
prosecution #egan to present a strong case against him, his dream team
displayed something else to weaken their evidence, and softened the hearts
of the /ury. hen I reflected on my #rother and how his only hope was a
confession statement from the person he was with, the real killer. he court
stated5
&he defendant confessed his actions to a person who was not an
officer of the court. herefore his statement is null and void, and
it cannot #e used as admissi#le evidence in court.)
His lawyer came and advised him to plead the fifth%amendment+no
statement, no conviction. Ance again, they proved that /ustice doesn"t mean
the #ad guys go to /ail, it /ust means someone pays for the crime. I
remem#er images from welve Angry .en, and how one optimistic /uror
turned the hearts of eleven /urors. As soon as I started to #ecome hopeful, I
reali!ed it was only a #ook, nothing more.
oday at two o"clock my #rother was without a dream team or a
guardian angel on the /ury. He was sentenced to serve fifteen years to life in
prison.

Diary 2"
Dear Diary,
Ever since elementary school I"ve #een in accelerated classes. I had
thought I was lucky getting the #est education and the top%notch teachers. I
was on the road to the #rightest of the #right.
When I reached /unior high, I started to reali!e that since I was in the
accelerated program, I only knew the other accelerated kids. We didn"t talk
to anyone else. It was like an unspoken law. We weren"t allowed to talk to
the kids who weren"t in the gifted program, or may#e they weren"t allowed
to talk to us. I knew it wasn"t right, #ut it was all I knew. 3oing into high
school, I was accepted into the highest academic program in my district. I
thought it was a good thing, until the middle of my first semester. he work
was piled over my head and I felt like I couldn"t think straight. I didn"t have
time for anything #ut homework. It was hard to pay attention #ecause my
teachers talked like ro#ots. I"m sure they were teaching me important
information, #ut #y the time I got home, I couldn"t remem#er a thing. We
were assigned too many pages to read in one night and too many tests in
one week. I didn"t have time to actually learn. I found my way out of this
program I and found my way into another one at Wilson High $chool. I
crossed my fingers, hoping this one would #e #etter.
his new program was called Distinguished $cholars. I was given a list
of @ualifications that had to #e met. We had to have a good grade point
average, good attendance, and take more classes than the average student. It
seemed tough, #ut I felt it was a more reacha#le goal. I walked into this
open%minded, #ut it /ust wasn"t the right program for me. All of my teachers
held their noses in the air, as if they were a#ove the rest of the school.
'ooking around, I reali!ed I was uncomforta#le. he class was made up of
all white, wealthy kids who couldn"t have more stress than planning what
they were going to wear the next day. hey made it clear that their race,
economic state, and the classes they were taking made them popular and
#etter then anyone else. Even though I"m white, live in the same
neigh#orhood, and had all of the same classes, I wanted out.
When I complained to; a friend of mine, she told me a#out her English
class. .y friend raved a#out the things they did. While they were reading
a#out 8amelot, their teacher dressed up as Hueen 3uinevere to add an extra
oomph. hey also put on plays to make the stories come to life. I had never
done that. We were lucky if we were a#le to read out loud. I #egged to meet
.s. 3ruwell. When I finally did, I was in a#solute awe.
Within the next week, she has managed to fit me into her class. $he
plays reading and voca#ulary games to help us learn, and she listens to our
@uestions. $he actually cares. $he talks to us on a level I can understand.
It"s wonderful to feel like a real person and not /ust someone for my
teachers to #elittle.
Diary 29
Dear Diary,
1ecently in .s. 3"s class we"ve #een studying the legend of 8amelot
and 9ing Arthur. At first, many of us in the class were not too interested in
the legends that occurred in medieval times. I think .s. 3 saw our initial
lack of interest, so she decided to add a little incentive in order to get the
class to participate a little more. $he announced that once our lesson was
finished and the class took &the test,) all the students who passed the exam
would #e eligi#le to attend a field trip to the .edieval imes restaurant. We
had an opportunity to relive the medieval era and en/oy a nice dinner while
#eing entertained #y knights participating in hand%to%hand com#at. here is
no #etter way to teach than to provide some firsthand experience and a little
fun.
4eedless to say, the announcement of a field trip to .edieval imes
perked up everyone"s interest. $oon, everyone in class was determined to
know everything a#out 9ing Arthur and his adventures. he more I
participated in class, the more I reali!ed that I was no longer interested in
the lesson plan #ecause of the possi#le reward, #ut #ecause I genuinely
found the lesson captivating. Af course, the idea that we as a class would
have the opportunity to go out to dinner together and en/oy ourselves was
not #ad.
As time went on and I #ecame very familiar with the lesson material, I
felt a great sense of accomplishment. 3o figure. I could now understand and
was a#le to participate in discussions that were related to great literature. I
understood #ecause I had to actually read it, not #ecause I had seen one or
two movies.
est day came. I could feel knots in my stomach on my way to class. I
passed the test with flying colors and so did everyone else. his only made
the pri!e even sweeter, #ecause I had worked very hard and en/oyed myself
doing it. However, something ended up raining on my parade. he day
#efore our long awaited field trip, another teacher told me and a friend in
my class that we were not going to #e a#le to go unless we dressed in slacks
and a tie and not like gangsters. 3angsters* $ince when do gangsters wear
3IE$$* shirts with 'evi pants at the waist* I always thought gangsters
liked to dress in pants three times their actual waist si!e with white %shirts.
.ay#e he felt this way #ecause of my race. I didn"t know, and I was
confused.
2unny that he was creating rules of his own. After all, he was only
tagging along as a chaperone. He shouldn"t have #een pushing his weight
around. &4o pro#lem,) we thought. Even though neither one of us owned a
tie, we were going to dress our #est without one. he next day, as my friend
and I stood in line to #oard the #us, we were asked to step out of the line
and let others a#oard. We were actually #eing denied the right to participate
in the field trip #ecause we were not wearing ties #y that same teacher that
had talked to us a day earlier. I was in complete shock. I had worked so
hard to get to the awaited moment only to #e told that I could not participate
#ecause of my appearance.
8onfused and disappointed, my friend and I went home. he next day
was very hard, as everyone asked why I didn"t attend the field trip.
Actually, what really #othered me was how everyone was #ragging a#out
how fun it was. A little while after the incident, I met with .s. 3ruwell and
the other teacher who prevented me from participating in the event. .s. 3
put up a hell of a fight( Apparently she felt that I had the right to go, too,
/ust like everyone else, and that I was wrongfully discriminated against
#ecause of the way I was dressed. Even though the teacher eventually
apologi!ed to me for his #latant discrimination, I forgave him #ut didn"t
forget. o think that I was denied something #ecause of the fact that I was
not wearing a tie #ut was still following the dress code disgusts me. 2rom
now on, I will walk with my head in the clouds and dream of when people
will stop /udging #ooks #y their cover.

Diary 3#
Dear Diary,
&2our eyes,) &0lind as a #at,) or worse yet, &8oke #ottle #itch) were
the mean comments I heard all through my childhood. I would come home
from elementary and middle school in tears every day #ecause my
classmates or even strangers would harass me. I even #egged my mother to
let me change schools #ecause people made fun of me too much. heir
ruthless comments shaped my personality and turned me into a shy,
insecure, @uiet girl. I was always alone #ecause I was afraid of making
friends and then finding out that they made fun of me #ehind my #ack.
,ust recently, I was sitting in my science class, when I heard the girl
sitting next to me making rude comments a#out my #ad eyesight. I am very
sensitive when it comes to my eyesight and somehow she sensed it. I tried
to ignore her, #ut she started writing on my /acket. I got up and I said, &6ou
know what, I"m fucking tired of this.) I couldn"t #elieve I said that, #ecause
I used to /ust #rush off what people said. $he said, &$hut up, you #lind
#itch.) When I heard her call me that name, I lost it. I slapped her( It was as
if she represented all the kids throughout the years who had made fun of
me. All of the anger that had #uilt up in my heart throughout my childhood
years was released at that moment. I was so furious that ; #lacked out.
'iterally( .y mind went #lank. .y science teacher separated us and I was
shaking uncontrolla#ly. I don"t know what happened to me next.
When I told .s. 3 a#out the fight, she told me a#out one of her
students named $haruad, who was teased #ecause he had #ig lips. $he said
she found a mean drawing of his lips and it made her lose her cool. After
yelling and screaming at the class, she said the incident woke her up and
made her #ecome a #etter teacher. .ay#e this incident could make me a
#etter person, too.

Diary 31
Dear Diary,
he #ell rang and every#ody walked into class. All the desks were up
against the wall. here was a ta#le full of plastic champagne glasses and
#ottles of apple cider all around the room. I thought, &What the hell is going
on* Are we having a party*) I saw .s. 3ruwell waving her arms around
like a cra!y lady, #ut no one was reacting to her caffeine high. We all knew
the effect caffeine had on .s. 3ruwell.
hroughout the class period, things #egan to change drastically. .s.
3ruwell stood on the desk and #egan to talk a#out &change.) I thought,
&What is this lady trying to do*) What does she mean #y &change)* hen
people started crying. I thought to myself, &Why is everyone crying*) I
didn"t understand. .s. 3ruwell passed out #ooks and #ags from 0arnes J
4o#le. When I saw the look on people"s faces, I felt like /umping up for
/oy. I wanted to start reading them at that very moment. I was so occupied
with one of my new #ooks that I missed the whole idea of what we were
supposed to do with them. he #ook had never #een opened and the pages
smelled like a new car. I started reading 4ight #y Elie Wiesel, and I can"t
wait to get started on he Wave #y odd $trasser, Anne 2rank"s diary, and
last #ut not least 7lata"s Diary. At first I thought we were going to have to
do a lot of #ook reports. hen she told us a#out the &1ead%a%thon for
olerance.) What the heck is .s. 3ruwell talking a#out* $he said we"d
have fun #ecause the stories are a#out kids in similar situations. We were all
teenagers who were going through a difficult time in our lives. $ome of us
succeed and others don"t. hat is /ust how it is, and all I wanted to do was
#e one of the people who make it.
I have always #een one of the kids that needed to change+I can"t even
try to deny it. .y mom is no help #ecause I can"t do anything wrong in her
eyes. I am &.ommy"s little girl) no matter how #adly I am doing in school
or what type of drugs I"ve tried. .y dad is /ust the opposite. He"s never
cared a#out how #ad I"m doing+or how good, for that matter.
Everyone changes as they get older, no matter if it"s good or #ad. $o I
guess I was offered an opportunity that not many people have. I got a
second chance to change my life for the #etter, I thank 3od that he sent an
angel to give me that chance to change. I was always known as the person
that was going to #e a druggie, or get pregnant #efore I turned fourteen and
drop out. 4ow I have the chance to prove them wrong.
Diary 32
Dear Diary,
A year has passed since two of my friends died. .an, everyone
respected those two. hose guys were the most loved cholos of the #arrio.
hat"s how I wanted to #e when I grew up. All I wanted to do was impress
them. While I was in school one day, they were killed while trying to
commit a ro##ery. o think I could have #een with them.
After this incident, I started to see life from a whole new perspective. I
had #een taking the wrong path all along. 4ow my #est friend and I are the
oldest cholos in the #arrio. It was pitiful that all the older guys were either
six feet under or living #ehind #ars. As the weeks went #y, I slowly
changed my ways. I didn"t want the younger ones to look up to me when I
was a loser. I had done so much to hurt my community and now it was time
to do something to help it.
4ow the young ones are looking up to me as a role model, so I try my
hardest to give a straight image on how things should #e, and make them
see right from wrong. .y neigh#ors adore me. I have a warm feeling deep
down inside, as if I am the &chosen one) in the #arrio. 0ut it hurts me to
know that it took the lives of two dear friends for me to turn my life around.
I guess it"s never too late to change in life. If I did it, others should #e a#le
to as well. It really all depends on how #adly one wants to change. I"m
lucky to have another opportunity at a clean start.
It"s /ust too #ad the two cholos were never given the same opportunity.
Diary 33
Dear Diary,
&6ou can"t go against your own people, your own #lood()
hose words kept ringing in my mind as I walked down the courtroom
aisle to sit in a cold, empty chair next to the /udge. I kept telling myself,
&3et your shit together, you don"t want to contradict yourself on the witness
stand, your homie"s future lies in your hands.) I was convinced that I had to
lie to protect my own, the way I was always taught to do. As I walked
through the courtroom, I kept my eyes focused straight ahead, afraid to
make eye contact with anyone. It was so @uiet that the only things I could
hear were the steps I took walking across the mar#le floor and my heart.
As I sat in the chair, I felt as if I was exposed to different eyes. hose
eyes, in some strange way, were touching a part of me that was deep inside,
everyone was waiting for my reaction.
When I sat down, I noticed that the courtroom was divided. An one
side, there was my family and my friends. .ost of them are from one of the
most notorious gangs in 8alifornia. hey had all come #ecause they were
worried a#out what the other side might do to me after the verdict. Even
though they were there to protect me, I didn"t feel safe. I guess it was
#ecause they couldn"t protect me from the one thing I was actually afraid of,
the guilt I had inside. 0ut all I had to do was look in the eyes of my people
for them to reassure me that I had no choice #ut to take care of my own. I
had to protect Gaco no matter what went down. We all knew, that no matter
what, I wasn"t going to rat on my home#oy. He would give his life for me,
without hesitation, the same way I would give mine for his. All I had to do
was sit there and lie a#out what had happened that night. he night when
Gaco was only proving, once again, that he would do anything for his main
girl. He was only protecting me, and sending out a warning not to mess with
me again.
An the other side of the courtroom were the family mem#ers of the guy
who was #eing falsely accused of murder. hose people, his family and his
friends, of course, were looking at me with rage. I knew why, #ut I didn"t
care. I wasn"t afraid of them. hey were our rivals and they had it coming.
hey had already killed one of our friends, and they had /umped me a
couple of weeks #efore. hen one person on his side caught my eye. Her
look wasn"t filled with rage, there was strength and sadness, which made it
painfully familiar. $he looked at me, tears rolling down her cheeks, and
hugged the little girl on her lap.
When I saw her tears, a little voice inside of me whispered very @uietly,
&Doesn"t she remind you of someone you love more than anyone else in the
world*) I tried to ignore the little voice, #ut then the voice spoke louder. It
told me that this woman was my mother, and that little girl was me. I
couldn"t help #ut stare #ack, imagining how life would #e for that little girl
without her father. I pictured her waiting for her father to come home,
knowing he wasn"t. I pictured her visiting him, and not #eing a#le to touch
him #ecause of an un#reaka#le window, and I imagined her wanting to
unlock his cage, knowing she couldn"t. he same memories I have of my
father in prison. he woman looked at me again, and I could see that she
was suffering the same way my mother suffered when my dad and #rother
went to prison. I wondered how they could #e so different. .y mother is
.exican and this woman #lack, yet the emotions that made them cry came
from a heart that was tearing apart the same way.
hroughout my life I"ve always heard the same thing5 &6ou can"t go
against your own people, your own #lood.) It got so engraved in my head
that even as I sat on the witness stand, I kept thinking of those same words.
&6ou can"t go against your ownD) 6et, my so%called familia, my so%called
people, had put me in the worst position of my life. .y feelings were
starting to change, I #egan to have second thoughts. I was convinced that I
was going to lie #efore I entered the courtroom, #efore I saw the woman,
#efore I saw the little girl, #ut now I wasn"t so sure.
$uddenly, his lawyer interrupted my thoughts #y #usting out with
@uestions. Who shot the guy* hen I looked at my friend. He was /ust
staring at me with a smug look on his face. He wasn"t worried a#out
anything even though he was guilty, even though he knew I had witnessed
everything. When he shot the guy he looked at me and said, &his is for
you.) He knew I was going to lie, he knew that I had always had his #ack
#efore, so I had no reason to turn on him now. I turned to look at him, and
my eyes stared getting watery. He was surprised, as if it wasn"t a #ig deal,
#ut this time it was a #ig deal.
hen I glanced at my mom, she shook her head, and it was as if she
knew that I wanted to say the truth. I never told her what actually happened
that night, #ut she knew my friend had done it. When she had asked me
what I was going to say, I told her, &I"m going to protect my ownDyou
know how it is. 6ou have to know, you and every other person in my family
taught me a#out my own.)
&I know how it is, #ut why does it always have to #e that way*) $he
never spoke that way to me #efore, after all, my father is in prison and most
of my family is in a gang. I always figured that my mom accepted how
things were. hat"s /ust the ways things go when you"re in a gang. hen she
asked me, &How does it feel to #e sending an innocent person to prison*
6ou pro#a#ly feel like that man that sent your father to prison knowing he
was innocent, you know, he was only protecting his own, too.) And for the
first time in my life, the image of my mother made me #elieve that I could
change the way things were. 0ecause at that moment I locked eyes with
Gaco and said, &Gaco did it. Gaco shot the guy( )
Diary 34
Dear Diary,
6ou"re going to #e so disappointed in me. Actually I"m more
disappointed in myself for the way I"m tricking people into #elieving that
I"m something I"m not. $ince I"ve #een in .s. 3ruwell"s class, everyone
thinks I am &'ittle .iss 3oodie 3oodie.) It never fails- she always uses me
as the &good) example. I"m seen as the kind of student that is @uiet, has
good grades, and is the teacher"s pet. he strange thing is that while
everyone around me is changing #ecause of our &toast for change,) I seem
to #e the only one who"s not going anywhere. It"s hard for me, #ecause I
have a lot of people who always tell me that I am smart, and that I seem to
have it all together, and they sometimes wish they were like me. If they
only knew that on the inside I am /ust #arely keeping it together.
I am living a lie. I am struggling with a deep secret+#eing a &closet
drinker.) I walk around with my water #ottle pretending to #e #etter than
what I am. Deep down inside it hurts me that I can"t #ring myself to tell
anyone a#out my pro#lem. I do want to change, #ut it"s so hard. It"s so hard
for me to change #ecause I fear that people will not like the so#er me. I"ve
#een doing it for so long, it"s /ust a daily routine like getting up in the
morning, going to the #athroom, and #rushing your teeth.
I can"t keep on hiding the fact that I"m an alcoholic. I"m hiding it from
my mom, .s. 3, and all of my friends. I know I need help, #ut how do I go
a#out getting it* It has got to #e hereditary #ecause not only do I have this
pro#lem, #ut my grandfather, my dad, and his mom had this pro#lem also. I
guess I was going to end up with it myself sooner or later.
'et me tell you a#out my day. I woke up craving orange /uice with a
little hint of vodka. 3uess what I did* As usual, I went to my secret stash,
and poured my favorite drink, vodka and orange /uice. I started wondering
how I am going to achieve anything in life, if I can"t even start the day
without alcohol.
Af course my mom was already at work, so I walked out the door with
my water #ottle filled with A.,. and vodka and went to school like it was an
everyday thing. he thing that really got me was when I got to school, no
one, I mean not even .s. 3 or even my #est friend, had any idea that I was
drunk. I talked to my friends and teachers and they didn"t know. 6ou know
why* 0ecause I have a trick5 I stop off at the donut shop and #uy a pack of
gum after I get off the #us. $mart, huh*
During G.E. I almost drowned #ecause my legs gave out on me while I
was in the pool. Everyone thought it was #ecause I was feeling fatigued, #ut
I knew it was #ecause I was drunk. At lunch I could hardly stand. I ran to
the #athroom and puked all over the stall. I tried to convince myself that it
was #ecause of the flu or something. 0y dinner time I was #ack to the way
people always saw me- sweet, smart, and innocent.
.y drinking never really #othered me #efore we started reading all
these #ooks a#out people changing and wanting to make a difference. It
makes me feel like such a hypocrite. he story that sticks with me the most
is how the 4a!is deli#erately hurt innocent people like Anne 2rank, and in
my case, I"m the one who"s hurting myself. I"m the one choosing to hide.
Infortunately, Anne 2rank was never free. It makes me wonder if I"ll ever
#e.
Diary 35
Dear Diary,
onight I /ust finished one of the #ooks for our read%a%thon, called he
Wave. his story is a#out a school experiment that shows how peer pressure
can get out of hand. Ane of the main characters was a guy #y the name of
1o#ert 0illing. He pressured and #ullied other teenagers into acting like
modern%day 4a!is. he teenagers were like sheep #lindly following a
leader. After reading this #ook, I reali!ed how teens are very gulli#le-
getting tricked into doing things against their will #ecause they want to fit in
and #e popular. hat must #e why Hitler preyed on children. It"s ama!ing
how he controlled thousands of teenagers called the &0rown $hirts.) I can"t
#elieve how peer pressure can take charge of a person"s life and change
who they are. I know that stories like this are true #ecause I"ve experienced
peer pressure myself. I wanted to hang out with the so%called &coo;) crowd
so #adly that I was talked into doing things I knew were wrong.
I came to school one time and found my usual friends, and someone
was telling the others a#out how they /ust got away with shoplifting. I
wondered how they did it without getting caught. I listened to them #ecause
I never had any stories to tell a#out stealing. hey always said that I"m such
a &goodie two shoes.) An this particular day, I felt like I should prove them
wrong. 'ater that night, my family and I went shopping, and that"s when
my nightmare started.
I /acked some makeup and thought to myself as I slowly walked toward
the door, &I can /ust walk out that door, it will all #e over. Glease, don"t let
anyone see meD)
&6es, I"m out the door. I did it, I got awayD) I thought as I passed the
two automatic doors.
&Excuse me, .iss, I"m a security officer here, can you please step
inside the store with me* We have evidence that you took some makeupD)
.y parents fro!e in their steps.
$hit, I got caught, I can"t #elieve this. All the #lood drained from my
face. .y parents were shocked. All they could do was stare at me in
dis#elief. .y dad looked like he was going to slap me. .y mom looked like
she could kill me. All they said was, &What a disgrace. How can you do this
to us* Do you know how humiliating this is*)
I could feel my #ody shaking. I had never done anything like this in my
entire life. I knew my parents were going to kill me, &his can"t #e
happening, it"s /ust a dream, /ust a dream, wake up, hurry,) I kept telling
myself as I stepped #ack into the store. hey took me to a small weird room
in the corner. It might have #een a well%lit room, #ut it felt cold and dark.
hey told me to have a seat while my parents stood #y the door, glaring
down at me. hey told me to pull out the makeup I had put in my pocket.
hey totaled up the cost, which came up to K;=. hen they #rought out the
wrappers that I had tried to hide #etween other things in the store. hey had
also taken snapshots of me. I felt like a #ig%time criminal.
As they were taking the pictures, they told me to lighten up for the
camera. Why the hell were they telling me this when I /ust got myself into
such a mess*
I kept asking myself, &Why am I so stupid that I stooped this low to
impress my so%called friends* hey"re not even here with me to help me out
of this mess. .y parents will pro#a#ly never forgive me, or ever trust me
ever again. How could I do this to them* hey"ve always given me
everything I"ve ever wanted.) After I finished signing some papers, they
finally let me out. I didn"t want to face my parents. When we headed toward
the car, I walked #ehind my parents as slow as possi#le.
When we got home they gave me a really long lecture that made me cry
the whole night. hat night #efore I went to #ed, I made a promise to myself
that I will never steal anything else or do anything stupid like that ever
again. 4ot only did I cause my parents pain, #ut I also threw away my own
pride and good /udgment trying to #e someone I"m not.

Diary 3
Dear Diary,
At first I asked .s. 3, &Why should I read #ooks a#out people that
don"t look like me* Geople that I don"t even know and that I am not going
to understand #ecause they don"t understand me() I thought I was a smart%
ass for asking her this @uestion. I thought to myself, &$he"s not going to
give me an answer #ecause this time I am right.) $he looked up and said
very calmly, &How can you say that* 6ou haven"t even #othered to open
the front cover. ry it, you never know. he #ook may come to life #efore
your eyes.) $o I started to read this #ook called Anne 2rank5 he Diary of a
6oung 3irl #ecause I wanted to prove .s. 3 wrong. I wanted to show her
that what she said was #ullshit, and that her little techni@ue was not going to
work for me. I hate reading, and I hate her, for that matter.
o my surprise, I proved myself wrong #ecause the #ook indeed came
to life. At the end of the #ook, I was so mad that Anne died, #ecause as she
was dying, a part of me was dying with her. I cried when she cried, and /ust
like her I wanted to know why the 3ermans were killing her people. ,ust
like her, I knew the feeling of discrimination and to #e looked down upon
#ased on the way you look. ,ust like her, &I sometimes feel like a #ird in a
cage and /ust want to fly away.) he first thing that came to my mind when
I finished reading the #ook was the fact that .s. 3 was right. I did find
myself within the pages of the #ook, like she said I would.

Diary 3!
Dear Diary,
I"m #eginning to reali!e that Anne 2rank, 7lata 2ilipovic, and I have a
lot in common. We all seem to #e trapped in some cage was the #asement
she had to use for shelter, away from #om#s. .y cage is my own house.
'ike Anne and 7lata, I have an enemy who is gung%ho for dictatorship5 my
father. He doesn"t truly fit the role of a father in my perspective, so I refer to
him as my sperm donor. ,ames doesn"t allow us to call him &dad) or
&father) or any of those other sentimental, lovey%dovey names. He says the
titles aren"t his name so we can"t call him that.
Infortunately, I can"t relate with Anne 2rank and 7lata 2ilipovic on the
su#/ect of their fathers. 2rom what I"ve read, their fathers seemed to really
love them. I can, however, commiserate with them on the situations they
were forced to endure. 2or example, I can easily put ,ames in Hitler"s
shoes, and our family in the roles of the ,ews. Although not @uite like the
war Hitler started, the war in my house was also created #y ignorance and
stupidity. 'ike all wars, there is an enemy. here are innocent victims,
destruction, senseless violence, displacement, and a winner and a loser.
I"ve read a#out the monstrous things that were done in the
concentration camps in WWII. I"ve read a#out how they would torture,
starve, and mutilate people"s #odies to something that was not recogni!a#le
as a human #eing. I watched my mother #eing #eaten half to death #y ,ames
and watched as #lood and tears streamed down her face, which was also
unrecogni!a#le. I felt useless and scared, furious at the same time knowing
that I could do nothing to help her. I watched him steal money from my
mother"s purse and sell our #elongings for drugs.
I"m sad to say he is the person I"m supposed to look up to for good
solid fatherly advice. I can still feel the sting from the #elt on my #ack and
legs as he violently lashed me in his usual drunken state of mind. It"s not
likely that I"ll #e asking him for advice any time soon.
I can relate to Anne and 7lata. 'ike them, I have a diary, I write a#out
how it feels to have disgust and hatred centered directly on you #ecause of
who you are. All I can do is wait for my mother to get rid of him. I"m
surprised she hasn"t already. $he can #e a strong woman if she puts her
mind to it. I know that I will never let a man put his hands on me, won"t
ever tolerate that kind of a#use from anyone. I guess I"ll have to wait for the
war to end like Anne and 7lata did, except I won"t die or get taken
advantage of. I"m going to #e strong.

Diary 3"
Dear Diary,
We"ve #een talking a#out the war in 0osnia and how similar some of
the events are to the Holocaust. We have #een reading a#out a young girl
named 7lata, who many call the modern%day Anne 2rank. 7lata and I seem
to have a lot in common #ecause while 7lata was living though a war in
$ara/evo, I was living through a different kind of war+the '.A. riots.
Ironically, 7lata and I were #oth eleven years old when our city was under
siege. I can understand how afraid and scared she was to see her city go up
in flames, #ecause my city was on fire, too.
he pro#lem in $ara/evo #egan when a sniper fired a gun into a crowd
at a peace rally. Geople panicked and war #roke out. In 'os Angeles, several
policemen #eat on a man named 1odney 9ing and had to go to trial. he
&not guilty) verdict caused people to go cra!y. Geople started looting,
fighting, and crashing cars into one another.
7lata and I #oth had to hide for our safety. his made us very
frightened. 7lata was trapped in her #asement while she heard #om#s going
off and people screaming. I was trapped inside my church while people
were shooting, #reaking windows, and screaming for their lives.
7lata and I lost our childhood innocence #ecause we were denied the
right to do childlike things, like go to school, talk on the phone, and /ust
play outside. he #uildings were #urning and people got #eaten up /ust
#ecause of the color of their skin, their religion, or ethnicity. Infortunately,
we #oth had to suffer #ecause of other people"s ignorance and destruction.
2inally, the Inited 4ations walked the streets of 0osnia trying to keep
the peace. After days of chaos, the 4ational 3uard #ecame the peacekeepers
in '.A. Even though the Inited 4ations and the 4ational 3uard were very
successful at stopping the violence, the intolerance is still there.
I can"t #elieve that someone I don"t even know, who lives thousands of
miles away, could have so much in common with me.

Diary 39
Dear Diary,
I don"t understand( I mean, it"s not right, yet it"s still happening as we
speak. I /ust can"t #elieve it. How sick can it get*
Why is it that women get molested* Why is it that people in general get
molested*
Geter .aass"s article a#out 0osnia that we read today in :anity 2air
was like a gun that triggered the lost memory in my mind. Here are these
women in 0osnia, getting molested, raped, harassed, and even impregnated
#y soldiers that want to feel powerful #y depriving them of their
womanhood, pride, and self%esteem.
Why*
After reading the article a#out the atrocities in 0osnia, my memory
returned and made everything seem like it happened yesterday. I was only
six when a friend of my father"s molested me in his home. 6et to this day, I
haven"t told my parents. 9eeping this secret inside was very hard for me.
here were times when I felt that I had to tell someone, #ut I didn"t know
who. 1eading the article makes me feel like I"m not the only one who felt
alone. Although I"m so many miles away from 0osnia, I wish there was
something I could do.
When I think a#out this, I think of how grateful 7lata and her whole
family are #ecause they have escaped from all of this. his very same thing
could have happened to 7lata or any other person that would have remained
#ehind.
he mere fact that the story revived the lost memory within my mind
gave me goose #umps. An the way home from school, I felt like reaching
out to any one that had a similar story. Even standing at the #us stop, I
reali!ed that the women and girls standing next to me may have #een,
molested, harassed, or even impregnated at one point in their lives.
hen there was the #us ride home. .y mind was working like a
shotgun with every #ullet acting as a @uestion. 1ound one+What if the
elderly woman sitting across from me was sexually molested #y her uncle
when she was young* 1ound two+How a#out that man standing in the
#ack* Had he ever harassed a little girl*
All of these @uestions ran through my mind at the thought of the story
and of all the traumati!ing things that women faced. I was glad in a way
that Geter .aass had uncovered an issue that I #elieve we should all #e
aware of, and also to reali!e that we are not alone.
His story was written to expose the war in 0osnia and its similarity to
the Holocaust. 9nowing that people are getting murdered and that
thousands of women were #eing raped is shocking. It makes me #oth sad
and angry #ecause history is indeed repeating itself.

Diary 4#
Dear Diary,
I /oined .s. 3ruwell"s class a few days ago. I don"t know if I should
have /oined in the middle of the year. Ah well, I"ll /ust have to try to keep
up with whatever they"ll #e discussing in the class. $o far, all I"ve heard
a#out is a girl named 7lata. I was clueless a#out who she was when I started
this class, so I asked my friend Ana who 7lata was.
&Wait here,) she told me. Ana searched through a #ox located #ehind
.s. 3ruwell"s desk. $he @uickly #rought #ack a #ook entitled 7lata"s
Diary5 A 8hild"s 'ife in $ara/evo. $he handed the #ook to me to read.
I still tried to keep up with the class discussions that were usually
concentrated on 7lata. he class talked a#out her like they knew her, like
they knew what she went through while she was in the middle of the war.
0ut how could they know, they"ve never #een in the middle of a warDor so
I thought. I learned a lot in the first few days that I was enrolled in the class.
$ome of my classmates are going through a warDan undeclared war,
waged on innocent kids /ust trying to grow up. $ociety /ust doesn"t care
a#out young people anymore, even if we are the future.
4ow that I finished the #ook, I #egan to understand the class
discussions. As one of our assignments, the class had to write letters
inviting 7lata to come to 'ong 0each. .any of the students, including
myself, did the assignment thinking it was /ust an assignment, #ut when one
student asked .s. 3ruwell if 7lata was really going to come, .s. 3ruwell
had a gleam in her eye. I don"t think that it was her intention to actually
send the letters to 7lata, #ut now that the idea was #rought up, why not*
2or the first time, I heard a teacher take a @uestion seriously. $he really
wanted to fly 7lata over to the Inited $tates to meet our class( Where were
we going to get the money* Where in the world would she stay* here was
no way we could do this( 0ut .s. 3ruwell asked, &When have I let you
down*)
I #egan to write a warm invitation and /a!!ed it up with graphics. I still
wasn"t sure if .s. 3ruwell was serious. After the phrase &When have I let
you down*) ran through my mind several times, I #egan to hope that 7lata
really would come to meet us, #ut for now, all I and the rest of our
classmates could do was keep writing and keep our fingers crossed.
Sophomore Year
Sprin$ 199
Dear 7lata,
hey say America is the &'and of the 2ree and Home of the
0rave,) #ut what"s so free a#out a land where people get killed* .y
name is homas LommyM ,efferson from Wilson High $chool in
'ong 0each, 8alifornia. I am a fifteen%year%old teenage #oy whose
life seems to #e similar to yours. In your diary you said you watched
out for snipers and gunshots. I watch out for gangsters and
gunshots. 6our friends died of gunshots and my friend 1ichard, who
was fifteen, and my cousin .atthew, who was nineteen, also died of
gunshots. he strange thing isDmy country is not in a war. LAr is it*M
.y close friend 1ichard was shot in the heart #y a car/acker who
was trying to steal his mom"s car. He died in his mom"s arms. His
final words were &I love you.) He died on Decem#er N, ;<<=, /ust a
couple weeks #efore 8hristmas. When I saw her at 8hristmas, I
didn"t even know what to say. What could I say to a mother whose
son /ust died*
.y cousin .atthew was shot five times in the head #y a .exican
gang on 2e#ruary N, ;<<B. .atthew was simply walking home when
a van full of gangsters pulled him into their car, drove him down to
the railroad tracks, #eat him up and then shot him repeatedly in the
head. I hurt( It"s painful when I think a#out his death.
wo people who I cared a#out died a senseless death exactly
two months apart. 4either of their deaths was recogni!ed in the
papers. Why* Doesn"t anyone care* I care( heir families care also,
#ut now their mothers are scarred for life #ecause theyOll never hear
or see their sons again. $ometimes I want to take a gun and get
revenge, #ut what would that prove* Would it prove how much I
cared a#out them* Would it prove that I stuck up for them* 4A( he
only thing it would prove is how dum# I am. And I am not dum#D
he main reason I"m writing this letter to you, 7lata, is #ecause I
know you"ve #een in this kind of situation. 6our experience moved
me and made this #ig foot#all player cry. LAnd I usually don"t cry.M $o
please tell me, 7lata, how should I handle a tragedy like this*
4ow that IOve read your #ook, I am educated on what is
happening in 0osnia. I would like the opportunity now to educate
people on what is happening in my &America) #ecause until this
&undeclared war) has ended, I am not free(
6our 2riend,
immy ,efferson.
Entry 4 Ms. Gruwell
Dear Diary,
After our &toast for change,) my students experienced an epiphany. .y
once apathetic students seemed to transform themselves into scholars with a
conscience. hey were so motivated that it"s awe%inspiring. And when
ommy told me he was done with all the #ooks in our 1ead%a%thon for
olerance, I almost spit out my morning coffee.
&ommy, you"re done already*) I asked.
&6eah, well, I"ve #een grounded for the last two weeks, so all I did was
read.)
1ead* Wait a minute, is this the same ommy who used to hate
reading* ommy was a disciplinary transfer like $haraud. He had #een
transferred into my class mid%semester as a favor to our vice principal.
Apparently, his last English teacher was afraid of him. Actually, I was, to,
at first, #ut when he asked for more #ooks, I couldn"t help #ut give him a
hug. hen I called his father.
It was the first time I called a parent to report good news. A#viously, it
was the first time ommy"s father ever received such a call #ecause he
#egan the conversation with, &A9, what did ommy do this time*) He was
pretty surprised to hear that ommy was my star pupil.
And ommy"s not alone. 3rounded or not, they"ve all #ecome
voracious readers. hey even carry around the plastic 0arnes J 4o#le #ags
to show off their new #ooks. hey call it &flossing.) I call it a miracle.
heir excitement has motivated me even more. I wanted to put a face
on the genocide in 0osnia. Without really thinking a#out the logistics, I
foolishly suggested that we write letters to 7lata and invite her to our class.
It was a ply to get them to write letters, #ut I didn"t think they"d take me so
seriously. I underestimated the power of suggestion. $ome of them truly
#elieved that if they wrote to her, she would come, as if it were a self%
fulfilling prophecy.
heir letters were so compelling that I took them to the school"s
computer la# to type. hen I had them #ound into a #ook at 9inko"s. I put
ommy"s letter near the top #ecause he drew parallels #etween the war in
0osnia and senseless gang violence. His letter #egan5 &hey say America is
the O'and of the 2ree and the Home of the 0rave," #ut what"s so free a#out
a land where people get killed*)
Despite #eing on the other side of the world, he pointed out the
similarities #etween their lives5 in $ara/evo, innocent kids get shot #y
snipers- in 'ong 0each they get shot in drive%#ys. 7lata"s friend 4ina was
killed #y shrapnel- ommy"s #est friend was murdered. He ended his letter
#y stating, &4ow that I"ve read your #ook, I am educated on what is
happening in 0osnia. I would like the opportunity now to educate people on
what is happening in my OAmerica" #ecause until this Oundeclared war" has
ended, I am not free()
War* In America* I was sad to think that kids like ommy feel like
they live in the middle of a war !one. War is not something I think of as a
domestic pro#lem. I read a#out wars in the newspaper and watch reports on
the evening new. I naively assumed that war occurred in far%off places with
hard to pronounce name, not in 'ong 0each.
Whether it"s declared or not, there is a war #eing fought on the street
corners and alleyways of 'ong 0each. And even though there aren"t tanks
rolling down the streets, there are u!is, semi%automatics, and other weapons
of war. Ane student even said, &3angs don"t die, .s. 3, they multiply,) as
if there was no solution in sight.
A casualty of war+#e it at the hands of a 4a!i soldier, a sniper in
$ara/evo, or a gang%#anger on the streets of America+is a universal
tragedy. After one student hopelessly said, &7lata survived her war, #ut I"m
afraid I may not survive mine,) I was convinced that 7lata must read their
letters. Ance that reali!ation sunk in, I #egan to panic. I had no idea where
to send the letters. In fact, I had no idea where 7lata lived, if she spoke
English, or how much it would cost to #ring her here. here was so much I
didn"t know. Would we have to #ring her parents, a translator, or an
entourage*
In a fee#le attempt to s@uelch the idea of inviting her, I put the onus
#ack on the. &If you want her to come, the you have to raise the money to
get her here.) 4ice try, #ut that didn"t stop them.
he next day, a student #rought in an empty $parklet"s water /ug and
set it in the middle of the classroom. He announced, &We need to start
collecting money for 7lata,) and then he dropped in a few coins. He was so
serious that I didn"t have the heart to tell him that we pro#a#ly needed to fill
a couple of those /ugs /ust to pay for one airline ticket.
A couple of days later when the #ottom of the /ug was filled with coins
and a few loose dollar #ills, he asked, &.s. 3ruwell, what happens if we
raise all this money and 7lata doesn"t come*) I"m used to them putting me
on the spot, #ut I wasn"t prepared for this one. rying to #e fast on my feet,
I said, &If she doesn"t come, we can #uy more #ooks or go on another field
trip. 0ut if she does come, your lives will never #e the same()
And then it hit meDI #etter find her and at least send her the letters. If
she doesn"t respond, at least we tried.
$o I spent the entire 8hristmas vacation trying to track 7lata down. I
had no idea where to start. All I knew was that she was a refugee
somewhere in Europe.
I started at the .useum of olerance. hey thought she might #e living
in 2rance. hen 1enee 2irestone told me she thought she had moved to
Ireland. o play it safe, I sent a package to #oth countries. hen I put my
concierge skills to the test. I got @uotes on airline tickets, solicited local
restaurants to donate gift certificates, and my hotel even offered two rooms
if she accepted our invitation. With all the provisions in order, all we had to
do now was wait.
While anxiously awaiting a response from 7lata, a wonderful woman
named 3erda $eifer, a Holocaust survivor from Goland, called to tell me
that .iep 3ies was actually coming to 8alifornia to help commemorate the
fiftieth anniversary of Anne 2rank"s diary. .iep was Atto 2rank"s secretary
and the person responsi#le for finding Anne"s diary. $he"s eighty%seven
years old and will #e flying in from Amsterdam. he director of the event
happened to live near me. We met and hit it off. He offered to change
.iep"s itinerary so she could come meet my students. Wow( .eeting a
legend like .iep is more than we could have ever hoped for.
o help prepare the students for .iep"s visit, I asked 3erda to share her
experience during WWII with the students. 'ike Anne, who spent her
adolescence hiding in the secret annex, 3erda sat perched on a wooden #ox
in a windowless cellar. 4ot only will the students #e a#le to empathi!e with
3erda"s feelings of persecution and loss, #ut I hope they"ll #e a#le to
understand how Anne 2rank must have felt.

Diary 41
Dear Diary,
When we #egan our lesson a#out the importance of racial tolerance, I
had no idea that that lesson would #e a life%altering experience. After
reading 4ight and Anne 2rank5 he Diary of a 6oung 3irl, I guess you
could say I knew a#out the Holocaust, #ut I was not prepared for what I was
going to #e faced with today.
.s. 3ruwell had #een talking for a long time a#out #ringing in a
Holocaust survivor named 3erda $eifer. Well today, we actually met her.
'ike Anne, she is ,ewish and was #orn in Goland and she didn"t meet
Hitler"s standards of purity either. During World War II, 3erda"s parents
made her go into hiding with a 8atholic family. $he was forced to live in a
#asement where she could #arely stand up. $he could hear the $$ soldiers
marching outside, waiting for their next victim. $he is the only survivor in
her family. 'uckily, she was spared from a camp.
,ust as Anne was trapped, 3erda was trapped. 4either 3erda nor Anne
could lead normal teenage lives. hey lost their innocence due to
uncontrolla#le circumstances. Whenever they ventured outdoors they faced
the possi#ility of #eing captured #y the 3estapo. ,ewish people had to wear
a yellow $tar of David, which distinguished them from others. hey were
forced to attend special schools isolated from other children. hey were
ridiculed and tormented throughout the war.
Infortunately, I know exactly what it feels like to not #e a#le to go
outside, not #ecause of the 3estapo, #ut #ecause of gangs. When I walk
outside, I constantly glance from side to side watching those standing
around me. $ince I feel out of place, I often put on a facade so that I fit in.
.ay#e if I look and act like I #elong they will not confront me. It is
disrespectful to look a gang mem#er in the eye. Imagine what would happen
if a prisoner in a concentration camp insulted a 3estapo+they would get
killed instantly. After the stories I"d heard from 3erda, I can guarantee that
I won"t repeat the mistakes of others.
It ama!ed me how I could empathi!e not only with Anne 2rank, #ut
also with a Holocaust survivor. I"m glad I had the opportunity to hear a#out
the past through 3erda. $he is living proof of history. his experience will
help me pass on the message of tolerance that Anne died for and that 3erda
survived for.

Diary 42
Dear Diary,
o a fifteen%year%old, the only heroes I ever read a#out ran around in
tight, colorful underwear and threw #uildings at each other for fun. 0ut
today, that all changed. A true hero leapt off the pages of a #ook to pay my
class a special visit. Her name is .iep 3ies and she is the lady Anne 2rank
wrote a#out in her diary. I can"t #elieve that the woman responsi#le for
keeping Anne 2rank alive in the attic came to speak to us in person(
As I entered the 0ruin Den teen center, I could feel the excitement.
.any of us stayed after school yesterday to make welcome signs to
decorate the walls and several students got to school really early to help set
up a #ig #uffet. We wanted everything to #e perfect.
After the proper introductions were made #y .s. 3ruwell, she made
her entrance. Every#ody stood up and cheered as .iep made her way into
the hall. I was thrilled to see her in person after seeing her portrayed in
movies and reading a#out her in the #ook. 4o colorful underwear needed+
she was a true hero.
After she settled in, .iep #egan to talk a#out how she was delighted to
meet us. $he descri#ed to us firsthand how she hid the 2rank family from
the 4a!i soldiers and how she found Anne"s diary. When she descri#ed how
the 3estapo captured Anne and would not allow .iep to say good%#ye, it
made all of us emotional. $he told us a#out how she tried to #ri#e the
officers into letting her friends go, #ut they threatened to kill her.
.y friend who was sitting next to me was crying. $ince we"ve #een
studying the Holocaust, it has made him think a#out all the people he knows
who have #een killed. His #est friend accidentally shot himself, and to this
day, he still has nightmares a#out his death. .iep told everyone that not a
day goes #y where she doesn"t think a#out Anne.
When she said this, my friend stood up and told her she was his hero.
hen he asked her if she #elieved that she was a hero. We expected her to
say yes, #ut I think she surprised us all. $he said, &4o. 6ou, my friends, are
the true heroes.) Heroes* Is* Having her say that made me reali!e more
than ever how special my classmates are. 'ike she said, we are the heroes
and it is up to us to let the younger generation know what"s going on. It sure
feels good to know that for once in my life my friends and I are doing the
right thing.
After she finished and we all had the opportunity to give her a hug or
have her sign our #ooks, I reali!ed how lucky we were. .ost people will
pro#a#ly never have the opportunity to hear her story in person like we did.
A legacy left #y one girl, carried #y one woman, was passed on to a new
generation of teens who have the chance to make a difference like Anne"s
diary did.
4ow after meeting .iep, I can honestly say that my heroes are not /ust
made%up characters+my hero is real.

Diary 43
Dear Diary,
&If you could live an eternity and not change a thing or exist for the
#link of an eye and alter everything, what would you choose*) his was
one of .s. 3"s @uestions after we read this poem.
Moment
'et him wish his life
2or the sorrows of a stone
4ever knowing the first thread
Af these
4ever knowing the pain of ice
As its crystals slowly grow
4eedles pressing in on the heart
o live forever
And never feel a thing
o wait a million lifetimes
Anly to erode and #ecome sand
Wish not for the stone
0ut for the fire
'ast only moments
0ut change everything
Ah to #e lightning
o exist for less than a moment
6et in that moment
o expose the world to every open eye
Ah to #e thunder
o clap and ring
o rum#le into memories
.inds and spines
o chill the soul and shake the very ground
Gounding even the sand
Into smaller pieces
Ar the mountain
0rooding, extinct
6et gathering for one fatal moment
he power to #low the top clean off the world
Ah to last the #link of an eye and leave nothing
0ut nothing unmoved #ehind you
:incent 3uilliano
,anuary <, ;<<;.

.s. 3 gave us this poem, written #y someone who had gone to college
with her. Ironically, he died shortly after he wrote the poem #y drowning in
the $an 2rancisco 0ay. After we read the poem, .s. 3 #roke it down to its
simplest form, she wanted no part to #e misunderstood. $he wanted this
poem to #ecome our motto in class, and our principle in life.
$he told us to #e the kind of people that have enough passion to change
the world. If we let ourselves #e fire, thunder, or lightning, we could alter
everything.
We all thought that .s. 3ruwell"s lesson was really powerful and all,
#ut us* 'ightning and thunder* 4ot likely. he #elow%average sure%to%drop%
out kids* Glease, ever since I can remem#er, we"ve #een put down and
stepped on, and now all of a sudden we have the potential to change the
world* 'eave it up to .s. 3ruwell to come up with some cra!y shit like
that.
$he tried to convince us that we were capa#le of anything. 0ut it wasn"t
until .iep"s visit that it finally made sense. I remem#er talking a#out how
much we admired her for risking everything to care for Anne and her
family. $he said that she had only done it #ecause it was the &right thing to
do.)
$omeone stood up and said that .iep was their hero.
&4o, you"re the real heroes,) she answered. here she was, one of the
most heroic women of all time, telling us that we were heroes.
&Do not let Anne"s death #e in vain,) .iep said, using her words to
#ring it all together. .iep wanted us to keep Anne"s message alive, it was
up to us to remem#er it. .iep and .s. 3ruwell had had the same purpose
all along. hey wanted us to sei!e the moment. .s. 3ruwell wanted us to
reali!e that we could change the way things were, and .iep wanted to take
Anne"s message and share it with the world.
hat"s when it all #ecame crystal clear. Anne"s message of tolerance
was to #ecome our message.
At that moment, I #ecame like the fire, and like the lightning and like
thunder.
Diary 44
Dear Diary,
I can"t #elieve that 7lata 2ilipovic is coming( Aur letters actually paid
off. After reading her #ook, I couldn"t do anything #ut relate her life with
mine. It was so interesting to reali!e that another person my same age, went
through such a horri#le experience seeking refuge from a war. Even though
I didn"t physically experience a war, my family managed to escape one /ust
in time from 4icaragua. 0lasts of gunfire thundered throughout my country,
too.
I can candidly say that in the #ack of my mind I didn"t think 7lata
would actually respond to our invitation. I felt like we were was a letter
from her agent saying thank you and here"s a signed photograph. 7lata"s
response, on the other hand, was much more gratifying. 4ot only did she
personally write #ack to us, #ut she also mentioned that she would #e more
than happy to meet us. I feel like I"m a#out to meet a person whom I could
relate to.

Diary 45
Dear Diary,
.arch FC, ;<<B, was the most unforgetta#le day ever. I had the
pleasure of going with my family to the 4ewport 0each .arriott Hotel to
meet 7lata 2ilipovic and her parents, .alik and Alicia, and her #est friend,
.irna. .y parents got dressed up in their nicest clothes for the occasion. I
wore a suit.
We drove to the hotel not knowing what to expect from the evening. As
soon as we walked inside the .arriott Hotel, we felt important and excited
to #e there. A photographer took our pictures and waiters in tuxedos and
white gloves served us appeti!ers off silver trays. hey even served us
punch in champagne glasses. $ince .s. 3ruwell works there, she made sure
that everyone went out of their way to treat us like royalty.
When 7lata came down to meet us, all of us surrounded her as if she
was a cele#rity. We all wanted to take pictures with her and ask her
@uestions a#out herself. It was so interesting to see how we had a girl our
own age that is such a role model to us. he fact that she was actually here
was so un#elieva#le.
I found out we had a lot in common. We #oth like listening to music
and #eing with our friends. 7lata left such a good first impression that I"ll
never forget her. As we continued to cele#rate, we had a formal dinner in
her honor. he food was delicious. here must have #een at least five
courses. here were so many knives and forks at our ta#le. I"m glad .s.
3ruwell went over which ones we"re supposed to use first.
0efore the night was over, .s. 3ruwell told us that this was /ust the
#eginning and there"s more to come. I left the .arriott with a good feeling
and high expectations a#out our future.

Diary 4
Dear Diary,
.y friendship with .ary reminds me of 7lata and .irna"s friendship.
hey have #een through a war together #ecause of race and religion, and
they are still #est friends. he only difference is that neither of their families
want to prevent their friendship. here"s not even a war in this country, yet
I can"t even go to a movie with my friend #ecause she"s white. Why does
that matter any more* I thought we were in a new era and were getting over
the race issue. 6eah, right( I"m living in a #ig fantasy world. he time
hasn"t come for people to overcome hatred of others #ecause of something
as insignificant as race.
$he"s the #est friend a person could ever have. $he"s fun, smart, she
doesn"t /ust hear me she listens to me, and we have so much in common,
#utDshe"s white. here"s nothing wrong with that, it"s not a pro#lem to me,
anyway. o everyone else it is a pro#lem, especially my family. .ore
specifically, my father.
.y father gets angry when I spend time with her. He says, &Why don"t
you have any #lack friends*) or &$o you"re going over to those honky"s
house again*) 8ome on, who uses those words anymore* He warned me to
watch my #ack #ecause those white people always sta# you in the #ack. He
has no idea what kind of person she is. I can"t #elieve how incredi#ly
ignorant he is. I think it"s #ecause he grew up in an era of pure racism.
Worse, he grew up in the $outh, and racism was all he saw. Does that make
it A9 to take his anger out on me and my friends* I don"t think so(
.y father thinks she is turning me into a white girl, #ecause she"s my
#est friend and I hang out with her all the time. $he has never done anything
negative toward me, and even if she did I wouldn"t look at her as if the
whole race did something negative toward me.
8olor is the last thing that comes to mind when we hang out together.
We have more important things to #e concerned a#out.
Diary 4!
Dear Diary,
9nowledge comes in strange ways. I never thought that a person who
lived over ;>,>>> miles away could impact me, #ut tonight, that changed.
7lata has #een with us for four days now and we"ve really gotten to know
her well and she"s /ust like us. When I met her, we were wearing the same
shoes( I couldn"t #elieve she was wearing Doc .artens. When we started to
get to know each other, we talked a#out the same things. A#out Gearl ,am
and how cute Eddie :edder was. If I hadn"t known that she was 7lata
2ilipovic, &the famous teen author from war%torn 0osnia,) I would have /ust
assumed that she was a normal fifteen%year%old girl who liked to shop and
hang out with her friends. he #est part is, that she was a normal fifteen%
year%old girl.
When she came, we were invited to the 8roatian Hall where she would
#e speaking. We didn"t want to go empty%handed, so we gathered medicinal
supplies, clothes, and even old toys. All these were going to #e sent #ack to
0osnia. his would #e our first encounter with people who had #een
persecuted in 0osnia. We expected nothing less than for them to #e
accepting and tolerant. I thought they would care less what color, creed, or
race any of us were. Infortunately, some proved me wrong.
As 7lata was speaking in front of the people from 8roatia, they were all
nodding their heads. &6es, yes,) they would say. $he spoke a#out all of the
in/ustices that one must go through for a simple la#el or #elief. $he
mentioned her experience as a fourteen%year%old growing up in war%torn
0osnia. How hard it was for her to lose friends #ecause of the way they
looked, or what they #elieved in. At this point, we were the ones nodding
our heads.
here is one thing that really stands out in my mind from that night,
however. As she was answering @uestions, a couple of adults asked her
what ethnicity she was, 8roatian* .uslim* $er#ian* I was upset that
instead of getting the message that she was trying to convey, they were too
preoccupied with what nationality she was. Were these the same adults that
preached how wrong racism and discrimination are* Were these the same
people that a minute ago agreed that we shouldn"t care a#out la#els* 7lata
looked around, stared at us, and simply said, &I"m a human #eing.)
hat"s exactly what we all are. We spend so much time trying to figure
out what race a person is when we could /ust get to know them as
individuals. I felt like answering their @uestion with a @uestion. Does it
matter* Will it make a difference if she is 8roatian, .uslim, $er#ian*
$he taught me the most valua#le lesson that any#ody could ever have
and to think that she is only fifteen( Ever since that day I"ve tried not to
accept society"s la#els, #ut to fight against them. I have always #een taught
to #e proud of #eing 'atina,
I have always #een taught to #e proud of #eing .exican, and I was. I
was pro#a#ly more proud of #eing a &la#el) than of #eing a human #eing,
that"s the way most of us were taught. $ince the day we enter this world we
were a la#el, a num#er, a statistic, that"s /ust the way it is. 4ow if you ask
me what race I am, like 7lata, I"ll simply say, &I"m a human #eing.)

Diary 4"
Dear Diary,
oday I went to the 8roatian Hall with 7lata and met a little #oy named
ony who lived a nightmare #ecause he is 8roatian. Ane night while he was
asleep, $er#ian soldiers came into his home and shot him in his face- at
point%#lank range. A 0osnian woman living in '.A. sponsored ony"s trip
to the Inited $tates to have his /aw reconstructed. When we met him, he
had only a medal plate holding his /aw together.
When I saw ony, I was grateful my family made it out of Geru #efore
we were harmed+or worse, killed. I thought of my three%year%old #rother,
and pictured him standing in ony"s place, telling this ghastly story. 'ike
the life of my family, ony"s life has #een permanently altered #y the terror
of war. He was a survivor of ethnic cleansing- we survived a revolution that
turned into terrorism. Even though the 0osnian war was one of ethnicity
and religion, it was /ust as senseless as the terrorism that ransacked my
country. It forced many to leave #ehind their homes, and their lives.
Although the terrorist struggle in Geru started as a good cause, it turned
many people"s lives into a nightmare. ,ust walking #y a parked car, you
couldn"t help wondering if there was a #om# hidden in its trunk. As you
passed, you wondered if it was going to explode in your face.
I remem#er my dad saying, &Everything will turn out A9. In the Inited
$tates, there are more opportunities, #etter /o#s, and no terrorism.) When
my Dad said that I didn"t really understand what it meant. I was only ten. I
only thought a#out homework, food, :, and going outside to play with my
friends.
I"d #een to the I.$. #efore to visit family, #ut never thought I would
end up living there. 2our weeks after my dad told us we were moving, my
grandmother called for us. .y dad went to the American Em#assy to take
care of the paperwork for our green cards. We would get our social security
num#ers and green cards three months after our arrival in the $tates.
hree weeks #efore flying to the I.$., terrorists #lew up the house next
to mine. he explosion woke everyone in the neigh#orhood. .y eyes
snapped open as a wave of warm air hit my face. I got out of #ed reali!ing
there was only smoke and #right light where my #edroom window once
was. I saw my mom running toward me screaming, #ut couldn"t hear her.
All I heard was the ringing in my head. $he gra##ed me, shaking the
ringing from my ear. I heard the turmoil in my neigh#orhood. $he carried
me outside, my feet were #leeding from stepping on #roken glass #lown
from my window. he firemen told my father that out of twenty sticks of
dynamite, ten exploded. If all had ignited, my house would have exploded
also. I reali!ed the magnitude of what was happening, and was glad to #e
moving to the I.$.
.y first day of school in the Inited $tates was very hard. I didn"t
understand any English words. Everything was so different. I had had some
English classes in Geru, #ut nothing like this. Every#ody spoke so fast, their
words were hard to follow. Everything sounded like 1s and $s. I couldn"t
talk, read, or write English. he third day of school, some .exican guys
spoke to me. We talked, played, and they taught me English.
'ike my first years in the I.$., ony didn"t understand English. .y
only way to communicate was to play with him. It lifted my spirit to see his
/oy despite his tragic story. hough it hurt him to smile, he laughed anyway.
hough he couldn"t understand a word we were saying, he understood that
we felt his pain. We too knew what it felt like to live amid war.
When 7lata wrote a#out 0osnian children #ecoming the &soldiers) and
the soldiers #ecoming &children,) at first I didn"t get her meaning. After
hearing ony"s story, I understood. In war the innocence of a child is lost,
and though the soldiers feel theirs is a worthy cause, they #ehave like
children when trying to achieve their goals. 9nowing that a grown man
entered a child"s #edroom stealing his innocence, makes me sad. hey stole
his smile. ony wears the permanent scars of war on his face, /ust as I wear
the scars on my soul.

Diary 49
Dear Diary,
I am so exhausted from yesterday( We got to spend a whole day with
7lata and .irna. Aur marathon day started at E A... and I didn"t get home
until ;> G... last night. Ar was it ;; G...* Even though I"m exhausted, I
can"t wait to spend another day with them(
Aur day #egan with a #reakfast #y the &Dream eam .oms.) hese are
the dedicated moms who have adopted our class as their kids. After we had
#reakfast we left in #uses to 'os Angeles. It was my first time in a charter
#us. he #uses were air%conditioned, had televisions, a :81, and lights that
we could turn on and off at our seats( Glus a #athroom(( A #ig difference
from school #uses(
$oon we got to the .useum of olerance, our first stop. 2or many, it
was their first time there, #ut this was my second time. During our freshman
year we went straight to the museum"s theater to watch his time we had a
private tour of the museum.
he museum focuses on stereotypes, pre/udice, genocide, the history of
intolerance. here were comic strips to show us some examples of how
people are mis/udged and how our negative thoughts can lead to violence.
Glus there was a section of worn out shoes each representing a victim of the
Holocaust.
During the tour, I received a passport with a child"s face and name.
hroughout the museum you get to find out what happens to them. Each
room I went into, I would slip my passport into a computer and it would tell
me the fate of the child. $ome of my friends had passports where the child
died. .any of us cried during the tour.
After we came out of the museum, the ground was wet from the rain. It
seems like the rain was a sym#ol of tears from those who had died. As
though they were crying out their tears of sorrows and stories to us.
After the tour, we went to 'awry"s &he House of Grime 1i#s) for
lunch. It is located in 0everly Hills. I was afraid to touch anything #ecause I
might #reak something. he dining ta#les had a candle with fresh flowers
and the napkins folded in the fanciest way. he seats were made of real
leather, they weren"t sticky or smelly like some restaurants I have #een to.
'awry"s treated us like royalty( he chef came around with food in a heated
cart to serve us prime ri#. Even the restroom was decorated with fresh
flowers. Ane thing"s for sure, it was a lot nicer than our school"s restrooms,
which constantly smell like cigarettes and have makeup stains on the
mirrors and sink. $ometimes you will find the sinks clogged up with paper
towels or see wadded toilet paper hanging from the ceiling.
Ance we were as stuffed as pigs, we went #ack to the museum to watch
a private screening of $chindler"s 'ist. Askar $chindler started out as a man
who wore his gold 4a!i pin with pride. He couldn"t care less a#out the ,ews
and others #eing rounded up and taken away in crowded cattle cars. During
one of the ,ewish round%ups, he saw a little girl in a red petticoat. $he stood
out from everyone #ecause the movie is in #lack and white. $he was
running away from the chaos and hiding. A few days later he found her
dead with a pile of other #odies ready to #e thrown into the fire. hat"s
when he started to try to save every ,ew he could with the money he had.
0y the end, he had saved over a thousand ,ews.
he movie made 4ight, he Wave, and he Diary of a 6oung 3irl
come alive. Ane of my friends actually said he had a flash#ack a#out the
death of one of his friends. He said that the little girl"s red coat reminded
him of his friend"s #lood. It made me reali!e that senseless violence doesn"t
only happen in history #ooks or movies.
After the movie, we headed to the 8entury 8ity .arriott Hotel to have
a reception for Holocaust survivors and ourselves. he Holocaust survivor
at our ta#le showed us his tattoo and it made me wonder if he ever tried to
hide it from others. I wanted to know5 What he was thinking everyday in the
camp* What was his greatest fears* Did he ever think of suicide* I wanted
to ask, #ut I was too nervous and I thought my @uestions were stupid.
4ear the end of dinner, students introduced the Holocaust survivors
sitting with them and told us the most interesting information a#out their
experiences. $ome of my @uestions were actually answered, #ut there will
always #e more.
I feel that reading the #ooks gave me a foundation for this piece of
history, #ut today"s marathon with the museum, the movie, and especially
meeting all the survivors gave me a #etter understanding of the Holocaust.
I"m glad they survived to tell us their stories and pass the #aton. .y
fingertips are still tingling(

Diary 5#
Dear Diary,
$orry, diary, I was going to try not to do it tonight, #ut the little #aggy
of white powder .is calling my name. As I chop up the white rock on my
special makeup mirror into very fine powder I start thinking a#out the past
week with 7lata and our infamous toast for change.
7lata left today and I can"t help #ut feel guilty for what I have #een
doing lately. We"re all a#out changing for the #etter and I am changing for
the worse. his whole week, people have #een looking at us as model
teenagers who have changed their lives. he local newspapers have actually
done stories a#out us #ringing 7lata here and how we"ve made monumental
changes in our lives. hat part is true, #ut then there"s me. It does #other me
that I am #eing dishonest, especially to 7lata, #ut is it lying when I don"t
say anything*
.s. 3ruwell would #e so disappointed if she found out. I definitely
can"t say anything now #ecause it would really make things worse. I don"t
know what she would do, especially since 7lata was here. I might as well
keep it a secret at this point. I wish she wouldn"t trust me so much. I mean
how can she trust me if I can"t even trust myself* $he shouldn"t trust
anyone who steals money from their family, #egs friends for change, and
digs through her couch /ust to support her drug ha#it. In some sick way I
wish I could get caught so all this lying could #e #ehind me. 0ut then reality
kicks in when I see that line in front of me. When it comes down to it I"m
not ready to change. I know I should stop, #ut it would #e wrong to stop for
someone else. When I hear cheesy cliches like &Hugs not drugs,) or &0e
smart, don"t start,) it makes me want to do it more. 6ack, yack, yack. 8ome
on, get real, how #oring( Huite honestly, I"m /ust not ready to @uit yet.
I"m what you call a closet tweeker. o clear things up, a tweeker is
someone who smokes or snorts speed. 4o#ody knows my secret, especially
7lata, and I"d like to keep it that way. It"s not something to #rag a#out. I"m
getting to a point where I can hide it in plain sight. When 7lata was here,
she and .s. 3ruwell had no idea that I was high. I even got high #efore we
went to Iniversal $tudios with her, #ut I played it off as much as I could.
Even though we were talking a#out our favorite #ands #etween rides, I
don"t think she knew.
When I first started getting high, I would #e strung out and I couldn"t
sit still. 0ut now I"ve learned to control it and I can play it off. I guess that"s
what happens when you do it all the time. Geople never see what is right
under their noses and #elieve me I use it to my advantage.
he worst thing a#out it is that I"m already in out%patient reha# two
days a week, #ut I /ust have to make things worse #y doing drugs more and
more, harder and harder. It"s so ironic how all this got started. I was put in
reha# after our toast for change for possession of mari/uana, #ut now that
I"m in reha#, I"m addicted to speed. Where"s the change in that* When
everyone is changing their old ha#its I"m making new ones.
.y worst fear is that I"m #ecoming an addict. I mean, can someone like
me have an addiction* When I think of an addict I think of someone
walking the streets, #egging people for change, sucking dick for a score,
leaving their #a#ies in the trash still alive. 0ut when I think a#out it, I"m no
#etter. I"m what you call a model child. A good daughter, one of .s.
3ruwell"s favorite students, and now I have an ama!ing new friend+#ut
I"m lying to my mom, .s. 3, and 7lata. 4ot exactly model child material.
4ow I guess you can call me an addict. 4o more A"s on tests or
#ringing teachers apples, Llike I did that anywayM. I"ll #eg, steal, and cheat
/ust to get a @uick line. $ure it has its pitfalls, #ut you know what they say5
&8uriosity killed the cat.) Well, not this cat.
2or me, a @uick line has turned into a fast hit from the glass pipe. he
higher the intensity, the #etter the high. hat"s my preferred party favor, the
glass pipe. It kind of freaks me out #ecause I never thought I would #e at
this point. Is there time to turn #ack or am I going to get closer to a dark
tunnel with no light and no way out*
I"m actually relieved that this week with 7lata and all the attention is
over. 4ot that it was #oring, it was really fun, #ut I didn"t deserve it. With
all that #ehind me, I whip out my straw, sit down on the toilet, making sure
the #athroom is locked- #ring it to my nose and snort. he #urn is a sure
sign that I"m on my way to my next high. Ah yeah, it"s going to #e good.
4o more headaches, #ody aches, or stomachaches until of course, the high
is over, #ut only until I reach for my #est friend called crystal meth.
Diary 51
Dear Diary,
0asket#all for 0osnia was an event to remem#er. .s. 3ruwell and her
students held a tournament at the university to help donate all sorts of food
and medical supplies for kids in 0osnia. here were over =>> people in
attendance and #esides #asket#all, there was a cheer camp for the little
#rothers and sisters and a talent show at halftime. I got to play on a team
even though I"m not in her class. .y team was Anne"s Angels Lin honor of
Anne 2rankM, and I even got to keep the /ersey. 4o one really cared who
won or lost- we were /ust having fun to help people in need.
I want to get into her class so #adly after today. hey"re so much more
than a &class,) they act like a family. .s. 3ruwell does things that are so
smart, yet so simple. I feel as though I were already part of their team
#ecause no one cared what color I was or how I looked. All they cared
a#out was coming together for the same cause. 0eing accepted for who you
are without having anyone snicker at you was great+#ut it"s not something
I"m used to.
It #rought #ack a lot of memories from my past. In my honors class,
I"ve never really #een that comforta#le. I"ve always #een the odd#all and
have never felt accepted. I feel like I"m always trying to prove that I #elong.
I remem#er feeling like that #ack in the day.
I grew up surrounded #y fat people. .y mom+overweight- my
#rother+overweight- my sister+overweight- my aunt, yeah, you guessed
it+overweight( As a child, I always thought, Why me* Why did I have to
#e overweight* Why did I have to #e the child that didn"t play sports
#ecause I was overweight* I couldn"t clim# the gym ropes, I couldn"t swing
on the swings, and I couldn"t do a pull%up. I thought nothing could #e done
a#out my weight. I thought that was the way I was supposed to #e, 2A(
,umping rope and having the other kids yell, &EA1HHIA9E( 1un
for cover() really hurt. Geople often told me, &Why do you let people talk to
you that way* $peak up for yourself,) #ut I didn"t have the courage to do
so. I was afraid to say anything for fear they might say, &$hut your fat ass
up() $o I thought I would save myself the em#arrassment.
.y sixth grade year was hell( I hardly had any friends and I couldn"t
look anyone in the face. All I could think a#out was food. 0y the time I
completed sixth grade, I weighed over F>> pounds. hat"s a lot of damn
weight for a sixth grader. I wore a si!e FB to FN and I had no confidence in
myself. I thought I was ugly( I had no #oyfriend, I didn"t go to parties, and I
had no social life. I pretty much kept to myself. When some ignorant kids
would see me at lunch, they would say, &6our fat ass don"t need to #e
eating shit() I would /ust ignore them, #ut after awhile, the comments were
really hard for me to ignore. It was difficult for me to #elieve that someone
would take away my self%esteem, /ust to gain their own. he only reason
why I didn"t resort to kicking their skinny #utts was #ecause I didn"t want
to #e known as fat and a #ully, #ecause then no one would talk to me.
I felt alone, ashamed, and left out of everything. I would go home after
school and think of things I wanted to say to them, #ut never had the
courage to say. I hated them and myself. I felt as if I was in a shell and there
was no way for me to get out.
1ather than feeling sorry for myself, I turned to #ooks and school to
feel good. $uddenly, I was getting straight As. $chool allowed me to creep
out of my shell slowly, #ut surely.
0asket#all for 0osnia practically was a re#irth. All my insecurities flew
out the window. When the tournament was over, we formed a $oul rain
line and danced on the #asket#all court. I can"t #elieve that I had the
courage to go through the center of the line and dance in front of =>>
people. Every#ody went cra!y, they cheered me on and waved their hands
in the air. I felt wanted, like I was a part of a family, I wasn"t /ust another
face in the class, I had a chance to express myself and #e a star(

%lata&s 'etter
Du(lin) *une 4) 199
.y dear friends,
It has #een a while since I was spending that cra!y little, #ut at
the same time very #ig and very special week with you. And I still
recall the moments, rewind the movie in my head, and remem#er all
of you, read your letters. 'isten to the tapes you gave me, look at the
presents, look at the stain on my /acket from the flying drink L/ust
kidding(MDAll the memories you gave me will #e with me forever, as
they are something one should not forget. And I /ust want to thank
you for all that, for your friendship, your understanding+that is
something mankind needs desperately. And you certainly have it
together with your strong am#ition to make the world a #etter place
#y starting with yourselves and your surrounding. 6ou are real
heroes.
0ut I also want to thank you for doing what you are doing today
for my country, for children and young people who truly need people
like yourselves, who will unselfishly and in a ;>>P humane way do
something for them. hank you for not forgetting them, for
shadowing the feeling of #eing a#andoned the rest of the world gives
them. 6ou must know that they will appreciate it greatly, they will
appreciate anything you give them, #ecause it is not only the
@uestion of the amount, #ut the gesture #rings a lot as well. Affering
a helping hand is more than great.
$o, not to make this extremely long, as I could, I will /ust wish
you the #est of luck for today and the #est of fun as well. En/oy
yourselves. 6our friends will hopefully know a #it more a#out 0osnia
thanks to you. 3o 0osnia 0eauties Lha%haM and all the others.
Don"t forget+the strength is in you. 6ou have the power. And
you also have the choice where to direct that power to. ,ust don"t
forget that.
Ance more, thank you for everything+in my name and in the
name of all those from a little country of 0osnia who need your help.
And special thanks to your wonderful, ama!ing teacher Llet me hear
some ovations(MD
I love you and miss you all very much.
All my friendshipD
8%6A soon
With love,
7lata
G.$. Warmest and sincere regard to everyone in sunny '.A. &We
must learn to live together as #rothers or perish together as fools.)+
Dr. .artin 'uther 9ing, ,r.
Diary 52
Dear Diary,
.y life is going downhill, and so @uickly I"m not sure if I can hold it
up anymore. 'et"s start from the #eginning. he other day my sister and I
were looking through some pictures we found in our parents" room. We
found this picture of an old man and my mom together at a hotel. hey were
sitting in their #athing suits together, arms around each other. he cra!y
part is my parents are still married. It didn"t make sense to either of us. I
think it hit me a little harder than it did my sister. hough I couldn"t decide
if I wanted to cry or /ust start yelling. his was my family my mom was
screwing with. We took the pictures to my mom and asked her a#out the
man. $he got really defensive and told us to stay out of her room, that we
had no right going through her stuff and that he was /ust a friend. 6eah,
right, I didn"t #elieve if for a minute. $he wouldn"t have #een so upset if
this guy were /ust a friend. When my mom went out of town last week with
her &friend from work,) she was really with this man( hat meansDshe is
cheating on my dad( 4either of us can say anything to our dad, so we"ve
decided to keep our mouths closed. He is going to find out soon enough.
.y family is starting to crum#le a #it, it isn"t falling apart yet, #ut I know it
will soon.
I wanted to rely on .s. 3Os class to #e my surrogate family, #ut I"m
slowly finding out that it might not #e a good idea #ecause we may not #e a
family next year. Although .s. 3 wants to teach us next year, as /uniors,
the other English teachers don"t want to let her. hey argue that a teacher
who has only #een teaching here for a couple of years doesn"t have the right
to pick her students and teach them for four years. here was a handful of
teachers complaining and now we are in /eopardy of not #eing a class next
year.
his can"t #e happening to me. 4ow #oth of my families are falling
apart. I"m not going to have anyone left #ecause we are #eing split into
different classes. I can"t handle it- I can"t lose #oth my families( his is all I
have left. o think it"s only #ecause the other teachers are /ealous. We are
getting all the attention now, newspapers are writing articles a#out us. $ome
teachers haven"t done anything new in years, and now that we are trying
something new, they"re #ecoming /ealous. hey are trying to hold us down,
split us up, and keep us from making a difference. It"s not going to work(
.s. 3 did what she does #est- she talked to anyone who would listen to
her a#out our accomplishments until we had made some headway. hey
were talking a#out letting us have our own class. Everyone is worried. I"ve
caught a couple kids crying a#out it, actually someone pro#a#ly caught me
more then once. All I can think a#out is us not #eing together. What would
we do* Who would we turn to* As if high school isn"t hard enough, this
would make it ten times harder. 1ight now, I have my comfort !one, I and I
can"t #e without this for the next two years.
It"s #een a hard time for everyone. We have to keep working in class,
although we don"t know if we are going to #e together next year or not.
hese teachers can"t #reak our chain, we are linked, not #y our hands, #ut
#y our hearts and we will always #e together. I"m scared, very scared. I
hope everything works out.

Diary 53
Dear Diary,
$chool"s almost over, and I /ust found out that we get to have .s.
3ruwell next year( It"s great news for all of us. $he fought hard to keep us
together( I"ve #een lucky to have her for two years. .y mom says, &I"ve hit
the lottery in education.) $he"s the #est teacher I"ve ever had. $he truly
cares a#out us and never /udges us #ased on appearances. 4ow I get to #e in
her class my /unior year(
I have a lot of friends who are in honors English and they"ve #ecome
@uite interested in what my class has #een doing lately( here have #een
@uestions a#out our field trips and the dinners we attended. After all the
years my friends who had made me feel stupid, all are now interested in my
class. After all, they used to call .s. 3ruwell"s class the &3hetto 8lass)
#ecause of all the minorities. hey have always made me feel like a dum#
white #oy #ecause I"m not in their honors classes. Well, it looks like they"re
the losers #ecause they don"t know how great this class really is and how
many friends I have made #ecause of it. We have had many guest speakers
and travel to museums and social functions. I view things much differently
than my friends do #ecause of my new experiences, #ut hey, they"re still my
friends.
I told my friends that there was going to #e room for a couple of more
students in .s. 3ruwell"s class. I found out they had all signed a waiting
list to get into her class the very next day( If my friends are accepted, I hope
they will treat .s. 3ruwell and the other students with respect. If not, I"ll
have to regulate #ecause as far as I"m concerned, they"re the ones on
pro#ation in my &3hetto 8lass)(