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com How To Ta
lk To Women The Reference Guide 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Product ions, LLC.
----------------------- Page 2----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com MODULE 1
: Foundation & Secret Keys Hey, It's Carlos Xuma, welcome to the How to Talk to Wo
men Program. We're also going to go into the flow of conversation and then each mo
dule after that, so let's get started right away. What we're going to talk about in
this program is the How to Talk to Women Concept because it's such a big question
for guys. I see it all the time, every time I open up an e-mail it says, Hey, how
do I talk to women in this situation and on that situation? So, I'm going to give
you the key understanding both from the internal point of view as well as a tech
nique point of view, exactly how to talk to women in just about every step of th
e way. So there's two parts that I want to talk about, I want to talk about the ov
erview of the concept. The first is the foundation, let's expand on this just a li
ttle bit. The foundation, meaning, your alpha lifestyle is going to be the major
underpinning, how you feel when you go in and you do when you talk to women, an
d by alpha lifestyle, I mean these are the factors that contribute to your feeli
ng of masculinity and feeling of having your own strong, wellgrounded lifestyle.
When you havelet me ask you this, If you were, let's just say Brad Pitt, it doesn't m
atter that he's hooked up to Angelina Jolie or not, you think that Brad Pitt, by v
irtue of his lifestyle, the things he does in his life, his famil y, his health,
his wealth, his time, his career, his job as an actor, the image he portrays, t
he life passions, all that stuff, do you think that that helps him feel confiden
t going into any conversation with a woman? He didn't just instantly become Brad Pi
tt, the millionaire, successful movie star, he had to have the feelings before h
e realized the financial success and the social success he does right now, so th
e feelings of confidence you have before you go into an approach are going to be
fully responsible for how much success you get on the other end. So these are t
he components that make up an alpha lifestyle and this is what comprises how str
ong you feel, with just one moment before you walk up and start talking to a wom
an or even when you're in a conversation with a woman, these factors play into wha
t you talk about, how you talk about 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions,
LLC. 1
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th her, so this is kind of like the undercurrent of your confidence and your fee
lings of self-esteem when you talk to women. Family, obviously your family, the
people that you're related to, how well you're relating to them. Do you have family
issues that are eating away at you from the inside out? These are going to pull
you down as well as pull you back up. Your health, are you a healthy person, are
you fit, are you in shape? If you're not, again it's going to work one way or the o
ther, on one of the scales are working for you on the other, it's going to be pull
ing you down and making you feel less confident. You've got to make sure that all
these are pulling in the same direction. Wealth, how do you feel about your mone
y? Your time, your career and your job, your image, your life passion, your frie
nds, your hobbies and activities, your home and your transportationyeah, your car
and where you live make a difference. All these factors including your visions
and strategies you have for your life as well as the life that you potentially w
ant with another woman, all these things are rolled up into what I call the Alph
a Lifestyle. Now, once you have all those elements and you realize that you stil
l have to address everyone of those. Let's get on to the next part. Let's talk about
the foundation of talking with women and then where you feel the most pain is v
ery often what affects your conversations with women the most. So any one of the
se lifestyle elements here, whether it's your family, whether it's your health, your
money, your time, and whatever it is in here that is most painful to you in any
given time is going to be affecting your conversation with women, remember that
, because it's very important and you've got to know it and recognize that ironicall
y, the best topics for rapport are the ones that are the areas of pain in your l
ifestyle, those are the ones that create the feeling of connection with her beca
use she's going to see vulnerability. She's going to sense a certain level of humani
ty and connection from you by virtue of the fact that you recognize that one of
thesethe family, the health the wealth or something bothering you and knowing how
to talk about it, and we're going to talk about that in this program. 2008 DD Pub
lications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 2 ----------------------- Page 4----------
------------www.CarlosXuma.com And going down here to the strength of your perso
nality, the strength of your personality is what supports your game. How strong
is your personality? If your personality were to be turned physical form, in the
form of a body, would your strength look like a skinny 98lb weakling or would i
t look like Arnold Schwarzenegger back when he was the buffest, biggest guy in t
he planet? That's how it affects your game and your conversations with women as we
ll. The strength of your personality is very important and when I'm telling you he
re is, Be certain about most everything. Alright? The certainty is how
women see and kind of intuitively grasp your sense of confidence when you're in a
conversation, now I don't mean certainty to a point of being dumb and obstinate, I'm
talking about certainty in terms of knowing how sure you are about things in yo
ur life and how sure you are in going to a certain direction? I don't have to be s
ure that I know the exact fuel consumption of the SR71 Blackhawk, that's dumb, tha
t's a factual thing that no one will care about and probably, no most guys and pro
bably airplane geeks will believe me but being certain about the important thing
s in life, being certain about where you stand, ethical-moral standsthings like t
hat. Very important to how you build up this foundation when you're talking with w
omen, so be very clear about this, being certain about things in your life is a
very important part of a conversation that we hold with women. So one key elemen
t, what do I mean by that? There's really only one key element into any conversati
on with a woman, when you're talking with women, there's one thing to focus on, I kn
ow that you probably have a dozen models that tell you about attraction that has
comfort that, rapport on this and seduction thatdon't worry about it. The one thin
g you work on with a woman is connection and you do it by the virtue of a push a
nd pull dynamic and that's a lot of what we're talking about in here. We're going to t
alk about how conversations flow, the things to do when you run out of conversat
ion are very important for guys. Story telling. How to make women laugh, those a
re energy tools. Handling phone conversations, as well as electronic communicati
on, texting with women, and tools that you can usethese are all things that we're g
oing 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 3 -----------------------
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ut they're all built into this connection of push-pull. What's in there? Well, with
that we have these three elements that we talk about frequently, I think most gu
ys are used to hearing about this, there's energy excitement, there's qualification
and there's rapport and comfort these are the three biggies, these are the three su
bcomponents of how you build that connection in using the push-pull energy. Ener
gy and excitement. Here's energy and excitement. Energy and excitement, as it rela
tes to you, in other words when you are talking with a woman, the energy and exc
itement in that conversation should be related back to you, it shouldn't just be h
er having fun. There are ways that are kind of leaching on of a woman having fun
in other ways, in other words you're both on a rollercoaster ride. Is the fun rea
lly related to you? No. You're on a rollercoaster which is going up and down and z
ooming around on the corkscrew, right? But, by virtue of the fact that you might
be holding her hand while she's experiencing this extreme visceral sense of fun,
it becomes a way for you to kind of draw in the same energy, it's a very important
fact and most guys don't know how to use that to their benefit. Unfortunately, th
ey often do it to
their detriment as well, they tend to go into situations where there's negative em
otions and the woman associates those with him. So what are the excitement eleme
nts of attraction here that we're talking about? First of all there's fun, laughing
is your measuring stick, particularly in this situation. How much is she laughin
g? How much is she giggling? How much is she genuinely bubbling enjoying herself
? There's banter. Banter in a sense that pleasant shock is your measuring stick. Y
ou've got to look at her and see how much is she going, Uh, you know that's a pleasant
shock, not Oh which is an unpleasant shock. Pleasant shock is you're back and forth
, you're back and forth and you're just having fun, teasing back and forth and she h
as that look of, Oh my God, I can't believe you said that. You can sense that in the
change in 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 4 ------------------
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hip energy, it's something more. It's got that special chemistry. And of course ther
e's teasing. Teasing is slightly different from banter. And here, physical contact
is the measuring stick, in other words, it's how you determine how well you're doin
g when you're teasing. You're looking for physical contact from her initiated by her
. If you're teasing her right and you're teasing her correctly and you're keeping the
social pressure out. She should be doing, you know the slap you on the arm and g
oing, Stop. That sort of thing tells you, OK, it's working, I'm having an effect. She
should be reaching out and touching you in some way, not the other way around. T
his is where it's very important, to get a woman to start touching you. Sexual inn
uendo is another form of energy and excitement in conversations you need to use.
Touch. Touch is very important. It's what we call Keno, right? But your use of to
uch, how you touch a woman in any conversation is also very important. Story tel
ling. I'm going to talk about that in this particular module is going to determine
quite a bit on how she learns about you. You communicate a lot by effectively u
sing story telling. A long time back, I used to write fiction. A long time back,
I studied fiction and I still have all of my books in my bookshelf over here on
how to create effective stories and plotlines. It was interesting because I lea
rned so much about why and how human beings are so drawn to stories. We can't resi
st a story. The second you walk up to somebody and start telling them a story, Th
is guy, came up to me and you wouldn't believe what he said to me. I start conversa
tions like that and she's going to be listening because she's got to know that story
, she's got to know what happened. She's starting to feel the drama that the situati
on in the head, women more so than anybody
else. Power questions. If you've taken any of my programs, you'd know that power que
stions are essential components and as one my unique skills that I teach guys. 2
008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 5 ----------------------- Page 7
----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com Nobody else teaching this as quite as I
do because power questions control not only the conversation and the flow of co
nversation but they control the energy of that conversation. You can totally bui
ld out an unbelievable amount of sexual tension by the effective use of power qu
estions. And we're going to talk about those in this program as well. Humor. That's
a big topic. How to be funny with women? I'm going to cover that with some segment
here. There are various forms of humor to raise up this energy and excitement.
First of all, I want to tell you right now, humor itself is highly overrated as
a tool for attraction and what we call pick-up or seduction. You don't need as muc
h as you think you might need. A lot of guys would like to tell you that you nee
d to be this super comedian, you've got to be like Jerry Seinfeld to make a woman
really turned on but the fact is, the more you use humor within the conversation
, the less actually the women will feel rapport with you over the long term. The
specific places and ways that you use humor and I'm going to talk about that in t
he humor module in this program. There's jokes. Keep in mind the jokes that they're
great and the best part about them is that you can steal as much funny as you ne
ed. I just want to say, Steal as much funny as you need. Nothing you say, or as yo
u know as far as humor needs to be original, I encourage you to try to be origin
al but it doesn't need to be. I went for years where I would do nothing more than
kind of relive classic Eddie Murphy skits or jokes that are heard before or just
kind of recycled humor, and it works because women are looking for a reason to
laugh. They don't care if it's slightly used, you know like a slightly used car. A s
lightly used humor, it's not a big deal. So I always encourage guys, if you don't fe
el like you're a funny guy, steal as much as you need, it does not matter, OK? It's
an ethical stealing, it works. Limit your use of humor in conversations, it goes
back to what I was saying, I don't want to be overrated. Instead, what I think you
should do is to focus on staying lighthearted, OK? Which means, not being too se
rious, too heavy within a conversation. That is what makes humor work in the lon
g run for you. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 6 --------------
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Your best use of humor is not so much of telling jokes as it is, having a light
sensation to you, that you're not serious, that you're not being dire. These are guy
s that are not having the success they want with women, will go into a conversat
ion with women, they'll talk with women but they're talking from the standpoint of, O
h my God, this is so serious, I cannot mess this up. I don't want to joke or do an
ything that might risk it. So I'm going to stay on a very serious plane. And that r
eally destroys the emotions and the attraction for the woman will feel for you.
And the easiest use of humor of course is just simply exaggerating into the extr
eme. I'm going to talk about techniques like this and real ways that you can use h
umor in the humor section. So we're not going to go into much detail about that he
re. So there you go, there's energy and excitement, how you use it within a conver
sation. The next is qualification. Qualification is discretion and pickiness. Ba
sically, it's how picky you are about who it is and you're going to be involved with
emotionally, romantically, sexually, whatever it may be. You've got to be picky,
I cannot tell you this enough, if a man is not selective about a woman he is cho
osing into bringing into his life, he's setting himself up for failure, because a
woman can sense this more than anything else. You can tell when somebody is just
taking what they can get as opposed to what they deserve. Very important, becau
se if youas what he's doing, casting or not whether or not you deserve a good woman
, you feel like you deserve her, if you're just taking her with no questions asked
, you don't feel deserving, you feel desperate. Skepticism and doubt is another pa
rt of the qualification, qualification mentality that you have when working in t
his whole connection sequence of push-pull, back and forth, back and forth. This
qualification portion is a lot of the pull, pulling away, OK? Push, is I'm pushin
g myself towards her, pull, I might as well pull away. It's difficult to find that
difference, some people say that push is pushing her 2008 DD Publications/Morph
eus P roductions, LLC. 7 ----------------------- Page 9----------------------www
.CarlosXuma.com away and pull is pulling her in, which actually I think is more
correct of the two. But you get the idea. Qualification is where you kind of pus
hing around her way a little bit saying, I don't know, I'm skeptical, I doubt you cou
ld match what it is that I'm looking for in a woman. You're a little young, you're cut
e but you know, I can find a cute chick anywhere. Do you see that attitude that I'm
having there? You've got to communicate in this within your conversations with wo
men, when you talk to them. Don't fake this, do not try to fake qualification. If
in the back of your head, you're thinking, I don't care what this chick says, I would
so do her. Dude,
there's nothing she could say that would make me want not to sleep with her. I wou
ld totally go to bed with her, no matter what she says, but then you're on the out
side and you're trying to fake it and going, I don't know, I mean, you're cute and all
but what else you've got going for you? She will sense that it's not true, it's not gen
uine, it won't come through in your words. You need it to be sincere, you cannot f
ake qualification and it's not just the results you're going to get with her, it's bec
ause of how you're going to feel inside when you have standards, when you have lim
its, when you have a threshold of acceptability within your life, it changes you
r attitude completely. You're not going to be the same man anymore when you stop a
ccepting the bullshit that people throw at you start raising yourself up to the
standard, to the different norm, alright? Story telling is also another form of
qualification. Story telling you can use in any part of the sequence. So that's wh
y I'm going to focus a special segment on that alone. Story telling is another way
you can prove or demonstrate to her that you do have discretion when it comes t
o women and it might also find a way of communicating to her whether or not she
should be thinking about it. I'll talk about that later on in storytelling. Power
questions, again, the questions, the power of questions themselves cannot be und
erestimated. You read any good Tony Robbins book and he talks about this. The po
wer of questions is unimaginable because it controls everything. The person who's
asking the questions controls the conversation. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr
oductions, LLC. 8 ----------------------- Page 10----------------------www.Carl
osXuma.com You have to use questions effectively within the conversations. Rappo
rt and comfort is where a lot of guys think of being under staged. Rapport and c
omfort is simply another form of connection, were talking about one big concept
here. Connection, connection, connection, that's what a woman wants to feel. She d
oesn't need to feel devotion, she doesn't feel that you're her boyfriend to sleep with
you, she has to feel connection though. Rapport and comfort. There is deep rapp
ort and deep comfort where you obviously want to go with a woman. This is where
you share an emotional state. Then there's the superficial kind of rapport and com
fort, this is where you're looking for and trying to establish commonalities, thin
gs like, where you went to school, someone you know that you both know in common
, things like that. Commonalities are very weak form of rapport building and I e
ncourage you to avoid them wherever possible. You can use them in a little bit b
ut your big focus here needs to be not on the superficial but on the deep side w
here you have shared emotional states. It's the only way to establish a really pow
erful connection. All this stuff trickles up to this diagram I'm showing you here
into the
connection. When you're using all three together, it's like having a main trunk of e
lectric wire coming together in one junction, all of that power comes into one p
oint. So focus on deep rapport. Touch is another way of establishing rapport and
comfort. Women use it to establish control in conversations as well as level se
t emotions. When a woman reaches out and touches another woman or touches a guy,
what she's trying to do is lower that person's emotional state and get it closer to
her. Because when you're touching somebody, it's very hard to have different emotio
nal states. I don't know if you've ever noticed this fact but you know when somebody's
crying and you're hugging them, it's hard for you to be like, (laugh), you can't do i
t, it may seem silly at the time but you get my point. 2008 DD Publications/Morp
heus Pr oductions, LLC. 9 ----------------------- Page 11----------------------w
ww.CarlosXuma.com Women do it as a way to bring emotional states into equilibriu
m or at least pull them closer together. It's a very effective tool and you need t
o use this in conversations as well. Especially at the very impactful moments of
story telling where you might have something, a big bang, and you want her to f
eel it and you touch her at the same time when you say it. Powerful, powerful te
chnique. Again, story telling appears here on the rapport and comfort because th
ere's no better way of establishing rapport and comfort with a woman than telling
a really powerful story about yourself that connects with her. And again, power
questions. So again, these three elements, energy and excitement, this is what w
e tend to think as attraction, if you're thinking of a classical pick-up parlance.
Qualification, that `s another way of saying, I'm choosy, this where inner versus ou
ter game thing. I think of qualification as being more inner game because when yo
u have qualifying questions in your head and reason why you want to dismiss some
body from being a possibility in your life. You have a stronger attitude overall
and your conversation works much better too. And rapport and comfort, being the
stage where your trying to stabling more deeper in a sense of connection. Don't l
isten to anybody that tells you that you have to do things at a certain order. I
t's not necessary to follow this like a blueprint. If you're going to follow it like
a blueprint, yes I would encourage you to get the energy and excitement started
upfront. That's your best way, it's like your activation energy. Then you can slip
into a little bit of qualification and then go into rapport and comfort. You use
qualification before rapport and comfort because you're saying here and your qual
ification, I think you're a possibility, let me see if you are, OK? Maybe, maybe. A
nd then, Ah, OK. Rapport and comfort is the next state of, OK, you look like you're
acceptable, I'm going to try and make a connection with you. Alright? So that's why y
ou put qualification there.
If it feels weird to go through energy and building up the energy in a conversat
ion and then building and establishing a strong sense of rapport with a woman an
d then you suddenly go, I don't know, I don't know if 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus P
r oductions, LLC. 10 ----------------------- Page 12----------------------www.Ca
rlosXuma.com you're my type, you know with my flight all the time? That would feel
weird, that's why your qualification goes there. So there you go, those are the cr
itical elements of the overall process of how to talk with women and how to buil
d attraction and the right kind of connection with women. I want to emphasize th
is little fact here. I've been reading a book quite recently and I want to share w
ith you, it's called Now Find Your Strengths and Weaknesses, something of that eff
ect. I'm going to give this as a resource for this program. And what they talk abo
ut the program is you're are going to waste a lot of time in your life trying to m
ake your weaknesses build up to the level of your strengths, when in fact that's t
he worst possible use of your time. The best possible use is where you take your
strength and you just put all your energy behind your strengths because that is
going to skyrocket your success more than anything else. Get behind your streng
ths. Use your strengths and the same time, if you have some weaknesses that just
needs to be fixed, of course by all means, work on them. Pick them up to an ade
quate level but don't ever believe that your weaknesses will ever be your strength
s because they won't, it's a big misconception. Most people have been taught to beli
eve that they need to work on their weaknesses, in your job you've probably been t
aught this, family probably talked this. Everybody probably has taught you, that
you need to be working on the areas that you're not as good, when in fact your su
ccess lies in your strengths. Wherever it is that you're doing your best right now
. Think of Michael Jordan, this is did he do? Well you may remember professional
basketball where he athlete, proved himself time and into baseball. my example
for this. Michael Jordan, what way back when, he decided to leave was an incredi
ble star, an incredible time again and decided he wanted to go
Well he didn't make the Major Leagues so he went back on to the Minor Leagues, he
was sincere about this, this is what Michael wanted to do for himself, he didn't c
are what other people thought which I totally salute him for but at the same tim
e, you have to keep in mind that. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LL
C. 11 ----------------------- Page 13----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com Wh
at happened? It didn't work for him, in the long term, what did he end up doing? H
e went back to basketball where he was a star, where he could
shine, where his strengths, where applaud needed and that's where he felt the most
fulfillment. Not in trying some athletic endeavor wherein he really wasn't that q
uite talented. It's the same thing with you. Your talents will be your primary sou
rce of your success when you're talking with women. So you're going to find areas in
here that are going to be your elements of success when you're talking with women
. Those are the ones you should work on enhancing, maybe it's story telling, maybe
it's the ability to make someone laugh and getting excited and having fun with yo
u and teasing. Maybe it's the ability to keeping the conversation flowing or estab
lishing a deep rapport in there. Whatever your talent may be, leverage it and us
e it. It's going to serve you more than anything else. So there you go, we've just c
overed, how to talk with women, the foundation which is your alpha lifestyle and
the key elementswell the one key element of all attractive conversations with wo
men which is connection and I broke it down to all the segments for you there. W
e're going to talk next on the flow of conversation, how it should flow and how it
should work and understanding the concepts of that conceptually. And then we're g
oing into hard core mechanics, we're going to talk about what to do when you run o
ut of conversation, we're going to talk about story telling, we're going to talk abo
ut specific techniques for making women laugh and how to use the funny-cocky com
edy thing. We're going to talk about tools you can use and help you in conversatio
n and get you going and handle some of the common side conversations you have wi
th women, things like you might need in phone conversations, e-mail, Facebook or
texting, you're going to learn how to use those as well. And that's it for now, thi
s is Carlos Xuma, next step, go to the module or segment number two of the progr
am. Thanks. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pro ductions, LLC. 12 ----------------
------- Page 14----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com YOUR STUDY NOTES: Note s
omething new youve learned in this module: Note something you heard and maybe kne
w, but now yo u see differently: This section is important, as it will lock in you
r Write down 3 action steps you can take right now to start adding this into you
r own understanding conversations with women: of the 1. material... 2.
3. Write down 3 new conversation bites (word for word) o f your own that you can u
se to inject this material into your conversations rig ht away: 1. 2. 3. 2 008 D
D Publications/Morpheus Productions, LLC. 1 ----------------------- Page 15-----
-----------------www.CarlosXuma.com Module 2: Conversation Flow Alright, we're bac
k, it's time to get cracking on the first topic. Let's dig right into flow of conver
sation, how should the energy and how should the flow of conversation go with wo
men. So let's look at the top here, we're going to look at the actual energy, there's
a little diagram a put together to explain the flow of energy between her and yo
u. It may not be on scale but I'm sure you'll forgive me on that part. When it comes
to the overall conversation at the earliest part of the conversation, if this i
s a woman you've just met. The conversation is going to be a little skewed towards
you providing a lot of the energy to keep it going, OK? As a matter of fact at
the start, if you're looking at it as a matter of percentage, 90% will be you, 10%
will be her. This is worst case scenario and the more nervous she is, the more
it's going to be like this situation here. The less nervous she is, the more of an
open person she is or maybe she is a playful type of person, the ratio of her t
o you is going to be higher, it's going to have 20 or 30% right off the bat, becau
se she's actually into it, she's not thrown off by talking to a guy, OK? And again,
a lot of the stuff I'm talking about in this program is not geared towards approac
h, although approach is a part of the overall conversation, I'm not focusing in sp
ecifically on what you need to do when you walk up right off the bat. That's going
to be handled in special approach program, I'm talking about a lot of the general
conversation techniques that you can use along the way. Any one of these can be
used as an opener and I really don't like to set aside opening and approaching as
being a different part of the conversation but guys view it that way, so I'm tryi
ng to help you by keeping the same perspective but in reality, you can use anyth
ing that I'm talking about in this program to apply in opening and starting conver
sations., OK? I want you to keep that in mind.
2008 DD Publications/Morpheus P roductions, LLC. 1 ----------------------- Page
16----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com So again, as far as the energy goes,
you are going to provide most of the energy upfront. She's slowly going to be incr
easing, see how these numbers are going up? She's slowly going to be increasing he
r contribution and her energy into the conversation. If she isn't, you're going to h
ave a problem because her investment in conversation is not the same as yours an
d what she's trying to do is keep you at a certain distance to prevent any kind ofs
he doesn't want to be misread, she doesn't want to be misunderstood, she doesn't want
you to get the wrong idea. You're going to hear that a lot from women. They're going
to say, I don't want you to get the wrong idea, because then she would feel guilty
for that, right? Because you're thinking the wrong thing would it really become he
r fault? This is Psychology, I can't explain it to you, it's the most intricate form
but just trust me, OK? Until I get to the module on how to understand women. So
, what is she going to do if she holds back, if she keeps you at arms length? Wh
at she's saying is she doesn't want to make it into that conversation for whatever r
eason. Maybe she's got a boyfriend, maybe she's just isn't into it that day, maybe she's
just in a bad mood. It doesn't matter why, don't worry about it, it doesn't mean anyt
hing about you. It can't because she doesn't know you yet, alright? So again, back t
o the energy of the conversation, her input is going to increase and as it does,
you're going to balance out somewhere in the middle here after some amount of tim
e. This is time, going from side to side. So as the time goes by, you can start
to decrease your energy input and balance out a little bit and this is the other
side of the conversation, this is the later on of the conversation over here. T
his is what happens later on, if she's really into it, the woman will pick up the
ball and she will start contributing more to the conversation than you do. She w
ill in an essence talk more than you do. That's where you see her percentage go up
from 50 to 60 to 70 and higher sometimes. If it goes higher than 70 or 80, you've
got to watch it because she's starting to control the conversation. You've got to w
atch that too. So your contribution will slowly decrease, OK? So this is a model
for you to understand the energy output and inputs if you will, to the system a
nd they 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 2 ---------------------
-- Page 17----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com will balance out. You should
be looking for this kind of a pattern. The more she contributes upfront, the bet
ter off you are, the better the conversation will flow, the quicker the chemistr
y because of course, you won't feel as vulnerable up here, putting a 90, 70 to 90%
of the conversational input and energy. It's tiring, it really is, it can be very
tiring sometimes talking to women especially when they're not doing their fair sh
are.
Let's face it, for every guy that feels uncomfortable in conversations, there's also
a woman that feels the same way. And she doesn't know how to do it, she doesn't kno
w how to handle the social aspects of it. She might be socially awkward or whate
ver reason. Whatever it is, it's OK, that's the one thing guys don't understand is a b
alancing factor of this on the female side of the equation. We just don't see it,
we just think it's just guys having the problems, or we're just having the problem.
Let's go into the next section here. Conversational flow. Conversational flow, how
should a conversation go? Well, I'm not going to give you a specific step by step
, I want you to take this sort of thing first, this sort of thing second, this s
ort of thing third. If I did that to you, I wou ld be hopelessly screwing up you
r game with women. Why? Because you'd be relying too much on artificial structure
which bears no resemblance to the actual conversation. Comparing it this way wou
ld probably help you. Conversation is something of an art, in other words if I w
ere to sit down in front of a canvass with a set of paints and paintbrush. Someb
ody told me specifically that, what to do, where? Is that art? Not really. In es
sence, what that is, is kind of like a paint by the numbers step, a little seque
nce there. What you've got to do is make sure that you are not trying to follow a
plan as much as you are trying to keep things improvisational and coming from he
re rather than from here. And it sounds a little bit satiric but it's very importa
nt that you understand this, the more up in your head you are, the more you're try
ing to follow a plan, the more you're going to create problems for yourself in the
conversation. She won't feel real, she won't feel that you're real, she won't be ground
ed. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus P roductions, LLC. 3 ----------------------- P
age 18----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com So the first thing that happens i
n the conversation is your opening, whatever that may be. But this is why I put
an asterisk on this, your opening is not the most important part of the conversa
tion, in fact it's the least important part. The experience that a lot of guys hav
e, I've trained guys this way too, is that I give them something completely random
to say, to walk up to talk to women with, and it doesn't matter what it is. It do
esn't matter what it is, I'm saying that twice for actual emphasis. The opening does
n't really matter. The opening is just a way of opening the door and saying, Hey, I'm
right here. Let's talk. It's what she says after that, that you'd have to listen for,
OK? Her reply. You should be listening to her response, so your opening is nothi
ng more than a match lit to the fire and now you're watching what the fire does as
it burn really slow, does it really burn the match out before it even starts, s
ee what I'm saying? Her reply is more important. Listen to what she says when she
replies, most guys are so caught up in what they're saying to start the conversati
on
because they had overcome that courage hurdle to actually walk up and talk to he
r that they're not listening to her reply. And her reply gives you bada-bing, the
key to unlock the rest of the conversation from her. You'll know instantly from wh
at she says to whatever it is you open with, whether she's a good humor, whether s
he is a cool chick or not, whether or not she's got a bug up her butt, whatever th
e case may be, you're going to find that out from her reply, so you've got to watch
on that. So then, after your reply and you've listened to that, your reply next sh
ould probably be a question and should never be an answer to hers. In other word
s, if she replied with a question to you like, What is that the best thing you've g
ot going on there for you? Is that a line? Come on, you've got to do better than t
hat. If you're going to talk to me. Your reply should never be to answer that quest
ion or to be a direct rebuttal to it. You should find a way to steer your answer
in a way that you still maintain control of the conversation, because if you ju
st answer her question, you're going to be falling into the trap of being her conv
ersational slave, if you will . 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus P roductions, LLC.
4 ----------------------- Page 19----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com I'm try
ing to think of a better term for that but you know, her conversational puppet b
asically. Don't give a direct answer to hers. Think about this, your reply, your w
hatever it may be, form this point on in this conversation, after she responds t
o your opening your reply should first of all, give value to her. You must alway
s be giving value in some way, of course when you give value, you've got to be add
ing to the experience in her life. If you're taking away in any way, it's going to b
e running contrary to the rules of how to talk to women. This is probably a law,
this is one of the first laws of talking to women. If you're not giving value to
her in everything you're saying, in everything you're doing, she's got no motivation t
o stay in the conversation. Think about it, it's WIIFM, what's in it for her? Is she
getting something out of the conversation? Because human beings are selfish cre
atures, they're not in it to help you out, they're in it for themselves and her enjo
yment is a key factor for that. Also think about upping the ante, you've got to ra
ise the energy level in the conversation with whatever your response is. Your re
sponse should not only be in some way handling whatever it is she said, maintain
ing control of the conversation, giving value, but you have to raise that energy
level so that she feels the positive lift of the conversation. It should never
be deter on how she respond to you that should be fairly obvious. Then comes her
reply and then comes your reply which is where you need to start making the tra
nsition into conversation. This is a big factor, because a lot of guys get caugh
t up in the opener in the first gambit that
happens within, it's kind of like chess, you know those first opening moves but th
e mid-game is where things really get interesting in chess, OK? And the same thi
ng applies here you need to make a transition from your opening game to your mid
-game as quickly as possible, and your midgame has to take on a very connective
flow. Remember I told you, the first primary thing you need to do is form connec
tion with her in some way or another. Whether that's rapport building or attractio
n building, qualification, how you do that is the most 2008 DD Publications/Morp
heus P roductions, LLC. 5 ----------------------- Page 20----------------------w
ww.CarlosXuma.com important thing. So her reply comes, and your reply is a trans
ition into what we call a regular conversation. So you're no longer in opener mode
. Your opener mode lasts for only two interactions. You say something, she repli
es. You hear what she says and you reply to that. And then she's going to reply ag
ain and now you need to transition it towards conversation. Again, you must give
value to her and you must also up the ante, you must keep the energy level goin
g, keep things interesting, it doesn't have to be a massive increase. I don't want y
ou thinking that you have to take off a rocket ship because that's going to make a
conversation feel awfully weird, stilted and fake. But you should be gently inc
reasing the energy level and the stakes a little bit for you to stay in it which
is good, it keeps her interested, it creates more tension, it creates more psyc
hological and sexual tension. And then the last thing I'm adding in this particula
r step is, you need to stand back and you need to start qualifying her a little
bit, during your transition to the regular conversation. In other words, if your
sole motive is just to start a conversation, then she's thinking, Huh, he's here to
talk to me and that's cool and all but he must want something. That's where qualifica
tion says, Oh you know what? You might not be all that, girl. You have to meet al
l my criteria as well. When a woman is forced to think in that perspective, she f
orgets about the fact that you're there to try and be interested in her sexually a
nd now she's in a different mode of, Oh, wait a minute, I've got to be in my best beh
avior. I've got to present myself in my best form. And if she's not thinking that way
or she's not working in that direction, she's obviously not for you. That's the way t
his conversation's got to go, but let me be honest here, a small sliver of convers
ations go down that route where she just checks out completely. Unless you're just
approaching drunk women in a bar at 2am, you should still be able to get some l
evel of interactivity from her, OK? Even the worst party chicks in bars will giv
e up some form of energy and give up some juice to the conversation. You have to
stand back a bit and qualify her and this is what I'm saying, from here on out yo
ur conversation is chaos. What do I mean by chaos? 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus
P roductions, LLC. 6
----------------------- Page 21----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com Chaos me
ans there's no way anyone in the world can predict how your conversation is going
to go. As a matter of fact, all the way back here, where after your opening, the
re's no way you can know what's going to happen next. Agreed, it's a very small sample
of things that can happen there that's why you can do some preparation after the
opener but after that, everything is totally up to chance and whim and fate and
a multitude of events. You can't predict it so please stop trying to, stop trying
to predict every little thing that's going to happen along the way, because you ca
n't do it and by doing that, you're actually making it hard for yourself to stay in
the conversation, OK? So I'm assuming that you're at the point now where that's not a
big issue for you. That you're ready to make that transition into the conversation
. That you know that it's going to require some free-flow ability from you, a bit
of improvisation ability, if you will, and now you can keep going. But here also
is another rule: stay only as long as you can and then bail out of this convers
ation. This is the rule that's always in the back of your head when you're talking t
o women and you're remembering how to talk to women, is stay in the conversation o
nly as long as you can and then bail. And the reason for this is, I want you to
pay attention to this part. You have to feel comfortable to leave in the convers
ation at any time and if you're in the zone when you're just totally gripless, total
ly clueless, totally lost, like I'll give you an extreme example: a guy that just
never talks to women and he's in his first conversation with a woman. How far do y
ou think he should go? If it's comfortable and it's working, hey I say, Go as far as
you can, but in reality, what's going to happen? At some point, he's going to trip an
d he's going to fall and he's going to reflect that experience of tripping and falli
ng back on the whole entire conversation he had with her. When in fact, there's a
certain point that you've got to cut your losses, just like being at a roulette ta
ble. When you're winning, know when to stop gambling and walk away with your winni
ngs because that's leaves you with a positive feeling so that you'll come back and d
o that again. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 7 ---------------
-------- Page 22----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com So stay only as long as
you can in a conversation and then bail. Get out of there, go and move on to so
mething else, go find somebody else. But the secondary rule is, every time that
you get in a conversation, go one more step than the last time you did. So each
time you're in a conversation, you'll go a little bit further, you press that a litt
le bit more. You've got your opening game, you've got your mid-game and you've got you
r endgame. Endgame is where you close, you get a phone number, you get a date or
you try for a kiss or you try and push your physical
escalation a little bit further. That's the end game. It doesn't matter what convers
ation it is, you have all three elements in every single one of them. Beginning
game, mid-game and endgame. Now, just the last part of this initial flow of conv
ersation topic before we get really into the hardcore cool stuff, techniques you'r
e going to use. I'll give you a few secrets here that I've used in the past and thes
e are important to remember. First of all, emotions are created by thoughts. You
r thinking about something and then imagining outcomes is what creates your fear
s and anxieties with women. This is never more true than an opening a conversati
on with a woman. Let me repeat this because this is important. Your emotions are
created by your thoughts, not the other way around. Your emotions came to you b
ecause you started focusing on something, you thought about something and then i
magining these outcomes, imagining these events, what if she does this, what hap
pens here, what happens then? You're trying to predict the unpredictable. And that's
what creates fear and anxiety with women. When you can let go of the need to tr
y and think ahead, try and get in there. This is the same kind of thinking by th
e way that keeps you awake at night that you can't go to sleep, when your mind jus
t won't turn off. You've ever had that happen? I sure have had it happen, everybody
has. When you can't shut down the mental gears in work and the things going on up
there, that's when your mind is trying to work too far out of its own domain, out
of what you can control. You're in the realm of I can't control it. 2008 DD Publicatio
ns/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 8 ----------------------- Page 23----------------
------www.CarlosXuma.com So why are you there? It's creating more anxiety and pain
for you. Next secret here is, the higher the energy around you when you're talkin
g to a woman, the higher your energy needs to be. You need to bring up your ener
gy to match the environment or better. If you're too subdued, too laid back, you're
going to stand out in the wrong way. You're too engrossed in the environment, and
it's going to be difficult to keep a conversation going, because she's going to feel
the difference in the energy levels, alright? So if you're in a bar, it's one level
. If you're in a bookstore, it's a much lower level. If you're in a dance club with a
high intensity laser beams and lights and a lot of music, it's the highest energy
it's probably going to ever be. So remember that. Always end the conversation, on
a high note. Leave her with a positive feeling about it. She has to feel good ab
out the conversation and so do you. Again, all these things I talk about are mea
nt more for you than her. Conversations will come and go, what you walk away at
the end of it will last you until the next time you walk up and talk to a woman
or the next time you get into another interaction and it has to keep you on an u
pward slope, alright?
And last rule, last but not least, always leave something unfinished in your con
versation for the next time you talk or meet with this woman. Always leave somet
hing unfinished because what that does is bait, it's bait on a hook. That keeps he
r coming back for more and whether you like to realize it or not, this is how it
were constructed. We can't stand stories that don't have an ending, we hate a movie
that finishes with to be continued. You know when you watch a TV show and it en
ds with a to be continued and you're like, Oh God, I can't believe it. You know you're d
rawn in, you need that finishing, you need that completion, she does too and it's
a perfectly legitimate tool to ensure that you can stay in contact with her and
keep her going, OK? So don't shy away from using the old cliff hanger, from keepin
g her interested in the conversation. I always make casual mentions and I want t
o give you more techniques by the way so don't feel like shipping you here. I'm givi
ng you the techniques on the next part but I would leave a technique like a, Oh 2
008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 9 ----------------------- Page 2
4----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com you know what, I have something cool t
o tell you about, you know whatever it is you're talking about. Let's say it's a vampir
e movie, Oh there's something you need to know about that chick but I got to get go
ing, I'll talk to you about it later. What's your number again so I can call you? She's
got a reason to call me, she feels a positive draw, there's a vacuum there but wi
th energy that pulls her back into it later on. It's totally effective and it's tota
lly necessary. So I don't want you to think it's a game, it's a necessary game. It's the
way human beings are built, we need that completion so you might as well be usi
ng it to your advantage. What do you think? I think so. So next module, we're goin
g to get into what you do when you run out of conversation. The awkward silences
and the problem and the description of the solution and how to stop it from hap
pening to you ever again. Alright? I'll talk to you in the next module. 2008 DD Pu
blications/Morpheus P roductions, LLC. 10 ----------------------- Page 25-------
---------------www.CarlosXuma.com YOUR STUDY NOTES: Note something new youve lear
ned in this module: Note something you heard and maybe knew, but now yo u see di
fferently: This section is important, as it will lock in your
Write down 3 action steps you can take right now to
start adding this into your own understanding conversations with women: of the 1
. material... 2. 3. Write down 3 new conversation bites (word for word) o f your o
wn that you can use to inject this material into your conversations rig ht away:
1. 2. 3. 2 008 DD Publications/Morpheus Productions, LLC. 1 -------------------
---- Page 26----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com MODULE 3: How to Never Run
Out Of Things To Say Here we are with the next module, we're going to talk about a
wkward silences and why they are actually a necessary component to a conversatio
n. If you don't have an awkward silence it's probably not going the way you think. S
o let's talk about them. First of give you get some concrete all, let's talk about i
t in terms of the the solution. This is probably the first reallyI wouldn't call th
em hardcore but tactics, strategies, techniques that you problem and then I'm goin
g to module that you're going to I call them definite and can use, alright?
So the problem, let's talk about this because we're getting into some inner game stu
ff here and I know the guys just love the inner game. Let's zoom in here a little
bit. The problem is, the whole issue and this goes back into approach of course.
Ask yourself this question, If you were with anyone else that you weren't attracte
d to, would you still have this problem of keeping a conversation going? I'm talkin
g about this term in being in the conversation, alright? The approach is over, y
ou got up the guts to say hello, how are you doing? I want to meet you. My name
is Carlos. Yaddiyadda. Now you're talking to her. If this person was anybody else
that you weren't attracted to like your aunt or your sister or some guy at the mal
l, whatever it is, would you still have this problem of talking to them? Would y
ou have problems keeping conversations going? Well the fact is whether you answe
r yes or no, it's an inner game thing. You're psyching yourself out, if you answered
yes, it's still an inner game thing, you're psyching yourself out. Think about that
.
If you don't have that problem, most guys don't, most guys don't have a problem keepin
g conversations with somebody they just know they're not interested in. But you fe
el somehow more contractually obligated to keep it going with a woman that you're
interested in, because you don't want her thinking that you're a loser any way, shap
e, matter or form, do you? It comes down to a masculinity issue, you're validated
by being able to keep the conversation going and getting a woman interested in y
ou back 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus P roductions, LLC. 1 ---------------------
-- Page 27----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com again. So if that doesn't happe
n or it doesn't happen in the conversation, suddenly your masculinity is called in
to doubt, why is this? It's just a natural fact of social interaction that we star
t toif our confidence is low in this situation that we start to doubt our own ide
ntity a little bit. Kind of a crazy thing huh? So again, think about that. This
is a really important thing. If you or anybody else in that moment, would you be
really be having the same problem? Why not? That's the thing I want you to think
on. Why is it not happening for you? Well it's all because of the expectations. He
re is another way of thinking about this. Think of the one person that you have
no problem talking to, OK? It could be your mom, it could be your aunt, it could
be a friend, it could be a guy that you went to school with, whoever it is, thi
nk about that one person, it doesn't have to be a woman. And then ask yourself, if
it flows, if the conversation flows with that person, why is it? Why does the c
onversation flow with that particular person. Safety. Safety is probably the rea
son why you feel safe with that person. Safety gives you this sense ofI'm not at ri
sk when I'm talking to them, they're not going to somehow call me out, they're not goi
ng to point at me and go, Hey, loser, loser. You just made an uncomfortable pause
in the conversation. Loser, loser, three-dimensional loser. It flows because you
feel safe in the conversation, you don't feel threatened in any way. But when you
talk to a strange woman, there's a sense of risk and jeopardy and hazard inherent
in it, alright? It's an important thing to think about. And if it stops, why does
it stop? If you're talking to a person and you've got no problem talking to that pe
rson, why did the conversation stop? Because the safety was lost in the conversa
tion, somewhere it suddenly stopped being safe for you to talk to that person, n
ow anxiety jumps in its place and your thoughts start going crazy. So you now ha
ve what we call a thought storm. Things just go out of control, start flying thr
ough your head and you can't control what you're thinking. 2008 DD Publications/Morp
heus P roductions, LLC. 2
----------------------- Page 28----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com And you
also feel exposed, you now feel at risk, you feel like you're in jeopardy which tr
iggers that lowest part right at the back of your head, the back of your brain,
that lizard brain part of you that's fight or flight and tells you, Oh no, I'm at ris
k, I've got to take care of the situation. It's the highest form of anxiety because w
e actually think that our physical wellbeing is being threatened. It's a psycholog
ical confusion that the brain doesn't know the difference about. Safety is the cri
tical factor in you feeling better about the conversation and not letting them f
all into those uncomfortable pauses when you don't know what to say and you go bac
k up to your head and you're like. Oh what should I say? What was that routine I re
ad online? It was a cool one too, something aboutOh I can't remember any of this no
w. Oh my god, it's getting longer and she's looking at her watch. And oh my God, aaa
hhh. You see what happens, right? It goes out of control. Here's another part of th
e problem, fear. Oh yes, False Evidence Appearing Real. That's what fear stands for
in some circles. What's the fear of? It's the fear of women - guys are just plain a
fraid of women. We've been brought up in our society that women are now suddenly e
mpowered and we need to fear them in some way. We need to fear the diva or fear th
is women empowerment thing. I'm not talking down about women right now, what I'm tal
king about is this over bloated perception we have about women. You have no reas
on to fear women. In fact, a little secret on the side here, especially when I g
et to the special program I'm going to do on how to understand women. Women by lar
ge are much more scared than you or I will ever be. They're constantly in a state
of anxiety and nervousness about a lot of the things in their life and knowing t
hat should make you feel a lot more reassured about walking up and talking to he
r. Another fear you have is the fear of exposure, it's what we call the impostor s
yndrome. The impostor syndrome means that we all go around feeling like somebody's
going to see through this exterior person I created and they're going to see all
those dark thoughts I'm having inside my head. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr od
uctions, LLC. 3 ----------------------- Page 29----------------------www.CarlosX
uma.com All those times I thought about masturbating over a Sears catalogue or t
he time I killed that frog, you know I didn't mean to but then I started poking in
their guts to see what was inside them. You know those really dark things that
we have in our life, everybody has them. Every single person has done something
dark or thought something dark.
And our biggest fear is that that's going to be exposed to other people and then w
e're going to be shamed and then we're going to be driven out of the tribe. Wow, cra
zy stuff this evolutionary thing, huh? The fear to being exposed or the whole im
postor syndrome also stops us from being real. You probably know my acronym by n
ow but I'm going to go over them again because it's very important, the core of what
I teach, REAL. The first, letter R, is relaxed and resourceful. You cannot be r
esourceful if you're constantly in anxiety especially when you're in fear, you can't b
e resourceful with what you're talking about with a woman, right? The E is energiz
ed. First of all, let me go back to the R, forget the rest of the word. The R ag
ain, relaxed and resourceful. All of the problem is about not being relaxed in a
conversation with a woman. That's really what we're talking about, what we're talking
about the part where the problem itself. The R in real, relaxed and resourceful
. You have to maintain that level of relaxation in you that allows you to draw o
ut the best parts of you. And now the E is effective and energized. Well, that's n
icely applicable here. The A is authentic and alpha, of course. And L is lifesty
le and lasting. Most relevant to what we're talking about, the problem is that all
of those factors are affected and impacted by your ability to be not just real
in terms of that little acronym I gave you, but be a real person in front of her
. You won't feel comfortable revealing your true personality if you feel like you
have to protect something. Very important. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oduc
tions, LLC. 4 ----------------------- Page 30----------------------www.CarlosXum
a.com Alright, so that's the fear aspect. What about ego? Ego slips in too. Mascul
inity is a big part of your ego. It's a big part of your identity, your acceptance
and validation as a man is built into your ego and that masculinity is such a b
ig part of the problem when it comes to talking with women especially when we go
back to awkward silences. If you're more focused on protecting or proving yoursel
f, the less smoothly your conversation is going to flow. Let me say that again,
because this is probably the biggest point of a problem that you need to know. I
f you are more focused on protecting or proving yourself, keeping yourself away
from harms way, keeping yourself out of risk, not letting down the facade in som
e way, the less smoothly your conversation will flow because you'll be falling bac
k on ego protection mode.
What do you think ego protection mode makes you do? It makes you do things that
disconnects you from the woman. It makes you stop when, you're at that moment of b
eing maybe slightly vulnerable, maybe the moment is right to tell her, You know w
hat, I came over her and I thought I was going to say a whole bunch of clever st
ories and I'm totally lost. Forgive me. I've done that with a woman and I feel that l
ittle forgive me on the end of it as like a way of me throwing myself at her feet
but not in a begging sort of way. Very important distinction. When you've able to
focus on her in the conversation on what's happening between you, the conversation
will flow and you won't run into the uncomfortable pauses. Another part of the pr
oblem is rejection. It's our fear of rejection. Unless you're failing and this is so
mething that happens at the start of the conversation, just a little note here b
ecause this might help you. We all know that rejection is in there, the fear of
rejection, right? Unless you're failing more than 75% of your approaches with wome
n, don't change anything. Don't change anything, because what happens is, guys think
that when they get a bad reaction from a woman, that somebody else who hadhad t
his perfect training, this perfect pick-up artist training would have avoided it
. They wouldn't have had that problem but you did. So there's something that you don't
know yet. You better go learn it. Go buy another book, OK? 2008 DD Publications
/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 5 ----------------------- Page 31------------------
----www.CarlosXuma.com We know that isn't true. What we really need to do is keep
trying, statistically speaking you're not going to get them all. You're not get them
all. Trust me on that one and that's OK, because you don't them all. You only want
the ones that are going to work for you and going to add to the quality of your
life. because going to want are
In the moment, this is another part of the problem. Being in the moment. Again,
this goes back to what I said that the ego about protecting yourself. If you're th
inking about what you're going to say next while she's talking, you probably caught
yourself doing this, I know you have because I've done it all the time. If you thi
nk about what you're going to be saying while she's talking, you're now killing the po
tential for attraction because she's reading the small body cues that you're giving
off. Let's say that you just unplugged from the conversation and you just stepped
back a little bit, maybe it's the blankness in your stare, maybe your eyes go, lik
e that, just a little bit of a trace. You may not be able to see tha t on this c
amera but my eyes just kind of traced over on the side just a little bit and the
n come back or a waitress passes by and I watched her for a second and I looked
back at her. Those little things communicate that you've disconnected from the con
versation and she won't even consciously recognize it, just a little part of her w
ill go, Huh, it'll pull back. A part of her will pull back on the
conversation and make it more difficult on you because she'll stop giving you the
investment, the fifty-fifty, the sixty-forty, whatever that may be, it's going to
pull back and she's going to 20 or 10% now because she feels, guess what? At risk.
She doesn't feel safe anymore. So it's just as important for her to feel safe in th
e conversation as you. And, a little tale on this thing here. A woman wants to f
eel your conversation that you're having with her is being like destiny and it jus
t happened from inside her and not coming from you. You didn't make this happen. S
he doesn't want to feel like you made it happen because that makes it weird and st
ilted and artificial. She wants to feel that things clicked. You probably hear t
hat phrase quite a bit, It just clicked with him, I don't know what it was but we j
ust clicked together. Well that click, that psychological sound of clicking or th
e psychological interaction or click with another person is nothing more than th
e naturalness of the conversation. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus P roductions, L
LC. 6 ----------------------- Page 32----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com Wh
ere you don't feel like you're unplugging and tapping into your routine mechanism, y
ou're clever scripts that you've got and things like that. If it feels like it just
happened and that she was a part of it and it came from inside her and she's like,
Wow, I do have this attraction. Not, Oh, he just gave me some attraction. I better
use it for him. That feels weird, right? She's going to view that as coming from h
er to you. Now, after we've talked about being in the moment, we've really pretty mu
ch beat up this problem. OK? Now you want solutions and that's what I'm here for, th
at's what this program's here for, that's the solution, let's hit it, let's hit it hard. F
irst of all, you have to have to feel safe in any conversation. There are number
of ways and I'm going to tell you how to do it. First of all, the way to feel saf
e in any conversation, first of all you can have an arsenal of techniques to fal
l back on, that's how a lot of guys approach this, they just memorize a shit load
of techniques and they hope that that's going to cover them. Sometimes it does, so
metimes it doesn't. The reality is that, ironically, having all these techniques t
hat you're using, having these will make you fail more often than not. Too much in
formation keeps you up in your head working up here rather than being in the mom
ent. You stopped being present and your anxiety actually increases because you h
ave all these material and you can't use it, Oh no. When something fails you that yo
u think you've got to solve a problem, you're even more anxious than if you've never g
ot them in the first place. Then you forget the techniques and you become more a
nxious. See where we're going there? Craziness ensues. So arsenal of techniques, m
arginally helpful. It's good to have a few that you know and that you have pull ou
t, you don't have to think about. But if you have a lot of stuff floating around y
our head, you're just shooting yourself in the foot, my man.
Control over your state. This is a good one. This is an excellent way to have th
is feeling of safety in any conversation. Control over your state, there's lots of
different ways that guys do this. They'd do it through hypnosis, they do it throu
gh affirmations, all of which are valid. I know a lot of guys have had success w
ith hypnosis, they've used self hypnosis tapes, they've used the binaural ones where
one's playing in one ear and one's playing in the other. 2008 DD Publications/Morph
eus P roductions, LLC. 7 ----------------------- Page 33----------------------ww
w.CarlosXuma.com I will tell you this though and the fact of the matter is that
everything works if you work it. If you believe in it and make it work, it will
work for you. You could makeI've got a little guy put up on my monitor, I've got a Yo
da doll. If I take this Yoda doll with me, everywhere I go and make him part of t
he conversation, I'll have no problem with conversations with women. Right? Well yo
u know what? It's actually true. I could have this little guy in an amulet in my p
ocket and my belief that I invested in him would actually make that conversation
, I'd do better in it. Is it really helping? I don't know, it's up to you to decide bu
t I can make Yoda work for me or I could have him and think, Damn you, you little
plastic piece of shit, you're not helping me at all. It doesn't matter, it's what I ma
ke, work. Some things are a little more valid than others. So what I'm talking wit
h you here are the most valid tools. NLP is also a valid tool. Another good book
for you to use is a book called Slide of Mouth. It's not easy to use so don't expec
t it to be a handbook and immediately understand NLP. It doesn't work that way. Ac
tually there's a great book called Introducing NLP, I highly recommend for you. Ag
ain, something that I'll give you in the resources. Affirmations. Affirmations in
the classical sense, I don't really adore this very much although they're still bett
er than nothing. Primarily because most people do affirmations like this, they h
ear something cool that somebody said and they listen to it and they say it out
loud, I am good enough, I am smart enough and darn it people like me. I am good e
nough, I am smart enough and darn it people like me. And after a while they start
ed saying, I don't believe anything that I'm saying. I don't know why I'm saying it. Even
what they're saying in their words, this is what they're thinking in their head. You
r mind will undermine you if you don't believe it. That's why use what I call Anthem
s. This is my personal method of using affirmations. Use anthems. These are emot
ionally driven affirmations. These are affirmations that you are connected to th
at you actually chose the words for it, you believe. You do that, affirmations w
ill do the work for you like a champ but you've got to put some energy in it. The
difference in an affirmation and an anthem is how much effort and work you're will
ing to make to do it. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus P
roductions, LLC. 8 ----------------------- Page 34----------------------www.Carl
osXuma.com Most guys don't - most guys don't want to of that stack right now, you're w
ay above do help themselves or improve themselves. to be all coarse about it but
that's just do shit man, you're way on top those guys because they won't They're lazy a
s all fuck. I hate the way it is.
And by sheer fact that you're sitting here and learning from me working on this st
uff, you're already way ahead of the pack, you're ahead of 90% of them. So if you're w
illing to do it and I know you are. I encourage you to take some of those affirm
ations you may have heard and turn them into anthems. A lot of my programs talk
about that and I'm not going to that deep here, again we're not going into deep inne
r game, I want to keep real tools. Simplified tools. This is my preferred soluti
on, OK? And I'm putting it here to emphasize that you can have this arsenal of tec
hniques or you can have simplified tools. I say simplified tools because when th
ey work, they will give you a boost of confidence. A very simple opener that wor
ks every time that will give you a boost of confidence the second to none. The m
ore confidence you have, the more you begin to use it. The better you get at usi
ng it, the more positive results you get then you go back and you use it again a
nd again and again and it gets better and better and it doesn't matter what you sa
y after a certain point. You start changing the words, you start coming up with
stuff, you pull out of your butt, you don't even know where it came from and it wo
rks. So simplified tools are always the best thing. If it's complicated, if it's con
voluted, if it's hard to understand in any way, shape, matter or form, do not use
it. It won't work. Another way to feel safe in conversations because we're talking a
bout the safety element, you want to feel safe. Remove the woman's ability to lowe
r your value or masculinity. Take away her license to reject you. This is what I'm
talking about. Take it away from her. She doesn't deserve it. She isn't qualified t
o hold it. Only you are. If you give that to her, if you give her the ability to
make you feel of low value or low masculinity, it's your own fault, alright? Take
it back. You keep it and you control how you invest yourself in the conversatio
n. Very important. False time constraint. This isI still think that this is one o
f the most effective tools and it comes from the old pick-up stuff, right? False
time constraint means you give her a time constraint by saying, Look I'm not going
to be here very long, so don't worry, it answers the questions in her head, How lon
g is this guy going to sit here and bug me? And the same 2008 DD Publications/Mor
pheus P roductions, LLC. 9 ----------------------- Page 35----------------------
www.CarlosXuma.com time it creates a certain level of abundance on your part bec
ause you don't seem like you're needy.
You're not just clinging to her because she's the only person there to talk to, You've
got a few minutes? I'm going to leave but I had to ask you... So a false time const
raint is a great way to make yourself feel safe when you're going in a conversatio
n because at any point, you can just pull the plug on the chute and eject right
out. Alright, so there's the first one. You want to find ways to feel safe in conv
ersations. Here's another one. Focus on fast exchanges. What do I mean by this? Re
member what we're talking about here is always going back to avoiding the awkward
silences that's the part of the conversation that we're talking about. Even though I
may go into general terms, we're talking about the awkward silence when it comes
up. One great technique for that to avoid it is to focus on fast exchanges with
a woman. No more than 20 seconds is the time when you talk to a woman. You're not
going to talk for a longer than 20 seconds, alright? It may even come to the poi
nt where you want to talk more but you can'tyou know you've been talking for too long
and you need to stop yourself and then you'd get her to talk. What that will do i
s it will build up a kind of a reserve of energy. You suddenly stop yourself fro
m talking too much, now you've got something to say when it comes time to talk aga
in. So that's going to bottle up in your head. You're going to feel that as being a
positive pressure. I don't know how to explain it, it's kind of a satiric concept bu
t it's kind of, it's like, I didn't empty my tank so I want to go back to the gas stat
ion and I don't need that much to fill it again. I'm not going to feel I'm running dry
on conversation all the time because I'm stopping myself. I'm keeping my part of th
e conversation to a minimum to make sure that she contributes the maximum. Try i
t sometime. Try timing yourself. Let's see what 20 seconds' really is. Take your wat
ch out and just sit there for 20 seconds. Time it. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus
Pr oductions, LLC. 10 ----------------------- Page 36----------------------www.
CarlosXuma.com Do you think you could say something meaningful in that space of
time? I think you can. I think you can probably say quite a bit. Maybe too much.
So again, keep your investment in conversation short like that because number o
ne, it helps her keep talking. Number two, it also helps you stop from over talk
ing, alright? And it will keep you bottled up with some reserves. Focus on emoti
onal content within the conversation. This helps you avoid those silences becaus
e when you're talking about facts, you're talking about details, things that are ver
y particular that she's not that crazy or interested in. You're going to kill the co
nversation for you in the start because there's nothing there for her to burn in t
erms of fuel. Emotional content in a conversation is very important because fact
s will get you talking, they'll start you talking but emotions are the goal of the
conversation. We talk to other people to start an energy loop between us and th
em. I've talked about this in my couple of other programs and I'm not
going to go into deep, deep game here but remember that when it comes to interac
ting with another person socially, you're creating a feedback loop with that perso
n. Every time you open your mouth and start talking to them, you start getting a
vibe and then you start saying things and you feedback off of each other. It cr
eates a closed loop of experience. And you can start with that conversation with
something very basic like facts or small talk like we say, Hey, how's the weather?
Oh I don't know, that's not emotional. When you get emotional then the conversation
starts to get a whole new life. And those spaces don't happen because the emotions
carry you between in the gaps. When a woman mentions an emotion, that's your clue
, dig deeper. There a gold mine, there's like a little glint of gold at the very t
op and then there's a whole vein of gold underneath that. As soon as you see that
she's talking about emotion. You know, you ask her what she's doing and she's like, Oh,
I'm OK, a little tired. Why are you tired? Oh, it's just kind of emotionally exhausting
, you know? I was kind of sad that my dog died about 2 months ago and I, I'm not s
o sad about the dog, 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 11 -------
---------------- Page 37----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com now I'm sad about
finding a new dog because that new dog is going to remind me of my old dog and
I can't choose. See where I'm going here? Suddenly you started a spark because you ch
ased the emotion not the facts. Alright? Very important. And I also wonder how i
t is I'm able to have these conversations like that sometimes I feel like I'm a chan
nelling chick, some sort of chick channelling ability. Keyword tennis. I just di
d it for you. I just gave you an example, listen for the words in what she says
and ping-pong off of it or tennis off of it. The way you do it is, whatever she
says to you, listen for one word to repeat, alright? So you're starting to talk wi
th her and I'm going to use some basic examples, you're in a bookstore, and she pick
ed up a book, maybe she's got one of those Harry Potter books and then she says, Oh
yeah, I got one of these books, I want to go look through it, I have this niece
of mine that was really into Harry Potter and she really likes the movies, and y
ou've got a whole ton of stuff there, what did I just give you? First of all, she
talks about the niece, that's the first place I would go, A niece, oh really? Is it
your sister's child or your brothers? Oh OK. See, and then start to tap into the e
motions because girls who have nieces or nephews or any kind of niece or nephew
relationship, they're very keen on
it it's because they are as close as they're going to get to their own children. Ver
y important. So it's a big emotional contact there. The Harry Potter thing. You've g
ot the books, you've got the movies, Oh did you see the last movie? What did you th
ink of that? How did you feel about it? You find the words, you grab on to the wo
rds and bat them right back. Oh, Harry Potter? Sometimes all it takes is just one
word. You say, Niece. Yeah, my brother's little girl. She's so adorable and she's a littl
e young now, and she doesn't quite understand everything. All I said was, Niece, and
she starts talking again. The little triggers keep it going for her, it's like a p
oke in the ribs that keeps her going. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions
, LLC. 12 ----------------------- Page 38----------------------www.CarlosXuma.co
m Laugh at the elephant. Coming back to our main topic which was awkward silence
s because that's what we're talking about, a lot of guys worry about keeping a conve
rsation going. That's kind of the thing in parenthesis here. How to keep the conve
rsation going? Laugh at the elephant. This is the one strategy I use every singl
e time that one of those uncomfortable silences comes up. I don't like to call the
m that because they're not really comfortable for me anymore, it's like NLP thing, d
on't call one when it doesn't feel like it, right? This is the one tactic that I use
on every single silence that comes into a conversation and works every time. La
ughing at the elephant means there's an elephant in the room, right? If there's a pa
use in the conversation for whatever reason, point it out. I mean like a second
or two, give it some time, if you genuinely can't come up with something and you s
tart feeling that anxiety, you go, Oh, this is one of those uncomfortable silence
s. I don't want to get nervous about it, you start telling me something. Start tel
ling me about yourself. Flip it back, put the onus back on her. You can laugh at
it together, you can look at it, Look at that, that's the uncomfortable silence rig
ht there. And then you put the burden back on her shoulders. Make her contribute
to the conversation. OK, I'm totally out of conversation, I must have not filled up
98 octane conversations this morning. You tell me about yourself. Put it back on
her. This technique by the way is something I learned from the immeasurably, in
valuably brilliant scene in Pulp Fiction where Uma Thurman and John Travolta are
in that restaurant and they're talking about whatever and then there's a pause, and
she's like, Don't you hate that? What? Uncomfortable silences. It's a great scene, it's
f the one's I'm going to include in my little
movie breakdown and it emphasizes that that is the brilliant way to take the pis
s out of a moment like that. You see it, you expose it for what it is and you go
. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 13 ----------------------- Pa
ge 39----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com Have a fall back. What do I mean b
y a fall back? I actually did this for a long time before starting to learn from
this stuff. I would go and take a bathroom break, I'd say, Excuse me for a second,
I've got to go to the John, I'll be right back though. Don't steal my beer. And I'd go o
ff to the bathroom and either on my phone or on my sticky that I'd folded up and p
ut on my wallet, I would have a list of things to talk about. Because inevitably
, yes, I would get nervous and be like, OK, I know I'm supposed to be talking right
now and she's still talking but I don't know what to talk about. You get nervous and
again, you'll relax when resourcefulness kicks in. You're no longer resourceful. So
I had a sticky in my wallet with a whole bunch of questions on it and a couple
of topics, Oh, I know exactly what I'm going to talk about when I get back with her
. I'd go back to her and I already got this conversation ready to flow. Right at th
e top of my tongue. So you're probably asking, Carlos, what did you have on that st
icky? Here's what I had on it: One word: food. Food is an awesome conversational th
ing, So tell me, what's your favorite food? Because I don't think they cook some of t
he best stuff here. I think it might be like an Irish-English mix because this i
s kind o f a pub. Movies. Everybody likes to talk about movies. There's a whole bun
ch of drama in those, just don't get caught up quoting lines from movies and again
, watch out for movie facts. It's not movie facts, it's movie feelings that will kee
p you in the conversation with her. Her hobbies. This is one of those things tha
t has kept me in the car that kept me thinking, Oh, duh, I was probably babbling
by myself. I need to ask her about her hobbies. What is it that she does? Pop cul
ture. Pop culture make me immediately go, Oh, wow, what did I just see this morni
ng? And that entertainment weekly thing. Oh yeah, that tribute they were doing on
Michael Jackson. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 14 ------------
----------- Page 40----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com
So then you'd say, Did it bum you out about Michael Jackson? What was your favorite
song about him? Really? Does that the one that made you feel? Music. Again, kind
of related to Pop culture but it gives you a different angle to go down. Find a
way of talking about music that she's into, how she feels about it. And I would a
lso have a few power questions on that card, that would always help me quite a b
it too. Just having a few power questions on hand that I may not have asked. Thi
ngs like, one of the great dilemma questions was, Would you have like a big tatto
o all over your left arm to save the life of a child you will never meet from an
other country? And almost everyone would go, Oh God, you would ask me that? Of cou
rse I'd do it, but do I know this girl? Will I ever get the chance to meet her? The
y want to change the rules, it's a great way to get a conversation going. So there
you go, those are the things that I would keep on my little cheat card and it's a
fall back, keep it in your wallet. You can put it also on your phone now. I've al
so got an Iphone and I have this clever little application that allows me to tim
e it to ring me 15 or 20 minutes into a date and I can trigger it and can give m
e a reason to look at my phone whether it's to say, You know what? I've got to get go
ing. See you. Or I can just go, I'm sorry, my mom's texting me again. Because some indi
cator will show up and she'll know it's for real. It'll give me a chance to look at, O
h, food. So, what kind of food do you like? Have a story or two to throw into the
mix. Having a few stories ready and again, we're going to have a story telling mod
ule in this class. Having a good story or two to throw in at the right moment is
excellent because at any moment when you start detecting that little pause and
that little silence, you can sit there and go, Oh, you know what? I just totally
remembered something, and then you'll start telling your story. That's all you need t
o do to tell your story. A woman doesn't want an excuse from you, she's doesn't going
to go and say, Wait, wait a minute, what do you mean? Why are you telling me this
story? She doesn't care, she just want you to tell the story. 2008 DD Publications
/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 15 ----------------------- Page 41-----------------
-----www.CarlosXuma.com Active questioning also keeps you there and present in t
he conversation, so make sure you're using active questioning. Latch on to the thi
ngs that she says that are kind of vague. You've got to probe into whatever it is
that she's talking about. I'll give you an example. A lot of women say things in ver
y general terms. She'll say something like, So I'm out with my friends at this place.
Very vague, right? Don't let it just go like that, don't interrupt her conversation
just for the sake of interrupting but you can really draw deeper into it by sayi
ng, Which friend? What place
where you at? Was that during the week or during the weekend? Get details, ask he
r details, ask her to give you more, be more specific with it because every time
you do that, she's going to remember more it that keeps her talking and gives you
more to latch on to bat back to her by using that tennis thing, right? Another
example, Oh, I like that movie. Pretty vague, right? You mentioned a movie that sh
e liked and then she says, Oh, I liked that movie. You've got to draw more out of he
r. What was your favorite part? Who was your favorite actor or actress? Keep pulli
ng more information because that's what's going to keep it going, OK? Don't let her ge
t away with just the, I like that movie. Alright? So probe in. Whatever she says t
hat's vague gives you an opportunity to really actively question her about whateve
r it is you're talking about. And then, you have the ultimate veto my friend, you
have the ultimate end game and the ultimate solution to any conversation that is
not flowing or has a lot of these silences in it. And that is to simply end it.
Maybe you're just done for the night. Maybe this is all this conversation's going t
o go and you want to end it on a good note, you have the control, you need to be
able to end it. And in fact, that's the way I would end most of my conversations
whenever I run into one of these awkward silences. Alright? At some point or ano
ther, it will happen, but the reason I said they are necessary by the way, I kno
w I may not have explained that, the reason the silences are necessary is becaus
e that when those come up, those train you for much more advanced conversational
ability. Being able to manage them and get past them is important, because they
will happen in every single conversation. I guarantee it, if you go long 2008 D
D Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 16 ----------------------- Page 42---
-------------------www.CarlosXuma.com enough, there's a point where you're going to
go, Whooh. It always happens. You have to know how to manage it. And the other nec
essary part is, she's watching you to see how you handle it. If you could make her
feel comfortable through it, you're a winner. So again, ending the interaction on
your own terms. Book ends on the conversation, you control the opening, you con
trol the closing. Anything that happens in between doesn't matter. It can be total
ly vague, totally uncertain to you and it's no risk at all because you control, wh
en you jump in the pool and when you get out, OK? Very, very important because y
ou're removing risk when you control this end bookmark. And that's what gives you th
e right to go, Oh you know what? I'd love to sit and talk to you all night but I wa
s just about to ask you about something but I've got to get going, by the way, wha
t's your phone number so that we can maybe connect and talk again? Boom. You've got a
nother chance. Gives you a chance to recharge, alright? Not every conversation i
s going to be a massive epiphany or a fantastic bonding experience. Some of them
are just going to be very short and
sweet. So there you go, some of the ways to solve this problem for the necessary
awkward silences that you're going to run into and how you're going to keep a conve
rsation going. A little view here, have a way to feel safe in a conversation. Fi
rst and foremost, because then you'll be able to relax and you'll be able to fill in
those gaps easier. Focus on fast exchanges so that you're not talking very long.
The more she talks, the more things are going to be triggered in your head that
builds up potential conversation for you. And responses that you can get to her
and questions that you can ask. Focus on the emotional content, not the facts. D
o the keyword tennis that I was talking about, pick up words that she says in yo
ur head and, Blah blah blah, Harry Potter, blah blah blah, my niece, 1, 2, buy a
new car, blah blah. All that does, is it gives you the moments where it gives you
, Ping, ping, and have something to grab on to. Laugh at the elephant. there are p
auses there uncomfortable silence, women all the time and oductions, LLC. 17 ---
-------------------- Page 43----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com Have a fall
back which is have something in your wallet, a cheat sheet. Have a story or two
ready to go that you've memorized, that you've practiced that you can throw it in at
any moment. That'll get you through some pauses too. Active questioning. Make sur
e you're asking her for more details than she's giving because that keeps her more e
ngaged and gets her to invest more in the conversation. And then when all else f
ails, you are the one that says, OK, I'm done. You'll unplug and you're done and you fin
ish the conversation on your terms. And that will keep you feeling safe as well
as in the conversation when you want to. And whether it's at the start or at the e
nd of an awkward silence, doesn't matter, you control it, you're showing the initiat
ive. There you go. We just solved one of the big problems that guys have had sin
ce God knows when. The uncomfortable silence and it's really not difficult once yo
u get the hang of it, alright? Next module, we're going into storytelling. How abo
ut that? We're going to talk about how to create your story, the necessary element
s and what kind of story you want to create. See you in the next module. 2008 DD
Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 18 ----------------------- Page 44----
------------------www.CarlosXuma.com Make sure you point it out, point out the f
act that and be like, Oh cool, we had our first we made it through. High five. I d
o that with they love it, they think it's hysterical. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheu
s Pr
YOUR STUDY NOTES: Note something new youve learned in this module: Note something
you heard and maybe knew, but now yo u see differently: This section is importa
nt, as it will lock in your Write down 3 action steps you can take right now to st
art adding this into your own understanding conversations with women: of the 1.
material... 2. 3. Write down 3 new conversation bites (word for word) o f your own
that you can use to inject this material into your conversations rig ht away: 1
. 2. 3. 2 008 DD Publications/Morpheus Productions, LLC. 1 ---------------------
-- Page 45----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com MODULE 4: How to Use Storytel
ling Hey, it's Carlos Xuma, welcome to the storytelling module of this program. We'r
e going to cover story telling, I'm going to give you not only the basics and fund
amentals but some deep rooted understanding of how storytelling works, why it wo
rks and how you leverage it and use it when you're learning how to talk with women
. In any conversation with a woman or in any conversation with any group, storyt
elling is an essential skill to have. You simply can't do without it these days. I'm
going to explain in a little bit why, because it's one of those things built into
the primal mechanism of just about any man, woman and child on this planet. We
love stories. I mean, look at theatre, look at movies for example, that's what we're
going there for, we're going there for visual entertainment with a story. So let's
go into it. We're going to cover storytelling today. I'm going to talk about the cri
tical elements, we're going to talk about what it is, how to start using it, speci
fic tools and exercises and then how to use it within the context of a conversat
ion or how to bridge in to storytelling. A lot of the guys aren't very secure or s
ure how to bridge into a story, it
seems like it might be a little bit weird to suddenly start saying, Once upon a t
ime, right? It's not that hard and I'm going to show you how. Let's start with the crit
ical elements. The critical elements of storytelling. First is, emotion. Emotion
, emotion, emotion. When you're talking with women, the most important part of the
conversation is how well you leverage and use emotion in the conversation. I ca
nnot emphasize that enough. It's the one thing that grounds a woman, it's the one th
ing that pulls a woman into a conversation and it's the one reason that she'll stay
there and talk to you above and beyond any other guy in the bar, in the club, in
the party, in the anything that you happen to be at or if you happen to be meet
ing her or talking to her, OK? Very important to know. 2008 DD Publications/Morp
heus P roductions, LLC. 1 ----------------------- Page 46----------------------w
ww.CarlosXuma.com And as far as emotions, there's one simple thing that you can sa
y in any point at a conversation, OK? It doesn't have to be a storytelling situati
on, you can ask one question and immediately pull her in closer. You're going to e
stablish a much more solid line, you know I always use the metaphor of when you're
talking to a woman, there's like this filament that's coming out of your sternum an
d it's connecting to her sternum and that filament represents the connection betwe
en you two. And you've got to think about that, how you want that connection? What
do you want for that filament? Do you want it to be a thin thread that's barely g
lowing, that's black? No, you don't want that. You want a thick chain, a thick condu
it between you and her. It's a transfer of energy, back and forth. It connects you
and binds you. So asking this one question, How did you feel about that? At any p
oint of the conversation, when she talks about anything, any event that's happened
to her, you ask this one question and she's going to immediately have, all these
little lights are going to turn on inside her head, she's going to immediately get
much more engaged in the conversation. She'll start talking more frankly with you
and it doesn't happen instantly. That's one thing, she'll say, You know, I don't know, I
was kind of sad about it really. Well, yeah, it really did get me down. I don't k
now why. And you know, you'll see her kind of like fall into state as she starts to
reconnect with the emotions. It's kind of an NLP trick there, where you get them
to talk about the emotions you want them to feel. So ask again this one question
, I want you to memorize this one, How did you feel about that? How did you feel a
bout that? How did that make you feel? Asking that one question will immediately
create a much more solid connection between you and her, I can't just emphasize th
at enough. So think about emotions when you're thinking about storytelling. And wh
en you think about your own stories, this question is very important. You
should be thinking about, How did you feel about that? Whatever it was, the event
that happened. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 2 --------------
--------- Page 47----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com You know, I've got a gre
at story about the playboy mansion when I went to go visit there. And I think ab
out it but I also think about it now in terms of the emotional content, because
if I tell that to a woman in terms of the facts of what happened, they're not goin
g to care. But if I talk about the emotions I had as certain things were happeni
ng, well then I'm going to have a lot more to talk about. So emotions are the prim
ary part of your stories. Keep that in mind, it's the only reason you're telling the
stories is to communicate emotions. Details. Very, very important for stories a
nd it's not just the details of what was the color of the car or how long was her
hair or what was the weather at the time, those are important details but again
it goes back to what emotions do those details bring out? But knowing details wi
thin the story and knowing which details to use are very important. Again, the m
ost important ones to use are emotional details but also sensory details. Anythi
ng that she can see, touch, feel, or what you can really come to grips with, the
closer to her body physically that they would have to come to be a part of that
story, the better that detail. Alright, I know it's going to sound a little weird
. In other words, when I'm describing a car, I can tell you what color it is, she
can see a car's color from a thousand feet away. She's not really engaged or involve
d there, we can see from far away but what if I brought up a detail about, Oh, yo
u wouldn't believe, the car's finish had this kind of bumpy like finish to it, it wa
s on purpose, it wasn't meant to be smooth, it was really wild when you ran your h
and across it, it was kind of one of those Braille books for the blind, it was r
eally wild. That, she would have to imagine physically touching it and being ther
e connected to that car, that's a totally different sensory state to put her into.
So think about that. Bring those details close to her as much as you can, it's no
t about facts or logic, again, it goes back to the emotion thing. Remember, your
stories are not about facts or logic, the point of the story is to take her on
an emotional journey. Now, however you'll do that, that's up to you but the point he
re is emotion, emotion, emotion. Remember that. So it's not about facts or logic.
2008 DD Publications/Morpheus P roductions, LLC. 3 ----------------------- Page
48----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com And then, honesty, even in the fictio
n. This is a really important thing and I
haven't for the a story hundred
heard anybody else talk about this. So you're probably hearing this first time. Wh
en it comes to stories, the most important thing about for us that really makes
it resonate, I mean, you can read a of those dime store novels that are just pul
p, right?
They're just entertainment, but the best fiction, the best authors, the best write
rs in the world know that there's one thing that sets the story apart from all the
other stories, and that's this little level of honesty and truth that's inside the
story. It's what they call the truth. Now, when we say the truth, do I mean that t
hey're telling the truth that it's not really fiction? No, that's not what I'm talking a
bout. I'm trying to think about a good example for you, I remember one, How about
reading about that Stephen King book? He's good at this, he has this moment of tru
th in his book when you read it you're like, Oh, it's like you've had an epiphany, it's li
ke a realization about your own life. He was talking about how this guy had just
gone through a tragedy and it was a couple of weeks later but he was still in t
he throes of grief, I don't know if it was about the loss of his wife or whatever
it was. But he described it like this, he said, It was like waking up and then yo
u start going about your day, you kind of forgot for a moment that this horrible
thing happened to you, and then suddenly in your head, you remember it. Kind of
like tripping over a basket of laundry you know need to do. I can just visualize
that for a second and be like that moment and you're having like, Oh, I almost for
got how much in pain I am. Right? It's just like tripping over a basket of laundry.
That's a moment of truth that somebody can really grab on to and go, Oh, and connec
t with in a heartbeat. And that's what you're looking for in all of your stories. If
you can find this truth in any story and either create a moral or a kind of a p
oint to your story, the end of it where you bring up what you've learned from that
experience, using that truth, there's an unbelievable impact that it will have on
your stories. Trust me, it's just an important thing. 2008 DD Publications/Morphe
us P roductions, LLC. 4 ----------------------- Page 49----------------------www
.CarlosXuma.com So remember that it's honesty even inside the fiction, it doesn't ha
ve to be true but has to be honest. It can't be trying to trick the reader or the
viewer. There's a movie I saw recently, I think it was called Next with Nicholas Cag
e and by far it was not one of his best efforts. It was entertaining on a certai
n level but at some point in the movie, I don't want to give way too much here, if
you haven't seen the movie, you can read forward a little bit. But in the movie,
what happens is there is a whole long sequence where you think you're following al
ong with the story and then suddenly, they bring you back and it turns out he wa
s just actually imagining all that stuff happening in his head. And you feel gyp
ped and ripped off when that happens. And I think that was probably the one thin
g that hurt the movie the most. Because it was fairly entertaining up until that
point but that was like, I feel like I've been tricked, I felt like I've been gyppe
d and I've been messed with. The people
who made the movie are going, Hah, got you! You don't ever want to make a person fee
l like that when you're telling them your story, OK? Real important. So, enough sa
id about critical elements. What is storytelling? Storytelling communicates your
personality. That's probably one of the biggest points of storytelling that you h
ave to remember. You're telling the story so that you can communicate things about
you to a woman that you wouldn't normally be able to. You can walk up to a woman
and say, I am fantastic, I am the perfect guy for you. You should be dating me, i
n fact, you'd want to marry me in a year. Now, all that might be true but by you te
lling her like that, no, she's not going to believe you. Nobody will believe you,
right? It just sounds so incredulous because you can't trust somebody to tell you
that about themselves. It's the weirdest thing. You should be able to but you can't.
Most of your brain has actually evolved to be able to tell the difference to fi
gure a person out without them telling you anything about themselves. Very inter
esting isn't it? How we have these complicated layers of work about our genuinenes
s and authenticity that most of our brain has to figure out a person's authenticit
y not by what they say but how they act and behave. So storytelling is like a su
btle way of going around that 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 5
----------------------- Page 50----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com mechani
sm and showing the things about you without telling her directly. You communicat
e things about your personality. It gives you depth and background, it makes you
real, makes you a three-dimensional person, not just some guy that walked into
the bar to pick up a chick, go home and get laid. It's very important that this fi
lls in the gap of the conversation. Storytelling serves a very big purpose and i
f you have one of those uncomfortable pauses or awkward moments in a conversatio
n and nothing's moving forward, you can pull one of these stories out and it's kind
of like an octane boost to the conversation. It picks things back up again. It g
ets them moving and that's how it fills in gaps. It also like I said, it bypasses
filters and the shield that a woman has up around her about you. She's immediately
doubtful about you - as you should be about her. And the only way you can reall
y decipher that person or the only way that she can really figure out you is by
reading you from the things you say or what you say - and how you say it. That's w
hy we construct stories or we create stories about ourselves, all of which are g
oing to be true, right? For the most part. I mean fictional stories are fun, tho
se are the fun stories but when you're telling her a story about your life that yo
u want to communicate to her, it better be pretty true. Alright? You can exagger
ate elements but keep it pretty much on the level. But that story will bypass th
ose shields, those defenses it'll get through to her like nothing else can. The se
cond somebody walks up to you and says that
they want to tell you a story, you're kind of like, when the second person walks u
p to you and says, I would like to sell you real estate. You recoil and pull away.
Yet the person telling the story might be doing the exact same thing, telling y
ou a story about how he wants to sell you real estate. So that's what it is, now h
ow do you start using it? First of all, I want you to make a list of your person
al qualities whatever they may be. Another part of this program I think I mentio
ned a great book called Now Discover Your Strengths, if you can find that in Ama
zon, you can get a cheap copy. You want to take these strength assessment tests
that they have online. I think you can do it even without the book, go online 20
08 DD Publications/Morpheus P roductions, LLC. 6 ----------------------- Page 51
----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com find it and it's a great way discovering
what your strengths are. It's just one of these many different tests you can take
to figure out your personality. You can also take a Myers-Briggs test.That's inter
esting because it talks about your personal qualities. There're other different pe
rsonality tests that'll be more specific in different ways about who you are, your
inclinations, your strengths, the weaknesses and all that stuff. But make a lis
t of the qualities for yourself besides those little personality tests which are
very insightful, make a list of all the thing s that you know about yourself. L
ike for me for example, I'm a guitarist, I love to play the guitar. I'm a martial ar
tist, I love to do Kung-fu and Karate. I'm big into sports cars or old muscle cars
that had been redone in the last few years like the Mustang, the Charger, the C
amaro, things like that. What else? Hey, I love Elvis. It's got one of those stupi
d little things. I am also really big on collecting guitars, you know these are
some of the little things that I can talk to about myself. The list of those per
sonal qualities, if I think about any one of those things, I can immediately com
e up with a story about them. Like, I was just talking about cars, I've got a litt
le car here on my desk, it's the cool Bumblebee Transformer Camaro, this thing act
ually unfolds into the Bumblebee from the movie, I know Geeky but very cool beca
use I love this design, this Camaro. I'm still thinking about getting one of these
cars. Just thinking about this car makes me think of, Oh, my Mustang. When I got
my Mustang, here's my own little Mustang on my desk here, I've got all a bunch of to
ys on my desk that makes me more creative. The Mustang that I bought, I got on N
ew Year's eve of 2005 to 2006, it was just about to turn 2006 and I remember that
day because I was going to the store to get somea good friend of mine, CJ, he was
going to go to the store with me, help me buy some clothes, I think I should ne
ed a woman's touch on that, and that night I was going to sky just go in, have fun
, party a little bit, I didn't have a girlfriend at the time, I just wanted to rel
ax, to chill and hang out. And I've got a story that goes into about what happened
that night at the Sky and I had a great time, blah blah blah. But that's cool bec
ause I can talk about the story about that car and suddenly I'm thinking about all
the things that happened that day. I bought the car that day and I sat there fo
r
2008 DD Publications/Morpheus P roductions, LLC. 7 ----------------------- Page
52----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com like an hour, just playing because it's
just a new car, right? And then, these are the things that a woman can relate t
o. I would give that story more of a point that's kind of unfocused and scattered
but I would pull that together into a story. What to communicate. Here are the t
hings that you want to communicate within the context of a story. You want to co
mmunicate personal power, it doesn't have to be real power like political power or
anything like that or even power within the organization that you work in. It's p
ower of your ability to take the lead, take ownership, take control of the situa
tion, that in itself is power. I don't want you thinking that your power has to be
something magnificent or lordly or wield a sword or anything like that. We're tal
king about power that you can use at anytime. Even the least empowered of us has
power over something at some point in his life. He has the power to go and lear
n, he has the power to go out and pick up a new skill of some kind, to put himse
lf in a situation that he's never gone to before, that's personal power. Compassion
is a very important one. Compassion within the context of a story is essential a
s a matter of fact because that's one of the things that a woman's looking for. Most
guys give off bravado and these little courageous things they talk about and th
ey talk about a lot of facts and things like that, but they don't talk about compa
ssion or feeling connected to other human beings. That's what compassion is really
is about. Communicate adventure and spontaneity. You should be communicating th
at you're an adventurous person. That on a turn of a dime, you can just do somethi
ng different, do something off the wall. Even if it's not necessarily your persona
lity to do that, you might want to come up with a story that talks about the tim
e when you did. Everybody's had one of those. You know, when you said, Screw it man
, I'm going out to do something totally off the wall. Like I remember one night - h
ere's a story for you some high school buddies and I, we we're sitting around in the
house just at 10 o' clock at night and we're like, God, we're so bored, and we're not dri
nking, we're just hanging out. And we're like, Hey, let's go to Canada. And we we're like,
What? 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 8 -----------------------
Page 53----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com I was living in upstate New York
at the time, where I grew up, and it was about an hour and a half to Niagara Fa
lls and that's the boundary to Canada. We we're like, Let's do it. So my friend got his
sister and his sister's boyfriend, then it was me and my friend Chris and my frien
d John and then Paul was driving. We all jumped in the station wagon, this Beasl
ey station wagon, took around $350 to fill the gas tank, probably got
5miles to the gallon. We drove to Canada, we drove to Niagara falls, we got to a
certain point and we walked across the bridge to go over to the Canadian side a
nd they told us, We're sorry, you can't come in. It's after 1 o'clock, it was like 1 o'clock
in the morning and we're like, What? Are you kidding me? Canada closes? It was like
the joke of the night. Canada closes at 1 o'clock in the morning. So we hung out
in the American side, drove home and that was our joke for the next week. You kno
w that Canada closes at 1 o'clock? There you go, a little spontaneous story. Indepe
ndence and resourcefulness. You should be able to communicate that you're an indep
endent person, that you're resourceful, that you have a certain amount of McGyver
in you. If a woman were to be trapped somewhere with you, she would not have to
worry, this is another element of safety by the way that you would be a very res
ourceful person, that you would be able to find a way to survive in any situatio
n you're in. The independence part means that you are self guided that you have yo
ur own internal compass, that you go by your own rule book, you're not following o
ther people. You also want to communicate acceptance by other women or, I think
mystery, or somebody calls this preselected - preselected by women. What you're co
mmunicating in the story, you want to be careful on how you do this, you don't wan
t to do it too much but when you communicate to other women to accept you, that
sends a signal to a woman that says, Oh, other women think that he's OK. I must be
able to, too - right? It's just another social proof element. 2008 DD Publications/
Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 9 ----------------------- Page 54-------------------
---www.CarlosXuma.com You want to communicate that you're fairly easy going, that
you're not a rigid, structured, scheduled kind of guy and I've got to admit to you t
hat this is one of the toughest one. I am a fairly structured kind of guy. I lik
e routine, I follow routines because it helps things accomplish in my life and t
hat's my primary motivator. In that strengths assessment that I did, the top 1 tha
t I had was achiever which means that's my most important strength that says I get
stuff done. And I'm willing to accept the fact that sometimes I'm not so easy going
but I have to work on that every so often to try and be more easy going. I've got
stories for that too - that I'm laid back. Ambitious. It's really important to thro
w in a story about ambition, you can work this into any story like you can stack
a bunch of these into one story if possible. But ambitious is really important
because it shows that you have a certain drive or propulsion within you, it's movi
ng you forward. I teach kids martial arts as you probably know or may not know.
One of the things that I do, I think this is one of my strengths at the studio i
s, the women there, the mothers, really like having their boys study with me bec
ause I am very particular. First of all about how I teach, what I teach and to k
ick them in the ass to get them moving and learning stuff. And not
like one of those lackadaisical teachers that say, Oh, that's good enough. No, I'm goi
ng to correct you, I'm going to give you a compliment here and there if you deserv
e but I'm also going to tell you where you need to improve. And I'm also going to wa
tch you and if I see you slacking or not very motivated, I'm going to kick you in
the ass. Sometimes I'm going to kick you so hard, I'm going get my foot stuck up in
your ass but I'm going to make sure that this kid gets motivated and moves. And th
ey appreciate that because one thing I've seen is that every mother hates about he
r boy when she sees him, you know she loves her child but she hates seeing this
trait of a boy and that's a lack of motivation or ambition. 2008 DD Publications/M
orpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 10 ----------------------- Page 55-------------------
---www.CarlosXuma.com She hates seeing that in her boy because she knows that th
at's the one thing that women are attracted to. Women are unbelievably attracted t
o your level of ambition. So you can come up with a story that shows your ambiti
ous side. That you aren't going to just take what is given to you, you want to go
out there after it all, right? Go for the Gusto they used to say. Ambition, put
that in your stories. Now, after you do that, after you've figured maybe a story t
hat fits one of those particular areas or use one of those areas, then I want yo
u to find stories in life that communicates those traits. Everybody's got them, li
ke I said, with just reading those off made me kind of think down the chain a li
ttle bit, so things back up. Acceptance by other women. I'm thinking about of a go
od story, going back to the playboy mansion, the acceptance by other women, I wa
s hanging out with a group of women from this company that makes little trading
cards, hot women and all these poses and things like that. I hung out with them
for a little while, talking to them and I kind of felt like I was on a good leve
l with them, we were really connecting and when other people came to that table,
they immediately associated with me as being kind of a leader of that group bec
ause of the interaction and the vibe I was giving off by having just talking wit
h these women. So guys who come over and see me talking with these hot women wou
ld immediately think that I was the alpha of the group. That's an acceptance thing
, that acceptance by those other women actually rubbed off on everybody around m
e. It was very cool but that's one of those things that you've got to look for and t
o find stories from your own life. Take a little while, look through those power
and passion and venture spontaneity, independence and resourcefulness, acceptan
ce by other women, easy going and ambitious, these are just some of the things,
we sure can think of a lot of positive traits to communicate but these are proba
bly the most important. So find some stories in your life that communicates thos
e traits, write them down in your journal or wherever you have keeping the writt
en information that you're working on in this course. You are doing that aren't you?
Good,
2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pro ductions, LLC. 11 ----------------------- Page
56----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com thought so. Then I want you to polis
h and refine your story as you build it and start to tell. The best way I found
to do this is to start out with just the core elements of your story and then ju
st wing it a couple of times. What do you mean by winging the story? Try it on y
our friends. Call up to somebody to work on the stuff with you and say, Dude, I w
ant to try this story out on you. Let me see how it sounds. And then again, polis
h and refine it, as you tell it, you're going to get feedback from people, you can
tell them that they kind of unplugged or kind of like, Ah, oh, you know you can t
ell they're not interested. You can tell the other parts whether they're like excite
d or on the edge of their seat for more. Those are the things you want to find a
nd tweak within the story. Here are some exercises that can get you started buil
ding some good stories. I want you to make a short list of life experiences that
you had. Make a short list of life experiences you've had, there's so many that you'v
e had, you'll just probably think, Oh man, my life's boring, nothing's ever happened to
me. No, no, no dude. I guarantee you've got some pretty cool stories. You don't have
to be some wild adventure playboy type, you don't have to be Hugh that has done a
ll these great stuff in his life or one of these guys. You can find quite a bit
of life experiences that you can play up, maybe you can even exaggerate a little
bit to build in. Again, it doesn't have to be extreme, don't think that you're story
has to be an extreme sport story or extreme adventure story, it doesn't it at all.
Ask yourself, here's some questions, we can use these and it's a great way to kind
of feed the process. What's the most exciting moment I've ever had? What's the most em
otional moment I've ever had? What's the most self-defining moment I've ever had? What's
the most embarrassing moment I've ever had? What's the most loving moment I've had? 2
008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 12 ----------------------- Page
57----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com What's the funniest moment I've had?
What are some stories that are needing more stories? In other words, sometimes y
ou run into some point in your life that you're like, Man, things are boring, I'm not
doing much of anything. I need to do some more stuff so that I can have stories
to tell other people. Even that's a story because that makes you kick your ass out
the door and start doing some things. When I didn't ass to pretty first moved to
San Francisco Bay area, I didn't have a lot of friends, have a lot of activities.
So one of the things I've kicked myself in the do was to go on this kayaking trip
on the ocean and that was a cool trip. As a matter of fact, when I got down with
the trip, I bought a
kayak, kind of crazy I know, I've strapped it to my friend's roof and drove it home
and I was a kayaker for several years. So there are stories about needing more s
tories. At that point in my life, I needed more stories, I went out and I got th
em. Write down this list of your qualities, this helps you come up with stories
too. Make a list of experiences that brought out those qualities in you. So when
you talk about things, like in my case, the achiever side of me was an experien
ce that brought out that quality of needing to get stuff done or as I like to ca
ll it GSD, get shit done. I've had had that happen a lot of the times but I think
I had it most when I was a kid, it was my first job, I was actually working as a
camp counsellor for kids. I was really young, I wasn't probably much older than t
he kids I was working on with, but after that was over with, they gave me a job
continuing for the rest of the summer by working at the town hall and doing clea
n-up for the county and things like that. And I would just get on the lawn mower
and get that stuff done and I'd go running over to the guy to get more things to
do, I'd just felt like the urge to get things done. So there's a little story there.
Make a list of experiences that tested those qualities in you. Not only they br
ought them out but they tested you. It's a good way to come up with good stories a
bout yourself. So there're some questions to ask yourself to help you come up with
those life experiences that will generate stories. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheu
s Pr oductions, LLC. 13 ----------------------- Page 58----------------------www
.CarlosXuma.com Again remember, it doesn't have to be an extreme, it can be very n
ormal but you make it extreme in your own way with your emotional content. The b
ookstore exercise. Go to the bookstore and I want you to pick up a cheesy romanc
e novel. You don't have to read it, you don't even have to buy the damn thing. I wan
t you to look through it, I want you to look at the descriptions that they have
in those books, you can do this in erotica too because it's very similar in a lot
of ways. Look at the way the authors describe things. There's a reason why romance
novels are the top selling books by women. And that is because they use descrip
tions in there, they're constructed in a way that appeals to a woman's psychology an
d if you're not studying that sort of thing, you're just basically saying, Oh, I don't
need to learn that. It's
the goal I'm going after but I don't want to learn it. Come on, it's the perfect way to
learn how women think. So go get a cheesy romance novel, look at how they descr
ibe the things in there. I really mean this one by the way. I'm not just telling y
ou this stuff to blow smoke up your ass and come up with lame little exercises f
or you to do things. Go do this one. I know a great book to get by the way is My
Secret Garden by Nancy Friday. It's got some really good information on that one.
Another exercise, I want you to start describing things in detail, whether it's i
n your head or in your journal or wherever you want to do it, find ways to descr
ibe things. Here's a little helmet I got when I was in Greece, it was kind of like
the 300 thing, you know, from the movie? If I was going to describe this, I would
describe this as being kind of brass, I could describe the facts, it's got some r
ust on it, some tarnish, it's like the helmet they used to wear with the brush on
top. I could also say, You know what? This thing reminds meI can imagine this as b
eing on my head, that nosepiece there, somebody's swinging a sword. You've got this
horse's hair, that mane thing brush going across the head. I'm not sure why they put
that on there but it's a trip. And just the way that green tarnish kind of accent
s it, makes it look more antique, I 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions,
LLC. 14 ----------------------- Page 59----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com
could have pulled this off or find somewhere a dig in the middle of nowhere in G
reece. Obviously it was a very small person wearing it. See what I'm doing? I'm tryin
g to imbue a little more emotional content and detail. Describing things in deta
il gets you thinking about adjectives, thinking about how you'll describe somethin
g. A lot more, I can do a lot better than that but you get the idea. Another exe
rcise, listen to a woman's conversation, listen how women talk to each other. It's j
ust as good as that bookstore exercise, buying a romance novel. Listen to how wo
men say things and talk about things with each other. You're going to immediately
understand how they communicate and how you need to start trying to communicate
to them. Not exactly the way a woman does because you don't want her thinking subc
onsciously, Hey, I'm talking to another woman. But you do want to reach her on the s
ame wavelength. Women talk to each other in a certain way, and the more that you
can relate to that mode of communication the better. Again, you don't have to lik
e it, you just have to be able to emulate it. They talk about relationships a lo
t. Women talk about relationships, they don't talk about football facts, they talk
about how those football players get along with each other. That's more of a conc
ern to them than anything else. And of course, emotional content, when you hear
their conversations, you're going to hear a lot of emotions described. How they fe
lt about things not how big something was, how small something was or the facts
about it.
Then you need to write down, sit down, this is the most important exercise that
you can do. Write down a story of your own. Bullet points only, not word for wor
d. There's a reason why, I know that I a lot of people would give you advice sayin
g you need to write it down word for word, I don't want you to do that, because th
en you're going to feel like you need to memorize it word for word and that's going
to put you back up in your head. Because the next time you go out and actually t
ell the story, you're going to try and match what you memorized. That's not the poin
t. The point is to come up with the important things as much as you can and not
get caught up in here trying to pull out the memorization. Again, like I said, m
emorize only the order and the important 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pro ducti
ons, LLC. 15 ----------------------- Page 60----------------------www.CarlosXuma
.com details. The order of what you want to say and the important details. Then
forget that you actually memorized it. I say that because again, I don't want you
getting into a conversation and then somewhere in your head you think, Wait a min
ute, I've got a memorized story that I can use. I've got to relate that word for wor
d because I memorized it so just I would be able to do that. And you feel obligat
ed to recite it like you're reading some play or some poem that you memorized. You
lose a lot of life in it. Have you ever known somebody that memorized something
and they recite it back and they say it really quick and they say, blah blah bla
h, there's no emotion in it, they just memorized it? There's no emotions there, it's mu
ch better if you just memorized the important points and then kind of extemporan
eously and just improvisational come up with other stuff to add to it. Don't worry
, you will, it's a better way to relate your story. Do this for 2 to 3 stories. Yo
u want to have 2 or 3 good hip-pocket stories that you can pull out at any given
moment and talk about something and you need to listen for words in her convers
ation, I'm going to talk about that and how you pull it out and how you actually r
elate it back to the conversation. The meta-skill comes after you do this a coup
le of times. After you've come down with the process of writing down the story of
your own, bullet points only, memorize just the order and some of the details th
en forget that you actually memorized it, just go out and start telling it, once
you do this a couple of times, you're not going to do that process ever again. Be
cause you're going to come up with other stories and you'll know how to tell them ba
sed on having done that before. It's really weird, that's what I've noticed is that I
come up with new things that I remembered suddenly from my childhood and I'm insta
ntly, as I'm recalling it, I'll know how to tell the story based on how I've learned t
o tell a story. I won't just become a random stuff, I won't just come up with a star
ting stuff and then the ending stuff and then I'll backtrack, I'll come back again.
2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr
oductions, LLC. 16 ----------------------- Page 61----------------------www.Carl
osXuma.com I will actually know how to relate a story saying it. It's really weird
but if you do of your own and you'll see what I mean, it immediately be able to j
ust create stories experiences. to somebody as I'm recalling it and it a couple of
times with a one story comes naturally. You'll be off the cuff based on your
So there is the exercises portion for you and how to start or get started on thi
s. Here's how you actually use stories in your conversation. First of all, keep th
em short at first. The shorter the better, that way you don't have a lot of stress
about telling a big long story and the other person doesn't have to get bored wit
h you trying to tell the big long story. The shorter the better at first. Feed o
ff of the keyword in something she says that reminds you of your story. In other
words, if a woman mentions anything about Niagara Falls, upstate New York or Ca
nada, chances are I'm going to immediately go, Oh, that story I have about going to
Canada and closing at 1 o'clock. I can come up with that one. It'll just come up out
of the blue, naturally. There's a lot of stuff that kind of hinted that, like whe
n she was talking about her friend going to go see a shark's game which is a hocke
y game. Hockey, I remember hockey from being back in New York. That's ice, New Yor
k - big on hockey, Toronto and I'm thinking of all these areas that relate back to
my memory of that story. For example, and this is how you actually bring it int
o the conversation if you're worried about, Hey Carlos, how do I actually start tel
ling the story and make seem like it fits into the conversation? Easy, say someth
ing like, You know, that reminds me of... and start your story. I was talking to m
y friend about starting that and I remembered, I want to get your opinion on som
ething, I once... again, as you're saying that you reminded me... these are all differ
ent ways that would just segue into the story. Believe me, once you start your s
tory the woman's not going to stop you and go, Whoa, wait a minute. That doesn't conn
ect with what I was talking 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus P roductions, LLC. 17
----------------------- Page 62----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com about. It
doesn't happen, she wants to hear your stories so she's going to immediately go alo
ng with it. Channel that experience and emotions. The one thing that I can tell
you to really, really improve your stories once you start telling them, is to st
art to relive the experience of whatever it is you're telling.
Like let's fall back to my story about the Playboy mansion and the hanging out wit
h those chicks. I can kind of remember, it was a warm summer night and this real
ly nice weather, I remember there was no wind and I'm remembering that I felt real
ly good that night. I had a couple of drinks, just hanging out, chilling out, ta
lking to some of the guys. There was a couple of friends there that I knew, like
Brad P. and Nick Savoy from Love Systems, some other people were there, they we
re actually holding a boot camp at the time. I was talking to some of their guys
, some of my friends actually showed up there that I had no idea were going to b
e there. I'm starting to remember this now, I'm starting to feel the emotions of bei
ng there again. That helps a lot, to be able to recall those emotions. It will h
elp give life to your story and the enthusiasm when you need it. So feel the sto
ry as you're doing it, channel the experience and the emotions. There you go, stor
ytelling in a nutshell. That's pretty much all you need to know about storytelling
. The hardest part about this is really just finding something to tell a story a
bout and then doing it. You don't need a lot of clever detail, you don't need a whol
e week long, boot camp of storytelling. You just need to sit down and do it and
try it and start working it. That's it. There's no secret to this, it's not that hard.
Get going, get 2 or 3 stories under your belt and be able to pull them out when
you need them and trust me, you're going to be doing a lot better than most guys
doing conversations with women. How to talk to women is not difficult when you h
ave things to talk about. And having a few good stories will actually help you f
eeling like you've got ammo to keep going. So on the next thing that we're going to
talk about, you've got it, humor. How to make women laugh. See you then. 2008 DD P
ublications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 18 ----------------------- Page 63------
----------------www.CarlosXuma.com YOUR STUDY NOTES: Note something new youve lea
rned in this module: Note something you heard and maybe knew, but now yo u see d
ifferently: This section is important, as it will lock in your Write down 3 action
steps you can take right now to start adding this into your own understanding c
onversations with women: of the 1. material... 2. 3.
Write down 3 new conversation bites (word for word) o f your own that you can use
to inject this material into your conversations rig ht away: 1. 2. 3. 2 008 DD P
ublications/Morpheus Productions, LLC. 1 ----------------------- Page 64--------
--------------www.CarlosXuma.com MODULE 5: How To Make Women Laugh I'm a comedian?
Well yeah, hopefully you are a little bit. We're going to talk about humor right
now in this module and how it works, the different types and the different keys
to using it. This is one of the things I have to really be careful explaining be
cause a lot of guys think that you can just learn humor from a book or learn hum
or by listening to somebody's explanation of it. Humor very much falls into the ca
tegory of art form as opposed to something you can just learn to by rote. At the
same time, there are a lot of things you can just do really quickly to step-up
your humor from whatever level you may be at right now and you know, increase it
quite a bit and improve it quite a bit. So those are the things I'm going to focu
s on right now. But at the same time, I've got to tell you, being a funny person r
uns the fine line of being one of those things that either you have it or don't. B
ut the problem is, everybody really does have it - they just kind of pull themse
lves away from the more humorous side. They got really serious and they covered
themselves up with a bunch of serious stuff and they haven't learned how to let ou
t their inner goofball. And that's what we're going to talk about today. Humor, why
does it work? First off all, why does humor mean so much? Or why does it mean so
much in conversations when you're learning how to talk with women? Humor is, firs
t and foremost, it's a release to the nervous system. I know you've never had this e
xperience before but have you ever had a moment of A-ha where you just suddenly re
alized something, something that you're trying to figure out and somebody's tried to
explain it to you in a way that finally clicked and you're like, Oh, and literally
you laugh. You laugh because you see what you couldn't see before and it's a release
of energy. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr
oductions, LLC. 1 ----------------------- Page 65----------------------www.Carlo
sXuma.com If you've ever gone to a comedy show, the same thing is true, humor ends
up something as being of a release. When you get out of that show, you feel kin
d of laid back and relaxed because you laughed for a while. Laughter really is a
medicine. Dr. Norman Cousins has actually proved this. He had cancer and he put
himself on a strict diet of Three Stooges films and comedies and things like th
at and he laughed himself, literally laughed his cancer away. Now, this isn't some
thing that every guy out there would do, but he did it in such a way that he pro
ved that having a positive comedic having humor in his life at that point was th
e most essential thing because it stimulated his immune system. It actually was
doing healthy things to him that combated and actually helped him overcome the c
ancer in his life. Now if we can just do that on a daily basis with out stress,
that's more than worth it if you ask me. So remember, humor is a release. Women fe
el it as a release. What else in your life is a release? Sex? That's why humor is
so closely paired in a woman's mind, it has that same element to it. Humor as well
as a good orgasm is also a form of a release to her. Humor is also a primal sig
nal of intelligence, they've done studies on this, I've actually published a few on
the blog that they talk about the fact that humor is an evolutionary mechanism.
The reason that women are actually attracted to guys with a sense of humor is be
cause having a good sense of humor means you have an intelligence to see pattern
s which is actually the next thing. It's a primal signal of intelligence, your abi
lity to laugh at things and manage your own stress is a survival trait but it's al
so an indication of having advanced pattern recognition. Think of what advanced
pattern recognition could mean to some caveman somewhere who's trying to survive i
n a very chaotic and uncontrollable world where he has to fight for his food. He
has to hunt his food, he has to think of clever ways to help his family survive
. Pattern recognition is extremely important and that's where humor again comes in
to the mix. If you listen to what comedians say, what they're doing is, they're just
seeing patterns of things and relating them back to you in a way that you go, Oh
, I didn't see that before. Right? That's pretty much it. 2008 DD Publications/Morphe
us P roductions, LLC. 2 ----------------------- Page 66----------------------www
.CarlosXuma.com So that's why humor works. That's why it's an essential primal mechani
sm for women. They just need that release.
I also have a theory that humor is important because humor shows that a guy can
manage the stress level in his life but also he cannot take things too seriously
. Guys who take things too seriously tend to be strung too tight, they're a little
bit wrapped too tight but a guy that can have a good sense of humor about thing
s is going to have a lower threshold of blowing his stack when the time comes. I
n other words, he can manage stress, manage the stressful things in life. So tha
t's one of the things I believe. Now, the different types of humor. This is import
ant too because you're going to find in here some strengths of your own. You're goin
g to recognize when these types of humor being one that you can grab hold on to
and leverage, and you should. Jokes, pretty obvious for me, humor, right? It's the
one I think most guys fall into. Jokes are a good form of humor because they al
low you to memorize a pattern of humor and relate it again. It's like a module of
humor that anybody can take and reuse and get the benefit of, right? All you've go
t to do is learn a few lines from a joke I read somewhere whether it's on the play
boy advisor or some tasteless joke book somewhere, I retell that joke, instant t
ransfusion of humor. But there's also a kind you want to be careful about using. Y
ou don't want to tell too many jokes. You don't want to overwork it. Cocky and funny
. This one's really important especially in dating, especially when you're talking w
ith women because it's the most effective form of humor that women respond the mos
t to and gets you the most results in terms of building attraction and connectio
n. Beware though, this is one thing that most of gurus out there don't talk about.
If you're considerably attractive in any way and you know what? I hate to say thi
s but most guys are. I have to say that when you ask women, Oh, what do you think
of him? (and it could be ANY guy) 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LL
C. 3 ----------------------- Page 67----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com Alm
ost every woman would say, Oh, he's cute. But the guys that stand out a little bit,
if you know that you're a little bit more attractive than maybe some of the other
guys out there, maybe you're a 7 or an 8 or a 9 or a 10 on a scale, beware. Becaus
e using cocky-funny can often make you look a little bit arrogant. Be careful an
d beware of this, a lot of guys don't know that but they use cocky-funny, you know
, they'll make jokes about, Oh, you just want me for my body. And that sounds stuck
up coming from a guy who actually is attractive, right? It sounds like he's joking
about something and it suddenly got that ring of truth to it with the woman's goi
ng, Oh well, maybe other women, but now not me. OK? So keep that in mind. Teasing.
Really important there again. I can start teasing and can be
different from cocky-funny by the way because teasing is a slightly different en
ergy, I think it's a distinctly different energy. You are using an energy that you
used to use when you were a kid, you just forgot how to use it. You know, you're
poking a little fun. It's coming from a much more confident frame. So teasing of c
ourse can also be funny and should be funny if it's doing anything else but teasin
g. Sarcasm is also a form of humor. Unfortunately though, I'll put a little asteri
sk on this, it's dark. It also communicates bad things about you in some ways. It's
like you've got an acidic aftertaste that you've got this bitter edge to you. There
are some comedians, when you listen to them, you're like, Wow, that guy's like. He's an
gry. He's pissed. He's funny, but he's angry. Let me give you an example of the exact o
pposite of this. One of my favorite comedians is Eddie Izzard and his humor is,
I just think to be, probably the perfect form of humor because it's so laid back,
so casual, so goofy, so fun, that you can't take offense at it. It's just fun. And h
e's the exact opposite of sarcastic humor. Somebody like Dane Cook, I'm not saying t
hat he's not funny but he's got that angry edge to him and you get that feeling of, W
ow man, whoo. But that's where a lot of humor comes from, it comes from a little bi
t of anger. There's also the sexual double entendre, or however that French soundi
ng thing is, the double entendre is when you say something that has dual meaning
. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 4 ----------------------- Pag
e 68----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com It's the kind of thing that, it was i
n Beavis and Butthead. Butthead would always laugh, He said `blow.' Where you say some
thing, Oh, she blew it. That's funny because that has a dual meaning, right? Those c
an be funny and you should use those in conversations. You have to know when to
use them, and you have to know how to not overuse them to have a good effect wit
h them. But they're a great form of humor too. Another is my personal favorite. It's
the goofy-silly. This is where you are just plain, letting your personality flo
at man, you're just kind of taking down all the barriers around you. All the stupi
d defense mechanisms, all the protection mechanisms really that try and keep you
shielded away from somebody so they can't see the real you and you're just letting
yourself be a total dork, a goofball. I used to do this when I was a kid and I w
ould keep my cousin in stitches this goofy character I used to call, His name was
George, he was kind of little bit slow but he was kind of funny. And I would jus
t do these goofy faces and I would be this total dork I didn't have anything to me
morize, I just had to ask like this dork. The girls would just love it. My cousi
n had some really cute friends, that's why I liked hanging out with my cousin. Her
friends would love it, they would eat it up, they think it was hysterical becau
se I was just kind of being goofy. I wasn't trying to be
somebody I wasn't because I was kind of goofy but they loved it. It was like letti
ng them see a part of you that they know is there and most guys are hiding but t
hey want to see. And it's that ability to be vulnerable. I think that goofy-silly
really translates to vulnerability on a funny level. And of course there are oth
er types but these are some of the primary types of humor that you're going to use
. And you're going to find it, one of these is going to be the one that you will f
all into more than another. Sarcasm, I would advice that you would take some of
the angry edge off of it and you can still make it fun. Teasing same thing. Joke
s, a lot of guys tend to fall into this category, they just like usin g jokes. Y
ou've got to know how to use it. Here're some advice on teasing. First of all, smile
when you're delivering this stuff, not like a goofy, but kind of have a little bi
t of a smirk. The woma n 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus P roductions, LLC. 5 ----
------------------- Page 69----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com that you jus
t met doesn't know how to calibrate to you yet. She doesn't know how to read you. So
you're going to have to smile to compensate for that. You let her in on the joke
a little bit by going, you make a little face at her, kind of like, Come on, you
know I'm joking, right? You've got to let her in on it. If you're too serious, you run
the risk of her reacting to what you're saying before she's had the chance to be let
in on the joke. Practice your timing. This is really important. Timing is reall
y important. Steve Martin used to have a joke of his own, he said, You know, it t
ook me a while to catch on to being a comedian because they say that comedy is a
ll about timing. You know he used to joke about that but timing within humor is v
ery important because when you pause, you can give weight and meaning to things.
If you know when to not say something. Did you see what I just did there? I jus
t paused, I drew your attention for a second and then I finished what I said. Pa
using at the right time, I would have to be guilty, probably the most guilty of
not pausing very much, I talk fast. Pausing will give weight and meaning to anythi
ng that you're saying and it works especially good in jokes. Knowing when to just
stop for a second, wait for it, And then the farmer said, you know. Don't laugh at y
ourself. In other words, don't laugh at your own jokes. Don't be the first one, afte
r you told a joke to go, Ha ha. You know, that looks stupid, you look stupid becau
se you look like you're just. You're not looking self-amused, you look like you're jus
t clueless. So don't be the first person to laugh at your jokes. They have to be.
Humor is tension. And you've got to know how to really build up tension and ride i
t a little bit because remember, humor is tension release. Also, when the punchl
ine comes, the more tension you had before it the more laughs after it. If you d
on't get a laugh during your joke, whenever it may
be, make a self-deprecating remark of some kind, not too much, don't say, Oh man, I'm
such an idiot. How could I be so stupid? I think of the ultimate example of this
self-deprecating thing is being Chris Farley, you know when he used to do that
thing when he's like, Oh, that's so stupid. He used to hit himself on the head. He'd sla
p himself around. He went to the extreme. He would do anything for a laugh, righ
t? 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 6 ----------------------- Pa
ge 70----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com If you don't get a laugh, you can ju
st make a self-deprecating remark like, Note to self, go back to improvisation cl
ass, OK? Do you have any jokes? You know you can have fun with the moment of havi
ng fun with yourself. As a matter of fact, not getting a laugh is often a good t
hing because the next joke you tell, they're going to want to laugh at, they reall
y will and as long as it's not a lame one, you'll do fine. Jokes. When it comes to j
okes, start the conversation with humor but don't go too far. This is important. H
umor is meant to spice things up and then you delicately throw it in along the w
ay. It's just like seasoning your cooking. You have to know how and when to throw
humor in. First of all, remember that humor is simply not an essential element o
f every single conversation. It's good to have a light hearted air about you and I
think I talked about that in another section of this program. It's not essential
though that you're riproaring Seinfeld comedian, really, go easy on it. It doesn't h
ave to be a big deal. So it just basically spices things up and then you delicat
ely throw it in along the way. You don't have to be super-humorous funny guy. Thin
k about because you got to take themselves, funny movies. Funny movies are not f
unny all the way through would literally be like, 20 minutes in and you'd be, OK, I'v
e a break man, this is sickening. They know how to pace they know how to throw th
e humor at you and control burst.
They know when to throw something a little funny and then they know how to top i
t off with something that's super funny. OK? Think about that. When you watch a co
medy, how they constructively use that. And then think about the mistakes you've s
een in certain comedies. One that comes to mind is Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I thi
nk it's a great movie, I love that movie but one of the mistakes was that serious
moment there where Cameron is getting pissed off at her dad's car. It really gets
uncomfortable because there's nothing really funny in there, even when he trashes
the car, you're kind of like, it's a little bit of a nervous laugh but that whole se
ction is not very funny. But again, that was a dramatic portion of the movie and
it was meant to be that way, I just think they dragged it out too long without
kind of figuring out the pacing of it. So again, funny movies are a great way to
hone that skill. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr
oductions, LLC. 7 ----------------------- Page 71----------------------www.Carlo
sXuma.com If a woman responds negatively to your humor whatever it may be, maybe
tease or used cocky-funny, and you think you might have made a mistake, just ap
ologize in a good natured way. Just say something like, OK, I went too far. I'm sor
ry. Here, slap my wrist. Slap my wrist please. No, you've got to slap my wrist bec
ause otherwise I can't go on with the conversation. You have fun with that moment,
apologize and then move on. If she doesn't get over it, get rid of her. If the wom
an that you're talking to takes something you say offensively and then won't let it
go or acts bitchy or just can't seem to get past it, think of what being with this
woman for more than just a night would mean. Honestly, there's a certain price yo
u don't have to pay to get a woman. And one of them is dealing with the bitchy wom
en one with no sense of humor, the one that are too that just don't plain get it a
nd aren't very fun of pretentious diva women around these days. And for them. So i
f she doesn't get over it, get rid that are out there. The structured, the women t
o be around. Alright? So a lot you've got to watch out of her. That's my motto.
Calibration. Assume a woman is cool but again, ease your way into humor. I have
been very guilty at times of using sexual humor and using risqu humor a little to
o early in the conversation and as a result, I turn some women off. I remember d
istinctly actually, I met this one gal, she was really cute and I was sending ou
t e-mails at the time I was writing my own rants, kind of like Dennis Miller doe
s his rants. I wrote one and it was really pretty offensive because I put someth
ing in it that said the rule about a guy eventually becoming tired of sleeping w
ith a woman he's with and I put that in an e-mail, I forgot that I put it in there
but it definitely pissed her off because she sent an e-mail back later that day
saying, You know it was nice meeting you at the party and everything but I don't t
hink we're quite a match. I'll see you later. And I was like, Whoa, and I'm thinking to m
yself, Well, I burned myself. First, I shouldn't be including her on that e-mail lis
t but I got the idea. So you've got to ease your way with people, eventually, they
will savvy to your sense of humor. I have an extremely raunchy, crude, foul sen
se of humor but I make sure that I ease people into it because if I jump right i
n quickly, I can really burn some bridges. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus P roduc
tions, LLC. 8 ----------------------- Page 72----------------------www.CarlosXum
a.com Be way over the top so that she knows that you're joking initially. OK? This
is where some guys are in the foul because they kind of deadpan a little bit an
d it also becomes like, Is he joking? She doesn't know if you're joking, so you have t
o be a little over the top. It takes time for her to understand when you were ac
tually joking and when you're not. So give her time to figure you out a little bit
before you start tricking things up a little bit, be fore
you start busting her balls. And as I like to say, borrow as much humor as you l
ike. Take as much as you like, steal as much as you like, it doesn't have to be or
iginal. There's actually this great example where I talk about this thing. I heard
this guy talking about Bill Clinton once, and there's a joke that I had, where I
say basically, You know, I heard this guy talking about Bill Clinton. Have everyo
ne knows how Bill Clinton could make you like him with his charm, make you go al
ong with anything? And you can hear him go, I am not here, and you'd be like, He's not h
ere. It's a little joke, right? But that's from a comedian, I stole that from a comed
ian. I thought it was pretty funny and the way I preface it is with, You know I h
eard this guy talking about Bill Clinton and he said, I'm giving a bit of credit, I'm
not saying that this is my joke, I'm not going to take all the credit for it. I'm j
ust re-relating it in a way that lets her have another laugh at it. I think that's
perfectly acceptable. And I think that it's actually essential if you're learning h
ow to build up your own sense of humor. So there you go from what I talked about
before, I want to reemphasize that humor as an element of conversation with wom
en can be very, very lightly sprinkled in and still have a lot of effect. It's not
that you're making her bust out, gut bursting laugh with you or anything like tha
t. What it's about is showing a light-heartedness about your approach to life. A k
ind of, I'm cool and laid back. I can poke a little fun in stuff. Everything's cool,
I'm not going to be a total needy little wuss as soon as I get in with you. Because
it's that seriousness that tells a woman that, Oh boy, this guy is going to be lik
e calling me every night. He's going to want to pin me down in a relationship befo
re I'm ready. He's going to want to jump in bed too soon. She sees a lot of things an
d she interprets a lot of things from seriousness that guys just don't understand.
That's what she's looking at. She's taking your level of humor that you're throwing in,
your lightheartedness and translating into your personality. 2008 DD Publicatio
ns/Morpheus P roductions, LLC. 9 ----------------------- Page 73----------------
------www.CarlosXuma.com Because a serious personality is a serious bummer for m
ost women. I'm going to be honest with you, that's just the way it is. There was a t
ime when I was pretty serious with women, I would always get really serious and
they didn't dig it. They didn't like it at all. And I figured out why, it's because sh
e knew that I was being so serious because I felt like I had an agenda. That's why
guys are so serious, they've got to get something done, OK, seriously but. You know
, it's like a person and you're in a group and they're making fun of the guy and he's li
ke, OK, OK, but seriously, he's trying to stop humor, he's the guy that people keep go
ing on and on and on and ragging on and they won't stop. Why? It's because he's trying
to control the humor, he's obviously a total stiff about it. Whereas if he goes w
ith it and he jokes with them and goes along with them, they will stop all that
much sooner. I learned this myself back in high school.
He said this joke that I had no ass, I had no butt, I was this little skinny kid
so I didn't really have a butt and for the longest time it bugged me that they wo
uld do this and I was just being like, you know I really, I wouldn't go along with
that and try to stop them from joking about it and then one night, I just kind
of laid back and I just realized, You know what? This is stupid, I'll go along with
them on it. And somebody made a joke about us being like the characters on Miami
Vice and then one guy - my friend - said that he was Crockett and I looked at h
im and said, Yeah, I'm Butts, instead of Tubbs, right the other guy? And they thought
that was hysterical that I finally joked about that because obviously I didn't hav
e a butt. You see what happened there? I totally deflated and there was a stress
relief and everybody thought it was hysterical and funny and they never bothere
d me about that again because they realized that I finally got the joke. There y
ou go, your lesson in humor. It doesn't have to be cracking up or side splitting h
umor, it just have to be a light-hearted sense of having fun in the moment. That's
it. So when it comes to making a woman laugh, it doesn't take much, she's looking f
or reasons to laugh in the conversation. You just open up a door and barely do a
nything and she'll laugh anyways. It's just the way it works. Have fun with it, don't
go crazy, pick-up a few books, go to an improv class is one of the exercises, I've
got actually to share with you. Some examples here. 2008 DD Publications/Morphe
us Pr oductions, LLC. 10 ----------------------- Page 74----------------------ww
w.CarlosXuma.com Here are some examples of humor that you're going to use. There's a
mistake in the interpretation. Mistake in interpretation is something like, Your
mom's eaten by a shark? That's horrible. Oh, she works at the park. You should've sai
d that first man. See what I did? I purposely misunderstood her. I used a word th
at rhymed with it, She works at the park, and I've re-interpreted it as, She was eate
n by a shark. Have fun. Another mistake in interpretation. Oh my God, I can't believ
e you're like hitting on me in the grocery store. The next thing's you're going to be
looking at my shopping list. I'm not going to show you this, the stuff I'm going to
buy in here is top secret. Have fun. Over-interpret or misinterpret. There's fast f
orward humor. This is where you joke about things by pushing the timeline a litt
le bit, by obviously joking about a situation that doesn't exist. Like women you f
irst meet this stuff works great. The first context or frame you said is that sh
e's already your girlfriend and you're already breaking up with her, OK? So you say
something like, OK, I want a divorce, you get the Yugo, I'll take the house and the
kids, alright? Is that fair? So what am I doing? I'm having fun with her by joking
about a situation that hasn't even come up yet and again she learns that I'm light-
hearted about
the whole topic and probably not the clingy, needy guy if I'm joking like this. He
re's another one. You know, I think we need to see a marriage counselor, we're just n
ot working out but for tonight I'll do my husbandly duty and I'll pretend. And I'll put
my arm around her on this one, this is a classic by the way. I'll use this as a l
icense to get more physical with her because what did I just say at the end ther
e? OK, for tonight, I will do my husbandly duty and I will pretend, and I'll put my
arm around her and then she'll go along with it because she wants to go along with
the joke. And there you get a little bit of a physical contact. Pretty cool, hu
h? Role reversal humor. This is where you joke about her trying to pick you up.
Here's an example. You know, you're not going to try and get me drunk and dance tople
ss again, are you? No way. Oops, did I say that? That has so never happened to m
e before, I've never done that. See, I'm having a little fun with the whole change in
role reversals. A guy dancing topless, big deal, but making it fun. Pretending,
kind of like you're a girl. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 11 -
---------------------- Page 75----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com Here's put
up on humor. This is humor like, Oh God, talk to her as if she's your bratty little
sister. You probably heard this a hundred times but it's really a great way becaus
e it communicates in so many different levels that she is women are in a social
environment because they want to meet people, because they want to accepted, the
y want to be acceptable and attractive to guys and other women. A very simple th
ing that they desire. And by framing her in this context, you take that away fro
m her and she has to earn it back now. She's now been put in this little corner of
being a bratty sister. She's got to earn her way back to being a cool chick again
so that she can get back to the level where she was before. Here's a good one, I
love this one. Oh my God, you're back again? Look, I've already got a sister, she's not
quite as cute as you but you know what? She's got a hook up at the cinema, at the
theatre so I get all my movies for free. What do you got to offer? See what I go
t there? A little bit of qualification I built into that one. Let's go to exaggera
tion humor. This stuff is really good. You exaggerate things like, you're a diva o
r some kind of movie star, OK? This is good stuff, you've got to really play up th
e overplaying element so she doesn't think that you're serious. And say something li
ke, Oh my God. Gees, I star in one movie, earn one little Oscar and every woman o
n the planet wants to get with me. Can I just give you an autograph and you'll go
away? Here's another one. You know, if you want to stand by me like this, you might
have to pay me some royalties. I will make you look good though so it's worth it. Y
ou're playing up the whole, I'm really famous, ha ha ha. She does something small that's
wrong, OK? So she does make a small mistake of some kind. Oh, that's it? Now you w
ant me to forgive you for having an affair with that movie star, what's his name,
but now you
disrespect me too. This is like an example of her coming or showing up late at so
mething. You've got to have fun with her and poke the drama button a little bit. S
o that's why this one works really good. She's late for whatever reason, you throw t
hat one at her. Let's go to the compliment returns. So let's say a woman compliments
you, but she compliments you in kind of a lame way which is a lot of women do.
You have to go over the top to kind of create the frame on this one, when she co
mpliments you, she's just saying something and throwing it out there 2008 DD Publi
cations/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 12 ----------------------- Page 76----------
------------www.CarlosXuma.com but now, you've got to take what she says and turn
it to your own humorous little edge and own demented meaning. I'll give you an exa
mple here. She says something like, You're funny, and now you say something back lik
e, Oh sure, you think you could just flatter me and I would jump in bed with you?
Please stop, it's so embarrassing and now I'm getting a little teary. OK? You're playi
ng it up, you're overplaying, you're over dramaticizing her little compliment which
really wasn't a compliment at all, it was kind of like a little joke in itself. So
you make a joke about that and you jack up the energy. What you're trying to do i
s one up her in terms of the energy of what's going on. It's actually a form of teas
ing too. OK, so there, I gave you some examples. Six good examples of different
kinds of humor that you can use. The mistake in the interpretation, take whateve
r she says and make a mistake out of it on purpose. The fast forward where you a
ctually assume some future role and then you translate back. Role reversal humor
, where you take on a female point of view about something and joke about her wi
th it. Put upon humor, where she's your little bratty sister and she is so annoyin
g you. Exaggeration humor, take something to the extreme. And then the complimen
t return, where she'll say something nice or she'll try and say something nice about
you and you turn it around and you jack up the energy, this one's a little more c
omplicated but it's a big payoff when you realize how to use it. So there are some
examples. I do want to give you a few warnings. Don't poke too much fun at yourse
lf when you're using humor. Don't make fun of yourself too much because it comes acr
oss as being kind of insecure, so watch for that.
2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pro ductions, LLC. 13 ----------------------- Page
77----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com Don't repeat a joke that you've told in
a group you're in, in other words, you're with a group of people and then maybe you're
with this chick and then you and her go to another group or you and your wingma
n and one other girl is there go to another group, you don't want to retell the jo
ke again because that starts to get a bit old and they're going to be like, OK, I h
eard this the other time. You might get away with it once but twice is going to b
e a little tough so watch out for doing that. Also, tell one joke, one classical
, line for line, Hey, there's this guy and he walks into a bar, you know, one of tho
se jokes, maximum per night. OK? Unless you're getting into a joke off contest of
some kind and that's actually another fun thing to do is to say, Hey, you guys want
a joke off? And they'll look at you and like, What? and say, No, no, joke off . Get y
our minds out of the gutter. I'll tell a joke, you'll tell a joke then she'll tell a j
oke and we'll see who has the best joke. That's a great way of leading in to tell jok
es in a conversation. And avoid the land mine of all humor situations which is:
don't joke about politics, religion or race until you're really comfortable with the
people you're with, OK? And you know that they're really cool but inevitably, someo
ne's going to get pissed. And inevitably, you're just going to be even if they don't g
et pissed, you're going to be showing a callous disregard for social norms by doin
g this. They will just look at you and like, OK, it was funny and all, it didn't of
fend me but it was inappropriate. And they'll sense that so be careful about that,
avoiding those dark things. Here's some exercises I want you to do. Watch improv.
Watch shows like What's My Line? They are incredible, you'll see what these guys do
with just off the cuff stuff they invent in the spur of the moment and it will t
otall y inspire you to try and reach beyond yourself to be a little bit more fun
ny. Read a joke book and then choose to commit one joke to memory. OK? That's it.
Because what'll happen, you'll get caught reading the joke book and then you won't sto
p and then you'll be like, I don't remember any of those jokes. It always happens. I'll
look up a joke site, I'll read a bunch of great jokes and then I'll walk away and I'll
be like, I don't remember any of them. Isn't that weird? Commit to choosing one and t
hen don't read anymore jokes. And then tell that joke to three different people. B
y the time you get done telling that to three people, you'll probably have it down
fairly good. OK? So that's how you get a joke into your memory and using it. 2008
DD Publications/Morpheus P roductions, LLC. 14 ----------------------- Page 78-
---------------------www.CarlosXuma.com Take an improve class. I can't recommend t
his enough. Guys who have
done this have understood what an important step this is. Not only you were just
learning how to be more funny and things like that but relating to and talking
to women on a relaxed basis because they teach you how to think in a different w
ay and improv. You have to be able to be more freeassociating, you have to get o
ut of your head and get more in the moment. And you have to learn things like ho
w to just be, they call the Yes, and, not the Yes, but, but the Yes, and, which means
that anything that somebody says to you in improv, you can't just deny and say, No,
no, I don't like that. It's not funny. Say something else to me. You have to take wh
atever they say and then use it and run with it and then have fun with it and be
funny with it. It's a very positive frame of mind to be in, not denying anything,
you're accepting. And then sit down and watch some good sitcoms to give you an id
ea of good timing and how to work the moment a little bit. You want to understan
d how to work the moment. Some good TV shows have this by the way, where you see
that the comedians know how to pause for a second and look and they work that m
oment and you see the audience start to giggle and then start to become funnier
and funnier and funnier. They're excellent at doing this kind of thing, so watch t
hose kinds of shows where there's a moment like that where there's just a silence wh
ere everybody kind of like works the moment or maybe some slapstick. Watch their
timing, you'll learn an awful lot. There's four good exercises for you to do and yo
u should do them because you will learn from them and you will learn more about
how to make women laugh. Alright, next module coming up, we're going to talk about
some specific tools to use in your conversation and I'm also going to get into th
e phone conversation as well as electronic and texting conversations with women.
So see you in the next module. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pro ductions, LLC.
15 ----------------------- Page 79----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com YOUR
STUDY NOTES: Note something new youve learned in this module: Note something you
heard and maybe knew, but now yo u see differently: This section is important,
as it will lock in your Write down 3 action steps you can take right now to start
adding this into your own understanding conversations with women: of the 1. mate
rial... 2.
3. Write down 3 new conversation bites (word for word) o f your own that you can u
se to inject this material into your conversations rig ht away: 1. 2. 3. 2 008 D
D Publications/Morpheus Productions, LLC. 1 ----------------------- Page 80-----
-----------------www.CarlosXuma.com MODULE 6: Conversational Tools I'm going to go
specifically into things pretty much any guy can use to make sure that he's keepi
ng a good conversation going. So let's start right out here. We're going to go into
environment as a factor in your conversations and how to use it. Using her as pa
rt of the environment, in other words, when your looking for something to say to
her or when you're trying to keep the conversation going, you need fuel, you need
things to burn and you need things to be able to say during the conversation. U
sing her as a source of those things is the penultimate way of making sure you c
an keep it going. Here're some things you can watch for, again these may seem spec
ific but you can find any of these things with any woman. I call this finding see
ds. Like, let's say she's got a tattoo. A lot of conversation in that. As a matter of
fact, I start conversations with women based on their tattoos than anything els
e. Where did you get it? How did you get it? A tattoo is very personal to a woma
n, she thought long and hard about why she chose that tattoo and where she put i
t and what it means to her. It has meaning to her. And that's one of the questions
I ask is, I really like the tattoo, where did you get that done? And the I ask he
r right after that, So what's the meaning of it? Because I know you probably spent
a lot of time figuring out what you wanted to get. It should get a whole long sto
ry behind that, you're going to find out some really deep rapport type stuff with
that. Clothes. What is she wearing? What is she not wearing? You know what I mea
n? Check into what she's wearing, look into what she's wearing and it gives you an i
dea how you can do a cold read on her as to why she's wearing certain clothes. Why
did she choose that? Compliment her on it
and ask her about it. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 1 -------
---------------- Page 81----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com Jewelry. Jewelr
y always has a story behind it. Rings that she wears, find out why. Women just d
on't wear things for no good reason, guys do. I mean, I just reach into the drawer
, pull out a ring, slap it on my finger or whatever. It does have a little bit o
f meaning from you but usually not nearly as much as what women have for the mea
ning. Necklaces, same thing. Bracelets, anklets, toe rings, belly button rings,
that's a conversation all in there. Shoes. Don't go too far with the shoes thing bec
ause you can seem a little gay and don't make it the first thing. But somewhere in
there you can talk about her shoes. She chose those, she spent time thinking ab
out them. Shoes are important to women. Her cellphone and accessories that she's c
arrying with her. This is a really good one, you can use her cellphone as a sour
ce of conversation. Why she chose that one, Oh it came with my plan, Oh, really? Le
t me check it out because I was actually looking at getting one of these at one
point. You know, just shoot the crap about it. Don't start exploring her phone too
much because that's still personal in a way. You can ask her, Got any pictures on t
his? You got any music? Anything like this that maybe she wants to show you. My o
wn cellphone is an iPhone and I keep a bunch of pictures on it. I have a bunch o
f exclusive photo albums that I keep on my iPhone for every conversation. The pi
ctures themselves start conversations like that. OK so that's what I do, find a wa
y to bridging into the conversation, I'll say something like, Oh, my dog, he's just a
pain these days, and instantly, what's the first question she asks? What kind? What
kind of dog you've got? Oh, let me show you. I'll pull it up on the phone, there you g
o, bam, more instant conversation, plus as you're scrolling through pictures on yo
ur phone, you come across ones that you want her to see. And she'll ask more quest
ions about them and I won't say a thing about them because I won't be bragging. You
know, me on a bridge in Venice, sitting on the bridge. It's me in a soccer jersey
and I'm sitting on the bridge in Venice and it's quite obvious that it's not in the US
, so she's going to ask questions about that. I'm not going to make a big deal out o
f it; I'll let her make a big deal out of it. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr odu
ctions, LLC. 2 ----------------------- Page 82----------------------www.CarlosXu
ma.com You see how invaluable using gadgets and things like these can be? These
are props too, so use her cellphone, use any kind of accessory she happens to be
carrying. Maybe she's got a really cool looking purse, or
maybe she's got one of those big purses that you'll make fun of, or maybe she's got a
tiny little purse that you can make fun of or tease about. Use those as fuel for
conversation. Location. Where you are is like a primary factor in creating conv
ersation. Where you are gives you a lot of things to talk about. For example, if
you're in a restaurant, the smells you smell. If you're outside, the smells you sme
ll, sounds like gross and disgusting. The sights. Look around you. What you see.
What you see in the immediate area, if you see somebody acting goofy, you nudge
her and go, Hey, what's that guy up to? Use what's going on around you because what i
t does, it grounds you in the moment. Music that's playing, whether it's on the radi
o or there's a live band or any music that you happen to be hearing, sometimes it's
guys that are out in the street playing their violins or those guys that play fo
r money in the street. I was actually at a theatre in Palo Alto in our area of t
he country here in California and there was this really nice theatre area and th
ere's a nice restaurant there and we were eating. And there was this girl obviousl
y like a college age girl, a very attractive little Asian girl and she's playing v
iolin and every so often she'd stop and she'd sing, definitely she wasn't a what you c
all a bum in any stretch of the imagination, she was very, very much hip to what
she was doing and what she was playing. She was obviously making money for scho
ol, so that was kind of cool and there I initialized the whole conversation. Foo
d. What it is you're tasting. You know, what kind of foods do you like. I really c
an't emphasize this enough. Food is an awesome topic for conversation for you and
a woman. What foods does she like? Get her on that topic. What foods her mom mad
e for her when she was a kid? What foods did her grandparents make? These are al
l great conversations to have. People. Again, the people that around you in the
location will give you a lot of conversation. Just look for the odd, look for th
e different, look for the not so normal and it will give you stuff to talk about
. Sometimes it's just, what 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 3 ---
-------------------- Page 83----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com celebrity t
hey remind you of. Like I used to play this game, this is a good one, this is go
ld, use this one, where it's called the celebrity game. Where you look around you
and each of you has to find one person that looks like a movie star then you tel
l the other person which person to look at and you have to guess which movie sta
r you think they look like. Pretty cool, huh? You do that one, because it's very g
ood at one of those present moment exercises that keeps you very, very interacti
ve. Props. Again, things that are around you in the location like in restaurants
where the salt and pepper shakers were shaped really weird, sometimes a
little bit phallic so I'd make fun of that. Use the things that are around you, be
looking all the time around you, be present and focused on what's going on at tha
t moment. Don't be caught up in your head, be caught up out in what is going on be
tween you. After location, comes you and your props that you carry with you all
the time. I pretty much always want to meet up with a woman who'll have a paper wi
th me if I'm going to meet her in like a coffee place or it's a daytime meet-up or m
aybe a woman I met off of an online ad, I'll make sure that I have a paper with me
that I'm reading through. Number one, because it gives me things to talk about. N
umber two, because it makes me look busy when she arrives, not like I'm just sitti
ng there and going, Ho hum... Waiting for the woman to arrive, that looks a little
needy. If you're already engaged in something and she's not your first priority, sh
e has to come and interrupt your world to make your presence known. Very importa
nt. Magazines or books are a cool second. Have a magazine with you that you happ
en to purchase or wanted to read just make sure that it's not Playboy. Books, book
s you're reading are another excellent thing. Choose a good book that immediately
she's going to be asking questions about what it is you're reading and how it is and
if she's read it she's going to start talking about that, so again it's a good prop.
2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 4 ----------------------- Page
84----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com Here're some miscellaneous props. These
are things that are a little bit more out there but you've got to find one that w
orks for you. A while back, I talked about this one, I still have it, called the
goddess deck. It's a deck of cards and on each card is a goddess from some mythol
ogy or something from literature or something like that or history. And I ask he
r to choose a card from this deck and then we read it. I try and get her to admi
t whether or not she's really like that goddess or not based on the qualities. Rea
lly fun. It's a lot of fun and of course, how can you not have fun when she's playin
g around with the idea of being a goddess? And that gives you a great opportunit
y to tease her back down. Divination of any kind. Divination really means anythi
ng where you're using fortune telling. It can be palm reading, it can be handwriti
ng analysis, it's reading a person from things that are not overtly visible. Readi
ng tea leaves, technically is a form of divination. But palm reading and handwri
ting analysis are the top two. You need to use one or both of these. I use them
all the time when I was really running, what you would call a classic pick-up, a
s well as just meeting women. I would make sure that I would work that into conv
ersations or even on the first meet-up or the second meet-up or any date that we
had. This had to come out at some point.
Palm reading is great because it's just fun. It's so easy, you can totally make some
shit up. There's literally, 1, 2, 3, 4, there's like 5 lines on your hands and if y
ou can memorize those lines, you can make up anything you want because women don't
really learn palm reading, right? And you just offer to read her hand and then
you can make stuff up if you want to but honestly there's no need to, there's just s
o much cool stuff to do at palm reading, basic stuff that you can get online. Ha
ndwriting analysis, I think personally, is my number one choice now because of w
hat it does for you. Number one, women love it because they never get this done.
This is a much more exclusive skill to develop, you can get Bart Bagget's Handwri
ting Analysis Deck, you can still get that online. A good friend of mine still s
ells this online as well. The handwriting analysis is very, very effective and t
he reason why you want to use it is because it really works. You can use it to r
ead her personality. Can you think of any better reason for using one of these t
ools on a woman? 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 5 ------------
----------- Page 85----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com For you to filter he
r out, you can use it for teasing, you can use it for any number of things. A si
mple as, where she crosses her T's, where that line crosses the T and how it goes
across can tell a lot about her self-esteem, you can tell whether she's sarcastic
or not. There's just a lot of cool stuff like this that you can read off of her ha
ndwriting. So it pays to learn it. And that deck by the way is one of the most e
ffective ways of learning it. You do it to just a few people. Do your friends, s
ay, Look, I'm learning a new skill. Give me a sample of your handwriting and rewrit
e this phrase down in cursive, not in printing and I'll analyze it for you. And I d
id this on women and it's so amazing, how, first of all, how accurate it is, secon
d of all, how much women love it. I can't even begin to tell you. Handwriting anal
ysis, number one prop if I had to choose one. OK? So there you go, you and your
props. There're other things you can buy, when you're in a store, you see something
cool that you like to carry with you, you don't have to carry it with you all the
time but you do want to maybe bring it with you on a first meet-up with a woman
so you have something to talk about. It starts the conversation out in a playful
and fun zone. Again, starting it off on that attraction and connection vibe. Co
ld reads of any kind. Learn how to do this because they will serve you when you
have a break in the conversation or there's a pause in the conversation, using a c
old read to kick it back into gear is really good. I've often done this, where I w
ould just sit back and it's a little bit silent and would kind of go, Huh, you know
what? I've got something to say. I think I know something about you that you don't
typically tell other people. And she's going to be like, What? and you're going to be l
ike, I don't know, maybe I shouldn't say anything, play the quiet routine and she's like
, No, no, no, tell me. Alright, but you've got to promise me that you won't take offens
e, right? Of course even if you did something, she would still take offense but y
ou're
not going to say anything that bad and then you use a few cold reads on her. I'm n
ot going to go to cold reads here because that's not the purpose of this program,
you can get those anywhere online. You can look up, it's called the Barnum Effect
where before your effect it's the fact the we want to interpret anything that said
anything about us that's vague as being very personal to us. We interpret things
general as being specific to us. It's a very effective thing to use. 2008 DD Publi
cations/Morpheus P roductions, LLC. 6 ----------------------- Page 86-----------
-----------www.CarlosXuma.com I also do cold reads by the way in a couple of my pr
ograms, I think I also have it in the Alpha Conversation and Persuasion and I al
so talk about cold reads in the approach programs. So they're very effective to us
e. It's an advanced technique and I would highly recommend that you'd go to one of t
hose programs for more information. I give up some cold reading phrases that you
can use with those two. Alright, so we've exhausted the environment, that's a ton o
f stuff right there dude. Free association exercise. This is how you can get int
o the mindset of the perpetual conversationalist. You can keep a conversation go
ing infinitely long if you just learn how this technique works, free association
, alright? I'm going to give you an example of how it works so you can understand
it because it's really the only way to teach it. You're out and you're sitting there w
ith a woman and you're out in front of a coffee shop and you're drinking your coffee
and there's a low in the conversation. Then you look around and you see somebody
in tie-dye, you see the tiedye, what does it do? It triggers something that you
can free associate. What does tie-dye make you think of? Well, makes me think of
a hippie, I don't know why, it just does, it always makes me think of hippie. The
n it makes me think of San Francisco, not just because I live here because I thi
nk of Haight-Ashbury the height of the hippie counter culture of the 60's or early
70's too. Then I think of Amoebas because that's a record store that's in the Haight
that's also kind of a hippie-ish type of place, it's a CD store, it sells CDs. OK no
w I'm still associating here, and see how this kind of flows from the same first i
mpression from seeing somebody from the tie-dye. OK after the CDs, I think, Oh, h
ey, music. What kind of music do you like? OK? All that came from seeing somebody
in tie-dye. I could've gone right back to here and still ask the question right o
ff of that. The first thing I associated with. It didn't have to be the eighth or
whatever this is seventh thing down the line. It could've been the first thing, th
e second I saw somebody in tie-dye and looking kind of hippie-ish, I could've thou
ght, Hey, what do you think? Would you have ever been a hippie? A question right t
here, or the second one, So, do you think San Francisco has the exclusive rights
to the hippiedom? Or, Ever been to Haight-Ashbury? Or, It's a great place, see what
2008 DD Publications/Morpheus P roductions, LLC. 7 ----------------------- Page
87----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com I'm doing? I'm going down this free-assoc
iation cliff, finding something I want to grab on to and want to run with from m
y conversation. It's that easy. OK so now we're on this step, I found something that
I can pull out from the free-association from the tie-dye I saw, hippie, San Fr
ancisco, HaightAshbury to Amoebas to CDs to, Hey, what music do you like? She says
, I like U2. I really like the new album of theirs, and I think, OK, let's free assoc
iate off of U2. Back in the 90's I had a ticket to go see them but I gave it up beca
use on the same exact date I had a sales conference in Atlanta that I was going
to go to and I just gave up the ticket where my girlfriend and I stood in line a
nd I remember we got these awesome tickets because it was a lottery at the time.
Got these great tickets to the concert and I had to give mine up to go to this
thing. OK that right there is a good story to tell because it shows my discipline
, right? Looking for storytelling elements? Next comes, You know what? I went to
this sales thing and they had this trophy and I'm thinking, I'm here, I'm stuck here,
I can't be to the U2 concert, my girlfriend's there, I'm here, I'm going to put everythi
ng I've got into this weekend. I want that trophy because this trophy was given to
one person who gets a perfect score on this test. The test he was giving was, y
ou have to memorize all these sales phrases, closing phrases and things like tha
t. So I stayed up literally all night learning this thing. And then, I didn't win it
but I learned something about myself in the process. And that was that I would
put in the right amount of effort if I was properly motivated and once I did I l
earned what I was capable of. That's some important lesson. Then, we went to a tit
ty bar, that's right, at some point in our weekend, we we're in Atlanta and we decid
ed to go to an Atlanta titty bar. And there was this creepy guy, sitting in the co
rner, he's this really big fat guy, he's got his hands on both legs and basically he's
keeping this one woman with him the whole night. She couldn't leave because he ju
st kept paying her to stay, this one woman to stay there. And we're thinking, God,
that's freaking creepy. I mean, can you imagine that? 2008 DD Publications/Morpheu
s P roductions, LLC. 8 ----------------------- Page 88----------------------www.
CarlosXuma.com See how these little stories that I just pulled out of that one,
U2 free association. Do this on paper, test it out at home. Do it on your own. G
o on the internet. Go to CNN.com and just randomly you see a story, take that st
ory, don't
even read the story, just look at the headline and make up your own story to tha
t headline. You're going to get a really keen sense of how to free associate, how
to talk about things, you don't even have to know something about something, you c
an just totally make shit up and it works. This is an awesome technique, this is
called free association. And I highly encourage you to use it, it's the most powe
rful and the most effective exercise for creating conversation for nothing becau
se that's exactly what you're doing. Now if you're finding that this is very difficult
in conversation with a woman, chances are, the problem is not that you're not usi
ng the tool correctly, it's that you're getting caught back up in your head again an
d you can't afford to do that my friend. You've got to stay out of your head and in
the present moment. Free association forces you to do a little bit of both, you
go back in your head a little bit but you're also in the present moment. The telev
ision exercise, here's another great tool for you to use. Turn on your TV. Turn it
on to a random channel, any channel at all. Keep the finger on the mute button
on your remote, you wait for something to come along, you don't have to wait very
long, as a matter of fact I highly encourage you to not wait very long. You turn
on to some show and you wait for them to say something as a form of a question
or maybe even state something and then you hit mute on the TV and I want you to
improvise your own response to what they just said. You can either watch the sho
w and try to make your response fit in with the show in some way or you can tota
lly go off on your own. Totally make your own tangent, totally make something th
at's pertinent to some, you know, totally different situation. The point here is a
gain, it's another form of free association but it's triggered by something that you
don't control and it's an endless source of fuel for conversation. Just turn on the
TV, see something random. OK? I'll give you an example of this. I've got my monitor
s up here, I'm going to go to CNN.com, I'm going to just pull up one of the headline
s and I'll tell you what it is. Let's see, War Is Nothing New. 2008 DD Publications/Mo
rpheus P roductions, LLC. 9 ----------------------- Page 89---------------------
-www.CarlosXuma.com War Is Nothing New. OK? What can I do with that? Well, do I
have anybody in the family that served in the war? Yeah, my grandfather did, he
served in World War II. As a matter of fact, he told me about a time when he, an
d I do have a story for that. They were at a camp, and I think it was just outsi
de of Germany or maybe just inside Germany and they were eating and then out of
nowhere, a tiger tank comes up and into their camp and they all had to scatter.
It was a pretty incredible story when he told me about it. There, I just came up
with something I just free associated off of that. War is nothing new. Let's see,
war is nothing new. Why do we have to have
war? Why is it we keep coming back and making war on another people? We know int
uitively that war is wrong but we keep doing that, why? OK, there I might be get
ting a bit political, so I've got to be careful. Let's see, there's a whole ton of oth
er ones here. First Lady Maybe in Healthcare Reform. Wow, that one's interesting.
What do you think about healthcare? Really? Are you getting good healthcare? Do
you have a good healthcare program at your work? Again, I just began free associ
ating off of this stuff. 3D Coming Soon to Home TVs. Do you really think you nee
d everything in 3D? I don't know, 3D gives me a headache sometimes when I go and s
ee movies in the theatre like that. I mean, are we going too far with the whole
home theatre thing anyways? Pretty soon, we will never want to leave our house b
ecause we'll be sucked into our television screens. Again, I'm free associating here
. Guy Eats Plane, Lands in Record Book. Well, I'm assuming the eating of the plane
, means he probably broke it off into small pieces and just ate it bit by bit by
bit. I can't imagine that one actually is begging me right now to click it but I'm
not going to because we have a program to do. You see what you can do with this
things, you can have a lot of fun. Plus, the story themselves, you can just look
up the story, if you remember the story, like later on if I look up this Guy Ea
ts Plane, Lands On Record Book and I talk about it with a woman and I say, Did yo
u know that there was a guy who ate a freaking plane? And then I go into the stor
y. Instant story just add CNN. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC.
10 ----------------------- Page 90----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com There
you go, the television exercise though allows you to use random bits of convers
ation from the television to stimulate your own ability to improvise on the spot
. That's what that exercise is about. Gives you real time, real ability to do it.
And you know what? The first couple of times you do it, you're going to sound lame
, you're going to hesitate, you're going to, Uuhh, I don't know what to say. UN-mute, ke
ep going, do it again, do it again, do it again, pretty soon you're going to break
through this little blockade, there's little mental block that we all have inside
our heads that stops us from free flowing and having this verbal diarrhea of co
nversation. And you've got to break down that barrier. It's essential. I frequently
have it when I don't have caffeine in my life. There you go, those are tools you c
an use. Those alone should help you with any moment of pause you have within a c
onversation. Now, next up, we're going to talk about phone conversation and how to
handle that. I'll be back with that in the next module. 2008 DD Publications/Morp
heus Pr oductions, LLC. 11 ----------------------- Page 91----------------------
-
www.CarlosXuma.com YOUR STUDY NOTES: Note something new youve learned in this mod
ule: Note something you heard and maybe knew, but now yo u see differently: This
section is important, as it will lock in your Write down 3 action steps you can t
ake right now to start adding this into your own understanding conversations wit
h women: of the 1. material... 2. 3. Write down 3 new conversation bites (word for
word) o f your own that you can use to inject this material into your conversat
ions rig ht away: 1. 2. 3. 2 008 DD Publications/Morpheus Productions, LLC. 1 --
--------------------- Page 92----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com MODULE 7:
Phone Conversations Alright, here we go, let's rock and roll with phone conversati
ons. Phone conversations are really kind of a normal subset of any conversation
you have with a woman. Nothing really changes that much with phone conversation.
All I'm going to do, is I'm going to point out the subtleties that make phone conve
rsations different from being in person with her. These are some tools you can u
se for phone conversations that are pretty much the more exclusive to that situa
tion. Needless to say, most phone conversation is the same as any other conversa
tion with some small tweaks. These are the small tweaks. First off, I'm going to t
ell you, call women only in evenings or on weekends. You want to stay away from
daytime hours, you want to stay away from early in the morning hours, the weird
times of day that you know that she's probably at work or it would just be weird t
o get a call at. Nobody
gets calls from guys at 10:30 in the morning on a Thursday. This doesn't happen th
at way. So by calling at evenings or weekends, you're also showing her that you've g
ot other things going on in your life too. And you know what? I would say, never
call on weekend nights unless you call to get her to meet up with you or coming
with you to some event or some bar to meet up with you. You should never appear
to be available during primetime hours. It'll just make you look like a wussbag.
I'm not saying lie, because this is a distinction here. Most pickup artist will ju
st tell you to lie and say you're busy or whatever it is. I'm telling you that rathe
r than lie and say you're busy, why don't you actually go out and fucking do somethi
ng during those times. You don't have a date? Great. Go out anyways. Go someplace.
Go to a movie alone. Trust me, it's worth it. You start to learn how to deal with
the fact that, yes you can do things by yourself in life. Go take yourself out
to dinner. Go to a bookstore. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 1
----------------------- Page 93----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com Get the
hell out of the house but don't be around during the times when you might be sitt
ing at home thinking of nothing better to do but, Yeah, I should be calling her. I
f you have time to think about that, that means you're not doing anything. You're ju
st sitting there going, La la la, oh, I should be calling her. Oh, but I was told
not to call her. So I will just sit here and think that II should be calling her
. Shouldn't I be calling her? I should be calling her, but I can't call her. If you're
in that situation where you're trying to hold yourself away from calling her, that
means you've go nothing better to do than think about it. Which means you're not ou
t there meeting new women. You're not out there meeting new dates. Not out there a
pproaching women. It's an obvious situation but we so often go nuts over it. Make
sure that she's actually free when you call her on the phone, make sure that she's a
ctually free to talk. This is really important, you ask her right off the bat, He
y, you got a couple of seconds to talk? This is what I ask right off the bat. I a
sk all my friends this actually. I just got off the ph one with a good friend of
mine, Jeff, and the first thing I said is, Hey, you got a second to talk? And mak
e sure that he's clear on that. And if she says no or she says no or whatever it i
s, just say, No problem, we'll talk later. And that's it, hang up, you're done. Don't make
a big deal about it. Don't say, When can I call you? What time should I call you? N
o. Just get off the phone. End the conversation. Oh, ok, you must be busy. Talk t
o you later. Just let it go. Drop it. It's a ball that you just don't need. You drop
it. Alright? And then, if she says yes, you say, Cool, I've got to get going in a f
ew minutes but I just want to touch base with you. Very simple, very effective.
Let me say it again, Cool, I've got to get going in a few minutes but I just wanted
to touch base with you, see how you were doing. Now you can start your conversat
ion. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus P roductions, LLC. 2 -----------------------
Page 94----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com Here is another important thing.
If she is distracted in any way, end this call. You do not need to stay on the
phone with somebody's who's distracted. Don't talk to busy or distracted people becaus
e it's not fun for either one of you. Don't talk to busy or distracted people. You a
lso come across as being needy and suffocating and low value when you do that, s
o don't do it. Very simple, very simple rule too. Is this a function call or is th
is a connection call? Those are the two kinds of phone calls that you'll have with
a woman. A function call or a connection call? A function call is where you are
coordinating logistics. I'm calling her up to make sure that she's going to be ther
e at a certain time. I'm calling her up to find out something, you know it's an arra
ngement type of phone call. Whereas a connection call, is when you are calling f
or no reason at all, just to connect with her. Function is to confirm or arrange
logistics of an in person meeting. Function calls are no longer than 5 minutes.
Connection calls are a way to keep the spark going. Remember that, those two di
fferentials and what the conversation's about. If it's a connection call, then you w
ant to make sure the attraction energy is being pulled into here more than rappo
rt, alright? And I'm saying that because guys will very often get into these long
drawn out, deep phone conversations that go on for hours. Women love them too so
they won't hesitate to go along with them but they're not really making them more a
ttracted to you because you're not in person with her, you're not there. It's just a d
isembodied voice at the other end of the phone and it's not really as effective as
you think. So just avoid that. A little bit is OK but not much. You don't want to
be on the phone much longer than 15 or 20 minutes at any time. When you're on the
phone with a woman for more than an hour, you're showing that you've got nothing be
tter to do, and somewhere at the back of her head, she is wondering, Doesn't this g
uy have nothing better to do than talk to me on the phone? 2008 DD Publications/M
orpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 3 ----------------------- Page 95--------------------
--www.CarlosXuma.com Alright, so after you've figured out whether it's a function ca
ll or a connection call, keep to these rules. A phone call is the same as a
conversation that's in person, only shorter, alright? Very important: If you're with
her and you can keep the conversation going, that's rolling and you get that attr
action, you get the connection, you do all the right things, the qualifications
there, go as long as you need to go dude. As long as things are escalating. But
on the phone, it can only escalate so far. There's only so far you can go on the p
hone, right? More voice emphasis is needed on the phone, so use it, really. Just
do this exercise, I like having guys do this, listen to sports announcers, list
en how they talk about things, they're all over the place, Oh my God, listen to thi
s. You know, they're just really, they're emphasis is really strong because they have
to communicate their personality without the benefit of an image. That's what you
have to do. You've got to be more emphatic with your voice. I don't care if you thi
nk you're the dullest guy on the planet, you've got to put more voice emphasis, alri
ght? Minimize the distractions for yourself because you need to be listening clo
sely with whatever conversation you're having with her. You have to be listening c
losely. You can't be distracted yourself because then you're going to miss cues. You'r
e not going to be able to tell if she's distracted or not. You're not going to tell
if there're things going on that you need to pick up on. If she says a keyword or
a key phrase, it's going to be tough for you to pick up on it and roll with it as
part of the conversation. You're not going to be as relaxed in the conversation ei
ther. I'm not saying to be hyper-attentive, really zoned in on her. No, you've got t
o let it be a little bitit's got to be a relaxed conversation, but you have to be v
ery present. So minimize the distractions around you. Don't call her when you're on
the subway, don't call her when you're in a crowded room. Call her from somewhere wh
ere you can really pay attention to her. She'll thank you and you will thank yours
elf. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus P roductions, LLC. 4 -----------------------
Page 96----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com Start with a teasing energy on t
he phone call to get her energy up. This is the first thing that you should do o
n a phone call before you get into a connective call of any kind and that is lig
htly tease her. Here is one I use, when she does answer, I'm going to be like, Hey,
it's Carlos, how are you doing? then she's like, Oh, cool, how are you doing? And I'll g
o, I know, you're hoping it was Sean Connery way back in the 80's when he was the sex
iest man alive. Look I'm a reasonable substitute, if you'll just give me a chance. I
joke with her, I tease with her. That one's self deprecating, you should also be t
easing her more about her. You can call her and say, I know you were in your Vogu
e shoot or maybe it was Elle or maybe it was New Woman Lifestyle or Oprah, was i
t? Whatever it was, just take a second, take a break, let's talk. Have fun with it,
tease her. That's a good way to start a conversation because it raises her energy
back up and reminds her why did she talk to you in the first place. That's why yo
u do this, you've got to get her energy
back up so that she has fun again and remembers, Oh yeah, this is that fun guy. T
he fun guy, that's you. Bridge quickly then into connection and comfort, right afte
r you do a little bit of teasing, don't stay there too long, just so with any conv
ersation you want to get into connection and comfort building with her. So I ask
her, How's your day been? Tell me about something you ordered today. Get into conve
rsation that has meaning for her, this is of course if it's a connection call - no
t if it's a function call. Never ask for a date on the phone or even hint at one.
This is really important, I don't do this on the phone with a woman and you don't ta
lk aboutspecifically you don't say the word date. That's what I'm saying here, I'm not sa
ying you don't arrange to meet up with her again but you never use the word date l
ike, So, I'd like to go on a date with you again soon. Would you like to go on a da
te with me? 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus P roductions, LLC. 5 ------------------
----- Page 97----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com You don't use date, you don't
use the word date because date triggers certain thoughts in her head, certain do
mino effect of, Oh, he wants to do that thing where he pays for my meal and he ta
kes me to a movie and then I have to kiss him on the cheek and not have sex with
him. Yeah, let's do that. Alright? So don't ask for a date. Don't even hint at a date.
Just tell her where you're going to be and that she should join you. Say somethin
g like, You know what? You're so cute, I just want to see you. I'm going to O'Malley's ba
r tonight. You know what? I want you to come with. There you go, you've laid it out
for her and you're more commanding with it and you're more like, You know what? This
is going to happen and it should happen with you. Be there. Not, So would you lik
e to go? You make it in form of a statement so that she has to agree with it. If
she declines for any reason, any arrangement that you make with her on the phone
, anything that you work out with her, here's what you do, first of all stay on th
e call as if it didn't bother you because it shouldn't, it didn't bother you, right? O
K it better not because you've got so many other fish on the line, it won't bother y
ou. Stay on the call because if you got right off the phone after she declined y
our offer, number one, you'll probably miss out on the opportunity that she wants
you to take her up on. Number two, you're going to look like an awkward social too
l because you're immediately projecting that all you want is to get something from
her, you just want to meet up with her and if she declines that, Oh boy, I'm going
to give up right now. You don't show any perseverance, you don't show any intuitiven
ess, you just don't show any of the right qualities that she's going to be looking f
or. Not in a man anyways. Alright? So again, you stay on the call as if it didn't
bother you and then maybe 30 seconds to a minute or two later, you just say, Hey,
you know what? I've got to get going. I've got to get back home and whatever, watch
my sheep, empty out the porta-potty, I don't know, whatever it is that you've got to
do, you've got to get going, OK? But you put in a certain amount of pause there s
o it doesn't seem like her denial is the thing that pushes you off the
phone because it makes you seem like a total loser basically. I know it's kind of
harsh but it's true. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 6 ----------
------------- Page 98----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com And if you call he
r again, 50% of these women will give you a shot for the next meeting that would
n't have if you acted all pissy about her first turndown. Also, at the start of an
y phone call, before you start dialing her number or hitting redial on your phon
e, make sure you've got a standard voicemail message ready to use, ready to go, re
ady to roll right off the bat, OK? You do not want to be tripping over your tong
ue, you do not want to be leaving those lame ass messages. Watch the movie Swing
ers and see the scene where he does that, it's ludicrous man, I can remember that
scene so clearly. Have a standard voicemail messages that you use. Here's the one
I recommend. Short, sweet and complete. Hey, it's Carlos, you've reached my voicemail
but you know what? I am here right now, promise I'm talking to your voice now, so
I'm going to hang up now, you call me. Bye. That's one of the one's I use. I'm pretendin
g that I am my own voicemail leaving a message on her voicemail. It messes with
her mind but it's a lot of fun. Hey you, it's me, that's right, the big C, give me a ca
ll. That's it, click, OK? Confident, happy, fun. Here's another one. Hey, it's Carlos, I'l
l catch you later. I'm not telling her to call me, I'm not telling her what to do, I'm
just leaving a confident little message saying, You know what? It's me but I'll call
you later. And here's another thing. Interrupt yourself to be leaving this message.
Whatever you say, if you're with somebody, start a conversation with them as her
voicemail is playing in your ear. Start a conversation, keep talking with them a
nd then the beep goes off in your ear and you're still talking to your friend and
you go, Hey, wait a minute man. Hey, yeah, it's Carlos, so I'll check back with you l
ater. Talk with you. OK? So you're already in another conversation, she hears that
you're just leaving the message on a, I wouldn't say on a whim, but not with a whole
bunch of, Yeah, hey, it's Carlos. I had such a good time with you the other night
and I just wanted to call and say hello and I hope you're doing good. I hope you h
ad a good day today and well, I guess that's it. I mean, if you want to call me th
ough, my phone number is 877, yeah I'll wait so you can get like a pen, right? OK,
877-986-2669, so I was thinking we should get 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus P r
oductions, LLC. 7 ----------------------- Page 99----------------------www.Carlo
sXuma.com together sometime too. I had a really good time with you. I mean, yeah
I really like you.
AUUUUUUGGHHHHHHH! That totally sucks. I'm laughing about this now because I'm laughi
ng on the inside. Guys do this shit all the time and they just don't understand th
at you don't leave messages like that. Your message should be no longer than 5 sec
onds long, quick, fast, off the phone. And it's pre-thought out so you don't seem li
ke you're stumbling over your own words. And last but not least, when you're on the
phone, leave it as something to be continued. If you're ending the conversation wi
th her, OK this is a situation where you're actually talking to her, not the voice
mail. You want to give her a cliffhanger or some other kind of leave-them-hangin
g kind of ending, alright? Like when I'm talking with her on the phone, I'll say som
ething like, Oh you know what? You just reminded me of an awesome story, the whol
e story of you and the whole cheerleader thing and the car. Remind me, the next
time we talk I'll tell you about this thing that happened back when I was in high
school, it's hysterical. But anyway, I've got to get going. I'll talk to you a little
bit later on and we'll meet up tomorrow, right? OK, cool. What am I doing there? I'm
baiting her a little bit. She's got some reason now, she feels a positive draw lik
e, Oh wait, wait, wait. I want to know the end of thatyour story. Wait, oh. She's on
the edge of her seat, she wants the rest of my conversation. That's what you're leav
ing her with. Bait into a cliff hanger. It's a shameless has worked since time imm
emorial. Have you at the end of it, suddenly they flash a to Bastards! You know yo
u're totally sucked oductions, LLC. 8 ----------------------- Page 100------------
----------www.CarlosXuma.com I remember, I was watching a whole bunch of old Sta
r Trek: The Next Generation reruns. And there's that one season where they ended,
where Picard has been turned into the BorgI'm getting totally geeky here guys, you
better go with me on this. Picard's turned into the Borg and he comes up on the mo
nitor and then Will Riker looks at the screen and then goes, they have that supe
r weapon charge that's going to destroy him and then he looks at him and he goes, F
ire, and then suddenly To be continued comes up on the screen and I was like, No!!!!
!!!! you know you can hear this like Kirk screaming it at Khan, No!!!!! It was perf
ect because I was on pins and needles for four months or whatever it was waiting
for the part two of that episode. And I knew they totally cheesed me out on it
but I didn't care. It was the best ending of a season of television I had seen in
years. It left me so, AAAAAAH!, That is what you want to do to a woman my friend.
So there you go, phone techniques you need to use and do not abuse. We'll be comin
g up with the next module on electronic communication, technique but you know wh
at? It watched a television show, be continued? And you're like, in. 2008 DD Publi
cations/Morpheus Pr
that's the next one you should go to. Thanks. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr odu
ctions, LLC. 9 ----------------------- Page 101----------------------www.CarlosX
uma.com YOUR STUDY NOTES: Note something new youve learned in this module: Note s
omething you heard and maybe knew, but now yo u see differently: This section is
important, as it will lock in your Write down 3 action steps you can take right n
ow to start adding this into your own understanding conversations with women: of
the 1. material... 2. 3. Write down 3 new conversation bites (word for word) o f
your own that you can use to inject this material into your conversations rig ht
away: 1. 2. 3. 2 008 DD Publications/Morpheus Productions, LLC. 1 -------------
---------- Page 102----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com Module 8 - Email and
Electronic Communication Just a few quick tips here on e-mail and electronic co
mmunication because it's a whole other kind of communication that we didn't have pri
or to the 90's. There really wasn't a whole bunch of electronic communication going
on and now it has become something of a necessity that you know how to work this
effectively to keep attraction building with a woman. Because I have a feeling
that a lot of guys don't understand how this works. So let's talk about this really
quick. First of all, there are different types of electronic communication are o
ut there, we have of course Facebook, we've got LinkedIn, we've got Twitter, we've got
e-mail, we've got texting which I'm actually leaving a special
module that's the next module, we're not going to cover texting here because I think
it's a whole other thing in itself. Those different types of electronic communica
tion we run into all the time. Some people are in chat rooms a lot. You know wha
t I mean? So we've got a bunch of different ways of communicating with people that
we've never had before and they're very kind of light and superficial ways of conne
cting with people but they're there and people are using them, so you need to know
how use them too. Use them rarely, if at all. I highly recommend that you be ca
reful about how you use e-mail or any electronic communication. Use it rarely, i
f at all, especially e-mail. Guys love to use e-mail to communicate with women a
nd it's a cop-out, it's a cheap, little freaking cop-out, don't do it. It's a way of kin
d of weaseling out of the real work of learning how to talk to women in person.
Up close, that's where attraction's made. You don't get a woman interested in you and
hot and bothered and pulling your hand into her crotch by using e-mail. It just
doesn't happen dude, you do it in person where you have a real impact, face to fac
e, that's how I got laid. I didn't get laid in e-mail, alright? I'm just calling it as
it is here. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 1 ----------------
------- Page 103----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com Short and sweet. When y
ou do use it, you use short and sweet, that's the rule, that's the way, that's the law
. This is your playground. Any electronic communication, you treat like it's your
playground, that's where your having fun, it's a little sandbox, you have a little f
un in them. Do not talk about feelings for her in this little playground. You do
n't go into email or Facebook or any of this stuff and talk about feelings that yo
u have for her. Again, it's another cop-out, guys think that they can just put a l
ittle message in a bottle, throw it over there and go, Oh my gosh, I hope she lik
es me. Do you like me? Yes or no? Pass a note in class, just like you did in kind
ergarten, right? Now what do you do if she checks maybe. Don't compliment her in e
-mail, unless it really makes sense, in some cases it does, but do not complimen
t her in e-mail unless it totally fits into these overall strategy. If you're doin
g it just to do it, just maybe spark a littl e bit of interest, don't bother, it w
on't work. Do not send her jokes or chain letters or other bullshit in e-mail or e
lectronic communication. Don't be one of these toady jerk dudes that sends her thi
s crap and becomes another spam annoyance. After a while, she's going to hit the s
pam button on you and eliminate you from her little electronic life. You don't wan
t to be that. You want her hanging on every second that she doesn't see something
in her inbox from you. That's the effect you want to have. You don't want to be floo
ding her with useless conversation and useless communication. So remember those.
It's your playground, don't talk about your feelings, do not compliment her and do
not send jokes or any of that bullshit communication that you try and pass off a
s being fun. Don't send her pictures of chimpanzees, don't
send her pictures of cats hanging from trees that are wet saying, Hang in there i
t's almost Friday. Do I need to say anything more? I hope not. Don't ever publicly ex
pose your playful or sexual communications, in other words, Facebook or Tweet th
ings that will show up on her wall or show up visually to all of her friends tha
t do anything less than show discretion on your part. Everything between you and
her is a secret until she wants it to be known by everybody, OK? And that's how y
ou make her want to tell everybody as you keep it a secret because she's going to
be itching to tell everyone of her girlfriends. She's going to be itching them to
2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 2 ----------------------- Page
104----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com show you off to everybody she knows
once you've demonstrated your commodity worth purchasing, alright? So don't ever mak
e it public. It goes the same thing in person, in public appearances like that,
if you're at a table with her or in a bar, you don't make a play of reaching in and
holding hands with her or playing your arm around her and showing this big demon
stration of how much of a slut you think she's going to be. That's exactly what it i
s and that's how it comes across to her. She wants discretion, she wants you to sh
ow some element ofdo you know the term PDA, public display of affection? There's a
reason women say they don't like them upfront, they love them if you're the person t
hey want to do it with but most guys make public displays of affection a cheap l
ittle way to demonstrate possession and you don't want to do that. With electronic
communication, delay your responses and certain variable time delays in between
your responses to her wherever it may be. You want her to want there to be a me
ssage to be there and then it's not there. Let me explain that, because it's a reall
y important concept. You want her to feel likeshe's at work and she's coming back fro
m lunch, you want her thinking, Wow, I hope Carlos left me a message or said some
thing to me in e-mail, I'm dying for it. There's like that little anticipation she ha
s and you want her to get back to her desk, you want her to hit that button on h
er computer and look up and go, Oh, damn. You want her feeling that. You don't want
her going, Oh good, it's there. Because that is tension release, when it's not there,
that's creating more tension, OK? And then, after a while when the time is right,
then it will be there and then the tension release has so much more effect. I ho
pe that makes sense. Spell check. Spell check everything you send, don't send stuf
f that's spelled like a third grader, women tend to be better at spelling than guy
s are and then they notice when guys are worse than they are, OK? They're not goin
g to think that much less of you but it makes you look a little bit foolish. Spe
ll check everything, for God's sake, it's built into every computer on the planet th
ese days. Use the spell check, Enough said. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr odu
ctions, LLC. 3
----------------------- Page 105----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com No arra
ngement of logistics, the same thing as with phone calls, don't make it a big logi
stic tool. Don't ever use electronic communication as a crutch to arrange a date o
r to ask her on a date. That's not what it's there for. Electronic communication is
something more than a way to tickle her ear a little bit when you're not there in
her presence. It's a tease tool. Remember that, so no arrangement of logistics. If
she tries to cancel or change plans on you by using it the other way or when sh
e sends you some kind of funky little electronic message whether it's on your Face
book or your Twitter, whatever it is and she uses it as a method to change plans
on you, don't acknowledge it. You wait in an hour, and then you call her or use s
ome other formal communication when you can really get a good feel from her what's
going on, because you don't want her to cop-out either. Face-to-face as much as p
ossible. No communication of serious stuff within electronic communication, it's n
othing serious. If you've got a building romance or relationship on your hands, yo
u do not use this to be your crutch or your easy way out. We're not passing notes
in school here, use it for fun, it's your teasing tool and for fun. Enough said. D
on't be the last one to respond, this is true in almost every situation I could th
ink of. Don't be the guy that just sent her an e-mail and now you're waiting for her
for her return e-mail and it's not coming and you go back in your desk and you're l
ike, Damn. See what she's doing, flipped the tables on you, you're now anticipating he
r response and until you get it, you've got this attention building up on you that's
making you fall for her first. That's right, that's how it works. The upper hand in
love is really down to this simple concept. The last person to respond is the o
ne that controls the energy flow in the interaction. So if the last response was
from you, you sent her back something saying, Yeah, you did look kind of cute in
your little nurse outfit last night. I don't know, I'm not sure if I should take yo
u at that same place again because you looked a little bit goofy. That was your l
ast response, I totally pulled that out of my butt. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheu
s P roductions, LLC. 4 ----------------------- Page 106----------------------www
.CarlosXuma.com And then there's a gap in there, and you're the last one to respond
and now you're waiting on her response but if she sends something back to you sayi
ng, Yeah, I suppose that's a good idea, or something like that. Then she asks you a
question and then you wait and you let attention build and build and build, who's
in control now? And it's not just about control, it's not about manipulating the oth
er person it's demonstrating to yourself that you have the self discipline and sel
f control to not fall into that trap. But the needy guy, he's going to respond rig
ht away and wait and wait and wait and then you're waiting on her. When you're waiti
ng on her that's
building more affection and attraction from her to you, you're making yourself thi
nk that she's more attractive and it's not working the other way around. And as with
phone conversations, it's a to-be-continued conversation. In other words, make sure
you bait with something unfinished that she's going to want to hear or see or fin
d out from you afterwards. So you can end an e-mail with, By the way, I got to sh
ow this great thing I got from the store today, remind me, now she's wondering what
it is and you can hold it out there as being like a little bit of carrot, OK? We
need to get the others so I can show this to you, no I'm not going to tell you on
the phone, no, no, no, no, you've got to see it first. It goes without saying, you
really do have to have something to show her, right? Making sure we're keeping it
real here guys. OK, so there you go, electronic and e-mail communication that's h
ow you keep talking to women effectively with those. Next stop is texting and th
at's going to be our final module in this course. So move on to the next module, t
exting. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 5 ---------------------
-- Page 107----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com YOUR STUDY NOTES: Note somet
hing new youve learned in this module: Note something you heard and maybe knew, b
ut now yo u see differently: This section is important, as it will lock in your Wr
ite down 3 action steps you can take right now to start adding this into your ow
n understanding conversations with women: of the 1. material... 2. 3. Write down
3 new conversation bites (word for word) o f your own that you can use to inject
this material into your conversations rig ht away: 1. 2. 3.
2 008 DD Publications/Morpheus Productions, LLC. 1 ----------------------- Page
108----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com Module 9: How to Text Women Hey, it's
Carlos, welcome to the last module, we're going to be covering texting here exclus
ively as the finishing section of the How to Talk to Women Program. Texting, let's
talk about some of the key concepts about using texting because it's a very speci
alized form of communication with women that you have to know how to use it effe
ctively - and I've got a special bonus today too in this part of the program, you're
going to love it. First of all, as with electronic communications of any kind,
I want you to vary the time with your responses in texting, more so than any oth
er form that you use, you must do it effectively with texting. You want to avoid
predictability, that's what you want to do, avoid predictability, you do not want
to be the guy that's immediately responding to every text she sends. There should
be a variation of time in between responses, anywhere from 30 seconds to a minu
te. Every so often, do an instantaneous response but then let it go. You have to
know when to do that, it's when you're in the middle of highest energy in the inter
action that you'll respond the fastest and then as the energy is high, you'll draw i
t higher by waiting for a few minutes or even an hour or even a freaking day to
respond. She's going to wonder, Why isn't he responding? Maybe because he's got somethi
ng else to do, something better to do. As a rule, spell out your text, when you t
ext women. Spell them out, don't use some of those abbreviations. Some are OK, but
even if she shortens things in her texts, you should be spelling yours out, mak
ing sure that you're spelling correctly, of course. This is a test: See if she sta
rts to calibrate to you, if she is one of those texters that shortens everything
into LOL, LMTR, whatever, all these little acronyms, if she does that and you s
pell everything out and then when she starts spelling things out than was using
little acronyms for, that my friends is an indication of extreme interest in her
part. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 1 ----------------------
- Page 109----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com And if she's calibrating to you
, she's demonstrating that she's bending into your reality. Very important, guys are
n't really aware of that one and I want you to know about that one first.
Vary the time of day that you actually text her, text her maybe in the morning.
See this is the cool thing about texting, you can do it anytime and she's going to
wonder what you're up to, right? Text her in the morning, text her in the afterno
on, text her in the evening and text her in the middle of the freaking night. Kn
owing when to do these is another part of the calibration, very important. Tease
and definitely use Non-sequitur Humor. Texting is all about bringing up the ene
rgy level, the attraction level of energy, not the rapport level, you're not looki
ng to get the rapport in text, if you're doing that, you're shooting up the wrong al
ley dude, you're using it to tease her. Using Non-sequitur Humor means, you're using
the kind of humor that let's say you two were joking about the fact that she's a law
yer, so you text her in the middle of the day and you say, Hey, just went to the
aquarium, saw a bunch of sharks, was thinking of you. See how that works? I'm calli
ng back on the fact that I had fun with her, I was joking with her about being a
lawyer back when we first met and I'm using it again and maybe in a couple of hou
rs she'll send something saying, Having shark fin soup, I want to know if you'd like
some. Something like that, you know what I mean? You can totally play on this hum
or, this Non-sequitur Humor, this calls back on previous conversations you had a
nd you bring it up not all the time but every so often and it creates a consiste
nt level or a consistent connection that you two have. It's like coming back to th
e same place where you met every single time. It creates a really good bond. 200
8 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 2 ----------------------- Page 110
----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com As always, making no serious plans on t
ext, do not make date plans, do not make arrangements in text, talk to her. You've
got to hear her voice, it's important. Don't be the last one to respond. You are th
e last one to respond and then you let her reply to you and that's where the inter
action ends for you, whether it's for five minutes or five hours or five days but
you've got to be able to control the last response effect. The last response effec
t as described in the last part of the program is that, if you were the person w
aiting on her response, you're the one who's suddenly is crystallizing your affectio
ns for her, it's called Crystallization. What you do, is you're making yourself more
attracted to her? Why would you do that to yourself. Don't do that, make her more
attracted to you, that way you have more choices in the long run. Delay your re
sponses, put in a variable time delay in there.
Remember my rule, you want her to want that message to be there and then it's not
there because that makes her go, Oh God, I hope he texts me back soon. You know? I
t's building up attention, crystallizing her attraction for you. Answer questions
with questions, very, very effective especially in texting. I call this a Turnar
ound Tactic. If she asks you a question, Where are you? Send her back a question b
ack, OK? Say, Not sure you want to know about this but why are you asking? Ask her
a question back that denies her the responses that she's asking for because it's a
form of a test. If you comply with her, you're lowering your value in her eyes. Al
right, ask her back a question that you want answered. Some examples, this is a
special part of the program today, I actually talked to some guys are aware of t
his guy I met in Vegas, he's a bit of a questionable guy, I can't endorse his book o
r his materials because I think they're a little bit too much of the dark side. 20
08 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 3 ----------------------- Page 11
1----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com As a matter of fact, he put out a book
called the Dark Side, the Dark Secrets or something like that but in it he had
some awesome things, fantastic text examples and even though I can't condone his b
eing like the high quality alpha man that I should aspire to be, I did ask him i
f I could use some of his texting materials here and he went along with it and h
e says it's OK which is pretty cool on his part. So I'm passing along some of these
text examples and some of his rules. He says, First of all as a rule, don't text fu
ll 160 characters when she's just sending short messages because that makes you lo
ok like a kiss-ass. Keep your message shorter than hers was. That's very good actua
lly, excellent point. It's not a fucking conversation, it's a tease. It is, it's always
a tease. Relate your text back to something that you know about her, that's what w
e talked about the non-sequiturs and the call-back humor. Vary the time in betwe
en, don't use all capitals, don't use a hundred exclamation marks in your message. U
se a smiley when you want to make sure she knows it's a tease or it's all on fun. Yo
u know, using a little colon with a little dash, with a little parenthesis or so
mething like that. But don't use that too much. Text her at the weirdest times, do
n't always use those shortcuts like ROTL or things like that. Don't answer her quest
ions. Don't be nice, especially the hot chicks when your texting them because reme
mber texting is a teasing mechanism.
Here are some of the examples of his text and these are awesome so I want you to
use some of these too. You're naughty, I think I like it. You're bad, stop trying to s
educe me. You're just using me, I hope you're rich so you can support me. Stop thinking
about me. That one is one of my personal favorites. I use that one all the time.
I swear he ripped that off from me. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions,
LLC. 4 ----------------------- Page 112----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com D
on't hate me because I'm beautiful. That one's great. I think you're a player. That's a gre
one for a guy to use on a woman. You're out of practice, can you afford me? I'm still
hotter than you. What's your real hair color? Hey dork, what's up? Here's a good one. Ho
ch do you miss me? That's a great one. Wow, you might even be smart too. Nice try do
rk, I hope you can do better than that. Miss me? I don't know if you can handle me. The
re's a good one, very cocky funny. I'm not sure if you're what I want, are you always s
uch a pain? This isn't helping your chances to get with me. I like that one. I'm too m
uch of a bad boy for you. Very good but make sure that you're not like a super clea
n cut guy because that's not going to work at all. You need a nice guy not me. Well
that one's good. I know you want me, you are so into me, it's not funny. You're not my
type, behave and be cool this time. I like that one too. Wear something cute and s
exy. That one's good because you're also directing her and guiding her. You're kind of n
ice but the jury's out. Qualification. You're so demanding. Tease. When can you come ove
r and cook me dinner? Very directive, another qualifying too.
I don't put out so easy. That one's good. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions,
LLC. 5 ----------------------- Page 113----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com Y
ou can stop by but you have to leave early. Good qualification on that one. Drop w
hat you're doing, meet me at blank in ten minutes. That one's really good, especially
for spontaneity. When you just showed spontaneity, that's a good one to you. Let's
say that again, Drop what you're doing, meet me atwhatever the locationin ten minutes
. Not many people can handle me, oh no, not many women can handle me. You suck. I lik
e that one, just randomly send that to her, You suck, and see what kind of respons
e you'll get, it's great. Do you have what it takes? You've got to do better than that. Th
at's good too because that qualifies her and make her seems like she's nother teasing
isn't quite as good. So those are some awesome text examples and again I had to i
nclude those and sent them over to me from, I think he has an e-book or somethin
g like that. Really good stuff, I really highly encourage you to use those examp
les that I just gave you there. So there you go, texting in a nutshell, use it a
nd use it by these rules, I think you're going to find yourself much more effectiv
e in talking to women. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pro ductions, LLC. 6 ------
----------------- Page 114----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com YOUR STUDY NO
TES: Note something new youve learned in this module: Note something you heard an
d maybe knew, but now yo u see differently: This section is important, as it wil
l lock in your Write down 3 action steps you can take right now to start adding th
is into your own understanding conversations with women: of the 1. material...
2. 3. Write down 3 new conversation bites (word for word) o f your own that you ca
n use to inject this material into your conversations rig ht away: 1. 2. 3. 2 00
8 DD Publications/Morpheus Productions, LLC. 1 ----------------------- Page 115-
---------------------www.CarlosXuma.com Segment 10: Conclusion & Summary Hey, it's
Carlos and I wanted to slip in just a little bit of a last word here for you to
complete this program, there's still more content in the program obviously you've g
ot the transcriptions and other information I've put into it. These videos though
I think are going to help you quite a bit in explaining the overall, the groundi
ng concept is to know the inner game but the outer game in conversation and how
to talk with women, how to really be more impactful with your conversations and
know how it really does work, that it's just not just a sequential approach-attrac
tion-comfort-seduction type scheme, you've got to really be flexible with it and i
t's much better you use things like you're a chef in a kitchen, taking a little bit
of this, pour it in, o r a little bit of garlic, throw it in and know that you're
not going to do any real damage to the meal by the occasional application of the
se spices and other things that you're throw in, that's what good chefs do. So as a
little bit of a review here, we've coveredI gave you an overview for the foundation
s and the key element of talking with women. We talked about the flow of convers
ation, how it really works, I gave you some of my secrets here, the flow of how
it really should go, without being too literal. The energy flow between you and
a woman, how it should go and we also talked about what to do when you run out o
f conversation, the description of the problem and the solution, and awkward sil
ences are potentially necessary. So don't work too hard to avoid them, you actuall
y want them in your conversations, so that you can show how to overcome them, by
overcoming them you prove yourself ten times more than any guy who avoids them.
Storytelling, the critical elements, what it is, how to start the conversation
or your telling part of the conversation and how to use them and exercises. I al
so talked to you about, how to make women laugh, the different types of humor, w
hy it works, how it works, examples of how it works, some
mornings when not to use humor. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC.
1 ----------------------- Page 116----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com Tool
s, we talked about using your environment, doing the free association exercise a
nd the television exercise, you want to make sure to take the leverage of the ex
ercises that I've given you on this program, I did not just throw them in on some
bullshit stuff of your to do to keep you busy, these are real exercises that rea
lly do work and really improve your abilities in talking to women. Phone convers
ation, we talked about the rules about handling phone conversations with women a
s well as electronic communication, a little bonus in here and that, as well as
texting, understanding how texting should be handled and used, it's necessity, if
you say you hate texting, well that's nice but guess what it's here to stay, it's like
saying, I hate the telephone, But guess what? There are telephones everywhere. Yo
u can deny these realities or you can learn on how to incorporate them, it goes
back to the same saying that I told you about the start of this program, what's ea
sier? Changing to world or changing yourself? That's right, you're better off just c
hanging yourself and you're not compromising yourself here, you're just the reed tha
t bends and does not break. So there you go, to close off the program, if you ge
t the chance and I really do need your feedback because I'm going to be creating m
ore fast, impact modules like this, just like how to talk to women, I'm going to b
e covering just about every aspect, I want to know what you want to know. Send m
e stuff, go to feedback.carlosxuma.com. I have a bunch of subdomains in this and
I used feedback.carlosxuma.com and yes, it does work, and go to feedback.carlos
xuma.com, go to that location, you can put in information about yourself, what y
ou have for questions and what you want, mention that you have this program beca
use that's really important to me and then I also want you to mention any topic th
at you want a full module on. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 2
----------------------- Page 117----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com If you
heard something that what I was talking about in this program that you want a f
ull module of the alpha lifestyle program to based on, so let me know so I can c
reate that, if I hear enough from you and other guys that want the same thing, I'm
going to create it and I'm going to make it. Then I want you to extend your knowl
edge of what you learned here into some of my advanced programs because I can't po
ssibly cover all the fine details of all the stuff in this program, I just didn't
have the time to do it but
I gave you the essence, the still concentrated if you will, of what you need to
talk with women. The two programs I highly recommend you to take a look at if yo
u want to really master this if you want to go to you Masters Degree about talki
ng with women. First would be Alpha Conversation, no two ways about it, the alph
a conversation and persuasion program which is also available at conv.carlosxuma
.com, go to that location, there's no www in front of this by the way. So when you
go to feedback.carlosxuma.com don't put a www in front of it, same with this, jus
t go to conv.carlosxuma.com. Alpha Conversation and Persuasion is pretty much be
the end of all program for conversation and talking with not just women, anybod
y, you're going to learn conversation skills you can apply in your job, in your fa
mily life, with your friends, influencing people. I put a ton of shit in there,
it's a lot of stuff. Ultimate Inner Game is also another program that I encourage
guys to go into because it's a lot of the times that I've talked to guys and say, You
don't have any problems approaching women and I want to get into a conversation t
hat's when I have a lot of problems. Well it's not really that you don't know how to ta
lk to women, it's that you've got something going on that pulls you back inside your
head and makes you anxious and makes it hard for you to deal with a conversatio
n at hand, you view it as if too important and your anxiety and your nerves and
your fear get jacked up, and why does that happen? Inner game, ok so take a look
at innergame.carlosxuma.com. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 3
----------------------- Page 118----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com So the
re you go, I think that if you get the Ultimate Inner Game and the Alpha Convers
ation with this program, dude, you're going to be freaking lethal, I put all my he
art and soul into these programs and I think it shows and I'm very glad that you t
ook your time, your energy, a little money out of your wallet just to accommodat
e this program. I think the tips you've learned in here are going to pay you back
a thousand fold. I mean, just the text examples I gave you, texting examples in
here are worth the price of admission alone not to mention all you've learned on p
hone conversation, the bigger tools, the exercising tools to improve your conver
sation, the humor tips that I gave you, the storytelling, what to do when you ru
n out of conversation, dude you're set. Get out there, get lethal with women. And
I'll talk to you again soon back again, this is Carlos Xuma from carlosxuma.com. 2
008 DD Publications/Morpheus P roductions, LLC. 4 ----------------------- Page 1
19-----------------------
www.CarlosXuma.com YOUR STUDY NOTES: Note something new youve learned in this mod
ule: Note something you heard and maybe knew, but now yo u see differently: This
section is important, as it will lock in your Write down 3 action steps you can t
ake right now to start adding this into your own understanding conversations wit
h women: of the 1. material... 2. 3. Write down 3 new conversation bites (word for
word) o f your own that you can use to inject this material into your conversat
ions rig ht away: 1. 2. 3. 2 008 DD Publications/Morpheus Productions, LLC. 1 --
--------------------- Page 120----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com BONUS: Ba
nter & Attraction Conversation Alright, I'm going to give you some of my top bante
r and conversational tactics that I like to use with women. These are pretty muc
h the only tools you're going to need to really start generating some attraction w
ith women. Remember, there are two sides to connection. There's attraction itself,
which is the escalation of energy within the conversation and then there's the fo
rm of attraction that is rapport which is creating the connection between you tw
o. Now, if you use too much of your time and you spend too much of it rather try
ing to get her to laugh or making things funny, that's not going to work for you.
You start off a conversation that way but very quickly, a woman's got to ask that
question that's burning inside her head, OK, what's this guy all about? Why is he her
e? Why is he talking to me? Yeah, she knows you're there because you're attracted to
her and you're interested in her and you're hitting on her. Don't ever try and defeat th
at, it's obvious, it's always there. There's always
sexual charge between men and women. It's how you handle at that she's going to be w
atching. Most guys when pushed to the point of making an interaction with a woma
n, hit that sexual edge, most guys will back off, they will actually release the
pressure because they're uncomfortable with it. They're scared of it because it fee
ls like it's coming to a critical point or critical decision point, and it is. Tha
t's the unfortunate thing, that it is, and you have to be willing to just sit ther
e in the same space with that weird vibe of, Hey, you know what? I dig you and I'm
going to see how you feel about it, and then just sit there with it. That's the one
thing that women are watching to see things into a sexual edge woman, then you've
got to roductions, LLC. 1 ----------------------- Page 121---------------------
-www.CarlosXuma.com You've got to go with it, you've got to keep going with it until
you get what you want or you've got to move on. And the real trick to this is tha
t if you cop out to your actual desire, in other words, let's just say that a woma
n that you're talking to, throws the old test at you of, So what are you doing? Are
you hitting on me? What do you say to that? Well, you could say, Yeah, I am hitti
ng on you, I think you're pretty cool. Or you could say something like, Hitting on y
ou? You do like to rush things, don't you? You women these days, always got to be
in a hurry. Next thing you know, you're going to try and get me to bed and you bet
ter not even try honey because this stuff ain't for free. Now you see there's two dif
ferent avenues that I took it down, right? She's looking at either one, it really
doesn't matter which way you take that but either way you present it, you can neve
r be in the state of, Uh oh, I just got caught. She got me. Yea right, I'm hitting
on you. If you fall into that particular mode, she's going to realize that you've lo
st your edge, you've lost your charge, you've lost your - come on, say it with me -
confidence. That's what she's watching for, right there. You can answer the question
anyway you like as long as it's with a noapology kind of attitude. That's it, that's
really it and this is the one thing that's toughest to guys. Because when it comes
right down to it we cannot prepare you for every single situation and in every
single test you're going to run into. And if you try to prepare for every single t
est and every situation you run into, you are going to screw it up. You're going t
o fail, you're going to be doing much, much worse than if you did none of the stuf
f that I teach - and it's just not going to work for you. It's just a simple fact, y
ou cannot prepare for anything, you can't have a utility belt with a bullet for ev
ery situation in it. Because why? Because if most guys cannot handle, and the on
e thing that if they can. So remember that, if you're putting or a sexual connotat
ion when you're with a be willing to ride that out. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus
P
you have all of those on hand, what are you doing? You're filling your head up and
you're staying in your head and you're losing touch with the moment that you're sitti
ng right inside of with her. That's more important than anything else I can teach
you about banter. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus P roductions, LLC. 2 -----------
------------ Page 122----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com So now, let's get in
to really good stuff here this is so easy to use really find this to be the tech
niques and tactics you can use, I've got some for you. One of the best strategies
I've ever used and and memorize and just apply that you're going to priceless, it's ca
lled the EXTREME.
This is called the extreme - like where they put the X instead of the E in front
of it, you just put the X and the TREME. X-treme. Whatever a woman says to you,
you're going to take it to the X-treme. Let's say you're talking to her and you've got
into the conversation on where she's going to school, and she's going to college and
she's going to Pepperdine just outside of L.A. Let's say she's going to Pepperdine an
d you say, Wow, you know what? I hear that it's a pretty good school, you must be o
ne of those brainy chicks. And she says, Yeah, I'm smart. Now what do you do right he
re? You take it to the Extreme. Wow, yeah, you must be so smart, in fact, I can s
ee that your cranium, your head is bulging at the seams to contain that brain of
yours. You must be so smart. What's your IQ? Like 3 billion? 3 billion thousand?
3 billion 150 billion thousand? Because you can tell, I ain't so smart, I grew up
in a trailer park. Now you see what I'm doing there? I'm just taking whatever she say
s and I'm going to the extreme. The most ridiculous extreme. Let me give you anoth
er example. There's a song that comes over the speakers in the bar that you're in an
d she says she loves it, maybe it's a, I don't know, a song by U2. And she says to y
ou, Wow, I just love this song. You say to her, You know what? I love this song too
. In fact, I love so much, I had all of the lyrics tattooed at my left butt chee
k. I mean, I was going to have it tattooed on my you-know but that's just awfully
painful so I just said, you know what? Put it on my butt cheek. I just love this
song so much, it is all over my butt cheek. As a matter of fact, every time I w
ipe my butt now, I think of that song. This is great because it gets her laughing
almost every single time. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 3 --
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www.CarlosXuma.com You take it to the extreme and she's going to laugh and she'll al
so start to get the feeling that she cannot out game you in conversation because
there' s a lot of chicks out there that are very, very savvy to banter and conver
sation with men and they will challenge you at it and it will become something o
f a chess game with you. Trust me on this, you're going to encounter many more wom
en that are hip to the ways of conversation than you will guys. And this is why
there are so many guys that get tooled out of conversations and blown out. It's be
cause they don't know how to hang in there and stay in there in the right way. Wom
en are so much better at this because it's what they naturally do. All they do is
talk, right? They talk to each other, they talk on the phone, they talk in the b
athroom, they talk to their friends, they talk to their mom, they talk, talk, ta
lk, talk, because it's just her method of establishing a connection with the other
person. Remember, a woman's priority is to maintain and develop the connections w
ith the people that are important to her in her life. Back in the evolutionary s
cheme of things, this meant that she had a strong social network which meant tha
t she was going to be assured of surviving in case something, God forbid whateve
r happened to the man in her life, but she would always have a network of people
that could help her out, right? And if anything happened, she'd always have suppo
rt and that ensures her survival. So by virtue of that, connections to her, esta
blishing, keeping those connections with her are more important to her than anyt
hing else. This is why women are so reluctant to turn a friend into a boyfriend,
right? A guy friend that she has, has more value to her as a friend than he doe
s as a boyfriend. Because literally, she can meet and date any number of guys th
at come into her life. She's approached all the time, guys come through her life,
left and right. She just has no need of a guy that's already proven herself to not
have sexual charge. OK? Very important concept there. 2008 DD Publications/Morp
heus Pr oductions, LLC. 4 ----------------------- Page 124----------------------
www.CarlosXuma.com Let me give you a last example of taking it to the extreme. W
hatever it is that she says, something like, Oh, you know what? I just don't like t
hat beer. Or something that she disagrees with you on. You're talking about stuff a
nd you bring out the fact that you like that Fat Tire Ale and she says to you, Oh
God, I hate that stuff. I just don't even know why they make it so awful. You look
at her and go, You know what? You're right, it is so awful. Oh my
God. You could take that stuff and literally embalm the dead with it. I mean, yo
u could take this stuff and fill up a moat around a castle and nobody would cros
s the moat because they would not want to get anywhere near Fat Tire Ale. I just
can't believe how horrible this stuff is. It is awful. It's terrible. You see what I'm
doing? Again, I'm taking it to the extreme and I'm doing it in a way that lets me a
ctually contradict myself and not seem like an idiot. It's not like I'm trying to ki
ss her ass, right? I'm changing my mind to make her sound a little bit goofy and d
umb for it. Again, taking it to the extreme. I hope you can see how that works f
or you. Here's another example of a good banter technique. I call it the Tag Line te
chnique. Take something that she says and make it ridiculous, not necessarily ex
treme, but just kind of dumb-funny and then you add on a little tag line to it.
I'm going to give you an example here of how this works. The tag-line is what real
ly makes it kill though. The first part is, you're talking about exercise, maybe s
he's training for a triathlon, so she's been running, swimming and bicycling all wee
k long, and you tell her, You know, I've been riding my bike lately everywhere I go
and I just found out that riding your bike, especially for women, OK women? It
increases your sex drive like ten times. It's true, I read it in Cosmo. Hey, it's Co
smo, you cannot argue with the big `C.' Come on! 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus P rodu
ctions, LLC. 5 ----------------------- Page 125----------------------www.CarlosX
uma.com That's the tag line, whatever you do, you say, I read it in Cosmo. I read i
t in Cosmo. You make anything you want true because you read it in Cosmo. You know
what? I just heard that a meteor is going to crash into the moon at 4:37pm tomo
rrow morning. Look, I read it in Cosmo, it's got to be true. Anything you say, ridi
culous or not could be validated just by throwing that tag line. Look, I read it
in Cosmo. And that can be, it's what we called return humor or what I call a nonsequi
tur humor, which is, you keep coming back to that again and again. Right? It bec
omes the in joke of your conversation. Later she's talking about how she's so glad s
he finally bought her iPhone and you look at her and say, You know what? I totall
y agree with you. As a matter of fact, I read it in Cosmo. OK? See? You just thro
w that joke right back in, left and right. Don't overdo it, but bring it back when
the timing feels right. This is going to take a bit of cultivation in terms of
timing, but the first couple of times you do it, you're guaranteed to have a littl
e fun with it. Here's another technique because this one's very important and meant
for punching down and breaking down the walls of the people put around themselve
s socially. Women are going to try and resist your conversation especially in, I
guess
you'd call it, more high approach, or high target rich environments like yeah, you
guessed it - bars and clubs. Women are going to resist you because it's part of t
heir testing process, it's part of the trial. Because it's a trial by fire to see if
you've got what it takes to actually breakthrough and make good conversation. It's
her test. Women are going to play around with you , they're going to mess with you
, they're going to make it difficult, not because they're cruel but because they've go
t so many guys walking up to them and talking to them, how the hell is she going
to know who's worth talking to. She starts to, pardon the expression, fuck with t
hem to find out. Now, this breakthrough technique is meant to immediately shut d
own this mechanism as soon as possible. So what you do is, when you're early in th
e conversation, you're going to put up a very edgy comment to a woman about someth
ing that's like sexual or just dirty humor, something like that but not in a crude
way. I'm going to give you an example of this. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus P ro
ductions, LLC. 6 ----------------------- Page 126----------------------www.Carlo
sXuma.com One of the ones I love to use whenever I'm out talking to women is, Do yo
u bunch or fold? And then she looks at me and goes, What? I go, Do you bunch or fold
? And it takes a few seconds before they finally figure out what I'm talking about
is toilet paper. The amount of time that it takes her to figure this out is also
a test of my own but eventually she looks at you and goes, Oh, gross! What do yo
u mean? That's your answer. Usually they answer it because they find it so funny in
such a gross way but the funny thing was, you didn't say anything gross. You just
said, Bunch or fold? Everything else was interpreted inside her mind. So she can't
hold you guilty for it, you just brought up the topic. I also like to bring up t
hings that are just totally out of the blue. Once you start to get the vibe of t
he conversation like, you can sense when a woman is actually ready for stronger
content. I like to think like you've got you've got wine then at the top up. about i
t as being like, higher proof conversation, you know beer which is kind of low pro
of 3% or 6% alcohol and then which is a little stronger and then you've got liquor
s and of the ladder you've got really strong liquor 100 proof and
Well this is the 100 proof and up stuff, OK? What you're doing is basically doing s
hots with a woman of conversation. That's right, doing shots. And I'm serious, it's exa
ctly what it is because it's such a strong and potent
addition to the conversation, it really jacks up the energy suddenly, it's just li
ke you're doing a shot, and you'll be like, Whoa, damn that was strong. Right? But at
the same time it's invigorating, right? So another one might be something like. I w
as talking to my ex-girlfriend the other day and she said she had sex on Alcatra
z. Can you believe that? So something like that would be a little more for shock
value and you can kind of gauge off of her response. 2008 DD Publications/Morphe
us P roductions, LLC. 7 ----------------------- Page 127----------------------ww
w.CarlosXuma.com Here's another one, You know, I think baby butts are the funniest
looking butts in the world. Or here's another one, Isn't that funny how cleavage kind
of looks like the crack of a butt? Why is that? Why are we attracted to cracks o
f butts and cleavage? Here's another one, So my friend was saying the other day that
he thinks that kissing during sex is either totally pointless or totally necess
ary. Like, you're just totally into it, you just want to throw her against the wal
l or it's that soft, mushy, lovemaking stuff. What do you think? Now that one's not a
s edgy as the others. You can really get really edgy and some guys can pull this
off. You might be one of those guys. I happen to be one of them because I use s
ome pretty risqu and strong humor with women and I get away with it because of th
e way I put it out there. Like I'll talk about a friend of mine who has an uncle w
ho worked in an emergency room and he told me some of the things that went on an
d some of it was pretty funny. One of the stories that he said, I actually use.
I'll say to a group of women, You know, I have this friend of mine, his uncle worke
d in an emergency room, and you would be amazed to know just how many vibrator r
elated incidents they get in the emergency room everyday. And then a tag along to
that would be, Yeah, there was one gal that was using one that was a little too
small for her hu-hoo and lost it inside but the thing was still on, so she's sitti
ng in the waiting room with the humming noise, and she's just sitting there and go
ing ooh!-hoo!-wooh! Can you imagine that? Can you imagine how embarrassing would
that be? Now the last technique I'm going to go on with you here is called Pushing
Perception. This is another great one for conversation that you need to use. Th
is is when, I make an observation and even if it's way of or wrong, I still back i
t up, I still get behind it. Like guessing what a nationality of a woman is or h
er occupation. OK, so let's say you met a woman, you're talking to her and you kind
of go, Don't tell me but I bet you're Mexican aren't you? And she looks back at you and
says, No, I'm Puerto Rican, and then you kind of go, Wait a minute, wait a minute her
e. I think you need to be a Mexican, here's why, not that there's anything wrong wit
h being a Puerto Rican but you've got
that really strong Latina way about you. You know what I mean? It's kind of 2008 D
D Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 8 ----------------------- Page 128---
-------------------www.CarlosXuma.com like, like almost sitcom Latina. That's it,
we could create a TV show for. I bet you would kill on your own TV show. You eve
r thought about that? Wait a minute. And then I'll make a little frame with my fing
ers, I'm imagining her inside a movie frame. No, you would be so good on the silver
screen. I could just totally see you on my screen play, it's called Killer Puerto
Ricans Who Just Don't Want To Be Mexicans. Again, have fun with it and yes, you've g
ot to take the nervous little jump off the edge of the pool into the cold water
of I might be offensive. Alright? It's going to happen from time to time but you kno
w what? It's easy to get out of. And this is actually at the very edge of that we're
trying to play with the fringe energy of trying to be a little bit on the unacc
eptable. This is showing your willingness to go out there all on your own, be co
nfident and even back up something that isn't right. OK, most guys let's face it, wh
at do they do when they make a mistake in cold reading a woman? They backtrack a
nd they sound like total freaking idiots. Oh, you're not Mexican, Oh you're Puerto Ri
can? Oh yeah, I love Puerto Rico, I've actually eaten at a Puerto Rican restaurant
once. You know they sound like total idiots when they try and cover up their tra
cks like that. No, no, no, you're much more impressive when the more you can do so
mething ridiculous even if it's backing up something that's clearly wrong. Another e
xample, you're guessing what she does for a living, you go, Oh, wait a minute. Let
me tell you, you look like you're a nurse. I bet you're a nurse. I have that warm nu
rturing way about you. And she'll say, No, I'm an accountant. And you look at her and k
ind of go, No, you need to just go in Monday morning, hand in your little resigna
tion letter and you need to start becoming a nurse. I don't care how long it takes
you, you're a nurse. You're definitely not an accountant. Come on let's talk about th
is, I'm going to be your career counsellor for a while because obvious you're not ju
st handling this right. Alright, so let's see, how many years will it get you thro
ugh nursing school? See what I did? I got right behind what I said even though it's
clearly wrong, I'm having fun with it, it's more important that I handle it that wa
y 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 9 ----------------------- Pag
e 129----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com
than I do something like, Oh, oh, you're an accountant, oh so you must be good at m
ath. I should have you do my taxes. OK, so let's not go there. Alright? You know be
tter now that the best way to handle a conversation is always on your own terms,
even when you make mistakes, you make them for yourself. And it's kind of a closi
ng gambit. What I want to do in this particular episode is I want to give you my
all purpose, get out of jail free card. Whatever mistake you may make in a conv
ersation whether it's offending a woman or whether it's turning her off, whatever it
may be, the best way to handle it is usually just to go to the extreme. Yes tha
t's right, you take the extreme on this. I'll give you an example of this. Let's say,
I don't know, you're talking about something. I'll give you an example, this actually
happened to somebody and he said, Wow man, you two ladies look kind of down. Who
died? And one of the girls goes, Her best friend, yesterday. OK, that's a pretty seri
ous conversational mess up and the woman followed up with something like, You're su
ch an asshole. And the guy looks at her and says, You know what? You're right, I am.
I am literally an asshole. I just turned myself inside out for tonight, put on
a mustache and come out to talk to women and I've got to go back and I'm afraid I'm ju
st going to rub Preparation H all over me because I am the biggest asshole. Take
a look at me, I'm huge, I am the biggest asshole you'll ever see. I can swallow up
this bar. See what I'm doing? I'm just taking it to extremes, trying to be ridiculous
and I'll keep working it, keep watching their reactions to see how they're respondi
ng to it and they keep getting more and more grim. I usually keep pushing it bec
ause let's face it, at a certain point, you can go no further in terms of turning
a person off. You just can't go any further after a certain point. And after that,
it all becomes rebound energy. Rebound energy means that after a certain point
of either turning off a woman or pushing her to the limits and this has to be do
ne early on, it can't be done later on when you've already been working to get a goo
d connection. If you screwed up later on, it's harder to bounce back from. But thi
s return energy that you get is so effective in turning around a bitchy woman es
pecially early on. Let's just say you just walked up to a really attractive woman
and you say, Hey, my name's Carlos, what's yours? And she'll say, Beat it, you freaking m
oron. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 10 -----------------------
Page 130----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com And you'll look at her and go, Wo
w that is so cool, I am so glad you totally rejected me there. I mean, that is l
ike the ultimate rejection. It's what I needed tonight. I'm actually going to go now
and meet every woman in this bar because you have given me the worst rejection
of my life. I'm crushed, inside I am totally wet tissue. Let me tell you honey, yo
u are an expert. I want to shake your hand, let me shake your hand. Again, I'm not
letting it go, I'm pushing myself down asshole road to let her know that, you know
what? You can give your analysis all you like, I'll push
it even further and that will actually turn the conversation around, believe it
or not. Now as long as you're not abrasive and attacking her, doing it with anger
and a subtle undercurrent of sarcasm and really mean, vicious spirited humor, yo
u can definitely turn it around. It does work. Trust me. It really works. But wh
at it is, is this willingness to not backtrack and not go back and salvage thing
s and save face but be steadfast in going down the same road you were going down
at the start of the conversation which is the way you came in on it. You're on yo
ur own terms. You don't need her approval. If you show her that you need her appro
val, yeah, you've probably heard this a billion times before and you'll hear it a bi
llion times again, the second that you show a woman that you need her approval,
you've lost her. So keep that under your hat, those are the most powerful, effecti
ve techniques to use in conversation and of course there's a billion of them, it d
oesn't really matter which ones you use, it doesn't even matter even if you use mine
, it doesn't matter if you use any of them but the point again is to keep in mind
those two essential energies to the conversation. One is the activation energy,
it's the spark, it's the kick in the ass, it's the willingness to go too far, it's the w
illingness to say something brash and over the top just to get her to react in s
ome way, to get her to acknowledge the conversation and come out of her shell an
d drop those shields. That's the attraction energy. Then there's the attraction conn
ection energy which is more like what we call, rapport. Rapport is attraction, a
lright? And this is going to be one of those things that's going to cause a lot of
the guys' problems but rapport is attraction if it is handled in the right way. Y
ou really can't afford to spend too much of your time trying to build up attractio
n at the start because if you're waiting too long or working too hard 2008 DD Publ
ications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 11 ----------------------- Page 131--------
--------------www.CarlosXuma.com at it, any rapport that you've strike right after
it, is going to seem hollow and false. So you get her to laugh a little bit, ge
t her to know that you've got this good confident Alpha Man energy and then you me
rely dive into those areas that are going to establish the most trust and real c
onnection with her and I mean, real connection, the stuff we're going to talk abou
t in this program and further episodes coming up. So I want you to stay tuned fo
r that. But these are great attraction building mechanisms by virtue of using th
e banter and handling yourself in conversations. Some powerful stuff here, these
are some of the things that I use all the time and very effective. And a little
sub-note here. I have often talked about attitude that an alpha man has. And it's
so essential self-amusement really underlies your entire attitude, cocky and fu
nny and teasing and all that stuff you've the self-amused and so critical because
it's the whole heart of probably read about.
Being self-amused means that you're just happy to be there. You're not using anybody
else's energy. You're really riding your own waves of
happiness and having fun. OK? It's like a surfer that's literally setting up a littl
e wave machine in his bathtub and he's in there with a little wakeboard, he's just h
aving a blast on top of the water and it's all his fun. He doesn't need anybody else
there with him. And it's the same with conversation. When you can express that to
your own self-amusement, and your own ability to stay self-amused, women pick u
p on this, because they know that you're not in the conversation trying to leach e
nergy off of them. I'll give you a very small example of a self-amused attitude so
you can kind of see it in its process. Let's say you're talking about something tha
t she thought it was pretty funny, let's say it was a story of yours, that was rea
lly kind of funny but for some reason just felt kind of flat in the group. Maybe
you were talking about that story I gave you about the woman in the waiting roo
m where she lost the vibrator inside her, and you make that imitation of her, th
at little noise thing where you're going, Uh,oh, and the other girl's kind of smirking
a little bit, you look at her and go, Well, you know what? I guess you had to be
there, I thought it was pretty damn funny. Anyway, I've got to get back, I'm going
to get myself another drink. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 12
----------------------- Page 132----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com You kno
w, it's that willingness to kind of cut off her energy and show her that, You know
what? I don't need your approval from my own having fun. Another example of this is
just laughing for no apparent reason. I'm not talking like idiot laughter like (l
augh), I'm talking about just self-amused laughter were you sit there and go (laug
h) and shake your head and then take a sip of your drink and then you just start
talking about something else. And you don't explain it to her. You don't tell her w
hat it is and even if she asks you, you don't tell her what you were laughing at.
That's true self-amusement and I'm not just saying that laugh and pretend that there's
something funny, think of something funny that genuinely amuses you, laugh at i
t, and then don't let her in on the joke. Make it your own private little moment w
ithin the greater conversation you're having with her. This is important. You're est
ablishing your own little fortress of solitude within a social situation. This i
s where you get enough safety or feeling of safety in your life to be able to go
into conversations and not feel like you're leveraging yourself, like putting you
rself too much out there to be rejected. This is the secret of every guy that's gr
eat in conversation is, he's always got this bubble of safety around him, he's alway
s impervious to the comments, to the jabs, to the tests, to the insults of a wom
an because nothing really gets through to him. She can call him any name in the
book and he's got this little bubble up, This is so cute, oh the women today, they
just want to make guys fall in love with them. I mean, that's got to be effective.
I mean, you must really
get a lot of dates with that kind of attitude. Do you see what I'm doing there? I'm t
otally impervious, it doesn't bother me because I haven't given so much of myself to
this interaction, that I'm invested, that I have it turnaround. If I ever do that
, I'm lost. Again, another example of self-amusement. She tells you she's from Ohio
and you look at her and kind of go, Oh, Ohio huh? Anyway, you go on, so where in
Ohio are you from? Did you see what I did there? I had a little moment with mysel
f where I was remembering something that happened to me in Ohio and yes, it real
ly does have to happen to you, you don't just make this stuff up. Sometimes you ca
n make it up and get away with it but I highly recommend you don't. 2008 DD Public
ations/Morpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 13 ----------------------- Page 133----------
------------www.CarlosXuma.com I recommend you just have fun with it. It always
depend on you're in, yes, you can pretend where you have that little yourself and
get away with it, but you've really got to be you're doing it just to get an effect,
you're in the wrong there you go. the situation moment with congruent with it. If
headspace. So
And I have one more tip, I can't help but throw this in, I've got tons of them and y
ou're going to be getting the benefit of all of them in these episodes from these
program. One of the most important things you can do in conversation, is to watc
h out for how you handle the sexual innuendos in the conversation. You watch how
she handles it and this is the most important rule for guys, don't push the sexua
l innuendo in the conversation. If you bring up something sexual or she brings u
p something sexual, you have to always be the first one to turn the conversation
back around into a non-sexual direction. You've got to turn it back around and ge
t it going back on a straight tangent. And then you blame her for making it dirt
y. This is how we get the effect of role reversal with women. So let's say that th
e conversation was going to the direction of how her best friend is really kind
of slutty and now she's suddenly into doing all these kinky things. And then your
temptation is going to be to start asking her about what are all those kinky thi
ngs. What is she doing? Is she sticking feathers in her butt? No, you don't go there
. What you say to her is something like, Oh ok, so she's a little bit of a dirty bi
rd that's cool but come on, let's get this back on a clean track here or you're going
to think I'm a slut and I am definitely not that honey. So how are you going to ha
ndle it with your friend? Are you going to sit around and never talk with her or
something? You see what I did there? I went in the opposite direction that most
guys would've gone with the conversation which is to keep pushing the sexual innue
ndo on it and keep it going that way. It can happen in more subtle ways too like
, maybe you're talking about something and there was this Beavis and Butthead mome
nt where she says something dirty like, I wasn't even sure if I was going to come
tonight. OK, she says something like that and you're at a party with her. Now the t
emptation is what? Yeah, you want to go, Oh, you didn't did 2008 DD Publications/Mo
rpheus Pr oductions, LLC. 14 ----------------------- Page 134-------------------
---www.CarlosXuma.com you? Well pity that, I would've loved to heard you moan. You
know something like that, that's ridiculous. And it happens in much more subtle wa
ys like say for example you make a comment like, No, I wasn't even sure if I was go
ing to come tonight. And you're really talking about the party that you're at. And sh
e looks at you and wink at you, Oh, you weren't sure huh? You look at her and kind o
f make a goofy smile, Well OK, you know what I mean. Let's get this back in a clean
path here Miss Dirty Bird. And that's when I kind of push her on the shoulder or b
ump hips with her, do something physical right at that moment. That's how you keep
the sexual innuendo from going too far in the wrong direction. Remember that yo
u want to communicate that you're a sexual man, you don't want to communicate that y
ou're a horn-dog out to just slip it into any woman. Does that make sense? I hope
so, because that's an important distinction for any guy. One of the things that wa
s considered a weakness in men in years gone by, I mean, like thousands of years
ago, they used to judge men by their sexual appetites. If a man had an overtly
large sexual appetite, he was viewed as being effeminate or weak because he didn't
know how to govern his own impulses. And the same thing is true today, a man th
at cannot control his sexual urge or at least contain it and then redirect it, i
s viewed as being weak. Think about that for a minute. It's not virility to pop yo
ur dick in everything that moves, it's virility to know when to and when not to an
d how to manage that energy. And this particular strategy of maintaining your co
ntrol over sexual innuendo in your conversation really demonstrates that with wo
men. Some women are going to go kind of perverted. Some will just go way out the
re and those are the women that you should chase down the energy as far as you w
ant to go with it. You don't want to try and contain those women. But most women w
ant to go there just a little bit just to test the waters and make sure that you'r
e not judging her. OK? So they're looking for that judgment impulse in you that yo
u might think that she's slutty. She's going to become self conscious and pull back.
So 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Pro ductions, LLC. 15 -----------------------
Page 135----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com
don't make her pull back, you pull back for her. That's the ultimate strategy in thi
s conversation. There you go... There's a ton of stuff right there that you can us
e in your conversation with women for banter and really getting the energy going
. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus P roductions, LLC. 16 ----------------------- Pa
ge 136----------------------www.CarlosXuma.com YOUR STUDY NOTES: Note something
new youve learned in this module: Note something you heard and maybe knew, but no
w yo u see differently: This section is important, as it will lock in your Write d
own 3 action steps you can take right now to start adding this into your own und
erstanding conversations with women: of the 1. material... 2. 3. Write down 3 ne
w conversation bites (word for word) o f your own that you can use to inject this
material into your conversations rig ht away: 1. 2. 3. 2 008 DD Publications/Mor
pheus Productions, LLC. 1 ----------------------- Page 137----------------------
www.CarlosXuma.com DD Publications, Morpheus Productions, LLC. The information c
ontained in or made available through this Product cannot replace or substitute
for the services o f trained professionals in any eld, including, but not limite
d
to, psychological, nancial, medical, or legal matters. In particular, you should
regularly consult a doctor in all matters relating to physical or mental health
, particularly concerning any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical att
ention. DD Publications and our licensors or suppliers make no representations o
r warranties concerning any treatment, action, or application of medication or p
reparation by any person following the information offered or provided herein. N
either Carlos Xuma nor our associates, or any of their af liates, will be liable
for any direct, indirect, consequential, special, exemplary or other damages th
at may result, including but not limited to economic loss, injury, illness or de
ath. 2008 DD Publications/Morpheus Producti ons, LLC.