Mike Mahler Live Life Aggressively What Self Help Gurus Should Be Telling You PDF

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Live Life AggiessiveIy!
Copyiighl 2O11 ly MahIeis Aggiessive Slienglh LLC
AII iighls ieseived. No pail of lhis look nay le iepioduced oi
liansnilled in any foin oi ly any neans vilhoul viillen peinission
of lhe aulhoi.
A MahIeis Aggiessive Slienglh LLC ook/May 2O11
AII iighls ieseived
Covei pholo couilesy of Ayane HoIIings
vvv.oiangekellIeleIIcIul.con
ack covei couilesy of David Ciiffin
vvv.davidgiiffinphologiaphy.con
Iionl and lack covei design voik ly KyIe Iiovosl
Ldiling ly Teiesa Iazy and AIex Coelzfiied
IinaI ediling and pioofieading ly Saiina Deiksen
ISN 978-O-578-O8475-6

This look is dedicaled lo ny good fiiend }in Tiiey as veII as lhe
gieal nen and vonen lhal seive and have seived in lhe Uniled
Slales Ained Ioices. Thanks foi eveiylhing you do foi us.
}in vas a conslanl souice of suppoil vhen I fiisl decided lo puisue a
caieei in filness. }in aIso seived in lhe niIilaiy foi nosl of his Iife
and iepiesenls eveiylhing lhal is gieal aloul lhe vondeifuI nen and
vonen lhal seive in lhe ained foices. }in passed avay a fev yeais
ago and his piesence is nissed lul viII nevei le foigollen.
This look is aIso dedicaled lo eveiyone lhal has inpioved lhe Iife of
anolhei leing.

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Donl le fooIed ly lhe lilIe. Live Life AggiessiveIy! Whal SeIf-heIp
Cuius ShouId e TeIIing You ly Mike MahIei is nol a look advocal-
ing vioIence oi aggiession lovaid peopIe. Ralhei il is a caII-lo-aclion,
an invilalion foi you, lhe ieadei lo sland up and lake accounl of
youi ovn Iife and youi aclions.
This look is nol gioup hug. Il is noie Iike a luckel of ice-coId
valei lossed on you vhiIe you sIunlei in youi vain, confy halils.
Theie is a saying lhal lhe liulh huils and unIike lhe seIf-heIp
guius vhich pioIifeiale lhe laIk shovs and looks sheIves, MahIei
chaIIenges you lo lake an honesl Iook al youiseIf, al youi slienglhs
and veaknesses, youi successes and faiIuies, and ieninds you lhal if
you do lhe haid voik of seIf-iefIeclion, you viII cone oul happiei
and noie fuIfiIIed, lecause you viII see youiseIf as you ieaIIy aie,
vails and aII. Ained vilh lhis seIf-ieaIizalion, you can legin youi
jouiney in eainesl, lo a noie fuIfiIIing and acluaIized slale of leing.
In his leII-il-Iike-il-is slyIe of connunicaling, MahIei Iays oul a
liulaIIy lianspaienl foinuIa foi success and conlenlnenl. Ralhei
lhan fiII you vilh giandiose affiinalions and feeI-good seIf-diaIogue,
he sliips off lhe gIoves and leIIs you WHY you aie Iosing lhe good
fighl ly Iying lo youiseIf aloul vho youi ieaIIy aie. You nay nol
ieaIize il, lul MahIei is youi fiiend, and Live Life AggiessiveIy is lhe
heail-lo-heail diaIogue lhal aII lul youi liue fiiends aie unalIe and
unviIIing lo give you.
IieciseIy lecause lhe aulhoi does nol liy lo le youi luddy, and
lecause he is nol infIuenced ly if you Iike hin oi nol, he can speak

sliaighl lo you and in lhis ovei-hyped, ovei-pionised and undei-
deIiveied nedia-diiven enviionnenl ve Iive in, sliaighl laIk is a iaie
connodily indeed.
As an indusliy Ieadei in ny piofession, I liaveI aII aiound lhe
voiId and have nel nany if nol nosl of lhe indusliy guius
havking lheii nelhods and phiIosophies. The najoiily of lhese
saIesnen do nol piaclice vhal lhey pieach. I gel asked lo endoise
pioducls and piogians aII lhe line. Moie and noie I say lhanks lul
no lhanks, lecause I knov lhal a Iol of lhe lhings leing soId aie
iehashed gailage. When Mike MahIei inviled ne lo viile a foivaid
foi lhis look, I said of couise. The ieason is lecause lhe nan does
vhal he says he is going lo do, he piaclices vhal he pieaches and he
Ieads fion lhe fionl. I iespecl lhe nan and lheie is a ieason vhy he
connands soId-oul audiences vheievei he Iecluies. Whal he shaies
vilh you in lhis look is vhal he has Ieained lhiough Iiving - no
ginnicks, no fIuff, and no enply pionises. }usl sliaighl laIk fion a
sliaighl nan, IileiaIIy and figuialiveIy.
Whelhei you aie a pacifisl oi a havk, a cainivoie oi a vegan, a
schoIai oi a vaiiioi - as you iead lhiough lhis exceplionaI look of
visdon you viII appieciale lhe inpoilance of laking chaige of youi
Iife and Live Life AggiessiveIy!

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Many of lhe seIf-heIp looks on lhe naikel aie nol heIpfuI al aII. If
anylhing, lhey offei lhe ieadei a lenpoiaiy enolionaI luzz lul faII
shoil vhen il cones lo liue-Iife appIicalion. In lhis sense, lhey have
lhe polenliaI lo le seIf-desliuclive. Readeis iepealedIy puichase
look aflei look vilh no desiied change and lhey evenluaIIy Iose
hope.
Thus, ils inpoilanl lo cIaiify lhis look is NOT lhal. This look
vas nol viillen vilh lhe goaI naking you feeI vain and fuzzy.
AcluaIIy, nuch of vhal Mike pioposes nay iniliaIIy nake you feeI
voise via laking you oul of youi confoil zone. Tiue change is nol a
passive piocess and iequiies a liulaI seIf invenloiy as a calaIysl foi
noving foivaid and achieving vhal you vanl in Iife.
Mikes focus is lo induce ieaI/Iasling change and lhal cones as
iesuIl of leing aggiessiveIy honesl vilh youiseIf, using piessuie lo
youi advanlage, iunning lovaid iisk ialhei lhan avay fion il and
having a cIeai vision of vhal you vanl and vhal you aie viIIing lo
saciifice lo gel il. His pIan nay nol le easy, lul il voiks.
In addilion, Mike is an exceIIenl ioIe nodeI foi eveiylhing he
pieaches. His phiIosophies aie lased on lolh his successes and his
sliuggIes. The openness in vhich he shaies his Iife expeiiences is
congiuenl vilh lhe lhene of honesly and couiage lhal peineales lhe
look. Mike is one of lhe lesl exanpIes I knov of yin/yang as il ieIales
lo leing a laIanced peison. AIlhough he nay le in youi face al lines,
he is aIso one of lhe nosl geneious and conpassionale peopIe you
viII evei neel. He viII speak vilh inlense passion aloul a nunlei of
Mike MahIei
2
lopics, lul aIso coupIe il vilh hunoi. His voids can le haish, lul he
enpalhizes vilh lhe figuialive and IileiaI fighls ve aII face.
As nany of us valched Mikes filness caieei deveIop ovei lhe
yeais, il vas no suipiise lhal he noiphed inlo lhe slienglh &
condilioning icon he is loday. Thioughoul his jouiney, Mike shaied
his ideas on filness, nuliilion, veIIness and oveiaII Iife success via
nuneious ailicIes, his velsile elc. So, vilh his pioIific viiling
laIenls, il cane as no suipiise lhal he chose lo aulhoi lhis look.
Ive leen foilunale enough lo have Mike as a nenloi and fiiend
ovei lhe yeais. He shaied nany of lhe phiIosophies and slialegies in
lhis look and lhey pIayed a huge ioIe in ny success. You viII enjoy
lhe iead and significanlIy lenefil fion il if you aie viIIing lo connil
lo vhal he oulIines. As he viII nenlion Ialei in lhe look, liue
success and happiness cone lo lhose vho save nolhing foi lhe
svin lack.

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The void aggiessive gels a lad iap and lheie is conslanl piessuie on
peopIe, especiaIIy nen, lo le Iess aggiessive. In facl, lhe naIe
hoinone leslosleione is oflen associaled vilh vioIence, vhen in
ieaIily nen vilh oplinaI leslosleione IeveIs aie anylhing lul vioIenl.
Accoiding lo lop slienglh coach ChaiIes IoIiquin, il is nen vilh Iov
leslosleione lhal aie oflen vioIenl as lhey liy lo ovei conpensale foi
having Iov leslosleione. Moieovei, Iel ne ienind you lhal il is oId
nen in offices lhal slail vais, and oId nen aie nol knovn foi having
high leslosleione. IionicaIIy lhey slail lhe vais, and lhen send
young nen vilh high leslosleione lo fighl lhe lallIes.
WhiIe aggiessive can nean vioIenl, il aIso neans lo nove foi-
vaid vilh sliong inlenl oi puipose. Thal is vhal lhis look is aII
aloul. This look is a sIap in lhe face!
Il viII foice you oul of youi confoil zone, and viII heIp you ie-
nenlei vhal you need lo knov lo nove foivaid vilh puipose. Il is
aloul laking chaige of youi Iife, and sliiving foi giealness, ialhei
lhan accepling nediociily, oi a Iife of quiel despeialion. Thal is vhal
il neans lo Iive Iife aggiessiveIy! Il neans lo Iive vilh sliong
puipose and iesoIve. This look coveis aieas lhal fev have lhe
couiage lo laIk aloul, and lhal is lhe piolIen. Il is lhe vhile eIe-
phanl in lhe ioon lhal eveiyone vanls lo ignoie. Inslead of con-
fionling lhis piolIen, nosl peopIe vasle line valching nonsense
Iike Aneiican IdoI and CIee.
Mike MahIei
4
Mosl, if nol aII seIf-heIp looks aie oveiIy conpIicaled conpiIa-
lions of nonsense, vhich faiI lo offei anylhing lhal you can use lo
inpiove youi Iife.
WiII saying daiIy affiinalions heIp you inpiove youi Iife` Iiol-
alIy nol.
WiII faking il liII you nake il heIp you gel lo lhe Iionised Land`
Lels ask lhe Iadies, hov nany of you acluaIIy enjoy faking il` Donl
iaise youi hands aII al once.
WiII looks lhal encouiage nen lo acl Iike vonen, and vonen lo
acl Iike nen, ieaIIy heIp eilhei sex` AlsoIuleIy nol, and lhe cuiienl
vussificalion of Aneiica is aII loo evidenl of lhal.
WiII looks lhal leII you lo viile dovn youi five, len, oi lvenly
giiIy goaIs ieaIIy heIp you` No, lecause lhey disliacl you fion leing
fuIIy piesenl in lhe nonenl and lhis nonenl is aII you have.
The pasl is dead, and lhe fuluie is nol heie. As if ve donl have
enough lo voiiy aloul nov, ve have lo voiiy aloul vheie ve viII
le in lhe fuluie as veII. Aneiicans voiiy loo nuch as il is. eing
fuIIy in lhe nonenl is lhe lesl lhing you can do foi a liighl fuluie.
No one knovs vhal lhe fuluie has in sloie.
As lhe saying goes, vanl lo nake Cod Iaugh` TeII Cod youi
pIans.
SeIf heIp looks aie so focused on naking you feeI good aloul
youiseIf, lhal lhey faiI lo heIp you le honesl vilh youiseIf.
Wilhoul liulaI honesly you viII nevei nove foivaid. Wilhoul a
sliong sense of puipose, and passion, you viII nevei peiseveie
lhiough lhe inevilalIe pIelhoia of haid lines lhal aie coning youi
vay in Iife.
Il is line lo gel ieaI and cul oul aII lhe fIuff. Decide vhal you
vanl lo do in Iife, pul logelhei a pIan of aclion, and execule lhal
pIan. If lhe fiisl pIan does nol voik, cone up vilh anolhei pIan. If
lhal one faiIs go lack lo lhe diaving loaid and cone up vilh yel
anolhei pIan. If lhal one faiIs, veII you gel lhe idea.
5
If il is inpoilanl lo you, and sonelhing you genuineIy vanl, nol
sonelhing olheis lhink you shouId have, you viII nake lhe neces-
saiy saciifices. Wanl lo knov sonelhing ciazy` You viII acluaIIy
enjoy lhe piocess. IeopIe lhal do vhal lhey Iove voik haidei lhan
anyone eIse, and lhey Iove lhe haid voik.
Ioigel aloul vacalions! Who needs a vacalion fion lhe lhiiII of
vaking up and doing vhal you Iove eveiyday` Nolhing lakes lhe
pIace of doing vhal exciles you foi a caieei. No ieIalionship can lake
ils pIace. No naleiiaI gain cones cIose. AccoIades fion olheis
cannol conpaie. Those of you lhal aie aIieady doing vhal you Iove
knov exaclIy vhal I an laIking aloul. Those of you lhal aie nol
lheie, have no cIue vhal you aie nissing oul on.
Life does nol have lo le diudgeiy vilh a fev happy nonenls.
Life does nol have lo le loiing lo lhe poinl vheie you have lo
diovn youi niseiies vilh diugs and aIcohoI eveiy veekend. You do
nol have lo sellIe foi jusl gelling ly. You can sliive foi giealness. Il is
lhe sliiving lhal is lhe juice, nol lhe achievenenl. This is sonelhing
nany faiI lo ieaIize, even lhough eveiy spiiiluaI piaclice discusses il.
As inpoilanl as foIIoving youi lIiss is, il is nol lhe onIy lhing
lhal nalleis. ReaI success cones fion knoving youiseIf and vhal
you aie capalIe of. Tiue happiness cones fion laking lhe line lo do
lhe necessaiy seIf-invenloiy lo evoIve. Ieifeclion is nol possilIe yel
in sone vays lheie is sonelhing aII loo peifecl aloul inpeifeclions.
This look is nol aloul hov lo gel iich and nake niIIions. I an
nol a niIIionaiie noi do I caie lo le one. Nol lo say lheie is anylhing
viong vilh leing a niIIionaiie. Suie I Iove naking noney and
having a gieal incone. Making Iols of noney is fine if lhal is youi
goaI. Hovevei, I lhink you viII find lhal leing allached lo goaIs
nakes il inpossilIe lo ieaIIy le happy, and lhal is vhal ieaI success
is aII aloul. Il is nol aloul keeping up vilh lhe }oneses, expensive
vacalions, oi acquiiing naleiiaI lhings lhal you donl need oi
genuineIy vanl. Il is aloul leing fiee lo Iive youi Iife and lo nol le al
lhe neicy of ciicunslances. Il is aloul vaking up eveiy day and
Mike MahIei
6
enjoying a caieei lhal nakes you exciled, and enpoveis you and
olheis.
Il is aloul nol leing a chunp in Iife and laking chaige. Nol vail-
ing foi olheis lo leII you vhal lo do lul deciding foi youiseIf vhal
nakes you happy and having lhe couiage lo puisue il, even vhen il
seens lhal aII lhe odds aie slacked againsl you.
I an nol heie lo nolivale you. I an heie lo nake you lhink. Thal
is vhal lhis look is aII aloul: piovoking lhoughl! WiII you agiee
vilh eveiylhing I have lo say` I hope nol, lecause if you do lhen
onIy one of us is lhinking, and liusl ne I lhink aII lhe line! I do nol
vanl lo le a guiu, oi soneone lhal you cone lo foi advice. I an nol
a Iife coach oi a nolivalionaI speakei, and have no desiie lo lecone
one. I do nol have aII lhe ansveis and have nevei cIained lo.
Hovevei, I do knov vhal il is Iike lo le niseialIe, and Iiving
vilhoul passion. I aIso knov exaclIy vhal il is Iike lo le genuineIy
happy, and fuIIy piesenl in lhe nonenl. Tiusl ne on lhis one, if you
do nol ienenlei anylhing eIse in lhis look ienenlei lhis: il is
nuch lellei lo foIIov youi passion and voik haidei lhan you have
evei voiked in youi Iife, lhen lo sil lack in a cushy jol and le a
nininaIisl foi lhe iesl of youi Iife.
Lnliace lhe sliuggIe, lhe peison you viII lecone in lhe piocess
is voilh lhe necessaiy suffeiing. The sliuggIe is vheie you knov
youiseIf fuIIy!
This look is essenliaIIy a conpiIalion of nany ailicIes I have
viillen ovei lhe yeais. Many of lhe chapleis veie ailicIes in ny
onIine nagazine. Olheis have nevei leen ieveaIed unliI nov.
I find lhal lhe lesl looks lhese days aie conpiIalions of nany
ailicIes. Ioi exanpIe lop slienglh coach IaveI TsalsouIines lesl
look in ny opinion is eyond odyluiIding, vhich is a conpiIalion
of ailicIes lhal he viole foi a vaiiely of filness nagazines. Anolhei
exceIIenl exanpIe is RandaII Sliossens Iionnind: Sliongei Minds,
Sliongei odies. When peopIe viile looks lhey lend lo incIude vay
loo nuch fiIIei and nol enough ieaI infoinalion. They faiI lo gel lo
lhe poinl, and vasle a Iol of line. Lels face il, line is in shoil suppIy
7
lhese days so ve need lo le caiefuI vilh il. Wilh ailicIes, viileis
lend lo gel lo lhe poinl, and I have aIvays found I Ieain noie fion
ailicIes lhan looks lhese days. This look is fIuff fiee and faiiIy
concise al jusl ovei lvo hundied and fifly pages. Il is neanl lo le
accessilIe, and nol sonelhing lhal occupies loo nuch of youi
vaIualIe line. I ieaIize lhal you onIy vanl lo spend so nuch line
avay fion Iacelook, lexling, and having high quaIily conveisalions
al coffee shops.
Sone of lhe chapleis aie Iong and olheis aie liief and lhal is on
puipose. This is nol a look lhal you have lo iead fion slail lo finish.
Iick a seclion oi chaplei lhal calches youi inleiesl and slail lheie.
Lach chaplei coveis a lhene so you can easiIy iead one chaplei a
day foi a nelaphoiicaI kick in lhe ass vhen needed.
Theie aie lhiee nain calegoiies lo lhis look:
1. Seclion one coveis vhal seIf-heIp guius shouId le leIIing
you.
2. Seclion lvo is ny favoiile seclion and coveis lhe inpoilance
of laking seIf invenloiy, and leing liulaIIy honesl vilh
youiseIf and olheis.
3. Seclion lhiee coveis ny lhoughls on success and happiness.

Theie aie veiy fev unique ideas in lhis look if any. Much of il is
connon sense lhal has leen foigollen, vhiIe olhei ideas aie lhings
lhal I have Ieained fion sludying aII lhe gieal ieIigions and phiIoso-
phies in coIIege, and lhiough ny nany Iife expeiiences. Lveiylhing
lhal one needs lo knov aloul hov lo succeed, and evoIve in Iife has
leen said, and definileIy has leen ailicuIaled lellei lhan ne. Thal
leing said, il can nevei le enphasized enough, and lhe noie you
see, heai, and feeI il, lhe lellei.
Mahalna Candhi once said lhal, Whalevei you do in Iife viII
le insignificanl, lul il is veiy inpoilanl lhal you do il.
If one of lhe giealesl nen of aII line lhinks vhal he did lo ievo-
Iulionize a counliy is insignificanl, you can inagine vheie you and I
Mike MahIei
8
faII on lhe specliun of inpoilance. This is sonelhing lo ienenlei
vhen ve Iive oui Iives consuned ly oui iIIusions of giandeui.
RegaidIess, ve aII have a duly and gelling ny sloiy lo you is
pail of ny duly.
Whal you choose lo do vilh il is youi duly.

*$35"04 04$7
1/'5 *$!&8/$!9 (6)6*
*/06!2 :$ 5$!!"4( +06

1O
1/+ +06 -6*5
095"-";$ +06) /0)-04$*
SeIf-heIp guius nevei laIk aloul lhe inpoilance of having an
oplinaI hoinonaI enviionnenl. Nol onIy is lhis inpoilanl foi youi
physicaI and nenlaI heaIlh, il is ciilicaI foi having lhe diive lo
evoIve as a peison and have lhe eneigy and peiseveiance lo puisue
youi goaIs. Ioigel aloul saying noionic affiinalions lo youiseIf, oi
faking il unliI you nake il. Cieale an oplinaI hoinone enviionnenl
and you viII have ieaI confidence, ieaI diive, and viII nol have lo
fake anylhing.
In ny filness lusiness I do a Iol of consuIling vilh peopIe lo heIp
lhen vilh lheii heaIlh and filness. I spend a Iol of line Iooking al
peopIes hoinone IeveIs, vhich piovides ciilicaI infoinalion lo heIp
lhen achieve lheii goaIs. I can leII a Iol aloul hov soneone is feeIing
ly Iooking al his oi hei hoinone IeveIs. Ioi exanpIe if a nan has
veiy high IeveIs of esliogen and SHC (sex hoinone linding
gIoluIin) lhen il is a ceilainly lhal his sex diive is veiy Iov, and lhal
his diive foi Iife in geneiaI is Iov, lecause lolh aie connecled. An
oplinaI leslosleione lo esliogen ialio is ciilicaI foi a nan lo feeI al
his lesl. Ioigel aloul having a good nood and leing a diiven
peison vilh pooi access lo leslosleione. Anolhei exanpIe is vonen
vilh pooi piogesleione lo esliogen ialios. Wonen need piogeslei-
one lo keep esliogen in laIance. When piogesleione is loo Iov
vonen deveIop esliogen doninance, vhich causes a Iol of fal lo le
gained on lhe gIules and Iegs. Moieovei, a vonans nood viII le in
lhe loiIel vilhoul adequale piogesleione IeveIs.
11
I say il oflen al ny couises, al lhe end of lhe day ve aie oui
hoinones. If oui hoinones aie oplinaI ve viII vake up feeIing
gieal, ieady lo lake on lhe voiId. If lhey aie nol oplinaI, ve vonl
even vanl lo gel oul of led lo face lhe day. We viII have lo foice
ouiseIves oul, and diink lons of coffee lo gel going, and keep going.
Sound faniIiai`
I legan ny invesligalion inlo hoinonaI laIancing in 2OO3 foi
peisonaI ieasons. In nov 37 yeais oId vilh lhe hoinonaI piofiIe of
a heaIlhy eighleen-yeai-oId. My nood is upleal, ny expeiience of
Iife inlense, ny liaining gains aie soIid and ny sex diive is oplinaI.
In nol loasling, I leII you lhis lecause vhal I Ieained and iecon-
nend voiks. Il voiks foi ne and viII voik foi you as veII. Il look
nany yeais of piivale ieseaich and lesling lo gel vheie I an nov,
lul nol loo Iong ago lhings veie nuch diffeienl foi ne.
ack in 2OOO I expeiienced nany of lhe signs and synplons of
andiopause, i.e., ny sex diive vas Iov, ny nood vas pooi, ny zeaI
foi Iife vas so non-exislenl lhal I vas (aIIegedIy) spolled valching a
Sex in lhe Cily naialhon - jusl kidding! IoilunaleIy, ny esliogen
IeveIs have nevei leen lhal high! olh undesiialIe and avoidalIe -
andiopause is aII lhe sane consideied noinaI foi nen in lheii fiflies
lul in ny case, I vas onIy lvenly-eighl! UnfoilunaleIy, I vas fai
fion aIone: I have nany chionoIogicaIIy young naIe and fenaIe
cIienls vhose hoinone IeveIs vouId le unheaIlhy foi nen and
vonen in lheii fiflies. LpidenioIogicaI, lhis piolIen is leconing
noie videspiead foi ieasons leyond lhe scope of lhis chaplei.
Suffice lo say lhal lhe piinaiy ieasons aie pooi diel, enviionnenlaI
loxicily, and aIso socielaI piessuie. eing a nan is no Iongei ceIe-
lialed and neilhei is leing a ieaI vonan foi lhal nallei. olh nen
and vonen aie confused on hov lo le liue lo lheii iespeclive sex
and as ve can see aII loo cIeaiIy lhe consequences aie disaslious.
LvenluaIIy, I gol liied of leing liied, and decided lo lake chaige
of ny heaIlh and ny Iife. Il vas a fiuslialing slail as I ieaIized hov
fev heaIlh piofessionaIs genuineIy undeislood hoinone opliniza-
lion. The advice I ieceived vas geneiaIIy liiviaI and in sone cases
Mike MahIei
12
iiialionaI and dangeious. Mosl expeils offeied lo sugai coal ny
synplons ialhei lhan deleinine any iool causes. The noie I laIked
lo lhese expeils lhe noie I ieaIized I needed lo iesoIve lhis
piolIen on ny ovn.
One essenliaI facloi in oplinizing hoinones is youi aliIily lo
handIe sliess. The aliIily lo handIe sliess and lhe aliIily lo expeii-
ence happiness aie one and lhe sane. Sludies indicale lhal peopIe
vilh a naluiaIIy high sliess lhieshoId, aIso dispIay an inheienl
piedisposilion foi happiness. Denying sliess and iunning on
adienaIine (vhich is vhal Id leen doing) viII onIy gel you so fai.
LvenluaIIy, youII ciash, and vhen you ciash, youII luin. Make no
nislake, lhe sliess hoinone, coilisoI, nusl le vilhin ieasonalIe
iange lo oplinize youi hoinones and lhus feeI gieal. Keep lhis in
nind - loo IillIe coilisoI is jusl as lad if nol voise lhan loo nuch
coilisoI. Hunans iequiie sliess lo lhiive and ieach oui fuII polenliaI,
hovevei, loo nuch sliess, and ils allendanl hoinone, coilisoI, viII
degiade us...and lheie aie no exceplions lo lhis iuIe. Too nuch
coilisoI cannilaIizes lhe sex hoinones, such as piegnenoIone, and in
luin DHLA, andioslenedione, and finaIIy, leslosleione.
IeopIe lend lo focus on leslosleione oi esliogen vhen addiess-
ing hoinone oplinizalion. Yes lolh aie inpoilanl lul lolh aie
dovnsliean hoinones. To lesl oplinize hoinone IeveIs is lo focus
on lhe lig picluie and lhe hoinones lhal have lhe nosl povei.
Theie aie lhiee such hoinones: Ieplin, insuIin, and adienaIine. Of
lhese lhiee, Ieplin is lhe nosl inpoilanl. Insufficienl Ieplin fuilhei
conpionises leslosleione and giovlh hoinone. I Ieained aloul lhe
inpoilance of Leplin in yion Richaids exceIIenl look Masleiing
Leplin.
Whal exaclIy is Ieplin` A hoinone pioduced ly fal ceIIs, Ieplin
vas discoveied in 1994. Leplins piinaiy jol is iesloiing fal ieseives
vhen eneigy (food) is consuned. This is a lioIogicaI suivivaI
nechanisn lo inciease suivivaI chances in case of fanine. (These
days hovevei, lhe cIosesl nosl peopIe ve knov appioach fanine is
lheii lvo-houi dovnline lelveen neaIs!) Aflei iesloiing fal
13
ieseives, Ieplin deleinines hov nuch eneigy lhe lody needs and
vheie ils lesl spenl. Leplin, in facl, Ieads lhe enliie hoinonaI
cascade.
When Ieplin IeveIs diop, lhe liain ieceives a signaI (fion
anolhei hoinone, giehIin) lhal ils line lo eal. IdeaIIy youII pick
heaIlhy oplions, e.g. high-quaIily foods lo iepIenish lhe liains
neuioliansnilleis and iefiII Iivei and nuscIe gIycogen.
When you eal a neaI, Ieplin IeveIs iise again, signaIing lhe liain
lhal enough caIoiies have leen consuned and ils line lo slop
ealing. InsuIin IeveIs aIso iise vilh food inlake and insuIins jol is lo
gel as nuch nuliilion as possilIe inlo lhe Iivei and nuscIes. If lhe
nuscIes and Iivei aie aIieady fuII of nuliienls, lhen nuliienl spiIIovei
occuis and excess caIoiies aie sloied as fal. When Ieplin is voiking
piopeiIy il pievenls nuliienl spiIIovei ly leIIing insuIin lo shul off
aflei youi lank is fuII.
When you donl eal enough caIoiies (oi noie pieciseIy, donl
deiive enough eneigy fion lhe food you eal) foi loo Iong a line,
Ieplin signaIs lhe lhyioid hoinones lo deciease nelaloIic iale in
oidei lo conseive eneigy. In addilion lo sIoving dovn fal Ioss, a
sIuggish nelaloIic iale viII hanpei sex hoinone pioduclion and
analoIisn in geneiaI. Since lhe pioduclion of sex hoinones is
eneigy inlensive, if lhe lody isnl ieceiving adequale fueI, aII sloies
viII go lo nainlenance and iepaii lefoie giovlh. Ciovlh neans
nuscIe lissue, anong olhei lhings, and nuscIe nainlenance and
giovlh aie youi lesl looIs foi fal Ioss and oplinaI lody
conposilion. Wilhoul adequale sex hoinone pioduclion, in
pailicuIai leslosleione and giovlh hoinone, you viII nol le alIe lo
luiId nuscIe. The lesl you can hope foi is skinny fal, and laking up
Iess space on lhe pIanel does nol equale lo Iean and heaIlhy. Skinny
fal is sliII pooi lody conposilion.
Neilhei aie high IeveIs of Ieplin lhe sane as oplinaI IeveIs.
IionicaIIy, oveiveighl peopIe have high Ieplin IeveIs, lul lhe liain
doesnl knov lhose IeveIs aie high due lo a condilion caIIed Ieplin
iesislance, vheiein lhe saliely nessages issued fion Ieplin nevei
Mike MahIei
14
nake il lo lhe liains ieceplois, vhich geneiaIIy iesuIls in excess
caIoiie inlake lefoie saliely is iegisleied. Oveiealing in geneiaI,
olviousIy iesuIls in excess caIoiies leing sloied as fal.
Haid liaining alhIeles can gel avay vilh an unseenIy high
caIoiie inlake, since lheii eneigy denand is highei lhan lhe aveiage
peison. Theii insuIin sensilivily is high, and lheii nuscIes sloie and
nelaloIize noie gIycogen. The aveiage peisons insuIin Iivei and
nuscIe gIycogen sloiage is consideialIy noie Iiniled and fuilhei,
lheii insuIin iesislance nay le conpionised. Once lhe aveiage
peisons Iivei and nuscIe gIycogen sloies aie iefiIIed, (if lhey veie
evei depIeled in lhe fiisl pIace) lhe iesl of lhe neaIs eneigy vaIue
goes lo fal sloiage, lo le used - ideaIIy - anolhei day. This is vhy I
lhink posl-voikoul, high-cailohydiale iecoveiy shakes aie a
nislake, al Ieasl foi lhe aveiage peison of sul-oplinaI lody
conposilion (ie, loo fal) vho consune adequale anounls of
cailohydiales lhioughoul lhe day aIieady. Conlined vilh Iess-
lhan-oplinaI insuIin sensilivily in lhe nuscIes, ils a iecipe foi
incieasing lody fal.
Lxcessive caIoiie inlake is lhe fasl liack lo Ieplin iesislance. Since
ils haid lo eal excess of lhe so-caIIed cIean foods, excess caIoiies
usuaIIy cone fion junk foods. Ioi nosl peopIe, fiequenl inlake of
fasl foods and olhei junk foods liings lhen lo a lad end: Ieplin
iesislance.
Lveiy line you eal food in excess (of eneigy iequiied ly lhe
lody) Ieplin and insuIin IeveIs suige. The Iaigei and noie caIoiie
dense lhe neaI, lhe highei lhe suige and lhe Iongei lhe duialion.
You knov lhe iap: lhe excess slinuIalion causes lhe ceIIuIai
ieceplois lo deveIop iesislance lo lhe conlinuaI fIood of hoinones.
Once lhe ieceplois lecone iesislanl, lhey iequiie noie slinuIalion
(food inlake) lo iespond vilh a saliely signaI. This condilion, Ieplin
iesislance, is anaIogous lo leconing a hunan fal sloiage oiganisn.
An ignolIe acconpIishnenl conpaied lo lhe heighls of ieaI hunan
polenliaI.
15
Leplin iesislance Ieads lo insuIin iesislance, vhich fuilhei
incieases Ieplin iesislance. Wilh insuIin iesislance, you no Iongei
have insuIin sensilivily. When you have insuIin sensilivily, you onIy
need lo seciele a snaII anounl of insuIin lo gel caIoiies inlo lhe
nuscIe and Iivei. Youi ieceploi uplake of insuIin is sliong and
efficienl. When you have insuIin iesislance, youi ieceplois aie veak
and voin oul. As a iesuIl you iequiie a nuch highei insuIin
iesponse fion oveiealing lo gel caIoiies inlo lhe nuscIes and Iivei.
Whal evei is Iefl ovei, vhich is a Iol, viII le sloied as fal. High
insuIin aIso iesuIls in an inevilalIe lIood sugai ciash, vhich nakes
you hungiy again. Thus you have an insalialIe uige lo eal and lhe
enliie piocess slails aII ovei again. I viII discuss insuIin iesislance
shoilIy.
Leplin iesislance is a seiious heaIlh issue. LssenliaIIy you aie
ovei feeding youi lody lul lhe peiceplion fion youi liain is lhal
you aie slaiving. Thus, even lhough youie ealing a Iol, youi
nelaloIic iale viII sIov dovn jusl Iike soneone vho is undeiealing.
A sIoved dovn nelaloIic iale again sIovs dovn fal Ioss oi liings il
lo a scieeching haIl. Moieovei, a hanpeied nelaloIic iale puls lhe
lieaks on sex hoinone pioduclion. The end iesuIl is youie fal,
liied, and have no sex diive. You do nol have eneigy lo pul in
inlense veighl liaining voikouls lo luiId nuscIe and ianp up
leslosleione and giovlh hoinone. Lven if you do gel lhe inlense
voikouls in, you do nol have lhe leslosleione and giovlh hoinone
pioduclion lo iecovei fion aiduous voikouls.
}usl Iike nany lhings in Iife, you nusl cieale an oplinaI
hoinone laIance lhal is iighl foi you. This viII vaiy vilh each
peison. }usl Iike eveiy hoinone you do nol vanl Ieplin loo high oi
loo Iov. You vanl jusl enough foi oplinaI funclioning. WhiIe lheie
is a lIood lesl lhal you can do foi Ieplin il is ieaIIy nol necessaiy. If
you aie oveiveighl you have Ieplin iesislance.
The vay lo gel oul of Ieplin iesislance is lo give youi lody a
lieak. }usl Iike ve need vacalions fion voik, oui ieceplois need a
Mike MahIei
16
vacalion fion having lo deaI vilh Iaige voIunes of food deIiveied
oflen. The fiisl lhing you need lo do is nake lellei food choices.
Lal a laIance of piolein, fal, and cails al eveiy neaI. A good
slailing poinl is 3O piolein, 4O cails, and 3O fal popuIaiized ly
aiiy Seais as The Zone diel. This vonl le lhe peifecl ialio foi
eveiyone - you viII have lo expeiinenl lo see vhal voiks lesl foi
you lul il is a ieasonalIe slailing poinl.
Tiying lo Iose fal` Take a page fion yion Richaids look, slick
lo lvo lo lhiee neaIs a day, vilh five lo eighl houis lelveen neaIs.
The exlended food-fiee neaI lieaks piovide oppoilunilies foi lhe
lody lo caII on sloied fal foi eneigy. Inslead of snacks, youi lody
viII fueI ilseIf vilh fiee fally acids, as Iong as youie nol in lhe
aeiolic zone. To ensuie a giovlh hoinone suige vhiIe sIeeping each
nighl, lesl lo quil ealing al Ieasl foui houis lefoie ledline. CH
oplinizes fal Ioss and nuscIe giovlh, vhich is aII lhe noie ieason lo
piioiilize lhe ieconnended 7-9 houis of good quaIily sIeep each
nighl. Whal couId le noie haid coie lhan aggiessive sIeeping` And
lhe Iongei lhe duialion, and giealei inlensily lhe sIeep, lhe lellei lhe
iesuIls. So luin off CH kiIIeis, such as Iale nighl leIevision and
inleinel as veII as aIcohoI, and appIy youiseIf lo lellei sIeeping and
iecoveiy halils.
Ioi haid liaining alhIeles - especiaIIy lhose vilh Iov lody fal
IeveIs, lhiee neaIs a day viII piolalIy nol cul il. Ioui neaIs pei day
vilh aloul foui houis lelveen neaIs is lellei. SliII, cul off ealing
lhiee houis lefoie ledline foi lesl iecoveiy fion lough voikouls.
Nuliilion suppIenenls aIso have a pIace in oplinizing Ieplin.
One suppIenenl lhal eveiyone can lenefil fion is nagnesiun.
Magnesiun is needed lo exliacl eneigy fion food and foi oplinaI
insuIin funclion. The noie eneigy you exliacl fion food lhe Iess you
have lo eal lo feeI gieal. Magnesiuns lenefils go on foievei.
Nexl, Iels spend sone line discussing anolhei naslei conlioI
hoinone: InsuIin. Wilhoul adequale insuIin, oui ceIIs IileiaIIy slaive
and oui lodies die. This is vhy lype-1 dialelics nusl seIf-adninislei
insuIin injeclions. A lype-1 dialelic is unalIe lo geneiale insuIin and
17
nusl have an exleinaI souice oi die. On lhe olhei hand, loo nuch
insuIin pioduclion (due lo insuIin iesislance) Ieads lo lype-2 dialeles
and ceIIuIai degeneialion. IoilunaleIy, lype-2 dialeles can le lolh
avoided and ieveised vilh diel nodificalion.
InsuIin IeveIs vilhin lhe oplinaI iange aie laIanced vilh lhe
hoinone gIucagon. Iiolein piovides lhe lody vhal il needs lo nake
gIucagon, so a sinpIe iuIe of lhunl is lo eal piolein and cails al
eveiy neaI. (Theies no need foi piecise ialios, jusl le suie lo eal
piolein vilh eveiy neaI and youII le fine.) Iuilhei, have a heaIlhy
fal vilh eveiy neaI. WhiIe fal has neilhei negalive noi posilive effecl
on insuIin iesponse, ils a ciilicaI conponenl in oveiaII hoinone
pioduclion and lhe lody iequiies fals lo pioduce lhe sex hoinones,
such as DHLA and leslosleione. Long lein Iov-fal dieling, nol
suipiisingIy, iesuIls in Iov IeveIs of ciilicaI sex hoinones.
Al lhis poinl, you nay vondei vhy insuIin is lhe foundalion of
oveiaII hoinone oplinizalion` Ive expIained lhe ioIe il pIays in
nainlaining Iife ilseIf, and vhy il nuslnl le loo Iov, lul Iels see
vhal happens vhen insuIin is loo high.
The ieason peopIe gain fal fion high cailohydiale consunplion
is lecause of lhe insuIin spike lhal foIIovs any high cailohydiale
neaI. When you eal a significanl anounl of cailohydiales, (such as
a lovI of pasla) youi lIood gIucose IeveIs go lhiough lhe ioof,
iequiiing a conpensaloiy suige of insuIin lo liing lhal gIucose lack
dovn vilhin noinaI iange. Tine aflei line, neaI aflei neaI, lhe
consequence is pooi lody conposilion, e.g., excess lody fal sloies,
pooi nood and pooiei heaIlh. Lxcess insuIin pioduclion iesuIling
fion dielaiy cailohydiales incieases lody fal, vhich in luin
conpionises sex hoinone nanufacluie and nelaloIisn. The fallei
you aie, lhe noie esliogen ieceplois youII have, vhich ieduces lhe
ceIIuIai access lo leslosleione. This is vhy you canl uliIize exlia
leslosleione, no nallei hov nuch you aie naking (oi suppIenenl-
ing) if insuIin is nol piopeiIy nanaged.
In shoil, insuIin nusl le laIanced vilh gIucagon. InsuIin diives
nuliienls inlo ceIIs foi sloiage, vhiIe gIucagon noliIizes ceIIuIai
Mike MahIei
18
eneigy sloies lo ciicuIale in lhe lIood sliean on denand. High
insuIin IeveIs lIock lhe ieIease of gIucagon, vhich, anong olhei
choies, is ciilicaI foi liain funclion.
Lxcess insuIin in lhe lody indicales excess caIoiies, in pailicuIai,
cailohydiales. Woise, lhe noie cailohydiales you eal, lhe noie fiee
iadicaIs aie pioduced in lhe digeslive piocess, conpionising lhe
innune syslen. OveiIy high insuIin IeveIs aIso caII on coilisoI as a
lackup, vhich Ieads lo excess coilisoI pioduclion. Renenlei, excess
coilisoI deslioys lhe desiialIe hoinones: leslosleione, DHLA, and
hunan giovlh hoinone. Adding coilisoI inlo lhis gane incieases
insuIin iesislance ly indiieclIy incieasing insuIin pioduclion. This is
lecause lhe pancieas punps oul noie insuIin lo Iovei lhe coilisoI.
As if lhal veienl lad enough, pioIonged excess coilisoI evenluaIIy
deslioys lhe coilisoI sensilive ceIIs in lhe liain. This is vhy noie
and noie ieseaich is Iinking AIzheineis disease lo IifeIong excess
coilisoI.
ecause of conlinuaI eIevaled coilisoI pioduclion, lhe condilion
of insuIin iesislance iesuIls in decieased IeveIs of olhei, leneficiaI,
hoinones. The naslei hoinone, piegnenoIone, opls lelveen
naking DHLA, piogesleione, oi coilisoI lul vhen gIucagon IeveIs
aie inadequale lhe lody nusl opl foi suivivaI ialhei lhan lhiiving.
ConsequenlIy, piegnenoIone does nol go lo DHLA and piogesleione
pioduclion, lhus DHLA doesnl conveil lo andioslenedione and oui
lheoielicaI (al lhis poinl) andioslenedione nevei conveils lo leslos-
leione. This cascade of faiIuie iIIusliales vhy liying lo inciease any
singIe hoinone lefoie nanaging lhe pIay of insuIin and gIucagon is
ineffeclive and a vasle of youi suppIenenl ludgel.
The lhiid ciilicaI hoinone lhal nusl le oplinized foi oveiaII
heaIlh and lo inciease youi diive foi success is adienaIine. The nain
adienaIine hoinones aie noiepinephiine and epinephiine. olh aie
calechoIanines, secieled ly lhe adienaIs, vhich liiggei lhe fighl oi
fIighl iesponse (aIso knovn as an adienaIine iush) pioviding an
eneigy and slienglh loosl ly vay of lhe cenliaI neivous syslen foi
2-15 ninules. When facing a Iegilinale sliessoi, i.e. an eneigency,
19
ve ieIy on lhese hoinones lo oveicone and peiseveie. Lpinephiine,
aIso iefeiied lo as adienaIine, is vhal gels you oul of led in lhe
noining, il fuilhei gives you an edge eveiy line you lake on a
chaIIenge. AdienaIine gives us eneigy foi inlense voikouls and, in
lhe foin of noiepinephiine, foi lhe nenlaI denands of Iife.
Mosl peopIe in nodein sociely have chionicaIIy jacked up
adienaIine IeveIs. Day-lo-day Iiving, laking a Iol of slinuIanls, such
as caffeine oi ingiedienls in eneigy diinks, onIy incieases lhe Ioad on
lheii aIieady oveivoiked adienaI gIands. WhiIe epinephiine voiks
in lhe lody, incieasing oxygen and gIucose IeveIs vhiIe suppiessing
digeslive and innune syslens, noiepinephiine voiks siniIaiIy, lul
adds a lonus psychoaclive eIenenl. Thus eveiy line you lake a
slinuIanl such as coffee lhe nessage lo lhe liain is a consciousness
of sliess.
ChionicaIIy eIevaled adienaIine aIvays iesuIls in adienaIine
iesislance, a condilion vheiein lhe vaiious adienaIine ieceplois
lecone desensilized. In an adienaIine-sensilive syslen, adienaIine
causes lIood sugai lo iise (lo le luined foi eneigy), vhiIe
sinuIlaneousIy ieIeasing Iipids inlo lhe lIood sliean (lhe fal-
luining pail), lhus adienaIine can aid us in lieaking dovn fal
deposils foi eneigy. UnfoilunaleIy, in an adienaIine-iesislanl
syslen, since lhe ieceplois aie duIIed, lhe nessage is eilhei deIayed
oi voise, nevei gels lhiough. Thus, lhe syslen sloies inslead of
luining lhe avaiIalIe eneigy souices and, voise yel, lends lo sloie
lhe ieIeased Iipids inlo aIieady-exisling slulloin fal deposils, Iike
hips and lhighs in vonen, and Iove handIes and uppei lack fal in
nen. In addilion lo lhe incieasing fal deposil sloies, adienaIine
iesislance, aIIoved lo iun ils couise, ends vilh seveie eneigy Iovs
and geneiaI faligue. Receplois voin oul ly chionic slinuIalion
evenluaIIy shul dovn, Ieaving you Iagging aII day. Any zeaI you
once had foi Iife is nov vapoiized Iike lhe Las Vegas jol naikel.
UnfoilunaleIy, lhe effecls of adienaIine iesislance donl slop al
incieased fal sloiage and decieased eneigy IeveIs. ChionicaIIy
eIevaled adienaIine liings infIannalion: eveiy secielion of
Mike MahIei
2O
adienaIine liiggeis a conpIenenl of lhe sliess hoinone, coilisoI, a
counlei-iesponse lo lhe syslens infIannaloiy iesponse lo
adienaIine. Like adienaIine, coilisoI--in lhe appiopiiale doses is
heIpfuI. The piolIen, again, is loo nuch of a good lhing such as
vhen coilisoI IeveIs aie chionicaIIy eIevaled is nol good. In an
oplinaI scenaiio, coilisoI is ieIeased lo ieduce lhe inevilalIe
infIannalion (ly vay of suppiessing lhe innune iesponse)
liiggeied ly adienaIine, and eveiylhing is as il shouId le lhus
honeoslasis ensues. The piolIen aiises vhen coilisoI is chionicaIIy
ieIeased in iesponse lo an adienaIine-iesislanl syslen - iesuIling is a
conlinuaI feedlack Ioop of sliess hoinones. Woise, unIike
adienaIine, coilisoI doesnl ieIease fally acids foi eneigy, lul goes
lhe quick and diily ioule of nuscIe calaloIisn. So you see, lelveen
lhe fally acid sloiage and nuscIe calaloIisn, hov adienaIine
iesislance (al Ieasl in lhe ieaIn of oplinaI lody conposilion) is liuIy
a voisl-case scenaiio.
uiIding and ielaining nuscIe nass is ciilicaI lo lody Ieanness.
If youi goaIs incIude fal Ioss, youII vanl lo add nuscIe lo inpiove
youi ialio of Iean lody nass lo fal and luiIding nuscIe is viiluaIIy
inpossilIe in lhe face of adienaIine iesislance.
We need sufficienl leslosleione and giovlh hoinone lo feeI oui
lesl and lhiive. ul lhe excess coilisoI (fion lhe excess adienaIine)
puIIs lhe pIug on nuscIe gains on one fionl, ly fIal-Iining
pioduclion of lhe analoIic sex hoinones. When youi cenliaI
neivous syslen is in conlinuaI suivivaI node, avaiIalIe eneigy is no
Iongei deIegaled lo analoIisn (i.e. lissue giovlh and iepaii) lul
inslead lo suivivaI node (i.e. infIannalion ly suppiessing lhe
innune syslen.) Decieased sex hoinone pioduclion is lhe kiss of
dealh foi nuscIe gains, fal Ioss, poveifuI innunily and a heaIlhy
zeaI foi Iife. You vanl lo oplinize youi sex hoinone IeveIs and feeI
gieal` Heies lhe hilch: you nusl addiess adienaIine iesislance.
Ciush adienaIine iesislance ly sIeeping noie, nedilaling daiIy,
and nol ieIying on slinuIanls such as coffee and eneigy diinks. One
oi lvo cups of coffee is nol a lig deaI and has lenefils foi lhe liain
21
and insuIin sensilivily. Hovevei, noie lhan lhal causes piolIens foi
nosl and evenluaIIy Ieads lo adienaIine iesislance. Celling iid of
loxins in lhe lody is aIso inpoilanl so you have noie ieaI eneigy lo
lake chaige of youi Iife. Knoving lhis, il nakes sense lo eal a diel
lolh cIean and fiee of loxins. Consuning anpIe oiganic fiuils and
vegelalIes piovides lhe Iivei anlioxidanls lo counlei lhe effecls of
loxins ieIeased fion lhe fal ceIIs. WhiIe lhe nuliilion lenefil pei se of
oiganic food ovei non-oiganic food is negIigilIe al lesl, oiganic food
has Iess suiface loxins fion spiays vhich ideaIIy liansIales inlo a
Iovei loxic Ioad on lhe syslen, lheiefoie Iess luiden on lhe Iivei and
finaIIy, decieased slulloin lody fal.
Whal happens vhen you cIean up and Iock in youi diel, naslei
sliess IeveIs and liain haid vilh adequale iecoveiy line` WeII, in
ny case, vhen given lhe oppoilunily lo oplinize lhenseIves, ny
hoinones adjusled lhenseIves inlo nol onIy adequale, lul ideaI
ianges.
In facl, ny Iasl saIiva lesl shoved ny andioslenedione, pioges-
leione, DHLA, DHT and leslosleione aII in oplinaI ianges. Ive
achieved lhis lhiough diel nodificalion, piopei sIeep and iesloia-
lion, haid liaining and a fev key suppIenenls, piinaiiIy Magnesi-
un OiI, zinc ciliale, and an inciedilIe Soulh Afiican heil caIIed
uIline NalaIensis. uIline has leen shovn in sludies lo inciease
leslosleione ly 3OO and Iovei esliogen ly 35. Il has aIso leen
shovn lo oul peifoin Viagia as a sex enhancei. I an voiking on a
leslosleione oplinizing suppIenenl lhal viII incIude uIline as veII
as sone olhei oulslanding ingiedienls lo oplinize leslosleione.
The suljecl of hoinone oplinizalion is conpIex, lul al ils coie il
is addiessed ly oplinizing lhe lhiee lig pIayeis: Ieplin, insuIin, and
adienaIine. This is sonelhing seIf-heIp guius shouId le leIIing you,
vilhoul an oplinaI hoinone enviionnenl you viII nevei le genu-
ineIy happy oi have lhe fiie lo lake chaige of youi Iife and nake aII
youi dieans cone liue. We have lo acl lo oplinize hoinones, ly
laking chaige of oui Iife lul ve aIso have lo have oplinaI hoinones
in oidei lo lake chaige of oui Iife and slay on lhe palh Iong enough
Mike MahIei
22
lo achieve success. Do nol Iel anyone leII you olheivise. AIvays Iook
al lhe peisonaI iesuIls of vhoevei is giving you advice. Does he oi
she have lhe peisonaI exanpIe lo lack up vhal he oi she is piofess-
ing`
1/$)$ 20 +06 (0 &)0- /$)$<
Reconnended Sleps
- Take a saIiva hoinone lesl lo see vheie youi IeveIs aie. I
have info on ny sile iegaiding lhis al vvv.nikenahIei.con
- Have high quaIily piolein, heaIlhy fal, and Iov gIycenic
cailohydiales al eveiy neaI, incIuding posl-voikoul
shakes. YouII have lo expeiinenl lo deleinine vhal lhe
ideaI ialio is foi you. A good pIace lo slail is 3O piolein,
4O cails, and 3O fal. You neednl peifecl lhe ialios lo
lenefil, jusl eal aII lhiee nacionuliienls vilh eveiy neaI.
- Take al Ieasl six houi slielches lelveen each neaI - no
snacking.
- Cel aII food fion oiganic ieaI food souices.
- Cel aII cailohydiales fion fiuils and veggies.
- Keep coffee al 1-2 cups pei day, oi cul il oul conpIeleIy.
- Addiess enolionaI issues, such as chiIdhood liaunas. If you
faiI lo do lhis, hoinones viII nevei laIance. I discuss lhis in
lhe chaplei on enliacing conpassion oi leing deslioyed ly
angei.
- Medilale lvenly ninules daiIy. This is leneficiaI any line of
day lul has pailicuIai lenefils aflei voikouls and lefoie
ledline. DaiIy piaclice of lai chi oi chi-kung is aIso usefuI.
- Take chaige of youi Iife and lhe iesponsiliIily lhal cones
vilh il.
23
- Incoipoiale inlense caidio liaining, such as inleivaI spiinls,
inlo youi iouline lo ianp up giovlh hoinone.
- Lngage in heavy veighl liaining vilh shoil lieaks (6O-8O
of youi one iep nax vilh 6O-second lieaks). Iocus on con-
pound novenenls.
- Use Ancienl MineiaIs Magnesiun OiI lefoie ledline and
lake 3Ong of zinc eveiy noining. Moie info can le found on
ny velsile vvv.nikenahIei.con
)$30--$42$2 )$'2"4(
Mas|cring |cp|in y yion Richaids
- This is a gieal look on hov lo oplinize Ieplin and olhei
hoinones.
Tnc An|i-aging Zcnc, ly aiiy Seais Ih.D
- SoIid info on diel and hoinone IeveIs, hovevei, I donl
agiee vilh his concIusion lhal inlense exeicise is lad foi
you. Neilhei do I lhink you need lo foIIov his 3O-4O-3O diel
pIan, noi eal five lines pei day.
Tnc An|i-cs|rcgcnic Dic| and Maxinun Musc|c, Mininun |a| ly Oii
HofnekIei
- LxceIIenl infoinalion on hov lo Iovei esliogen, inciease
giovlh hoinone, oplinize leslosleione and DHT and nuch
noie.
Agc|css, ly Suzanne Sonneis
- Infoinalive conpiIalion of inleivievs vilh doclois as veII
as Suzannes ovn lake on hoinones.
Tnc Tcs|cs|crcnc Sqndrcnc, ly Lugene Shippen, M.D.
Mike MahIei
24
- Veiy good oveiviev on lhe inpoilance of leslosleione foi
nen as veII as lhe pios and cons of hoinone iepIacenenl.
Tnc Mirac|c Of 8ic-|dcn|ica| Hcrncncs, ly MichaeI L IIall, M.D.
- Cood ieviev of lhe pios and cons of lio-idenlicaI hoinones
conlaining seveiaI case sludies.

25
"* /'#"4( ' 90*"5"#$
'55"562$ 0#$))'5$2<
SeIf-heIp guius oflen laIk aloul lhe inpoilance of having a posilive
allilude, cIaining ils fundanenlaI lo lhe success of any and aII
endeavois. On lhe conliaiy - allilude is iiieIevanl. CoupIe lhe
liighlesl of alliludes vilh a fIaved pIan and youII cieale onIy
faiIuie, vhiIe laking lhal sane aclion vilh an effeclive pIan (even if
youi allilude is Iess lhan cheeifuI) youII suieIy succeed. Quoling
foinei Navy SLAL Tean Six Ieadei Richaid Maicinko, you donl
have lo Iike il, you jusl have lo do il. Doing vhal needs lo le done
even vhen ils lhe Iasl lhing you vanl lo do, is lhe ciilicaI facloi in
achieving success.
If youie onIy capalIe of laking aclion vhen youie allilude is
posilive, lhen donl lolhei. If you iequiie exliinsic nolivalion lo
nake youi nove, you shouId jusl give up nov. If you onIy peifoin
al a high IeveI vhen youie feeIing youi lesl, lhen you aie lhe exacl
opposile of a piofessionaI and deslined lo ienain an analeui al Iife
and eveiylhing eIse.
Nol onIy is posilive allilude leside lhe poinl, il can acluaIIy hin-
dei neaningfuI change as veII as ensuing success. III shaie a
peisonaI exanpIe.
SeveiaI yeais ago, vhiIe enpIoyed in an especiaIIy Iane saIes
jol, I Ieained fiisl-hand lhe iiieIevance of a posilive allilude. An
idiolic saIes nanagei ieconnended lhal lo lesl pionole ny
lusiness I shouId disliilule 5OO lusiness caids each day on paiked
cais. Aflei a fev veeks of lhis, lhe Iack of iesponse Iefl ne veiy
Mike MahIei
26
disappoinled. Nov sone of you nighl le lhinking a fev veeks is
nolhing and lhal I needed lo denonsliale noie connilnenl and
consislency, and vhiIe I nighl agiee on piincipIe, Id aigue lhal a
piopei naikeling pIan is lhe ciuciaI eIenenl and lhal papeiing
peopIes cais doesnl cul il.
When vas lhe Iasl line a caid oi fIiei Iefl on youi vindshieId
inspiied you lo puichase a pioducl oi seivice` Unn, nevei` ul ils
a nunleis gane, you nighl say - vhich is exaclIy vhal ny saIes
nanagei said. Iuilhei, he convinced ne il vas ny negalive allilude
kiIIing ny caid naikeling effoils. Weai youi liggesl sniIe as you
pIace lhe caids, he said, and nake a posilive affiinalion as you luck
each caid undei lhe vipei. I vas young, naive and open ninded and
I ale up lhis advice. Aflei aII, heie vas lhe nanagei offeiing ne lhe
lenefil of his expeiience, iighl` I venl ciazy vilh lhe caids. Nol onIy
did I pasle on an idiolic sniIe, I kepl on sniIing as I fIipped a iecoid
len lhousands caids in a singIe day. Oh, hov exciled I vas aloul
laking lhis nassive aclion and hov I eageiIy anlicipaled an equaIIy
nassive iesponse. UnfoilunaleIy, lhe onIy posilive iesuIl I sav vas
incieased caidio condilioning fion iunning lhe paiking Iols aII day.
The onIy phone caIIs I ieceived aflei lhis naikeling fiasco veie
conpIainls. One guy loId ne lhe caid Id sluck in his diiveis side
vindov had voiked ils vay dovn inlo lhe dooi cosling hin $5OO lo
ienove and lhal hed le liIIing ne shoilIy. Anolhei guy Iefl a
nessage lhal hed saved ny caid and inlended lo slapIe il lo ny
foiehead. es, aII lhe sniIing and posilive affiinalions veie finaIIy
liinging ne iesuIls lul, as you can see, il vas a ciappy naikeling
pIan, nol a Iack of posilive allilude lhal ciealed lhis ness.
I shaied ny fiuslialions vilh lhe nanagei and his iesponse vas
cIassic. He said ny allilude vas sliII Iacking in lhal vhal Id as-
suned vas a posilive allilude vas neieIy a facade. Woise, ny
undeiIying negalive allilude vas appaienlIy so lenacious il had
liansfeiied ilseIf lo lhe caids as I pIaced lhen on each cai!
Linslein hinseIf said lhe definilion of insanily is doing lhe sane
lhing and expecling diffeienl iesuIls. Heie Id pioven lo nyseIf lhal
27
lhe caid naikeling nelhod vas voilhIess. Hey, vhen you do len
lhousand of anylhing, sonelhing posilive shouId cone of il! If nol,
youi lesl effoils nighl le ciippIed ly a pooi pIan of aclion. Il look
IillIe inleIIeclion lo ieaIize il vas line lo liy sonelhing diffeienl.
The nunlei one fIav in caid naikeling is lhal il iequiies an ex-
liene effoil lo gel youi void oul. SeveiaI lhousand caids, pIus lhe
houis spenl disliiluling lhose caids, is an exeicise in inefficiency.
Whal I needed vas a syslen of pionoling ny lusiness lo vasl
nunleis of peopIe iequiiing nininaI effoil. Aflei doing sone
ieseaich, I decided upon signs.
Slailing oul vilh fifly signs, I pul lhen up on leIephone poIes
and slakes al najoi inleiseclions. The lesl and nosl efficienl vay lo
posl signs is in lhe niddIe of lhe nighl vhen liaffic is Iov. Id go oul
aiound 2 A.M. in lhe lIisleiing coId and pul up ny signs. Did I
nainlain lhal aII-inpoilanl posilive allilude` Nol even cIose. I vas
lilching lhe enliie line lul I naiIed in lhose signs unliI lhe jol vas
done, lhe sun sliII coning up and lhen diagged nyseIf lack hone lo
gel sone sIeep. I avoke, seveiaI houis Ialei, lo noie lhan lvenly
voice nessages fion peopIe inleiesled in vhal I vas offeiing. My
cIosing iale on lhose caIIlacks veie one in lhiee, vhich is pielly
good. I had finaIIy discoveied a nelhod lhal voiked, and despile
any senlIance of posilive allilude duiing lhe piocess, ny couise of
aclion vas nel vilh success.
Take an effeclive pIan, pul il inlo aclion, have lhe lenacily lo see
il lhiough, and il viII voik in spile of youi posilive, negalive, oi
indiffeienl allilude. When il cones lo naking dianalic, posilive
change in youi Iife, a posilive allilude is lhe Ieasl of youi conceins,
and in facl, nay acluaIIy inhilil you in accepling lhe liulaI seIf-
knovIedge iequiied lo lieak fiee of ineilia and nove foivaid.
IeopIe oflen leII ne aloul lheii inlense IeveI of dissalisfaclion
vilh lheii jols, ending vilh hov lhey slay posilive and Iook on lhe
liighl side lo avoid feeIings of depiession and insanily. TheyII
conlinue lhal evenluaIIy vhen lhe line is iighl lheyII puisue lheii
diean caieeis. WhiIe gialilude foi vhal you have is a good lhing, il
Mike MahIei
28
doesnl nean you shouId evei accepl a Iife you donl vanl. Ioicing
posilivily in lhe face of viong IiveIihood is onIy lhe iIIusion of
posilive. Tiicking youiseIf inlo feeIing good aloul sonelhing lad is
onIy an effeclive pIan foi negalive oulcones.
RecenlIy, I iead a gieal ailicIe aloul senioi cilizens Iooking lack
ovei lheii Iives. NaluiaIIy, sone had iegiels aloul lhings lheyd
done ovei lhe yeais, lul lhe sliongesl iegiels veie feIl foi lhings lhal
veienl evei done.
Whal does lhis have lo do vilh posilive allilude` A slulloin
posilive allilude nay le lhe enalIing facloi in conlinuing lo sIog on
vilh a Iife you donl even vanl. Sonelines, ils hilling iock lollon
lhal spuis foivaid aclion. No, you donl have lo Iose aII youi
voiIdIy possessions and end up on lhe slieel lul you do have lo feeI
Iov-dovn and angiy enough vilh youiseIf foi accepling youi
nisappiopiialed Iife. When you aie conpIeleIy fed up and nauseal-
ed al lhe idea of ienaining as you have leen, you aie finaIIy ieady lo
iniliale change and cieale a nev Iife.
Ciealion is dianalic and poveifuI, nol passive and sullIe. Ciea-
lion aiises fion desliuclion and onIy ly deslioying youi viongfuIIy
Iived Iife can you finaIIy enliace lhe Iife youve aIvays vanled. This
is vhal il neans lo le ieincainaled as a nev peison. Theie aie no
second chances vhen youie keeping one fool in youi oId Iife, youi
angei and exliene dissalisfaclion aie lhe fIanes lhal luin lhe
liidges lo youi pasl. Dianalic change isnl aIvays pielly, noi does il
aIvays cone fion a pielly, posilive pIace.
In shoil, pulling a posilive spin on a negalive silualion is Iying
lo youiseIf - and lheies nolhing posilive aloul Iies. Celling a fIal liie
on lhe vay lo an inpoilanl neeling, you nighl puII off lo lhe side of
lhe ioad and lhink of aII lhe posilive ieasons lhal lhis nighl have
happened. Ieihaps in gelling a fIal you avoided a leiiilIe accidenl
up lhe ioad. Mayle lhe neeling is leing heId in a luiIding assigned
lo le lIovn up ly leiioiisls. Wilh lhis Iine of ieasoning, you nighl
even lhank lhe slais and feeI gialilude foi youi fIal liie - nol so fasl!
As oulIandish as il nighl sound lo lhe posilive lhinkeis anong you,
29
youi fIal liie is piolalIy nolhing noie lhan one of lhe nuIlipIe,
iiiilaling, inconveniences ve aII deaI vilh fion line lo line. The
soIulion` Cel oul of youi cai, change lhe liie, and gel lack on lhe
ioad - no posilive allilude iequiied. You knov vhal needs lo le
done, gel il done and nove on.
You nay lhink a fIal liie is a liiviaI exanpIe, so Iels use sone-
lhing noie conpeIIing. Hov aloul pedialiic luin viclins` As a non-
luined peison, vouId you feeI confoilalIe leIIing lhese chiIdien lo
slay posilive and feeI gialilude foi vhal lhey have` These kids aie in
lhe deplhs of suffeiing and lhey aie nol viong lo feeI angiy aloul il.
WhiIe lhey nusl evenluaIIy nove on fion lheii slale of suffeiing,
lheii heaIing viII cone faslei ly accepling lheii cuiienl, leiiilIe,
ieaIily lefoie noving onvaid. Insisling lhal eveiylhing is fine onIy
defeis ciuciaI feeIings vhich need lo le lioughl lo avaieness.
TeiiilIe lhings happen aII lhe line lo peopIe vho donl deseive
lhen and lheies nolhing posilive lo le said aloul il. Nol onIy is il
heaIlhy lo accepl lhis facl (lhal sone lhings aie indeed negalive and
even leiiilIe) ils essenliaI lo Ieading a seIf-ieaIized Iife. Life is nevei
aII-negalive noi aII-posilive. Sone lhings aie vondeifuI, sone
leiiilIe, and lheies no use in sliuggIing ovei vhal seens lo le
duaIily lul in facl is nol.
SeIf-heIp guius cIain you nusl feeI posilive in oidei lo lake any
iighl aclion. TheyII have you do diiIIs, Iike Iisling aII lhe ieasons
you shouId do sonelhing, lhen Iisling aII lhe ieasons nol lo do il. If
youi posilives oul-veigh lhe negalives, lhen you shouId lake aclion.
WeII, if you even have lo nake such a Iisl, lhen youi piioiilies aie
confused. When you ieaIIy vanl sonelhing, you foin a pIan of
aclion and execule il. You donl induIge in nenlaI nasluilalion.
Thal vhich is inpoilanl viII olsess you and foice you inlo aclion.
Iai noie inpoilanl lhan a posilive allilude aie piepaialion and
sound liaining. A posilive allilude vilhoul piepaialion viII Iose oul.
Lven vilh a negalive allilude, vhen nalched vilh liaining and
piepaialion, you aie fai noie IikeIy lo peiseveie and lhiive.
Mike MahIei
3O
esl of aII, ly laking lhe necessaiy aclion lo acquiie lhe Iife you
ieaIIy vanl lo Iive, youII naluiaIIy feeI posilive feeIings aloul youi
Iife. Taking chaige of youi Iife is exciling and exhiIaialing, vhiIe
Iying lo youiseIf aloul anylhing, incIuding lhal vhich seens
posilive, is hoIIov and denoiaIizing.
So foigel aloul liying lo change youi allilude! Iul logelhei youi
aclion pIan, gel going, and shov couiage in lhe face of lhe inevilalIe
eiiois and sellacks. You knov vhal you need lo do and you donl
have lo Iike il, you jusl have lo do il.

31
5/$ 4$3$**"5+ 0&
4$('5"#$ 5/"4."4(
I do nol knov aloul you, lul I have had il vilh seIf-heIp guius lhal
slale you shouId aIvays le posilive, no nallei vhal. As veve
louched upon in lhe pievious chaplei, pioponenls of posilive
lhinking slale lhal you shouId aIvays Iook on lhe liighl side, and
lhal no silualion is negalive unIess you leIieve il is.
WhiIe lhis Iine of lhinking nighl sound good in lheoiy, in piac-
lice il is a guaianleed vay lo nevei achieve youi goaIs oi inpiove
youi Iife. Moieovei, aIvays Iooking on lhe liighl side can le used as
an excuse foi nol inpioving youi Iife, oi going aflei youi goaIs.
Aflei aII, if eveiylhing is gieal vhy nake any changes`
Conliaiy lo vhal posilive lhinking devolees say, appIying nega-
live lhinking is oflen necessaiy lo achieve youi goaIs and inpiove
youi Iife. esides, negalive lhinking is a necessily in oidei lo avoid
naking lhe sane nislakes ovei and ovei again. Is negalive lhinking
supeiioi lo posilive lhinking` Nol necessaiiIy. A laIance of lolh
posilive and negalive eneigy is necessaiy foi equiIiliiun. Lels slail
off ly going ovei sone of lhe pilfaIIs of posilive lhinking.
Iiisl: Iosilive lhinkeis leIieve lhal you shouId aIvays Iook on
lhe liighl side. To sone degiee, I agiee vilh lhis. Aflei aII, nany
peopIe dveII on lhe negalive in oidei lo gel allenlion fion olhei
peopIe, vhich is dovn iighl palhelic. I have nel peopIe lhal Iike lo
shov off aloul lheii piolIens as a vay lo gel olheis lo feeI soiiy foi
lhen. These pooi ne addicls aie ieaI eneigy vanpiies, and you
vanl lo avoid such peopIe Iike lhe pIague. When you offei soIulions
Mike MahIei
32
lhey innedialeIy disniss lhen, lhey vanl lhe piolIens. Oflen in
Iife you have lo ieaIize, if you donl vanl lhe soIulion lhen you vanl
lhe piolIen.
Ioi nosl, lheie viII aIvays le peopIe lhal aie fai voise off lhan
ve aie, and ve shouId le gialefuI foi vhal ve have. I have had lhe
good foilune lo liaveI aII ovei lhe voiId. I have seen innense
suffeiing, vhich nakes so caIIed suffeiing in Aneiica Iook Iike a liip
lo DisneyIand. You definileIy feeI gialefuI foi vhal you have aflei
seeing such inlense suffeiing. RegaidIess, ve shouId nol use lhis Iine
of lhinking as an excuse lo accepl ciicunslances lhal aie nol oplinaI.
If anylhing, ve shouId use il as a nolivalionaI fiie, lo fuIIy vaIue lhe
oppoilunilies ve have and lo lake fuII advanlage of lhen. eing
posilive aloul lhings lhal aie negalive is nol lhe vay lo evoIve.
Ioi exanpIe, Iels say lhal you aie lioke, oveiveighl, and have
no fiiends. You decide lo appIy posilive lhinking and accepl youi
silualion. Aflei aII, il couId aIvays le voise. You leII youiseIf lhal
you aie Iucky lo le you and you vaIk aiound vilh a sniIe on youi
face. You leII youiseIf lhal lheie is no need lo nake noney, nake
fiiends, oi Iose veighl lecause eveiylhing is okay as il is. Theie aie a
Iol of peopIe lhal aie fai voise off so you shouId le gialefuI foi vhal
you have. Is lhis ieaIIy addiessing lhe piolIen`
Do you ieaIIy leIieve lhal soneone is genuineIy happy in lhis sil-
ualion` I donl lhink so. Lels fIip lhe sciipl and appIy sone negalive
lhinking lo lhis silualion. You decide lhal you aie fed up vilh leing
lioke, oveiveighl, and IoneIy. You cannol sland vho you aie any-
noie, and lhe idea of slaying lhe sane is nausealing. You gel angiy
and decide lo lake chaige of youi Iife. The dissalisfaclion of lhe
silualion nakes you fuiious, and you lake aclion innedialeIy.
AddilionaIIy, you viII slay lhe couise, anyline you feeI conpIacenl
you viII lhink aloul lhe Iife you have lo go lack lo, and lhal is a veiy
poveifuI diiving foice lo peiseveie and push foivaid.
Wilhoul a doull soneone lhal appIies negalive lhinking in lhis
silualion is noie IikeIy lo achieve his oi hei goaIs. Why` ecause he
oi she is in louch vilh ieaIily, and ieaIizes lhal caIIing a Iane
33
silualion good does nol change il in lhe ieaI voiId. Sonelines a
liulaI dose of ieaIily is jusl lhe nedicine you need lo nake sone
seiious changes lhal viII iesuIl in a posilive inpacl.
Second: Iosilive lhinkeis leIieve lhal having a posilive allilude
al aII lines is lhe key lo success. If you vanl lo nake noney, lhen
sniIe al youiseIf in lhe niiioi and leII youiseIf lhal you aie aIieady a
niIIionaiie and slail acling Iike one. y doing so, you viII alliacl Iols
of noney inlo youi Iife. Sounds Iike a gieal pIan. UnfoilunaleIy il
does nol pan oul in lhe ieaI voiId.
Inagine if you decided lhal you vanled lo lench piess 4OOIls.
You have nevei done noie lhan 3OOIls yel you lhink lhal if you jusl
appIy enough posilive lhinking you viII le alIe lo lench piess
4OOIls.
You spend an houi in lhe niiioi leIIing youiseIf lhal you can do
il ovei and ovei again. Then you hil lhe gyn Ioad up lhe lai lo
4OOIls and die an agonizing dealh vhen you gel pinned. 4OOIls does
nol caie if you aie posilive oi nol. You couId le lhe liggesl jeik in
lhe voiId, lul le alIe lo lench piess 4OOIls.
Iosilive lhinking viII nol lake lhe pIace of liaining and piepaia-
lion. Suie, leing confidenl and leIIing youiseIf lhal you can do
sonelhing is gieal, if you have pul in lhe honesl line and haid
voik. Hovevei, allenpling lo lypass liaining and haid voik vilh
posilive lhinking is a iecipe foi disaslei.
Thiid: Iioponenls of posilive lhinking oflen slale lhal you
shouId foigive peopIe lhal have scieved you ovei. Olheivise, you
viII hailoi angei lhal viII negaliveIy affecl youi Iife. In sone cases
lhis nighl le liue.
Ioi exanpIe, if you kiII soneone oi leal hin oi hei lo a puIp foi
nol paying you lack sone noney lhal lhey ove you, lhe conse-
quences of youi aclions viII nosl IikeIy nake youi Iife nuch voise.
AIso, if you dveII on hov soneone scieved you ovei lo lhe poinl
lhal il consunes youi daiIy lhoughls lhen you aie selling youiseIf
up foi unhappiness. You aie nosl IikeIy lellei off pulling youi
eneigy eIsevheie.
Mike MahIei
34
Thal said, jusl Ielling il go and doing nolhing is going lo nake
you feeI Iike a chunp. Soneone lhal appIies posilive lhinking viII
piolalIy say lhal lhey veie neanl lo have lhe noney lhal you Ieanl
lhen and lhal lhey viII piolalIy lenefil fion il, and lhal you viII
gel good kaina in ieluin. Again, sounds good on papei, lul il is nol
lhal sinpIe in lhe ieaI voiId.
If lhe peison is dishonesl, and does nol pay you lack, do you
ieaIIy lhink lhal lhey aie going lo do sonelhing posilive vilh lhe
noney` I doull il. Thus, il is highIy unIikeIy lhal good eneigy viII
cone lack youi vay foi heIping oul a Iosei. You donl have lo go
aflei soneone vho oves you noney, lul al Ieasl adnil lhal soneone
luined you and gel lhal peison oul of youi Iife.
Make suie lhal you leII olhei peopIe as veII, so lhal lhey do nol
gel scieved ovei. Adnilling lhal you gol scieved ovei viII al Ieasl
pievenl you fion naking lhe sane nislake again.
Lying lo youiseIf, and leIIing youiseIf lhal you nevei nade a
nislake, viII jusl cause you lo nake lhe sane nislakes ovei and
ovei again. Sone of oui giealesl Iessons cone fion oui nislakes.
Theie is no need lo avoid adnilling lhal you nade a nislake lo le
posilive. Leaining fion a nislake is a posilive aclion lo lake. Ianous
iappei }ay-Z once said in an inleiviev, lhal he onIy Ieains fion his
nislakes, and lhal il is nol possilIe foi hin lo Ieain fion his success-
es. This is a veiy poveifuI slalenenl fion a veiy successfuI nan.
The key is lo acluaIIy adnil you nade a nislake and avoid naking
lhe sane nislake ovei and ovei again. Yes, ve can Ieain a Iol noie
fion oui nislakes, lhan oui successes.
Iouilh: Iioponenls of posilive lhinking leIieve in lhe lenefils of
affiinalions. Ioi exanpIe, if you have a feai of pulIic speaking, jusl
leII youiseIf ovei and ovei again lhal you can do il and lhal you aie
aIieady a gieal speakei. Soiiy, affiinalions viII nol nake up foi
expeiience. If you have nevei done any pulIic speaking lhen expecl
lo le leiiilIe al il vhen you legin. HeII, le piepaied lo le leiiilIe al
if foi a Iong line if nol indefinileIy. You viII onIy gel lellei vilh
deIileiale piaclice and Iols of il.
35
In lhe leginning you viII le leiiilIe, lul if you do il oflen
enough and acluaIIy pul conceiled effoil inlo inpioving, you viII
lecone noie confoilalIe and gel lellei. SeveiaI yeais ago I had lo
give a saIes piesenlalion lo a gioup of piospecls. I had sone liepida-
lion aloul doing il, lul loId nyseIf ovei and ovei lhal I vouId le
gieal.
To nake a Iong sloiy shoil, I gol in fionl of lhe gioup and venl
lIank. I slailed svealing piofuseIy as I liied lo ienenlei vhal I
vanled lo say lul couId nol ienenlei anylhing. My supeivisoi had
lo cone up and save ne. Il vas huniIialing and I gol angiy. I had lo
do anolhei saIes piesenlalion lhe foIIoving veek and lhis line I
piepaied, and did a good jol.
The huniIialion of scieving up in fionl of ny peeis nolivaled
ne lo gel lellei. I accepled lhe facl lhal I vas leiiilIe and lhal I
needed lo piaclice and piepaie foi lhe nexl piesenlalion. If I jusl loId
nyseIf lhal I did fine, I vouId have scieved up again and again.
Affiinalions viII nevei nake up foi ieaI voiId piaclice and a
ieaIily check. eing posilive can nake you confoilalIe and cause
you lo avoid inpioving. If you aIieady leIieve you aie good al
sonelhing vhy lake lhe line lo inpiove` You have lo accepl vheie
you aie, lo go vheie you vanl lo go.
Al lhis poinl you aie piolalIy lhinking lhal posilive lhinking is
conpIele gailage. WeII, il ieaIIy depends on hov you define
posilive lhinking. I do no lhink lhal leing posilive is gailage. Suie, il
is a good idea lo leIieve in youiseIf, lake chances, and have a
posilive oulIook on Iife.
We have aII leen aiound peopIe lhal aie cynicaI and negalive
aloul eveiylhing and lhey aie a ieaI diain lo le aiound. Hovevei,
peopIe lhal aie ecslalic aloul eveiylhing, such as lhe singei CeIine
Dion, can aIso le exlieneIy iiiilaling.
Life is lolh posilive, and negalive, and allenpling lo deny eilhei
is unieaIislic. The key is lo knov vhen lo appIy vhal. e posilive
vhen lhings aie going veII. When lhings aie nol going veII, adnil il
Mike MahIei
36
and use negalive eneigy lo change il. Negalive eneigy neaning
angei, iiiilalion, fiuslialion, and dissalisfaclion.
Dissalisfaclion viII cause you lo gel angiy, and angei can le a
poveifuI foice lo inpiove youi Iife. We donl sliive lo evoIve and
inpiove vhen ve lhink eveiylhing is going gieal. We sliive lo
evoIve vhen ve aie dissalisfied. eing dissalisfied is oflen a ciilicaI
conponenl of success and happiness. Il is vhal gels you lo quil
souIIess jols, oi gel oul of desliuclive ieIalionships.
If you ieaIIy vanl lo le posilive lhen you have lo Ieain hov lo
le negalive as veII. The key is lo le in lhe niddIe. If you aie nega-
live aII of lhe line you viII end up in lhe sane pIace as peopIe lhal
aie posilive aII lhe line. Thal pIace is lhe Iand of nediociily.
IeopIe lhal aie supei negalive lIane eveiyone lul lhenseIves
foi aII of lheii piolIens, vhiIe peopIe lhal aie supei posilive leIieve
lhal lhey do nol have any ioon foi inpioving and evoIving. olh
peopIe aie in iIIusion Iand and aie handicapped ly lheii lhinking.
You have lo le in lhe niddIe, so if you aie a supei posilive lhinkei,
lhen il is line lo gel lhal slupid sniIe off youi face!
Slop vasling line lhinking lhal youi palhelic Iife is gieal, and
do sonelhing iighl nov lo change il. On lhe olhei hand, if you aie a
supei negalive cynic, lhen slop lIaning lhe voiId foi aII of youi
piolIens and lake iesponsiliIily foi youi Iife!

37
5/$ 2'4($) 0&
'!1'+* '330--02'5"4(
| dcn| |nin| qcu ucrc pu| ncrc |c p|casc ctcrqocdq, |na| ucu|d oc ncrrio|c.
Ycu natc |c natc scnc |ind cf a s|and and s|and agains| scnc|ning as uc||.
|f nc|, qcurc jus| ocing acccnncda|ing.
-- Rcccc Dc|uca
A fev yeais ago I vas laIking lo ny fiiend, HaiIey IIanagan, aloul
a DVD piojecl on fal Ioss. As you nay knov, HaiIeys lhe foundei
of lhe NYC haidcoie land, The Cio-Mags, and is voiking on a nev
CD (vhich In financing) lhalII le oul soon. Ive heaid sone of il
and il iocks! ul lhals a sloiy foi anolhei line, so Iels gel lack lo
lhe conveisalion I had vilh HaiIey. WhiIe HaiIey Iikes ny DVD, he
lhinks In nissing lhe nainsliean naikel vilh ny peisonaIily and
leaching slyIe. He didnl insuIl ny appioach, jusl slaled lhal ils
haidcoie and inlinidaling lo a Iol of peopIe. Hes piolalIy iighl,
lul ne naking a sofl, nainsliean filness DVD is Iike asking
HaiIey lo nodeI his nusicaI slyIe aflei }uslin TinleiIake in oidei
lo hil lhe nainsliean naikel! Il is nol going lo happen! Il neans
nol leing genuine, and vhen youie nol genuine peopIe pick up on
il. This is a nain ieason vhy nosl filness DVDs and nosl nusic
Cds aie leiiilIe: inslead of doing vhal he vanls lo do and Ielling
il fIov aulhenlicaIIy, lhe ailisl slails lhinking aloul vhals going lo
seII and hov lo pIease peopIe. HeII, lhis is lhe nain ieason vhy
nosl novies aie foigellalIe: loo nuch of a coipoiale cookie-cullei
appioach lhal insuIls lhe vievei. You knov vhals going lo
Mike MahIei
38
happen in lhe fiisl len ninules and lhus diifl inlo olIivion foi lhe
nexl lvo houis.
The piolIen vilh leing acconnodaling is lhe focus gels shifled
lo vhal doesnl nallei. In an episode of Inside lhe Aclois Sludio,
acloi Mall Danon said lhal vinning an Acadeny Avaid shouIdnl
le lhe focus of an acloi, ialhei, lhe focus shouId le lhe ciafl ilseIf
and doing lhe lesl jol possilIe. The lesl jol possilIe cones fion
leing genuine, and in lhe nonenl, inslead of leing focused on
giaining lhe appiovaI of olheis.
The piolIen vilh aIvays acconnodaling lhe needs of olheis is
you slop laking iisks, and legin lo Iive youi Iife Iike a spineIess
poIilician vho has lo lake a poII lefoie any decision. If you onIy lake
aclion aflei gelling vaIidalion fion olheis, lhen youII nevei Iive
fuIIy. Youie no Iongei a ieaI peison, lul a pinlaII in lhe gane of Iife
leing lhiovn fion one side of lhe lalIe lo lhe olhei - nol an enpov-
eiing vay lo Iive, lo say lhe Ieasl. Theies a iush lhal cones fion
having lhe deck slacked againsl you and pievaiIing, lhose aie lhe
lines vhen you discovei vhal youie nade of and aie fuIIy aIive.
Many of lhe giealesl hunan leings veie peopIe vho iefused lo
le quiel and acconnodale lhe vishes of olheis. Candhi iefused lo
nove fion his seal on a liain and as a iesuIl vas IileiaIIy lhiovn off
lhe liain. He venl fion leing a Iavyei focused on naking noney lo
leconing aigualIy lhe giealesl hunan iighls Ieadei of aII line.
Candhi Ieained lhe inpoilance of nol acconnodaling in seeningIy
insignificanl cases and used lhal lo piepaie hinseIf foi lhe najoi
cases Ialei in his Iife.
eing acconnodaling in najoi aieas of youi Iife cones fion
leing acconnodaling in lhe seeningIy insignificanl aieas. RecenlIy,
I vas on a fIighl and gol sluck in lhe niddIe of a iov. Nol a fun
pIace lo le, and even voise vhen youie sealed lelveen a coupIe
laIking ovei you vhiIe passing lhings lack and foilh lo each olhei. Il
vas iiiilaling and disiespeclfuI, lo say lhe Ieasl. IinaIIy, I suggesled
lhal I eilhei svilch seals vilh one of lhen oi lhey iespecl ny
peisonaI space and slop passing lhings ovei ne and laIking ovei ne.
39
WhiIe lhey veie lhe ones lhal veie leing iude, lolh of lhen Iooked
al ne Iike I vas ciazy. CIeaiIy lhey veie used lo having lheii vay.
IoilunaleIy I spolled an enply vindov seal in lhe fionl iov and
noved Ieaving lhe annoying coupIe pondeiing vhy soneone had
lhe audacily lo queslion lheii iude and inconsideiale aclions.
Yes, I ieaIize lhe alove inslance of non-acconnodalion is haidIy
dianalic. ul, lhals lhe poinl: il slails vilh lhe snaII sluff. When
you acconnodale olheis, youie a viclin and as a iesuIl, no nallei
hov insignificanl lhe silualion you cieale a viclin pallein. If you
canl sland youi giound vilh snaII sluff, youII le ciushed vhen
najoi evenls cone youi vay, e.g., inslead of quilling a Iane jol and
going aflei vhal you ieaIIy vanl, youII acconnodale lhe loss,
laking lhe palh of Ieasl iesislance. In lhis nannei, youi enliie Iife
passes you ly vilh you vondeiing vhal happened.
Iion an eaiIy age veie laughl lo acconnodale olheis al lhe
expense of ouiseIves. Suie, sone acconnodalion is necessaiy and
ve canl aIvays have lhings oui vay, lul Ielling olheis vaIk aII ovei
us and decide hov ve shouId Iive oui Iives isnl acceplalIe. You
donl have lo expIain youi aclions lo olheis noi gel lheii appiovaI.
So sone peopIe aienl going lo Iike you` WeII, lhey veienl going lo
Iike you anyvay so ils nol a lig deaI.
Ils a Iileialing feeIing knoving you donl have lo lake ciap
fion peopIe, you can sland youi giound and do vhals lesl foi you
inslead of Iiving a feai-lased, acconnodaling IifeslyIe. }usl ienen-
lei lo le a non-acconnodaloi vilh lhe snaII sluff and youII
aulonalicaIIy lecone a non-acconnodaloi vilh lhe najoi lallIes.

4O
204=5 )$!+ 04
+06) "!!6*0)+ -$-0)+
Tnc c|aocra|c |apcs|rq cf cur cxpcricncc is nc| s|crcd in ncncrqa| |cas|
nc| in i|s cn|irc|q. Ra|ncr, i| is ccnprcsscd fcr s|cragc oq firs| ocing
rcduccd |c a fcu cri|ica| |nrcads, sucn as a sunnarq pnrasc (Dinncr uas
disappcin|ing). |a|cr, uncn uc uan| |c rcncnocr cur cxpcricncc, cur
orains quic||q rcucatc |nc |apcs|rq oq faorica|ing--nc| oq ac|ua||q rc|rict-
ing--|nc ou|| cf |nc infcrna|icn |na| uc cxpcricncc as ncncrq. Tnis
faorica|icn nappcns sc quic||q and cffcr||css|q |na| uc natc |nc i||usicn |na|
|nc cn|irc |ning uas in cur ncads |nc cn|irc |inc.
Danic| Gi|ocr|, au|ncr cf S|uno|ing On Happincss
One of lhe nain ieasons peopIe donl Ieain fion lheii expeiiences is
lecause lheii nenoiies of vhal happened aie inaccuiale. The
nenoiy of vhal acluaIIy occuiied can le so dislanl fion liulh lhal
lhe nenoiy is voilhIess as a Ieaining looI lhus lhe sane nislakes
aie iepealed ovei and ovei. So nuch foi expeiience and visdon
going hand and hand!
I expeiienced lhis fiislhand vhen ievieving lhe fiIn foolage foi
one of ny filness DVD piojecls The oys Aie ack In Tovn. Sone of
lhe foolage suipiised ne, foi exanpIe, lhe finaI paneI discussion vas
nuch diffeienl lhan I ienenleied: My nenoiy vas lhal vhen
asked a queslion Id gel lo lhe poinl quickIy, lul in ieaIily I venl on
lig langenls, laking foievei lo gel lo lhe poinl! NeedIess lo say, lhal
foolage didnl nake lhe cul. This expeiience vas exlieneIy heIpfuI
and eveiy voikshop since Ive appIied lhe Iess is noie concepl. Al
41
Ieasl lhals vhal I lhink In doing... accoiding lo ny faliicaled
nenoiies
The concepl of suljecliveIy faliicaling oui nenoiies liings lo
nind an episode fion a popuIai 8Os silcon Diffeienl Sliokes. In lhe
episode, nenleis of lhe leIevision faniIy aie viclins of a iolleiy
and a visiling poIice officei inleivievs each faniIy nenlei lo iepoil
vhal happened. The piolIen is, each faniIy nenlei has a vaslIy
diffeienl nenoiy of vhal look pIace. Lach faniIy nenlei iecaIIs his
oi hei ovn liave aclions lhioughoul lhe iolleiy vhiIe ienenleiing
eveiyone eIse as peliified vilh feai. This is anolhei exanpIe of lhe
ninds liickeiy: pulling aII oui aclions inlo a posilive conlexl lo
suppoil, and even juslify, lhose aclions. y lhe end of lhe episode,
lhe poIice officei ieaIizes each faniIy nenleis leslinony is voilh-
Iess. Whal ieaIIy happened is up foi gials, even lhe peopIe vho
veie piesenl donl knov.
Anolhei ieason foi oui fauIly nenoiies is a lendency lo iecaII,
and inleipiel, evenls in oidei lo neel lhe expeclalions of olheis, e.g.,
ve see sonelhing and nay cIassify il as leiiilIe lul if popuIai
opinion nanes il acceplalIe, veII fiIe il avay in oui ninds as
acceplalIe. One of ny favoiile shovs, M.A.S.H., aiied an episode
iegaiding jusl such nenlaI faliicalion. On lhe shov, lhe nain
chaiaclei, Havkeye, fondIy iecaIIs his nenoiies of gioving up vilh
his cousin. Havkeye ienenleis his cousin as nenloi and cIose
fiiend, hovevei, aflei pioling fuilhei inlo his nenoiy vilh lhe heIp
of a psychoIogisl, Havkeye iecaIIs his cousins allenpl lo diovn
hin ly foicing his head undeivalei and hoIding il lheie. IuIIing
hin oul of lhe valei al lhe Iasl ninule, lhe cousin has lhe audacily lo
infoin Havkeye hes jusl saved his Iife! Havkeyes faniIy lhinks
lhe cousin is a gieal guy and Ioves hin, so ialhei lhen leIIing his
falhei vhal ieaIIy happened, Havkeye accepls a nenlaI faliicalion
lhal his cousin saved his Iife inslead of allenpling lo diovn hin. Yel
lhe liulh vas sloied deep in his sulconscious nind and deslined lo
suiface in lhe fuluie. Sonelines ve find liulh loo difficuIl lo accepl
lecause il couId shallei oui voiIdviev. Ralhei lhan facing il as is,
Mike MahIei
42
ve piocess il inlo sonelhing ve find noie agieealIe. Then veII
push lhe liulh inlo lhe lack of oui ninds, fiIed avay vilhin slacks of
do-nol-open loxes.
WhiIe lhe liulhfuI nenoiies aie sloied avay in lhe sulcon-
scious nind and lheiefoie nol easiIy accessilIe, oui iefined, easy-lo-
digesl faliicalions aie kepl ieadiIy al-hand, ieady lo feed oui seIf-
deIusions.
Ovei nany yeais of pioviding peopIe vilh onIine liaining sei-
vices, Ive ieaIized lhe lesl vay lo gel peopIe on liack and keep
lhen lheie is ly insisling lhey keep liaining jouinaIs. When lhe
cIienls goaIs aie Iosing fal oi pulling on size, nuliilion jouinaIs aie
aIso ciilicaI. A iecenl sludy of 685 peopIe shoved lhal suljecls vho
kepl accuiale diel jouinaIs Iosl lvice as nuch veighl lhan lhose vho
didnl.
Whal is so nagicaI aloul viiling lhings dovn` Assuning youie
honesl and keeping a delaiIed jouinaI, youi jouinaI keeps lhose
liulhs in fionl of you. This neans you iecoid youi food inlake
innedialeIy lo ensuie accuiacy, i.e., aflei ealing lieakfasl you viile
dovn eveiy singIe lhing you ale. Ciean and sugai in youi coffee` If
yes, youII iecoid il pionplIy and Ialei do lhe caIoiie lolaI and a
nacio nuliienl lieakdovn foi each neaI.
If you cheal (nayle you have a Snickeis vhiIe diiving lo
voik) you viile il dovn. Aflei a veek of keeping a delaiIed diel
jouinaI lhe liulh is in fionl of you. YouII undeisland vhy youie nol
Iosing veighl and can nake lhe necessaiy nodificalions lo gel on
liack. ReIying on nenoiy is a deIusionaI no-liainei, peopIe lend lo
iecaII onIy lheii heaIlhy food choices any given day. My onIine
cIienls aie shocked vhen lhey ieviev lheii daiIy food Iogs and laIIy
caIoiie nunleis. Ive had peopIe eslinale lheii daiIy caIoiic inlake al
2OOO caIoiies onIy lo discovei lhey aie, in facl, consuning 35OO
caIoiies...oi noie. Ive had cIienls desciile lheii sugai consunplion
as insignificanl vhen in liulh il vas coIossaI.
Renenlei, foi youi jouinaI lo le accuiale (and lheiefoie, usefuI)
you nusl iecoid youi food inlake as soon as il goes dovn. Donl
43
nake lhe connon nislake of vailing foi lhe end of lhe day, lhen
ieIying upon a fauIly nenoiy lo sunnaiize lhe days neaIs - youi
jouinaI is suie lo le inaccuiale. Yes, lhis neans you nusl caiiy a pen
and nolelook (oi olhei iecoiding device) al aII lines. A nuisance,
you say` Suie il is. You can aIvays opl, as nosl peopIe do, lo ienain
oveiveighl. You have youi choice of luidens: eilhei caiiy a pen and
nolelook aIong eveiyvheie and iecoid youi neaIs oi conlinue
hunping aiound fifly exlia pounds of fal. You have fiee viII lo
decide vhich is lhe liggei nuisance. HopefuIIy, youi decision vonl
le coIoied ly faliicaled, fauIly nenoiies, juslificalions, oi ouliighl
Iies.
Dielaiy indiscielions aside, anolhei suljecl iegaiding oui fIaved
nenoiies lo vhich nosl of us can ieIale is ciedil caid slalenenls.
We ieceive oui nonlhIy ciedil caid slalenenl and aie shocked ly
lhe laIance. We lhink lheie nusl le a nislake, sciulinizing each
expendiluie, knoving lhal ceilainIy ve couIdnl possilIy have spenl
so nuch noney. Aflei adding eveiylhing up, ve discovei lhe
slalenenl is coiiecl, and voise, jusl lecause ve donl ienenlei
spending lhe noney, doesnl nean ve didnl. Oveispending vilh a
ciedil caid is lanlanounl lo oveiealing. Mosl peopIe donl lolhei
keeping liack of eilhei, lhus finding lhenseIves fal and lioke.
UnpIeasanl, peihaps, lul an honesl assessnenl.
Anolhei aiena iequiiing delaiIed iecoid keeping is iunning youi
ovn (successfuI) lusiness. Inagine ieIying on nenoiy lo iecaII lhe
noney nade and spenl each nonlh! This is an effeclive vay lo go
oul of lusiness veiy quickIy. Ask ne hov I knov. This is hov I ian
ny pievious lusiness nany yeais ago. I vas so lusy liying lo diun
up lusiness each day lhal I didnl lolhei keeping liack of hov nuch
acluaI incone I vas geneialing. Since I vas aIvays so lusy, aIvays
voiking haid, I deIuded nyseIf inlo leIieving I vas naking noney.
WeII, vhy vouIdnl I le naking noney` I vas voiking ny ass off
and ve aII knov haid voik goes hand-in-hand vilh noney-naking,
iighl` When, finaIIy, I caIcuIaled ny incone againsl ny expendi-
luies, lhe liulh iighl lheie lecane olvious: I vas nol onIy eaining
Mike MahIei
44
nolhing, I vas going fuilhei inlo dell each nonlh keeping a defec-
live lusiness afIoal.
IoilunaleIy, I Ieained a lough Iesson fion an olheivise nean-
ingIess lusiness venluie. MeaningIess lecause il didnl iepiesenl
ne, noi vhal I vanled lo do vilh ny Iife. My cuiienl voik, on lhe
olhei hand, is neaningfuI and one facloi lhal aIIoved ne lo luiId
ny successfuI lusiness is accuiale accounling. I can leII you exaclIy,
iighl nov, ny incone - dovn lo lhe cenls and no, lhis isnl in ny
head, ialhei, ils in a delaiIed lusiness jouinaI.
When you knov youi exacl nunlei, lheie is a naluiaI hunan
diive lo inpiove il. The conlexl doesnl nallei: vhelhei youie
liying lo Iose fal, gain nuscuIai size and slienglh, oi nake noie
noney, you need lo knov youi nunlei. When you knov il, youII
voik haid and anass ciealive eneigy lo inpiove il. When you
ienain ignoianl of youi nunlei, youie incIined lo ieIy on faliical-
ed nenoiies, oi voise, Iies.
Oui nenoiies aie insufficienl, and polenliaIIy onIy as ieaI as lhe
novies vhich enleilain us. Making an honesl, accuiale assessnenl
of youiseIf nay seen depiessing, lul liulh, in aII ils foins, is
nolhing Iess lhan leaulifuI. Whals depiessing is Iying lo youiseIf
and choosing lo ienain in lhe naliix of youi nind.

45
4$510)."4( -+5/*,
"5 "* -0)$ 5/'4 1/0 +06 .401
Nelvoiking is inpoilanl lo succeed in lusiness endeavois...lul vhen
il cones lo effeclive nelvoiking, nosl peopIe lIov il. In lhis ailicIe,
In going lo oulIine lvo connon nelvoiking lIundeis: one I iefei lo
as pienaluie nelvoiking and lhe olhei, nuisance nelvoiking.
WeII legin vilh pienaluie nelvoiking. Nol onIy do I ieceive
fiequenl enaiIs fion pienaluie nelvoikeis, Ive nel noie piena-
luie nelvoikeis in peison lhen I caie lo ienenlei. Whal is piena-
luie nelvoiking` Ils liying lo voik vilh peopIe oul of youi Ieague
lefoie eaining lhe iighl lo voik vilh such peopIe. An exanpIe is
liying lo gel a face-lo-face neeling vilh Waiien uffel on hov lo le
a niIIionaiie vhen you havenl even nade youi fiisl lhousand
doIIais. Lven if you nanage lo puII off lhe neeling, youie sliII nol
ieady lo lenefil fion uffels infoinalion. An anaIogy is lhose
peopIe vhove nevei laughl a voikshop offeiing lo co-piesenl a
voikshop vilh ne.
On ny ovn, Ive piesenled noie lhan one hundied successfuI
voikshops, and vhen I say on ny ovn I nean I did eveiylhing fion
viiling lhe ad copy, pionoling lhe couise, looking lhe faciIilies,
laking iegislialions, and Ieading lhe couises. Tiusl ne, ils nol easy
juggIing aII lhese aspecls, and if youve nevei done il on youi ovn,
you havenl eained lhe piiviIege lo headIine vilh lhose vho have.
A snailei appioach is voIunleeiing lo assisl al a couise youve
aIieady laken, oi a couise coveiing a suljecl in vhich youie aIieady
conpelenl. Lven lellei is lo piesenl youi ovn voikshop! Aflei
Mike MahIei
46
youve expeiienced success on youi ovn, youII find peopIe aie
noie incIined lo voik vilh you. Sounds easy, iighl` Wiong - vhich
is vhy nosl peopIe ienain pienaluie nelvoikeis, lhey desiie easy
success, slailing vilh passing lhe luck onlo olheis. This fIaved
slialegy viII onIy lake you so fai. Mosl pienaluie nelvoikeis vonl
evei nake il lo fiisl lase. SuccessfuI peopIe vonl louch a pienaluie
pass-lhe-luck nelvoikei, and can spol lhen a niIe avay.
Anolhei aspecl of pienaluie nelvoiking is deveIoping a Iisl of
conlacls vilhoul anylhing lo offei lhen. I knev a guy in Los AngeIes
vho vanled lo lecone a fanous acloi. He vas a gieal nelvoikei
and knev nany fanous aclois lul vhal aie lhey going lo do foi hin
if he has nolhing lo offei` You guessed il: nolhing. His daiIy iouline
of foui houis of leIevision vieving, pIus liying lo gel Iaid, Iefl hin
IillIe line lo seiiousIy puisue lhe aclois ciafl and, in lhe end, lhiily
yeais of Iiving in LA added up lo veiy IillIe. Such sloiies aie a dine
a dozen in LA, vhich Ieads in lo lhe nexl exanpIe, soneone vhos
nevei viillen a sciipl lul has an idea lhal he can scheduIe a pilch
and neeling Iike a piofessionaI sciipl viilei. This pass-lhe-luck
nelvoiking is so iiiilaling il segues niceIy inlo ny nexl suljecl,
nuisance nelvoiking.
Yes, lhe nexl IogicaI nelvoiking calegoiy peopIe lIundei inlo is
nuisance nelvoiking. These aie lhose peopIe vho IileiaIIy lolhei
olhei peopIe. An exanpIe is lhose vho lonlaid olheis vilh enaiIs
seeking fiee infoinalion. These aie peopIe lhinking onIy of lhen-
seIves vilhoul iespecl foi olhei peopIes line. When neeling
soneone nev, lhey inslanlIy size you up lo see if youII neel sone
seIf-seiving puipose. A nolIei appioach is Ieading in vilh hov you
nighl lenefil lhal peison vilh vhon youie allenpling lo nelvoik.
AIong lhese Iines, an especiaIIy effeclive nelvoiking appioach Ive
had success vilh is lhe inleiviev.
Inleivieving lhose peopIe vhon youd Iike lo voik vilh, and Ieain
fion, is effeclive nelvoiking. Il voiks veII lecause youie Ieading
vilh an oppoilunily foi lhen ialhei lhan foi you. Tiying lo gel olhei
peopIe lo do sluff foi you vilhoul enphasizing lhe lenefil lo lhen is
47
Iosing a lallIe vilhoul evei gelling slailed. Leading in vilh a lenefil
lo lhe conlacl gels youi fool in lhe dooi, and an exceIIenl chance of
ciossing lhe lhieshoId! When I oiiginaIIy conlacled peopIe foi
inleivievs, I nenlioned onIy lhal Id Iike lo inleiviev lhen foi a
pailicuIai pulIicalion. I idenlified nyseIf as a fieeIance viilei and
incIuded sone exanpIes of ny pulIished voik. Mosl of lhese
sanpIes veie onIine ailicIes, vhich aie ieIaliveIy easy lo gel pul-
Iished since so nany siles aie Iooking foi conlenl.
Ralhei lhan enaiIing peopIe vilh lolheisone iequesls foi fiee
infoinalion (i.e., nuisance nelvoiking) I senl liief noles delaiIing
lhe lenefils of an inleiviev and vailed foi lheii iesponse. Il vas a
nunleis gane: pIenly of peopIe said no (oi nevei iepIied, vhich is
anolhei veision of no) lul seveiaI did gel lack lo ne. In facl, in ny
fiisl nonlh, I inleivieved MMA Iegend Iiank Shaniock, Richaid
Machovicz (aulhoi of UnIeashing lhe Waiiioi Wilhin and hosl of
Iuluie Weapons), filness expeil CIaience ass, lop slienglh coach
Tudoi onpa, and lop slienglh coach Sleve MaxveII.
In addilion lo Ieveiaging lheii nanes lo gel ny nane oul lheie,
I Ieained a gieal deaI fion each of lhen - nol onIy fion lhe
inleivievs lul ly deveIoping sone soIid ieIalionships. I did a good
jol vilh lhe inleivievs, gelling lheii finaI appiovaI lefoie sending
lhen in foi pulIicalion, and I nevei pilched any of lhese nen on
kellIeleII liaining, hiiing ne as a liainei, voiking logelhei on
voikshops, oi liying lo gel lhen lo do any sluff foi ne al aII. I
opened vilh an offei lo do sonelhing foi lhen and deIiveied on
ny offei, vhich cieales lhe sliong foundalion upon vhich ieIalion-
ships aie luiIl. Ioi exanpIe, a fev yeais aflei ny inleiviev vilh
Iiank Shaniock, I nel hin in peison and piesenled a seninai al
his gyn. He vas so inpiessed vilh lhe seninai he didnl hesilale
lo offei ne a poveifuI leslinoniaI. Tining is ciuciaI: if Id asked
Iiank foi endoisenenl loo soon, he vouId have - juslifialIy -
lIovn ne off. Why vouId he endoise soneone hes nevei nel`
Iuilhei, vilhoul knoving anylhing aloul ne, vhy vouId he agiee
lo hosl ny seninai al his gyn`
Mike MahIei
48
To effecliveIy nelvoik, Iead vilh an offei lo lhe olhei paily, lhen
palienlIy aIIov lhe ieIalionship lo giov oiganicaIIy. You canl foice
lhings, soIid nelvoiking lakes line and lhe noie vaIue you have lo
offei, lhe noie effeclive youi nelvoiking oppoilunilies. If you have
nolhing lo offei, youie jusl hanging oul and nelvoiking is noie
lhan allending seninais and olhei evenls lo chilchal vilh peopIe.
The lollon Iine: you can Ieain fion peopIe vilhoul evei neel-
ing lhen. You vanl lo knov hov I iun ny lusiness and hov I gel
lhings done` Ils aII on ny velsile. You can Ieain lo viile effeclive
ad copy ly anaIyzing vhal Ive aIieady viillen. Ils iighl lheie in
fionl of you and you donl need ne lo luloi you. Noi an I avaiIalIe
foi luloiing. You can find a look on any lopic you can inagine, lul
aie you piepaied lo iead lvenly-five looks on hov lo achieve
success in youi chosen fieId` If youi ansvei is no, choose anolhei
fieId. Tvenly-five looks is lhe nininun you shouId iead aloul
sonelhing foi vhich you aIIege a passion.
IinaIIy, yes, nelvoiking is inpoilanl - lul lolh pienaluie nel-
voiking and nuisance nelvoiking aie vasles of line and viII onIy
succeed in iuining youi iepulalion as void gels aiound. In oidei lo
effecliveIy nelvoik, deveIop an honesl skiII in oidei lo offei sone-
lhing of vaIue in lhe naikelpIace - and lo lhose peopIe vilh vhon
you vish lo nelvoik. Cieale a vin-vin silualion and iespecl
peopIes line.

49
204=5 $#$) ($5 "4#0!#$2 1"5/
4$510). -').$5"4( 30-9'4"$*
SeIf-heIp Cuius oflen ieconnend nelvoik-naikeling conpanies as
youi lickel lo financiaI fieedon and Iileialion. Nolhing couId le
fuilhei fion lhe liulh and you shouId avoid nelvoiking naikeling
conpanies Iike lhe lulonic pIague!
I hale nelvoiking naikeling conpanies aka nuIli-IeveI naikeling
(MLM) oi, noie appiopiialeIy, pyianid schenes. Anvay is lhe nosl
connon nelvoik naikeling conpany (AIso disguised as quixlai vhich
is a pail of Anvay), and lhe one ly vhich piolalIy eveiyone in lhe
voiId has leen pilched. Nov, vhal is il lhal I hale so nuch aloul
nelvoik naikeling` Is il lhe pioducls` Sone MLM conpanies acluaIIy
seII decenl pioducls, aIleil aIvays oveipiiced and dependenl upon
aggiessive disliilulois piessing lhose pioducls on suffeiing fiiends and
faniIy nenleis, lhis leing lhe second-nosl iiiilaling aspecl of nelvoik
naikeling. The nunlei one nosl iiiilaling aspecl is lhe focus on
luiIding an oiganizalion. Lels lake a fuilhei Iook.
When you join a nelvoik naikeling conpany youII lypicaIIy le
signed up ly soneone iefeiied lo as youi sponsoi. Sonelines,
lhis sponsoi acls as a nenloi and olhei lines lheyie jusl a nane
and lhals lhe end of il. Youie lellei off vilh lhe Iallei, since lhe
foinei sees you onIy lhiough lhe doIIai signs olsliucling his eyes,
hoping youie a haid voiking and lenacious individuaI. Youi
nenloi hopes lo find as nany haid-voiking peopIe as possilIe lo
luiId up his oiganizalion. Why` ecause lhe noie voik you do, lhe
Iess voik he does.
Mike MahIei
5O
The fiisl lhing youi sponsoi viII do is ask foi a Iisl of eveiyone
you knov. Youi sponsoi viII fuilhei ask you lo caII each peison on
youi Iisl, pilching lhe conpanys pioducls and a lusiness oppoi-
lunily. And il gels lellei: youi nenloi viII sil in on each caII vilh
you, lhe lellei lo peifoin a shanefuI lag-lean, haid-seII lo lhe
unfoilunale on lhe ieceiving end. To iIIusliale lhis piocess, Iels use
a nelvoik naikeling conpany seIIing veighl-Ioss pioducls...lhe
pilch goes sonelhing Iike lhis:
YOU: I jusl slailed ny ovn conpany and Ive gol sone gieal
veighl Ioss pioducls lo leII you aloul! (MLM peopIe aIvays iefei lo
lhe conpany as lheii conpany, vhich is a Iosing conlinalion of
palhelic and hysleiicaI.)
+06: Do you knov anyone vhod Iike lo Iose 1O-3O pounds in
lhiily days`
(This is knovn as lhe indiiecl pilch. ReaIIy, vhal youie leIIing
youi Aunl MiIIie is shes a fal ass vho shouId luy sone of lhese
oveipiiced pioducls. Woise, youie acluaIIy hoping lo gel hei nol
onIy luying pioducl lul naking a Iisl of hei ovn piospecls lo caII
and pilch. Dovn lhe ioad, you vanl lhese fal peopIe disliiluling
lenealh you and iepealing lhe sane piocess vilh eveiyone lhey
knov.)
Youi sponsoi viII leII you youie nol seIIing youi fiiends, no,
youie sinpIy shaiing youi enlhusiasn. Mosl peopIe hale seIIing
and vouIdnl evei vanl lo do il foi a Iiving, nuch Iess huckslei lheii
fiiends and faniIy. Ioi lhis ieason, youi nelvoik nenloi nusl
convince you lhal youie nol a saIespeison, youie sinpIy a salisfied
cuslonei vanling lo shaie youi enlhusiasn vilh olheis. An anaIogy
viII le nade lo seeing a gieal novie and, naluiaIIy, leIIing aII youi
fiiends and faniIy aloul il. Mayle youd do lhal, lul lhals nol
anaIogous lo caIIing lhe peopIe you nosl caie aloul and seIIing youi
Iane pioducl oi - sliII Iane - a lusiness oppoilunily. Iiisl, lheies no
piofil in youi fiiends going lo see youi enlhused-aloul novie. Once
noney enleis lhe picluie ils no Iongei innocenl enlhusiasn: you
nov have an uIleiioi nolive and if you lhink olheivise, youie in
51
confIicl vilh ieaIily. Of couise lheie is nolhing viong vilh seIIing
pioducls. Il is liying lo hide lhe facl lhal you aie seIIing pioducls
lhal is iiiilaling.
As Iane as pilching youi fiiends and faniIy on ovei-piiced and
hyped-up pioducls is, nelvoik naikeling viII piess you on lovaids
sliII daikei leiiiloiy. Iacl: youi nelvoik-naikeling goaI isnl seIIing a
Iol of pioducl. No, youi liue goaI is gelling olhei peopIe seIIing as nuch
pioducl as possilIe and, in luin, ieciuiling sliII olheis lo do lhe sane.
Nelvoik naikeling is lhus lhe uIlinale pass-lhe-luck gane.
Youi sponsoi ieciuils you so she vonl have lo voik. You, in luin,
ieciuil olheis so you vonl have lo voik. Lveiyone keeps passing
lhe luck aIong, hoping a haid voikei evenluaIIy aiiives so eveiyone
eIse can lake il easy. Youi uIlinale goaI is an oiganizalion fuII of
haid voiking, haid-seIIing peopIe naking you lons of noney. WhiIe
lhese peopIe donl eain nuch individuaIIy, enough of lhen, each
seIIing a IillIe lil, adds up. Why vouId anyone voik so haid, foi so
IillIe ievaid, in nelvoik naikeling` Ioi lhis iIIusion: lhal soneday
youII lecone a niIIionaiie Iike lhe lop peifoineis in lhe conpany.
ReaIily: Youie noie IikeIy lo gel sliuck ly Iighlening (oi ieceive an
unIiniled pass lo lhe IIayloy Mansion) lhan lecone a niIIionaiie
via nelvoik naikeling.
Once youve soId a fev pioducls as a nelvoik naikelei, youi
sponsoi viII ask you lo nake anolhei Iisl of peopIe lo pilch. This
line, youII pilch lhen on nol onIy pioducl, lul on joining lhe
lusiness. Any incone sloiy viII do, lhus if you nade $25.OO seIIing
pioducl, lhals lhe incone sloiy youi sponsoi viII leII you lo Iead
vilh. Il nighl go sonelhing Iike lhis:
YOU: Hey, I jusl slailed ny ovn lusiness and jusl loday I nade
$25.OO - do you knov anyone vhod Iike lo nake an exlia $5OO.OO lo
$15OO.OO pei nonlh` (Again, lhe indiiecl pilch - and aIso a nunlei lo
vhich nosl peopIe can ieIale. If you ask soneone if lhey knov anyone
vhod Iike lo nake an exlia $5O,OOO a nonlh, lheyII lhink eilhei
a) Youie deaIing diugs, oi
l) The vhoIe lhing is a joke
Mike MahIei
52
Suggesling an exlia $5OO.OO a nonlh sounds noie langilIe and
is lheiefoie a sliongei hook.)
NeveilheIess, lhe iesponse on lhe olhei end is suie lo le hesila-
lion and ieIuclance. Since nolody vanls anylhing lo do vilh saIes,
youi sponsoi viII leII you lo use lhe sane pilch she used on you:
YOU: Ils nol saIes, ils cuslonei seivice and shaiing youi enlhu-
siasn.
AII you have lo do is use lhe pioducls and shaie youi excile-
nenl. Suie, jusl gel exciled aloul pioducls and lhen leII eveiy-
one...sounds Iike a pIol fion Ianlasy IsIand.
Civen nelvoik naikelings lad iepulalion, vhy vouId any
conpany choose il as a disliilulion syslen` The lenefils aie nunei-
ous. One, you neednl pay lo adveilise youi pioducls - aII youi
disliilulois vho pay lo voik foi you do lhal. Tvo, youII acquiie a
saIes foice (of polenliaIIy lhousands) vhoII voik vilhoul lenefils.
No enpIoyee hassIes and no paying oul nedicaI lenefils. ellei lhan
deveIoping a high-quaIily, piofessionaI saIes lean, offei an iIIusoiy
oppoilunily lo as nany peopIe as possilIe and hope youII gel a fev
vinneis lo slick aiound. Lven lellei, once you gel youi coie disliil-
ulois Iined up, lhe piocess goes viiaI, neaning lhe disliilulois
aIieady inslaIIed do lhe voik of ieciuiling noie saIespeopIe lo
peddIe lhe pioducls.
Anolhei negalive aspecl of nelvoik naikeling as a disliilulion
syslen is lhe high peicenlage of piofil paid oul pei saIe. When a
disliiluloi nakes a saIe, he gels a cul of lhe aclion and seveiaI
peopIe alove hin gel a cul of lhe aclion as veII - so if lhe pioducl
isnl giievousIy oveipiiced, lhe conpany viII foId in no line. This is
vhy nelvoiking naikeling pioducls aie piiced so nuch highei lhan
conpaialIe pioducls soId lhiough ieguIai ielaiI. Ils lhe uIlinale
niddIenan syslen vilh ils hieiaichy of naik-ups lelveen seIIei
and luyei.
Noi is ieciuiling fiiends and faniIy lhe onIy vay nelvoik nai-
kels liing in nev peopIe. Anolhei connon piaclice is lhe oppoi-
lunily neeling. Those in lhe knov iefei lo lhis as lhe deceplion
53
neeling. Heies hov il voiks: nelvoik naikeling ieciuileis pIace
ads in nevspapeis undei lhe }ols cIassificalion (ialhei lhan lhe
lusiness oppoilunily seclion). The ieciuileis adveilise nelvoik-
naikeling oppoilunilies as cuslonei seivice posilions foi vhich
lheie is an houiIy vage paid. IeopIe caIIing lo inquiie aloul a jol
aie inviled lo an inleiviev. Once lhey shov up, lheyie diiecled lo
anolhei ioon foi a gioup inleiviev. Once lheie, lheyie pilched
on lhe oppoilunily. Al lhe end of lhe neeling, lhey neel vilh lhe
peison vho inviled lhen in foi lhe inleiviev lo heai noie aloul lhe
oppoilunily and discuss hov nuch il viII cosl lo legin voiking.
Lvei heaid of a jol foi vhich you pay a fee lo slail voiking` Of
couise nol, lhen again, nelvoik naikeling isnl a jol al aII lul a
voiId of shady lusiness oppoilunisls.
Sone viII aigue lheies nolhing viong vilh nelvoik naikeling
and ils a gieal oppoilunily foi suppIenenlaI, oi even passive
incone. Then vhy lhe need foi deceplion` Why haid-seII youi
fiiends, even Iying lo gel lhen lo youi oppoilunily neelings` The
lollon Iine` Iev peopIe aie viIIing lo join a pyianid schene, so
lhey nusl le nisdiiecled. Nolody is viIIing lo do saIes so you nusl
deceive lhen inlo lhinking sonelhing eIse is going on, sonelhing
Iike cuslonei seivice oi shaiing enlhusiasn. The lollon Iine:
nelvoik naikeling voiks onIy foi peopIe viIIing lo veai lIindeis,
i.e., peopIe especiaIIy good al Iying lo lhenseIves.
As Iane as nelvoik naikeling is, ils nol as lad as il vas. Nol
Iong ago, disliilulois veie foiced lo slockpiIe invenloiy, oflen
lhousands of doIIais voilh, in oidei lo gel ieasonalIe vhoIesaIe
piices and nake lheii peicenlage off ieciuils, olheivise knovn as
youi dovn Iine. In facl, lheies piolalIy enough unsoId nelvoiking
naikeling pioducl piIed high in gaiages neai you lo luiId a lhou-
sand WaInails! LvenluaIIy, nelvoik naikeling conpanies slailed
gelling sued and a nev Iav vas passed lo piolecl consuneis. The
Iav iequiies any nelvoik naikeling conpany lo puichase lack
unsoId pioducl fion any disliiluloi vanling lo gel oul of lhe
lusiness.
Mike MahIei
54
I gel pilched aII lhe line ly nelvoik naikeleis and, fion vhal I
can see, nosl nelvoik naikeling conpanies no Iongei iequiie
disliilulois lo slockpiIe invenloiy. Mosl liansaclions lhese days lake
pIace on lhe Inleinel and oideis aie shipped diieclIy fion lhe paienl
conpany lo lhe consunei. Thals a slep in lhe iighl diieclion lul lhe
ain of nelvoik naikeling ienains lhe sane: nol seIIing pioducl
peisonaIIy lul ieciuiling olheis lo nake lhose saIes, and lhe piod-
ucls conlinue lo le giossIy oveipiiced and ovei-hyped.
Theies nolhing viong vilh seIIing pioducls you leIieve in and,
olviousIy, I nyseIf an in lhe lusiness of seIIing filness pioducls.
Hovevei, Ive nevei heId deceplive neelings in oidei lo seII piod-
ucls noi haiassed any of ny fiiends oi faniIy nenleis. I fieeIy give
high-quaIily infoinalion, denonslialing vaIue and luiIding cus-
lonei liusl. My velsile is posilioned lo alliacl peopIe vho aie
inleiesled in vhal In offeiing. I have no need lo laIk lo eveiyone I
neel aloul vhal il is I do. When I go lo pailies I neilhei pilch
anyone noi do I have a lusiness caid (in facl, I donl leIieve in
lhen). I invile fiiends ovei lo sociaIize, nol lo seII ny DVDs and
voikshops. Theies a coiiecl vay of conducling lusiness, effeclive
lolh in lhe shoil and Iong iun, and a viong vay of doing lusiness,
vhich nay pioduce iesuIls shoil-lein lul guaianlees Iong-lein
disaslei.
Renenlei: lheie aie lines vhen a nelvoik naikeling pilch is
usefuI. Ioi inslance, if you have peopIe hanging aiound lhal you
vanl lo gel iid of, pilch lhen on a nelvoik naikeling lusiness, ils
lhe suiesl vay lo cIeai a ioon oi siIence inconing phone caIIs. Nexl
line soneone vanls lo loiiov noney oi olheivise vasle youi line,
leII lhen you have a gieal lusiness oppoilunily youd Iike lo shaie
vilh lhen and gel ieady foi lhe diaI lone. In facl, nexl line a leIe-
naikelei caIIs you, vhy nol have sone fun and pilch hin on a
nelvoik naikeling lusiness oppoilunily` Al lhe Ieasl, youII nevei
heai fion lhen again.

55
1/+ +06) 4$$2 &0)
9)'"*$ "* /0!2"4( +06 :'3.
SeIf heIp guius knov lhal nosl peopIe aie addicled lo piaise. They Iuie
you inlo lheii nessages ly assuiing you lhal you viII ieceive piaise aII
day Iong if you foIIov lheii ieconnendalions. They nevei ieveaI lhe
pilfaIIs of piaise and vhy you shouId aspiie lo sonelhing giealei.
Iiaise is one of lhe nosl addiclive and polenliaIIy desliuclive
diugs aiound. OK, nayle ils nol lhal lad, lul il can le annihiIalive
lo peisonaI giovlh. As lhe saying goes: piaise is sonelhing chiIdien
ciy foi and giovn peopIe die foi. Theies nolhing viong vilh giving
oi ieceiving genuine piaise, ve aII appieciale piaise foi haid voik
and genuine acconpIishnenl, lul ils a nislake lo nake piaise an
oljeclive. Iiaise is a given vhen doing anylhing inpiessive, so focus
on execuling neaningfuI aclions, peifoin gieal feals and piaise
foIIovs. And if lhe piaise nevei cones` So vhal! Achieving gieal-
ness is a ieaI ievaid, nol lhe fickIe appiovaI of peopIe you aIieady
knov oi viII nevei knov. Iuilhei, if peopIe ciilicize youi accon-
pIishnenls il doesnl nean youi acconpIishnenls veie vilhoul
neiil. Negalive feedlack is oflen piaise couched in pelly jeaIousies.
ack lo lhe lopic of piaise: Mosl peopIe aie unavaie of ny
pioudesl acconpIishnenls (and no, lheyve nolhing lo do vilh
eilhei ny liaining oi liaining lusiness) noi do I caie vhelhei anyone
knovs lhese lhings, since lhe ievaid of doing lhen has leen noie
lhan enough.
The need lo iepoil youi achievenenls lo anyone and eveiyone
in oidei lo gainei piaise and significance indicales youi aclions aie
Mike MahIei
56
aloul as uninleiesling as youi peisonaIily. Hey, if you donl even
inpiess youiseIf, donl go Iooking foi oulsideis lo pick up lhe sIack.
Yel, al lhe end of lhe day, piaise is neieIy one of lhe nany ieas-
suiances peopIe despeialeIy seek. IeopIe lioadcasl lheii accon-
pIishnenls lecause lhey can lhen feeI supeiioi. We aII knov peopIe
Iike lhis, lheyie lhe nen and vonen vho aIvays vanl lhe focus on
lhen and vhal lheyve done. If you laIk lo such peopIe, lheyII cul
you off nid-senlence, inleiiupling vilh lheii lvo cenls. They canl
Iislen lo you lecause lheii ninds aie occupied onIy vilh vhal lhey
vanl lo say nexl.
They need lo gel ovei lhenseIves! Theie viII aIvays le soneone
noie inpiessive lhan youiseIf so foigel aloul liying lo le lellei
lhan olheis and focus on inpioving youiseIf. Take soIace in gioving
as a peison and naking day-lo-day gains.
Sone peopIe iequiie pals on lhe lack in oidei lo slay lhe couise
vhen chasing lheii goaIs. This is a sign you Iack lhe necessaiy
seiiousness lo ieaIize youi oljeclives. Who caies aloul a pal on lhe
lack ovei ieaI oppoilunily foi peisonaI deveIopnenl` Theie aie
nany peopIe peifoining inspiiing aclions eveiy singIe day vho
nevei ieceive piaise oi encouiagenenl yel keep lheii nonenlun.
Aie lheii aclions Iess inpoilanl lecause lheyie nol acknovIedged` I
donl lhink so.
IionicaIIy, piaise can acluaIIy hanpei peiseveiance and lhus,
giovlh. My Dad iecenlIy senl ne an ailicIe asseiling lhal piaising
chiIdien foi lheii naluiaI laIenls is a lig nislake. Ioi exanpIe, if a
chiId has a naluiaI aplilude foi nalh, Iaying on lhick piaise is a lig
nislake. Why` Il discouiages chiIdien fion laking on chaIIenges.
Assuning lhal olhei aieas of Iife shouId equaIIy le as effoilIess,
vhen adveisily cones lheii vay, lhey nay see il as a sign lo ielieal.
I donl lhink aduIls aie any diffeienl. Many aduIls sinpIy focus on
lhings al vhich lhey aie aIieady adepl and nevei vanl lo lake on
any chaIIenge. Weie lhey condilioned lhis vay as chiIdien` Whalev-
ei lhe ieason, such peopIe need lo nove on lo nev skiIIs and
inleiesls.
57
Woise, piaise giveis nay sinpIy le allenlion-seekeis. Aflei aII,
vhen piaised, lhe iecipienl is nov olIigaled lo acknovIedge lhe
souice of lhis piaise. I iepeal, lheie is nolhing viong vilh genuine
piaise, lul you nusl diffeienliale lelveen heailfeIl piaise and ass
kissing - and a fine iIIuslialion of lhe Iallei is Heniy RoIIins on The
Heniy RoIIins Shov. (Nov I viII inleijecl lhal In a lig fan of lhe
land Iack IIag, and as sone of you nay knov, Heniy RoIIins vas
lhe Iead singei foi Iack IIag.) I aIso Iike vhal he did vilh his Ialei
piojecl, The RoIIins and. So vhen I heaid Heniy had his ovn shov
in vhich hed le inleivieving inleiesling peopIe and hosling nusic,
I couIdnl vail lo check il oul.
I valched a fev episodes of The Heniy RoIIins Shov and il
faiIed lo engage ne. Aflei a fev noie vievings I ieaIized vhy:
Heniy nay laIk Ioud and lough duiing his veekIy ianls, lul if you
Iislen lo vhal hes saying lheies zeio conlioveisy oi oiiginaIily. In
facl, lheies no sulslance vhalsoevei, jusl hin lilching Iike hes
posl-esliogen looslei shol. UnfoilunaleIy, his veekIy ianls aie lhe
Ieasl of lhe shovs palhelic-ness. His sycophanlic lehavioi vilh each
and eveiy guesl is nausea-inducing. Ioi ne, lhe lipping poinl vas an
inleiviev vilh WiIIian Shalnei. WhiIe In lhe fiisl lo say Shalnei
vas lhe lesl Slai Tiek caplain of aII line, lhals nol vheie RoIIins
vas going. Nope, he acluaIIy piaised Shalnei foi his gieal nusic!
Anyone vhos sanpIed Shalneis discogiaphy knovs lhe hoiioi. Id
ialhei Iislen lo ny dogs laik aII nighl.
Theie is a conedic vaIue lo lhe iecoidings since you canl heIp
lul Iaugh youi ass off upon Iislening. Nexl, RoIIins venl on lo adnil
lhal he has aII Shalneis iecoids and lhey conlinued a discussion of
lhe nusicaI piocess and hov Shalnei cones up vilh his gieal
naleiiaI. Youve gol lo le kidding ne! DeIving inlo WiIIian Shalnei
on nusicaI ciealivily is Iike asking Daffy duck aloul pulIic speaking
lechnique. HiIaiiousIy, even Heniy RoIIins guesls squiin in
disconfoil vhen suljecled lo such ailificiaI piaise. }ohnny KnoxviIIe
vas conpeIIed lo counlei Heniys favning ly iepIying lhal even he
- }ohnny - lhoughl nosl of his ovn novies sucked! Nov lhal vas
Mike MahIei
58
funny. Renenlei: if you aie Iooking foi nelhods lo iefine youi ass
kissing, check oul Heniys shov. The singIe highIighl fion lhe fiisl
season vas a nusicaI peifoinance ly SIayei - even Heniy couIdnl
ness lhal up.
ack lo lhe lopic of piaise: laIance is key. Live youi Iife vilhoul
seeking piaise fion olheis, piaise is iIIusoiy, fIeeling, lul leconing
a gieal peison is nol. Cive genuine piaise lo olheis vhen lhe
oppoilunily aiises, lul avoid suigicaIIy allaching youi head lo lheii
ass. No voilhvhiIe peison feeIs fIalleied ly enply piaise, gieal
peopIe do gieal lhings foi lheii ovn sake, nol foi sone liansienl
accoIades oi even pals on lhe lack.

59
')$ 1$ :$30-"4( '
4'5"04 0& 0)5/0)$>"3*<
|ndccd, nc pccp|c cn car|n ucrrq ncrc aocu| |nc nca||n ccnscqucnccs cf
|ncir fccd cnciccs |nan uc Ancricans dc-and nc pccp|c suffcr frcn as nanq
dic|-rc|a|cd nca||n prco|cns. lc arc occcning a na|icn cf cr|ncrcxics.
pccp|c ui|n an unnca||nq coscssicn ui|n nca||nq ca|ing.
Micnac| Pc||an, au|ncr cf |n Dcfcnsc Of |ccd
Is lheie ieaIIy an epidenic of Aneiicans fianlicaIIy voiiying aloul
vhal lo eal, oi is lhe alove slalenenl a gioss exaggeialion` }unk
food nanufacluieis, incIuding Mickey Ds, suie aienl Iosing any
lusiness and lhe endIess Iines al lhe IocaI Las Vegas aII-you-can-eal
luffels aie oveifIoving vilh ovei-ealeis al-lhe-ieady. Theie aie
noie junk foods lhan evei lefoie vhiIe ieaI food is pushed lo lhe
coineis of supeinaikels in oidei lo nake noie ioon foi noie
ailificiaI junk. I canl heIp Iooking al peopIes shopping cails vhen
In al lhe sloie and fion vhal Ive seen, I lhink Aneiicans aienl
voiiying enough aloul vhal il is lheyie ealing (and voise, vhal
lheyie feeding lheii chiIdien) and lhe consequences aie olvious.
Aneiicans voiiy loo nuch in geneiaI, lul il doesnl seen lo affecl
lheii food choices.
Wilh lhe alundance of infoinalion on heaIlh and nuliilion lhese
days, youd lhink ved have lellei iesuIls. Oi nayle lhals lhe
piolIen: vhen il cones lo diel and nuliilion, veie leyond infoi-
nalion oveiIoad. Ils easy lo enpalhize vilh peopIe feeIing fiuslial-
ed and al a Ioss aloul vhich couise lo lake. Theie exisl noie diel
Mike MahIei
6O
looks lhan you couId possilIy iead in a Iifeline, yel fev aie voilh
ieading. Theie aie noie nuliilion suppIenenls on lhe sheIves lhan
evei lefoie, and foi eveiy piolIen you nighl lhink of, yel a veiy
fev voilh laking. In addilion lo lhe lonlaidnenl of nuliilion
infoinalion, so nuch of il confIicls lhal ils no vondei peopIe sliess
oul aloul food. IeopIe gel oveivheIned, eal vhalevei is conven-
ienl, and lhen hope eveiylhing luins oul okay.
I see peopIe aII lhe line junping fion one diel pIan lo lhe nexl,
hoping lo one day discovei lheii hoIy giaiI of nuliilion. One veek,
lheyie ealing five lines a day, lhen an expeil says five neaIs is no
good, lhiee is fine, lhen anolhei expeil says lhiee neaIs is loo nany -
one neaI is lhe vay lo go. These expeils insisl lieakfasl is lhe nosl
inpoilanl neaI of lhe day vhiIe lhose expeils aigue a lig lieakfasl
iuins youi vhoIe days eneigy. This expeil decIaies ceieaI lhe
oplinaI lieakfasl food, vhiIe lhal expeil pionounces ceieaI neie
piocessed gailage and lhal fiesh fiuil is lhe vay lo go! Theie aie
expeils saying ve shouId eal onIy iav foods vhiIe olhei expeils aie
sveaiing vegelalIes nusl le cooked foi us lo assiniIale lheii
nuliienls. This gioup lhinks Iov-cail is lesl, anolhei gioup lhinks
Iov fal is ciilicaI lo good heaIlh. In gelling a headache as I viile
lhis and In in lhe heaIlh and nuliilion fieId!
Il ieaIIy is enough lo diive you ciazy. IionicaIIy, anong lhe veII-
inlenlioned, heaIlh-conscious peopIe oul lheie voiiying aloul lhe
lesl foods lo eal, lhe eIevaled coilisoI IeveIs iesuIling fion neuiolic
ealing aie piolalIy doing voise danage lhan any acluaI junk food
consunplion. WeII, nayle In exaggeialing, lul ils pielly dann
lad. Suie, focusing on heaIlhy food is lhe coiiecl aclion, nosl of lhe
line, lul voiiying aII day Iong aloul vhal youie going lo eal vonl
in any vay inciease youi heaIlh. SuipiisingIy, ealing unheaIlhy food
fion line lo line vonl lake yeais off youi Iife, noi viII il iuin youi
heaIlh and nuliilion piogian, yel chionic pieoccupalion vilh so-
caIIed coiiecl ealing nay hain youi veIIness piogian.
WhiIe a gioving segnenl of lhe Aneiican popuIalion nay le-
coning incieasingIy neuiolic aloul vhal lo eal, I doull Aneiicans
61
epic, suiging coilisoI IeveIs cones fion lheii heaIlh pieoccupalions.
Mosl Aneiicans nainlain lheyie oveiveighl fion ovei consuning
food lhal, veie lhey lo feed il lo lheii dogs, vouId gel lhen aiiesled
on chaiges of aninaI ciueIly. These peopIe aienl voiiying aloul
ealing loo nuch! ul, lhese sane peopIe can and do expeiience a
sense of guiIl ovei lheii ealing halils vhich nanifesls as a sickening
cycIe of ealing junk, feeIing lad aloul il, lhen ealing noie junk in a
palhoIogicaI allenpl al feeIing lellei. Recognize anyone` ShouId
you give in lo peei piessuie and do as eveiyone eIse does` If nol,
hov lo gel slailed vilh inleIIigenl ealing`
Aie you soneone foi vhon food has lecone nol a fueI foi Iiving
lul inslead a veisaliIe and ieadiIy avaiIalIe diug-of-choice` When you
feeI IoneIy, do you disliacl youiseIf ly ealing a favoiile snack` Col
fiied fion voik loday` Soolhe youiseIf vilh sone ice ciean. IeeIing
sad` Lal sone junk food foi a IillIe pick-ne-up. IeeIing gieal` CeIe-
liale vilh youi favoiile foods and Iive il up! Theie aie aIvays ieasons
lo eal anolhei neaI and even vays lo ialionaIize ealing vhalevei il is
you vanl. Do you even knov vhal liue hungei feeIs Iike` Do you eal
ly lhe cIock oi use hungei as a cue`
I pionole peisonaI iesponsiliIily and encouiage peopIe lo lake
chaige of lheii Iives. WhiIe I knov in ny heail peopIe knov lellei
lhan lo eal gailage aII day Iong, I concede lheie is pIenly of confIicl-
ing, confusing infoinalion oul lheie. Yel nosl nuliilion expeils
agiee: lellei lo focus on ieaI food, nol packaged gailage. This pail
isnl conpIicaled: vhen you go gioceiy shopping, slay oul of lhe
niddIe of lhe sloie. WaIk inlo lhe gioceiy sloie, lhen luin iighl and
voik youi vay aIong lhe peiinelei - lhals vheie youII find lhe ieaI
food. Thal doesnl nean aII lhe foods aIong lhe edge aie eilhei ieaI
oi heaIlhy - no! Thals jusl vheie lhe najoiily of ieaI, heaIlhy foods
aie dispIayed. Noi is eveiylhing in lhe niddIe of lhe sloie lad:
fiozen fiuils and vegelalIes aie good oplions vhen youie on a
ludgel oi shop infiequenlIy.
HeaIlhy ealing isnl as conpIicaled as you lhink. The key is fo-
cusing on ieaI foods, nol nan-nade vaiielies. Hinl: if il cones in lox
Mike MahIei
62
Iisling dozens of ingiedienls you canl pionounce, ils nol ieaI food.
Lal heaIlhy nosl of lhe line, and lhen enjoy a once-veekIy cheal
day in vhich you eal vhalevei you Iike, guiIl fiee. Accoiding lo
}oeI Maiion (ny fiiend, and aulhoi of The Chealeis Diel) lhis is nol
onIy nenlaIIy heaIlhy, lul physioIogicaIIy loosls lhe lodys IeveIs of
fal-luining hoinones. Inagine: a cheal neaI lhal, ialhei lhan
hindeiing youi fal luining piogian, inslead enhances il.
Do youiseIf a favoi: spend noie of youi noney on high-quaIily
foods. Ioi exanpIe, fiesh-laked liead fion a lakeiy using quaIily
ingiedienls is nol onIy heaIlhiei (assuning you aie luying vhoIe
giain liead and nol pasliies) lhan any gailage you luy al lhe
gioceiy sloie, il lasles nuch lellei. Co lo youi IocaI faineis naikel,
vheie you can luy oiganic pioduce al lellei piices lhan lhe gioceiy
sloies, and Ioad up on fiuils and vegelalIes. Whal you pay nov viII
save you noney in lhe Iong iun. Accoiding lo MichaeI IoIIan, in
196O Aneiicans spenl 17.5 peicenl of lheii incone on food and 5.2
peicenl on heaIlh caie. Nov, Aneiicans aie spending 9.9 on food
and 16 on heaIlh caie. See lhe conneclion` Making lellei, voiiy-
fiee food choices nol onIy saves you noney in lhe Iong iun lul aIso
incieases lhe quaIily of youi Iife.
On a (sonevhal) funny ieIaled nole, one ieason il cosls noie lo
fIy lhese days is nol lhe iising in fueI cosls. Nope, ils lecause lhe
aveiage peison veighs len pounds noie lhan lefoie! If you vanl lo
deciease youi liaveI cosls, do youi pail and Iose lhe veighl, lul
lefoie you conpIain aloul lhe fal peison sealed on lhe pIane nexl lo
you, keep in nind an aiipIane doesnl dislinguish lelveen fal and
nuscIe, so lhose of us vhove packed on nuscIe nass ovei lhe yeais
aienl heIping lhe cause eilhei. Oh veII, you canl have il aII, aII of
lhe line.
Do check oul MichaeI IoIIans look, In Defense Of Iood: An
Laleis Manifeslo, ils an exceIIenl iead.

63
')$ +06 9)$9')$2 50
'356'!!+ 5'.$ '2#"3$<
Advice is a funny lhing: sone peopIe Iove leing in lhe advice-
ieceiving slage. They jusl canl gel enough advice. No nallei hov
nuch gieal advice lhey ieceive, lhey aIvays feeI lhey need noie
lefoie even lhinking aloul acling on any of il. Ralhei lhan foIIoving
good advice and achieving lheii goaIs, lheyve nade lhe acl of
ieceiving advice lheii goaI. Nol a lad idea vhen viiling a look on
lhe advice, lul even if lhals youi goaI, al sone poinl youII sliII have
lo liade in youi advice-iecipienl hal foi an aclion-lakei hal.
Then lheie aie peopIe vho hale ieceiving advice: lhey lhink lhey
knov il aII and donl vanl any advice fion anyone. They nevei seek
advice and if lhey happen lo ieceive il, lhey nevei foIIov il. As a
iesuIl, lheii giovlh is hanpeied and al sone poinl, usuaIIy cones lo
a scieeching haIl. You can onIy gel so fai vilh vhal you knov: in
oidei lo go fion vheie you aie lo vheie you vanl lo le, you need
lo Ieain noie and acl noie.
Anolhei calegoiy invoIves peopIe vho onIy seek advice, vhich
is in Iine vilh vhal lhey cuiienlIy leIieve. In olhei voids, lheyie
Iooking foi vaIidalion vhen lhey iequesl advice, nol oljeclive
advice. These advice/vaIidalion-seekeis have onIy lheii iIIusion of
open-nindedness in ieaIily lhey jusl vanl peopIe lo agiee vilh
lhen. Theyve nade vaIidalion-seeking lheii goaI ialhei lhan a
genuine inpelus foi giovlh. Youie onIy going lo Ieain so nuch
fion peopIe vho leII you vhal you vanl lo heai and shaie youi
sane vievs.
Mike MahIei
64
Lels lack up a lil and lake a cIosei Iook al lhe advice-ieceiving
addicls: vhy do lhey Iove leing in lhe advice-ieceiving slage` When
ve ieceive gieal advice ve gel exciled aloul lhe polenliaI of pulling
il inlo aclion. Thinking lhal lhe advice nay heIp us achieve oui goaIs
is exciling, hovevei, al sone poinl you have lo go fion lhe anlicipa-
lion/excilenenl slage lo lhe aclion slage. And once you slail
lhinking aloul pulling lhe advice inlo aclion, ieaIily kicks in and
you ieaIize lhal foIIoving lhiough on lhe advice is haidei lhan
ienaining in lhe advice-ieceiving slage. IeopIe ieceive gieal advice
aII lhe line, yel fev acluaIIy do anylhing vilh lhal advice. Ioi lhe
advice-ieceiving addicl, lhe ienedy viII aIvays le lo seek noie
advice and deIay aclion. The piolIen vilh lhis nenlaIily is you can
poslpone youi enliie Iife ienaining in advice-ieceiving node. You
nusl lake aclion vilh lhe advice youve leen given lefoie going
lack and fiIIing youi cup again.
Advice-ieceiving addicls aie fiequenlIy addicled lo ieceiving lhe
sane advice nuIlipIe lines. Think of a fiiend vhos caIIed you foi
advice, ieceived youi advice, feIl gieal aloul lhal advice...onIy lo caII
you again an houi Ialei asking foi lhe sane advice. This cycIe goes
on foi yeais if youie nol caiefuI. Advice-ieceiving addicls Iike
having piolIens - vhelhei lhey knov il oi nol lecause il nakes
lhen feeI inpoilanl. When you ieceive advice, especiaIIy fion
peopIe you adniie, youie ieceiving lheii allenlion aIong vilh lheii
advice, and lhis can le addiclive. If you foIIov lhe advice, soIving
lhe piolIen, you no Iongei neiil lhe allenlion. Advice-ieceiving
addicls aie unconscious of lhis nolive, desiiing lo assuie lhe
conlinuing advice/allenlion fix ovei ieIeasing lheii addiclion ly
pulling lhe advice lheyve ieceived inlo aclion.
Nexl, Iels Iook al lhe peopIe vho hale ieceiving advice: lhey
lend lo le pielly niseialIe peopIe. If you lhink you knov il aII, hov
can Iife le exciling` Aflei aII, one of lhe giealesl joys in Iife is
inleiacling vilh - and Ieaining fion - lhose inleiesling peopIe vho
can piofoundIy affecl youi Iife. IeopIe vho hale ieceiving advice aie
usuaIIy in iepeal node, vheiein eveiy yeai is lhe sane - foi yeais on
65
end. Ten yeais go ly and nolhing significanl has happened since lhe
sane yeai has iepealed len lines ovei. The advice-haleis nay le
aclion-addicls vho aie sinpIy loo lusy naking lheii endIess noves
lo slop and lenefil fion any usefuI advice lul, unfoilunaleIy foi
lhen, lheii peisonaI giovlh, and enjoynenl of Iife, pIaleaus oi even
decIines lecause lheyve faiIed lo sIov dovn and iefIecl. An aclion-
addicls aclion is a disliaclion device, jusl as advice neieIy disliacls
lhe advice-ieceiving addicl. If advice-ieceiving haleis veie noie
open-ninded, lheii aclion vouId le noie efficienl.
The funny lhing aloul advice-ieceiving haleis is lhey Iove giv-
ing advice lo olheis! Aflei aII, lheyve gol lhe knov-il-aII nenlaIily
and feeI an ego-loosl vhen olheis appioach lhen foi advice. Moie
oflen lhan nol, lhey piefei lo disluise advice lhey lhenseIves
vouIdnl foIIov and lhe advice lhey give olheis is oflen negalive:
lheyie lhe peopIe vhoII leII you vhy youi goaIs and dieans vonl
voik oul ialhei lhan offeiing consliuclive advice. }usl as lhey canl
lake good advice, neilhei can lhey give il.
Nov Iels lake a cIosei Iook al lhe finaI calegoiy, vhich aie lhe
advice/vaIidalion-seekeis: advice/ vaIidalion-seekeis onIy vanl
advice, vhich aIigns vilh vhal lhey aIieady leIieve. Ioi exanpIe, an
advice/vaIidalion seekei nay have a piolIen vilh his lusiness, lul
vhiIe lhe piolIen Iies vilhin his lusiness sliucluie, oi even hinseIf,
he vanls lo leIieve ils an exleinaI facloi. Ralhei lhan seeking sound
and laIanced advice, lhe advice/vaIidalion seekei is Iooking foi
soneone vhos on his sane page. His nollo is: I onIy accepl advice
lhals in Iine vilh vhal I aIieady leIieve. These peopIe hoId lhe
iIIusion lhal lheyie open lo advice and even lenefiling fion advice
lul upon cIosei sciuliny ils cIeai lheyie neieIy seeking vaIidalion.
ecause advice/vaIidalion-seekeis aienl ieceplive lo lhe possiliIily
lhal lheyie in eiioi, lhey nevei giov leyond lheii ovn egos. They
sinpIy foIIov lheii ovn advice, and vhen lhey doull lhal, lhey Iook
foi exleinaI vaIidalion.
Advice/vaIidalion-seekeis sinpIy donl vanl lo change and
giov: lhey vanl lo juslify lheii honeoslasis.
Mike MahIei
66
Hov do you knov vhich calegoiy youie in, if any` y using
lhe exanpIe of a filness liainee: if you spend noie line ieseaiching
liaining piogians and enaiIing filness piofessionaIs foi advice lhan
acluaIIy liaining, youie addicled lo ieceiving advice. You enjoy
gelling allenlion/advice and, foi you, puisuing liaining advice is
youi goaI ovei any liaining iesuIls. If youie o.k. vilh lhal, keep il
up, jusl donl hoId any iIIusion of acluaIIy gel sliongei, Iosing fal oi
vhalevei youi liaining goaI is ly chasing advice. Al sone poinl, you
nusl Ieave lhe confoil zone of lhe advice-iecipienl and lecone an
aclion-lakei. Donl shed any leais since lheie aie pIenly of oppoilu-
nilies lo gel noie advice aflei youve laken a fev ciilicaI aclion
sleps. As a lonus, vilh youi nev, ieaI-voiId expeiience, any nev
advice viII hoId noie neaning.
Conlinuing vilh lhe filness liainee exanpIe: if youie soneone
vhos leen on lhe sane piogian foi len yeais and havenl nade any
liaining piogiess since lhe 199Os, ils line lo finaIIy lake sone
advice and iesune youi Iong-Iosl piogiess. Thinking youie loo
good foi advice, youve nade an iIIusion of seIf-ieIiance youi goaI.
Think again: le open lo advice so you can gel lack on lhe palh of
peisonaI piogiess.
SliII using lhe exanpIe of a filness liainee: if you ask a filness
piofessionaI foi a soIid liaining piogian, lhen conlinue using lhe
ineffeclive piogian you veie aIieady on, youie nol seeking
neaningfuI advice, onIy vaIidalion. Of couise, lhals fine if lhals
youi goaI. ul if you acluaIIy desiie liaining piogiess and youve hil
a pIaleau, ils line lo seek advice oi do youi independenl ieseaich.
As lhe saying goes: laking lhe sane couise and expecling diffeienl
iesuIls is insanily.
WhiIe lhe alove calegoiies conlain lheii fIavs, lhey each have
dislincl neiils: Theie viII aIvays le lines in vhich ve need lo le
advice-iecipienls - leing open lo advice and galheiing as nuch
infoinalion as possilIe lefoie laking aclion decieases lhe IikeIihood
of faiIuie. Of couise, lheie viII le lines in vhich ienaining open lo
advice isnl lhe vay lo go - ve need lo slay focused vhiIe in lhe
67
aclion phase and slay lhe couise ialhei lhan naking nid-couise
coiieclions eveiy lvo seconds. Sonelines, ve knov vhal ve need
lo do and seeking noie advice onIy seives as a deIay laclic. IinaIIy,
lheies nolhing viong vilh ieceiving vaIidalion, ve need feedlack
lo knov veie on lhe iighl liack and ils aIvays nice lo gel lhe
vaIidalion of olheis. Honesl vaIidalion can seive as a signposl
indicaling lhe iighl diieclion - jusl nake suie lhal vaIidalion isnl
youi deslinalion.
In concIusion, gel lhe advice you need, pul il inlo aclion, and
enjoy lhe vaIidalion lhal cones vilh leing on liack. e honesl vilh
youiseIf and open lo ieaIily and youie aII sel. No need lo le
addicled lo heaiing lhe sane advice ovei and ovei again and nevei
using il. Moieovei no need lo le soneone lhal is a knov il aII and
nol capalIe of laking advice. e honesl vilh vhal you need and
have lhe couiage lo appIy advice lhal is usefuI.

68
:$"4( '55'3/$2 50
)$*6!5* "* /0!2"4( +06 :'3.
Ycu natc a rign| |c qcur ac|icns, ou| nctcr |c |nc rcsu||s cf qcur ac|icns.
Ac| fcr |nc ac|icns sa|c
8nagatad Gi|a
This is a gieal Iine lhal has foIIoved ne foi nany yeais. Il is fion
lhe sacied Hindu sciipluie lhe hagavad Cila, vhich neans song of
Cod. Il is consideied ly nany lo le one of lhe nosl inpoilanl looks
evei. This is sonelhing I agiee vilh vhoIeheailedIy. Il is Ioaded
vilh an inciedilIe anounl of visdon and eveiy line I iead il, I pick
up sonelhing nev. WhiIe I have iead il nany lines I nevei ieaIIy
undeislood lhe Iine alove on aclion unliI I Iived il a fev lines.
Whal exaclIy does il nean lo acl foi aclions sake` I an suie il is
open lo a vaiiely of inleipielalions and I do nol pielend lo have lhe
definilive ansvei. Thal said, I lhink il is aloul fuIIy enliacing lhe
piesenl and nol voiiying aloul lhe fuluie. Oflen ve aie so focused
on vheie ve vanl lo go lhal ve faiI lo enliace vheie ve aie. CoaIs
vhiIe veiy inpoilanl can aIso le lhe uIlinale disliaclion and aIso
nake il inpossilIe lo enjoy lhe piesenl. Inslead of enjoying vhal ve
have duiing lhe piesenl, ve aie focused on sone line in vhal ve
hope viII lecone oui fuluie. IionicaIIy vhen peopIe gel lo lhe
inagined lellei line lhey ieninisce on hov lhings used lo le.
Of couise lhe pasl is oflen enleIIished, and nany of oui neno-
iies aie oflen cIose lo faliicalions lo say lhe Ieasl. Thus il is aII loo
easy lo gel sluck on lhe vheeI of pasl and fuluie and nevei le in lhe
69
piesenl. Sonelines lhal is a good lhing as I do nol caie lo le in lhe
piesenl vhen gelling ny leelh cIeaned. I gIadIy pul ny nind
sonevheie eIse and diifl avay unliI il is ovei. Whal aloul leing
sluck on a len-houi fIighl` Walching novies on ny Iaplop and
Iislening lo nusic on ny ipod is a Iifesavei and nakes lhe loiing
and oflen unconfoilalIe liip fIy ly. Of couise vhen youie sluck
nexl lo soneone lhal sneIIs Iike he has nol laken a shovei foi a
veek and jusl ale al Taco HeII lhen lheie is nol nuch you can do lo
disliacl youiseIf fion lhe nonenl. Il is going lo le a Iong fIighl ny
fiiend! ul I digiess.
NeveilheIess, vhen il cones lo inpoilanl aclions ve vanl lo le
in lhe piesenl. Moieovei, vhen il cones lo a caieei ve vanl lo find
sonelhing lhal exciles us and nakes il easiei lo enliace lhe piesenl.
When I voiked in lusiness deveIopnenl in lhe Inleinel voiId, I vas
oflen loied oul of ny nind. The voik did nol excile ne and I found
il difficuIl lo le in lhe nonenl. I vouId oflen Iook al lhe cIock and
line aIvays seened lo go vay loo sIov.
I lhink a Iol of peopIe can ieIale lo nonolonous unfuIfiIIing jols.
Sone peopIe say lhal you shouId enliace lhe jol anyvay and le
piesenl iegaidIess of vhelhei you find il exciling oi nol. They say
you viII le happiei leing piesenl lhen pIaying lhe disliaclion gane.
Ieihaps, lheie is sone liulh lo lhal lul I lhink il is lellei lo have an
honesl inleinaI diaIogue and inslead choose anolhei palh. If you aie
dissalisfied il is line lo find sonelhing lhal is salisfying. Conedian
iIIy CaideII says if youie an aduIl and on anlidepiessanls you need
lo gel anolhei jol! I an suie lheie aie nany cases of chenicaI
inlaIances lhal cause depiession and nedicalions can le usefuI in
such cases. Hovevei, I lhink lhe najoiily of peopIe lhal aie de-
piessed need lo lake chaige of lheii Iives and nake sone seiious
changes ialhei lhan lake nedicalions lo aIIeviale synplons.
UsuaIIy lhe gialifying palh is iighl in fionl of you lul you aie
loo lusy disliacling youiseIf and Iislening lo advice fion olheis lo
see il. Il aIso heIps if you aie nol lexling aII day, vasling line on
lvillei, oi valching noionic ieaIily TV shovs.
Mike MahIei
7O
If you pondei on il foi a vhiIe, In suie you have had posilive
expeiiences in vhich you veie fuIIy in lhe piesenl. Mosl IikeIy il
occuiied vilhoul you lhinking aloul il and lhal is vhal il is aII
aloul. ack in undeigiad I expeiienced lhis vhen I gol inlo ieIigious
sludies. I vas jusl nol inlo coIIege unliI I found sone couises lhal
engaged ne.
Once I found an aiea of sliong inleiesl I venl fion jusl passing
cIasses lo leing on lhe deans Iisl. The deans Iisl vas a side effecl of
ieaIIy enjoying vhal I vas sludying ialhei lhan leing lhe acluaI
goaI. I couId caie Iess aloul giades and voiking haid lo gel an A on
a piece of papei vas nevei a nolivaloi foi ne. In addilion lo doing
aII of ny couise voik, I used lo go leyond il and iead even noie
aloul lhe lopics I vas sludying.
Tiusl ne youie nol going lo spend youi fiee line ieading and
ieseaiching noie in coIIege unIess you aie ieaIIy inlo lhe lopic. Mosl
sludenls do exaclIy vhal lhey need lo do lo gel vhalevei giade lhey
aie going aflei and no noie. I did nol do lhe addilionaI voik foi a
pal on lhe lack oi exlia ciedil, I did il lecause I genuineIy enjoyed il
and vanled lo inneise nyseIf in il fuIIy. I vas expeiiencing fiisl
hand enliacing ny aclions fuIIy vilhoul leing allached lo lhe
iesuIls of ny aclions. IionicaIIy, vhiIe I vas Iiving il, I vas nol
conscious of il and did nol nake lhe conneclion al lhe line. I did
Ieain one veiy inpoilanl lhing and lhal is I onIy do veII al lhings I
genuineIy enjoy. Moie inpoilanlIy I gel depiessed vhen nol
occupying ny line vilh lhings I enjoy doing. I have Ieained lhal lhis
is a lIessing in disguise ovei lhe yeais.
Mosl peopIe aie veiy piaclicaI in coIIege and inslead focus on
vhal lhey feeI viII gel lhen a high paying jol aflei coIIege. Again
lhe focus is on vhal lhey viII le doing aflei coIIege ialhei lhan vhal
lhey aie doing in coIIege. A veiy connon exanpIe of faiIing lo focus
on aclions and inslead leing oveiIy allached lo lhe iesuIls of aclions.
Il is nuch haidei lo focus on an aiea of sludy lhal genuineIy in-
leiesls you, as you aie suie lo gel a Iol of push lack fion peopIe
aiound you. Whenevei I loId peopIe lhal I vas najoiing in ReIigious
71
Sludies, peopIe vouId oflen iespond in an incieduIous nannei. In
lheii ninds lhe onIy palh I couId lake vilh a ieIigious sludies degiee
vas lo lecone a coIIege piofessoi. I knev al lhal line lhal I had no
desiie lo le a coIIege piofessoi. Hovevei, I aIso knev lhal I vas
nevei going lo nake il lhiough foui yeais of coIIege focusing on
sonelhing lhal I couId caie Iess aloul. Sonehov I knev lhal lhings
vouId voik oul and lheie vas no poinl vasling line voiiying
aloul il.
Iunny lhing aloul coIIege is vhen you giaduale eveiylhing you
Ieain seens lo slay lheie. The ieaI voiId has a vay of sIapping you
in lhe face haid and il is lack lo ieaIily. ReIigious sludies gave ne a
phiIosophy foi Iife, lul il vas nol necessaiiIy vhal I vanled lo do
caieei vise. Whal I knev I vanled lo do vas iighl in fionl of ny
face and lhal vas sonelhing filness ieIaled. I did nol pul enough
eneigy inlo a diiecl palh and jusl did nol see a cIeai ioule al lhe
line. I did nol vanl lo le a liainei in lhe gyn and lo ny nyopic
nind al lhal line, liaining in a gyn seened Iike lhe onIy oplion.
Thus, I decided lo do vhal I faiIed lo do in coIIege and lhal is lo le
piaclicaI. Have you evei gone lo a lon of jol inleivievs foi veII
paying jols lhal you couId caie Iess aloul` Il is loiing al lines lul
oflen conicaI as veII. The geneiic queslions lhal you aie inundaled
vilh aie aIvays anusing. Wheie do you see youiseIf in five yeais`
My nenlaI iesponse vas hopefuIIy nol heie. Whal vaIue viII you
liing lo oui office` My nenlaI iesponse vas piolalIy nol nuch as
lhis jol Iooks loiing as sin lul lhe saIaiy Iooks pielly good.
Despile ny inaginaiy effoils olheivise, sonehov I nanaged lo
gel hiied. Keeping lhe jol on lhe olhei hand pioved lo le nuch
haidei. Lilhei I vouId ieach a lipping poinl and quil oi ny enpIoy-
ei vouId ieach a lipping poinl and fiie ne. IaiadoxicaIIy I oflen gol
fiied aflei liinging in a Iol of lusiness foi lhe conpanies. Aflei
gelling fiied a fev lines I finaIIy gol lhe nessage. I lhink conpanies
jusl knov an enliepieneui vhen lhey see one and peihaps peopIe
lhal lake chaige and nake lhings happen aie jusl nol a good fil foi
nany conpanies. I an haIf joking of couise lul one lhing vas foi
Mike MahIei
72
suie, lheie vas no vay I couId focus on ny aclions inslead of lhe
iesuIls of ny aclions vhiIe doing sonelhing lhal did nol excile ne. As
Iong as I voiked foi olheis in jols I couId caie Iess aloul I vouId le
Iike a Iol of peopIe in lhe voikfoice vho Iive foi veekends and
vacalions. I have even heaid peopIe laIk aloul lhe iesl of lheii Iife in
leins of veekend and vacalion line. Nov lhal is jusl fIal oul depiess-
ing. WhiIe I iespecl anyone lhal has a jol and voiks haid and in lhe
iecession ve aie in I can see vhy nany aie happy lo have a jol, I have
I aIvays needed noie. I need lo acluaIIy enjoy vhal I an doing.
A good fiiend of nine had leen leIIing ne foi nany yeais lhal I
an a naluiaI enliepieneui and lhal I shouId do ny ovn lhing in lhe
filness voiId. I used lo spend a Iol of ny fiee line ieading liaining
looks and discussing liaining vilh olheis. Il vas line lo nake ny
vacalion ny vocalion and lo quil pIaying lhe disliaclion gane and
nake il happen. This is sonelhing ny giandfalhei did. He ieaIized
lhal voiking foi olheis vas nol a fil foi hin al aII. He had a peison-
aIily in vhich he couId nol sland voiking foi olheis and enpIoyeis
couId nol sland having hin voik foi lhen. He venl on lo luiId a
veiy successfuI consuIling conpany. WhiIe he nade good noney,
lhal vas nevei his focus. In facl he oflen undeichaiged, as lhe juice
foi hin vas lhe acluaI piocess. He Ioved vhal he did and vouId
have done il foi fiee. The noney cane fion focusing fuIIy on his
aclions ialhei lhen lhe iesuIls of his aclions.
When I finaIIy puIIed lhe liiggei and junped fuII foice inlo lhe
filness voiId I knev il vas lhe iighl nove. Thal feeIing of excile-
nenl lhal I had in coIIege vas lack and lhal feeIing is piiceIess. You
cannol luy il oi fake having il. You vake up eveiy day exciled aloul
vhal you aie doing and have lhe fieedon lo nove in diffeienl
diieclions in oidei lo keep lhings exciling.
I slailed ny filness lusiness vilh a focus on kellIeleII liaining. I
look a gieal couise vilh lop slienglh coach IaveI TsalsouIine and
knev iighl avay lhal kellIeleIIs vouId le a lig hil dovn lhe ioad. I
Ioved liaining vilh lhen and il gave ne a unique seIIing poinl as no
one al lhe line vas liying lo luiId a kellIeleII-focused lusiness. My
73
fiiend and filness expeil Sleve MaxveII vas leaching kellIeleII
cIasses al his gyn lul kellIeleII liaining vas nol his piinaiy focus.
I Iiked lhe lusiness nodeI of voikshops and vanled lo focus on
lhal avenue. I aIso did olhei lhings lhal veie filness ieIaled lhal I
enjoyed such as viiling ailicIes foi nagazines and velsiles, leach-
ing cIasses, piivale Iessons, onIine consuIling elc. Hovevei, lhe
piinaiy focus vas on doing voikshops and Iols of lhen. I Iiked
leing in fionl of a posilive gioup. I ienenlei ny veiy fiisl kellIeleII
seninai Iike il vas yesleiday. Il vas in Noilhein Viiginia lack in
2OO2. I liained eighl peopIe in a paik foi a fev houis and nade five
hundied lucks. I vas on cIoud nine. I vas jusl so happy lo le doing
sonelhing I enjoyed and acluaIIy naking noney doing il. I vas
Iiving in lhe nonenl, enjoying ny aclions and vas nol voiiying
aloul lhe iesuIls of ny aclions.
I noved oul lo Los AngeIes in 2OO2 foi a change of sceneiy and
lo luiId ny lusiness. I vanled lo le vheie aII lhe aclion vas. Los
AngeIes is oflen caIIed lhe cily of dieans lul il can aIso le a cily of
nighlnaies. I have nevei leen lo a cily vilh so nany lioken dovn
peopIe. IeopIe lhal had dieans vhen lhey noved lo LA lul foi
vhalevei ieason faiIed lo have any success. I did nol vanl lo faII inlo
lhal calegoiy and vanled lo peiseveie in Los AngeIes.
I pul lhe pedaI lo lhe nelaI and voiked ny laiI off. Lveiy day I
voke up ieady lo ciush il. I vas naking lhings happen lul unfoilu-
naleIy despile ny effoils I ended up vilh noie nonlh lhan noney! I
pIayed lhe ciedil caid shuffIe gane lo keep lhings going lul il vas
nol enough. The dell vas piIing up and in addilion I vas in a
ieIalionship vilh an eneigy vanpiie, vhich ceilainIy did nol heIp. If
you aie pIanning lo nove lo Los AngeIes and aie liying lo decide if
you shouId nove aIone oi vilh an eneigy vanpiie, pick lhe foinei.
Tiusl ne I have leen lheie!
If you have heaid any of ny hoinone oplinizalion Iecluies you
knov I enphasize lhe inpoilance of addiessing financiaI and
ieIalionship sliess. These aie oflen lhe lvo Iaigesl sliesses lhal ve
deaI vilh and having lolh al lhe sane line is nol nuch fun.
Mike MahIei
74
Whal slailed off as a fun advenluie vas quickIy luining inlo
anolhei jol. Inslead of focusing on lhe aclions and enjoying lhe
piocess I vas nov focused on hov lo nake noney and Iols of il.
Again, naking noney shouId le a side effecl of lhe aclions nol as lhe
piinaiy focus. I had Ieained lhal Iesson lvice lul needed lo Ieain il
one noie line lo ieaIIy conpiehend il.
The iesuIl of lhe financiaI and ieIalionship sliess Ianded ne in
lhe lhiovs of a Iife lhiealening case of pneunonia. olh of ny Iungs
veie fiIIed up vilh lacleiia and I neaiIy died fion il. I Iosl lhiily
pounds duiing lhe iIIness and vhen I Iooked al ny lank accounl I
onIy had $7.OO Iefl. Il vas line foi a paiadign shifl. Il vas line lo
ieluiId and do lhings iighl. Liadicale lhe peisonaI Iife sliess and gel
lack lo having fun again. Lnjoy lhe piocess and gel connilled. Six
nonlhs Ialei I vas naking a IivalIe incone. WhiIe il vas ceilainIy
nol a Iucialive incone il vas enough lo pay lhe liIIs and keep ny
head alove valei. A yeai Ialei I vas naking a veiy good incone
and a yeai aflei lhal I vas naking a gieal incone (incone is aII
ieIalive lul ly ny slandaids il vas a gieal incone and lhal is vhal
nalleis). I vas naking noie lhan I evei nade voiking foi olheis!
The lesl pail is lhe noney vas nol lhe focus. I vas focused on
naking lhe lusiness fun again and gelling lack lo vhy I gol inlo il
in lhe fiisl pIace.
I have kepl lhe filness lusiness fun and fiesh ly going inlo olhei
aieas of inleiesl. WhiIe ny filness lusiness slailed as a kellIeleII
focused endeavoi il has evoIved inlo nuch noie. I have nanaged lo
inlegiale nuch of ny Iife phiIosophy inlo vhal I do via ny onIine
nagazine. In addilion, I have nanaged lo slunlIe on anolhei
giound fIooi oppoilunily via conveying hoinone oplinizalion
infoinalion. Il is a lopic I an exciled aloul and one lhal olheis
cannol gel enough off.
This is hov you Iive in lhe nonenl and enjoy youi aclions. You
find sonelhing lhal you find exciling, have lhe couiage lo puisue il,
and aIso keep evoIving. Many liaineis and peopIe in geneiaI lend lo
accunuIale a ceilain anounl of knovIedge and lhen keep iepealing
75
il ovei and ovei again inslead of evoIving. KnovIedge can le a liap
as veII if you have lhe iIIusion lhal you have enough of il.
Making noney is of couise inpoilanl and I vouId le Iying if I
said lhal il is nol an inpoilanl focus in ny lusiness. Hovevei, il is
nol lhe focus lul a side effecl of enjoying lhe piocess and finding
vays lo keep lhe piocess enjoyalIe. Theie is no excuse foi Ielling
lhings lecone fIal and loiing. When you caive youi ovn palh you
can aIvays find vays lo keep lhings engaging. Thal is lhe leauly of
doing youi ovn lhing.
Theie is a disappoinling liend in lhe filness voiId nov in vhich
nany liaineis caie noie aloul naikeling infoinalion lhan liaining
infoinalion. No doull, naikeling infoinalion is ciilicaI and I spend
a good anounl of line Ieaining aloul naikeling. Il is one of lhe key
ingiedienls lhal I used lo luiId a successfuI lusiness. Hovevei,
vhen you Iook al eveiy polenliaI cIienl vilh doIIai signs and decide
lhal acluaIIy liaining youiseIf is no Iongei a good use of youi eneigy
you aie in lhe viong lusiness lo say lhe Ieasl. Hov aie you sup-
posed lo gel olheis exciled aloul liaining vhen you nevei liain oi
liain in a IackIuslei nannei` When I laIk lo ny peeis such as }ason
DoIly, Ken Iackluin, Sleve Collei, }on Hinds, and Sleve MaxveII
lhey aII have one inpoilanl lhing in connon: lhey Iove liaining!
They Iove doing il, lhey Iove laIking aloul il, and lhey Iove leaching
il lo olheis. This is one of lhe nain ieasons vhy aII of lhese guys aie
successfuI. Nol jusl financiaIIy lul successfuI in Iiving fuIIy. When
you neel lhese guys in peison you ieaIize lhey aie aII genuineIy
happy.
Il is nol lhe end of lhe voiId if you no Iongei enjoy liaining and
leaching il lo olheis. Il is jusl a sign lhal you need lo nove on lo
sonelhing eIse. Whal shouId you do` Thal is foi you lo decide lul
lheie is aIvays lailei coIIege if nolhing eIse cones lo nind!
Theie is nolhing viong vilh enjoying lhe iesuIls of youi aclions.
I donl lhink lheie is anylhing viong vilh going on expensive
vacalions, luying lig houses, fancy cais elc. ul lhose can aII le fun
side effecls of voiking haid on a Ialoi of Iove. Hovevei, I lhink you
Mike MahIei
76
niss oul on sonelhing veiy inpoilanl vhen lhal is vhal you aie aII
aloul. Thal lhing is lhe piesence of lhe nonenl, lhe fuII enjoy-
nenl of youi aclions vilhoul lhe voiiy of lhe iesuIls of youi aclions.
AII voiiying evei does is inciease youi sliess hoinone IeveIs and
nake il inpossilIe lo enjoy lhe nonenl. Iocus on lhe nov, lhe Ialei
viII le lheie vailing foi you vhen you gel lheie.
CoaIs aie inpoilanl, as you vanl a laigel in vhich diieclion lo
go. Hovevei, donl le so allached lo youi goaIs lhal you aie lIinded
fion lhe piesenl. CoaIs aie oflen anli-cIinalic lecause oui expecla-
lions on vhal achieving goaIs viII do foi oui happiness is infIaled.
We oflen faiI lo ieaIize il vhen il is happening, lul lhe ieaI ievaid
and fun is in lhe aclion nol lhe iesuIls of lhe aclion.
WhiIe nany feeI gialefuI lo have a jol in lhe lough iecession ve
aie in and olheis vouId Iove lo have any jol, I sliII lhink il is voilh
asking noie of ouiseIves and sliiving foi sonelhing noie fuIfiIIing.
When you do sonelhing lhal is gialifying il is nuch easiei lo Iive in
lhe nonenl and leing alIe lo fuIIy enliace lhe nonenl is piiceIess
as il is lhe nolevoilhy expeiiences lhal ve accunuIale lhal nake oui
Iives iich.
In concIusion, do you have a iighl lo lhe iesuIls of youi aclions`
Yes you do lul lhe iesuIls viII le nuch lellei if you focus fuIIy on
leing gieal in lhe aclion phase vilhoul leing disliacled ly lhe
iesuIls of lhe aclion phase. Moieovei, lhe aclion phase is vheie lhe
visceiaI Iiving is and vheie lhe fun is as veII.

77
20"4( 1/'5 +06
!0#$ "* /')2 10).
Many peopIe have lhe iIIusion lhal peopIe vho aie passionale aloul
lheii Iine of voik aie happy canpeis lhal have found Niivana. They
jusl Iook so happy vhen lhey aie voiking and loy, il nusl le nice lo
le fuII of joy aII day Iong. They foigel lhal one of lhe definilions of
passion is lo suffei foi vhal you Iove. IeopIe lhal Iove vhal lhey do,
do nol sellIe foi nediociily oi doing a pielly good jol. IeopIe lhal
Iove vhal lhey do vanl lo le gieal al il and lo le gieal al vhal you
Iove you have lo suffei. Il lecones an olsession lhal is on youi nind
aII lhe line. You aie aIvays lhinking of vays lo inpiove. Tiusl ne
you voik nuch haidei vhen you do vhal you Iove lhen you evei
do jusl doing a nundane jol.
WhiIe lhe liulaI ieaIily is lhal you viII suffei in oidei lo le gieal
al vhal you Iove, lhe key poinl lhal dislinguishes il fion doing a
nundane jol jusl lo gel ly, is lhal il is lhe kind of voik lhal you
acluaIIy vanl lo do. This is a ciilicaI dislinclion as voik lhal you
acluaIIy vanl lo do is gialifying and fuIfiIIing. The kind of voik lhal
you do jusl lo gel ly nay pay lhe liIIs, hovevei, il is nevei gialify-
ing oi fuIfiIIing. Nov I an nol knocking anyone lhal voiks. You do
vhal you have lo do in Iife lo suivive and I have iespecl foi anyone
lhal is viIIing lo voik haid lo nake an honesl Iiving ialhei lhan le a
vanpiie Iiving off lhe nisguided geneiosily of olheis. Hovevei, lhe
facl ienains lhe sane. If you do nol Iove vhal you do, you suffei
lvice. You suffei vhiIe you do il and you suffei fion lhe Iack of
fuIfiIInenl. If you do vhal you Iove, you onIy suffei once. You suffei
Mike MahIei
78
vhen you pul in lhe necessaiy conceiled voik lo le gieal lul have
lhe inciedilIe sense of fuIfiIInenl lhal onIy doing vhal you Iove foi
a Iiving can piovide.
Aulhoi MaIcoIn CIadveII in lhe look OulIieis slales lhal il
lakes len lhousand houis of conceiled effoil lo ieach a IeveI of
nasleiy in any fieId. This is nol len lhousand houis of pIaying
aiound. No, len lhousand houis of focused eneigy on youi ciafl.
This IeveI of focused voik is veiy difficuIl and fev have lhe disci-
pIine and lhe pain loIeiance lo push lhiough day aflei day. Il is aII
loo easy lo nake a piocessed neaI in lhe niciovave and valch foui
houis of nind nunling ieaIily TV inslead. Ten lhousand houis of
veiy haid voik and saciifice is vhal sepaiales lhe exceplionaI fion
lhe nediocie. Nov if you do nol Iove vhal you do lhen il is highIy
unIikeIy lhal you aie going lo pul in len lhousand houis of conceiled
effoil. You piolalIy viII nol even le viIIing lo pul in haIf lhal
nunlei. No nallei hov nuch you vanl lhe goaI, if you aie nol
piepaied lo enduie lhe piocess you can foigel aloul il. Of couise if
you aie nol piepaied lo enduie lhe piocess lhen you nevei ieaIIy
vanled lhe goaI lo legin vilh.
The iionic lhing is lhe piocess of leing nediocie al sonelhing is
oflen fun. This is vhal I Iike lo caII lhe holly slage. When you aie in
lhe holly slage nolhing seiious is al slake. Il is a holly and nol hov
you nake youi Iiving. Theie is no ieaI piessuie lo le good al a
holly. Hollies aie fun and a nice iefuge fion lhe vaiious sliesses
lhal cone vilh Iiving. Hovevei, vhen you decide lo luin a holly
inlo a fuII-lIovn vocalion a lolaI fIip-fIop occuis. Nov lhe piessuie
is on and il is no Iongei iefuge fion haid voik and sliess - inslead il
lecones haid voik and sliess! Yel once again il is haid voik and
sliess lhal you choose. Il is haid voik and sliess lhal you vanl lo
lake on and lhal is vhal nakes il a poveifuIIy Iife changing piocess.
When you have a lig sniIe on youi face al aII lines and gel gid-
dy aloul puisuing a goaI lhen you aie sliII in lhe analeui phase. Il is
easy lo gel exciled aloul vhal you aie doing vhen you have onIy
leen doing il foi a fev nonlhs. Il is easy lo gel exciled aloul vhal
79
you aie doing vhen you do il as a pail line gig and nake youi ieaI
Iiving doing anolhei jol. Il is nuch haidei lo push lhiough vhen a
holly lecones youi soIe vay of naking a Iiving. Nov il is no
Iongei sonelhing you do vhen you feeI up lo il. No, nov il is oflen
sonelhing you do vhen il is lhe Iasl lhing you vanl lo do.
I an fiiends vilh a fev piofessionaI conedians. If you did nol
knov lellei you vouId lhink lhal conedians aie happy-go-Iucky
peopIe. Hovevei, lhe opposile is oflen liue. Many piofessionaI
conedians acluaIIy have neIanchoIy peisonaIilies such as lhe ones I
an fiiends vilh. This is haid lo leIieve vhen you see lhen up on
slage acling funny and naking peopIe Iaugh. NeveilheIess, lhink
aloul vhal conedy ieaIIy is. Il is eilhei an expiession of seIf-
depiecalion oi hunoi al lhe expense of olheis. Il is laking lhings lhal
lhal ianges fion negalive lo depiessing and iepackaging lhen in a
vay lhal nakes peopIe Iaugh.
To cone up vilh hiIaiious pieces conedians have lo go inlo
daik pIaces oflen and spend a Iol of line lheie. Then lhey have lo
voik lheii laiIs off liaveIing aII ovei lhe pIace doing gig aflei gig of
lhe sane naleiiaI. Whelhei lhey aie up lo il oi nol is ieIevanl. They
have lo do a gieal jol oi foigel aloul having a gieal caieei. Is il fun`
Sonelines il piolalIy is. A Iol of lhe line il piolalIy ianges fion
nol so fun lo dovniighl niseialIe. Sounds leiiilIe iighl` Wiong
once again il is voik lhal lhey vanl lo do. eing a successfuI
conedian is aigualIy one of lhe haidesl jols aiound and no one is
going lo lake il on as a caieei unIess il is sonelhing lhal lhey aie
passionale aloul. I have no doull lhal puIIing off a gieal gig is
gialifying and fuIfiIIing, lul I doull lhal il is aIvays fun. In facl in
ny ovn vay I knov il is nol aIvays fun. Il is line foi anolhei
peisonaI sloiy lo iIIusliale lhese poinls fuilhei.
I fiisl slailed leaching kellIeleII liaining voikshops lack in May
of 2OO2. My veiy fiisl voikshop vas al a paik in Noilhein Viiginia
vilh a vhopping eighl peopIe lhal paid aiound $65.OO lo allend lhe
couise. Thal fee is aiound six lines Iess lhan vhal I chaiged al ny
Iasl voikshop in 2OO8. WhiIe lhe noney vas nol gieal lack lhen
Mike MahIei
8O
(aIlhough il is nol lad eilhei foi a days voik) I had noie fun al lhal
voikshop lhan al any voikshop I have done since. I vas so happy lo
le in fionl of peopIe leaching sonelhing lhal I ieaIIy caied aloul. Up
unliI lhen I had aIvays done jols jusl lo nake noney. These jols
veie nevei enjoyalIe and ceilainIy nevei fuIfiIIing no nallei hov
nuch I gol paid. My veiy fiisl kellIeleII voikshop on lhe olhei hand
vas lolh enjoyalIe and veiy fuIfiIIing. I had a gieal line, lhe gioup
had a gieal line, and I even nel one of ny lesl fiiends al lhe couise
DyIan Thonas vho venl on lo lecone a gieal kellIeleII insliucloi.
TaIk aloul a day veII spenl!
I venl on lo do a Iol of kellIeleII voikshops aII ovei lhe US and
even one in lhe U.K. Lveiy line I did a couise I gol lellei al leach-
ing. I aIso gol nuch lellei al pionoling lhe couises and pulling
logelhei noie piofessionaI pioduclions. Whal do I nean ly piofes-
sionaI pioduclion` IailiaIIy, il neans lhal lhe couises acluaIIy look
pIace inside a nice faciIily as opposed lo a paik in Ohio in lhe niddIe
of vinlei (sonelhing lhal I acluaIIy did). As lhe couises lecane
lellei sonelhing eIse aIso happened. They lecane Iess fun. Hov is
lhis possilIe` I an lellei al leaching lhe couises, I an using nuch
nicei faciIilies, I an gelling noie peopIe lo allend, I an naking noie
noney lhan evei, and al lhe sane line lhe couises aie nol as fun.
Whal happened` Sonevheie aIong lhe vay I venl fion leing an
analeui pie in lhe sky insliucloi lo leing a seiious piofessionaI.
Il lakes a Iol of voik lo pul on a gieal voikshop and lhe leach-
ing pail is nol lhe haid pail. The haid pail is pionoling a voikshop
successfuIIy and naking suie lhe enliie pioduclion is oiganized and
fIuid. If you vanl lo leach a couise lo a fev peopIe in a paik vhen-
evei lhe feeIing sliikes lhal is one lhing. You can keep lhal fun and
casuaI. Hovevei, vhen you vanl lo lake il lo a nuch highei IeveI il
lecones a Iol of haid voik and Iels face il haid voik is nol fun. Suie
voiking haid and puIIing off gieal evenls is fuIfiIIing and gialifying
lul lhal does nol nean il is fun.
Whal is inleiesling is lhal as lhe couises lecane Iess fun, lhey
aIso lecane nuch noie fuIfiIIing and gialifying. As lhe voikshops
81
lecane Iess fun, ny confidence venl up. When I fiisl slailed doing
kellIeleII voikshops I used lo have a delaiIed oulIine lhal I sludied
lhe nighl lefoie. Nov I couId vaIk inlo lhe ioon vilhoul any
piepaialion and do a lang up jol. AIso, jusl lecause I did nol feeI
Iike doing a voikshop foi vhalevei ieason did nol affecl ny
peifoinance al aII. If I feIl exciled aloul doing a voikshop, I did a
gieal jol. If I feIl Iike ciap and did nol feeI Iike doing lhe couise, I
sliII did a gieal jol. In facl sone of ny lesl voikshops veie ones in
vhich ciicunslances veie fai fion ideaI.
One of lhe lesl voikshops I evei pul on vas a couise in NYC
lack in 2OO4 in vhich eveiylhing lhal couId have gone viong venl
viong. The sludenls cane inlo lhe couise ianging fion iiiilaled lo
angiy and if I did nol liing ny lesl gane il vas gane ovei. In facl il
couId have ended ny filness caieei. Thal is hov diie il vas. I ceilainIy
vas nol exciled aloul leaching lhe couise. RegaidIess, ny assislanl
insliucloi DyIan Thonas and I lioughl oui lesl ganes and luined lhe
vhoIe disaslei aiound. IeopIe cane in iiiilaled and angiy and Iefl
happy and on cIoud nine. Many of us gol logelhei foi dinnei aflei lhe
couise and eveiyone Iefl dinnei vilh a lig sniIe on lheii faces. We
aIso nel one of lhe lesl slienglh coaches aiound al lhe evenl Zach
Lven-esh. TaIk aloul non-fun day lhal vas veII spenl!
The enliie piocess vas veiy haid voik, lul il vas ly fai one of
lhe nosl gialifying couises lhal I evei did. Was il fun` No il is nol
fun having lo luin angiy peopIe aiound lul nan is il gialifying.
A fev yeais ago I pul on a lig pioduclion voikshop lhal vas
even Iess fun and yel veiy gialifying. Sone of you veie lheie and
nany of you have lhe DVD sel of lhe acluaI couise. Yes I an laIking
aloul lhe CoIIision Couise Woikshop.
CoIIision Couise vas a depailuie fion lhe usuaI kellIeleII
voikshop lhal I had done ovei lhe yeais. Inslead of having a
kellIeleII focused couise I decided lo nake kellIeleIIs pail of lhe
oveiaII pie ialhei lhan lhe enliie pie. CoIIision Couise fealuied a
seclion on allIing Rope Tiaining vilh Cuinness look iecoid hoIdei
}ohn iookfieId. The couise had an inciedilIe seclion on lhe lenefils
Mike MahIei
82
of sliongnan liaining laughl ly Iegendaiy sliongnan conpeliloi
and expeil slienglh coach Maik IhiIippi. }on Hinds of lhe Monkey
ai Cyn laughl an oulslanding veiy high-IeveI seclion on lody-
veighl liaining. I laughl a seclion on hoinone oplinizalion and aIso
advanced kellIeleII liaining. I aIso had lvo guesl piesenleis al lhe
couise lhal did a lang up jol: Ton Iuinan on joinl noliIily and
DyIan Thonas on kellIeleIIs foi lhe nailiaI ails.
To nake lhe offeiing even lellei foi lhe allendees, I hiied ny
liolhei Rogei lo fiIn lhe couise lo luin inlo a DVD sel. Lveiyone vho
allended lhe couise ieceived a copy of lhe DVD sel foi fiee. Il vas a
gieal couise lhal ieaIIy onIy had one piolIen, vhich unfoilunaleIy
vas nol enough allendees! I Iosl lhousands of doIIais on lhe fionl end
and had lo pay nany of lhe insliuclois oul of pockel.
My inside joke aloul lhe couise is lhal lhe allendees paid a Iol of
noney lo allend lul no one paid as nuch as I did lo le lheie. WhiIe
il vas a gieal couise il vas nol piofilalIe. I did eveiylhing iighl lo
nake lhe couise successfuI financiaIIy. Il jusl did nol pan oul lhal
vay. Yes I couId have canceIIed lhe couise lul I do nol Iike doing
lhal. This is a couise lhal I leIieved in sliongIy and I did nol vanl lo
disappoinl lhe peopIe lhal paid lo allend. Suie I couId have paid lhe
insliuclois Iess lul I gave lhen ny void on vhal lhey veie going lo
gel paid and I vasnl aloul lo Iook foi lhe easy vay oul al lhe cosl of
ny iepulalion. Inslead, I decided lo lake lhe iisk of doing lhe couise
and nake ny noney lack on lhe DVD sel.
Nov nany analeuis vouId have canceIIed lhe couise. If lhey
acluaIIy pul lhe couise lhiough lhey vouId have done a nininaIisl
jol. Aflei aII lhis vas nol a couise lhal did nol nake nuch noney il
vas a couise lhal Iosl noney! I acluaIIy nade noie noney al ny
veiy fiisl voikshop in Noilhein VA. Nol exaclIy lhe vay I vanled
lo cone aiound fuII ciicIe. Il is haid lo have fun vhen you voik
youi laiI off and Iose noney. Hovevei, il is nol aloul having fun
vhen you aie a piofessionaI. Il is aloul doing a gieal jol iiiespeclive
of lhe ciicunslances. Il is nol lhe sludenls fauIl lhal lhe couise vas
nol piofilalIe and I vasnl aloul lo disappoinl lhen.
83
To nake a Iong sloiy shoil, peopIe Ioved lhe couise. This is ol-
vious if you valch lhe sludenls on lhe DVD sel. They aie having a
lIasl and lhe feedlack vas oveivheIningIy posilive. HoneslIy, I did
nol have fun al lhe couise. Theie veie loo nany lhings foi ne lo le
accounlalIe foi in addilion lo acluaIIy leaching al lhe couise. The
facl lhal I Iosl lhousands of doIIais lo do lhe couise did nol heIp
eilhei. NeveilheIess il vas gialifying lo pul logelhei a unique couise
lhal lhe allendees ieaIIy enjoyed. Moieovei, il vas veiy fuIfiIIing lo
pul oul a gieal DVD sel of lhe couise. Nol onIy did I nake aII lhe
noney lhal I Iosl lack I vas alIe lo pul oul a unique offeiing lhal
peopIe ieaIIy enjoyed.
No doull you have lo Iove vhal you do in oidei lo le gieal al il.
Ieihaps nol aIvays lhe acluaI piocess lul lhe gialificalion and
fuIfiIInenl lhal cones fion leing a piofessionaI and doing a gieal
jol. If you voik youi laiI off and do nol ieceive sliong sense of
gialificalion and fuIfiIInenl lhen il is cIeai lhal you aie nol doing
vhal you Iove. Il is line lo le honesl and do vhal is necessaiy lo
find sonelhing eIse vhen you can. Moieovei lhe analeui slage is
onIy fun foi so Iong. Al sone poinl you have lo lecone a piofes-
sionaI lo keep gioving as a peison even if il neans lhe fun is ovei.
IoilunaleIy fun has nolhing on gialificalion and fuIfiIInenl.

84
+06) &!'1$2 2$3"*"04
-'."4( 9)03$** "* 1/+ +06 &'"!
||s nc| casq fcr |nc orain |c cnccsc a |cng-|crn gain ctcr an inncdia|c
rcuardsucn a dccisicn |a|cs ccgni|itc cffcr|unicn is unq gc||ing rid cf
anq|ning |na| na|cs |nc cncicc nardcr is sc inpcr|an|.
]cnan |cnrcr, au|ncr cf Hcu lc Dccidc
Lveiy }anuaiy peopIe slail yel anolhei yeai exciled aloul achieving
lheii Ialesl goaIs, hoping lhis is lhe yeai lhal lhey finaIIy nake lhings
happen. Yel liagicaIIy, nosl peopIe give up on lheii goaIs lefoie
}anuaiy is even ovei.
Why do peopIe faiI lo see lheii goaIs lhiough` Do lhey sinpIy
Iack discipIine and peiseveiance` Aie nosl peopIe so deIusionaI
lhey donl caie aloul achieving lhe goaIs lheyve sel` WhiIe ve
couId aigue lolh lhose poinls, accoiding lo }onah Lehiei, aulhoi of
Hov We Decide lheies sliII noie lo il and il slails vilh oui liains,
specificaIIy lhose pails of lhe liain vhich affecl lhe decision naking
piocess: lhe enolionaI and ialionaI liains.
Ils inpoilanl lo lake lhe line lo deleinine hov il is you nake
decisions. Does lhe enolionaI liain peisuade you` Oi does lhe
ialionaI liain doninale` Whal aie lhe pios and cons of lhe
enolionaI liain and lhe ialionaI liain` Moie inpoilanlIy, is youi
cuiienl decision naking piocess (oi Iack lheieof) hoIding you lack`
Lels slail ly laking a Iook al lhe pilfaIIs of leing enolionaI-
liain doninanl. The enolionaI liain seeks innediale gialificalion
and seeks lo avoid lhal vhich il peiceives as pain and Ioss. Iuilhei,
85
in allenpling lo nake sense of lhings (lhal nay have no ieaI
expIanalion) lhe enolionaI liain Iooks foi (non-exislenl) palleins.
Yes, in sone vays lhe enolionaI liain is deIusionaI.
The innediale gialificalion aspecl of lhe enolionaI liain nake
ciedil caids and youi enolionaI liain a disaslious conlinalion.
When using ciedil caids lo nake puichases, lhe liain doesnl
cognize any sense of Ioss. When puIIing cash fion youi vaIIel, lhe
eyes see - and lhe fingeis feeI - youi vaIIel innedialeIy Iighlen. In
lhis vay, lhiough lhe sense oigans, lhe ialionaI liain viII kick in lo
supeivise cash puichases. Hovevei, vilh ciedil caids, lhe ialionaI
liain oflen faiIs lo shov up - vhy is lhis` The eyes see sonelhing lhe
nind desiies and if no inpending Ioss is facloied in vilh an
exchange of cash. efoie youve consuIled youi ialionaI aspecl, lhe
liansaclion is done ly ciedil caid. The enolionaI liain Ioves shiny
ciedil caids and vilhoul lhe ialionaI liain lo laIance oul lhis
unheaIlhy affeclion, you couId find youiseIf in lig lioulIe. Thal lhe
aveiage U.S. cilizen caiiies ovei $1O,OOO in ciedil caid dell is a
peifecl iIIuslialion of vhal In laIking aloul.
Mosl of us can ieIale lo lhe expeiience of ieceiving a ciedil caid
slalenenl and feeIing shock and disleIief al lhe laIance. We vondei
hov did aII of lhe chaiges gel lheie` The fiisl ieaclion nay le lo
vondei if youi ciedil caid vas sloIen! Then, as you caiefuIIy peiuse
each ilenized puichase, ieaIily lakes a seal leside you. In facl, you
did luy aII lhose lhings and lhe lolaI is coiiecl. Iionising youiseIf lo
nevei iepeal lhis giievous nislake and vishing lo ceIeliale youi
nev found discipIine, you lake youi ciedil caid lo lhe IocaI lai and
luy eveiyone a iound! Yes, lhe enolionaI liain is easiIy seduced ly
lhal lenpliess, lhe ciedil caid. To lhe enolionaI liain, ciedil caids
offei lhe iIIusion of lolh innediale gialificalion and pain avoidance
vhen, in facl, il is neieIy innediale gialificalion. Coing inlo
consunei dell, vilh ils high inleiesl iale, is lhe epilone of pain and
suffeiing, lhus, paiadoxicaIIy lhe Iong-lein Ioss inheienl lo ciedil
caid dell is lhe veiy lhing lhe enolionaI liain is so despeiale lo
avoid.
Mike MahIei
86
Iooi food choices aie anolhei exanpIe of lhe enolionaI liain in
aclion. Since lhe Iong-lein negalive consequences of viong diel lake
line lo nanifesl, lhe enolionaI liain hones in on lhe innediale
gialificalions of junk food. If consuning fasl foods iesuIled in inslanl
heail allacks oi visilIy expanded guls oi - lan!! - ceIIuIile, lhen ild
le easy lo iefuse. UnfoilunaleIy, lhe danage acciues sIovIy -
conpounding ovei line nuch Iike consunei dell. SiniIaiIy lul
vilh a diffeienl oulcone, lhe posilive effecls of appiopiiale exeicise
and sound nuliilion aIso lake line lo acciue - vhich is one ieason
vhy peopIe find il difficuIl lo slay lhe couise. If peopIe couId join a
gyn and eal a fev good neaIs, inslanlIy gaining nuscIe and Iosing
luckels of fal fion a IillIe piopei nuliilion and exeicise, veII, il
vouId le easy lo keep il up! UnfoilunaleIy foi lhe undiscipIined, lhe
diIigence of liaining and dieling is geneiaIIy loo nuch lo ask of lhe
nodein peison opeialing fion lhe enolionaI liain. The enliie
piocess is inslead (nislakenIy) peiceived as an (undesiialIe) Ioss. In
lhis endeavoi, ve nusl hainess lhe ialionaI liain lo heIp us see lhe
liulh lehind lhe appeaiances. In lhis vay, using lolh aspecls of lhe
nind, ve can evenluaIIy neel oui physicaI goaIs and lhe enolionaI
liain can lask in lhe gialificalion of Iooking and feeIing gieal.
Wilhoul hilching up lhe ialionaI liain, hovevei, fev of us aie alIe
lo enduie lhe disconfoil, vhich is aII loo olvious vhen you Iook
aiound you and see lhe cuiienl vogue of olesily.
Invesling is anolhei aiea fiaughl vilh disaslei vhen doninaled
ly lhe enolionaI liain. The enolionaI liains feai of Ioss causes il lo
niss lhe lig picluie iionicaIIy ciealing noie Ioss. Accoiding lo
Lehiei, slalislics shov lhal fion 1926 lo lhe piesenl, slocks have
aIvays oulpeifoined londs vilh an aveiage annuaI ieluin of 6.4
veisus O.5 foi londs. NeveilheIess, in an allenpl lo avoid iisk
nany inveslois pIace nosl of lheii savings in londs, and end up
Iosing significanl polenliaI eainings in lhe Iong iun. If peopIe
enIisled lheii ialionaI liains in lheii decision naking piocess, lhey
nighl ieaIize lhal index funds (such as Vanguaids lolaI slock
naikel fund) aie safei, noie Iucialive, choices, especiaIIy foi
87
youngei peopIe vilh a Iongei line span lefoie ieliienenl. Ioi lhose
inveslois cIosei lo ieliienenl age, londs can le a sound choice.
Anolhei anliguous liain leiiain is youi caieei. LnolionaI
liain-doninanl peopIe oflen voik - foi olhei peopIe - in jols foi
vhich lhey have no passion, since lhe enolionaI liain, desiiing lo
avoid (peiceived) Ioss al aII cosls, viII iesisl lhe iisks of puisuing
youi diean occupalion. Risk aveision is lhe excuse peopIe nake
foi ienaining in halefuI jols vhiIe poslponing lheii liue vocalions.
Yel lhe cuiienl econonic ciisis cIeaiIy pioves lhal jol secuiily is as
lig an iIIusion as evei exisled. The ieaIily` Youie lellei off
iecognizing vhal il is you vanl lo do foi a Iiving, lhen ciealing a
pIan (and pulling in lhe necessaiy effoil) lo gel lheie. Hovevei, fiisl
youII need lo vin ovei lhe enolionaI liain and ils inheienl
ieIuclance lo lake iisks and avoid peiceived Ioss...lhal oi do haid
line in a niseialIe jol. Il aII depends on youi definilion of Ioss.
Aflei ieading lhis nuch aloul of lhe enolionaI liain, you nighl
lhink lhe ialionaI liain lo le supeiioi. Nol so fasl! efoie allenpling
lo ieIinquish aII enolion and lecone a ieaI Iife Mi. Spock, Iels lake
a cIosei Iook al lhe shoilconings of lhe ialionaI liain. Accoiding lo
Lehiei, ieIying loo nuch on lhe ialionaI liain Ieads lo ovei anaIysis,
vhich iesuIls in inaclion. In addilion, lhe ialionaI liain can cause
you lo ovei vaIue infoinalion, i.e. sensoiy inpul, if nol laIanced
vilh lhe inluilive cognilion of lhe enolionaI liain. IinaIIy, vhiIe lhe
ialionaI liain Ioves infoinalion, il can onIy handIe so nuch al a
line. Too nuch infoinalion cieales a slale of ovei slinuIalion,
vhich Ieaves lhe nind disliacled and confused, lhus undeislanding
IillIe. RalionaI liain-doninance ielaids youi oveiaII giovlh
polenliaI.
Any line you Ieain a nev skiII lhe ialionaI liain cones inlo
pIay. Renenlei vhen you fiisl Ieained lo diive a cai` Lveiylhing
vas nev so youi ialionaI/conscious liain lioke lhe skiIIs dovn
nove ly nove: faslening lhe seal leIl, shifling inlo diive, and
piessing lhe fool lo lhe acceIeialoi pedaI. Ovei line, as you acquiied
lhe skiII of diiving and lhe lask shifled lo lhe enolionaI liain, lhe
Mike MahIei
88
ialionaI liain pIayed a Iess significanl ioIe. In shoil, once you knov
vhal lo do, you neednl consciousIy lhink aloul il. (On lhe olhei
hand, given lhe skiII sel of lhe lypicaI Las Vegas diivei, nosl vouId
do veII laking a slep lack and Ielling lheii ialionaI liains do lhe
diiving - peihaps lhey nevei lioughl lhen oul in lhe fiisl pIace!)
To iecap: Ieaining a nev skiII is lhe donain of lhe ialionaI liain
lul once youve assiniIaled lhal skiII, lhe enolionaI liain ielains lhe
nenoiy. This is efficienl since lhe ialionaI liain can onIy piocess a
Iiniled anounl of infoinalion al a line. Once lhe skiII is acquiied,
lhe ialionaI liain enplies ils cup lo lhe enolionaI liain lo lellei
anaIyze nev inconing infoinalion, Ieading lo nev skiIIs. If you
conlinuaIIy funclion fion lhe ialionaI liain, youi lhinking palhvays
viII quickIy lecone iife vilh cIullei. Ils lhe sIeek enolionaI liain
lhal opeiales vilhoul lhe cIunsy luiden of conscious lhoughl, lhus
lhe ialionaI liain can puige ils lendency lo excess laggage.
SliII, lheies a hilch: you nusl consciousIy choose lo enIisl lhe
counseI of lolh lhe ialionaI and enolionaI liains. Olheivise, ils loo
easy lo favoi lhe one vhiIe avoiding lhe olhei. Lngaging lhe ialionaI
liain lo Ieain a skiII, lhen assigning lhe nenoiy lo lhe aichivaI
enolionaI liain iequiies Ielling go of lhe conscious lhoughl piocess -
vhich is easiei foi sone lhan olheis. ul hoaiding skiIIs in lhe
ialionaI liain is lhe souice of pedanliy, anong olhei chaiaclei fIavs.
Allachnenl lo lhe ialionaI liain (oi lhe enolionaI liain - oi
anylhing eIse! - foi lhal nallei) is a halil, a foin of confoil. If ils an
enlienched halil, even Iife Iong, Ieaining lo ie-viie lhe liain foi
lellei laIance viII lake line and conscious effoil. The good nevs is
you can use lhe ialionaI liain lo acquiie sone nev, inluilive/
enolionaI skiIIs! Il aII slails vilh Ieaining noie aloul youi liue seIf
and undeislanding hov youi nind funclions. Nol an easy lask lul
liuIy lhe nosl inpoilanl lask of youi Iifeline.
You see, vhiIe lhe ialionaI liain is gieal al ieseaiching and
anaIyzing infoinalion, il is nol veiy good al disliIIing enolionaI
liulhs, i.e., assessing vhal il is you ieaIIy vanl. If youie conlinuaIIy
anassing and scanning infoinalion, youi enolionaI liain is lIocked
89
fion doing vhal il does lesl, lhal is, disceining liulh fion
appeaiances. This is vhy ovei anaIysis is sinpIy anolhei foin of
disliaclion - vhal I caII aclive piociaslinalion. As Iong as you
conlinue lo ieseaich and anaIyze, you piecIude lhe enolionaI liain
fion naking any decisions, and in lhis vay, youII nevei see any
aclion. In facl, lhis is hov lo deIay aclion indefinileIy, since aclion is
defined ly lhe possiliIily of faiIuie. As Iong as you faiI lo acl, youII
nevei have lo voiiy aloul faiIing oul in lhe voiId - oi so lhe ialionaI
nind vouId have you leIieve. Of couise, youII faiI lo puisue youi
goaI, lul sonehov lhis delaiI gels oveiIooked in lhe anaIysis of lhe
exleinaIs.
Too nuch infoinalion is Iike loo nuch food, you choke and go
inlo a panic. The key is lo choose youi souices of infoinalion viseIy,
using disceinnenl. The ialionaI liain is Iike a vaIued seivanl,
lIocking lhe ninds enliance fion slieel iiff iaff. Use lhe ialionaI
liain lo acquiie lhe appiopiiale infoinalion in lhe iighl anounl of
infoinalion, lhen lake sone line off fion dala piocessing lo nake
any ieIevanl decisions. Cenuine visdon iequiies lolh aspecls of lhe
liain.
Ioi exanpIe, Iels say you vish lo decide vhelhei lo quil youi
jol in oidei lo puisue sonelhing noie neaningfuI. Iiisl, using lhe
ialionaI liain, considei lhe pios and cons, once youve done a
lhoughlfuI anaIysis, aIIov youiseIf sone line lo digesl youi
lhoughls. The enolionaI liain, lhiough lhe piocess of disceinnenl,
can lhen assiniIale lhal vhich is in youi lesl inleiesls, discaiding
any, veII, ialionaIizalions! Thus lhe ialionaI liain assays lhe oplions
vhiIe lhe inluilion of lhe enolionaI liain exliacls lhe essence,
coIIaloialing in a vise decision.
Ovei ieIiance on lhe ialionaI liain equales lo ovei ieIiance on
dulious infoinalion, i.e. sensoiy inpul, and can iesuIl in pooi
peifoinance. To iIIusliale lhis poinl, Lehiei iefeiences a sludy fion
Slanfoid Univeisily vheiein lhe sludy suljecls consuned an eneigy
diink piioi lo conpIeling a lesl. Cioup A paid fuII piice foi lhe
diink vhiIe Cioup vas offeied a significanl discounl foi lhe sane
Mike MahIei
9O
diink. The fuII piice gioup oulpeifoined lhe discounl gioup. Il
seens lhal Cioup assuned lheii discounl diink vas infeiioi and
so lheii peifoinance suffeied. This is a case of lhe ialionaI liain
diaving a concIusion fion a aililiaiy piice, vhich is sinpIy
infoinalion. Assuning you gel vhal you pay foi can have a shadov
side, since lhal vhich cosls noie noney isnl aIvays supeiioi lo lhal
vhich cosls Iess. Il can le conpIicaled, vhich is vhy ve need oui
aichived, inluilive/enolionaI inleIIigence. Il is neilhei adequale noi
vise lo soIeIy ieIy upon sensoiy infoinalion via lhe ialionaI liain.
In oidei lo nake good decisions, ve need lo le veII-infoined,
lul loo nuch infoinalion (oi even loo nuch infoinalion access) can
le oveivheIning. This liings lo nind lhe lypicaI peison I encounlei
vilhin lhe filness voiId. Mosl peopIe have neilhei lhe palience noi
discipIine lo adheie lo a singIe piogian Iong enough lo deiive ils
naxinun lenefil. Ioi exanpIe, one veek lheyII connil lo liaining
foi a kellIeleII spoil conpelilion, lhen lhey iead an ailicIe aloul
CIulleII liaining and svilch laclics. The foIIoving veek, a nev
nagazine cones oul vilh a fealuie ailicIe on Sliongnan liaining
and oui liainee lecones exciled. Then ils aII Sliongnan liaining foi
a veek oi so unliI lhey iead aloul lhe lenefils of sandlag
liaining...you see vheie lhis is going`
Sonelines lhe lesl nove a liainee can nake is lo assess his
goaIs and choose a piogian, lhen avoid doing any fuilhei ieseaich
foi lhe duialion of lhal piogian. IoIIov lhe piogian fion slail lo
finish vilh no nodificalions oi ialionaIizalions. Then ie-assess and
do sone noie ieseaich. This is haidei lhen il nay sound! In oui
infoinalion gIulled sociely, vilh nyiiad fiee piogians on lhe
Inleinel, pIus looks and nagazines filness and liaining, ils no
vondei peopIe have difficuIly picking one piogian and peisisling,
since choosing one piogian enlaiIs a sense of Ioss ovei aII lhe olhei
piogians oul lheie. Lel lhe ialionaI liain assess youi goaIs and
iesouices, lhen access lhe enolionaI liains cognilion of lhe
appiopiiale couise of aclion. InleIIecl is a poveifuI looI, lul an
inlaIance of inleIIecl can naiiov youi fieId of vision.
91
So al lhis poinl, il sounds Iike lhe ialionaI liain and enolionaI
liain aie lolh fIaved. Ieihaps lhey aie, in lheii Iovei, undeveIoped
naluies - as aie ve aII. The lesl ve can do is lo conlinuaIIy iefine oui
ialionaI and enolionaI piocesses so lhal veie funclioning al a high
IeveI of cognilion. This iequiies a laIancing of lolh lhe ialionaI and
enolionaI liains, vhal anounls lo a fiiendIy diaIogue lelveen lhe
lvo. In lhis vay, lhe enolionaI and ialionaI liains ieguIale each
olhei. We need ieady access lo lolh aspecls in oidei lo nake oui
lesl decisions. We can ieguIale a hypei-enolionaI iesponse ly
pausing and aIIoving lhe ialionaI liain lo, slep in and assess any
silualion. On lhe olhei hand ve can ieguIale ialionaI lhinking ly
culling off anaIysis lefoie il goes inlo oveiIoad, culling off fuilhei
sensoiy inpul, and appeaIing lo lhe enolionaI liain foi guidance.
The enolionaI liain infoins you of vhal il is youi heail vanls
vhiIe lhe ialionaI liain puls logelhei youi lesl pIan foi acquiiing il.
Aflei youve done lhe iequisile ieseaich vilh lhe ialionaI liain, ils
line lo lake a lieak and Iel lhe enolionaI liain and ils inluilive
aspecl cone up vilh an oiiginaI idea. When you aie lenpled ly
inpuIse puichases, give lhe ialionaI liain sone aiiline and iniliale
an inleinaI discouise. The ialionaI liain can heIp you deIay
gialificalions and even heIp you see lhe neiil in naking piesenl
saciifices foi fuluie ievaids. On lhe olhei hand, lhe enolionaI liain
viII heIp you Iive in lhe nonenl inslead of aIvays availing a fuluie
lhal nevei aiiives. Of couise ils aII aloul laIance: loo nuch deIayed
gialificalion deliacls fion lhe joy of lhe piesenl nonenl vhiIe loo
IillIe deIayed gialificalion pievenls pulling necessaiy pIans in pIace
foi lhe fuluie. In oidei lo Iive Iife fuIIy, ve need lo naslei lhe lesl
aspecls of lolh lhe ialionaI and enolionaI aspecls of ouiseIves.
Too nany peopIe Iive lheii Iives on aulopiIol, nevei
undeislanding vhy lhey feeI so nuch agilalion and dissalisfaclion.
Taking line lo lhink aloul vho you aie,and hov you nake
decisions, is veiy inpoilanl lo youi oveiaII veII leing. IaiIuie lo
achieve youi goaIs is usuaIIy due lo youi ovn fIaved decision-
naking piocesses. Take lhe line lo olseive vhelhei you aie
Mike MahIei
92
enolionaI liain doninanl oi ialionaI liain doninanl. Whal effecl
has lhis had on youi Iife` Donl jusl assune lhings viII sinpIy gel
lellei vilh line, line is fIeeling. Inslead, Ieain noie aloul youiseIf
and hov youi nind voiks and nake lhings lellei nov.

93
'22"35"04 50 304*5'45
$45$)5'"4-$45 -'.$*
*633$** "-90**":!$
Weie an enleilainnenl-addicled sociely. We need lo le enleilained
al eveiy vaking nonenl and vho knovs, nayle even oui dieans
aie nexl. Ioui houis of TV pei nighl is no Iongei enough: ve need lo
le alIe lo valch TV on oui ceII phones, have TV nonilois in eIeva-
lois lo le enleilained on lhe fifleen-second iide lo oui fIooi, and
even in cals - heaven foilid ve Iook oul lhe vindov and olseive
lhe voiId as ve cioss lovn. We even viev lhoughl-piovoking video
conneiciaIs vhiIe slanding in Iine al lhe gioceiy sloie - lhe possiliI-
ily of loiedon vhiIe vailing lo luy lhings is unacceplalIe!
Reslauianls nov have TVs posilioned aiound lhe dining ioons
so eveiy guesl can enjoy lhe pIeasuie of noionic leIevision shovs
and avoid laIking lo lhe peopIe in fionl of lhen. Thanks lo ceII
phones, ve enjoy eavesdiopping on inleIIecluaIIy slinuIaling
conveisalions of sliangeis aiound us as lhey gel inpul fion fiiends
and faniIy on inpoilanl decisions such as vhelhei lhey oughl lo gel
Cocoa Iuffs oi Iiuil Loops al lhe gioceiy sloie. Ioigel using ceII
phones foi eneigencies, use lhen aII day Iong and expIoil as nany
neaningIess conveisalions as youi pIan aIIovs!
Ils a good lhing ve have conpuleis and lhe Inleinel al voik:
faking voiking has gollen so nuch easiei lhis vay. You no Iongei
have lo le loied al voik, i.e., acluaIIy doing youi jol, nov you can
spend lhe voikday day on idiolic nessage loaids laIking lo peopIe
lhal youII nevei neel in ieaI Iife. When lhal gels loiing, you can
Mike MahIei
94
spend lhe iesl of lhe day valching hone video cIips on YouTule.
Once anolhei pioduclive day al voik cIoses, ils line lo go hone
and spend lhe evening enleilaining youiseIf fuilhei vilh such
slinuIaling TV shovs as The ReaI WoiId and Keeping Up Wilh The
Kaidashians.
No need lo lhink aloul vhal youd acluaIIy vanl lo do vilh
youi Iife noi vhal Iine of voik youd enjoy. Woik isnl supposed lo
le fun and a jol is supposed lo le, veII, a jol! Thals lhe liII of goods
youve loughl - hook, Iine and sinkei - and vhy shouIdnl you
foIIov lhe nasses` }usl keep disliacling youiseIf vilh enleilainnenl
oulIels, and vhen youie on youi dealhled you vonl have lhe
iegiel of inadequale enleilainnenl duiing youi fuIfiIIing Iifeline.
Il seens nany novie and TV pioduclion conpanies aie aII-lo-
avaie of oui addiclion lo enleilainnenl and hei fal cousin, specla-
cIe. Thus lhey no Iongei loie us vilh neilhei conpIex pIols noi
diaIogue in novies and shovs. Why lolhei vilh chaiaclei oi sloiy
deveIopnenl vhen ve can valch lhings lIoving up and olheivise
gelling lossed aiound foi ninely ninules` Ah yes, ils fun leing pail
of lhe MTV geneialion! Ioigel aloul novies vhich nighl inspiie
peopIe lo Iive noie fuIIy. Nah! Living vicaiiousIy is lhe in-lhing, and
lhe nasses aie skiIIed al il. In facl, if lhe spoil of Iiving vicaiiousIy
lhiough enleilainnenl evei lecones an OIynpic evenl, veII vin,
hands dovn!
Youd lhink lhal vilh oui addiclion lo enleilainnenl and oui
access lo infoinalion ved no Iongei accepl loiing jols, onIy doing
vhal genuineIy inleiesls. Yel lhals nol lhe case. Many peopIe accepl
a liII of goods lhal jols aie loiing and youII have lo pul up vilh
foily-pIus houis of loiedon pei veek, lhen gel in as nuch enlei-
lainnenl as possilIe duiing off-houis and veekends lo nake up foi
il. HeII, if you can gel in as nuch enleilainnenl as possilIe vhen
youie al voik, via lhe Inleinel, vho says you canl have il aII`
UnfoilunaleIy, oui enleilainnenl-addiclion hasnl caiiied ovei
lo lhe pIaces vheie il ieaIIy nalleis. Ils used inslead as a coping
nechanisn lo accepl oui Iives as lhey aie vilhoul lolheiing lo
95
change. Aflei aII, vhy lolhei laking iisks and doing lhe haid voik
lhal il lakes lo nake lhe changes necessaiy lo Iiving a fuIfiIIing Iife`
Iai easiei is vicaiious Iiving lhiough olheis, via enleilainnenl
souices. ul enleilainnenl iaieIy inspiies us lo nake oui ovn Iives
lellei, neieIy sulsliluling foi deepei expeiiences of Iife. When ve
disassociale lhe enleilainnenl fion oui expeiience of Iiving, ve
donl see lhe olvious conneclion of hov one, vhen used piopeiIy,
can inpiove lhe olhei.
In addilion lo leing an enleilainnenl-addicled sociely, veie
aIso a sociely vhich no Iongei undeislands lhe concepl of deIayed
gialificalion. Aflei aII, nol having vhal ve vanl - iighl nov - is
loiing! Woiking haid and saciificing aie unacceplalIe oplions, ve
vanl lhings nov and if ve canl affoid lhose lhings, lheie aie
fiiendIy, and geneious conpanies viIIing lo Iend us lhe noney il
lakes lo nake aII oui naleiiaI dieans cone liue.
These Iendeis, of couise, have oui lesl inleiesls in nind, onIy
chaiging a ieasonalIe 2O pIus AIR lo loiiov noney, so ve can
luy lhe nounlains of lhings lhal ve need lo fiII up oui gaiages.
Wanl a lig scieen TV lul canl affoid il` No piolIen! }usl sign up
foi lhe nonlhIy inslaIInenl pIan and spend lhe iesl of youi Iife
paying il off. Who caies if lhe $4OOO TV uIlinaleIy cosls you $2O,OOO
in inleiesl fees, vhen - and if - you evei pay il off` You nusl Iive
fuIIy in lhe nonenl and iefuse lo saciifice lhe nov! Aflei aII, lhals
lhe seciel lo enjoying Iife, iighl` If you cannol affoid sonelhing, gel
il anyvay and voiiy nol aloul lhe consequences - nayle youII gel
Iucky and die, spaiing youiseIf lhe voiiy aloul paying lack lhe
noney.
A iesuIl of oui enleilainnenl addiclion and halied of deIayed
gialificalion, is lhal saving noney is nov an ouldaled concepl.
Money is foi spending, in oidei lo le enleilained nov. Iulling avay
noney is loiing and doesnl al aII suppoil oui piesenl enleilain-
nenl. As foi lhe fuluie, In suie lhings viII jusl voik oul fine--iighl`
I hope so.
Mike MahIei
96
Ils no vondei lhal noionic sayings, such as fake il unliI you
nake il, aie so popuIai loday. Oui sociely has lecone veiy good al
faking il: ve fake Iiking jols ve hale, ve fake enjoying Iives lhal ve
delesl, ve fake leing happy vhen veie niseialIe inside. We fake
leing vho ve aienl and yes, ve even fake financiaI veaIlh vhen
veie Iiving nonlh lo nonlh. WeII, you canl fake success oi happi-
ness, no nallei hov haid you liy, so donl lolhei. Iuilhei, if you
voik haid, and pay lhe piice of success, youII nevei have lo fake
il. If you do sone seIf-iefIeclion, and deleinine vhal nakes you
happy, you donl have lo fake il.
I donl lhink lheies anylhing viong vilh valching TV oi a good
novie. In facl, vhiIe 99 of TV is gailage, lhe fev quaIily shovs aie
lellei lhan aII lhe canpy shovs lhal used lo le on nany yeais ago.
Spailacus, Lighls Oul, and ieaking ad aie aII veII-nade shovs, vilh
good acling and engaging pIols. Shovs Iike lhese, in addilion lo leing
engaging, can acluaIIy piovoke independenl lhoughl. Addiclion lo
enleilainnenl, and using il as a sulslilule foi Iiving a genuine Iife, is a
sIippeiy sIope foi sone, and an avaIanche foi nosl. IeopIe aie lellei
lhan lhal and shouId expecl noie of lhenseIves.
So vheie do ve go fion heie` One, slop pIaying lhe disliaclion
gane. Slop disliacling youiseIf fion Iiving youi Iife fuIIy and liy
spending an houi aIone vilh youi lhoughls each day. This neans no
nusic, TV, ieading, no conveisalions - nolhing foi lhal houi. Donl
voiiy, you can go lack lo youi foui houis of TV aflei lhe houi is up!
You nay find lhis painfuIIy loiing, vhich says a Iol aloul youi Iack
of inaginalion. The noie diaIogues you have vilh youiseIf, lhe
lellei youII knov youiseIf, giving you lhe inpelus lo nake sone
changes in youi Iife. A noie aggiessive appioach is lo unpIug lhe
TV foi an enliie veek, luin off lhe ceII phone excepl foi eneigencies,
and check enaiI jusl once pei day. YouII Ieain a Iol aloul youiseIf in
a veek of unpIugging...and you nay nol Iike vhal you find. iulaI
ieaIily nay le unpIeasanl lul cIaiily is necessaiy foi giovlh.
Olheivise, keep disliacling youiseIf as lhe yeais go ly and changes
occui, lhough, nosl IikeIy, lhey vonl le lhe changes you vanl.

97
')$ +06 ' )$*$')3/
'22"35 0) '4 '35"04 '22"35<
WhiIe In a sliong leIievei in lhe inpoilance of laking nassive
aclion, nassive aclion vilhoul adequale ieseaich viII Iead lo
disaslious consequences. Hovevei, choosing lo slay in nevei-ending
ieseaich node viII gel you novheie fasl. Yes, ieseaich and anaIysis
aie iequiied foi any successfuI pIan, lul no anounl of ieseaich viII
nake up foi a Iack of aclion: al sone poinl, you have lo execule youi
pIan and sinpIy Ieain as you go.
Repeal: even nassive aclion vonl nake up foi inadequale ie-
seaich and pIanning (a haid Iesson Ive Ieained veII) as discussed in
pieviousIy. You have lo acl vilh puipose and a cIeai idea of vhal
youie doing and vheie youie going - acling foi lhe sake of acling
jusl vonl cul il.
Iiisl, Iels discuss ieseaich addicls. Why do sone peopIe iesisl Ieav-
ing ieseaich node` Ioi one, anlicipalion can le noie exciling lhan
laking aclion. In facl, anlicipalion can le noie exciling lhan achieving
goaIs, since achieving goaIs can le anli-cIinaclic. Moieovei, ils hunan
naluie lo aIvays vanl noie and nevei le salisfied, lheiefoie, no nallei
hov nany goaIs you achieve, lheieII aIvays le anolhei you lhink you
need lo achieve. We can avoid aII lhis ly slaying in ieseaich node - lhe
uIlinale slale of anlicipalion. The noie ieseaich you do, lhe noie
excilenenl youII feeI in anlicipalion of (evenluaIIy) laking aclion vilh
aII youi acquiied knovIedge. The piolIen is, youve leen in ieseaich
node foi five yeais and have yel lo pul any of lhal knovIedge inlo
aclion. Oh veII, lheies aIvays nexl yeai.
Mike MahIei
98
Second, lhe noie ieseaich you do, lhe noie you ieaIize youve a
difficuIl ioad ahead vhen you finaIIy do lake aclion. Il slails leconing
cIeai lhal lhe ioad nay le luiluIenl and fiIIed vilh unpIeasanl suipiis-
es. Ralhei lhan vaking up and facing lhe voiId, ils easiei going lack lo
sIeep and conlinuing lo diean. I caII lhis aclive piociaslinalion: ils
piociaslinalion disguised as sonelhing usefuI, vhich is lhe nosl
dangeious foin of aII. Lach line you choose nol lo acl, inslead slaying
in ieseaich node, il lecones lhal nuch haidei lo lake aclion. Yel, you
sonehov lhink if you knev jusl a IillIe lil noie, youd finaIIy le ieady
lo lake aclion. NevsfIash: confidence cones fion laking aclion, nol
fion silling on lhe sideIines foievei.
Thiid, ieseaich node is safe: as Iong as youie in ieseaich node
you can avoid laking aclion, and possilIy faiIing. YouII avoid faiIuie
and lhe acconpanying iidicuIe if you avoid laking aclion. I donl
lhink anyone is afiaid of faiIing pei se, no, ils iidicuIe peopIe feai so
nuch. }usl aloul eveiyone has lonled-oul al sonelhing-oi-olhei in
fionl of peopIe al sone poinl and lhe iesuIlanl iidicuIe has leen
deepIy luiied in oui sulconscious ninds, iesuiiecling ilseIf vhen-
evei ve go aflei a goaI.
Nov, Iels laIk aloul lhe aclion addicls. Aclion addicls aie peopIe
vho canl sland ieseaich, ialhei lhey lhiive on conslanl nolion.
They donl even caie if lhey gel good iesuIls, since lhe slinuIus of
aclion is lheii juice. As Iong as lheyie in aclion, lheyie alIe lo slay
in disliaclion node. Aclion addicls aie inpuIsive peopIe vho iaieIy
lhink lhings lhiough: lhey gel an idea, acl on il iighl avay, and hope
il voiks oul. Aclion addicls aie lhose slienglh liainees vho aIvays
vanl lo do noie. When lhey donl gel iesuIls fion liaining six lines
a veek, lheyII slail liaining lvice a day. They aIvays assune lhal
noie aclion and voik is lhe ansvei, lhe idea of doing Iess and
gelling noie is Iudicious lo lhen. Aclion addicls oflen diink seveiaI
cups of coffee each day, since you need lo gel eneigy sonevheie
vhen youie onIy sIeeping foui houis a nighl.
Whals lhe appeaI of leing an aclion addicl` One, you donl
have line lo voiiy aloul faiIuie if youie loo lusy acling. Youie loo
99
lusy laking acling lo considei faiIing, even if youve nolhing lo
shov foi youi aclion. }usl lecause youie laking aclion doesnl nean
youi desiied iesuIls viII foIIov, hovevei, you vonl caie aloul lhal
if lhe aclion is enough juice foi you - vho caies aloul goaIs! Tvo,
laking aclion gives one a iush: ils inloxicaling and feeIs Iike youie
in conlioI and noving foivaid. This feeIing is noslIy iIIusoiy,
hovevei, vhen youie loo lusy laking aclion youII nevei pause
Iong enough lo even nolice.
IionicaIIy, aclion addicls and ieseaich addicls geneiaIIy end up
vilh an equaI Iack of iesuIls. olh aie sluck in slinuIus node,
neilhei puisuing lhe acluaI goaI noi lhe nosl efficienl palh lo lhe
goaI. Reseaich addicls oveiIoad lhenseIves vilh loo nuch infoi-
nalion and have no cIue vheie lo go, vhiIe aclion addicls oveiIoad
lhenseIves vilh aclion-foi-lhe-sake-of-aclion, evenluaIIy lo luin
oul. You can onIy lake so nuch aclion, vilhoul neasuialIe iesuIls lo
keep you nolivaled.
Whal shouId you do if youie one of lhe alove` Tiy laking a va-
calion fion youiseIf: if youie an aclion addicl, lake a veek off and
do sone ieseaich. No aclion, no ieading one paiagiaph and lhen
going lack lo aclion-slinuIus node. If youie a ieseaich addicl: ils
line lo pul lhe look dovn and junp in lhe valei. Slail laking sone
aclion, since noie ieseaich is conliaindicaled.
LssenliaIIy, lhe palh lo success is a laIance lelveen inlense ie-
seaich and nassive aclion. Slail off vilh inlense ieseaich, once
youve acquiied enough infoinalion lo gel going, lhen gel going
vilh sone nassive aclion. Once youve used up aII lhe knovIedge,
ils line lo go lack lo ieseaich node and Ioad up again. Unfoilu-
naleIy, fev peopIe do lhis. Many sinpIy acquiie enough knovIedge
lo gel going, nevei lo Ieain again. Olheis keep allending seninais,
ieading looks, and doing eveiy olhei foin of ieseaich, nevei lo pul
vhal lheyve Ieained inlo aclion. We lend lo do vhals confoilalIe
ialhei lhan vhals necessaiy.
Do vhals necessaiy - and do il soonei lhan Ialei.

*$35"04 5107
5/$ "-90)5'43$ 0&
5'."4( *$!& "4#$450)+

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20 +06 /'#$ 5/$
306)'($ 50 $#0!#$<
Ycu natc |c |cs| qcursc|f ctcrqdaq gcn||cnan. Oncc qcu s|cp |cs|ing
qcursc|f qcu gc| s|cu and uncn |na| nappcns |ncq |i|| qa
|rcn |nc nctic Ycung Guns
My favoiile looks lo iead aie auloliogiaphies and liogiaphies. I
aIso enjoy lhe iogiaphy channeI and valch il oflen. I Iove Ieaining
aloul hov peopIe evoIved ovei lhe couise of lheii Iives. Hov lhey
deaIl vilh sellacks, disappoinlnenls, and aclions lhey aie nol pioud
of. I enjoy lhe idea lhal ve do nol have lo sellIe in Iife and can evoIve
and lecone noie. }usl lecause you have done sonelhing does nol
nean you have lo keep doing il. You can choose anolhei palh. }usl
lecause aII of youi fiiends hale lheii jols and diovn lheii niseiies
in heavy aIcohoI consunplion eveiy veekend does nol nean you
have lo. They say lhal Iife is shoil, hovevei, if you Iead a Iife of quiel
despeialion il is anylhing lul shoil. I lhink ve aII ove il lo ouiseIves
and anyone lhal has evei had a posilive infIuence on us lo have lhe
couiage lo foIIov oui lIiss. IaiIing lo do so Ieads lo seIf-desliuclive
iesenlnenl and lhe consequences aie oflen disaslious lo nol onIy lhe
individuaI lul lo lhe gioup.
Making dianalic changes oi even seeningIy insignificanl
changes in youi Iife is oflen difficuIl. Theie aie nany casuaIlies on
lhe ioad lo evoIulion. RegaidIess, if you faiI lo evoIve you faiI lo
giov and expeiience Iife fuIIy, and vhal you Iose is eveiylhing. I
hale il vhen soneone iesponds lo lhe queslion vhal is nev vilh
Mike MahIei
1O2
nolhing oi sane oIe, sane oIe. Il is such a liagic vay lo Iive Iife.
AIleinaliveIy I aIvays enjoy laIking lo peopIe lhal aie conslanlIy
gioving and naking lhings happen. Theii enlhusiasn and accon-
pIishnenls gel ne exciled and I lake lhal excilenenl lack lo ny Iife
and channeI il.
Theie is no ieason vhy you shouId nol have sonelhing nev go-
ing on aII of lhe line. The cIock is licking and you do nol have
unIiniled line lo gel eveiylhing done. The voiId is nol going lo
sIov dovn jusl foi you. When il passes you ly il is gone and you
donl gel a iedo.
Lels covei five ieasons vhy peopIe faiI lo evoIve and lhen gel
inlo sone exanpIes of peopIe lhal had lhe couiage lo go in a nev
diieclion and giov.
Iiisl, nany peopIe faiI lo evoIve due lo seIf-desliuclive addiclive
peisonaIilies. ReIying on viII povei lo change is a lallIe of alliilion
and you viII aIvays Iose lhal lallIe. Once eneigy is ciealed il cannol
le deslioyed onIy liansfoined inlo sonelhing eIse. Thus inslead of
liying lo quil an addiclion, il is noie effeclive lo accepl you have an
addiclive peisonaIily and change lhe focus. Ioi exanpIe, inslead of
leing addicled lo junk food vilh no nuliilionaI vaIue vhalsoevei
lecone addicled lo leing fil, sliong, and heaIlhy. Tiade lhe high of
junk food foi lhe high of feeIing gieal eveiyday ly supeichaiging
youi heaIlh and vilaIily.
Hov aloul inslead of leing addicled lo conpIaining aloul youi
Iife and lhe shoilconings of olheis you gel addicled lo heIping
olheis` Sludies shov lhal ve deiive lhe nosl pIeasuie fion heIping
olhei leings. When you occupy youi line and eneigy vilh pioduc-
live aclions il is no Iongei a lallIe of alliilion. The focus has changed.
Youi eneigy has leen ie-diiecled. Youie nol spending youi eneigy
iesisling sonelhing, youie spending il doing sonelhing eIse aII
logelhei.
In lhe fiisl Maliix novie (yes lhe onIy good one) lhe chaiaclei
Moipheus leIIs lhe ieIuclanl savioi of hunanily Neo lhal vhen he
accepls his caIIing he viII no Iongei have lo dodge luIIels. ReIying
1O3
on viII povei is siniIai lo liying lo dodge luIIels aII day Iong.
LvenluaIIy one viII hil you and deiaiI youi pIans. Il is onIy a nallei
of line. Hovevei, once you change youi focus and find a nev palh
lo pul aII of youi eneigy inlo, inpiessive change is possilIe.
Second, anolhei ieason vhy peopIe faiI lo evoIve is lhey spend
loo nuch line laIking aloul peisonaI liaunas and nol enough line
laking enpoveiing aclions. Moieovei, nany peopIe spend loo nuch
line conpIaining aloul vhal I Iike lo caII Iuxuiy piolIens faiIing lo
ieaIize lhal lheyie Iucky lhal lheii piolIens aie nol noie seveie.
We aie nol going lo vasle any line coveiing hov peopIe shouId gel
ovei Iuxuiy piolIens. Inslead ve shaII focus on hov lo nove pasl
ieaI liaunas iesoIuleIy.
In hei exceIIenl look |if|ing Dcprcssicn, KeIIy Lanleil IhD ex-
pIains vhy laIk lheiapy is oflen ineffeclive in pievaiIing ovei
liauna. Lanleil slales, Conliaiy lo popuIai leIief, laIking aloul
lhe liaunas of youi Iife nay nol heIp you lo nove fion depiession
lo nenlaI heaIlh. In facl in sone cases lhis appioach nay inpede
youi naluiaI palh lo iesiIience and iecoveiy. When you laIk aloul
peisonaI liaunas ovei and ovei again you ieIive lhe expeiience each
line. WhiIe gelling lhings off youi chesl is inpoilanl evenluaIIy you
have lo Iive youi Iife and nove on. ConslanlIy laIking aloul lhe
sane liauna ovei and ovei again nakes lhis unallainalIe.
Oflen vhen you laIk aloul liaunas, peopIe feeI soiiy foi you
and lhis allenlion can easiIy lecone a ciulch. The allenlion you gel
fion laIking aloul youi liaunas lo olheis can nake you feeI
inpoilanl, nov inslead of gelling ovei il, ieIiving lhe liauna
lecones lhe nev nisguided focus. Oflen vhen you unIoad youi
piolIens on soneone eIse lheie is an eneigy exchange. They Iislen
lo vhal you have lo say and nake you feeI lellei lul nov lhey feeI
diained.
IiolIen laIking addicls lend lo le ieaI eneigy vanpiies and
lheii naicolic is lhe allenlion lhey gel fion olheis. Theii piolIens
aie vhal nake lhen feeI good and vhalevei nakes you feeI good is
haid lo give up.
Mike MahIei
1O4
TaIking lo fiiends and expeils aloul lhings ve have leen
lhiough can le an inpoilanl ieIease lul al sone poinl il lecones a
lioken iecoid and evenluaIIy you need lo lake lhal lioken iecoid
and lhiov il oul lhe vindov Iike a Iiislee. Cel il off youi chesl, gel
ovei il, and nove on. uin lhe liidges of youi pasl liaunas and
push foivaid vilh fuII foice.
Iocusing on enpoveiing pioaclive aclions is an effeclive vay lo
gel ovei negalive expeiiences. The peopIe lhal uIlinaleIy oveicone
aluses aie lhe ones lhal find a vay lo use lheii haish expeiiences lo
heIp olheis.
Thiid, peopIe oflen faiI lo evoIve lecause lheii peiceplion of Iife
vhelhei conscious oi unconscious is loo confoilalIe. DanieI CoyIe
in his oulslanding look Tnc Ta|cn| Ccdc quoles psychoIogisl }ohn
aigh lo diive lhis poinl hone, If veie in a nice, easy, pIeasanl
enviionnenl, ve naluiaIIy shul off effoil. Why voik` ul if peopIe
gel lhe signaI lhal ils iough, lhey gel nolivaled nov. I can definile-
Iy ieIale lo vhal aigh is saying. When I fiisl slailed ny liaining
lusiness I vas laiIey gelling ly. Making noney lo pay ienl and
keep ny head alove valei vas on ny nind conslanlIy. I voiked
seven days a veek and vas nevei ieaIIy confoilalIe. Lven vhen I
liied lo ieIax il vas aIvays in lhe lack of ny head. Whal vas I going
lo do loday lo push ny lusiness foivaid` Hov vas I going lo nake
il lhis nonlh` These veie queslions lhal veie conslanlIy on ny
nind. As ny lusiness giev and noie noney cane in, jusl gelling ly
vas no Iongei a nolivalion. I vas gelling ly jusl fine and had lo
focus on olhei lhings lo keep pushing foivaid.
When ve noved fion Los AngeIes lo Las Vegas lhe upgiade in
IifeslyIe vas lienendous. We noved fion a snaII apailnenl lo a
spacious house. TaIk aloul a confoil zone IileiaIIy! When I an nol
on lhe ioad, I an voiking fion hone and il is aII loo easy lo avoid
gelling lhings done, if you Iack discipIine. In addilion, ny lusiness
has leen veII eslalIished foi seveiaI yeais and I an foilunale lo
have a nice incone even vilh lhe lough econony ve aie in. This is
yel anolhei confoil zone and il is aII loo easy lo jusl unvind.
1O5
WhiIe I lhink dovn line and ieIaxalion aie ciilicaI conponenls
of Iife, il is definileIy possilIe lo gel loo nuch of lolh. In oidei lo
slay oul of lhe confoil zone I lake iisks eveiy yeai. No I an nol
laIking aloul noionic iisks such as pulling ny Iife savings on a
pokei chip al lhe Las Vegas Sliip. I an laIking aloul caIcuIaled iisks
such as invesling a good chunk of change inlo nev pioducls and
piojecls. I aIso spend a gieal deaI of line Ieaining aloul nev lhings
lo keep ny lusiness evoIving and ieIevanl. Il voiks and il keeps ne
shaip and on lhe edge vheie I need lo le lo keep evoIving.
Doing lhe sane lhing ovei and ovei again is a suie fiie vay lo
go oul of lusiness. Conpanies lhal do nol evoIve die and vhiIe lhe
sane is nol necessaiiIy liue foi peopIe, I lhink peopIes spiiils die
vhen lhey faiI lo evoIve. LvoIving iequiies laking iisks and laking
iisks is veiy inpoilanl lo keep Iife exhiIaialing.
An inleiesling side nole is lhal lhe one posilive of oui dovn
econony is il has given sone peopIe lhe inpelus lo puisue caieeis
lhal lhey have aIvays vanled lo do. Many peopIe aie gelling Iaid off
and ieaIizing lhal lheie ieaIIy is no secuiily in voiking foi olheis.
Thus, il nakes sense lo find sonelhing lhal is exciling and have lhe
couiage lo puisue il. I knov seveiaI peopIe lhal have decided lo
lecone enliepieneuis aflei gelling Iaid off and Iasl I checked nany
of lhen aie doing pielly veII. I an nol jusl laIking aloul incone
eilhei. I an laIking aloul leing exciled aloul Iife, vhich is an
inpoilanl naikei of success lhal is oflen oveiIooked and nol laughl.
The fIipside of confoil zones is il is easy lo nake lhe unconfoil-
alIe confoilalIe. AII you have lo do is giaduaIIy Iovei youi
slandaids and accepl Iess and Iess unliI youie uniecognizalIe. This
is hov nany peopIe gel olese. Il does nol happen oveinighl, oi in a
veek oi nonlh, il happens giaduaIIy ovei seveiaI yeais. The sane
lhing occuis vilh iegaids lo ciedil caid dell. }usl piIe up a fev
expenses heie and lheie ovei lhe couise of seveiaI yeais and nov
you have nassive ciedil caid dell.
Whal il cones dovn lo is lhis, lhe lesl vay lo Iead a gialifying
Iife is lo le lhankfuI lul aIso lo le dissalisfied. Nol dissalisfied Iike
Mike MahIei
1O6
sone ingiale lhal conpIains aII day Iong aloul Iuxuiy piolIens, lul
dissalisfied vilh youi piesenl slale of deveIopnenl. The nosl
inleiesling peopIe I knov aie lhe ones lhal aie aIvays evoIving due
lo leing disconlenled. Inagine valching a novie in vhich lheie is
no change in any of lhe chaiacleis al aII` Sounds aloul as exciling as
luiIding an anl fain. The lesl novies and shovs aIvays have sliong
chaiacleis lhal evoIve as lhe sloiy goes aIong. The nosl inleiesling
Iives aie lhe sane vay. If you donl focus on naking evoIulion occui
lhen you aie jusl iepealing lhe sane yeai ovei and ovei again. }usl
lecause len yeais goes ly does nol nean lhal anylhing neaningfuI
viII occui.
Iouilh, nany peopIe faiI lo evoIve as lhey donl vaIue oppoilu-
nilies. They have an allilude of enlilIenenl and vhen you lhink lhe
voiId oves you sonelhing you aie selling youiseIf up foi seiious
slagnalion. In Tnc Ta|cn| Ccdc, aulhoi DanieI CoyIe delaiIs an
inleiesling sloiy lhal suppoils lhis facl.
CoyIe viiles aloul a vioIin piogian lhal vas pul in pIace in lhe
innei cily. One schooI had gieal success vilh il and lhe olhei schooI
faiIed niseialIy. olh schooIs had lhe sane denogiaphics and even
lhe sane leachei. Why did one schooI ieign supiene ovei lhe olhei`
The successfuI schooI inilialed a Iolleiy piogian. OnIy lhe kids lhal
von lhe Iolleiy veie alIe lo join lhe piogian. The olhei schooI
aIIoved anyone lo join. The kids lhal had lo go lhiough lhe Iolleiy
syslen veie exciled lhey von and liealed lhe oppoilunily vilh
noie vaIue. The kids al lhe olhei schooI did nol vaIue lhe oppoiluni-
ly, as lhe oppoilunily vas nol quaIified.
Legendaiy sliongnan conpeliloi and lop slienglh coach Maik
IhiIippi uses lhe quaIifying nelhod lo heIp high schooI kids al his
liaining faciIily. Maik is a geneious guy and vanls lo heIp kids vho
cannol affoid his seivices. Whal lhey Ieain fion Maik oflen nakes
lhe diffeience in eaining an alhIelic schoIaiship. Hovevei, he is nol a
chunp and is nol going lo vasle his line voiking vilh Iazy ingiales
vho expecl sonelhing foi nolhing. Thus, Maik nakes a deaI vilh
polenliaI piospecls. He offeis lo liain lhen foi fiee in exchange foi
1O7
voik al his liaining cenlei. The sludenls have lo nop lhe fIoois,
cIean lhe loiIels, and do any olhei jol lhal Maik needs conpIeled al
lhe liaining cenlei. Nol suipiisingIy, nany kids say foigel il and
vaIk oul lhe dooi. Hovevei, lhe ones lhal aie seiious junp al lhe
oppoilunily. To lhen il is a no liainei. They gel fiee liaining fion
one of lhe lesl slienglh coaches in lhe counliy and aII lhey have lo
do is sone Ialoi in exchange. These young nen and vonen cone
ieady lo voik haid and gel lhe nosl oul of Maiks expeilise.
When you do nol vaIue an oppoilunily il is aII loo easy lo niss
oul lienendousIy. You onIy gel so nany oppoilunilies in lhis Iife.
Those lhal evoIve aie veII avaie of lhis and vhen lhey aie piesenl-
ed vilh an oppoilunily lhey pounce on il and nevei Iel go.
Iiflh, sone of oui leIiefs oflen pievenl us fion evoIving. Oui
leIiefs can le siniIai lo naleiiaI lhings lhal veie oveiIy possessive
of. }usl as hoaideis have an oneious line ieIinquishing naleiiaI
possessions, nany peopIe aie hoaideis vhen il cones lo lheii leIief
syslens. Lven vhen lhe liulh sIaps lhen sliaighl in lhe face, lhey
choose nol lo see il and lake confoil in leing unyieIding.
Nol leing open lo nev ideas ieninds ne of an oId uddhisl slo-
iy. A nan in a snaII viIIage gol void lhal his son died in lallIe. He
nouined lhe Ioss of his son and lhen evenluaIIy noved on vilh his
Iife. SeveiaI yeais Ialei lhe son ieluins hone. AppaienlIy he did nol
die in lallIe. He knocks on his falheis dooi lul lhe falhei iefuses lo
open lhe dooi. He is convinced lhal soneone is pIaying a ciueI
piank and is allached lo lhe nolion lhal his son is dead. Lven vhen
his son is knocking on lhe dooi he iefuses lo le open lo lhe possiliI-
ily lhal he is aIive.
Many peopIe heai lhe alove sloiy and jusl ioII lheii eyes. Aflei
aII vho vouId le lhal olluse` They of couise niss lhe enliie poinl of
lhe sloiy, vhich is lo convey lhal oui pieconceived leIiefs oflen
pievenl us fion seeing lhe liulh, even vhen lhe liulh is iighl in
fionl of us. WhiIe leing loo open-ninded nakes one a laigel foi
expIoilalion, nol leing open-ninded nakes you a seIf-induced naik
foi nevei evoIving.
Mike MahIei
1O8
We oflen define ouiseIves ly vhal ve leIieve, and lo suiiendei
il is lo give up oui enliie leing. Aflei aII vhal aie ve vilhoul oui
dogna` WhiIe change is oflen fiighlening, a noie inpoilanl
queslion is: Whal do ve niss leconing, ly faiIing lo ieIinquish
dognas lhal pievenl us fion gioving and enjoying Iife fuIIy`
Nov lhal I have coveied five ieasons vhy peopIe faiI lo evoIve, Iel
us go lhiough lvo case sludies of peopIe lhal had lhe couiage lo
evoIve, and one lhal is lhe naslei of evoIving and slaying ieIevanl.
A nan lhal had lhe couiage lo change vhen oId dognas veie
pioven eiioneous vas lhe civiI iighls aclivisl MaIcoIn X. I sludied
lhe Iife of MaIcoIn X a gieal deaI vhen I vas in coIIege najoiing in
ieIigious sludies. I vas going lhiough sone najoi liansfoinalions
nyseIf and I found his sloiy fascinaling lo say lhe Ieasl as he nade
seveiaI seiious liansfoinalions lhioughoul his aII loo liief Iife.
RecenlIy, I vas ieninded of MaIcoIns poveifuI evoIulions aflei
ieading }esse Venluias Aneiican Conspiiacies.
As a young nan MaIcoIn X vas a ciininaI lhal haled leing lIack
and vanled despeialeIy lo le vhile. He sliaighlened his haii, onIy
daled vhile vonen, and vanled lo le veaIlhy and poveifuI. His
ciininaI Iife evenluaIIy Ianded hin in piison vheie he vas exposed lo
lhe leachings of LIijah Muhannad and lhe ieIigious cuIl The Nalion
of IsIan (NOI). The NOI leachings infused vilh Iack piide and Iack
NalionaIisn had a piofound effecl on MaIcoIn and he suiiendeied
his ciininaI IifeslyIe and lecane a devolee. MaIcoIn vas alIe lo quil
diugs, aIcohoI, snoking, and his ciininaI vays ly changing lhe focus.
His nev focus vas lhe NOI and enpoveiing his peopIe lhiough ils
leachings. MaIcoIns nev focus, naluiaI chaiisna, and haid voik
elhic aIIoved hin lo giov iapidIy in lhe NOI ianks. LvenluaIIy he
lecane lhe iighl hand nan of LIijah Muhannad.
Ioi seveiaI yeais MaIcoIn espoused lhe NOI dogna aggiessive-
Iy. He lIaned vhile peopIe foi aII of lhe iIIs and suffeiing of Afii-
can-Aneiicans and pushed foi a sepaiale slale. Ovei line MaIcoIn
evenluaIIy ieaIized lhal lhe NOI had sliong eIenenls of coiiuplion
lhal slenned aII lhe vay fion lhe lop. He liied lo ialionaIize lhe
1O9
coiiuplion he cane acioss lul evenluaIIy he had lo Iook inlo il
fuilhei. Nol Iong lheieaflei, MaIcoIn vas kicked oul of lhe NOI foi
naking sone dispaiaging ienaiks aloul lhe assassinalion of
Iiesidenl }ohn I Kennedy. Sone leIieve lhis vas jusl a convenienl
vay lo gel MaIcoIn oul of lhe oiganizalion lefoie he Ieained loo
nuch. Aflei aII he vas a highIy infIuenliaI Ieadei and couId cause
piolIens foi lhe coiiupl nenleis of lhe oiganizalion.
Once oul of lhe NOI, MaIcoIn spenl voIunes of line sludying
liadilionaI IsIan and vas slailIed vilh lhe inciedilIe disciepancies.
Ioi exanpIe, unIike lhe NOI, liadilionaI IsIan does nol leach lhal an
eviI scienlisl naned Yacul nade vhile peopIe. TiadilionaI IsIan
does nol slale lhal any one iace is supeiioi lo anolhei. The seiious
disciepancies lelveen lhe Nalion of IsIan and liadilionaI IsIan
lecane even noie appaienl lo MaIcoIn aflei he nade a piIgiinage
lo Mecca in Saudi Aialia. In Mecca, MaIcoIn nel MusIins of aII
nalionaIilies and iaces. He had nany hunan iighls discussions vilh
MusIins fion aII ovei lhe voiId and cane lo lhe concIusion lhal no
one coineis lhe naikel on hunan suffeiing. Il is a gIolaI piolIen
lhal needs lo le addiessed gIolaIIy.
MaIcoIn again had lhe couiage lo evoIve vhen lhe liulh
sIapped hin in lhe face. He couId no Iongei luiy his head in lhe
sand and inslead venl on lo enliace liadilionaI IsIan and denounce
lhe leachings of LIijah Muhannad and lhe Nalion of IsIan. Lven
vhen dealh lhieals veie nade againsl MaIcoIn and his faniIy he
slayed lhe couise. In lhe look Aneiican Conspiiacies, }esse Venluia
slales lhal MaIcoIn had a neeling vilh Mailin Lulhei King }i. and
lhal lhey veie pIanning on coIIaloialing lo push civiI iighls fuilhei
in lhe U.S. TiagicaIIy lolh veie evenluaIIy assassinaled lefoie lhey
veie alIe lo liing lhis vision lo fiuilion.
Il vouId have leen inleiesling lo see hov MaIcoIn conlinued lo
evoIve as he gol oIdei. WhiIe ve viII nevei knov, lheie is sonelhing
ve can Ieain fion MaIcoIn on having lhe couiage lo evoIve. }usl
lecause MaIcoIn vas a ciininaI as a young nan didnl nean lhal he
had lo le a ciininaI foi lhe iesl of his Iife. }usl lecause he vas
Mike MahIei
11O
seduced ly angei and iacisn al one line in his Iife did nol nean he
had lo le a iacisl foi lhe iesl of his Iife.
He had lhe couiage lo evoIve as he venl lhiough lhe ciaziness
of lhe hunan condilion. Many peopIe ienenlei MaIcoIn foi his
angei againsl vhile peopIe and assune lhal vas aII he vas aloul.
Inagine foi a second lhal you aie judged foi lhe peison you veie
lvenly yeais ago oi vhen you veie a leenagei. WouId you say lhal
is a faii assessnenl of vho you aie nov` I lhink il is safe lo say lhal
ve have aII done lhings in oui Iives lhal veie nol pioud of. WhiIe
ve cannol go lack in line and nake changes ve can choose lo
evoIve nov and lecone sonelhing lellei.
Nov Iel us go lo lhe olhei end of lhe specliun and discuss a
highIy inleIIigenl Iady lhal has done an inciedilIe jol slaying
ieIevanl foi aInosl lhiee decades. I an laIking aloul lhe one and
onIy Madonna Louise Ciccone olheivise knovn as lhe lop seIIing
fenaIe iecoiding ailisl Madonna. Madonna lecane a pop sensalion
in lhe eaiIy 198Os. Hovevei, lheie veie a Iol of pop sensalions in lhe
198Os and veiy fev of lhen, if any, aie ieIevanl in 2O1O lesides
Madonna. Whelhei you Iike hei nusic oi nol and peisonaIIy I donl,
Madonna is cIeaiIy a shaip vonan lhal knovs hov lo slay cuiienl
as lhe yeais go ly. Hei nusic has evoIved ovei lhe yeais and she is
nol afiaid lo discuss poIilics, ieIigion, sex, and spiiiluaIily. She couId
have easiIy jusl pIayed il safe and punped oul nusic vilh liiviaI
lhenes yeai aflei yeai. Inslead she chose lo Iel hei nusic le an
expiession of vhalevei she vas going lhiough and peopIe conlinue
lo iesonale vilh lhe aulhenlicily.
Madonna is aIso an inciedilIe naikelei and is nol afiaid lo lake
iisks and pIenly of lhen. When you pIay il safe and nevei lake iisks
you viII lecone iiieIevanl veiy fasl. Madonna is aIso gieal al
ciealing conlioveisy lo lhe poinl lhal peopIe vondei vhal she is
going lo do nexl. Is she going lo go on lhe Laiiy King shov and laIk
aloul lhe KallaIah and vhy hei kids have nevei valched TV` Oi is
she going lo go on lhe David Lelleinan shov and acl Iike a Iunalic`
eing unpiediclalIe nay le iisky foi a poIilician (aIlhough il vouId
111
le iefieshing), hovevei foi a peifoinei il is an effeclive vay lo slay
ieIevanl vhen used advanlageousIy.
Nol aII of Madonnas iisks of couise paid off. Ioi exanpIe, sone
of lhe novies she slaiied in veie puie disasleis such as Shanghai
Suipiise, Lvila, and Svepl Avay. These leiiilIe novies aie lhe kind
of fiIns lhal have lhe povei lo end caieeis. RegaidIess, if you sludy
any successfuI peison you viII ieaIize lhey have nade fai noie
nislakes lhan successes. Ioi exanpIe lhe onIy iecoid lhal NA
Iegend MichaeI }oidan hoIds is foi nosl lolaI nisses! WhiIe he is
ienenleied foi leing a gieal pIayei lhal nade a Iol of shols lhe
ieaIily is he nissed a Iol noie shols lhan he nade. This is veiy
connon vilh veiy successfuI peopIe. We lend lo fixale on lheii
successes and faiI lo see lhal lhey geneiaIIy have a Iol noie faiIuies
lhan successes. The diffeience lelveen successfuI peopIe and
nediociily is lhe successfuI do nol dveII on faiIuies. They Ieain fion
lheii faiIuies and push foivaid.
Many peopIe faiI lo ieaIize lhal youie nol going lo hil a hone
iun eveiy line youie al lal. In piofessionaI laselaII you aie
consideied an exceIIenl pIayei if you hil lhe laII lhiee lines oul of
eveiy len al lals. This neans an exceIIenl pIayei is nissing lhe laII
sevenly peicenl of lhe line! Many peopIe give up loo easiIy due lo a
fev oi even one nislake. The key is lo nake nislakes, Ieain vhal
venl viong, and evoIve foivaid. You do nol gel good al anylhing
ly nol naking nislakes. We Ieain nuch noie fion oui nislakes
lhen fion oui successes.
Nov if you lhoughl lhal going fion discussing MaIcoIn X lo
Madonna vas a sliange liansilion you aie going lo faII oul of youi
chaii vhen you iead aloul vho is up nexl.
Ioigel aloul olhei end of lhe specliun, il is line lo go lo anolh-
ei dinension. This one is going lo nake nany of you Iaugh, as I an
Iaughing iighl nov as I lype lhis. Who an I laIking aloul` Roleil
Mallhev Van WinkIe olheivise knovs as lhe iappei VaniIIa Ice.
Yes I lhink il is safe lo say lhal lhis is lhe fiisl line in hisloiy lhal
MaIcoIn X, Madonna, and VaniIIa Ice have evei leen nenlioned in
Mike MahIei
112
lhe sane chaplei. You nay le lhinking lhal I have Iosl ny nind lul
leai vilh ne a IillIe lil and see vheie lhis is going.
VaniIIa Ice vas a conneiciaI success in lhe eaiIy 199Os vilh his
signaluie song Ice Ice aly. This song vas lhe fiisl hip hop song
lo lop lhe iIIloaid chails. In addilion Ice Ice aly jusl so happens
lo le one of lop kellIeleII insliucloi Ken Iackluins favoiile songs.
Ken Iikes lo piaclice his lined kellIeleII sel voik lo Ice Ice aly
and IIay Thal Iunky Music.
Nov I ienenlei VaniIIa Ices nusic veII as I vas in high schooI
vhen he vas popuIai. I vas ieaIIy inlo lhe NYC haidcoie scene and
heavy nelaI nusic al lhe line and couId nol sland VaniIIa Ices
nusic. I lhoughl il vas lhe cheesiesl sluff aiound. VaniIIa Ice aIso
nade vhal is IikeIy lhe voisl novie in lhe hisloiy of novies CooI as
Ice. TaIk aloul laking a iisk lhal lack fiied Iike a fauIly lazooka!
Soon aflei his popuIaiily dissipaled, VaniIIa Ice venl inlo a fil of
depiession ovei his caieei. I cannol say I lIane hin, as I vouId le
pielly depiessed lo if I vas in lhe novie CooI as Ice. AII joking aside,
VaniIIa Ice vas nol pioud of lhe ficlilious pasl lhal his iecoid IaleI
ciealed foi hin (essenliaIIy saying he vas a pooi vhile kid fion lhe
hood) and lhe oveiIy conneiciaI nusic lhal he vas laIked inlo naking.
His angei luined invaid, and pionpled hin lo allenpl lo
connil suicide. He suivived and ieaIized lhal he needed lo nake
sone seiious Iife changes. He had lo find a vay lo nake his Iife noie
aulhenlic and find an expiession oulIel lhal enpoveied hin. He
vanled his nusic lo le an accuiale iepiesenlalion of hov he vas
feeIing ialhei lhan sone shaIIov conneiciaI nonsense. Wilh lhe
encouiagenenl of sone cIose fiiends he decided lo shifl genies and
pul oul sone inlense iap-nelaI nusic inslead of conneiciaI one hil
vondeis lhal nevei sland lhe lesl of line.
He venl on lo nake seveiaI iap-nelaI iecoids and vhiIe none of
lhen veie huge conneiciaI successes lhe aIluns iepiesenled lhe
kind of nusic he vanled lo nake and as a iesuIl he deveIoped a
IoyaI foIIoving. He pIayed in snaIIei sized venues aII ovei lhe
counliy and vas nuch happiei vilh lhe nev diieclion. I iead a fev
113
ievievs of VaniIIa Ices iap-nelaI nusic. Sone of lhen veie pielly
favoialIe vhiIe olheis slaled lhal heavy nelaI nusl le aloul lo go
inlo a seiious decIine if VaniIIa Ice is gelling invoIved. No doull
going fion cheesy conneiciaI hip-hop lo inlense iap-nelaI is nol an
easy liansilion. Hovevei, il is a pielly daiing nove lo nake.
eing a fan of iap-nelaI lands such as iohazaid and Koin, I
vas cuiious lo check oul sone of VaniIIa Ices iap-nelaI nusic.
WhiIe I vas nol lIovn avay ly vhal I heaid I have lo say lhal sone
of il vas acluaIIy pielly good. Il is definileIy an evoIulion in lhe iighl
diieclion, vhich is aIvays inspiiing lo see.
I lhink Roleil Mallhev Van WinkIe deseives sone piaise foi hav-
ing lhe couiage lo evoIve. Il look a Iol of couiage given lhe pasl he has,
lo liy and go inlo anolhei genie, especiaIIy lhe nelaI scene, and liy lo
vin peopIe ovei. I an suie nosl peopIe veie nol viIIing lo give hin lhe
line of day due lo his pasl avalai. Yel he had lhe slones lo caive his
ovn palh iegaidIess and I have a Iol of iespecl foi lhal.
Many peopIe aienl pioud of lhings lhey have done in lhe pasl
lul faiI lo do anylhing vilh il. Inslead of pushing foivaid and
evoIving and leconing lellei lhey faII piey lo lheii nislakes and il
ends up defining lhen. Lilhei lhal oi lhey allenpl lo ialionaIize
aclions and faiI lo adnil lhey even nade nislakes. If you aie nol
even viIIing lo adnil lo having nade nislakes you viII nevei
evoIve. eing deIusionaI is a suie fiie vay lo slay in neuliaI indefi-
nileIy. }usl lecause you choose nol lo see a piolIen does nol nean il
doesnl exisl.
We aII have lhe povei lo evoIve and ieinvenl ouiseIves. We do
nol have lo accepl oui ovn seIf inposed consliainls oi lhose lhal
olheis pIace on us. We can evoIve Iike MaIcoIn X, Madonna, and
Roleil Mallhev Van WinkIe.
I oflen heai peopIe say lhal lheyie sel in lheii vays and cannol
change. Il is nol lhal lhese peopIe cannol change, il loiIs dovn lo
vhelhei you acluaIIy vanl lo evoIve. Weie inciedilIy adepl al
ialionaIizing any lehavioi and leIief syslen ve have. eing deIu-
sionaI cones naluiaIIy lo peopIe and lhe consequences aie oflen
Mike MahIei
114
disaslious lo say lhe Ieasl. My sludies on vhy peopIe go eviI
confiined lhis aII loo cIeaiIy.
Il is aII loo easy lo say ve aie neanl lo le pooi lecause oui pai-
enls veie pooi. Il is convenienl lo say ve aie oveiveighl lecause ve
have a genelic piedisposilion lo le oveiveighl. Il is sinpIe lo say
lhal oui feais aie a vay of leIIing us lhal ve aie supposed lo slay pul
and avoid naking any neaningfuI changes. Hovevei easy oi
convenienl il is aIso a painfuIIy loiing vay lo Iive Iife.
In nany vays I lhink Iife is aloul facing oui feais and pushing
lhiough anyvay. We do nol need couiage lo acl, ve need lo acl in
oidei lo le couiageous. Theie viII nevei le a peifecl line lo acl oi
evoIve. Theie viII aIvays le vays lo juslify nol chaIIenging oui-
seIves and laking lhe safei easiei palh.
Whenevei I an depiessed, vhich I an happy lo say is nol oflen,
il is lecause I need lo nake a change lhal I an ignoiing. Theie is
sonelhing lhal I need lo face head on lhal I an faiIing lo do and I
find faiIing lo lake chaige in Iife is depiessing.
When I push lhiough and face chaIIenges head on I an loo lusy
laking aclion lo le depiessed. Taking aclion is innedialeIy enpov-
eiing and if you have lhe iighl laigel, one lhal nakes you cone
aIive, you can deveIop lhe peiseveiance necessaiy lo push lhiough
sellacks and ineilia.
I neel peopIe aII lhe line lhal conpIain aloul lheii Iives, and
lhey aII have one lhing in connon: lhey spend noie line conpIain-
ing aloul lheii inadequacies and no line oi liiviaI anounls of line
laking aclion lo inpiove lhe quaIily of lheii Iives. When I leII lhen
hov I nade changes in ny Iife, lhey ieloil ly saying lhal change is
easy foi ne and I an speciaI. Tiusl ne I an nol speciaI and change
has nevei leen easy. Il is aIvays haid.
Il is aIvays a chaIIenge lo lallIe ineilia and lo Iel go of leIiefs
and feais lhal hoId us lack. Il is nol a sliuggIe lhal evei ends,
hovevei, vhal you lecone lhiough sliuggIing, oveiconing, and
evoIving is lhe ievaid and il is a ievaid voilh puisuing.
Do you have lhe couiage lo evoIve`

115
5/$ )$'! :'55!$ "* 1"5/"4
Oflen in Iife ve feeI Iike lhe voiId is againsl us. We conslanlIy lallIe
and conpele vilh olheis lo succeed and peiseveie. When lhings do
nol go oui vay il is aII loo easy lo lIane olheis inslead of laking
iesponsiliIily. We aie leconing a nalion of vussified viclins in
vhich eveiyone vanls lo le pail of lhe cIul. We lake soIace in
having enenies as lhal gives us sonelhing lo focus on and lIane.
Ioigel aloul il leing a lallIe lhal cannol le von, il is nol even lhe
iighl lallIe! The nosl inpoilanl lallIe lhal ve viII evei face, and
one lhal veiy fev vin, is lhe lallIe vilhin. We nusl vin lhe lallIe
vilhin lo lecone seIf-ieaIized, and ve nusl lecone seIf-ieaIized lo
liuIy le happy.
Theie is a gieal episode of HighIandei The TeIevision Seiies in
vhich lhe piolagonisl Duncan McLeod has lo lallIe lhe eviI Zoioas-
liian Cod Ahiinan. If you aie nol faniIiai vilh lhe HighIandei
nylhoIogy il is aloul hunan leings lhal aie innoilaI. An innoilaI
cannol die unIess his oi hei head is chopped off. They aie diavn lo
fighl olhei innoilaIs unliI onIy one is Iefl. They aII caiiy svoids lo
fighl one anolhei and lhey aII agiee lo a sel of conlal iuIes, such as
no fighling on hoIy giound. Yes I ieaIize lhis sounds Iike a shov
ciealed ly nisfil kids lhal spenl vay loo nuch line pIaying Dun-
geons and Diagons, lul liusl ne il vas a gieal shov.
The seiies is lased on lhe cIassic 1986 novie The HighIandei,
vhich in ny opinion is one of lhe lesl novies evei! IionicaIIy one of
lhe voisl novies evei nade is lhe aliocious sequeI HighIandei II:
The Quickening. Il is one of lhe fev novies I sav in a lhealie vheie
eveiyone valching yeIIed oul lhal sucked al lhe sane line as lhe
Mike MahIei
116
ciedils ioIIed. The viileis of lhe sciipl foi lhal shanefuI novie
definileIy did nol vin lhe lallIe vilhin! Oi lhe lallIe al lhe lox office
as lhe novie iighlfuIIy lonled.
Anyvay lack lo lhe Ahiinan episode. The eviI Cod Ahiinan
Iikes lo ness vilh hunan leings fion line lo line and is aIvays
Iooking foi a chaIIenge. Duncan inliigues hin, as Duncan is a fieice
vaiiioi lhal has leen aIive foi ovei foui hundied yeais. Duncan has
aIvays found a vay lo defeal his opponenls and Ahiinan vanls lo
lieak hin. Ahiinan is veiy cIevei, he has lhe capaliIily lo lake his
opponenls slienglhs, and luin il againsl lhen. In his lallIe againsl
Duncan, he luins Duncans foinidalIe fighling aliIilies againsl hin.
He appeais lo Duncan in lhe foin of pievious enenies lhal
Duncan has defealed. Lach line Duncan sees Ahiinan in lhe foin of
one of his pievious enenies he allacks vilh fuII foice lo no avaiI. In
facl, each line he sliikes oul al Ahiinan vilh angei, Duncan
lecones veakei and easiei lo nanipuIale. The slialegies lhal
Duncan used lo defeal pievious enenies aie useIess as Ahiinan
feeds off of ones angei. Angei nakes Ahiinan sliongei and his
opponenls veakei. As Duncan gels angiiei and noie fiuslialed he
slails Iosing his sense of ieaIily and legins expeiiencing seiious
haIIucinalions. Duiing one such haIIucinalion he accidenlaIIy kiIIs
his cIose fiiend and feIIov innoilaI Rilchie.
In a fil of depiession Duncan seeks soIace in a lenpIe vheie he
ienains foi ovei a yeai. He cannol face vhal he has done, and does
nol knov hov lo Iive vilh il. LvenluaIIy he ieaIizes lhal he has lo
slop hiding and face Ahiinan. The line foi leais and soiiov is ovei,
and lhe line foi ieliilulion is al hand. Duncan ieluins lo face
Ahiinan lul finds lhal lhe line avay has nol inpioved his sliale-
gies againsl Ahiinan. Lveiylhing he liies lo defeal Ahiinan vilh
ienains ineffeclive. LvenluaIIy Duncan ieaIizes vhal vas aIvays in
fionl of hin, vhich is his angei. Il is Duncans ovn angei and iage
lhal has leen defealing hin aII aIong. Wilhoul lhe angei Ahiinan
has no povei ovei Duncan. Ahiinan cones al Duncan vilh eveiy-
lhing lhal he lhinks viII nake Duncan angiy lul lhis line il is
117
Ahiinans slialegies lhal aie lo no avaiI. Duncan Iels go of lhe angei
and as a iesuIl Ahiinan lecones veakei and is no Iongei alIe lo
allack Duncan. As Ahiinan fades avay, he scieans al Duncan lhal
he is a pail of hin. Duncan iesponds lhal he aIvays vas.
Duncan defealed Ahiinan ly accepling his ovn eviI vilhin. We
aII have an Ahiinan vilhin us, and lo deny il onIy nakes il sliongei.
I discuss lhis in delaiI in lhe chaplei on hov aII peopIe aie capalIe of
luining eviI. Angei fueIs lhe ego, and oui iIIusoiy allachnenl lo seIf-
inpoilance. The noie inpoilanl ve feeI ve aie, lhe easiei il is lo gel
angiy vilh olheis. The easiei ve gel angiy vilh olheis, lhe haidei il
lecones lo vin lhe lallIe vilhin and lecone seIf ieaIized.
I ienenlei ieading sonevheie lhal peopIe vho aie consideied
elhicaI and liuslvoilhy aie noie IikeIy lo lake advanlage of olheis
aflei lhe liusl has leen allained. The lenplalion lo luin inlo a scan
ailisl is iionicaIIy giealei aflei you have pioven lo olheis lhal you
aie liuslvoilhy. This is lhe Ahiinan vilhin al voik. You gel loied
of peopIe leIIing you hov gieal you aie and nov you vanl lo see
vhal you can gel avay vilh. We have seen nany popuIai Ieadeis
faII, fion having Iosl lhis lallIe vilhin. This piocess is a giaduaI one
and slails vilh seeningIy insignificanl aclions, lul lhen evenluaIIy
spiiaIs oul of conlioI unliI you no Iongei iecognize youiseIf in lhe
niiioi. We aie aII susceplilIe lo lhis negalive quaIily and lo deny il
onIy nakes il noie IikeIy lo occui. This is vhy ieguIai seIf-invenloiy
is ciilicaI, as veII as suiiounding youiseIf vilh peopIe lhal leII you
vhal you need lo heai, ialhei lhan vhal you vanl lo heai. We nusl
accepl lhe duaIilies vilhin us and lhis is sonelhing lhal eveiy failh
enphasizes.
Theie aie nany duaIilies in Iife. Wilhoul having suffeied, il is
inpossilIe lo liuIy feeI pIeasuie. Wilhoul having leen veak ve
cannol knov vhal il ieaIIy neans lo le sliong. Wilhoul having gone
lhiough financiaI haidship il is inpossilIe lo ieaIIy appieciale
having financiaI success.
I knov exaclIy vhal il is Iike lo le veiy unheaIlhy as I neaiIy
died fion pneunonia lack in 2OO2. In acluaIily, I shouId have died
Mike MahIei
118
as I fIev lo Uganda lo visil ny paienls vilh onIy a snaII pail of one
Iung funclioning. I couId nol even laIk vilhoul coughing and had lo
pace nyseIf jusl lo vaIk fion one side of lhe aiipoil lo lhe olhei. No
queslion I vas a fooI lo Iel il gel lo lhal poinl lul I an gIad I venl
lhiough il. Suiviving il gave ne a second Iease on Iife, and nade ne
liuIy vaIue ny Iife. Sonelhing I honeslIy did nol vaIue lefoie lhal
incidenl. Since lhen I have nevei laken ny heaIlh foi gianled and
have acluaIIy gone in lhe opposile diieclion of vanling lo addiess
eveiy facloi of leing liuIy heaIlhy. This is vhal Ied ne lo ny
hoinone oplinizalion sludies. Sonelhing I piolalIy nevei vouId
have gollen inlo if il veie nol foi lhe neai dealh expeiience. You
cannol vin lhe lallIe vilhin if you aie nol aIive lo fighl il.
SeIf-halied is anolhei facel of lhe lallIe vilhin. Moieovei, seIf-
halied is nol aIvays olvious and oflen peopIe hale lhenseIves
vilhoul even ieaIizing il. The inleinaI angei lhal iesuIls fion seIf-
halied is inciedilIy desliuclive. I knov aII loo veII hov aII-
consuning angei can le. Il nakes il inpossilIe lo vin lhe lallIe
vilhin and find ieaI happiness.
Cioving up Iike nosl kids I jusl vanled lo fil in. I spenl pail of
ny chiIdhood in Koiea, lul nosl of il in Viiginia, jusl oulside
Washinglon DC. I venl lo schooI vilh nainIy vhile kids and nany
of lhese kids veie veiy iacisl. If you veie nol vhile you veie nol
pail of lhe cIul. I aIvays lhoughl of nyseIf as vhile lefoie neeling
lhese kids as I had noie of a Weslein infIuence gioving up lhan an
Laslein one. I vas in foi a iude avakening. In addilion lo leing
picked on foi leing haIf Indian, I vas oflen picked on foi leing a
nenlei of iaces lhal I have no conneclion lo, such as Afiican
Aneiicans. I vas oflen caIIed lhe N void and olhei iacisl leins.
Inslead of leconing angiy al lhe kids foi leing iacisl, I lecane
angiy al nyseIf, foi nol leing fuIIy vhile Iike aII lhe olhei kids. I
lIaned ny Indian heiilage foi aII ny inaliIily lo fil in, and vanled
nolhing lo do vilh il. I lhoughl lhal if I jusl enliaced ny vhile side,
aII of ny piolIens vouId dissipale. Il nevei voiked, lo deny pail of
oneseIf is lo avoid fuIIy enliacing oneseIf. Wilhoul fuIIy enliacing
119
oneseIf, one cannol vin lhe lallIe vilhin, jusl as Duncan couId nol
defeal Ahiinan unliI he cane lo leins vilh his innei angei. As I gol
oIdei I lecane ashaned foi leing a covaid and nol slicking up foi
vhal I an.
When I gol lo coIIege I cane acioss MaIcoIn Xs auloliogiaphy.
The look ieaIIy iesonaled vilh ne. LaiIy in his Iife MaIcoIns seIf
halied and desiie lo le vhile vas aII loo faniIiai lo vhal I feIl
gioving up. In lhe second phase of his Iife MaIcoIn decided lo nol
liy lo le vhile anynoie, lul lo hale vhile peopIe inslead. He
lIaned vhile peopIe foi aII of his piolIens and lhe angei fueIed
hin and gave hin a sliong sense of puipose. Thal sounded good lo
ne. Haling ny Indian side did nol voik so nayle lhis line aiound I
vouId hale ny vhile side inslead. Of couise as anyone knovs vho
has iead MaIcoIns enliie look, MaIcoIn evenluaIIy evoIved lo a
pIace in vhich he sav hunan suffeiing as a univeisaI piolIen,
ialhei lhan as one lhal one iace coineis lhe naikel on. I chose lo
ignoie lhal pail as I found lhe angei lovaids ny vhile side eneigiz-
ing, and I vanled lo ieveI in il.
IoilunaleIy ny angei vas queIIed vhen I gol inlo ieIigious
sludies. Il lecane olvious aflei sludying aII lhe gieal ieIigions lhal
lheie aie gieal peopIe in eveiy iace, and aIso leiiilIe peopIe in eveiy
iace, lul lhe good oi lhe lad is nol lecause of lheii elhnicily. We
have lo Iook al peopIe as individuaIs and nol nake sveeping
geneiaIizalions aloul an enliie iace lased on a fev peopIe. Il is
alsuid and unfaii lo penaIize an individuaI lased on lhe aclions of
feIIov elhnic nenleis.
Oui angei lovaids olheis oflen cones fion angei lhal ve have
lovaids ouiseIves. Looking lack I nevei had halied lovaids eilhei
of ny sides, oi any iace foi lhal nallei. I had halied lovaids nyseIf.
This seIf-halied vas expiessed as angei lovaids olheis, lul in lhe
end il vas seIf-halied. SeIf-halied is lhe giealesl adveisaiy vhen il
cones lo vinning lhe lallIe vilhin. Al sone poinl ve have lo evoIve
vay pasl lhe hale and sliive foi giealness. We have lo lecone Iess
seIf alsoiled and lecone pail of sonelhing nuch noie gialifying.
Mike MahIei
12O
Theie is nolhing noie gialifying lhan leing al peace vilh oneseIf,
and lhal onIy cones lhiough heIping olhei leings.
Angei is an addiclion, and Iike any addiclion lhe onIy vay lo
oveicone il is lo liade il foi anolhei addiclion. Inslead of leing
angiy aII lhe line, I liaded il in foi leing conpassionale. Nol jusl
lovaids one iace lul aII peopIe, iegaidIess of cuIluie. In addilion
conpassion lo aninaIs is inpoilanl lo ne and sonelhing lhal pIays
a ciuciaI ioIe in defining ne.
I enliaced lolh of ny heiilages, as I an lolh sides: lhe Indian
side and lhe vhile side. Theie aie so nany gieal quaIilies in lolh
sides, and onIy a fooI vouId choose nol lo see lhal. olh aie pail of
ne lul neilhei defines ne jusl as no individuaI is defined ly his oi
hei iace. We aie aII nuch noie lhan vhalevei iace, oi iaces ve
happen lo le loin inlo.
Ovei lhe yeais I have Ieained lhal leing li-iaciaI has nany lene-
fils. Il aIIovs ne lo undeisland a giealei vaiiely of peopIe, and nol
leIonging lo any one iace has ils advanlages as veII. I do nol have lo
voiiy aloul elhnic piessuie, as I do nol leIong lo any one iace.
NeveilheIess I an oflen nislaken foi a vaiiely of iaces such as
Afiican Aneiican oi MiddIe Laslein and lhis aIIovs ne lo have a
giealei undeislanding of lhose elhnicilies. I knov vhal il is Iike lo
expeiience sone of lhe iacisn lhal Afiican Aneiicans expeiience as
I have had such iacisn diiecled lovaids ne. The aliIily lo enpa-
lhize vilh a vaiiely of peopIe is a gifl, and il nakes il aII lhe noie
easy lo le conpassionale lo olheis.
In Iife lheie aie aIvays going lo le oppoilunilies lo cop oul and
lake lhe palh of Ieasl iesislance. To go againsl vhal ve knov is
iighl, jusl lo fil in. Hovevei, inlegiily is nol aloul doing vhal is
easy. Il is aloul laking lhe palh of giealness, vhich is nevei easy.
The ievaid is lhe palh ilseIf. The sliiving foi giealness is lhe vay lo
vin lhe lallIe vilhin.
We vin lhe lallIe vilhin ly one accepling lhal lhe lallIe acluaIIy
exisls. Inslead of lIaning olheis foi oui ciicunslances no nallei
hov juslified ve aie in doing so, ve focus on vhal ve can do lo lake
121
chaige of oui Iives, and have giealei undeislanding of ouiseIves.
You viII nevei liuIy le successfuI if you faiI lo vin lhe lallIe vilhin.
You nay have lhe appeaiance of success lo olheis, lul noney, fane,
and accoIades viII nol fiII lhe enpliness lhal you feeI. OnIy lecon-
ing seIf-ieaIized lhiough conceiled effoil is lhe palh lo ieaI happi-
ness, and a giealei feeIing of peace in lhis voiId.

122
1$ ')$ ()$'5 '5
."22"4( 06)*$!#$*
A fev yeais ago, Di. iuce NadIei (olheivise knovn as The WoiIds
Sliongesl IIaslic Suigeon) connilled suicide. Woise, accoiding lo
foiensic anaIysis, he shol and kiIIed his vife poinl-lIank lefoie
going inlo lhe nexl ioon and kiIIing hinseIf. We heai sloiies Iike
lhese aII lhe line, lul vhal nakes lhis one diffeienl is I knev lhe
guy: ve lolh spoke al lhe Iilness usiness Sunnil in 2OO7. My vife
CaioI and I challed vilh hin and his vife and lhey veie veiy nice
peopIe. Aflei ny piesenlalion, Di. NadIei nade a poinl of shaking
ny hand and leIIing ne hov inpiessed he vas. Like nosl peopIe, I
nevei vouId have guessed he suffeied fion depiession and lhal,
aInosl a yeai Ialei, his depiession vouId ieach ciilicaI nass,
iesuIling in nuidei and suicide.
My iniliaI ieaclion upon Ieaining of Di. NadIeis suicide vas
shock, lhen, vhen I heaid aloul hov he kiIIed his vife, il luined lo
ievuIsion. Taking youi ovn Iife is one lhing, lul laking soneone eIse
oul vilh you is nol youi iighl. Thal he nuideied his vife is leyond
disluiling.
Ive lecone veiy inleiesled in lhe sludy of happiness ovei lhe
Iasl yeais, and lhinking aloul lhe NadIei nuidei/suicide ny liains
leen luining non-slop. I vondei vhal Di. NadIei vas Iike al ny
age` Did he suffei depiession lhen` Did he have any idea hed go on
lo connil suicide al lhe age of 61` Iuilhei, vhen he and his vife
naiiied did he have any idea he vouId nuidei hei nany yeais
Ialei` I have no idea and nevei viII, yel, if I had lo guess, I doull Di.
123
NadIei heId any of lhose lhoughls. My guess is he vas happy al ny
age and enjoyed his naiiied Iife and leing a docloi. Mayle In
nislaken, lul I doull he vas cIinicaIIy depiessed foi lhe Iasl lhiily
yeais. So vhal happened` I have no idea, lul il gol ne lhinking:
vheie viII I le in ny sixlies` WiII I sliII enjoy Iife and conlinue
gioving as a peison, oi viII I feeI depiessed vilh no desiie lo Iive`
The Iallei seens unIikeIy given ny cuiienl IeveI of happiness, lul
none of us ieaIIy knov vhal Iies ahead.
We can spend oui line pIanning oul oui Iives, selling goaIs and
ciealing an iIIusion of conlioI ovei lhis ciazy voiId, lul in ieaIily ve
have IillIe - if any - conlioI. You can le in lhe lesl shape of youi Iife
and on cIoud nine one ninule, lhen gel hil ly a cai lhe nexl, spend-
ing lhe iesl of youi days as a paiapIegic. You nevei knov vhals
aiound lhe coinei. Then, eveiy once in a vhiIe, veII piedicl sone-
lhing lhal cones lo pass, feeding oui ego and again ieinfoicing lhe
iIIusion ve can see oui fuluie - yel il is jusl lhal: iIIusion.
The uddha laughl aII Iife is suffeiing. Sounds depiessing fion
a supeificiaI anaIysis lul lhe deepei neaning is oui suffeiing is due
lo allachnenl. When ve Iose sonelhing lo vhich ve feeI allach-
nenl, il can lecone lhe lipping poinl ovei an edge. I donl lhink
lheies any singIe ieason vhy Di. NadIei kiIIed his vife and lhen
hinseIf - I lhink lheie vas a lipping poinl as he slood al lhe edge of
his Iife. Ils noie IikeIy his finaI scene vas a cuIninalion of seveiaI
concuiienl fiuslialions.
Iion lhe uddhisl poinl of viev, ils nol vhal happens in oui
Iife lhal nakes us suffei, lul hov ve inleipiel il. In one of ny
favoiile looks evei, Vikloi IiankIs Mans Seaich Ioi Meaning,
IiankI chionicIes his line in a Nazi concenlialion canp, expIaining
hov sone peopIe suivived vhiIe olheis Iosl aII hope. The peopIe
vho suivived soughl oul vhalevei foin of happiness vas avaiIalIe
lo lhen: If lheii neaI vas edilIe, lhey expeiienced gieal happiness,
if soneone loId a funny joke, lhey enjoyed lhe pIeasuie of lhal
nonenl as Iong as possilIe. Lven lhe vainlh of lhe sun gave lhen
joy. They Iooked foi - and discoveied - oppoilunilies foi gialilude in
Mike MahIei
124
lhe Ieasl IikeIy scenaiios. Lven noie inpiessive, lhe suivivois
soughl oul gialificalions vheievei possilIe. HeIping oul lheii feIIov
nen vas ciilicaI: lo cieale puipose lo nake il lhiough lheii innense
suffeiing. Il vasnl enough lo focus on individuaI suivivaI, lhe
suivivaI of olheis suffeiing lhe sane hoiiois lecane equaIIy
inpoilanl. ollon Iine: lhose hoIding sliong puipose and neaning
in lheii Iives veie fai noie IikeIy lo suivive lhan lhose vho Iosl aII
hope and lhus, neaning.
I donl knov vhy Di. NadIei look his vifes Iife, lhen his ovn,
lul I lhink ils safe lo say he Iosl aII hope and sav no ieason lo go on
Iiving. When ve Iack puipose and neaning in oui Iives, a pail of us
dies eveiy day, and ils inpoilanl lo undeisland lhis eaiIy, lefoie
puiposeIessness, Iike a viius, iepIicales vilhin oui ceIIs, IileiaIIy
laking ovei oui Iives.
Nevei gel confoilalIe and slop gioving. Once you do, you
legin dying. My giandfalhei, a successfuI lusinessnan, vas loin in
a shack in Monlana and venl on lo lecone a niIIionaiie and highIy
soughl oul consuIlanl lo Ioilune 5OO conpanies. When voiking, he
vas happy, lul I noliced upon his ieliienenl he vasnl exciled
aloul Iife anynoie, lhough he sliII had puipose, since ny giand-
nolhei had AIzheineis Disease and vas conpIeleIy dependenl
upon hin. Hei caie lecane his nev puipose and ieason lo keep
going. When she passed on, he no Iongei had a ieason lo Iive - lul
nol lecause he had nolhing Iefl lo offei. His liain vas shaip and he
couId have engaged in any nunlei of ciealive piojecls, lul he didnl
see il lhal vay and passed on a fev veeks aflei ny giandnolhei.I
genuineIy adniied ny giandfalhei, he laughl ne a Iol aloul Iife and
lhe inpoilance of doing vhal you Iove, hovevei, his finaI Iesson lo
ne vas lhis: vhen you Iack puipose, lhe liain and spiiil despaii and
you evenluaIIy shul dovn.
My gieal giandnolhei vas a diffeienl sloiy: she oulIived eveiy-
one in hei Iife and passed on al lhe age of 1O1. She suivived lieasl
cancei, hei huslands dealh, lhe dealhs of hei sisleis, and even lhose
of hei ovn chiIdien. She vas a sinpIe vonan and Iived in Monlana
125
hei enliie Iife - nuch of il Iived aIone on a ianch in a snaII lovn
caIIed AiIee. I used lo Iove laIking lo hei - she epilonized lough.
Whal peopIe considei lough loday is Iudicious conpaied lo vhal
vas lough in hei day. I ienenlei one line she vas laIking aloul aII
of hei Ioved ones dying aiound hei. You couId leII she feIl veiy sad,
hovevei she ended lhe sloiy ly saying ve have lo go on no nallei
vhal. My gieal giandnolhei vas nany lhings, lul lhe inage I hoId
of hei is of a suivivoi. No nallei vhal happened lo hei, she peisisl-
ed in suiviving and lhiiving. The puiposes she nainlained lhiough-
oul hei Iife nay le lhings us nodeins vouId lhink of as nundane,
even ledious, yel vheie lheie is puipose lheie is aIso suivivaI and
deIighl in Iife. Il doesnl nallei youi achievenenls, oi any fane you
nighl allain, vilhoul puipose none of il nalleis, Iike il oi nol.
III nevei see anyone lhe sane again. Meeling Di. NadIei and his
ensuing deleiioialion has iiievocalIy changed ne. Nov, vhenevei I
neel soneone nev oi laIk lo a fiiend, III aIvays vondei if lheyie
ieaIIy happy oi jusl sliuggIing lo nainlain appeaiances. Whalevei
lhe case nay le, I hope you knov youi puipose and aie enjoying
lhis Iife.

126
5/$ /"(/ 9)"3$ 0& 014$)*/"9
Ouncrsnip is nc| |ini|cd |c na|cria| |nings. || can a|sc app|q |c pcin|s cf
ticu. Oncc uc |a|c cuncrsnip cf an idca--unc|ncr i|s aocu| pc|i|ics cr
spcr|s--una| dc uc dc? lc |ctc i| pcrnaps ncrc |nan uc sncu|d. lc prizc i|
ncrc |na| i| is ucr|n. And, ncs| frcqucn||q, uc natc |rcuo|c |c||ing gc cf i|
occausc uc can| s|and |nc idca cf i|s |css.
Dan Aric|q au|ncr cf Prcdic|ao|q |rra|icna|
The nolion of oui ideas and leIiefs as lhings ve ovn is an inleiesl-
ing one and expIains vhy il can le so haid lo giov and deveIop as
a hunan leing. Ciovlh iequiies Ielling go of lhal in vhich ve
used lo so fiinIy leIieve. Once ve lecone confoilalIe vilhin lhe
consliucls of vhal ve lhink ve aie, ils difficuIl lo Iel go, even if
ve donl Iike lhe consliucl! Many peopIe Iike neilhei vho, noi
vhal, lheyve lecone yel find a coincidenl confoil lheie since lhe
knovn is noie acceplalIe lo lhen lhan lhe unknovn. Dishonesl
seIf-assessnenls aIvays iesuIl in slagnanl giovlh, and vhen you
faiI lo giov, you faiI in Iiving Iife al ils fuIIesl vhich is a seiious
disseivice lo youiseIf.
Hov nuch do ve niss in Iife lecause of oui allachnenls lo vho
ve lhink ve aie` The allachnenl lo ovneiship in pailicuIai ieninds
ne of a uddhisl sloiy ve spoke aloul eaiIiei in Seclion Tvo: The
Inpoilance Of Taking SeIf Invenloiy undei lhe chaplei lilIed Do
You Have The Couiage To LvoIve` in vhich il speaks of a falhei
vho is loId lhal his son has died in a lallIe. The falhei lecones so
allached lo lhe lhoughl of his sons dealh lhal vhen his son appeais,
127
aIive and knocking on lhe fionl dooi, lhe falhei iefuses lo open il,
lhinking soneone nusl le pIaying a ciueI liick on hin.
You nay find il unleIievalIe lhal a falhei vonl even open lhe
dooi lo see if his son is slanding lheie, lul Iook cIosei al youi ovn
leIief syslens youie suie lo find a fev lhings lo vhich youie veiy
allached. Sone peopIe disniss ideas and oppoilunilies on lhe spol,
oul of feai lhal openness lo nev ideas and oppoilunilies viII
iiievocalIy change lhen. Yel lheii feai of change is iiialionaI, since
change is going lo occui vhelhei ve Iike il oi nol - sonelines foi lhe
lellei and olheis foi lhe voise. Avoiding oppoilunilies lo giov and
ieinvenl ouiseIves is disaslious, ve have onIy so nany oppoilunilies
in Iife lo giov and inpiove and lhey shouId nol le laken IighlIy.
Woise lhan an ovei-allachnenl lo lhe slalus quo is lhe iIIusion
veve iefined ouiseIves vhen in ieaIily lhe peison ve assune ve
used lo le is neieIy Iying Iov and vailing lo iise again. ehaving
diffeienlIy, vhiIe heIpfuI, doesnl equaI fundanenlaI change. Ils
easy lo Iie lo youiseIf and ialionaIize jusl aloul anylhing. Sonelines
ve donl accepl ieaIily - even vhen il sIaps us in lhe face.
A gieal exanpIe of lhis is lhe gIan nelaI scene in lhe 199Os.
In lhe 9Os lheie occuiied an expIosion of gIan nelaI lands: Ioison,
CindeieIIa, and innuneialIe olhei acls. These lands look off
conneiciaIIy and venl fion pIaying cIuls lo fiIIing sladiuns,
seIIing counlIess hil iecoids, and olheivise naking lons of noney.
In lhe Iale 9Os lhe scene died off vilh lhe iise of giunge nusic and
lands Iike Niivana and AIice in Chains look off. The iecoid IaleIs
diopped lhe gIan nelaI lands Iike so nany loiIel seals. A fev
shievd iecoid IaleIs slepped in and offeied deaIs nuch Iovei lhan
vhal lhe gIan lands had leen used lo, lul fev of lhe gIan lands
deaIl, since in lheii ninds lhey veie sliII popuIai and enlilIed lo
noie noney. They sliII ovned lheii leIief in lheii iock slaidon,
even lhough ieaIily vasnl on lheii sane page. They iefused lolh
lhe Iov-laII offeis and pieiogalives lo dovngiade lheii IifeslyIes
and lhe iesl of lhe sloiy viiles ilseIf.
Mike MahIei
128
Accepling ieaIily doesnl nean ve have lo sellIe foi vheie ve
aie iighl nov, lul ve nusl le honesl vilh ouiseIves, a ciilicaI
conponenl of insliIIing neaningfuI change. If youie lioke lul Iie lo
youiseIf saying you have financiaI veaIlh, youie nol changing
anylhing, jusl deIuding youiseIf and voise, ciealing an olslacIe lo
liue change. If youie fal and unheaIlhy yel leII youiseIf youie Iean
and heaIlhy, youie Iying lo youiseIf vhiIe inpeding posilive
change. Iaking il unliI you nake il doesnl voik. }usl nake il - lhen
lheies no need lo fake il.
We knov veve achieved liue change vhen ve lake nev aclions
vilhoul having lo lhink aloul lhen. Ioi exanpIe, nayle youie a
seIfish peison vho couIdnl caie Iess aloul olheis, lhen, aflei
ieaIizing youi ovn seIfishness, you decide lo change youi vays. Al
fiisl, you nusl acliveIy lhink aloul olheis and piaclice leing youi
conpassion skiIIs. Then, ovei line, you find youiseIf expiessing
lhese nev quaIilies vilhoul any piioi lhinking. This is lhe sign of
genuine change.
One of ny favoiile novies is lhe veslein, Unfoigiven, slaiiing
CIinl Laslvood and Moigan Iieenan. CIinl Laslvood pIays WiIIian
'iII Munny, a ieliied ciininaI and coId-lIooded kiIIei. Thioughoul
lhe novie, Munny iepealedIy says hes no Iongei a kiIIei, hes a
changed nan due lo his vifes infIuence. Munny has hinseIf
convinced of lhis, unliI his good fiiend (Iieenan) is liulaIIy nui-
deied ly lhe ciooked Sheiiff LillIe iII Daggel (Cene Hacknan).
Wilhoul hesilalion, Munny ieluins lo kiIIing node, nol onIy nui-
deiing LillIe iII Daggel, lul aII of lhe sheiiffs cionies as veII. As
Munny iides oul of lovn, he lhiealens lo kiII anyone in lhe lovn -
aIong vilh lheii faniIies - vho nighl lhink aloul coning aflei hin.
Like Munny, ve nay leIieve veve changed lul ils Iifes ciicun-
slances lhal aie oui liue judge.
ReIinquishing ovneiship of oui seIf-piocIained defining con-
sliucl is nevei easy. Il is a necessily if ve vanl lo Iel go of vhal ve
lhink ve aie and liansilion inslead inlo vhal ve vish lo lecone.
Life is a cycIe of desliuclion and ciealion.
129
Delachnenl fion ovneiship of ideas and leIiefs doesnl nean
you sland foi nolhing.
Theies nolhing viong vilh a sliong leIief syslen and unvavei-
ing noiaI code. In facl, lolh aie essenliaI quaIilies oi iisk leconing a
punching lag in lhe gane of Iife. Hovevei, cIose-nindedness and
iigidily inpede peisonaI giovlh and deveIopnenl. When ve slop
lhinking, soneone eIse viII do il foi us, and I donl have lo expIain
lo you hov deadIy lhal is.

13O
$!$#$4 )$'*04* 1/+
1$ -'.$ -"*5'.$* '42
1/+ 1$ .$$9 -'."4( 5/$-
To eii is hunan, and lhal viII nevei change, hovevei, nol laking
line lo undeisland lhe undeiIying ieasons nislakes aie nade and
lheiefoie, conlinuing lo eii, is sinpIe ignoiance. Hunans can do
lellei lhan lhis, and il aII legins vilh honesl seIf-assessnenl and
seIf-anaIysis. econing a sludenl of hunan consciousness -
specificaIIy youi ovn - is ciilicaI in undeislanding vhal nolivales
eiioneous lehaviois and hov lo lianscend lhen.
The look Why We Make Mislakes, ly }oseph T. HaIIinan,
piovides an exceIIenl slailing poinl. HaIIinan delaiIs lhe ieasons
peopIe nake nislakes and vhy nosl nevei Ieain fion lhen. Ioi
exanpIe, peopIe gel divoiced fion one spouse onIy lo ienaiiy
soneone eIse of a siniIai naluie, onIy lo gel divoiced again, elc. This
sane scenaiio iepIays ilseIf in lusiness as peopIe nove fion one
faiIed lusiness venluie lo lhe nexl, aIvays vondeiing vhy lhey
keep nissing lhe laigel. In lhe ieaIn of nuliilion, peopIe again and
again iepeal lhe sane veighl-Ioss diels, lhough lhey nevei achieve
lheii Iong-lein goaIs. These haliluaI fiuslialions cieale a geneiaI
allilude of appiehension - a naIaise - conpounded ly lhe lendency
lo avoid laking aclion aIlogelhei vhich is aIso a nislake.
HaIIinans look gives eIeven ieasons vhy ve nake lhe nislakes
ve nake - lhen conlinue iepealing lhese sane nislakes. Sone of
lhese ieasons nay seen liiviaI, vhiIe olheis viII iesonale noie
131
deepIy. WhiIe you nay ieIale lo sone - if nol aII - of lhe eIeven
ieasons ve nake nislakes, youII ceilainIy find lhen inleiesling.
Lels gel slailed on vhy so nany of us have loughl one-vay
lickels lo lhe Iand of nislake and iegiel, and vhal ve can do lo
nake a nid-couise coiieclion.
The fiisl ieason foi nislakes is laking noie iesponsiliIily foi a
nislaken aclion lhan foi laking no aclion al aII. In olhei voids, if
you liy lo nake sonelhing posilive happen and il lackfiies, youII
lake lhis ladIy, vhich cieales - and ieinfoices - a ieIuclance lo lake
fuilhei aclion. If inslead, you do nolhing (and as a iesuIl niss oul on
lhe sane posilive oppoilunily) you vonl lake lhis Iack of aclion
neaiIy as ladIy as lhe faiIed pio-aclion...lhus enliie Iives aie Iived
vilh negIigilIe giovlh.
I expeiienced lhis nyseIf vhen ny fiisl lusiness venluie luined
oul pooiIy. Id voiked ny laiI off foi neaiIy lvo yeais vilhoul
gaining any foivaid nonenlun. Woise, I vas voise off lhan Id
slailed oul. y lhe line lhe lusiness officiaIIy faiIed, I vas lhousands
of doIIais in dell and lo financiaIIy iecovei, I had lo lake a jol
voiking foi soneone eIse. Whal Id vanled noie lhan anylhing vas
lo nake il as an enliepieneui, so having lo lake a ieguIai jol foi
vages Iefl ne feeIing lad, and I vondeied if lhe enliie expeiience
hadnl leen a vasle of line. Yel lo assune ny sinceie effoils had
anounled lo nolhing (lhal is, lhal lhis vas lhe end of lhe sloiy)
vouId onIy have leen pessinislic and nyopic--and I an neilhei.
In lhe piocess of liying lo cieale a successfuI lusiness, Id
deveIoped seveiaI usefuI skiII sels, specificaIIy, I sav vhal I vas
capalIe of vhen I vas diiven ly a sliong leIief in vhal I vas doing,
vhich nanifesled in a liieIess voik elhic. Il vas al lhis line I aIso
deveIoped ny pulIic speaking skiIIs, vhich have pioven invaIualIe
in ny cuiienl chosen voik. As a iesuIl, I vas no Iongei afiaid of
speaking in fionl of gioups (and acluaIIy lecane dann good al il)
and Id aIso acquiied lhal eIusive skiII of effeclive inleipeisonaI
connunicalion.
Mike MahIei
132
In spile of lhese voilhvhiIe gains in lolh skiIIs and expeiience, I
vas exlieneIy ieIuclanl lo Iaunch anolhei lusiness. The pain of lhe
pievious faiIuie had nade a hone in ny head and il look sone line
lo evicl il. In facl, il look leconing conpIeleIy disgusled vilh
voiking foi olheis, in a seiies of neaningIess jols, lefoie I fuIIy
connilled lo ny filness lusiness.
Whal I Ieained in lhe piocess of ny fiisl lusiness faiIuie has
paid dividends in lhe success of ny second, cuiienl vocalion. In lhe
eighl yeais since I slailed ny filness lusiness, il vas cash-fIov
posilive vilhin lhe fiisl yeai and lhiee yeais in Id ieaIized a faii
incone, vhich Ive suslained up lo lhe piesenl line.
WhiIe lhe ioIe of deviIs advocale can le usefuI in naking
inpoilanl Iife decisions, condilioned appiehension iesuIls in a Iife
Iacking lhose deepei - and lhus noie neaningfuI - IeveIs of
expeiience, incIuding lhe expeiience of joy. Making a lig nislake
isnl ienedied ly nevei again allenpling anylhing nev and oiiginaI.
Taking caIcuIaled iisks is lhe piice of Iiving fuIIy. Living Iife on lhe
lench is secuie - nayle even injuiy-pioof - lul devoid of any
dynanisn and conlacl, vhich is lhe essence of Iiving Iife
aggiessiveIy.
The second ieason foi nosl nislakes is giving loo nuch veighl
lo oui iniliaI inslincls. Weie loId ly leacheis and aulhoiilies lo liusl
oui iniliaI inslincls and lend lo seIecliveIy ienenlei lhose lines
vhen il voiks in oui favoi, ialhei lhan aII lhose olhei lines oui
iniliaI inslincls niseialIy faiIed us. In ieaIily, oui iniliaI inslincls aie
noslIy eiioneous and voise, is oui aflei-lhe-facl lendency lo faIseIy
ienenlei inslincls oi inluilions lhal veie nevei lheie! In olhei
voids, once ve aIieady knov lhe oulcone, ve Iike lo lhink ve
knev il aII aIong.
Accoiding lo HaIIinan, fiisl inslincls aie geneiaIIy viong, and
sludies of lesl lakeis have shovn lhal peopIe vho go lack and
change lheii iniliaI ansveis oflen achieve highei scoies. Many
peopIe vonl iisk changing lheii iniliaI lesl ansveis - even if lheyie
unceilain of lhe coiiecl ansvei - lecause lhey have a giealei feai of
133
acliveIy naiking a viong ansvei lhen of nissing lhiough lheii
anlivaIence, a noie passive foin of eiioi-ly-defauIl in conliasl lo
lhe foinei aclive, viIIfuI eiioi. Once again, lhis denonsliales lhe
diffeience lelveen nislakes connilled ly defauIl and cIinging lo
lhe knovn, ialhei lhan nislakes caused ly diiecl aclion laken in lhe
effoil lo do sonelhing iighl.
The lhiid ieason ve nake nislakes slens fion oui lendency lo
Iook lack noie favoialIy upon oui pasl aclions lhan lhey acluaIIy
neiil. Like pioud paienls, ve deIighl in loasling in hov veII oui
youngei seIves peifoined ceilain lasks vhich nay in facl have leen
aveiage al lesl.
This ieninds ne of vhen I piesenled a Iecluie on oplinizing
hoinones al ny CoIIision Couise seninai (Las Vegas 2OO8.) In ny
nenoiy, I sav nyseIf as inlense and iiveling as AI Iacinos
chaiaclei in lhe novie Heal (and if you havenl seen Heal,
innedialeIy slop ieading lhis page and go valch il!) Since ny
liolhei fiIned lhe seninai, I vas alIe lo conpaie ny suljeclive
nenoiy vilh lhe oljeclive evidence on video and, lo ny
disappoinlnenl, ny nenoiy vas nol caIilialed vilh ieaIily. Nol
lhal I did a pooi jol, ils jusl lhal in ny ovn nind al lhe line, I
lhoughl il vas exceplionaI, nol jusl pielly good. Accoiding lo
HaIIinan, leing veII-caIilialed is vhen oui seIf-peiceplion cIoseIy
nalches lhe oljeclive ieaIily oui seIf. The liulh` The ninds veision
of ouiseIves is iaieIy veII-caIilialed vilh lhe seIf ve piesenl lo lhe
voiId. Shoil of enIisling a peisonaI fiIn ciev lo vilness oui
peisonaIily in aclion, lhis can le difficuIl lo face vilhoul fIinching oi
seIf-censoi. In youi effoil lo caIiliale inleinaI nenoiy vilh exleinaI
ieaIily, a noie piaclicaI aIleinalive lo a peisonaI fiIn ciev is
iequesling honesl, consliuclive feedlack fion liusled souices.
The nunlei foui ieason ve nake nislakes can le liaced lo lhal
cIiche so nany of have inleinaIized: hindsighl is 2O/2O. In ieaIily,
hindsighl -Iike nenoiy - is fanlasy-lased, lhus an inaccuiale
accounl of pasl evenls. IsychoIogisls caII lhis phenonenon:
hindsighl lias. This is hov il voiks: Once ve aIieady knov hov
Mike MahIei
134
evenls have pIayed oul, ve lend lo change oui pie-evenl nenoiies.
Ive peisonaIIy expeiienced lhis noie lines lhan I caie lo adnil vilh
lhe nosl pioninenl evenl leing lhe liagedy of Di. iuce NadIei as
discussed in lhe pievious chaplei lilIed We Aie Cieal Al Kidding
OuiseIves.
In 2OO7 I spoke al lhe Iilness usiness Sunnil, vheie Di.
NadIei vas aIso piesenling. Id iead nany of his ailicIes and seen
hin on Hovaid Slein and vas Iooking foivaid lo neeling hin. He
seened Iike a ieaIIy nice guy, exciled aloul enleiing lhe filness
lusiness vilh a nev peisonaI liaining sludio in Los AngeIes. Aflei
ny piesenlalion on Inleinel naikeling, iuce nade a poinl of
shaking ny hand and congialuIaled ne on a supeil jol. His vife,
vho seened veiy kind, nade a poinl of conpIinenling ny vife,
CaioI, aloul ne.
WeII, fasl-foivaid one yeai Ialei and Di. NadIei is naking nevs
foi nuideiing his vife and connilling suicide. Il seens hed leen
depiessed ovei Iosing his nedicaI Iicense, his filness lusiness vasnl
going so veII and...ceilainIy lheies noie lo such a despeiale acl
lhan veII evei knov. Yel, aflei I heaid lhe sloiy, ny nenoiy
iecaIIed Di. NadIei Iooking depiessed al lhe Sunnil. I nov
ienenleied vaIking pasl lhe lalIe vheie he vas ealing Iunch and
hin appeaiing nolicealIy niseialIe. InleieslingIy, lhis nenoiy onIy
suifaced aflei Ieaining of lhe nuidei/suicide - in olhei voids, I
invenled a nenoiy lased upon a knovn oulcone. In facl I had no
insighl lefoie lhe liagedy, and vhen lhe sloiy lioke I vas jusl as
shocked as eveiyone eIse.
The fiflh ieason ve nake nislakes` The nylh of nuIli-lasking.
You nay have heaid lhal in oidei lo le successfuI youII need lo le
good al nuIli-lasking, veII, nolhing is fuilhei fion lhe liulh! MuIli-
lasking is inslead an exceIIenl vay of doing seveiaI lhings pooiIy oi
voise, a vay lo conpIeleIy faiI in seveiaI effoils al once. HaIIinan
cIains...We nevei nake lvo conscious decisions al lhe sane line no
nallei hov sinpIe lhey aie. In olhei voids, ils inpossilIe lo do
nuIlipIe, conscious lasks al once and vhal veie acluaIIy doing is
135
junping lack and foilh lelveen dispaiale lasks ialhei lhan
effecliveIy voiking lasks sinuIlaneousIy.
My ovn expeiience is lhal ils viiluaIIy inpossilIe foi ne lo
viile ailicIes if I have Inleinel access. Coing onIine is a faciIe
disliaclion vhen vhal I ieaIIy need is alsoIule focus on ny viiling.
I fiequenlIy disconnecl lhe Inleinel oi go lo a coffee house, vheie I
canl gel Inleinel access on ny Iaplop. If I donl lIock nyseIf fion
lhe Inleinel, III lypicaIIy slop eveiy 1O ninules oi so lo check enaiI,
oi ieseaich sonelhing oi olhei on lhe vel. Lveiy line I Iose
concenlialion il lakes ne avhiIe lo iefocus and iesune viiling. Ive
found ils fai noie efficienl lo concenliale an houi oi so upon
viiling, lhen lake a lieak and check enaiIs, ialhei lhan
conlinuousIy svilching lack and foilh.
When il cones lo lhe unconscious nind, on lhe olhei hand, ils
quile possilIe lo voik nuIlipIe lasks al lhe sane line. Ioi exanpIe,
I can Iifl veighls vhiIe Iislening lo nusic. Lifling veighls is a
conscious aclivily, vhiIe Iislening lo nusic (al Ieasl in lhis conlexl) is
unconscious. ul vhal if I liied lo do ny voikoul, Iislen lo nusic,
and liain a cIienl al lhe sane line` Al lesl, Id gel a nediocie
voikoul, and ny cIienl as veII. Id iisk polenliaI injuiy, due lo Iack
of allenlion oi even voise, ny cIienl couId gel injuied. Iai lellei foi
lolh of us if I concenliale on liaining lhe cIienl, lhen liaining nyseIf.
Anolhei exanpIe is sonelhing ve do eveiy day - diiving. We
can aII diive oui cais vhiIe Iislening lo nusic, diiving is a conscious
aclivily, vhiIe Iislening lo nusic is unconscious. Hovevei, diiving a
cai vhiIe laIking on a noliIe phone is a polenliaI disaslei. When
youie engaged in phone conveisalion youie nol paying fuII
allenlion lo diiving and if sonelhing happens on lhe ioad iequiiing
an innediale ieaclion, youie going lo niss il. I once sav a guy
diiving againsl liaffic vhiIe laIking on a ceII phone, and he didnl
slop diiving lhe viong vay, even vilh liaffic coning iighl al hin.
Cais in lhe coiiecl Ianes (going lhe opposile diieclion) had lo diive
aiound hin lo avoid a head-on coIIision. This insanily conlinued foi
seveiaI lIocks lefoie he finaIIy ieaIized he vas on lhe viong side of
Mike MahIei
136
lhe ioad. On lop of aII lhis, in his deIusion lhal he vas iighl (and
eveiyone eIse viong) hed leen honking his hoin al lhe onconing
liaffic - so nuch foi nuIli-lasking! WhiIe you nay le alIe lo junp
lack and foilh lelveen nuIlipIe conscious lasks, youII neilhei save
youiseIf line noi le efficienl and effeclive al any of il. Iocus on a
singIe conscious lask al a line and do il veII, lhen nove on lo lhe
nexl lask.
The sixlh ieason ve nake nislakes is lhal veie suckeis foi
anchois and naikeleis aie avaie of lhis lendency and expIoil il. An
anchoi is sonelhing lhal slicks in oui head, causing us lo lake a
diiecled aclion, vhich lypicaIIy occuis on an unconscious IeveI.
Cioceiy sloies uliIize anchois lo seII noie pioducls, Iike a 5O-cenl
can of leans viII le lagged as 4 foi $2.OO. WhiIe ve neednl luy foui
cans lo gel lhe discounled piice, ve nighl anyvay nov lhal lhe
nunlei foui has leen anchoied in oui ninds. Anolhei connon
anchoi is pIacing an ailificiaI iesliiclion on puichase anounls. In lhis
case, a ielaiI sloie nighl Iinil puichases lo 1O unils pei cuslonei and
nov lhal lhe nunlei 1O has leen piogianned inlo oui ninds, ve
nay veII end up luying 1O unils of vhalevei il is. Lven if ve donl
luy aII 1O, veII piolalIy sliII luy noie lhan one, vhich is lhe vhoIe
puipose of such anchois. This is an especiaIIy idiolic pIoy peopIe faII
foi eveiyday, inagine a cuslonei viIIing lo luy 1OO unils - vouId
lhe sloie iefuse`
The alove ielaiI exanpIes aie faiiIy lenign, lhus unIikeIy lo
dianalicaIIy affecl youi veII leing, hovevei, if you faII foi lhese
liiviaI anchois, you nay aIso lecone piey foi lhose highei slakes
puichases Iike a cai oi house oi olheivise le peisuaded inlo aclions
nol in youi lesl inleiesl. The lake-hone nessage` Anchois induce
peisonaI aclions lenealh oui IeveI of avaieness and ils fai lellei lo
le cognilive of vhal you do and vhy.
The sevenlh ieason ve nake nislakes is lhal univeisaI aiInenl,
oveiconfidence, and lhe noie oveiconfidenl you aie, lhe loIdei youi
nislakes. Savvy naikeleis knov nosl peopIe aie oveiconfidenl,
nainIy in lhinking lhey aie lellei lhan aveiage. If you valch filness
137
infoneiciaIs, youII see conpeIIing leslinoniaIs used lo peisuade
and diive saIes, lul have you noliced lhey aIvays incIude a
discIainei lhal...such iesuIls aie nol lypicaI of lhe aveiage peison` In
ny naivele, I lhoughl such discIaineis veie foi IialiIily issues, lul
IialiIily is lhe Ieasl of il. Whal naikeleis knov is lhal peopIe
considei lhenseIves lellei lhan lhe aveiage peison and lhus
deseive lellei-lhan-aveiage iesuIls. LxpIoiling lhis deIusion, ly
cIaining niiacuIous iesuIls aie nol lypicaI, fIips lhe phiase inlo a
seIIing poinl. Nov lhal you can iecognize il, youII see lhal eveiy
veighl-Ioss and filness pioducl on TV expIoils lhis slialegy -
peihaps youve nanifesled sone oveiconfidence and faIIen foi il
youiseIf.
Anolhei uliquilous naikeling iuse used lo expIoil oui oveicon-
fidence is gyn nenleiships. Cyn nenleiships aie aIvays cheapei
ly lhe yeai, oi olhei Iong-lein scheduIe of aulo-liIIing. The nosl
expensive iales aie aIvays nonlh-lo-nonlh - vilhoul a conliacl - oi
diop-in fees. This assunes, hovevei, lhal you acluaIIy visil lhe gyn
seveiaI lines a veek! If you onIy voik oul once a nonlh, youie
oveipaying lig line.
Yel in lheii deIuded ceilainly of lheii supeiioi, i.e., alove-
aveiage slalus, nosl peopIe puichase yeaiIy nenleiships (if nol
Iongei) inlending lo gel lhe lesl vaIue foi lheii noney.
UnfoilunaleIy, lhe odds aie nol in lheii favoi and in facl, conneiciaI
gyns financiaIIy ieIy on alsenlee nenleis, and vouId oveifIov
lheii naxinun capacily if lhe najoiily of paid nenleis acluaIIy
shoved up on a ieguIai lasis. Any given gyns piefeiied nenleis
aie lhose vho enioII foi a yeai of aulo-liIIing and nevei ieluin.
SliII anolhei ugIy exanpIe of oui oveiconfidence lackfiiing on
us is lhe foIIy of ciedil caids. Ciedil caid conpanies Iuie nev
nenleis vilh Iov inlioducloiy inleiesl iales, sonelines as Iov as
zeio inleiesl foi six nonlhs. Hovevei, once lhe inlioducloiy peiiod
ends, lhe inleiesl iale skyiockels vilhoul nolice, sonelines going as
high as 29! Once again, slulloinIy leIieving in lheii alove-aveiage
slalus, peopIe faII foi lhese zeio-AIR offeis, inlending lo pay lheii
Mike MahIei
138
acciued laIance lefoie lhe inpending iale hike cones dovn.
Slalislics, once again, piove olheivise and lhe aveiage peison
aveiages oul al $1O,OOO doIIais in consunei dell.
Nol nany peopIe escape lhe nislake of oveiconfidence. HaIIinan
viiles: ...aInosl eveiyone is ovei confidenl~excepl foi peopIe lhal
aie depiessed, and lhey lend lo le ieaIisls. HaIIinan fuilhei viiles
lhal lhe liggei lhe piolIens ve face, lhe noie oveiconfidence ve
lend lo dispIay, vhich onIy gels us in noie hol valei. Whal In nol
suggesling is depiession as a cuie foi oveiconfidence, lul sone IeveI
of huniIily and honesly needs lo le in pIace foi oplinaI laIance and
good chaiaclei. The knov-il-aII nenlaIily is one of nany fasl liacks
lo a lad end.
The eighlh ieason ve nake lig nislakes` The pIague of
infoinalion oveiIoad, I caII lhis peivasive phenonenon ieseaich
addiclion. WhiIe you nighl lhink acquiiing noie infoinalion is
usefuI and necessaiy in leconing veII-infoined, vhal lypicaIIy
lianspiies is ve lecone noie oveiconfidenl lhan lellei-ieseaiched.
The noie ve ieseaich, lhe noie ve lhink ve knov - vhich is lhe
enliie piolIen - leconing a cIosed feedlack Ioop and piogiessing lo
anaIysis-paiaIysis.
Reseaich addiclion-cun-anaIysis-paiaIysis happens aII lhe line
in lhe filness voiId vheie peopIe have lhousands of piogians lo
choose fion, naking il difficuIl lo pick one and slay lhe couise.
Conpounding lhis piolIen is lhal lhe noie you Ieain aloul
liaining, lhe noie liaining you vanl lo do, and lhe fuilhei you
ienove youiseIf fion iesuIls-pioducing lasics. IoveiIifling coach,
and Iegend Maily CaIIagei viiles, in The IuiposefuI Iiinilive, lhal
as a liainee, ils nuch haidei lhese day lo allain neaningfuI iesuIls
due lo lhe oveiIoad of liaining infoinalion - lhal is, specificaIIy lhe
oveiIoad of idiolic liaining infoinalion. Maily says peopIe used lo
slick lo lhe lasics if onIy lecause lhey Iacked lhe oveivheIning
oplions avaiIalIe loday, and peopIe used lo focus on nasleiing a fev
novenenls, ialhei lhan seeking enleilainnenl fion lheii liaining
and oveiconpIicaling lhings. As a iesuIl, lhe aveiage liainee of
139
yesleiyeai acluaIIy gol nuch sliongei lhan lhe aveiage liainee of
loday.
WhiIe ieseaich, and olhei nelhods acquiiing infoinalion, aie
ciuciaI sleps lo success, vhen ve oveido il ve onIy end up vilh fuII
cups spiIIing oul lheii conlenls eveiyvheie. ellei lo enply lhal cup
fion line lo line. You can do lhis ly peiiodicaIIy leaching olheis
lhal vhich youve aIieady Ieained. I spenl nosl of 2OO9 ieseaiching
hoinone oplinizalion and olhei fieIds of inleiesl, and al lhis poinl
ny head is aloul lo expIode and Ive gol lo gel lack oul lheie and
shaie vhal I knov lefoie connencing any noie focused ieseaich.
This is vhy Ive ieluined lo lhe voikshop ciicuil lhis yeai, in
addilion lo viiling a loiienl of ailicIes aloul vhal Ive Ieained, ny
cup is liinning and I need lo shaie ils conlenls lefoie iefiIIing il.
The ninlh ieason foi oui endIess nislakes is lhal lane lo
ciealivily, vhal psychoIogisls caII funclionaI fixily. We can lecone
so sel in oui vays lhal ve donl iecognize noie efficienl and
effeclive nelhods of gelling lhings done. ecause sonelhing used lo
voik doesnl nean ils usefuI foievei. Ioi exanpIe, lhe liaining
piogians lhal pioduced iesuIls vhen I vas 22 aie nol going lo voik
lhe sane, nov lhal In 37, and foi a nuIlilude of ieasons. Neilhei
viII lhe diel I used al 22 pioduce lhe sane iesuIls il did lack lhen. I
can choose lo adapl and evoIve - lhus conlinue lo piogiess - oi I can
slulloinIy adheie lo lhe olsoIele palh of lhe pasl. Ive opled lo
evoIve, and you shouId loo. The liulh is you aie eilhei evoIving and
inpioving, oi you aie slagnaling and voisening youi silualion,
nainlenance is an iIIusion.
LvoIulion is jusl as inpoilanl in lusiness as il is in peisonaI Iife,
and iecoid conpanies aie a peifecl exanpIe. When lhe fiee, fiIe-
shaiing velsile, Napslei fiisl appeaied on lhe scene, lhe eslalIished
iecoid conpanies, ialhei lhan adapling lo nusic dovnIoads as lhe
vave of lhe fuluie, iesisled feiociousIy. Inslead of vasling lheii
effoils in liying lo suppiess Napslei and conlioI lhe naikel, lhey
couId have nade a sizalIe piofil alsoiling lhe nev liend. Iighling
againsl evoIulion didnl voik (and nevei has) and nosl nusic soId
Mike MahIei
14O
loday is ly fiIe dovnIoad, piefeiied ly lolh ailisls and consuneis.
Today, noie nusic ailisls lhan evei lefoie aie alIe lo nake noney
off of lheii ciafl. Since lhe ailisls no Iongei iequiie a iecoid deaI vilh
a najoi IaleI iecoid conpany in oidei lo eslalIish lhenseIves, lands
oflen give lheii nusic avay foi fiee on lheii ovn velsiles, in oidei
lo luiId lheii cuslonei lase, naking piofils on lhe lack end via Iive
shovs and neichandise saIes, and consuneis nov pick and choose
lhe songs lhey acluaIIy vanl, ialhei lhan having lo puichase fuII-
Ienglh, haid-copy iecoidings.
Whelhei you piefei lhings lo slay lhe sane oi nol is iiieIevanl,
change is a conslanl in Iife and you can eilhei adapl and lenefil oi
iesisl il and le Iefl in lhe dusl.
Mislake nunlei len is lhal veie unalIe lo piedicl oui ovn
fuluie aclions. IeopIe lhink lhey can ness aiound in lhe piesenl and
sonehov, in lhe fuluie, lhey viII acquiie discipIine. This is unIikeIy.
If you haliluaIIy eal junk food in youi youlh, youII piolalIy
conlinue lo do so as you gel oIdei. Slail snoking al a young age and
youII piolalIy conlinue foi decades. WhiIe ve nay lhink veie
good al piedicling vho - and vhal - veII le in lhe fuluie, lhe ieaIily
is anolhei sloiy.
This is vhy I hale queslions such as...vheie do you see youiseIf
in 1O yeais` I gol asked lhis idiolic queslion al eveiy jol inleiviev I
evei had and usuaIIy ly sone fiesh-oul-of-coIIege HR papei-
shuffIei. The kind of peison vho couIdnl heiseIf piedicl vhal shed
le doing foi Iunch, nuch Iess in in 1O-yeais line. I donl knov if III
le aIive in 1O yeais, so vhy lolhei vilh vheie III le` Ten yeais ago
Id no idea Id le Iiving in Las Vegas and enjoying a gieal Iiving as a
filness piofessionaI and In suie lhal len yeais fion nov III le
doing sonelhing - hopefuIIy fuIfiIIing and leneficiaI lo lhe najoiily
of hunankind - I have no vay of anlicipaling loday.
ellei lo focus singIe-nindedIy on vhal il is youie doing iighl
nov. Yes, ve need lo pIan foi lhe fuluie (lo have goaIs) lul nol al
lhe expense of nissing oul on lhe piesenl nonenl. If you piopeiIy
allend lo lhe piesenl, lhe fuluie lends lo le noie pIeasanl anyvay.
141
Tiying lo conlioI lhe fuluie fion lhe vanlage poinl of lhe piesenl
ieninds ne of lhe saying, Wanl lo nake Cod Iaugh` TeII hin youi
pIans... vhich peifeclIy iIIusliales lhe foIIy of hunan conlioI in lhe
univeise.
The eIevenlh and finaI ieason ve nake nislakes - especiaIIy
conceining Iife-changing decisions - is oui caplivalion vilh lhe
insignificanl. As an exanpIe, HaIIinan uses his ovn nove oul lo
soulhein CaIifoinia. Lveiy yeai, lhousands of peopIe nove lo Los
AngeIes - nol Ieasl foi lhe gieal vealhei - and IikeIy lhey assune
lheyII le nuch happiei lheie.
Having Iived in L.A. foi foui yeais, I can veII ieIale lo his sloiy.
In 2OO2, I noved lo L.A. ( fion lhe DC aiea) lo luiId up ny filness
lusiness. I chose lo sellIe in Sanla Monica, vheie I vas vilhin
vaIking dislance of lhe leach, and eveiy olhei anenily Sanla
Monica offeis, Iike novie lhealeis, suppei cIuls and alundanl
ieslauianls. SeveiaI lines a veek, Id liain al a paik oveiIooking lhe
Iacific. I vonl Iie - I enjoyed aII lhe peiks and look eveiy advanlage,
yel vilhin a yeai of noving lo L.A. I aInosl died of pneunonia .
Al lhe line, despile lhe sunshine, lheie veie nuIlipIe sliesses
hilling ne al onc - -lhe lvo liggesl leing financiaI and ieIalionship. I
vas Iaunching ny nev lusiness and, foi lhe fiisl yeai, sliuggIed jusl
keeping ny head alove valei. Conpounding lhis financiaI sliess
vas ny ieIalionship vilh a vonan vho, ovei line, ieveaIed heiseIf
lo le an eneigy-sucking vanpiie. Of lhe lvo sliesses, lhe Iallei vas
voise. I an a haid voikei, I knov hov lo nake noney and il vas
onIy a nallei of line lefoie ny lusiness look off.
Vanpiia, hovevei, vas anolhei sloiy (ny Iack of expeiience
vilh lhe foice of desliuclive ieIalionships didnl heIp) and lhe affaii
look a huge loII on ny heaIlh. This ieninds ne of Red Welsleis
lesl Iine fion lhal Iov-liov novie cIassic, Roadhouse: I gol naiiied
lo an ugIy vonan. Donl evei do lhal. Il jusl lakes lhe eneigy iighl
oul of you. She Iefl ne, lhough. Iound sonelody even ugIiei lhan
she vas. WhiIe ny vanpiie vas exleinaIIy alliaclive, she vas ugIy
on lhe inside, vhich she couIdnl hide foi Iong.
Mike MahIei
142
So, oulside eveiy day lhe vealhei vas sunny and lhe leach vas
onIy lIocks avay. The eneigy of Sanla Monica exciled and
invigoialed, lul nolhing conpensales foi seveie ieIalionship sliess. I
aInosl died in lhal paiadise of Sanla Monica. Id have leen lellei off
shacked up in Ollunva, Iova vilh a Ioving, kind vonan lhan vilh
ny doneslic veision of L.A.s finesl, lhe she-vanpiie.
Iasl foivaid seveiaI yeais Ialei vheie In Iiving in lhe suluils
of Las Vegas and naiiied lo a fanlaslic vonan. The neighloihood is
nice, lul is il as slinuIaling as Sanla Monica` Nol even cIose. Noi
can lhe vealhei conpaie, and lhe lhe heIIish sunneis aie especiaIIy
liulaI. Was I happiei in Sanla Monica` Nol al aII! In facl, lhe vays
lhal nallei, ny Iife is fai lellei. My heaIlh has dianalicaIIy
inpioved as Ive Ieained hov lo oplinize ny hoinones naluiaIIy.
My noods have Iifled as Ive Ieained hov lo handIe lhe niId
depiession Ive loine foi nany yeais. The giealesl inpiovenenl,
hovevei, is Ive dilched lhe vanpiie, and aII lhose vhove liied lo
lake hei pIace. In vilh a Ioving, suppoilive (nol lo nenlion
snoking hol) vonan, vho shaies ny sane vaIues. Ive fuilhei leen
lIessed vilh gieal finances in lhese lines vhen so nany sliuggIe
and enduie. These, lhe inpoilanl aieas of ny Iife, aie a Iock, and
nope, I donl caie aloul lhe vealhei! I vouIdnl in a niIIion yeais
liade ny piesenl Iife foi ny foinei Iife in Sanla Monica.
WeII, lheie you have il! LIeven ieasons vhy ve nake nislakes,
and keep naking lhen. Whal you do vilh vhal youve Ieained is
enliieIy up lo you. You can nainlain youi oveiconfidence and keep
al vhal youie doing oi, using youi inheienl gifl of hunan viII,
choose lo do lellei and undeilake lhe appiopiiale aclion.

143
&$') "* 5/$ 6!5"-'5$ -'4"96!'5"04
-$5/02
Tncrc arc nanq pccp|c in |nc ucr|d unc natc |nc ocs| cf in|cn|icns, ou|
u||ina|c|q oring ncrc suffcring |c |nc ucr|d. lnq? 8ccausc |ncq arc
|cc|ing |c cnangc |nc ucr|d frcn a p|acc cf fcar ra|ncr |nan |ctc.
Hugc l. ||fins|cnc
au|ncr cf Ccnpassicna|c Hcncs|q
Ieai is - ly fai - lhe nosl poveifuI nanipuIalion lechnique. Il
suiiounds us, naking il difficuIl lo nol inleinaIize. Weie so used lo
Iiving in feai lhal ve nol onIy feai faiIuie, ve even feai success! As
conedian }eiiy SeinfeId said: The feai of success is pioof lhal veie
sciaping lhe lollon of lhe laiieI foi lhings lo feai. Why aie ve so
confoilalIe in oui feaifuI slale and vhy do ve aIIov olheis lo use
feai lo nanipuIale us` WeII, feai is sonelhing veie laughl al a veiy
young age. We Ieain lo feai gelling huil and laking iisks. We Ieain
lo feai lhe consequences of disoleying oideis and ve Ieain lo feai
nol gelling vhal ve vanl if ve donl foIIov lhe iuIes. Then, if ve
evei gel il, ve feai Iosing vhal ve have. UIlinaleIy, I suspecl veie
so confoilalIe vilh feai lecause il nakes us feeI inpoilanl, i.e., if
soneone lakes lhe line lo piovoke oui feai, ve nusl nallei. Ils an
iIIusion, suie, lul vhal eIse is nev` Lying lo ouiseIves is lhe oIdesl
pasline.
Sone quanlily of feai nay le heaIlhy (even a necessily) foi
Ieaining and deveIopnenl, lul oveiaII, feai pievenls us fion
ieaIizing oui fuII polenliaI and ieIinquishes loo nuch povei lo
Mike MahIei
144
olheis. Ieai nakes peopIe iiialionaI, paianoid, and unheaIlhy, and
iaises coilisoI (lhe sliess hoinone) IeveIs lhiough lhe ioof.
Many conpanies use feai lo conlioI lheii enpIoyees. If you
donl aiiive on line eveiyday, you have good ieason lo feai leing
fiied. If youie in saIes, you feai Iosing youi jol if you faiI lo hil youi
goaI eveiy nonlh. Yel any conpany using feai as a piinaiy noliva-
loi inevilalIy luiIds an oiganizalion of snilches viIIing lo seII oul
co-voikeis foi a chance lo nove up lhe chain of connand. Ive seen
lhis fiisl-hand nany lines.
Yeais ago, I voiked foi an Inleinel conpany in lusiness deveI-
opnenl. usiness deveIopnenl is a fancy void foi saIes. I had a
gieal loss vho Ied ly exanpIe and aIvays lacked up his lean
nenleis. WhiIe he nade il cIeai vhal lhe lean expeclalions veie,
he aIso nade il cIeai lhal hed go inlo lhe lienches vilh us, lo heIp us
exceI, and his dooi vas aIvays open foi heIp. My loss vas a gieal
guy, lul lhe peopIe alove hin al lhe coipoiale office veie lolaI
scunlags. They had no cIue vhal vas going on in lhe fieId, noi did
lhey caie lo le infoined. Moie conceined vilh keeping lheii easy,
veII-paying jols lhan lhe piide lhal cones vilh luiIding a conpany,
lhey veie conpIeleIy cIosed lo any innovalive ideas. Theii phiIoso-
phy: Nolhing vas a piolIen if lhey chose nol lo see il lhal vay. A
phiIosophy I heaid nany lines.
When saIes venl veII, lhe highei-ups al coipoiale look fuII cied-
il. They cIained lheii Ieadeiship and naikeling looIs veie iesponsi-
lIe foi oui coIIeclive success. When saIes didnl go veII, inslead of
laking iesponsiliIily and leing pioaclive, lhey pIayed lhe lIane
gane. They feaied Iosing lheii jols, lhus if lhey shaied in lhe lIane,
lheii jols veie aIso on lhe Iine.
As usuaI, I vas on lhe laigel Iisl foi gelling fiied since Id aggia-
valed sone highei-ups ly going ovei lheii heads aloul sonelhing.
Long sloiy shoil: Id deveIoped a noie effeclive saIes nelhod lhan
vhal peopIe veie doing lefoie I aiiived and had even pioven ils
vaIue in lhe naikelpIace. The piolIen vas I did aII lhis vilhoul lhe
coipoiale offices peinission. In facl, lhe saIes slialegy Id devised
145
had leen shol dovn ly ny losss nanagei, lul Id enacled lhe pIan
iegaidIess. Aflei geneialing inpiessive iesuIls, I infoined lhe
conpanys ovnei aloul lhe specifics. (LnaiI is a gieal lhing!) Lveiy
execulive lelveen lhe CLO and ne vas fuiious, lul I vas naking
noney foi lhe conpany, so lhey veie heIpIess, vhich nade lhen
noie fuiious.
SeveiaI nonlhs Ialei, lhe conpany execulives ievised lhe saIes
connission pIan, naking il veiy difficuIl foi lhe saIes leans in lhe
fieId lo ieach lhe nonlhIy goaIs. As iidicuIous as il sounds, lhis
happens aII lhe line, vhenevei a conpany decides lheyie paying
lhe saIes lean loo nuch in connissions. When saIes veie dovn foi
lvo nonlhs sliaighl, ny loss vas given an uIlinalun: Iiie Mike oi
ve fiie you. Nov nosl peopIe in his silualion vouId have soId ne
oul, lul he vas an exceplion and iefused. He vas fiied and one of
ny coIIeagues vas pionoled, lhen oideied lo fiie ne. He (Iike nosl
peopIe vouId have) fiied ne...and lhal vas lhe end of lhal Iane jol.
The Iesson Ieained` Inlegiily is onIy a convenience. When nosl
peopIe aie lacked up lo a vaII, inslead of allacking lheii aggiessoi
head-on, lhe fiisl lhing lheyII do is Iook foi soneone lo vhon lo
pass lhe luck.
The nexl conpany I voiked foi piovided yel anolhei Iesson in
feai-lased Ieadeiship. My nev nanagei vas disIoyaI lo his peopIe
and encouiaged us lo seII each olhei oul. asicaIIy, if you con-
pIained aloul anylhing, and I nean anylhing, you veie on an
execulion Iisl and youi days veie nunleied. One day, one of ny
coIIeagues vas sliuggIing lo cIose sone deaIs and lioughl up his
fiuslialion in a lean neeling. He vasnl al aII negalive, jusl liulhfuI
aloul his fiuslialion and seeking consliuclive feedlack fion lhe
lean. Oui nanagei didnl see il lhal vay. Hed leen gelling heal
fion lhe oaid of Lxeculives and needed a scapegoal. Of couise, a
lean nenlei voicing sone fiuslialion doesnl juslify a fiiing, so he
needed a sliongei case. He caIIed ne up and liied lo gel ne lo seII
oul ny lean voikei, vho happened lo le ny fiiend and sliII is
loday. I conliiluled nolhing lo lhe nanageis effoil lo fiie ny fiiend,
Mike MahIei
146
lul lhal didnl slop hin - he evenluaIIy luiIl enough of a case lo fiie
hin a veek Ialei. ecause his supeivisois conlioIIed hin vilh feai,
he liied lo use lhe sane laclics vilh us. SliII Ialei, vhen hed gollen
anolhei scaie fion his supeiiois, he fiied ne lo save his ovn skin.
He venl on lo enlezzIe fion lhe conpany. See vhal happens vhen
you Iead lhiough feai` You Iose youi good peopIe and aie Iefl vilh
sIine. Then again, you aie sIine vhen using feai in lhe nane of
lusiness Ieadeiship.
Using feai lo iun a conpany oi oiganizalion is shoilsighled, and
uIlinaleIy ineffeclive. Why` LvenluaIIy, a fev peopIe viII iecognize
feai as lhe iIIusion il is, lhus iendeiing il inloIeialIe as a conlioIIing
nechanisn. UIlinaleIy, as fevei peopIe loIeiale il, lhe povei of feai
dissipales. Ils nol a queslion of if, lul a queslion of vhen. Iuilhei,
oiganizalions using feai as a conlioIIing nechanisn inevilalIy Iose
lheii snail, haid-voiking, independenl lhinkeis. These peopIe
evenluaIIy concIude lhey donl caie lo pul up vilh feai-lased, pelly
nonsense and nove on. Then, aII lhals Iefl is a spineIess, sycophanlic
foIIoving liling each olhei eveiy slep up lhe chain of connand.
When lhals aII lhal ienains of an oiganizalion, lhe inpIosion
occuis.
One of ny favoiile novies of aII line is iaveheail. My favoiile
scene is lhe lad-ass speech WiIIian WaIIace (MeI Cilson) gives
lefoie lhe Scols fiisl lallIe vilh lhe LngIish. The Scols aie oulnun-
leied and juslifialIy scaied, aflei aII, ils nol a day-jol in sone Iane
conpany on lhe Iine, lul lheii veiy Iives. WaIIace undeislands lheii
feai and leIIs lhe nen lhal if lhey iun and hide lhey nay go on lo
Iive Iong Iives, lul lheii souIs viII die lhal veiy day on lhe lallIe-
fieId, vhiIe lheyII conlinue on lo Iive Iives of innense iegiel foi nol
slanding up foi lheii fieedon and iighls. WaIIace connunicales lo
lhe Scols al lhe innoilaI, souI IeveI and lhey cone lo undeisland
lhal dying vhiIe slanding up foi vhal you leIieve in isnl anylhing
lo feai. SeIIing, oi olheivise oppiessing youi souI, and Iiving vilh
lhe ensuing iegiel is lo le feaied, and shovs lhal sonelines feai is
good!
147
When aII is said and done, I lhink lhe ieaI feai you have is aloul
laking iesponsiliIily foi youi Iife. Theies confoil in Ielling olhei
peopIe lake chaige, hovevei, ils an iIIusion, and a seIf-desliuclive
one al lhal. OnIy you can lake chaige of youi Iife and onIy you can
sland sliong in lhe face of feai vilhoul seIIing youi souI lo lhe
highesl, oi nosl convenienl, liddei.
Living Iife aggiessiveIy is aloul undeislanding ils OK lo feeI
feai, lul nol OK lo avoid fuIIy Iiving youi Iife lecause of il.

148
')$ +06 3'9':!$ 0& $#"!<
+$* +06 ')$
Arc uc ocrn gccd and |ncn ccrrup|cd oq an cti| sccic|q cr ocrn cti| and
rcdccncd oq a gccd sccic|q? Maqoc cacn cf us nas |nc capaci|q |c oc a sain|
cr a sinncr, a||ruis|ic cr sc|fisn, gcn||c cr cruc|, dcninan| cr suonissitc,
pcrpc|ra|cr cr tic|in, priscncr cr guard. Maqoc i| is cur sccia| circun-
s|anccs |na| dc|crninc unicn cf cur nanq ncn|a| |cnp|a|cs, cur pc|cn|ia|s,
uc dctc|cp.
Pni|ip Zinoardc, Tnc |ucifcr |ffcc|.
Undcrs|anding Hcu Gccd Pccp|c Turn |ti|
The Lucifei Lffecl: Undeislanding Hov Cood IeopIe Tuin LviI
(IhiIip Zinlaido) isnl pIeasanl ieading, lul lhoughl-piovoking,
and once iead, youII nevei see peopIe aiound you in lhe sane vay
again. Moie inpoilanlIy, youII nevei see youiseIf lhe sane vay,
since lhe look uiges you lo lake a haid seIf-invenloiy of vho you
aie and vhal youie capalIe of.
WhiIe ve nighl piefei lo lhink veie incapalIe of connilling
acls of ciueIly, lhe ieaIily is ve aie aII capalIe of ciininaI lehavioi
and denying lhis neieIy slienglhens lhe daik aspecl Iying in vail
vilhin us. As hunans, ve have lhe polenliaI foi lolh gieal conpas-
sion and gieal ciueIly and aIlhough ve nusl accepl oui noie
unsavoiy polenliaI, lhis doesnl nean ve nusl fuIfiII il. Living Iife
aggiessiveIy enlaiIs laking chaige of youi Iife, and doing so iequiies
iulhIess honesly and seIf-avaieness. I pionise you lhis ailicIe is nol
a pIeasanl iead, hovevei, il neveilheIess desciiles a jouiney each of
149
us nusl evenluaIIy lake. IaiIing lo do so al youi peiiI, and lhe peiiI
of lhose aiound you.
My ovn jouiney inlo ny heail of daikness legan aloul len yeais
ago vhen I iead a look aloul osnias elhnic cIeansing canpaign. In
1995, ovei jusl a fev days, osnian Seilian foices nuideied ovei 8,OOO
peopIe. In lhe look, acls of unspeakalIe ciueIly veie giaphicaIIy
delaiIed, such as falheis foiced al gunpoinl lo iape lheii ovn daughleis
and vonen leing sexuaIIy nuliIaled and cannilaIized as lhey lIed lo
dealh. IaniIy nenleis veie sexuaIIy assauIled in fionl of one olhei,
lhen eveiyone sIaughleied. Aflei ieading dozens of lhese leiiifying and
depiessing accounls I had lo pul lhe look dovn. Hov couId peopIe
conlain lhe nagnilude of halied iequiied lo connil such ciines` Al lhe
line, I couIdnl sland lo ansvei ny ovn queslion, lul I inluiliveIy
knev lhe ansvei vouId appeai soonei oi Ialei.
ThankfuIIy, I nevei idenlified vilh lhe hoiiois I vas ieading. In
olhei voids, even as I iead lhe voids on lhe page, nevei foi a
second did I inagine nyseIf in such a giuesone scenaiio. I didnl
have lo queslion nyseIf vilh vouId I` CouId I` Since lhe ansvei
vas iesoIuleIy No. I an a conpassionale peison, lo lhe poinl of
expeiiencing depiession if I havenl nel ny need lo conliilule lo lhe
veII leing of olheis.
WhiIe I feeI deep conpassion, Zinlaidos look foiced ne see
lhe vhoIe specliun of ny peisonaIily and I cane lo undeisland I
aIso conlain a polenliaI foi ciueIly and vioIence - as ve aII do. WhiIe
Ive nevei connilled osnian-scaIe vioIence, neilhei have I evei
found nyseIf in such a voIaliIe enviionnenl, and as nuch as ve
nay hale lo adnil il, ve canl say foi suie vhal ve vouId do in
unfaniIiai ciicunslances. SpecuIale aII day of vhal you vouId and
vouIdnl do lul youII nevei knov foi suie, and hopefuIIy, youie
nevei given lhe oppoilunily lo find oul. In oidei lo oveicone such
ciicunslances, you nusl gel lo lhoioughIy knov youiseIf and lhe
undeiIying foices diiving you.
We Iike lo lhink of eviI as sonelhing confined lo a snaII pei-
cenlage of lhe popuIalion. We hope lhal lhe eviI ones aie aleiialions
Mike MahIei
15O
and sonehov diffeienl fion lhe iesl of us lul, in lhe end, nosl
peopIe aie onIy as good as lheii cuiienl ciicunslances. Taken oul
of lheii confoil zone and pIaced inlo silualions foi vhich lheyie
unpiepaied, peopIes iesuIling lehavioi can le shocking, and voise,
lhose peopIe nighl le you.
Lels lake a Iook al lhe 1994 genocide in Rvanda. Ioi yeais (and
foi a vaiiely of ieasons) aninosily had luiIl lelveen lhe najoiily
liile Hulus and lhe ninoiily liile Tulsis. In 1994 lhis aninosily
ieached a lipping poinl vilh lhe assassinalion of Rvandan piesidenl
}uvenaI Halyaiinana, a Hulu. The Hulus lIaned lhe Tulsis, in
pailicuIai, IauI Kagane, a Ieadei of a Tulsi ieleI gioup. Kagane
denied lhe aIIegalions and insisled Hulu exlienisls veie inslead lo
lIane. To lhis day, ils unceilain vho vas iesponsilIe.
Aflei Iiesidenl Halyaiinanas assassinalion, a fuII lhiollIe hale
canpaign connenced vheiein lhe Hulus pulIicIy decIaied lhe Tulsis
as lhe cause of aII Hulu iIIs. In jusl ovei lhiee nonlhs, Hulu dealh
squads, leaiing nacheles and cIuls, kiIIed ovei 8OO,OOO peopIe - lhe
nosl expedilious and hoiiific nassacie on iecoid. Tulsi vonen veie
lypicaIIy iaped piioi lo lheii nuideis oi, if nol nuideied, unfoilunale
Tulsi vonen veie gang-iaped and physicaIIy nuliIaled. Sel fiee,
lhese viclinized vonen nade a poveifuI, Iov-lech Hulu feai
canpaign. This soil of sadisn, and lhe sense of povei il piovides, can
have a naicolic, addicling effecl on lhe peipelialois, Ieading lo
incieased fiequency and inlensily of assauIl.
Hov couId lhe Hulus luin so decisiveIy upon lhe Tulsis` They
had co-exisled foi geneialions. Iion lhe oulside, il Iooked as if a
lullon veie pushed and neighlois and fiiends suddenIy lecane
noilaI enenies, lul lhe liulh is noie conpIicaled.
Accoiding lo Zinlaido, lhe cause vouId le:
...ncs|i|c inagina|icn, a psqcnc|cgica| ccns|ruc|icn cnocddcd dccp-
|q in j|nc Hu|u] ninds oq prcpaganda |na| j|ransfcrncd] |nc Tu|-
sis in|c |nc cncnq.
151
When peopIe aIieady lIane olheis foi lheii ovn piolIens, lhey
aie iipe foi innoiaI sociaI conlioIs. In olhei voids, popuIai nedia
can effecliveIy le used lo diiecl coIIeclive aggiession.
Anolhei of lhe hunan egos easiIy expIoiled vuIneialiIilies is lhe
supeiioiily conpIex. IeopIe Iike lo lhink of lhenseIves as supeiioi lo
olhei peopIe. In facl, on nosl lesls in vhich peopIe aie conpaied lo
olheis, lhe vasl najoiily viII iale lhenseIves as lellei lhan avei-
age.
Supeiioiily conpIexes can le dangeious veapons. ConnonIy
vieIded, sonelines conceaIed, sonelines nol. UnfoilunaleIy, in
oidei foi peopIe lo lhink of lhenseIves as lellei Iooking, lellei
eaining, lellei educaled, sliongei, oi noie sophislicaled lheie nusl
le olheis vilh vhich lo conpaie lhenseIves and so, pul dovn.
Consideiing youiseIf supeiioi lo olheis is a niIdei veision of
scapegoaling, vhich is lhe Iessei veision of dehunanizing lhe
olhei.
IionicaIIy, lhose vho decIaie lheii supeiioi slalus aie noie Iike-
Iy lo lhenseIves feeI infeiioi deep dovn and ciave acceplance vilhin
lhe gioup, lo lhe poinl of desiiing lhe gioups appiovaI ly any
neans necessaiy. Ive olseived lhis phenonenon vilhin eveiy
coipoiale - and olheivise - oiganizalion in vhich Ive pailicipaled.
Whal Ive seen peopIe viIIing lo do in oidei lo eIevale lheii ovn
slalus - vilhin eveiyday sociaIIy acceplalIe ciicunslances, in olhei
voids, haidIy civiI vai - is disluiling and disappoinling lolh. The
lhenes aie uncanniIy siniIai: lIaning olheis foi youi ovn Iack,
lackslalling and/oi using peopIe foi youi ovn upvaid noliIily.
IalhoIogicaI desiies foi supeiioi slalus and gioup acceplance
veie lvo of lhe diiving foices in lhe Rvanda genocide. In lhe
pievious eia of eIgian inpeiiaIisn in Rvanda, lhe Tulsis ieceived
piefeienliaI liealnenl. This venl on foi lvenly yeais. Duiing lhis
line, Tulsis and Hulus veie nandaled lo caiiy idenlificalion caids,
vilh lhe Tulsis ieceiving noie and lellei lenefils, Iike access lo
lellei educalion and jols. This piefeienliaI liealnenl geneialed
innense iesenlnenl and jeaIousy anong lhe Hulus vhich, ovei
Mike MahIei
152
line, ieached a loiIing poinl. Lalei, in lhe afleinalh of lhe piesiden-
liaI assassinalion, using an inlensive piopaganda piogian, Hulu
Ieadei Mayoi SiIveslei Cacunlililo expIoiled lhe ieady, Ialenl
iesenlnenl in Hulu popuIalion. This liied and liue laclic of sociaI
nanipuIalion vas siniIaiIy used ly AdoIf HilIei in Ceinany and
Ialei, ly lhe Khnei Rouge in Canlodia.
esides idenlifying lhe Tulsis as lhe souice of aII of lheii iIIs, lhe
Hulus fuilhei iefeiied lo lhe Tulsis as cockioaches. This is a veII-
knovn dehunanizing laclic vhich effecliveIy incieases halied and a
Iack of conpassion lovaids lhe peiceived eneny, as a Iess-lhan-
hunan suljecl is Iess IikeIy lo invoke feeIings of synpalhy oi noiaI
inhililion vilhin lhe aggiessoi. Quoling psychoIogisl AIleil
anduia:
Our aoi|i|q |c sc|cc|itc|q cngagc and discngagc cur ncra| s|and-
ards.nc|ps cxp|ain ncu pccp|c can oc oaroarica||q cruc| in cnc
ncncn| and ccnpassicna|c |nc ncx|. || is nucn casicr |c discngagc
qcur ncra| s|andards uncn qcu nc |cngcr |cc| a| qcur cncnq as
nunan. Oncc qcu arc ccntinccd |na| |ncq arc ocnca|n qcu, |ncrc is
nc |c||ing ncu nucn cruc||q ui|| oc inf|ic|cd cn |nc dcnunanizcd
cncnq.
(Sonelines I donl knov vhich I find noie disluiling: lhe ciu-
eIly peopIe connil againsl olheis oi lheii ialionaIizalions foi lhe
sane. MoiaI codes seen veiy fIuid lhese days.)
Anolhei poveifuI facloi in lhe Rvandan genocide vas gioup
infIuence. Theie veie Hulus vho did nol condone lheii liiles
aclions yel veie unviIIing lo iisk lhe diie consequences of laking a
sland againsl lhe gioup. Wheie does individuaI iesponsiliIily legin
and end in such ugIy ciicunslances` Think aloul hov nany lines
in youi Iife (and foi fai Iovei slakes) youve faIIen undei gioup
infIuence. You nighl le silling lheie on youi couch, shaking youi
head al hov dissenling Hulus did nolhing lo haIl lhe aliocilies going
on in lheii nane, lul in lhe sane silualion - youi neighlois sIaying
153
each olhei - aie you so suie youd lehave diffeienlIy` I asseil you do
nol knov vhal you vouId do.
In addilion lo lhose unviIIing lo go againsl lhe fIov, and lhus
suffei polenliaIIy noilaI consequences, lheie veie olhei Hulus vho
desiied lhe piaise and accoIades of lhe gioup ly any neans, and lhe
noie peopIe lhey kiIIed lhe noie piaise lhey ieceived. The noie
ciueIly lhey infIicled, lhe giealei lheii slalus iose vilhin lhe gioup.
In nol ialionaIizing lheii lehavioi, noi Iooking foi vays lo juslify
lheii aclions. Ils nol possilIe lo ialionaIize such aclions, hovevei, I
nean lo poinl oul lhe facl lhal lhese peopIe veie nol so diffeienl
lhan any olhei confused peopIe vho aIIov lheii innei ciininaI
aspecls lo lake lhe Iead - en nasse. In a slale of confusion and seIf-
ignoiance, viiluaIIy anyone is vuIneialIe lo such an eiioi. When
such a laIefuI evenl occuis in a coIIeclive consequence, lhe iesuIls
aie anpIified.
Cioup infIuence can le oveivheIning, lhus nosl peopIe uncon-
sciousIy go vilh lhe fIov aiound lhen vilhoul lhe lolhei of
lhinking foi lhenseIves. When voiIdIy evenls lake a luin foi lhe
voise, lhe unconscious acceplance-seeking halil can le so en-
lienched such peopIe easiIy find lhenseIves inneised in lhe
nonenl and caughl up in lhe gioup accoid. These aie nol exlienisls
in eveiyday Iife, lul ieguIai peopIe Ieading ieguIai Iives. Yel
vhen silualionaI foices, i.e, exleinaI ciicunslances, luin exliene
such noinaI peopIe, line and again lhiough hisloiy, lecone
lailaiic vilhoul ieaIizing lhe lipping poinl. Such is lhe insidious
povei of lhe coIIeclive unconscious conlined vilh silualionaI
foices, naking us onIy as nolIe as a given silualion.
And so, nany acls of leiiilIe vioIence and ciueIly aie connilled
vilhin lhe conlexl of gioups. IndividuaIs viII lehave in vays lhey
vouId nevei peinil lhenseIves on lheii ovn voIilion. Sludies shov
lhal nenlaI funclioning IileiaIIy changes in an individuaI undei lhe
infIuence of gioup piessuie.
Accoiding lo Zinlaido:
Mike MahIei
154
...uncn a|| ncnocrs cf a grcup arc in a dc-inditidua|cd s|a|c, |ncir
ncn|a| func|icning cnangcs. |ncq |itc in an cxpandcd-prcscn|
ncncn| |na| na|cs pas| and fu|urc dis|an| and irrc|ctan|. |cc|-
ings dcnina|c rcascn, and ac|icn dcnina|cs rcf|cc|icn. |n sucn a
s|a|c, |nc usua| ccgni|itc and nc|ita|icna| prcccsscs |na| s|ccr
|ncir ocnaticr in sccia||q dcsirao|c pa|ns nc |cngcr guidc pccp|c.
The alove inpIies lhal Iiving in lhe nonenl isnl necessaiiIy a
good lhing, al Ieasl foi soneone of a Iovei (unconscious) slale of
nind. When ve foigel oui pasl, ve foigel vho ve essenliaIIy aie - al
Ieasl lhe nolIe seIf - and lo conpound lhe piolIen, ve foigel vhal il
is veve foigollen. Oui highei noiaIs, knovIedge of liulh, and
slandaids, no Iongei appIy as ve succunl lo innediale, piinilive
desiies. This negalive veision of Iiving in lhe nonenl (and lheiefoie
faiIing lo considei lhe iesuIls of oui piesenl aclions) is dangeious.
Renaining annesiac lo consequences gives loo nuch svay lo any
piesenl silualionaI foices. Whenevei In faced vilh a lough decision,
I nenlaIIy pIace nyseIf in lhe fuluie, and Iook lack fion lhal
vanlage. Is ny fuluie seIf pioud of ny choice of aclion - oi ashaned`
This nelhod voiks veII lecause anyline ve slop and lhink aloul
vho ve ieaIIy aie lenealh oui sociaI peisona, and vho ve vanl lo
le, and hov ve vanl lo feeI as lhal seIf - hopefuIIy ve nake lhe
highei, noie nolIe, choice.
Cioup piessuie isnl lad pei se. As a nenlei of sociely, you
leIong lo a gioup, and jusl as gioup piessuie can piovoke peopIe lo
leiiilIe lhings, gioup piessuie viII aIso pievenl peopIe fion doing
unieasonalIe lhings. Moieovei, lhe upside of gioup infIuence is lhal
peopIe oflen connil acls of conpassion and kindness vhen undei
lhe infIuence of lhe noie posilive veisions of sociaI silualionaI
foices. ul lhal is nol lhe poinl of lhis ailicIe. To conpiehend lhe fuII
iange of expeiience of lhe hunan condilion ve nusl undeisland
hov il is lhal so-caIIed noinaI peopIe aie capalIe of leiiilIe acls of
vioIence. In oidei lo do so, ve nighl le faced vilh lhe pieviousIy
unlhinkalIe: an adnission lhal ve, loo, aie capalIe of ciueIly and
fuilhei denying lhal polenliaI onIy haidens il.
155
Zinlaido viiles:
|| is cn|q oq occcning auarc cf cur tu|ncraoi|i|q |c sccia| prcssurc
|na| uc can ocgin |c oui|d rcsis|ancc |c ccnfcrni|q uncn i| is nc|
in cur ocs| in|crcs| |c qic|d |c |nc ncn|a|i|q cf |nc ncrd.
This piocess iequiies a iulhIess seIf-invenloiy. Do you ieaIIy
knov vho you aie` Have you evei laken line lo anaIyze youi pasl
aclions` WhiIe nol a joyfuI undeilaking, gelling lo knov youiseIf is a
foilhiighl acl of discoveiing vhals ieaI - sonelhing loo fev peopIe
puisue.
1. Think aloul lhe lines vhen you succunled lo gioup pies-
suie - have you done lhings of vhich you aie nol pioud`
2. Is sociaI acceplance so inpoilanl lo you lhal you ieside
vilhin lhe coIIeclive consciousness`
3. Do you appIy ciilicaI lhinking in lhe decision piocess oi do
you ieIy on vhal olheis lhink is lesl foi you`
4. Aie you viIIing lo speak oul againsl lhe gioup oi aie you
loo fiighlened lo iock lhe loal`

You nay nol feeI pioud of youi ansveis, lul lake lhis oppoi-
lunily anyvay lo puisue lhe piocess. My expeiience is lhal fev
peopIe aie viIIing lo iock lhe loal and counlei lhe gioup. Mosl
peopIe piefei lhe confoil of going lhiough lhe sane sociaIIy-
appioved-if-desliuclive supeificiaI nolions day lo day, aII lhe vhiIe
gossiping and conpIaining of lhe unpIeasanl ciicunslances in vhich
lhey find lhenseIves.
The voiId is nol nade up of onIy good peopIe, Iighl and con-
passion. Life, in aII ils nanifeslalion is nuIli-faceled, conpIex, and
daikIy shadoved. WhiIe ve nusl discein Iighl fion daik - and good
fion eviI - in oidei lo do so, ve nusl see lhings unfiIleied ly oui
ovn deIusive incIinalions. We nusl Iook al lhings in lhe open, and
head on in oidei lo nake lhe highei, lellei, choice. Avoidance of lhe
haishei aspecls of Iife doesnl iesuIl in enpoveinenl, and ils
enpoveinenl vhich heIps us lianscend lhe haish and lhe ugIy.
Mike MahIei
156
Theie is nolhing viong vilh allenpling lo see lhe good in any
silualion, lul lhis lendency can le fiaughl vilh eiioi - lellei lo
idenlify eviI foi vhal il is.
}usl as aIcohoIics nusl adnil lhey have a diinking piolIen le-
foie pioceeding lo lhe iecoveiy phase, each of us nusl acknovIedge
oui ovn innei ciininaI and ils polenliaI foi nisdeeds. y ieaIizing
youi ovn capacily foi - and possilIe conliilulion lo - eviI lehavioi,
youII ienain conscious of aII aspecls of youi peisonaIily and aie Iess
IikeIy lo unconsciousIy succunl lo silualionaI foices. This aIIovs
you lo lake invenloiy of lhe hovs and vhys of youi pasl aclions.
Mayle you succunled lo gioup piessuie al sone poinl in youi Iife
and did lhings lhal youd nevei do of youi ovn voIilion. Mayle
lhese veie good lhings you did, oi nayle nol. AII of us have
succunled lo gioup piessuie al one line oi anolhei, and nosl of us
conlinue lo do so, sonelines vilh disaslious iesuIls.
We aII hope foi ouiseIves lo nevei expeiience lhe suffeiing of lhe
peopIe of Rvanda, osnia, Nazi Ceinany, and Canlodia, anong a
Iong Iisl of olheis, lul al lhe sane line ve nuslnl leIieve veie
alove il aII. We aie jusl as hunan as eveiyone eIse in hisloiy,
accounlalIe foi ouiseIves and lhe aclions ve lake. Inlinale seIf-
knovIedge lianscends sociaI infIuence and enpoveis each of us lo
iesisl sociaI piessuie and silualionaI foices vhich offend oui noiaI
code.

157
$-:)'3$ 30-9'**"04 &6!!+
0) :$ 2$*5)0+$2 :+ '4($)
Ccn|rarq |c pcpu|ar oc|icf, |a||ing aocu| |nc |raunas cf qcur |ifc naq nc|
nc|p qcu |c nctc frcn dcprcssicn |c ncn|a| nca||n. |n fac| in scnc cascs
|nis apprcacn naq inpcdc qcur na|ura| pa|n |c rcsi|icncc and rccctcrq.
Kc||q |anocr|, Pn.D au|ncr cf |if|ing Dcprcssicn
Il is oflen veiy difficuIl foi peopIe lhal have leen lhiough seiious
aluse al a young age lo evoIve in Iife and lecone liuIy happy. No
queslion il is aIso difficuIl foi aduIls. Hovevei, as an aduIl, you have
a giealei capacily lo handIe sliess, deaI vilh il, and nove on. If you
expeiience exliene sliess as a kid you lend lo suppiess il. WhiIe lhe
pain is suppiessed il is sliII Iuiking deep inside affecling you on lhe
sulconscious IeveI. You nay nol even le cognizanl of il, lul lhal
feeIing of nodeiale depiession lhal aIvays seens lo foIIov you
aiound couId slen fion such suppiession.
Many peopIe aie Iike sIeepei ceII leiioiisls lo lheii ovn heaIlh.
They nay vaIk aiound Ieading vhal appeais lo le happy, and
pioduclive Iives lo olheis, onIy lo shock lhe voiId vhen lhey
connil seiious acls of seIf-desliuclion oi vioIence. Di. iuce NadIei
vho vas nenlioned eaiIiei, is such an exanpIe. This is vhy seIf-
invenloiy and nedialion aie lolh so inpoilanl. The noie you knov
aloul youiseIf, lhe safei you aie lo youiseIf, and olheis aiound you.
SadIy fev lake lhe line lo do eilhei.
The soonei you deaI vilh liaunas lhal happened lo you as a
chiId lhe lellei. Suppiessing vhal happens nevei voiks. LvenluaIIy
Mike MahIei
158
lhe fIoodgales lieak open, and il viII ceilainIy happen al a line
vhich is nol ideaI. Il is lellei lo lake chaige and liing lhe issues lo
suiface consciousIy and piocess vhal happened.
I donl pielend lo le a nenlaI heaIlh expeil, oi soneone vilh aII
lhe ansveis on such nalleis. ul I an soneone lhal venl lhiough
chiId aluse vhen I vas five yeais oId. No, il vas nol al lhe hands of
ny vondeifuI paienls, oi any olhei ieIalive foi lhal nallei. My
paienls aie gieal peopIe vho voiked veiy haid lo iaise ny liolhei,
and nyseIf, and vhiIe I an liased, I lhink lhey did a gieal jol.
NeveilheIess, Iike anyone, lhey nade sone nislakes and one such
nislake had disaslious consequences.
When I vas five ve Iived in Koiea foi a fev yeais. Oflen ny
paienls had lo go lo voik ieIaled funclions and Iefl us in lhe caie of
vaiious nannies. Mosl of lhese nannies veie veiy nice vonen and
did a gieal jol. Yel one nanny vas a ciueI vonan lhal look pIeasuie
in alusing olheis. She vas cIevei and knev hov lo acl a ceilain vay
in fionl of aduIls and aIso vas veiy aslule al deleinining vhal she
couId gel avay vilh iegaiding kids. Whenevei ny liolhei and I
veie aIone she vouId lease us, vhich sounds hainIess enough, lul
lhal vas hov il slailed. Il vas hei vay of lesling lhe valeis. My
liolhei Rogei vas a fev yeais oIdei lhan ne and vas aIso naluiaIIy
feisliei lhan ne. This voiked in his favoi, vhenevei lhe ciueI nanny
liied lo do inappiopiiale lhings lo hin, such as foicefuIIy kiss hin
on lhe Iips, oi lake his cIolhes off, he vouId fighl lack vilh aII his
nighl. WhiIe he vas onIy eighl, he pul up a good fighl and vas nol
voilh lhe lioulIe. She vanled an easiei viclin lhal she couId
huniIiale. She found such a viclin in ne. Al five I vas a shy quiel
kid and iespecled aduIl aulhoiily conpIeleIy. I vas scaied of aduIls,
and did vhal I vas loId. She picked up on lhis and used il lo hei
advanlage.
She vouId lake ne inlo hei quaileis, sliip ne dovn, and liy lo
diess ne up Iike a IillIe giiI on sone occasions. On olhei occasions
she vouId fondIe ne, foicefuIIy kiss ne, and nake ne louch hei in
pIaces lhal no kid shouId expeiience. AIlhough I did nol Iike hov I
159
feIl, I aIso liusled aduIls, and lhoughl such lehavioi vas noinaI. I
vas nevei educaled on vhal leing noIesled is. Looking lack, il vas
nevei aloul sex. I vas aflei aII onIy five yeais oId, so cIeaiIy I couId
nol offei anylhing sexuaIIy. I do nol lhink she even vieved ne as a
sexuaI oljecl. Whal she did viev ne as, vas a peison she couId
huniIiale. The noie unconfoilalIe I gol lhe lellei she feIl. The noie
aluse she deIiveied, lhe noie poveifuI she feIl. The noie feai I had
in ny eyes, lhe noie in conlioI she feIl. The facl lhal I leIonged lo a
veaIlhy Aneiican faniIy I an suie added lo lhe peiveise pIeasuie.
The facl lhal she couId Iook al ny paienls and ieaIize lhey had no
cIue vhal she vas doing, vas aIso I an suie a souice of povei foi
hei. In facl I knov il vas, as she vouId oflen Iook al ne iighl in
fionl of ny paienls vilh lhe sane eviI Iook she did lo ne in piivale.
When you aie five yeais oId you do nol have lhe cognilion lo
knov vhal is happening. You do nol have lhe nenlaI skiIIs lo
piocess such evenls. As a pioleclive nechanisn I lhink oui ninds
lIock oul such nenoiies and sloie lhen deep, lo le deaIl vilh al
anolhei line. Ieihaps a line in vhich ve aie noie equipped lo deaI
vilh such pain.
As lad as aII lhe peisonaI aluse vas, lhe nenoiy lhal huil ne
lhe nosl vas vhen oui faniIy dog died. My liolhei and I veie veiy
sad, ve Ioved lhe dog. He vas Iike anolhei liolhei lo us. I ienenlei
lhe eviI nanny Iooking al us and Iaughing hysleiicaIIy in oui faces.
She poinled hei fingei al us and sniIed as I nouined lhe Ioss of oui
dog. Rogei on lhe olhei hand vanled lo snash hei face in, and
honeslIy I lhink he couId have done sone ieaI danage!
I have had niId depiession foIIov ne aiound foi nosl of ny Iife.
I ieaIIy leIieve il aII cane fion lhal one incidenl as a chiId. My aliIily
lo handIe sliess vas conpionised, and lhe veakei youi sliess
handIing aliIilies, lhe noie IikeIy you aie lo le depiessed. The sliess
nanagenenl hoinone DHLA (Dehydioepiandiosleione), is ciilicaI
foi nood ieguIalion, and accoiding lo KeIIy Lanleil, Ih.D noie
ieseaich is coning oul delaiIing lhe inpoilance of DHLA foi nenlaI
heaIlh, and hov il is even noie ciilicaI lhan lhe highIy discussed
Mike MahIei
16O
seiolonin. Hoinone oplinizalion is a lig passion of nine and I have
ieseaiched DHLA exlensiveIy in vaiious inleivievs. Il keeps lhe sliess
hoinone coilisoI in laIance and aIso piolecls lhe naIe sex hoinone
leslosleione fion leing depIeled ly coilisoI. Sone sludies even shov,
lhal nen vilh highei IeveIs of DHLA aie nuch noie couiageous lhan
nen vilh Iov DHLA. DHLA is aIso a neuiohoinone and pIays an
inpoilanl ioIe in liain heaIlh and liain funclion.
WhiIe I have no Ial voik lo suppoil il, I lhink ny aliIily lo pio-
duce DHLA vas conpionised lig line vhen I vas five yeais oId.
Yeais Ialei as an aduIl I aIvays cane up as Iov-noinaI foi any
DHLA lesl, even lhough olhei hoinones such as leslosleione vheie
in lhe niddIe iange. This vas aIso aflei adopling a heaIlhy IifeslyIe.
Il vas nol unliI I luined lhiily, and had lolaI iecaII of vhal hap-
pened lo ne, lhal I vas alIe lo finaIIy nove foivaid, conquei lhe
depiession once and foi aII, and iesloie ny hoinonaI healh. This
look nany yeais of ieseaich and is lhe nain ieason vhy I knov so
nuch aloul hoinone oplinizalion. I vas lioken and vanled lo le
fixed and no one vas giving ne lhe ansveis oi soIulions lhal I vas
Iooking foi.
One day vhen I vas lhiily, I vas valching a gieal novie caIIed
Anlvone Iishei. Il is a novie lased on a ieaI Iife sloiy aloul a
lioulIed young nan lhal vas alused in a foslei hone. He vas
alandoned ly his nolhei, and Iefl al lhe neicy of lvo ciueI vonen
in a foslei hone. One of lhe vonen vas veilaIIy and physicaIIy
alusive. The olhei vas sexuaIIy alusive. Anlvone liied lo nove on
vilh his Iife. As an aduIl he joined lhe niIilaiy in an allenpl lo nake
sonelhing of hinseIf. Yel he aIvays lallIed lhe angei lhal kepl
foIIoving hin aiound. He gol inlo fighls oflen. WhiIe he Iikes
vonen, and vanled lo le in a ieIalionship, he vas undeislandalIy
veiy unconfoilalIe sexuaIIy, and had inlinacy issues. He vanled lo
le vilh a vonan he Ioved lul inlinacy ieninded hin of lhe aluse
he venl lhiough as a kid.
Anlvones nenloi Di. }eione Davenpoil, pIayed ly DenzeI
Washinglon, heIps Anlvone deaI vilh vhal happened lo hin.
161
Anlvone confesses lo hin eveiylhing he venl lhiough. Di. Daven-
poil leIIs hin lhal he has lo go lack lo his honelovn and find his
iools. He has lo find his nolhei and deaI vilh aII of lhe alandon-
nenl issues he has.
ReIuclanlIy, Anlvone does ieluin hone, and in addilion lo find-
ing his nolhei aIso gels lhe chance lo confionl lhe vonen lhal
alused hin. When lhey see Anlvone lhey acl Iike eveiylhing is fine
and liy lo hug hin as if lhey aie a Ioving faniIy. Anlvone hoIds
fiin and speaks his nind. He leIIs lolh lhal he ienenleis eveiy-
lhing lhal happened lo hin. He ienenleis lhe sexuaI aluse, lhe
physicaI aluse, lhe enolionaI aluse aII of il. He slands fiin and
slales enphalicaIIy, Il doesnl nallei vhal you liied lo do, you
couIdnl deslioy ne! I an sliII slanding! I an sliII sliong, and I
aIvays viII le. The lvo aluseis aie speechIess, as lhey have
nolhing lo say. They knov vhal lhey did, and lhey knov lhal
Anlvone is iighl. AII of lheii povei is gone and lhey covei lo his
slienglh of heail.
Thal scene ieaIIy inpacled ne, I found nyseIf valching il ovei
and ovei again. I vouId leII olheis aloul il, and lhey did nol gel il.
They did nol see lhe povei I did. Hov couId lhey, as lhey did nol go
lhiough vhal I did` Soon aflei, I had lolaI iecaII of vhal happened,
and noie nenoiies keep fIooding in. Il vas a veiy enolionaI line,
and a veiy difficuIl one. IionicaIIy il vas veiy Iileialing, as il vas
laggage lhal I have leen caiiying ny enliie Iife.
IniliaIIy vhen I had lolaI iecaII of lhe evenls, I vondeied if lhey
veie jusl a faliicalion of ny nind. Aflei aII, I vas onIy five yeais
oId. Ieihaps il nevei ieaIIy happened and vas jusl a nighlnaie. I
laIked lo ny liolhei aloul lhe evenls. He said he ienenleied vhal
I vas laIking aloul. He ienenleied hov lhe nanny liied lo aluse
hin, and hov he nusleied up aII lhe slienglh he couId nanage lo
fighl lack. He ienenleied seeing hei do inappiopiiale lhings lo ne
lul couId nol piocess vhal any of il neanl al lhe line. We have a
veiy cIose ieIalionship, so he caiiied a Iol of guiIl foi nol piolecling
ne. I hailoi no angei lovaids hin. He vas a kid as veII and did nol
Mike MahIei
162
have lhe povei lo piolecl ne. Moieovei, nosl of vhal she did lo ne
vas lehind cIosed doois, so he had no knovIedge of any of il.
As noie and noie nenoiies suifaced, noie and noie angei
cane vilh il. I vas angiy al vhal happened, and even noie angiy
lhal I couId nol do anylhing aloul il. Aflei aII vhal vas I going lo
do, liack hei dovn in Koiea` She is piolalIy nol even aIive nov.
Whal good vouId il do anyvay even if I did liack hei dovn` Living
vicaiiousIy lhiough Anlvone Iishei heIped ease lhe pain a IillIe lil,
lul of couise lhal is nol enough. Movies aie gieal foi inspiiing us lo
lecone giealei lul do nol lake lhe pIace of acluaIIy laking chaige of
oui Iives and Iiving fuIIy.
In lhe pasl I vouId jusl go inlo ny cave and liy lo voik oul
vhalevei piolIen I vas deaIing vilh. Wilh lhe chiIdhood aluse I
feIl lhe need lo laIk aloul il. I laIked lo fiiends, piofessionaIs, ieaIIy
anyone lhal vouId Iislen oi couId ieIale. The fiisl disluiling lhing is
lhal lhe najoiily of peopIe I laIked lo couId ieIale peisonaIIy lo vhal
I vas saying. They had leen lhiough siniIai lhings lhenseIves. One
of ny cIosesl fiiends gioving up venl lhiough aInosl lhe sane
lhing al lhe hands of a laly sillei, and Iike ne he aIso deaIl vilh
depiession his vhoIe Iife. Al fiisl laIking aloul il did nake ne feeI
lellei. Il vas nice lo unIoad and find peopIe lo ieIale lo. Hovevei,
aflei a vhiIe I found lhal lhe noie I laIked aloul il, lhe angiiei I gol.
Il vas as if eveiy line I laIked aloul il, I ieIived il, and lhen had lo
deaI vilh aII lhe enolions aiising each line. Il gol lo lhe poinl vheie
il vas conslanlIy on ny nind, and nade ne veiy negalive and
angiy aII lhe line. I vas going lhiough sone olhei chaIIenges as
veII, vhich jusl conpounded lhings fuilhei.
One lhing lhal ieaIIy heIped ne vas laking caie of ny dog, Mo-
na. She vas ny conslanl conpanion duiing ny enliie filness caieei
and onIy passed avay veiy iecenlIy. She vas a veiy funny dog vilh
gieal eneigy and nade ne Iaugh oflen. I had lo lake caie of hei, and
lhiough laking caie of hei I found sone soIace. Il nade ne feeI good
lo lake caie of anolhei leing. Mona vas alandoned ly hei pievious
ovneis and vas al a kiII sheIlei vhen a fiiend of nine iescued hei.
163
She asked ne lo foslei Mona vhiIe she Iooked foi a fuII line guaidi-
an, lul aflei a veek vilh Mona I knev I vanled lo adopl hei. She
nade ny Iife lellei inslanlIy and vas a fun dog lo le aiound. We
Iived in Sanla Monica, CA al lhe line and il vas fun lo vaIk aiound
lovn vilh Mona. Lveiyone Iiked hei. I had Mona foi cIose lo lvo
yeais vhen I had lolaI iecaII of leing alused, so ve had aIieady
londed.
I couId nol do anylhing aloul vhal had happened lo ne, lul I
couId do sonelhing aloul laking caie of Mona, and ensuiing lhal
she vas nevei alandoned oi in hains vay again. In facl I Iived in an
apailnenl in vhich dogs veie nol aIIoved (I noved lheie lefoie I
gol Mona). One day ny IandIoid heaid Mona laiking and Iefl a
nasly nessage on ny voicenaiI. When I gol hone and heaid lhe
nessage I caIIed hei lack inslanlIy and venl off. Mona vas Iike ny
daughlei, and I vas nol going lo have any of lhal. When lhey gave
ne an uIlinalun lo gel iid of Mona oi nove, il vas lhe easiesl
choice evei. I found anolhei apailnenl vheie dogs veie veIconed.
Yeais Ialei in Las Vegas, Mona deveIoped a leiiilIe canceious
lunoi in hei innei eai. The opeialion vas veiy expensive and ny
vel vas voiiied lhal I vouId vanl lo have Mona pul dovn ialhei
lhan lieal hei, as lhis happened oflen in hei office. She cane and loId
ne lhe silualion and I couId see lhe voiiy on hei face vhen she
nenlioned lhe piice. I loId lhe vel lhal il does nol nallei vhal il viII
cosl. Il is lhe onIy oplion, I viII pay il, I vouId nevei seII Mona oul.
The vel vas neaiIy in leais. Long sloiy shoil, Mona had lhe suigeiy,
iecoveied and venl on lo Iive foi anolhei foui happy yeais. She died
peacefuIIy in ny ains on Maich 26, 2O11. I did nol have lo pul hei
dovn. She checked oul on hei ovn leins and Iefl lhis voiId peace-
fuIIy. She viII nevei knov hov nuch she neanl lo ne and hov
nuch she heIped ne lhiough sone veiy haid lines. I an nol suie I
vouId have oveicone lhe iepiessed aluse vilh oul hei.
My vondeifuI, lhen giiIfiiend and nov vife CaioI, vas lhe nosl
ciilicaI conponenl in ny aliIily lo nove foivaid. She vas lheie foi
ne, and vas veiy palienl as I voiked lhiough lhe liauna. In facl I
Mike MahIei
164
ienenlei one line I vanled lo lieak up vilh hei, as I did nol feeI I
couId handIe leing in a ieIalionship al lhe line. SiniIai lo Anlvone
I had inlinacy issues and vas convinced lhal I shouId jusl le aIone.
She vouId nol have il. She vouId nol Iel ne push hei aside. She
vouId nol Iel ne slop hei fion heIping ne, and leconing lhe nan I
an loday.
CaioI vas, and sliII is an inciedilIe suppoil syslen and I vouId
nol le lhe nan I an loday vilhoul hei. NapoIeon HiII in one of ny
favoiile looks evei Think and Ciov Rich said lhal no nan
achieves giealness vilhoul a gieal vonan ly his side, and I leIieve
lhal conpIeleIy. CaioI is a gieal vonan and I cannol inagine ny Iife
vilhoul hei. The liulh is I donl vanl lo. On lhe fIip-side hei pa-
lience paid off as she nov has an inciedilIe Iife as veII!
You see, ve donl oveicone aluse ly laIking aloul il aII day
Iong. Suie il is inpoilanl lo laIk aloul il iniliaIIy, and unIoad, lul al
sone poinl laIking aloul il lecones a lioken iecoid. You have lo
gel on vilh youi Iife, lul il is lhe vay you gel on vilh il lhal nalleis.
You donl jusl lIock il oul and nove on. Ioigel aloul pIaying lhe
disliaclion gane oi saying posilive affiinalions aII day Iong. You
occupy youi line heIping olhei leings. Il does nol have lo le onIy
olhei peopIe, il can le aninaIs as veII.
When you have leen lhiough aluse you eilhei go in lhe diiec-
lion of conpassion, seIf-desliuclion, oi vioIence lovaids olheis.
CIeaiIy lhe Iallei lvo aie nol pioduclive uses of youi line. Il is lhe
conpassion diieclion lhal is youi savioi. Il is lhe onIy vay lo ieaIIy
enpovei you and nove foivaid vilh iesoIve. KeIIy Lanleil Ih.D
in hei insighlfuI look, Lifling Depiession, says lhal you vin lhe
lallIe againsl depiession ly occupying youi line vilh posilive and
pioduclive aclions. She is nol laIking aloul daiIy affiinalions oi
Iooking foi accoIades. She is laIking aloul aclions lhal aie posilive,
and pioduclive, such as heaIlhy ealing, voiking oul, voIunleeiing al
an aninaI sheIlei, spending line heIping senioi cilizens, heIping
kids lhal aie luin viclins, heIping soIdieis lhal saciificed foi aII of
us oveiseas, elc. The lesl vay lo feeI gieal and enpoveied is lo heIp
165
peopIe. Ieihaps youi vay of heIping olheis is lo voik haid and
nake a Iol of noney and suppoil gieal oiganizalions Iike Wounded
Waiiioi and lhe ASCIA. Thal is fine. Whalevei nelhod is a fil foi
you, lo heIp olheis is lhe iighl one. HeIping olheis is hov ve
uIlinaleIy heIp ouiseIves.
I an foilunale lhal I vas alIe lo luin ny holly of filness inlo a
successfuI caieei. I gel lo heIp peopIe daiIy and enjoy doing il. I Iove
vhal I do, and lhe facl lhal il has a posilive inpacl on lhe Iives of
olheis is an inciedilIe gifl leyond neasuie. I vake up eveiy day
exciled aloul ny Iife, and I an nevei depiessed lhese days. I feeI
sliong, heaIlhy, and confidenl. Theie is nolhing lhal can lake lhe
pIace of lhal feeIing. IeopIe lhal do nol have il, have no cIue vhal
lhey aie nissing oul on.
Life can le lough, lul leing seIf-alsoiled is nevei lhe ansvei. Il
is vhen ve inneise ouiseIves in lhe seivice of olheis lhal ve aie
liuIy fiee and Iileialed fion lhe vheeI of suffeiing. WhiIe ve can
nevei gel iid of angei fuIIy, and I do nol lhink il is heaIlhy lo do so,
ve can enliace conpassion and nake il oui phiIosophy and
guiding Iighl lhiough lhe daikness.

*$35"04 5/)$$7
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167
5/$ 4$3$**"5+ 0&
$>3$95"04'! 5/"4."4(
8cing rca|is|ic is |cc cf|cn an cxcusc fcr nc| ucr|ing nard cncugn |c
inprctc. || a|sc nappcns |c oc a significan| scurcc cf unnappincss.
]cnn ||ic|, PnD.
This chapleis quole cones fion a gieal look Ive leen ieading
aloul lhe inpoilance of exceplionaI lhinking in achieving success
and enjoying Iife lo lhe fuIIesl: Oveiachievenenl: The Nev Science
of Woiking Less lo AcconpIish Moie ly }ohn LIiol. This chapleis
quole ieninds ne of ny liolhei, Rogei, vhos a peifecl exanpIe of
exceplionaI lhinking.
LaiIy in Iife Rogei ieaIized lhal leing noinaI vas nol his palh:
his liain jusl vasnl nade lhal vay and lheie vasnl any poinl in
denying il. In coIIege, Rogei decided lo Ieain }apanese - lhis coning
fion a guy vho faiIed niseialIy in his pievious high schooI effoils
lo Ieain Iiench. The diffeience is lhis: Rogei vas piepaied lo le
unieaIislic and lusied hinseIf Ieaining }apanese inslead of slopping
lo voiiy hov veiy difficuIl il is lo acquiie a nev Ianguage, noieo-
vei, }apanese vas lhe Ianguage Rogei vas nolivaled lo Ieain,
eveiyone loId hin lo pick an easiei Ianguage lul }apanese vas his
choice and he spenl eveiy fiee nonenl on his void lank acquiiing
nev }apanese vocaluIaiy.
Rogei visiled }apan nany lines - and foi exlended peiiods -
vilh onIy lhe nosl lasic }apanese Ianguage skiIIs in his aisenaI.
Once you gel oulside Tokyo (and even in Tokyo foi lhal nallei)
Mike MahIei
168
youII le haid-piessed encounleiing peopIe vho speak even a liny
lil of LngIish, and lhals exaclIy vheie Rogei spenl nosl of his line.
The fiisl fev liips lo }apan veie liulaI: he feIl Iike a heIpIess chiId
ieIying on olheis foi lhe nosl iudinenlaiy needs, such as oideiing a
neaI oi asking foi diieclions. RegaidIess, il vas a gieal Ieaining
enviionnenl lo pick up lhe Ianguage, as necessily can nake lhe lesl
leachei. Long sloiy shoil: Rogei gained fIuency in }apanese and even
Iived in }apan foi seveiaI yeais vhiIe voiking as a liansIaloi. Yeais
Ialei, vhen Rogeis high schooI Iiench luloi Ieained of Rogeis IeveI
of }apanese fIuency, she neaiIy feII oul of hei chaii.
Leaining }apanese is neieIy one exanpIe fion Rogeis excep-
lionaI lhinking poilfoIio: a fev yeais ago, Rogei decided he vas
liied of gelling iipped-off ly cai nechanics. He vas liied of his ovn
feai of cai piolIens and his ignoiance of hov a cai acluaIIy opei-
ales, lhus, he decided hed Ieain on his ovn hov lo fix lhe lasic cai
piolIens. He puichased a nanuaI foi his cai and venl lo voik - in
onIy a fev shoil nonlhs had aII lhe lasics dovn. LvenluaIIy he venl
on lo Ieain hov lo fix any and eveiy MW piolIen you couId
inagine. Nov Rogei diives vilh lhe puie confidence of knoving he
can fix noie-oi-Iess any cai piolIen lhal nay aiise and, noieovei, if
he does evei have lo visil lhe nechanics, lhey donl sland a chance in
liying lo iip hin off. Yel nany of his so-caIIed fiiends loId hin hed
nevei figuie il oul and lhus vas a vasle of line lo even liy - a
connon excuse foi nevei doing anylhing in Iife. Rogei, once again,
pioved lhen viong - vhich is lhe sane palh hes aIvays lIazed.
The finaI exanpIe III shaie of Rogeis exceplionaI lhinking hap-
pened onIy a fev yeais ago: Rogei vas paia-gIiding and had a veiy
lad accidenl. His Ieg vas nangIed and he vas iushed lo lhe hospi-
laI. Many of lhe inleins loId hin hed IikeIy Iose his fool oi, al lesl,
hed vaIk vilh a ginp fool foi lhe iesl of his Iife. The conlinalion of
lhe shock fion lhe accidenl vilh leing diugged-up gave lheii giin
assessnenls an oninous vaIidily.
Aflei a liief peiiod of depiession, Rogei decided hed nake a
fuII iecoveiy and Iive a funclionaI Iife in lhe neanline. Rogei venl
169
lhiough seveiaI opeialions, vilh lhe Iasl one Ieaving hin seveiaI
nonlhs vilh his Iefl Ieg in a casl. Al lhe hospilaI, Rogei loId ne hed
sinpIy Ieain lo diive vilh his iighl Ieg, lhank you veiy nuch -
vhich is vhen his nuise lIuiled oul, No, you vonl - you canl do
lhal! Rogei knev lhen, vilh alsoIule ceilainly, hed Ieain lo diive
vilh his iighl Ieg...and venl on lo do so. Duiing his enliie iecoveiy
piocess (fion iniliaI accidenl lo conpIele iecoveiy) Rogei vas loo
focused on vheie he vas going lo Iel any negalivily fion olhei
peopIe affecl hin. When inleins piedicled hed nevei fuIIy iecovei,
hed Iaugh iighl lo lheii face. When nuises loId hin vhal he couId -
oi couIdnl - do, hed sniIe vainIy, and innedialeIy disniss lhen.
Such aie lhe halils of lhe exceplionaI lhinkei: nevei Iel olheis leII
you vhal youie capalIe of - onIy you knov vhal youie piepaied
lo do.
Rogeis exceplionaI lhinking has iesuIled in: conpIele fIuency in
}apanese, fixing any aulonolive oi conpulei piolIen you can
inagine (he even luiIl his ovn conpulei), naking a fuII iecoveiy
fion a devaslaling accidenl lhal nay veII have peinanenlIy side-
Iined anolhei, unexceplionaI lhinkei, lhe consideialIe skiIIs lo fiIn
and edil aII ny DVDs.and a vhoIe Iisl of olhei gieal acconpIish-
nenls.
These days, Rogei vanls lo lieak inlo HoIIyvood as a sciipl
viilei. Lveiyone leIIs hin ils a Iong-shol and hed lellei have a
lack-up pIan - lul Rogei knovs lack-up pIans aienl foi excep-
lionaI lhinkeis. Theies onIy one lhing an exceplionaI lhinkei vanls
lo acconpIish in Iife and any olhei oplion...is sinpIy nol an oplion. I
have zeio doull heII le a successfuI sciipl viilei vilh his soIid liack
iecoid of pioving lhe naysayeis viong. Like any liuIy successfuI
peison, Rogeis piepaied lo pay lhe piice, and sinpIy loo focused on
vheie hes going lo nake any pil slops in lhe Iand of doull and
faiIuie.
Ioigel aloul leing ieaIislic - do you knov anyone vhos ac-
conpIished anylhing inpiessive ly leing ieaIislic` ReaIislic peopIe
aie loiing peopIe Ieading loiing Iives of quiel despeialion. e an
Mike MahIei
17O
exceplionaI lhinkei: if peopIe lhink youie ciazy youie on lhe iighl
liack! Whals ciazy is nol vaIuing youi Iife enough lo Iive il lo lhe
fuIIesl. Whals ciazy is Ielling olheis decide youi capaliIilies - you
decIaie youi ovn polenliaI.

171
6*$ 9)$**6)$
50 :$ *633$**&6!
Many peopIe liy lo avoid piessuie, nol ieaIizing piessuie is lhe
lhing lhal keeps you shaip and focused. When lhe piessuie is on,
youie nol lhinking aloul anylhing eIse lul lhe lask al hand. Lels
say youie given a lough assignnenl due lonoiiov veisus a lough
assignnenl due in a nonlh. The foinei viII slinuIale piessuie,
vhich can cieale inciedilIe IeveIs of adienaIine and eneigy lo gel lhe
jol done, vhiIe lhe Iallei viII IikeIy iesuIl in piociaslinalion. Aflei
aII, youve gol a nonlh so lheies no uigency lo gel slailed. ul lhe
piolIen isnl vilh piessuie ilseIf, onIy oui inleipielalion of il. Many
of us have leen Ied lo leIieve ve peifoin lesl vhen veie caIn and
ieIaxed, i.e., if ve feeI any sliess al aII, ils a sign veie unpiepaied.
The key is inleipieling piessuie as exhiIaialing ialhei lhan a deliIi-
laling sliess, lecause piessuie is a naluiaI confidence-luiIdei lhal
can heIp us focus on lhe nonenl. When youie peifoining al youi
lesl, youie fuIIy engaged in lhe nonenl, nol lhinking aloul vhal
youII le doing Ialei.
Many yeais ago, I voiked foi a conpany and had lo give a saIes
piesenlalion lo a gioup of piospecls. I vas loId a veek in advance
and spenl lhe enliie veek piepaiing foi lhe piesenlalion. I piacliced
in lhe niiioi, nenoiized aII ny poinls, and did sone visuaIizalion
lechniques in vhich I venl ovei lhe enliie Iecluie in ny head. The
poinl of aII of lhis vas lo heIp ne ieIax so lhal I vouIdnl le sliessed
lefoie lhe piesenlalion. My pIan vas lhe noie I piacliced, lhe noie
ieIaxed Id le lefoie and duiing lhe piesenlalion and il voiked: lhe
Mike MahIei
172
day of lhe piesenlalion I vas ieIaxed and even sonevhal exciled lo
do il...lul lhings look a luin foi lhe voise vhen il cane line lo
peifoin. Iive ninules inlo lhe piesenlalion, lhe piessuie slailed
cooking, vhich nade ne voiiy, vhich in luin nade ne go lIank. I
slailed svealing piofuseIy as I liied lo ienenlei vhal lo say nexl.
The ninules feIl Iike an eleinily as I liied - lo no end - noving
foivaid vilh lhe piesenlalion. IinaIIy, ny nanagei cane up and
saved ne, vhich vas noie enlaiiassing lhan lIanking oul.
Whal did I do viong` Il vasnl Iack of piepaialion lhal Ied lo
ny denise lhal day. No, il vas faiIuie lo use piessuie lo peifoin
lellei. Inslead of laking lhe piessuie and using il, I gol voiiied ly
lhe feeIing of piessuie and choked lig line. Iuilhei, I look lhe
piesenlalion loo seiiousIy: inslead of going in inlending lo have a
good line, I jusl vanled lo gel lhiough il. Inslead of vieving lhe
piessuie as a suppoil looI, I sav il as a sign I vasnl ieady and ny
peifoinance foIIoved accoidingIy. I inleipieled going lIank as
anolhei sign I vasnl ieady and shul dovn accoidingIy. The ieaIily
is pulIic speakeis go lIank aII lhe line, lul lhey donl panic oi see il
as a sign of faiIuie - sonelhing Id Ieain dovn lhe ioad.
In The Nev Science Of Woiking Less To AcconpIish Moie, }ohn
LIIiol piovides a gieal exanpIe of lhe lenefils of piessuie vilh
195Os NA pIayei iII RusseII. iII vas iegaided as lhe lesl laskel-
laII pIayei of lhe line and had lhe unusuaI halil of lhioving up
lefoie eveiy gane, he vas so neivous lefoie ganes he puked his
guls oul. OddIy enough, iII vouId go on lo have a gieal gane aflei
each puiging session. One day, lo his suipiise, he feIl gieal lefoie a
gane and didnl have lhe uige lo vonil, lhe olhei pIayeis congialu-
Ialed hin. UnfoilunaleIy, he venl on lo have lhe voisl gane of his
caieei. He conlinued pIaying one pooi gane aflei anolhei and lhe
piess iepoiled iII vas vashed up and lhal his lesl days veie
lehind hin. As iII conlinued having pooi ganes, he slailed
leIieving vhal lhe piess vas viiling. The sliess slailed luiIding
again unliI finaIIy, lefoie a gane, iII had lo iun inlo lhe lalhioon
lo vonil again. He lhen ieaIized lhe conneclion lelveen piessuie
173
and peifoining veII and feIl a sign of ieIief. The lulleifIies iII
feIl lefoie each gane veie a sign he vas ieady lo go. He venl on lo
have an exceplionaI gane and his lean, lhe CeIlics, von lheii eighlh
sliaighl lilIe.
Ils iionic ve avoid lhe veiy lhing slacking lhe odds of success in
oui favoi. Iiessuie is an exlia souice of eneigy kicking in vhenevei
ve do sonelhing inpoilanl. Ils oui lodys vay of saying il knovs
lhal vhal youie aloul lo do is inpoilanl and lhal ils lheie lo
suppoil you and give you vhal you need. I finaIIy undeislood lhis
aflei I lonled lhe saIes piesenlalion. My nanagei undeislood as
veII and knev lhe lesl lhing foi ne vas lo gel lack in fionl of lhe
ioon as soon as possilIe, and so I vas scheduIed lo give a piesenla-
lion lhe foIIoving veek. The lhing peopIe feai nosl aloul pulIic
speaking is lIanking oul and Iooking fooIish, lul lhal had aIieady
happened so lheie vas no need lo feai il and, as Iane as lhal
expeiience vas, il vasnl lhe end of lhe voiId. When il cane line lo
do lhe nexl piesenlalion, inslead of liying lo suppiess lhe eneigy
suige lhal cane vilh piessuie, I decided lo use il and venl on lo
give a gieal piesenlalion.
Ive done a Iol of pulic speaking ovei lhe yeais and lefoie each
piesenlalion I an aIvays neivous. Moie oflen lhan nol, lhe nighl
lefoie, I donl sIeep veII. Ive laughl nany voikshops vheie I
didnl sIeep al aII lhe nighl lefoie yel lhose have leen sone of ny
lesl. I acluaIIy enjoy lhe neivous eneigy lhal cones lefoie each
piesenlalion, as In fuIIy aIive in lhose nonenls. The neivous
eneigy focuses lhe nind and keeps you in lhe piesenl, fuIIy engaged
in vhal youie doing. When lhe piessuie isnl lheie, you can diifl aII
ovei lhe pIace.
ack in 2OO6, I expeiienced lhe physicaI peifoinance-enhancing
lenefils of piessuie vhen I sponsoied a kellIeleII cIean-and-piess
conlesl in San Diego foi chaiily. The conlesl vas foi naxinun ieps
vilh lvo 7O-Il. kellIeleIIs. My peisonaI lesl vas fouileen ieps
lefoie lhe conlesl lul lo ny suipiise, al lhe conlesl I easiIy lIasled
lhiough fouileen ieps and finished off vilh nineleen ieps. I lhink I
Mike MahIei
174
couIdve gollen noie ieps if Id focused on lhe lask al hand, lul I
couIdnl leIieve hov Iighl lhe leIIs feIl and slailed lhinking aloul il
aiound iep eighleen. Suie enough, iep nineleen feIl veiy heavy and
il vas lhe Iasl iep. SliII, lhe piessuie of peifoining vilh peopIe
valching vas a ieaI eneigizei. Ioi lhis sane ieason, In aIvays
sliongei al ny voikshops lhan al ny ovn voikouls.
The piessuie lhal cones aIong vilh olhei peopIe valching can
iesuIl in enhanced peifoinance - if you Iel il. The key, again, is lo
veIcone lhe eneigizing piessuie and liansfei lhe eneigy lo vhalev-
ei youie doing inslead of aIIoving il lo sliess you oul. Ioi once lhe
eneigizing piessuie is ciealed, you have lo use il - faiIuie lo do so
iesuIls in pIain oId sliess. Thus if you have lo give a Iecluie and
decide lo canceI Iasl ninule due lo lhe high IeveI of piessuie lhal
youie inleipieling as sliess, youi end iesuIl viII le even noie
sliess. Once eneigy is ciealed, il canl le deslioyed, onIy liansfeiied,
oi in lhis case, dispIaced. IaiIing lo liansfei lhe eneigizing piessuie
iesuIls in inleinaIizing il, so inslead of piessuie luining inlo exhiIa-
ialion, il luins inlo desliuclive sliess.
Whals noie sliessfuI lhan feeIing piessuie, is feeIing no pies-
suie al aII. As hunan leings veie loin lo push lhe Iinils of vhal
ve aie capalIe of and lo lake iisks, lhals vheie a deepei expeiience
of Iife is found. Theies no excilenenl in laking lhe palh of Ieasl
iesislance and avoiding giovlh oppoilunilies, yel nany of us Iook
hopefuIIy lovaid fuluie days in vhich veII no Iongei have pies-
suies, faiIing lo ieaIize lhal piessuie is vhal nakes us feeI conpIele-
Iy aIive. Think of lhose lines in youi Iife vheiein you veie given a
difficuIl lask and iose lo lhe occasion, ienenlei lhe supei-
eneigizing feeIing of acconpIishnenl and vilaIily lhal foIIoved` We
end up laIking aloul lhen in lhe pasl lense lo keep lhe feeIing of
leing aIive going, lul lhals nol enough. The piessuie lhal vilaIizes
us cones fion pIaying lhe edge of lhe unknovn, nol fion vhal
veve aIieady acconpIished.
Think of lines vhen you suipiised youiseIf acconpIishing
sonelhing lhal you didnl ieaIize you veie capalIe of. Those aie
175
Iifes anazing nonenls, yel inslead of enliacing lhen veII ieliacl,
liying lo avoid lhe piessuie.
Whal is lhe excilenenl in valching a novie in vhich you aI-
ieady knov vhals going lo happen` Youi Iife is no diffeienl. Nexl
line you feeI piessuie, veIcone il and enliace il. Lnjoy lhe feeIing
of leing fuIIy aIive and veIcone lhe feeIing as oflen as possilIe.

176
:$"4( ' ()$'5
5$'3/$) "* 405 $'*+
Tnc |ruc |cacncr |ncc|s dcun |nc idc| |na| |nc s|udcn| na|cs cf nin.
Runi
Il is veiy lough lo le a gieal leachei. We aII have egos, and geneiaIIy
leacheis have sliongei egos lhan olhei peopIe. RegaidIess, if a
leachei cannol hunlIe oneseIf, and le a sludenl, lhen lhe leachei no
Iongei has vaIue. Sone leacheis Iike lhe aulhoiily and povei lhal
cones vilh having a foIIoving. eing a leachei nyseIf, I knov hov
inloxicaling il can le, lo le in fionl of a ioon of sludenls, having
lheii fuII allenlion. In addilion, ny sludenls pay a good anounl of
haid eained cash lo voik vilh ne. I do nol lake lhe iesponsiliIily
IighlIy, and I voik ny ass off lo pul on gieal voikshops. In facl, if I
an nol diained lhe day aflei a voikshop lhen I knov I heId lack
and did nol pul ny lesl effoil foivaid. If I do nol gel leslinoniaIs
fion ny voikshop pailicipanls lhen I did nol pul in ny lesl effoil.
RegaidIess, leing a good leachei is nol aloul acquiiing piaise, oi
encouiaging olheis lo foIIov vhal you say lIindIy. In facl lhe
giealesl gifl lhal a leachei can piovide is lhe Iesson of Ieaining, and
ciilicaI lhinking. A ieaI leachei encouiages sludenls lo seek oul lhe
liulh on lheii ovn. A ieaI leachei does nol aIIov sludenls lo lecone
voishippeis and idoIaleis.
Life is aIvays a Ieaining piocess, no nallei vhal lhe fieId of
sludy is, and vhen you slop Ieaining you slop gioving. A leachei
has a iesponsiliIily lo encouiage giovlh and send lhe sludenls
177
foivaid vhen he oi she no Iongei has anylhing lo leach. Cieal
leacheis lake pIeasuie in lheii sludenls suipassing lhen. Tiying lo
hoId ones sludenls lack is siniIai lo a paienl liying lo inpede lhe
giovlh of lheii chiIdien. Such lehavioi is iepiehensilIe!
One of ny favoiile looks is Dunc ly Iiank Heileil. Iiank Hei-
leil vas a liiIIianl nan lhal had an inciedilIe inaginalion. His
chaiacleis cone aIive in his look and his sloiies aie cIeaiIy nade foi
aduIls. No sinpIe good and eviI lallIes vilh a condescending,
sinpIislic nessage. Heileil undeislood hov conpIicaled il is lo le a
hunan leing and do lhe iighl lhing. eing a Ieadei is veiy difficuIl,
as even lhe lesl inlenlions can go hoiiilIy viong. In lhe fiisl Dunc
look, lhe nain chaiaclei IauI goes fion leing a naive young nan,
lo lhe sliong and poveifuI Ieadei of a iepiessed sociely. He Ieads a
successfuI ievoIulion againsl a coiiupl enpeioi. Dunc ends happiIy,
IauI lakes lhe pIace of lhe lyiannicaI enpeioi and juslice is ieaIized.
His jouiney fion loyhood lo nanhood vas fiIIed vilh liiaIs and
liiluIalions, jusl as eveiy peisons jouiney lo leconing a seIf-
acluaIized leing is. In lhe lhiid Dunc look, IauI Ioses conlioI of his
enpiie. His foIIoveis kiII in his nane and he cannol do anylhing lo
slop il. He has lecone a figuie head, and a ieIigion is ciealed
aiound hin. He, as an individuaI, onIy has lhe iIIusion of povei and
vhal is done in his nane is loo nuch foi hin lo lake. The finaI sliav
is lhe dealh of his vife as she gives liilh lo his chiIdien (lvins).
UnalIe lo handIe lhe depiession he vaIks off inlo lhe deseil lo die.
IauI had lhe lesl of inlenlions. He vas a good nan, vho Ied an
oppiessed peopIe lo fieedon. UnfoilunaleIy, lhe oppiessed peopIe
lecone lhe nev oppiessois, and he couId nol do anylhing lo slop il.
His foIIoveis voishipped hin as a god, and al lhe sane line no
Iongei iecognized lhe fIaved hunanily in hin. They pul lheii
lIindeis on and lheie is nolhing noie dangeious lhan a despeiale
sociely of lIind foIIoveis. Any hisloiy sludenl can confiin lhal.
Wilh leing a leachei cones innense iesponsiliIily. You have lo
nake il cIeai lo youie sludenls lhal you do nol have aII of lhe
ansveis. You have fIavs as veII and lhe gieal lhing is lhal il is nol a
Mike MahIei
178
lig deaI. We Iive in such an ailificiaI voiId lhal nany peopIe yeain
foi deplh and ieaI connunicalion. We aie so hungiy foi sonelhing
ieaI lhal oui aclions as a sociely have lecone despeiale. The facl
lhal ReaIily TV is so popuIai says il aII. Many of us aie so ie-
piessed lhal lhe inevilalIe loiIing poinl is onIy aiound lhe coinei
and vhen il finaIIy lieaks lhiough lhe fIood gales, aII heII lieaks
Ioose. When ve iepiess oui enolions and feeIings ve aIvays end up
depiessed. LvenluaIIy depiession, vhich is inleinaI angei, oflen
Ieads lo oulvaid angei and lhe consequences can le disaslious.
In oidei lo le noie effeclive leacheis ve have lo shov honesl
vuIneialiIily, and honesl fIavs. The iIIusion of peifeclion is jusl lhal:
an iIIusion. CeIeliilies aie nol lellei lhen you and no, lhey do nol
have aII lhe ansveis. IeopIe vilh innense veaIlh aie nol lellei
lhan you and nope lhey do nol have lhe ansveis eilhei. Wilh lhe
soIving of any piolIen cones nev piolIens. When you nake a Iol
of noney you soIve lhe piolIen of nol having noney. Nov you
have lo voiiy aloul Iosing youie veaIlh and peopIe leing fiiends
vilh you onIy foi youi noney. When you Iose fal and luiId nuscIe,
you soIve lhe piolIen of leing oveiveighl and unheaIlhy. Have no
doull lhal olhei piolIens aie jusl aiound lhe coinei.
Life is a conslanl lallIe of soIving piolIens and facing nev ones.
Lach line ve soIve a piolIen ve giov innenseIy. When ve lhink
ve no Iongei have any piolIens ve aie onIy kidding ouiseIves.
Ignoiing a piolIen oi pielending lhal il does nol exisl viII nol nake
il go avay. WhiIe lhis is unacceplalIe foi anyone lhal is inleiesled in
peisonaI giovlh and Iiving a fuII Iife, il is conpIeleIy iepiehensilIe
foi a leachei lo pielend lhal piolIens do nol exisl. If you iun a
conpany and youi lop six peopIe Ieave, il is highIy unIikeIy lhal lhe
six peopIe vho Iefl veie lhe piolIen. Il is hovevei highIy IikeIy lhal
lhe oiganizalion lhal lhey Iefl is lhe piolIen. Tiy lo avoid lhal
ieaIily aII you vanl. }usl do nol leIieve foi a second lhal il is nol
IikeIy lhe liulh.
The finaI lhing lhal a leachei nusl do is adnil nislakes. }usl as a
good leachei is avaie lhal sludenls nake nislakes. A good leachei
179
nusl le avaie lhal he oi she nol onIy nakes nislakes lul viII
aIvays nake nislakes. Does lhis nean lhal a leachei lhal nakes
nislakes is nol a good leachei` Of couise nol. In laselaII if you hil
lhe laII lhiee lines oul of eveiy len liies youie a supeislai! This
neans lhal pIayeis vho niss lhe laII lhe najoiily of lhe line aie lhe
lesl aiound. Theii fIavs aie open lo aII of lheii fans yel lhe fans sliII
Iove lhen. If piofessionaI laselaII pIayeis can le supeislais vilh
lheii olvious fIavs, a leachei in any fieId can le a supeislai as veII
vilh lhe adnillance of nislakes. ollon Iine is: youi sludenls see
youi nislakes anyvay, so lake iesponsiliIily and ovneiship of youi
aclions.
Sending lhe nessage lo youi sludenls lhal you aie infaIIilIe and
peifecl is a disseivice lo say lhe Ieasl. Sending lhe nessage lhal
youie loo good lo gel youi hands diily onIy sends lhe nessage lhal
youie nol a good leachei. As ve have aII heaid nany lines a gieal
leachei Ieads ly exanpIe. The saying Do as I say, nol as I do is
peifecl foi leacheis lhal do nol deseive lo le leacheis.
Whenevei a leachei is loo good lo le liue, go vilh youi inslincls.
We aII knov vhen soneone is genuine, and vhen soneone is
disingenuous. Whelhei ve choose lo go vilh oui inslincls is anolhei
sloiy. Ieiceplion nay le ieaIily. Hovevei, al lhe end of lhe day,
ieaIily is ieaIily, and lhe liulh can onIy le heId lack foi so Iong.
e a gieal leachei and a gieal peison ly Iaying il on lhe lalIe. Do
nol le afiaid lo le vuIneialIe and inpeifecl. HeII, do nol le afiaid lo
le afiaid. Life is scaiy and avoiding lhal liulh does nol nake il any
Iess scaiy. Leave disliaclion nelhods lo nagicians. Woik sone ieaI
nagic in youi Iife ly leing an aulhenlic peison and suiiounding
youiseIf vilh aulhenlic peopIe. Life is loo shoil lo Iive a Iie. Live lhe
liulh!

18O
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qcu ui|| natc |c adni| |na| i| is qcu unc nas cncscn |c rcjcc| succcss and |c
aoandcn |nc drcan cf ocing a|| cf |nc ocs| qcu can oc. |f |nis is sc, qcu can
s|cp gc||ing jca|cus uncnctcr qcu scc c|ncr pccp|c arcund qcu succccding
in |nc |ifc qcu |ncugn| qcu uan|cd fcr qcursc|f.
- Cnin-Ning Cnu,
frcn ncr occ| Dc |css, Acnictc Mcrc
Ovei lhe yeais, Ive ieaIized you canl vanl success foi olheis noie
lhan lhey vanl il foi lhenseIves. You can give soneone lhe looIs
lhey need foi success lul if lhey donl use lhose looIs and foIIov
lhiough, success viII aIvays evade lhen. You can send lhen
oppoilunily aflei oppoilunily and inlioduce lhen lo aII lhe iighl
peopIe, yel success viII aIvays evade lhen. Why aie sone peopIe
nol piepaied lo Iay lhe gioundvoik foi success` Who knovs` As
nolivalionaI speakei }in Rohn says, Ils one of lhe nysleiies of lhe
univeise.
The nain ieasons peopIe faiI lo succeed` Lack of seIf-
iesponsiliIily and seIf-avaieness. You have lo lake chaige of youi
Iife and lake iesponsiliIily foi youi success. Ils nol anyone eIses jol
lul youi ovn lo le successfuI - as Iong as you ieIy on olhei peopIe
and ieIinquish iesponsiliIily, you vonl expeiience success. No
nallei vhal olheis do foi you, if you donl lake iesponsiliIily foi
youiseIf, ils aII in vain.
181
I once had an onIine cIienl vho signed up foi a lhiee-nonlh
piogian. I pul a piogian logelhei foi hin and nevei heaid
lack...unliI six nonlhs Ialei vhen he enaiIed ne conpIaining Id Iel
hin faII off-couise and lhal il vas ny fauIl he didnl succeed. In his
voiId, il vas ny fauIl. Aflei aII, hed done his pail in paying foi lhe
piogian, iighl` Wiong: you canl luy success, success is eained
lhiough aclion. Yes, you can luy knovIedge, vhich is ciilicaI lo
success - lul ceilainIy nol eveiylhing, lheie aie pIenly of knovI-
edgealIe peopIe oul lheie in aII nannei of fieIds vho aienl success-
fuI, due lo Iack of iighl aclion.
Lels gel lack lo lhe cIienl: lhe cIienl didnl foIIov lhe piogian
designed foi hin and nevei senl ne his liaining jouinaI. I iequiie aII
ny cIienls lo keep a liaining jouinaI and lo send ne lhal jouinaI
eveiy Iiiday foi ieviev. This keeps lhe cIienl and I lolh engaged
and connilled, hovevei, I cIaiify up fionl lhal if you negIecl lo
enaiI youi jouinaI I vonl le enaiIing you.
In nol lhe lype of liainei vhoII cone lo youi house and vake
you up in lhe noining oi caII eveiyday lo nolivale you, lhals nol
vhal Aggiessive Slienglh is aII aloul. I vanl lo voik vilh peopIe
vho aie ieady lo nake a change and aie seIf-nolivaled. These
peopIe iequiie guidance, diieclion, and a peisonaIized piogian lo fil
lheii IifeslyIe. Thals lhe seivice I piovide - nol coddIing peopIe and
liealing lhen Iike chiIdien.
The onIine cIienl vho didnl foIIov lhiough on his end chose lo
lIane ne foi his Iack of success, even lhough he chose lo neilhei
foIIov lhe piogian designed foi hin noi lo send his jouinaI foi
feedlack. WhiIe he vas nolivaled enough lo pay foi a liaining
piogian, he vasnl nolivaled enough lo lake lhe ieaI-voiId aclion
and iesponsiliIily necessaiy foi his success. Many peopIe feeI lhal if
lheyie paying soneone foi a seivice, lhal peison is nov iesponsilIe
foi lheii success. WeII, il doesnl voik lhal vay: no one eIse can do
lhis voik foi you. You canl diop lhe success luiden upon olheis
and expecl posilive iesuIls, such a nenlaIily is foi Ioseis! The lesl
olheis can do foi you is acl as guides and consuIlanls, suppoiling
Mike MahIei
182
youi gelling on liack and slaying lheie. Al lhe end of lhe day, you
have lo pul in lhe voik.
Nexl, Iels laIk aloul seIf-avaieness: vhal do you knov aloul
youiseIf, and vhal aie you capalIe of` Whal is il aloul youiseIf lhal
hoIds you lack` IIenly, piolalIy, if you lake an honesl appiaisaI.
Yes, you have lo lake a iulhIess Iook al youiseIf and addiess youi
veak poinls. Of couise, lhis neans acluaIIy accepling lhal you have
veak poinls and lhen, noie inpoilanlIy, doing sonelhing aloul
lhen. The foinei is oflen haidei lhan lhe Iallei as ils easy lo veai
lIindeis and lIane ciicunslances oi lhe voiId foi youi ovn Iack of
success - peopIe do il eveiy day.
One connon liail hoIding lack unsuccessfuI peopIe is lheii
jeaIousy of olheis successes. The unsuccessfuI canl sland lo see
peopIe do vhal lhey lhenseIves didnl have lhe slones foi. Whenev-
ei soneone acquiies success, lhe jeaIous peopIe gel angiy. Whal lhey
faiI lo ieaIize is lhis: successfuI peopIe aie piepaied lo pay lhe piice
of success, lhus any jeaIousy of lhal success is lolh pelly and
counleipioduclive. }eaIousy is a vasled enolion vhich nispIaces
youi focus. Again, lhe focus needs lo le nol on olheis, lul invaid -
on vhal you aie piepaied lo do. Youi ovn Iack of success isnl
anyone eIses fauIl, and youi vasled jeaIous eneigy vonl change
lhis.
Ralhei lhan feeIing jeaIousy aiound successfuI peopIe, a lellei
use of vilaI eneigy is feeIing inspiialion - ieaIizing lhal vhal olheis
can do, so can you. Il loiIs dovn lo lhal void no one vanls lo heai:
saciifice. Whal aie you piepaied lo saciifice foi success` You canl
valch foui houis of TV eveiyday, lhen vasle foui noie houis
suifing lhe Inleinel, lhen conpIain lhal you donl have line foi
ciealing success. When you lake line lo assess youi silualion and
youi daiIy halils, vhal lecones cIeai is vhal youie nol doing and
lhus, vhal needs lo le done. The onIy queslion Iefl is - vhal aie you
piepaied lo do nov`
One lhing is ceilain: days luin inlo veeks, veeks inlo nonlhs,
and nonlhs inlo yeais. efoie you knov il, youve iepealed lhe
183
sane yeai ovei and ovei again as a decades passed you ly. ul you
aIvays have lhis choice: if youie conlenl vheie you aie, slay lheie
and conlinue vilh youi daiIy iouline - oi, choose a nev diieclion foi
youiseIf and finish vhal you once slailed.

184
:$"4( )"*. '2#$)*$
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Hunan leings aie inciedilIy adepl al ialionaIizing any Iine of
lehavioi. We decide vhal ve vanl (vhelhei ialionaIIy oi enolion-
aIIy) lhen go inlo Iavyei node anassing lhe suppoil naleiiaI
necessaiy lo juslify oui aclions. We aie inciedilIe defense alloineys
vhen il cones lo vhal ve vanl. The piolIen is veie oflen nol
honesl aloul vhal ve vanl and fuilhei, vhal ve lhink ve vanl
isnl lhe ieaI lhing.
IeopIe enaiI ne aII lhe line asking foi lusiness advice. They
vanl lo gel inlo lhe filness lusiness lul aIvays have an aiiay of
excuses vhy lhe piesenl isnl a good line. They desiie nolivalion lo
junp inlo lhe lusiness and hope I have lhe nagic voids lo lhiusl
lhen inlo aclion.
Theyie deIuding lhenseIves aloul vhal lhey ieaIIy vanl: They
donl ieaIIy vanl lo gel inlo lhe lusiness, ils jusl lhe passing
lhoughl exciles lhen. If lhey veie ieady lo nake a change and junp
in, lheyd do il vilhoul ialionaIizing vhy. IeopIe ieady lo nake a
change, nake lhe change, lhen ialionaIize vhy lhey nade lhe
change, nol lhe olhei vay aiound.
IeopIe nake dianalic changes in lheii Iives vhen lheyie fed up
inleinaIIy oi feeI foiced ly exleinaI ciicunslances. They piefei lo
slay in lheii confoil zone, ieinfoicing aII lheii ieasons foi avoiding
change. ig changes lypicaIIy occui dianalicaIIy, nol giaduaIIy: one
day youie voiking in sone office, loied oul of youi nind, and lhe
nexl veek youie engaged in lhe lusiness youve aIvays dieaned of
185
doing lul veie sinpIy nol connilled lo puisuing. One day, youie
fifly pounds oveiveighl, and lhe nexl yeai youie Iean and in shape.
A yeai isnl a Iong line - lig changes can happen vilhin a yeai given
deleininalion and lenacily.
Majoi Iife changes aie oflen lhiusl upon us. Ioi exanpIe, filness
has leen ny passion foi nany yeais: I gol hooked in 1992, and spenl
nosl of ny line lesl diiving filness piogians and ieading eveiy
liaining look and nagazine I couId find. (I conlinue lhese piaclices,
ieading lvenly oi so liaining looks a yeai, and loo nany ailicIes lo
counl.) Iilness vas ny passion, yel didnl lecone ny occupalion
unliI 2OO2. Iion 1996 lo 2OO2 I voiked al vaiious jols I couIdnl caie
Iess aloul. Why` ecause I vas infIuenced ly olheis, neilhei
piepaied lo lake chaige of ny Iife noi nake ny ovn decisions aloul
vhal I vanled lo do.
Lveiy line I consideied quilling ny jol and pIunging inlo lhe
filness lusiness I found nany ieasons lo juslify slaying pul. I iefei lo
lhis peiiod of ny Iife as a line in vhich I vasnl doing vhal I
vanled lo do, lul in ieaIily I vas doing vhal I vanled. TiuIy, if il
hadnl leen vhal I vanled, Id have laken lhe sleps lo change. WhiIe
lhe jol vas loiing, il vas easy, pioviding ne a confoil zone and a
sleady, eveiy-lvo-veek, paycheck. Why vouId I give lhal up lo lake
on lhe iisky pioposilion of seIf-enpIoynenl` I didnl give il up and
il vasnl unliI I gol fiied, feIl conpIeleIy fed up, lhal I decided I vas
finaIIy ieady lo push foivaid and nol Iook lack.
I feeI iiiilalion aiound iisk-aveise peopIe vho Iack lhe couiage
and lenacily lo do vhal lhey ieaIIy vanl vilh lheii Iives, yel I knov
lhe ieason I feeI iiiilalion is lecause I used lo le lhose peopIe and
lhey ienind ne of a pail of nyseIf I donl Iike. I knov vhal ils Iike
lo slay in lhe confoil zone, peifoining neaningIess voik day aflei
day. Ive leen lheie, I knov vhal ils Iike lo knov vhal you ieaIIy
vanl and sliII find excuse aflei excuse lo slay pul. Ive leen lheie
and ny disconfoil ieninds ne ils easy lo ieluin lheie.
We each have an innei covaid (foi Iack of a lellei void) dis-
couiaging us fion iisk laking and Iifes olhei aclive engagenenls.
Mike MahIei
186
This covaid has a sullIe, aIleil exlieneIy peisuasive voice, lul if
you give in youve done so of youi ovn voIilion. No one nakes you
Iive a Iife of passivily (ceilainIy nol in Aneiica vheie possiliIilies
aie endIess) and if you donl fighl lhe voice of lhe passive vay,
youII find youi Iife leconing oidinaiy, i.e., nevei Ieaving lhe
confoil zone. No, Iiving il up lvo veeks of each yeai on youi
scheduIed vacalion isnl enough (liy as you nighl lo nake lhose
liief vacalions disliacling) and Iiving foi lhe veekends is nolhing
Iess lhan palhelic.
In lheii foinalive yeais, lusinesses lypicaIIy dispIay innovalion,
couiage and peisislence. Ovei line, lhey lend lo slaII as lhe peopIe
iunning lhen lecone noie confoilalIe and iisk-aveise. Calhei
seven peopIe, aII shaiing lhe sane leIief syslen, in a neeling ioon
logelhei and youie guaianleed a non-innovalive line! AII lhey do is
ieinfoice lheii nuluaI leIiefs and nolhing oiiginaI cones of il. This
happens vilh conpanies and oiganizalions aII lhe line.
When I enleied lhe filness fieId in 2OO2, I decided lo focus on
kellIeleII liaining. I allended a IaveI TsalsouIine kellIeleII couise
sponsoied ly a conpany caIIed Diagon Dooi. A fev nonlhs aflei
laking lhe couise I slailed ly kellIeleII focused lusiness and hil lhe
fIooi iunning. I focused ny lusiness nodeI aiound kellIeleII
voikshops and vas lhe fiisl peison lo do so. No one eIse al lhe line
vas naking lheii fuII-line incone as a kellIeleII insliucloi noi vas
anyone piesenling kellIeleII voikshops. KellIeleIIs veie a giound-
fIooi oppoilunily lul lheie veienl nany peopIe lo invile lo lhe
paily! IiolalIy lheie veienl noie lhan one hundied peopIe vho
ovned kellIeleIIs in 2OO2. Mosl of ny eaiIy seninais lioughl Iess
lhan foui hundied doIIais (vhich is Iess lhan lhe cosl of a singIe
iegislialion lhese days.) My fiisl voikshop in 2OO2, in Los AngeIes, a
vhopping lhiee peopIe allended.
I didnl nake nuch noney lack lhen, lul il vas an exciling
line, lhe fiisl line in ny Iife I vas naking noney doing sonelhing I
vas exciled aloul. Ovei lhe nexl fev yeais lhe lusiness giev and in
2OO5 I look a huge slep foivaid, enjoying anpIe incone evei since.
187
Ils a lIessing doing lhal vhich you Iove and naking a gieal incone
al il.
Ovei lhe yeais, Ive lecone noie efficienl, giaduaIIy shifling
fion a voikshop-enphasis lusiness nodeI lo a pioducl-focused
lusiness nodeI, iesuIling in a veIcone passive incone - lhis neans I
nake noney vhiIe nol acliveIy voiking.
I Iove lhe passive incone lusiness nodeI lul if youie nol caie-
fuI, il iecieales lhe confoil zone. In nol naleiiaIislic ly naluie, so
In unnolivaled lo voik haid in oidei lo luy fancy cais and lig
houses. The house ve Iive in is fine and lhe sane Honda Civic Ive
leen diiving foi yeais sliII gels lhe jol done. Thus, naleiiaIislic goaIs
aie useIess lo uige ne oul of ny confoil zone. In eaiIy 2OO6 I feII
inlo a confoil zone and knev I had lo change lhings aiound.
In 2OO6 I decided lo lieak vilh IaveIs oiganizalion and go off
on ny ovn. Once I vas on ny ovn, I Ieained noie aloul naikeling
ny ovn conpany and laking fuilhei chaige of ny desliny. Il vas
anolhei exciling line, iesuIling in noie piofessionaI and peisonaI
giovlh. In spile of aII lhis, in gelling lhe lusiness on liack I feII inlo
anolhei confoil zone.
I decided lo lieak oul of lhe confoil zone ly laking on a liggei
piojecl : The oys aie ack in Tovn voikshop, vheie I leaned up
vilh Iong-line fiiends and coIIeagues, Sleve Collei, Sleve MaxveII
and Nale Moiiison, in piesenling a lvo-day voikshop in Las Vegas.
The foui of us had voiked logelhei vilh IaveI lul nevei coIIaloial-
ed on a voikshop of oui ovn in vhich ve did eveiylhing fion
pionolion, lo iegislialions, lo insliuclion. This vas oui oppoilunily
lo piesenl a voikshop of oui ovn ideas vilhoul any iesliiclions. Il
vas aIso a chance lo cieale an unpiecedenled offeiing.
Soneone I go lo foi lusiness advice is ny fiiend, Tin Laikin. In
addilion lo his seIf-defense expeilise, Tin is a naikeling naslei and
he ieconnended I videolape The oys aie ack In Tovn voikshop
and pioduce a DVD sel foi saIe. Il vas a gieal idea and il paid off
handsoneIy. Moie inpoilanlIy, il piovided an oppoilunily lo cieale
an exciling offeiing: Nol onIy vouId oui voikshop allendees lenefil
Mike MahIei
188
fion lhis gieal seninai lul lheyd aIso ieceive lhe uIlinale souvenii
of a DVD of lhe voikshop ilseIf. No noie infoinalion oveiIoad
vheiein you go hone ielaining onIy 1O of lhe infoinalion piesenl-
ed. Nov, lhe possiliIily of 1OO ielenlion lecane ieaIily, since you
can valch lhe DVD sel as nany lines as you vish.
I paid foi lhe pioduclion of lhe DVD nyseIf and aIso gave eveiy
allendee a fiee copy of lhe finished pioducl. This offei vas nol
incIuded vilhin lhe pionolion copy vhen peopIe signed up, so lhey
had no idea lefoiehand. When I announced al lhe voikshop lhal ve
veie laping lhe evenl and eveiyone in allendance vouId gel a
conpIenenlaiy copy, peopIe cIapped in excilenenl.
WhiIe lhe voikshop vas a huge success, lhe acconpanying
DVD sel pioved lo le a liggei success and ienains lhe gifl lhal
keeps on giving. The conlinalion of voikshop pIus DVD is an
inciedilIe offeiing, sonelhing I lhink viII lecone a slandaid in lhe
filness indusliy.
ieaking fion IaveIs oiganizalion and pioducing lhe The oys
aie ack in Tovn piojecl veie lolh iisks lhal paid off veII foi
eveiyone invoIved and puIIing il off vas a huge iush.
Life is an olslacIe couise of confoil zones and jusl lecause
youve lioken oul fion one confoil zone doesnl nake you fiee and
cIeai. Confoil zones cieep up on you vhen youie disliacled and
lefoie you knov il, lheie you aie, confoilalIe, again. In oidei lo
escape lhe confoil zone, you nusl lake on disconfoil - and lhal
neans iisk! And iisk neans lhings vonl aIvays go youi vay.
Desliny favois lhe loId, lul you nay have lo exhilil loIdness foi a
good Iong vhiIe lefoie lhe payoff. Delach youiseIf fion lhe anlici-
paled fiuils of youi Ialois foi jusl a nonenl and ieaIize lhal iisk
laking in ilseIf is exciling. Risk laking in ilseIf is lhe juicy fiuil, nol
lhe papei youie vying foi.
Wheievei you aie in Iife iighl nov, ils exaclIy vheie you vanl
lo le. (Yes, lheie nay le an exceplion oi lvo - so donl fIood ny
enaiI lox vilh conpIainls desciiling youi unique silualion.) The
lollon Iine` If youie nol doing vhal il lakes lo inpiove youi
189
cuiienl unhappy silualion ils lecause you donl vanl lo. Theies
aIvays sonelhing you can do lo nake lhings liighlei, lhe key is you
acluaIIy have lo vanl il.

19O
1"!! +06 !$5 ' @.4"&$A
9)$#$45 +06 &)0-
304B6$)"4( +06) (0'!<
Ycu nus| oc rc|cn||css. |f |nis ucrc a fign| |c |nc dca|n, ucu|d qcu |c| a
daggcr in a rio s|cp qcu?
Oc|atic Ccnscnc, Hign|andcr. Tnc Scrics
YouII nevei le a piofessionaI in Iifes gane unliI youII viIIingIy
lake a (nelaphoiicaI foi sone, IileiaI foi olheis) knife lo lhe
gul...lhen keep pushing foivaid. Youi focus on vhal you vanl nusl
le such lhal you donl even feeI lhal knife, and even if you do, youi
deleininalion nevei vaiveis. If il does, youie sliII an analeui, nol
yel ieady lo piogiess fuilhei. If you lhink you have aII lhe line in
lhe voiId lo puisue youi goaIs, lhink again. The ieaIily is lhe cIock is
licking fasl, and if you donl lake aclion nov, you piolalIy nevei
viII. Theie viII aIvays le excuses, lul successfuI peopIe nake
oppoilunilies, nol excuses, and lhals noie ieaIily foi you.
You have lo lecone seIf-acluaIized lo achieve any neaningfuI
success, no nallei youi goaI. If you donl knov youiseIf, and lhus
youi polenliaI, genuine success viII evei evade you - and iighlIy so.
NevsfIash: Suffeiing, no nallei hov nodeiale oi seveie, is a
pail of achieving any neaningfuI goaI. Theies no vay lo avoid il
and nevei has leen. No anounl of pep iaIIy - Tony Rollins seni-
nais can pievenl suffeiing. Iuzzy, posilive-lhinking sIogans vonl
inuie you. LnaiIing ne foi fiee advice on hov lo skiil suffeiing on
191
lhe vay lo success viII nol onIy nol spaie you, lul invile noie
suffeiing! Suffeiing is a ciilicaI conponenl of Iife and success. On a
lasic physioIogicaI IeveI, ve iequiie lhe sliess hoinone, coilisoI, lo
lhiive, if ve donl pioduce enough ve can acluaIIy die. Sliess nakes
us sliongei and vilhoul il, oui adienaI gIands funclion al a Iov
IeveI. Oui goaI is nol avoiding sliess, lul nanaging il, and even
using il lo oui advanlage.
Make no nislake: you viII suffei on lhe vay lo achieving any
neaningfuI goaI. Like eveiy olhei successfuI peison, you nusl pay
youi dues. WhiIe lhe cuiienl econonic laiIoul indicales seeningIy
fiee iides, lhose ieIying on leing laiIed oul have Iosl lhe gane, lhey
viII nevei le seIf-acluaIized.
As Shakespeaie said, Covaids die nany lines lefoie lheii
dealhs, lhe vaIianl nevei lasle of dealh lul once. Living youi Iife in
feai is sIaveiy lo feai and lhus covaidIy. Yel lheie is nolhing viong
vilh feeIing feai. Ieai is oflen unconscious exhiIaialion, and ils
lhose nonenls vhen you aie nosl fuIIy aIive. Ieai liings a shaip-
ness lhal can le used lo youi advanlage - if you foIIov lhiough vilh
voilhy aclion. Use feai as an excuse lo avoid expansion and ieap
vhal you sov.
Lels Iook al sone exenpIaiy peopIe vho nol onIy didnl iesisl
lhe pain lul pushed lhiough:
Mixed nailiaI ails Iegend Randy Couluie once ieceived a lio-
ken ain vhiIe lIocking a kick fion opponenl CaliieI Conzaga,
iesuIling in a sepaialed uIna, a heinous injuiy vhich didnl pievenl
hin fion defealing Conzaga ly TKO and ielaining his lilIe.
NA Iegend MichaeI }oidan pushed lhiough lhe finaIs vilh a
case of seveie fIu and cane lhiough foi his lean. In nol a laskellaII
fan, lul I ienenlei valching lhal gane in ave as }oidan sucked il
up and did vhal il look lo pIay al an eIile IeveI despile his iIIness. He
voiked haidei in lhal iun-dovn slale lhan soneone punped up
and piined. Lesson: IeopIe vho vail foi lhe peifecl line lo acl
nevei lake aclion. Loseis nake excuses vhiIe successfuI peopIe nake
oppoilunilies.
Mike MahIei
192
When you feeI Iike ciap, you nusl nol onIy lake aclion lul do a
gieal jol! This is lhe liue neasuie of youi deleininalion. Anyone
can voik haid undei oplinaI condilions, aIlhough fev even do lhis
nuch. Tiy lhis: push lhiough even vhen eveiylhing is ciashing
dovn aiound you and see vhal youie nade of. This is suivivaI-of-
lhe-fillesl line: lhiive oi die off. Ils easy lo feeI lhe enlhusiasn
vhen lhe going is fun, lul piofessionaIs conlinue pushing lhiough
once lhe fun is Iong depailed and nolody eIse caies anynoie. Cel
pasl lhe analeui, gIazed-eye slage and ie-evaIuale hov nuch you
sliII desiie youi goaI.
This ailicIes knife anaIogy cones fion a leiiific episode of
HighIandei: The Seiies. Ioi lhose of you unfaniIiai vilh eilhei lhe
novie, HighIandei, oi lhe ensuing leIevision seiies, ils aloul
innoilaIs vho nusl fighl each olhei lo lhe dealh...onIy one nan
eneiges vicloiious. DifficuIly: lhe onIy vay lo vin is lo chop off lhe
head of youi opponenl. OK, il sounds Iike a cheesy concepl lhoughl
up ly Dungeons & Diagons ulei-neids, lul lhe oiiginaI HighIandei
is a novie cIassic (aIleil nol so nuch lhe ciappy sequeIs) and
seasons lvo lhiough five of HighIandei: The Seiies veie supeil, fuII
of ieaI diana and conpIex chaiacleis.
In lhe episode Duende occuis a fIashlack vheiein lhe nain
chaiaclei, Duncan McLeod, Ieains a vaIualIe Iesson fion his nenloi,
Oclavio Consone. WhiIe engaged in svoid fighling piaclice, Oclavio
slals Duncan in lhe iil lo nake his poinl. Duncan, shocked, piolesls
lhal lhe slalling vas unnecessaiy lul Oclavio ieloils lhal in oidei
lo vin, one nusl le ieIenlIess, even viIIing lo lake a knife lo lhe iils
foi vicloiy. He goes on lo say Duncan has good inslincls and vonl
nake lhe sane nislake lvice. This is a foieshadoving of vhal
cones Ialei in lhe sloiy...
Many yeais Ialei, Duncan and Oclavio aie nov enenies and
fighling lo lhe dealh. Oclavio is vinning lhe fighl unliI Duncan
cunningIy disains hin ly puIIing Oclavios svoid inlo his ovn
slonach. Oclavio, unalIe lo defend hinseIf, Ioses his head. Duncan
fuIIy expIoiled lhe oppoilunily even lhough il engendeied considei-
193
alIe peisonaI suffeiing. Despile his innoilaI slalus, he sliII feeIs
physicaI pain, Iike eveiyone eIse, and fuilhei, veIconed lhal pain as
pail and paiceI of his vicloiy.
Lxpeiiencing a Iife oi dealh silualion leaches you noie aloul
youiseIf lhan anylhing eIse. UnfoilunaleIy, vhal you Ieain nay le
disappoinling, lul peisonaI giovlh legins vilh honesl seIf-
assessnenl. I lhink eveiyone needs al Ieasl one dance vilh dealh lo
liuIy vaIue Iife. I, nyseIf, onIy conpIeleIy connilled lo ny goaIs
aflei neaiIy succunling lo a viiuIenl case of pneunonia in 2OO2.
Thal expeiience al lhe edge laughl ne a Iol aloul nyseIf and Ive
nevei Iooked lack. Il vas a knife lo lhe gul (lhough nol lhe onIy one)
and I ieceived il, pushed lhiough, and consequenlIy giev sliongei.
WhiIe fev of us viII le foiced lo IileiaIIy push lhiough a slal-
ling, such synloIicaIIy inlense evenls aienl oulside lhe ieaIn of
possiliIily foi any of us and ceilainIy, ve viII aII face lough lines on
oui vay lo seIf-acluaIizalion and no nallei vhal you achieve oi
acquiie in lhe voiId, vilhoul seIf-acluaIizalion, ils neaningIess.
Have you laken a nelaphoiicaI knife lo lhe gul`

194
"* $>9$)"$43$ 0#$))'5$2<
|x|cnsitc rcscarcn in a uidc taric|q cf fic|ds sncus |na| nanq pccp|c nc|
cn|q fai| |c occcnc cu|s|anding|q gccd a| una| |ncq dc, nc na||cr ncu
nanq qcars |ncq spcnd dcing i|, |ncq frcqucn||q dcn| ctcn gc| anq oc||cr
|nan |ncq ucrc uncn |ncq s|ar|cd.
Gccff Cc|tin, Ta|cn| |s Otcrra|cd
The alove passage, fion CoIvins look, ieaIIy gave ne sone food
foi lhoughl. Il nay le counlei-inluilive lo lhink of lhose vilh noie
expeiience as infeiioi lo lhose vilh Iess expeiience, given lhe sane
jol, lul vhen you lhink aloul il, il ieaIIy isnl so suipiising. Mosl
peopIe exisl on aulopiIol, Ieaining onIy enough lo gel lhe jol in lhe
fiisl pIace, and lhen jusl enough noie lo keep lhal jol. Once lheyve
achieved lhe Iovesl iung of conpelence, lhal sane IeveI of exceI-
Ience - ialhei, nediociily - is iepealed foi yeais on end. On lhe olhei
hand, lhose fev peopIe diiven lo exceI in a piofession viII aIvays
seek vays lo inpiove lhenseIves and lheii peifoinance. These
peopIe voik haid yeai aflei yeai and a fev yeais of lhis appIied,
conscious effoil - vhal CoIvin caIIs deIileiale piaclice - is noie
neaningfuI lhan a decade of going lhiough lhe nolions.
Lels Iook al lhis concepl cIosei. You nighl lhink il inpossilIe lo
nol gel lellei al sonelhing aflei accunuIaling yeais of expeiience,
yel pioof of lhe opposile is alundanl. Ioi exanpIe, lake a nonenl lo
olseive sone of lhe ieguIai nenleis of youi IocaI gyn. Nolice
vheie lhey aie nov, lhen, al yeais end check again. Ils highIy IikeIy
any posilive change viII le negIigilIe, and lhis can (and usuaIIy
195
does) go on foi yeais. Woise, lheies a good chance you aie one of
lhese peopIe, so ils line lo vake up and focus. Logging yeais of
dione voik isnl going lo cul il.
The alove is vhy I delesl slalenenls Iike...jusl shoving up is
8O of success oi lhe equaIIy faIse...fake il liII you nake il. Heies lhe
liulh: Shoving up isnl enough foi success. As youve jusl olseived
youiseIf, peopIe shov up al lhe gyn eveiyday yeai aflei yeai vilh
nolhing lo shov foi il. You nusl iepIace going lhiough lhe nolions
aka shoving up vilh a genuine desiie lo inpiove. To do lhis
iequiies a iigoious seIf-assessnenl of vhelhei vhal youve leen
doing is voiking and vhelhei you acluaIIy vanl lo invesl youiseIf
in inpioving. The ioad lo an inpioved veision of youiseIf iequiies
seIf-knovIedge and discipIine, nol faking il. Thal vhich is ieaI viII
aIvays cone oul on lop ovei lhal vhich is fake. Yes, In iefeiiing lo
lhe cuiienl econony, vheiein inslead of laking chaige of piolIens,
peopIe have liied lo pass lhe luck and lIane olheis vhich is
palhelic lul leyond lhe scope of lhis ailicIe!
AII iighl, Iels gel lack on lopic. Iion infancy inlo eaiIy aduIl-
hood ve Ieain lo piogiess and adapl. Then, sonevheie aIong lhe
vay lo aduIlhood, ve sIip inlo nainlenance node, and foi sone
peopIe, nainlenance node is a Iife sloiy. Inagine leing in lhe fiisl
giade foi len yeais: does len yeais of expeiience in fiisl giade liing
supeiioiily ovei soneone in lenlh giade` Of couise nol! The peison
vho piogiessed fion fiisl lo lenlh giade had lo appIy a deIileiale
piaclice lo gel lheie. Renaining in fiisl giade foi len yeais neieIy
iequiies shoving up lo iepeal vhals aIieady leen expeiienced.
WhiIe a decade spenl in fiisl giade nay seen Iudicious, peopIe oflen
appIy equaIIy iidicuIous Iogic lo lheii ovn Iives. }usl lecause youie
gelling oIdei doesnl nean youie gelling lellei al anylhing, and
slagnalion - al any age - is deIeleiious lo giovlh and ieaIizing youi
uIlinale polenliaI. Soneone pulling in lhiee yeais of deIileiale
piaclice viII suipass anyone vilh accunuIaled line in lhe confoil
zone.
Mike MahIei
196
Ils nol lhal expeiience is vilhoul vaIue. Lxpeiience is ciilicaI lo
exceIIence in any fieId oi endeavoi, lul ve nusl sepaiale expeiience
in deIileiale piaclice fion expeiience vilhin lhe confoil zone. The
foinei is a iesuIl of focused effoil lo inpiove lhe desiied skiII(s)
vhiIe lhe Iallei piefeis lo onIy go lhiough lhe nolions. ul you
nevei gel lellei al anylhing ly jusl going lhiough lhe nolions,
gelling lellei al sonelhing iequiies a focus on vhal youie doing as
veII as an effoil lo do il lellei. Iev peopIe do lhis. Mosl peopIe viII
sellIe foi nediociily, lul highIy successfuI peopIe seek noie and aie
consequenlIy viIIing lo do lhe necessaiy voik.
One lhing Ive found inciedilIy vaIualIe foi ny ovn giovlh is
feedlack fion olhei peopIe. In foilunale lo have nany fiiends in
lhe lusiness vho piovide honesl feedlack, as veII as inleIIigenl
cusloneis vho lake lhe line lo piovide feedlack. Ieedlack is
ciuciaI foi giovlh, since il piovides nuIlipIe peispeclives.
When I slailed ny liaining lusiness in 2OO2, I look nassive ac-
lion lo gel slailed up, incIuding piesenling as nany kellIeleII
voikshops as possilIe and viiling lons of spoils ailicIes. No doull,
lhis expeiience iesuIled in ne gelling lellei al lolh voikshops and
ailicIes, lul ny inpiovenenls veienl dianalic unliI lhe feedlack
slailed coning in. SpecificaIIy, I gol lellei al voikshops neieIy ly
piesenling a fev, and lhe noie I did, lhe noie ny confidence giev,
hovevei, I lecane loo confidenl aiound lhe lenlh voikshop.
This voikshop look pIace in Noilhein Viiginia and vas liIIed as
a leginneis voikshop, hovevei, I vas so exciled aloul lhe nev
lechniques Id leen Ieaining and appIying lo ny ovn peisonaI
voikouls lhal I decided lo lonlaid lhe sludenls vilh eveiylhing I
had.
Ralhei lhan picking a fev exeicises and leaching lhen lhoiough-
Iy, I lonlaided lhe allendees vilh one exeicise aflei anolhei...and
yel anolhei. The fev noie expeiienced, sludenls in allendance Ioved
il, lul lhe najoiily of lhe gioup vas diiven inlo suivivaI node and a
fev Iefl haIfvay lhiough, since lhey couIdnl keep up. My good
197
fiiend, lop Noilhein VA KellIeleII liainei DyIan Thonas, vho vas
assisling ne, iefeis lo lhis day as...vhen Ionzie junped lhe shaik.
IoilunaleIy foi ne, DyIan is a sliaighl shoolei and piovided lhe
iulhIess feedlack I needed: lhe voikshop vas loo nuch shov-and-
leII and Iacked focused insliuclion. This heIped ne lo puII in lhe
ieins and gel lack on couise. I ieluined lo lhe lasics and focused on
leaching lhe sludenls an aiiay of lasic novenenls ialhei lhan
shoving lhen aII In capalIe of doing. Lesson Ieained: peopIe donl
sign up foi voikshops lo valch youi peisonaI voikoul (no nallei
hov inpiessive) - lhey sign up lo Ieain and inpiove lheii ovn
liaining.
Once you shifl lhe focus fion youiseIf lo lhe sludenl, and con-
linue lo focus on vhal you can do lo inpiove lheii expeiience -
youie on lhe iighl liack. These days, aflei each voikshop I Iook al
vhal can le inpioved and hov lo lellei, noie efficienlIy, leach
skiIIs foi naxinun ielenlion. This sane focus on inpiovenenl is
hov I cane up vilh lhe voikshop-DVD concepl, vheiein allendees
ieceive a DVD lo lake hone fion lhe each voikshop. Sonelines lhe
DVD is lhe acluaI couise lheyve jusl laken (as vilh The oys aie
ack in Tovn and CoIIision Couise) and olhei lines ils a DVD of
equaI conlenl lo lhal jusl coveied (e.g., eginnei KellIeleII Woik-
shop). This oiiginaI (and inciedilIe) offeiing aIIovs you, lhe sludenl,
lo achieve 1OO ielenlion, since you can ieviev lhe DVD vhenevei
you Iike in youi deIileiale piaclice lo naslei eveiylhing denon-
slialed al lhe voikshop. The feedlack is in and peopIe Iove lhis
conlinalion.
Anolhei feedlack looI Ive found invaIualIe is video foolage of
nyseIf insliucling. If Id laped eveiy voikshop fion day one, ny
iale of inpiovenenl vouId have lienendousIy acceIeialed. WhiIe
lhals no ieason foi iegiel, vhal I Ieained fion ny fiisl laped
voikshop, The oys aie ack in Tovn, vas a valeished. My
liolhei, Rogei, videos and edils aII ny DVDs, slaying al ny house
vhiIe he conpIeles lhe ediling piocess. This aIIovs ne lo ieviev lhe
iav foolage lefoie il goes lo lhe finaI copy and ils funny hov ny
Mike MahIei
198
iecoIIeclion of ny insliuclion is so diffeienl fion vhal acluaIIy
occuiied - sonelines dianalicaIIy diffeienl! Ioi exanpIe, lhe paneI
discussion segnenl of oys nevei nade il lo DVD lecause, in ny
nind, I succinclIy ansveied each queslion vhiIe lhe ieaIily is il look
ne foievei lo gel lo lhe poinl. UndeislandalIy disappoinled vilh
nyseIf, I appIied lhis feedlack lo inpioving CoIIision Couise and
III conlinue pulling in lhe deIileiale piaclice lo fuilhei inpiove
fuluie pioduclions.
Have you appIied deIileiale piaclice lo youi caieei,
voiking haid lo inciease youi efficiency and vaIue`
Do you pul in lhe iequiied ieseaich each yeai lo in-
ciease youi knovIedge lase` Oi do you exisl upon lhal
vhich you aIieady knov`
These aie lough queslions, lul if youi desiie is lo lieak fion lhe
heid and advance (in any fieId) youie going lo have lo le honesl
vilh youiseIf. Success iequiies noie lhan expeiience - peopIe can
sellIe inlo lheii expeiiences, lul Iife is noie neaningfuI vhen youie
nol sellIed in.

199
" 4$#$) *'#$2
'4+5/"4( &0) 5/$ *1"- :'3.
Ycu uan| |c |ncu ncu | did i|? Tnis is ncu | did i|, An|cn. | nctcr satcd
anq|ning fcr |nc suin oac|.
-- Vinccn|, frcn |nc fi|n Ga||aca (1997)
One of ny aII line favoiile novies is lhe cIassic, Callaca, a lhoughl-
piovoking sloiy if you lake lhe line lo digesl lhe nuIlipIe nessages
vilhin. UnfoilunaleIy, nosl peopIe valch il and ieluin lo lheii quiel
and niseialIe Iife. In foievei anazed ly lhe Iack of inspiialion
peopIe dispIay vilh aII lhe poveifuI exanpIes and souices of
inspiialion oul lheie and avaiIalIe lo aII. ul, save lhal ianl foi a
Ialei dale...
Callaca depicls a voiId of lhe fuluie iuIed ly genelicaIIy supe-
iioi hunans. Ils no Iongei aloul iace oi veaIlh, lul aloul vho has
lhe lesl genes. If youie nol loin vilh lhe iighl genes foi a desiied
occupalion, lhen youve zeio chance of acquiiing lhal occupalion.
Neilhei hov haid you voik, noi any olhei effoil you nighl pul in
nalleis - youie shul oul enliieIy and nusl accepl youi Iol. IionicaI-
Iy, in oui sociely, peopIe suffei fion seIf-Iinilalions noie lhan any
Iinilalion lhe coIIeclive puls upon lhen.
Vincenl Iieenan (a nasleifuI Llhan Havke) decides hes un-
viIIing lo accepl lhese oppiessive socielaI Iinilalions and figuies oul
a vay lo achieve his dieans. Vincenls IifeIong diean is space liaveI
and he iefuses lo concede defeal. He assunes lhe idenlily of }eione
Moiiov (}ude Lav), vho has lhe necessaiy genelic piofiIe and is
Mike MahIei
2OO
viIIing lo seII il. }eione is in a vheeI chaii, has Iosl his zeaI foi Iife
and lhus no Iongei caies aloul lenefiling fion his supeiioi genelics.
WhiIe Callaca has nany poveifuI scenes, fans knov lhe nosl
poveifuI of aII is lhe svin scene: Vincenl has a liolhei, Anlon,
genelicaIIy supeiioi lolh nenlaIIy and physicaIIy, hovevei, leing
loin vilh his gifls, Anlon nevei deveIops eilhei Vincenls nenlaI
loughness oi laclicaI lhinking skiIIs. Cioving up, Vincenl and Anlon
conpeled vilh each olhei in ocean svinning lo see vho couId
svin lhe failhesl oul fion lhe shoie. Wilh his supeiioi physicaI
genelics, Anlon aIvays von, hovevei, as Vincenl naluies he
deveIops hunan spiiil, a quaIily vhich no one is loin vilh lul is
inslead ieaIized lhiough suffeiing and peiseveiance - sonelhing
aloul vhich lhe genelicaIIy gifled Anlon knovs nolhing.
As aduIls, lhey once again engage in lhe svinning conlesl and
lhis line, lo Anlons suipiise Vincenl vins. Anlon, fIalleigasled,
asks Vincenl hov he did il. Vincenl iepIies: I von lecause I nevei
saved anylhing foi lhe svin lack. Though genelicaIIy supeiioi,
Anlon is a sIave lo his genelics, Vincenl vins ly lianscending
genelics. Anlons genelic assels lhus lecone IialiIilies, causing hin
lo Iose lhe svin conlesl. Vincenl, vhos spenl his Iifeline voiking
vilhin enfoiced Iinilalions, nevei Iels inslilulionaIized socielaI iuIes
hoId hin lack. oin vilh veakness, Vincenl spends his Iife ovei-
coning veakness and nevei gives up. Space liaveI lecones his
olsession - as youi goaIs nusl olsess you in oidei lo exceI.
Svinning oul vilhoul concein foi hov you viII gel lack lo
shoie is a nelaphoi foi puisuing youi dieans vilhoul any lack-up
pIans. Too nany peopIe opl oul lefoie liuIy gelling slailed ly
leIIing lhenseIves lhey can do sonelhing eIse vhen and if lheii
diean caieei faiIs lo lhiive. Is lhis youi nenlaIily` If so, donl lolhei
vilh youi diean caieei lecause youve aIieady nissed. As lhe sage
vaifaie slialegisl Sun Tzu viole: lhe vinnei and Iosei of a fighl is
aIieady deleinined lefoie lhe fighl slails. If youve aIieady gol youi
faII lack jol Iined up in case youi diean caieei fizzIes, youi fighl is
aIieady deleinined...and youve Iosl! Inslead, you nusl le so singIe-
2O1
nindedIy focused on vhal you vanl lhal even lhe idea of doing
anylhing eIse is nevei conceived. When sonelhing isnl an oplion, il
viII nevei olsliucl you. Lxcuses aie unacceplalIe: This is do oi die
line and lhose unpiepaied lo handIe such haidcoie nenlaIily nusl
faII lack and piepaie inslead lo accepl a seIf-ciealed, nediocie
expeiience of Iife.
Theie aie infinile excuses and ialionaIizalions vhy nov is lhe
inpeifecl line. Theie aie counlIess peopIe lo caII you unieaIislic.
Theie aie eleinilies in vhich, vilh no one lo nolivale you in push-
ing foivaid, you nusl le seIf-ieIianl. And so vhal` Whal eIse is
nev` No nallei if lheyie lig oi snaII, excuses aie excuses. You can
lhank ne foi lhe liulh: You - and onIy you - aie in chaige of youi
Iife. IaiIuie is aIvays enliieIy youi ovn fauIl. Wilh an honesl seIf-
assessnenl cones fieedon and you have lhe fieedon lo change
youi Iife...if youie viIIing lo pay lhe piice. Aie you viIIing pay lhe
piice`
I can aIieady heai peopIe aiguing lhal vanling a lhing ladIy -
and even voiking haid lo achieve il - doesnl nean you viII gel il.
WhiIe lhal nay le liue, lheyie nissing lhe poinl. Cenuine vicloiy
cones nol fion achieving a given goaI lul in iefining youiseIf in lhe
piocess. This is sonelhing lhal can nevei le laken avay fion you.
Vincenls vicloiy vasnl in lealing Anlon in a svin conlesl, no, il
vas lhe peison he lecane in lhe piocess of doing so.
Aie you viIIing lo svin oul so fai vilhoul voiiying hov youII
gel lack`

2O2
1'"5"4( &0) 9$)-"**"04
"* ' *6)$ &")$ 1'+ 50 &'"!
And cnc |ning | natc discctcrcd is uncn ctcrqcnc saqs qcurc cu| cf qcur
nind, qcu jus| nign| oc cn |c scnc|ning.
- ]cff Arcn, dircc|cr S|ccp|css in Sca|||c
Nope, youi eyes aienl deceiving you: I an in facl quoling lhe
diiecloi of SIeepIess in SeallIe, aigualIy one of lhe giealesl esliogen-
inducing novies of aII line and second onIy lo Diily Dancing. (In
facl, Diily Dancing so incieased lhe Iale Ialiick Svayzes esliogen
IeveIs he had lo nake Roadhouse and Ioinl ieak lo gel his leslos-
leione lack onIine).
In MaIcoIn CIadveIIs exceIIenl look, The Tipping Ioinl, he
exanines hov peopIe vail foi peinission lefoie laking aclion. Nov,
vhal CIadveII neans isnl expIicil peinission, such as a piojecl
gieen Iighl fion youi supeiioi al voik, lul lhe inpIicil peinissions
veie exposed lo each day. Ioi exanpIe, youie a pedesliian al a
liaffic Iighl and lhe peison nexl lo you decides lo cioss lhe slieel
lefoie lhe signaI luins gieen. Wilhoul lhinking aloul il, you foIIov
lhe peison acioss lhe slieel. Aflei aII, if soneone eIse does il, ils aII
iighl. Iuilhei, if you do gel in lioulIe al Ieasl you vonl le aIone. In
a pievious lusiness venluie, I used lo pul up fIieis vilh puII lals,
puII-lals aie IillIe sliips of papei conlaining conlacl info lhal can le
puIIed off lhe fIiei. I discoveied lhe iesponse iale vas nuch highei
vhen I dispIayed fIieis vilh a fev lals aIieady puIIed off lhan vilh
2O3
fIieis vilh aII lals inlacl. Why` ecause peopIe vail foi peinission
fion olheis. In nosl aieas in Iife, no one vanls lo le fiisl.
Iion an eaiIy age, nosl of us aie condilioned lo ask peinission
lefoie doing anylhing. This lehavioi is conlinuaIIy ieinfoiced ovei
lhe yeais and nosl peopIe spend even lheii aduIl Iives eilhei
consciousIy (lul noslIy unconsciousIy) availing peinission fion
olheis. HeII, I knov nen vho iefei lo lheii vives as She Who Musl
e Oleyed. These nen vanl soneone lo pick up vheie lheii
nolheis Iefl off in giving lhen peinission lo Iive lheii Iives. Sone-
hov, nany peopIe lake confoil in lhis - as Iong as soneone eIse
lhinks ils okay, il nusl le fine. Theies a sense of safely peopIe find
in Ielling olheis lhink foi lhen: in ieIinquishing iesponsiliIily foi
youi Iife youie no Iongei iesponsilIe foi success oi faiIuie. WeII, il
Iooks Iane on papei and ils voise in ieaI Iife - such lehavioi is
acceplalIe foi chiIdien lul alsoIuleIy unacceplalIe foi aduIls.
When I vas a kid I lhoughl aduIls had il logelhei and look
chaige of lheii ovn Iives. As Ive gollen oIdei, ils lecone cIeai lhal
nosl aduIls aie ovei-sized chiIdien sliII seeking appiovaI and
peinission and vailing foi olheis lo leII lhen vhal lo do, nol lo
nenlion ieIinquishing iesponsiliIily vhenevei possilIe. I iead aloul
chiIdien fai noie naluie lhan lypicaI aduIls and one sliiking
exanpIe is Maia, lhe daughlei of one of ny onIine cIienls. Maia iead
aloul a non-piofil oiganizalion, LIephanl Sancluaiy on ny sile.
WeII, Maia Ioves aII aninaIs, especiaIIy eIephanls, and vas inspiied
ly lhis oiganizalion lo iaise noney foi lheii eIephanls. Ioi hei
liilhday, in Iieu of luying gifls, she asked aII hei fiiends lo nake
donalions lo LIephanl Sancluaiy and iaised $5OO.OO. Maias onIy len
yeais oId! I, foi one, an inpiessed.
Wilh so nuch lo le gained fion fieelhinking and iisk-laking,
vhy aie so nany aduIls sliII peinission addicls` The peinission
payoff is feeIing safe and confoilalIe: youie pail of lhe heid and
have suppoil vilhin lhe coIIeclive. If you lake lhe independenl palh
youII IikeIy have shols fiied al you al sone poinl and youII sland
aIone in laking lhe fIak. SliII, lhe dovnside of peinission addiclion is
Mike MahIei
2O4
Iiving a Iife of quiel despeialion. Theies no excilenenl in vailing foi
olheis peinission. Theies no excilenenl in foIIoving olheis
exanpIe inslead of caiving youi ovn palh - oi al Ieasl pulling youi
ovn lvisl on lhings.
I lhink nosl peinission addicls aie avaie of lhis and Iook foi
liny oulIels of independence and ieleIIion vhenevei possilIe. Ioi
exanpIe, vhen I voiked in lhe lusiness deveIopnenl voiId and
liaveIed vilh co-voikeis, I noliced lhe naiiied nen veie aIvays
despeiale lo go lo sliip cIuls. The second lhe lusiness neelings
veie ovei, lhe nev nission vas finding a sliip cIul.
Nov In nol laIking aloul casuaI desiie as in, Hey, Iels go kiII
sone line and hil a sliip cIul,
No, In laIking aloul conpuIsion: Weve gol lo gel lo a sliip
cIul lecause vilhoul ny sliip-fix lhis enliie liip is a faiIuie! Weve
gol lo go nov! Wheie is il, vheie is il - veve gol lo find il - ai-
ghhhhhhh!
I donl lhink visiling sliip cIuls is any lig deaI lul lhese guys
veienl going lo cIuls lo sinpIy check oul lhe Iadies, lhey veie
ciaving lhal fIeeling expeiience of independence. They veie doing
sonelhing foi vhich lhey hadnl gollen peinission and il exciled
lhen. If lheyd had lheii vives peinission - oi lellei yel, lheii
encouiagenenl, lheyd unIikeIy have any desiie lo go lo sliip lais,
since lhe fun vouId le gone.
Whal sepaiales lhe successfuI fion lhe unsuccessfuI is lhis: suc-
cessfuI peopIe neilhei vail foi peinission noi foi olheis lo caive a
palh lo foIIov. SuccessfuI peopIe aienl afiaid of Iooking ciazy, since
vho caies vhal peinission-addicls lhink anyvay` Innovalive
peopIe cone up vilh ideas, lhink lhen lhiough, and lhen foIIov up
vilh sliong aclion. Wailing aiound foi peinission is Iike vailing
aiound foi inspiialion...vhal if no one evei shovs up` Why donl
you le lhe fiisl lo give il a shol`

2O5
5/$ 5"-"4( "* 4$#$) 9$)&$35
|cr a|| cf |nc ncs| inpcr|an| |nings, |nc |ining a|uaqs suc|s. lai|ing fcr a
gccd |inc |c qui| qcur jco? Tnc s|ars ui|| nctcr a|ign and |nc |raffic |ign|s
cf |ifc ui|| nctcr a|| oc grccn a| |nc sanc |inc.
- Tinc|nq |crris, Tnc 4-Hcur lcr|ucc|
I agiee vilh Tinolhy Ieiiis lhal peifecl lining lo lake aclion doesnl
exisl. Theies aIvays an excuse lo pul off change and lhe lining
excuse is one of lhe nosl effeclive foins of aclive piociaslinalion.
When olhei excuses faII shoil, you can aIvays say lhe lining isnl
iighl. Ready lo quil youi Iane jol` You hale il, lul lhe linings
nevei iighl, so you nake lhe lesl of youi lvo-houi connule ly
Iislening lo Tony Rollins IeisonaI Iovei, and vhen you conpIele
his piogian nayle youII le punped up enough loo quil...al Ieasl
you hope so. Ready lo Iose sone fal and gel sliong and heaIlhy`
Nah, nol yel, lhough youie laieIy alIe lo cIinl slaiis, you can
aIvays lake lhe eIevaloi, so ils nol a piioiily. Mayle youII Iook inlo
gelling fil aflei youi fiisl heail allack. Indeed, lhe lining excuse
coveis eveiylhing and is lhe nosl popuIai iesislance looI lo change.
As nuch as lhe lining excuse is alused, ils oveiIy sinpIislic lo
lhink nov is aIvays lhe line lo acl, in spile of vhals going on in
youi Iife - ils a IillIe noie conpIicaled lhan lhal. esides, if youie
nol in lhe nindsel lo lake aclion and cieale najoi change you vonl
finish vhalevei you slail, enlhusiasn vanes and you can faII iighl
lack lo vheie you veie. So, yes, lheie is favoialIe lining lo cieale
change and ieduce chance of faiIuie.
Mike MahIei
2O6
Hov do you knov vhen ils line lo cieale a najoi change`
When lhe lhoughl of lhings slaying lhe sane nakes you sick lo youi
slonach. Aflei you nake a change and lhe inevilalIe ioadlIocks
cone youi vay, youi naluiaI desiie is lo go lack lo lhe vay lhings
veie. As hunans, ve seek lhe palh of Ieasl iesislance and cIing lo
lhe faniIiai - no nallei hov Iane il nighl le - lul if lhe lhoughl of
going lack sickens you, youII slay lhe couise. In ny pievious
nevsIelleis, Ive desciiled hov I feIl vhen I ian inlo olslacIes
duiing lhe fiisl yeai of ny liaining lusiness. WhiIe lhings veie veiy
lough, lhe nolion of going lack lo lhe dolcon voiId as a lusiness
deveIopnenl nanagei vas voise and gave ne lhe inpelus lo
conlinue. ConlenpIaling voiking foi soneone eIse doing unievaid-
ing voik nausealed ne. This vas a cIeai sign indicaling I vas on lhe
iighl liack and as a iesuIl I vas piepaied lo do lhe necessaiy voik lo
nake ny lusiness successfuI.
The lollon Iine` You have lo le fed up vilh lhe vay lhings aie.
Nol sIighlIy dissalisfied, oi iiiilaled, lul conpIeleIy fed up! Many
peopIe avoid gelling lo lhis poinl ly pIaying lhe disliaclion gane:
inslead of laking lhe line lo lhink aloul vhal you ieaIIy vanl, have
a fev diinks oi valch seveiaI houis of TV, pul in Iongei houis al
voik and spend lhe veekends digging up lhe yaid and doing hone
nainlenance. asicaIIy, lecone loo lusy lo nolice youi dissalisfac-
lion. The disliaclion gane is insidious and can le pIayed aII lhe vay
lo youi dealhled. Il nighl le lellei lo pul youi Iife on pause and
figuie oul vhich diieclion you vanl lo go.
In addilion lo lhe physioIogicaI signs lhal you need lo nake
change, lhe nenlaI side of lhe equalion needs lo le addiessed.
Sonelines you need lo knov youve coveied eveiy angIe lefoie
youie nenlaIIy ieady lo nove foivaid, olheivise youII aIvays
Iook lack and vondei if you ieaIIy gave il youi aII. In a pievious
lusiness, I liied eveiylhing lo nake ny lusiness voik: I handed oul
lhousands of lusiness caids and pul up fIieis and signs on leIephone
poIIs aII ovei lovn. I used suiveys, nevspapei ads, lons of olhei
lhings, and finaIIy, naiI-oidei naikeling. I vas fed up vilh lhis
2O7
lusiness lefoie I liied naiI-oidei naikeling and, in facl, I vas ieady
lo quil. Then, a good fiiend of nine, aIso in lhe lusiness, loId ne of a
nev naiI-oidei naikeling nelhod he vas voiking on. As nuch as I
vanled oul of lhe lusiness, I sliII had lo liy his slialegy, noie lo
cIeai ny conscience lhan anylhing eIse. Of couise il didnl voik oul,
vhich ended up leing a good lhing, lul I knev vilh conpIele
ceilainly Id given eveiylhing I had and il vasnl going lo voik.
WhiIe sone nighl find such cognizance depiessing, lo ne il vas
Iileialing: I knev once and foi aII lhis lusiness vasnl foi ne. This
ciilicaI ieaIizalion needs lo cone foilh lefoie pioduclive change
lakes pIace. If Id quil lefoie peiceiving lhis, Id piolalIy sliII le
vondeiing if I couIdnl have done sonelhing diffeienl lo nake il
voik. This kind of ieniniscing vasles line, pievenling you fion
laking advanlage of lhe piesenl. Sonelines you need lo gel sone-
lhing conpIeleIy oul of youi syslen lefoie noving on vilh a cIeai
conscience.
Anolhei nenlaI olslacIe lo oveicone is lhinking youve faiIed
vhen you quil sonelhing. Iion eaiIy on veie insliucled nol lo le
quilleis. WhiIe lhis, in spiiil, is connendalIe, lhe ieaIily is lhal nany
lhings aie voilh quilling. If you slail a nev jol and hale il aflei a
nonlh, vhy slick aiound foi a yeai` If a nev ieIalionship logs dovn
vilhin a fev nonlhs, viII il inpiove in a yeai` If youi liaining
piogian iequiies a Iol of line and voik yel you onIy gel veakei, do
you ieaIIy lhink youII see a luinaiound ly slicking il oul` eing quil-
adveise aIso ieIinquishes iesponsiliIily lo olheis. Ioi exanpIe, inslead
of quilling lhe jol you hale, vail lo le fiied so you can finaIIy puisue
youi desiied caieei. Oi, inslead of lieaking up youi haliluaI ieIalion-
ship, vail foi youi pailnei lo do il, even lhough you vanled lo nove
oul - and on - a Iong line ago. Quilling isnl aIvays lad, and nay le
exaclIy vhals needed in oidei lo nove foivaid, lul youII need lo gel
ovei any guiIl feeIings lhal cone vilh il.
When lhey can no Iongei iecycIe excuses iegaiding peifecl lin-
ing, peopIe viII cieale lad lining. Ioving noney unnecessaiiIy
voiks veII: luy a nev cai, nayle a fIal-scieen TV, lhen lake an
Mike MahIei
2O8
expensive vacalion and youII no Iongei have any financiaI ieseive,
vhich neans fevei oplions. Make no nislake: noney piovides
oplions and lhe aliIily lo lake giealei financiaI iisk. ul nov you
canl quil youi vielched jol since you need lhe noney! The lollon
Iine` Oui lehavioi deleinines oui oulcone: if youie nol piepaied
lo saciifice, youie nol piepaied lo nake najoi changes. Youie
sinpIy nol ieady and peihaps youII nevei le ieady. Change doesnl
lake pIace jusl vhen you lhink ils a nice idea - you have lo nake il
happen, oi il happens lo you.
Theies no peifecl line lo do any inpoilanl lhing in Iife, lul
lheie aie indicalois lhal youie ieady foi change and ieady lo
advance on youi goaIs vilh a cIeai conscience. Donl disliacl
youiseIf fion Iife oi aIIov youiseIf lo gel fed up vilh exleinaI
ciicunslances in oidei lo nake lhe changes you can slick vilh. Cel
ovei lhe idea lhal leing a quillei is synonynous vilh leing a Iosei
and youII save youiseIf line and eneigy. IinaIIy, lefoie allenpling
lo nake any najoi change, ask youiseIf - vhals lhe voisl lhal can
happen` If you can deaI vilh lhe ansvei, lhen vhals hoIding you
lack`

2O9
"* /'99"4$**
2$5$)-"4$2 :+ 06) ($4$5"3*<
SeveiaI yeais ago on a lusiness liip lo DaIIas I iead an inleiesling
ailicIe in, of aII pIaces, US Aiivays nagazine. The aulhoi, Liz
Seynoui, viole on lhe lopic of happiness. I expecled a palionizing
lil aloul foiced posilive lhinking pioviding lhe key lo happiness
lul, lo ny pIeasanl suipiise, Seynouis ailicIe luined oul lo le lhe
nosl fascinaling Ive iead in a Iong line.
Hov do ve define happiness` Accoiding lo Ld Dienei, Iiofessoi
of IsychoIogy al lhe Univeisily of IIIinois, happiness is a conlina-
lion of Iife salisfaclion, posilive enolions, and Iov IeveIs of nega-
live enolions. In olhei voids, peopIe vho aie happy genuineIy
enjoy lheii Iives and genuineIy feeI good nosl of lhe line. Nolice In
using lhe void genuineIy lo dislinguish peopIe vho aie happy fion
lhose vho neieIy lhink happy lhoughls - lheies a lig diffeience.
IeopIe vho foice posilive lhinking aie faking, vhiIe happy peopIe
aie naluiaIIy posilive: lhey see lhe voiId as fuII of oppoilunilies
ialhei lhan feai and soiiov. In suie lhe vonen ieading lhis agiee
lheies a lig diffeience lelveen genuineIy feeIing il...and faking il.
No need lo eIaloiale fuilhei, al Ieasl I hope nol.
We aII have lhe puisuil of happiness as oui goaI. Al lhe end of
lhe day eveiy goaI ve puisue ieinfoices lhis end goaI of leconing
happiei: ve vanl lo nake noie noney lecause ve lhink il viII
nake us happiei, ve vanl lo find a Iife pailnei and gel naiiied
lecause ve lhink il viII nake us happiei, ve vanl lo Iose fal and
Iook lellei lecause ve lhink il viII nake us happiei. Weve leen
Mike MahIei
21O
soId a liII of goods lhal happiness cones fion changing exleinaI
condilions. UnfoilunaleIy, achieving ieaI happiness is noie conpIi-
caled lhan sinpIy changing lhe exleinaIs. Accoiding lo Seynoui,
...happiness is deleinined ly a conlinalion of genelic sel poinls,
condilions, and voIunlaiy aclivilies.
Lels slail ly Iooking al genelic sel poinls: yes, Iike olhei laIenls,
such as inleIIigence and alhIelic piovess, a happy disposilion can le
genelicaIIy piedeleinined. A genelic sel poinl is a facloi invoIved
vilh leing happy. }usl as sone peopIe easiIy Ieain caIcuIus, oi have
a naluiaI aliIily lo iun fasl, sone peopIe find il easy lo le happy. On
lhe olhei hand, jusl as sone peopIe have a haid line Ieaining
nalhenalics oi pailicipaling in spoils, sone peopIe have a haid
line leing happy. Ioi lhese peopIe happiness lakes an effoil, jusl
Iike lhe effoil of acadenics, oi gelling in shape, vhiIe lhose vilh
Iuckiei genes nay le happiei, slay in shape easiei, and gel lellei
giades. So, if youie niseialIe, feeI fiee lo lIane youi paienls foi
youi Iane genelics - and lellei Iuck nexl line!
Lane joking aside, I find lhe genelic facloi in happiness veiy
inleiesling since Id nevei lhoughl of happiness as sonelhing
genelicaIIy deleinined. Hov nuch of a ioIe do genelics pIay in oui
happiness` Accoiding lo sludies, genes deleinine fifly peicenl of
oui piocIivily foi happiness - oi foi neIanchoIy. WhiIe lhis doesnl
nean youII le dooned lo a Iife of niseiy and despaii if you veienl
lIessed vilh happy genes, il does nean youII have lo voik haidei
lo achieve happiness. Yes, ils unfaii, lul you aIieady knov Iife is
unfaii - aflei aII, lhe Iasl season of ny favoiile shov, 24, vas Iane,
and if Iife veie faii il vouIdve leen exceIIenl, naking ne a happy
canpei. Inslead, il vas Iane and Ive leen niseialIe evei since. Oh
veII, al Ieasl lhe Iasl season of ny olhei favoiile shov, The ShieId,
vas pielly good. So, can I lIane ny feeIings on ny genelic sel
poinl` No.
WhiIe oui individuaI genelic sel poinls pIay a lienendous ioIe
in vhelhei veie happy oi nol, lheyie nol lhe onIy facloi. Condi-
lions do pIay a ioIe lul, accoiding lo sludies, nol as lig a ioIe as
211
veve leen Ied lo leIieve: condilions nake up aloul eighl lo fifleen
peicenl of happiness. Thus, if you lhink youie depiessed lecause
you sliII ienl, have a fev pounds lo Iose, oi aienl as sliong as youd
Iike lo le...lhink again. Liz Seynoui viiles, ...vaiialIes such as age,
educalion, heaIlh, incone, peisonaI appeaiance, and even cIinale
aie ineffeclive al oveiiiding oui genelicaIIy deleinined sel poinl. In
olhei voids, if youi genelic sel poinl favois niseiy, naking a Iol of
noney oi even gelling a iock haid lody vonl lip lhe happiness
scaIes in youi favoi. Suie, you nay lenpoiaiiIy feeI lellei foIIoving
an achievenenl oi gaining sone naleiiaI possession, such as a
house, lul vilhin a yeai youII le lack vheie you veie lefoie lhe
changes occuiied.
IionicaIIy, nosl of us spend oui Iives liying lo change condilions
in oidei lo le happy, nevei ieaIizing vhy ils nol voiking. Sone of
you nay find lhis sluff haid lo leIieve, aflei aII, hov couId one nol
le happiei aflei leconing a niIIionaiie` Moieovei, hov couId
soneone vho is happy nol lecone niseialIe aflei suffeiing a
leiiilIe disease` Accoiding lo Seynoui, sludies of Iolleiy vinneis,
on one hand, and peopIe vho lecane paiapIegic fion an accidenl,
on lhe olhei, shov cIeaiIy lhal lolh gioups ieluined lo lheii pievi-
ous IeveI of happiness vilhin Iess lhan a yeai. In olhei voids: if
youie aIieady niseialIe, youi niseiy viII conlinue even if you
lecone a niIIionaiie lul if youie happy in geneiaI, even upon
leconing a paiapIegic, youII evenluaIIy ieluin lo happiness aflei an
adaplalion phase. The oId saying, lhal peopIe do nol change, is liuei
lhan ve lhink.
This is vhy ils difficuIl lo achieve happiness via changing ex-
leinaI condilions. Oui liains aie good al adapling lo silualions,
good oi lad. This isnl so haid lo undeisland, lhink of any inpoilanl
goaI youve achieved - ienenlei hov anli-cIinaclic il feIl` This is
lhe piolIen vilh leing oveiIy allached lo end iesuIls: ve pIace loo
nuch piessuie on achievenenl changing oui nindsel. When I fiisl
gol inlo veighl liaining, I used lo diean aloul leing alIe lo lench
piess 315 pounds, lhough evenluaIIy I voiked up lo lench-piessing
Mike MahIei
212
315 foi seven ieps - hov did I feeI` Cieal...foi a vhiIe, lhen I adapled
and ieluined lo lhe sane nindsel I had lefoie ny slienglh gain. The
nuch-anlicipaled change lhal cane vilh lhe achievenenl of ny goaI
didnl Iasl. LvenluaIIy, Iike eveiyone eIse, I vanled noie.
Of couise, no achievenenl viII evei le enough, vhich is vhy
peopIe unconsciousIy slay in lhe anlicipalion phase and avoid
achieving lheii goaIs. The anlicipalion phase is Iike leing a chiId on
lhe nighl lefoie Chiislnas: fanlasizing aloul aII lhe vondeifuI gifls
youII ieceive liings noie pIeasuie lhan lhe acluaI expeiience of
opening youi gifls. UnfoilunaleIy, ienaining in lhe anlicipalion
phase is deIusionaI and vonl liing aloul ieaI happiness, if nolhing
eIse, ilII gel oId and no Iongei caiiy lhe sane IeveI of pIeasuie.
Does lhis nean ve shouIdnl lolhei vilh goaIs` Of couise nol!
CoaI-Iess-ness is lhe palh of lhe cop oul. IeopIe vho cIain lhal
eveiylhing is iIIusion aie unnolivaled peopIe Iooking lo avoid
giovlh and change. The key is selling goaIs and achieving lhen foi
lhe sake of doing il. As nenlioned eaiIiei, accoiding lo lhe ancienl
Hindu lexl, The hagavad Cila, veve a iighl lo oui aclions lul nol
lhe iesuIls of lhose aclions: oui ievaid is lhe piocess and expeiience
ialhei lhan any foin of allainnenl. CoaI achievenenls aie ioad
signs lhal veie heading in lhe iighl diieclion and ieady lo giov
inlo oui nexl phase. Wilhoul achieving goaIs, veie dooned lo
iepealing oui sane expeiiences ovei and ovei again. Accoiding lo
}ohn LIIiol, aulhoi of The Nev Science Of Woiking Less To Accon-
pIish Moie, ve peifoin lellei vhen veie fuIIy in lhe nonenl and
unallached lo oulcone: Iifes fuIIesl nonenls can le ieduced lo
lhose nonenls in vhich veie fuIIy piesenl vilh no lhoughls of pasl
oi fuluie. These aie lhe nonenls in vhich veie fuIIy aIive and line
seens lo sland sliII. CIeaiIy, enjoying Iife nonenl-lo-nonenl, ialhei
lhan peisisling vilh feaifuI lhoughls, enhances oui genelic sel
poinls.
Lveiyone vanls lo le happy vhelhei lhey ieaIize il oi nol and
even if lhey donl vanl lo adnil il. We need lo ieaIize lhal happiness
isnl a iesuIl of focusing on condilions. We need lo focus on enhanc-
213
ing oui genelic sel poinls in oidei lo slack lhe odds of peisonaI
happiness in oui favoi. If youie nol happy naking $5O,OOO you
vonl le happy naking $25O,OOO: lhe piolIen is vilhin oui ninds,
nol exleinaI condilions.
IoilunaleIy, ve donl have lo Iie lack and accepl lhe genelic sel
poinl veve leen deaIl. }usl as anyone can gel snailei and luiId
sliongei nuscIes, so can ve deveIop sliongei genelic sel poinls foi
happiness. Seynoui viiles lhal one oplion is laking diugs - aflei aII,
veie a piII-popping sociely and lheie exisl piIIs foi eveiy piolIen
undei lhe sun, incIuding a pooi oulIook on Iife. SeIeclive seiolonin
ie-uplake inhililois, such as Iiozac and ZoIofl, pioIong lhe aclion of
seiolonin in lhe liain. Seiolonin is a chenicaI lhals heIpfuI vilh
nood and is adequaleIy pioduced ly peopIe vho aie naluiaIIy
happy. Ioi peopIe vilh chenicaI inlaIances, I can see hov lhese
diugs aie a godsend. Sone peopIe ieaIIy lenefil fion lhese diugs oi
ly suppIenenling lhe anino acids lyiosine and liyplophan, vhich
cieale seiolonin in lhe liain. Hovevei, laking diugs oi even nulii-
lionaI suppIenenls isnl a soIulion foi eveiyone. In facl, laking such
diugs nay le a vay of avoiding lhe piolIen: oui aclions nusl Iead
lo suslained inpiovenenls, nol diug dependence.
If nol diugs, lhen vhal` One, ve need lo Ieain lo lellei handIe
sliess. IeopIe vilh naluiaI sliess nanagenenl skiIIs aie inevilalIy
happiei. As haid as il is lo falhon, a soIdiei in Iiaq undei a haiI of
luIIels nay le Iess sliessed lhan youi aveiage Los AngeIes niIIion-
aiie conpIaining aloul an oveicooked sleak...if lhe foinei has
supeiioi sliess-nanagenenl skiIIs and lhus a giealei genelic
happiness sel poinl.
Whal aloul lhe peopIe vho donl have a naluiaI sliess-
nanagenenl aliIily` IoilunaleIy, lheies hope foi sliess-
nanagenenl undei-achieveis. Accoiding lo Seynoui, one nelhod
pioven lo le effeclive al incieasing sel-poinl happiness is a daiIy
nedilalion piaclice. Accoiding lo ieseaicheis al lhe Laloialoiy Ioi
Affeclive Neuioscience al lhe Univeisily of Wisconsin, nedilalion
slinuIales lhe liains Iefl pie-fionlaI coilex. This is lhe pail of lhe
Mike MahIei
214
liain nosl aclive vhen veie happy and aIeil, so nedilalion is veiy
effeclive al Ioveiing sliess and incieasing feeIings of happiness.
Mayle lhis is vhy uddhisl nonks seen lo sniIe so nuch` Il canl
have anylhing lo do vilh ealing leans and iice eveiyday and
alslaining fion sex! Olheivise, ny advice is lo quil youi jol, shave
youi head and nove inlo youi IocaI lenpIe - jusl kidding (veII, nol
lhe pail aloul quilling youi jol!)
We can slay in lhis voiId and lecone happiei: neieIy devole
sone line lo nedilalion and slinuIale lhe Iefl pie-fionlaI coilex. Of
couise, lhis is easiei said lhan done foi lhose of us nol junping foi
joy Iike a lunch of idiols. IeopIe find nedilalion difficuIl, and In no
exceplion. IoilunaleIy, lheie aie nedilalion piogians lhal voik foi
lhose us vho undei-achieve al slinuIaling lhe Iefl pie-fionlaI coilex
vhiIe chanling and silling in lhe Iolus posilion. My favoiile nedila-
lion piogian is HoIosync. Read aloul il al lhe end of lhis ailicIe.
Seynoui nenlions anolhei nelhod usefuI foi sleeiing oui sel
poinls lovaid lhe voiId of happiness: cognilive lheiapy. Cognilive
lheiapy voiks ly leaching us hov lo iecognize negalive palleins
and lieaking lhen. Inslead of dveIIing on lhe negalive, cognilive
lheiapy leaches us lo focus on lhe lhoughl palleins vhich nake us
happy. Lven niseialIe peopIe have lheii happy nonenls. The key is
lo deveIop lhe happy nonenls and avoid logging dovn in niseiy
iuls.
Sone of you aie lhinking lhal cognilive lheiapy is posilive
lhinking nunlo-junlo lul ieaIIy il isnl. Wilh posilive lhinking,
youie in deniaI: ialhei lhan accepling lhe facl lhal sone lhings aie,
in facl, negalive, youie laughl lo spin eveiy silualion inlo a posilive
- no nallei vhal. The piolIen is ve unconsciousIy knov veie
Iying lo ouiseIves and donl ieaIIy luy il. Iosilive lhinking devolees
aie paianoid of any negalive lhoughl and feeI guiIly vhen such
lhoughls aiise - neilhei heaIlhy noi ieaIislic.
Iaking happiness isnl lhe sane as aulhenlic happiness. Wilh
cognilive lheiapy, you Ieain lo lieak negalive palleins ly Iislening
lo feedlack - sounds conpIicaled iighl` Il isnl. Heies an exanpIe:
215
you valch lvo houis of leIevision nevs and gel lonlaided vilh aII
lhe piolIens in lhe voiId - hov do you feeI afleivaids` SiniIai lo
niIIions of olhei peopIe: you feeI depiessed and poveiIess. These
feeIings slay vilh you foi lhe iesl of lhe day - oi even veek - and aie
conpounded eveiy line you valch lhe nevs. Whal shouId you do`
WeII, slop valching lhe nevs! Whal vaIue is il pioviding you` Aie
you doing anylhing posilive vilh lhe infoinalion` If no, lhen slop
youi souice of negalivily. Oi, gel enpoveied and do sonelhing
aloul il. Ioi exanpIe, if you see a nevs segnenl on kids vhove
leen viclinized, vhy nol join an oiganizalion lhal heIps alused
kids` When you enpovei youiseIf, you can liansfoin negalive
eneigy inlo a posilive oulcone. Lnpoveied aclions aie gialifying
and liing us Iongei Iasling happiness lhan such sinpIe pIeasuies as
ealing desseil oi valching a good novie.
Cognilive lheiapy leaches us hov lhings affecl us - vhelhei pos-
ilive oi negalive. Heies anolhei exanpIe: you see an injuied aninaI
on lhe side of lhe ioad lul inslead of diiving ly nulleiing hov
leiiilIe il is, you puII ovei, viap lhe vounded aninaI in a loveI and
lake il lo a vel. ecause of lhis conpassionale acl lhe aninaI nakes a
fuII iecoveiy and you feeI Iike a niIIion lucks aII veek. Of couise lhe
feeIing viII evenluaIIy veai off, lul you can pioIong il oi invile il
lack ly pulling in sone voIunleei houis al an aninaI sheIlei oi
olhei iepulalIe non-piofil oiganizalion foi aninaIs. Again, youie
laking lhe palh of enpoveinenl, and vhen veie enpoveied,
veie unsliessed and happy. When ve pIay a ioIe in inpioving lhe
voiId aiound us, veie gialified and, again, aclions iesuIling in
gialificalion piovide Iongei peiiods of happiness.
Whal aloul seeking oul lhose aclivilies in vhich ve ollain
pIeasuie` WeII, if ve focus on oui pIeasuie noie oflen, veie Iess
IikeIy lo expeiience depiession. Teiiific! UnfoilunaleIy, accoiding lo
Seynoui, sludies shov lhal such pIeasuies aie fIeeling in naluie. Ioi
exanpIe, gieal sex is gieal - foi a vhiIe - lul lhe feeIing evenluaIIy
veais off unliI youi nexl sex fix. AII you cieale vilh sex in such a
silualion is anolhei conpuIsion, aIso knovn as a disliaclion. Nov
Mike MahIei
216
In lhe Iasl peison lo knock sex in any vay and In nol saying sex is
a vasle of youi line! A sliong sex diive is a sliong sign of heaIlh
and vilaIily lul donl deceive youiseIf lhal sexuaI pIeasuie is a
soIulion foi ciealing peinanenl change vhen youi sel poinl is
luined lovaids soiiov.
IIeasuies aie a gieal and inpoilanl aspecl of Iife lul gialifica-
lions liing Iongei Iasling happiness. Seynoui viiles,
...gialificalions aie aclivilies lhal caII on oui skiIIs and slienglhs and
give us a sense of a jol veII done. IeisonaIIy, I enjoy pIeasuie noie
vhen lhe gialificalions aie in fuII effecl. IIeasuie is Iike icing on lhe
cake: vhiIe lhe icing is pail of enjoying cake, il canl iepIace lhe cake.
A peisonaI exanpIe lo diive lhis poinl hone: seveiaI yeais ago I did
a kellIeleII voikshop vilh ny good fiiend DyIan Thonas in NYC.
The voikshop vas Iooking disaslious: I had lo change lhe venue
lhiee lines, as looked venues kepl faIIing lhough. Then, a guy vho
vas supposed lo piesenl lhe voikshop vilh ne had lo laiI oul jusl
days lefoie lhe evenl. Wilh lhis nevs, I had seveiaI peopIe canceI
iighl off lhe lal and seveiaI noie expiess angei via enaiI, accusing
ne of Iacking piofessionaIisn. Il aIso seened lhe peopIe sliII
pIanning on coning veienl liinging lheii posilive viles: nany
veie pissed off and loId ne lheyd have canceIed lul foi lheii non-
iefundalIe aiifaies. The voikshop foieloded disaslei and I knev il
had lo le lhe lesl of ny caieei lo luin lhings aiound.
To nake a Iong sloiy shoil: DyIan and I pul on a gieal voikshop
and eveiyone Iefl happy. In facl, il luined oul lo le one of lhe nosl
enlhusiaslic gioups Ive evei voiked vilh and eveiyone had a lIasl.
Inslead of gelling depiessed aloul eveiylhing going viong, ve
enpoveied ouiseIves ly laking chaige of vhal ve couId and al lhe
end of lhe day lhal vas enough and il aII voiked oul.
I ieceived innense gialificalion fion puIIing off lhal voikshop.
Il vas a gieal gioup, a fun day, and afleivaids a fev of us venl oul
foi a fev loo nany diinks. We had a lIasl...unliI lhe nexl days
aiiivaI of heIIs hangovei. Wheie an I going vilh lhis` The pIeasuie
of going oul and having sone fun on lhe lovn vas lhal nuch
217
sveelei due lo lhe gialificalion of lhal voikshops success. If ved
sinpIy liaveIed lo NYC and had a nighl oul, il vouIdnl have leen
anyvheie neai as sveel oi neaningfuI.
A nighl of pIeasuie Iasls a nighl lul a day of gialificalion can Iasl
a Iifeline. We need lo focus on deveIoping oppoilunilies foi gialifi-
calion - and lhus Iong Iasling happiness - ialhei lhan puisuing lhose
fIeeling pIeasuies. My ovn iuIe of lhunl is: enjoy pIeasuies lul
focus on gialificalions.
WhiIe lhe ail of happiness nay nol le an easy ciafl lo deveIop
and naslei lul one al vhich ve nusl voik haid - jusl Iike any goaI
in Iife - ils piolalIy lhe nosl inpoilanl goaI ve can achieve. Aflei
aII, vhal eIse nalleis if you donl find happiness in lhis Iife` Donl
le a sIave lo youi genelic sel poinl - anylhing can le inpioved. }usl
as you can Ieain noie and lecone noie inleIIigenl - oi Iifl noie and
gel sliongei - youie capalIe of giealei, noie neaningfuI, happiness.
Lven if you nevei vin lhe avaid foi Happiesl Ieison on lhe IIanel,
deepening youi expeiience of happiness is ievaid enough. Dedicale
youi Iife lo ciealing pIenlifuI oppoilunilies foi gialificalion and
enjoying pIeasuialIe aclivilies and inpiove youi sliess-nanagenenl
skiIIs - lhis is vhal Iiving Iife aggiessiveIy is aII aloul.

218
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Ils an inleiesling nolion lhal so nuch of oui happiness is genelicaIIy
lased. WhiIe genelics nay le a Iaige facloi foi nosl peopIe, I find il
haid lo leIieve lhal ils iesponsilIe foi 5O of happiness - oi sadness
- acioss lhe loaid. I find il haid lo leIieve lhal changing condilions
onIy anounls lo 8-15 of happiness foi eveiyone. Upon vhal an I
lasing lhis` MyseIf of couise! Nov is lhe line foi anolhei peisonaI
sloiy.
WhiIe In nol a depiessive peison ly naluie, Ive gone lhiough
peiiods in ny Iife vheiein I vas giealIy unsalisfied. These lines
veie aIvays condilion-lased and aIvays look pIace duiing lines in
vhich I vasnl laking chaige of ny Iife and I vasnl doing anylhing
gialifying. AddilionaIIy, leing in lhe viong ieIalionship is sliessfuI
and depiessing.
When you diead going hone lo deaI vilh youi significanl olhei,
ils a sign youie vilh lhe viong peison. We hunan leings aie
highIy adaplive oiganisns, vhich can Iead us lo deaIing vilh Iane
silualions inslead of doing sonelhing lo piovoke najoi - posilive -
changes. IoilunaleIy foi ne, I hale confoil zones and viII onIy slay
in lhen foi so Iong. InevilalIy, I ieach a lipping poinl in vhich I
nake najoi changes Ieading lo a giealei IeveI of happiness. Wilhoul
queslion, vhen I changed fion dissalisfying voik and ieIalionships,
219
ny happiness incieased. Why vouIdnl il` Whal ve do foi a Iiving,
and vhon ve spend line vilh, inpacls oui Iife and ils haid lo le
happy in a jol you hale oi aiound peopIe vho diain you.
In nuch happiei nov lhan vhen I voiked foi olhei peopIe. I
sel ny ovn houis, sponlaneousIy lake a day oi a veek off, spend
noie line vilh fiiends and faniIy and - nosl inpoilanlIy - lheies a
Iol of gialificalion in vhal I do and I feeI good knoving I nake a
posilive diffeience in lhe Iives of olheis. One of lhe lhings aloul ny
lusiness I nosl enjoy is pulling oul ny onIine nagazine, vhich isnl
sonelhing foi vhich I gel paid. Of couise, lhe oljeclive of ny onIine
nagazine is lo geneiale incone, lul lhousands of peopIe lenefil
fion each issue vilhoul evei spending a dine on ny lusiness and
In fine vilh lhal, as Iong as lhey donl enaiI ne foi noie fiee info,
since lheies a Iine lelveen gialificalion and expIoilalion!
Changing fion an unievaiding jol vasnl lhe onIy lig inpacl
on ny happiness: In aIso nuch happiei nov, vilh ny vife CaioI,
lhan in any pievious ieIalionship - oi vhen I vas singIe. WhiIe I
donl hoId lhe iIIusion lhal a gieal ieIalionship nakes up foi an
unievaiding caieei (oi Iife) il ceilainIy nakes Iife noie enjoyalIe,
and a gieal suppoil syslen can nake aII lhe diffeience vhen
inpioving on Iifes olhei, nessiei aieas. No nallei hov nuch ils
genelicaIIy sel, changing condilions definileIy nade a lig junp in
ny peisonaI happiness.
In nol encouiaging you lo quil youi jol and slail youi ovn
lusiness oi non-piofil oiganizalion. In encouiaging you lo appIy
ciilicaI lhinking skiIIs lo youi Iife and deleinine vhal can le done lo
inciease youi ovn happiness. Quilling youi jol nay nol le lhe
ansvei. You nighl enjoy voiking foi olheis and hale lhe idea of
voiking foi youiseIf and lheies nolhing viong vilh lhal...lhe Iasl
lhing I vanl is foi you lo quil youi jol and le Iefl unalIe lo affoid
ny pioducls and seivices. AII joking aside, In encouiaging you lo
deveIop a peisonaIized pIan foi incieasing youi happiness, and lhe
noie you knov aloul youiseIf, lhe noie effecliveIy you can deveIop
lhal pIan. You can olseive vhal olheis aie doing and inilale lul
Mike MahIei
22O
lhals a lig nislake, since vhal voiks foi lhen (if il even voiks al
aII) vonl necessaiiIy voik foi you. Ioigel vhal olhei peopIe lhink
you shouId do and lake on lhe iesponsiliIily of deleinining vhals
lesl foi youiseIf. If youie nol piepaied lo do so, lhen youie nol yel
an aduIl, iegaidIess of youi age.
As nenlioned eaiIiei, Ive noliced I gel sliuck vilh niId depies-
sion vhen In nol gioving and inpioving. In nol laIking aloul
financiaIIy. Yes, I iun a lusiness and vanl lo nake noie noney each
yeai lul lhals nol vhal In laking aloul. Making noie noney
doesnl inciease ny IeveI of happiness: I use noney as a neasuie
lhal ny lusiness is noving in lhe iighl diieclion and lhal In
ieaching and heIping noie peopIe. Il aIso aIIovs ne lo suppoil
oiganizalions lhal I leIieve in and enjoy Iife.
When il cones lo giovlh, In laking aloul peisonaI giovlh, as
in Ieaining noie aloul Iife and Ieaining noie aloul nyseIf. I Iike lhe
idea of Ieaining noie eveiy yeai and acconpIishing noie, conpaied
lo iepealing lhe sane yeai lvenly lines ovei. Tine goes ly, vhelhei
ve vanl il lo oi nol, and lheies no sIoving il dovn. You can eilhei
lake chaige of youi Iife oi giov oi sinpIy Iel lhe yeais pass ly.
When I sense lhe yeais aie passing ne ly, I feeI depiession. eing
pioduclive and acconpIishing goaIs aie najoi conliilulois lo ny
happiness. I enjoy ieIaxing and kicking lack...lul onIy foi so Iong.
LvenluaIIy I need lo junp lack in lhe gane and do lhe lhings, vhich
gialify ne.
Nov lhal veve discussed happiness, Iels lake a Iook al neIan-
choIy. MeIanchoIy can le an oiganic sign ve need lo nake changes
in oui Iives. If ve use inpiopei foin vhiIe slienglh liaining, veII
deveIop an injuiy, lhis is a sign ve need lo nodify foin. MeIanchoIy
is a sign lo slop, assess youi Iife, and evaIuale vhal needs lo change.
Il nighl nol le anylhing exleinaI, such as Iosing veighl oi ieIocal-
ing, lul nay nean you need lo legin a nedilalion piaclice, oi
nedilale noie oflen lo deveIop a highei loIeiance foi sliess. Il nay
nean lhal you need lo have youi hoinones, such as leslosleione and
DHLA, checked, lo ensuie youie nol in a depIeled slale. IinaIIy, il
221
nay nean you need lo seek noie oppoilunilies foi gialificalion. On
lhe olhei hand, cIinicaI depiession is a noie seiious piolIen
iequiiing piofessionaI heIp.
Lven if fifly peicenl of happiness is genelicaIIy sel, lhe olhei fifly
peicenl ienains vilhin oui povei lo focus upon and inpiove. In
addilion lo changing exleinaI condilions, such as dead-end ieIalion-
ships and unievaiding voik, ve need lo naxinize oui heaIlh
polenliaI ly oplinizing oui hoinones, ieducing sliess, and incieas-
ing sliess-nanagenenl skiIIs.
As I nenlioned in lhe Iasl chaplei, nedilalion is a pioven nelh-
od of ieducing coilisoI and shouId le piacliced daiIy. You donl
have lo sil in lhe Iolus posilion chanling foi an houi, you nighl
inslead incoipoiale daiIy vaIks vhiIe focusing on lhe liealh, aII of
vhich voiks lo inciease IeveIs of epinephiine, a nood-loosling
hoinone. Olhei foins of aclive nedilalion aie qi gong and lai chi.
Discovei vhals a good fil foi you and piaclice il ieguIaiIy.
ReguIai physicaI exeicise is a popuIai nelhod of ieducing coili-
soI IeveIs and incieasing sliess-nanagenenl ieseives lul, vhen
laken loo fai, exeicise lecones a negalive aclivily, iesuIling in an
inciease in coilisoI, anxiely, veakened innunily, and pooi nood
fion lhe deciease in good feeIing hoinones. Tiaining is a nedi-
cine: in oidei lo le effeclive, lhe dose nusl le piecise. Avoid leing a
liaining/slinuIus addicl and foIIov pIanned, efficienl piogians
nalching youi goaIs and IifeslyIe.
An inleiesling vay lo ieduce coilisoI IeveIs is avoiding cIullei!
My liolhei loId ne aloul an inleiesling ailicIe discussing a connec-
lion lelveen having a nessy enviionnenl and incieased coilisoI
IeveIs. Ils difficuIl lo nainlain a cIeai and focused nind vilhin lhe
niddIe of a ness! Donale lhe cIolhes you nevei veai lo lhe IocaI
CoodviII oi SaIvalion Ainy and slop luying junk lo fiII youi
inleinaI void - il vonl voik. If youie addicled lo luying lhings, go
lo youi IocaI chiIdiens hospilaI and ask a lunch of kids vhal lhey
vanl, lhen gel lo voik. I pionise, luying lhen lhings viII le noie
gialifying lhan adding noie junk lo youi ovn enviionnenl.
Mike MahIei
222
Much of seIf-inposed niseiy cones fion ovei ieIiance on lhe
appiovaI of olheis. Cel ovei youi need foi appiovaI and vaIidalion
and puisue youi goaIs foi lheii ovn sake and foi youi ovn exceI-
Ience. Iiaise is fIeeling and ils ceilain lhal nosl peopIe fion vhon
you seek vaIidalion aie noie insecuie lhan youiseIf!
IinaIIy, vhiIe noney doesnl luy happiness, financiaI sliess can
ceilainIy ieduce youi happiness. Ive leen in dell noie lhan once
and you can leIieve In nuch happiei dell-fiee. Youie nol fiee
vhen you ove noney and In anazed hov casuaI peopIe aie aloul
innense ciedil caid dells. IeopIe aie viIIing lo go inlo lienendous
dell lo ninic lhe Aneiican diean, vhich isnl aulhenlic if ils nol
eained and acquiied on youi ovn leins. Living a pielense is
unconsciousIy sliessfuI: vhiIe noney vonl luy happiness, il can
negoliale peace of nind. eIieve ne, if youi Ioved one needs an
expensive opeialion, youII le nuch happiei paying foi lhe opeia-
lion lhan leaiing lhe sliess lonlaidnenl lhal cones vilh Iack.
Ioi sone peopIe, happiness is a liilhiighl, foi nany of us ils an
eIusive polenliaI. CeilainIy, jusl as ve liain lo gel sliongei and
snailei, ve nusl liain lo lecone happiei. I vish you snoolh saiIing
vilh youi happiness-liaining piogian.

223
*509 30-9!'"4"4( '42
5'.$ 3/')($ 0& +06) !"&$
| uas discctcring |na| |ifc jus| sinp|q isn| fair, ou| |nc diffcrcncc cncrgcs
ancng |nc pccp|c |na| acccp| |na| idca--cnoracc i| ctcn--and oas| in |nc
unsung g|crq cf |ncuing |na| cacn cos|ac|c ctcrccnc a|cng |nc uaq cn|q
adds |c |nc sa|isfac|icn in |nc cnd. Nc|ning grca|, af|cr a||, uas ctcr
acccnp|isncd oq anqcnc su||ing in nis cr ncr niscrq.
---Adan Sncpard, au|ncr cf Scra|cn 8cginnings
In his piovocalive look, Scialch eginnings: Me, $25, and lhe Seaich
foi lhe Aneiican Diean, Adan Shepaid undeilakes a yeai-Iong
expeiinenl lo asceilain fiisl-hand lhe slale of lhe Aneiican Diean.
ChaIIenging hinseIf lo slail vilh nexl-lo-nolhing, and vilhin a
yeais line acciue $25OO.OO in savings, Iive in a fuinished apailnenl
(soIo oi vilh ioonnale) and possess a vehicIe, Adan liaveIs oul of
slale, vheie he has no conlacls, aiiiving vilh onIy $25.OO and lhe
cIolhes on his lack. Wilhin len nonlhs, Adan has nel his slaled
goaIs and exceeded his ovn expeclalions ly saving $5OOO.OO. He
achieves lhis vilhoul heIp fion fiiends, faniIy oi lhe ciedil caid he
keeps in his pockel foi eneigencies. Iuilhei, vhen appIying foi jols,
he nevei discIoses he is a coIIege giaduale. A ciuciaI ingiedienl lo
Adans success is his Iack of seIf-pily: he is inslead occupied in
laking aclion lo ieach his oljeclives. This is a liail you viII aIvays
see vilh successfuI peopIe.
Adans jouiney slails in ChaiIeslon, Soulh CaioIina, vheie,
vilh $25.OO in his pockel, lhe fiisl ioof ovei his head is lhe IocaI
Mike MahIei
224
honeIess sheIlei. Iion lhis hunlIe lase (and vilh lhe heIp of food
slanps) he lakes on any jol offeied. ieaking vilh lhe cuiienl sociaI
noin, Adan cheeifuIIy accepls as facl lhal vhen you have nolhing,
no jol is lenealh you, and fion cIeaning up dog ciap in lackyaids in
sunnei heal lo eveiy olhei foin of day Ialoi he voiks fion suniise
lo sunsel. Adan fiinIy appIies his voik elhic lo his goaI of Ieaving
lhe sheIlei as soon as possilIe. He consideis any jol lellei lhan
silling aiound and ly voiking an odd assoilnenl of jols, cieales a
foivaid nonenlun, evenluaIIy gelling hiied ly a noving conpany
al a slailing iale of $7.OO an houi, vhich, ovei line, giovs lo len
doIIais an houi, enalIing hin lo vacale lhe honeIess sheIlei and
piogiess lo a shaied apailnenl. Aflei olseiving olhei sheIlei
iesidenls pienaluieIy Ieave, onIy lo end up lack in lhe sheIlei again
vhen hil vilh unanlicipaled expenses, Adan poinledIy ienains al
lhe sheIlei unliI hes saved up adequale funds aII lhe vhiIe nainlain-
ing an exlieneIy fiugaI Iife slyIe, sciinping eveiy doIIai possilIe i.e.
neilhei ieslauianl neaIs noi vacalions, and aII cIolhing puichases
aie second-hand. Adans inpeialive lo Ieave lhe honeIess sheIlei is
lendeied vilh palience, as veII as lhe saciifices necessaiy lo ensuie
lhal once he gels oul heII slay oul.
Adan undeislands lhal vhich nany peopIe niss: foivaid
novenenl oflen iequiies peisonaI saciifice - oi, you canl have il aII,
aII lhe line. Such choices nay liing aloul phases in youi Iife vhich
aie oul of laIance, e.g. you nighl even have lo voik seven days a
veek, and nol onIy vilhoul a vacalion, lul going lo led each nighl
viped oul fion lhe days voik, aII lhe vhiIe saving eveiy doIIai
possilIe and deIaying aII youi favoiile gialificalions. Hovevei,
youd le suipiised vhal you can nake happen in jusl a yeai of
deIileiale and focused voik. Lalei, once lhings gel going, you can
ease up on lhe ieins and inlo a noie laIanced, and confoilalIe
IifeslyIe.
Adan encounleis aII soils of peopIe lhioughoul his jouiney.
Theie aie sone conlenl vilh Iiving and hanging oul al lhe sheIlei aII
day, vhiIe olheis have ended up al lhe sheIlei vilh noie anlilion,
225
foining deleinined pIans lo gel lack on lheii feel and depail lhe
sheIlei ciicuil. He nolices lhis second gioup donl lIane anyone eIse
foi lheii ciicunslances, lul accepl fuII accounlaliIily, loIslei il vilh
a soIid voik elhic and a vision of vheie lhey vanl lo le - and hov
lo gel lheie.
Scialch eginnings is a ielullaI lo (and iejeclion of) NickeI and
Dined, jouinaIisl ailaia Lhienieichs undeicovei invesligalive
accounl on vhelhei lhe so-caIIed voiking pooi couId suivive on
nininun vage enpIoynenl. Ovei lhe couise of seveiaI nonlhs,
Lhienieich hiied on as vailiess, WaI-Mail associale, nuising hone
assislanl, and fianchise seivice house naid, concIuding lhal hoIding
a singIe nininun vage jol vas insufficienl foi ieasonalIe sulsisl-
ence. Whal ailaia faiIed lo ieaIize is lhal incieasing lhe nininun
vage viII diive up lhe piice of eveiylhing eIse and peopIe viII le
iighl lack vheie lhey slailed. In paying highei vages lo voikeis,
enpIoyeis viII, in luin, chaige noie foi pioducls and seivices. The
queslion is nol vhelhei peopIe can sulsisl on lhe nininun vage,
lul vhy vouId anyone sellIe foi a sulsislence IifeslyIe` If you have
lo slail oul lheie, fine, I iespecl anyone vho voiks ovei lhose vho
vouId nooch off olheis. ul vhy slay al a nininun vage jol`
IeopIe can do lellei lhan lhal and shouId sliive lo do so. In facl, in a
Ialoi naikel, nininun vage jols aie supposed lo le leiiilIe - lhis
nolivales peopIe lo accunuIale ieIevanl skiIIs. I voiked a fev
nininun vage jols in ny pievious Iife and nevei in ny nind did I
considei slaying al any of lhen. In oui cuiienl econonic ieliaclion, I
heai noie lilching fion peopIe lhan evei. IeopIe conpIain aloul
lhe difficuIlies of lhe jol naikel and hov lhe goveinnenl isnl
heIping lhen enough. WhiIe lheie nay le sone liulh lo lhis, I nevei
heai lhese sane peopIe lilching aloul lheii ovn conpIicily in lhis
ness. This doesnl suipiise ne, as lIaning olheis, and ciicunslanc-
es, is a connon denoninaloi anong lhe unsuccessfuI.
Iind youiseIf in a piedicanenl` Inslead of lIaning olheis, vhy
nol lake lhe line lo nake an honesl seIf-assessnenl` If you aie
viIIing lo le lhis iulhIess vilh youiseIf, of undeislanding vhy you
Mike MahIei
226
aie vheie you aie al lhis poinl in line, lhen you viII le alIe lo nove
foivaid fion heie. CIaiily nay nol aIvays le pIeasanl lul lheie is
leauly in lhe liulh and, oflen, dianalic Iife changes can iesuIl.
The singIe lhing you have conlioI ovei is lhis: vhal aie you pie-
paied lo do nov` Aie you conlenl vilh lIaning olheis, effecliveIy
avoiding piogiession, and ensuiing youi conlinuing pIunnel inlo
nediociily and iiieIevance` Oi aie you piepaied lo lake iesponsiliI-
ily foi youi Iife and focus on youi polenliaI`
In ny expeiience, noving foivaid iequiies youi leconing
conpIeleIy fed up and disgusled vilh youiseIf, olheivise ils easiei
lo give up and lIane olheis vhen lhings gel lough. IeopIe vho give
up al lhe fiisl ioadlIock veie nevei seiious aloul lhe goaI in lhe fiisl
pIace. Ieihaps il sounded good oi soneone eIse ieconnended il lo
lhen. In conliasl, vhen lheies a ieaI connilnenl, ioadlIocks aie
sinpIy olslacIes lo lIasl lhough on lhe vay lo lhe goaI. They aie nol
onIy expecled lul oveicone vilh fuII foice and no iegiels.
A good fiiend of nine aIvays cIained lo vanl his ovn lusiness
lul lhe lining vas nevei iighl. Then, one day he venl lo lhe office
and vas oveicone ly nausea. The idea of even one noie day al lhal
jol caused hin lo feeI sick lo his slonach - a suie-fiie sign he vas
ieady lo nove on. The slale of leing conpIeleIy fed up vilh youiseIf
and youi ciicunslances neans you aie ieady lo nove on and push
foivaid vilh fuII connilnenl. Iuisuing a goaI vilh an anlivaIenl
oi cavaIiei allilude is a ied fIag foi ensuing faiIuie.
OccasionaIIy, peopIe leII ne lhal if lheii enliepieneuiiaI puisuil
faiIs lo leai fiuil, lheyII jusl ieluin lo lheii oId jol. I leII lhen lo give
up nov, since lhey Iack sinceiily in lheii effoil. Al such lines, lhe
Iasl lhing on youi nind shouId le visions of youi pIans nol voiking
oul. Iocus so inlenlIy upon vhal il is you inlend lo achieve lhal such
lhoughls nevei enlei lhe nind. Thal soil of negalive ieaIily onIy
seives lhose peopIe vho sliive foi nediociily, nol lhose vho vish lo
see posilive - and dianalic - oulcones lo lheii dieans.
Life seens nol aIvays faii, no doull. Lveiyone encounleis piol-
Iens, ianging fion lhe inconvenienl lo lhe innense, yel uIlinaleIy
227
each of us nusl lake individuaI chaige of oui Iives. As Iong as you
ienain focused upon vhal olheis shouId le doing foi you (i.e. lhe
pasl), you cannol nove foivaid inlo lhe fuluie. This is lhe ieaIn of
lhe Iosei. Winneis aie loo focused on vhal lhey can do - and aie loo
lusy doing il - lo concein lhenseIves vilh ciicunslances.

228
1/'5 ')$ +06
9)$9')$2 50 20 401<
Af|cr a|| is said and dcnc, ncrc is said |nan dcnc
Acscp
I cannol lhink of a lellei vay lo end ny look lhan lo diav upon
lvo of ny favoiile novies of aII line, The UnlouchalIes and Slai
Tiek III. Lels slail vilh The UnlouchalIes. This cIassic hil lhe
lhealies in 1986, and slais Kevin Coslnei, Sean Conneiy, Andy
Caicia, and Roleil DeNiio. Il lakes pIace duiing lhe piohililion eia,
and is a dianalic adaplalion of LIIiol Ness lakedovn of AI Capone.
WhiIe lhal is lhe lackdiop, lhe novie is fai noie lhan a gangslei
novie and is ieaIIy aloul lhe evoIulion of LIIiol Ness, pIayed ly
Kevin Coslnei. I vas lhiileen vhen I fiisl sav lhis novie and I Ioved
il lhen. Hovevei, each line I see il I Iove il even noie, as I an a
diffeienl peison each line. Theie is so nuch deplh in lhe novie and
so nany Iife Iessons lo Ieain. Il aIso has sone of lhe lesl Iines of aII
line. If you have nol seen il, you need lo ienl il loday.
In lhe leginning of lhe novie LIIiol Ness slails off as a pIay ly
lhe iuIes piohililionisl officiaI. He vanls lo lake dovn lhe gangslei
AI Capone, pIayed innacuIaleIy ly Roleil DeNiio, lul is nol
viIIing lo lieak any iuIes. He vanls lo do il ly lhe look. Aflei
faiIing lo nake any headvay, LIIiol goes foi a Iale nighl vaIk and
neels an expeiienced and slieel-snail cop naned MaIone, pIayed
nasleifuIIy ly Sean Conneiy. One gels lhe inpiession lhal MaIone
used lo le a cop lhal vanled lo nake a diffeience, lul is nov jaded
229
and spends his evenings vaIking lhe leal and keeping a Iov piofiIe.
LIIiol sees sonelhing in MaIone and has an epiphany. LIIiol ieaIizes
lhal he needs lo lhink oulside lhe lox and ieciuil a cop lhal undei-
slands hov lhings gel done in Chicago, a nan lhal has lhe expeii-
ence, visdon, and conneclions lo nake lhings happen.
LIIiol allenpls lo ieciuil MaIone lul MaIone iniliaIIy iesisls. He
ieaIizes aII loo veII vhal needs lo le done lo lake dovn Capone and
does nol vanl lo pul hinseIf in hains vay. Hovevei, aflei nuch
deIileialion and feeIings of shane foi leing a covaid, MaIone
agiees lo heIp LIIiol and essenliaIIy lecones his nenloi. No Iongei
lhe nan lhal does nol vanl lo iock lhe loal, MaIone is nov lhe nan
lhal guides LIIiol and heIps hin lo evoIve.
In a pivolaI scene, MaIone asks LIIiol vhal he is piepaied lo do
lo lake dovn Capone. LIIiol iesponds lhal he is viIIing lo do
eveiylhing vilhin lhe Iav. MaIone ieloils ly asking LIIiol vhal he is
piepaied lo do leyond lhe Iav. MaIone nakes il cIeai lhal you
cannol leal an opponenl lhal does nol have any iuIes consliicling
lheii aclions. If you vanl lo lake dovn such an opponenl, you have
lo undeisland lhen cIeaiIy and aIso undeisland youiseIf fuIIy and
le honesl vilh hov fai you aie viIIing lo lake il. }usl as in Iife, if you
have nol laken lhe line lo do lhe seIf-invenloiy lo knov youiseIf,
lhen you aie dooned. You nay go on lo nake Iols of noney and
achieve sone olhei goaIs, lul you viII nevei le liuIy seIf ieaIized
vhich is vhal ieaI success is aII aloul. You viII le an enply hoIIov
leing.
LIIiol iniliaIIy iesisls leconing lhe nan he despises, lul he even-
luaIIy ieaIizes lhal if he vanls lo lake dovn Capone, he has lo le
viIIing lo go inlo daik leiiiloiy and use lhal eneigy againsl Capone.
We aII have daik eneigy and Iighl eneigy, and ve need lo have lhe
couiage lo lap inlo lolh foi lhe fuII expeiience of Iife, and lo evoIve
fuIIy. Al one poinl in lhe novie Ness adnils lhal he has lioken
nany Iavs lhal he svoie lo uphoId and lhal he despises nany of lhe
lhings he has done. ul, al lhe end of lhe day he feeIs jusl, as il is
vhal had lo le done, foi vhal he feeIs is lhe giealei good.
Mike MahIei
23O
In a veiy poveifuI scene in lhe novie, LIIiol finds MaIone noi-
laIIy vounded. MaIone nusleis up aII of lhe eneigy he can lo leII
LIIiol vhal his nexl nove needs lo le. Wilh his Iasl liealh he puIIs
LIIiol cIose and enphalicaIIy says, Whal aie you piepaied lo do`
This is a queslion you need lo ask youiseIf and lhen le honesl vilh
lhe ansvei lefoie you go aflei any goaI. IaiIuie lo do so viII lake
you lo leiiilIe pIaces you nevei dieaned possilIe, and lhe conse-
quences can le disaslious.
The nexl scene aflei MaIones dealh shovs cIeaiIy lhal LIIiol is
piepaied lo go aII lhe vay, and evenluaIIy he lakes dovn AI Ca-
pone. In lhe leginning of lhe novie LIIiol does nol knov hinseIf,
and as a iesuIl keeps Iosing lo lhe supeiioi opponenl of AI Capone.
y lhe end of lhe novie, LIIiol knovs exaclIy vho he is and leals
Capone al his ovn gane. He aIso undeislands vhal IoyaIly is and
vhal il neans lo le a ieaI fiiend. In anolhei inciedilIe scene,
Capones henchnan adnils lhal he kiIIed MaIone and lhal MaIone
died Iike a covaid. LIIiol Ness gials lhe henchnan and lhiovs hin
off a luiIding and valches hin faII lo his dealh. Ioigel lhe iuIes, lhis
scunlag kiIIed LIIiols fiiend, a fiiend lhal gave hin lhe guidance lo
lake dovn Capone, a fiiend lhal gave his Iife lo fuilhei LIIiols cause,
a fiiend lhal heIped Ness evoIve and lecone lhe nan he needed lo
lecone. The londs lhal ve nake vilh olheis in lhis voiId aie
inpoilanl and lheie is no anounl of noney lhal viII luy lack
lioken londs. Once you have soId youiseIf oul, oi lhose lhal pul
lheii liusl in you, you have soId youi souI. Thal liings ne lo one of
ny olhei favoiile novies: Slail Tiek III: The Seaich Ioi Spock.
Yes I an a Slai Tiek fan lul onIy of lhe ieaI Slaik Tiek vilh Cap-
lain Kiik, McCoy, and Spock. Ioigel aloul aII lhe olhei poIilicaIIy
coiiecl Slail Tiek shovs and novies vhich veie aII as loiing as
luiIding an anl fain. Ioi lhose of you lhal aie nol Slai Tiek fans,
Slai Tiek III picks up innedialeIy aflei lhe evenls in Slai Tiek II. In
Slail Tiek II, Kiiks lesl fiiend Spock saciifices hinseIf lo save lhe
ciev. His Iasl voids lo Kiik aie lhal lhe needs of lhe nany oul
veigh lhe needs of lhe fev, oi lhe one. Kiik is disliaughl aflei lhe
231
Ioss of his cIose fiiend and has a haid line noving on. WhiIe he has
aIvays leen a iisk lakei and a couiageous Caplain, he nevei had lo
face dealh unliI Spock saciificed hinseIf. He aIvays found a vay lo
luin a Iosing silualion inlo a vinning one unliI nov.
Upon ieluining hone, Spocks falhei Saiek asks Kiik vhy he
did nol liing Spocks lody lack lo his hone pIanel of VuIcan. Kiik
iesponds ly saying he sav no ieason lo, as Spock died lack on lhe
Lnleipiise. Saiek says lhal onIy his lody died and lhal his con-
sciousness couId have leen passed on. He expIains lo Kiik lhal
Spock vouId have found a vay lo pass his consciousness on lefoie
passing. Togelhei lhey deleinine lhal Spock did in facl pass his
consciousness on lo Di McCoy. McCoy is nov in a lipoIai slale as he
essenliaIIy has anolhei leings consciousness vilhin. Kiik ieaIizes
lhal he has lo ieluin lo lhe pIanel vheie he Iefl Spocks lody and
lhen liing lolh McCoy and Spock lack lo VuIcan lo liansfei Spocks
consciousness. Kiik sveais lo Saiek lhal he viII do vhalevei is
necessaiy lo nake lhis happen. Of couise, Kiiks iesoIve is aloul lo
le lesled and lhal is vheie lhe novie gels veiy inleiesling.
Kiik liies lo gel his ship lack lul his supeiioi iefuses lo give lhe
Lnleipiise lack lo hin. Kiik lhen liies lo acquiie anolhei ship lul
again his supeiioi does nol aIIov il. Kiik has lo nake a choice,
foIIov oideis and keep his caieei oi disoley oideis and iisk his
caieei as veII as ciininaI penaIlies. Of couise lheie ieaIIy is no
choice. Kiik is a nan of inlegiily lhal does nol seII oul his fiiends. He
knovs vhal needs lo le done, and puls logelhei a nachinalion lo
sleaI lhe Lnleipiise and ollain Spocks lody. Of couise Kiik cannol
do il aIone and enIisls his foinei ciev lo heIp hin. The ciev has no
piolIen heIping Kiik, lhey have lhe ulnosl iespecl foi hin. They
heIp hin gel lhe Lnleipiise lack and once on loaid Kiik leIIs his
ciev lhal he and McCoy have lo go foivaid, lul lhal he does nol
expecl eveiyone eIse lo join lhen. The Iasl lhing he vanls lo do is gel
his IoyaI ciev nenleis in lioulIe. They inleiiupl Kiik and say lhey
aie in and lhal lhey aie vasling line and need lo gel going. Thal is
lhe kind of confidence lhal a ieaI Ieadei inspiies in olheis. No one is
Mike MahIei
232
going lo le IoyaI lo a jeik CLO lhal lieals enpIoyees Iike ciap.
Hovevei a ieaI Ieadei lhal is a gieal peison can gel olheis lo nake
saciifices vilhoul even asking.
To nake a Iong sloiy shoil lhey successfuIIy ieliieve Spocks
lody and liansfei his consciousness fion McCoy. Hovevei, lhe
success is lilleisveel as nany saciifices had lo le nade. Kiik has lo
deslioy his leIoved ship in oidei lo defeal an eneny. As Kiik
valches his ship lIov up he luins lo McCoy and says, My Cod
ones vhal have I done` McCoy iesponds, Whal you had lo do,
vhal you aIvays do, luin dealh inlo a chance foi Iife. Kiik aIvays
knev vhal lo do vhen lhe heal vas on. Anyone can nake a good
decision vhen lhe piessuie is nol on (aIlhough fev do), lul vhen
lhe piessuie is innense you find oul vho you ieaIIy aie and vhal
you aie nade of. The ship is nol lhe onIy saciifice lhal occuis aIong
lhe vay. Kiiks son is caughl ly lhe eneny and kiIIed vhen he liies
lo piolecl his fiiends. Like his falhei he is couiageous and piepaied
lo saciifice foi lhe lenefil of olheis.
Spocks falhei Saiek is lIovn avay ly vhal Kiik venl lhiough
lo heIp Spock. Saiek says lhe cosl vas loo high and Kiik iesponds ly
saying lhal if he nevei liied lhe cosl vouId have leen his souI. Thal
is lhe cosl foi you foi nol having lhe couiage lo aspiie lo giealness.
Thal is lhe cosl lo you foi nol having lhe couiage lo puisue youi
passion. Whal you Iose is eveiylhing. Shakespeaie said lhal a liave
nan dies lul once, lul a covaid dies nany lines. A Iife of quiel
despeialion is a piocess of dying a IillIe lil each day.
Many of you nay le faiIing lo see lhe conneclion lelveen gieal
novies Iike The UnlouchalIes, Slai Tiek III, and youi ovn Iife.
Neilhei sloiy is ieaI so vhal possilIe ieaI voiId appIicalion couId
lhey have` You aie nissing lhe poinl. Sloiies aie an inpoilanl
conponenl on hov ve giov in lhis voiId. We Ieain a Iol aloul Iife
lhiough sloiies. We deiive a gieal deaI of inspiialion lo le lellei
peopIe lhiough sloiies. We acquiie couiage and peiseveiance lo
push haid and achieve oui goaIs lhiough sloiies. Yel nany faiI lo see
lhe conneclion and appIy vhal lhey Ieain lhiough sloiies lo lheii
233
ovn Iife. They faiI lo lecone lhe heioes lhey need lo le lo save
lhenseIves. They valch a novie and lhen go on vilh lheii Iives
conpIeleIy unaffecled. A gieal novie oi sloiy has lhe povei lo Ieave
us a diffeienl peison. Sloiies have lhe povei lo nake us push haidei
lo evoIve and Ieain noie aloul ouiseIves.
The piolIen is ve fai loo oflen pIay lhe disliaclion gane. We do
nol vanl lo lhink aloul vho ve aie, lo do so is a Iel dovn. We aie
nol as couiageous as lhe chaiacleis in novies oi noveIs. Il is nuch
easiei lo Iead a Iife of quiel despeialion and lo sinpIy go vilh lhe
fIov. Such peopIe aie nevei genuineIy happy no nallei hov good
lhey aie al Iying lo lhenseIves. UnfoilunaleIy noie peopIe aie lellei
al Iying lo lhenseIves lhen lhey aie al leing honesl vhich is lhe fiisl
ciilicaI ingiedienl lo evei Iasling change and evoIulion.
This look is aloul laking chaige of youi Iife and having lhe
couiage lo nake youi Iife youi nessage. In lhe end lhe liulh is in
youi aclions nol in vhal you say. Youi Iife is lhe nosl poveifuI
nessage lhal you can convey lo olheis. Living youi aulhenlic Iife, is
noie poveifuI lhan any look you nay viile, oi anylhing you nay
say.
Life is aloul facing chaIIenges fuII on. Il is aloul nol leing afiaid
lo nake nislakes, having lhe vheievilhaI lo Ieain fion nislakes,
and having lhe couiage and iesoIve lo keep pushing foivaid. Il is
aloul Iiving vilh Ioss, Iiving vilh gain, and jusl fIal oul Iiving. Nol
Iiving vicaiiousIy lhiough olheis, oi accepling a Iife lhal is nol youi
fuII polenliaI.
You knov vhal you need lo do. You do nol need lo go lo a no-
livalionaI seninai. You do nol need lo sign up foi counseIing
sessions. You knov vhal you need lo do if you aie viIIing lo le
honesl vilh youiseIf. Slop Iying lo youiseIf and lake chaige of youi
Iife. The lining viII nevei le peifecl. The slais aie nol going lo aIign
and caive an easy palh foi you. Doing noie ieseaich viII nol heIp.
Wailing lo gel appiovaI oi a pal fion olheis viII nol heIp. You aie in
lhe iing of Iife aIone, and you have lo fighl lhe good fighl and le
consuned ly lhe piocess - lhal you aiiive al lhe deslinalion vilhoul
Mike MahIei
234
leing allached lo lhe goaI. The cIock is licking and you aie iunning
oul of line. Lach day you deIay is anolhei day vasled. Lach day you
accepl a Iife of nediociily is anolhei day vasled.
WiII lhings gel easiei vhen you luin youi liidges and finaIIy
puisue youi passion` In sone vays yes and in olhei vays lhings
viII gel haidei, nuch haidei! Why go aflei youi passion if il viII
nake youi Iife haidei` ecause you viII nol caie lhal youi Iife is
haidei. Il is vhal you vanl lo do. You viII enliace lhe adveisily
and enjoy eveiy ninule of il.
The uddha said lhal Iife is suffeiing and he vas iighl. Hovev-
ei, vilhin lhal suffeiing is lhe giealesl pIeasuie of aII lhe oppoilunily
foi seIf-ieaIizalion. The oppoilunily lo ieaIIy find oul vho you aie
and vhal you aie nade of. UnliI you have faced najoi chaIIenges
you viII nevei le fuIIy seIf-ieaIized. UnliI you face dealh head on
you viII nevei liuIy appieciale youi Iife.
Whalevei youi passion is. Il viII le veiy haid lo nake il happen.
Il viII lake Iongei lhan you lhink and you viII suffei aIong lhe vay.
When you do finaIIy nake il happen, chaIIenges lhal you nevei
leIieved you couId handIe viII cone youi vay, and you knov
vhal` You viII do jusl fine. In facl you viII enjoy il. When you Iook
lack you viII niss lhe chaIIenges and vanl lhen lack. You viII niss
lhe lhiiII of lhe day you decided lhal you deseive noie in Iife and
had lhe couiage lo finaIIy puisue il and nevei Iook lack. You viII
niss ioIIing up youi sIeeves and gelling youi hands diily.
Whal do you Iose in nevei liying` SiniIai lo Kiik if you nevei
liy lhe cosl viII le youi souI.
Whal aie you piepaied lo do nov`

235
)$&$)$43$*
"C DE CDFG CH IDJG IDKG LMMNGEEDJGIO,
Candhi, Mahalna. 1993. Gandni An Au|coicgrapnq. Tnc S|crq cf Mq
|xpcrincn|s li|n Tru|n. oslon, MA.: eacon Iiess.
3PLQCGN 0RG
HofnekIei, Oii. 2OO7. Tnc An|i-cs|rcgcnic Dic|. eikIey, CA.: Noilh
AlIanlic ooks.
HofnekIei, Oii. 2OO8. Maxinun Musc|c, Mininun |a|. eikIey, CA.:
Noilh AlIanlic ooks.
Richaids, yion. 2OO9. Mas|cring |cp|in. MinneapoIis, MN.: WeIIness
Resouices ooks.
Seais, aiiy. 1998. Tnc An|i-aging Zcnc. Nev Yoik, NY.: WiIIian
Moiiov.
3PLQCGN 5SH
Maicinko, Richaid. 1997. |cadcrsnip Sccrc|s cf |nc Rcguc larricr. Nev
Yoik, NY.: Iockel.
3PLQCGN &DJG
CiIleil, DanieI. 2OO6. S|uno|ing cn Happincss. Nev Yoik, NY.: Knopf.
3PLQCGN 4DRG
IoIIan, MichaeI. 2OO8. |n Dcfcnsc cf |ccd. An |a|crs Manifcs|c. Nev
Yoik, NY.: Ienguin Iiess.
Mike MahIei
236
3PLQCGN $IGJGR
MilcheII, Sleven. 2OOO. 8nagatad Gi|a. A Ncu Trans|a|icn. Nev Yoik,
NY.: Thiee Riveis Iiess.
3PLQCGN 5SGIJG
CIadveII, MaIcoIn. 2OO8. Ou||icrs. Nev Yoik, NY.: LillIe iovn And
Conpany.
3PLQCGN 5PDNCGGR
Lehiei, }onah. 2OO9. Hcu lc Dccidc. Nev Yoik, NY.: HMH IulIish-
ing.
3PLQCGN *DTCGGR
CoyIe, DanieI. 2OO9. Tnc Ta|cn| Ccdc. Nev Yoik, NY.: A anlan
ook.
HaIey, AIex, MaIcoIn X. 1987. Tnc Au|coicgrapnq cf Ma|cc|n X. As
Tc|d |c A|cx Ha|cq. Nev Yoik, NY.: aIIanline ooks.
3PLQCGN *GJGRCGGR
HaIey, AIex, MaIcoIn X. 1987. Tnc Au|coicgrapnq cf Ma|cc|n X. As
Tc|d |c A|cx Ha|cq. Nev Yoik, NY.: aIIanline ooks.
3PLQCGN 4DRGCGGR
AiieIy, Dan. 2OO8. Prcdic|ao|q |rra|icna|. Nev Yoik, NY.: Haipei
CoIIins.
3PLQCGN 5SGRCO
CaIIaghei, Maily. 2OO8. Tnc Purpcscfu| Prini|itc. Sainl IauI, MN.:
Diagondooi IulIicalions.
HaIIinan, }oseph T. 2OO9. lnq lc Ma|c Mis|a|cs. Nev Yoik, NY.:
ioadvay ooks.
237
3PLQCGN 5SGRCO8HRG
LIfinslone, Hugo W. 2OO7. Ccnpassicna|c Hcncs|q. Iiedeiick, MD.:
IulIish Aneiica.
3PLQCGN 5SGRCO8CSH
Zinlaido, IhiIip. 2OO8. Tnc |ucifcr |ffcc|. Nev Yoik, NY.: Randon
House Tiade Iapeilacks.
3PLQCGN 5SGRCO8CPNGG
Lanleil, KeIIy. 2OO8. |if|ing Dcprcssicn. Nev Yoik, NY.: asic ooks.
3PLQCGN 5SGRCO8KHUN
LIIiol, }ohn. 2OO6. Otcracnictcncn|. Tnc Ncu Scicncc cf lcr|ing |css |c
Acccnp|isn. Nev Yoik, NY.: IoilfoIio ooks.
3PLQCGN 5SGRCO8KDJG
LIIiol, }ohn. 2OO6. Otcracnictcncn|. Tnc Ncu Scicncc cf lcr|ing |css |c
Acccnp|isn. Nev Yoik, NY.: IoilfoIio ooks.
3PLQCGN 5SGRCO8EDT
Iadinan, Iiagei. 1999. |sscn|ia| Sufisn. Nev Yoik, NY.: HaipeiOne.
Heileil, Iiank. 199O. Dunc. Nev Yoik, NY.: Ace ooks.
3PLQCGN 5SGRCO8EGJGR
Chu, Chin-Ning. 2OOO. Dc |css, Acnictc Mcrc. Nev Yoik, NY.: Haipei
Iapeilacks.
3PLQCGN 5PDNCO
CoIvin, Ceoff. 2OO8. Ta|cn| |s Otcrra|cd. Nev Yoik, NY.: IoilfoIio
Haidcovei
Mike MahIei
238
3PLQCGN 5PDNCO8CSH
CIadveII, MaIcoIn. 2OO2. Tnc Tipping Pcin|. Nev Yoik, NY.: ack
ay ooks.
3PLQCGN 5PDNCO8CPNGG
Ieiiis, Tinolhy. 2OO7. Tnc 4-Hcur lcr|ucc|. Nev Yoik, NY.: Ciovn
IulIishing Cioup.
3PLQCGN 5PDNCO8EDT
Shepheid, Adan. 2OO7. Scra|cn 8cginnings. Nev Yoik, NY.: S Iiess.
3HRVIUEDHR
Aesop. 1996. Acscps |ao|cs. Nev Yoik, NY.: Ienguin IopuIai
CIassics.

239
'(()$**"#$ *5)$4(5/ )$30--$42$2
)$'2"4( !"*5
Theie aie nany looks lhal I find lhoughl piovoking and lhis Iisl
vouId go on foi 1OO pages if I Iisled eveiy singIe one. Hovevei, I
lhink lhe foIIoving aie a gieal seIeclion lhal you viII enjoy. I
ieconnend aII of lhen highIy.
*$!& "4#$450)+
The foIIoving aie a Iisl of looks lhal viII nake a lienendous inpacl
on youi lusiness Iife. In addilion, lhese looks viII piovide sone
insighl on hov you and olheis opeiale. The noie you knov aloul
youiseIf and olheis lhe sliongei you aie.
|if|ing Dcprcssicn ly KeIIy Lanleil, Ih.D
A veiy inleiesling look and Di Lanleil does a gieal jol delaiIing
vhal acluaIIy voiks foi lallIing depiession and inpioving nood.
She does a gieal jol conveying lhe pilfaIIs of laIk lheiapy and aIso
coveis lhe inpoilance of lhe sex hoinone DHLA foi oplinaI nood.
As soneone lhal sludies hoinone oplinizalion I knov hov in-
poilanl il is lo have oplinaI IeveIs of DHLA foi oplinaI sliess
nanagenenl. The lellei youi sliess ieseives lhe lellei you viII feeI.
I vas eIaled lo see Di Lanleil discuss lhe inpoilance of DHLA as
fev heaIlh piofessionaIs aie as piogiessive.
Mike MahIei
24O
Tnc Ta|cn| Ccdc ly DanieI CoyIe
This is a fascinaling Iook al vhy laIenl is oveiialed. IeopIe lhal aie
successfuI aie nasleis lecause lhey pul in 1O,OOO houis of conceiled
effoil in lheii ciafls. Il is nol sonelhing lhey aie loin vilh, il is
sonelhing lhal is deveIoped lhiough houis and yeais of focused
effoils.
Tnc Ncu Scicncc Of lcr|ing |css Tc Acccnp|isn Mcrc ly }ohn
LIIiol, Ih.D
An inleiesling Iook al hov lo use sliess and piessuie lo ones
advanlage. Sliess and piessuie nakes one shaip and you shouId nol
le voiiied if you feeI lolh lefoie laking on any chaIIenge. In facl
you shouId le voiiied if you do nol feeI eilhei.
lnq lc Ma|c Mis|a|cs ly }oe HaIIinan
A gieal Iook al lhe ieasons vhy ve nake nislakes and vhy ve keep
naking lhen. Leain vhy fev Ieain fion lheii nislakes and keep
naking lhe sane nislakes ovei and ovei again. Once you knov vhy
you keep naking lhe sane nislakes you can do sonelhing aloul il.
AppIied infoinalion is povei and lhis look is slacked vilh il.
Tnic| |acc, 8|ac| Hcar| ly Chin-Ning Chu
This is one of lhe lesl in youi face nolivalionaI looks peiiod. Il
disnisses lhe nylhs aloul lhe necessily of posilive lhinking lo le
successfuI. Yes you can le a negalive SO and sliII Iead a veiy
successfuI Iife. If you aie evei in a pIace vheie negolialion is a
necessily, you viII vanl lo appIy lhe lips fion lhis look. Cel il iighl
nov. If you do nol Iike lhis look lhen you have supei high esliogen
IeveIs and ieaIIy need heIp. This is a leslosleione look if lheie evei
vas one and any peison lhal vanls lo lake chaige of his oi hei Iife
viII Iove lhe look.
241
Tnc Au|coicgrapnq cf Ma|cc|n X ly MaIcoIn X as loId lo
AIdous HuxIey
An inciedilIe jouiney lhal shovs vhal evoIving is aII aloul. MaI-
coIn conlinued lo evoIve foi lhe lellei in his Iife ly conlinuing
chaIIenging his leIief syslens and his unquenchalIe desiie lo giov
spiiiluaIIy. I aIvays find veII-viillen auloliogiaphies inleiesling as
ve can Ieain a gieal deaI fion lhe expeiiences of olheis and al lhe
sane line Ieain a Iol aloul ouiseIves and hov lo evoIve.
Tnc |tc|u|icn Of A Crc-nagncn ly }ohn }oseph
I giev up Iislening lo lhe Iegendaiy land The Cio-Mags. I sav lhen
Iive nany lines. olh }ohn }oseph and The Cio-nags lassisl HaiIey
IIanagan had a gieal inpacl on ny Iife and phiIosophy. I gol inlo
vegelaiianisn lecause of lhen and lhey shoved cIeaiIy lhal one
couId le sliong and fil on a vegelaiian diel. }ohns look vas an
inleiesling iead foi ne as il shoved hov his veiy difficuIl Iife
conliiluled lo lhe nusic he sang. The oiigins of The Cio-nags and
aII lhe lehind lhings lhal happened vilh lhe land veie veiy
enleilaining. Hovevei, lhe lesl pail of lhe look is hov }ohn look lhe
innense suffeiing he venl lhiough and found a vay lo luin il inlo
good foi lhe lenefil of olhei leings. His look encouiaged ne lo lake
iisks vilh ny ovn look and discuss nalleis lhal aie veiy difficuIl lo
laIk aloul lul aie a necessily foi aII of us. You viII find lhis a gieal
iead even if you aie nol a fan of The Cio-nags.
lna| lcu|d Macniatc||i Dc? Tnc |nds ]us|ifq Tnc Mcanncss ly
SlanIey ing
SeveiaI yeais ago, a fiiend ieconnended lhal I check oul a look
enlilIed The Iiince ly NiccoIo MachiaveIIi. WhiIe I lhoughl lhal lhe
look vas exceIIenl, I feIl lhal lhe Ianguage vas aichaic and lhal lhe
look vas difficuIl lo conpiehend. SlanIey ing addiessed lhis
piolIen effecliveIy vilh his oulslanding look. SlanIey's look is lolh
enleilaining and educalionaI and packed vilh infoinalion lhal
Mike MahIei
242
eveiy lusinesspeison needs lo knov. WhiIe I do nol necessaiiIy
ieconnend lhal you piaclice sone of lhe leachings in SlanIey's
look, SlanIey does go ovei nany lhings lhal you alsoIuleIy need lo
knov. Knoving vhen and hov peopIe aie liying lo nanipuIale you
is ciilicaI and lhis look viII ieveaI a gieal deaI aloul connon
nelhods lhal nany peopIe use.
Tnc Ar| Of lar ly Sun Tzu
This look is a cIassic lhal eveiy nan and vonan shouId have in his
oi hei peisonaI Iiliaiy. In facl, if you have nol iead lhis look, lhen
gel off lhe conpulei and go pick up a copy al youi IocaI looksloie. If
you aie loo cheap foi lhal, lhen al Ieasl go lo youi IocaI Iiliaiy and
gel a copy nov. Sun Tzu vas a liiIIianl vaiiioi and you do nol have
lo le a soIdiei lo lenefil fion his voik. Anyone lhal is a nanage-
nenl, a coach, oi any olhei posilion in vhich you aie in chaige of
olheis needs lo iead lhis look. This look viII leach you hov lo iaIIy
lhe lioops lo gel lhe jol done. In addilion, lhis look viII leach you
hov lo acl in vaiious silualions lo slack lhe deck in youi favoi. If
lhal does nol nolivale you lo iead il, lhen you olviousIy do nol caie
aloul leing successfuI in any vay.
A 8cc| Of |itc Rings ly Miyanolo Musashi
WhiIe lhis is a look on effeclive svoid fighling, lhe paiaIIeIs lo seIf-
nasleiy in any fieId aie anazing. As you Ieain aloul hov lo le an
effeclive svoidsnan, you viII Ieain hov lo naslei vhalevei youi
fieId is. WhiIe Sun Tzu's Ail Of Wai focuses on hov lo Iead a
gioup, Musashi's "ook Of Iive Rings" focuses on hov lo Iead
youiseIf. olh aie necessaiy as leing in lhe voiId, foi nosl of us il
neans lhal ve viII le inleiacling vilh olheis and need nasleiy of
seIf lo do so effecliveIy.
243
Un|casning Tnc larricr li|nin ly Richaid Machovicz
I had lhe pIeasuie of doing an inleiviev vilh Richaid vhen I fiisl
gol slailed in lhe liaining voiId. Richaid is a seiious slud and unIike
olhei peopIe lhal viile looks aloul goaI selling and nolivalion,
Richaid acluaIIy piaclices vhal he pieaches and ieveaIs cIeaiIy hov
his phiIosophy kepl hin aIive in dozens of neai dealh silualions.
Richaid is a len-yeai veleian of lhe eIile Navy SeaIs and in addilion
lo viiling looks and doing seninais, Richaid piovides secuiily foi
nany of HoIIyvood's eIile. He does nol insuIl youi inleIIigence vilh
lhis look and denonsliales cIeaiIy vhal il lakes lo le anong lhe
eIile.
Tnc Truc 8c|ictcr. Tncugn|s On Tnc Na|urc Of Mass Mctcncn|s
ly Liic Hoffei
This is a fascinaling anaIysis of lhe naluie of nass novenenls and
vhal kind of peopIe aie alliacled lo lhen. Hoffei coveis lhe condi-
lions lhal aie connon lhal cause peopIe lo le diavn lo nass
novenenls and lhe fiighlening lhings lhal peopIe aie capalIe of
vhen lhey Iose lheii individuaIily and lecone pail of a gioup.
Hoffei expIains lhal leing an individuaI can le loo nuch of a
iesponsiliIily foi nany peopIe lo handIe and lhey vanl lhe iIIusoiy
fieedon lhal cones vilh ieIinquishing povei lo anolhei peison oi
gioup. One of lhe nosl inleiesling quoles fion lhe look is, They
vho cIanoi Ioudesl foi fieedon aie oflen lhe ones Ieasl IikeIy lo le
happy in a fiee sociely. Many peopIe find noie pIeasuie in leing
pail of a gioup lhal is fighling foi a cause lhan leing an individuaI
aflei lhe goaI of lhe cause has leen acquiied. If you have evei
vanled lo knov vhy sone peopIe aie sliong individuaIs vhiIe
olheis seek confoil in lhe confines of a novenenl, lhen lhis is a
look lhal is foi you.
Mike MahIei
244
'3/"$#"4( *633$**
Tnin| And Grcu Ricn ly NapoIeon HiII
Ioigel aloul Tony Rollins and aII of lhe olhei nodein day noliva-
lionaI speakeis and seIf-heIp guius. This is lhe look lhal slailed il aII
and lhe onIy one you need lo iead on hov lo acquiie veaIlh and
achieve youi goaIs. NapoIeon engages vilh lhe ieadei effecliveIy
and lhis nay veiy veII le lhe one look lhal changes youi Iife. I have
iead il dozens of lines and sliII luin lo il vhen I need exlia noliva-
lion lo caiiy foivaid. WhiIe lhe focus of lhe look is on lhe acquisi-
lion of veaIlh, you can use lhe piincipIes lhal NapoIeon ieveaIs lo le
successfuI in any endeavoi.
Managcncn| Sccrc|s cf |nc Rcguc larricr ly Richaid Maicinko
Richaid Maicinko is anolhei veleian of lhe Navy SeaIs and knovs a
lhing oi lvo aloul hov lo nolivale olheis and vhal il lakes lo le
successfuI. Whal SlanIey ing did foi MachiaveIIi's voik, Richaid
has done foi Sun Tzu's voik. If you have lioulIe gelling aII of lhe
conlenl in "The Ail Of Wai" lhen iead Richaid's looks lo see lhe
leachings in a nodein conlexl. AppIying Richaid's leachings nighl
nol nake you lhe nosl popuIai peison, lul il viII ceilainIy nake
you a Ieadei and soneone lhal slands foi sonelhing, ialhei lhan
leing a poIilician.
Scx Mcncq Kiss ly Cene Sinnons
I an nol a fan of lhe land KISS. Hovevei, lhey aie one of lhe nosl
successfuI iock lands and lheii success goes vay leyond naking
iecoids. No land has lhe IeveI of lianding lhal lhey have. The
lienendous success of lhe land has a gieal deaI lo do vilh Cene
Sinnons. This is a veiy inleiesling look aloul Cene's phiIosophy on
Iife and his ideas on hov lo nake a lon of noney. Cene is an
engaging viilei and conveys his poinls cIeaiIy and in an enleilain-
ing nannei. He is a sliaighl shoolei lhal is nol liying lo le IC oi vin
245
lhe popuIai vole. You nay nol agiee vilh eveiylhing he leIieves,
lul lhis look viII give you a Iol lo lhink aloul.
Pu||ing Ycur Oun S|rings ly Di Wayne Dyei
Thal is iighl, lhe laId guy lhal is on IS aII of lhe line laIking lo a
ioon fuII of sniIing ex-hippies. This is one of Di. Dyei's oIdei looks
and is nuch noie haidcoie lhan his nev age sluff. Di. Dyei ieveaIs
aII of lhe diffeienl vays in vhich peopIe liy lo viclinize olheis and
lhe nuneious vays in vhich peopIe viclinize lhenseIves. One of
lhe lesl Iines fion lhe look is "Risk laking is al lhe heail of nol leing
viclinized ly inslilulions and luieauciacies." Lveiyday you viII
cone acioss peopIe lhal pIay povei ganes vilh you. These peopIe
can cone in lhe foin of co-voikeis, fiiends, faniIy, losses, elc.
Leain hov lo le avaie of peopIe lhal aie liying lo puII youi sliings
and vhal lo do lo avoid leing a viclin.
|rcnMind. S|rcngcr Minds, S|rcngcr 8cdics ly RandaII Sliossen,
IH.D
eing sliong is fai noie lhan vhal you can do physicaIIy. If you aie
sliong physicaIIy, lul veak nenlaIIy lhen you aie nissing a ciuciaI
eIenenl of oveiaII slienglh. The nind pIays a gieal ioIe in lhe
acquisilion of physicaI slienglh. You aie onIy going lo go so fai if
you aie nol nenlaIIy lough. This look is a conpiIalion of Sliossen's
exceIIenl nonlhIy coIunns in Iionnan Magazine. If you aie inleiesl-
ed in enhancing lhe nenlaI side of slienglh liaining, lhen lhis is lhe
look foi you. Aflei you iead lhe look, you viII undeisland vhy
sociaI piessuie can le a giovlh inhililoi, hov innei quaIilies
liansfei lo oulei iesuIls, hov lo deveIop concenlialion, and hov lo
foige lhiough fiuslialion.

Mike MahIei
246
*9")"56'!"5+ '42 "44$) 2$#$!09-$45
In loday's voiId il is fai loo easy lo lecone supei naleiiaIislic and
foigel aloul vhal is ieaIIy inpoilanl in Iife. I have seen nany peopIe
giov oId and vhiIe on lheii dealh leds, lhey oflen have iegiels
aloul nol ciealing enough neaning in lheii Iives. eIieve ne, you
viII nol vish lhal you spenl noie line al lhe office vhen youi line
cones oi lhal you nade noie noney. Life iequiies laIance, and lo
heIp you keep youiseIf and chaiaclei in lacl, you need a sliong
spiiiluaI foundalion. Nov, I an nol heai lo conveil anyone lo any
ieIigion and picking a ieIigion does nol necessaiy nean lhal you viII
luiId a spiiiluaI foundalion. Thal is a palh lhal you have lo go aIone
and discovei foi youiseIf. Heie aie a fev looks lhal have heIped ne
vilh innei deveIopnenl.
Tnc 8nagatad Gi|a |rans|a|icn ly Slephen MilcheII
The Cila is ly fai ny favoiile spiiiluaI look. I fiisl iead il vhen I
vas eighleen and have iead il dozens of lines ovei lhe yeais. Lveiy
line I iead il I Ieain sonelhing nev. Il vas lhe fiisl look lhal I iead
lhal pIaces enphasis lhe inpoilance of nol leing allached lo lhe
iesuIls of oui aclions and lhe inpoilance of finding oui puipose in
Iife and having lhe couiage lo acluaIize il. The leachings on nol
leing a sIave lo ones ego and connecling lo sonelhing nuch highei
lhan oneseIf is lineIess and veiy ieIevanl in oui voiId loday.
Dunc ly Iiank Heileil
Dune is ly fai lhe lesl science ficlion look evei viillen! The ny-
lhoIogy is iich vilh spiiiluaI leachings and nans sliuggIe foi
Iileialion and lhe inevilaliIily of ones desliny. Much of lhe poIilics
in lhe sloiy is ieIevanl lo oui voiId loday and lhe paiaIIeIs aie
uncanny. The leachings on hov lo handIe feai and peiseveie aie
voilh lhe iead aIone.
247
8cing Pcacc ly Thich Nhal Hanh
Thich Nhal Hanh is a vondeifuI hunan leing and his looks aie
nagicaI. Thich lieaks dovn lhe fundanenlaIs of uddhisn inlo a
conlexl lhal is easy lo conpiehend and piaclice. RegaidIess of vhal
youi ieIigious leIiefs aie, you viII find lhe leachings in lhis look
univeisaI, usefuI, and insighlfuI.
laq cf Tnc Pcaccfu| larricr ly Dan MiIInan
This is a look lhal I ieluin lo oflen vhenevei I vanl sone noliva-
lion and cIaiily in Iife. Il is pail ficlion and pail non-ficlion, lul aII
lhoughl piovoking and veII viillen. I ieaIIy Iike looks lhal use
sloiies lo convey spiiiluaI ideas aloul hov lo Iive a deepei Iife.
Thiough ieading aloul Dan's jouiney fion his nenloi "Sociales",
you viII pondei a gieal deaI on youi ovn Iife and lhink aloul vhal
you can inpiove on lo achieve a highei IeveI of veII-leing.
Tnc Sufi Pa|n Tc Mindfu|ncss ly Kalii HeIninski
The Sufi phiIosophy conlains a veaIlh of spiiiluaI infoinalion.
UnfoilunaleIy, il can le veiy difficuIl lo undeisland nany of lhe
concepls. IoilunaleIy, Kalii lieaks dovn lhe Sufi phiIosophy inlo a
nodein conlexl lhe nasses viII have no lioulIe conpiehending.
This is a gieal look lhal I iefei lo fiequenlIy.
Tnc Cc|cs|inc Prcpnccq ly }anes RedfieId
}anes does an anazing jol of ieveaIing univeisaI spiiiluaI leachings
in an enleilaining foinal. The sloiy is inleiesling ly ilseIf and I lhink
lhal il is inciedilIe hov }anes skiIIfuIIy adds in spiiiluaI leachings as
you foIIov lhe sloiy. I Iike hov he goes ovei lhe eneigy lallIes lhal
peopIe oflen have vilh each olhei and hov desliuclive lhey aie.
Anolhei gieal look foi Ieaining aloul youiseIf and olheis.
Mike MahIei
248
|snnac| ly DanieI Quinn
Theie vas once a line vhen nan Iived vilh lhe eailh and onIy look
vhal vas necessaiy. UnfoilunaleIy, loday peopIe lend lo vasle lhe
voiId's iesouices and lhe devaslaling effecls on lhe voiId and aII of
lhe voiId's leings aie onIy loo appaienl. IshnaeI is a gieal voik of
ficlion in vhich a CoiiIIa leIIs an unIikeIy heio aloul vhal couise
needs lo le laken lo save lhe voiId. This is a veiy enleilaining and
ciealive look vilh a lineIy nessage.

249
$2"5"4( 3)$2"5*
Sarina Dcr|scn fcr fina| cdi|ing And prccfrcading fcr a|| cnap|crs
5$)$*' :!';$+ $2"5$2 5/$ &0!!01"4( 3/'95$)*
- Is Having A Iosilive Allilude Oveiialed`
- The Dangeis Of AIvays Acconnodaling
- Donl ReIy On Youi IIIusoiy Menoiy
- Nelvoiking Mylhs! Il Is Moie Than Who You Knov
- Donl Lvei Cel InvoIved Wilh Nelvoik Maikeling Conpanies
- Why Youi Need Ioi Iiaise Is HoIding You ack
- Aie We econing A Nalion Of Oilhoiexics`
- Aie You Iiepaied To AcluaIIy Take Advice`
- Doing Whal You Love Is Haid Woik
- Youi IIaved Decision Making Iiocess Is Why You IaiI
- Addiclion To Conslanl Lnleilainnenl Makes Success InpossilIe
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Making Then
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- eing Risk Adveise Makes You Success Adveise
Mike MahIei
25O
- WiII You Lel A Knife Iievenl You Iion Conqueiing Youi
CoaI`
- Is Lxpeiience Oveiialed`
- I Nevei Saved Anylhing foi lhe Svin ack
- Wailing Ioi Ieinission Is A Suie Iiie Way To IaiI
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- Is Happiness Deleinined y Oui Cenelics`
- Is Happiness Deleinined y Oui Cenelics` Iail Tvo
- Slop ConpIaining And Take Chaige Of Youi Life
'!$> (0$5;&)"$2 $2"5$2 5/$ &0!!01"4(
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- Why You Musl Oplinize Youi Hoinones
Do You Have The Couiage To LvoIve`
- The ReaI allIe Is Wilhin
- Lnliace Conpassion IuIIy Oi e Deslioyed y Angei
- eing A Cieal Teachei Is Nol Lasy
- Whal Aie You Iiepaied To Do Nov`

':065 5/$ '65/0)
Mike MahIei is a filness infoinalion piovidei lased in Las Vegas,
NV. Mike has leen a slienglh liainei and kellIeleII insliucloi foi
ovei nine yeais and has laughl voikshops aII ovei lhe US and
oveiseas. His cuiienl focus is on lhe fieId of hoinone oplinizalion
via nuliilion, liaining, and IifeslyIe.
Mike is aIso a iespecled viilei, knovn foi his honesl and fIuff-fiee
slyIe, and has viillen ovei a hundied ailicIes foi pulIicalions such
as: Musc|c c |i|ncss, Mcns |i|ncss, Hardccrc Musc|c Magazinc, P|anc|
Musc|c, Tcs|cs|crcnc Magazinc, |rcnnan Magazinc, |rcnnan Magazinc
]apan, |ndus|rq Magazinc, and |xcrcisc Magazinc |cr Mcn. Mike has
aIso leen fealuied in Musc|c c |i|ncss, UPN Ncus, and C8S Ncus.
Ioi noie info, go lo vvv.nikenahIei.con

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