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OOPS! TONIGHT’S THE NIGHT

WE COULDN’T MAKE IT AND 2010, THE YEAR!
>>> For more, turn to P6 >>> For more, turn to P7
THE TIMES OF INDIA I THURSDAY I DECEMBER 31, 2009 OF INDIA

10 QUIRKY TAKE-BACKS FROM THE

YEAR THAT ENDS TONIGHT 1
ND Tiwari, much revered Congressman and, till last
week, Governor of Andhra Pradesh, has demolished the
myth that 86 is time to call it quits. He is still battling
paternity charges in court and last week was caught on
television camera romping naked with three young girls
in the Raj Bhavan, allegedly provided to him in return
for a promised mining lease. Now who was it who said
politics is the Cialis of our times?
6
Given our national obsession with entertainment, every
sport now wants to go the way of cricket. They want
to have their own IPLs. From kabbadi to hu tu tu tu,
ludo to fake freestyle wrestling, every sport and
wannabe sport in India wants to catch the big bucks
on prime time TV. Bingo with AB Jr hosting it gets the
first break. Next to come, Housie. AB Sr is campaigning
for Teen Patti.

2 7
Don’t try to fix what aint broke. The totally unnecessary The Congress party’s sudden obsession with austerity has
crisis over Telengana will continue to haunt Indian caught even its own ministers unaware. Fat MPs are
politics for the next decade at least. No one knows what desperately trying to squeeze themselves into economy
provoked the Government to go out on a limb and seats on budget airlines even though the average wealth
suddenly announce the state of Telengana and then of the Indian MP has grown over 350 per cent over the
backtrack almost immediately thereafter. But the net last session of parliament and one MP’s grew by a
result is everyone now wants an independent state, from staggering 6,000 per cent. In fact, you will soon find it
the residents of Malabar Hill to Rajnikanth’s fan club. difficult to find a MP or a MLA who is not a crorepati.

3 8
Anonymity became famous when Deve Gowda became
Prime Minister, just because all the other contestants for
the job checkmated each other. Inder Gujral, his
successor, came in the same way. Nitin Gadkari is the
latest example of anonymity in politics being the easiest
route to power. As top BJP bosses squabbled among
themselves, Gadkari (pretty much unknown even in
Maharashtra) sneaked in from nowhere and grabbed the
Top Job. Now everyone in the BJP is looking up Wikipedia.
The fall of Star Plus must be the surprise of all. The
No. 1 channel for over a decade, the one that defined
TV viewing for Indian audiences, the apple of Rupert
Murdoch’s eye is now a humble No. 3 in the hierarchy
of most watched GEC channels. A newbie, Colors has
grabbed the top slot consistently over the past few
months and old hand Zee is back in the reckoning as
No. 2. Can a KBC3 with Ranbir Kapoor revive Star’s
fortunes? Seriously doubt it.

4 9
LK Advani must be last man standing who believes in the The movie and cricket stars who were making billions of
power of rath yatras. As modern India fights to regain its bucks off their brand endorsement contracts have been
8 per cent growth rate in 2010 and Indian MNCs are humbled yet again. No, not by the charming pug this
busy conquering foreign markets, the forlorn partriarch time but by the amazing ZooZoos. Vodafone has shown
of the party that once boasted of India Shining now talks the way yet again by spurning star endorsers and creating
of going off on yet another rath yatra. But who will a campaign that has won its way into everyone’s heart by
follow his lonely yatra into oblivion? Not his partywalas its sheer simplicity and magic. The ZooZoos are today the
for sure. They are backing the RSS’s new Trojan horse. No. 1 clutter breaker on TV and bigger than any star.

5 10
Bollywood has finally acquired Hollywood’s skill in All over the world, recession last year saw tumbling sales,
making monster budget monstrosities that fall hard and slashed salaries, companies shutting down, out of work
fast at the box office. This year the number of big people selling off their homes and cars at throwaway prices.
budget movies in Bollywood more than quadrupled. So India’s the only country where recession saw car sales zoom.
did the number of thundering flops. But is that going to Malls and multiplexes went empty. People lost their jobs. But
change the culture of Bollywood? Unlikely. There are more car sales kept growing and growing. So next time you see
monster budget monstrosities in the offing. More full page car sales zoom, be careful. Another recession may be round
ads declaring disastrous flops as the year’s biggest hits? the corner. Welcome to 2010 and the new decade!

I
PRITISH NANDY have a neurotic dislike for year-
end surveys. I hate people
HATES PEOPLE foisting on me their (usually
FOISTING ON HIM boring and humbug) opinions
about the year’s most
THEIR (USUALLY momentous events or telling me
what they think were the year’s 10
BORING AND best movies, books, music albums,
HUMBUG) art shows or technological
innovations. It always ends up with
OPINIONS ABOUT long tiresome tributes to the genius
THE YEAR’S MOST of Aamir Khan or the amazing
sexuality of the new size zero Vaio.
MOMENTOUS Since I prefer to keep my own
EVENTS OR counsel (and no, I don’t think 3
Idiots is the greatest film ever made
TELLING HIM WHAT THEY THINK and the Chevrolet Cruze, however
WERE THE YEAR’S 10 BEST MOVIES, stunning it may look, can challenge
the artistry of Rembrandt) I try to
BOOKS, MUSIC ALBUMS, ART avoid reading these surveys and
SHOWS OR TECHNOLOGICAL would rather go for a long walk to
quietly introspect on what the year
INNOVATIONS. HE MIGHT HAVE A meant for me. Yet, however much I
introspect, no year ever means
NEUROTIC DISLIKE FOR SURVEYS anything to me. Moments do.
AND EVEN AVOID READING THEM People do. But no, not years. It
must be my fault. But I simply can’t
BUT HERE HE QUIETLY INTROSPECTS measure out my life by Pope
WHAT 2009 HAS MEANT FOR HIM Gregory XIII’s calendar.
What was this year like? Well, I
loved Adiga’s Between the
Assassinations though The White
Tiger was better. I enjoyed James
Cameron’s Avatar though it bored
me a wee bit at times. Spectacle is
always tiresome. I believe Twitter
will transform the way we talk to
each other. Just as IPL has redefined
Zeitgeist
2009
cricket as a reality show on TV. I am
also delighted we are now No. 1 in
the real format of the game.
Though it breaks my heart to see
how we are neglecting hockey, a
sport where we were once
world-beaters. I am sure Mumbai
partygoers will rock to Bipasha Basu
tonight as the clock strikes 12. It’s
great to see Shashi Tharoor still
tweeting against all odds, to tell the
world he is his own man even
though he may be a minister. But,
truth be told, I can’t see any of this
making or breaking 2009 for me.
Copenhagen’s failure left me
untouched. Rahul Gandhi’s dal
chawal dinners in UP’s dalit villages
were grand gestures that will
remain just that until the caste
politics of UP change.
The more things change, the
more they actually remain the
same. When our GDP grew at 2 per
cent a year, 40 per cent Indians
went to bed hungry at night and a
child died every 10 seconds due to
sickness and malnutrition. Today,
when we our GDP is growing at
7 per cent and may touch 8, and
we are seen as an emerging global
power, 40 per cent still go to bed
hungry at night and a child still dies
every 10 seconds. You can be
saddened by this changelessness or
delighted by the fact that we
remain constant irrespective of
whatever happens to the world.

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