Not another wedding

Sure, they can be lovely

But when you're a single girl and
most of your friends are married
Let's just say, going to weddings can be
treacherous
I know Courtney and Steve mean well...yet I'm
always at the losers' table
Okay, okay. I'll behave
Maybe for once the guy that they put me
next to will be...decent.
Weddings...what a joke
Beautiful Ceremony, wasnt it?
I couldn't believe they used 'thy shalt obey'
in the vows, who does that?
Actually, I was..um...I was just making a little
small talk.
Great, they set me next to that guy
What do you mean 'that guy'?
Well, I'm sure you're not wearing a ring
and you're what? Mid-30s?
Uh, late 20s
It's uh...a early 30s
Let me guess, you lease a really nice car you can
never buy,
you never cry in movies and you only bang hot
chicks.
Have we met?
No
They're perfect for each other
So, why don't you like weddings?
It's a silly fairy tale. Marrying the man of your
dreams
and living happily ever after and a gingerbread
house
nestled in a field of cotton candy.
Yummy
No, I mean there's no such thing as soulmates
So, you sleep around
Sorry, I'm not your type
I don't have a type, what makes you think I have a
type?
Please, you ever hear the phrase 'the clothes make

the man'?
I...I don't...maybe
Well.....look at you
What?
You were invited to a formal wedding, but you
obviously couldn't afford a tuxedo, so you decided
to get away from the dark suit and matching tie;
only you don't own a dark suit just a... navy blue
blazer which judging by the lapels
what? 10 years old?
Not that you couldn't afford a new one necessarily
but
because you also chose not to get it cleaned and
pressed.
I'm guessing you're one of those people that just
can't be
bother, as long as it still fits right why get a new
one,
Am I right?
-Wow. Uh... I...
-Which would also explain the jeans and the stain
on
your shirt. May I?
What are you..
Yeah, just like I thought. A clip on.
Yeah, just like I thought. A clip on.
You want me to show you?
Yeah,hey, show the world. Flash.
You don't know me
Hi, can you do me a favor? Would you mind
switching
seats with me? I don't think she'll attack her own.
Beer,please. Do you know the score in the game?
Thanks.
-Thank you. I really appreciate it.
-Your Welcome, Steve.
-Congratulations, bud.
-Thanks, man.
You have service?
May I?
-How do I know you won't call a 900 number?
-I won't
Fine.
1

-Hey. It's Vince. Is the monkey there?

-Yeah
-How did I do today?
-Not Good
-Damn it. Crap. Yeah, I know the
monkey's looking for me
-Thank You.
So how much do you owe?
I don't know what you're talking about.
You don't realise how transparent you are. Either
you
owe money or you're being stalked by a monkey.
It's not 'a' monkey. It's 'the' monkey
So how much do you owe 'the' monkey?
Enough.
-Congratulations.
-Thank You.
How big a haul would you say they'll take in?
Have you seen the registry? I mean who needs a
People say gambling's throwing your money away.
Plus, when I tried to get them something,
almost all the gifts had already been bought.
And you should see the pile of gifts
she got at the bridal shower.
I bet if you added up over the years, I've
spent 20 grand in wedding gifts.
Yeah, yeah, at least. I guess in real life it's
like a savings account.
We're supposed to get that money back
one day when we get married.
We? Like I'd marry a guy like you.
Really? I was kind of hoping we'd grow old
together
Besides the hernia and the back spasms,
I think that went very well.
-I owe you one, Moving is the biggest drag there is
-So you still scared?
I have no margin for error. I put all my savings
into the down payment. What if I get laid off?
Am I crazy for doing this?
Look, you've been saving for six years to buy your
first place.
You'll be fine. As long as you don't buy food or

gas
or, God forbid, turn on a light.
Ugh. Well, my whole food thing is overrated.
I'll just really miss this place. Seven years,
three boyfriends, four crash diets.
Ugh. That cabbage and cayenne-pepper thing
almost killed me.
I'm just gonna go take one last look around.
All right, I'll use the little boys' room.
It's great that you're moving into Courtney and
Steve's building.
Yeah, I wouldn't have found the apartment
otherwise.
I meant that they'll be there to help us unload on
the other end.
Don't you wish? They're still on their honeymoon.
-I'll meet you outside.
-Okay.
-Uh, Jennifer?
-Alright. I'll put it back.
Can I show you something?
-What happened?
-There's a slight possibility that I might have
left the keys in the ignition.
You are no longer my gay boyfriend.
Be the coffee maker. Be the coffee maker.
The Monkey sends his regards.
Fellas, how sweet. You decided to stop by, huh?
A phone call would have sufficed.
Yeah, listen, you've got something for him.
You have to tell the monkey I need some more
time.
Fellas, come on. There's got to be a choice.
There's always a choice, right?
Yeah, like we can leave you in here on the floor in
a
crumpled mess or out there on the tracks.
I'll let you decide.
Those are the only choices?
That's a bad cough, Vince. You might want to get
that
checked out.
- Now, we'll be back next week. Either you have
2

the
money by then or...?
- Yes.
It'll be monkey business?
I was just going to say break some bones, but that
was
way more clever. You know, you're smarter than
you look.
You guys are really a cliche, you know that?
- We are not.
- Are too.
- We are not.
Let's get out of here
-Congratulations.
-Excuse Me?
Oh well, I couldn't help but notice.You know,
there's an easier way to do that.
Everything is computerised these days,
so just choose what you want,
aim the gun at the barcode and pull the trigger.
It's a lot of fun.
Wow. This is fun.
Here you go. You know what they say?
It pays to get married.
-'Hey, it's Courtney. Leave me a message'.
-Hey, Courtney. It's Jennifer.I hope you guys are
having a great time on your honeymoon.
But, listen, um, there was a guy at the wedding.
I think his name was Vince.
Well, we were talking and I just have some
information for him,
so no big deal, but, you know, if you could call me
back with his number, that'd be great. Thanks.
Ooh, the monkey guy.
-Hi, is, uh... ? Is Monkey there?
-It's 'the' Monkey.
-What?
-You heard me.
'The' Monkey? You're the kidding, right?
No, I'm not kidding.
-Oh, Sorry.
-Who is this?
Listen, a guy named Vince called you the other

day from my phone,

and I really need to talk to him, but I don't have his
number
- I'll give it to you.
- Oh, that's great. Thanks.
-You're very 'the' kind.
-What are you, smart?
-Okay, I won't do it again. I'm sorry.
-I have to admit, I was a little surprised you called.
I didn't think you liked me.
- I don't.
- Well, I don't like you either.
- Great. Lunch?
Did you put it on a credit card? Maybe the
credit-card company insurance will pay for it.
I checked. The truck is covered, but not what was
in it.
That's too bad. You know, I still don't see what
all this has to do with me, though.
I was thinking about something you said at the
wedding about how
the money we put into wedding gifts is like a
savings account.
Well, I really need to make a withdrawal. Really,
really can't sleep
another night on throw pillows. So what I was
thinking was...
- I'm in.
- Well, I didn't even...
I'm in. I love it. It's perfect. I'm in. We stage a fake
wedding.
We invite everyone that we know. You register for
the stuff
you want to replace, I get to keep all the cash.
It's perfect. I'm in. How long do we have to stay
married in order to keep the gifts?
So you think it's a good idea?
Ooh, you know what else? You could turn all the
gifts into cash
too. Take the whole bundle down to the track,
double and triple our money, furnish your place
like a palace.
Check, please. Yeah, this won't work. Wedding's
3

off.
Wow, talk about commitment issues. You're
getting
cold feet over our pretend wedding.
Hello? You're kidding? Where? That's great.
I'll be right there. Have a nice life.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What about the
money?
Your furniture? Our love?
Oh, be the coffee maker. Be the coffee maker.
So, you're thinking a DJ or a band?
Oh, here it is. Invited guests have an obligation to
send a gift whether they are attending or not.
Seriously? That is, that is awesome. So we need to
invite
everyone that we know. In fact, we should invite
everyone that we've ever met, especially the rich
ones.
You know what? I spilled coffee once on Donald
Trump.
Why don't we send a couple of invites over to
Trump
Tower, see what happens?
- Brilliant!
-Thank you.
Okay, just so we're clear - we announce our
engagement,we send
out invitations and then just before the wedding,
we call it off.
I keep all the gifts for my apartment, and you
keep all the cash to pay off your debt.
It's perfect. Plus, the girls love a guy who's been
left at the altar,so
I will definitely be seeing some sympathy bowchicka-wow-wow.
Wow. I just hope people will buy that I've actually
lowered my standards this much.
Ha. What does it say in there about calling it off?I
need to
know how long we need to keep this charade up.
I really need to pay off the monkey.
Oh no. If the couple calls off their engagement
prior to

the wedding, all gifts must be promptly returned.

So, wait a minute. What does that mean?
That we have to actually go through with it?
Apparently so.
You and I are broke. We can't afford a wedding.
Yes, we can. We pretend we're planning a
wedding,
but then as the date approaches,
we get overwhelmed with the details and have to
elope.
It's perfect. We get the gifts, but without the
wedding.
That could work.
It will work. All we have to do is convince
people that we're in love.
-Oh, God.
-Oh, God.
No, you know what? We can do this. We just have
to make up a story about our whirlwind romance.
Yeah, like how I swept you off your feet
with my dashing good looks.
Or something believable.
What? Like your effervescent charm?
No. Like we bonded over something we have in
common. Now, what do we have in common?
- Any ideas?
- Not a one.
Well, guess that's about it. I'm telling
you this guy is a real pig.
I know. This is the first time I've ransacked a place
and I
left it cleaner than I found it. What did we get,
anyway?
-Not much. A jar of pennies, a stack of vintage
girlie magazines.
-And we'll have to wait until he gets here.
- What is that?
- A dictionary. What's that thing he called us?
- What do you mean? Cliche?
- Yeah, cliche.
Cliche. Cliche.
C-l-e-e-s-h-a-y.
I can't find it.
4

Look, all I know is he better get here soon. 'Cause

if I miss
Desperate Housewives, he'll be missing a finger.
Where is that boy?
- Hello?
- Honey, I'm home.
-Did you leave something here, like your pride?
- Just let me in.
- I'm in my pyjamas.
Ooh, how exciting! Just let me in or I'm
calling off the wedding.
No. No, no, no, no. That was not part of
the deal. You cannot stay here.
- Do you remember the monkey?
- Yeah, who could forget?
Right now there are two gorillas outside my
apartment waiting for me.
You want to become a widow before you ever get
your shower gifts?
Have you ever heard of these things called
friends?
They come in really handy at times like this.
I have a lot of friends, thank you very much.
I just owe them all money.
Oh, wow, you're living the dream!
It'll be one night. You won't even know I'm here.
Fine. One night.
What's with the gloves, Minnie Mouse?
-Uh.. They're moisturising gloves.
-Right. It's probably a good idea at your age.
-Honey, where are you going?
-To see Jennifer. I told you. She called and asked
for
Vince's number.
-It's 8 in the morning.
-We have been in Fiji for two weeks. I'm sure she's
dying
to see him.
- This is no time to be selfish, sweetie.
- Uh, a little help?
How insensitive of me. I completely forgot...
her housewarming gift. Thanks, honey.
Jennifer.

Jennifer, someone's at the door.

(Jennifer)
- Hello?
- Hello.
-Hello.
-Vince, I can see you. Let me in.
Hey, you're back from, um, your honeymoon,
huh?
Just got back. And you're...
- ..here.
- Yeah. Yeah.
So, uh, what's...? What's new?
Married. What's new with you?
Oh, not much. I-I woke up yesterday and my
stomach was
a little upset.
Vince, you tell me about Jennifer.
- Her stomach's fine.
- Stop playing games.
I mean, it looks like you two really hit it off.
Yeah. Yeah, we did. She's great. Great. She, you
know, we realised
we had... something in common.
See, I knew it! Jennifer! Is she here?
No. She left.
Oh, she went to work?
Yes. Yes, she did. Work. That's where she went.
She's there working at work. At her job.
That's what she- you know. That's what she does.
That box looks awfully heavy. Can I take that
from you?
Huh. You know, I would've thought that she
would've moved
her stuff in by now.
I know. I know. It's a very long story, actually, one
that
I'm sure she'll love to tell you herself.
Dammit. Um, I have to take this. Can you just give
me one
moment, please?
- Hello, Monkey?
- Monkey here.
Monkey? Oh, that is so sweet. Is that Jennifer? Let
5

me talk to her.
No, no, no, no. This- this is my mom.
I call her monkey because of her... face.
It's kind of personal. Can you just give me one
moment, please?
- Yeah.
- Thank you. Thank you.
Hey, sorry. Yeah, no, I'm with someone.
I was wondering could I come over personally and
talk to you
about my plan?
Yes. Yes. I just got engaged.
No, no, that is the plan. I'm getting married.
You're engaged, Vince? I gotta go. I'll see you
later.
No, but this plan is gonna work.
Excuse me. The white one goes in recycling.
Nice day for a walk.
- I thought you said walk.
- Come on, man,
you're getting married. You need the exercise.
Besides, it'll
thin your face out for the pictures.
- Did wonders for me.
- You do look great.
Why, thank you, Vince.
Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
- Where are we going?
- The Monkey wants to see you.
- He didn't want to send a car?
- Monkey's gone green.
Hey, how do you spell 'cliche'?
-What?
-What? You got wax in your ears?
That's a simple question. How do you spell
'cliche'?
- C-l-i-c-h-e.
- Show me.
- Hey, this is, this is my dictionary.
- Told you.
No, it isn't. I bought it at a flea market.
"To Vince on the occasion of his high-school
graduation.

I am so proud of you. Love, Mom."

-Coincidence.
-Look, just consider it interest on the loan. Now
show him.
Right here.
Cliche - a very predictable or un...
- Unoriginal.
- ..unoriginal person or thing.
- You think I'm predictable?
- Yeah, I do.
What am I going to do now?
Punch me in the face.
- Wrong. I'm going to punch you in the shoulder.
- Ow!
Vince, now you'll need some ice on that.
You think I'm an idiot, don't you? I'm just some
dumb monkey
that'll fall for this stupid scheme.
Look, I'll get your money, OK?
I've known you for the past, what, five years,
Vince?
- Yeah.
- In all that time, I've never seen you have a steady
girlfriend.
You're looser with your women than you are with
your money.
This wedding is different than that. The wedding...
So excuse me if I just don't buy that you're ready
for a life-long commitment,
which means you're either lying to your girl or
you're lying to me.
Or maybe he's lying to both of us.
Jennifer, what...? What are you doing here?
- I thought you were done with this, Vince.
- Done with what?
Done with gambling. You told me you'd never do
it again,
and here you are being held at gunpoint.
- I'm sorry. I'm Jennifer. I didn't get your name.
- I'm, uh...
It's Eugene.
-Eugene?
-Eugene?
6

-You can call me Monkey.

-Oh, Mr. Monkey. We spoke on the phone. You
gave me Vince's number,
remember?
- I do.
- You have a very nice phone voice.
- Thank you.
Now, how are we supposed to start a life together
if I can't trust you?
- How much does he owe?
- 15 grand plus interest.
So, what are we talking about? 8%? Compounding
weekly, monthly?
- I'm not really sure. My accountant kind of
handles all- It really doesn't matter.
What matters is I'm here, Vince, and I know about
your debt and
about your philandering past,
and I'm here to help, OK? But we have to be
completely honest
with each other.
No more...no more secrets.
No more...no more secrets.
She's very supportive.
- OK
- That's all you've got to say?
No more secrets. I will never lie to you again. I
just wanted to
give you that honeymoon in Italy.
Well, I guess our vacation will just have to turn
into a stay-cation.
But, you know, Rome can't compare to our
morning cuddles.
- Oh, I love to spoon, man.
- I love pillow talk.
Well, Mr Monkey, Eugene, I'll talk to you about
Vince's debt right
after the wedding.
I've got to get this guy out of here. He's meeting
the parents tonight.
Vince, you want me to shoot you now, man?
Hey, don't make him any more nervous than he

already is.
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute.
I expect an invitation to the wedding, plus two
guests.
- Actually, we were thinking about elope...
- OK. Sure. Uh, fish or beef?
- Beef.
- Beef.
- Fish for me.
I'm watching my girlish figure.
Oh, and you've got a month to get this done.
- A month?
- I'm not sure it can happen that soon.
Sometimes you have to book a year in advance
just to reserve
the space.
I'm sentimental, but I'm not stupid. One month.
And under the
circumstances, the sweetness clause will be in
effect.
- The sweetness clause?
- A technicality. Nothin' to concern-yourself with.
Now, Vince, give this lovely lady a kiss. I mean,
after all, she did
save your life.
- I-I.. Actually, we don't believe in public displays
of affection.
- Yeah. It's tacky.
Yeah, it is. Very much against that.
Well, you'll have to kiss her in front of everyone
you know. You might
as well start practising.
Come on. She's your fiancee, not your cousin.
Give her a kiss.
Yeah, that's what's up
That's more like it. You got yourself a good lady,
Vince.
I don't know how you did it, but you did it. It'll be
a shame
if she was a widow before she got married.
You got one month. Not a day more.
Oh, and, Vince, good luck with the in-laws. Tell
them I said hi.
7

- Hey, Eugene, that was nice.

- Monkey.
- Yeah.
- Monkey.
What are you doing?
One month? Everyone's gonna think I'm pregnant.
I'm about to get killed by gangsters and that's what
you're
worried about?
Look, I take my reputation very seriously.
Trust me, the last thing anyone would call you is
loose.
And what is that supposed to mean?
We have bigger fish to fry, OK? Like how we can
afford the wedding.
Wait a minute, aren't the bride's parents supposed
to pay?
No way. We are not asking my parents to pay for
our fake wedding.
We'll just have to figure something else out.
Besides, they're still freaking
out that I'm engaged.
- How did they find out?
- Courtney told Lisa,
who told her mother, who told her podiatrist, who
told my Aunt Dolly,
who told my mother.
What did they say?
I think her exact words were, "miracles do
happen."
- They got you pegged.
Listen, my parents aren't the easiest people in the
world to get along with,
so just try not to say anything that's going to tick
them off or make
them suspicious or...
let me do all the talking, OK? The less they know
about you, the better.
I see. This really has nothing to do with your
parents at all, does it?
It has to do with me.
You don't think your parents will like me, do you?
- No, I know they won't like you. They'll think I'm

crazy.
- Oh, please. I'm a catch.
Oh, please. You're like a 30-year-old man-child
who has no friends,
no money in the bank and no apparent ambition.
My parents will be so proud!
We'll see.
Remember, no talking. You're my mute fiance.
Mom! Hey! There she is!
Oh, my goodness, I cannot believe this! Forget
that. Give me a hug.
Wow! It is so good to meet you, really. I have
heard so much
about you, it's ridiculous.
- Oh my God, show me the ring. Show me the
ring!
- Oh, the ring?
Actually, um, Mom, there is no ring.
- Oh, seriously. Come on, where's the ring?
- No, there is no ring.
Jennifer and I were talking about it, and we
decided to wait until we can
afford to buy the type of ring that she deserves.
One as beautiful as her spirit, which I can tell she
got from her mother.
- Enough.
- Ow. Dad!
- Hey!
- Wow, he is really spirited.
- Yeah.
Sweetie, is that the dress I gave you?
- Yeah, actually, it is.
- Oh, how strange.
You know, it just looks so different on the hanger.
It just goes to show you should always try things
on, huh?
That's Jennifer's sister Bonnie's wedding, and that's
her husband, Will.
And these - these are our grandbabies. There's
Jonathan and Samantha.
They're so adorable I just want to grab those
pictures and eat 'em.
- Oh, yeah.
8

- Perhaps we'll have some more grandkids soon.

- Hmm.
- Honey, should you be drinking?
- Mom, I told you I'm not pregnant.
It's crazy. I never knew that Jennifer had a sister.
- Oh.
- Oh.
Wait till you meet her. You'll love her. Everybody
does.
She was voted most popular at Slosson County
High School.
Oh. I have that yearbook here somewhere.
Hon, I'm sure Vince would rather see pictures of
Jennifer from high school.
- Oh, we put those in the attic.
- Oh, that's right.
Well, here's one of my graduation day from
Harvard.
Right. That was a proud day for all of us. Oh, well.
- Come on, son. Let's eat. You hungry?
- Uh, yeah.
- Got to be a long ride over here.
- Yeah, it is was.
- Yeah.
Thank you so much for having me. Your home is
absolutely
gorgeous. I don't think I've ever seen a home so
beautiful.
- Aw. That's so sweet.
- Did you pay somebody to decorate it?
- No, no.
- I know you paid somebody. This place looks like
a magazine.
- A great dinner.
-Amazing. You're one hell of a cook.
-So, Vince, what do you do for a living?
That is a good question, Dad. What do you do for
a living, Vince?
- You don't know?
- Well, I, yeah, I just love to hear him explain it.
I'm in investment management. I analyse risk and
reward and weigh
them against each other to maximise gain.

Well, I have a little investment money set aside.

Maybe you've
got some inside advice for me, Vinnie?
- I've got a lot of ideas. How much have you got?
- Vince, what are you doing?
- Just trying to help out dad.
- What about your family?
We should have them over for dinner. Better yet,
why not have us
all over to your new place? Oh, we're dying to see
it.
- I don't have a family.
- Um, I'm so sorry.
- I grew up in a foster home.
- Oh, Vince. Why didn't you tell us?
Vince doesn't really like to talk about it.
Oh, it's OK, sweetheart. We're with family now.
There were
four other children that lived there too.
There was, um, Joe, Natalie, Blair and, of course,
sweet little Tootie.
We were guided through the trials of adolescence
by the tender
hand of Mrs Garrett. Well, we always call her Mrs
G.
Now, well, you know, Mrs G always taught us to
take the good...
..and then take the bad...
and then take them both.
There you have it.
- Wow, it's almost like a song.
- Yeah?
- Sounds like a wise woman.
- I can't wait to meet her. Does she live in the area?
- Who?
- Oh, my mother. Yes.
- Yeah.
She does. Right outside the city. In the complete
opposite direction.
- Wonderful. Find out when it would be
convenient for her.
- Mom, I haven't met her yet myself.
What? Who gets married without meeting the
9

parents?
I guess we do. Oh, listen, when, uh- when you
meet Mrs G, you know,
don't mention the whole foster home thing.
She gets extremely sensitive about it 'cause she
always
likes to think of me as her real son.
- Oh, that is so lovely.
- Our lips are sealed.
- Thanks.
- Sweetie, would you help me with the dessert?
- Ooh.
Sure, Mom.
See you in a minute, honey. Whoo!
I'll tell you, Dad, it's really great to get a sense of
where
Jennifer comes from.
Yeah. Is she pregnant? Tell me the truth.
- No, she isn't.
- Damn.
Why does that girl not hear her clock ticking?
Everybody else does. 'Tick-tock', 'tick-tock', 'ticktock'.
Yeah, it's more like , "Bong! Bong! Bong!"
You got that right. High five.Vince, you seem
like a really decent guy,
and I've got to say, I haven't seen Jennifer this
happy in a long time.
- Really? She seems happy to you?
- Yeah, it's the happiest I've seen her in years.
- Wow.
- Hon, can you come in the kitchen?
- The potholder is in the bottom drawer.
Memory is the first thing to go, after the sex, of
course.
- I can't find 'em.
- OK.
- Now, you two lovebirds try and keep your hands
off each other.
- OK, Dad.
Ow. Why do you keep doing that?
Thanks to you, we have to have our parents over to
my completely

empty apartment for a meet-and-greet.

What happens when your mom shows up with
your dad?
You're not going to have to worry about it,
because my dad
left my mom when I was a kid.
What? Let me guess, One Day At A Time?
Your sister was Valerie Bertinelli?
No, seriously, my dad left me when I was a kid.
He
tried to get back in my life when I was a teenager,
but it didn't really go over so well, so, um, you
know,
we haven't really seen each other since.
Jennifer, we are paying for your wedding.
- Oh, no, no, no. I said we'd take care...
- Honey, let your mother speak.
- No, no, no. It's out of the question.
- Sweetie, be reasonable.
- No, no, no. It's out of the question.
- Sweetie, be reasonable.
- No, I'm sorry, we can't accept your money.
- We can't? I think we can.
In fact, I think we should. How can we deny your
mother and
your father the joy?
- Oh.
- Fine.
- Now, there's just one catch.
- We spent your wedding funds.
- What?
- We landscaped the backyard. Doesn't it look
great?
- Whoa, you spent my wedding fund?
- We thought we had more time.
- Don't you worry.
We'll just move some money around so we can
throw you
the wedding of your dreams.
- It'll be our gift to you.
- Mm-hm.
- Sounds great.
That's great. All right.
10

- I can't do this.
- This is too heavy?
No, I'm talking about my parents. I can't let them
pay for our wedding.
You're giving them joy. Why would you want to
hurt their feelings?
Please. They've been hurting my feelings for years.
It's payback.
I'm sorry. I can't let them pay for our fake
wedding.
- Did they pay for Bonnie's wedding?
- Of course.
- Was it nice?
It was OK if you're into that sort of thing - custom
Vera Wang dresses,
horse-drawn carriages, a flock of doves released
when they kissed.
My mom still cries when she talks about it.
See? They just want to share that same number
with you.
- You're good.
- I'm just saying let them pay for the wedding.
Then when and if you meet Mr Right - it's a big if
- you can elope.
- Look, we are going to pay them back.
- It's why we're having the wedding. We have no
money,
I have a monkey on my back, and you have an
empty apartment.
We're going to pay them back if it takes 10 years,
OK? 50/50,
remember? Giving gives you joy.
- I didn't sign up for ten years.
- Well, if you don't like the terms, go find another
fake fiancee.
- Fine. We'll pay them back.
- Swear on it.
I swear.
Oh, my God.
- Ooh, it's time for Sports Centre.
- I'm so looking forward to our divorce.
Yeah?
- Hey.

- What are you doing up?

I couldn't sleep, so I made myself a little snack.
Thought my business
partner might like some.
- Is that tiramisu?
- Yeah. My mom's an amazing cook.
Taught me everything I know. Well, night.
Thanks.
-'Fox puts it up on the left-hand side of the back
board.'
- Yes!
Jen, I can't get over your new place. I love what
you've done with it.
- Thanks, Dad. I was going for the sweaty-lockerroom feel.
- You nailed it.
Don't worry. We'll go register at Not Just Sofas.
All of this will go.
- So, what are you ladies talking about over here?
- Just making plans.
- Oh. Wow. What is that number right there?
- Uh, that is the price per head.
Is that the price for a real human head? Because if
not, it's way
too expensive
Weddings aren't cheap, Vince. Don't worry. Al and
I have got it covered.
- Honey, remember our mantra - less food, more
seats.
- Listen to that boy. He makes good sense.
- Sweetie? We're throwing a wedding, not a
tailgate party.
- We lucked out, Vince.
The country club had a cancellation for April 25th.
Can you imagine?
Less than a month before the wedding? Poor soul.
Oh, well, I guess one girl's heartbreak is another
girl's special day, hmm?
So, your first counselling session with Reverend
Jim - it's Tuesday night.
Counselling session?
You just go in and chat with the Reverend about
your relationship
11

and the hopes and fears you have about marriage.

Oh, a lot of touchy-feely mumbo-jumbo if you ask
me.
What will we talk about?
Mom, remember I told you Vince is not very
religious. Do you think
maybe Reverend Jim would make an exception?
He will not perform the ceremony unless you go
through counselling first.
Just say, 'yes, dear', It's two of the most important
words to a successful marriage.
Yes, dear.
Honey, have you thought about colours? 'Cause
I'm thinking teal, huh?
It's one of those few colours that doesn't wash you
out.
-There she is.
-Hi, Mom.
Look at you. Give me a hug. Oh, you're just so
huggable.
I'm sorry, honey. I would've been here sooner, but
I got lost.
I always get lost in a full moon. So, introduce me.
- Hi.
- Uh, everybody, this is my mother, Catherine.
Mom, these are Jennifer's parents. This is Val.
Oh, it is so good to meet you. Oh... You smell
wonderful. Like saffron.
- Thank you.
- And that is Al.
- Al.
- Oh. So, can we call you Mrs G.?
- Uh, actually, I don't...
- Well, you can call me whatever moves you.
And you must be Jennifer. Oh! Oh.
I am sure that you hear this all the time, but you
have
the most beautiful aura.
Actually, that's a first.
Well, it's true. It's purple and orange and swirls of
magenta. I can tell that
you are a very passionate lover. Good work, son.
Oh, let me see the two of you together. Click. Now

I have an announcement
to make. I'm sure that Vince has told you a little
bit about our family.
He did. I hope someday we get to meet that
Tootie.
- Who?
- Mom, you and I should talk about this in private.
It's OK, honey. These people are family now.
As you know, Vince's father abandoned us to
pursue his dream
of selfish isolation.
You've got to have goals.
Luckily, my son is an Aries with a Saturn rising,
so he perseveres.
But a few days ago, out of the blue, his father
called. It seems that
he's having regrets about some of the decisions
that he made.
And when I told him about Vince's wedding, he
offered to pay
for half of it.
- Well, that's fantastic.
- No. We can't let him pay.
We can't? I think we can. I think we should. I
mean, how can we
deny him that joy?
I'm not letting him pay.
See? Now this is the perfect thing to talk about
with Reverend Jim.
Who's Tootie?
- OK, well, that wasn't so bad.
- Can I just say one more thing?
Sure. Express yourself.
He refuses to go see his dad. You know, it's clear
he has abandonment
issues, but I just feel that rather than avoiding
them, he should
he should confront them head-on. It would really
help with his
personal growth.
She's the one who's still desperately searching for
approval from her
parents, so I really wish she would leave my
12

personal growth out of this.

Vince, don't you see why Jennifer is concerned
with your
relationship with your father?
Yeah, because she wants him to pay for half of the
wedding.
I'm sure that Jennifer is more concerned with how
you bring these feelings
into your role as father to your own children. Isn't
that right, Jennifer?
No, I want his father to pay for half.
- Oh, I see.
- You with me?
I mean I'm not the crazy one but it doesn't take Dr
Phil to see that your
father is somehow the root of your gambling
problem.
- Gambling problem?
- I do not have a gambling problem.
Oh, come on. I would say owing 15,000 to a
bookie named
'The' monkey who's gonna have you killed unless
you pay him
I would say that's a pretty big problem, wouldn't
you?
- Vince, you owe 15,000 to a bookie?
- Named 'The' Monkey.
Who's gonna have him killed if he doesn't pay - I
got that part.
Is it true?
- No. It is not true. I do not owe 15,000.
- What?
- It's 20,000. Ah, didn't see that one coming now,
did you?
- No, I didn't. You owe another 5,000 dollars?
No, not exactly. Remember what The Monkey was
talking to us
about at the zoo? The sweetness clause? It's like a
service charge.
For those special occasions when The Monkey
shows just
how sweet of a guy he can be.
Jennifer, tell Vince how this makes you feel.

I feel like I cannot wait for this to be over so I

never have
to see you again.
Don't expect a Christmas card from me either,
sweetie.
- I'm not even sure you know how to write.
- OK. I think we're done here.
- Yeah.
- Hold on. Hold on. I'm confused. Are we calling
the wedding off?
- No way.
- No way.
Oh, good. You're home.
Mom, those keys are for emergencies only.
- This is an emergency.
- The wedding is off.
- What?
- What?
- Your father played golf this morning with
Reverend Jim.
- He told me about your little gambling problem.
- I don't have a gambling problem.
- I'm sorry, son. I'm not letting my daughter marry
an
addicted gambler.
I thought it was supposed to be confidential.
Oh, Reverend Jim is a terrible gossip. Thank God
we're not
catholic. That man could never handle
confessions.
Vince, we feel for your predicament. We think
you're a good
guy, but we've got to look out for Jennifer.
- She hasn't always made the best choices when it
comes to men.
- Excuse me?
- Remember Bobby Sherwood, the gum-in-hair
incident?
- Uh, that was junior high.
- Just saying it's a pattern.
- I'm sorry. We can't support this wedding.
- I see.
- Mom, Dad, I'm ashamed of you. Marriage isn't
13

only for the

good times.
- Mom, did you leave Dad when he had that awful
toenail fungus?
- No.
- Dad, did you leave mom when she gave herself
that bad home
perm and was bald for a year?
- No.
- And I'm not leaving Vince in his time of need,
either.
- Thanks.
Besides, the catering deposit is non-refundable.
It is?
- Won't get a dime back.
- Can they do that?
- Yes.
- Yes.
- And on top of all that, Vince has agreed to go to
Gamblers Anonymous.
- Oh!
- What?
- You can beat this, son.
I am so proud of you.
Hi, I'm, uh, Vince, and, uh, I'm a gambler.
ALL: Hi, Vince.
Still me?
Well, um, what can I say? Um...
You got to know when to hold 'em.
Know...when to fold 'em.
Thank you.
That felt good.
Crazy, huh?
Yeah. You've known this guy, what, a month?
You sure
you're not preggo?
I mean, we are a David's Bridal, I'm sure we can
find
something with an empire waist.
No, I'm not preggo.
When am I going to meet this Vince? Wait a
minute,
why haven't I met Vince? Has the family met him?

Everyone but Bonnie. Courtney, what do you think

of this one?
Sorry, what?
What do you think?
This one's my favourite.
Hi, my name is Ben, and I'm a gambling addict.
ALL: Hi, Ben.
- What's Up?
Horses were my thing. I spent more time at the
track than I
did with my family.
Ugh, I hear you.
And at my lowest point, I was over 300,000 in
debt. Thanks to
these meetings, I've been able to control my
addictions,
and I haven't placed a bet in over five years.
Way to go.
In fact, I just took my company public. Who
would've ever
thought I would be a multimillionaire? I mean,
thanks.
Ben shows us what is possible when we work the
programme.
I had a feeling you two would hit it off.
Really? Why?
Because I know you, and I know how important
loyalty is to
you. And Steve told me that out of all his friends,
Vince is the one guy that he could always count on
24-7.
How is he with his mother? That says a lot about
how he'd
be with you.
Well, he's wonderful with her.
- And you said that he gets along with your
parents?
- Strangely, yes.
- Well, then he must really love you.
- Forget the parents. How is he at the horizontal
hokey-pokey?
- You guys.
- Yeah, David, so rude.
14

- But can we talk about his body?

- Seriously, he has ab muscles I didn't know
existed.
- Oh, my God, you're blushing.
- No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are. I'm not sure I've ever even seen you
blush before.
- Aww.
- Ben, hey.
- Hey.
- Vince. Hi. I spoke a little earlier.
- I remember.
- Yeah. Um, listen, your story saved my life
tonight, and, uh,
I was just wondering...
- If I'd be your sponsor? Sure. Absolutely.
- Actually, if you'd come to my wedding.
- But we just met.
I know. I know. It's just that you've been such a
wealth...
of inspiration to me, Ben.
- If you could write down your name and address,
I would love to send you an invitation.
- Sure, um...
- Paper. Pen.
- Sure. Appreciate it.
- That's great.
- Here you go.
- Thank you. Thanks.
- Thank You.
- See you soon.
- You got it.
I'm sorry, I couldn't help but overhearing. You're
not really
getting married, are you?
- Why do you ask?
- It's just that you don't seem like the marrying
type, that's all.
- A lot of people keep saying that. Well, I guess I
am the type,
because, yes, I am getting married.
- Too bad.
- But not for several weeks.

- I know we're not supposed to gamble any more.

- That's my understanding too.
- That doesn't rule out all risky behaviour, does it?
- What did you have in mind?
- Buy a girl a drink?
- Maybe just one.
That bad?
- You look amazing.
- Where was that one when I was looking?
So, she's a real spitfire, I'll tell you that. She does
not make it easy.
- Well, relationships never are.
- There is something kind of cool about her,
something
that just, I don't know, sneaks up on you.
- That's great. Well, this is my stop.
- Be careful getting off.
That'll be up to you.
Well, Mr Gambling Man, of the marrying type,
just how
much risk are you willing to take?
- Hey.
- Hey there, Bridezilla.
- What are you doing?
- I made us a lasagna so that we can celebrate.
- Celebrate?
- Yeah, we got our first official wedding gifts
today.
- You are now the proud owner of a cupcake
carrier and a
cheque for 100 bucks.
- Awesome.
- Oh, hey, um, sorry about last night.
- Last night?
- I should've called and let you know I wasn't
going to
come home.
- Oh, did you not come back? I didn't notice.
- Oh. OK, well, good.
- And we're just fake fiances, Vince, remember?
It's not
like we're really in love.
- I got it.
15

You know, at some point we're going to have to

talk about our
vows.
- Don't we just repeat what the reverend says?
- Ugh, church vows are so cold and impersonal.
Yeah, I'd hate for our fake vows at our fake
wedding to not be from the heart.
Look, all of my family are friends are gonna be
there. If the vows are gonna be
fake, I'd still like for them to be impressive.
Can't you just read a poem or something?
Okay, you know what? Never mind. I'll write your
vows for you. You don't
have to worry about it.
- What about your vows?
- What do you mean?
You get to write exactly what you want me to say.
What about what you're
going to say to me?
I thought I'd just read a poem or something.
What? No, I don't think so. You know what? I'm
gonna write your vows.
- Fine.
- Can I get a piece of paper?
- Got an extra pen?
- What is that?
It's a pen.
Okay.
What do you have so far?
"Jennifer, I don't know how loving a person could
be until I met you."
- What?
- I just sound like such a loser.
You are a loser.
I don't think I could read that with a straight face.
Well, I don't know if you can even read, period.
You know what? Enjoy the lasagna. I've lost my
appetite.
Maybe you left it where you were last night.
Uh.. So now I'm supposed to check with you, my
fake fiance.
No, because that would be considerate, something
you know

nothing about.
Well, for your information, I walked someone
home last night,
and then I slept at my mom's. Why? I have no
idea.
Hello?
Oh, my God. OK, I'll be right there.
What happened?
My sister's in the hospital. She had a car accident.
Jennifer!
Hey, guys.
Hey.
Where are Grandma and Grandpa?
- Inside with Mom and Dad.
- They won't let us see Mommy.
They didn't want Samantha to get scared. I have to
stay with her.
OK, you guys are gonna be OK out here by
yourselves for
a little while?
- Yep. I'm in charge.
- OK, I'll be right back, OK?
- Who's he?
- Some guy.
Bonnie? I'm sorry, hon. I'm so sorry.
Look, I know our relationship has been rocky.
What can I say?
Here's what I can say.
You're my little sister, so I didn't expect you to get
married
first. But you did,
and I had to deal with that.
And then Jonathan and Samantha came along, and
you guys
were like the picture-perfect family.
And Mom and Dad wanted to spend all their time
with you
guys, and I just... I felt like an outsider.
And I admit I was jealous. I'm still jealous.
But if you could just pull through, I promise I'll
put all that
behind me.
In fact, I was thinking you'd make a pretty good
16

maid of honour.
All you had to do was ask.
Feel better.
Mom said you were hit by a truck.
Mom!
Those weren't the exact words I used.
No, I was getting some of the kids' stuff out of the
attic to give to Goodwill,
and I accidentally stepped on a TOY TRUCK near
the stairs.
Thank God you're OK.
So, I guess you heard all that, huh?
Yeah.
I love you.
I love you too.
Come here. Give me a hug.
Hope you guys aren't the type of kids who are used
to the adults
letting you win all the time.
It's not gonna be that way tonight. Oh, no, tonight
this game is on. It's on like a night light.
Let's go.
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Get rid of this guy! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo!
Parade around your leader!
He's angry. He's angry.
He's turning into a monster.
OK. Now visiting hours are over. Your dad's
gonna stay
here tonight, so you kids get to come home with
us.
Come on.
Unless you guys want to come back to
our place with us tonight.
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
Whoo! That's what I thought!
OK, good job. Good game.
So, uh, I guess I'll just sleep in here tonight.
Hey, Vince, how's your stamina?
Never had any complaints.
And how's your lung capacity?
Fantastic.

Great. Then you'll have no problem blowing up

the bed.
Good night.
What's up, boss?
What have you got for me?
From the pizza man. Bam.
Not bad.
Oh!
What is this?
- He only came up with half the cash.
- So we took half his finger.
What else?
We paid Vince a visit like you asked.
- And?
- They went with the hydrangeas for the
centrepieces.
- And wisteria for the bouquet.
Nosegay or cascade?
I forgot to ask.
Well, go and find out.
Pay attention to detail, Truck.
Pay attention to detail, Truck.
Come on. You take this one. I've got to tell you
something, kid. You're pretty good at this thing.
I know.
Hey, no more video games. It's time for bed.
- Oh, come on. Just one more game, Aunt Jen?
- Yeah, I'm really behind here.
I said yes one game ago. Now get in that bedwell,
chair, little man.
All right. Let's do it.
Get in there.
All right, night, buddy.
Aren't you going to tuck me in?
You... Yeah. Uh, sure. Why not? Um, but be
warned, this will be
my first official tucking, all right? There you go.
Night-night.
- Uncle Vince?
- Yeah?
- Are we going home soon?
- Oh, you didn't hear? Your mother called earlier,
17

and she said

that you guys get to stay with us forever.
- No! I want to go home!
- Hey! Calm down. Inside voice.
- What? What happened?
- Um, I think I broke him.
- Jonathan, tell Aunt Jen what's wrong?
- Uncle Vince said Mommy left us here forever.
- It was a joke.
- Uncle Vince was just trying to be funny.
- But he's not funny.
- Yeah, tell me about it.
- Hey, do you have any favourite night-time
stories?
- Hmm. um, Peter Pan.
- Oh, really? I don't think I know that one. Can
you...?
Can you tell it to me?
- OK, well, it's about this kid named Peter Pan.
- Oh, I like it already.
- And also there's this girl, Wendy, and this fairy,
Tinker Bell, and
this pirate that has a hook instead of a hand.
- Oh, really? What else?
- Well, Peter Pan takes Wendy and her brothers off
to Neverland,
and they go on an adventure...
- I'm sorry you've had to sleep on that air mattress
this whole time.
- That's all right. It's fine.
- Well, you haven't complained once. It's almost
like you're a real adult.
- That's the worst thing that anyone has ever told
me.
- Good night, Vince.
- Night, Jennifer.
- I think you've sprung a leak.
- It's a slow leak. I'll be fine.
- I guess you could sleep up here.
- Wouldn't that be weird?
- Just stay on top of the covers.
Night.
Wait. What are we doing?

- Have you never done this before?

- Shut up.
Who is it?
- I don't feel so good.
- What's the matter, sweetie?
I have a tummy...
- You feel better now? Come on. Uncle Vince will
clean you up,
all right?
- I want Aunt Jennifer to do it.
You do? Oh, come here. Let Aunt Jen take care of
you.
I knew I should've worn my slippers.
- Uncle Vince? Uncle Vince?
- Yeah, buddy?
- Where's Samantha?
- Um, she's sleeping with your Aunt Jennifer. She's
not feeling too good.
- She's not feeling too good. It's been a, uh, a very
interesting
night, little man.
- What happened?
- One day I'll tell you all about it, all right? Maybe
when you're in college.
- I'm not going to college. Neither is Samantha.
- Why not?
- I heard Grandpa say they're gonna use our
college fund to pay
for your wedding.
- They said that?
- Night.
Dad. Hey.
Vince? How the hell did you know where to find
me?
- It's where Mom always came when she needed to
find you,
usually with me in tow.
- And you remember that?
- Not much else to remember, Dad.
- Well, it's good to see you too. Can I buy you a
beer or...
- No. I just came here to take care of business.
- Oh, come on. Stick around a while, place a
18

couple of bets.
- I'm giving it up. It was a nasty habit. I'm gonna
be breaking
the cycle, I think.
- So you're just here for the money?
- I don't know what I'm here for. Maybe this was a
mistake.
- No, Vince. Vince. Look, I know that life was
tough for you, and
I'm sorry about that. I realise I'm never gonna be
father of the year.
- I would've settled for just a father.
- I hit it pretty big at the track last year. It's the big
payoff I've
always been waiting for.
- But after the excitement wore off, I realised I
don't have anybody
to celebrate with.
- Guess that's what happens when this place is
your home, Dad.
- I'm trying to make amends, son. I'd like a second
chance. I know
that I don't deserve one.
- You don't.
All right. All right.
I'm proud of you, Vince. Falling in love, getting
married, creating a
family, it's...
Hell, I envy you.
I gambled away the love of my life and my
relationship with you.
That is my biggest regret.
- I'm gonna find another way to get the money.
- Vince, come on. Please. Please.
Let me do this much, all right?
The wedding's next Saturday 2pm at Peat St
Christian.
- Say goodbye to your aunt Jen-Jen and don't
forget to say
thank you.
- But where's Uncle Vince?
Hey! Where do you think I am, buddy? Hey! Oh!
What the heck,

man?
You were going to leave without saying goodbye
after all
we've been through? Come on. It's from my father.
- Are you OK?
- I will be. Sorry, kid. Looks like you're going to
be going to
college after all.
- Come on. Let's go.
- I'm gonna miss him.
- Don't worry. He's not going anywhere.
- The kids have only been gone a few hours, and I
miss
them already.
- I know.
- This thing's still got a leak in it.
- Listen, about what happened last night...
- Or didn't happen last night.
- It's probably for the best.
- Yeah.
- I mean, things could get complicated.
I'm a simple guy. That was a softball. No
comeback there?
Good night, Vince.
Well, I don't think I'm going to risk the air
mattress
again tonight, so I'll probably, uh, just...
Night. See you at the rehearsal dinner.
Um, my parents and I couldn't be happier that we
have all of
you here to celebrate Vince and Jennifer's wedding
tomorrow.
It's probably safe to say that many of us never
thought that
Jennifer would ever get married.
But she has found this wonderful man who's so
funny, giving
and warm. And he obviously adores her.
I've seen the way that Vince looks at Jennifer
when she's not
looking, and I can see what he must see.
I look forward to tomorrow.....to seeing my
beautiful sister
19

as happy as I was on my wedding day.

But more importantly, I look forward to being a
part of the
life that Jennifer and Vince make together.
To Vince and Jennifer, may you live happily
ever...
Jen-Jen?
Nerves.
- Hey.
- I can't go through with it. I can't deceive all my
family and
friends. I'm sorry. I just can't.
- We have to.
- I'm calling it off.
- No, you're not. Here.
- How can you go through with this?
You can't do this to me, Jennifer. I could've taken
that money
my father gave me and paid off my debt, but I
didn't do it.
- Why didn't you?
- I don't know. Because... because I just didn't.
Look, I can't... I can't stand up there tomorrow and
marry a
man who doesn't love me.
- Now you tell me. It's great timing.
- Sorry. You'll have to pay your debt some other
way.
- If I thought of a way to get the money, you think
I would've
gone through this?
- I'm sorry it's been so terrible.
Why don't you go back in there, Jennifer, all right?
Tell your
parents that all that money they just spent was for
nothing.
Can you do that?
Can you do that?
Unless you want The Monkey to kill me so you
can keep
my television.
- After the wedding, I never want to see you again.
Thank God

I didn't sleep with you.

- Oh, you would've loved it.
- Not as much as you would have.
- Mm-hm.
- How do you tie these things, Steve?
- Why didn't you just get the clip-on?
- I don't know. Maybe I'm getting married, man.
- Are you decent?
- Yeah.
- Wow, you look...dashing.
- Thanks. Is she OK? She's still going to go
through with this, right?
Of course she is. She's a little uptight, but that's
just the
nervous jitters. But she did ask me to give you
this,
Of course she is. She's a little uptight, but that's
just the
nervous jitters. But she did ask me to give you
this,
- OK
- It's really sweet, you know, exchanging love
letters right before the ceremony.
- There you go.
- Yay, brother!
- Oh, um... yeah, you know what? We're almost
ready to go, so you might
want to tie that tie.
- Okay.
Just think of it as a shoelace for your neck.
- Hey.
- Hey. I'm a friend of Vic's. We met last week.
- Vince.
- Right, Vince.
OK. OK.
Wait. Close the doors.
- Honey, it's time.
- I don't think I can do this.
- Of course you can.
- No. Vince and I...
- Jennifer, listen to me. Your mother and I always
doubted
you'd even get married...
20

- I know, Dad. Thanks.

..because we never thought you'd meet anybody
worthy of all
you had to offer. I couldn't be prouder of the
woman you've become.
And I'm really sorry I haven't always told you that.
- Dad, I just need to tell you...
- Sweetheart.
I know you're scared. And as hard as it's gonna be
for me to give
you away, I know you're gonna be in good hands.
Vince loves you.
OK?
- Wow.
- I know.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to join this
man and this
woman in the sacred bonds of holy matrimony.
I have had the chance to spend time with Jennifer
and Vince, and their
unusually strong feelings for one another are, well,
quite apparent.
I've done this job long enough to know when a
couple is getting married
for the wrong reasons.Some they're in love with an
idealised version,
of the person they are marrying. Others feel that
they are simply too old
to be single any more. And some... Well, some just
want all the gifts.
That's ridiculous.
But what they don't realise is that marriage is a
journey. A
wonderful, exciting and, at times, excruciating
journey.
Am I right?
But Jennifer and Vince, they see each other for
who they really are.
There are no rose-coloured glasses on these two,
not at all.
They are standing here today committing to each
other,
knowing full well what they're getting into.

The couple has elected to recite their own vows.

Vince?
- Yeah?
- The vows.
Oh, right.
Jennifer, I didn't know how loving a person
could be until I met you.
I can't. I just cannot do this.
- I've got to speak from the heart here.
- Uh-uh.
Jennifer, you are the most frustrating person
I have ever met.
You are opinionated and stubborn, and at times,
really,
really, really bossy.
And that is why I've fallen in love with you. I
didn't plan
on it, believe me. It just happened. And along the
way, I...
..noticed your generosity, your kindness, your
great sense
of humour and just your basic sense of decency.
You're an amazing woman, Jennifer. And I will be
proud
to call you my wife.
Jennifer, it's your turn now.
Read your vows.
It was my grandmother's.
We're not quite to the rings yet.
What do you say?
You know, I pride myself on being able to read
people. When I met
you, Vince, I thought you were sloppy and lazy
and a ladies' man
And I was right. In fact, that was all I could see.
But every day that
I've spent with you I have found little things that I
love about you,
like the way you light up when your mom walks in
a room or the
way you make my niece and nephew laugh. And
ever since then,
I just... I don't know, I just love all those little
21

things about you.

I love you, Vince.
- Is that a yes?
- Yes. Yes.
Yes.
Guys, the kissing comes later too. We're still at the
vows. Oh, um,
Vince, do you take Jennifer to be your lawful
wedded wife?
Jennifer, do you take Vince to be your lawful
wedded husband?
Um, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You
may do that.
- Touching ceremony.
- Thank you.
Mr Monkey, we're gonna pay you back. If you
want a down payment,
you can just take a gift off the gift table.
- I like your style. Vince, you did well.
- I know
Which is why I'm forgiving your debt.
- Really?
- Really?
Of course not. But I will knock off 75 bucks so
you can get
yourself a blender. To the happy couple! Salut!
Of course not. But I will knock off 75 bucks so
you can get
yourself a blender. To the happy couple! Salut!
- Oh, my God, we're married. We're really
married.
- I know. We are so lucky.
I still feel kind of bad about deceiving everybody.
Do you
think we should tell them?
- Now? What? Are you kidding? Your aunt just
bought us that
coffee maker you wanted.
- Yeah, but it was all a lie.
It's a lie that came true, though. I love you, honey.
I mean, we
can... give back all the stuff. Nothing's gonna

change that.
I love you, Vince.

22