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How to Reduce Stress by Doing

Less and Doing It Slowly
Beware the barrenness of a busy life. ~Socrates
In April, NPR ran a story titled, The Slow Internet Movement. It reported that hipster cities, like
Portland, Oregon, are sprouting Internet cafs that only offer dial-up access to the web.
These cafs give customers, Slow pours and slow Internet. Here, you can order your coffee
and spend four hours checking your email, all for $.99 an hour.
Wow, I thought. Thats just my speed! (No pun intended.) But the story didnt just run in April.
It ran on April 1st and was NPRs little April Fools joke at the expense of gullible people like me.
It got me thinking, though. Life would be much less stressful if I embraced the spirit of the Slow
Internet Movement. So, here are four tips for slowing down:

1. Double the time you think it will take to complete a task.

How often do you clock in at or under the time youve allotted for a task? I rarely do. Take my
raised ivy geranium bed. Periodically, the geraniums spill over onto the walkway and I need to
cut them back.
Every time I assess the task, I estimate it will take 20 minutes at most. But it always takes at
least twice that long. By the time Im done, due to chronic illness, Ive used up my energy stores
for the day. Im trashed as we call it my household.
Inspired by The Slow Internet Movement, when I tackled the task a few weeks ago, I doubled
my 20-minute time estimate. Forty minutes is more than I can handle at one time, so I cut back
half the geraniums on Saturday and the other half on Sunday.
Sure, the box looked odd for 24 hourslike half of a buzz cutbut no one seemed to notice.
Not only did I spare myself burnout, but I truly enjoyed the activity both times.

2. Consciously perform tasks in slow motion.

Whatever youre doing at the moment, slow it down by 25 percent, whether its thinking, typing
on a keyboard, surfing the Internet, completing an errand, or cleaning the house.

This idea was inspired by a discovery I made in the 1990s when driving my 85 LTD (nicknamed
The Big White Boat by my kids). I realized that driving would be relaxing if I moved into the slow
lane on the freeway and drove the speed limit.
There was no more worrying about having to pass cars because they were going as slow as I
was; no one riding my bumper because it was acceptable to go the speed limit in the far right
lane.
Unfortunately, this doesnt work anymore because hardly anyone honors the speed limit even in
the slow lane. In addition, traffic has increased to the point that Id have to constantly dodge
cars merging onto the freeway from onramps. So, on those rare occasions when Im driving on
a freeway, Im back in the middle lane. But while it worked, it was a real find.
Now Ive taken that slow lane mentality and applied it to other tasks by consciously doing them
more slowly. But if Im not vigilant, out of habit, I still find myself moving quickly. And this
scurrying around is often for no apparent reason!
When I realize this, I take a deep breath, and repeat the 700 year-old wise words of Lao Tzu:
Doing nothing is better than being busy doing nothing.

3. Stimulate your parasympathetic nervous system.

The autonomic nervous systemsometimes called the involuntary nervous systemregulates
many bodily systems without our conscious direction (e.g. the circulatory and respiratory
systems). Two of its three branches the sympathetic nervous system and the parasympathetic
nervous system.
When the sympathetic nervous system is aroused, it puts us on high alert, sometimes called the
fight-or-flight response. The sympathetic nervous system is necessary to our survival because
it enables us to respond quickly when theres a threat. When the parasympathetic nervous
system is aroused, it produces a feeling of relaxation and calm in the mind and the body.
The two systems work together: as one becomes more active the other becomes less active.
But they can get out of balance. Many people live in a constant state of high alertor
sympathetic nervous system arousaleven though theres no immediate threat.
Three of the recognized causes for this are our fast-paced, never-enough-time-to-do-everything
culture; sensory overload (exacerbated by multitasking); and the medias distorted but relentless
suggestion that danger lurks around every corner.

In other words, the parasympathetic nervous systemthe system that produces a calm and
relaxed stateis underactive. By stimulating the parasympathetic nervous system, we can
restore the balance. With that balance restored, we naturally slow down our pace of life.
The following techniques for stimulating the parasympathetic nervous system are adapted from
Rick Hansens excellent book, Buddhas Brain. You can try these just about anywhere, anytime.

Breathing from your diaphragm stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system

by slowing down your breathing. If you put your hand on your stomach and it rises up and
down slightly as you breathe, you know youre diaphragm breathing. (This is why its sometimes
called abdominal breathing.)

You can combine this with mindfulnessthe practice of calmly resting your attention
on whatever is happening in the present moment. If your sympathetic nervous system is in a
constant state of arousal, mindfulness helps restore the proper balance between the
sympathetic and parasympathetic systems by increasing the activity of the latter. This creates a
feeling of calm and relaxation.

Peaceful imagery stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, so imagine

yourself in a peaceful place like a mountain stream, a forest, a secluded beach. You can engage
all your senses in this imagerysights, sounds, the feel of the breeze on your face.

A favorite of mine: Touch your lips with one or two fingers. Parasympathetic fibers
are spread throughout your lips so touching them stimulates the parasympathetic nervous
system. I was skeptical of this until I tried it. Now its my go to practice for immediately calming
my mind and body. Once Im calm, I slow down naturally.

4. No multitasking. (Okay, okay: less multitasking.)

Korean Zen master Seung Sahn liked to tell his students, When reading, only read. When
eating, only eat. When thinking, only think. To us, this means, no multitasking! Ive discovered
that its hard to break the multitasking habit; sometimes it feels like an addiction.
Mindfulness practice helps because unless I consciously pay attention to the present moment, I
can find myself engaged in multiple tasks without even realizing it. Here are a few multi-tasks
Ive caught myself performing recently: surfing web while talking on the phone; writing while
trying to follow a movie in TV; composing an email while listening to an audio book and eating a
piece of toast.

Too much sensory input exacerbates my symptoms, so Im working hard o no multitasking.

Call me a recovering multitasker. Ive discovered that it takes a lot of discipline to break the
habit, so much in fact, that sometimes I have to be content with less multitasking. But its a
start.
These four tips are in the spirit of the Slow-Internet-Movement-that-wasnt. I just hope that, in
reading through them, you allotted twice the time you estimated it would take
Photo by alexdecarvalho
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-reduce-stress-by-doing-less-and-doing-it-slowly/

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Communication Success

Be ultra-effective at home, at work, and in the world

by Preston Ni, M.S.B.A.
How to Communicate Effectively with Older Adults

How to Communicate Effectively with Seniors

Published on November 16, 2014 by Preston Ni, M.S.B.A. in Communication Success

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We live in a society where the post-World War II Baby Boomer Generation (born
1946-1964) is reaching their senior years in ever-growing numbers, and
representing an increasingly larger segment of the population. Higher standards of
living and medical advancements are extending life expectancies in many countries
to well above the age of eighty.

Caring for, and having successful relationships with older adults often requires
unique communication skills and strategies. Below are a five tips for successful
communication with seniors. Not all of these ideas may apply to your particular
situation or the older adult(s) involved. Simply use what works and discard the rest.
These ideas also presume that the relationship with the senior is relatively positive,
and that the senior is relatively cooperative. For tips on successful communication
with difficult seniors, see my publication (click on title) "How to Effectively
Communicate with Difficult Older Adults."

Related Links

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Are Mel and Lindsay the only Addicts we care about?
There's No Excuse for Elder Abuse
Does Grandma Have an Eating Disorder?

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Acupuncturists
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and more!

1. Exercise Patience and Compassion

It goes without saying that patience and compassion are often needed when dealing
with the elderly. Physical challenges, slow movement, forgetfulness, neediness, and
apathy are just some of the behaviors you might encounter. Sometimes its easy to
lose patience and become frustrated. One might even be tempted to give up and
walk away.

During these moments, its very helpful to put yourself in the seniors shoes, even
for just a moment. Consider the older adult youre dealing with, and complete the
sentence: It must not be easy, or It must be hard. For example:

Shes being so apathetic. It must not be easy to live without her friends around.

He does everything so slowly. It must be hard to deal with arthritis every day.

Having empathy for the older adult is an effective way to generate more patience
and compassion. If, despite your best efforts, your patience still runs thin, take a

time out from the older adult if possible. Come back when youre in a calmer state
of mind.

2. Ask Instead of Order

As mentioned in an earlier section, one of the core needs of many seniors is to feel
relevant and respected. You can help validate these needs by frequently asking
instead of ordering when communicating with the older adult. For example:

Instead of: Youre having soup for lunch today.

Say: Would you like to have some soup for lunch? or

Were having soup for lunch today, okay?

Better yet, offer options: Would you like to have soup or salad for lunch today?

Asking questions offers the senior a greater sense of respect and regard. Offering
options gives her or him a greater sense of control of the immediate environment.

With less cognizant and physically able seniors, ask and follow up without
necessarily waiting for an answer. Let them feel theyre part of the decision making
process, and have a degree of control over some aspects of their lives

3. Ask Instead of Assume

Similarly, ask questions instead of making assumptions when it comes to your

actions in relations to the older adult. For example, instead of turning the lights off
in the seniors room without asking, say Im going to turn off the lights for you,

okay? If the senior protests, let her have her way if its harmless, or explain why
its important for you to do what you need to do (in most cases for the sake of
seniors health and well-being).

4. Use I instead of You Language

We know from the study of effective communication that people (including many
older adults) generally dont respond well when they feel like theyre constantly
being ordered what to do. Such bossy language is often manifested in the use of
you statements, followed by a directive. For example:

You must exercise today!

You have to take your medicine!

You should to air out your room!

You need to finish your soup!

You better not miss the doctors appointment!

When people feel like theyre being bossed around on a regular basis, theyre more
likely going to respond with what psychologists call the Three Fs Fight, Flight,
and Freeze, leading to behavioral problems such as argument, avoidance, or
stonewalling.

Instead, use statements which begin with I, It, We, Lets, and This, to
convey messages. For example:

I will help you exercise today.

Its important to take your medicine.

We need to get some fresh air into the room.

Lets finish your soup, okay?

This doctors appointment is very important.

These types of statements compel the older adult to be more open to what you
have to say, encourage listening, and reduce the possibility of Fight, Flight, or
Freeze responses.

5. Offer Choices Whenever Possible

Many older adults desire to maintain a sense of independence. This may be

especially important when seniors feel their physical and cognitive limitations, but
still desire ways to maintain some level of local control in their lives.

Whenever possible and appropriate, offer an older adult choices when interacting
with her or him. This can be something as simple as asking whether the senior
would like to have choice A or choice B for lunch. Having the ability to exercise
choice can provide the older adult a greater sense of confidence, esteem, and
security, as the senior feels the power to be proactive in life.

For more in-depth tools on how to communicate effectively with seniors, including
those who are difficult to deal with, see my publication (click on title) "How to
Effectively Communicate with Difficult Older Adults," where you will learn eight way
to motivating older adults, and eight keys to handling difficult and resistant seniors.

Also available (click on titles or covers): How to Communicate Effectively and

Handle Difficult People, How to Successfully Handle Passive-Aggressive People,,
How to Successfully Handle Manipulative Relationships," "Communication Success
with Four Personality Types," and "Seven Keys to Long-Term Relationship Success."

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201411/howcommunicate-effectively-older-adults

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