10 R.

AGE

wednesday 13 July 2011

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are we ready for video chats?

By NIKI CHEONG
alltherage@thestar.com.my

MID all the excitement over the launch

of Google+ (which, my friend David
Lian wrote about in his column last
week), many people have totally overlooked
Facebooks latest announcement Facebook
Video Calling.
In a collaboration with Skype (not their
first joint-project, mind you), Facebook is
allowing users to bring your conversations
to life.
A visit to the Facebook Video Calling page
(www.facebook.com/videocalling) tells you
all you need to know about the feature,
including the fact that Video calling will be
available soon in Malaysia and to Please
check back later.
You can forgive the average mainstream
social media user for ignoring this news,
however. After all, the early adopters and
tech elites were still buzzing (pun intended) over Google+.
Then, there was also the fact that many
people would find loopholes in the system
to bring more friends into the invite-only
trial system for Google+ (which, Google
conveniently stopped before the Facebook
announcement).
And you know what its like when you
cant have something you obsess over it
even if you dont know what it is yet.
The fact is, Google+ is gaining popularity
and I have been seeing more and more people try out the Hangout feature (well, there
really is not much else to do yet ... visit the
average profile and there is almost no content other than status updates).
Hangout is Googles answer to Facebook
Video Calling, except that they launched
it first. Basically, you can go into a virtual
lounge where you are able to webcam and

Im 15. Last year, a friend introduced

me to D, who she had a crush on.
One day, D added me on Facebook
where we chatted on and got closer
day by day.
He is a nice and caring guy who
always make me laugh when Im
sad.
After a few months, I started to
have feelings for him even though
we have never met, as we do not
live in the same town.
I didnt dare to confess to him as
he told me that he doesnt want a
girlfriend right now.
We chat almost every day and I
guess he started to realise that I like
him. Sometimes, he would ask me if
I like him but I will deny it because I
am scared of being rejected.
Last April, I finally confessed to
him but he didnt reject me, not
did he accept me. He told me that
he likes me too but he was scared
about the distance. Also, he will soon
be transferred to another town for
work so he might not be online as
often as he usually is.
I told him that I want to be with
him and I willing to wait. My grandma has also given me permission to
study at a university which is closer
to him.
He has now moved to the new
town and is hardly online as hes
busy with his work.
Do you think I should wait for
four years to go there to continue
my study and meet him or should
I just forget him because of the distance and the fact that he is six years
older than me?

voice chat with a group, or Circle (to use the

Google+ term) of people not unlike Skype
group video chats among other things.
Im not sure how quickly people are going
to be comfortable being in an open room on
webcam just yet, but for me, this is a big step
in social media.
The fact that Facebook announced it so
soon (despite it not being completely rolled
out) after the launch of Google+ could also
be an indication of how important this
feature will be for the leading social media
network in the world.
We already know what social media can
do in terms of information dissemination,
discourse and networking. But so far, it has
remained mostly strangely enough twodimensional in that there are little realtime elements to it.
When you send a tweet out, you wait for
responses or retweets the same way you
hope that a picture you post up before you
hit the sack will amass a huge number of
Likes by the time you wake up.
I feel that video has the potential of taking social networking to the next level.
Interestingly enough, it is also kind of a
throwback to one of the original social
networking tools (even though we never
acknowledged it as that then), the chat system.
When the Internet, as we know it now,
was first introduced back in the 90s,
Internet-relay Chat (IRC) was king. People

who didnt know

each other joined
rooms based on
geographical location,
interest or popularity and
randomly chatted with one
another. Networks were built,
and suddenly, friendship transcended geographical boundaries.
This then took other forms Palace
(which aimed to turn room chatting from
text to visual) came and went and Second
Life took on a life of its own.
Things then got more personal there
was ICQ, which still allowed for the kind
of anonimity that IRC offered which then
quickly evolved into online chatting with
MSN Messenger (now Windows Live),
Yahoo! Messenger and of course, Skype.
Along the way, people got tired of nicknames
and started using their real names and real
email accounts.
Social networks, in the early naughties
threw a spanner in that evolution, like a
meteorite landing on earth and wiping out
the dinosaurs. Online chatting was getting
too personal and it was getting harder to
build new friendships and professional networks (bulletin boards were disappearing
and online forums were starting to get out of
fashion as well).
Well, thank goodness for Friendster (yes!),
MySpace and then of course, Facebook.
Except that while things were more

social, it was
also pretty flat
text, photos and
videos.
Now, with video
chatting, social media can
move forward and Google+
seems to be leading the way in
bringing together the best of how
weve been doing things for the
past two decades.
I have little doubt whether video
chats is the future of social networking.
The only thing, really, is if were ready for it.
That remains to be seen.

Four-year dilemma
Hey guys, just hit us up with your problems. We are not saying that
we have all the right answers, but RUSYAN SOPIAN and LIM SU ANN
will lend their ears, dig deep into their life experiences (ahem!) and
offer up their perspectives.
If you have anything thats troubling you, get in touch with us at
ask.anything@thestar.com.my. You can use a pseudonym but please
include your name, contact number/e-mail address/postal address in
your letter, okay?
Remember, you can Ask Anything (but we may not be able to print
everything).
Do long-distance relationships
last? Will my feelings fade in the
next four years?
Im scared of taking the wrong
step and regretting it after because I
really like him. Unsure

Rusyan
Relationships take time to mature
and develop. Initial feelings are
intense when you first meet someone, but dont get carried away.
Its even more important to stay
grounded if youve never met someone face to face.
Even though youve known D for
months now, it takes much more
to actually know someone. Online
chatting allows you to communicate
but only real experience allow you
to know D how he speaks to you,
how he reacts during difficult times,
how he will act in a specific situation, and so forth.
Facebook wont reveal much

when you want to know how D acts

in real life. In fact, Ds online personality could just be a shade of who
he really is. Planning ahead for four
years with someone you havent
met is too big a risk.
Take a step back. He has already
said that hes not ready for commitment, so slow down. Keep a
friendship with him as long as it is
safe and he does not ask you to do
things that make you uncomfortable. If things do get uncomfortable,
take control. Dont be afraid to tell a
friend or end it with D.
Theres always a danger that we
allow our feelings to consume us.
Instead of looking so far ahead with
D, take a minute to realise the people already with you and spend time
with them. Finding your ambitions,
dreams, and learning new activities
that make you happy are some of
the things that are more deserving
of your time.

Su Ann
It looks like there are several
issues at hand here: the long distance, his busy schedule, the age
gap, the fact that he isnt looking for
a relationship, and the fact that he
didnt meet your confession with an
acceptance.
These are a lot of setbacks to
a potential relationship and so
before you ask yourself the question of whether the relationship will
last, you should ask yourself if it is
a relationship worth getting into in
the first place.
While it is admirable to devote
ourselves to a cause, four years is a
very long time to be waiting for an
unknown possibility. The problem
with devoting ourselves to someone
prematurely is that we often close
our hearts off to many great people.
We then miss a lot of the right people who are in our lives at the right
time.

Does D feel to you like the right

person whos in your life at the right
time?
It would be a mistake to choose
where you want to further your
education based on your feelings
about this potential relationship.
Until you and D are in a committed
relationship where there is a clear
future in sight where both peoples
families, careers and goals are being
taken into consideration, D should
not be too large a factor in deciding
which university to go to.
You do not have to forget D as
you put it. He has not done anything
wrong, and unless it is difficult for
you to keep in touch while you still
harbour feelings for him, it isnt
a bad idea to keep the friendship
going.
Who knows? Perhaps at a more
stable time in your life, D will have
decided that he does want to be in
a relationship, and that you are the
right person for him. Perhaps then
he will also be the right person for
you, at the right time.

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