A Different Future

Mom, are you sure? I asked, not knowing whether I should be celebrating or ripping
my hair out. Visit Germany? Well, all my friends lived there, friends I really missed. So why
didnt I want to go? I looked up at my mom, who had just told me her idea about taking the week
off to visit them. And knew that she would ask me that question when I told her I was- lets face
it- scared to go. After all, she didnt know about the last time. She didnt know, couldnt know,
what it felt like.
It wasnt that theyd forgotten me. No, I hadnt been gone long enough for that, and the
class was, and probably still is, very close knit. Just one person missing was a tremendous loss
to the group. So when I visited them the year after I left, well- Thirty eight fourth- graders at the
end of a Friday, waiting for a friend to arrive? Well, they over-reacted. They screamed, they
shouted, they crowded in and made such a din that the teacher could not be heard. And then,
someone waved a little white scrap of paper and a pen and- No. I told myself that they wouldnt
do that again; they were too old for that now. But I couldnt be sure, so all I could do was cross
my fingers and wait for something to happen.
It was the day of my friends graduation from 5th grade into 6th. Penny and Ananya had
been my friends since first grade, and when I left, I felt like a black hole had appeared in my
heart. Although they did their best to fill me in on any news at ESKAR, our school, it didnt feel
like my school anymore, or my friends, or my life. It was a future I would never know. And that
was one of the major reasons why I felt queasy as our car approached the familiar grey building,
surrounded by woods and complete with a fountain and a bright blue gate at the main entrance.

Finally, we pulled up in the car park and started towards the kindergarden. My mom had
made us promise we would stop by my brothers old class to say hello to his teachers. Over all,
he acted shy and embarrassed, and I couldnt help thinking I would have been much more
friendly in that situation. After an eternity, we walked down the walkway painted with stars that
led all the way around the elementary and entered the upper elementary section, where we went
outside by the pond. There were already some parents gathered there, and the odd teacher. They
were setting up the food table and the chairs, along the side of the clearing, in the shade. The sun
was swelteringly hot and it lashed its rays around the brilliant white stage, half- blinding anyone
who looked. Immediately, my mom went to chat to the other moms and I was left alone for the
moment. Not for the first time, I wondered if I had been right in letting my friends persuade me
into coming. I had met with them the day before and they had both made such a fuss that I felt
compelled to agree, although I still had misgivings. No amount of friends could change that, I
thought. Just then I heard footsteps sounding around the building, and resisting an urge to run
and hide under the table, I went out to meet them.
They were all girls, led by Penny, Ananya and Aurelia, who had been nice enough to me.
I suspected the main reason she was there was that she liked being right on top of things- and I
dont necessarily mean schoolwork. The rest of the group consisted of Hannah, Luisa-Marie
(who I had only met in my last year and like very much), Elisabeth and Amy. They all came
rushing forward at the same time, and soon a chorus of Julia!, Welcome back! and Ive
missed you so much! had arisen. Trying to answer everybodys questions at once, I was led
back into the building, up the stairs and into their teacher Mrs. Tallamys classroom, with the
pretense of bringing more chairs down to the stage. Before long, we were sent out of the
classroom to wait outside (something none of us really wanted to do- the sun was too hot) and

more people began to emerge. The rest of the girls and some of the boys stopped to say hello and
(in some cases) introduce themselves although of course, the boys didnt do so too politely
and we filed to the clearing where I waited with my mom as the kids lined up on the stage. And
finally, the graduation ceremony started. The principal (who, in my opinion, would have looked
more at home in the clowns department of a circus, with his polished brown shoes and bright red
suit, sunglasses, yellow striped tie and Mohawk-like hair) started his speech. It was about how
these kids had started out in first grade and grown and developed and blah blah blah into these
smart, happy, grown-up, blah blah, graduates. His voice drifted away into the hazy summer sun
as I thought of how I would have been up there with them, if only I hadnt moved. If only my
dad hadnt gotten a job upgrade and left and taken us with him. If only And suddenly I
realized that I wouldnt be the person I was now if I hadnt moved. I would never have done the
things I did if Id stayed, never would have lived the life I have; I wouldnt have the same
present or future. Funny, I thought, how one event might completely change the course of your
life. And as I watched my friends take their certificates from their teacher and the principal, it
suddenly clicked. I couldnt live two lives-there is just one, so I had to do my best to cram
everything I could have done in two into just the one, and live with it. And it wouldnt get too
crowded.