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Parisa Fathi
October 13, 2013
ENC 3315
Prof. Weaver
Counter-Argument to Kim Hall
Like many people, I read Kim Halls letter, FYI (if youre a teenage girl), from
her blog after going viral online. She addresses the female friends of her sons on
Facebook and tells them that their Facebook content is problematic. Hall claims she
genuinely like[s] staying connected with you [girls] via social media, but warns keep
your clothes on, and your posts decent or risk being blocked. She forces her sons to
block content deemed provocative by her because she cares about her children. Beyond
the slut-shaming diction, Hall wants to be the best mom for her three sons and daughter.
Hall delivers her message in a passive-aggressive post on her personal blog; she claims
she cares these girls as your parents care about you (italics hers) (Hall). Instead of
blocking young girls because of their online presentation, it is necessary to examine
teenagers use of social media and how to shift the focus from the problem with young
girls to the problem with our culture at large.
The number of social media sites teenagers use is astounding: Facebook, Twitter,
Tumblr, Instagram A Pew Institute research on social media found out that 91% [of
teenagers studied] post a picture of themselves on such websites (Madden, Lenhart, et
al. 1), participating in elaborate rituals to maximize the visibility in others newsfeeds
and [enhance the] number of likes of their profile picture. [P]opularityon
Facebook correlates into the popularity you have in life (Madden, Lenhart, et al. 2).

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Teenagers live in a world where presentation matters, from which of your favorite bands
you list, to your tagged locations, to your choice of profile picture.
Hall first fails to understand the power of the self-taken picture, or selfie. Hall
tells these girls that she doesnt want friends to see [them] in only one dimension
(Hall), and yet she does not follow her own advice. In a new twist on an old saying, Hall
judges these Facebooks by their cover photos and wants to block their content
immediately. Selfies are a glimpse into the user but through a lens, or filter, of his or her
choosing that morphs their ordinary life into a fascinating and enviable one. Psychologist
and gender scholar Dr. Peggy Drexler believes Posting affirming selfies can be
empowering. They can help readjust the industry standard of the beauty ideal. But they
can also help reinforce the idea that what matters most in this world is how things, and
people, look (Drexler). These girls use their selfies to create an image of themselves that
skews reality and their true identity. Just because a girl looks sexy online does not mean
she is provocative offline. It is the girls decision to create her online identity in such a
way whether she wishes or her peer group values certain aesthetics in regards to pictures.
In her letter, Hall says, I cant help but notice the red carpet pose, the extraarched back, and the sultry pout. Whats up? None of these positions is one I naturally
assume (Hall). Sexy selfies boil down to the same concept: More provocative equals
more likes (Sales). Likes reflect what is cool, which in this case is sexiness. Cool, in
turn, is generally dictated by the media. Kim Goldman, director of the Santa Clarita
Valley Youth Project, believes girls feel like they have to be like what they see on TV.
Pictures in bikini shots can get a 16-year-old reality TV star 10,000 likes causing girls
to believe this is how to get attention (Sales). Girls buy into a beauty standard through

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emulation of media to follow ever-changing norms, using social media to express
themselves. It is not girls fault for following trends, but the cultures for addressing
trendy females. In writer Adellle Waldmans article about female beauty in media, she
states: Women are not only subject to a constant and exhausting and sometimes
humiliating scrutinythey are also belittled for caring about their beauty, mocked for
seeking to enhance or to hold onto their good looks (Waldman). Hall certainly belittles
females and their appearances in pictures. She tells girls to keep [their] clothes on
(Hall) because they receive more scrutiny when they embrace their sexuality;
paradoxically, female bodies are more sexualized and objectified by media.
Hall asks teenaged girls in her letter, What [are] youtrying to do? Who are you
trying to reach? What are you trying to say? when posting pictures (Hall). One teenaged
girl interviewed in Nancy Jo Saless article about social media believes girls post slutty
pictures of themselves to show guys the sidethat guys want to see (Sales). This idea
contributes to the male gaze, the idea that everything is done for the pleasure of men
(Hess). Teenaged girls believe When a boy likes your [Facebook] profile pic or almost
anything you post, it meansthey have interest in you (Sales). Girls desire the attention
of male peers and use selfies to get attention.
Halls sons, who shes hoping to raise [to become] men with a strong moral
compass (Hall), are part of this problem as well. Her claim that once a male sees you in
a state of undress, he cant quickly un-see it (Hall) is an unfair generalization of her sons
and boys in general. While boys are not their sexual urges, neuropsychiatrist Louann
Brizendine states, young teen boys are often totally, single-mindedly consumed with
sexual fantasies, girls body parts, and the need to masturbate (Brizendine, M.D., 39).

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Though Hall cannot control what her sons think and do, blocking certain pictures to
guard her sons will not resolve this issue, but only hide it. Her sons may not see these
pictures, but they will still be there for other males viewing pleasure.
Teenagers, especially male teenagers, use pornography as a substitution or
supplement to sex and sex education (Corinna). Understanding that Pornography is
idealistic, not realistic [and] tends to show what people fantasize about, not what
actually does happen in most people's sex lives can change cultural ideas of sex and
sexiness (Blank). [D]epression, anxiety, [and] feelings of isolation (Sales) occur when
adolescents start comparing themselves or their sex lives to what they see or read about
in pornography (Blank). It is harmful to perpetuate the "boys will be boys" message
often broadcast by the media, as Hall does. This idea excuses male, sexually predatory
behavior as completely normal, giving the impression that young men can't help their
impulses and that that's par for the course (neither of which are true or okay) (Schorn).
Hall is correct in her assumption that her sons may think of their female peers in a sexual
manner, but her sons are not primordial men; they can rationalize and reason far better
than their prehistoric ancestors.
Teens have and always have behaved in rebellious manners a la James Deans
aptly titled Rebel Without a Cause; [t]he idea that before the Internet rained
hellfire on teenage bedrooms across America, girls and boys were sipping
soda pops and slipping letterman jackets over each others shoulders is
untrue and offensive (Hess). Games that hinge on flirtation and sexual tension

have been around for decades: Spin the Bottle, Truth or Dare, Seven Minutes in Heaven.
Though Hall may not have participated in such games, it is possible that her audience
members have. The difference, though, is that there was no permanent recording device

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called the Internet, capturing our every mistake forever. Though far removed from their
teenaged years, it begs the question [W]hy [do] they so easily forget how thrilling and
exciting it is to dip ones toe into adulthood[?] (Widom). The culture at large is insecure
about young womens sexual agency and therefore stamps anything they do to express
themselves in such a way immoral, wrong, or slutty. Promiscuous girls are not
stealing innocence, their own or their male peers (Hess). Hall is merely a reflection of
the culture in which she was raised. In her About Kim section, she describes herself as
the Director of Womens Ministry in a Texan Presbyterian church. Her target audience
seems to be comprised of 30-40 year old, like-minded women who are involved in their
church, communities, and families; in other words, she preaches to an audience
generations removed from social medias primary users.
This is an opportunity for Hall and her sons. Educating her sons them about rape
culture and to respect women regardless of the amount (or lack) of clothes they wear will
shape them into outstanding men. Hall pushes her instilled stereotypes that stem from the
culture in which she was raised. By telling her sons to avoid certain people, she is not
only shaping her sons current and future interpersonal relationships but the next
generation of parents as well. Though it will take more than her sons to change attitudes
about slut shaming, it all begins at home. Open dialogue between Hall and her sons will
create the men she wants them to become. They will learn to value any and all women in
their lives for who they are and not how they look. At the very least, Hall should promote
Internet safety tips if she is so concerned for these girls. Their pictures could fall into
hands worse than a boy from math class. A selfie, like any picture, is worth a thousand
words, but people are worth so many more.

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WorksCited
Blank, Hanne. "Looking, Lusting and Learning: A Straightforward Look at
Pornography." Scarleteen. (2000). Web. 6 Oct. 2013.
Brizendine, M.D., Louann. The Female Brain. New York: Broadway Books, 2006. 39.
Print.
Corinna, Heather. "Porn: How Much (or How Little) Does it Influence Your
Sexuality?." Scarleteen. (2013): n. page. Web. 10 Oct. 2013.
Drexler, Dr. Peggy. "Are Selfies Ruining Your Relationships?." HuffPost Women.
(2013). Web. 6 Oct. 2013.
Hall, Kim. "FYI (if youre a teenage girl)." Given Breath. 3 Sept 2013. Web. 6 Oct. 2013.
Hess, Amanda. "Romance in the Age of the Internet Is Lovelier Than You Think." Slate.
(2013). Web. 7 Oct. 2013.
Madden, Mary, Amanda Lenhart, et al. "Teens, Social Media, and Privacy: Part 1." Pew
Internet. (2013). Web. 6 Oct. 2013.
Madden, Mary, Amanda Lenhart, et al. "Teens, Social Media, and Privacy: Part 2." Pew
Internet. (2013). Web. 6 Oct. 2013.
Sales, Nancy Jo. "Friends Without Benefits." Vanity Fair. (2013). Web. 6 Oct. 2013.
Schorn, Joey. "How to Understand, Identify and Make Choices About
Desire." Scarleteen. (2013): n. page. Web. 7 Oct. 2013.
Waldman, Adelle. "A First-Rate Girl: The Problem of Female Beauty." New Yorker.
(2013). Web. 6 Oct. 2013.
Widom, Wendy. "FYI, Kimberly Hall: Those Girls Are a Reflection of You and
Me." Chicago Now. (2013): n. page. Web. 7 Oct. 2013.