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Sexuality Disobedience
Sexuality Disobedience
To begin to heal your emotional wounds, then, bow down before the Crucifix and, looking
to divine justice, surrender the pride of taking matters into your own hands to avenge your
hurts. In imitation of Him who accepted injury confidently, quietly, peacefully, and,
without grumbling or murmuring, say, Lord, I am wounded. I hurt. I am helpless. I am
broken. I am vulnerable. Nothing I can do by my own hands can protect me. Help me, for
without your mercy and protection, I will perish. Into your hands, O Lord, I commend my
spirit. Help me to continue my work in your service despite the fact that I feel [betrayed,
abandoned, unloved, insulted, falsely accused, etc.].
Never forget that your tears are prayers. Although your suffering does not have any
redemptive valuethat is, it does not make things right between you and God, nor does
it make you special in Gods eyesyour ability to suffer gracefully will lead to your
spiritual growth. Let God, then, do what He will to transform your suffering into courage
and perseverance and trust.
Then, all it takes to give the pain to God is to work through four successive phases of
understanding whenever you feel hurt.
Acknowledge the Pain
Feel the hurt, rather than push it out of awareness. Turn to Christ, and speaking to Him as
you would speak to another person, tell Him what happened, tell Him how you feel, and
ask Him for help.
If someone insults you, acknowledge to yourself and to God what that person did to you
and admit that you feel belittled; if someone cheats you, acknowledge to yourself and to
God what that person did to you and admit that you feel manipulated and vulnerable; if
someone obstructs you, acknowledge to yourself and to God what that person did to you
and admit that you feel helpless. And so on.
Admit your weakness, your wretchedness, your brokennessand ask God for His strength
to carry you through despite your feelings.
I willingly boast of my weakness, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Therefore I am content with weakness, with mistreatment, with distress, with
persecutions and difficulties for the sake of Christ; for when I am powerless, it is
then that I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9b-10
Mind you, this does not mean disavowing human emotions; its a genuine embracing of
human emotional life in its full realitywhich leads us to the next phase.
Relax
When you feel injured, it will be humanly natural to want to take matters into your own
hands to get revenge. So pay attention to your fantasies of revenge. Some of them will
spring up right in front of you, but others will be hidden in the depths of your unconscious,
and you will be tempted to believe they do not even exist and that you are past all
resentments. So use psychological and spiritual scrutiny to recognize those fantasies, but
resist the temptation to act on them. When someone hurts you, resist the temptation to
respond with sarcasm or arguments or hostility or cursingor self-blame and selfpunishment. Look to divine justice, not to bitter revenge.
And when things, rather than other persons, obstruct yousuch as traffic lights that turn
red when youre in a hurry, or things that break when youre under pressure to get a job
doneaccept it quietly and obediently as Gods wise intervention for your guidance.
Just say, All right. This is teaching me something, and in due time I will understand. Right
now I dont know why this is happening, but since this is what You want, then I will accept
it. I trust in You in all things. But it hurts! So please give me the strength and courage to get
me through this.
What if it is the devil tripping you up, rather than God intervening for your
instruction? How do you tell the difference? Well, you dont have to know the
difference. Just accept everything gracefully as a glorious act of obedience to God. If
the devil trips you up and discovers that his efforts result in glorifying God, he will
get tired of you very quickly and leave you alone.
Be Transparent
As you acknowledge and feel the pain, let it pass through you into Christs hands, like
sunlight through a clean window.[4] Remember that whatever anyone does to you is done to
Christ Himself.[5] When you are mocked, Christ is mocked; when you are cheated, Christ is
cheated; when you are abused, Christ is abused; when you are obstructed, Christ is
obstructed. Every sin inflicted on anyone is inflicted on Christ, and Christ alone has the
power to administer true justice for all injury. So put your wounds in His hands and trust
in His justice.
Healing is simply our return to God in humility. There is no healing for our brokenness
except the broken bread of the Eucharist. There is no healing except through Him who
accepted all pain, quietly, peacefully, without grumbling or murmuringfor our sake.
There is no healing except in forgiveness.
But if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your
transgressions.
Matthew 6:15
For the judgment is merciless to one who has not shown mercy.
James 2:13
Pray
After acknowledging and feeling the pain, resisting the temptations to revenge, and letting
the pain pass through you, then pray. To give the pain to God is to stop trying to take
matters into your own handsby hiding your pain, by dwelling on resentments, by protest,
or by plotting revengeand instead to pray for those who hurt you and to pray that you
will learn to approach God in humility so as to accept the true and perfect healing He
offers us. So pray for your enlightenmentand pray for the repentance of those who hurt
you.
It is not always within your power to control your feelings. You will
recognize that you have love if, after having experienced annoyance
and contradiction, you do not lose your peace, but pray for those who
have made you suffer and wish them well.
as told to Saint Faustina,
Diary, 1628
Pray also for those around you. For example, if youre stuck in a long line at the post office
because of a rude clerk, pray for the clerk and pray for the persons in line with you who
have to suffer also. Good short prayers to be repeated over and over would be
initial acknowledgment; refuse to do anything sinful, no matter how much the temptations
intrude into your mind; pray the Jesus prayer; continue to refuse to do anything sinful, no
matter how much the temptations continue to intrude into your mind; and continue to pray
the Jesus prayer; and keep doing it all for as long as necessary. Eventually, the temptations
will dissipate. Then give thanks to God for helping you get through it. And give yourself
credit for persevering!
Notes.
1. In all things, God desires us to treat each other with the same love He has for us. Therefore,
wanting someone to be emotionally or physically hurt removes you from Gods service and
places you in the service of the devil. Consequently, just the thought of hurting someone is a sin
but being a venial sin (so long as it is an inner desire, rather than an outward act) it can be
absolved with perfect contrition. An actual act of revenge toward another person that results in
real harm is a mortal sin, and must be absolved formally through the Sacrament of
Reconciliation. Unrepentant sin will condemn a soul at the Last Judgment. Note that this
condemnation is a truthful assessment of the souls unholy behavior, not a desire on Gods part
for revenge.
2. Many persons have to struggle with the suspicion that they may have been sexually abused in
the past, and many of them will never know for sure if any abuse actually happened. The
psychological/spiritual task here is for them to acknowledge the emotional pain they feel now, to
recognize the conflicts that the pain causes (e.g., impulses to promiscuity, pornography,
masturbation, etc.), and to then work to overcome the urge to take revenge on the world now
because of what they have suffered in the past.
Note that worrying about whether any abuse actually happened wont help you. Nor will
trying to get the suspected person(s) to admit the truth help you. The best thing to do is vow to
yourself and to God that, regardless of what others around you do, you will purge dishonesty and
lust from your life.
3. Christ was, and is, a victim in the ancient sense of the term, which referred to an animal
offered in sacrifice: as the Paschal Lamb, Christ willingly offered Himself in sacrifice on the
cross for our salvation. Keep in mind, though, that in His sacrifice, Christ neither lost anything
nor was He cheated or duped. He did, however, cheat death of its power over us, and, in that
sense, death itself was made a victim of His sacrifice.
4. The more clean the window, the less the glass will heat up from the light. But no window can
be perfectly clean. The more dirt on the window, the more it will heat upthat is, the more
unconscious anger there is hidden in your heart, the more emotional anguish and turmoil you will
feel because of any injury. Conversely, the more psychological work you have done to clean out
your unconscious resentments, the more confidently and gracefully you will bear the Cross.
5. Then He will say to those on His left, Depart from Me, you accursed, into the eternal fire
prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave Me no food, I was thirsty
and you gave Me no drink, a stranger and you gave Me no welcome, naked and you gave Me no
clothing, ill and in prison, and you did not care for Me. Then they will answer and say, Lord,
when did we see You hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or ill or in prison, and not minister
to Your needs? He will answer them, Amen, I say to you, what you did not do for one of these
least ones, you did not do for Me (Matthew 25:41-45). Remember, too, that, at the height of
Sauls persecution of Christians, Christ asked him, Why are you persecuting Me? (Acts 9:4).