Reinventing the Typewriter

Written By
Don_Cheeto_Calzone

INT. OFFICE - DAY

00:05:31

We see GRANT HOLMES, an odd, oblivious man, and JEREMY KALO,

a logical, thought provoking man. They are siting in the
break room.
GRANT
What is the meaning of life?
JEREMY
Excellent question. What is the
meaning of life?
GRANT
Repeating the question doesn't
count as an answer. If I knew the
answer I wouldn't have asked you,
would I?
JEREMY
It wasn't the answer, I was sort of
putting more emphasis on the
question.
GRANT
Does the meaning of life really
need more emphasis? I mean, I asked
you as soon as we sat down. I don't
think it gets any more dire than
that. We wouldn't want to get a big
head about it.
JEREMY
(upset)
Alright, Grant, you've broken me. I
don't really know what the meaning
of life is. Are you happy?
He turns around in his chair.
GRANT
I can't believe you would be so
dishonest with me.
JEREMY
I'm sorry. It was just a very
daunting question.
GRANT
I understand. Many great men have
died searching for the answer.

JEREMY
Leonardo da Vinci.
GRANT
George Harrison.
JEREMY
Napoleon.
GRANT
My cat Stanley.
JEREMY
Bozo the Clown.
GRANT
Lori, from accounting.
JEREMY
I thought she got a promotion.
GRANT
Nope.
There is an awkward silence.
JEREMY
What are we doing here?
GRANT
I tried to ask you that question,
however you became rather hostile.
JEREMY
I mean, really, what are we doing
here?
GRANT
There you go repeating the question
again.
JEREMY
Grant, what exactly do you do here?
GRANT
At the company, or in general?
JEREMY
At the company.
GRANT
I organize the paper.

JEREMY
Right.
GRANT
I make coffee.
JEREMY
(taking a drink)
It's very good coffee.
GRANT
I fix the printer.
JEREMY
It's been broken for three weeks.
GRANT
I try to fix the printer, and am
yelled at by Richard, even when I'm
doing my best.
RICHARD, the boss, walks by.
RICHARD
(respectively)
Hey, Grant, thanks for helping with
the printer.
GRANT
(offended)
Don't patronize me, you hound.
Richard walks away.
JEREMY
What do I do at the company.
GRANT
Come to think of it I don't think
I've seen you do much of anything
around here.
JEREMY
Exactly. I waltz around here,
coffee in hand, asking people if
they've got an e-mail I haven't
even sent!
GRANT
Jeremy, I think you've got a
problem.

JEREMY
I know!
GRANT
You're a compulsive liar.
JEREMY
(confused)
What, I'm not-GRANT
--I know this diagnosis is
difficult for you, but I can help.
JEREMY
I'm not a compulsive liar.
GRANT
Then again, you could be lying, and
it's not actually that difficult of
a diagnosis.
JEREMY
What's your dream job?
GRANT
French linguistics.
JEREMY
Is that a job?
GRANT
Of course. They're everywhere in
France.
JEREMY
Why would you want to enter the
field of French linguistics?
GRANT
I quite enjoy French food, and I
figured it would taste even better
with a French mouth.
JEREMY
Do you know what my dream job is?
GRANT
No, but I don't believe you.
JEREMY
Since I was a boy I've wanted to
work in a museum, or a theatre.

GRANT
Were you once not a boy?
Another silence.
JEREMY
How do you mean?
GRANT
Well, I mean, you said since I was
a boy, and I wasn't aware you went
through a sex change, and I want
you to know I'm completely okay
with that. I don't think of you as
any less of a-JEREMY
--Grant, allow me to ask you this.
GRANT
No, I don't allow it.
JEREMY
Why?
GRANT
You gave me a choice, and I took
advantage of it.
JEREMY
Have you ever been to the history
museum downtown?
GRANT
I've never been downtown.
JEREMY
They have a hat worn by Arthur
Miller.
GRANT
They cannot prove that.
JEREMY
Of course they can, they've
pictures of him wearing it.
GRANT
Arthur Miller wore many hats.
JEREMY
I suppose he did, yes.

GRANT
There's no telling which is which.
I've many pairs of socks, and I
cannot tell the difference between
them.
JEREMY
Even if it isn't his hat, they've
got so much more. I could teach and
entertain people with the past. So
much history, so many stories to be
heard.
GRANT
Hat's cannot talk, Jeremy.
JEREMY
Do you understand what I'm trying
to say?
GRANT
Quite frankly, I have no idea
what's going on.
JEREMY
We shouldn't be here, blabbering at
this table.
GRANT
Would you prefer the table across
the hall?
JEREMY
We should be out there, in the
world, following our dreams. That's
what life is all about, isn't it?
GRANT
I've told you once before, Jeremy,
I don't know what life's all about.
That is the specific reason why I
asked you that question.
JEREMY
I think I'm going to quit.
GRANT
Why on Earth would you do something
like that?
CUT TO:
EXT. OUTSIDE OFFICE - DAY

00:05:41

Jeremy and Grant exit the office, apparently having quit.

GRANT
Well, now what?
JEREMY
I know exactly what to do.
CUT TO:
INT. MUSEUM OFFICE - DAY
We see Grant being interviewed by a museum worker.
INTERVIEWER
So, it says here your previous
occupation was at Langston
Accounting, is that correct.
GRANT
Yes, it's on the paper.
INTERVIEWER
Now, Mr. ... Holmes is it?
GRANT
That is my name. It's written right
there on the paper.
INTERVIEWER
Mr. Holmes, what exactly did you do
at Langston Accounting?
GRANT
I had many tasks... Many, sort of,
general things. I fixed coffee, as
well as printers...
INTERVIEWER
(jokingly)
Printers? Well, ours hasn't been
working for days. Maybe you could
be able to fix it.
GRANT
I could try my best.
INTERVIEWER
I tell you, the monkeys around here
have no idea how this new tech
works. But you seem like you know
what you're doing.

00:07:03

GRANT
Are you patronizing me?
A silence.
INTERVIEWER
So, would you call yourself an
assistant?
GRANT
A general, all-around assistant,
yes.
INTERVIEWER
What sort of credentials do you
have?
GRANT
In regards to what?
INTERVIEWER
Paleontology, of course.
GRANT
None. I have no experience with
large lizards.
INTERVIEWER
(laughing)
No experience with paleontology?
Then why the hell are you applying
for assistant director of the
paleontology department?
CUT TO:
INT. OUTSIDE MUSEUM OFFICE - DAY
Grant emerges to a waiting Jeremy outside of the office.
JEREMY
(exciting)
How did it go?
GRANT
I think it went rather well.
JEREMY
That's fantastic! Do you think
we'll get the job?
GRANT
I cannot imagine why we wouldn't.

00:07:47

INTERVIEWER (V.O.)
(from inside the office)
Jeremy Kalo, could you step in
please.
JEREMY
(eager)
Wish me luck.
Grant gives a thumbs up. Jeremy enters the office. Grant
stands awkwardly outside. There are voices from inside.
Eventually Jeremy is heard screaming. He barges out angrily.
JEREMY
(angry)
Let's get out of here.
Jeremy begins walking away. Grant does not move.
INTERVIEWER (V.O.)
Grant Holmes, could you step in
please.
Grant enters the office.
CUT TO:
INT. JEREMY'S HOME - NIGHT

00:10:28

It is months later. Jeremy is alone, sitting on his couch,

in his filthy apartment, watching television. Wads of paper
are scattered about. He flips to the news channel. Grant is
giving a press conference.
GRANT
(on the television)
And so, it is with great excitement
that I announce the opening of a
new exhibit, the Cretaceous
Kingdom!
There is applause from the crowd. The television screen cuts
to a news reporter.
REPORTER
That was Grant Holmes, senior
director of the paleontology
department at-Jeremy cuts off the television. He sighs. The doorbell
rings. Jeremy ignores it. There is now knocking at the door.
Again, Jeremy ignores it. A voice is heard from the hallway.
It is HOLLY FITZGERALD, Jeremy's former lover.

10

HOLLY (V.O.)
Hey, douchebag!
Jeremy does not respond.
HOLLY (V.O.)
Open up the goddamn door!
JEREMY
(emotionless)
No one's home.
HOLLY (V.O.)
Fuck you!
JEREMY
Say that a bit louder, I don't
think the neighbors heard you.
HOLLY (V.O.)
Gladly.
(yelling)
Help me! Someone help me!
Jeremy immediately runs toward the door and opens it up.
Standing there is Holly, a quite beautiful, but tired girl.
JEREMY
What do you want?
Holly pushes Jeremy away and enters the room. She
immediately begins rummaging through drawers.
JEREMY
What the hell are you doing?
HOLLY
I left my earrings here last week.
JEREMY
Finally ran out of drug money?
HOLLY
Fuck you. Did you finally get some
brains and realize you aren't
fucking William Shakespeare.
JEREMY
Do you know where you last left
them?
HOLLY
Of course I don't fucking know
(MORE)

11
HOLLY (CONT'D)
where I left them. If I knew I
wouldn't be looking for them.
JEREMY
(rubbing his forehead)
Jesus Christ....
HOLLY
If I found out you sold them,
you're fucking dead.
JEREMY
I didn't sell you're damn earrings.
HOLLY
Well, then where are they?
JEREMY
(motioning toward the
bedroom)
They might be on the night-stand in
there.
Holly rushes toward the bedroom. Jeremy sits back down on
the couch.
HOLLY (V.O.)
I don't see them!
JEREMY
(uninterested)
Keep looking.
HOLLY (V.O.)
Don't get smart, asshole.
There is a beat as Holly continues rummaging.
HOLLY (V.O.)
Holy shit! I found them!
Holly emerges from the room with a pair of very fancy and
very expensive earrings.
JEREMY
Woo-hoo. I'm so happy for you.
HOLLY
We should get lunch.
JEREMY
(confused by the
proposition)
(MORE)

12
JEREMY (CONT'D)
What?
HOLLY
Yeah, we should get lunch.
JEREMY
Why the hell would I want to get
lunch with you?
HOLLY
We could catch up. It will be fun.
Mickey's Diner, twelve o'clock.
JEREMY
Holly, I don't think-HOLLY
(exiting the apartment)
See you tomorrow!
She exits the apartment. Jeremy sighs and rubs his forehead.
CUT TO:
INT. MICKEY'S DINER - DAY
Jeremy is sitting alone at a booth in Mickey's Diner. He is
drinking coffee. After a brief beat, Grant enters the diner
and sits across from Jeremy. Jeremy just stares.
GRANT
So, how have you been?
JEREMY
(blankly)
Don't you have some dinosaurs to
jerk-off?
GRANT
I wouldn't call that appropriate.
Besides, I'm tired of dinosaurs.
I've always been more of a
fish-man, you know?
JEREMY
I've been fine, I guess. How did
you find me here?
GRANT
A lucky guess.
JEREMY
You know I hate Mickey's.

00:11:52

13

GRANT
All right, I may have checked every
restaurant in town. By the way, why
are you here?
JEREMY
I've been trying to figure that out
myself.
Holly enters the diner and approaches Jeremy and Grant's
booth.
HOLLY
Who's this, your new boyfriend?
JEREMY
You're late.
GRANT
(confused)
Excuse me? We're not-HOLLY
(sitting down next to
Grant, who is
uncomfortable)
Hey, I've got to use the rest-room.
I want a cheeseburger.
She gets up and walks toward the bathroom. Grant looks at
Holly, and then back to Jeremy.
GRANT
She seems frantic.
JEREMY
She is.
(getting up)
Let's get out of here.
GRANT
But she's still in the restroom.
JEREMY
Let's hope she stays there.
Grant and Jeremy both get up from the booth and exit the
diner.
CUT TO:
INT. BAR - DAY

00:13:34

14

We see Grant and Jeremy sitting at the bar. Jeremy has a

whisky while Grant drinks water.
GRANT
That's quite a tale.
JEREMY
(taking a drink)
Uh-huh.
GRANT
I'm not quite sure I understand.
You told me she despises you, and
yet she still wants to talk to you?
JEREMY
I don't understand it, either.
GRANT
That's just poor decision making.
JEREMY
Some people just have a lot going
on.
A beat.
JEREMY
Do you remember that question you
asked me?
GRANT
Why she despises, but still talks
to you?
JEREMY
No, before that. The meaning of
life. I think I've got an answer.
Life is meaningless. We exist for
no reason. We're thrown into this
world with extreme expectations,
our minds are filled with various
goals set by those before us.
Money, a family, a nice house. All
of it's meaningless. If a man dies
happy or sad, he is nevertheless,
dead. All of out attempts to
improve he lives of those around
us. All pointless. Everything we
cherish, love, affection,
companionship. It's all an
(MORE)

15
JEREMY (CONT'D)
illusion.
Jeremy takes another drink, awaiting a response.
JEREMY
What's wrong?
GRANT
Nothing. I'm not worried.
JEREMY
What's that supposed to mean?
GRANT
You're a compulsive liar.
JEREMY
(accepting the sentiment)
Huh.
Another beat.
GRANT
Could I stay with you, for awhile,
at your place of living?
JEREMY
Of course. You're always welcome.
Grant takes a sip of his water.
GRANT
Do you think I could get some more
water?
JEREMY
(to the bartender)
Can I get another H20 on the rocks,
for my friend?
The bartender brings another glass of water.
CUT TO:
INT. BINGO ROOM - NIGHT
Grant and Jeremy are amongst old ladies playing bingo.
GRANT
I am convinced this game is rigged.
That lady brought her own board, I
saw it.

00:17:02

16

JEREMY
How much does this pay out?
GRANT
The thrill of the game is worth
enough.
JEREMY
The thrill might be a bit too much
for these ladies.
GRANT
Oh, it gets intense.
JEREMY
Is that so?
GRANT
Last week they had to call an
ambulance for Janice. Halfway in
the match she started coughing and
wheezing. I would have done the
heimlech, but she hadn't eaten
anything. Luckily I was able to
snag her board before anyone else.
JEREMY
Did you win?
GRANT
No, because that bastard Al paid
off the ref. His bureaucracy has
been going for years.
JEREMY
How long have you been coming here?
GRANT
A few months. I've heard stories.
The FOREMAN spins another ball.
FOREMAN
B4!
Grant immediately raises his hand.
GRANT
Bingo!
A ref runs by and takes the board. He slowly walks to the
foreman.

17

JEREMY
They're really serious about this.
GRANT
Of course. If chess is considered a
sport, why can't Bingo?
JEREMY
Well, there doesn't seem to be much
skill involved here. I suppose a
basic understanding of the English
alphabet my be th only thing
necessary.
GRANT
You represent the average ignorant
citizen. You see, which if those
balls is going to be at the bottom?
JEREMY
The ones not at the top.
GRANT
Right, the heaviest ones. The
heaviest ones are those with more
ink. That would be G five. You
always shoot for row five. I can
assure you, this involves as much
skill as painting a Picasso or
writing Shakespeare.
JEREMY
Speaking of that, I'll have you
know I've been writing quite a bit
these days.
GRANT
What's your point?
JEREMY
Nothing really, I just though you
should know.
GRANT
Would you like me to ask you what
you've been writing?
JEREMY
Sure. I suppose so.
A beat. It is broken by the foreman.

18

FOREMAN
(pointing to Grant)
I believe we have a winner!
The whole room stands and applauds. They then sit back down
and clear their boards.
JEREMY
It's plays, I've been writing.
GRANT
I didn't ask.
Another beat.
GRANT
So, Jeremy, what have you been
writing?
JEREMY
Plays, actually.
GRANT
Oh, how nice. What are they about?
JEREMY
It's usually a, sort of, depressed
man with no real ambitions on an
impossible journey through which
nothing is achieved and he returns
to his miserable, hate-filled life.
GRANT
Tragedy.
JEREMY
Excuse me?
GRANT
They're called tragedies.
JEREMY
I wouldn't necessarily call them
tragedies.
GRANT
So, they're comedies then?
JEREMY
I wouldn't really call them
comedies either. They're a sort of,
in between type of thing.

19

GRANT
A story needs both comedy and
tragedy to be successful.
JEREMY
I completely agree.
GRANT
Are you successful, Jeremy?
JEREMY
Well... Not really no. I've sent in
some scripts to some various
theatres, and I haven't really
heard back.
GRANT
I'm sure they're just taking their
time.
JEREMY
(trailing)
Yeah....
FOREMAN
G7!
GRANT
(placing a tile)
Ooh! I've got that.
CUT TO:
INT. JEREMY'S HOME - NIGHT
We see Grant at work on the typewriter. Jeremy and Holly
enter happily. Jeremy notices Grant at the typewriter, and
runs toward him frantically.
JEREMY
What the hell are you doing?
GRANT
I thought I would try some writing.
JEREMY
You can't use that! It was my
grandfathers.
GRANT
(removing his hands from
the keys)
Did he have tuberculosis?

00:19:06

20

JEREMY
What?
GRANT
I wouldn't want to catch
tuberculosis. I've heard it's very
unpleasant. There's a lot of
coughing up blood, and headaches,
and I'd much rather not do with
that.
JEREMY
Of course he didn't have
tuberculosis!
GRANT
It was just a precaution.... Do you
have tuberculosis?
JEREMY
No! He gave that typewriter to me
when I was seven.
GRANT
What does a seven year-old use a
typewriter for?
JEREMY
Typing things!
GRANT
See, that's exactly what I was
doing here. I was using it for what
it was intended.
Holly snickers.
JEREMY
Don't encourage him.
(to Grant)
Grant, I'm perfectly fine with you
staying here, but if you please,
could you just use the typewriter
alone?
GRANT
(getting up)
I'm sorry. I was not aware.
Grant walks over to the couch.
HOLLY
(hushed)
(MORE)

21
HOLLY (CONT'D)
Did you really need to be such a
dick-head about that?
JEREMY
I was in no way being unreasonable.
HOLLY
All he did was type a few words.
Who knows, he may even actually
have some talent, unlike someone I
now.
JEREMY
Now, there's no need to say that,
your father is a very nice man.
HOLLY
Fuck you. I have to use the
rest-room.
Holly exits to the rest-room. Jeremy sits down at the desk,
gives a sigh, and picks up what Grant had been writing. He
reads it carefully.
JEREMY
(to Grant)
What kind of a title is
"Reinventing the Typewriter?"
GRANT
(now lying down, under
the covers)
I thought it sounded clever.
JEREMY
(flipping through the
pages)
Right....
CUT TO:
INT. JEREMY'S HOME - DAY
It is the morning after. Holly has apparently left. Jeremy
is still sitting at the desk. Grant is eating cereal on the
couch.
JEREMY
(tired)
Have you ever thought of letting
anyone else read your writing? It's
quite good.

00:19:47

22

GRANT
No. I've never let anyone read it.
JEREMY
I think... If you submit this,
you've got a pretty good chance of
getting it in production.
GRANT
Huh.
Grant drinks some milk from his bowl.
JEREMY
Are you doing anything today?
GRANT
My schedule is clear.
JEREMY
(getting up)
Get some clothes on. We're going
out.
GRANT
Why?
CUT TO:
INT. THEATRE OFFICE - DAY
A well-dressed Grant and Jeremy sit across from GIDEON
ALTERMAN, a big business, no-nonsense theatre producer. He
is smoking a cigar. His office clean and orderly. There are
a few awkward seconds between them.
GIDEON
Well, boys... This is quite an
interesting script you have here.
Very progressive.
JEREMY
We feel this script takes a very
different, or progressive way of
approaching theatre.
GRANT
Yes, we feel this particular script
could progress the world, and
perhaps even solve some major
problems.

00:22:55

23

GIDEON
Like what?
GRANT
World hunger, perhaps...
JEREMY
(trying to take control
of the situation)
Well, we don't-GRANT
--Edible paper, is certainly a
possibility. The script could be
disinfected to prevent the spread
of disease....
GIDEON
That's quite ambitious of you, Mr.
Holmes.
JEREMY
You know how these creative types
are, sir.
GIDEON
I'm sorry, who are you, again?
JEREMY
I'm Jeremy Kalo, sir. Mr. Holmes'
manager.
GRANT
(confused)
What, exactly, of mine do you
manage?
JEREMY
Your accounts and finances for one.
GIDEON
I don't have any finances, Jeremy.
JEREMY
Well, that could certainly change
if the nice man here picks up our
script. So we should respect him.
An awkward beat.
GIDEON
What's your deal? Are you a couple
of ninnies?

24

GRANT
(slightly offended)
Excuse me? What exactly is a ninny?
GIDEON
You know... a ninnny. They walk
around all happy like... And they
wear bright clothes.
GRANT
Am I gay? Is that what you're
trying to ask us? If so, we're not.
JEREMY
Grant, he was just trying-GRANT
-- I know what he was trying to do.
GIDEON
Look, guy, there ain't a problem-GRANT
--Oh, there is a problem.
JEREMY
I think we should all just calm
down, and try to settle our
differences like adults-GRANT
--I think this man shouldn't be
such a bigoted bastard.
GIDEON
(leaning toward Grant)
What the fuck did you just say to
me, you little fuck?
GRANT
You heard me, you scoundrel.
GIDEON
(rising from his seat)
I'll have your family cut, you
fuck. I've got-Grant stands as well.
GRANT
I will not take that language from
you--

25

They continue arguing as Jeremy attempts to diffuse the

situation. This goes on for several beats.
JEREMY
(yelling, angry)
Can we please just fucking sit
down, and talk like adults.
Gideon and Grant breathe heavily as they stare at Jeremy.
They both slowly sit down. An awkward beat. A SECRETARY
cracks open the door.
SECRETARY
(tentatively)
Is... Everything okay in here?
GIDEON
(calmly)
I told you not to come in here.
SECRETARY
(closing the door)
Yes, sir.
GIDEON
Do you have any actors in mind?
JEREMY
I'll handle all of that, sir.
Gideon ponders for a moment.
GIDEON
(stretching his hand)
Oh, what the hell. We need
business, anyway.
JEREMY
(shaking Gideon's hand)
You won't regret your decision,
sir.
Gideon stretches his hand toward Grant.
GRANT
Don't even try it.
CUT TO:
INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY
We see Grant and Jeremy the patrons of a local coffee shop
from the corner.

00:23:43

26

JEREMY
(pointing to one of the
customers)
How about that guy.
GRANT
(examining the man)
No... No... He's not right. He's
too preachy for the part of Allen.
He looks like the kind of person
who holds the door for someone just
to talk about politics. I was
thinking of the blonde man in the
corner.
JEREMY
What's he drinking?
GRANT
De-caf.
JEREMY
Really?
GRANT
He goes to coffee shop and doesn't
even drink coffee. He's
self-absorbed and needs to fit in.
He's exactly who we're looking for.
JEREMY
What about the part of Marilyn?
GRANT
We won't find her here.
JEREMY
Where do we need to go?
CUT TO:
00:25:48

INT. PUNK BAR - DAY

Grant and Jeremy are sitting at the bar of a punk rock
venue. Jeremy takes a drink, and almost spits it out. He
motions to the BARTENDER.
JEREMY
What the hell is this?
BARTENDER
Cat piss.

27

The bartender walks away.

JEREMY
(to Grant)
What are we doing here?
GRANT
We're being thorough.
Grant points to a punk woman.
GRANT
See that one there?
JEREMY
Which one?
GRANT
The one with the spiked hair.
JEREMY
Yeah.
GRANT
No. Not that one. The other one.
JEREMY
(making hand motions)
You mean the one with the... Uh...
GRANT
No, the one to her left.
JEREMY
Yeah, I think I see her.
GRANT
Oh, it looks like I've lost her.
JEREMY
(pointing)
No, she's right there.
GRANT
Yes, there she is.
JEREMY
What about her?
GRANT
I like her shoes.
A beat.

28

GRANT
I think the brunette near the back
is perfect for Marilyn.
JEREMY
Knock yourself out.
GRANT
(slightly offended)
First of all, that's not possible.
Second of all, that's completely
impractical.
JEREMY
Just talk to her.
Grant maneuvers his way toward the GIRL. If she did not have
so much make up, she would be quite pretty. As Grant
approaches, he takes an envelope from his pocket, and she
gives him an odd look.
GIRL
Who the fuck are you?
GRANT
(offering the envelope)
Take this.
GIRL
(looking at the envelope)
What is it?
GRANT
It's a proposition.
A beat. The girl slaps Grant across the face.
GIRL
What kind of a slut do you think I
am?
GRANT
(rubbing his face)
Now I'm going to need an ice pack.
GIRL
(taking the envelope)
I'll get in touch with you.
Grant walks back to Jeremy, who is laughing hysterically.
GRANT
What's so funny?

29

JEREMY
How did it go?
GRANT
I think it went rather well.
CUT TO:
00:26:20

INT. NURSING HOME - DAY

Grant and Jeremy are at the front desk of a nursing home. An

ATTENDANT is behind the desk.
GRANT
Yes, we'd like to see an old
person, please.
ATTENDANT
Are you related to any of the
residents?
GRANT
I don't believe so, no.
ATTENDANT
Are you a friend to any of the
residents?
GRANT
No, we're not friends.
JEREMY
Ma'am, we would just like to meet
with some of the residents.
GRANT
Yes, we would like to mingles with
the elderly.
CUT TO:
INT. NURSING HOME COMMONROOM - DAY
We see Grant and Jeremy sitting at a round table with some
ELDERLY.
ELDERLY MAN 1
And a great hole formed in the
clouds.
GRANT
Was there anything in the hole?

00:28:18

30

ELDERLY MAN 1
Yes! From the great void was
Marilyn Monroe, dressed as a
pigeon.
GRANT
What exactly does a pigeon costume
consist of?
ELDERLY MAN 1
She had a beak! And feathers!
GRANT
How can you be sure it wasn't just
a pigeon?
ELDERLY MAN 1
I'll never tell you filthy Germans!
ELDERLY MAN 2
(to Jeremy)
I'm telling you, jobs have no
meaning. They're not fulfilling at
all.
JEREMY
I agree completely.
ELDERLY MAN 2
The flaw with our system is that we
don't account for the needs of the
people.
JEREMY
You're absolutely right.
ELDERLY MAN 2
In order for our society to
prosper, we need to put the needs
of the individual before the needs
of the companies.
JEREMY
I couldn't have said it better
myself.
ELDERLY MAN 2
(taking a book from a
shelf, handing it to
Jeremy)
I want you to read this.
It is a copy of Karl Marx's Communist Manifesto.

31

JEREMY
Thank you very much.
A man who previously had said nothing speaks up.
ELDERLY MAN 3
(somber)
There were four of us on that boat
trip. It was a simple affair,
across the Mediterranean to meet
with friends in Egypt. The sea was
crisp and clear, and the warm
maritime air brought warmth to our
cold lungs. We drank, and played
cards, and gambled long into the
early hours of the calm waves of
dawn. It all changed very suddenly,
and with a haste unmatched by even
the fastest thoroughbred. The sea
awoke like a great hound, and leapt
across our boat with vigor. Johnny,
a brave man, was killed almost
immediately. The rest of us were
either ravaged by those hellish
sharks or survived by eating the
bark of the upper stern. When they
found us our bellies were a quarter
full and our minds even emptier.
Martin was never quite the same man
as when I first met him. I, of
course, continued journeys until my
feeble body stopped me dead in my
tracks.
Jeremy and Grant stare with awe. Grant offers the man an
envelope.
CUT TO:
INT. MICKEY'S DINER - NIGHT
Grant and Jeremy are sitting at a booth in Mickey's diner.
JEREMY
Have you ever truly loved a woman,
Grant.
GRANT
I've had strong feelings for some
articles of clothing.

00:30:18

32

JEREMY
So that's a no?
GRANT
Yes, that is a no.
JEREMY
It's a strange feeling.
GRANT
So I've heard.
JEREMY
It doesn't matter if the woman
hates you. If you truly love a
woman, nothing can really change
your mind-set.
GRANT
I can think of a few things.
JEREMY
Like what?
GRANT
Murder would cause some stress to
virtually any relationship.
JEREMY
I can't really argue with that.
Holly is just... There's just
something about her. She keeps
drawing me back, you know?
GRANT
I just told you I didn't.
JEREMY
Do you love anything, Grant?
GRANT
I quite enjoy world peace.
JEREMY
But that doesn't exist right now.
GRANT
Then I suppose I'm miserable.
JEREMY
Is world peace something you strive
for?

33

GRANT
I watch other people strive for it,
and am satisfied when sufficient
progress is made.
A beat.
JEREMY
So, what were you thinking in terms
of staging?
GRANT
Very grandiose. Spotlights,
fireworks, trumpets, the whole
shebang.
JEREMY
What would you use trumpets for?
GRANT
Anything, really. Characters
entering, footsteps, things like
that.
The WAITRESS brings Jeremy his food, a salad.
GRANT
Why would anyone eat leaves?
JEREMY
They're healthy.
GRANT
It's like eating a person's hair.
JEREMY
It is not. Hair is not edible.
GRANT
Edibility isn't black and white,
Jeremy. It's a scale. And leaves
are quite far down on said scale.
JEREMY
If people want to eat hair, they
can.
GRANT
That's the glory of America.
Jeremy continues eating his salad.
CUT TO:

34

INT. JEREMY'S HOME - NIGHT

Grant and Jeremy enter Jeremy's home after a long day.
JEREMY
(taking is coat off)
Do you really think he ate the wood
off of the boat?
GRANT
I don't think a man can sustain
himself eating wood.
JEREMY
I mean, it's all natural.
GRANT
So is carbon monoxide.
Jeremy walks over to the couch. Before he sits down, he
notices Holly lying on the floor, shivering. He immediately
runs over to her.
JEREMY
Oh, my god! Holly are you okay?
HOLLY
(weak)
I'm... I'm sorry.
JEREMY
(frantic)
Holly, are you all right!?
Holly does not respond.
JEREMY
Grant, dial 911.
GRANT
(walking over to Jeremy)
What is the problem?
JEREMY
Just do it!
Grant pulls out his phone, and dials a number.
JEREMY
Holly, everything's going to be
okay.

00:31:15

35

HOLLY
(weak)
I'm... Sorry....
CUT TO:
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - NIGHT
We see Holly in a hospital bed. Jeremy is next to her, in a
chair. Grant sits awkwardly in the corner.
HOLLY
(to Jeremy)
Thank you.
GRANT
I called 911.
HOLLY
Thank you too, Grant.
GRANT
You're welcome.
A beat.
HOLLY
I'm so sorry.
JEREMY
It's okay. You didn't know any
better.
HOLLY
No. I did no better. And I still
did it anyway. I told you I
wouldn't, and I did.
A DOCTOR enters with a clipboard.
DOCTOR
Ms. Fitzgerald, you're a very lucky
woman. If you had arrived just ten
minutes later, you probably would
not be alive. Now, I don't want to
judge lifestyle choices. That's not
my job. I just want to offer you
this.
He hand her a brochure.

00:32:32

36

DOCTOR
It's your choice.
(to Jeremy)
I think it's best if we allow Ms.
Fitzgerald to get some rest.
JEREMY
Thank you.
The doctor gives a dry smile and exits the room. Holly
stares at the brochure.
HOLLY
Do you really think this would
help?
JEREMY
I don't see how it could hurt.
HOLLY
Okay. I'll try.
Holly and Jeremy embrace.
HOLLY
I love you.
JEREMY
I love you too.
CUT TO:
00:34:23

INT. THEATRE - DAY

We see Grant and Jeremy sitting at a deus in front of the
stage of the theatre. It is audition day. The self absorbed
blonde man steps on-stage.
JEREMY
(reading a paper)
You are Mr. Mitchell?
MR. MITCHELL
Yes, sir.
JEREMY
What is your acting experience?
MR. MITCHELL
I've faked a few relationships,
but, other than that, none.

37

JEREMY
Well, then, I guess you can just
go.
MR. MITCHELL
Thank you. I will be reading from
William Shakespeare's Romeo and
Juliet.
(he clears his throat)
But soft! What light through yonder
window breaks? It is the East, and
Juliet is the sun. Arise, fair sun,
and kill the envious moon, who is
already sick and-GRANT
All right, I'm going to stop you
right there.
MR. MITCHELL
(confused)
What?
JEREMY
Grant, what are-GRANT
You do realize we are not putting
on Romeo and Juliet?
MR. MITCHELL
Yes, of course.
GRANT
Then why are you reading from
Shakespeare. I did not write those
words, and I don't claim to. That
would be plagiarism.
MR. MITCHELL
What would you like me to read
from?
GRANT
The script, of course.
MR. MITCHELL
I don't have a copy of the script.
GRANT
You don't have a copy of the
script.

38

MR. MITCHELL
No, I don't.
GRANT
(hush, to Jeremy)
I don't think this our man.
JEREMY
What are you talking about? He was
good.
MR. MITCHELL
I can still hear you.
GRANT
(to Mr. Mitchell)
Could you excuse us for a moment.
(to Jeremy)
The man was not properly prepared.
JEREMY
Jesus Christ, Grant, how could he
have been?
GRANT
I just think we should move on, we
have a lot of people to get
through.
CUT TO:
INT. THEATRE - DAY
It is a little bit later.
GRANT
Who have we got so far?
JEREMY
We have the part of the policeman.
GRANT
He was quite good.
JEREMY
He was an actual cop.
GRANT
It certainly showed in his
delivery. Who's next?
JEREMY
(looking at the paper,

00:36:08

39

announcing)
Can we get a... uh... Police Killer
to the stage.
The punk girl steps on-stage.
JEREMY
Is Police Killer your legal name?
POLICE KILLER
I don't abide by the law.
JEREMY
Right.... Well, uh, do you have any
acting experience?
POLICE KILLER
I wrote, directed, and starred in
my own play.
JEREMY
Oh, really?
POLICE KILLER
Yes. It was called Obamanation, and
it was all about how the government
is destroying the minds of the
people who can actually make a
difference in the world.
GRANT
(hush, to Jeremy)
I saw that. It was quite good.
JEREMY
So, Ms. Killer, why don't you pick
up at the monologue at the
beginning of Act II.
Police Killer flips through the pages.
POLICE KILLER
(void of all emotion)
You have no idea what you're
referring to. This rebound of
consciousness you have experienced
has added nothing to your
personality, or your sexual drive.
You are a useless man. You exist
only to hassle those who think
greater than yourself.

40

JEREMY
(hush, to Grant)
That was awful.
GRANT
I've heard worse.
JEREMY
Are you kidding? That was some of
the worst acting I've ever seen.
GRANT
She's got a great drive.
JEREMY
What the hell does that mean?
GRANT
Squirrels, during Winter, employ
any scheme possible in order to
collect enough nuts to survive.
That's what I'm reminded of when i
hear this woman's acting.
CUT TO:
INT. THEATRE - DAY
It is a bit later. Grant and Jeremy are standing on-stage.
JEREMY
All right, people, we'd like to
thank you for coming out today and
auditioning. I would like to read
off the cast list right now. If you
did not recieve the part you
wanted, at least note these were
all very difficult decisions.
GRANT
That's simply not true.
JEREMY
The role of Allen will be played by
Albert Connelly, John will be
played by Ralph Abernathy, the
policeman with be played by brad
baker, Marilyn will be played by...
Police Killer. The role of George
has not yet been determined, as the
main candidate for the part died of
a heart attack this morning. You
(MORE)

00:36:45

41
JEREMY (CONT'D)
should receive information
regarding rehearsals soon. Thanks
again everyone, you are dismissed.
CUT TO:
00:37:25

INT. MICKEY'S DINER - DAY

Grant and Jeremy are sitting across from each-other at a
booth in Mickey's Diner. They are eating and talking about
scheduling.
JEREMY
... So I was thinking first
rehearsal would be Friday.
GRANT
I can't do Friday.
JEREMY
Why?
GRANT
That's bingo night. I can't miss
bingo night.
JEREMY
You can't miss one night of bingo.
GRANT
They'll begin to doubt me, Jeremy.
JEREMY
Right, so the first rehearsal will
be Saturday.
GRANT
That's acceptable.
JEREMY
Don't forget Thursday morning we
have a meeting with the costume
manager...

CUT TO:
00:37:32

INT. COSTUME OFFICE - DAY

Grant and Jeremy are meeting with the COSTUME MANAGER.
GRANT
I was thinking rhinestones....

CUT BACK TO:

42

00:37:40

INT. MICKEY'S DINER - DAY

Grant and Jeremy are in their same spot in diner.
JEREMY
... and we have a sound meeting
Thursday afternoon.

CUT TO:
00:37:47

INT. SOUND OFFICE - DAY

Grant and Jeremy are meeting with the SOUND DIRECTOR.
GRANT
... cicadas buzzing everywhere.

CUT BACK TO:

00:37:55

INT. MICKEY'S DINER - DAY

Again, Grant and Jeremy are in their usual spot.
JEREMY
... and lastly we have a meeting
with Gideon regarding promotion.

CUT TO:
INT. THEATRE OFFICE - DAY
Grant and Jeremy are discussing promotion with Gideon.
GRANT
I was thinking blimps. And I'm not
talking about weather balloons, no,
I'm talking about huge
Hindenburg-esque blimps, flying in
the sky, all over the world.
JEREMY
A simple poster should do just
fine.
(to Grant)
Grant, could you step out for a
moment?
GRANT
I certainly could.
A beat.
JEREMY
Grant, may you step outside for a
(MORE)

00:39:37

43
JEREMY (CONT'D)
moment?
GRANT
(getting up)
Certainly.
Grant exits. Jeremy talks in hushed towns.
JEREMY
He is ruining this production.
GIDEON
Are you just figuring that out?
JEREMY
I love the man like a brother, but
he is just being ridiculous.
GIDEON
What are you going to do? You know
how these creative types are.
JEREMY
First Police Killer, rhinestones,
cicadas, I don't know if I can take
it anymore.
GIDEON
Well, Jeremy, what would you like
me to do?
JEREMY
Bump me to director.
GIDEON
What's that going to accomplish?
JEREMY
I'll be able to fix all of this
shit.
GIDEON
That's great, Jeremy, the problem
is that isn't your script. He can
back out at any time he wants.
JEREMY
He won't back out, I know he won't.
GIDEON
I don't care. We can't be taking
anymore risks.

44

JEREMY
Anymore risk! You let two nobodies
have complete control over a stage
production!
GIDEON
That's the kind of risk you have to
take in show business. Just give
him a bit more. I'm sure it's going
to be fine.
JEREMY
(exiting the room)
This is the most absurd....
GIDEON
Good luck with rehearsals!
CUT TO:
INT. THEATRE - DAY
It is rehearsal day. Jeremy is sat at the desk in front of
the stage. The actors are on-stage. Police Killer is not
present. A new WOMAN is on-stage.
WOMAN
(reading, acting)
And so, after slicing through your
dense forest of innuendo and
metaphor, I have discovered the
real ma.
MR. MITCHELL
(reading, acting)
You are mistaken. I have taken the
greatest precautions in ensuring
your well-being. I am enamoured
with you.
They both look toward Jeremy.
JEREMY
That was pretty good. But, Mr.
Mitchell, I think we need a bit
more pain in your voice. Think of
the context in which you're saying
this. You wife has cheated on you,
you were arrested for a crime you
didn't do, and your neighbor has
just cooked your dog. We should be
able to feel that in your
(MORE)

00:44:49

45
JEREMY (CONT'D)
performance. Are you able to cry on
demand?
MR. MITCHELL
I'm not really sure.
JEREMY
(serious)
You're a hopeless, no talent
bastard.
Mr. Mitchell bursts into tears. Jeremy nods his head.
JEREMY
That was quite good.
MR. MITCHELL
(looking up)
Really?
JEREMY
No, it was awful
Mr. Mitchell begins weeping again. Holly enters and walks
toward Jeremy.
HOLLY
Grant's here.
JEREMY
(announcing)
All right, everyone. Take a break.
All of the actors quietly walk off-stage. Grant enters.
GRANT
You've lied to me again.
JEREMY
About what?
GRANT
You told me three o'clock sharp,
and it currently 2:59, and you've
already started.
JEREMY
We just wanted to start.
GRANT
Imagine if the atomic bomb were
dropped early. It would fall into
the ocean, and the entire undersea
(MORE)

46
GRANT (CONT'D)
ecosystem would be completely
decimated.
JEREMY
I'm sorry if I've offended you,
Grant.
GRANT
Oh, you haven't offended me Jeremy.
You've offended marine biologists
everywhere. Anemones are bursting
into tears.
A beat.
GRANT
How have things been going?
JEREMY
Quite well, actually. It seems like
all of the actors understand their
roles quite well.
GRANT
That's important, Jeremy.
JEREMY
Of course.
GRANT
Because if they don't understand
their roles, everything we're doing
here is a joke.
JEREMY
You don't have anything to worry
about.
The actors all step back on-stage.
GRANT
Hold on, where is Ms. Killer?
JEREMY
I'm not sure. She didn't show up.
This is Ms. Carroll, her
understudy.
Grant motions to Holly.
GRANT
(hush)
Get me the best private
(MORE)

47
GRANT (CONT'D)
investigator in this city.
JEREMY
Grant, I don't think-GRANT
-- I don't want one of those
everyday investigators, I want
credentials, a list of previous
cases, and a signed contract saying
that he or she will find Police
Killer within the next 48 hours.
HOLLY
(walking away)
I'm on it.
JEREMY
Holly, what are you doing?
GRANT
(to Ms. Carroll)
Are you excited to be playing this
role?
MS. CARROLL
(smiling)
Oh, yes, very much.
GRANT
Don't be.
JEREMY
Please, he's just teasing.
GRANT
No, I'm not a tease. I am a
theatrical slut, and if you flub
one line, it's out to the cold
streets for you.
MS. CARROLL
I, I understand, sir.
GRANT
Good.
JEREMY
Now, can we please get on with the
rehearsal. We don't have time to
waste.

48

GRANT
I've an idea. Ms. Carroll, in the
third act, your character is shot
by Mr. Mitchell's character. Are
you aware of this?
MS. CARROLL
Yes, sir.
GRANT
Of course you are, I just told you.
MS. CARROLL
Yes, sir.
GRANT
I think we should go through that
scene. It is a rather critical
scene, and must be performed with
utmost perfection.
Mr. Mitchell and Ms. Carroll prepare themselves for the
scene. Mr. Mitchell has a prop gun in hand.
MR. MITCHELL
(reading)
This is the final occurrence of-GRANT
(taking an actual gun
from his pocket)
Hold on....
Grant steps on-stage and offers the gun to Mr. Mitchell.
MR. MITCHELL
(apprehensive)
But... This is a real gun.
GRANT
(handing him the gun)
Are you a real person?
MR. MITCHELL
I suppose so, yes.
GRANT
(stepping off-stage)
Real people deserve real guns.
JEREMY
(annoyed)
Let's start from the top.

49

MR. MITCHELL
(reading)
This is the final occurrence of my
humiliation by your petty
pandering. I shall not allow it to
continue. Prepare for your ferry
voyage across the dense, sandy
apricity of eternal doom.
Mr. Mitchell points the gun. A beat. Mr. Mitchell and Ms.
Carroll turn toward jeremy for acknowledgement.
JEREMY
I think that was rather-GRANT
They aren't finished.
JEREMY
What do you mean.
GRANT
In this scene, Marilyn is shot.
MR. MITCHELL
Well, I'm not going to shoot her,
obviously.
GRANT
These theatre critics are ruthless.
They want action, drama, and
intensity, and you cannot get that
with a children's pop-gun.
Another beat. Holly reenters.
HOLLY
(to Grant)
The detective is here sir.
GRANT
(getting up)
If you excuse me. Please do not
continue, I should not be long.
Grant exits with Holly. The group is silent.
CUT TO:
INT. THEATRE OFFICE - DAY
A stereotypical PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR sits across a desk.
Holly enters with Grant. Grant sits at the desk.

00:47:54

50

GRANT
Let's get down to business, are you
the best private investigator in
this city.
INVESTIGATOR
I would say so, yes.
GRANT
Are you the best private
investigator in the United States?
INVESTIGATOR
I would say so, yes.
GRANT
Final question, are you the
greatest private investigator in
the world.
INVESTIGATOR
Well, I haven't traveled too much,
with the economy in the toilet.
GRANT
If we were in a utopian economy,
and you could travel, would you be
the best in the world?
INVESTIGATOR
I would say so, yes.
GRANT
Excellent.
(to Holly)
Holly, could you excuse us for a
moment?
HOLLY
(exiting)
Of course.
Holly exits. The investigator takes a pen and notebook from
his pocket.
INVESTIGATOR
Who exactly are we looking for,
here?
GRANT
Her name is Police Killer.

51

INVESTIGATOR
(writing in his notebook)
Is that with two L's or one?
GRANT
Three L's.
INVESTIGATOR
Right.... Now, can you give me a
description of this Police Killer?
GRANT
She's about five foot, six inches.
Black, sort of, erotic hair. Black
eyes. Black clothes. She's very
passionate at what she does.
INVESTIGATOR
What race is the woman in question?
GRANT
I'm not really sure, she wear's
quite a bit of make-up.
INVESTIGATOR
Do you know this woman's residents?
GRANT
No, I don't.
INVESTIGATOR
Do you know where she works.
GRANT
No.
INVESTIGATOR
What do you know about this woman?
GRANT
She enjoys punk music.
Jeremy enters briskly.
JEREMY
(to the investigator)
Do you mind stepping out for a
moment?
INVESTIGATOR
(getting up)
Not at all. I think I've got
everything I need.

52

The investigator exits. Jeremy sits down across from Grant.

JEREMY
What the hell are you doing?
GRANT
I'm trying to ensure the safety of
a talented, up and coming actress-JEREMY
--No, Grant, what the hell are you
doing? You're ruining this
production!
GRANT
I'm going to have to disagree with
you there-JEREMY
-- No. I'm not going to take
another one of your stupid
explanations. I don't know about
you, but I want this production to
be successful. And here you are
sending people on wild goose chases
for absolutely no reason!
GRANT
The goose is not a fair comparison,
as there are plenty of geese in the
world, however this only one Police
Killer.
JEREMY
(slamming his hands on
the desk)
This is so fucking stupid.
GRANT
Desks are inanimate objects, and do
not have any neural functions of
any capacity-JEREMY
Listen, we premiere in four weeks,
and I'm not going to let your
frankly idiotic actions get in the
way of my production. Do you
understand?
A silence.

53

JEREMY
You know what, I don't care whether
you understand or not. Now, if you
excuse me, I would like to get
through one goddamn scene of this
fucking play!
Jeremy exits. Grant just stares at the door.
CUT TO:
00:48:06

INT. BINGO ROOM - DAY

Grant sits alone at his Bingo table.
FOREMAN
N4!
GRANT
(placing a chip)
Bingo!
A ref comes by and checks the card. Grant checks his watch.

CUT TO:
INT. BACKSTAGE - NIGHT

00:49:11

It is the night of the premiere. Workers are shuffling

frantically backstage. Jeremy and Holly watch the play going
on from just off-stage.
HOLLY
They're loving it.
JEREMY
They are. They really are. Mr.
Mitchell is fucking fantastic.
Holly kisses Jeremy on the cheek. A TECHNIAL DIRECTOR is at
a booth.
TECH DIRECTOR
Cue the rain in three... Two...
One.
Rain begins falling on-stage.
HOLLY
Wow!
Grant enters and steps next to Jeremy.

54

GRANT
I'm sorry.
JEREMY
It's okay.
GRANT
What do they think?
JEREMY
They love it.
MR. MITCHELL
(on-stage, acting,
pointing a gun.)
This is the final occurrence of my
humiliation by your petty
pandering. I shall not allow it to
continue. Prepare for your ferry
across the dense, sandy apricity of
time.
He fires the fake gun. Ms. Carroll falls to the ground. The
crowd gasps.
GRANT
(to Jeremy)
They won't like that.
JEREMY
It will be fine.
Applause erupts from the crowd. The actors step on-stage and
bow. Holly again kisses Jeremy, who puts his arm around
Grant.
CUT TO:
INT. BALLROOM - NIGHT

00:50:36

It is the after-party of the premiere. Many rich and famous

are mingling amongst each-other. Jeremy is speaking with two
CRITICS.
CRITIC 1
That was absolutely marvelous. A
true wonder of the stage.
JEREMY
Thank you very much. I greatly
appreciate it.

55

CRITIC 2
I'd never seen anything quite like
it. The words, the characters, they
were all comletely new to me.
JEREMY
Well, I can't take credit for that.
CRITIC 1
Of course you can, you were the
director.
They all three laugh together. Grant is sitting alone at a
table in the corner, drinking water. The investigator enters
hurriedly, scans the room, and sits down at the table with
Grant.
INVESTIGATOR
(out of breath)
She's been kidnapped!
GRANT
By whom?
INVESTIGATOR
I don't now! There was a van next
to her, and they just took her.
GRANT
(tossing his glass of
water)
Let's go.
Grant and the Investigator exit quickly. Jeremy is talking
with Gideon at a table.
JEREMY
Everyone loved it!
GIDEON
That may be what it looks like, but
I don't think we should be making
any assumptions.
JEREMY
What are you talking about?
Everyone I talked to loved it!
GIDEON
These theatre people are weird. The
night of the premiere they're
hailing you the next Spielberg, but
in their fancy columns they tear
(MORE)

56
GIDEON (CONT'D)
you apart. It happens all too
often.
JEREMY
You're just being pessimistic.
GIDEON
(lighting a cigar)
Am I being pessimistic, or are you
being optimistic?
CUT TO:
00:50:57

I/E. GRANT'S CAR - NIGHT

Grant is driving and the Investigator sits in the passenger
seat.
GRANT
Where did they drive off to?
INVESTIGATOR
The abandoned factory downtown.
GRANT
I don't know where that is.
INVESTIGATOR
How do you not know where that is?
It's the biggest building downtown!
GRANT
I've never been downtown.

CUT BACK TO:

INT. BALLROOM - NIGHT
Jeremy is now seated with a very beautiful young ACTRESS at
a table.
JEREMY
... I had actually tried show
business many times before, but
none of these critics really
understand what art it, you know
what I mean?
ACTRESS
You sound very smart.
JEREMY
Thank you very much, I try my best.

00:51:17

57

CUT TO:
00:51:29

I/E. GRANT'S CAR - NIGHT

Grant and the Investigator are driving quite quickly
INVESTIGATOR
(pointing)
All right, just take a right here.
GRANT
I can't take a right here, that's a
building.

CUT BACK TO:

00:51:33

INT. BALLROOM - NIGHT

Jeremy is now passionately kissing the young actress.

CUT TO:
00:51:45

INT. OUTSIDE WAREHOUSE - NIGHT

Grant and the Investigator are standing outside a massive
warehouse.
INVESTIGATOR
How are we supposed to get in?
GRANT
Did you happen to bring any keys,
at all?

CUT BACK TO:

00:51:55

INT. BALLROOM - NIGHT

Jeremy and the actress are still kissing. Holly catches
sight of this and gasps. Jeremy looks up.
JEREMY
Holly, this isn't-Holly runs off, crying.

CUT TO:
INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT
We see two INTERROGATORS talking to Police Killer, who is
tied up in a chair.

00:52:43

58

INTERROGATOR 1
We can do this the painful way, or
the slightly less painful.
POLICE KILLER
I won't tell you anything, you
pigs!
Interrogator 2 slaps Police Killer.
INTERROGATOR 1
What was that for?
INTERROGATOR 2
She wasn't telling us what we want
to know.
INTERROGATOR 1
You can't just go slapping people
like that.
INTERROGATOR 2
What am I supposed to do? Is this
not an interrogation?
INTERROGATOR 1
Of course it is. But you can't
start of slapping people. That's
showing your cards too early. You
ease into that.
INTERROGATOR 2
Look, we're interrogating someone,
not having sex with a hooker.
Grant's car bursts threw a garage door. Once the dust
clears, Grant and the Investigator exit the car.
POLICE KILLER
Mr. Holmes!
CUT BACK TO:
INT. CORRIDOR - NIGHT
Jeremy is trying to console a crying Holly.
HOLLY
(crying)
Fuck you. I hate you.
JEREMY
Holly, please calm down. I've been
(MORE)

00:53:05

59
JEREMY (CONT'D)
drinking and-HOLLY
--That's your excuse? You've been
drinking.
JEREMY
Yes. Alcohol does strange things to
people's minds.
Holly slaps Jeremy across the face.
CUT TO:
INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT
Grant and the Investigator are staring down the two
interrogators.
INTERROGATOR 2
Who the hell are you?
INTERROGATOR 1
Why would they tell us who they
are?
GRANT
I'm a general assistant.
INVESTIGATOR
I'm a private investigator.
GRANT
I'm also a writer
INTERROGATOR 2
Please, gentlemen, this a matter of
national security. We're trying to
catch a very important spy.
INTERROGATOR 1
Why would you tell them that?
INVESTIGATOR
(nervous)
Who said anything about a spy?
There isn't a spy.
INTERROGATOR 1
What's that supposed to mean?
A beat. The investigator runs away. The interrogators
follow. Grant walks over to Police Killer and unties her.

00:53:55

60

GRANT
I cannot imagine the ungodly things
they tortured you into saying.
POLICE KILLER
No. They didn't get any
information.
CUT TO:
INT. FANCY RESTAURANT - NIGHT
Jeremy and Holly sit next to each-other in a fancy
restaurant.
HOLLY
You're a bastard.
JEREMY
You're being unreasonable.
HOLLY
You fucked another girl and I'm
being unreasonable?
JEREMY
There was no sexual intercourse
involved.
HOLLY
Fuck you.
JEREMY
Holly, you're making a big deal out
of nothing.
HOLLY
I'm moving out.
JEREMY
There's no reason to do that.
HOLLY
You should've let me die on your
floor.
JEREMY
Thank you for bringing that up,
don't forget I saved your life.
HOLLY
You're such a self-centered
bastard.

00:55:16

61

JEREMY
I'm not the one being self-centered
here.
HOLLY
That's what will get to you.
JEREMY
What?
HOLLY
You're image. Your dream you called
it.
JEREMY
What are you talking about?
HOLLY
That should get the reporters
talking to you. A sex scandal
always does.
JEREMY
What are you implying?
HOLLY
(getting up)
I have to use the rest-room.
JEREMY
I'm not going to let a whiny woman
ruin my success!
Holly exits to the bathroom. Jeremy sighs.
CUT TO:
INT. JEREMY'S HOME - DAY
Jeremy is sitting on his much nicer couch than before,
watching the news. There is a female ANCHOR
ANCHOR
And now for an incredible story of
intrigue.
The television switches to a montage of shots from the
destroyed warehouse.
REPORTER
And international spy, a high speed
chase, a heroic ending. This story
has it all. We all owe it to this
(MORE)

00:55:47

62
REPORTER (CONT'D)
man, 26 year old assistant and
writer, Grant Holmes.
The screen cuts to an interview with Grant.
GRANT
He told me he was the greatest
Private Investigator in the world,
and it turns out he was.... I wish
I had the chance to pay him.
Jeremy turns off the television.
CUT TO:
INT. BINGO ROOM - NIGHT
We see Grant talking to a REF in the Bingo room.
GRANT
... the man is obviously cheating.
He brings his own board. If that's
not cheating, I don't know what is.
REF
I'm sorry, I just don't understand
how that would be considered
cheating.
GRANT
That's like Michael Phelps bringing
his own swimming pool!
Grant receives a phone call. He answers.
GRANT
Hello... Jeremy
(he becomes more
interested)
Where are you... I'll be right
there.
Grant hangs up the phone.
GRANT
I have to go, but until then, you
keep an eye on him.
REF
I will.
Grant exits. The ref sits down and Grant's board.

00:56:34

63

FOREMAN
I4!
REF
(raising his hand)
Bingo!
CUT TO:
00:57:14

EXT. HOSPITAL - DAY

We see Grant and Jeremy sitting on a bench outside a
hospital.
JEREMY
(on the verge of tears)
Another overdose. She was doing so
well.
GRANT
I'm sorry I didn't call 911 this
time.
JEREMY
It's not your fault, Grant. I
should have treated her better.
GRANT
I suppose you were right.
JEREMY
About what?
GRANT
The world is meaningless.
JEREMY
No, it's not meaningless. It's just
cruel.
GRANT
Then what is the meaning of life.
JEREMY
I haven't quite figured it out,
yet.

CUT TO:
INT. FUNERAL HOME - DAY
We see Jeremy, formally dressed, addressing the audience of
Holly's funeral.

00:58:08

64

JEREMY
(on the verge of tears)
She was... The light of my life.
She kept me going when things
really got tough in my life. I've
lived in a box, had to eat rats,
had to deal with critics... But
this... This tops all of those
things. Never has any tragedy
affected me as much as this one.
Not 9/11. Not Columbine. Not the
Holocaust. But this... This really
hurts. And it is with great grief
that I say goodbye to the only
woman I've ever loved. Thank you.
There is a muttering of applause from the audience. A PRIEST
steps to the podium.
PRIEST
Thank you for that beautiful
eulogy. If you would like to see
the body one last time, now is that
moment.
The mourners form a line and pay their respects. Grant and
Jeremy are the last to go.
JEREMY
(on the verge of tears)
I loved you so much....
GRANT
She cannot speak. She can't respond
to stimuli.
Grant waves his hand over Holly's face.
JEREMY
I know Grant. I know.
Jeremy kisses Holly and walks off with Grant.
CUT TO:
EXT. OUTSIDE THEATRE - DAY
Jeremy is at the coronation of his theatre production
company. Jeremy stands at the podium in front of a wave of
reporters. Grant stands next to him.
JEREMY
And so it is with great admiration
(MORE)

00:58:23

65
JEREMY (CONT'D)
that I officially open the Kalo
Production Company!
Jeremy cuts red tape in front of the threshold. A round of
applause erupts from the reporters.
CUT TO:
INT. THEATRE - NIGHT
Grant and Jeremy are in the front row of a theatre in some
other town where the play is being put on. They speak in
hushed.
GRANT
How many more times do we have to
do this?
JEREMY
We have two other shows this week,
and four next week.
GRANT
What's the point? The same people
see it every time.
JEREMY
That's a good thing. They want to
see us again. They follow us so
they can.
GRANT
Are you saying we have groupies?
JEREMY
You could say that, yes.
GRANT
But it's the same show every night?
JEREMY
They're critics. They don't have
anything else to do.
GRANT
I've seen half of these people in
bingo.
JEREMY
It won't be that bad. After we get
back from Venice we can get down to
business.

01:00:33

66

GRANT
Venice?
JEREMY
Yeah, we're going to Venice.
GRANT
I never agreed to this.
JEREMY
C'mon, you'll have fun. It's a
beautiful city.
GRANT
I could tell that by Google images.
JEREMY
Yes, but you don't get the
atmosphere. It's supposed to be
relaxing.
GRANT
How in the world is that
relaxation? That's simply
terrifying. Neither of us speak
Italian, I'm lactose intolerant,
and I'll probably have to get
vaccines.
JEREMY
Vaccines?
GRANT
Yes, they have diseases my immune
system has never made contact with.
JEREMY
I just thought it would be nice to
get away before we have to get to
work.
GRANT
What work?
JEREMY
The business of running a
production company.
GRANT
What was wrong with Gideon?
JEREMY
Nothing. I just wanted to run
(MORE)

67
JEREMY (CONT'D)
things my own way. Don't you think
some parts of production could have
been done better.
GRANT
Yes, but none of those things were
Gideon's fault.
An elderly LADY motions to Grant and Jeremy.
LADY
Please be quiet. I'm trying to
watch the show.
GRANT
If anyone has the right to talk
during this show, it's me.
LADY
Excuse me?
GRANT
You're excused.
CUT TO:
01:00:57

EXT. VENICE - DAY

Grant and Jeremy are in a Venetian gondola. They are on
holiday.
GRANT
Why did they build a city on a
swamp?
JEREMY
That's a good question.
GRANT
That's literally the reason I asked
it.
JEREMY
Don't ask questions. Just enjoy the
scenery.
GRANT
Everything looks the same.

CUT TO:
EXT. VENETIAN RESTAURANT - NIGHT
Jeremy and Grant are sitting at a table outside a Venetian

01:01:45

68

restaurant.
JEREMY
Why didn't you order anything?
GRANT
How comfortable are you with
flatulence?
JEREMY
I don't understand why you've been
so ungrateful.
GRANT
I never told you I wanted to come
here.
JEREMY
Grant, we're successful now. We can
have everything we've ever wanted
from life. The world is our oyster.
GRANT
I don't like seafood.
JEREMY
You know what I mean.
GRANT
I'm not ungrateful. Frankly, I'm
very happy for you.
JEREMY
What do you mean by you? This was a
team effort. We worked to get what
we wanted, and now we've got it.
Jeremy raises his glass.
JEREMY
To success.
Grant reluctantly toasts.
CUT TO:
INT. AIRPORT - DAY
Grant sits in an Italian airport. Jeremy enters and sits
next to him.
JEREMY
Our flight has been cancelled.

01:02:47

69

GRANT
They can't do that.
JEREMY
Of course they can.
GRANT
They can't just cancel the flight
whenever they want to. Did they
provide a reason?
JEREMY
I don't know. I don't speak
Italian. It's probably the weather
back home. There's a big snowstorm
blowing though.
GRANT
The entire infrastructure of
humanity is completely destroyed by
snow.
JEREMY
It's really the ice that's the
problem.
GRANT
Yes, but there's no ice in the sky.
A beat.
JEREMY
Huh. Then I don't know why it's
been cancelled.
Jeremy takes a pillow from his suitcase.
GRANT
What are you doing?
JEREMY
We probably won't get out of here
tonight. We're just going to have
to sleep here.
GRANT
I can't do that.
JEREMY
You'll be fine.
Jeremy lays his head down to go to sleep.

70

CUT TO:
01:03:01

INT. AIRPORT - DAY

It is the following morning. Jeremy wakes up, but Grant is
no where to be found.
JEREMY
(groggy)
Grant!
Jeremy looks around for a moment.
JEREMY
Jesus Christ....

CUT TO:
INT. AIRPORT HALLWAY - DAY
We see Jeremy walking down an airport corridor, looking for
Grant.
JEREMY
Grant! Where are you!?
Suddenly, Grant drives by, dressed as a flight attendant,
driving an airport buggy. He stops next to Jeremy.
JEREMY
Where the hell did this come from?
GRANT
Don't ask questions. Get on.
Jeremy boards the buggy. They begin to drive off.
JEREMY
Where are we going?
GRANT
Home.
JEREMY
What about the snow?
GRANT
That's not why our flight was
cancelled. The plane fell apart.
JEREMY
How do you know that?

01:03:43

71

GRANT
I told you not to ask questions.
A beat as they drive. Grant takes some cloths from the back
of the buggy.
GRANT
Put these on.
CUT TO:
INT. AIRPORT HALLWAY - DAY

01:06:05

Grant is driving down the hallway, both Grant and Jeremy are
dressed as attendants. They approach a desk and stop. They
both get out and approach the desk. An Italian CLERK is
behind the desk.
CLERK
Siete pronti?
GRANT
Si, siamo pronti.
CLERK
(motioning to the gate)
Da questa parte. Buan volo
GRANT
Grazie.
Grant and Jeremy step through the gate and into the boarding
tunnel.
JEREMY
Since when do you speak Italian?
GRANT
I stole a few dictionaries last
night. Adverbs are still terribly
confusing.
JEREMY
This is not safe.
GRANT
When would you like to get home?
JEREMY
When we get a new flight.
GRANT
This is a new flight.

72

JEREMY
Why must you always make things so
difficult.
Jeremy and Grant both step on the plane. It is a private
jet. A well-dressed MAN sits on one of the chairs, reading a
paper and sipping wine.
JEREMY
(hush)
What are we supposed to do?
GRANT
Speak Italian.
Grant walks over to the man.
GRANT
Posso ottenere qualcosa per voi?
MAN
No grazie. Sto bene.
Grant walks to the other side of the plane. Jeremy follows,
but is stopped by another ATTENDANT.
ATTENDANT
Non parli con il Presidente.
JEREMY
Uh, um, Grazie.
The attendant gives a confused look and walks away. Jeremy
continues to Grant.
JEREMY
Can I speak with you in the
bathroom?
GRANT
The bathroom should be a private-Jeremy grabs Grant and pushes them both into the bathroom.
JEREMY
Why the fuck are we on this plane?
GRANT
This was the only way we could get
home in any reasonable amount of
time.

73

JEREMY
Every goddamn time I try to do
something to better the lives of
both of us you have to bring your
stupid logic into it. You fuck up
everything. While I'm trying to
live my life, and do what I love,
what the fuck are you doing?
GRANT
Whatever you tell me to.
JEREMY
That's obviously not true because
we're currently dressed as
attendants on the private jet of
the fucking president of Italy.
GRANT
Is this the president's plane.
JEREMY
One of the actual attendants said
presidente, and I don't know much
Italian but I'm pretty fucking sure
that means president.
Some yelling is heard from outside the door.
GRANT
What was that?
Grant bursts through the door and sees a man pointing a gun
at the president of Italy. Grant immediately runs and
tackles the man from behind, pulling him down. Some other
attendants move to help.
ATTENDANT
(to Jeremy)
Aiuto!
Jeremy remains motionless.
CUT TO:
INT. OUTSIDE AIRPORT GATE - DAY
A conglomerate of REPORTERS is waiting at the gate.
Suddenly, Grant and Jeremy enter. An explosion of camera
flashes erupt from the crowd. Microphones are thrown toward
Grant.

01:06:46

74

REPORTER 1
How does it feel to be a national
hero?
GRANT
It feels warm.
REPORTER 2
How were you able to do it?
GRANT
I, sort of, just tackled him. And
he fell down.
REPORTER 3
Are you a Republican or Democrat?
GRANT
I'm a recovering Libertarian.
REPORTER 1
(to Jeremy)
And who are you?
JEREMY
I'm a director. I directed
Reinventing the Typewriter.
The reporter loses interest.

CUT TO:
INT. THEATRE OFFICE - DAY
Grant and Jeremy are listening to a pitch by a WRITER.
WRITER
It's sort of like an existential
thing. It's meant to answer the
question of the meaning of life.
JEREMY
Your play answers the question of
the meaning of life?
WRITER
Yes.
GRANT
(annoyed)
(MORE)

01:08:11

75
GRANT (CONT'D)
Then what are you doing here?
A beat.
JEREMY
Thank you for your time.
WRITER
Thank you.
The writer exits the room.
JEREMY
(marking on a paper)
So, that's a no, then. Shall we
move on to the next one?
GRANT
Jeremy, why are we here?
JEREMY
To find the next great writer.
GRANT
Why?
JEREMY
That's our job.
GRANT
It's a stupid job.
JEREMY
What's your idea of good job.
GRANT
A general assistant is quite a
respectable profession.
JEREMY
(laughing)
That's pretty funny.
(to the outside)
Can we get the-GRANT
--No. I don't want to listen to any
more writers drabble about their
idiotic ideas.
Grant stands up and begins to exit.

76

JEREMY
Where are you going?
GRANT
To fix the printer.
Grant exits the room. Another prospective writer walks in
and sits down.
JEREMY
(apprehensive)
So, you're , uh, Mr. McCallister,
then?
CUT TO:
01:08:53

INT. OFFICE - DAY

Grant is sitting in the break room by himself. Richard
enters.
RICHARD
So, did you see what happened to
Jeremy?
GRANT
No.
A beat.
RICHARD
Would you like to know what
happened?
GRANT
Sure.
RICHARD
He was arrested. They say he killed
Holly.
GRANT
Who's saying that?
RICHARD
The police, apparently. How could
you have missed it? It's been all
over the news. You'll probably end
up going to the trial.
GRANT
Why would I do that?

77

RICHARD
They'd probably want you to
testify.
CUT TO:
01:10:41

INT. COURTROOM - DAY

We see a filled courtroom. At one side stands the

well-mannered PROSECUTOR, and on the left is Jeremy, and his
LAWYER. Grant is testifying.
PROSECUTER
How well do you know the man in
question?
GRANT
Reasonably well.
PROSECUTER
And how well did you know the
deceased?
GRANT
Less so.
PROSECUTER
How would you describe the
temperament of the defendant?
GRANT
How do you mean?
PROSECUTER
Does he get angry a lot.
GRANT
It really depends on the situation.
PROSECUTER
I'm talking about in general.
GRANT
Can you give me a situation?
PROSECUTER
Say a man has just run-over your
dog.
GRANT
A man has just run-over my dog.

78

PROSECUTER
How angry would he become over
that?
GRANT
What breed of dog is it?
PROSECUTER
That doesn't matter.
GRANT
Of course it does.
Jeremy snickers from his seat.
GRANT
I don't like large dogs.
PROSECUTER
Then it's a small dog.
GRANT
I don't like small dogs either. I
don't like dogs. I like a good
gerbil.
PROSECUTER
Okay, so a man runs over your
gerbil.
GRANT
Was it on purpose?
PROSECUTER
(annoyed)
I don't know!
GRANT
Gerbils are small things. For a man
to run over one in an average size
car simply by pure chance is rather
impossible. And that's assuming he
has an average size car. He could
have a sports car, or a Bug, or
something.
PROSECUTER
Can you please let me do my job?
GRANT
Have you not been?
A beat.

79

PROSECUTER
Look, is the guy easily angered?
GRANT
I'm sorry, who are we referring to?
CUT TO:
01:11:28

INT. COURTROOM - DAY

Gideon is now on the stand.
PROSECUTER
Could you please state your name
for the court?
GIDEON
Gideon Alterman.
PROSECUTER
What is your relation to the
defendant?
GIDEON
He used to work for me.
PROSECUTER
What exactly did he do for you?
GIDEON
He worked as assistant director for
a play I produced.
PROSECUTER
How would you describe his general
demeanor?
GIDEON
He was always a very determined
man.
PROSECUTER
Did he ever turn hostile during the
time you worked with him?
GIDEON
There was one instance where he
became quite angry with my not
having made him director.
GRANT
I knew it.

80

CUT TO:
01:12:22

INT. COURTROOM - DAY

Police Killer is now on the stand.
PROSECUTER
Could you please state your name
for the court?
POLICE KILLER
Police Killer.
PROSECUTER
Is that your given name?
POLICE KILLER
I gave it to myself.
PROSECUTER
What is your relation to the
defendant?
POLICE KILLER
He fired me.
PROSECUTER
How would you describe his general
mood?
POLICE KILLER
He's a right bastard.
PROSECUTER
Could you elaborate?
POLICE KILLER
He kicks dogs.
Gasps come from the crowd.
LAWYER
Objection! Your honor, kicking dogs
with reason is not against the law!
JUDGE
Overruled.
POLICE KILLER
He takes lollipops from children
and builds a roller coaster that
they aren't even tall enough to
ride!

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More gasps. One lady passes out.

CUT TO:
01:12:52

INT. COURTROOM - DAY

It is now the defense's rebuttal. Police Killer is at the
stands.
LAWYER
Would you describe yourself as a
sound individual?
POLICE KILLER
What's that suppose to mean?
LAWYER
Have you any current drug use?
POLICE KILLER
You mean right now?
LAWYER
Yes.
POLICE KILLER
No.
LAWYER
Have you any previous drug use?
POLICE KILLER
Yes.

CUT TO:
01:13:40

INT. COURTROOM - DAY

Grant is now at the stands.
LAWYER
How would you describe the
defendant's relation to the
deceased?
GRANT
Average.
LAWYER
Are you aware of the deceased's
drug use?
GRANT
Can you be specific?

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LAWYER
How often did she use heroin?
GRANT
Not that often.
LAWYER
Cocaine?
GRANT
She didn't do much of that, really.
LAWYER
Marijuana?
GRANT
She did a lot of that.
LAWYER
How often?
GRANT
All the time, pretty much.
LAWYER
Would you say she was an addict?
GRANT
I would say so, yes.
CUT TO:
INT. COURTROOM - DAY

01:13:58

The actress from before is on the stands.

LAWYER
What is your relation with the
defendant?
ACTRESS
He cheated on the deceased with me.
LAWYER
How would you describe the
deceased?
ACTRESS
She was a bitch.
CUT TO:
INT. COURTROOM - DAY

01:14:16

83

Everyone is seated. The judge is addressing the jury.

JUDGE
You have been told time and time
again. If there is a reasonable
doubt in your minds that this man
is guilty, you must acquit.
However, if there is no reasonable
doubt, you must convict. Your
decision must be unanimous. The
jury will resign.
The jury exits.
CUT TO:
01:14:50

INT. JURY ROOM - DAY

The jury sits around at a table in the jury room. They are
mingling amongst themselves. There is a knock at the door.
The FOREMAN opens the door. Grant barges in.
FOREMAN
Hey, you can't be in here.
GRANT
Thank you.
Grand stands before the jury.
GRANT
In there, you heard a frankly,
uninteresting trial. It is quite
late, and I'm sure you all have
many things to be doing. However, I
want you to keep in mind, the
defendant out there is a compulsive
liar, and over-bearing bastard, and
an overall unpleasant person. But
he is not a murderer by any means.
I can attest to this, as I have
never seen him murder anyone. Thank
you.
Grant exits, leaving behind a bewildered jury.

CUT TO:
INT. PRISON - DAY
Grant is talking to Jeremy, who is now imprisoned. They are
talking via phone.

01:16:12

84

GRANT
Those jurors must have been having
a very bad day.
JEREMY
No, they just did what they were
told. There wasn't a reasonable
doubt.
A beat.
GRANT
(pulling a cake from a
bag)
I brought you a cake.
JEREMY
I don't want any cake.
GRANT
Ok... Someone else is in a bad
mood.
Another beat.
JEREMY
Do you think I did it?
GRANT
Did what?
JEREMY
I suppose that answers my question.
Remember how I told you I haven't
figured out the meaning of life?
GRANT
Yes, I do.
JEREMY
I think I've figured it out. It's
different for everyone. For you,
it's absolutely meaningless. For
me, it's to be locked up in a
prison cell for ten years.
GRANT
That's not really a meaning. That's
just a consequence. A meaning would
be a goal.
JEREMY
What's your goal, Jeremy?

85

GRANT
I don't really have one. I just,
sort of, live.
JEREMY
And you're okay with that?
GRANT
And the moment, yes.
JEREMY
Do you mind if we do a little
experiment?
GRANT
Considering your current
conditions, that seems rather
difficult.
CUT TO:
01:16:16

INT. GAS STATION - DAY

We see Grant purchasing two lottery tickets.

CUT BACK TO:

INT. PRISON - DAY
Grant and Jeremy are in the same places. They both have
lottery tickets.
JEREMY
Did you bring a coin.
GRANT
(to a guard)
Do you happen to have a coin we can
use?
The guard gives him a stern look.
JEREMY
(pulling a knife from
under the table)
Never-mind. I've got something.
GRANT
Wow. That is... A large knife.
Jeremy scratches off the ticket.
JEREMY
Nope. Nothing.

01:18:30

86

Jeremy hands the knife to Grant. He scratches away at his

ticket.
GRANT
(showing the ticket to
Jeremy)
Did I win anything?
Jeremy stares at the ticket. It is a winner.
FADE TO BLACK.

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