I read Gaijin last year and I was at once horrified and also enthralled.

This was meant to be a fairly short

and quick ready but turned out to be a heavy one nonetheless.
Jennifers life is disappointing and with rose tinted glasses firmly on she moves to Japan to think to make
it better, without really understanding the cultural nuances and how different it is to be a tourist Vs a
person working in a foreign land without support. She has racist preconceptions and cant be really
bothered to delve deeper to evolve from it. Really her life is full of drudgery and her disappointment and
dissatisfaction with her lot in life feels like a bitter coating in the readers palate.
I could feel a connection to her and she seemed do familiar and I was shocked to realize that I could see
me in her. SHOCKED. Me? I am not a racist am I? I dont think life magically needs to be easy and good
to me do I? even when the choices I make are done freely.
Ofcourse I do. Everyone is like that. Its hidden in their core. Really deep inside. But it is there. And I am
somewhat ashamed and mortified to realize this. So what started as reading a book on non-con, quickly
became very uncomfortable and I was sure that everyone could tell I was doing something perverse.

Kuma, Shindos valet or whatever was at once a bad man, that he seemingly was
unsympathetic to Jennifers plight, but also good in his concern for her and his later
manipulations to make sure she was safe. When Jennifer bows deeply to thank him ,
he laughs saying its so funny to see westerners do that. I get that!
When I greet another Indian in a formal setting, saying Namaste/ Namashkar or
Vanakkam is very natural and fluid. When we part ways we do not repeat the
greeting. So recently I was in a yoga retreat and had an Indian guru for a week, who
ended the sessions with a call of hari om tat sat, which in Sanskrit invokes
purification and awakening of body and soul. The next week I had a western teacher
and he always ended the session with namaastay. It make me cringe because it
sounded rather fake and also laugh inwardly because he did not get the concept of
the words. So when Kuma laughed at Jennifer for bowing to him (he was not
unkind), I laughed as well. I was shocked, because I did not think I could laugh while
reading this book.
Shindo Sama, the antagonist is insulted by Jennifers refusal to serve him at the bar
she works in , despite sending Kuma over repeatedly to ask her to join him. He is
also intrigued by her, wants to punish her and he kidnaps rapes her. All we know
about him are his tattoos, that he has body modification ( pearling) is tall and slim.
He is cruel to Jennifer and taunts hers constantly. But he wants her to want him as
well. He brings a whore and pleasures her and treats her gently, but is violent with
Jennifer. He thinks Jennifer is weak and taunts her with ideas of an honorable
suicide, but is angry when she attempts it. His contempt and control over her is
absolute. He believe her to be the harbinger of his bad luck, but he cannot control
his desire for her submission as well. He is a man who is caught in the world of the
Yakuza and is completely aware of his own imprisonment and lack of escape
choices. He is a creep and he is an enigma. You may be fascinated to know him in
normal circumstances, but would also be wary of him and be circumspect in how
youd deal with him. He is a juxtaposition of the old and new world Japan.
You do not get to hear his thoughts which disappoints, but again this book is all
about Jennifer. You are Jennifer when you read Gaijin.

I do not condone rape, but like to read about dub con as long as it remains a
fantasy. In real life situations, that would make me run screaming at the top of my
lungs. I do not know if I could be endure like Jennifer did or like her in B.G. Harlens
Break Her and I firmly believe that the rapist cannot be unpunished. I do not want
for happy endings with the rapist and the victim. But in both books, each horrifying
in their own way, I wished for something more. I dont know what I wanted. While I
cannot reconcile a romantic ending, I did not want the written ending as well.
I think this author is exceptionally gifted. The conversations and scenarios are not
forced and seem natural. I have read her book splinters which I liked but will
probably not reread. I have partly read the waiting room, but seem to be unable to
move forward so have banked that for now. I have purchased beautiful losers and
am scared to read it, so will build my courage and read it when I feel I can.
I recommend remittance Girls books and will read more from her.