Interpersonal Communication Study Guide, Chapters 6-11

Chapter 6
Know the ways nonverbal messages help manage impressions
o 140-141 the bolded
o To be liked
o To be believed
o To excuse failure
o To secure help
o To hide faults
o To be followed
o To confirm self-image and to communicate it to others
Know the role of nonverbal messages
o 139 142 the bolded
o Help form relationships
Nature of the relationship
Dominance and statues
o Structure conversations
Turn taking
o Influence and deceive
o Expressing emotions
Facial communication
The seven facial expressions happiness, sadness, fear, anger
contempt and interest
Facial management
Techniques that enable you to communicate your feelings to
achieve the effect you want
Define emblems, illustrators, affect displays, regulators and adaptors
o Table on 143
o Channels of nonverbal communication
o Emblems - directly translate words or phrases but ever changing for each culture
o Illustrators - accompany and literally "illustrate" verbal messages
o Affect displays - communicate emotional meaning
o Regulators - monitor, maintain, or control the speaking of another
o Adaptors - satisfy some need
What is the role of body appearance in nonverbal communication?
o Appearances favored, 146
o The body communicates without movement
Taller people often have an advantage
Attractive people get better grades and are ore valued
Know about eye communication and the role of eye contact and eye avoidance
o 148 149, civil inattention
o Eye communication
Direct eye contact means honesty and forthrightness in much of the U.S.

Eye avoidance
Civil inattention - averting your eyes to allow others to maintain
their privacy
Eye avoidance - may signal lack of interest
Know about touch communication and the different types of touch
o 151, meaning of touch
o The meaning of touch
Touch communication - haptics or tactile communication
Professional-functional touch
Social-polite touch
Friendship-warmth touch
Love-intimacy
Sexual-arousal touch
Licensed touchers
Doctors, dentists, manicurists etc.
Cultural and gender differences
As one grows older, the frequency of touch decreases
Define paralanguage
o 153
o Paralanguage
The vocal but nonverbal dimension of speech
Stress, rate, volume, vocalizations and pitch
People perception When listening to people's paralanguage, we make evaluation of
what kind they are
What is the role of silence?
o 154-156 (the spiral of silence)
o Silence
The spiral of silence
You are more likely to voice agreement than disagreement
o Why?
Avoid being isolated
Fear of being proven wrong or disliked
Bandwagon' mentality - do/act according to the
majority
As minority views aren't stated, majority views strengthen
The internet may counteract this spiral effect
Understand the important of distance in different kinds of relationships
o Table 6.3 157
o Relationships and proxemics distances
Intimate relationship (0-18 inches)
Personal relationship (1.5 4 feet)
Social relationship (4 12 feet)

 Public relationship (12 25 + feet)

Know about territoriality and its subcategory (primary, secondary, public)
o Territoriality: the possessive reaction to an area or to particular object
Primary: are yours
Secondary: are associated with you
Public: belong to all people
My drivers license
House
Beach
Define artifactual communication
o Art factual Communication (MTV Room Raiders)
Messages conveyed by objects made by human hands
The way you decorate communicates about who you are, and others judge
your personality by decoration.
What is temporal communication?
o Temporal communication Chronemics
Psychological time: the emphasis you place on the past, present, or future
Past orientation
Present orientation
Future orientation
Formal and informal time
Seconds and days verses forever and soon
Monochronism and polychronsim
One thing at a time verse multiple things at a time
Social clock
Time schedule for the right time to do various important things
Tells you if you are keeping pace with your peers, are ahead of or
are falling behind
Chapter 7
What does it mean to be emotionally intelligent (EQ)? Why is it important?
o 173
o Emotional intelligence
The inability to communicate emotionally = dyssemia = relationship
problems
Primary vs. Blended emotions
o 175
o Primary and blended emotions
Primary - joy, anticipation, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger and trust
Blended - combination of primary emotions (i.e. love = joy + acceptance)
Cognitive labeling theory what are its advantages?
o 174 (at the bottom) Decide and determine emotion
o Cognitive labeling theory

Event occurs -> you respond physiologically -> you interpret this arousal
and you decide what emotion you are experiencing - > you identify the
emotion you're feeling
By what are emotions influenced?
o 176 body mind culture
o Emotions are influenced by
Body - blushing, nervous gestures
Mind - your evaluations of what happens is a bigger influence than what
actually happened during mental evaluation
Culture - gives the framework for expressing and interpreting emotions what is acceptable in a given setting
Adaptive vs. Maladaptive emotions
o 176
o Adaptive and Maladaptive (emotions can help or hinder your performance on an
exam for example)
Gender differences in expression of emotions
o 179
o Gender
Women
Talk more about emotions
Use more facial expressions smile
Cry more than men
Anger
Women - anger is due to internal reasons
Men - anger is due to ext3ernal reasons
o Contempt = anger + disgust = thinking someone is worthless
What does it mean emotions are contagious?
o Emotions are Contagious
Emotions pass from person to person
Organizations use certain display rules to create a certain mood
Emotional appeals - use pity/guilt/enthusiasm are used by organizations to
raise funds
What are some obstacles to communicating emotions?
o Societal and cultural customs
o Obstacles to communicating emotions
Societal and Culture Customs
"Cowboy syndrome" - closed and unexpressive male (strong but
silent)
o Feedback from males
Women - ok to express emotions, unless in a leadership position
Express your emotions selectively
Fear
Vulnerability

Inadequate interpersonal skills

Not knowing how to express your emotions
Negative consequences
Describe ways to communicate your emotions effectively?
o 186 and pp The steps in the power point
Emotional competence
o Communicating emotions effectively
Describe your feelings and their intensity as accurately as possible
Identify the reasons for your feelings and what influences or stimulated
you to feel as you do
Anchor your feelings to the present
Use I message to our own feelings, to claim responsibility for these
feelings
Describe what (if anything) you want the other person to do because of
your feelings
o Own up to your feelings and show how it effects you
Chapter 8

Define conversation
o Interpersonal communication
o Conversation is defined as relatively informal social interaction in which the roles
of speaker and hearer are exchanged in a nonautomatic fashion under the
collaborative management of all parties
o The process
Opening - > feedforward - > business - > feedback- > closing
Know the 5 stages of communication
o 195
Opening
o Phatic communication - a message that establises a communication between
two people
Self reference - say something about yourself
Other reference - say something about the other person or ask a
question
Relational reference - say something about the two of you
Context reference - say something about the physical, socialpsychological*, cultural or temporal context. * people's thoughts,
feelings and behaviors
o Opening Lines
Cute-flippant openers - humorous indirect and ambiguous (" you
remind me of someone I used to date)
Innocuous openers - highly ambiguous (what do you think of the
food?)
Direct opener - clearly demonstrate the speakers interest (would you
like to go out sometimes)
Feedforward, Business and Feedback

Feedforward - gives the other person a general idea of the conversation's

focus
o Business - the focus of the conversation
o Feedback - reflect on the conversation to signal that the purpose of you
conversation has been accomplished
Closing
o Suggestions for closing a conversation
Reflect on the conversation and summarize
State the desire to end the conversation
Refer to future interaction
Ask for closure (feedback)
Express your enjoyment
Know the 4 conversational wants
o 210 at the bottom
o Quadrants of Conversational Wants
Quadrant 1
Representing the speaker who wishes to speak and to maintain
speaking
Quadrant 2
Represent the speaker who wishes to listen and to stop speaking
Quad 3
Represents the listener who wishes to speak and interject to speak
Quad 4
Represents the listener who wishes to listen and stay attentive
Understand self-disclosure in relation to the social penetration theory (slide 4 on ppt
notes)
o

o Social Penetration theory

As relationships develop, interpersonal communication moves from
relatively shallow, non-intimate levels to deeper, more intimate ones
Levels
o Superficial
o Intimate
o Personal
o Core
What are the 5 influences to self-disclosure?
o 212
Why people self disclose
Who you are (your personality)
Your Culture
Your gender
Your listeners
You topic
What are the guidelines for self-disclosure?

o 214
o Guide likes for Self-Disclosure
Disclose out of appropriate motivation
Disclose in the appropriate context
Disclose gradually
Disclose without imposing burdens on yourself or others
Reciprocity and Timing
What is the purpose of small talk?
o 216-219 three reasons why it exists in the first place
o Everyday Conversations
Complementing
Praise, flattery and congratulations
Back handed complement
Insults masquerading as compliment
What are the steps to an effective (and meaningful) apology?
o The Apology (222)
Admit to wrongdoing if it occurred
Be apologetic
Be specific about what you have done
Express understanding of the other's feelings
Give assurance this will not happen again
Omit any excuses
Dont take the easy way out
Chapter 9
What are parasocial relationships?
o 231
o Parasocial Relationships and television Characters.
A set of feelings viewers develop toward media characters that allow
viewers to think and feel towards characters as if they know and have a
special connection with them
These relationships extended beyond the moment of viewing
Such relationships originate from
o Repeated viewing of characters that simulate social
interaction
They develop and strengthen over time
o As viewers are exposed to characters over a longer period
of time and more frequently
They develop confidence in their attribution of how
the character will behave and have less uncertainty
in their relationships.
Parasocial breakup

The notion of parasocial breakup describes a situation where a

character with whom a viewer has developed a PSR goes off the
air.
The intensity of PSB is predicted by several other factors
o The degree of PSR
o Commitment and affinity to the show
o Loneliness in real life
Name the interpersonal relationship stages
o Contact
o Involvement
o Intimacy
Name the 3 stage movements
o 235 237
o Movement among the stages
Stage movements
Exit arrows
Vertical arrows
Self-reflexive arrows
Turning points
What are the turning points in relationships?
The relationship license
The license of permission to break some relationship rule as a
result of your stage
In some relationships the license is reciprocal
In other relationships, the license in nonreciprocal
Important to negotiate
Explain relationship licenses (reciprocal vs. nonreciprocal)

Explain attraction theory and its 6 components

o 238 240
o Attraction Theory
We form relationships based on attraction
Similarity - race, nationality, abilities, physical, characteristics.
o Complementarity - sometimes opposites attract
Certain differing traits are good, while others can be
bad
Proximity - people who live and work close to us
Reinforcement - those who reward us or who close to us

Physical attractiveness and personality - we like and feel more

familiar with attractive people
Socioeconomic statues and educational statues - women seek men
with higher SES; men seek women with lower SES and
educational level
Reciprocity of liking - you are attracted to people who are attracted
to you
Explain the relationship rules theory
o 241
o Relationship rules theory
Brainstorm the "rules" for you friendship
Compare your list with your Partner's
What differs?
Family rules
What can you talk about with your family
What are the 8 romantic rules?
o 241
o Romantic rules
Acknowledge the other's identity and life beyond relationship
Express similar, attitudes, beliefs, values and interests
Reinforce each others self-esteem
Be real: open and genuine
Be faithful to each other
Spend substantial time together
Obtain rewards commensurate with your investment compared to the other
party
Experience an inexplicable magic when together
Define and explain the following theories:
o Relationship dialectics theory
Argues that someone who is engaged in a relationship experiences internal
tension between pairs of motives or desires that pull him or her in opposite
directions
Closedness and openness
Autonomy and connection
Novelty and predictability
o Social exchange theory
Claims that you develop relationships that will enable you to maximize
your profits
Rewards
Costs
Profit
o Equity theory

Use the ideas of social exchange, but goes a step farther and claims that
you develop and maintain relationships in which the ratio of your rewards
relative to your costs is approximate equal to your partners.
o Politeness theory
Two people develop a relationship when each respects, contributes to, and
acknowledges the positive and negative face needs of the other and it
deteriorates when they dont.

Chapter 10
Define friendship and explain personalistic focus
o 257
o Friendships
The interpersonal relationship between two interdependent people that is
mutually productive and characterized by mutual positive regard.
Personalitic focus: react to each other as complete persons, as unique,
genuine, and irreplaceable individuals
Must be mutually productive
Mutual positive regard
Usually voluntary
What are the 3 types of friendship?
o 258
o Friendship Types
Reciprocity: the ideal, characterized by loyalty, self-sacrifice, mutual
affection, and generosity (equality)
Receptivity: an imbalance in giving and receiving
Both parties gain different things
Deference in statutes
Student-teacher
Association: transitory one - "Friendly relationship" cordial
No great loyalty nor trust
Not much giving or receiving
Classmates, neighbors, "acquaintance"
What are the 5 needs in a friendship?
o 259
o Friendship Needs
Utility: someone with special skills who can help you
Affirmation: someone who helps you recognize your attributes
Ego-support: someone who behaves supportively
Stimulation: someone who introduces you to new ideas
Security: someone who does nothing to hurt you
Explain the communication process in a friendship (contact, involvement & intimacy)
o 260
o Friendship and Communication

10

Contact
Guarded rather than open
Relationship is viewed as temporary
Politeness and awkwardness
Involvement
Uncertainty about other person
Other-orientation - positive feeling towards other person
Close and intimate
"Exclusive unit"
Sacrifices for other person
Equality
What are the 6 types of love?
o 263-264
o Romantic Relationship
Six types of love
Eros - beauty and sexuality (often unattainable)
Ludus - entertainment and excitement (game)
Storage - peaceful and slow (companionship)
Pragma - practical and traditional (life situation)
Mania - elation and depression (extreme highs and lows)
Agape - compassionate and selfless (religious)
What are the 5 types of love languages?
o Love Language
o Words of affirmation
o Quality time
o Gifts
o Acts of service
o Physical touch
How is love characterized in communication?
o 266
o Love and communication
Extra degree of courtesy
Personalized communication
Significant self-disclosure (good and bad)
Preening gestures
Taboo adaptors
Nonverbal communication - (tie signs)
How are family relationships defined?
o 269
o Family Relationships
Defining roles
Breadwinner

11

Caregiver
o Heterosexual vs. Gay couples
Recognition of responsibilities
Financially, emotionally and time
Share history and future
Shared living space
Long distance relationships
What are the 3 different couple types?
o 272
o Couple types
Traditional couples
Share a ballet system
Blending of two persons into a single couple
Interdependent
Mutual sharing - do little separately
Traditional sex role
Independent couples
Relationship is never more important than individual identity
See themselves as relatively androgynous
o Combination of masculine and feminine characteristics
Engage in conflict openly and without fear
Extensive self-disclosures and high-risk
Separate couples
Living together but see relationship as a matter of convenience
Little desire to be together
Each has his/her own physical snd psychological space
Each sees him/herself as a separate individual and not a "we"
Define conformity-orientation and conversation orientation and explain the 4 different
types of families
o 272
o Family types
Based on:
Conformity-orientation - the degree to which family members
express similar or dissimilar attitudes, values and beliefs]
Conversation-orientation - the degree to which family members
can speak their minds
Consensual families - high in conversation and high in conformity
Protective families - high in conformity and low in conversation
Pluralistic families - low in conformity and high in conversation
Laissez-faire families - low in confirmation and low in conversation
Explain the 4 different communication patterns in families
o Family and communication

12

Equality pattern
Similar in credibility
Open, honest
Shared decision-making process
Balanced split patter n
Equality relationship - each person with authority over different
domains
Unbalanced split pattern
One person regularly controls relationship
Other person looks to the dominant individual for guidance
Monopoly pattern
One person is the authority
o Lecture verse communicate
o Final say

Chapter 11
Definition of interpersonal conflicts (4 reasons interpersonal conflicts occur)
o Definition of interpersonal Conflict
A disagreement between or among connected individuals
Conflict
o Are interdependent
o Are mutually aware their goals are incompatible
o Perceive each other as interfering with the attainment of the goals
o The greater the interdependency, the greater number of issues on
which conflicts can center
Myths about interpersonal conflicts (5 myths)
o 292
o Myths about interpersonal conflict
Conflict is best avoided
Conflict means a relationship is in trouble
Conflict damages an interpersonal relationship
Conflict is destructive because it reveals our negative selves
Conflict always has a winner and a loser
The 6 types of interpersonal conflict issues
o 293
o Interpersonal conflict issues
In relationships, issues include 6 major types:
Intimacy issues
Power issues
Personal flaws issues
Personal distance issues
Social issues
Distrust issues

13

 The + and effects of interpersonal conflicts

o Often leads to increased negative regard for the opponent
o May deplete energy better spent elsewhere
o May lead you to hide feelings or close yourself off from an intimate
o Rewards may become more difficult to exchange leading to dissolution in Social
Exchange Theory
+
o Forces you to examine a problem and work toward a solution
o May emerge with a stranger relationship
o Enables you to stat your needs
o Often prevents hostilities from festering
o Emphasize the relationship is worth the effort
Content vs. Relationship content conflicts
o Know the difference
o Content verse Relationship Issues
Content conflict: centers on objects, events, and persons (external to the
people involved in the conflict)
Relationship conflict: concerned with relationship issues, such as who is in
change (often hidden or disguised content conflicts)
5 types of conflict styles
o Conflict Styles
Competing - I win, you lose
o Self-centered, selfish
Avoiding - I lose, you lose
o Withdraw, avoid facing conflict
Accommodating - I lose, you win
o Maintain harmony, unlikely to go away -> resentment
Collaborating - I win, you win
o Willingness to communicate, listen and consider other person's needs
Compromising - I win-lose, you win-lose
o Meeting each other half way, it is a give and take
Conflict management stages
o Know the stages
o Conflict management
Set the Stage
o Try to fight in private
o Be sure you're each ready to fight
o Know what you're fighting about
o Flight about problems that can be solved
Define the conflict
o Define both content and relationship issues
o Define the problem in specific terms
Avoid abstract words

14

Focus on the present

o Avoid gunnysacking
Storing up grievances and unloading them at once
Empathize
o Try to understand the conflict from the other person's point of view
Avoid mind reading
Examine possible solutions (Evlauating possible solutions Thinking Hat)
o Brainstorm
Try to identify as many solutions as possible
o Look for win- win solutions
Carefully weigh costs and rewards
Test the solution
o Mentally
o Practically

Avoidance
Avoidance
o Physical - walking away
o Emotional or intellectual - "Checking out" psychologically
o Avoidance relationship satisfaction
Break the vicious cycle
Nonnegotiation
o Refusal the direct any attention to managing conflict
Silencers
o Silencing the other person
Crying
Screaming
Pretending to lose control
Define Face-enhancing & face-attaching
o Face-Attacking and Face-Enhancing strategies
Face-attacking strategies attack a person's positive face or negative face
o Beltlining - when you attack people's particular vulnerabilities - you
enact serious injury to the person and the relationship
o Blame
Face-enhancing techniques are more polite and effective
o Use messages that enhance a person's self - image
o Use messages that acknowledge a person's autonomy
o Compliment the other person even in the midst of a conflict
o "Keep blows above the belt" (play by the rules)
o Avoid blaming the other person
o Express respect for the other person's point of view
Define verbal aggressiveness and argumentativeness
o The difference between the two
o Verbal aggressive and argumentativeness

15

Verbal aggressiveness - trying to win an argument by inflicting psychological

pain
o Character attack
o Attacking person's abilities, background, physical appearance, etc.
o Teasing, ridiculing, cursing threatening, ect.
Argumentativeness - refers to a quality to be cultivated rather than avoided
o Willingness to argue for a point of view
o Tendency to speak your mind on significant issues
Written Portion of Final Examination
*Chapter 5
(1) Assertive Communication (p. 121)
Assertiveness
Steps to being assertive
Describe the problem
State how this problem affects you
Propose solutions that are workable
Confirm understanding
(2) Confirming & Disconfirming Messages (p. 121-122)
Confirmation vs. Disconfirmation
Disconfirmation - a communication pattern in which you ignore a person's presence and
his/her communication
Rejection - you indicate your unwillingness to accept something the other person says or
does
Confirmation- you acknowledge the other person and accept him/her.
*Chapter 6
(3) Five types of body movements (143-144)
Channels of nonverbal communication
Emblems - directly translate words or phrases but ever changing for each culture
Illustrators - accompany and literally "illustrate" verbal messages
Affect displays - communicate emotional meaning
Regulators - monitor, maintain, or control the speaking of another
Adaptors - satisfy some need
(4) Spatial Messages & Territoriality (p. 157-159)
Spatial Messages Relationships and proxemics distances
Intimate relationship
Personal relationship
Social relationship
Public relationship
Territoriality: the possessive reaction to an area or to particular object
Primary: are yours
Secondary: are associated with you

16

Public: belong to all people

My drivers license
House
Beach
*Chapter 7
(5) Emotional Expression (p. 186-187 & 190)

Communicating emotions effectively

1. Describe your feelings and their intensity as accurately as possible
2. Identify the reasons for your feelings and what influences or stimulated
you to feel as you do
3. Anchor your feelings to the present
4. Use I message to our own feelings, to claim responsibility for these
feelings
5. Describe what (if anything) you want the other person to do because of
your feelings

*Chapter 8
(6) Five-Stage Model of Conversation (198-203)
Know what each stage of the conversation model looks like in an actual conversation
(i.e. What is an example of a context reference?)

Opening
o Phatic communication - a message that establises a communication between
two people
Self reference - say something about yourself
Other reference - say something about the other person or ask a
question
Relational reference - say something about the two of you
Context reference - say something about the physical, socialpsychological*, cultural or temporal context. * people's thoughts,
feelings and behaviors
o Opening Lines
Cute-flippant openers - humorous indirect and ambiguous (" you
remind me of someone I used to date)
Innocuous openers - highly ambiguous (what do you think of the
food?)
Direct opener - clearly demonstrate the speakers interest (would you
like to go out sometimes)
Feedforward, Business and Feedback
o Feedforward - gives the other person a general idea of the conversation's
focus
o Business - the focus of the conversation
o Feedback - reflect on the conversation to signal that the purpose of you
conversation has been accomplished

17

Closing
o Suggestions for closing a conversation
Reflect on the conversation and summarize
State the desire to end the conversation
Refer to future interaction
Ask for closure (feedback)
Express your enjoyment

*Chapter 9
(7) Communication in Relationship Repair (p. 251-253)

Relationship Repair
o
Recognizing the problem

Intellectually and emotionally

Current picture vs. ideal picture

See problem from partner's perspective

o
Productive communication and conflict resolution

What does productive communication mean

o
Pose possible solutions

Look for win-win

A compromise is likely
o
Affirm each other

Talk positively

Cherishing behaviors
o
Integrate solutions into normal behaviors
o
Take risks

Giving favor without expecting anything

*Chapter 10
(8) Love Types (p. 263-265)
Six types of love
Eros - beauty and sexuality (often unattainable)
Ludus - entertainment and excitement (game)
Storage - peaceful and slow (companionship)
Pragma - practical and traditional (life situation)
Mania - elation and depression (extreme highs and lows)
Agape - compassionate and selfless (religious)
(9) Family & Communication (p. 272-274)
o

Family and communication

o
Equality pattern

Similar in credibility

Open, honest

Shared decision-making process

o
Balanced split patter n

Equality relationship - each person with authority over different domains

18

Unbalanced split pattern

One person regularly controls relationship

Other person looks to the dominant individual for guidance

Monopoly pattern

One person is the authority

Lecture verse communicate

Final say

*Chapter 11
(10) Conflict Styles Have Consequences (p. 295-296)
Conflict Styles

Competing - I win, you lose

o
Self-centered, selfish

Avoiding - I lose, you lose

o
Withdraw, avoid facing conflict

Accommodating - I lose, you win

o
Maintain harmony, unlikely to go away -> resentment

Collaborating - I win, you win

o
Willingness to communicate, listen and consider other person's needs

Compromising - I win-lose, you win-lose

o
Meeting each other half way, it is a give and take
o

*Chapter 12
(11) Power in Message (p.321)
- General Verbal Strategies (p. 321-322)
o Direct request
o Bargaining or promising
o Ingratiation
o Manipulation
o Threatening
- Specific Language Choices (p. 322)
o Hesitations
o Intensifiers
o Disqualifiers
o Tag questions
o Self-critical statements
o Slang and vulgar expressions
- Nonverbal Messages (p. 322-323)
o Book

19