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28 Day Ultimate Guide
28 Day Ultimate Guide
By
James Dawborn
Edited By
Kymmie Krieger
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or
transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise
without the prior written permission of the copyright owner.
Contents
1-
Introduction
2-
Chapter
1
-
Step
1-
Emotional
Strength
Covering
Topics
on:
Body
Language
Emotional
States
Positive
Thinking
Conquering
Fear
Building
Confidence
Understanding
Change
3.
Chapter
2
-
Step
2-
Align
Your
Blue
Print
Covering
Topics
on:
Depression
Keeping
Anger
at
Bay
Values
and
Beliefs
Should
vs.
Must
4.
Chapter
3
-
Step
3-
Progress
to
Happiness
28
Day
Guide
Covering
Topics
on:
Building
Self-esteem
Positive
Energy
28
Days
to
Success-
The
Walkthrough
5.
Chapter
4
-
Step
4-
Wealth
Management
Covering
Topics
on:
Personal
Budget
Planner
6.
Chapter
5
-
Step
5-
Final
Step
to
Success
-
Covering
Topics
on:
Treat
Yourself
Discover
Your
Compelling
Future
Health
and
Fitness
Final
Words
from
James
Dawborn
Introduction
Hello friend,
My name is James Dawborn, and I am going to be your
inspirational life coach for the next 28 days. Exciting already, isnt
it? Congratulations, and welcome to your new, life-changing 28Day Ultimate Guide: New You, New Life book.
This is definitely the start of something special in your life! Inside
this book, I will provide and equip you with the necessary tools to
begin slaying your fears, creating compelling goals, and
immediately inciting minute yet monumental changes that will grow
you, in mind, body, and soul. I will reveal methods that will give
you the freedom to boost your self-worth, and write your very own
success story!
This is the first of many books that I hope to write, sharing my
knowledge and inspiration along the way. While I am not a world
famous entity, I know my path in life and that it includes helping to
transform the lives of as many people as possible (Including you!).
You could say I am a new contender in the ever-evolving world of
self-development.
I have attained the expert qualifications needed professionally in
life coaching, with most of my knowledge stemming from my ten
years of field experience pertaining to the mental effects of people
from different economic backgrounds. My other experiences have
evolved from being a personal fitness trainer. I have had the
pleasure of training many diverse clients and seeing the positive
impacts that fitness and health have on an individuals life, goals,
and attitude.
The human mind is a fascinating tool. Moreover, it is very
interesting to see how quickly people can spiral out of control,
lacking the emotional strength to pick themselves up. This
downward turn is the reason why we see depression, alcoholism,
drug abuse, and extreme crime plaguing the world around us.
However, there is a positive flip side (Thank goodness, right?). I
have found, throughout all of my experience, that there are key
areas in life that when cultivated and expanded upon provide you
with a fantastic foothold of success in whatever field you desire.
inside and how much effort youre willing to put into achieving your
dreams).
In this ever-changing and unpredictable world, anything can be
thrown in your path, potentially spiraling your life out of control. To
survive the storm, you have to prepare yourself for the potential
emotional fallout.
Have you ever been caught in an uncontrollable, swirling tornado
of emotion (including anger, sadness, fear, and frustration)? Its no
fun now, is it? You jump from one emotion to another, and it is
extremely difficult to break this cycle.
Control and confidence are going to be the keys to your success
during this journey. Once you acquire these (and you will jump for
joy when you do), you will be able to put the past behind you, and
only focus on the future. This can definitely be a rewarding step, if
you allow it to be. Gaining control of our own lives is a major
component of our psychology, essential for our success.
In addition to control and confidence, you need to have respect for
yourself and others around you. We all need core beliefs, most of
which are shaped and developed throughout our adolescent years.
These beliefs steer how we act, how we think, and the decisions
we make.
Wouldnt it be grand to live a life of sheer significance, achieving all
of your dreams? Wouldnt you love to be able to hold your head up
high each day, proud of who you are? Many people believe that
since this isnt an animated Disney movie (with talking animals and
fairytale endings), those kinds of feelings arent attainable. And,
that couldnt be more false!
You CAN have the strength and sheer determination to go out into
this tough world, and grab it by the horns proclaiming, World, get
ready! Here I come!
*****************
Minute Motivator
It does not matter how old you are, where you are from, or
how much money you have. What truly matters is that you
for you, you will instantly feel self-gratification and see a positive
difference in your life.
Doesnt that sound great? Who doesnt want some positive change
in their life? Right now, hopefully youre thinking, Bring it on,
James! Im ready!
This book is scaled down into easily digestible chunks, which I
believe constitute the core areas that will immediately begin
initiating change within you.
The FIVE STEPS are as follows:
Step 1 Emotional Strength
Step 2 Your Blue Print
Step 3 Happiness = Progress 28 Day Guide
Step 4 Wealth Management
Step 5 Final Step to Success
*****************
Minute Motivator
A sincere chance for happiness is presented within this book.
So, open your mind, and focus on what could be and what is,
rather than what was.
Your past is a mere shadow of who you were. Yes, its true
that sometimes you need to remember to the past (so as not
to repeat mistakes); however, it is best to only focus on the
positive memories.
Be inspirational and creative with your life. You have the
power, motivation, and drive to make the best of every
situation!
*****************
Exercise 2
Rank the following aspects of your life, ranging from 1-10 (1 =
very unhappy / 10 = the best it will ever be). This will help
clarify which areas you wish to improve upon.
1- Career=
2- Money =
3- Health =
4- Family and Friends =
5- Personal Growth =
6- Fitness =
7- Love/Relationships =
8- Time for Yourself =
*****************
Are we having fun, yet?
Remember, there are no right or wrong answers, and there is no
judgment here. This is all about you!
So, try not to be vague with your answers; be as specific as
possible because this will later help you to develop more
achievable and accurate goals. Remember, these changes are
your personal desires, not those of others. You are doing this for
yourself and to ensure your own happiness!
Now, lets dig a little deeper (into our Grand Canyon of emotions).
What is currently stopping you from having the kind of life and
relationships you desire?
If you currently dont know what you want from life or are stuck in a
lightless tunnel, this is the best time to get back to basics. Think
about what you do know and identify the underlying issues related
to your feelings.
Were all in the same boat (metaphorically)! So, here are some
examples that you may relate to or even be experiencing yourself:
1- Are you in a relationship that you know, deep down, isnt
working out? Are you worried about the consequences of leaving
that person, as well as the thought of being alone?
2- Do you have a job that does not provide you with any
satisfaction? Do you believe that youre simply working long hours
for someone elses benefit? Do you feel like no matter how much
effort you put in, there is never any true gratitude or appreciation
on the part of your employer?
3- Are you saddled with debt, such as credit cards balances, bank
loans, student loans, or mortgage payments? Have you possibly
become addicted to gambling? Do you fear you will never be
capable of paying off your debt, and your life is spinning in chaotic
circles, without a shred of hope in sight?
4- Are you overly stressed at work and at home? Is your health
deteriorating due to a poor diet and a lack of physical exercise? Is
your couch your new favorite hiding place?
5- Due to life events, have you lost control, become depressed,
and resorted to a life of addiction to drugs, alcohol, or some other
means? Are you aware that it may give you a short-term fix, but it
will never solve your problems in the long run?
6- Are you intimidated by friends and family and lack the courage
and confidence to stand up to them? Are you afraid of the outcome
of showing others you are an adult, a strong person, and a reliable
friend?
I have found that all of these situations and experiences are
obstacles that many people struggle with in their everyday lives.
Luckily, there are easily identifiable, common factors present in all
of them. However, the most important factor in these situations is
gaining the self-belief and self-confidence to take control of your
own life and your own decisions.
Think about why you chose this book. Hopefully, you are aware
that there are thousands reading right along with you. You are
definitely not alone! For whatever reason you decided to embark
upon this journey, its imperative to remember that others are right
there, paddling side-by-side with you, hoping to reach the shore of
success.
Regardless of circumstance, it all comes down to your emotional
health. The end result will change depending on your values, your
beliefs, and your comfort zone, but your emotional health is the
foundation we must build to withstand any storm.
Now, on to Exercise 3.
Exercise 3
1. What do I want in life?
2. What do I want more of?
3. What areas of my life am I happy with?
4. What areas of my life am I not happy with?
5. How will I know when I have achieved what I want?
6. What is preventing me from having what I desire?
7. How badly do I really want this change?
8. What am I prepared to do to achieve my goals?
Think about it. What really makes you tick (not ticks you off
but makes you tick)? What are you passionate about?
Maybe its your career you want to change. Maybe you want
to spend more time with your family and friends. Maybe
youre sick of being hurt by others. Maybe you want the
courage to be independent and not have to rely on other
people. Whatever your reasons are write them down and
explain why.
*****************
Now that youve identified the areas of your life you are not happy
with, you can begin setting goals that aim to directly rectify specific
situations and areas you need help with.
Everyone needs help with something, right? So, dont be shy!
Level with yourself about your true needs.
Perhaps you wish to increase your confidence so you can
establish better relationships with others. Maybe you desire to
more fully develop your fitness levels so you can lead a healthier
lifestyle, guaranteeing that youll be there when your children need
you.
Once you have the answers to these questions, you can properly
strive to shape your vision, or at the very least, begin taking great
steps in the right direction. You can have as many goals as you
wish, keeping in mind they need to be realistic and attainable.
If you are still unclear as to what it is you want or what your goals
should be, dont panic! They will come to you (maybe not in a
crystal ball but it will happen). Though it may not be right away,
your dreams will present themselves to you at the right time.
Havent you ever noticed you never find your long-lost sock until
you stop looking for it (or for me, until after I throw the matchless
sock-mate away)? Then, BAM, there is it!
It has been my experience that dreams and visions usually arrive
just when you least expect them (sounds magical doesnt it?). You
may be just sitting at home or at work, and your thoughts suddenly
turn to deeper life questions. Then out of nowhere, an idea, dream,
or desire pops into your head, and thus it begins. Its moments like
these that you become more determined and focused than ever.
Remember this saying: Energy flows where focus goes.
Doesnt that make great sense when you really think about it? Our
energies are directed and devoted to those entities that consume
our focus.
Inside your mind lies the key to unlocking the right changes in the
key areas of your life. It all comes down to the way you think and
perceive life. Right now, youre probably reading this thinking,
Thanks for the breakthrough moment, James (definitely
sarcasm), but its true!
What we focus on, we, therefore, attract. I mentioned, in the
beginning of this book, that the world is like a magnet. Well, its the
same for all our thoughts, goals, and dreams. If life hits you with
some hard, negative blows and you let them define you, controlling
your thoughts, you will undoubtedly attract negative responses and
outcomes.
So, how do you make lemonade out of lifes lemons?
By thinking positively (especially through the difficult times in your
life), you will inevitably attract more positive outcomes. Why?
Body Language
Body language is always an interesting subject to talk about. Its
your physical state reflecting what youre thinking and feeling, even
Emotional States
Having a strong, positive emotional state is ideal for enforcing
commitment to a cause. If you are suffering from too many
negative vibes, this can have quite an impact on your health,
draining away your energy and creating abnormally high levels of
stress. It can also trickle down to the people around you, as
negative energy tends to flow to others with a ripple effect.
Exercise 4
Buy yourself a journal and a diary.
Each day, write down your thoughts and feelings in your
diary. If youre sad, then describe the reason for your
sadness. If youre happy, then explain the reason for your
happiness. It is important to record these entries each day, so
you can build an accurate record of the emotional triggers
that exist in your daily life.
Now, on to the journal. It is good to write significant things
and events down on paper. Jot down your thoughts, plans
you need to make, notes, or even information given to you by
others. This is a helpful resource for you to refer back to later.
The journals purpose is act as an organizational tool. The
diarys purpose is to record and evaluate your emotions.
Okay, lets presume that you currently have a better
Can you visualize it? Great! Now, do you remember exactly how
that moment felt? Relive that moment right now. Take it all in,
thinking about where you were, whom you were with, and what it
was that brought you such great joy and excitement.
As you embrace these feelings, you should begin to feel more
assertive and physically refreshed. If not, then move to a more
secluded, quiet, safe place where you can refocus, and try again.
Contemplate your body language, thinking through the differences
between good and bad posture.
Then the next time you are out on the town, be observant of other
peoples body language. You will begin to see for yourself how
body language can truly foreshadow a persons mood or feelings.
Here we go with Exercise 5:
*****************
Exercise 5
Now, I know youre going to think Im crazy, but just trust me
on this one, okay? I promise, this really does work.
For this exercise, I want you to give incantations a try on a
daily basis. Its best to pick a time where you can be
completely alone and uninterrupted. Doing this in the car will
definitely get you some stares (or may even cause an
accident), and doing it in front of your spouse or family may
raise some eyebrows (or cause them to call a shrink).
First, in your journal, you need to write a short, positive,
motivational sentence that you can say quietly to yourself
while doing these incantations (or when you start to feel low).
Use words that promote positive energy such as confidence,
energy, focus, command, and power.
Here is an example:
I now command myself with all the power inside of me to
make a difference in my life and in the lives of others around
me. I will be confident. I will be decisive, and I will not let fear
get in my way.
I want you to do this at least once a day (more if possible), but
I also want you to believe it. Theres no point in saying
something unless you truly believe it. You will not progress
until you have confidence in your own words (This will
become even more apparent when we discuss your values
and standards).
*****************
Feeling confident is a positive emotional state, and with a little
practice, your goal is to be able to put yourself into positive states
whenever you need to.
For instance, think about a job interview. Before you arrive, you
should spend some time alone, moving yourself into a happy
place. You should envision your success in attaining that job, have
confidence in your thoughts, think outside the box, and realize your
own potential. Just as you research a company prior to entering an
interview, you also research your mood and prepare emotionally.
In essence, a positive, inspiring emotional state will win the job.
Something else worth mentioning is the fact that with all the buildup of negative emotions, often you will develop little demons, hell
bent on preventing you from being successful. But, dont worry.
This is not your fault. Its simply your mind trying to rationalize why
you cant possibly achieve a goal and would rather stick to a safe
plan.
Our minds often play the better safe than sorry card.
Sometimes, your mind may tell you that a task can wait until later
or that there are limits to what you are capable of. Whatever your
little demons excuse is, dont allow him to nuzzle his way back into
your positive mindset. Kick that demon to the curb!
The key to destroying your demons is to immediately stomp on
them with your reaffirming shoe of belief. STOMP!
Remember, your purpose and your goals. Are you easily
distracted? Why is that? What kinds of things distract you? Set
small, achievable goals for yourself, and begin targeting them with
Exercise 6
What are your strengths and Weaknesses?
Write into your journal a list.
What are you good at? Everything is in play here, like skills,
qualifications, attributes, personality traits, likes, and dislikes.
Be open minded. Do not limit yourself. Express your positivity
in this table.
Then once you have evaluated your strengths, go ahead and
brainstorm some weaknesses you have (or areas you wish to
build
upon).
Remember, no one knows you better than YOU! And, this is
just for you, so fire away!
*****************
So, right now youre wondering, Why do I need to do this? Why
must I write down my strengths and weaknesses when I obviously
know them?
Well, the answer is simple. The best way to truly understand
something is to analyze it after dissecting it into small, identifiable
chunks. By doing this, you can then focus on the positive (and your
strengths) rather than living a life plagued with negative energy.
Positive Thinking
Its all positive from here on out, got it?
What I need you to do is start honing in on the positives and
blocking out the negatives.
Taking on Fear
So, besides spiders and scary monsters, what are your fears? Do
you have any? What scares you most?
Some of the most common fears can be financial worry, lack of
confidence, not believing in yourself, loneliness, and rejection.
Fear can also come from experiencing life-changing moments that
have scarred you, completely knocking your emotions into an
instantaneous, downward spiral. All of these examples have the
power to stop you dead in your tracks, make you turn around, and
head for the hills.
Lets take a look at scary Exercise 7 (kidding, of course):
*****************
Exercise 7
Its time to identify your fears (Sounds more appealing than a
root canal, doesnt it? maybe not).
Grab your journal, and begin writing down your fears. Be
honest! You have to have at least one or two (or ten). Think
big picture.
Think about how pleasant it would be to not have that fear in
your life. Now, answer these questions:
Building Confidence
Confidence is a foundational building block for the new and
improved you!
Therefore, you must understand that confidence is strongly linked
to control. Low levels of confidence indicate a lost connection
within. You may have experienced a hardship in love, a
relationship, or a job. All of these are common arrows to the heart
of confidence.
The problem with confidence is it takes time to build, but only a
second to destroy.
Take relationships, for example. If youre in a controlling
relationship (whether youre male or female), you will find that
everything boils down to control. If one party is harboring
insecurities, they will do their best to make sure they are always in
control, even if it means resorting to psychological manipulation.
If a controlling partner cannot coerce you to be who they want you
to be, they may resort to more drastic measures (which is where a
lot of domestic abuse originates from). Seeing the repercussions of
peoples actions when they fear they are losing control is eye
opening. Some will go to great lengths just to gain a sense of
control. Those who obsess about control become experts at it, and
in little time, it becomes second nature to them. They learn to
manipulate your weaknesses to feed their strengths. Power and
control can be dangerous emotions if not harnessed correctly.
Relying heavily on others is a guaranteed recipe for Let-MeDown-Soup. One of the easiest ways to get hurt is to allow
yourself to trust someone who consistently fails to keep their end
of the bargain. You will lose your faith in them, which in turns
creates a sense of negativity that you will associate with
relationships.
While you cant be overly trusting, I want to point out that not
trusting anyone is NOT the answer either. This will only fuel a
negative projection of your next relationship without dealing with
your inner conflicts. If you enter a new relationship with these
strong, negative feelings, it will cause unnecessary tension.
The key in resolving this kind of problem is to accept what has
happened and understand that everyone experiences pain in their
life. Its a part of being human, but the challenge is deciding to
suffer or not to suffer. Reliving a negative past will only keep you
focused on what happened. It will cloud your judgment, and limit
your future perspective.
If you struggle with thinking about building your own confidence
levels, here are some helpful tips to get you started:
1. Try thinking of a role model that has/does inspire you (famous
athlete, close friend, parent, sibling, or spouse someone who has
touched your life in a truly significant way).
2. Use their passion for success and life to motivate you (gain a
sense of direction from how they inspired and influenced those
around them).
3. Immerse yourself in new directions and new prospects. Create
an everlasting desire to become someone you can be proud of. It
may require all the strength you can muster up on a daily basis to
make these changes, which is why its so very important to have
the right mindset throughout this process.
4. Accept the past, and remember the good times. Use this
renewed strength to push for new ventures; this will provide small
stepping-stones for new creations in your life.
As the saying goes, Greatness is small things done well.
So, confidence and control play a huge part in everyones life. If
you lack these, then rebuilding your core beliefs is your first major
step in this process. You will need to reestablish your love and
respect for yourself. Having self-respect will allow you to stand out
amongst a crowd, and take the stand to control your life. This is
essential because if you let someone else run your life, then pain
and heartache will accompany you throughout your lifelong
journey.
So, have faith, my friend! You have tremendous self-worth, so start
building yourself up. Utilize your strengths, and create a vision for
yourself.
Life coaching involves extensive planning for the future; however, I
want you to understand that your upbringing plays a monumental
factor in the actions and behaviors you exhibit today.
Now, imagine yourself floating out of your body (which is still really
in your comfy armchair). Can you see yourself in the chair and on
the TV still? Great!
Now, with your remote control, go ahead rewind yourself on TV.
Start at the moment right before you experience the memory you
want to overcome.
Now, play the film through until right after the memory ends. You
are still safe, without fear or incident. Make sure you imagine
yourself throughout the entire film, with full confidence that your
fear is powerless. You are assured that, in the end, nothing will
happen to you, so there is no need to worry.
Now, freeze the film, and float into the TV screen. Replay the film
over and over, starting and ending where you are safe. Keep
replaying it until you are comfortable with the memory and the
experience. When you do finally come face-to-face with your fear
in real life, use this method again beforehand (if possible) and
during the situation to stay focused on your safe outcome.
If youre reading this and wondering how this could possibly work,
hey, thats completely okay.
Fear is all in your mind, and because we control how we think and
feel (which scientists have proven in multiple studies), we can
create our own outcomes. This is why reliving your memory with a
positive end result will allow you to focus on your guaranteed
safety, so when you are actually confronted with your fear, you can
recall this positive outcome as a focal point. The results of this
method will astound you. You can also use this strategy for many
other situations, issues, and worries that you may experience.
Your brain and imagination can be fantastic tools. If your mind can
create negative images so easily, then creating positive ones
should come just as easy. It just takes time and practice. But, I
have unwavering faith in you, and I know that, after reading this
book, you will have the same faith in yourself as well.
In summary, it is best to first understand your fear before
attempting to tackle it. Discover as much as you can about the
fear, and then, create a plan to overcome it. Imagine and relive
your fearful situation with positive outcomes, so you can feel
Understanding Change
Ever heard, Change is the spice of life? In so many ways, that
statement is so very true.
Change in your life is inevitable. Its bound to happen whether you
want it to or not. Some change is good and some is bad, but as the
old saying goes, You have to take the good with the bad.
Imagine a world where everything remained stagnant, never
changing. What would that be like? Everything would be
predictable. There would be no inspiration. Nothing would be
spontaneous. People would be like robots, performing the exact
same tasks day in and day out.
Our minds would cry out for stimulation and growth, never to be
answered. The human mind needs to be massaged and provided
with new, exciting challenges to keep us on our toes. Without
change and stimulation, we might as well just throw the towel in, sit
back, and watch the world pass us by. Without change, we would
never be capable of truly challenging our minds or putting our best
foot forward. What an uneventful, boring world that would be!
When change does occur, it can affect us in so many ways. Even
now when I experience change, I face fear. Unsure of how it will
affect my life, debating whether or not I made the right decision,
and juggling possible regrets are all part of tackling change (even
for adults).
Exercise 8
When faced with change, it is often useful to ask yourself
these four questions to aid in maintaining your focus (Feel
free to jot your answers down in your journal):
1. What is it that I am seeking from this change?
2. What do I see as the possible outcome(s)?
3. Will I gain or lose from this change?
4. Will anyone get hurt in this process?
These questions are designed to get you to stop and think
about your actions. If you are starting to fear the outcome of a
situation and you go into a panic, how will that affect the
people around you? What if you grow angry and become
frustrated with people because you are uncomfortable with
this new change?
*****************
These are all helpful questions to keep in mind after you freeze
frame the situation, look at it from a better angle, make a wise
decision, and initiate the end result you desire.
And, that concludes Step One (Can you believe it?).
Emotional strength will be mentioned again in Step Two, as you
will need to reevaluate yours when revising your core beliefs (if it is
interfering with your progress).
I hope at this point you understand that confidence and control are
the two main players (or triggers) involved in altering your
emotions. Without these two, you will attract more negatives than
positives, creating false beliefs and limitations. This would not be
advantageous because we do not want more barriers blocking our
path, making it difficult to clear again.
upon us, and sometimes, its our own choice. However, either way,
having strong, emotional strength will allow you to create a solid
purpose and meaning behind your change (adapting accordingly to
the circumstances).
Section 2 is titled, Aligning Your Blue Print. In this section, I will
explain how your values and inner conflicts affect your actions
today
Belief
Does
it
limit
you?
Shifting
your
focus
Create
a
new
belief
What stops us from having the life we want? Its a good question,
right?
Lets take a deeper look into who you have been brought up to be,
your life experiences, and your current beliefs. This is important in
determining whether or not you have inner conflicts with your
emotional strength.
Your body map consists of who you think you should be: your
deepest desires, your expectations of life, and your state of
happiness. If youre reading this already knowing that youre
unhappy, then this part of the book will unlock some enlightening
answers for you.
You can change your situation, your appearance, your career, and
even your relationships, but until you truly identify your deepest
desires, you wont be happy (especially if your current desires
include trying to make someone else happy).
Many people find themselves in relationships where their partner
wants them to change because they are not happy with who they
are. There is an unhealthy abundance of expectation in the
relationship. Unless two people accept each other for what they
are, there will always be conflict. No matter the circumstances, you
must realize that you should only change if its for you. Never
change for someone else.
First, lets figure out what your body map looks like. Hopefully, the
previous sections have helped with this (or at least made it
clearer), showing you what it is that you truly want and desire in
life. Completely forget about everyone else around you for the
moment.
Close your eyes, if necessary, and sincerely think about what it is
in life that you want (whether its a family, a good career, love,
good health, fitness, or success). Now ask yourself, Does my
current life situation match my body map?
If your answer is no, then you need to make some changes. If
your answer is yes, then great! Im really happy for you, and now
you can set your sights on getting more fulfillment out of life.
So, if your body map doesnt match your life situation, why doesnt
it? Thats the real question, right? What has happened (or not
happened) for this to occur?
Its interesting to know that unhappy people rarely blame
themselves for what happens to them. They are more apt to blame
others for their situation, giving themselves a false sense of control
for a short while.
However, this is not a cure. They often become confused and
desperate to get out of a situation, and then they turn to self-abuse
methods such as alcoholism, drug addiction, depression, or even
self-deprivation. When a person is in this tragic state, their mind
creates a new reality, and all feelings of hope begin to fade away
because they have lost control of their life.
Even if this has never happened to you, you may have seen it
happen to people you know, love, or care about. My goal is to help
you understand the despair that you or someone else may be
living with on a daily basis.
But, the good news is that every problem has a solution! The key
is to either change your body map/blue print, or adjust your current
situation so that it does match your body map. Its as easy as that!
Depression
The mind is such a powerful tool.
However, it can be friend or foe, depending on the situation. If you
regularly experience sadness, guilt, depression, anger, frustration
and resentment, instead of joy, happiness, love, and excitement,
then you need to discover the root of all of your pain.
What has happened in your life that causes you to feel this way?
Again, the great news is where there is a problem, there is always
a solution.
This may specifically relate to you or you may know someone who
it affects. Do you know someone who is very successful and has
everything they could ever possibly want, but they still appear
depressed all the time?
So, what element would you say you focus on the most? The past,
present or future? I ask because each one has a very different
impact.
The past is often where depression, regret, and sadness lives. It is
here where you relive previous experiences, and dwell on them.
They consume your thoughts, and you spend precious time
wishing that you could change the past.
So, what if you are constantly focused on the present? Well, this
is, indeed, better than the past but still has its drawbacks. You are
probably the kind of person that is well equipped to deal with
situations and problems in everyday life. You live one day at a
time, not wanting to think about the future.
Lastly, do you focus purely on the future? If so, you are most likely
a great anticipator because you have dreams, visions, and desires
which keep you focused. You have designated a path to your
success and have a plan to get there. You use the present to fulfill
your needs.
Which one of the three do you think is the best category to be in?
Well, its clearly not the past. The past wont solve your problems.
Reliving your fears and experiences will only bring you down. And,
the present will give you fulfillment, but you will be limited in your
desires. You need to set your sights higher, have a clear vision,
and strive to achieve your deepest needs and desires. So, start
focusing on the future today!
If you know someone who is depressed and needs help, approach
them, and try to help them establish the root of their unhappiness.
Depression and sadness almost always relates to insecurities and
past experiences that one had no control over. Unfortunately,
these feelings of helplessness often manifest into negative
thoughts and emotions. We all have the power to help others heal,
and its truly a great feeling of accomplishment when youre a part
of that process.
Essentially, you need to take a real long good look at your current
situation, your home life, your relationships, your career, your
health, and your financial situation. You need to closely evaluate
each one to find the triggering cause for your unhappiness. Once
you identify the trigger, you must determine what about that area
of your life makes you unhappy. Is it the people, the environment,
or the circumstances surrounding that situation that cause you
such discontentment? Whatever the cause, you need to fully
understand the root of your unhappiness in order to work through
it.
The key to understanding others is actually knowing yourself inside
and out. Trust me on this one. Once you know your triggers, you
can use them to your advantage. People can be very different, but
they can also be very similar. Knowing yourself will help you to
plan your success, focus on your goals, and muster up the
determination to see things through. SIMPLE.
Emotions are very tricky to handle. From previous experiences to
internal beliefs, the way you interpret situations directly affects how
you feel and how you deal with problems. Having a healthy
mindset gives you the best chance to take positive steps along
your road to success.
However, in order to achieve this, you must recognize your
strengths, and be aware of your weaknesses. It would be foolish to
ignore your weaknesses, as you would then not know them when
you saw them. Its crucial to be honest and realistic with yourself.
Its interesting to find that most people have never been properly
taught how to handle their emotions. Therefore, its so easy to feel
as if youre losing control of your life - hence why people fall into a
depressed state and become frustrated. They go through a spiral
of uncontrollable emotions including sadness, anger, pain, and
aggression. All of these are a direct result of losing focus, as well
as losing control of your thoughts.
So, ask yourself these questions (to see how well you know
yourself):
1. How well do you know yourself?
2. Do you know what makes you tick?
3. What angers you?
4. What makes you happy?
5. Do you know how to resist temptation?
6. Do you know how to pick yourself up when you get emotionally
knocked down?
7. Are you pessimistic?
What is important to you right now? How do you value your life,
your family, your friends, your career, your wealth, your opinions,
and your beliefs? How is your relationship or marriage? Is family
important to you, or are you more career driven?
Your values and beliefs guide your thinking for the future. Have
you ever had a gut feeling that something was wrong? Well, those
kinds of feelings are linked to your subconscious. Theyre often
telling you to slow down, and think about all the options you have
available before making any rash decisions.
So, what do you do? Should you ignore your gut? What if it turns
out to be a bad decision? You could be left wishing you had gone
with your gut. In most cases, your gut doesnt steer you wrong.
How you were brought up is also very crucial in understanding
your value system. How were you raised? Did you take on any of
your parents beliefs or views? Did you grow up as an only child, or
did you have a large family? Did your mom or dad raise you raise
you as a single parent?
All these things factor into understanding who you really are and
what you believe. For example, if you were raised in poverty,
providing for your family may be a top priority for you. On the flip
side, you may have grown up in the lap of luxury, which may have
made you less appreciative of the good things in life, taking
everything and everyone for granted.
I want you to also think about the habits you may have picked up
while growing up. Are there any that have affected your life in a
negative way? If so, how can you shift that focus and change your
habits?
This book will encourage you to concentrate on your strengths;
however, you do need to also be aware of your weaknesses. At
some point in time, you will realize that many weaknesses can
simply be erased from your life as you gain emotional strength.
I like to think of it as a game of inches. Each positive thing that
happens to you (or that you do) equals a gained inch. As you start
collecting inches, they collectively become something even
greater. As the months pass by, you will start to notice the physical
changes that are taking place. Why? Because you are changing
the course of your life! Its almost like a boat trip. If you change the
coordinates of your destination, you will begin to head in a different
(positive) direction.
So, whats holding you back? Have you ever said or heard others
make comments like:
I Cant.
Im no good at that.
I get easily distracted.
I wont try that.
Why cant I do that?
Its because you have created a sense of self-doubt that hinders
your actions and thoughts of success.
So, what can you do to instantly eradicate these negative beliefs
and replace them with better values? Well again, you have to
analyze each belief separately.
What is it that makes you feel like you cant do that particular
thing? Have you actually tried to do it and failed? Did you put
enough time and effort into learning about it? Sometimes, its just
not that important to you, and some things in life wont be (and
thats okay). However, life is about working around the obstacles in
your way, realizing why they were placed in your life, and learning
how to shift them in your favor.
Imagine accepting a new belief. Imagine the results that could be
possible if you put time and effort into your endeavor. For example,
maybe youve always said, I cant do math! First, identify why you
cant complete the task. Is it a lack of understanding? If so, then
you have your first step. You need to LEARN math. You can adopt
a learning method that suits you to improve your understanding,
focus your efforts, and achieve success. Problem solved.
You will notice, as I have mentioned before, that youre on an
exciting road to building your solid foundation. If you have spent
the last few months allowing negativity into your life, it will take
some time and effort to now shift your focus to the positives.
However, with some effort, you will quickly train your mind to think
more positively and clearly.
I hope you are starting to understand that before progress can take
place you must discover and fully understand who you truly are,
how you were raised, and what values and beliefs you hold dear.
Your experiences all reflect your current day to day living. So, if
youre not happy with your current situation, its clear that you have
a conflicting belief system that doesnt align with your current
lifestyle. But, the good news is, you, and ONLY YOU, have the
power to make a change, and choose happiness!
I must has more punch to it, dont you agree? If you were hanging
off the edge of a cliff (holding on for dear life) would you rather
your friend say, Hey, we should save him/her or Hey, we MUST
save him/her! I dont know about you, but I would go with the
must.
In your next conversation, throw a few must statements into the
mix, and gauge the response you receive from others around you.
You will find people respond positively to this line of thinking, and
they will be saying to themselves, Wow, he actually means what
he says.
So, identify and define what it is you want in life. Make your goals
into must statements, and put them into action. This is the very
reason why right from the start of this book, I have encouraged you
to start thinking about what it is you want out of life. Keep these
goals fresh in your mind on a daily basis. Your aim is to create a
definitive list of actions that become must statements for you
(rather than should statements).
Now, we must hop right into Exercise 9:
*****************
Exercise 9
Now, after talking extensively about core values and beliefs, I
want you to try this. In your journal, write down all of your
core values (things you truly believe in). What is important to
you?
Following that, I want you to write down words that you
associate with these values (see examples below):
Energy Children and being active
Power Confidence and significance
Teamwork Progress at work and better relationships
Achievement Success and recognition
The purpose of this exercise is for you to not only discover
whats important to you, but its also helpful to see what you
associate with these values.
Minute Motivator
Do not let time get the better of you. Seize the moment, and
enjoy life with every chance you get. Always aim to improve
your situation. Make tiny changes every day, and earn your
own self-respect. Write your own success story.
Show the people around you that you have the heart,
conviction, and sheer determination to break down any
emotional door, and smash your way through to success.
Make yourself better, my friend. I believe in you!
*****************
change the game. Move the goal posts until you can score a
touchdown.
Goal
Happiness
Progress
Find
your
purpose
Create
a
vision
You need to raise your standards and your beliefs! You need to
make these everlasting changes a must rather than a should.
Find the reason, and create the hunger behind it. You need to
immerse yourself in the change, breathing it in every day.
Look at your body! Go ahead. Right now, look at your body. This
defines who you are. If you are muscular and athletic, then you
have already created your world and an environment that revolves
around good health and fitness. You must go to the gym. You
found a burning desire within yourself, and you feel great every
time you leave the gym or finish exercising.
If youre over weight, then again, this mirrors your standards. You
value food and comfort more than anything else, and this figures
into your blue print. In order to change, you need to have strong
reasons and a real vision. Now, this is only an example. Some
people who are overweight are more than happy with themselves.
This is because they understand who they are and are confident in
themselves, and thats great! Its up to you to decide what makes
you happy (and if youre not happy - why not?).
You need rituals and standards! Ive said it already, but I really
want to drum this in because it is so important for progress. Look
at what you do every day, your daily routine. What are your rituals?
Grab your journal, and write them down! You will find after reading
this book, you will be programed to write more than you have ever
done before.
I cannot stress this enough - who you are today is a direct result of
your childhood, your upbringing, your experiences, your
relationships, and your financial background. Despite what your
circumstances were, you are now in a position to look back,
review, and analyze your beliefs, and assess if they match your
current lifestyle.
Discover why you are who you are and why you do what you do.
This is especially important if you know you are not happy and that
something inside of you is holding you back. Find the issue, and
resolve it. This will put you on your way to making good progress.
Merely having great focus is still not enough to establish everlasting change; you will need the tools as well. The right mentor,
the right environment, and the right mindset are all still key factors
in your equation for success.
If you desire to be healthy but eat pizza every day, youre not
going to end up with the desired results. You may be focused, but
it is on the wrong thing. ALIGN YOURSELF with the right path. If
you want to be healthy, then gather the right tools (i.e. a diet plan,
a trainer, an exercise routine, etc.). Use professionals around you.
Go to the local gym and ask for help. Make sure you have clear,
established goals in mind, and research how you are going to
achieve them. Immerse yourself completely in your journey, and
you will begin to truly feel your results (rather than just imagining
about them).
So, what small, simple things can you do to maintain a strong,
peak mental state? The very best thing is to have some alone time
each day. A moment to yourself without noise, confusion, or
pressures from the outside world. Its a fantastic way to recharge
your battery in a short period of time. So, here are some
recharging suggestions:
1. Join a gym - This is a great way to unwind and release tension.
When you exercise, your body releases endorphins, which will
relax you, keep you alert, and put you in a good frame of mind.
Youre sure to be ready for whatever comes next!
2. Road running - If the gym is too expensive but you enjoy
exercising, just go for a run and listen to some music. This is more
than sufficient personal, thinking time.
3. Beauty treatments Yes, guys, I am talking to you as well. You
do not have to paint your nails pink, but having a 30-minute neck
and shoulder massage is the perfect way to unwind after a hard
day in the office or at home.
4. Coffee break - What better way to relax than to take a nice little
coffee break? Just visualize sitting down, closing your eyes for a
few seconds, and taking a deep breath, while soaking in the
peaceful moment. Sounds relaxing, doesnt it?
5. Sleep your way to success - How much sleep are you getting at
the moment? Could you squeeze in more? Even an extra 30
minutes to an hour per day will pay huge dividends in the long run.
After a few weeks, you will feel revitalized, and ready to go!
6. Introduce a healthy diet - When change hits home, sometimes
people eat because they are anxious and psychologically find
comfort in the food they eat. The problem with this behavior is,
after a few months, the pounds begin to pack on, and it negatively
affects your health. Keep a healthy balanced diet. Try to eat fresh
fruit, vegetables, and good carbs. You will soon find that your diet
keeps you in great shape and gives you a proactive mind. NO
CHOCOLATE or junk food stashing. Save the good sweets for
treats!
1. Pay for life coaching sessions - Having open, arranged
sessions can give you the opportunity to blow off some steam,
and talk to a professional about any burning issues in your life.
A problem solved is a problem shared.
2. Keep a diary/journal - Writing can be therapeutic. Just by
spending five minutes a day openly writing about how you feel
(or noting challenges), you can create a greater sense of vision,
and keep a steady focus on the future.
3. Expand your creative side - Start a new hobby, or pick up where
you left off on your last one. Doing this will keep your mind
sharp, keep you focused, and provide some fun.
Small incentives will keep you focused and on track. You will soon
apply these to your daily life without thinking, and it will become
second nature.
Boosting Self-esteem
Now, lets talk about self-esteem.
There are many things you can do to not only understand the
concept of self-esteem but to also build it back up or revive it (if
yours has been stomped on). People with low self-esteem often
show signs of shame and fear. They create core beliefs that make
them feel comfortable about themselves. However, when their core
beliefs conflict (or break down), they often feel let down, ashamed,
or hurt. The main cause of all this is creating standards that are
unrealistic and unachievable, which quickly leads to failure.
In order to improve your self-esteem, it is best to make sure you
have three fundamental beliefs at the core of your thinking
process. They are growth, freedom, and personal development.
Any belief that conflicts with these three fundamentals can cause
trouble in paradise.
An example of this would be living by the belief that, I should
always put others first. You might then create the rule, I must
avoid saying no to people. These beliefs or assumptions can be
limiting, harmful to self-esteem development, and inherited from
your childhood.
Lets take a look at Exercise 10:
*****************
Exercise 10
Think about your values and the assumptions you make
about life. Then apply the rules you have associated with
them. Are your rules limiting? Are they inherited? Do they
work with your beliefs, or are you on the road to failure?
Grab your journal, and write out, in a simple list, your values.
Then, next to each one, write the rules you associate with it as
well.
*****************
People with low self-esteem have been programmed, since
childhood, through negative messages which have been
permanently imprinted on their minds. If your parents repeatedly
told you, You cant do that, or Youre useless, you would begin
to believe it at some point. It is these negative words that create
an unhealthy lack of self-worth in individuals.
Children need warmth, affection, and certainty. If these core needs
are not met, their future can be affected in many ways. On the flip
side, when parents expect too much from their children, it can lead
to a lingering sense of failure because the tasks presented are
unachievable or the bar is set too high. When these unrealistic
standards are not met, the child is left feeling worthless and
unfulfilled.
Even worse than this is being a victim of abuse, whether physically
or mentally. When something bad happens, an abuse victims
immediate thought is, I am being punished for this. Trauma
leaves a heavy burden of feeling powerless and unable to deal
with lifes obstacles effectively.
Aside from childhood, there are also the effects of peer pressure
from the people you associate with. In many instances, when their
expectations are not met, you may be made to feel ashamed or
worthless.
A lot of people with poor self-esteem sit on their dreams and goals
for years due to a constant, negative thought process, which tells
them they are not good enough to make their dreams a reality.
They truly believe their dreams will never come true or work, so
they ask themselves, Whats really the point in trying? These
feelings can attribute to constant anger directed at life or at other
people.
*****************
Minute Motivator
A friend who puts you down is not a friend at all. Surround
yourself with people who bring the best out in you. You will
definitely see the change in your energy levels and attitude
immediately when you are around positive influences. They
will also help you develop your interpersonal skills which will
make you a more versatile individual.
*****************
So, what can you do to repair or rebuild your self-respect or selfesteem? Many people who do not respect themselves often let
their appearances go, not keeping up with personal hygiene or
basic cleanliness. Therefore, the first step is always to begin with
yourself.
1. Start a new diet, and join a gym to begin building a new you.
Do you believe its possible for things to happen in your life that
you attract or bring on? I personally believe that this definitely
happens and can totally work for you.
The best example I can give (which I know most people can relate
to) is think of a time when you were running extremely late for
something, maybe work. You rushed to your car, and while driving,
you notice that you are hitting every single red light on the planet.
This makes you even more frustrated, and on top of that, the car in
front of you literally could not drive any slower. Your temper flares,
and you end up shouting like a madman in your car at everything
that gets in your way. Sound familiar?
Well, it all has to do with what youre focus on. Had you not been
in a hurry or a frustrated state, your mind would not have
processed each red light as a painful dilemma, and the car in front
of you would not have been such a nuisance. It all has to do with
your perception.
Most likely after this kind of morning, it would be followed with a
lousy day. So, one bad feeling has the potential to ruin your entire
day (all because you were running late). That is the law of
attraction in action. You focus on one bad thing that happened and
allow it to affect your whole day. Thus, a ripple effect takes place.
On the flip side, I am sure you can think of days where you have
woken up, the sun is shining, and you feel like youre on top of the
world. You leave your house on time and are in a great mood.
Other drivers do not bother you. In fact, you barely even notice
them. You even decide to be generous, allowing others to go
ahead of you. Every red light you stop at is no hassle. You just
enjoy what is going on in the world outside, listen to your music,
and get to work in a timely fashion. Thus, a great beginning
equates to a great day. Does that sound familiar to you as well?
Again, all of this is mental. What you focus on, you attract. Where
focus goes energy will flow. Remember that?
Can you see where I am going with all of these examples? My
intention is for you to see that if you start with your internal roots,
rewire your conflicts, create a purpose, find meaning in life, and
make positive steps towards change, you will be successful.
Days 8-14
This week and the next should include Steps 2 and 3, which is
going to be difficult. You have now been introduced to the idea that
emotional strength needs to be mastered. This means you must
understand your past and identify your values and beliefs to see if
they align with your current situation and lifestyle.
Take time to rediscover your inner beliefs and core values. The
exercises inside this book are perfect for this. Inside your diary,
make sure to have your daily incantations written out, so you can
verbalize them to keep you focused throughout the week.
Keep your steps and actions small and achievable.
If you have a fear that you want to overcome, now is the time!
Identify it (or them), and design a clear strategy for confronting it
(or them).
If confidence is an issue, make small plans over the next week or
so, and identify days where you can complete minute tasks to
increase your confidence.
Days 15 21
This week should ideally be deemed plan of attack week. You
must have a plan in place. You are now open to what needs to be
done, and you have a clear vision of your path.
You know your beliefs, your values, and your standards. You
should understand if any conflicts exist. You should be focused on
making progress and changing your rituals so that they match your
goals in life. If you are still struggling, then revisit the book again,
and complete the steps and exercises until you are satisfied with
your progress.
1. Ensure that you are using your diary to record emotions.
2. Remember to use your journal to record daily actions, and keep
yourself organized.
1. Complete the attached personal budget form. This will help you
consolidate onto one document how much you spend and how
much you owe, allowing you to see exactly where you are
spending money and where you can save.
2. Make a list of loans and debt separately to identify how much
you owe in total. You can include your mortgage if you wish, as
technically this is still a debt.
3. Speak with your bank for free financial advice. They are
professionals, and they may provide you with the answers you
have been struggling to find.
4. Create a money plan to start saving. Whatever money you can
save in accordance to your budget, place into a separate high
interest savings account, and do not touch it. Hold yourself
accountable.
What you focus on, you will attract. The road to freedom starts
inside your mind, so you need to focus on saving money and
spending less than you earn. I know that seems like common
sense, but believe me, a lot of people live way beyond their means
daily.
Here is the secret; the key to creating abundant wealth is to have
multiple income funds, separate pots containing enough money for
you to survive off the interest. Having a higher standard will give
you the edge, so raise your standards. It is the same principle for
losing weight. Setting a high standard for yourself, in regards to
your eating habits, will give you the momentum to stay strong, and
see your goals through.
It is a case of must vs. should statements. You decide in life what
becomes a must and what stays a should. You can say, I should
save my money, but in truth, are you really going to do it? When
you say, I must save my money, then, you are making a
statement with more conviction and setting a high standard behind
it. You will unleash significant determination when you fully commit
to live and breathe your beliefs.
Expenses:
Clothing:
Telephone:
Internet and TV:
Car tax and insurance:
Car running costs:
Car service:
Childrens expenditure:
Loans:
Credit cards:
Savings:
Holidays:
Total Expenditure =
Personal Income:
Any Additional Family Income =
Net Total Survival Budget =
Once you have filled this out, you will be able to see roughly what
your outgoing expenses are per month, and how much money you
have left over. Now, you can easily identify what areas (if any) you
can save money on, and use that spare money to start your
honey pot, which you can build upon.
Please be aware that if you are in significant amounts of debt, it
may be worth seeking professional help and weighing your
options. If you are finding yourself in a hole you cannot climb out
of, do not suffer alone in silence.
Treat Yourself
A crucial part of change is to reward yourself through every step.
Progress deserves to be recognized, and what is better than
treating yourself at the end of each week or month?
For example, if you are intending to change your health and
fitness, you embark on your road to transformation. Lets say, you
start by designing your nutrition plan, which includes how many
days a week you intend to hit the gym and what to eat for each
day. This is where you plan or build in a naughty/cheat day.
Maybe on Saturday or Sunday, you designate that day to be where
you can eat whatever you want. Your treat could be your favorite
meal, dessert, or take away. Whatever it is, make sure its a
fulfilling reward for all the hard work you have put in during the
week.
The method behind this madness allows you to gradually ease into
a pattern of working hard during the week and having something to
look forward to at the end of it. If you completely cut out all
rewards, there is a good chance that your mind will start to find the
task boring, and you wont be stimulated or motivated to continue.
This will eventually cause you to give up.
So, dont be afraid to treat yourself to a reward when you work
hard. This can be applied to any challenge. If you are wanting a
new car, work your money plan out to achieve the financial goal,
and when it happens, your brand new car will be waiting!
I want to remind you that the main focus here is to stimulate your
mind with progress. After several weeks and months of adapting,
your mind will love the new you, and the old you will feel like a
distant memory.
book is to show you the emotional tools that will allow you to adapt
to ever-changing situations.
You must be able to accept that, yes, pain will happen. It is a
significant part of life, but it is how we choose to interpret this pain
that truly makes a big difference. Goals will always be set, and
dreams and desires will always exist. But, its your emotional
strength that will decide whether or not they come true for you. I
sincerely hope they do!
Do remember if you find that you are still not strong enough to do
this by yourself, then DONT. Ask for help. There is no shame
seeking guidance, and there are professional therapists out there
waiting to help you. Communicate with your friends and family. A
problem shared is a problem solved, and it is most definitely a
strength to admit a weakness. So, please do not ever suffer alone.
Please keep a look out for my next book, and let me know how
your transformation is coming along.
In the meantime, you can find me on Twitter:
http://twitter.com/Oraclewellbeing
I would love to have you along for the journey.
All the very best,
James Dawborn
*****************
Minute Motivator
Do not let pain cause you to suffer. Find the meaning behind
each action, and allow it work in your favor. Your life will be
amazing, and you will inspire not only your loved ones but
also the people around you. Live with passion, my friend, and
live with pride.
*****************