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Before I begin let me say how cool it is to have the Oak Grove choir with us. We so appreciate
that you came to share your musical gifts in worship with us today. Our new congregation and Oak
Grove have established a sister-church relationship. This all started at a Twins game last summer that Bill
Chadwick and I attended. Bill is the pastor at Oak Grove. The Twins werent doing that well, so the two
of us didnt talk about the game. We did what most pastors do when we get together. We talked about
our churches. I told him that we were looking at moving to a new facility after being portable since May
2012. I shared that it was a financial challenge. Bill said that Oak Grove might be able to help us.
We applied for a grant with Oak Groves Session. A group from Chain of Lakes shared our
enthusiasm for this facility with their Session at a meeting last fall. The Session approved the grant.
Thank you! Your financial support gave us confidence to move forward. They encouraged us to apply
for another grant this year, which weve done.
But at that meeting we realized that we could have a relationship with each other that was
mutually beneficial. Oak Grove is the second oldest Presbyterian church in the Presbytery. Chain of
Lakes is obviously the youngest. How cool that we can share our particular strengths with each other.
So weve started this relationship. I was part of a panel discussion for the Oak Grove Session and
Deacons last fall. I led the Oak Grove Mens Retreat at Presbyterian Clearwater Forest in February.
That was a blast. Oak Grove does a womens retreat, a mens retreat, and a family retreat at Clearwater
every year. Next year we would love for people from Chain of Lakes to attend these retreats. Today Oak
Groves choir is here. Next Sunday the Chain of Lakes worship band will lead music at Oak Grove. Bill
and I are going to do a preacher exchange in November.
We have some folks from each of our churches who help lead this partnership.
Val/Oak Grove folks
Whats important is this relationship is centered in the friendships of our lay people and elders.

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As I begin the sermon let me encourage you to get out this brochure that is in the bulletin.
In this brochure is a devotion that I wrote that corresponds with the sermon. I encourage you to
use it each day this week. In the middle you have a place to take notes. God might say
something today that you want to write down. Each Sunday during this series were having what
were calling a community conversation. Were going to talk a bit about the ideas that were
sharing.
Today Im completing a three week sermon series called 21 days to a complaint free life.
The AIM of this series is for each of us to go 21 consecutive days without complaining. Its a
Lenten challenge. This series is based on a book by Will Bowen called A complaint free life.
He did a sermon series at his church in 2006 that started the complaint free movement.
As part of this series were encouraging everyone to wear a wristband. Im going to ask
our ushers to pass out wristbands right now. Many of us are wearing them. If you dont have
one, please take one. The wristband reminds us that were trying to go 21 consecutive days
without complaining. When we complain we move the band to the other wrist.
The wristband is an excellent publicity tool. Ive had people from Chain of Lakes share
that theyve had conversations about our new congregation because theyve been wearing a wrist
band. IN facts Ive had people from Chain of Lakes tell me that they have passed out these
wristbands in their work settingand theyve passed out these wristbands to their family. You
could start a complaint free movement in your work site or with your family.
We are a complaint free zone at Chain of Lakes. I hope you saw the poster when you
came into our facility.
Now the purpose of this series is not to silence anyone. My Grandmother used to say if
you cant say anything nice dont say anything at all. With all due respect to my grandmother,

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this is not about that. We want to encourage people to share their opinionsshare strong
opinionssometimes our opinions might not be nice. Share them.
The key, of course is how we share them. The question I want us to think about when we
share a strong opinion is are we building up or are we tearing down.
In Ephesians we read this:
SLIDE
But speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into
Christ
Share your opinions, speak the truth in love while growing deeper into Christ.
For this series Im using the following definition as a complaint
SLIDE

A complaint is an expression of grief, pain or discontent that is negative.

Its when our words share in a negative way the grief, pain, or discontent that they

become a complaint.
Its important to know the difference between a complaint and a statement of fact.
If I go outside and say, its cold outside. Thats not a complaint
If I go outside and say, ugh. its cold outside. That is a complaint.
Its the energy behind our words that make them a complaint.
Jesus taught that our words express the condition of our heart.
SLIDE
It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but it is what comes out of the mouth that
defiles Do you not see that whatever goes into the mouth enters the stomach, and goes into
the sewer? But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this is what defiles.
Matthew 15: 11, 17-18
Our complaining words reveal that something is not right in our heart. If we think of our
heart as a garden, then our complaints reveal that we have weeds in our garden.

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Today Gary Long read a beautiful statement from Galatians about the fruit of the Spirit.
The Apostle Paul was sharing with the people of Galatia the qualities of the heart. This week all
of our small groups are going to receive an overview of the New Testament. We have groups
meeting on Monday morning, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday evenings. You can go deeper
into the New Testament by coming to one of these groups.
As Presbyterians were always interested in the context of a reading. Some context. In
Genesis God made a covenant with Abram and As descendants. The sign of the covenant was
circumcision. Circumcision was like a sacrament. But the death and resurrection of Jesus
changed everything. No longer did people have to be circumcised to follow God. Paul shared
that their task was to be led by the Spirit.
What does it mean to be led by the Spirit? Paul answered that by sharing what he called
the fruit of the Spirit.
SLIDE
The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity,
faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
This passage is easily one of the ten most important passages in the Bible.
When a negative energy comes from our heart were not living out the fruit of the Spirit.
There is a weed in our garden.
Let me share a four part process of becoming complaint free. In his book Will Bowen
shared this process. I dont think this process is original to him. I would encourage you to write
this down.
SLIDE

The first part is unconscious incompetence. This is when we dont even know we

are complaining.

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This week I was at a gathering with Bill Chadwick. Bill told me he tried to do the 21
consecutive days to a complaint free life. He told me I didnt even realize how much I
complained. All you Oak Grovers ask Bill about how it is going in not complaining.
Ive had a lot of people tell me this. This pattern is so ingrained in us that were not
conscious of it. Unconscious incompetence.
SLIDE

Conscious incompetence. This is the stage where we realize that we complain.

Were conscious of it. But were still complaining.

Let me give an example from my own life. I started this process in the middle of
January. Ive had to start over many times. Today Im on Day 11.
When I started this process I became aware that I have moments when words just
naturally come out of me. Complaint words. It often happens in the car. When I first started I
was driving in my car on the freeway and a car zipped in front of me. Really, I said. Oops
back to day one. Or I would yell at the stop light when I was in a hurry. Waiting, waiting,
waiting at a stop light. Im late for a meeting or for something and it seems like the light is red
forever. Come on! I would yell. Oops.
For a while I wasnt sure if I could make it 21 consecutive days without complaining. I
wasnt sure that I could control these words that would just slip out of me.
But my own awareness helped me. Now when I get in the car Im vigilant about keeping
my mouth shut. If Im by myself, no talking in the car. If Im waiting at a stop light and am
impatient, Im now aware of my impatience. I can say a prayer instead.
You might ask, Paul does it really matter if you utter a strong word in the car when you
are by yourself because someone zipped in front of you? Yes. Theres a weed in my heart that
is not quite right. If I dont feed that weed through complaining and I ask for Gods help,

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perhaps that weed will wither and die. And I cant deceive myself into thinking that what
happens when Im by myself wont happen when Im with others.
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The next stage is conscious competence. This is where we are having more

success. WE might find ourselves making it to double digits in consecutive days without
complaining. We become aware of situations where we might complain. Were vigilant about
not giving in.
Let me give you an example. This past Monday my daughter, Hannah, who is in 8th
grade and I flew back from Phoenix. We spent five days visiting my parents. We arrived at the
airport ninety minutes before our flight. Plenty of time. We got there to check a bag. Uh oh.
Long line. Like really long line. The line wasnt moving too fast. OkayIm not going to
complain.
This airlinewhich shall remain namelesshad I think five self-checkout terminals that
werent being used. The line is moving slow. Im hearing the clock go off in my headtick,
tick, tick. This situation was ripe for complaining.
We made it through in about 35 minutes. Now its 55 minutes before our flight. And we
got to the TSA line. Uh oh! That line was just as long and going even slower. Now Im
checking my phone every five minutes. People in the line are not happy. If I wanted to sell a
pill that would take away complaints, I could make a lot of money at the airport.
Finally we made it to the front of the line. Gave our boarding pass to the TSA person.
Got in line to take our shoes off, belt off, have our bags go through security. We still have 25
minutes before our flight.
One more problem. My bag got flagged.

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Inside Im saying, are you kidding me? But Im not sharing those words because Im
going complaint-free. My bag was set aside and near a TSA agent. I started walking towards it.
Uh oh. Wrong thing to do. The TSA agent was obviously having a bad day.
What was I thinking, the TSA agent said in a voice that you might have been able to hear in
Minnesota. This area was off-limits. The bag was going to be searched.
Okay.
We waited. Tick, tick, tick. No one is moving towards my bag. After about two minutes
I asked the agent if someone was going to search my bag. Uh oh. That was the wrong thing to
do. Does it look like someone is free around here to look at your bag, Okay.
At this point Im thinking were going to miss our plane.
Finally a TSA agent came and searched our bag. He found that my daughter, Hannah,
had put two large containers of shampoo in my bag. If looks could be a complaint, I would have
been back to day negative five.
We ran to the gate and found out that the flight hadnt left. Those ninety minutes are
ninety minutes that I dont want to relive.
Later when I was calmed down I calmly told her, Hannah, I said, you shouldnt have
put the shampoo in the bag.
I was happy with myself. I felt like I had been through a complaint free boot camp. I
made it. I do know that if I hadnt been conscious of not complaining, I would have never made
it.
Conscious competence

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SLIDE The final stage is unconscious competence. That is where we just naturally dont
complain. Its like an operating system that runs in our background that keeps us from
complaining. We just naturally live by the fruit of the Spirit.
Heres the thing. I think its extraordinarily difficult to get to this last phase without God.
Why would we want to try to do this by ourselves? Why not let God direct our heart and help us
get to the point where we unconsciously dont complain. And I think its extraordinarily difficult
to get to this last phase unless we have a community who is helping us. Part of my motivation to
make it to 21 consecutive days without complaining is you. You have encouraged me to make it.
Youve helped me. I want to do it because of your help.
This is what we do for each other. We encourage each other in a community to be the
best that we can be. This is the nature of community.
One more idea before we have community conversation. This is about venting. Ive
heard people say that ventingthat is letting it all out in an aggressive wayis healthy for the
soul. Its good for us to vent. Get it out.
Ive thought a lot about this issue this week. We probably know of people who vent.
Maybe weve vented ourselves? The questions I have about venting are Does venting really
make us happier? Does venting increase the respect that others have for us? When we vent are
we living Jesus command to love our neighbor as ourselves? I wonder.
All of us need ways to express our frustrations in a healthy way. I remember a while ago
when I had an argument with my wife, Amy. I vented. I actually think I won the argument. But
I hurt our relationship. Who really cares if I won the argument? It doesnt do me any good if I
win the argument while hurting the relationship.

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SLIDE

Millions of people had an argument this past week about whether a dress was blue

and black or white and gold. I think the conversation reveals quite a lot about us as humans. Do
we have to be right? Jesus never said, go and always be right in your conversations. But he did
say, go and always love your neighbor as you love yourself.
There are a lot of ways to let go of frustrations. Prayer. God can take our venting.
People in the Bible vented to God all the time. Well read of an example in the devotion.
Physical exercise. After I exercise the concerns I had before I exercised dont seem as important.
Coming to worship. If we worship well we leave the worship space in a different place than
when we came. The world looks different. Hobbies. There are all sorts of ways to vent, that is
to release frustrations without using words.
Wrap upwe can be part of the change that changes the world