360 Quelantiquo mio dolce empio signore

That ancient sweet cruel lord of mine

being summoned before the queen
who holds the divine place
in our being, seated in the head,
there, I present myself blind with grief,
and fear and horror, like gold
being refined in the fire,
like a man who fears death and begs for justice:
and I begin: My lady, I set foot
when young in this kingdom,
in which I received only
anger and disdain: and the torments I suffered
here were such and so varied
that at last my infinite patience
was overcome, and I held life in contempt.
So that my life till now has been passed
in flame and pain: and how many worthy
honest roads Ive scorned,
how many feasts, to serve this cruel flatterer!
And what wit has speech ready enough
to express my unhappy state,
and, since he is ungrateful to me,
so many grave and just complaints?
O little sweetness, much gall with him!
How much bitterness he added to my life
with his false sweetness
that drew me to the crowd of lovers!
So if Im not mistaken, he was disposed
to raise me high above the earth:
and snatched away my peace and brought me war.
He has made me love God less
than I should, and care less for myself:
for a ladys sake equally
he has made me careless of every thought.
In this he is my only counsellor
always sharpening my youthful desire
with a wicked edge, so that
I long for rest from his cruel and bitter yoke.
Wretch, why did heaven give me
this bright high wit, and my other gifts?
So that my hair is altering,
but I cant alter my obstinate will:
so that this cruel one
I accuse robs me of my freedom,

and turns my bitter life to a sweet habit.

He has made me search out desert places,
fierce rapacious thieves, bristling thorns,
harsh peoples and customs,
and every error that traps the traveller,
hills, valleys, marshes, seas and rivers,
a thousand nets stretched out in every place:
winter in a strange month,
with present danger and fatigue:
neither he nor my other enemy
whom I fled, left me alone a single moment:
so if Ive not yet met
a harsh and bitter death,
heavenly mercy has cared
for my salvation and not that tyrant
who feeds on my grief and my hurt.
So I have never had a peaceful hour from him,
nor hope to have, and sleep is banished
from my nights, and cant be won
by herbs or magic incantations.
By force and deception he has been made lord
over my spirit: and no hourly bell has sounded
wherever Ive been, in whatever town,
that Ive not heard. He knows I speak the truth:
and no woodworms ever gnawed old wood
as he my heart, in which he nests,
and threatens me with death.
So the tears and suffering were born,
the words and sighs,
that weary me, and others too perhaps.
You judge, who know both me and him.
My adversary speaks with bitterness,
saying; O lady, hear the other side,
so that the truth, this ungrateful one
deviates from, is heard complete.
In his youth this man was given to the art
of selling words, or rather lies:
nor seemed to feel any shame,
snatched from that harm to my delight,
complaining of me, who kept him pure and clean,
against his will that often wished him ill,
now he grieves,
in this sweet life that he calls misery:
he leapt to fame of sorts
purely through me, who inspired his intellect
which he could never have inspired himself.

He knows that Agamemnon and noble Achilles

and Hannibal, bitter foe to your country,
and Scipio, the brightest star of all
in valour and destiny,
like men of ordinary fortune,
allowed themselves to love lowly servants:
while from a thousand
choice women, of excellence, I selected one,
whose like will not be seen beneath the moon,
though Lucretia were to return to Rome:
and I gave her such
sweet speech, so soft a singing voice,
that base or heavy thought
could not last long before her.
These were all my tricks against him.
This was the wormwood, the anger and disdain,
sweeter yet than any others all.
I gather evil fruit from good seed:
so are those who serve ingratitude rewarded.
I took him under my wing,
that ladies and knights were pleased with his words:
and made him rise
so high, that among keen and fervent wits
I made his name and his verses
celebrated, with delight, in every place:
who might have been a hoarse
mutterer now in this court, a common man:
I exalted him and made him known
for the things he learnt from her, and those I taught,
from her who was unique in this world.
And to explain my great service to him, complete,
I drew him back from a thousand dishonest actions,
he who could never now
be pleased with anything vile:
a reticent young man, modest in action
and thought, now hes made a man ruled
by her so that her noble
traits stamp his heart, and make him like her.
What he has of the pilgrim and the nobleman
came from her, and me, whom he blames.
No nocturnal phantom
was ever to us as full of error as him:
who ever since hes known us
has been blessed by God and man.
Of this the proud man laments and complains.
Yet, and this says it all, I gave him wings

to fly towards the heavens, by means

of those mortal things,
that are steps to the Maker, for he who values them:
and if hed gazed intently at the number
and quality of virtues in that hope of his,
he could have been lifted by one
in anothers guise to the high Primal Cause.
and that he has often said in his rhymes.
Now hes forgotten me, and that lady
who I gave him as a column
to support his fragile life. At this I raise
a tearful cry, and shouted:
He gave me her, true, but took her back too soon.
He replies: Not I, but He took her to Himself.
At last both speak to the Judges chair,
I with trembling, he with high cruel voice,
each concluding, for his part, with:
Noble Lady, I await your judgement.
Then smilingly she says:
I am pleased to have heard your pleas,
but need more time for such a verdict.