I DONT KNOW !

this is the last of the 4 letters by tanmayo; little background of this letter is...
sometime in august 2010, manish informed tanmayo about rajneesh...
a disciple of osho and the author of the book tears of mystic rose.
on hearing about rajneesh, she visited his website... and eventually,
attended one of his three-day retreats in europe.
later she told manish about her experience with rajneesh
which was shared with everyone at the osho devlok.

beloved whosoever, tanmayo has heard her story with rajneesh

is being discussed in osho devlok.
she just wants to say that there is only one thing which is absolutely
certain at this time... and that is : i don't know.
while clarities exist, they seem to belong only to each moment.
once that moment has gone, nothing can be certain.
what tanmayo means by being in love with rajneesh
is that since she met him... or even before she met him,
there was the feeling let your colour be my colour.
she never felt this so clearly before.
all the songs of meera of the lover to the beloved
suddenly made sense; it was the first time she ever felt this kind of love.
now she will go to ukraine and see if the flame is still alive.
that too she does not know.
in truth... she knows nothing, understands nothing,
can trust nothing except i don't know.
with love, tanmayo.

whosoever's response
beloved tanmayo,
here is your letter without a question, with whosoevers response.
1

beloved whosoever, tanmayo has heard her story

with rajneesh is being discussed in osho devlok.
are you in your senses, tanmayo ? ...say beloved disturber !
anyway... but the story teller is not an authentic guy.
he has his own vested interests; he only understands
what he can and his reporting to you must be subjective.
she just wants to say that there is only one thing which is absolutely
certain at this time... and that is : i don't know.
wow ! i dont know is like a upanishadic assertion...
like aham brahmsmi.
later, we will explore what this i dont know is.
while clarities exist, they seem to belong only to each moment.
oh really !
once that moment has gone, nothing can be certain.
except 6 x 3... where everyone is heading.
what tanmayo means by being in love with rajneesh
is that since she met him... or even before she met him,
there was the feeling let your colour be my colour.
she never felt this so clearly before.
all feelings are momentary... transient in their very nature.
what colour you are talking man ? no, no, woman ?
look once again : do you really see any colour ?
all the songs of meera of the lover to the beloved
suddenly made sense; it was the first time she ever felt this kind of love.
oh, you surprise me ! ...better to say, you enlighten me !
i never knew that love also has different kinds.
now she will go to ukraine and see if the flame is still alive.
do you really go anywhere ?
that too she does not know.
obviously.
in truth... she knows nothing, understands nothing,
can trust nothing except i don't know.
beloved tanmayo, in a state of not knowing, there is no she.
a state of not knowing is the real thing, all else is a passing show.
only a lucky one gets stabilized in that state.
2

one in ten million make their home in a state of not knowing.

a state of not knowing is like an empty screen
on which the play of appearance and disappearance
happens... with the help of identification.
in a state of not knowing...
the real, the actual understanding arises... but without anyones claim.
in a state of not knowing... the seer and the seen both disappear.
better to say : when the seer and the seen both disappear, there arises
a state of not knowing, without anyones claim.
a state of not knowing is a mind-blowing state.
a state of not knowing is like a black hole...
it consumes each and everything.
in a state of not knowing,
the understanding is direct... without any agency involved.
when state of not knowing matures and ripens enough,
the flowers and fruits of real understanding... the real wisdom,
starts taking shape but for no-one to consume.
a state of not knowing is a station of arrival... but the train is without
the passenger.
a state of not knowing is a perfect state the absolute state.
actually it is no-state... it transcends all states.
no language can describe it.
if one can sustain himself in this state of not knowing
can endure this state... can withstand it does not fear the state of not
knowing... does not escape from it; if one remains rooted in this state,
if one allows oneself to get stabilized in this state the very state
transforms itself into awakening.
it gives a new birth to oneself... the old dies and the new is born.
the upanishads call him a dweej the one who is twice born.
also called a jivanmukt the one who has freed himself
while being alive... while remaining in the body.
such a being is known as a mystic.
a mystic is one, who is mysterious a mystery in himself.
a mystic is not a person, but a presence.
3

the person who was confined within the body disappeared...

and what appeared is presence... which is not confined in any way.
a mystic is one, who is not and yet is.
a mystic is one, where the mystery has manifested, has taken a form.
a mystic is a riddle... not possible to solve.
until you are confusions, insecurities, problems will persist.
when you are not, to whom they will be ? ...they need a you !
you write
in truth... she knows nothing, understands nothing, can trust nothing.
in your case, the known has disappeared... but not the knower ;
the seen has disappeared... but not the seer.
thats why in your clarifying letter, there is a tinge of sadness...
seriousness, insecurity, uneasiness, discomfort and the whole lot.
it is very obvious in your letter...
that there is a lingering desire to know, to understand, to trust.
but the very desire to know, to understand, to trust blocks the way.
let this desire also disappear.
are you ready tanmayo to disappear ? ...or, do you want
to take some more time to enjoy your confusions, insecurities, etc.?
but, then what is the hurry ? ...take your time let yourself be mature
and ripen slowly.
sahaj pake so meeth hoye.
means the fruit which ripens spontaneously,
turns out to be very sweet.
says kabir
dhire dhire re man, dhire sab kuch hoye
mlee sinche sau ghad, ritu ye phal hoye
means : as usual, as all the saints address to themselves,
kabir is speaking to himself... that oh my mind, keep patience...
slowly, slowly happens everything... if a gardner pours a hundred
buckets of water, even then the tree brings fruits on its season.
with his blessings whosoever.
once again : all the best.
enjoy your journey and your beloveds proximity.
also multiple hugs to rajneesh.
4