Volume 1, Issue 1 1st July 2009

Work-zine
G E T T I N G Y O U T H R O U G H T H E F I R E

E D I T O R ’ S
W O R D
T H E W O R K E R
I know what you must be
thinking. Ok. I don't. But “A job where I can travel”. One of get about PER DIEM!! Yes PER his colleagues had to dig up
you may be thinking, un-
imaginative name. Well, the requirements we give our- DIEM. FYI, diem in Latin whatever skills they had and
blame the muses, seems selves when looking for a new means day. Hence PER DAY. become mechanics when their
they were on leave. This
job or first one. Take my buddy One gets paid per day in addi- car broke down in the middle
E-zine is aimed at working
class people who occa- Kenneth, in the time span of a tion to salary. That’s the way it of nowhere. Stuck for hours,
sionally receive veiled year, the man has been to should. The money, the cars, they had to roll up their
threats from their
bosses and little thanks Madagascar, France, south Af- sleeves and get dirty <wonder
from their subordinates. rica, DRC and Uganda. Susan if Aguilera’s “dirty” was playing
So, take a read. Find out
does the Scotland, UAE, France, in the background>. Thankfully
what's happening with
other companies . And if UK route all the time. Sounds relaxing at the beach later
you want to, reply to the glamorous eh? Maurice and made up for it. Mike
email address provided
with your own thoughts Nelson have been to almost all <AIRUGANDA> found the lan-
and we won't mind let- part of Uganda. IF they don't guage barrier in Spain too
ting others read it. This e-
know a town’s name, it doesn't much for him to handle. “Its
zine will be available
every three weeks free exist. Diana runs around Bujum- like someone had mixed Chi-
Work in the fast lane!!!!!
of charge to your email. bura, Kigali and weird towns in nese , Xhosa, Mexican and put
Engross yourself in this
the first edition, hope- the middle of Uganda’s upcoun- it thru a synthesizer just to
fully the first of many. try landscape. Silver , Allan and the hotels, the exotic places, spite me .Otherwise the
This edition features the Dogo know all the streets in the awe of staggering scenery. download speeds were off the
travelling workers. And Kampala. They can walk around Perfect. BUZZZ!!! Wake up. Is it hook.“ Joan <NSSF> enjoyed
what they do when
they ...er….working. in a riot blindfolded without los- really that perfect? the round trip from Kampala to
ing their way. Of course when Fort Portal but had problems
Enjoy. According to Emma
one hears company trip, the with the time spent on the
Businge Abid Weere
<HUAWEI>, don't believe eve-
association of hotels, company road . She did however enjoy
rything you dream . On a re-
cars or all-expenses flights buying cheap matooke along
cent trip to Burundi, he and
spring to mind. And lets not for- the way.
I N S I D E T H I S
I S S U E :

Organisation In Focus 2 I n t h e n e w s
• No new taxes or increases • F1 teams announce break- • Tanzania to start taxing reli-
Office Exhibit 3
away gious institutions
• Ramadhan Magara convicted
Tribute to MJ 4
of manslaughter, sentence of • Federer hailed as the greatest • 75 year old woman impreg-
Retirement watch 5 14 years for the 2006 killing of nated by rapist-turned-lover,
• Hilary Clinton breaks elbow.
two supporters of Kizza Besi- 25
Obama says, “it wasn't me.”
What's in your contract 6 gye.
• Kigali invaded by Ugandan
• Zain and IHK scandal excite
Idler’s ark 7 • USA re-orders the football girls on holiday.
Africa
Humour central 9
landscape at confederations
• King of Pop , Michael Jackson
cup • Another scandal hits Pente-
is dead
costal Churches.
P a g e 2 W o r k - z i n e

O R G A N I S A T I O N
AEISEC is not an organization that
appears in the New Vision list of
top companies but it should in
yours. Remember your times at
campus when you had so much
free time that you wished you
could do something constructive
or have fun? AEISEC is the answer.
IT provides international intern-
ships for all its members plus the
opportunity to get on-hands experi-
ence with creative and impact-ful
projects. AEISEC Uganda runs a
number of projects in various ar-
eas such as the AIDS awareness
ASK in MUK or the business devel-
I N F O C U S :
opment YES in MUBS among others. Golf
tournaments and exhibitions are also held.
AEISEC Uganda has over the years hosted
and sent members to Canada, USA, UK,
Egypt, India, Spain, Nigeria, Colombia and
many more. Students and fresh graduates
are offered the chance to pick up, show off,
and improve their managerial, marketing,
organizational and communication skills
with no prior experience required. But its
not all work. Various welcome and farewell
parties are held often by AEISEC Uganda.
Truth be told, the best parties I have at-
tended have been AEISEC parties. You just
walk into a room full of strangers from
around the world and you walk out with
AEISEC
friendships that last a lifetime. Usu-
ally bottle parties <we all know what
that means>, these parties go on till
morning. AEISEC alumni leave with
built self esteems and confidence.
Skills acquired and experience
gained prove crucial in the job
world. But I do have one regret as
regards AEISEC : No one invited me
for the one piece party where atten-
dees , whether male or female, were
required to wear only ONE single
piece of clothing!!!!! <Sigh>
By Work - Zine Reporter

T I P S F O R W O R K T R A V E L
• Always have extra airtime if you don't • Always carry a thick jacket regardless of
have a work phone where you are going

“Plan to stay an • If you can, look for a friend who lives in • Carry a digital camera for the sights though
the town you are going to , essential in they look the same over time
extra day . IF showing you good spots and getting you
• Always have extra cash and space . Never
something can go out of a tight fix.
know what will happen or find on the road
• NEVER , NEVER, ever leave your laptop
wrong, it usually in your hotel room for an extended pe-
• Plan to stay an extra day . IF something can
go wrong, it usually does
does” riod even if its just for supper. Always
leave it in the hotel safe or walk with it • Purchase a phone that enables you to con-
nect to the internet. Boredom and need for
• Every receipt is vital. If you can get it for
knowledge can hit hard
mineral water, do so. Accounting is easy
Nelson Tusiime — UTL

I T C O U L D B E
If you thought your job was turn. Thinking that its their
bad : Three resident tutors in companion returning, they
one of the top secondary continue watching and start
schools were watching an making jokes about how the
adult movie in one of their guy had had to go to the
colleagues room. After some bathroom to help himself.
time, one of them gets up They hear the door closing.
and walks out of the room. A Thinking the other dude was
few minutes later, the re- pissed, they give it no more
maining two hear the door attention. The next morning,
opening and don't bother to the headmaster , in front of
FOOD FOR
W O R S E THOUGHT:
the whole school, castigates What would you
them for watching a blue movie. rather have in a job
Points them out to the whole : Opportunity or
school. All the students they have security ?
power over are snickering. And it
gets worse: they are not fired. So
if you thought your job was bad, This is a question
trust them , it could be worse!! that Enterprise
Uganda asked once
me . What's your an-
Peter - Centenary Bank swer?
 P a g e 3
O f f i c e t h i n g s : E x h i b i t 1

We have just come back from a company retreat. It was actually a
surprise birthday party for some people at work, but that's the official
name and we shall stick with that. I am exhausted and exhilarated. A
bit bruised but happy for those bruises. Happy that I am still alive to
enjoy those wounds.
You see, we went white water rafting. Funny thing is, I can't swim. Not
that I rarely swim, or had forgotten how to swim: I just can't swim. And I
went white water rafting. Bright.
Now, I will spare you the preliminaries and get right down to the nitty
gritty details of this exhilarating experience. Wait. First, we left some-
one in Kireka. We were all late to report for departure, but this guy
outdid us. So, he had to catch up with us on bike. He swore he was
two minutes away, yet we just left him. His new promise is never to
wait for any of us!
Anyways, back to the Nile. White water rafting is pretty extreme with
frequent flipping of the boat. We were made aware of that by the
guides. I was hesitant at first, but then there were these life guards in
kayaks, so I was at ease a little.
wrap my legs around him. First, I did not hear him. Second I did not
want to hear that! I was choking on Nile Special (What river Nile is
when you drink up a whole lot of it), and I was hearing the Nile, be-
cause it was all in my ear canal. I was also bobbing up and down in
the water, inhaling of course while in the water. So I just wanted to
keep my head up. Gradually, I came to my senses and did as I was
told.
We had quite a long way to go to the raft because I had drifted far
from the raft. I was a bit nonplussed as the three other men in the
boat had not been flung from the raft. Quite a blow to my ego. I think
the Irish guys in the boat suspected I could not swim because they
started asking our guide insinuating questions like, "Can you do
white water rafting if you can't swim?"
The second time i was freaked out was when I was lured out of the
boat by a girl who told me to get in the water. Not willing to feel like
the odd chicken out, I obliged. First I was holding on to the raft be-
cause I still had vivid flashes of the afterlife from the earlier fling off
the boat. But then she managed to separate me from the boat. At
first I was close but then the river started pulling me apart from the
boat.

So we go for our first rapid, we paddle hard through it, it's a grade one,
so we make it through without a hustle, then came the grade three. I
saw the wave coming, and there was little I could do to stop it. So I just
rode it. Correction. It rode me. We see the wave coming up for us, and
the guide shouts for us to sit in the boat and hold tight. I sat, held onto
my paddle with one hand and held the rope on the side of the raft with
my left. This is my weaker hand, I must say, so hanging onto a boat
tilted at ninety degrees was not even a remote possibility.
I went under water. They say your life flashes before your eyes before
you die, but my brain does not work that way. I was thinking other
thoughts like, " Why the hell did I just take a deep breath when I was
already under the water?'' And, " I wonder if this floater thing even
works?"
I soon found out as I came to the surface gasping for air. If I ever met
the guy who invented floaters, I would kiss him. Because were it not for
his device, I might be doing the moonwalk with Michael Jackson (RIP)
right now. A kayak guy came rushing over, bless him, and told me to
I panicked.
At first I had tried an amateur butterfly stroke, with a little success.
Now that I was far from the boat I tried more strokes, from more
insects. I was paddling hard but I was getting pulled further back. I
tried the cockroach stroke, the ant stroke and even the freaked out
millipede, but I was getting nowhere! Finally a kayak guy got me. I
reached the boat, dunked under and promptly took in a deep breath.
Of course I came up coughing and gasping for air. The guide was
not in a mood to pull me out just yet. Panic written all over my face,
gasping for the ever elusive breath, I motioned fervently for help. He
kept saying," You'll be fine, just relax." Relax? I cant breathe in with
my nose or mouth and you are telling me to relax?
Anyways, many more things happened during the day that I will tell
you about at some other time. Till then, stay safe.
By Otaala Samuel

L e s s o n s f r o m t h e o f f i c e :
C o v e r T h y A s s ! ! ! !
All my life, i have been told one thing: Be a matter as possible. That way, you will look
Man. Own up! how my erstwhile good inten- like you got everything in control. If your sub-
tioned teachers would cringe if they knew that ordinate messes up, make sure you have an
the undisputed rule in the office is Cover thy email and memo trail which can be traced to
Ass!!! When given work and something goes him. And one of those emails should be from
wrong, find out why it went wrong and more you to him reminding him of the importance
importantly, who caused it to go wrong and of the work. When your immediate boss uses
even more importantly, be the FIRST to report his authority to slow down the pace of your
it up the chain of command. Even when it is work, make sure there is an email from you
your fault, be the FIRST to report it up to your to him "requesting" for further assistance,
supervisor and copy it to as many people who and of course copy to the" relevant" people in
t h e o f f i c e .
In the dog eat dog of corporate office poli-
tics where your head can become a step-
ping stone for others, where getting rid of
potential competition is the norm, where
dragging other people's name thru the mad
makes you look good, where a smile is
something to be weary of, where alliances
with the devil are common place,
the unspoken rule is to , repeat after me,
Cover thy Ass!!!!
By Kasana Andrew -
 P a g e 4 W o r k - z i n e
T r i b u t e t o a K i n g : T h e
C o m p l e x
Born on the 29th of August, 1958 as the seventh of nine children
Michael Joseph Jackson was always destined for the big stage. By
the tender age of five he had already risen to fame as the lead voice
on the Jackson Five classic “ABC”. For the first time the world was
introduced to Michael's unique, sweet voice and it is a matter of
considerable interest that at age fifty Michael's recording voice had
barely changed. It was not until 1971 when he released his first solo
project, “Off the Wall” whilst still a member of the Jackson Five that
it become apparent that perhaps Michael was destined for greater
things. With the release of “Thriller” in 1982 he instantly became a
living legend. Thriller went on to become the biggest selling album
of all time, a fact that is unlikely to change, and as of today has sold a
colossal 109million records as per some estimates and at its peak was
selling a whopping million records a week and seven of its tracks
reached number one. But as this phenomenal success was unfolding a
parallel tale of a troubled psyche that progressively became more and
more eccentric with fame simultaneously played out in the media.
His spending, reports that he slept in a hyperbolic chamber, his insis-
tence on wearing a surgical mask in public and his changing appear-
ance were all pointers to a deep psychological pathology but he was
always vindicated by his enormous musical talent.
His behavior could have been a subtle call for help but such was the
intensity of the musical revolution he had ignited that in many ways
his fame almost dehumanized him and even as a frail fifty year old
the adoring public took it for granted he would deliver fifty concerts
with the same intensity characteristic of his eighties and nineties
performances. His success is quite simply unmatched, four of his
albums BAD, Dangerous, History and Off The Wall are among the
most successful albums. His haul contains thirteen Grammy awards
and an equal number of number one singles and two inductions to the
rock and roll hall of fame but it is quite a sad that to many the most
enduring memory of him will be that of strange individual with dark
proclivities and to an overwhelming majority he remains a highly
complex puzzle. To the Black civil rights movement he was probably
as influential as Barack Obama doing for civil liberties in music what
Martin Luther King did in politics – what Michael Jackson proved
was that a person of color could be accepted and even worshipped by
a white majority but at the same time to others he is the ultimate
MY PLAYLIST
• Every breath you take- The Police (Every breath you
take – 1995)
• Dirty Diana—Michael Jackson (Bad—1987)
• What a wonderful world – Louis Armstrong ( The
Ultimate Collection CD3 2000)
• Always on Time – Ja Rule/ Ashanti ( Pain is Love -
2001)
• 360° – Asa ( Asha 2008)
• Boys with Girlfriends – Meiko ( Meiko – 2009)
J a c k s o n
traitor of the black civil rights movement. The transformation of his
appearance from a quintessentially Negro archetype to a quintessen-
tially Caucasian archetype through a string of cosmetic procedures to
many is indicative of desperation to be white, a betrayal so to speak of
his race. Michael Jackson himself would eagerly posit the argument
that he was a sufferer of vitiligo, a rare skin condition, and that as an
entertainer his appearance was as essential as his choreography but the
damning counter argument is that be that as it may, what did the shape
of his nose or more suspiciously the distinctly Caucasian appearance of
his three children have to do with his skin condition?
He paid the ultimate price for his weaknesses, his album sales plum-
meted, his enormous fortune began to capsize in his debt; but dogged
by child sex abuse scandals and impropriety and ridiculed by the media
he still maintained a strangle hold on a committed fan base. His would
be come back tour, “This is it” a three month residence at the O2 arena
sold an unprecedented 750,000 tickets in a matter of minutes. Officials
at Anschutz Entertainment Group (AEG) the promoters for the come
back tour and managers of the O2 and the Staples Center where he was
rehearsing had often remarked that Micheal Jackson had single hand-
edly saved the arena, if not AEG from the global recession. Such was
the power of his music and the greatness of the man. Few people if any
could emerge from that level of personal turmoil and still be a finan-
cially viable franchise. Without a doubt he is the most influential musi-
cian, if not personality of all time. His choreography, his voice and his
stance were so out of this world that to an extent one can’t avoid think-
ing that perhaps physiologically he was always meant to be a musical
super star, that he was born not made. And as the world mourns his
untimely death on the 25th of June, 2009 at his multi million Los An-
geles residence the most fitting way to remember him is to remember
what he stood for, what he invested his time and finances in and that is
his music and his philanthropic causes and also dedicate a prayer to the
three people that were most important to him – his three children.
By Magumba Mark Abraham. The Writer was Mr.SMACK
which he won by making numerous variations to Michael
Jackson’s moves.
• Common Reaction – Uh huh her ( Common Reaction –
2008)
• 99 times – Kate Voegele ( A Fine Mess – 2009)
• Ayagala Mulasi – Bobi Wine/Kabaya/ Casanova
• No Grave – Newsboys ( Hands Of God – 2009)
• Brown Eyes – Lady Gaga (The Fame – 2008)
Kalisa Michael (Air Uganda)
 V o l u m e 1 , I s s u e 1 P a g e 5

O f D r e a m s , l e a d e r s a n d p l a n s

Every one had a dream of becoming
great when they were young. The
dreams differ from one person to an-
other, but one thing remains true and
that is we all dreamed big. Just as Clay
in the potters hand so are dreams in our
minds. They keep changing from time to
time depending on the prevailing cir-
cumstances. Focusing on circum-
stances, don't they have power over our
minds? We plan to do “A” and yet end
up doing “B” because of the prevailing
circumstances. Why does this happen ?
Is it because we are undisciplined more
especially to time or just can not follow
up our dreams? Is this the cause of un-
productivity and collapsing of busi-
nesses? Anyway the floor is open for
debate!! Many managers complain
about their employee’s unproductive-
ness and yet they can not sack them
because the competent ones are too
expensive. This has resulted into com-
placency for both parties i.e. employer
and employee.
The employer tightens the budget and
goes an extra mile of “assuring” the
employee how the company is running
bankrupt, implying that the employees
earn miserly wages or go without salaries
for some months. This on the other hand
pushes the employee to care less about
the company. Question is who is to be
blamed of the two and is it true that the
employee is not competent to perform
the tasks he was engaged for?
Lets try shifting the blame for a while;
may be this is all caused by the con-
sumer who is not willing to buy the com-
modities and services, perhaps it is the
management who are corrupt and ag-
ing , or it’s the employees who forsake
their responsibilities to part-time else
where for an extra income or is it the
economy and polices that cut across the
entire globe without any country having
control over them. Which is which? I
believe all of the above parties have a
point for not supporting productivity. One
of my hobbies is watching television and
I recall watching a few episodes of Ap-
prentice Africa in which we had some of
our country men participate. One lesson I
got from this show was that most of the
eviction that occurred involved leaders. The
reason that was given is a leader has to
remain focused for goals to be achieved.
From the blame shifting, me personal opin-
ion is that all parties are to be blamed, but
one should be blamed more and that is the
leader. If the leader is competent then the
business would as well blossom; but this is
not the case and for one reason or another,
it is reflected in the incompetency's of the
employees. why ? Because incompetent
leadership recruits incompetent employees .
To a greater extent, this implies that the few
competent employees have to bear the in-
adequacies' of the incompetent.
Finally , it is my view that you should always
have plan B when you are in a working envi-
ronment that is not edifying you because
time and talents killed are never reborn.
Written by Kwagalakwe David Kintu.The
Writer is an assistant lecturer at Mountains
of the Moon University Fort Portal.

R E T I R E M E N T W A T C H
Pineapples are rarely mentioned as a top money earner.
Yet they are for some and can be for you. An acre can
accommodate up to ten thousand (10,000) suckers. I re-
peat 10,000!!! The current going rate for buying a sucker
is 60ugx and the least you can get for a pineapple on the
local market is 400ugx. Local market has demand for
huge pineapples. The more suckers you grow on an acre
the smaller the pineapples. European markets prefer
small organic pineapples. The choice really is yours. Pine-
apples can grow in almost any type of soil. The land
should be relatively flat and there should be no shade.
Pineapples are not water intensive and do not have to be
watered . Vigilant weeding has to be done regularly. Cof-
fee husks are the best type of recommended organic
manure because they not only nurture the soil but also
: P I N E A P P L E S
smother weeds. Pineapples take 18 – 24 months to
bear fruit and the same plant can thereafter bear a
pineapple every six months for 10 years. About six
suckers can be harvested from each plant each time
it bears fruit. These suckers can then either be
planted or sold , maybe both. Pineapples are not la-
bour intensive since about 5 people can look after 10
to 12 acres comfortably. Pineapples can also be
intercropped with others like maize, mangos etc.
Daniel Malinga (MOFPED) The writer is a pineap-
ple farmer and upcoming economist.
 P a g e 6 W o r k - z i n e

W h a t ’ s
There is this here my friend
with the fictional name of say
Daniel. He works in a prestig-
ious multinational company
that really doesn't pay him
that well but its all good. He
wouldn't mind leaving but
there is a problem. He has to
pay his employer in order to
quit. Yes. He has to pay his
employers when he wants to
quit. There is a little piece of
paper he signed that was an
addendum to his contract. In
a few words, it stated that for
i n y o u r c o n t r a c t
whatever training he under- Europe. Expenses involved case you want to leave,
goes, if he tries to leave amount to the thousands of you are hit with hidden
within a two year period after dollars. Over ten times the sal- interest which you wont
any train- ary. For the com- pay if you stay with the
ing, he pany, they have company.
He has to pay his
has to pay found a great
Have you read your con-
up to a employer in order to way to keep em- tract properly? Are there
maximum ployees hooked
quit. clauses which are death
of 100 into the system.
traps? Next time before
% or a minimum of 25% of For the employee, it just means
you sign, make sure you
the total cost the company that you are a slave for life.
read the fine print. In the
spent on him. Which would Some organizations encourage
long run, it may be eas-
not be too bad if they didn't employees to get special tai-
ier to just say no.
keep giving him training in lored loans which are tied di-
South Africa, America , rectly to being employed. In By Work-
Work-Zine Reporter

A D A Y A T W O R K :
I always knew what I needed to know about Mbale ,say Mt.
Elgon being the 7th highest point on the African continent. But I
ddint know about Mbale..
First stop Mbale resort hotel , not yet a rated facility but one is
impressed by the serenity and panorama that may not be found
in the notable 5 star hotels back in Kampala. Fairly a small
C S R I N M B A L E
gest chapatti possibly available in the world. Amazingly, the
almighty bell beer tastes even sweeter with a superior view of
Elgon ranges in a distance.
What’s puzzling is that every street we by-passed is almost
the same with building matching each other on either sides.
But just incase you are lost never forget to trace your bearing
from the clock tower roundabout.
In search of a night life club oasis should do, fortunately or
unfortunately there isn’t a VIP section yet but instead of local
rhymes I expected to find, it was an upright treat to some T.I
jams. To add to that it was a ladies night so I had no problem
getting boogie Company leaving me craving. Unfortunately I
had to retire to the hotel.
Since my presence in the town was not a personal visit had
to get back to my sent purpose and shortly after set back to
Kampala and if anything, Mbale is a remarkable place to be.
Written by Philip Odoi (MTN) Photo by Muguruki

place with a health club and a gym ,apparently the only one in
FUN SITES TO RELIEVE STRESS
the whole district
WWW.LIVESCIENCE.COM
In a quick drive to town ,I couldn’t wait to get my stomach filled
with some local flavor at oldest and most popular restaurant in WWW.IAMBORED.COM
Mbale known as Mukwano restaurant . Skeptical about the WWW.SOYOUTHINKYOUKNOWFOOTBALL.COM <Site con-
staple food Malewa (bamboo shoot) . I just stuck to the ordi- tains quizzes on various topics, fields and sports. Not lim-
nary and I think the Guinness book is missing out on the big- ited to football>
 P a g e 7 idlers corner

E - Z i n e ? ? S e r i o u s l y ! ! !
I’m supposed to write something, so he says, something sensible, he
said, something geeky he suggested, I guess that means I’m not sup-
posed to ramble on and on and on about… well, nothing in particular.
That’s not a problem is it? You don’t mind reading about nothing, do
you? It not like this is going to become a regular column or anything, it’s
just a hopeful e-zine editor looking up a burned up writer with a severe
case of writer’s block to fill up an empty space in this e-zine thingy...
should have gotten an ad of sorts if you ask me, even an ad for the e-
zine itself…
While we are on the topic, you do know what an e-zine is, right? I
mean, it would be pretty pitiful if you did not, you are reading it. But just
in case, cuz I’m tired of people going “…an e- what now?” e-zine peo-
ple, e-zine. I don’t even know what this one’s called come to think of it,
but air time’s too precious to try and figure out such a tiny detail. My
dictionary defines e-zine as “a website with a magazine lay out” (I could
have just pasted the entire entry, but that would have required me to
put down credits or whatever they call them, this is Uganda, no one
respects Intellectual property rights, so I give you half the definition and
we call it square, but that’s beside the point.) Clearly that’s not what this
thingy thing is, not an e-zine I mean, but for clarity’s sake let’s just call it
that.
See, apparently our dear Editor, who I assume you all know and love
*ahem* (sore throat, seriously), got it into his head that all you poor
sobs who work with computers but haven’t figured out a way to access
anything online besides your mail needed to know what’s going on in
the internet world. (You’re not missing much, clearly, otherwise I’d
actually have something to write.) Unfortunately he seems to have
qualms about letting you really know what’s going on, I mean, I haven’t
even smelt the infamous Zain photos, just heard enough about them to
get me curious. (btw, if you haven’t heard about them, then you really
are living in the dark ages, cuz I live on the outer reaches of the inter-
net, you know, where no one uses their real name, “1337” actually
means something and the pretty avatar you’re chatting with could be
just about anyone, even yourself, or even worse, our dear Editor,
and I have heard about them (the pictures I mean, ever been in a
chat room? I mean, the old chat rooms where 20 different people
were holding 36 different conversations with each other and still
somehow making sense of it, that’s how you might have to read
this… it’s not really an article is it? But then, we are calling this an e-
zine, so what the hell. (That does make sense; I know it does, to me
anyway.))! I haven’t seen them, but I’ve heard about themJ)
(My, but that was a spectacularly long paragraph, just been looking
through it again and even I don’t quite understand it, and I can un-
derstand some programming mind you, I mean, just what is that
exclamation mark doing outside two layers of brackets? And the
whole thing looks like one huge impenetrable jungle of a sentence
from out here, kinda like Africa to the “civilized world” (yes, I mean
the quotes, read them out loud if you have to.))
So he comes to people like me, and of course darling hime-sama,
wonder what she’s written about, she seemed all concerned about
being all prim and proper, you know, writing something that made
sense about something that actually mattered. Lucky for me, I have
no such qualms, so you get stuck with this drivel. (Very good quality
drivel if you ask me, better than a good long swig of Ug, you know,
the kind that has you going “hssss, arhhhh!!!”(yes, I was just sound-
ing that out.).)
Are you still reading this? You should have scanned through and
turned the page by now, cuz I’ve seriously run out of stuff to ramble
on about, pretty soon I’m going to have to break into song. Ah, wait,
even I wouldn’t be able to stand that, so I guess this is where I pen
off, keyboard off, or whatever they call it in this digital age.
Till next time, Sayonara (literally).
By Brian B. Coutinho. The writer is insanely bored, intelligent ,
writing a book , owns a company and hosts game-night.

M a y b e f r o n t
That was how stuck I was. Abid
asked me to write an article about
work, and here I was, the master
blogger on penmanship! the bank-
robber of poetry, the master sculptor
person of rhythm and rhymes,
stuck!! I mean, I am the Jack Bauer,
the Scorfield, the Chuck Norris, the
Inspector Clusoeur, kwegamba, the
one they always call upon when
things have failed. So I decided to
take a few minutes and think,
what do bored people like to read
about. I mean, every single person
who will get to read this article is of
course a liability to the company
for which they work cuz they can
never find something constructive
to do to boost sales. So what would
an idle person, soon to be disorderly
want to know? So I decided to first
try an understand such a person.
d e s k m a n a g e r i a l
i. they’re bored.
ii. they’re idle
iii. their internet is faulty,
thus they cannot open pages
swiftly as they would like so as
to research on “more construc-
tive” topics. So they stick to
their home page (facebook), and
occasionally check their e-mail.
iv. their bosses take them to be
very hard working, hence they
don’t feel the need to put in
any more effort and there is no
promotion looming in the near
future, forgetting that they do
not have any qualifications for
that non-existent promotion,
maybe front desk managerial
services.
v. they do not get paid well
enough to actually work hard.
s e r v i c e s
Before I could finish listing my findings, I realised I was writing
about myself, so I stopped to think again (I rarely do that cuz it
can mean work, and like I said, I don’t get paid well enough). I
might take this as an insult, I mean, of all people Abid could call
upon, was I the one who would definitely have a lot to write about?
Or worse still, did he just want me to jot down the story of my week
days? (Just hold on a sec while I go face book him and get an an-
swer.)
I must say, he has indeed convinced me that I am the best writer
that he has come across and a week without my writing is like
winter without snow (Obama’s inaugural speech and Michael Jack-
son (the late) with a proper nose) I will therefore do my best not to
disappoint and come back probably a week later with something
perfect. Then again, if its not perfect, I could just be like Picasso
who is considered a great artist he could not draw anything right!.
Abid to S.Kelly: Yah, its ok.
S.Kelly to Abid: ITS OK!!!!!!!!! ITS JUST FREAKIN
OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
By Sara A. Kelly <mbu she is a blogger>
V o l u m e 1 , I s s u e 1 P a g e 8

• AEISEC hosts all its interns and cleaning needs.. Call

EVENTS, ADS AND
EVERYTHING ELSE
• Faith Lesley (PWC) and friends are going to
celebrate life with Mongolian at Kabira
Country Club on Friday 3rd July at 6pm.
Come with 40k.
• Transformers 2 is showing at Cineplex.
• NSSF is having a departmental party on
4th July. Someone please invite me
• Hire Edward (AIG) will be hosting a cash-
flow game session on Sunday 12th July .
The game is based on the best-selling Rich
Dad Poor Dad book series
• Rita Bitariho is having kwanjula meetings
every Friday at Link Bar in Wandegeya at
6pm
• Brian B. Coutinho hosts game-night every
Friday in Wandegeya. Warcraft, cards, om-
weso, scrabble, monopoly and everything
else. Come with your laptop and cable for
network games
• Join Andrew and pals every Sunday at
MUBS for football at 2pm
alumni every Thursday at Mateos for
roll-call
• ESKOM Jinja employees play volley-
ball every Thursday at their grounds
• Join Munene Kizito every Saturday
and Sunday for Lawn Tennis at MUK
courts
• Chess at Lugogo indoor stadium
canteen every Saturday
• Congratulations to Kisembo Moses
on his gift from God.
• Jazz nite at Emin Pasha every Friday
• Jazz nite at Katch The Sun every
Thursday
• Mwisya Hamu Harvey
(0772967608) has opened up an
art gallery at Ntinda Shopping Cen-
tre
• Datasoft (0752530820) is opening
up a branch in Southern Sudan for
all your computer needs
• Cleanmax Uganda Ltd is an innova-
tive local company based at Udyam
house that takes care of all your
0782639282
• Turkish perfumes , pour femme
et pour homme , available.
Long lasting and fragrant. Free
delivery with in Kampala
12,000/= Call wangari
0773907692
• House Broker : Kiwatule and
Ntinda areas. Fred
0782918101
• RAM SWAP: DDR2 512mb
available. DD R1 512mb
needed. Call Abid
0712688903
• Work-zine: looking for sensible
writers instead of the crap that
has been published this week.
• Isaack Tindyebwa has wedding
meetings every Friday @ IPS
building starting from 6.30pm
• Samsung SGH-G780 / D780
Duo on sale. 260$ Negotiable
Call Sly 0712489990
SEND IN YOUR PERSONALS FOR
FREE PUBLICATION

H O T H A N G O U T :
N A K U M A T T
Before you claw my eyes out,
first hear me out. Salient points
about Nakumatt :
• its open 24 hours with al-
ways someone to serve you
at any ungodly hour.
• Cheapest drink section in
town. Wines , whisky’s ,
beers and sodas at very
affordable prices.
• Crisps and other eatables
are available all the time.
Variety too
• Security: Need I say more
• And most importantly of all:
a huge parking lot that be-
comes empty past midnight.
If you still haven't got it, this is
the deal. Get into a car or two
or three, drive to Nakumatt at
around midnight. Buy whatever
drinks you want . Go to the
parking lot, open the car doors,
turn up the volume and have a
blast till the sun come up. In
case you need refills, just pop
into the supermarket. To ease
yourself, go upstairs. If it starts
raining, drive to the lower base-
ment or huddle in the car.
Written by Owori Kent —
DataSoft
W E D D I N G
M E E T I N G : G R O O M ’ S
S P E E C H
THE groom promised to times when I would rush
tell them the story of all to Lugazi to make it more
the places he had lived up enriching. And right now,
if they collected a certain
the reason we are here is
amount. Target was
because I have decided to
reached and this is what
move to Abayita Ababiri.
he said: “I used to live in And that is my story.” And
Nabbinonya when I was he sat down to deafening
younger. Then I moved to applause from the guys
Nankulabye. I can assure and puzzled looks from
you it was frustrating. the women.
Some times I even went to
(If you don't understand
Kaberebere. when I got
this story, just revise your
bolder I moved to Mpoma.
Luganda.)
But I still wanted more.
So I decided to shift to
Ggaba. This was definitely Submitted by Norman -
the best place to live. I Warid
got addicted. There were
 L I F E S T O R Y : W h o ’ s V i b i n g w h o ? ? ?
It’s the third Saturday in a row I have seen this chick. Last to think am desperate – I told her I would be back, with the
Sato, she was at BBQ Lounge, the one before, am sure it hope and pretext that I could catch her later and get her
was Kla Rugga Club. The one before, 2.36am, just Kicking, number. Just as I was walking away, she managed to con-
Kisementi. Am not mistaken – she is the same one, spotting vince me how she could leave soon…Having run out of
that gap between her front teeth, giving her a rabbit-like look ideas, and lost for words, I wondered how to make her
but with great appeal… Now, tonight was not like other stay. But this one was intelligent. She asked for my phone
nights, where we are always out to score and get laid. To- and told me as she dug her well manicured nails into my
night, am sure that, even if I say hi, it will be enough for me Kabiriti, “Call me!”
to start with next time I espy her. I recall telling the guys that That was 3 weeks ago, and as I sat to tell George and
I am going for a leak, and a quick de- Keno my luck with this damsel, we had
tour placed me right in the path of some spent some crazy and lovely time
where she was standing. Weak knees between the sheets several times now.
were not gonna take down my tower- “She is the same one, spotting that gap Having told the entire story to my boys,
ing and “hunkish” frame…I reached between her front teeth, giving her a George looked on in amazement, but trust
her, and just before I could say any- rabbit-like look but with great appeal” Keno, he was not moved. He grinned and
thing, she spoke out, “Hey, took you a patted me on the back and said, “The chick
while, huh? You good?” vibed you!” I tried to defend myself and
Lost for words like a tipper going up- efforts, but Keno put together word by
hill, I managed to claim, “it was quite a distance.” She re- word. He explained, the very essence of women, how she
plied, “So, are you gonna buy me a drink, or wait for me to had done her magic and homework…it was me that
ask?”. I was almost caught off guard easily recalling how I played according to her script…Not that it made it any less
almost walked out of the house with narra dimes, only to enjoyable – but there is that feeling of outsmarted and
recall how big a liar George can be when he says the drinks vibed that took away the credit to this lay…damn, chicks
are on him. I recalled seeing her drink Smirnoff, kind of drink can also vibe!
that her kind would appreciate. The waiter I’d sent does the
magic in record time while I was sneaking in some small
talk. Recalling what my “player” friend Keno told me, I did Desert Whisperer –Huawei. The writer hates deserts
not want to spend too much time with her. I wanted her not and whispering. Maybe he likes desserts!!!

H U M O U R C E N T R A L :
Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Uganda at the
White Horse Inn and the place is absolutely packed to
the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audi-
ence, He asks if anyone would like him to play a request.
A little old mukiga man jumps out of his seat in the
first row and shouts at the top of his voice "Play a
Jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!"
Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences
in Stevie's varied career, the blind impresario starts
to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult
jazz melody for about 10 minutes. When he finishes the
whole place goes wild. The little old man jumps up again
and shouts "No, no, play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz
chord."
A bit irritated by this, Stevie, being the Professional
A J A Z Z C H O R D
that he is, dives straight into a jazz Improvisation
with his band around the B flat minor Chord and really
tears the place apart.
The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show of his
technical expertise. The little old man jumps up again.
"No, no. Play a Jazz chord, play a jazz chord!"Well now
truly irritated that this little guy doesn't seem to ap-
preciate his playing ability. Stevie says to him from
the stage "OK, mister, you get up here and do it!"
The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes
hold of the mic and starts to sing... "A jazz chord
to say I ruv you..."
Joshua Nkurunziza (UK)

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