THE HAPPY ONE

Oswald C. Thomas Jr.

EXT. MANHATTAN - DAY

DAVID, 32, studies LAWRENCE, 24, an ungrateful crustie, one

of those people that beg for money, but dont actually need
it due to their trust fund. Lawrence is holding a sign
reading Trying to get to Phoenix.
As people walk by, some drop change in Lawrences cup. David
pays them no mind, but documents Lawrences rude performance
in a small notebook.
HOLLYWOOD, 35, walks up to Lawrence, and puts a $20 in his
cup. Lawrence looks up, and smiles.
LAWRENCE
Hollywood, how you been man?
HOLLYWOOD
Great! Didnt think youd be out
today for some reason.
LAWRENCE
Gotta hit the pavement if you wanna
get paid right?
Hollywood chuckles.
HOLLYWOOD
Lawrence, I gotta go get paid
myself. See ya man.
David is enthralled by the interaction. When Hollywood walks
away, he gets up, drops some change in Lawrences cup, to
which Lawrence pays no mind, and follows Hollywood into a
cab.
2

INT. TAXI - DAY

Hollywood settles into the middle seat, and unbuttons his

coat. David struggles to get comfortable next to him. REGGIE
the taxi driver, starts the fare.
REGGIE
Hey, where are we going?
HOLLYWOOD
Reg- Reggie?
Reggie looks in the rear view mirror to see his passenger.
REGGIE
Hollywood! Hows it going man?

2.
HOLLYWOOD
Good. Good. You?
REGGIE
Pedal to the metal, You know me.
Headed to work?
HOLLYWOOD
Gotta hit the pavement to get paid,
right?
David is almost vibrating in the pleasure provided by his new
subject. When they reach, Hollywood reaches into his pocket,
and hands Reggie a handsome tip.
REGGIE
Too generous!
3

INT. EMPTY ROOM - DAY

David follows Hollywood into a room that seems to be a group

therapy session. Hollywood sits, and David sits in one of the
empty seats next to him. INSTRUCTOR, 60, sits up when he
notices Hollywood.
INSTRUCTOR
Hey, good to have you. We were just
getting through with introductions.
Would anyone like to kick us off?
They go around the circle relieving their depression, and
David starts to notice the trending topic.
Before they continue, David leaves in a hurry.
4

INT. DAVIDS APARTMENT - NIGHT

David, in only dress pants, lets his eyes wander around a
mirror as if it isnt reflecting anything at all. EVA, 30,
Davids wife brings him a dress shirt, and tie.
EVA
David, I think this works. You
ready to perform for the 13
families?
David steps back, and flexes his muscles.
DAVID
You tell me.
He kisses her on the cheek, and they leave.

3.
5

INT. RITZY APARTMENT - NIGHT

The bourgeois are gathered around David as he carries out his

last joke.
DAVID
You know those crusties? The rich
rebel kids that act homeless to
travel off of other peoples money?
The people of the crowd nod in the best approval they can
muster.
DAVID (CONTD)
Theyre dicks! Seriously have you
ever seen one of them actually be
nice? Give em a dollar... thats
it, you fuckin cheapskate?
(beat)
I swear if I heard that Id go
back, and take all the money in
their fucking guitar case while
they sing wonderwall next to their
golden retriever Willy
Shakespeare.
The crowd is overcome with laughter, and David takes a bow.
DAVID (CONTD)
Thank you, thank you, my
executioners. Now I must retreat to
the bathroom for some more
material.
David bows once more as they applaud, and sheepishly sneaks
through the crowd to the bathroom with a smile.
He once again looks in the mirror, dropping his smile,
swaying side to side, and squinting trying to make out an
image.
He reaches into his jacket, and pulls out pills.
He takes them, drinking from the faucet, fixes his face to a
smile, and heads back into the party.
David loudly clears his throat as to draw attention.
DAVID (CONTD)
So... I was stealing money from
this crustie...
The crowd laughs once more, and David finds Eva talking to
the host, WAYNE.

4.
EVA
I think Wayne liked it.
WAYNE
(To David)
D.G.! Look, whenever you need to
practice a new routine. Youre
coming here! I want the exclusive
contract.
David, and Eva laugh.
WAYNE (CONTD)
Im serious! Come, let me introduce
you to everyone.
Wayne pulls him off to meet the upper west side.
6

INT. EMPTY ROOM - DAY

David sits through another group session saying nothing at
all.
The group disperses, and David sits behind taking notes on
the instructor.
The instructor then packs up, and walks over to David.
INSTRUCTOR
Hey, I like to introduce myself to
new members. Howd you find out
about us?
David freezes in shock.
DAVID
Um- a friend.
The instructor smiles
INSTRUCTOR
Ah. Well for new-comers I also like
to give out some... homework. I
want you to go out, and laugh. Have
a full, deep, real laugh.
You know what? My friend was
telling me about a comedian thats
going to premiere soon. She says
hes hilarious.
David is nodding, trying to listen rather than speak.

5.

Ok.

DAVID

INSTRUCTOR
Yea, his name is David Garrick.
David freezes once again.
INSTRUCTOR (CONTD)
She says he made her notice
privileges, and really appreciate
every-day life. You should really
check him out. Im sorry, Im
yapping. What was your name?
The instructor extends his hand.
David stares at him as if hes just played a cruel joke, and
leaves.
7

EXT. MANHATTAN - DAY

As David exits onto the sidewalk he sees a woman staring at

him. He ignores her, and continues walking.
WOMAN
Hey, love your work.
David ignores her, and continues walking.
Another man steps to him.
MAN 2
Mr. Garrick. Im a huge fan.
David acknowledges him with a startled look, and continues
walking.
MAN 3
David fucking Garrick! Shit! Whats
up man?
David continues walking, and checks over his shoulder to make
sure hes in the clear. He double takes, noticing a small
crowd forming behind him, all screaming his name.
David picks up his pace to a light jog, running by store
windows, and double-taking at what he couldnt see before.
He runs all the way home.

6.
8

INT. DAVIDS APARTMENT - AFTERNOON

David stands in the mirror at home looking himself up, and

down once more. He walks around in circles occasionally
checking himself out.
He reaches into his jacket on the sink to look for pills.
There are no more.
David begins gently weeping. As he stares at himself he
graduates to a sob.
He grabs his jacket, and heads back out.
9

EXT. MANHATTAN - AFTERNOON

David strolls the street with tears still escaping his eyes.
He doesnt try to hide them. Theyre his most honest product.
As he passes by a group of 20-somethings he overhears their
ramblings.
MAN 4
Fuckin crusties. He said Fuck it
imma go back and rob them
dickheads, and their damn dog
Shakespeare or some shit.
The group starts laughing, and David continues walking. The
tears are still coming, but now theyve company. He begins
chuckling through his tears!
10

FADE TO BLACK. 10