Professional Documents
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Waka Kickball Newsletter
Waka Kickball Newsletter
Waka Kickball Newsletter
Balls Deep and the Oxidized Trombones prove competition and class aren’t mutually exclusive
This, ladies and gents of the LA Triumph, is what kickball is all about. HEALTHY competition in what’s becoming one of the greatest LA
Triumph rivalries, a late-inning defensive stand, a win by the slimmest of margins, and, of course, a brass band. There’s been squabbling
adnauseum about everything from the rescheduling of games to the appropriate level of lighting at the bar but all that seemed to go away
with the sound of brass and the broken dreams of Balls Deep. Thanks to the Bones and The Deep for reminding us why we play this game
and here’s to seeing more of it in the weeks to come.
A MESSAGE FROM
Kikcballers, The
Wow the season has started to fly by already! The standings are starting to shape up and this
is some of the best kickball I have seen yet. Best of all our pay-per-view match up of RT vs.
Balls Deep had a brass band during the game. How cool was that? Big props go to RT and
Balls Deep for doing that together.
Godfather
I really do want to say that a league is nothing without its players, and I think we have some of the best players, people and personalities
around of any organization. That said it is time for a segment I will call…Travis’ soapbox.
Look I get it. I know the umpiring is not perfect. Someone’s strike zone will be different than another umpire’s. Calls will go against
your teams and the others, but I am tired of people bitching and moaning about volunteers who are trying their hardest out there. You
disagree with a call fine. If you are a captain or co-captain and wish protest a call fine, but do it in a respectful manner.
The Godfather
MVP-DUDE: Richard Roth of the Rusty Trombones who scored the go ahead run in the game against Balls Deep with head first slides
into 3rd and Home. Honorable Mention: The Captains of Balls Deep and the Trombones for recognizing the need for a little levity and
therefore hiring The TBC Brass Band.
MVP-LADY: Mary Martin Roth – from RT - for her play at shortstop getting the lead runner out and preventing what would have been a
game tying run; Honorable Mention: Renee from LTS who fought a soccer player to win back the field.
FUNKY FEET (BEST TEAM OFFENSE): Henry’s Giants, they are gaining a great deal of respect in the defensively superior Western
Division.
GOLD GLOVES (BEST TEAM DEFENSE): Rusty Trombones – Excellent defensive display by RT, especially at the corners and in
pitching. Honorable Mention: Chuck Norris...3rd shut out in a row...albeit by forfeit.
SUPERBAD (WORST TEAM): Swampstains are catching some heat for starting 0-3, but I don’t get it. I still think this is a team that
can topple some dreams. Honorable Mention: Balls Deep offense who was held to their first shutout ever.
COLIN FARRELL (MALE FLIRT): Charlie Mann of the Cobra Kais allegedly whipped his penis out and waved it around at some
point in the evening.
PARIS HILTON (FEMALE FLIRT): S.S, Amanda from Looking to Score (we may need to rename the award after her and disqualify
her from being nominated, which would deprive her team from what seems to be a unified purpose to award this to her each week).
(Editor’s Note: I am completely aware this page is lacking a bit in terms of visual aesthetics but time was running too short for an image
search that would have yielded the appropriate pictures to make fun of people. Please accept my sincere apology and know that next
week the awards page will be back to its beautiful self. Thanks.)
Second week in a row I’ve missed the field because of work. And not my last- I’ll be out of commission
again next week too. Christ, my layoff between home games is about as long as the Saint’s six week
break on their upcoming schedule (unless you of course count our “home” game in jolly old England). I
basically paid $60 to be Flip Cup Chair. But hey, at least I got another t-shirt out of the deal, right?
Fear not, little chil’ren! While my Asian counterparts are surely feeling my absence on the field, you can
This guy gets to go to more
Saints games this year than always count on Uncle Dane making it out to the bar to settle all your Flip Cup disputes. We all know
most of us this is a drinking league with a kickball problem anyway…
FLIPPERS OF THE WEEK: A tie between Blue Balls’ dominance and Freeballin’s sur-
prise victory against a veteran team known more for their drinking than their exploits on the
field.
2) First Base Umps (be clear and be loud) – The biggest complaint I’ve gotten about first base
umps this season is clarity. If there’s a really close play at first, and you just say, “out” or “safe”
in a normal indoor voice, then virtually everyone on the field will have no idea what you just called. Yes, you made the call right away,
but that doesn’t matter if no one knows that you did. Be loud, decisive, and use big, obvious hand gestures to indicate out or safe. It’s
not just the players who need this. Your home plate ump is going to be looking at you to make the call and if you’re not clear, your
home plate ump is going to be left hanging.
3) Strike zone - This has been another frequent complaint, and one that will
probably always exist to some degree, just as it does in major league baseball. The ball must bounce at least once before crossing home
(especially important to remember when umping an overhand pitcher) and the strike zone is a foot on either side and a foot above.
Check out this link – www.kickball.com/flcentral for a brief two minute video that very nicely demonstrates the approximate distance of
a foot in all directions.
Now if you excuse me, I have to speak to Commissinor Goodell about the Saints; trip to Chicago in the middle of Decemeber …
AGAIN! WTF?
The Greek
Last Week’s Record (6-1 Overall 5-2 on the Spread with 1 forfeit)
Season’s Record (13-10 Overall 12-11 on the Spread)
Forfeits - 1
A random selection of quotes from week 2. The names are not listed to protect the innocent
(unless you say something really really stupid). Said something funny but it didn’t get listed?
Feel free to submit quotes to Decker at decker@kickball.com
(Good advice)
“Just remember to wrap it before you tap it!”
(Speaking in obscenities)
“You though that was bad? My boss
makes me sound like a god damn nun”
(Individual achievement)
Kickballer #1: “Hey, last week I got to 3rd base!
Kickballer #2: And how was it? Good for you?”
(Potty Break)
“Why have I been pissing like I’ve had sex all night?”
CAPTAIN’S CORNER
Welcome to the captain’s corner. Here you’ll find long diatribes (you know who you are) about how
awesome each team thinks they are and why they are not only going to beat each week’s opponent, but
how they are going to so thoroughly embarrass them that their own mothers will refuse to be seen in
public with them. One thing to keep in mind: Sarcasm can be a double-edged sword. Use it correctly and
kickballer’s across the city will be laughing their asses off as they waste time at work. Use it incorrectly
and everyone will think you’re a dick. You have been warned.
In this league, we’ve had concussions, we’ve had broken ribs, we’ve
had players needing stitches, but if Josh had been wearing cleats, I
would have been the first kickballer to be impaled during a kickball
An artist’s rendering (though admittedly terrible) of
game. So, thanks Josh for sticking to tennis shoes (and thanks also Fritz’s third base encounter during last week’s game.
for not landing on my nuts or throat). I can’t remember what I said
or what noises I made while this happened. I’d like to believe I handled it in a manly, stoic manner, but I probably shrieked like a
12-year-old girl seeing Justin Timberlake in person.
At least I was safe on the play and eventually scored a run, even though we lost the game. Here at the Ike Turner Memorial Beatdown,
we’re all about the moral victory. And kudos to David for taking on the most difficult position in kickball (pitcher) while Mike was out
of town on business.
Anyway, at least our schedule should be easing up next week with our game against…oh, crap. Never mind. Suffice to say, Balls Deep
can be assured that at no point in the game will I attempt sliding into a base with Chris or Barre on it.
Green Monkeys
This past week the Green Monkeys racked up their second non- loss, AKA our first win in kickball. We dispatched the Caniballs with
our killer D and superb base running. In the words of The Greek, “The Green Monkeys suck less.” We proved this to be true.
In other News-
Flip cup domination!!! The Green Monkeys had a couple of subs in last weeks flip cup game, but once again, we dispatched our oppo-
nents with ninja-like efficiency. We finished them off with a flawless round of flip cup! The Caniballs had no clue what hit them. Infact,
one of the Caniballs’s players asked, “Why did I come out tonight?”
This weeks game against the Blue Balls is bound to be a good one. Both the Green Monkeys and the Blue Balls are going into this game
with the same record. Something no one expected to see after our slow start.
she has come of age and the child support is in the mail (I swear it is!), we can
announce to the world that the accidental love child of LTS and bottle of Liquor is the one and only Alcoballics. And like the red
headed step-child it is, Alcoballics got their first whipping at the hands of Looking to Score with an Asian. For the Child Protective
Services report, it went down like this.
Early distraction tactics filled the fields as Riley, Leah, and a few other ballics began pouring shots
of Crown, Jaeger, and Absolute down the throats of LTSWAA’s starting lineup. Now rest assured
that the Chinese Bandits had played drunk before, but this level of drinking this early outside of Mardi
Gras was uncharted waters. It would explain the complete lack of motor skills shown by our lineup as
only 1 run was generated by the smart base running of Kenon “The Barbarian” in 5 innings. It got so
bad behind the plate that our fearless Sensei, Asian “One Flip” Teddy, recorded our first strike out of
the season. How does one strike out in kickball you ask? I have no idea. We are talking about a target
12-16 inches in diameter, brightly colored, and moving about 10-15 mph that you get three tries to hit.
For his complete lack of foot/eye coordination, our Sensei has been given a new patch for his robes.
In the end LTS only the one run as the stellar defense pitched its second shut out of the season to seal
Merit Badge for a Spaz
the victory as LTS stormed the field with the Red Dot flying proudly!
The true battle for honor lie in wait at the Flip Cup Table. How would this epic battle play out? Would the $500 flippers continue the
complete break down of motor skills that occurred in week 1? Would it be a season of disappointment for all the LTS chanting fans out
there? Hells no! It came down to the wire but under the leadership of Asian Teddy and Joe the Enforcer, victory came in the style of
3-2 nail biter. Richard … Your Kung Fu is not Strong!
On to next weeks match up. After a brutal three game western division stand we venture into the east to kick a little ass. Victory by Da
Feet! Our fortune cookie says “0-4 in your future”. Let’s see what you got on the fields.
*Please note that the members of Looking to Score …with an Asian are flag waving,
tax paying, baseball loving, constitution hugging Americans on every other night
of the week. However on Thursdays our lust for Reverse Cowgirl and California
Rolls overtakes us and we celebrate our Asian influence by waving the post WWII
defeated Japanese flag as it is a highly recognizable symbol of the Far East and it
looks like a kickball. In an odd twist, Asian Teddy is in fact of half Thai and half
Cambodian descent, not Japanese. Have fun with it kids.
As we expected, it was a pitchers duel. Both defenses were stout and with both teams in mid-season form, the smallest mistake
could cost one team the game. After five, brutal, physical innings, we took the field for a final stand. Up 1-0, we just had to hold
Balls Deep scoreless to preserve the win. After Balls Deep loaded the bases with no outs, it began to look like they just might
impose their will. But in true champion fashion, The Trombones dug deep. “T-Pain” made a terrific leaping catch at 1B for the first
out, immediately sending the ball home to try and stop the runner who had just tagged at 3B. “The Senator”, our heady pitcher,
recognizing the throw did not have the mustard to get home in time, cut it off, and in the same act of catching the ball, managed to
shovel it to “The Creeper”, our catcher, at home plate. Steadfast, “The Creeper” held on to the ball despite the violent collision that
ensued. Double play. Two outs. A grounder to first by Balls Deep would signify the end of a classic chess match between two very com-
petitive teams. Dorignacs Male MVP of the week goes to Richard “David Lee” Roth for his hustle around the bags and scoring the only
run of the game. The Lee Press-On Female MVP of the week goes to “Mar-Mar” for her outstanding play at shortstop to out the lead
runner.
Now as exciting a game and finish as we had, I would be remiss if I failed to mention that what added an extraordinary air of excitement
to this game was that both teams played to a soundtrack that was the T.B.C.... Brass Band. A more perfect pairing of sport and music
has rarely been witnessed, making this game not only an instant classic, but quite possibly the most important game in the history of
kickball. I would like to give a special Thank You to Andy Farris from Balls Deep who was “instrumental” in the vision, coordination
and procurement of the band. Myself and the league are very appreciative of your efforts. Good show!
“Flippin Out”
Wow! I am astonished! After this latest romp in flip cup over Balls Deep, we have now summarily beaten a “Dynasty” team from LTS,
then gone 3-0 in our last 2 outings. To top that off, we fielded a 5 woman “Rusty Tuba” at Henrys Bar Friday Night, just to get in some
reps and scope out our main competition at the table. I don’t know if I could be any prouder of this unexpected turn around.
“Center Stage”
This week center stage we have Claiborne! Claiborne is a stock broker who, when he is not investing the college funds of his client’s
children, is buying those same underage co-eds daiquiris and giving them stock “tips”.
MVP of the game goes to the 4 ladies of Chuck who showed up to prevent a double forfeit on the fields. Thank you Andrea, Ann,
Erin, and most importantly Maggie.
What the F@$k! moment of the night goes to Shay and Scott from Blue Balls who despite being banned from the flip cup team
managed to pull out a most impressive win against a sub-par performance by Chuck. Apparently, they were in the drunken zone
and did not display their usual inability to flip a cup. While you did save face a rematch of the two teams will no doubt take place
so that Chuck can once again regain the glory that he deserves.
Chuck now focuses their unblemished record against the lushes of alcoballics. Forget the seven step program to becoming clean.
Chuck has a one step program to sobriety—better known as a roundhouse to the face. We will not be denied a victory because in the
words of Rick Flair: “To be the man, you have to beat the man.” And since Chuck really isn’t a man, but the second coming of Jesus
Christ himself, defeat seems inevitable for this under matched team. 1….2….3…Roundhouse!
Chuck Norris fact of the week: Chuck Norris isn’t hung like a horse…horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Donald earns a tennis racket for his kick that started the rally we used
to win the game.
Ginger gets a wooden tennis racket for her stellar play at the Flipcup Table. I am not sure if I am ok with the fact that
she kicks ass at flipcup and is an engineer!
Answer: A merrily roaming band of Alcoballics slinging shots of ice-cold Absolut, Crown Royal, and Jägermeister into cartoon
animal-decorated, paper cups.
As a veteran team, Looking to Score was prepared to face the Alcoballics on the field as they largely obeyed the team rule, “No do-
ing shots with the Alcoballics until after the game.” The strategic maneuver paid off, and the Alcoballics’ only competitive advan-
tage became as helpful as an employee at the department of motor vehicles. Still, in an awesome, impressive showing of athletic
prowess and superhuman ability, the Alcoballics lost by the smallest margin yet – one meager, measly, stinking, lonely run.
In the prior two weeks, the Alcoballics have played two of the arguably best teams in the league (Balls Deep and R.T.’s), losing by
a cumulative total of 23 runs and allowing an average of a dozen runs per week. LTS actually managed to beat the R.T’s in week
one; however, LTS was only able to score once on the Alcoballics. Clearly, either LTS is falling apart or the Alcoballics are starting
to realize that you can drink your way through double vision.
Sadly and strangely, the Alcoballics lost to the $500 flippers, creating the Alcoballics’ first ever flipcup losing streak. In the weeks
to come, rest assured, the Alcoballics will be working harder than their livers to re-earn their reputation as one of the most feared
teams at the flipcup table. After all, there’s only one flipcup team that has an actual cheering section – it’s not just Alcoballics
cheering on their teammates.
Following their second victory over the Alcoballics, LTS remained humble at the bar, recognizing the Alcoballics’ strength, as one
of their players corrected Asian Teddy’s boasting of his team’s drinking ability, “No man, they’re the Alcoballics. We’re not even
close to drinking like they do.”
The Alcoballics face Chuckie next week. Which naturally raises the question, “Who did Richard piss off in the scheduling depart-
ment so that these are the first four teams of our season?”
~ Alcoballic Scribe
On the flip cup table, KOS unfortunately didn’t have a chance. We swept The Giants look to be in good spirits
them 3-0 in approximately 60 total seconds. This brings our record to 3-0
On a different note, it has been said in a previous edition of this newsletter that we take obscure sports too seriously, and to that we
say quit bitching. We understand that you spent your entire childhood in those pansy-ass peewee leagues where you are given a
one-inch trophy and free ice cream just for showing up, but you’re all grown up now. If you are (hypothetically) down 8 runs, don’t
expect the team that is giving you a severe beating to get themselves out. Just because you can’t bring the defense, doesn’t mean
you can expect us to do it for you. And that doesn’t make us vaginas; it makes us good at kickball.
To complete this rather verbose insert, we were so inspired by the musings of Timothy Dennis in last week’s GMOT that the Giants
would like to present the top ten reasons of what we like best about kickball (this week anyway): #10. getting to act like a kid again;
#9. chugging a beer and then inducing a would-be kicker to foul out when attempting to bunt; #8. never imagining that something
so simple and childish could be so much fun for everyone, whether they’re good at it or not drinking; #7. that most of the teams we
beat are gracious losers and don’t take it personally; #6. hanging out with WAKA players at Henry’s Uptown Bar on non-league
nights; #5. being challenged by members of other teams to play flip cup on a Friday night at the bar we play out of and then crush-
ing their egos; #4. going to practice on Saturday at 2pm and leaving the bar at 2am; #3. being told that the team that has the most fun at
kickball is the one that loses, I guess we wouldn’t know how to have fun at kickball then; #2. using it as an excuse to drink for the 5th
night that week; …and the #1 thing we like best about kickball is…playing with big, red, dusty BALLS!
Cheers!
After a crushing blow from Mr Norris’ sunflowers a couple of weeks ago, the Johnny’s took time to look within to reflect on the many
mysteries of this wacky Waka world. So many question, and not enough answers. For example: Who are the Johnny’s? Will Blue Balls
and Balls Deep ever realize they are mirror images of one another? Why is that guy on Henry’s Giants called Pee Pants? Will Renee put
her fist in her mouth again this year? Can Decker score with that many lights on at the bar?
This week, we play R.T., who is still dancing in the streets from their musical victory against
Balls Deep. How in the hell did ya’ll lose against LTS, again? Well, enjoy the music while it
lasts R.T., because this week, the only tunes you’ll be hearing are the ones at the Jazz Funeral
we’re hosting for you this Thursday night.
Kisses.
The Mouth and her Johnnys
Blue Balls
Unable to field a team last week, Blue Balls accepts its forfeit on the field. Apologies are in order to Chuck Norris since everyone
knows how disappointing a forfeit can be for both sides. We hope to play yall in the near future.
Congratulations are in order, however, for the Blue Ball flippers. From all accounts, the 3-1 score was misleading as Blue Balls
dominated a very solid Chuck Norris squad, converting at least one round with the minimum 5 flips. With the emergence of newcomer
Rachel and the consistently dominating performances of Paige and Gena, Blue Balls will be a flip cup force to be reckoned with come
playoff time.
Lastly, Adam (the guy who got ejected from kickball) explains the events of two weeks ago in his own words. Enjoy.
First, I would like to apologize for my actions the other week, which resulted in my ejection from
our game. It was well deserved and the ump handled himself properly. I will never tell an umpire to
“go fuck himself” ever again, unless it truly is deserved.
Explanation for my actions: It was well noted that I argued a call while we had a huge lead, and
that it was somewhat classless. That may be true, but it is not the entire story. Throughout the game
we had to correct the umpires calls because he did not know simple kickball rules such as fair versus
foul balls. The Swampstains made it clear that we argued too many calls, but they fail to recognize
that we even called back some of our own base hits. We allowed the Swampstains to hit again even
though they were called out because the umpire did not know the rules. We may have argued too
many calls, but it was in an attempt to keep things fair. This resulted in anger towards the umpire
and league because of the emphasis placed on following rules. With the emphasis on umpires
knowing the rules and paying attention, why is it impossible to get a ref who is competent when we provide quality and reliable
umpiring every game?
The Play itself: I get a stand up double and round 2nd making no clear effort towards third when some girl rifles the ball at me. With
my body turned half way around I make an agility move that allows me to dodge the ball and maintain my feet. Instantly this double has
turned into a home run. After going back to my chair the home plate umpire says that I am out. Clearly, I think he is joking. Teammates
and bystanders alike all vouch that the umpire was not even watching the play. He was fiddling around with the scorecard. The Swamp-
stains decided to go completely against the attitude we had shown (of fair play, by helping the umpire), and lied saying the ball hit me.
And yes, the Swampstains were great at lying....well played. I am upset because this play would definitely have made SportsCenter
top 10. So I politely ask the umpire if he “actually saw the play” or if he “was just being nice and giving them an out?” He refused to
answer me, but if he just admitted he was not looking, or if he felt bad for them I would have understood. Instead he gives me a “First
Warning.” A first warning because of the umpire’s incompetence? Or because of the Swampstains cheating ways? Or because of an
inferiority complex? Jealousy? Has this umpire maybe seen me naked before? No one will ever know, but my instinct (and perhaps the
instinct of 99 percent of the league) told me to tell this guy to go fuck himself. So I did. I apologize.
Adam
(Editor’s Note: In the interest of media transparency, the umpire in question also happens to be the league’s newsletter editor. Despite
the scathing indictment of the umpire/editor’s performance two weeks ago, this captain’s corner has been published in its entirety to
protect both the freedom of speech afforded by the First Amendment and the editorial integrity of this publication. But for the record,
this empty, self-aggrandizing apology is exactly why the league hates your team.)
Balls Deep©
The Deep™ faced a worthy and strong foe in week 3, the team formerly known as The Rusty Trombones. The Trombones have our
utmost respect, admiration and reverence as they are now the only team in this league with a winning record against Balls Deep©. They
took the win with a superlative defense, most especially led by their third and first baseman, feisty Trombabes play, and by incredible
pitching. It’s no secret that Balls Deep© (who has given up only 22 runs in 32 games) prides itself on our defense. But the Trombones
taught us a lesson; before pride comes a fall. They beat us at our own game.
The entire Balls Deep© franchise would like to take our hats off in tribute to The Trombones. Aside from beating us, they displayed a
Prior to the game Balls Deep© and RT management agreed that a little
bit of lagniappe might be required to drive home the fact that kickball is
totally ridonkulous and should foremost be about drunken revelry, while
being about competition. A Brass Band was decided upon, we toasted
each other for being so awesome, drank some Jaeger, lost our keys, man-
aged to get home, passed out, woke up, remembered the idea, discussed
it while sober, re-committed, booked the band, and the rest is history. As
Balls Deep’s Captain I have never been more proud of my team. Balls
Deep© takes each game seriously because we love to win, but we also
really like to see smiles on everyone else’s face. I personally challenge
any team not drinking Hawaiian Blue Death Punch Mix to step it up and
trump the finest example of two teams coming together in sportsmanship
that this league has ever seen.
Unhappy with the results of last season’s school girl outfit
Next week Balls Deep© faces our under-matched but much loved friends, the
subterfuge, The Beatdown turns to its latest diversionary tactic:
screwing up pictures.
horrid Ike Turner Memorial Beatdown. This game has always been a classic
one-sided rivalry, but seeing as The Deep™ are apparently old and suffering from the early stages of osteoarthritis, maybe just maybe
IKE can make it interesting. Who knows? Who cares? What’s that Brass Bands # again?
Sincerely,
Balls Deep© – Humbled Defensive Juggernauts – Middle Aged Reflections of Yourself
Caniballs
Canniballs (0-3 @ Kickball, 0-3 @ Flip Cup, 6-0 @ Life)
“Either way watching this game will be like masturbating with a cheese grater … slightly entertaining but mostly painful. Monkeys
suck less.” - Truer words have never been spoken
Normally, I’d be really offended by this type of language used toward my team…
but in this case, I’m remembering that it’s Recreation League Kickball, and my feel-
ings don’t hurt so much as my belly from laughing – I don’t care who you are, that’s
just funny.
Sadly, we Canniballs were still searching for our offense on Thursday night, and it
was nowhere to be found. A 2-0 blanking at the hands of the entirely more fun and
enjoyable competition of the Green Monkeys (compared to the Purple Cobras from
the week before, this team seemed to actually enjoy being heckled, and returned
the favor on occasion) at least left us believing we have a chance yet this season (to
score a run… baby steps, team). Sadly, Brick’s hand grenade proved to be a dud,
and the remainder of the team’s firepower was
found to be sorely lacking.
We did get some outstanding performances from our ladies once again, at the plate and in the field, and our pitcher turned in a stel-
lar complete game allowing only two runs and several put outs (I just really wanted to mention that Steve puts out with the best of
‘em… I know from experience, if you know what I’m saying). Still, demoralizing moments like our several base running blunders,
several runners left stranded on base, a foul out at the plate by yours truly, and a strike out (what?!?) by our captain Tom Brady, left
our heads hanging a bit heading into the Pit of Despair (AKA, the Flip Cup Table).
We lost 3 straight at the flip cup this week as well, although two of the three matches were close… who am I kidding, we’re just
embarrassingly bad at all thinks kickball and flip cup this yearWe didn’t have enough girls for my proposed all girls team, and the
proof is in the pudding, another loss at the tables to go with our loss on the fields. Brutal.
Now is the time where we talk about my crazy “rule change” proposals. Is anybody listening to me? I think so, because at this
weeks game, then again at the bar, members of my team were accosted by members of the Purple Cobras for our “mean” remarks
regarding their play and team spirit the previous week. Mean?!? Seriously… what are you, 8?
• I personally believe we need to have the flip cup matches before the kickball… this could add to the general tom-foolery
during the kickball match, but the real reason I’m going to campaign for this change is so we aren’t so demoralized after a
kickball game that we don’t even show up for cup flippin’ action.
• If you’re going to wing pitches 80 miles an hour, at least have the chutzpa to smoke a cigarette while you’re doing it!
Respect to the Green Monkeys pitcher (your ego doesn’t need to get any bigger, but I still think that’s a strong move… Babe
Ruth-esque – America loves a hot dog eatin’, beer drinkin’, cigarette smokin’, hard partyin’ athlete).
• If you strike out, and not even on fouls, just plain ol’ strike out – you buy a keg for the end of year party. You know who you
are El Capitan!!!
• You should always be more drunk than your umpires… suck it up,
Canniballs!
Your team not represented here? Blame your captain for sucking at being a captain. Or hey, you could write
something yourself and send it to heid.mike@gmail.com. Just make sure it’s in by Monday at 7 pm.
They bring in
the noise AND
the funk!
—
LLERS
KICKBA E
THEY’R
I E
K
JUST L
They believe
in integration!
They forget
who won
WWII!
They have
a hard time
finding a They curl up
date! in the fetal
position!