It all started when our predictably heroic hero, Bill Brasky, woke up in a im

aginery desert. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling abnormally stunne
d, Bill Brasky punched a ripened avocado, thinking it would make her feel better
(but as usual, it did not). In a tragically predictable turn of events, she rea
lized that her beloved iPad was missing! Immediately she called her overtly eli
tist, rich friend, Leroy Jenkins. Bill Brasky had known Leroy Jenkins for (plus
or minus) 20 years, the majority of which were curious ones. Leroy Jenkins was
unique. She was clever though sometimes a little... clueless. Bill Brasky called
her anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Leroy Jenkins picked up to a very nervous Bill Brasky. Leroy Jenkins calmly a
ssured her that most 3-legged wallabies turn red before mating, yet albino cats
usually sassily sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was
only concerned with distracting Bill Brasky. Why was Leroy Jenkins trying to di
stract Bill Brasky? Because she had snuck out from Bill Brasky's with the iPad
only eight days prior. It was a striking little iPad... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Bill Brasky got back to the subject at hand: her i
Pad. Leroy Jenkins shuddered. Relunctantly, Leroy Jenkins invited her over, assu
ring her they'd find the iPad. Bill Brasky grabbed her refrigerator and disembar
ked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Leroy Jenkins realized that she was
in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the iPad and she had to do it skill
fully. She figured that if Bill Brasky took the noise-polluting import, she had
take at least eight minutes before Bill Brasky would get there. But if she took
the Segway? Then Leroy Jenkins would be abundantly screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Leroy Jenkins was interru
pted by three dimwitted marmots that were lured by her iPad. Leroy Jenkins shudd
ered; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling stunned, she aptly reached for her ripen
ed avocado and randomly hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequ
ate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the imaginer
y desert, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she h
eard the Segway rolling up. It was Bill Brasky.
----o0o---As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unsched
uled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so she knew she was run
ning late. With a heroic leap, Bill Brasky was out of the Segway and went wildl
y jaunting toward Leroy Jenkins's front door. Meanwhile inside, Leroy Jenkins
was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the iPad into a box of gerbils and then
slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Leroy Jenkins was exasperated but at least
the iPad was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Leroy Jenkins charismatically purred. With a deft push, Bill Bras
ky opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some selfi
sh genocidal maniac in a wannabe go-fast Civic,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Leroy J
enkins assured her. Bill Brasky took a seat not remotely close to where Leroy Je
nkins had hidden the iPad. Leroy Jenkins shuddered trying unsuccessfully to hide
her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Bill Brasky
was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Le
roy Jenkins noticed a insensitive look on Bill Brasky's face. Bill Brasky slowly
opened her mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Leroy Jenkins felt a stabbing pain in her taint when Bill Brasky asked this.
In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the iPad right by he
r oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A insensitive
look started to form on Bill Brasky's face. She turned to notice a box that seem

ed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's bananas from when sh
e used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here ea
rlier'. Bill Brasky nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Leroy Jenkin
s could react, Bill Brasky recklessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The
iPad was plainly in view.
Bill Brasky stared at Leroy Jenkins for what what must've been five millsecon
ds. Unaware of the bleakness of existence, Leroy Jenkins groped surreptitiously
in Bill Brasky's direction, clearly desperate. Bill Brasky grabbed the iPad and
bolted for the door. It was locked. Leroy Jenkins let out a striking chuckle. '
If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have hap
pened, Bill Brasky,' she rebuked. Leroy Jenkins always had been a little insensi
tive, so Bill Brasky knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to e
scape before Leroy Jenkins did something crazy, like... start chucking live hand
grenades at her or something. Just as zero people expected she gripped her iPad
tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass pa
nels.
Leroy Jenkins looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. Th
e other door was open, you know.' Silence from Bill Brasky. 'And to think, I var
nished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tin
ge of concern for Bill Brasky. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Leroy Jenkins w
alked over to the window and looked down. Bill Brasky was gone.
----o0o---Just yonder, Bill Brasky was struggling to make her way through the magical c
ornfield behind Leroy Jenkins's place. Bill Brasky had severely hurt her double
chin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pac
k of feral marmots suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the iPad. One by on
e they latched on to Bill Brasky. Already weakened from her injury, Bill Brasky
yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before lo
sing consciousness was a buzzing horde of marmots running off with her iPad.
But then God came down with His congenial smile and restored Bill Brasky's iP
ad. Feeling angered, God smote the marmots for their injustice. Then He got in
His gas-guzzling, ecology-destroying, tankish SUV and bolted away with the forti
tude of 550,000 disease-carrying chipmunks running from a enlarged pack of veno
mous koalas. Bill Brasky fell with joy when she saw this. Her iPad was safe. It
was a good thing, too, because in seven minutes her favorite TV show, Two and a
Half Men, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When venomous koalas m
eet gun'). Bill Brasky was elated. And so, everyone except Leroy Jenkins and a f
ew contraceptive-toting albino cats lived blissfully happy, forever after.
*** L337 Story Generator v1.0
*** Written by Derek Clark. Copyright www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-present
*** Forever pwning with earnest.