Steven Elliot S.

Nicdao
Hernandez
BSA I 3

Dr. Julieta
January 7, 2015

Negative Emotion: How it may Affect Creativity

What happens when we feel an extremely negative emotion? Do we only get
stressed and unhealthy at times? Do we not get something positive from it? If so,
then what could it possibly be? I will share a story about my experience during my
earlier years with such emotions. Although very few believe it, we can become most
creative at the lowest points of our lives.
It was back in fourth year high school when it all happened. I got rejected by my
best friend with whom I fell in love and clich as it may all sound to be, I felt so torn,
unhappy, depressed and miserable. There were nights when I cried myself to sleep
while I listen to songs bringing utter despair. And when I thought that drifting apart
from my best friend had already brought me to my worst, I unexpectedly had a
series of family problems concerning my mother and my father. To suffer that much
pain was unendurable to the extent that I thought of committing suicide but
fortunately, my prayers to God were working and the comforting presence of my
other best friends helped in calming my seemingly unsurpassable disturbance. To
me, it all sounds like a commonly found sad teenage story now but how the
experience helped me become a better artist is unforgettable.
The school where I graduated from, Manila Science, holds an annual contest of
Speech Choir where each section must battle per year level. The announcement for
the said competition was made while I was still under so much distress but all I can
imagine is the artistic flexibility of delivering a piece of literature in million different
ways possible. Also, Ive always dreamt of leading a section and I didnt want the
way I felt to get in the way of obtaining the chance my urge to lead was stronger.
After the announcement, I asked our class president as well as my classmates to
allow me become their conductor. When they granted the permission I was trying to
ask, I smiled, which I wasnt able to do for so many days, hopeful of what the
outcome will be.
When the last bell had rang, I asked my classmates to stay for a few reminders. I
told them that the piece assigned to fourth year students was 1896 (Cry Freedom)
by Aurelio Alvero a poem about the historical Cry of Pugad Lawin, popularly known
for the tearing of the community tax certificates (cedulas personales) a
composition requiring the effort of one anothers help in order to be executed well. I
said that I wanted our presentation to give the audience the chills by making it
look dramatic, gloomy, angry and sad, but hopeful in the end. There were few who
suggested more and there were some who offered assistance; most just agreed. I
also divided them in accordance with how they want to help: a group for

peacekeeping, a group for manipulating dictions and pauses, a group for costume
preparations and a group for blending voices; I was left to handle and create the
formations, chants, body gestures and mood. We ended our discussion by agreeing
that we must practice during breaks, after classes, and every Saturday; that we
must enjoy what we will do; and that we must not allow pressure to take control.
Right after, I went home to device out my plan.
Just as I had gone to my room after class, I planned to produce five major
formations for the speech choir but all that pop into my mind were thoughts of my
best friend and my parents. I cannot think properly and I was surely uninspired. I
was in grief again, but before I became completely mournful, I unknowingly
wondered: Why not draw ideas from my emotions? I know I can channel my pain to
create something beautiful by using it as an inspiration to let go of what I feel.
I was surprised. Wow! That was completely spontaneous, I said in my head.
Maybe I was subconsciously thinking of a motivation because I can never trace the
genesis of such an idea. Furthermore, I thought that creativity is somewhat driven
by inspirations and we can use our extremely negative sentiments as our drive.
After such a realization, I focused my mind and imagined groups of people
delivering my emotions as I allow my other thoughts to meddle in. I had no idea
how, but it was like they both warped together and the most twisted formations
came into me! I quickly drew all those weird shapes and patterns I never knew I
could think of. Also, I had sudden thoughts of people covered in paint, manifesting
different body gestures, seemingly exclaiming melancholy, anguish, and epiphany,
which could be very crucial for adding beauty in our speech choir. It all felt like
spitting heartaches in a subtle form of art. I was very happy for a brief moment
because I generated so many peculiar ideas from my motivation to let go of what I
feel in order to move forward. Few minutes later, I rested by meditating to focus my
mind then tried to figure out what to do next.
It was already past midnight but I was still greatly inspired to be more productive so
I decided to continue with the hymns and chants. It would be very difficult to
construct them on my own since Im not really the musical type of person. I then
thought of basing from the songs I listen to when I cannot sleep properly for they
affect me in such a special and tragic way. Most of them were ballads, indie rock,
new wave and jazz with exceptionally catchy tunes and sad lyrics. Those songs
deeply resonate into my soul and they declare exactly how I felt, meaning to say, I
share my emotions with them. I prepared by listing them all down to pick those of
which I will utilize in the speech. Though it was difficult, I managed to continue. By
considering the changes of the moods of the poem, to where the chants will be
placed as transitions, the length to which the hymns will be cut, beauty, grace, and
style, I committed myself into making the chants and hymns.

When I started, I tried to release a great tension of emotion to be passionate with

what I was creating. I selected and cut parts from the songs where their vibe is most
dramatic and emotional. I altered few of the lyrics by splashing a certain amount of
history while preserving the pain in them. It may seem all easy to say but the
amount of effort and soul I placed in crafting them is enormous. After I was done, I
pictured myself as one of the audience and tried to predict how I would feel if I were
to hear the chants and hymns. Well, I do not intend to be egotistical and conceited
but I believed if they were delivered appropriately, I know I would get the chills I
was trying to achieve. It definitely consumed me a lot of time but everythings all
worth it! I realized from that moment that releasing an extremely negative emotion
helps in making me passionate.
I didnt sleep that night because it was already 5:00 a.m. when I got finished. I took
a bath and prepared my stuff before I travelled to school with a spark of happiness
inside me. After I got there, I tried to concentrate on my classes but my excitement
towards the speech choir only seemed to make me eager for us to practice. I
patiently waited. When our first break time came, I enthusiastically expressed to my
classmates what I had in mind before we proceeded to our first rehearsal. Several of
them thought that the combination of my ideas were eccentrically creepy that they
were almost quite pleasing to the eyes and the ears while others thought that they
were hauntingly graceful, which made them seem to appeal mesmerizing in a way.
Grateful for their feedbacks, I smiled at them and carried on to speak with each
group to discuss what they must do during trial performances. We started by
memorizing the piece given, and then sang the hymns and chants as we are guided
by the group for blending voices, and lastly, we trained our faces to match the
mood for every line. We continued to do this for several weeks and after we had the
hang of it; we did the formations and the body gestures. It was harder to teach
because I always had to move from one place to another just to arrange their
positions properly but I enjoyed it either way. There were times when they would be
too noisy while I talked to other groups but with the rescue of the group of
peacekeepers, my classmates were calmed in no time. It was fun, to be honest;
wed get silly as wed immensely laugh from jokes exclaimed by some of them in
between practices. And when they shared suggestions, I accepted those of which
our class approves. If I sensed that they are already tired and drained, I let them
rest. After every rehearsal, wed bid each other good bye with hugs and good lucks.
With the manifestation of these things, I could tell that they too, were having fun.
We trained and practiced with dedication until the very evening before the actual
contest. During that time, everyone seemed nervous about the big event tomorrow
so I joked that we will not be able to eat the pizza our adviser promised us, a week
before that night, if we win first place. Few laughs later, all groups reported about
what to bring tomorrow and some reminders. There were those who described the
costumes repeatedly and those who kept on reminding how the lines will be
conveyed; I just told them to remain confident and that if we ever lose, it would be

just fine. Our conference was ended by our class president when she thanked us for
our cooperation.
The day of the competition finally came the next morning. After the flag ceremony,
our principal announced that all year levels have an hour to prepare. First and
second year students will battle at the auditorium while third year and fourth year
students will battle at the quadrangle. We rushed upstairs to our homeroom in order
to ready ourselves when the signal was given. Everyone changed clothes inside the
room; the girls were putting on make-ups and the boys were fixing their hairs while
the group assigned for the costumes painted our faces. When we were all set, we
performed our last rehearsal then formed a huge circle as one of my classmates led
a prayer for guidance. When the bell rang, we ran downstairs. Our section then
waited for our turn to perform and we all stood up after we were called. My
classmates proceeded to the staircase of the stage and since I was their conductor,
I was left to be in front. I imagined the amount of people staring at me and my
classmates, which made me feel so uneasy especially because I have fear of being
watched by a crowd. No matter, I still continued. As everyone watched us, I lost my
fear and focused instead on how my classmates were performing. It was just how
we practiced and oh it was lovely! After our performance, our section hugged one
another and even though it was not yet allowed for the audience to clap, they still
did! I was hopeful that maybe, it was because they got the chills I wanted them to
receive. The next thing that happened, all sections returned to their respective
homerooms after everyones performance. We are tasked to go back to the
quadrangle after 30 minutes for the awarding of winners. My classmates kept on
asking how the performance was but I disagreed to give my comments until after
the awarding.
When we returned to the quadrangle, all the students seemed to be enveloped with
nervousness but our class president asked us to be still. Then, all of a sudden, the
principal announced the third place, and it was another section. They shouted with
delight while the other sections including us congratulated them, making me feel
more nervous. Next, there happened to be a complete soundlessness for the
awarding of second place, but it was again another section. They also screamed
with joy as everyone clapped. Their conductor even almost cried. And finally, the
moment weve all been waiting for: the announcement for first place. Another
deafening silence occurred but it was broken when the section has been proclaimed.
It was us.
My classmates and I were so stunned! I was motionless until my loud, yelling
classmates lifted me up as I also screamed on top of my lungs, with so much glee!
Cheers were everywhere and from above, I can see different sections congratulating
my classmates for our very good performance. The praises of so many people
helped in decreasing my fear of them and when I was carried down, I thanked my
classmates wholeheartedly with tight hugs. That day, my best friend and I talked

about us, to which she had asked apologies. We were both okay, and when I
thoughts things couldnt get more blissful, we celebrated a pizza party treated by
our proud adviser.
After everything that happened, I was certain I already moved on from my past. It
was surely unforgettable and I owe all my creative ideas to my extremely negative
emotions. It may be hard to believe for some but it was true. Oh, and did I mention?
There are also notable artists, including Andy Warhol, Marina and the Diamonds,
Arthur Rimbaud and Lana Del Rey, who supposed that we can become most
creative at the lowest point of our lives as stated in their biographies and
interviews. It just proves that those who are suffering deeply, are capable of
producing magnificent works of art.