Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.

- Confucius

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Photography by robert sturman

listening to the voice of tension

by anita brown

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Story

Eat pray love author, Elizabeth Gilbert was on Oprah Soul Series talking about her month-long
journey into meditation and silence where she went to battle with the thoughts in the head. She
realized this was not a battle after all. These fears, voices of negativity, past mistakes and
shame represent parts of herself that one could liken to the little girl pieces that are crying out
for
attention.
One wouldn't scold the child and berate her for her needs. After years of trying what doesn't
work, one might find that with patience, love and light these "little ones" quiet and settle down,
eventually
acknowledging
that
"Mother"
knows
best.
I too have had a similar experience in Centering Prayer meditation numerous times. My
description felt more like the "ugly, dark pieces of lead" wanted to be transformed
into GOLD. By sitting with the inner blaze, following my breath, I could trust the alchemy-like
process.
On my mat this morning, for the first time I began to hear the cries of my tension and stiffness
as voices needing my compassion and kindness. Normally, I advise students to send breath to
the sensation arising in the various parts of the physical body. Now I see for me the healing
potential
in
identifying
the
resistance
with
a
name.
Inhale up- arms overhead feel expansive and notice tightness between the shoulders in the
back of the heart. "Ahhhh you are grief". Well yes I feel the depth of your longing to be known
my dear. You are like all the grief ever felt in this crazy, sad world. You are the grief of
abandonment.
A
father
never
met
in
49
years.
An

emptiness

desiring

nothing

but

acknowledgement.

Deep and bottomless. With breath and love I hope you eventually find space to calm and then
rest.
Runners lunge, exhale fold over right leg. Lengthen torso with breath. Engage root lock and
steady. Yes I recognize you as the "inability to trust".
I

know,

know....

have

not

always

been

trustworthy.

Studying the balancing of the chakras I have learned this stems from the abandonment wound
to the root chakra, the base of me. Muladhara: this place in the body should have experienced
stability during childhood; but the little girl, me, didn't know why her father left her. She felt
unloved and unworthy. She went looking for attention in the world as the ego dragged her
around with its lame attempts at wholeness and healing. But the ego was disconnected from
the
True
self.
How
do
I
know
this?
None
of
it
worked!
I was only left feeling guilt and shame. Yes, these beauties must live in my hips. That near
constant nagging tightness. Bring on pigeon pose: stay, stay with this unease. Breathing life
and
spaciousness
into
the
hips
feels
so
necessary.
I'll bet you can guess what word my heart whispered in our very first night of yoga teacher
training when asked to allow space for one word to arise that will represent my primary area of
growth over the 7 months--- R O O T E D!! What is even more fascinating is the fact that
something within me throughout our coldest winter in years was calling me to go out and lie on
the ground. And each time I did this, a low level of anxiety I had awakened with would

dissipate.
At the time, I wanted a word like the other students: love, connection, compassion. Now I see
the accuracy of this single word in continuing to heal my childhood trauma. In a state of
deficiency the root chakra can manifest as digestive issues, infertility, anxiety, poor focus and
boundary issues. I suffered from all of these while I was disconnected from my physical body.
I trust I will meet students who will benefit from hearing how yoga has helped me find peace
and healing and more teachers who will guide me to deeper and deeper levels of connection to
myself
and
others.
I look forward to hearing from you and how yoga is putting the pieces of you back
together!! Sign-up to yogitimes.com and submit your story.